你必须立即结束的最有毒的友谊 | Hey Tablo 第20集

我们EPICAI团队经常被人说，能和朋友一起工作真是运气好，更不可思议的是，尽管我们整天吵架，居然还能维持这么多年的友谊。

One thing that EPICAI, my group, gets told a lot is that we're very lucky to be able to work with friends and also that it's amazing that we have stayed friends for so long considering we fight all the time.

我们做朋友已经二十多年了。

We've been friends for over two decades.

但我想说的是，我们现在这些朋友，都是经历过无数次背叛和决裂之后，才留下来的。

But let me just say, the friends that we are right now and the friends that we have right now, we had to go through hundreds of friendship betrayals and friendship breakups to keep these people.

我们以前也交过一些特别糟糕的朋友。

We had some terrible friends as well.

有时候，可能我们自己也当过很糟糕的朋友。

And sometimes maybe we were terrible friends as well.

我们问过订阅者，他们遇到过最严重的友情背叛和决裂是什么，结果他们真的倾诉了很多。

We asked our subscribers for their worst friendship betrayals and friendship breakups and Oh MY god did they answer.

评论多到数不清。

So many comments.

咱们一起来看看这些故事。

Let's go through them.

嘿，Tableau。

Hey, Tableau.

对了，好多人都在评论说我该给你买润唇膏。

By the way, a lot of people have been commenting that I need ChapStick.

赶紧给Tableau拿瓶润唇膏来。

Somebody get Tableau some lip balm.

天哪，他怎么从来不涂润唇膏？

Oh my God, why does he not use lip balm?

我跟你们说，真有点玄乎，你们还记得上一期我提过买那个灭蚊灯吗？

I swear there is something divine going on because you know how in a previous episode I talked about buying that bug zapper?

灭蚊灯到了，我拆开箱子，里面居然有两个，一个给团队，一个给我。

So the bug zapper arrives and I open the box and inside are two bug zappers, one for the team and one for me.

结果箱子里头还藏着个小盒子，对吧？

And then there's this small box that's inside the box, right?

又冒出个东西，我当时就懵了：这又是啥？

Another item and I'm like, What the hell is this?

我打开一看，他们给我送了份礼物。

I open it and they gave me a gift.

他们根本不知道收礼的是我。

They don't even know it's me.

他们在我买的灭蚊灯包裹里，又塞了个小盒子，里面是金钟国的润唇膏。

They gave me a Jungkook lip balm packaged in another gift box inside the Bug Zapper package.

我完全想不通为什么，但这润唇膏真的很好用。

I have no idea why and it's actually really good.

从今以后我就用这个了。

So I'll use it from now on.

好了，你们别再留言说要给Tableau买润唇膏了。

Okay, so you guys can stop commenting somebody get a tableau lip balm.

我已经有啦，是金钟国的润唇膏。

I have one now, I have a Jungkook lip balm.

我不知道寄灭蚊灯的人为啥顺手送我这个，但真是来得刚刚好。

I don't know why that person who sent me the thing, the bug zappers, sent me this, but perfect timing.

最神奇的是，我拿到这个东西，大概是去BTS演唱会的前一天。

And what's crazy is I got it, I think, the day before I went to the BTS concert.

所以这个人不仅知道我要去BTS演唱会，还知道我需要润唇膏，而且我下单的时候又没写真名，对吧？

So this person not only knew that I was going to a BTS concert but that I also needed lip balm and it's not like I have my name when I order, right?

他们根本不可能知道我的真实姓名。

So there's no way that they knew maybe they know my actual name.

所以他们大概以为，这人肯定是Tableau。

So they're like, This must be Tableau.

干脆送他一管润唇膏得了。

Time to give them some fucking lip balm.

还不如直接送Jungkook的润唇膏。

Might as well be Jungkook lip balm.

好，我们先看第一条评论。

Okay let's start with the first comment.

我中学时有个朋友黑了我的Instagram，冒充我跟我另一个朋友聊天。

One of my friends in middle school hacked my Instagram to chat as me with my other friend.

其实就是想看看我另一个朋友是怎么看她的。

Basically, to know how my other friend views her.

我不知道她为什么要这么做，但那之后我就和她断了来往。

I don't know why she did that, but after that I ended our friendship.

天啊，这也太离谱了。

Oh my god, this is crazy.

去跟其中一个朋友聊聊，看看他们是怎么看待‘Two Cuts’的。

To talk to one of my friends to see how that friend thinks about Two Cuts.

你直接问不就行了？

Why don't you just ask?

你干嘛还去黑别人的Instagram？

Why are you and how are you hacking the Instagram?

我可不觉得我这朋友是那种懂编程、能黑进Instagram的技术高手。

I don't imagine that this friend is like some like tech savvy like coder who can hack Instagram, right?

这到底叫什么来着？

It's probably what is this called?

这其实就是社会工程学，就是你不是通过黑进电脑来骗人，而是通过哄骗、施压，让人自己把信息交出来，然后他们再用这些信息黑进你的账号，对吧？

This is like when social engineering so it's like when you scam somebody but not by like hacking their computer or anything, it's by like coercing you or fooling you into giving up your info so that they can hack into your accounts that way, right?

