是不是每个人洗澡时都会想到屁股？（Reddit上的洗澡奇思）| Hey Tablo 第8集

所以在网上，有个叫Reddit的东西。

So apparently on the internet, there is this thing called Reddit.

然后有人给我发了这个叫‘淋浴时的想法’的东西。

And then someone sent me this thing called Shower Thoughts.

我一看就觉得，这简直是为我量身定做的子版块。

As soon as I saw it, was like, this is the perfect subreddit for me.

我这么念对吗？

Am I saying it right?

好吧。

Okay.

嘿，Tableau。

Hey Tableau.

说实话，我最好的想法都是在淋浴时产生的。

I have some of my best thoughts in the shower, to be honest.

有时候我会伸手去拿手机，手机放在门口，我得走过去开门，拿回手机把那些绝妙的想法记下来。

And sometimes I'll reach for, like I'll have my phone towards the door and I'll have to reach, open the door and get my phone to make a memo of my amazing thoughts.

所以如果你一个月后再去看这些想法，会觉得它们很烂。

So and and if you look at them like a month later, they're shitty.

简直太差了。

They're so bad.

所以今天我要浏览一下那个‘淋浴时的想法’子论坛。

So I'm gonna go through a shower thoughts subreddit today.

社交媒体在僵尸末日中实际上会非常有用。

Social media would actually be really helpful during a zombie apocalypse.

首先，比如位置信息，对吧？

Well, first of all, like location, right?

嘿，这里有很多僵尸，兄弟。

Yo, there's a lot of zombies here, bro.

这边也有很多僵尸，然后你可以拍下位置照片，从而知道哪些地方需要避开。

There's a ton over here too, and then you can take a picture of the location and then can find out which places you need to avoid.

但说实话，我觉得这并不是个好主意。

But also I don't think it's a good idea, to be honest.

因为毫无疑问，即使在僵尸末日里，你还是会发一张僵尸的照片，然后有人会说：‘真恶心。’

Because for sure, even in a zombie apocalypse, you're gonna post a picture of a zombie and someone's gonna be like, Ew.

太恶心了。

Disgusting.

评论可能会说：‘这看起来像我前前任男友。’

The comments are gonna be like, Looks like my ex ex boyfriend.

哦，这真是我前前任男友。

Oh, it is my ex ex boyfriend.

然后就会变成这样：有人评论说：‘你这样不太好吧。’

And then it's gonna turn into this thing where someone's gonna comment, Not very nice of you.

他们会说：‘这他娘的是僵尸，兄弟。’

And they're going to be like, It's a fucking zombie, bro.

然后他们会评论：‘但那曾经是个活人。’

And then they're going to comment, But it was a person.

就连那个僵尸，也曾有人爱过他。

Even that zombie had someone that loved him.

然后有人会说：好吧，我觉得我们有点过头了。

And then someone's gonna be like, Okay, I think we're going too far with this.

这只是一个僵尸。

It is a zombie.

如果它出现，我们就得杀了它。

And if it shows up, we're gonna have to kill it.

然后有人会说：你刚刚把僵尸称作‘它’。

And then someone's gonna be like, You just called called the zombie it.

它曾经是个普通人。

It was a person.

然后就是不停地评论，评论。

And then just comments and comments.

然后你就开始读这些评论。

And then you're like reading it.

你会想：能不能有个人评论一下这地方到底在哪，好让我躲远点？

You're like, Can somebody please comment where the fuck this is so I can avoid it?

有人一直在发帖问：它在哪里？

Someone keeps on posting, Where where is it?

是在购物中心吗？

Is it the shopping center?

但他完全被忽略了。

And then he's just ignored.

然后他们就在不停地打斗，打斗，打斗。

And then they're just fighting, fighting, fighting.

在僵尸末日里待在X平台上可能不是个好主意。

Maybe not a good idea to be on X during a zombie apocalypse.

