身体形象：三十多岁时会变得更好吗？

是的

Yeah.

对

Yeah.

我们还用了鞋垫。

We got the insoles.

各种办法我们都试过了。

We're trying everything.

我整天脑子里想的都是脚。

I literally think about my feet.

你知道不是常说身心相连吗？

And it's like, you know how they say mind body connection?

我这叫心脚相连。

Mine is mind foot connection.

你那些脚趾装饰品、脚趾分离器，老是乱扔在家里各处，我一拐角就吓一跳。

Those your toe gems, the foot separator things are just dispersed randomly sometimes around the home, and it's like a jump scare when I turn the corner.

我一看，哎，在这儿呢。

I'm like, oh, there they are.

对。

Yeah.

就在桌上。

They're, on the table.

是啊。

Yeah.

没错。

Yeah.

它们就放在，比如说，桌子边上

They're on, like, the edge of

健身房里。

the gym.

但按起来真爽。

But they hurt so good.

确实挺舒服的。

They do feel good.

感觉脚趾头都张开了，像在拉伸一样。

They're, like they make your feet like spread out like they're They're stretching.

脚丫子都摊成星星状了。

They're starfishing.

明白了。

Okay.

这么快啊？

Much for rapid fire.

好。

Okay.

对。

Yes.

往下垂着。

Sagging.

我觉得咱们还没到松垮那一步。

I don't think we're sagging yet.

有时候我照镜子看自己的脸，就想：要是能往上提一提就好了，就那么一下。

Sometimes I look in the mirror at my face and I'm like, if I could just lift Just like once you're in mirror.

照镜子的时候总想着，今早我化妆的时候就试过。

Too in the mirror, you're like, I did it this morning when I was doing my makeup.

我还听说，我妈以前也这么弄过。

And I'm like, you know, I heard that my mom's help with that too.

这能紧致肌肤。

It helps tighten.

对。

Mhmm.

对。

Mhmm.

对。

Mhmm.

对

Mhmm.

我们确实会做头部按摩。

We do do we do do head massages.

我妈妈也这么做。

My mama does it.

特别可爱。

It's really cute.

她总说，要是我能……你知道的？

She'd like, if I could just you know?

然后就……你知道的？

Then just you know?

哦，你看。

Oh, and look.

有人是这么形容的，珍妮弗。

Someone put it like this, Jennifer.

她整个人都皱成一团了。

She's like, like, scrunched up.

我说，别这样，我……

I'm like, no, I

我觉得你不做这个也很好看。

think you're beautiful without it.

放松点，放松点。

Let go, let go.

我们都逃不过时间和地心引力的摆布。

We are all at the mercy of time and gravity.

是啊。

Yeah.

谁都一样。

Like everyone.

对。

Yeah.

好吧。

Okay.

那双下巴呢？

How about a double chin?

双下巴。

A double chin.

我老是有个双下巴。

I have double chins like constantly.

我一笑，头就不自觉地往后仰。

When I laugh, I think I like knock my head back.

所以啊，

And so in

照片里不是双下巴就是三下巴。

photos, there's just always double chins, triple chins.

但笑到一半的时候，我就想，哎呀，那会儿可真开心。

But usually mid laughs, I'm like, yeah, I was having a time.

没事的。

It's fine.

双下巴？

Double chins?

不是。

No.

不是。

No.

还没到那一步。

Not not yet.

脖子的皮肤。

Neck skin.

哦，脖子可是衰老最先露馅的地方。

Oh, the neck is the first giveaway of aging, signs of aging.

我 lately 发现脖子的皮肤有点松了。

I'm noticing my neck skin is getting like a little looser.

我跟你一样做，但一想到脖子，我就觉得——听说脖子是最早显老的地方，不过我真不为此纠结。

I do what you do, but with my neck, I'm like, if I could just The neck is what I hear is the first thing that shows age, but I'm not self conscious about it.

所以我干脆不去想它，根本不给它留空间。

So I'm just not giving space to myself to even think about that.

你脖子挺好看的。

Your neck is nice.

因为我一旦想到它，就会开始在意，反而不舒服。

Because if I think about it, I'm just gonna be self conscious about it.

在我脑子里，这脖子根本不存在。

So the neck doesn't exist in my mind.

你压根就没脖子。

You have no neck.

