6 - 重塑男性气质 | 自信、目标与冠军心态

欢迎收听《影响力播客》。我是埃迪·威尔逊，在此帮助你们看见他人所不能见，在他人失败处创造机遇，推动你们在曾经的空旷处建立帝国。让我们携手踏上这段旅程，为世界带来改变。今天播客要探讨的问题是：流行文化对男性气质是否有毒？我之所以提出这个问题，是因为回溯历史，男性气质与男性整体始终被置于代际视角下审视。

Welcome to the Impact Podcast. I'm Eddie Wilson, here to help you visualize what others cannot see, create opportunities where others have failed, and push you to build empires where once there was empty space. Let's embark on this journey together and make a difference in this world. The question I have today for the podcast is, is pop culture toxic for masculinity? And the reason I ask that is because if you go back, masculinity and males as a a whole have been seen through generational lenses.

我认为就像所有事物一样，我们从一个极端摆向另一个极端，代际之间的钟摆不断摇晃。回忆童年时代，我常和父亲看西部片。那时充斥着男性豪情——牛仔、警察、士兵、企业家，这些男性形象被奉为楷模。而当我长大成人，仿佛突然间，或许是女权运动或其他因素推动的下一阶段，男性变成了被丑化的蠢货。

And I feel like just like anything, we swing so far, the pendulum swings from one generation to the next. You go back to the time as a child and I would watch a lot of Westerns with my dad. And there was this male bravado and you saw the cowboy, you saw the police officer, you saw the soldier, you saw the entrepreneur. And these were men that were put up on pedestals. And then as I grew up, was like all of a sudden, maybe the feminist movement or whatever it was that drove this next kind of phase was then the male became the idiot.

你知道的，影视里总有个哭哭啼啼的丈夫妨碍妻子的计划，或是惹青少年厌烦的父亲，又或是那个永远跟不上时代的男人。他们成了众人取笑的对象。快进到当今流行文化，我看到的是对男性应有形象的巨大能量转变——特别是透过当今社会规范的棱镜观察时，这种剧变尤为明显。

You know, it was the blubbering idiot for a husband who always got in the way of his wife's plans, or it was the dad who was always annoying to the teenager. It was the guy who was always, you know, out of the know. He was just this person that everyone was poking fun at. Well, now fast forward into today, like modern pop culture. What I see is, is there is a massive shift in energy towards what a male should be, especially if you look in the lens of social, like on the lens of social kind of norms today, what you see now is there's this massive shift.

事实上我认为，现代教育文化仍对男性施加着沉重压力，比如不鼓励坚持己见，要求他们接受亚文化的各种安排、协议和思维模式。但在社交媒体上，近四五年我观察到的是截然相反的浪潮——如今呈现的是极度张扬的男性气概。

So while I actually think if you take the modern educational culture, there's still a lot of down pressure on males, right? Like there's a lot of down pressure on like not standing up for what you believe in, buying into kind of the subculture arrangements and agreements and thought processes. But now on social, what you're seeing is this huge push. And I would say over the last four or five years, I've been watching social evolve in this area. Now you see the massive bravado.

你们看到的是被极端强化的男性形象。最近有项针对大学男生的调研，询问他们'根据社交媒体塑造的男性形象，你们认为该如何定义阳刚之气'。这些年轻人给出的词汇是：体格健壮、独立、强大、威慑力、受尊敬、令人畏惧、强硬、猛男、肌肉发达、坚韧。

You see the male that is being intensified, right? There was a study that was recently done where they interviewed young men in college and said, What do you believe that based on social media's portrayal of men, you should be like? Right? Like, how would you describe a masculine man? And these are the words that they used: physical, strong, independent, powerful, intimidating, respected, scary, hard, stud, muscular, tough.

对吧？就像，突然间你获得了这种视角。如果你涉足社交媒体，无论是TikTok、Instagram、Facebook还是YouTube，你脑海中已经浮现出那个人物形象了。对吧？你心里有数。

Right? Like, and now all of a sudden you get the viewpoint. Like, if you are involved in social media at all, TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, you already have in your mind that person. Right? Like, you have it.

这些形象之所以现在会浮现在你脑海，是因为社交媒体广泛传播了这类角色。如今这正成为男性气概标准的新范式。问题在于每次社会观念摇摆时——还记得之前被贬低、受欺负，那种愚蠢、懦弱的父亲/丈夫形象吗？那是他们对此前风潮的反扑。

Like, they show up in your mind now because these characters have been portrayed so widely on social. And now it's becoming the new norm for a picture of what masculinity should be. The problem is that every time the pendulum swings, right? So let's go back to the male that was downtrodden, beaten up, you know, was stupid, blubbering, dad, husband. There was a swing in response from them.

但现在我们看到了另一种反弹。突然之间，充斥着这种捶胸顿足、极度阿尔法、强大健壮、凶狠骇人的男性形象，对吧？就像他们用的那些词汇。让我用数据说明这种风潮的恶果：过去五年里，85%的谋杀案是男性犯下的。

But then now you get a different response. Now all of a sudden you have this male who beats his chest, who is very alpha, who is powerful and strong and muscular and tough and scary, right? Like all the words that they used. And let me show you the outcry of that. In the last five years, eighty five percent of all murders were committed by a man.

90%的暴力袭击来自男性。95%的家暴施害者是男性。95%的虐童案件，男性所为。99.8%的强奸案，男性实施。有时候文化——尤其是流行文化——出于标新立异或对抗传统的心理，其价值取向会剧烈摇摆，但造成的后果我认为对社会极具破坏性。

Ninety percent of all assaults committed by a man. Ninety five percent of all domestic violence is committed by a man. Ninety five percent of all child abuse, man. Ninety nine point eight percent of all rapes, male. Sometimes culture, especially pop culture, and its desire to really identify or go against, you know, maybe from a contrarian viewpoint, what has been the norm shifts and swings so hard, but it causes an effect that I think is so detrimental to society.

而对我来说，正在养育三个男孩——大儿子已经独立创业，我为他骄傲；17岁的高三学生；10岁的小儿子刚开始探索世界——我必须思考：什么是真正的男性气概？我该向他们展现怎样的榜样？

And for me, as I am raising three young men, you know, I have a son that is out of the house. He's got his own business now, and I'm super proud of him. I've got a 17 year old who's a senior in high school. I've got a 10 year old who's just kind of finding his way in the world. I've got three young men that I have to decide what is masculinity and what am I going to portray to them.