网上这种事特别多，经常有人账号里的钱被洗空，多半都是社会工程学搞的，而且很遗憾，干这事的通常都是你身边的人，或者跟你关系比较近的人，因为他们了解你的细节。

And it happens a lot online like people getting their accounts emptied out and it's usually by social engineering and sadly it's always done by somebody either close to you or somebody that is in your vicinity because they know details about you.

我不是说这事跟那个一样严重，但我想问，骗局是不是也有轻重之分？

And I'm not saying that this is on that level but I mean like are there degrees to scams?

你不会去翻别人的日记吧。

You you don't look at a person's diary.

你干嘛要去黑他们的账号？

Why would you hack into their account?

第一，黑客攻击；第二，社会工程学，这是第一点。

So one thing, first hacking, okay, social engineering, one.

第二件更糟的事，他们冒充你。

Second bad thing that they did, they impersonated you.

这人已经快走上犯罪道路了，明白吗？

This person is well on their way to becoming a criminal, okay?

我的意思是，如果这个人觉得这没什么大不了的，那他离觉得骗人、直接诈骗，甚至当个加密货币骗子也没什么不对，就只差一线了。

I mean if this person thinks that this is okay, then they're it's it's like it's they're like a hair away from thinking that conning somebody and just straight up scamming them and becoming like a crypto scammer is okay.

他离成为萨姆·班克曼-弗里德那种人，其实就一步之遥。

They're like one step away from becoming Sam Bankman or whatever his name was.

他再往前迈一步，干出那种事来，根本一点都不奇怪。

It's not that far fetched for them to just take that extra step.

还好你及时断了和这人的来往，真是万幸。

So thank God you ended the friendship.

而且这人还特别蠢。

And this person's also stupid.

这已经是第三点了。

That's the third thing.

你用朋友的账号去私信别人，这些记录朋友迟早都能看到。

If you're DM ing somebody using your friend's account, it's gonna be there for your friend to see.

你就是没想到自己会露馅。

Mean you didn't know you were gonna get caught.

如果你非要当个坏人，至少也得聪明点，做个有脑子的坏人。

If you're gonna be such a terrible person, at least be smarter, at least be an intelligent bad terrible person.

通常这两者都是配套的。

Usually it goes hand in hand.

一个人要是真坏，往往还蠢得要命。

Like if you're a terrible person, you're usually very dumb about it.

所以他们总能被抓住。

That's why they always get caught.

这绝对不行。

This is not okay.

去年夏天，我因为工作搬到了另一个城市。

Last summer I had to relocate to a new city for work.

飞机票要三小时，但其实也没多远。

Sure enough, it's three hours away by plane, but it's not that far.

而且我每天还是跟留在那边的朋友保持联系。

Plus, I still talk every day to the friends I had to leave behind.

但有个朋友情绪彻底崩溃了，我想是这样。

But that one friend had a meltdown of sorts, I guess.

她先说我是抛弃她，因为我要去外地工作；然后，我们最后一次吃饭告别时，我没哭，她半夜发来语音，说我连眼泪都没有，说明我根本不在乎她。

First, she told me I was abandoning her I was leaving for work, I had to and second, on our last dinner together there, I didn't cry while saying goodbye for now, so she sent me voice messages in the middle of the night to tell me I didn't cry, so it meant I never cared about her.

什么？

What?

好吧。

Okay.

请注意，这个人也是因为工作要去另一个城市定居。

Mind you, this person is leaving relocating to a new city for work.

明白吗？

Okay?

为了她的事业。

Like, for her career.

明白吗？

Okay?

还有，因为我当兵了。

Also, because I'm army oh.

因为我当兵，她说我更爱我的战友和军队朋友，而不是她，还说我该去找心理医生帮忙。

Because I'm Army, she said I love the boys and my Army friends more than her, and that I should get help from a professional psychiatrist.

但真正情绪崩溃的又不是我。

But, like, I was not the one having the meltdown.

我试着给她打电话，总觉得事情没那么简单，不可能只是她突然发疯。

I tried to call, like, there had to be more to it than just, you know, her acting crazy.

她没接电话。

She didn't pick up.

她丈夫也一直没吭声。

Her husband remained silent too.

等等，她结婚了？

Oh, wait, she's married?

她自己都有家庭了，还这么闹？

She has her own family and she's doing this?

我的意思是，她难道没什么别的事要操心吗？

I mean, doesn't she have, like, things, like, to care about, to worry about?

她跟我分手了，算是友情破裂吧，我们可是认识了十年，一起过感恩节，去看彼此孩子的演出，什么都一起干过。

She broke up with me, I guess, like friendship breakup, after ten years of friendship, Thanksgiving dinners, going to our kids' recitals, you name it.

这事让我特别不安，也很受伤，而且那时候我正要搬去一个全新的地方，换新工作。

It was extremely unsettling and upsetting, plus I was moving to a brand new place and job.

我当时已经够忙的了。

Like, I had a lot on my plate already.

我还是断断续续发了几条消息，持续了几个月，直到跨年夜，我实在忍不了了。

Still, I sent a few messages here and there for a few months until New Year's Eve when I thought, fuck this shit.

我可不想带着这种心情迎接新年，于是我就彻底放下了。

I'm not starting a new year like this, and I gave up.

