3 - 以爱引领 | 建立有意义的联系并赋能他人

欢迎收听《影响力播客》。我是埃迪·威尔逊，将帮助你们看见他人所不能见，在他人失败处创造机遇，推动你们在空白处建立帝国。让我们携手启程，为世界带来改变。本周我一直在思考内容传播的两种路径：要么选择提供极具价值的主流内容，要么采取逆向思维的反主流观点。

Welcome to the Impact Podcast. I'm Eddie Wilson, here to help you visualize what others cannot see, create opportunities where others have failed, and push you to build empires where once there was empty space. Let's embark on this journey together and make a difference in this world. What's been on my mind this week is how really there's one of two areas or one or two ways you can take kind of the approach of delivering content. You either take the approach of, like, I'm going to deliver content that has massive value, and I'm going to kinda go mainstream with my content, or you go the contrarian view.

对吧？我发现自己难以完全偏向任何一方——既不愿彻底反主流，也不愿过分直接。但我认为两者皆有存在空间。因此我更愿做个现实主义者。

Right? And to me, I struggle to, like, play on either side. Like contrarian view versus, like, this very direct view, but I feel like there's room for both. And so what I want to be is a realist. Right?

审视内容时，我常思考：他们是否真心信奉此观点，还是为博眼球刻意唱反调？我已厌倦所有内容都为获取流量而生的做法。何不忠于本心，基于真实信念或他人需求来创作？由此引出一个盛行概念——你是与你相处时间最长的五个人的总和。

When I look at content, I am typically looking at do they actually believe this or is this something that has taken the opposite point so that they can get views? And and I'm kind of over this approach of all content being delivered to try to generate more views. Like what if we just like lived in truth and we delivered content based on what we believe or the need of person? So like as as a setup for that, like I've been thinking a lot about this concept that floats in our world and you'll understand it, you'll you'll you've heard it before. And that is like, you're the sum of the five people that you put your time, you know, your time in or that spend time with you.

这个观点很正确，我常以此告诫子女交友之道。但我觉得需要逆向思考：与其关注他人对我们的影响，更应反思我们对他人生命的影响。现行视角是本末倒置的。

Well, that's very true, I tell my kids that all the time in regards to their friends or the people I want them to not have influence in their life. I think it needs to be reversed. And so on this one, I wanna go contrarian, like, because I think that, yeah, that's like a great thought. But I think if we are living in truth, we should be introspective with the influence and impact we have on other people's lives versus the impact they have on our lives. I think it's the wrong perspective.

从逆向视角看，我们该问：与我们相处最多的五个人是否因我们变得更好？几周前我深入思考此事——通常这五人包括配偶、子女、父母等家人，同事或密友。重点不该是他们如何影响我，而应是我如何滋养他们的生命。

So from a contrarian point of view, I think the way we need to look at it is what are the five people we actually spend the most time with, and are they better because of it? A couple of weeks ago, I was really thinking through that concept and the five people that I spend the most time with, you know, and typically you've got a family member in there, it's a spouse, it's a child, it's a mom, it's a dad. You've got people that you work closely with work. You have typically people in your social circle, maybe it's a friend. And they're really if you if you get down to, like, the five people you spend the most time with, instead of looking at how they impact your life, I think it should be reversed, and we should be looking at it for how do we impact their life and what impact have I had.

当我列出这五人时自问：他们的生活是否因我的存在而提升？我们该用给予而非索取的视角看待关系。

And I I listed the five people out, and I asked myself this question. Is their life better? Are they a better person? Because I'm in their life. Because instead of looking at life through the lens of getting, we should be looking at at it through the lens of giving.

若要真正影响他人，就必须停止计较从关系中获取什么，转而思考我们给予什么。常有人说关系是五五开，我认为真正的关系应是百分百的相互投入。

And if we are gonna make impact on people's lives, we need to stop thinking about what we get from relationships, and we need to change the perspective into what we give to relationships. I've always heard, you know, again, one more contrarian point. Relationships are fifty fifty. I think that's a misnomer. I think relationships, if they're real, are one hundred one hundred.

真正的联结不应期待对等回报。最近我深感愧疚，因意识到某些长期相处的人（如受薪员工）仅履行分内职责。我们更该自问：我为改善对方生命做了什么？在对方成长中应承担什么责任？

You can't just give with an expectation of getting the exact. I think true relationships are I'm all in no matter what I get in return. And I think that I was really convicted because there are people in my life that I spend a lot of time with that have an expectation that they're giving, and it's maybe because I paid them a paycheck or they have a job within the realm of, the scope of their responsibility. But I think that we need to kind of set all that aside and say, you know, what am I doing to make that life better? What is my responsibility in the growth of that person?

转换视角将彻底改变关系本质。若我对那五人的责任是助其成长——不仅是改善境遇更是提升人格，那么我的影响就应创造机遇。反思发现自己在某些关系中表现拙劣，而治愈一切关系的良药始终是爱——那种甘愿牺牲、将他者置于首位的无私之爱。

And I think if we looked at it from a different perspective, I think it would change the nature of our relationships. So in that line of thinking, linear thinking, if my responsibility to those five people is to make them better, maybe not just like make the life circumstances better, but actually make them a better human being, my influence, my impact should be causing growth, should be causing should be causing opportunity, then I need to start looking at how I treat my relationships. And what I realized is there are some relationships I've done very poorly and some relationships I've done well. And I'll tell you that the great equalizer to every relationship, whether I've done it poorly or I've done it well, is love. If we will choose to instill love in our relationships, and not in an inappropriate way, but in a very appropriate way.