你这脖子真年轻。

Your neck is so youthful.

一两年前，大家还非得把护肤品也抹到脖子上。

A year or two ago that you have to do all the skincare products onto the neck too.

你呢

And you

得往上推。

have to push it upward.

做的时候就要往上推。

Push it upward as you're doing it.

我还不知道这点。

Did not know that.

说到这个话题，

Relate to the game,

但我们是在那里用爽肤水。

but we're doing the toners there.

大腿脂肪？

Thigh fat?

我大腿是有点粗，但我挺喜欢的。

Oh, I got thick thighs, but I like them.

这样挺好。

That's good.

我大腿粗，但我讨厌这样。

I have thick thighs and I don't like them.

你为啥不喜欢啊？

Why don't you like them?

就是感觉到处都是肉，特别烦。

They just feel like there's so much everywhere.

我不愿意露出来。

I don't like showing them.

我

I

穿短裤都不好意思坐。

don't like sitting in shorts because of that.

哦，是啊。

Oh, yeah.

因为一坐下来，大腿就压平了，看起来特别尴尬。

Because when you sit, it flattens out and then you just look Mhmm.

而且短裤边缘那里还会鼓出来。

And it bulges around where the shorts end.

对啊。

Yeah.

所以我才不穿短裤，就是因为我大腿不好看。

That's why I don't I don't wear shorts because of my thighs.

一点都不好看。

They're not cute.

不过也没关系。

But that's okay.

唉，就是整体都太胖了。

Oh, just fat fat in general.

哦。

Oh.

这些事儿好多都跟胖有关。

So many of these have been related to something fat.

对啊。

Yeah.

就是胖嘛。

Fat fats.

就是整体都胖。

Fat in general.

没错。

Yes.

是啊。

Yeah.

哪儿都一样。

Anywhere.

我一多吃点，就能感觉到侧边长肉了。

I can tell when I'm like eating a little bit more when I start feeling like side fat.

是的

Mhmm.

或者就在这儿。

Or like just down here.

有时候我躺下的时候，能感觉到肚子往一侧垂，就是我躺着的那边。

Or sometimes when I'm laying down, I feel my stomach hanging to one side, the side that I'm laying on.

我就想，哎呀，她肯定又吃多了。

And I'm like, oh, she's been eating.

这简直太荒谬了，因为说实话，这种念头一直缠着我们，可我们仨明明是世界上最瘦的几个人。

And it's just like so ridiculous because, like, obviously, it plagues all of our minds, but, like, we are, like, the three skinniest bitches ever.

你懂我的意思吧？

You know what I mean?

我懂。

I know.

就是说，真的。

Like, on.

从客观标准来看，我们其实就这么点大。

By objective scale, we are, like, this big.

对。

Mhmm.

我就说了声抱歉。

And I just said, I'm sorry.

可我们还是觉得这太荒谬了，完全脱离现实。

And we still feel it's just it's so ridiculous and, like, so out of touch.

这就是当女人的现实。

And that's just like the reality of being a woman.

是啊。

Yeah.

没错。

Yeah.

你永远赢不了。

You can never win.

你有没有拿自己跟别人比过？

Who are you do you ever compare yourself?

你心里有没有一个特定的人？

Do you have like a who's it?

叫什么来着？

What's it called?

就是那种标杆人物，或者榜样？

A benchmark celebrity or benchmark someone?

没有。

No.

哦。

Oh.

你有吗？

Do you?

对。

Mhmm.

谁？

Who?

我老拿BLACKPINK的Rose当参照，但她也太瘦了吧。

I I compare myself to, like, Rose from Blackpink, but she's so skinny.

简直跟竹竿一样。

She's a literal stick.

是啊。

Yeah.

对啊。

Yeah.

还有贝拉·哈迪德，她也特别优雅。

So that's and then Bella Hadid.

她确实很有气质。

She's also elegant.

没错。

Yeah.

她们是纸片人，但照片里看起来挺好看的。

They're sticks, but they look good on pictures.

但我敢打赌，真人见了肯定特别违和。

But I'm sure in person, it it looks way more jarring.

太吓人了。

It's scary.

这不一样。

It's different.

我老拿自己跟她们照片里的样子比。

I compare myself to how they look in pictures.