对我而言，我不愿演绎自我记事以来流行文化灌输给我的任何男性形象。我不想成为那个对社会和周围人卑躬屈膝、哭哭啼啼的男性，也不愿成为在孩子眼中那种过度强势、充满压迫感的扭曲男子气概。因此我不得不重新定义生活中的 masculinity（阳刚之气），并选择以身作则——因为孩子们会通过榜样来吸收这些特质。当我深入思考 masculinity 的本质时，这些是我界定为真正 masculine（阳刚）并希望展现给孩子们的维度。

And to me, I don't want to portray anything that's been portrayed to me through pop culture since I can remember. I don't want to be the blubbering male who is subservient to society and people around him. And I also don't want to be this hyper intimidating, masculine, that poor picture of masculinity to my kids. And so I've had to redefine in my life what masculinity is and choose to try to live that way because my kids are going to absorb by example. So as I really thought through what masculinity is, these are the areas that I have defined as truly masculine that I want to portray to my children.

不仅如此，当我领导一个组织时——尤其是有大量男性成员的组织——我希望成为他们的榜样。虽然跟随与否取决于他们，但我的责任是成为清醒的示范者：当他们问我为何如此行事时，我能给出答案。于是我提炼出了所谓'男子气概三要素'——按埃迪·威尔逊的理论，就是三个以C开头的特质。

But not only that, you know, there are as I lead an organization, I think that an organization that has a ton of men involved in it, I want to be an example to them, right? Because while they choose to follow or not, it's really up to them. It's my responsibility to be an example and to be a conscious competent so that if they ask me why I act this way, I can give an answer to that. And so I've developed what I believe is I'm just going to call it the three Cs of the theology of masculinity according to Eddie Wilson, right? So the three C's.

第一是Confident（自信）。我坚信自信至关重要——不是对能力的自信，而是对自我的确信：我是否认清了自己？是否接纳真实的自己？包括局限与才能？

Number one, confident. I believe that confidence is so vitally important, but confident not in my ability, but confident in self. Do I know who I am? Am I confident in who I am? My own limitations, my abilities?

因为真正的自信能让我不被他人评价动摇。我不必被反对意见束缚，不必活成别人虚构的模样——这种稳固的自我认同正是我想展现的阳刚特质：成为真实的爱迪·威尔逊，而非任何人的仿制品。

Because if I'm truly confident, no matter what anyone else thinks of me, it won't knock me off center. You know, like I don't have to be bound by the winds of contrarian opinion towards who I am or what I should be because I have a confidence in who I am. My identity is strong, it's steadfast, it's centered. And that confidence is so vitally important because I believe the true masculinity that I want to show is that I don't have to be a version of myself that is made up by anyone else. I can be the version of Eddie Wilson that to me is true and authentically self.

这就是本真的我。我以此为傲，也认为真正的男子气概必然包含这种自信。

Right? It is who I am. And I'm confident in that. I want to be confident. I think that true masculinity comes with confidence.

第二点，Control（掌控力）。主流叙事总强调男性要掌控环境和他人，但我指的是self-control（自制力）。因为掌控自我才能以影响力而非强制力引导他人——试图控制别人反而会丧失影响力。

Second of all, I believe my second C is control. I think that oftentimes it's portrayed that a man has to be in control of the situation and others around him. The true control I'm speaking about is self control. Because to me, control of self allows you to respond to others in a way that creates influence and impact. If I try to control others, I oftentimes lose influence and impact.

想象控制青少年的场景：规则越严苛，他们越反抗。但若我能自制并建立影响力，就能引导他们自发选择正途——这才是我心目中真正 masculine（阳刚）的特质。最后第三点是Champion（守护者）。

Think about trying to control a teenager, right? Like the more rules and the more confined you put on them to try to intentionally control them, the more they kind of squeeze outside of that act. However, if I have control of self and I can create influence and impact, then I can get them to go down a pathway without control, but through influence, right? Which is to me a true characteristic or trait of what I believe a true masculine male should be. And then lastly, my third C is champion.

不是指竞赛冠军或支配者，而是弱者的捍卫者。真正的 champion 会为无法独自取胜的人而战——就像我为孩子们、为追随我的同事和社群成员所做的。这三个C就是我想践行的：保持自信，

Not a champion as I understand how to win, right? Not in dominance, not a champion that is willing to put others underfoot while they succeed or win, but a champion to those who need a protector. To me, a true champion is one who fights the battles of another who could not win without you. To me, like if I look at just like what I want to be for my kids and for the men that are behind and in lockstep following, whether it's in the communities we've built or the employees that we have, those are the three C's. I want to be confident.

恪守自制，成为守护者——不是为击败他人，而是保护需要帮助的人。这与流行文化宣扬的男性形象形成鲜明对比：社会要求男性张扬外露，但我的三要素理论恰恰主张：

I want to be a control and control self. I want to be a champion, but a champion not necessarily to win and defeat others, but a champion for those who need a protector. To me, it's like there's a contrast here. And so as I look at social norms today, I look at pop culture, it says that men should be loud and lament should be demonstrative. And I think that men, if you look at my three C's, I think it actually would say, no, we shouldn't be loud and demonstrative.

我们应当沉稳。当对自我认知足够坚定，就不会被情绪左右去伪装人格。真正的自信会带来从容——没有任何事物能撼动你的内核。

We should be calm. We should be so confident in who we are that nothing pushes the emotion inside of us that tries to flare up to create a persona of what we want to be. But there's a calm nature in who we are. In true confidence comes a calmness. No one can knock you out center.

在流行文化中，你应该显得可怕。你应该是那个令人敬畏的形象，一股不可忽视的力量。而我认为真正的自信，才是你所能遇到的最令人畏惧的事物。当你在世上遇到一个如此自信的人，以至于你无法将自己的意志强加于他们时，大多数人都会感到恐惧。当你带着自信走进某个场合，这对他人来说就是一种威慑。

In pop culture, it's you should be scary. You should be this figure, the force to be reckoned with. And I think that in confidence, it's the most scary thing you'll ever come in contact with. When you find somebody in this world that is so confident that you cannot impose your own will on them, They bring a fear in most people. When you walk into a situation and you're confident, it's intimidating to others.

我并不认为你需要刻意去威慑他人。但真正的自信会暴露周围人自信的缺失。所以不是可怕，而是自信。然后不是压倒性的。我觉得现在有一种趋势，人们追捧那些充满阿尔法男性气概的张扬个性，他们仿佛要压倒一切。

And I don't think that you have to do that intentionally to intimidate. But in true confidence, it brings awareness of a lack of confidence in everyone else around you. So not scary, but confident. And then not overpowering. I think that there's a push to you watch these very alpha male bravado driven personalities and it's like they're overpowering.

他们会把你压垮，迫使你屈服。而我信奉温和的力量。就像...不知道你是否经历过，但我从我父亲身上体会到了这一点。我知道我父亲是个非常温和的人，但他内心有一种力量，让你明白不该招惹他。

They're going to push you down. They're going to force you into submission. And I believe in gentle strength. It's like when, you know, I don't know if you ever experienced this, but I experienced it with my father. Knew that my dad my dad was a very gentle man, but he also had this strength inside that you knew you didn't want to mess with him.