这种真挚无私的爱是最伟大的平衡器。当我重新审视那五人时，开始反思自己可能造成的负面影响——或许对某些人过于严苛了。

Like love, like the desire to sacrifice on on behalf of another, the desire to to put someone else in in in first place over our own lives. Love, like true, like selfless love. It is the great equalizer. So as I went back over the five, I started looking at the negative effects that maybe I've had on somebody. Maybe I was too harsh on them.

或许我对儿子太严厉了，或者期望过高，反而没能让他变得更好。也许我需要加入某些元素来帮助他成长。我意识到，唯一能弥补我对他人造成的负面影响的只有爱，它是伟大的平衡器。因为当我选择在任何关系中注入爱时，它确实能抵消所有无意间造成的伤害。我开始反思并剖析自己的关系：我是否真的让那个人变得更好？

Maybe I was too harsh on my son, or I had a high expectation, and maybe I wasn't making him better. Maybe I, you know, maybe I needed to add elements to make him better. What I realized is that the only thing that actually makes up for the negative effects I've had on people is love, but it's the great equalizer. Because the moment that I choose to instill love in any relationship, it actually equalizes all the negative and all this all the the things that I've done unintentionally. And for me, I started thinking through and dissecting down my relationships of like, am I actually making that person better?

我能做些什么来帮助他们进步？在哪些方面改进可以弥合现状与理想之间的差距？我最终明白爱就是答案。那么爱究竟是什么？

What could I do to make them better? And what areas could I improve that would equalize or improve the gap from where I've been to where I want to go? And what I realized is that love is is that. And so what is love? Right?

我认为爱是最难定义的事物。我相信爱是动词，它需要行动，需要意图。

Like love, I think, is the hardest thing to describe. I believe is a verb. Right? So love has action. Love has intent.

爱不是空想，而是实践。若要平衡关系，仅靠对某人的感觉或情绪是不够的，必须通过有意识、有目的的行动来实现，还需要具象化的表达——而具象化不仅限于肢体接触。

Love isn't something that I think about. Love is something that I do. And so if I'm going to equalize, it can't just be having a feeling or an emotion towards that person. It has to be done with intention, with purpose, but also there has to be a physical nature to it. And physical isn't just touch.

具象化往往体现在沟通中。当我通过交流创造这种平衡时，在那些未能如愿发展或未见成长的关系里，沟通必须成为传递爱的核心方式——将我想灌输给对方的爱与期许，转化为推动他们迈向成长的行动。这让我想起常挂在嘴边却未必实践的真理：当沟通缺失时，负面情绪总会乘虚而入。我一生中说过这句话上百次，它千真万确。

Right? Like, physical oftentimes is communication. And so then as I communicate and I'm creating this equalizer and all the bad, poor relationships maybe I've had or maybe I haven't seen the growth that I want and the people that I'm having influence on, communication has to become the focal point of the distribution of the love that I feel and I want to instill in that person to cause them to take the steps towards the growth and the impact I want in their life. And so in that same line of thinking, what I've always known, and I've actually spoken it a lot, but I don't know that I've practiced it, is that whenever there's a lack of communication, negativity always fills the void. I've said that phrase a 100 times in my lifetime, and it's so true.

沟通匮乏之处，必被消极填满。当我们不向配偶子女表达爱意，或忽视赞美超常付出的同事时，空缺瞬间就会被负面情绪占据——这是人类天性使然。因为我们终究渴望被肯定、被关爱、被回应，若不得满足，就会自然滋生'他们不欣赏我的付出'、'他们根本不爱我'、'他们看不见我'的自我怀疑。

Where where there is a lack of communication, negativity always fills the void. When we're not open with our love for our spouse or our children, or we don't pay a compliment to a coworker who's going above and beyond, the moment that there's a lack, all of a sudden, negativity is the natural human experience of being you know, we place that because in the end, we so desire that reinforcement, that love, that reciprocation, and so when it doesn't happen, we naturally just fill it in with negativity, and then it comes into that self doubt. Well, they don't appreciate what I do. They don't actually love me. They don't see me.

他们不重视我。因此当作为动词的'爱'缺乏沟通渠道时，就会产生反效果。于是我回溯最初那五段关系，审视自己的沟通方式。为了用爱填补可能被消极占据的裂隙，我开始运用两个短语——它们彻底改变了我的人际关系。

They don't appreciate me. And so then what happens is in the lack of communication as the distribution of of love, right, like the the verb, then what happens is we actually have the negative effect. So I went back to that original five, and I started looking at my communication towards them. And in order to instill love into the gaps that I've created so that negativity doesn't fill it, I began to start using these two phrases. And these two phrases have literally changed my relationships with the people around me.

坦白说，我本不擅长处理关系。这需要后天努力，对我并非自然本能。我不会过度表露情感，也常察觉不到他人情绪。

Now, being open and honest, I really am not great at relationships. I have to work at it. It doesn't come natural to me. I don't naturally feel emotion in an overwhelming fashion. I don't always sense emotion in other people.

我的思维非常线性，基于逻辑，所有交流都是数据交换。发信息通常只是信息往来，从不用表情符号或感叹号。

I'm very linear. I'm very logic based, and everything is a data exchange. So when I text people, it's usually just information back and forth. I never use emojis. I don't use exclamation points.

纯粹的信息传递。后来我意识到，这种沟通方式正在制造被负面情绪填塞的真空——'埃迪真的爱我吗？'、'埃迪真的欣赏我吗？'

I just text. It's information exchange. And what I realized is in my communication and that information exchange, was actually leaving the voids that negativity was filling. Is Eddie really love me? Does Eddie really appreciate me?