对啊。

Yeah.

镜头里的东西，现实中根本不是那么回事。

Things on camera do not look good in real life.

经常这样。

A lot a lot of times.

是的

Yeah.

我的意思是，看看我们的妆容。

I mean, look at our makeup.

其实不然，他们的妆在现实中看起来特别棒。

Well, actually, no, their makeup looks really good in person.

在镜头前可能看起来怪怪的，因为在现实中看起来很好，毕竟有个通用原则：现实中好看，镜头里就容易翻车。

It's probably gonna look whack on camera because it looks good in person because the rule of thumb is that looks good IRL.

对。

Yeah.

我其实不

I'm not

会在镜头前露脸。

gonna look on camera.

湿疹皮肤，掉屑，到处都在掉屑。

Oh, eczema skin, flaky skin, flaking everywhere.

我手上湿疹特别严重，到处都是。

I have really bad eczema like all over my hands.

有时候我还会注意到，哎，那块皮屑是我手指掉的。

And sometimes I do notice like, Oh, that was my finger.

就是我手上的。

That was.

皮屑掉得满手都是。

Sprinkle my flesh.

我只求你们别看我的手。

I'm like, please just don't look at my hands.

以前我老希望别人别盯着我的手脚看，因为手和脚都这样。

I used to want people to, like, not look at my extremities because I have my feet and on my hands.

但其他地方都行，就看我脸吧。

But everything else Like, just look at my face.

别看别的，就盯着我脸就行。

Just stay on my face.

我连胸都没有，总不能看那儿吧。

I don't even have boobs to look at.

你就盯着我脸看就行。

Just stay stay up here.

我其实没怎么得过湿疹，但有时候眼睑上或者脸上会突然冒出一小块。

I don't really suffer from eczema, but sometimes I'll get like a patch on my eyelid or like somewhere on my face.

我身上一般不会长，可就是会突然冒出来。

I don't really get them or like, I don't really get them on my body, but I'll just get it.

比如过敏特别严重的时候。

Like if allergies are really bad.

就会突然发作一下。

There's like flares.

那时候我就特别能理解那些湿疹患者有多难受。

And then I really empathize with the eczema sufferers.

对。

Mhmm.

会这样吗？

Happens?

比如随便涂点乳霜。

Like reaching for any cream.

对。

Yes.

没错。

Yeah.

就是为了缓解皮肤底下那种灼烧感。

Just to soothe the burning underneath the skin.

对。

Yeah.

最后，咱们说说黑眼圈吧。

Last, let's do Oh, dark circles.

哦，对啊。

Oh, yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

我黑眼圈特别严重。

I have really bad dark circles.

你呢？

You?

我觉得我还好，没这困扰。

I don't think, I don't struggle with

她没有黑眼圈。

She doesn't have them.

哦，这样啊。

Oh, okay.

嗯，明白了。

Yeah.

我从来没见过她。

I've never seen her.

就算她只睡一个小时，看起来也

Even when she sleeps one hour, she looks

一点都没变。

the same.

詹从来不会显得累。

Jen never looks tired.

我的Aura Ring数据可能会说不一样，但

I aura ring scores will tell you otherwise, but

她的精神状态根本看不出她累了。

her attitude won't even tell you she's tired.

她总是看起来精神饱满、神清气爽。

She always looks rested and refreshed.

确实如此。

She does.

她还亲我一下就走。

Kisses me off.

她总说：‘兄弟们，我真的好累啊。’

She's like, guys, I'm so tired.

我回她：‘你看起来简直在发光。’

I'm like, you look like you're glowing.

想象一下，一辈子都没黑眼圈。

Imagine a life with no dark circles.

根本没法想象。

Unfathomable.

我真做不到。

I can't.

这就是詹妮弗。

That's Jennifer.

公主般的人物，这就是Jen。

Princess That's Jen.

公主脚，一头乌黑亮丽的头发。

Princess feet, perfect black hair.

但那毛孔啊。

But the pores though.

我简直着迷了。

My fixation.

她自己都知道，她根本没在谈恋爱。

She knows she don't be having sex.

她别的事儿都不操心，就盯着那点儿毛孔。

She has nothing else to focus on, but her pores.

说白了，就是一点小事。

And it's like the tiniest thing.