这事儿真是怪透了。

That was so weird.

行吧。

Okay.

Epik High 能坚持二十年还在一块，主要原因是我们一直在一起合作，对吧？

The reason why Epik High is together after two decades is because one) we work together, right?

我们的目标一致，所以也能一起成长。

We have the same goals, so we grow together as well.

每个人都会变，但我们是同步在变的，对吧？

Everybody changes, but we change together, right?

我们很幸运，一直在做同样的事，所以能一起成长，彼此影响。

We were blessed enough to be doing the same work, so we changed as a whole, as collectively with each other.

尤其是年轻的时候，朋友闹掰的一个常见原因，就是对方总说：‘你变了。’

One thing that especially when you're young, one thing that leads to friendship breakups is they'll always say something like, You changed.

我想说的是，变是正常的。

And let me just say, you're supposed to change.

你是个活生生的人，当然要学新东西、培养新爱好、掌握新技能，然后自然会有新的兴趣、新的职业方向。

Like you're a human being, you're supposed to like learn new things, develop new hobbies, develop new skills and then that leads to like new interests, new career.

你可能在谈恋爱，也可能在组建家庭——人本来就应该变，成长本来就是一种积极的改变，对吧？

You might be seeing somebody, you might be starting a family, like you're supposed to change because growing is changing but in a positive way, right?

但有些朋友无法接受朋友成长，因为他们觉得成长就意味着和他们疏远，当然，如果是负面的变化，那确实如此。

But there are certain friends who can't stomach their friend growing because they believe that growing means growing apart from them or growing away from them and when it's just something like when it's something negative, of course, right?

当你的朋友开始做些平时不会做的事，或者开始和明显对你不利的人来往，那种情况我理解。

When your friend starts doing like something that they normally wouldn't do or starts hanging out with, you know, like friends that are clearly not good for them or people that, you know, are leading to them being pulled down, then yeah.

但真正的问题是，当你在积极成长、取得成功的时候，反而让某些人感到不舒服，那说明他们根本不是真心的朋友。

But when you know that that person is not a really good friend is when you're growing in a positive way and when you're succeeding and that somehow hurts them.

如果你连朋友的成功都做不到真心高兴，那我只能说，你得先处理好自己的负面情绪，但我不会为了让你安心就停下自己的脚步。

If you can't be happy for your friend then I'm sorry, you're just dealing with unhappiness issues that you have, like you have to work that out on your own but I can't stop growing for you.

我不能为了让你感到安全，就放弃自己的热情。

I can't stop being passionate just so you feel secure.

我活着不是为了满足别人，你活着也不是为了取悦谁。

Like that's not why I exist, that's not why you exist.

我也希望你能不断成长。

I want you to grow as well.

要分辨谁是真朋友，最好的办法就是：要么大获成功，要么彻底失败——只有在这两种极端时刻，真朋友和假朋友才会原形毕露。

The best way to know who your real friends are is to be super successful or fail really hard, like fail miserably because those are the two moments where your real friends will reveal themselves and your fake friends will also reveal themselves.

如果他们因为你过得好、在改变而开心不起来，那我告诉你，等你真成功了，你也不需要他们陪在身边。

If they can't be happy for you because you're doing well or you're making changes to do well, then trust me, you don't want them around when you actually make it.

反过来，我敢说肯定有人会说，当你遇到困难的时候，有些朋友就会直接消失。

And on the flip side, I'm sure there's gonna be somebody talking about it but like when you're going through difficult times, some friends will just, you know, they'll just ditch you.

他们就是不想跟你待一块儿，因为你太难应付了。

Like, they just don't want to be around because, you know, you're difficult to deal with.

我有个朋友，从我出生起就在我生命里，但等我们长大，我买了第一部手机后，事情就变得怪了。

I had a friend who had been in my life since birth, but things took a strange turn once we grew up and I got my first phone.

她爸妈管得严，不让她用社交媒体，所以每次见面，她都会借我的手机看她的账号。

Her parents were strict and banned social media, so whenever we met, she'd borrow my handset to check her accounts.

后来我才发现，她不只是在看自己的动态，她根本是在用我的账号。

Eventually, I discovered she wasn't just checking her feed, she was using my profile.

现在怎么人人都爱拿别人的账号来用啊？

What the fuck is going on with everybody using someone else's profile and like accounts?

她用我的账号去搭讪她高中的暗恋对象和学长们。

Okay, so she was using my profile to hit on her high school crushes and seniors.

她为什么要用你的账号做这种事？

Why is she using your account to do so?

我质问她的时候，她居然说她不能用自己的账号，得维护形象。

When I confronted her, she actually argued that she couldn't use her own account because she had a good image to protect.

她觉得我的形象无所谓，反正她同学都不认识我。

Apparently she figured my image was fair game since her classmates didn't know me.

我当时被她骗得太深，选择忍了，但后来那次旅行彻底终结了一切。

I was so manipulated that I let it slide, but then came the trip that ended everything.

我正计划和朋友出去旅行，她知道后死缠烂打要跟我一起去。

I was planning a getaway with my friends, and when she found out, she begged me to take her along.