埃迪真的重视我的付出吗？埃迪真的满意我正在做的事吗？所有这些念头都在填补那些空虚。有两句话彻底改变了这些关系，尽管我在人际关系方面确实很挣扎。第一句是：我为你感到骄傲。

Does Eddie really value what I do? Is Eddie really happy with what I'm doing? All those things are filling those voids. And two phrases that has changed those relationships, even though I really struggle with relationships with this. Number one, I'm proud of you.

这种空虚感伴随了我一生，总在驱使我更加拼命。我有很棒的父爱母爱，但就连我父亲如今也会承认，他过去很难说出'我爱你'或'我为你骄傲'。而我正竭力避免重蹈覆辙——因为我们自身若存在情感缺失，往往也难以给予他人。

It's the void that I think I felt my entire life that always told me I need to drive harder. I had great parents. I had amazing parents. But one thing that my dad would even admit today is he would admit that he struggled to say I love you or I'm proud of you. And for me, I struggle not to pass that on in my own life because oftentimes when we have a void in our own life, we struggle to give it to someone else.

所以我总觉得自己从未通过工作获得过认可。

And so I struggle to feel like I'm ever validated by my work.

所以我

So I'm

只能不断工作、工作、再工作来寻求肯定。当有人对我说'我为你骄傲'时，无论是同事还是下属，这句话带来的情感冲击无与伦比。我意识到，我最渴望获得却吝于给予的这句话，传递着与我收到时完全相同的能量与爱。最近我开始频繁使用这个表达。

always just working and working and working and working for validation. And when somebody says they're proud of me, it doesn't matter if it's a peer or someone, you know, like in the kind of system beneath me. If they say they're proud of me, like it's it it sends emotion into my body like no other phrase. And what I realized is the thing that I need the most or that I perceive that I need the most, that I'm willing to give, that I've lacked giving, actually sends the exact same energy and love that I feel when someone says it to me to other people. And I began to use that phrase a lot lately and just expressing it.

难以置信这句话在短短几周内如何改变了我的关系。'我为你骄傲'、'我为你所做的感到自豪'——这几周我对孩子们说的次数可能超过他们出生以来的总和。你会看到他们眼睛发亮的样子，

And it's amazing how it has changed my relationships in the literally in the last couple of weeks. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of what you've done. I've said that's more to my kids in the last few weeks than I probably ever said it in their lifetime. So many times you see them, like you just see their eyes, like their faces.

就像情感瞬间完成了传递，连我自己也感受到这股力量，这实在太强大了。第二句常用语是：'有你真好'。世人大多渴望被看见，多数人觉得自己透明无闻。用'有你真好'或职场版的'很高兴你加入团队'，能有效预防士气滑坡和负面情绪滋生。

Like it's just like it's an immediate transfer of emotion that then all of a sudden I feel the emotion, and it's just it's super, super powerful. The second phrase I've been using is I'm really glad you're here. Most people just want their presence acknowledged. Most people in the world feel unseen, unheard, unvalidated. Using the phrase, I'm so glad you're here, or maybe an extension that I'm so glad you're part of the team, especially in the work setting is such an appropriate phrase that doesn't allow the dip to happen and the negativity to fill in.

尽管你我都不擅长给予应得的赞美，但简单一句'有你真好'确实改变了我周围的人际氛围。我最近常练习这两句话：'我为你骄傲''有你真好'，它们重塑了我的关系模式。前几天播客有人问我：如果能成为拥有超能力的超级英雄，会选什么？这古怪问题让我愣住——毕竟我从不沉迷超级英雄题材。

And so even though if you you struggle and I struggle to give people the compliments that they so deserve, just using the phrase I'm so glad you're here has really changed the dynamic of the relationships around me. Something I'm practicing a lot is just I'm proud of you, I'm really glad you're here, which has really changed the dynamic of my relationships. I was asked one of the strangest questions I've ever been asked on a podcast the other day, and it was if you could be any superhero, you could have your own superhero name and a superpower, what would it be? And I don't think I've ever been asked that question before. It was like a weird one, you know, because I really don't dwell in the realms of superheroes and supernatural.

我突然顿悟：此生我最渴望的是影响力。如果能把这种力量聚焦于一点，会是什么？我想到了我们救助的孤儿、流浪者、从奴役中解放的人们。对我所有的员工、孩子、孤儿和身边人，我最大的愿望是让他们看见：生命潜能远超当下认知，要突破自我设限去追寻。若真有超能力，我希望解锁人们对自己能力和责任的认知。

It dawned on me, what I want more than anything in this life is impact. And I started thinking through like, what would I If I could direct that impact at one thing, what would it be? And I started thinking through like the orphans that we serve or the homeless or the people that we've literally freed from slavery. What I want for every person that is under my employment, my children, orphans, everybody that surrounds me, is for them to see that their life has more potential than what they currently believe, and to strive to reach it at a level that they never thought possible. If I could actually have a superpower, it would be to unlock people's beliefs about not just like their ability, but their responsibility.

我将生命视为责任，相信自己是带着使命被创造的。唯有活出这个认知，才能追求无限可能。我愿每个遇见我的人都能感受到：我需要探索自己被创造的意义，并为之迈出步伐。

I see life as a responsibility. I see life as I'm a created being. I believe I'm very I'm a created being created for something, for a purpose. And until I live in that place, I never strive for what's possible. And I want people that come in contact with me to feel it, to feel like I need to explore what I'm created for and start taking steps.