关键是，这种事儿多得数不清。

Point is that the list is endless.

对啊。

Yeah.

这清单根本没完没了。

The list is endless.

咱们随便挑啥都能挑出毛病来。

We actually can like pick out anything.

我以前老纠结自己的鼻孔大小。

I used to be like self cautious about, like, my nostril size.

确实挺大的，但说白了，你总能找到不满意的点。

It is very big, but it's just like, you can find anything to be unhappy with.

对啊。

Mhmm.

行吧。

Okay.

那咱们开始吧。

So let's get into it.

我们一出生就这样。

So we're born.

小时候我们过得可开心了。

We're having a great time as a child.

但你第一次照镜子，觉得哪儿不对劲，是什么时候？

But when was the first time you looked into mirror and were was like, there's something I don't like.

你们是什么时候开始变这样的？

When did it all switch for you guys?

我记得我八岁那会儿。

I remember I was eight.

哇哦。

Wow.

这也太小了吧。

That's so young.

真的吗。

Wow.

是啊。

Yeah.

我当时还是个小孩，一个人在更衣室里。

I was kid and I was in the locker room by myself.

周围一个人也没有。

No one else was there.

我好像在换衣服，不太确定了。

I think I was changing.

说不准。

I don't really know.

到处都是镜子。

There were mirrors everywhere.

我记得站在镜子前，心里想：我怎么这么胖啊。

And I remember just facing the mirror and thinking like, I'm so fat, you know?

那时候我才八岁。

And I was eight.

八岁啊。

I was eight.

我当时眼里只能看到自己的肚子。

All I could look at was my stomach.

天哪。

Oh my God.

想到这儿我都想哭。

I'm like crying thinking about it.

从那以后，我就再也看不惯自己任何一处了。

And I just know from like that point forward, I never liked anything about myself.

真是疯了。

It was crazy.

这想法是哪儿来的？

Who informed that?

我也不知道。

I don't know.

你知道，我

You know, I

我经常想这件事，但从来没人跟我说我胖。

think about that a lot and no one told me I was fat.

你那时候还是个孩子啊。

I mean, you're a kid.

小孩身上本来就有婴儿肥。

Like you literally have baby fat on.

你本来就应该那样。

You're supposed to be that way.

我从小就有这种感觉，只是没那么明显。

And I remember feeling that even when I was younger, but it wasn't as clear.

我三四岁的时候，穿泳衣就会低头看自己的肚子。

Even when I was like three or four, I would like look down at my stomach when I was like wearing a bathing suit.

然后我就想，这地方不该有啊。

And I'll be like, Oh, this shouldn't be there.

这点小凸起根本就不该存在。

This little bump shouldn't be there.

懂吧？

Know?

我觉得孩子就是会吸收他们看到的媒体内容，说实话。

I think kids just absorb the media that they see, honestly.

比如你看到电影里或者杂志上的人都是平平的肚子，你就会想——至少我当时就觉得，我是不是哪里不对劲。

Like if you see people in movies or on in magazines and they have super flat stomachs, you're gonna think, or I thought that, oh, there's something wrong with me then.

对。

Mhmm.

那时候是有人跟你说过吗？没有。

So there was someone that you No.

没有。

No.

根本没人说过那话。

No one said that.

我觉得是源于我看到的东西。

I think it's from what I saw.

没有。

No.

比如你有没有见过谁，让你不自觉拿自己跟人家比？

Like what there's someone that you saw that you were comparing yourself to?

媒体里所有东西都是。

Everything in media.

所以说每个人都是。

So everyone.

一大堆人啊。

The multitude of someone.

是啊。

Yeah.

而且那会儿是九十年代，那时候厌食症就跟‘早餐只吃烟和咖啡’一样流行。

And that was, like, in the nineties too when, like, anorexia was, like, kind of in, like, cigarettes for breakfast, cigarettes and coffee.

我都想不起来了，

I can't even think of,

就是某个具体的明星、面孔或者人。

like, any single celebrity or face or person.

我想不出有谁长那样，我会拿他来比。

I couldn't think of anybody that looks like that that I would think of.

我就知道，只要我的肚子不是真的凹进去，

I just knew that if my stomach was not like literally like concave.

对。

Yeah.

没错。

Yeah.

那就是不对的。

Then it was wrong.