如果僵尸开始发推文，那可就疯狂了。

It'd be crazy if zombies started tweeting.

它们所有的推文都像是：而在那些评论里，人们还说：欧盟，欧盟也是。

And all their tweets are like, And then even in those comments, people are like, EU, EU too.

你该怎么拼写它？

How would you spell it?

你怎么拼写？

How would you spell?

语音推文，语音笔记。

Voice tweet, voice notes.

有人会说，另一个人会说，呃，我不喜欢他的声音。

Someone's like And another person's like, Ew, I don't like his voice.

你觉得如果发生僵尸末日，人们会直接放弃所有日常事务，还是在最初几天会处于震惊状态？

You think if a zombie apocalypse happens, people will just abandon everything they do, or they'll still like, for the first few days they'll be in shock.

所以他们会停止做日常的事情。

So they'll stop doing their day to day things.

但你觉得他们会一直回到正常生活，直到僵尸出现在家门口吗？

But do you think they'll just go back to doing normal things until the zombie shows up at their doorstep?

你觉得人们还会继续去健身之类的吗？

You think like people will still like go work out and stuff?

我觉得最接近的情况就是新冠疫情，对吧？

Well, I think the closest thing we had was COVID, wasn't it?

没错。

True.

人们当时

People were

试图维持正常生活，但随后

trying to do normal things, but then

他们会被人发现。

They would get caught.

是的。

Yeah.

这其实让你看到了僵尸末日会发生什么。

It kind of showed you like what would happen in a zombie apocalypse though.

就像新冠让我们清楚地看到了会发生什么。

Like COVID showed us exactly what would happen.

一旦僵尸末日爆发，我认为人们之间会迅速出现严重分裂。

As soon as a zombie apocalypse breaks out, I think there's gonna be mad division between people.

这将会非常糟糕。

It's gonna be pretty terrible.

然后人们会开始发布有趣的舞蹈挑战。

And then people will start, like, posting fun dance challenges.

短视频将会以前所未有的速度流行起来。

And short form will take off like never before.

好吧。

Okay.

龙蛋通常被描绘成带刺且有鳞片的，孵化起来一定很痛苦。

Dragon eggs, often depicted as spiky and scaly, must be quite painful to lay.

没错。

True.

什么？

What?

没错。

True.

因为如果你看看《权力的游戏》或者任何有龙的影视作品，你就知道龙蛋是什么样子的——长满尖刺，从屁股里生出来肯定特别疼吧？

Because if you look at, like, if you watch, like, Game of Thrones or anything with dragons in it, you know how dragon eggs are, like, kinda spiky and, like, look pretty painful to come out of your butt?

你看到龙喷火是有原因的。

You see a dragon just just breathing fire for a reason.

Anyway，这是Tableau播客。

Anyways, this is the Tableau Podcast.

这是《Hey Tableau》播客，今天我们来聊聊Reddit上的一个脑洞话题。

This is the Hey Tableau Podcast, today we're going through a shower thoughts on this thing called Reddit.

请分享本集节目，订阅或关注，并在我们的YouTube视频上点击点赞按钮。

Please share this episode, subscribe or follow, and hit the hype button on our YouTube video.

我是说，我们需要那个点赞按钮。

Like, we need the hype button.

一旦我们达到50万订阅者，我们就再也拿不到了。

We're gonna lose it once we hit 500 k subscribers.

所以趁现在还能，赶紧给我们点个赞吧。

So while we can, please hype us.

哦，说到屁股，看不到自己的屁股似乎是个严重的设计缺陷。

Oh, speaking of buttholes, Not being able to see your own butthole seems like a serious design flaw.

但几乎所有动物都是这样。

Yet, it's true of almost all animals.

所有动物都是这样吗？

Isn't it true of all animals?

哦，有些动物非常灵活。

Oh, some animals are super flexible.

对吧？

Right?

猫。

Cats.

哦，猫。

Oh, cats.