我希望他们感受到我相信他们，并愿意竭尽全力帮助他们实现目标，因为这是我真实的想法。就像，这确实是我所渴望的。如果我有超能力，那一定是这种能力——能否激发身边每个人的潜能？不仅是他们的天赋，更是他们与生俱来的使命。

I want them to feel like I believe in them and I would do anything to get them there because I really feel that way. Like, that that's what I really want. Like, I had a superpower, it would be that. Like, could I unlock everybody's potential around me? Not like just their gifts, but like what they're created to do.

试想一下，如果有一群人如此坚信'我被创造是为了成就更多，不达潜能绝不罢休'，那该有多强大。地球上可曾有人终生怀抱这种信念，全然投入'我为某种使命而生，没有任何事物能阻挡我'的境界？没有障碍，没有难题，没有境遇，没有人能阻拦。我愿不顾一切追求这个目标。只是现实中这样的人实在太少了。

Like, you just think about like how powerful it would be if you had a group of people that were so sold out to this idea, I was created for more, and I'm not going to rest until I hit my potential. Like, has there ever been a human being on the planet that's lived their entire life with this belief and this abandonment to I'm created for something, and there's nothing that's gonna stand in my way to get me there. No obstacle, no problem, no circumstance, no situation, no person. I'm going for that with reckless abandon. I just don't think we see many people in the world like that.

我渴望这样生活，但更希望能激励他人也如此生活。对我而言，这是涟漪效应，是蝴蝶效应。如果你能这样生活并影响他人，他们就能找到快乐与满足，更重要的是改变自我。平息内心的不安、自我怀疑，压制那些'我不够好''永远达不到目标'的内心独白——我认为所有伟人都曾与之交锋。

I wanna live that way, but more than that, I wanna live in a way that causes other people to live like that. To me, it's the ripple effect. It's the butterfly effect. It's like if you could live that way and you could instill that in others, like I think they could begin to find joy, fulfillment, but not only that impact themselves. Sometimes quieting our own insecurities, our own disbeliefs about ourselves, quieting down that inner monologue that tells us we're not good enough, that tells us we're never gonna achieve what we desire to achieve is something that I think every great person has a relationship with.

回顾历史上的伟人，我写过《泰坦领导力》并热爱研究历史人物，因为他们给予我们无数启示。我发现他们大多有个共同点：战胜自我怀疑到足以迈出步伐——无论是凭借信念还是纯粹决心——即使内心杂音不断仍坚持行动。这种挣扎人人都有，若有人说毫无自我怀疑，反倒更令人担忧，毕竟人性本就不完美。

I think back of like all the great human beings in history, you know, I wrote the book Titan Leadership, and I love history, I love those people and history, because I think we learn so much from them. But I think that one thing that a lot of them had in common was they dealt with their self doubt to the degree that it allowed them to step out, whether it was in faith or just sheer determination, and still take action even though those noises were We all have it, you know? Like I don't think there's a human on the planet that doesn't have some self doubt. If they if they do, if they're if they don't have self doubt, I think that that would say even more negative things about them, you know? Because we're human, right?

我们都有脆弱之处，都有不完美。正因如此，我需要与之共处但不能被其掌控。战胜自我怀疑的唯一方式就是与之对话。

Like there there are frailties about us. There are things that are not perfect. So because of that, it's like I wanna have a relationship with it, but I can't let it control me. I can't let the self doubt control me. And the only way to not let it control me is to speak to it.

有个简单方法：把对他人的鼓励说给自己听。'我为你骄傲''感激你的存在'——这些话语同样该对自己说。我现在的处境远超当年梦想，这颇具讽刺意味，因为多数人认为必须胸怀大志才能抵达终点。

And I think an easy way to speak to it is to say the exact same things I was saying to people around me, how much I'm proud of them or how much I'm glad they're here, and then speaking that to yourself, you know? I am in a place in life where I actually never dreamed of being here. Like my dreams stopped years short of where I am. I'm living beyond the dreams that I ever had for myself, which is kind of ironic. Like because most people think that the only way to get to the end goal is to actually dream so big that you finally get there.

我仍有心愿清单，但大体上活在当下每个引领我迈向潜能的正确步伐中。这种'知足却不满足'的状态很奇妙：对现状充满感恩，却永不满足于停滞。每个新高度都是垫脚石，在满足中继续攀登。即便到达平台期，也会在满足中继续探索潜能。我认为与自我怀疑对话正是成功的关键变量之一。

I still have some bucket list items, but for the most part, I'm living in the next right step in the moment that's gonna carry me to my belief, my full potential. And so this kind of concept of content but never satisfied, like I'm so content with where I am. I'm in love with massive gratitude for what I have today, but not satisfied with staying the same, you know, but wherever I arrive at tomorrow in massive pursuit, I'm also gonna find, it's like the stepping stone, it's like always trailing, it's like I'm gonna push, and I'm be content, and I'm gonna push, I'm gonna be content. And if this is my plateau, I'm gonna be content in that plateau while always pushing to see if I can reach my potential. But I think that having a relationship with my own thoughts, my own self doubts, I think is one of the keys and one of the variables of success.

毕竟我从未梦想过能到达这里，因此常觉自己不配。没梦想过这些出口、非营利组织、员工团队或大楼——正因未曾设想，所以常感惶恐。

Because first of all, I never dreamed I would be here, But in that, sometimes I also believe I'm not worthy of being here, right? Because I never dreamed about it. I never dreamed of the exits or I never dreamed of the nonprofits or I never dreamed of all the employees or the buildings or whatever it is. Like I never dreamed of that. And so in that same thought, oftentimes I feel unworthy.

