愤怒：危险还是必要？

这就是为什么谈到社交生活时，我会把一切都围绕食物来安排。

And that's why when it comes to, like, social life, like, I plan everything around food.

因为如果我没吃好，没人会玩得开心。

Because if I'm not fed, no one will have fun.

如果我热、脱水、饿了，没人会玩得开心。

If I'm hot, dehydrated, hungry, no one will have fun.

确实是这样。

I'm It's true.

我知道。

I know that.

是的。

Yeah.

我真的很抱歉。

I'm so sorry.

她就会，没错，确实如此。

She'll just yeah, it is.

来表达愤怒。

To to show anger.

有一次我们醒来，她就说：我们吃什么？

There's one time we woke up and she's like, what are we eating?

有人告诉我们吧。

Someone tell us.

得有人决定午饭吃什么。

Someone needs to decide what's for lunch.

我们吃什么？

What are we eating?

我当时就想：哇哦。

And I was like, woah.

哎呀，现在我的心情被搞砸了。

Like, oh, now my mood is ruined.

是的。

Yeah.

没错。

Exactly.

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

就像，你根本压不住情绪，但她真的完全压不住。

Like, you can't you can't hold it back, but she literally can't.

好的。

Okay.

开得慢的司机。

Slow drivers.

是的。

Yes.

不是。

No.

讨厌他们。

Hate them.

大声咀嚼的人。

Loud chewers.

我无法忍受。

I cannot stand.

我无法忍受那些像这样吧唧嘴的人，我知道空气确实能提升风味，但如果你在我耳边吧唧嘴，我会气疯的。

I cannot stand someone who's, like, smacking like I know I know, like, air kind of improves the quality of the flavor, but if you're smacking in my ear, I I get pissed off.

我不会直接告诉你，因为那是你的吃饭方式，但我会走开。

I won't tell you directly because that's just how you eat, but I'll walk away.

这不会让我生气，但确实很烦人。

It doesn't piss me off, but it is annoying.

你能看到食物。

You could see the food.

我

I

知道。

know.

我只是想问，你听得见自己吗？

I'm just like, do you hear yourself?

有人曾经告诉过你吗？

Has anyone ever told you?

人们啊，这就是那些轻易下结论的人。

People oh, this is this is people who jump to conclusions.

我讨厌这样。

I hate this.

你是在想某个人。

You're thinking of someone.

是的。

Yes.

有时候。

Sometimes.

他们总是妄下结论，而你就会想，你难道不好奇吗？有时候我的那一面

It's it's they they assume things and you're like, well, you weren't curious about Sometimes my side of the

人们真的有很强的直觉。

the people have really strong intuition.

我很想知道他们看到了什么是我没看到的。

I'm curious what they see that I don't.

如果他们仍然对妄下结论这么有信心的话。

If they if they're if they're still confident in jumping to a conclusion.

但这很少见。

That's rare though.

餐馆周一不开门。

Restaurants not being open on Monday.

那是你的寿司店。

That's you sushi restaurants.

那是你的越南餐馆，七点四十五就关门。

That's you Vietnamese places that close at 07:45.

塔可摊位。

Taco stands.

但你知道，我爱你，而且你的食物是最好的，所以你才有资本这么做。

But like, love you and you you have the best food, which is why you can do that.

这就是我们生气的原因，因为我们太想要了，而你却不为我们提供。

That's why we're angry because we want it so bad and you're not there for us.

但我们理解你需要休息。

But we understand you need to rest.

是的。

Yeah.

你值得拥有。

And you deserve it.

哦，当衣服不合身的时候。

Oh, when clothes don't fit right.

对。

Yes.

是的。

Yeah.

这让我很生气。

That pisses me off.

我对此非常愤怒。

I'm so mad about it.

是的。

Yeah.

作为一个五英尺五英寸的女生，根本没有什么衣服是为我们设计的。

As a five a sub five girl, nothing is made for us.

而如果你是个高个子女生，也没什么衣服是为你设计的。

And then you're a tall girl, and nothing is made for you.

根本没有什么衣服是适合我的，我的裤子总是太短。

Nothing's made for like, my pants are always too short.

不过我还是很喜欢。

I love it, though.

我的裤子总是刚好到脚踝那里。

My pants always, like, hit right at the ankle.

所以看起来像个中学生。

So I look like a middle schooler.

还有就是胸比较小。

And also like having small boobs.

很难找到合身的衣服。

It's really hard to find clothes that fit right.

但我听说胸大的话也很不容易找到合适的衣服。

But also I heard having like big boobs is also really hard too.

头发乱的一天。

A bad hair day.

当你感觉整个人看起来都不好的时候，就是那种感觉。

When you just look bad, you just feel like you look bad that day.