天啊。

Wow.

八岁也太小了吧。

Eight is so young too.

那是小学的事。

It's elementary school.

你说什么？

It's like what?

三年级的时候。

Third grade.

那天你心里有什么东西死掉了吗？

Did something in you die that day?

大概是吧。

Probably.

我就想象，砰的一声，那种声音。

Like, I just imagine like a sound like boom.

我现在照镜子的时候，能清清楚楚地想起那个场景。

I can like, think of looking at myself in the mirror right now, you know, like that exact scene.

有时候我照镜子，还是会感受到那种心情。

And sometimes when I look in, sometimes when I look at myself in the mirror now, I feel the same way.

所以这个思维的痕迹很深了。

So that brain groove is deep.

对。

Yes.

就像打开了通向一个房间的门，里面的东西一直在往外涌，再也关不上了。

Like opened a door to a room that like is unleashing things that you can't close the door anymore.

是啊。

Yeah.

然后我们这一辈子都在努力 undo 这个影响。

And then now we just work our entire lives to undo that.

没错。

Yeah.

或者直到我们老得动不了了。

Or until we get too old.

你们有没有过

Do you guys have a

有没有哪个瞬间特别让你印象深刻？

moment that you think of that stands out?

我小时候特别瘦，像根豆芽菜，因为代谢快，运动又多，个子还高。

I grew up kinda like a string bean because my metabolism was really high and I was exercising a lot and I'm tall.

所以身材比例一直挺匀称的。

So everything kinda distributed pretty well.

直到大学毕业前，我都特别瘦。

So I was really skinny up until after college.

我本来一点体型焦虑都没有，直到毕业之后胖了十五磅——因为坐办公室了，吃还跟以前一样多，但走路少多了。

So I, like, didn't really have any body image issues until I gained, like, 15 pounds after college because I was working at a cubicle, and I was like eating the same amount as I was, but I wasn't walking as much anymore.

我老爸以前从来不会评论我的体重，一次都没有。

And I remember my dad, who had never commented on my weight before, like ever.

我当时站在镜子前，根本没觉得有什么变化。

I was just like standing in the mirror and I didn't really notice anything.

他路过瞥了一眼，直接说：‘哎哟，Em，你这肚子哪来的？’

He like walked by and he was like, dang, Em, where'd you get that gut?

然后他继续走过去了。

And then he walked He kept walking.

那时候我还觉得，哎，这话说得真逗。

And like, at the at the time I was like, oh, that's funny.

简直太好笑了。

That's hilarious.

但后来我低头一看，真有肚子了。

But then I remember looking down and being like, I do have a gut.

天哪。

Oh my gosh.

这情况确实有点糟了。

This is like, it is kind of bad.

从那以后我就开始间歇性禁食了。

So that launched me into intermittent fasting.

在

At

多大年纪？

what age?

我当时大概25岁。

I was like 25.

你还记得我之前瘦了好多吗？

Remember when I lost a lot of weight?

哦。

Oh.

对啊。

Yeah.

我认识你的时候体型还比较胖。

I I met you when I was kind of bigger.

后来我瘦了，三个月就掉了十磅， basically 就是饿着自己，只想赶紧瘦回去。

And then I lost and then I lost like 10 pounds in three months because I was like, essentially starving myself just to like, get back.

瘦回什么状态？

Get back to?

就是为了变回瘦子。

Get back to be skinny.

我那时候瘦得吓人。

And I was so skinny.

情况真的很糟。

It was really bad.

体重就剩二十出头了。

Was like 20.

我身高一米七，体重掉到一百一十五磅，简直荒唐。

I'm like five seven and I got down to like one hundred and fifteen pounds, which is like ridiculous.

那都属于严重偏瘦的BMI了。

Not that's like an underweight BMI.

是啊。

Yeah.

对啊。

Yeah.

是啊。

Yeah.

就是那句评论，它啊

So that one comment that like

就一句话。

One comment.

打开了门。

Open the door.

对。

Yeah.

我觉得他也不是故意要伤害人。

I still don't think he meant it to be hurtful either.

对。

Yeah.

我倒不觉得他这话有多过分，但就是从那时候起，我开始有身材焦虑了。

I I don't like feel bad that he said that, but that was the first time I started having body image issues.