我喜欢猫。

I love cats.

但让我们回到屁股的话题。

But back to buttholes.

我不同意。

I disagree.

我不，等等，抱歉，刚才这个橙子汁喷到我的眼镜上了。

I I don't I'm sorry, but I was this orange was spraying on my glasses.

都溅到我的眼镜上了。

Like it's all over my glasses.

我正在吃橙子，天啊，看看我的眼镜。

I'm eating an orange and oh my God, look at my glasses.

好吧，我先把眼镜摘下来。

Okay, I'm taking them off.

我不认为这是设计缺陷。

I disagree that it's a design flaw.

我觉得这是个功能，而不是bug。

I think it's a feature, not a bug.

怎么了？

Be What's wrong?

什么？

What?

不，你刚才在展示你的眼镜，你的眼睛看起来好小。

No, you were showing your glasses, your eyes were so tiny.

好的。

Okay.

如果你现在正在听，想知道为什么大家都在笑，那是因为你需要看这个YouTube视频。

If you're listening right now and wondering why everyone's laughing, this is why you need to see the YouTube video.

明白吗？

Okay?

听这个播客，你需要看视频。

For this podcast, you need the video.

去YouTube上看Hey Tableau吧。

Come to Hey Tableau on YouTube.

好的。

Alright.

所以看不见你的屁股眼儿是个功能，而不是bug。

So not being able to see your butthole is a is a is a feature, not a not a bug.

因为谁想看自己的屁股眼儿呢？

Because who wants to see their butthole?

行。

K.

那边根本没什么我们需要看的东西。

There's nothing going on over there that we need to see.

你知道吗？你屁股上的肌肉和嘴唇上的肌肉是同一种类型的肌肉。

Did you know that the muscles in your butt are the same kind of muscles on your lips?

对于你刚才说的那事儿，有个专门的子版块。

There's a subreddit for for whatever you just said.

它叫‘糟糕的超能力’。

It's called Shitty Superpowers.

显然非常受欢迎。

Apparently very popular.

天啊，这太糟糕了。

God, this is terrible.

好吧。

Okay.

这真感人。

This is poignant.

真美。

Beautiful.

孩子睡着后翻页的声音，可能是家里最安静的声音。

The page turn after a child falls asleep can be the quietest sound in a house.

这有点美，对吧？

It's kind of beautiful, right?

但它算不上最安静的声音，因为如果你能听到它，其他所有声音都更安静。

But it wouldn't be the quietest sound because if you can hear it, everything else is quieter.

有道理，兄弟。

Makes sense, bro.

谢谢你的美好想法，但得讲点道理。

Thanks for the beautiful thought, but make some sense.

我开玩笑的。

I'm kidding.

我开玩笑的。

I'm kidding.

不过在僵尸末日里，某人确实会这样。

That's what someone's gonna be like in a zombie apocalypse though.

如果你发任何东西，如果你发一堆僵尸，肯定有人会说：你能拍张照吗？

If you're posting anything, if you're posting like a bunch of zombies, someone's gonna be like, can you take a picture?

啥？

Like, what?

你用的是iPhone 5吗？

Are you using iPhone five?

天啊。

Jesus.

我什么也看不见。

I can't see anything.

太模糊了。

It's so blurry.

你的照片太差了。

Your picture sucks.

学学构图吧，兄弟。

Learn framing, bro.

从统计学上讲，有人是地球上最倒霉的人。

Statistically speaking, someone is the unluckiest person on the planet.

这确实是真的。

That is very true.

这确实是真的。

That is very true.

因为世界上有一大堆倒霉的人，对吧？

Because you have a bunch of unlucky people in the world, right?

数不胜数。

Countless.

但一定有个人是最倒霉的。

But someone must be the unluckiest.

但很快就会有另一个人成为最倒霉的，因为他们可能，你知道的，活不下去。

But soon someone else will be the unluckiest because they'll probably, you know, not survive.