我朋友们都说不可能了，所有安排都订满了，一个位置都没有。

My friends told me it was impossible because everything was already booked and there wasn't a single spot left.

更别说这姑娘根本就是故意操控你。

Not to mention the fact that this girl just basically social engineered you.

我原原本本跟她说了实情，可她却绞尽脑汁曲解我的话，回去跟妈妈说，我明明有位置却不带她。

Anyways, I explained this to her exactly as it was, but she decided to use 100% of her brain to twist my words, telling her mom, I was refusing to take her despite having plenty of room.

她妈妈立刻给我妈妈打了电话投诉，真是服了。

Her mom then immediately called my mom to complain, Okay.

对啊。

Okay.

我不想这么说，但这年头，有其母必有其女，不是吗？

I don't want to say this but like mom, like daughter in this situation, right?

妈妈居然为了这种本该由我们自己解决的事，直接找上我妈妈，你说合理吗？

If the mom is calling your mom to complain about an issue that you guys should be working out on your own, right?

干嘛要插手呢？

Like why butt into it?

让孩子自己去处理不好吗？

Like this is just let your kids work it out.

在亚洲家庭里，永远都是别人家的孩子对，就自家孩子错。

Of course, in an Asian household, everyone is right except for your own child.

我妈妈打了我一巴掌。

My mom slapped me.

好了，情况变得更糟了。

Okay, this gets worse.

情况是一天比一天更糟。

This gets worse and worse.

我妈不但打了我，还当场取消了我最期待的旅行。

My mom slapped me and canceled my most wanted trip on the spot.

这真是压垮我的最后一根稻草。

That was the last straw.

她从来没向我道歉，从那以后我们再没说过话。

She never apologized and we haven't spoken since then.

是的。

Okay.

这里头的问题简直到处都是雷。

This is a minefield of of problems here.

很高兴你提到这是个亚洲家庭，让我直说吧。

I'm glad that you pointed out that this is an Asian household because, let me just say.

让我直说吧。

Let me just say.

我不是在刻板印象，但我自己也是亚裔。

Not to stereotype, but I too am Asian.

我是在一个非常严格的亚裔家庭长大的，难怪你会特意提到这是个亚裔家庭，因为这样一来，事情就一点都不奇怪了。

And I grew up in a strict as Asian family and a very Asian family and let me just say, the moment and I know why you had to mention that this was in an Asian household because that makes things seem not too far fetched.

对吧？

Right?

你妈妈被别人打电话投诉，然后动手打你，而你明明是受害者——这种事根本不算稀奇。

Like this is not extraordinary that you have another mom calling your mom and then your mom slapping you when you are the victim here.

明白吗？

Okay?

很多事情听起来都荒唐又过分，但只要一说‘在亚裔家庭里’，就全说得通了。

And multiple things being batshit crazy and problematic, but it it makes sense the moment you say, of course, in an Asian household.

对吧？

Right?

想象一下，如果这句话不存在会怎样。

Imagine if that sentence didn't exist.

我们每个人小时候在家里经历的那些事，有多离谱啊。

How batshit crazy anything we hear, all of us experienced in our households.

要是我讲一件我童年时家里发生的事，却不提这是在亚洲家庭里，你觉得会怎样？

You know how crazy it would be if I posted a single thing that happened during my childhood in my household without mentioning the fact that it was in an Asian household?

我要是在Reddit上发出来，大家肯定觉得我疯了。

If I posted it on Reddit, people would think that that is just crazy.

你肯定是在编故事。

And like, you must be making this up.

这根本不可能发生。

This is imp that's impossible.

绝对不可能。

There's no way.

哦，原来是亚洲家庭啊。

Oh, oh, oh, it was an Asian household.

哦，你是亚裔，明白了。

Oh you're Asian, okay.

我只能说这太离谱了，希望你妈妈事后向你道歉了，她至少该先听听你的说法。

Let me just say this is crazy and I hope your mom apologized for slapping you because she should have heard your side of the story first.

这里明显有很多不合理的地方，更别说那个所谓的朋友的妈妈还特意打电话给你妈妈，把事情闹得更大，搞得像两家结了仇，简直处处都是危险信号。

There's definitely multiple things here that are crazy but also the fact that so called friend's mom also called your mom to make it an even bigger issue where it's like a family feud, I think it's just red flags everywhere.

有些人就是离不开 drama，再小的事都能被他们放大成一场灾难，每次都是这样，这正是现在发生的情况。

You know people who are so addicted to drama that they have to take a small thing and turn it into a huge catastrophe like every single time and that's exactly what's happening here.

这本来完全可以只是两个朋友之间的小矛盾，吵一架，要么和好，要么结束友谊，就这么简单，对吧？

Like this could have just been an issue between two friends and then like you fight and then you either end the friendship or whatever, right?

年轻人本来能处理这种事，可这姑娘非得把你的同学、你妈妈、她妈妈全拉进来，要是再放任下去，她怕是连整个镇子、教堂都要拖下水。

Too young people can handle a situation like this but this girl had to get your classmates involved, your mom involved, her mom involved, your mom involved and if you let it go on she probably would have gotten the whole fucking town the church involved.

别刻板印象。

No stereotypes.

别刻板印象。

No stereotypes.