我曾目睹有人试图逼迫他或强加意志于他，而他就那样挺直脊梁站在那里。你能从他眼中看出：不，我们不会那么做。那一刻我记得自己看着他心想：他真可怕。你绝对不想招惹他，对吧？不是因为他警告你别惹他，而是他眼中那种自信的神情在说：我知道自己的立场，你无法动摇我，我会坚持做正确的事。对我来说，这种状态下你无需压制他人，因为在这种男性气概的理念中，自然会产生领导力。

And I'd watch him in situations where people would push him or people would try to impose their will on him, and you just watch him with a stiff backbone just and you saw it in his eye like, no, that's not what we're going to do. And in that, I remember looking and thinking like, he's very scary. Like, you would not want to mess with him, right? Not because he was telling you don't mess with me, but because there was a look of confidence in his eye that said, I know where I am and you're not going push me off center and I'm going to do what is right. And to me, you don't have to overpower at that point because in that kind of thought or ethos of masculinity, it creates leadership.

这开辟了一条道路。当有人这样行事时，你会渴望追随。那些对你大喊'跟我来'的人，反而会让我们抗拒追随。但当一个人带着沉静的自信，看起来清楚自己的方向时...

It allows this path. When somebody acts that way, it's like you desire to follow that. The person that is screaming at you, Follow me. It's like we all resist following. But the person looks like they know where they're going with quiet confidence.

你会觉得：我愿意追随。对我而言，我想以沉静的力量生活。我要让我的成果大声说话，让我的成果呐喊，但我的声音要保持平和。我希望人们因我前进的方向、展现的自信和自控力而跟随我，明白吗？

You're like, I could get behind that. To me, where I want to live my life is in quiet strength. I want my results to speak loudly. I want my results to scream, but I want my voice to be quiet, calm. I want people to lead me based on the direction I'm headed, the confidence that I bring, the control of self that I have, right?

这样他们就能看到我如何为他人而战。这就是我向往的男性气概。我觉得这是一种平衡的男性气概，不是极端摇摆。不是那个被社会欺凌的懦弱温顺男人，也不是那个与社会对抗、寻找出路的愤怒男人。

And that they can watch me be a champion for others. To me, that's the masculinity I want. I feel like that's a centered masculinity. I feel like it's not one swing or the other. It's not this very meek, mild tempered man that's being beat up by society, and it's not a man who's railing against society trying to find his way.

我认为问题在于，由于这种模式未被明确定义，也很少在我们面前展现，导致很多年轻男性迷失了方向。有许多迷茫的年轻人加入我们的组织，他们渴求领导，试图找到出路。而他们的问题是害怕迈出那一步，对吧？

And I would say that the issue with this is that because this is undefined and it's rarely played out in front of us, we have a lot of lost young men. There's a lot of lost young men that come into our organizations. They're asking for leadership. They're trying to find their way. And the issue with where they are is they're scared to step out, right?

就像要长大成人。对吧？我觉得这正是当今被宣扬的形象。看看我们的啤酒广告，那些商业宣传，总是在塑造那种拒绝长大的男人形象，永远保持童心的样子。

Like grow up. Right? And I feel like that's what's being shown today. Like, if you look at our beer commercials, you look the commercials that are out there, it's like always this like man that's never willing to grow up. He's always like a child at heart.

对吧？不幸的是，这正是那些迷失的年轻男性现状。他们害怕长大。对吧？就像他们不敢承担社会对他们的期待。

Right? And unfortunately, that's where those lost young men are today. They're afraid to grow up. Right? Like they're scared to walk into what is expected of them.

他们确实不知道该如何做到这一点，因为他们既不懂得如何成为虚张声势的男人，也不愿遭受殴打、排斥、封杀等对待。所以他们害怕站出来。对我而言，这是一个巨大的推动力——不仅要成为我坚信应该成为的样子，即遵循那三个C原则（注：指前文提到的某种价值观），更要回望这一代迷失的年轻男性，他们不知道自己信仰什么，因不愿与众不同而不敢挺身而出，明白吗？

And they really don't know how to do that because they don't know how to be the man with bravado, but they also don't know how to they don't want to be beat up and ostracized and canceled and everything else. So they're scared to stand up. And so for me, that's a big, big push is like not only being who I believe I should be, the three Cs, right? But I think it's also looking back to this next generation of lost young men who don't know what they believe and they will not stand up because they don't want to stand out. Right?

他们拒绝站出来表明'这就是我的信念，这就是我'，因为他们不想成为异类，毕竟社会已经压制了他们好几代人。我认为现在正是时候，我们该支持这些不知如何践行人生目标、如何在不受社会打压的前提下成为真正男人的年轻人，帮助他们看清方向，助其成长，找到自己的道路。因为在我看来，正如我极力推崇的真正女性气质一样，我们也需要真正的男性气质。

They refuse to stand up and say, this is what I believe. This is who I am because they don't want to stand out, because society has beat them up for generations. Right? And I think it's time that we get behind some of these young men who don't understand how to live out their purpose and how to be a man without being beat up by society and help them see it, help them grow into it, help them find their way. Because to me, just like true femininity, which I'm a huge supporter of, we need true masculinity.

我们需要这样的男性：他清楚自我定位，愿意挺身而出，为周围人的共同利益而领导众人。

We need a masculine male who understands who he is, that's willing to step up and lead for the greater good of those around him.

讨论真正男性气质的一个陷阱在于，人们会自然反应认为这是在攻击女性气质或进行某种对比。那么你如何破除这种思维定式，才能在不引发这些...的情况下，开展关于男性气质的开放诚实讨论？

A pitfall of discussing true masculinity is that the natural response is somehow it's an attack on femininity or it's being compared to something. And so how do you kind of break those down so that you can have an open, honest discussion about masculinity without these like

社会问题？我认为这恰恰是最大的症结所在——这就是社会的病根。为什么？为什么当我定义男性气质时，就必然会对女性气质产生负面影响？

social issues? I think that that's that is the biggest issue is like just and it's what's wrong with society. It's like why? Why if I define masculinity, does it somehow have a negative effect on femininity? Right?

真正的女性气质同样需要被发掘和定义。但真正的男性气质应当为真正的女性气质开辟道路。作为人类，我不认为我们被创造出来就是为了相互消耗能量。

Like true femininity needs to be discovered and needs to be defined as well. But true masculinity should make way for true femininity. Right? Like, you know, as humans, I don't believe that we were created to ultimately be a rub against each other's energy. Right?

我相信两性本被创造得完美和谐——当女性找到自己的位置并获得那种自信时（虽然我不打算具体列举女性特质），女性特有的滋养特质与男性作为守护者的特质本应完美契合。如果我们把这种定义视为对另一种性别的贬低，那就大错特错了——另一种性别同样强大且重要。

Like, I feel like it was created in perfect harmony and unity that if a woman finds her place and finds that same confidence, right? And I feel like, and I won't necessarily go through the traits of femininity, but it's like there's that nurture side of femininity. And it bonds so well with the champion or the protector side of masculinity. I think it's so wrong for us to feel like if we define this well, that it somehow puts down the other gender, right? Like the other gender is just as powerful and just as important.