是的。

Mhmm.

从那以后，一切都再也回不去了。

And so it's never really been the same.

25岁的时候？

Oh, at 25?

对。

Yeah.

25岁。

25.

就是从那时候开始，你看待自己的眼光变了。

It's like where you start to look at yourself differently.

没错。

Yeah.

那时候新陈代谢也开始变慢了。

That's when the metabolism kind of slows down too.

对。

Yeah.

你呢？

How about you?

其实呢，关于美的标准和身体形象这两个概念，是分别在不同时间出现的。

Well, there's there's one for beauty and then I think one for body image and they kind of happen at different times.

嗯。

Mhmm.

关于美的那个，其实来得更早，大概是我上中学的时候，刚开始玩化妆。

So the one for beauty actually came earlier when I was probably in, like, middle school and starting to play with makeup.

我小时候生活在 predominantly 白人为主的郊区。

And I grew up around, like, predominantly white suburban population.

所以我经常看 YouTube 上的化妆视频之类的。

And so and I watched, like, makeup videos on Youtube and stuff like that.

我就试着照着做，但我有单眼皮，那些技巧全都不管用。

And I would try things with my with my face, but I have monolid eyes, so all the tips don't work.

那些教化妆的视频根本不是给单眼皮的人看的。

They don't don't watch makeup videos for non monolids if you have monolids.

我记得特别沮丧，因为我觉得怎么都弄不出自己想要的样子，让别人看起来……

And I remember just, like, being really frustrated with, like, my features because I feel like I couldn't get them to look like how I wanted other people to

好看。

look like.

没用。

Didn't.

人家都能画出大眼睛、漂亮的眼影，可这些全对我没用。

Big round eyes and, like, they'll they could do pretty shadows and stuff and, like, none of that worked on me.

所以我对自己这副样子特别烦。

So I just felt super frustrated with what I had to work with.

这就是我的底子。

It's, my raw ingredients.

怎么弄都不行。

Nothing would work on them.

我还记得，我以前用液体眼线笔画眼线，但除非你画特别浓重的烟熏妆，不然对单眼皮根本没用，画完没多久就没了。

Or I would have to do I remember I would do, like, eyeliner and with, like, a liquid liner, which also doesn't work as well for monolids if you're not doing a super heavy shadow look, and it would just disappear.

是啊，真的。

Oh, yeah.

单眼皮嘛，一眨眼就折起来了。

Monolids, they, like, fold in.

所以……

So

你一睁眼，眼线就看不见了。

you You open your eyes, and then it's, like, gone.

对，就是这样。

Yeah.

我也不知道该怎么对付这双眼皮，到底该怎么做才好？

And everything, I don't know how to like, what do I do with these eyelids?

眼皮上面的皮肤实在太多了，根本无从下手。

There's so much, like, eyelid skin on top to work with.

我当时真的完全懵了，特别沮丧。

I was just so lost and I was so frustrated.

我就想，为什么就没有一种更简单的方法，能让我画出我想要的妆容呢？那根本就不是我这个种族的风格啊。

Like, why couldn't I have something that could be easier to work with to achieve the look that I wanted to have, which was not even my race?

是啊。

Yeah.

对啊。

Yeah.

没错。

Yeah.

后来到了高中，身材焦虑也来了。

And then body image issues came in high school.

我上的是寄宿高中。

I went to a boarding high school.

别人说大学生会胖十五磅，我十三岁在高中就提前体验了——半夜不睡，一点钟吃辛拉面。

And so when people talk about like the college freshman 15, I had that in like at 13 in in high school when we would, like, stay up late and eat shin ramen at, like, 1AM.

所以我一下子就胖了不少。

And so I just gained a bunch of weight.

再加上那时候网上到处都是照片，动不动就发一整套毕业舞会之类的相册。

And I feel like the just seeing so many photos online, which is it was kind of the era of, like, posting entire album from, like, homecoming and stuff.

我盯着自己的照片看，跟别人的照片比来比去，真的特别容易觉得——哎，这个角度我的胳膊怎么比别人粗那么多。

This amount of scrutiny I could have with my photos versus everybody else's photos, I feel like also really contributed to feeling like, dang, in that angle, my arm looks fatter than everybody else's.