于是我要不断与自己进行价值对话：我值得。我通过努力而非捷径到达这里，付出了时间与心血。需要持续强化这种认知，避免陷入'不配得'的泥沼。

So having that conversation with myself oftentimes of worthiness, like I am worthy. Like I did work hard to get here. I didn't create shortcuts to get here. I put in the time, I put in. And it's reinforcement consistently so that I don't live in that place of unworthiness.

虽然偶尔仍会感到不安，但绝不愿行走其中、沉溺其中或被其支配——我认为这至关重要。

There are moments where I feel it, but I never wanna walk in it, live in it, you know, act on it. And I think that's really, really important.

顺着这个思路，我花了很多时间研究自己的内心独白，不得不构想出一个化身。意思是我思考生活中，我认为谁最值得被无条件爱着？就像我的一个弟弟，对，差不多是他八岁时的样子。

Kind of following that train of thought, I've worked a lot on my inner monologue and I've had to conjure an avatar. Meaning I thought in my life, who do I view in my life as like the most pure deserving of love? And it's like one of my younger brothers. Yeah. Almost in their eight year old self.

我能在脑海中清晰看见他。如果他搞砸了事情来找我，那一刻我会怎么和他说话？是的，我试着把这种方式用来自我对话。这感觉很好。

I can see them right in my mind's eye. And if he came to me with something he messed up, how would I talk to him in that moment? Yeah. I've tried to then take that and that's how I speak to myself. So good.

所以想想看，当你成为与自己相处最久的那个人

And so just thinking about that, where it's like you are one of the people you're spending the most

的时候。

time with.

你是否在推动自己成为最好的版本，发挥全部潜力？

So are you impacting yourself to be the best to reach your potential?

这方法很棒。其实我也有个自我化身，因为早晨准备时镜子里看到的通常是最糟糕的自己，对吧？我们很少把自己看作最佳版本。所以当我与'埃迪'对话时，不是以44岁企业主的身份。

It's really good. I think, you know, along those lines, I have an avatar for myself too because who you see in the morning as you're getting ready is usually the worst version of yourself, right? Like you see yourself as the worst version of yourself. You don't oftentimes think of yourself as the best version of yourself. And so my avatar that I think of myself, like when I'm talking to Eddie, I'm not talking to Eddie as a 44 year old business owner.

有人教过我一个练习：想象自己最纯粹的状态，就像你描述弟弟那样。对我来说，14岁是最纯粹的阶段——那时我已释怀姐姐离世的伤痛，甚至将其转化为动力。不再是'失去姐姐的埃迪'，而是一个积极纯粹的存在，无忧无虑，没有攀登珠峰或创业的压力，只是个无目的却快乐的少年。

A practice that I was given was to think of yourself in the purest state, you know, just like you're talking about your brother, think of yourself in the purest state. And I think for me, the purest state I was in was I was 14 years old, I had kind of reconciled a lot of the losses of my sister and I'd gotten past it to the point where it became a catalyst for me. It was no longer like Eddie's the one who he's the one that lost his sister. It was Eddie who was and it was like a very positive but very pure state, who also was carefree, who didn't have the cares of the world on his shoulders, he wasn't trying to climb Mount Everest, he wasn't trying to build businesses, he trying to do all these things. He was just this pure being that was kind of existing without intent, and he was happy, and he had friends.

那个14岁少年后来经历了很多，好坏参半的事塑造了现在的我。但当我自我对话时，眼前浮现的是那个毫无野心、不图征服世界、纯粹活着的埃迪。那时的我完全敞开心扉，真诚爱着身边的人。

And lots of stuff happened to that 14 year old guy as he grew up, you know, lots of negative things, lots of positive things that then affected him and changed him. And it is who I am today. But when I speak to myself, I speak to myself and I see in my mind's eye this 14 year old Eddie who was very pure, who didn't have an agenda, who wasn't out to conquer the world, who really just was a pure, like I was a pure representation of just like everything that had happened in my life. Like I wasn't holding it inside. I really loved people at that point.

我慷慨又快乐——那就是我对话的对象。所以当自我怀疑来袭，当我开始苛责自己'不敢相信你这么做'、'为什么选那个'的时候，

I was very giving, I was happy. That's the person I talked to. And so like when that self doubt comes and I start talking to myself or even wanna start talking negatively to myself, like I can't believe you did that. Why'd you make that choice? You know, like why did you?

我就转而与14岁的自己对话。在脑海中注视着他，莫名就能扭转局面——那才是真实的我。其余都是人生附加的包袱：经历、创伤、成败、 ego 等等。但那些不是我，这个少年才是我灵魂的本真模样。

I start talking to myself as that 14 year old, like I start looking at him in my mind, and for some reason it changes the whole thing because that's who I really am. Everything else is all the baggage and junk that's been added on in life through experiences and trauma and problems and successes and ego and everything else. But that's not who I am. That's who I am. You know, like at my core, that's who I am.

因此我竭尽全力与那位埃迪沟通。前几天有个年轻人来到办公室，我对他寄予厚望。我确信自己确实有意识地在这位年轻人生命中注入了许多。我甚至与他远在异地的父亲讨论过这个年轻人——谈论我在他身上看到的潜质，以及我对他的期许。结果前几天他进来告诉我：'嘿，我决定离开你的公司，去追寻其他事业。'

And so I do my best to talk to that Eddie. Had a young guy come in the office the other day and who I have massive hopes and dreams for. And I feel like I've really instilled a lot in this young man's life with intent. I even have conversations with his dad who lives in a different state about that young man, about what I see in him, what I want for him. And he came in the other day and he said, hey, I've decided to leave your company, I'm gonna go chase something else.