我不认为真正的男性气质会导致对真正女性气质的屈从。相反，它创造的是平等。由于社会长期以来的错误定义，你看看现实后果——就像我列举的那些统计数据所显示的。

And I don't believe that true masculinity creates a subservience to true femininity. Right? Like, I feel like what it does is it creates equality. Because society has defined it so wrong for so long, then you watch it played out, right? Like the stats I gave you, watch it played out.

这种错误的定义方式通过长期实践和讨论形成了固有观念体系，现在必须重新定义。如果你仔细听我提出的三个C原则，我认为无论男女都难以反驳——因为当我以最纯粹的形式践行这三个C作为真正男性气质的定义时，这只会造福人类。

And then it creates a belief system because of how it's been played out, how it's been talked about. It needs to be redefined. If you just listen to the three Cs that I gave, I don't believe that male or female, they really have a place to argue those points. Right? Like, because if I, my purest form, could act out those three Cs as a true definition of what I want to be in true masculinity, like it only benefits humanity, right?

这对人类只有益处。我并非在剥夺什么，但如果...

Like there is only a benefit to humanity. There isn't something I'm not taking something away. But if

我们正在为这些特质赋予性别色彩，我确实看到有时单亲母亲需要体现这些特质，或者单亲父亲也需要展现所谓的女性特质。绝对如此。

we are gendering these characteristics, I do see times where there might be a single mother who needs to embody these or like a single father who does need to embody like the feminine Absolutely. Traits as

要知道，我们被创造时本就兼具阴柔与阳刚。但由于社会已支离破碎——破裂的关系无处不在，我们每个人都或多或少需要应对——我们不得不去体现这些特质。比如有时我需要向儿子们展现我 nurturing（养育）的一面，这可能带有女性特质。就像有时单亲母亲也需要扮演 champion（捍卫者）的角色，对吧？

You know, we were created to have both the feminine and the masculine in our lives. And because society is broken, right, like there are broken relationships and all of us have to deal with it to some degree or another, we do have to embody it. Right? And there are some times where I need to show a nurturing side of me, especially to my sons, which may embody a feminine identity or trait. It's like sometimes a single mother may need to embody that champion, right?

尤其对小男孩而言。当男孩逐渐成长时，我认为让他们学会成为母亲的 champion（守护者）是件好事，这种亲子关系很棒。但有时他们自己也需被守护，若生活中缺乏阳刚的男性榜样，就得有人填补这个空缺。

Especially for a young boy. You know, As men grow into it, I think it's great to allow them to embody that and to become the champion for their mother. I think that's a great relationship. But I think that sometimes they need a champion for themselves, right? And if there's not a masculine male in their life, someone may have to play that role.

我认为有些特质是所有人成长都需要的。但对我而言，关键在于理解这个角色——我想成为什么样的人？同时要警惕不被流行文化的贪婪裹挟，比如‘我必须这样’的刻板印象。那绝非真正阳刚男性应有的模样。

And I think that there are characteristics that all of us need for growth and for development. But I think for me, it's like trying to understand that role and the role that I want to play and making sure that I'm not succumbing to pop culture avarice, where it's like, oh, I have to be this. I don't want to be I don't feel like that is what a true masculine male should be.

你在阐述时坦然承认了 masculinity（男子气概）中确实存在的毒性一面。

And even as you presented this, you were very okay with discussing and acknowledging the truly toxic side of masculinity. It does exist.

确实存在。

It does exist.

但我们常陷入的误区是，未能识别导致毒性的真正根源。我认为...

But I think we fall into the trap of like not identifying the correct parts that are leading to that. I think

你看，如今连男性形体都...社交媒体大肆鼓吹某种男性身材标准。我认为这往往源于自信缺失，于是他们通过其他方式构建自信。我们被迫扮演某种人设，不是吗？

that, you know, even the physical side of men today, you know, there's such a push on social media for features and traits in the male body. And I think even that oftentimes is due to a lack of confidence. And so they have to build it up in other ways. Right. And there's this persona that we have to portray, right?

可能是肌肉线条，可能是嗓音，也可能是外表...这些在我看来都是社会施加的压力，带着毒性，会引发负面影响。

Like maybe it's a muscular structure, maybe it's it's a vocal tone, you know, maybe it's a look, right? Like, And it's all those things that I feel like it's the down pressure of society. And to me, it has some toxicity to it. It does bring the negative side to it.

最近有说法称电子游戏是事业的替代品。可以说很多迷茫的年轻男性只是缺乏人生目标和指引。若给予明确方向，他们会付诸行动——毕竟他们能整天待在房间里‘肝’游戏。

I heard recently video games are a substitute for career. And so I think you could argue, yeah, there are a lot of lost young men who just need a purpose and an objective and just instructions on how to do it. So if they were supplied those, they would do it because they're willing to sit in their rooms all day and grind on video games.

比起踏入这个难以定义成功、且成功标准纷繁复杂到让你迷失自我认知的大世界，躲进一个能让你感到成就感的舒适圈要容易得多。年轻人最常问我的问题是：如何找到人生目标？因为他们内心都渴望追寻某种意义。我常这样回应：人生目标分层次，有小目标，也有大目标。

It's easier to get into a place where you feel successful than to go out into this big world where it's hard to understand success and success has been defined so many other ways that you don't even understand your definition of success. You know, the one question I get asked oftentimes from young men is how do I find purpose in my life? Because they all have this innate desire to reach purpose or to get to something purposeful. And I usually have this conversation with them. I always say that, you know, in life there's lesser purposes and there are greater purposes.

其实他们真正想问的是：我的终极使命是什么？有什么能赋予我生命意义？我的回答是：若不先践行小目标，大目标永远不会显现。什么是小目标？做个好父亲、好员工、好老板、好人。

And I think that ultimately what they're asking me is like, what's my greater purpose? What's the one thing that I can attach my life to that gives me meaning? And I always say, until you actually begin to live out the lesser purposes, the greater purpose rarely reveals itself. What's a lesser purpose? Being a good dad, being a good employee, being a good employer, being a good human.

正是这些全面发展的品格特质，才能让你的终极使命逐渐清晰。而大目标本身也在不断进化——比如我的信仰曾是人生核心，但如今慈善事业正成为新使命。但若没有父亲教导我理财和施舍之道，若我不曾谨慎管理财富...

It's the character traits that's well rounded that allows then your greater purpose to come into viewpoint. I think then the greater purpose is always evolving, right? Like, I mean, for me, I have this very big component of faith in my life. And yet faith, while it is a big part of my greater purpose, there's this kind of newer, purpose, which is the whole philanthropic side of what I'm doing. But I think that if you don't go back and I wasn't a good steward of my money and I didn't actually, you know, thankfully my dad taught me to give and to look for those that are in need around me.