我就这么说一下。

I'm just saying.

亚裔家庭嘛。

Asian household.

我有六成五的把握是对的。

I have a 62.5% chance of being right.

不管怎样，身为亚裔，有亚裔父母，生活在亚裔家庭里，偶尔会这样，你迟早得忍一忍。

Anyways, Being Asian, having Asian parents, living in an Asian household, from time to time, a little bit But you're going to be Kwenchana.

金妮，我真的很爱你。

Kim nee I love you.

我拿到驾照后，一个认识了十二年的朋友一直让我载她到处跑。

A friend I knew for twelve years kept asking me to drive her everywhere since I obtained my driver's license.

第一次我就回绝了。

The first time, I said, no.

我真的不行。

I can't.

她说她明天凌晨四点就得去上班，我跟她说了一路，她却装听不见，后来直接跟我说咱们别做朋友了。

I gotta go to work tomorrow at four AM.' She ignored me for days then straight up told me we shouldn't be friends anymore.

这个朋友根本没把你当人看。

This friend doesn't view you as a human.

她交的朋友其实是你的车。

This friend simply is friends with your car.

要是人家把你当自动驾驶的AI一样对待，那确实该庆幸你俩已经不是朋友了。

Yeah, if they're gonna treat you like self driving like AI or something, yeah, it's Thank God you're not friends anymore.

更妙的是，你根本不用开口提分手，是她自己先断了联系。

And it's even better that you didn't have to tell a friend, you know, they ended it for you.

这世上最好的感觉有俩，你听好了。

The best feeling in the world there's two best feelings in the world, okay?

第二个是，你本来就不想参加某个活动，明明约了别人，结果对方主动打电话说不去了。

Number two number two is when you don't wanna go to a function, like you have plans with somebody but you actually don't really wanna go, and they call and cancel.

这感觉真是绝了。

It is the best feeling in the world.

当你在想，我该说什么呢？

When you are thinking of like, What do I say?

我不想撒谎，也不想编借口，我真的不想去，该怎么办？

I don't want to lie, I don't want to make up excuses, I really don't want to go, what do I do?

结果他们给你打电话，说：嘿，真不好意思，临时有事，去不了了。

And then they call you and they're like, Yo, I'm sorry something came up, I can't do it.

你心里想：哦，真的吗？

And you're like, Oh shit, really?

太好了！

Oh damn!

这就是人生第二大爽事。

That's number two of best feelings in the world.

第一大爽事是，你终于发现这朋友满身红灯，根本不是真朋友，你正纠结怎么提分手，毕竟认识这么久，结果人家主动跟你断了。

Number one is when you now know your friend is like red flags everywhere and isn't a real friend and you need to break it off and you're like wondering how to do it because you've been friends for so long and then they do it for you.

直接消失，或者对你冷言冷语，你心里只想说：太棒了！

Like they just ghost you or they just treat you like shit and you're just like Great!

谢谢！

Thank you!

让我告诉你，米特拉，我和图卡茨加起来，至少有一百个人对我们干过各种过分的事，把我们陷进尴尬的境地，别人还指着我们骂，可我们才是受害者，就因为我们没把真相说出来。

Let me just tell you, Mithra, Toucats and I combined, we probably have up to like a 100 people that did fucking crazy shit to us and put us in situations where like other people were pointing fingers at us even though we were the victims simply because we didn't tell what actually happened.

我们没说真相，身边有些朋友就问：你们怎么不揭发他们？

We didn't say what actually happened and some friends around us, they say like, Why don't you just rat them out?

为什么不把实情说出来？这样大家都会站到你们这边，反正我受不了了。

Why don't you just like say what actually happened and then everyone will turn against them because I don't want to put up with it.

我不想变成他们那样的人，我的生活又不是一场体育比赛。

I don't want to do the same thing that that person is doing and I don't want to it's like my life is not like a sporting event.

我的人生不是为了让别人来评判对错的。

It's not being lived for other people to tell me if it's the right or wrong way to live.

我的生活也不是为了让别人站队，一边为我喝彩，一边骂那个人。真正重要的是，他们已经暴露了本性，我们根本不需要再让他们出现在我们的生活里。

My life is not for other people to cheer for me and cheer against someone else because the only thing that matters is that they showed their true colors to us and we don't have to have them in our lives anymore.

这本身就是最大的回报。

Like that's the reward.

我不需要别人站在我这边，也不需要他们理解我的真相。

I don't need people to side with me or to know my truth.

只要他们从我生活中消失，永远不再出现，这就足够了。

It's just enough that they're out of my life, that they're never going to be in my life again.

有时候，到了我们这个年纪，经历了这么多友情破裂和背叛，自然就达到这种境界了。

So sometimes if you get to our age and also our number of friendship breakups and friendship betrayals, you get to that level.

即使他们对我做过那么过分的事，我连骂他们都懒得骂，只觉得庆幸他们终于走了。

You don't even want to bad mouth them even though they did terrible things to you because you're just like Thank God they're done.

我和他们彻底了断了。

I'm done with them.

现在我可以把时间都花在真正喜欢的事和真正爱的人身上。

I can now just focus my time on things that I actually like and people I actually love.

这就已经足够了。

That's reward enough.