这不会让我生气。

It doesn't make me angry.

也许这让我感到难过。

Maybe it makes me sad.

哦，这太让人难过了。

Oh, that's so sad.

这太真实了。

It's so real.

我觉得自己好丑。

I'm like, I'm ugly.

对。

Yeah.

哎呀。

Aw.

对。

Yeah.

有一期播客，我和马德斯是嘉宾，我觉得她看起来特别好看。

There's this one podcast that me and Mads were guests on, and I thought she looked so good.

她看起来真美。

She looks so beautiful.

但我一直告诉她，我只是觉得我看起来不好。

But I and I kept telling her that she was just like, all I feel is I didn't look good.

我觉得这让我很难过。

And I'm like, that makes me sad.

你对自己最苛刻。

You're your harshest critic.

我记得回看那些片段时，胃里一阵翻腾，觉得我好丑。

I remember watching those clips back and just literally feeling in the pit of my stomach like you're so ugly.

回看那些片段时，想着马德琳看起来真棒。

Remember watching those clips back thinking Madelyn looks so good.

我记得当时想，天啊，她掌握了那个妆容。

I remember being like, dang, she figured out that makeup look.

是的。

Yeah.

然后我给一些朋友看了，他们说，Maddie看起来真棒。

And then I showed some of my friends are like, Maddie looks so good.

是的。

Yeah.

哦，Netflix刷剧搭便车的人。

Oh, Netflix cheaters.

什么是Netflix刷剧搭便车的人？

What's a Netflix cheater?

就是那种说‘我们一起来看剧吧’的人。

Someone that says, oh, let's watch the show together.

然后却在你不看的时候自己偷偷继续看。

And then they keep watching it without you.

前几天Jen就这么对我，我气坏了。

Jen did that to me the other day and I was so mad.

你之前说，你们可以一起看接下来的三集。

You said earlier, you guys can watch the next three episodes.

我没这么说。

I didn't say that.

哦。

Oh.

也许她是这么说的。

Maybe she said that.

哦，也许她那样说了。

Oh, maybe she that.

我不会这么说的。

I would not have said that.

哦。

Oh.

因为我一直很期待。

Because I was looking forward to it.

我是听你说的。

I heard it from you.

我想我可能给了她许可。

I think I might have given her permission.

是的。

Yeah.

我从你那里听说的。

I heard it from you.

因为当时我们其中一个朋友说，哦，Maddie已经看过了。

Because I because, like, one of our one of our friends was like, oh, Maddie's already seen it.

我当时说，是的，她已经看过了。

I was like, yeah, she's already seen it.

你应该干脆看完你

You should just finish you

就应该看完它。

should just finish it.

是的。

Yeah.

但我没想到你真的想再看一遍。

But I didn't know you you actually wanted to rewatch it.

毫无疑问是的。

Resounding yes.

特斯拉 Cybertruck。

Cyber trucks.

你知道什么更让我生气吗？

You know what pisses me off more?

Jen 说我是 Cybertruck 的代表，这让我很不爽。

The fact that Jen said that I represent cyber trucks.

你觉得她是个真人版的 Cybertruck 吗？

You think she's a human cyber truck?

不是。

No.

是一样的，那种自信，还有你就是

It's the same, like, confidence and, like, you just

从旁边经过时，无法让人着迷。

can't, be captivated as they go by.

但我觉得这并不算着迷。

But I don't think it's captivated.

我觉得只是让人感到突兀。

I think it's just jarring.

没错。

Exactly.

那到底是什么东西？

It's like, what is that?

它看起来就像《古墓丽影》游戏的早期渲染图，只不过把角色换成了汽车。

It looks like an early rendering of a video game of, like, Tomb Raider, if Tomb Raider had cars.

最后但同样重要的是，去报税。

Last but not least, doing your taxes.

呃。

Ugh.

讨厌。

Hate it.

真恶心。

Gross.

太烦人了。

So annoying.

讨厌。

Hate it.

我总是拖到最后一刻才处理。

I avoid it till the very last day.

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

也把它往后推。

Push it back too.

但谢天谢地，我们今年不用做这个

But thank God we don't have to do that

因为我们可以用TurboTax。

this year because we've got a TurboTax.

当一天中已经有成千上万件让人烦心的事时，还要手忙脚乱地报税，这绝对不是什么好体验。

When there's already a million things that can tick us off in a day, having to scramble and do our taxes is definitely not the vibe.

我们需要帮助。

We need help.

拥有平均十二年经验的TurboTax专家可以力挽狂澜。

With an average of twelve years of experience, TurboTax experts can save the day.