若不善待钱财，我就无法回馈社会，更不会注意到周遭需求；即便看到需求，也没有资源采取行动。所谓小目标（我更愿称其为初级或过渡目标）的实践，往往是大目标浮现的前提。

If wasn't, you know, cautious and a good steward of my money, then I wouldn't have been able to give back. And then I wouldn't have been able to see the need around me. And then in seeing the need around me, I wouldn't have had enough resources to actually do something about it. Right. It's so many times living out those lesser purposes in our life, which I think are not necessarily lesser, but they're just like maybe an intermediate or a beginner purpose.

若缺乏生活自信与自我认知，大目标永远难以显现。所以年轻人更愿沉迷游戏——在那个规则明确的虚拟世界里当英雄。有研究显示，游戏吸引年轻人的正是其标准化规则体系，玩家能轻松获得成就感。

I think it's really hard to then allow the greater purpose to come into light. But again, it goes back to but until you have confidence and until you build that confidence in your life and who you are, it really is hard to find it. And so it's easier to play a video game. It's easier to sit in some alternate reality where you can be the hero and where there's rules. You know, I've read oftentimes that the reason that young men actually like video games so much and why they're so drawn to them is because it's a standardized set of rules that they get to play within and be successful at.

现实世界却充满混乱规则：老板一套、经理一套、同事又一套，各种力量相互撕扯。这种环境确实令人窒息。

You walk outside into the world or into the workforce and oftentimes there's no standardized set of rules. That's really hard, right? And then you have a boss that has one set of rules, and then you have a manager that has a different set of rules, and then you have coworkers that have different sets of rules. There's all these competing forces in the world. And it's like it is.

年轻人自然更愿退回游戏世界——在可控规则中获得成功快感。

It's easier for a young man to go back, get in the video game, play within a rule set that they can be successful at and feel better about themselves.

我从没想过人生目标会进化。但正如你所说，当持续自我投资时，更高使命的可能性就会扩展。比如先帮助家人，等财富自由后又能帮助更多人，这个观点很有意思。

I've never thought about your higher purpose evolving. And I think as you invest back into yourself, like you said, the potential for your higher purpose grows. You could help your family. And then when you had this financial success, all of sudden you could help other people. That's very interesting.

我常对弟弟们说：我们成长于自我牺牲式的家庭。进入恋情时总想彻底抛弃旧我，完全献祭给新关系。其实应该继续成长，带着更强大的自我去经营感情。

I think that I talk about sometimes to my younger brothers of like, I come from a very self sacrificing background and mode, and I know my brothers struggle with the same thing to where when we got in a relationship, our approach was sacrifice everything you were ever about, kill that and like offer yourself wholly to this new relationship when really you should still develop yourself and bring that new stronger self to the table.

太关键了！自我认知与探索之旅至关重要。真正的爱情不该是消灭自我，而是以最本真的状态参与。关系不是索取，而是全然的奉献。

So important. It's so important to identify who you are and be on this like mission of self discovery, because to me, I don't think any relationship should be you dying to self. I think it should be you bringing the purest form of yourself to it. A relationship shouldn't be taking away. It should be full contribution.

社会就像有不同的面向，对吧？即使你进入我们社会的教育领域，尤其是现在的大学，很多年轻男性被要求压抑自己的想法，循规蹈矩，完成本职工作。甚至连创新也常常被压制。这很不幸，因为他们被告知必须摒弃和贬低自己带来的东西。我认为有时叛逆，尤其是年轻人的叛逆，恰恰是领导力的最大标志。

It's like there's different sides of society, right? Like there's even if you go into the educational side of our society, especially like current universities, a lot of young men are told to hold their ideas, to just get in line, to do their job. Even innovation is oftentimes really pushed down. And it's unfortunate because then they're told what you have to bring needs to be pushed away and diminished. I think that sometimes rebellion, especially in a young man, is the greatest sign of leadership.

我欣赏这一点，因为我经常观察儿子们，他们的叛逆往往源于单纯的不想做某事。我持续在观察：他们是出于相信有更好的方法而反抗？还是仅仅因为懒惰而抗拒？

And I love that because to me, oftentimes I watch my sons and they'll rebel out of they just don't want to do it. They have no desire to do it, whatever. And I'm constantly watching. Are they doing it because they believe that there's a better way? Or are they doing it because they're not doing it because they're lazy?

明白吗？我不断观察并试图发现，他们的对抗中正显现出某些领导力特质。这源于他们试图探索自我身份，回归到成为天命所归之人的过程。他们内心有某种东西正试图破茧而出。

Right? And it's like I'm constantly watching and trying to see that there's some traits of leadership that are coming out of their pushback. It goes back to them trying to discover who they are. It comes back to they're trying to become who they were created to be. There's something inside of them that's trying to come out.

我们必须为这种成长留出足够空间。但很多社会机制不喜欢这样，尤其是教育体系。质疑常常遭到打压。苏格拉底式教学法用在学生身上很棒，但用在老师身上就不太受欢迎。很少有教师享受被这样质疑。

We have to leave enough room for that to happen. A lot of society doesn't like that, especially the educational system. Questioning is oftentimes pushed back. Kind of the Socratic method is great when it's pointed at the student, but not great when it's pointed at the teacher. Very few teachers enjoy being questioned in that way.

我认为我们需要为所有年轻人——不仅是男性——留出成长空间，让他们成为真正的自己，并推动他们实现更高目标。就像你说的，要促使他们展现最纯粹真实的自我，从而为关系做出贡献，而非压抑本性来维系关系。

And I think that we need to leave room for young people as a whole, not just men, but men and women. We to leave room for them to grow and to be who they are and to push them to their greater purpose. And like you said, to actually push them into being the most pure authentic self that they can contribute to a relationship, not just repress who they are so that they can receive in a relationship.

我认为这能培养自信，因为当他们反抗、尝试新事物时，获得的经验会赋予他们信心。我并非天生自信，我的信心是挣来的。当然，我认识一些天生就极度自信的人。

I think that leads into confidence because as they rebel, as they go out and attempt these things, they gain the experience that gives them the confidence. I wasn't born with confidence. I have to earn my own confidence. Sure. I know people who were born with an insane amount of confidence.

是啊。我有三个儿子，他们天生自信程度各不相同。部分源于天性，部分源于我的互动方式。比如我对长子要求极高——他三岁就能背出所有总统名字。

Yeah. I know that, you know, out of my three boys, they each came with different levels of confidence. And I think some of it is innate and some of it is my own interaction with them. You know, you take my oldest son where, I really demanded everything from him. You know, he knew his presidents by the time he was three.

他确实...我给他施加了巨大压力。如果打棒球，我们就每天在车道上练习。我让他对每项运动都精疲力尽。斯凯勒，爸爸很抱歉。

He's he does like I I, like, had all this, like, pressure on him. If if he played baseball, we were on the, you know, driveway playing baseball every single day. I burn him out on every single sport. You know? I'm I'm sorry, Skyler.