明白了。

Okay.

我离开了我的朋友群体，因为他们无法接受我不再喝酒，还一直拿这事开玩笑。

I left my friend group because they couldn't accept I don't drink alcohol anymore and continued making jokes about it.

你坚持不了多久的。

You won't do it for long.

你生病了吗？

Are you sick?

要是我们逼你呢？

What if we make you?

我重新看待了他们，实在不想再把时间浪费在他们身上。

I saw them with new eyes and couldn't keep wasting my time on them.

我根本没在说教，只是告诉他们我不喝酒了。

And I wasn't even preaching just informed that I quit drinking.

当你开始改善生活、戒掉瘾头时，别人就会对你充满敌意，因为他们嫉妒你能做到，而他们自己做不到。

People act hostile when you start bettering your life, get rid of addictions because they jealous you can and they don't.

我觉得关键在于，你戒酒了，这是为健康做的好事，可那些所谓的朋友，却容不下你健康起来。

I think the point is that you quit drinking, you did something good for your health and your friends, your so called friends, they won't let you be healthy.

我得说，以前我也遇到过类似的事，后来我就和他们断了联系。

Let me just say, a very similar thing happened to me before and I cut them off.

我有一阵子和朋友彻底断了往来。

I cut my friends off for a little while.

所以我不确定该不该说这个。

So I'm not sure if I should say this.

好吧。

Okay.

今天这一期全在聊朋友关系的结束，说完这期，我估计还得经历更多这样的分手。

Today's whole episode is me talking about friendship breakups and I'm gonna have a lot of friendship breakups after this episode.

但我要是不拿自己的经历说事，也没法给出建议。

But I can't advise unless I I pull from my own life.

对吧？

Right?

所以那时候，我决定不喝酒了，对吧？

So at this one point, I quit drinking, right?

我戒酒了，但有个情况，你们偶尔会在Epikaze上看到我喝酒，那也是我唯一喝酒的时候。

I quit drinking and here's the thing, sometimes you'll see me on Epikaze drinking and it's the only time I drink.

只有和团队一起，或者拍视频的时候，我才会喝。

I'll drink if it's with my team or for a shoot or something.

除此之外，我大概每四五个月才喝一次。

Other than that, I drink maybe once every five months four or five months.

其实我根本就没想喝，对吧？

I just don't really want to, right?

但我以前喝得很多，我的酒友是NEL的东坤和金钟元，就是NEL的JW。

But I used to drink a lot and my drinking friends were Dongguun and Kim Jongwon of NEL, JW of NEL, right?

他们是我平时一起喝酒的伙伴，可我当时没意识到，我们之所以是朋友，纯粹是因为一起喝酒。

These were my drinking buddies and I didn't know that we were only friends because we were drinking buddies.

我以为我们是真正的朋友，喝酒只是顺带的事。

I thought we were friends and we just happened to drink.

等我不喝了，才终于明白过来。

I found out once I stopped drinking.

对吧？

Right?

我戒酒之后，他们就不想跟我待在一起了，因为我在场的时候他们喝酒，而我却喝绿茶。

Once I stopped drinking and they would not want to be with me because I'd be with them and they're drinking but I'm drinking green tea.

这很合理，对吧？

Understandable, right?

后来他们就不打电话来了，接着还做了完全一样的事。

And then they stopped calling and then they did the exact same things.

你大概只能撑一个月。

Like, you'll last maybe a month.

你是不是生病了？

Like, Are you sick?

喂，我干脆逼你喝，他们真的一字不差地说了同样的话。

Yo, I'm gonna just force you to They literally said the exact same things.

这让我开始想：我们当初做朋友，只是为了一起喝酒吗？

It made me think, Wait, were we friends just to drink together?

那我们根本就不是朋友，只是一起喝酒的搭子，对吧？

Then we weren't really friends, we were just drinking partners, right?

根本不是别的，我只是个可以被替代的人，这大概就是我当时的想法。

It wasn't even about anything other than just having I was replaceable, basically, that's what I thought.

后来我才明白，他们不是不希望我健康，也不是不支持我的决定或改变。

And then I realised it wasn't them not wanting me to be healthy or not supporting my decisions or my changes.

你知道的，他们就是图个乐子。

You know, they were just it was just for fun.

结果呢，他们自己后来也慢慢少喝了，对吧？

And then eventually, they cut down their drinking as well, right?

现在我发誓，我们仨还会聚在一起，他们管我们叫‘大 Jong Gyun’，我们三个有时候就纯喝茶。

So now, I swear, we will meet Da Jong Gyun, the three of us they call us Da Jong Gyun and the three of us will meet and sometimes all three of us will just drink tea.

如果你早就认识我们仨，听到这事儿肯定觉得好笑到不行，简直不敢想象。

And it's a hilarious if you're fans of the three of us from way before, it's something unimaginable.

我们仨就坐着，喝着茶，聊聊天。

But the three of us will just sit there and drink tea and talk.

所以那种情况下，会觉得这些朋友根本不是真朋友，只在你跟着他们玩的时候才搭理你，我能理解。

So I can understand in that situation thinking that these friends aren't really friends and they only cared about you as long as you're doing whatever they like doing.