您的小微企业可以根据所属行业匹配到合适的专家，帮助您安全地准备、签署和提交报税表。

Your small business can be paired with the right expert based on your industry to help you securely prepare, sign, and file your taxes.

您可以放心，您的报税事项将

You can rest assured that your taxes will

得到妥善处理。

be handled with care.

您还将全年免费获得速税专家的支持。

You'll even have year round access to TurboTax expert support at no extra cost.

多亏了速税，我们可以减少压力和焦虑的时间，更多地进行深呼吸练习，放松身心。

Thanks to TurboTax, we can spend less time stressed and overwhelmed and more time inhaling and exhaling during our much needed deep breathing exercises.

我相信，当我们冷静、平和、从容时，我们身边的所有人也会更开心。

And I'm sure everyone in our lives is also much happier when we're cool, calm, and collected.

访问 turbotax.com/business 了解更多信息。

Check out turbotax.com/business to learn more.

好的。

Alright.

让我们进入正题。

Let's get into the juice of it.

你们是容易生气的人吗？

Are are you guys angry people?

你们就是。

You are.

我没问那个。

I didn't ask that.

我问的是你是不是。

I asked if you were.

明白我的意思了吗？

See what I mean?

你没什么可回答我的。

You don't got answer for me.

你别代表我。

Speak for yourself.

你是个容易生气的人吗？

Are you an angry person?

我可能会。

I can be.

我觉得我花了很多功夫去控制不生气。

I think I were I've worked a lot on it to not be angry.

所以我觉得，也许我天生就是这样，但现在好一些了。

So I think, like, maybe naturally I am, but less now.

但还不足以说不。

But not not enough to say no.

这里面有

There's a

很多我想问的细节。

lot behind that that I want to ask.

比如，你是怎么努力改变自己的，才达到现在的状态？

Like, how did you work on yourself to get there?

是的。

Yeah.

哦，好吧，就像我们之前举的例子，饿了、睡眠不足和天气热的时候，我最糟糕的一面就会暴露出来，给周围的人带来麻烦。

Oh, well, you know, as displayed in our earlier examples of hanger, sleep deprivation and hotness, The real ugly sides of me come out and they wreak havoc on people.

当你发脾气时，你能看到他们脸上的反应。

You see the responses on their faces when you outburst.

对不起，珍。

Sorry, Jen.

在日本的山顶上。

On the mountaintops of Japan.

就像极致的美。

Like utter beauty.

是的。

Yeah.

这很可怕，因为你看着自己，就会说，天啊，我竟然能这样。

And it's terrifying because you look at yourself and you just say, dang, I'm capable of that.

这真的很吓人。

That's pretty scary.

所以我们去接受治疗，确保自己吃好、睡好。

And so, you know, we go to therapy, we make sure we're fed and we're slept.

我们吃得充足、睡得充足、补水充足，其实就是好好照顾自己

We're well fed, well slept, and well hydrated It's and really just taking care

好好照顾自己，说实话。

of yourself, honestly.

饮食、睡眠和锻炼。

Diet, sleep, and exercise.

真是个不错的理念。

What a concept.

不过我喜欢你主动让自己少发脾气，因为我觉得很多人把这当成别人的问题。

I like, though, that you took it upon yourself to ensure you outburst less because I feel a lot of people make it everyone else's problem.

关于愤怒的另一点是，它真的让人精疲力尽，而且你会输。

The other thing about anger is that, like, it's really exhausting and you lose.

每次你都会输。

You lose every time.

所以我厌倦了疲惫，也厌倦了失败。

So I was tired of being tired and I was tired of losing.

我老实说就是特别好胜。

I'm honestly just really competitive.

所以我心想，你总得想方设法赢一次。

So I was like, you you gotta win somehow.

没那么严重。

Not really.

所以具体来说，你开始随身带零食了。

So tangibly, you started packing snacks.

当我与人互动时，我会确保这三大支柱都处于足够好的状态。

When I'm interacting with people, I make sure that all of those pillars are at a sufficient level.

如果我太累了，就会直接拒绝，因为我知道自己那时会变得很暴躁。

So if I'm, like, too tired, I'll just say no because I know that I'm gonna be a bitch.

如果我饿了，我就会主动提出方案。

If I'm hungry, I will provide the plan.

我会提议：我们在这个时间、这个我已经预订好的地方吃饭。

I'll I'll provide a proposal of, like, let's eat this at this time, at this place that I've already made a reservation.

大多数时候，大家都会同意，因为人人都要吃饭，但是

And most of the time, people are down because everyone's gotta eat, but

他们就是不会生气。

they just don't get angry.

嗯。

Mhmm.

然后我总会带一个小水瓶。

And then I always bring a little water bottle.

我给你看看。

I'll show you.