那一刻我让所有喧嚣沉寂下来，因为我内心有个声音在呐喊：等等，你确定这是正确选择吗？那我对你的投资算什么？我倾注在你身上的一切又算什么？我开始深入思考，这归根结底是关于影响力的问题——我究竟希望这个年轻人拥有怎样的人生？

And in that moment, it was like I quieted everything down, because everything inside of me wanted to go, hold on, are you making the right choice? Or what about the investment I made in you? What about everything that I've put inside of you? What about my investment in you? And I started thinking through, it goes back to the impact, and I started thinking through like, what do I want for this young man's life?

重点不在于埃迪想要什么或得到什么，而在于这个年轻人是否因为遇见埃迪而变得更好？这让我得以抽身反思：你做出这个决定究竟想达成什么目标？他说想追求某个领域，我追问具体内容。他回答：'我认为这是实现收入突破的最佳途径，远超现有工作的可能性。'

It's not what does Eddie want, what does Eddie get, it's is this young man better because Eddie's in his life? And it allowed me a moment to step back and go, okay, what are you trying to accomplish with this move? Well, wanna pursue this. And I said, what are you trying to pursue? He said, well, I think this is my greatest opportunity to earn at a level that nothing else I'm currently doing can.

我继续追问：'为了什么目的？'他答道：'因为我想全部奉献出去。我仍希望与你共同影响他人，但渴望达到现今无法企及的贡献层级，我相信这就是我的道路。'他还说：'我感觉这就是我的使命。'

And I said, for what purpose? And he said, because I wanna give it all away. He's like, I wanna still do impact others with you. He said, I want to be able to contribute at a level that I can't contribute today, and I think this is my path. And he said, I feel like I'm supposed to do this.

那一刻我顿悟自己确实创造了影响力——这不正是我期望的成果吗？我希望他活出全部潜能与人生目标。虽然本能让我想说：等等，你有工作责任，我为你投入了时间精力，给了你机会。但事实上，他正在实现我宣称的初衷：创造影响力，活出生命最大值。

And for me, I realized like I did make impact. That's the impact I want, right? Like I want him living out his full potential and purpose. Like it would've been easier for me to go, hold on a second, you got a job and responsibility and I've invested in you and I've put time in you, I've taken a chance on you. But the reality of it is like I'm getting out of him exactly what I said I wanted, which was impact, and I want him to live out his full potential.

这让我获得片刻清明，退后一步意识到：这对他是好事，是他该走的道路。我如实相告：'我认为这对你是个好选择。如果需要任何支持尽管开口。'后来他父亲发来短信，表达了无比真挚的感谢。

It allowed me a moment of like clarity to just like step back and go, now this is good for him. This is a path that he should take. And I told him that, And I said, think this is a good option for you. I think this is a good opportunity if I can support you, you know, whatever. And I got a text back from his dad after he had talked to me and just, you know, saying very, very kind things.

这就是我渴望的人际互动——确保自己能成为他人生命的解锁者。我绝不愿成为天花板，无论是自我设限还是强加的束缚。人生还有什么比助人发挥全部潜能更令人喜悦满足？我的执行助理（已共事多年）有次打趣说：'知道埃迪解雇最多的是什么职位吗？'另一位同事好奇追问。

And it's like, that's what I want. Those are the interactions I want with people in my life is I want to make sure that I'm unlocking it. Like I don't wanna ever be the ceiling, the self imposed ceiling or the forced ceiling, because to me, like what greater joy or fulfillment in your life than helping others get to their full potential is there, like I can't think of any. It was funny, I have an executive assistant and a guy that has worked for me for a long time, we were all sitting around and he goes, you know the person that Eddie fires the most? And she was like, who?

他开玩笑说是执行助理。实际上这确实是离职率最高的岗位。但回溯过往，他解释道：'标准之所以严苛，是因为前任助理出去创建了公司，有位建立了房地产帝国，还有位创办了自己的投资机构。这是埃迪身边流动最频繁的职位，只因他怀有极高期许。'

And he's like, executive assistant. So he's like messing with her. And the reality of it is that is the position that has left me the most. However, like as I go back, like he was actually explaining to her, the bar is really high because this assistant went out and built this company, and this assistant went out and built a real estate empire, and this assistant went out and started her own investment firm. He's like, it is the most revolving position around Eddie because Eddie has an expectation.

于我而言，这实则是莫大赞誉。那次谈话后我深刻意识到：这才是我要的——不希望身边人感到受制于我，而是如同被点燃的火种，蓄势待发。

And to me, I thought that was such a huge compliment. Like I walked around, I walked away from that conversation thinking that's what I want. Like I want the people in closest proximity to me to not feel beholden or restricted by me, I'm locked, you know, like just set on fire, ready to go.

先前你提到'用爱解决问题'的处世哲学。我常思考人们追随与服务的动机，将其归纳为四个层级，想听听你的见解。最低层级是出于恐惧...

Earlier you were talking about your approach, your solution is love. Something I've thought about a lot is like why you follow someone, why you serve someone. And I've broken it up into four categories, but I'd love to hear your thoughts on it. Sure. So the four categories for me, lowest is fear.