米特拉和图卡茨经常说我是他们认识的最倒霉的人，因为很多疯狂的事情都会发生在我身上。

Mithra and Toucats often say I'm the unluckiest person that they know because a lot of crazy things happen to me.

比如，不知为什么，这里发生的事情最多。

For example, I mean this is for some reason this is where it happens the most.

就是在苹果商店。

It's at the Apple Store.

我用苹果设备时运气差到极点。

I have like the shittiest luck with Apple devices.

我的手机你看一下。

I mean look at my phone.

对于听音频的朋友，我正在展示我的手机，已经碎得不成样子了。

For audio listeners, I'm showing my phone which is like shattered.

有一次在苹果店，我们三个人一起去买iPad。

This one time at Apple, we all went to buy iPads.

明白吗？

Okay?

我们三个人都买了。

All three of us.

买完回家，开机使用。

We all got it, came home, turned it on.

我的iPad屏幕有缺陷，有一条线横贯屏幕。

My iPad had a, like, a defective screen where there was, like, a line running across it.

我把iPad退回到苹果店。

I took it back to the Apple Store.

所以他们说，哦，真抱歉。

So they're like, oh, so sorry.

对吧？

Right?

你肯定是拿到一个有缺陷的了。

You must have gotten a defective one.

他们又拿了一个新的来。

They bring another one, like a new one.

他们给换了。

They replaced it.

于是我把它带回家了。

So I took it home.

我打开它。

I open it.

又是一个！我心想，这真是太疯狂了。

Another one So with a I'm like, This is fucking crazy.

什么？

What?

所以我拍了一张照片。

So I take a picture of it.

我发给了我的朋友们。

I send it to my members.

我说：老兄，这已经是第二次了。

And I'm like, Dude, second time.

他们说：天哪，你真是世界上最倒霉的人。

And they're like, Oh my God, you're the unluckiest person in the world.

于是我搜索了一下，心想：这种情况常见吗？

So I search, I'm like, Is this common?

非常罕见。

Very rare.

对吧？

Right?

所以我就说，什么？

So I'm like, What?

于是我回到苹果商店。

So I go back to the Apple Store.

我真没骗你。

I kid you not.

我再次回到苹果商店，这时候我已经第三次去了。

I go back to the Apple Store, and they're at this point, this is third time I'm there.

于是他们说，又来了？

So they're like, again?

我就说，对啊。

And I'm like, yes.

你肯定不敢相信。

You won't believe it.

我给他们看了那个情况。

And I showed it to them.

现在我都不确定他们是不是怀疑我故意对iPad做手脚。

And now I I don't even know if they're suspicious that I'm, like, doing it to the iPads.

于是他们又拿了一台，我就问：我能不能在这里打开它？

So they bring another one, and I'm like, is it okay if I open it here?

因为我太害怕又拿到一台有问题的，如果带回家，你知道的，我还得再跑回来。

Because I'm so scared that I'm gonna get another defective one, and if I take it home, you know, I have to come back here.

所以我能在这里打开吗？

So can I open it here?

他们说：当然可以，但接连拿到三台 defective 的可能性简直不可思议。

And they're like, yeah, but the likelihood of getting three defective ones is crazy.

对吧？

Right?

我说：我知道。

And I'm like, I know.

我知道。

I know.

我知道。

I know.

所以我打开了。

So I open it.

这真是疯狂的部分。

And and this is the crazy part.

周围有几个人正在挑选设备。

There were people around me, like, shopping for devices.

他们听到这个情况后，一个接一个地围了过来。

So they hear this happening, and one by one, like, people are, like, kinda crowding around.

我打开它，然后开机。

I open it, turn it on.

我发誓，又是坏的。

I swear to God, another defective one.

有坏点。

Dead pixels.

最搞笑的是，那里工作的那个家伙现在在笑，对吧？

The funniest thing was the guy that's working there is like laughing now, right?