太可爱了。

It's so cute.

你应该买一个。

You should get it.

你真该去试试，这是最可爱的小水瓶。

You should go it's it's the cutest little water bottle.

它看起来像是从卡通里走出来的，就像反着的《蓝狗线索》里的角色，被带到了现实世界。

It looks like it's from a cartoon that it's like it's like opposite Blues Clues that she took and then brought into the real world.

我以前带一个大一点的，但是

I used to bring a larger one, but

你为什么不给同学们看看你的水瓶呢？

Why don't you show the class your water bottle?

这是我的水瓶，它太小了。

So this is my water bottle that I could It's so tiny.

它太可爱了。

It's so cute.

但说实话，这点水量根本不够应急。

And it's not enough honestly, emergency.

所以我一直在喝，然后不断 refill。

So I'm constantly drinking this and refilling it.

而且它看起来太可爱了。

And it looks like It's so cute.

我喜欢它不像那种超大的Walla或者Stanley。

And I like that it's not like a huge, like a walla or Stanley.

是的。

Yes.

因为我以前常带那些，它们太重了。

Because I used to bring Those are heavy.

对。

Yeah.

我上学时带着那些，背个背包，但我现在不再这样背背包了。

I brought those around in school and I had a backpack, but I don't really carry a backpack like that anymore.

你呢，珍？

What about you, Jen?

你是个容易生气的人吗？

Are you an angry person?

你看起来并不像，真的看不出。

You don't you sure don't show it.

我不是。

I don't.

是的。

Yeah.

大多数人会说，哦，你从来看不到我生气。

Most people are like, oh, you don't see me getting mad at all.

我只是慢慢升温。

I'm just a slow simmer.

我总是背后在悄悄 simmering。

I'm like always simmering in the back.

你是对的。

You're a That's true.

而且我不让

And I don't let

它也经常爆发。

it erupt often either.

那是真的。

That's true.

你其实并不容易爆发。

You're not really explosive.

不。

No.

是的。

Yeah.

但你的愤怒，我觉得更少见。

But your anger, it's it's I think it's more rare.

听说了，这很有趣。

Heard it's interesting.

是的。

Yeah.

然后是艾米莉。

And then Emily.

对。

Yes.

我很生气。

I'm angry.

我总是生气。

I'm always angry.

确实如此。

That's true.

我大脑里的那个小控制面板是由愤怒驱动的。

The little control panel in my brain is controlled by anger.

我对愤怒的来源有一些理论，而且我也不怕表现出来。

I have theories about where it comes from, and I'm not afraid to show it either.

我尽量不让别人感到不舒服，但我一定会表达我对情况的不满。

I try not to make people feel bad, but I will express my displeasure with the situation.

她表达不满时很自然。

She has ease expressing displeasure.

是的。

Yes.

是的。

Yes.

嗯嗯。

Mhmm.

嗯嗯。

Mhmm.

这已经相当令人不适了

Which is already quite jarring

对大多数人来说。

to most people.

我不知道这一点。

I didn't know that.

我觉得这是一种某种程度上化解紧张的方式。

I felt like it was it was a way to kind of disarm.

好吧。

Like, okay.

我在表达我的不满。

I'm showing my displeasure.

如果你也有这种感觉，你也可以这样做。

You can too if you're feeling it.

但我收到过反馈，说有时候你抱怨会破坏大家的气氛。

But I've received feedback that says like, oh, it kind of sometimes ruins the mood for everyone because you're complaining.

而我只是想说，你不觉得也很热吗？

And I'm like, but don't you think it's hot too?

让我们都一起感受这份炎热，然后一起解决问题。

Like, let's all let's all just be hot together and then we can solve the problem together.

是的。

Yeah.

因为人们不知道如何应对你的愤怒，他们也不知道如何应对任何人的愤怒，因为他们从未处理过自己的愤怒。

It's because people don't know how to deal with your anger because they don't know how to deal with anyone's anger because they haven't dealt with their own anger.

哇。

Wow.

这就是我的观点。

That's my hot take.

哇。

Wow.

犀利观点。

Hot take.

你是怎么得出这个观点的？

How did you land on that?

因为我觉得人们对自己无法面对的事情感到不安。

Because I think people are uncomfortable by the things they cannot face in themselves.

所以当他们看到有人自由地表达这些情绪时，就会觉得不知所措，因为他们自己从不面对这些情绪。

So if they see someone expressing that freely, then they're like, I don't know how to deal with that because I don't have to deal with it myself.

而我认为，如果我能处理自己的悲伤、愤怒和挫败感，我就能承受他人的，因为我懂得承受自己的感受。

Whereas, like, I think if if I can deal with my own sadness, my own anger, my own frustration, then I can hold other people's because I know what it's like to hold my

的。

own.