我觉得拍照特别容易让人上瘾，因为你平时哪会这么长时间盯着自己看啊。

So I feel like photo taking is a really big fixation because you unnaturally are looking at myself for so much longer than you would.

你去舞会玩得挺开心，结果回家后好几天都在翻照片，一个劲儿地挑毛病，对吧。

If you just go to the dance, have fun, and you just are looking at the photos for days afterwards analyzing Yeah.

是啊。

Yeah.

这是你自己心里琢磨的，还是别人也跟你说过什么？

Was that just a conversation with yourself or did someone on the outside say something?

其实是两者都有，我自己慢慢觉察到了，然后家里人、亲戚朋友也总说：‘哇，你这怎么胖了这么多？’

It was a combination of, like, I was starting to realize it and then, like, family members and family friends would be like, wow.

你就是在长胖啊。

Like, you're gaining weight.

还有新陈代谢也在变慢，十三岁自己一个人住，根本不知道怎么吃得健康，毕竟不在家嘛。

It's also metabolism is And slowing then being on my own at 13, I just like, don't know how to eat healthy because you're not at home.

对啊。

Yeah.

这么多因素加在一起，真觉得完全失控了。

So all of those factors was just like, oh my gosh, this feels out of control.

我都搞不懂该怎么控制体重了。

Like I don't know to control my weight anymore.

哦——

Oh,

是啊。

yeah.

天哪。

Wow.

听起来真是这样。

It sounds so Yeah.

从你小时候到现在三十多岁，你对自己身体形象的看法有变化吗？

Has your relationship with your body image changed from when you were a child to now when you're in your thirties?

有一点吧。

A little bit.

我觉得我现在能看到自己的优点，也更能接纳真实的自己了——不是无奈地接受，而是因为为自己所拥有的感到骄傲，而不是觉得‘唉，我就只能这样了’。

I think I'm able to see positives and accept how I am and not just accept sadly, but accept because I'm proud of what I was given as opposed to like, well, this is what I got.

咱们只能好好利用现有的条件。

Guess we got to work with it.

就是，这就是你拥有的，而且它很棒。

It's like, no, this is what you have and it's great.

可能跟你在媒体上看到的不一样。

It might not be what you see Yeah.

也不是别人夸的那种类型，但这并不意味着你就不够优秀，不够美。

In media or what other people praise, but that doesn't mean it's like any less capable or any less beautiful.

就是不一样而已，这没什么大不了的。

It's just different and that's okay.

这样挺好。

That's good.

这真是一段心路历程。

So that's been a journey.

那你们的情况有变化吗？

But has it changed for you guys?

有。

Yes.

怎么变的？

How?

我告诉自己，我怎么看自己不是真相，别人怎么看我也不是真相。

I tell myself that the way I see myself is not truth and the way other people see me is also not truth.

所以不管谁怎么看，全凭个人感受。

And so whatever anyone sees, it's it's literally up to the beholder.

是的

Mhmm.

那都不是事实，也不会决定我的价值。

And it is not fact, and it doesn't determine my value.

我觉得，真正决定我是谁的，是内心真正流露出来的东西。

What actually determines who I am as a person, I think, is what comes out from inside.

就像人们常说的，随它吧。

Like they say, whatever.

真正重要的，是内在的东西。

It's the it's what's on the inside that counts.

我真觉得这话没错，因为我认识一些外表没那么符合主流审美的人，但他们的灵魂特别美。

And I truly believe that's true because I've talked to people who are, like, less conventionally attractive, but their souls are so beautiful.

我就想一直和他们待在一起。

I just want to stick with them.

对

Mhmm.

我看到有些人外表超帅，可内心却特别丑陋。

And I see someone who's so hot, but they're so ugly on the inside.

这种人我根本不想和他们有任何瓜葛。

And Oh I do not wanna be with them at all.

没错。

Yeah.

所以我现在更看重内在的东西了。

So I think I've become more of internally focused.

我当然还在意自己的外表，但没那么在意了。

I still care about what I look like, but not as much.

我觉得一个人展现出来的气质才更重要。

Think what I present is more important.

以前那些特别影响我的事——比如外表、自己和别人长什么样——现在对我的影响小多了。

So this thing that used to have so much weight has no longer as much weight and pull in your mind around appearances and how you look and how others look.