他说：天啊，这太好笑了。

He's like, Oh my god, this is hilarious.

因为他觉得：从来没人带着这么 defective 的 iPad 进来过。

Because he's like, Nobody has come in with these defective iPads.

你居然一个个都找到了，对吧？

Like, you're finding them all, right?

我说：好吧，我能再换一个吗？

And I'm like, Okay, can I get one more?

现在更多人围过来了，因为这实在太好笑了。

And now more people are crowding around us, right, because it's hilarious.

所以人们都围了过来。

So people are crowding around.

第四个来了，对吧？

Fourth one comes, right?

我打开它，所有人都屏住了呼吸。

I open it, and now everyone's like holding their breath.

他们希望我拿到一个完好的。

They want me to have a good one.

他们都为我加油，连那个工作人员也是。

They're all, like, rooting for me, even the guy.

于是我打开盒子，开机，结果完美无缺。

So I open the box, turn it on, and it's perfect.

所有人都欢呼起来，太棒了。

And everyone's, like, like, yay.

对吧？

Right?

我感觉太好了。

I feel so good.

但我发誓，我每买一台苹果设备都会遇到这种情况。

But I swear to God, this happens with every Apple device I buy.

每次都是我一个人。

Every time, just me.

我们都一起买，同样的设备，但偏偏只发生在我身上。

We all buy it together, the same device, and it happens just to me.

我的 MacBook 也遇到过。

It happened to my MacBook.

iPhone 也遇到过。

It happened to an iPhone.

这其实是个大事。

It was a huge thing actually.

我在 X 上发了帖，心想：手机刚从盒子里拿出来放进口袋就划伤，这正常吗？

Posted it on an X because I was like, Is it normal for your phone to scratch the minute you take it out of the box and put it in your pocket?

人们都说：不正常，太离谱了。

And people are like, No, that's crazy.

但这种事就是发生在我身上。

But that happened to me.

甚至连苹果公司都联系了我。

And even Apple was like, Apple actually called.

哇。

Wow.

他们说，这种情况真是太离谱了。

They were like, That's just crazy that that happened.

总之，关于苹果，我绝对是世界上最倒霉的人。

Anyways, with regards to Apple, I am definitely the unluckiest person in the world.

在不久的将来，一张手写便条或与朋友的对话，将比一张照片或一段视频更可靠。

In the not so distant future, a written note or talking to a friend will be more factually reliable than a photo or a video.

没错，但你怎么确定你正在和朋友对话呢？

True, but how would you even know you're talking to the friend?

对吧？

Right?

因为语音是人工智能最早能很好复制的东西。

Because voice is like the first thing that AI was able to replicate really well.

所以我的意思是，你不能信任任何东西，手写笔记，你该怎么相信它呢？

So I mean you can't trust any And written note, how are you gonna trust that?

你怎么能相信它呢？

Like how are gonna trust that?

你真的认识你朋友的笔迹吗？

Like do you even know your friend's handwriting?

你真的认识自己的笔迹吗？

Do you even know your own handwriting?

你过去五年里写过什么东西吗？

Have you written anything in the last five years?

我们还知道怎么写字吗？

I don't Do we know how to write anymore?

这甚至不是关于不远的未来的问题。

It's not even a matter of not so distant future.

就在当下，我们无法信任99%我们看到的东西。

Like right now, we can't trust like 99% of the things we see.

这简直太疯狂了。

It's fucking insane.

你知道吗，有时候你会看到有人发帖，说某个老人被诈骗了，他们因此很生气。

You know, sometimes you'll see like a post, like someone getting like upset that old, you know, that like their old relative or something gets scammed.

我的意思是，在这种情况下，你还能指望他们不被骗吗？

I mean, how do you expect them not to get scammed?

老实说，在这样一个所有东西都能被复制的世界里，这太疯狂了。

Seriously, in a world like this, where everything is replicable, it's fucking crazy.