哇。

Wow.

嗯，我认为这也是一个反馈循环，因为我们都不太会表达愤怒，我觉得我们都把愤怒压抑着。

Well, I think it's also a feedback loop because we don't express anger well because I think we all hold it in.

我也会压抑。

I hold it in.

所以当我们最终表达时，它就变得极具爆发性且具有伤害性。

So that by the time we do, it's explosive and it's hurtful.

因此，显然，接收方也不知道该如何温和地接纳你的这种情绪。

And so obviously, the receiving person also doesn't know how to hold that for you.

所以 collectively，我们根本不知道如何以健康、温和的方式接纳彼此的愤怒。

So collectively, we just don't know how to hold any of each other's anger in a healthy gentle way.

是的。

Yeah.

于是我们都一直压抑、压抑、压抑，然后突然爆发，结果就伤人了。

Then So we all hold it, hold it, hold it, hold it and then explode and then it's hurtful.

然后我们都觉得，我再也不想成为这种情绪的接收者。

And then we all are like, I never wanna be on the receiving end of that.

我也总是憋着。

I'm a hold it in too.

嗯哼。

Mhmm.

憋，憋，憋，憋，然后爆发。

Hold, hold, hold, hold, explode.

我要赶紧离开这儿。

I'm gonna just get me out of here.

快让我离开这里。

Get me out of this.

快让我离开这个宫殿。

Get me out of this palace.

不过，那个例子挺有意思，因为我觉得

Well, instance was interesting because I think

我们事后进行了复盘。

we debriefed it after it.

我当时就想，在那种情况下，你希望别人怎么做？

I was like, in those situations, what would you like?

你当时说了什么？

What did

我说？

I say?

我觉得你通常是说，除非是后勤之类的事情，否则就别跟我讲话，我们可以自己去解决。

I think you were like, usually just don't talk to me only if it's like something logistical, like we can go figure it out.

但其他时候，别试图安慰我。

But like other words and other ways, don't like try and comfort me.

你不用

You don't

试图改善。

try to better.

别试图安慰我，因为我不会被安慰到。

Don't try and, like, soothe me because I will not be soothed.

而且这些尝试实际上会让我更生气。

And the attempts will actually, like, make me more mad.

专注于我们需要做些什么，才能达到我状态好转的那一刻。

Just focus on what we need to do to get to the state where I will be better.

也就是吃饭？

AKA food?

是的。

Yeah.

我听到有人把愤怒形容为在泳池里试图把沙滩球按在水下。

I hear anger described as being in the pool trying to hold the beach ball under.

这有道理吗？

That make sense?

所以你是在泳池里。

So you're you're in the pool.

你正在玩这个救生圈。

You're you're playing with this beach ball.

你把它按在水下。

You're holding it under the surface of the water.

你可以做到，但除此之外你什么都做不了。

And you can do it, but that's all you can do.

如果你把手松开去做别的事，它就会弹回来打你的脸。

If you lift your hand up to go do something else, it'll, like, come back and hit you in the face.

所以我觉得很多人其实不知道该怎么办。

And so I feel like a lot of people don't really know what to do.

是的。

Yeah.

就像你所说的，他们对自己的愤怒也是一样，因为他们知道这会影响别人。

Like you said, with their own anger because they know it affects everyone else.

我认为愤怒是一种独特的情绪，因为我们真的不知道该如何应对它。

And I think anger is such a unique emotion because it's not something we don't really know how to deal with it.

我们不知道该把它放在哪里。

We don't know where to put it.

当有人难过时，你可以提供安慰。

Like when someone's sad, you can offer comfort.

你可以只是陪在他们身边。

You can offer just to sit with them.

当有人开心时，你可以和他们一起庆祝。

When someone's happy, you can celebrate with them.

当有人紧张时，你可以安慰他们，等等。

When someone's nervous, you can you can, like, reassure them, whatever.

但当有人生气时，你该怎么办？

But when someone's angry, what do you do?

你只是尽量不要站在枪口下。

You just try not to be in the line of fire.

但即使在这种情况下，我们也不太清楚，我们该站在哪里？

But even in that, we don't really know, like, oh, where do we stand?

是的。

Yeah.

而且不应该有火线。

And there shouldn't be a line of fire.

问题是，不应该有火线，是的。

Well, the thing is, like There shouldn't be a line Yeah.

如果你不知道如何应对愤怒，而我们也在摸索中，这并不意味着我们懂得怎么做。

Of If you don't know how to deal with anger, which we are also figuring out, it's not like we know how to do it either.

不。

No.