但遇到这种情况，也不能把所有朋友都一刀切了吧？

But you can't just cut off all friendships when things like that happen, right?

朋友嘛，总归是想一起做点什么的。

Because friends like to do things together.

也不一定非得是喝酒。

It doesn't even have to be drinking.

比如说你们以前常打羽毛球，突然有一天你觉得自己不适合打羽毛球了。

Let's say you played badminton together and then all of a sudden you're like I don't think badminton is good for me.

我也说不清为什么。

I don't know why.

可能就是觉得羽毛球对肩膀不好，于是决定不打了。

But maybe you're just like, I don't know, badminton is bad for my shoulders or something so you decide to quit.

他们肯定得说：‘喂，你搞什么飞机啊？’

They're gonna be like, Yo, what the fuck, bro?

什么？

What the fuck?

别这样，玩吧。

Come on, just play.

我其实也不想玩，但既然和你在一起，我就陪陪你。

I don't want to play either but I'm playing because I'm with you.

咱们玩吧！

Let's play!

然后你可能会想，原来你们在乎的只是打羽毛球？

And then you might think, Oh, so all that mattered was badminton?

这个例子真不恰当。

Okay, this is a terrible example.

我不知道怎么就扯到羽毛球上去了。

I don't know why I started with badminton.

他们倒好，说你这个人不行，你就是个羽毛球。

But they're like, Oh, you're such a you're a bad friend, you're a badminton.

这件事肯定会一路到底。

It's gonna go all the way with this.

然后你可能会想，哦，原来一切就只是关于那该死的羽毛球，根本不是什么真正的友谊或者其他。

And then you might think, oh, okay, we were just oh, so it was all about the fucking badminton and it wasn't even about true, like, friendship or anything else.

你根本不在乎我的肩膀，不在乎我的健康，也不在乎我转去打壁球或者网球。

Like, you don't care about my shoulder, you don't care about my well-being, you don't care about me moving on to, like, racquetball or squash.

但也许他们这么做，是因为他们其实很在乎你，只是羽毛球是他们让你留在身边的办法。

But, you know, they might just be doing that because they actually do care about you, and badminton was their way of having you at the table.

也许现在，有些朋友觉得我并不是在说他们，但有时候，如果朋友不支持你的改变，你得给他们一点时间，看看到底是他们真的不支持你的积极转变，还是只是怀念过去和你在一起的日子。

Maybe right now, some of these friends might think that I'm not saying that these friends, but sometimes if friends don't support your change, you have to give them a chance and see if it's really them not supporting your positive change or if it's just them like, you know, missing the old times with you, right?

我结婚的时候，感觉失去了一大堆朋友，因为我结得太早，朋友们根本还没考虑过结婚这回事。

When I got married, I felt like I lost a ton of friends because I got married early and none of my friends were even thinking about marriage, right?

那时候大多数朋友连认真恋爱都没开始，我就结婚了，接着又有了孩子。

And most of my friends weren't even in serious relationships at the time and I was getting married and then I had a kid.

所以这个变化吓到的其实是他们，而不是我。

So that change scared them more than it scared me.

当然我也害怕，这是我第一次当爸爸，对吧？

Of course it was scary for me too, it was my first time becoming a dad, right?

我当时完全不知道该怎么办，又怕又焦虑，工作上还一堆糟心事，但他们比我还慌。

And I didn't know what to do, I was scared and I was also dealing with difficult things in my career but they were more scared about it.

他们有时候发消息说：‘你都结婚了，就不跟我们玩了？’之类的话，真觉得他们幼稚得不行。

They would sometimes text me things like Yo, just because you're married, you don't hang out with us anymore and stuff like this and it just felt super immature for them to say.

这事儿真的很难，他们显然根本不懂，对吧？

It's really hard and they obviously don't understand, right?

但后来时间一久，等他们自己结婚了，就给我发消息：‘兄弟，对不起啊。’

But time went on and as soon as they get married they text me, they're like Oh, sorry bro.

说到底我们还是朋友，要是当初断了联系，我现在一些最要好的朋友，可能就再也见不到了。

And you know, we're all still friends so like if I cut them off, some of my closest friends right now, I wouldn't know them anymore.

但你得能分清楚，他们是单纯怀念过去，还是真的就是混蛋。

But you have to be able to discern if it's them just being friends that missed the old times or assholes.

你得能分清楚。

You have to be able to discern.

这真的很难，但有时候你得下定决心，彻底断了联系。

It's really hard but you have to give it a shot to just cut everyone off.

这可不是我今天想说的重点。

That's not what I'm saying today.

过去五年里，只有我一个人在主动维系。

I was the only one putting in the effort for over five years.

我终于撑不住了，不再主动联系，也不再安排任何活动。

I finally hit my limit and stopped reaching out first and planning things.

从那以后，我就再没见过他们。

I haven't seen them since.

已经三年了。

It's been three years.

真的，特别累，每次朋友说要一起旅行或者做点什么，却没人愿意主动张罗。

Oh this is really yeah, it's really exhausting when it's like your friends wanna go on a trip together or wanna do something together but none of them show initiative.

他们好像根本不在乎订酒店、计划行程、打包行李，甚至都不愿意查查目的地在哪。

None of them seem to actually care about like, you know, getting a reservation or like planning things, packing or like even looking into where you're going.