你知道什么更疯狂吗？

You know what's crazy?

我和我妻子还有Haru，我们约定了一个暗号。

Me, my wife, and Haru, we have a secret word that we decided upon.

所以当我们无法确定对方是不是真的自己人时，就得说出这个暗号。

So when we can't trust that it's actually one of us, we'll have to say the phrase.

这个暗号如此古怪，正常人根本不可能在对话中突然说出来，所以我们一听就知道真假。

And the phrase is so odd for anyone to say in the middle of a conversation that we'll just know.

所以我们已经训练自己使用一个暗语。

So like we've trained ourselves to have a secret phrase.

而现在我们不得不做到这种地步。

And that's the lengths we have to go to now.

我也会给我成员们定一个暗语。

I'm gonna make one with my members as well.

因为总有一天，Two Cuts会出现，而我无法确定那是不是真正的Two Cuts，你知道的？

Because at some point, Two Cuts is gonna show up and I'm not gonna know if it's really Two Cuts, you know?

所以我得去看他的屁股。

So I'm gonna have to look at his butt.

哎呀。

Aw.

他的屁股印。

His butt print.

天哪。

Oh, Jesus.

我不想再吃这些橙子了。

I don't wanna eat these oranges anymore.

你喝的啤酒越多，你的尿就越不像啤酒？

The more beer you drink, the less your pee looks like beer?

真的吗？

Really?

老天，这集从屁股直接跳到尿液了。

Man, this episode is going from buttholes to pee.

我们真成熟啊。

We're so mature.

然后在那下面三个。

And then three down from that.

那是什么？

What is it?

拉屎已经够尴尬了，但如果

It's embarrassing to shit, but it's even more embarrassing if

你拉不出来。

you can't shit.

这应该叫马桶点点。

This should be called toilet dots.

拉屎很尴尬，但如果你拉不出来，那就更尴尬了。

It's embarrassing to shit, but it's even more embarrassing if you can't shit.

这确实是真的。

That is actually true.

我无话可说。

I can't argue.

没错。

That's true.

在我看来，很多人在淋浴时都会谈论排便这件事。

It seems to me that a lot of people in their showers talk about, you know, poop.

可能是因为他们离马桶很近，而且又光着身子。

It's probably because they're close to the toilet and also naked.

我的意思是，撇开偶尔的失禁不说，我并不想看这些。

I mean, the occasional shart aside, I don't want to be reading these.

只是这样的情况太多了。

It's just there are so many of them.

我们的肛门能够区分粪便和屁的能力，无疑是进化史上最伟大的成就之一。

The ability of our assholes to distinguish between a shit and a fart has to be one of evolution's greatest accomplishments.

这没错，因为控制力对吧？

That is not wrong because the control, right?

比如，这种能力可能意味着我们那里还有另一个大脑，因为它是怎么知道的？

Like, the ability It's possible that we have another brain down there because how does it know?

它怎么知道那是什么？

How does it know what it is?

因为每次你放屁都冒着风险。

Because you're taking a risk every time.

每次你放屁，你都在冒险。

Every time you fart, you're taking a risk.

既然如此，为什么要冒这个险呢？

It's like, why even risk it?

我希望有个人，像是某个守护天使一样。

I wish there was someone like some guardian angel.

我敢说，肯定有个守护天使专门做这种事：当你坐在一个拥挤但还算户外的地方时。

I swear there is probably a guardian angel who does just that, where you're like sitting in a you're sitting in a, like, a crowded area, but it's sort of outdoors.

于是你觉得你可以放一个屁。

So you think you can you think you can let one go.

对吧？

Right?

然后你心想：好吧，我要放屁了。

And then you're like, Okay, I'm gonna fart.

但你不知道的是，这事儿不会顺利的。

But what you don't know is that it's not gonna go well.

对吧？

Right?