但是

But

如果你不知道如何应对，它可能会造成严重伤害，甚至导致伤害他人。

if you don't know how to deal with it, it can be very harmful and it can result in hurting people.

如果任其升级，它可能变得暴力，这真的非常糟糕。

If you really let it escalate, it can be violent, which is like really, really terrible.

但结果是，我认为人们得出结论，认为愤怒是坏的。

But as a result, I think people make the conclusion that anger is bad.

但问题是，愤怒是坏的吗？

But question is anger bad?

我认为愤怒是一种自然的反应。

I think anger is it's a natural response.

我认为每个人都有权感到愤怒。

I think everyone is allowed to be angry.

你无法控制自己是否会生气。

You can't control if you can be angry or not.

有些事情一定会让你生气。

Things are going to make you angry.

我认为问题在于你对愤怒的反应，

I think the issue is the reaction to your anger,

你自己的反应

your own reaction

对你的愤怒。

to your anger.

是的。

Yeah.

学会以健康的方式疏导你的愤怒。

And knowing how to channel your anger in healthy ways.

这是人们最大的问题。

That's the biggest issue that people have.

这也是我最大的问题。

That's the biggest issue I have.

我同意。

Can attest.

最简单的方法就是直接说出来，但就像你所说的，不应该有火线。

The easiest way is just to like, blurted out and be like, But like you said, there shouldn't be a line of fire.

愤怒并不可怕。

Anger is not bad.

这是一种被误解的情绪。

It's a misunderstood emotion.

哦。

Oh.

我认为愤怒会让人感觉非常危险，因为当你愤怒时，推理、感受和理解他人观点的能力往往会大面积丧失。

I think anger can feel very dangerous because there's so much that gets turned off in your ability to to like reason and feel and understand other narratives.

但事实上，愤怒是必要的。

But the reality is that anger is necessary.

它揭示了你感到被忽视的地方。

It highlights where you're feeling unseen.

它揭示了期望之间的差距，并发出信号，促使你与他人或你的环境沟通，以弥合这些差距。

It highlights gaps in expectations, and it is the signal to change and close those gaps with people or your environments.

所以你觉得愤怒是

So you find anger to be

当你能与身体对愤怒的反应脱钩时，它会变得非常有信息量。

quite informative when you can divorce yourself from what that feels like in your body.

愤怒总是被向外发泄到他人或其他事物上。

Like, anger has it always is channeled outwards to other people or other things.

因此，你感觉像是在推卸这种情绪的责任，把过错归咎于周围的一切。

And so that it feels like you're divorcing yourself of the responsibility of that emotion and blaming and accusing other things around you.

我觉得悲伤的时候，你会把自己封闭起来。

I think I think with with sadness, you kind of recluse back into yourself.

而愤怒则有一个触发点。

With anger, there is a trigger.

总有某个人或某件事让你感到不适。

There is someone or something that is making you uncomfortable.

而最简单的做法就是责怪他们。

And it the easiest way to go is just to blame them.

很难安慰一个

It's hard to comfort someone that

正在攻击他人的人。

is on the attack.

她直视着我。

As she looks directly at me.

你无法安慰她。

There's no comforting you can do.

愤怒是有方向性的，听起来是这样。

Anger is directional, it sounds like.

那么，你该如何安慰那些把责备和责任都推给外部的人呢？

So how do you comfort someone that is placing the, like, blame and responsibility externally?

我认为，首先，除了生气的人自己，没人有责任去安慰别人的愤怒。

Well, the first thing is that it should be nobody's responsibility to comfort someone's anger other than the person who is angry, I think.

生气的人自己最有责任去管理自己的情绪。

Like, the person who is angry has the most responsibility to manage themselves in their own anger.

是的。

Mhmm.

理论上，周围的人可以提供帮助，但这并不是他们的责任。

And anyone around ideally can help, but, like, it's not their responsibility.

你知道吗，你问了这个问题，这很好也很棒，但最终，责任应该落在那个生气的人身上，是的。

You know, it's like you're asking that question, which is great and wonderful, but ultimately, it should fall on the angry person Mhmm.

而不该落在承受愤怒的人身上。

Not on the receiver of that anger.

没错。

True.

现在，作为与正在生气的人处于当下关系中的人，这就是为什么人们在表达或接受愤怒时会感到不安，因为他们不知道该怎么做。

Now And then as someone who's in relationship with around in in the moment with someone who is angry, like, that's why I think it's uncomfortable for people to express or be on the receiving end because they don't know what to do.

没人知道该怎么做。

No one knows what to do.

每个人都只是保持沉默，任由他们把情绪全部发泄出来。

Everyone just like stay silent and let them like let it all out.

那你能说什么呢？

Like, what do you say?

你该做什么呢？

What do you do?