本不想让你透支热情。但现在和他聊任何体育赛事，他都一脸茫然：'啥？谁？发生什么？'完全提不起兴趣。

Didn't mean to burn you out. But I burn him out on every single sport. Now if you have a conversation about any sporting event in the world with him today, he's just like, what? What? Who?

第二个孩子就条件反射般顺从：'随便你说，我配合就行'。

What's going? It's just like he has no interest in it at all. My second one, knee jerk reaction, right? It's like, whatever you want, you tell me. I'll just participate.

你想玩什么运动我都陪你。如果不想运动也没关系。我就像走了完全相反的路。他发现自己有多热爱运动后，就开始自我鞭策之类的。但有趣的是，我们的大儿子斯凯勒在体育方面，可能因为我当初过度教导和训练他，反而让他在那个领域缺乏自信。

I'll participate in whatever sport you want. If you don't want play sports, that's Okay too. It was like I went the exact opposite way. And he discovered how much he liked sports, and he began to push himself and things like that. It's funny, though, because Skyler, our oldest, in sports, I think because I was trying to teach him so much and train him so much, it actually caused a lack of confidence in that area.

他自然转向了生活中让他有自信的领域。而二儿子泰特斯，因为我放任自流，他有着惊人的自信。他会直接告诉你他有多厉害，那种幽默感很有趣。但有意思的是，我认为他们的很多自信都源于我曾经的教养方式——说实话，回想起来，我对长子严格要求，很可能是因为当时作为父亲、老师和导师的我本身缺乏自信。

And he naturally went towards the area of life where he felt confident in. Our second son, Titus, because I just allowed it to happen, he has an insane amount of confidence. Like, he'll tell you how good he is. And it's funny, like it's humorous. But it's just it's interesting because I think a lot of that confidence is so instilled in them by how I was and honestly, like if you go back, probably the reason I pushed so hard on my oldest was because I had a lack of confidence as a dad, as a teacher, as a mentor, right?

我不想让他在棒球场上表现差，因为觉得那会反映我的失败，对吧？那时我是个年轻爸爸。现在看着泰特斯和小儿子麦迪克斯，感觉他们的成败与我无关。我只希望他们成为最好的自己——这种心态彻底改变了自信的 dynamics（动态关系）。

Like I didn't want for him to be bad on the baseball field because I felt like it had some bearing on me, right? Like I was a young dad. And now watching Titus and now Maddox, our youngest, it's like it has no bearing on me. And I just want them to be the best version of themselves. It just and it changes that whole confidence dynamic.

关于自信，我成长过程中曾将自信与傲慢混为一谈，这个误区我避之不及。很想听听你的看法。

With confidence, I think a pitfall that I avoided to a detriment was I growing up confused confidence and arrogance. And I'd love to hear your thoughts on that.

傲慢无法替代真正的自信。傲慢植根于 ego（自我），我认为 ego 的正确定义是：对自身能力不健康的信念。这种不健康的信念往往基于不真实或未经证实的认知，虚张声势就是这么来的。

You cannot replace confidence with arrogance. Arrogance is rooted in ego. I believe a good definition for ego, right, is an unhealthy belief in one's own abilities. And oftentimes, an unhealthy belief is based on something that isn't true or isn't proven, right? That's where bravado comes.

就像'你休想否定我'这种反应，其实源于我认为的自信的缺失。真正的自信是对自身能力的清醒认知和真实信念。而傲慢则是对能力不健康的盲目相信。

It's like, you're not going to tell me this. And it's just like this response based out of a lack of what I believe, which is confidence. Confidence is an understanding and a true belief in your abilities. And so to me, that's the contrast. Arrogance is like, an unhealthy belief in your abilities.

不能因为某次比赛夺冠就自认天下无敌。真正的自信是'我曾是冠军，所以没人能否定这个事实'。这中间有微妙差别，但你见到时自然能分辨。自信的人无需证明自己。

Just because I won this game one time, could be the champion. Confidence is I was the champion, and so therefore no one can take it away from me. And I think that there's just a subtlety there, but you know it when you see it. You know and you sense when somebody comes with confidence versus arrogance. In confidence, you don't have to prove yourself.

你让结果说话，但内心仍保有对自我的信念。傲慢则是'我必须向你证明我能行'，这恰恰暴露了内心深处的自我怀疑。这个差异很微妙，你可能误判他人，但很少欺骗自己。

You allow the result to speak for itself. But there's still that belief in self and ability. Arrogance is I got to prove to you that I'm capable because it really is showing that I probably inside or internalize the fact that I don't believe I'm capable. It's a subtle difference. And if you're not careful, you can mistake that in others, but you rarely mistake it in yourself.

内心的声音会告诉你，你究竟是胸有成竹，还是在虚张声势地伪装。这是人类与生俱来的感知能力。

There's self talk inside that's telling you whether you actually know what you're talking about or not, or if you're just bolstering and putting a facade up that's not real. In every human, we know that. We feel that.

好，问个完全自私的问题：如果意识到自己能力不足，是否就该放弃？还是该相信自己的能力，先尝试看看？

Okay. Completely selfish question. If you do find yourself in a position where you lack your ability, is that enough to, like, not pursue it? Or should you trust in your ability to know you can try and see if you can?

作为年轻人，我们需要允许孩子们失败。我们需要失败，也需要胜利，并庆祝那些胜利。因为我常会问一个员工或潜在员工：告诉我你人生中赢得过的一件事。

As a young person, we need to allow our kids to fail. We need to fail. And we need to win. And we need to celebrate those wins. Because how I often will ask an employee, a potential employee, I'll say, tell me about one thing that you've won in your life.

我这样问的原因是想看他们能否从中汲取力量。无论是拼写比赛、篮球赛还是其他事，只要你有过胜利并庆祝的经历，这种体验会让你敢于再次尝试，即使可能失败。但持续的失败往往会伤害你，削弱你尝试的能力或欲望。作为父亲，很容易总想让孩子不断进步，永远不让他们赢，对吧？

The reason I ask that is because I want to see if they can anchor into that. And it doesn't matter if it's a spelling bee or a basketball game or something, because if you have ever won and celebrated a win, there's something in that allows you to go try again, even though you might lose. But repetitive losing is typically what hurts you and what pushes down that ability or desire to try. As a dad, it's so easy to want to make my kids better, better, better, so never let them win. Right?

就像这种持续的压制——'做得不错，但还不够好'。即使你赢了，除非明年再赢，否则毫无意义。我认为我们应该庆祝胜利，不是降低标准，而是通过庆祝让胜利成为可能性的锚点。

Like, you know, just like this constant repression, right? Like, well, that was good, but not good enough. Know, it's like you did a good job. Yeah, you might have won that, but it doesn't matter unless you win next year, right? Like, and I think what we need to do is actually celebrate a win and not necessarily make it easy, but celebrate the win so that in that win we can anchor into this belief that it's possible.