是啊。然后是奖励，如果有回报我就会去做。接着是出于责任，感觉我必须这么做。最高层次则是出于爱。对。

Yeah. Then reward, I'll do it if I get something. Then out of duty, it's like I must. And then the top one is love. Yeah.

无私的100%付出而不求回报。你觉得这种状态符合这个宇宙的法则吗？

The selfless 100 give and expect nothing. Do you feel like that fits in this universe?

我认为符合。领导力有三个层次。第一层是我必须服从，对吧？我没有选择权。我处于这个人之下。

I think it does. There are three levels of leadership. The first level is I follow because it's a must, right? I don't have a choice. I'm beneath this person.

他们是我的老板、父亲、母亲，或是其他什么身份，总之我必须服从。这在我看来就是义务，对吧？

They're my boss. They're my father. They're my mother. They're my Whatever it is, like it's a must. And that to me is obligation, right?

这不是爱，是义务。第二层领导力我称之为普通领导范畴。他们出于便利性领导他人。世界上很多人不愿承担领导责任，不想晋升到更高层次因为那很麻烦。所以他们需要有人领导。

It's not love, it's obligation. The second level of leadership is what I would call a general leadership category. They lead people out of convenience. There are a lot of people in this world that don't want the responsibility of leadership, they don't want to rise to the next level because it's inconvenient. So they need someone to lead them.

他们可以接受有人凌驾于他们之上，替他们做决定。所以在我看来，首先是义务，然后是便利。最后一种我称之为领袖中的领袖。我认为这是基于爱的反应，当有人看到你的潜力并引导你朝那个方向发展时。好的领导者会带你从A点到B点。

So they're okay with somebody being above them, making their decisions for them. So you've got, to me, obligation, then you have convenience. The last one is what I call leader of leaders. And that is, I think, a love based reaction to someone seeing your potential and guiding you that direction. To me, a good leader will take you from point A to point B.

伟大的领导者不仅带你从A点到B点，还会让你在同行旅程中变得更好。这就是我理解的三个领导力层次：义务（我别无选择，这是我的责任）、便利（我没有其他路径）、以及爱。

A great leader will take you from point A to point B, and you'll be better because of taking the journey with them. To me, that's the three levels of leadership. It's obligation, I don't have a choice, it's my duty, right? Second is convenience, I don't have another path. And the third is love.

就像我认为这是对某种东西的追求。人类有两大基本情绪，对吧？恐惧或爱。据说我们只感受这两种情绪。生活中的每个行为都可以归结为这两件事。

Like I think it's the pursuit of something. There's two great emotions in the human, right? Fear or love. And it's said that we only feel two emotions. Everything in life, every action can be boiled down to two things.

我要么在逃避或抗拒某些东西，要么在追求或积极争取某些东西——爱或恐惧。看看《加拉太书》，它实际上呈现了你要么出于义务或责任在避免某事，要么基于爱、渴望和激情在热切追求，我认为这些都源于爱的情感。情绪智力很高的人能洞悉自己的驱动力，他们活在以爱为基础的活动中。我们生活中太多行为都是逃避——我不喜欢这种痛苦。

I'm either running or resisting from, you know, something, or I'm pursuing or actively going after something, love, fear. You look at the book of Galatians, and it actually presents you're either avoiding or you're doing something out of obligation or duty, or you're passionately pursuing based on love, desire, passion, which I think is all a love based emotion. And I think that very emotionally intelligent people get to the root of what drives them, and they live inside of love based activity. There's so much of our life that is avoidance. I don't like this pain.

我不喜欢这种感觉。我不喜欢这样...但即使如此也可能产生好的结果，对吧？比如你可以因恐惧去征服事物并获得成功。你可以从负面情绪中获得成功。我看着镜子里的自己觉得超重了，不想让别人对我有不好的看法。

I don't like this feeling. I don't like this And even good things can come out of that, right? Like, you can go conquer things and find success out of fear. You can find success out of the negative. I'm looking in the mirror and I look overweight, and I don't want people to think bad about me.

我不想让他们觉得我胖。这可能会让你陷入消极情绪，或者你照镜子时会想：你知道吗？我确实超重了，但我真心想成为最好的自己。我渴望有更多精力陪伴孩子，我真心想要... 最终却导致了完全相同的结果。

I don't want them to think I'm fat. And that can cause you to go Or you could look in the mirror and go, You know what? I'm overweight, but I really wanna become the best version of myself. I really want to have more energy to spend more time with my kids. I really want to And then cause the same exact result.

我认为最终的结果、情感和回报是截然不同的。你可以达到同样的终点，但实现这个结果的代价和满足感却有天壤之别。我一直在尝试以爱为动机行动，我认为这正是高情商者的做法。

I just think the results and the emotions and payoff at the end are radically different. You can get to the same end result. I just think the payment and the fulfillment of that end result is night and day different. I've been on this quest of trying to live in love based actions. I think that's what emotionally intelligent people do.

这也是高情商领导者的特质。这个概念在于：人们可能因畏惧而追随你，但若爱你则会为你赴汤蹈火。作为领导者，你不能只顾向前看，需要回头看看那些排队追随你的人。你要自问：他们是出于责任还是恐惧？是害怕不服从就拿不到薪水吗？

It's what emotionally intelligent leaders do. And it's this concept of people will follow you because they fear you, but they will die for you if they love you. And if you're a leader, you need to stop looking forward for many, you need to look back, look at all those people that are in line, that are lined up to go with you. And you need to ask your question, do they do this out of obligation or fear? Are they just scared that if they don't, they won't get a paycheck?