你知道，这其实是另一个话题，那就是当你和某人关系亲密时，如何很好地接纳他们的愤怒，即使这种愤怒并不是针对你的。

You know, that's a whole nother topic actually, which is like how to receive someone's anger well when you're in a close relationship with them, even when the anger is not directed towards you.

是的。

Yeah.

该怎么做？

What to do?

我认为没人知道该怎么做。

I don't think anyone knows what to do.

所以我们才会得到这样的反馈：别把这事儿说出来。

That's why we get the feedback that's like, keep that to yourself.

别表现出来，因为我根本不知道该怎么应对。

Don't show that because I don't know what to do with it.

但事实是，这种情绪需要一个出口，否则就会演变成危险级别的愤怒。

But the fact of the matter is that like it needs somewhere to go or it's going to become that dangerous level of anger.

那么，我们采用了哪些管理技巧呢？

So what are some management techniques that we have employed?

你之前提到过，一个人的愤怒是他自己要承担的责任，但如果有人在处理自身愤怒的过程中，反应过激引发了其他人的愤怒，那这种情况该怎么算呢？

You said something about how one person's anger is their responsibility, but what if they triggered someone else's anger in their reaction to their own anger?

我举个例子，我小的时候，我的祖父母和我还有我的家人住在一起。

So an example I have is when I was younger, our grandparents my grandparents lived with me and my family.

我们一大家子都住在同一栋房子里。

We all lived in the same home.

所以说，我不知道你们有没有过照顾老人的经历。

And so it was I don't know if you have if you've ever taken care of an elderly person.

这件事真的对所有人来说都太煎熬了。

It just it's so hard on everyone.

我记得我以前和我爸爸吵过很多次架，因为他根本不知道该怎么处理他父亲——也就是我爷爷把家里的事搞得一团糟的状况。

And I remember I got into a lot of arguments with my dad because he didn't really know how to deal with, like, his father messing up things around the house.

这件事把他惹火了。

It gets him angry.

而他发作的时候，火气要么是冲着我来的，要么就把我牵扯进去了。

And in lashing out, it was aimed either towards me or adjacent to me.

因此，对此的反应是我会生气，并把情绪反弹给他，而他也会反过来对我发火。

And so in reaction to that, I would get angry and I would throw it back at him, and he would throw it back at me.

于是，来自第三方的触发点，突然变成了两个人之间的争执。

So suddenly, a trigger from someone a completely third party becomes an argument between two other people.

所以这感觉就像

So it feels like

一场乒乓球比赛。

a ping pong game.

确实如此，因为很多时候，一个愤怒的人会试图在别人身上点燃同样的情绪。

That's true actually, because a lot of times an angry person will try to ignite that in someone else.

是的。

Yeah.

或者试图引发回应，可能会故意激怒你。

Or try to get a response, could try to rile you up.

是的。

Yeah.

因此，在这种情况下，我觉得非常困难，因为从进化角度来看，愤怒是为了触发你的战斗或逃跑反应。

And so in that, I feel it's very difficult because I I feel like anger is from an evolutionary standpoint, it's meant to trigger your fight or flight.

比如，天哪，这只老虎刚吃掉了我妹妹。

Like, oh my gosh, this tiger just ate my sister.

我该怎么办？

What am I going to do?

你必须迅速做出反应。

You have to react really quickly.

而我认为，现在没有老虎了，但仍然有一些事情会触发我们。

And I think right now there's no tigers, but there's still things that trigger us.

因此，采取更缓慢的方式需要大量的反思，以及在那一刻的自我安抚。

And so to take a slower approach takes a lot, a lot of, like, reflection and a lot of self soothing in that moment.

不，这其实非常好，因为我认为，正如你所说，愤怒是一种保护性本能。

No, that's really good, actually, because I do think, like you said, anger is a protective instinct

嗯。

Mhmm.

在根本上。

At its root.

嗯。

Mhmm.

在早期，它可能表现为一只老虎。

And it might manifest as a tiger in the early days.

但如今，如果我回溯我很多愤怒的根源，它们都来自于被伤害、被忽视，而这些都来自我原本期待、认为会比我所经历的更了解我的人。

But now if I trace back a lot of my anger, it's from being hurt and being unseen from someone that I expected and thought would know me better than however they are treating me or however they are accusing me or however they are they've done something that has pissed me off.

我只是期望他们不会那样做，因此我感到受伤。

I just expected that they wouldn't do that, and therefore I feel hurt by that.

然后，愤怒作为一种保护本能随之升起，就像是。

And then the anger rises as a protective instinct of like.

我们属于同一个群体。

Like we are in the same tribe.

是的。

Yeah.

你为什么把这当作外人来对待？

Why are you treating that as an outsider?