外表可能让人靠近你，但真正让人留下来的，是内在的东西。

Appearances can get people to come to you, but it's what's inside that makes them stay.

是的

Yeah.

最重要的是能让别人留下来。

And that's what that's what's most important is getting people to stay.

是的

Yeah.

这种觉悟是什么时候发生的？

When did that realization happen?

最近。

Recently.

哦。

Oh.

真的吗？

Really?

对。

Yeah.

那有没有什么具体的经历、某个瞬间，

Was there, like, an experience, a moment,

或者说心态上的转变？

or a shift?

还是说你

Or did you

就是某天突然反应过来，自己已经不会总纠结这些事了。

just, like, realize one day, like, I don't think about this as much.

我啊，就是吧

I, like

我觉得是谈恋爱带来的转变

I think it's dating.

谈恋爱真的让我想通了这件事，你想啊，要是你外形条件不错，这事其实挺有意思的

I think dating really opened that up because, like, if you look good That's interesting.

你会吸引一大堆人，然后你自己就会反应过来，哦，原来是这么回事

You attract a lot of people and you're like, oh, okay.

但你看到他们开始无聊，就会想：哎，他们怎么就无聊了呢？

But then you see them getting bored, and then you're like, oh, why are they getting bored?

这还不够啊。

This isn't enough.

于是你一次次意识到：光靠外表，根本留不住人。

And so over and over you realize like, oh, it's not enough to make someone stay.

而且你看待别人的方式也变了，这反过来又改变了你对自己的看法。

And it also seems like the way that you viewed other people changed, which then changed your view of yourself.

因为你开始看重一个人的内在、性格、气场、存在感和魅力，你就会想：既然这些对我也适用，那我也该被这样看待。

Like, you because you started to value, like, what's inside and how they are and their the the aura, the presence, the charisma, you're like, surely, well, that that would be applied to me too.

是的。

Yeah.

我交朋友不是因为对方长得好看。

I'm not friends with people because they're beautiful.

我就直说了

I'll just say

就是这样。

that.

对。

Yeah.

当然了。

For sure.

我可以欣赏他们的美，但那不是我爱他们的原因。

I can admire their beauty, but that's not what I love about them.

我不会第一件事就提到这个。

I'm that's not the first thing I say about someone.

比如，我爱珍。

Like, I love Jen.

她真的超漂亮。

She's so pretty.

爱和

Love and

我特别反感一群人在一起时，一说起别人，最先聊的居然是外貌，这在我眼里简直就是红灯。

hate that when when when you are with a group of people and if they talk about somebody else and the first thing they mention is their appearance, it's like a red flag to me.

她长得真好看。

She's so pretty.

她好瘦啊。

She's so skinny.

对啊。

Yeah.

这就说明你最看重的其实就是这个。

And it's like, that's what you value.

不管是正面还是负面评价，反正他们总在说‘她胖了’或者‘她状态不好’之类的。

Positive or negative because they'll be like, oh, she got fat or oh, she does not look good.

我就觉得，我才不想参与这种话题。

And I'm like, I don't wanna do it.

就算人家夸她‘气色真好’，我也不想跟这种人多聊，因为这说明他们心里最在意的，就是外表。

Like, even if they say, oh, she looks great, I don't wanna deal with you because that's that means that they are showing what matters to them.

是啊。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

没错。

Yeah.

行吧。

Okay.

好坏都一样。

Good or bad.

这挺有意思。

That's interesting.

就算他们夸外貌，说什么‘她看起来太棒了，因为……’。

Even if they're praising the appearance like, oh, she looked incredible because blah blah blah.

要是这成了你最先说的事。

If it's the first thing you say.

是的

Yeah.

对

Yeah.

如果不是什么特别活动的话

And if it's not like an event or something.

是的

Yeah.

对

Yeah.

如果是婚礼，那还行

If it's a wedding, okay.

好

Okay.

她在婚礼上看起来真好看

She looks so good at the wedding.

红毯什么的，都一样。

Red carpet, whatever.

对。

Yeah.

或者吧，她特别搞笑。

Or it's like, she's so funny.

她人特别好。

She's so kind.

她特别体贴，而且长得还超美。

She's so caring, and also she's so hot.

我可太想要这样的了。

I would like that.

我喜欢

I like

这种。

that.