若相信有可能，我们就会尝试；若认为毫无希望，我们要么苟且度日，要么假装努力。我希望员工至少有过一次胜利体验，因为胜利是文化、是感受、是信念。庆祝胜利至关重要，它赋予你尝试的勇气。我们常以'促进成长'为由打压年轻人的成就感。

If there's a belief that it's possible, then we'll try. If we believe that there is no possibility of ever, then we just we either just hardly go through life and we don't try or we pretend like we're trying when it's not really happening. And I want employees that have one win, something they can anchor into because winning is a culture, winning is a feeling, winning is a belief. And it's really important to win and to celebrate your wins because it allows you to try. You know, it's so easy to constantly push that down in young people for good reasons, trying to just get them to continue to develop and push harder and push harder.

但长期如此会让他们觉得自己永无胜算，这种感受终将消失。尝试非常重要，而信心往往源自早期胜利。你可以从中汲取力量。

But if you do that too long, it makes them feel like they can never win. And then the feeling goes away. It's so important to try. And the confidence comes in typically early winning, right? And you can anchor into that.

而傲慢通常源于不确定能否胜利时的伪装，那种'假装直到成功'的心态。不，你的人生需要实实在在的成功。

Whereas, you know, arrogance is when you oftentimes don't know if you can win or not, you're going to pretend. And that's the fake it till you make it type mindset. Like, well, just keep faking it. Someday you'll win. It's like, no, you need to have some successes in your life.

庆祝那些成功，以此为根基，继续尝试，持续成长。

Celebrate those successes, anchor into those successes and continue to try and continue to grow.

我认为庆祝胜利很重要，但我的本能反应往往是羞耻——觉得那是傲慢或炫耀。其实存在健康优雅的庆祝方式，源于自信、自控。这种人最具魅力，因为他们活成了别人向往的样子。

Celebrating the wins, I think, is important and probably at least for me, my gut reaction is shame. It's like, no, that's arrogance or gloating. But no, I think there's a healthy, graceful way to achieve that. So from confidence, control, self control. I think those people are like the most attractive to people because they're doing what you wish you could.

就像大卫·戈金斯吸引人的地方——他在某些领域有着极致的自控力。

I think that's like the appeal of David Goggins. It's like, you know mentally he has the most self control in certain areas. Yeah.

是的，控制与自我调节相辅相成。看到有人在巨大压力下仍能自我调节，这对大多数人极具吸引力，因为我们深知自己的脆弱。目睹他人战胜脆弱的过程令人振奋。

Yeah, control and self regulation are cousins. And watching somebody that can self regulate through tremendous amount of pressure is really appealing to most people because we all know how weak we are. You know, all of us have some level of weakness that we're all dealing with. And watching somebody who can self regulate through weakness is really empowering. It's exciting.

然而，自制力能帮助我们应对恐惧。父亲在身边时我很少害怕，但我有位亲戚——我不便透露是谁——这位亲戚会突然暴怒，情绪激动、亢奋或愤怒，你懂的，这种行为滋生了恐惧，因为我不知道他会做出什么事。就像你完全无法预料。所以这实际上孕育了恐惧。

Self control, though, helps us with fear. I rarely was afraid when my dad was around, but I had a relative. I won't speak to who the relative is, but that relative would fly off the handle, would get emotional, excited, mad, you know, like and and what it did was it bred fear because I didn't know what he was capable of. It just it was like you didn't know. And so it actually bred fear in.

真正男子气概与自制力的作用在于，它能给周围人带来平静与安全感。而当你走向反面时，就会滋生恐惧。我不知道那个人会做出什么，不知道接下来会发生什么。

So what happens is is with true masculinity, with true self control, right? What it does is it brings a calmness and a lack of fear to those that are around us. And what happens is when you go the opposite, it breeds fear. I don't know what that person's capable of. I don't know what's going to happen next.

我不知道他会对谁发火，不知道他会对我说什么，你懂的，这种不确定性让人变得极难接近。在我的团队里，我始终要求自己保持绝对自制，因为这样才能成为别人最敢接近的安全港湾。即便我拥有最高权威，也应当是最平易近人的人。

I don't know who they'll go off on. I don't know what they're going to say to me. I don't know what you know, it's like and so then they become very, very unapproachable. You know, it's like, I know sometimes that in my organization, what I want to be is in complete self control because it becomes the safest place for people to approach me. Even though I have ultimate authority, I should be the most approachable person.

他们可能会感到敬畏，但这不意味着害怕。通常团队里最大的恐惧来源于那个让人捉摸不透的领导者——你不知道他的底线，也猜不到他下一步行动。作为领导者，真正的自制力或许令人敬畏，但必须成为每个人心中最安全的存在。

Now, they might be intimidated, but that doesn't mean that they're scared. You know, like they're not afraid of me. Typically, it's the person, it's the leader that they don't know what they're capable of and they don't know what their next action is going to be, that creates the largest amount of fear in an organization. And to me as a leader, true control, self control, while sometimes it may be intimidating, it should be the safest place for anyone.

关于自我调节和自制力有什么快速建议吗？虽然你刚才已经提到过...

Any quick tips on self regulation, self control? And I know you touched on these, but

自制力的首要根基是自信。通常失控源于内心对事态恶化或失控的恐惧。在我看来这是个线性过程：真正的自信催生自制力，自制力使人能成为他人的守护者。这三个'C'（confidence自信, control自制, champion守护）其实是递进关系。

You know, tips on self control is number one, it's rooted in confidence. Usually a lack of self control is because of a fear that's already inside that something may get out of hand or something is outside of your control. So that confidence then to me, it's a linear pathway, like true confidence then leads to self control. Self control then leads to I can go be a champion for others. I feel like those three C's are actually linear.

这就像垫脚石——如果你不能真正认同自我价值，就很难保持自制。所以若缺乏自制力，首先要回归本源：重新认识你自己。

And I also feel like it's like a stepping stone. It's like if you don't actually have true confidence in who you are and, you know, what you are, then it's really tough to then have self control. So I think if you lack self control, number one, you got to go back and start discovering who you are.

最后是守护者角色。我们之前聊过，你需要找到一个能锚定未来自我的榜样，同时明确生活中你需要守护的人。

Then the last one, champion. We've talked about this before in our life, but you do need to find an example that you can anchor into of who you can become and then maybe identify in your life who you need to be a champion for.

确实。真正的男性气概超越自我。当拥有自信与自制力时，就获得了为他人而活的能力——我认为这就是爱的定义：甘愿为他人牺牲而不求回报。

Sure. Yeah, I think a true masculine male lives for more than just self. And in your confidence, in self control, there's this now ability to live on behalf of others, which I think is a good definition of love. Right? The willingness or the desire to sacrifice on behalf of another without expecting anything in return.