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

这在一定程度上打乱了事物自然的进程和节奏。

It kind of messes with the natural progression and flow of things.

你如何表达愤怒？

How do you express anger?

我是一个正在康复的被动攻击型人格。

I am a recovering, passive, aggressive person.

所谓康复，意思是我还处在旅程的第一步。

And by recovering, I mean, I'm on the first step of my journey.

现在我能在说出口之前就察觉到它了。

I can catch it now before I say it.

然后我会去问我的朋友，我该怎么说呢？

And then I go ask my friends, how should I say this?

我想表达我的不满。

I want to express my displeasure.

我该怎么说得委婉一点，又不攻击这个人的人格？

How do I say this nicely without attacking this person's character?

或者有时候

Or sometimes

她会脱口而出，然后马上说：抱歉，我说话太刻薄了。

she'll blurt it out and then she'll immediately say, sorry, that was mean.

或者当你和其他人说话时，

Or when you're talking to other people,

你会说，这个是

you're like, like, this is

我想传达给他们的内容

what I what I what I wanna send to them,

但我不会那样做。

but I'm not gonna do that.

但我只是想让你知道。

But I just wanted you to know.

这会是我的回应。

This would be my response.

这对你来说有点像一种宣泄。

It's like a little bit of a catharsis for you.

是的。

Yeah.

不。

No.

但这是个好观点。

But that's a good point.

这是一种释放。

It's releasing.

你仍然需要

You still gotta

释放出来。你必须释放它。

release You have to release it.

并且表达出来。

And express.

是的。

Yeah.

把愤怒发泄出来，这样你才能以平静的方式谈论你的挫败感。

Get that anger out so that you can then talk about your frustration in a calm way.

嗯。

Mhmm.

我认为对愤怒做出平静的反应并不自然。

I don't think it's very natural to have a calm reaction to your anger.

不。

No.

不。

No.

确实不是。

It's not.

是的。

Yeah.

我认为这种愤怒需要释放出来，而且我认为很多情况下需要通过身体活动来发泄。

I think that fury needs to come out and a lot I think it needs to come off physically.

所以这就是我的观点。

I so that's like my hot take.

但显然，这种情绪需要被释放出来，比如艾米丽拍的那段很棒的视频。

But obviously, that needs to be taken out like like, Emily's having this great video.

去推一堵墙。

Just push a wall.

如果你很生气，就去推一堵墙。

Like, if you're pissed off, just push a wall.

我以为你发给我了。

I thought you sent that to me.

没有。

No.

是你发的

You sent it

给我了。

to me.

哦，好吧。

Oh, okay.

而且，这真的帮了大忙。

And, like, it helps so much.

我去上拳击课，去跑步，直到把自己累得精疲力尽，把那种愤怒发泄出来，这非常关键，因为否则你可能会伤害别人，无论是情感上、身体上、言语上，不管怎样，都会伤害到某人，很可能也包括你自己。

I, like, go to a boxing class, go, like, run until you are like, exhaust yourself from that fury so that you don't take it out on it is critical that you do that because otherwise you will end up hurting other people, whether emotionally, physically, verbally, like whatever it is, like, it's gonna hurt someone, probably including yourself.

而且，你必须确保这种情况不会发生。

And, like, you need to make sure that that does not happen.

没有压力，但却是全世界最大的压力。

No pressure, but all the pressure in the world.

对。

Mhmm.

你会拯救所有墙面上的石膏板。

You will save dry walls everywhere.

对。

Mhmm.

至少，至少打石膏板，而不是打人。

Well, at least at least punch the drywall instead of a person.

别打人。

Don't punch a person.

我的意思是，不管怎样，也别打石膏板。

I mean, don't punch a drywall either way.

别这么做。

Don't do that.

关键是

The thing

别搞破坏。

is, like, don't be destructive.

对吧？

Right?

枕头是存在的。

Pillows exist.

是的。

Yes.

枕头很棒。

Pillows are great.

嗯。

Mhmm.

嗯。

Mhmm.

是的。

Yeah.

我们有一种不切实际的期望，认为自己不应该生气。

We have like this, like, unrealistic expectation that we should not be angry.

事实上，愤怒是我们生活中理所当然的一部分。

And in fact, anger is to be expected in our lives.

但我们 somehow 都觉得我们应该成为圣人，永远不生气、不恼火、不烦闷。

But we somehow all think we should be saints and just never be angry or pissed or annoyed about anything.

嗯。

Mhmm.

我认为这造成了必须压抑所有情绪的感觉。

And I think that creates that feeling of needing to hold it all in.

尤其是对女性来说，更是如此。

Even more so for women, I think.

嗯。

Mhmm.