然后，你也不在意。

And then, you you don't mind.

你有条理，所以你牵头，然后大家就一起去旅行。

You're organized so you lead and then you go on a trip.

但这种情况年复一年地重复，你总觉得他们对你们一起做的事根本没那么上心，而你总是得扛下大部分责任。

But this happens over and over and over again for years and you feel like they simply don't care as much about the things that you're doing together and you kind of have to pull most of the weight all the time.

我能理解这有多让人压力大。

I can see how that's stressful.

比如，Epikaze 马上就要办一场拍摄了。

Like for example, have like Epikaze has like an Epikaze shoot coming up.

就在明天。

It's literally tomorrow.

我现在正在一个群聊里问：大家能出点主意吗？

And I am in a group chat right now Can we have some ideas here?

我先说说我的想法吧。

Like, Here's my ideas, right?

我发了一大堆想法，却从来得不到回应。

And I send like a bunch of ideas and I won't get a response.

已经二十四年了。

It's been twenty four years.

但反过来想，他们肯定也对我累得不行。

But on the flip side, I'm sure they're just as exhausted by me.

我是认真的。

I'm serious.

我觉得发这个帖的人，性格可能跟我挺像的。

I think the person who posted this, I think maybe their personality is sort of leaning towards me, right?

我们常常得负责策划，大家也默认我们该带头，而我们其实挺擅长这个，也享受其中的一些部分。

Like we are often in the position where we have to do the planning or like we're kind of expected to lead and we're actually good at it, too and we do enjoy elements of it.

所以我们是自己主动做的。

So we do it out of our own volition.

没人拿枪指着我们说：‘快想点主意！’或者‘快定个专辑的方案！’

No one has a gun to our heads like, Yo, come up with all the ideas or like, Yo, come up with the plan for the album, right?

就是我们自己主动做了。

It's just that we do it.

我们喜欢，也热衷于此，所以主动承担，他们反而退后一步，好让我们来主导。

We like it and we're passionate about it so we take the initiative and we do it and they might be sort of like taking a step back so that we can.

并不是他们什么都不想做。

It's not that they don't want to do anything.

也许他们是故意退后，好让我站到台前。

Maybe they're stepping back so that I can take the center stage.

有时候，对他们来说，这也挺累的。

And at times, it might be exhausting for them too.

当领导的人通常要求很高，我不断发消息，他们肯定觉得压力大；有时候他们本想主导某个事，却因为我在那儿，根本插不上手。

A person who leads is usually demanding and I'm sure that can be exhausting for them to be getting like texts from me constantly or sometimes, you know, they might want to lead in a certain situation and they can't because I'm already in that spot.

对他们来说，这可能和对我们一样难熬。

So that might be just as difficult for them as it is for us.

但我觉得最重要的是，经常跟朋友沟通，就像我刚才说的这些。

But think the important thing is communicating it often with friends and also just what I just said right now.

还能站在他们的角度去看问题。

Also being able to see it from their perspective.

我觉得这一点我不太想自己说出来，因为听起来好像我在自夸，好像我多有洞察力似的。

I think that's one thing that I don't want to say it myself because I feel like, you know, it sounds like I'm full of myself, like Oh, I'm understanding.

但我真不是这个意思。

But that's not what I'm saying.

我在音乐和写作上的能力，让我总是能理解别人的立场，因为我总在想：听众会对这些歌词有什么感受？这些歌词怎么才能变成他们自己的心声？即使我还没当音乐人、只是个写作者的时候，这种换位思考已经成了我的本能。

It's like my skills in music and writing I think helps me always understand the other person's perspective because I am always thinking about like how would the audience, you know, feel about these lyrics, how would how would these lyrics become theirs And because I'm trained to think that way even when I was a writer and not a musician, you know empathy is just like an automatic thing for me.

要真正共情确实不容易，但我觉得，要维持长久的友谊，这一点必不可少。

And it's hard to be empathetic but you need to be to maintain a long friendship, I think.

这一句最短，可不知怎么，反而最有分量。

Oh, this one is the shortest but also somehow the most powerful.

我觉得我最难过的朋友关系破裂，就是两个人不知不觉就走散了。

I think my saddest friendship breakups are us just drifting away.

没什么大事。

No big event.

就是时间、生活和距离而已。

Just time, life, and distance.

我还是老样子，但他们长大了，有了工作，组建了家庭。

I still stay the same and they grew up, got jobs, had families.

我一点都没变。

I stayed the same.

我试过上班，但生病了。

I tried to work but got sick.

首先，我希望留下这条评论的人现在好多了，友谊重要，关系重要，但最重要的是你本身。

First of all, I hope that the person who left this comment is better now because friendships are important, relationships are all important, but first and foremost, you are important.

你的健康才是关键。

Like, your health is important.

希望你现在比当时情绪低落的时候好多了。

So I hope you're better than you were when you had this emotion.

我觉得这不只是友谊的问题，还包括恋爱关系、工作关系，还有你个人的目标、梦想和热情。

I think the not just with friendships but with like, you know, romantic relationships, also working relationships, and also just like just your individual goals and, you know, dreams and passions.