这可不是放屁。

It's not a fart.

就在你放屁之前，守护天使抓住你，说：‘别这样，兄弟。’

And then right before you fart, the guardian angel grabs you and is like, Don't do it, bro.

别这样。

Don't do it.

然后你就说：‘哦，好吧。’

And then you're like, Oh, okay.

谢天谢地。

Thank God.

谢天谢地我没放。

Thank God I didn't.

我们得换个话题了。

We gotta get off this topic.

天啊。

God.

我看到一些关于虾的事情。

I saw something about shrimp.

所以我心想，终于我们可以转到自然和动物界了。

So I'm like, finally we can move on to like nature, the animal kingdom.

由于虾的肛门位于尾巴末端，当你吃虾时，实际上是在吃它的整个屁股。

Since a shrimp's anus is at the end of its tail, when you eat shrimp, you are in fact eating its entire ass.

我们得换个话题了。

We need to get off of this.

我们这个节目真够成熟的。

We're such a mature show.

Tableau 做了一个播客。

Tableau made a podcast.

在那里你可以看到 Tableau 更有智慧的一面，而不是 Epikaze。

There you can see the intelligent side of Tableau as opposed to Epikaze.

把它打开。

Turns it on.

我一开口就谈屁股。

Immediately I'm talking about buttholes.

我就像在模仿一条龙，拉出一颗带刺的蛋。

I'm like, I'm impersonating a dragon, shitting a spiky egg.

等一下。

Hold on.

让我看看。

Let me look.

喜剧的存在是为了让我们忘记自己终将一死。

Comedy is here to make us forget we're gonna die.

戏剧的存在是为了提醒我们终将一死。

Drama is here to remind us we're gonna die.

再次，我不得不表示不同意。

Again, I'm gonna have to disagree.

我最喜欢的几部喜剧都是关于死亡的。

Some of my favorite comedies are about death.

你知道那部电影《五五开》吗？

You know that movie fiftyfifty?

我觉得是《五五开》？

I think it's fiftyfifty?

就是约瑟夫·高登-莱维特主演的那部？

With Joseph Gordon Levitt?

他在里面得了癌症，朋友特别搞笑，他还被绿了。

Where he's like dying from cancer and his friend is hilarious and he gets cheated on.

总之，这是一部喜剧。

Anyways, it's a comedy.

有时候，喜剧在设定一种极其绝望的情境时效果最好。

And sometimes comedy works best if you create a situation where like it's dire.

情境越悲惨，喜剧往往就越有效。

The more abject the situation is, sometimes comedy works best under those situations.

basically 就是黑色幽默。

Dark comedy, basically.

这颗彗星到底是什么东西？

What the hell is this comet though?

科幻和恐怖片能帮我们想象各种有趣的死亡方式。

And sci fi and horror are to help us imagine fun new ways to die.

有趣。

Fun.

闻气味只是正常呼吸，但更关注它而已。

Smelling is just breathing normally, but thinking about it more.

确实如此。

That is true.

有人会说：除非你是用嘴呼吸的人。

Someone's like, Unless you're a mouth breather.

现在我一呼吸就停不下来闻气味了。

Now I can't stop smelling when I breathe.

说话只是更 inefficient 地呼气而已。

Speaking is just breathing out less efficiently.

好吧，现在每次我对着麦克风呼吸，我们的观众都会以为我在闻什么东西。

Okay, now every time I breathe into the mic, our community is gonna think that I'm smelling something.

我正在闻这个麦克风。

I'm smelling the mic.

再来一个感人的例子。

Here's another poignant one.

很不幸的是，我们最喜欢的东西往往因为使用最频繁而最先磨损。

It's really unfortunate that our favorite things get worn out faster because we use them the most.

比如我们的心。

Like our hearts.

这让我真的很难过。

This is making me really sad.

确实如此。

It's so true.

最好的东西总是消失得最快。

The best things disappear the fastest.