害怕不服从就会遭到我的责难？还是他们真正认同你的愿景、未来、激情与热爱，愿意全力追随？这对领导者是个重要指标——那些站在你身后的人，无论是否有选择权，都能反映出你是以爱还是恐惧领导。若以恐惧驱使，你只能得到最底层的两类人：别无选择者和趋利者，永远培养不出顶尖领导者。

If they don't, I might say something negative to them if they don't, or do they see the vision and the future and the passion and the love that you have and they're all in and like, whatever you're doing, I'm in, I'll go with you. Because that will be a good indicator for a leader as to all those people that are standing downstream from you that maybe have a choice, don't have a choice, if you're leading them out of love or you're leading them out of fear. If you lead out of fear, you're only ever gonna get the bottom two. You get people that don't have a choice and that are conveniently following. You'll never get to the place where you actually get the highest level of leaders.

要打造像我们这样迈向数十亿规模的组织，绝不能依靠那些出于责任或便利才追随的人。我需要本身就是领导者的人，他们既愿效仿我的领导方式，又因对我们事业的热情而甘愿追随。

And for me to have an organization like we have that's growing into the billions, I can't build it on people that just follow out of obligation or follow out of convenience. I gotta have people that are also leaders themselves that are willing to lead the way I lead, but also are willing to follow because they're so passionate about what we're pursuing.

我在想：你如何确保自己处在正确的五人圈子里？这似乎是在思考他们如何影响我...

My mind goes to what are you doing to make sure you're around the right five people? I guess that is kind of looking at it like how are they affecting me? I'm kind of

这思路反了。多数人习惯性追求进入对的圈子、接触对的人——这固然重要，我今天的成就也确实得益于良师益友和正确圈层。但有时过度追求这个反而会削弱你对他人产生的影响力。

going backwards. Again, think it's this weird, I think most people are so conditioned to putting themselves in the right room and being around the right people and making sure, and all of that's great. And I am where I am today because I have had great mentors and I have been around amazing people and I have been in the right room. And it's important to get in the right room. I think sometimes the pursuit of that actually reduces the amount of impact you're gonna have on others.

或许该有两组五人圈子：一组能影响我们，一组让我们去影响。以我现阶段而言，选择前五人必须谨慎，因为他们会潜移默化影响你。我不愿圈子里有消极、贪婪、自私之人，渴望那五人都是无私者。但我也要警惕把自己的世界设计成只容得下完美契合者的温室。

Maybe it's two sets of five people. Maybe we have to intentionally put ourselves around five people that are gonna impact us, and five people that we're gonna impact. I can say that in the place in life I'm in right now, I wanna be very careful with the five people because they do to some degree rub off on you. You will have some residual effect by the people that you put in your life. So I don't wanna put negative people in there, I don't wanna put people in there that are greedy, I don't wanna put people in there that are selfish, I want selfless people in that five, but I also wanna make sure that I'm not architecting my world to only have perfect people with perfect alignment around me.

世界本就混乱，人人都有问题。若真想产生影响，就不能隔绝所有有问题的人。当然可以轻易回避麻烦，但总得有人去解决这些问题，否则社会就会变成精英们互相隔离的孤岛——这绝非我们的使命。

World's messy and people have issues and problems. And in the end, I can't isolate myself from people with problems if I really wanna make impact. It'd be very easy to just go, that's an issue I don't wanna deal with. But the reality of it is somebody has to step into those issues and deal with it or it becomes an elitist society where it's just like we're all just separating from each other. Like that's not what we're called to do.

我们真正的使命是深入其中，改变现状，为人们展示不同道路，让他们看到你生命中的成长与收获，并勇敢表达。为此你必须围绕这样两类人：A. 正处于可向你靠拢的成长路径；B. 具备接纳意愿。这让我想到领导力的本质：优秀教练懂战术，伟大教练懂且爱球员；商业领袖懂KPI，伟大领袖懂人心。

Like we're actually called to go in, make a difference, show people a different pathway, you know, allow them to see the benefits you've had in your life, the growth that you've had, and be expressive about it and be bold. And in order to do that, you have to surround yourself with five people or people that A, are to some degree in a path that they can grow towards you, and B, receptive and willing. Yeah, one thing that I wrote down is that, like which goes back to the leadership thing, that good coaches know their X and O's, they know the place. Great coaches know and love their players. Business leaders know KPIs and structures, good leaders, and great leaders know their people, you know.

优秀的教师精通课程，卓越的教师则了解并深爱他们的学生。优秀的销售人员熟悉销售与产品，而顶尖的销售则懂得并珍视他们的客户。我认为这其中存在一个共通的理念，一种共同的纽带，归根结底在于：我们是否在用爱沟通？我们是否真正关心、尊重并了解那些我们被召唤去服务的人？我们是否愿意审视自己的生活，关注我们对他人产生的影响，而非一味期待别人对我们施加影响。

Good teachers know their lessons, great teachers know and love their students. Good salespeople know the sales and the product, and great salespeople know and love their clients. I think there's just a common thought, a common bond, and it goes back to, are we communicating through love? Do we actually care and respect and know the people that we're called to serve? And are we willing to instill and look at our lives for the impact we're making on others versus all of the impact we hope somebody will make on us.

非常感谢您参与本期播客并收听今天的节目。期待与您有更多交流，您可以通过任何社交媒体平台关注我的账号EddieWilsonOfficial与我联系。

Thanks so much for being a part of the podcast and for listening today. Love to connect with you further, and you can connect with me on social media EddieWilsonOfficial on any of the social media channels.