这才是大爱。真正的男性在成为守护者时，展现的正是这种强大的爱的力量。当你看到充满阳刚之气的男人温柔拥抱孩子，或对女性表达爱意与关怀时，那场景格外动人。

Right? That's a great definition of love. And I think that a true masculine male in being a champion is actually exhibiting this massive force of love. Right? I love when you see a man that just seems to be manly and you watch him hug a child or express love or compassion or affection to a woman.

或者我前几天在刷社交媒体时，关注了一位健美运动员，他是奥林匹亚先生。我看到他抱起一只拉布拉多犬亲吻，这个魁梧大汉对动物流露爱意的画面让我觉得特别温馨。这种反差有种打动人心的力量。

Or I was watching social the other day and there's this guy that I follow who's a bodybuilder and he's Mr. Olympia. And I watched him grab this lab that he was like a dog, and he kissed this lab. And to me, there was something endearing about it to watch this big burly control of a guy express love to an animal. There's something endearing to it.

但这又回归到冠军精神。当你有绝对的自信时，就能超越自我防卫，去守护那些无法自卫的人。这正是我希望儿子们达到的境界——拥有强大的自信心。

But again, it goes back to that champion. When you have the highest level of confidence in self, then you can step out of defending your own and go defend someone else that is indefensible. And that, to me, is where I would love to see my sons end up. Right? Like, I want them to have massive amounts of confidence.

我希望他们能掌控自我，更希望他们践行我的祈愿：在教导他们男子气概时，我总想着要让他们成为他人的守护者，为无力自卫者挺身而出，无论是异国他乡的陌生人，还是身边正遭受不公的弱者。那些街头实验中，多数人对假装遇险的女性视若无睹的场景，正说明当代社会多么缺乏这种守护精神。

I want them to be in control of themselves. But I also want them to really like the prayer and the thought I have for my own sons as I'm trying to teach masculinity to them is and go be a champion for someone else, you know, be a champion for someone who can't help themselves, whether it's somebody in a foreign place or just somebody that's right next to you watching somebody who is being taken advantage of and step in their place and help them. You know, I watch these social kind of experiments where they'll put a woman in distress in a crowded street to see who reacts and what happens. And it's amazing how few people will react to help be a champion for someone else. You know, how many people just stand there and watch, you know?

我们的合作伙伴丹·弗莱什曼创办的'黑色行动'训练营就设置了这类情境教学：在教授防身术时安排女演员突然指控邻座性骚扰。可悲的是，即便在这种以培养守护者为宗旨的活动中，也仅有一人出手相助。

One of our good friends and partners, Dan Fleishman, has a thing called Operation Black Sight and they actually, while teaching these men and women how to defend themselves, how to stand up for others, how to get like crazy stuff, Like how to shoot guns, how to wrestle, how to like their self defense. They put in a scenario there where they had a woman who stood up and like in acting, but no one knew was acting, slammed the table, yelled at the guy next to her and said, Stop touching me. You violated me, to see what reaction would happen. And even at that event, there was only one man who stepped up to help. And they're at an event that they're being taught to do this.

根源在于社会机制的压制——就像螃蟹桶效应，当有人试图爬出桶外时，其他螃蟹会将其拽回。社会正在系统性消解我们彼此守护的本能。

And the reason is because society pushes against it. Society pushes against us being champions for each other. Society pulls you back down. It's the crabs in the bucket, right? Like one starts to get out and the others are all dragging you back in.

观察我和身边人的人生转折点，发现婚姻和育儿往往是觉醒时刻。当找到值得守护的事业或家人时，人们才能真正成为勇者。很多人缺失的正是这种精神支点——就我个人而言...

Looking through my life and then like the life of a lot of people around me, I've noticed a shift in a lot of people happen when they a wife, when they have a kid. When you find something, a career, it's like when you get that thing to be a champion for. And I think that's where a lot of people are falling is. You can only because even and I'll speak for myself right now. I won't speak generally.

当我只为自己而活时毫无进取心，觉得'反正只关乎我自己'。但预见婚姻可能性的那一刻，整个世界观瞬间重构——我突然明白未来要为妻子、家庭和子女负责。

When I was just living for myself, there wasn't a lot of drive to push to do better. I didn't have that inside of me. And I was very willing to like, it doesn't really matter because it's just me. And then the second I realized that I might be in a relationship that would end in marriage, my whole paradigm shift and I was like, Oh, I'm no longer doing this for me. I'm doing it for the future of me, my wife, my family, and now my kids.

这种守护关系确实成为了我人生的锚点与方向。

So I think that is something that like for myself I needed to ground me, give me direction.

多数人都需要这种精神寄托。这又回归到爱的本质——爱与守护本就是同义词。真正的爱会自然催生守护行为，而婚姻关系就是最初的实践场，夫妻完全可以互为守护者。

I think most people do to live for it. But again, it goes back to what is love. And I think that's why love and being a champion for someone else is so synonymous, because when you truly love and you express love, oftentimes you can't help but be a champion. And so the first natural place is in the person in the relationship with. And I think women can be champions for their husbands and husbands can be champions for their wives.

守护绝非男性专属特质，只是我特别看重这项品质。尤其当你面对毫无自卫能力的新生儿时，那种前所未有的爱会让你理解守护的真谛。

I don't think that that's only a character trait of a masculine male. I think it's just one of the traits that I want in my life. But then, you know, certainly for your children, I mean, you know, I don't know that I've ever felt love the way I felt it until I had a child come into the world and they could not help themselves. Right. And then it was like it was a different kind of love.

你知道，就像在一段关系中，他们可以自助，对吧？你不需要为他们挡风遮雨。你不必为他们辩护。你不需要照顾他们。你拥有的是一个无助的孩子。

You know, like being in a relationship, they can help themselves, right? Like you don't have to fend for them. You don't have to defend them. You don't have to care for them. You have a helpless child.

突然间整个范式彻底转变了。然后我认为这让你洞察到自己还能为他人做些什么。当你感受到对孩子的爱时，你会意识到，如果你能锚定这种感受，想象你拥有的那个孩子有多么无助、多么无法自卫，他们完全没有能力独自创造和维持生命，没有人保护他们。对吧？他们是完全脆弱的。

All of sudden that whole paradigm shifts for sure. And then I think it gives you insight into what else you could do for others. As you feel that love for a child, you realize if you could anchor into that and if you could realize like you picture that child that you have and how helpless they were and how indefensible they were, how they had no ability to create and sustain life on their own, no one to protect them. Right? Like they were completely vulnerable.

突然间你感受到的那种爱如此轻易地延伸给了他们。现在想象一下世界上数百万没有这种爱的孩子。你能对他们表达同样的情感和爱吗？你能成为他们的捍卫者吗？想想看，他们无人依靠。

And all of a sudden that love you felt and that love extended to them so easily. Now picture the millions of children around the world who don't have that. Like, could you could you express the same feeling and love for them? Could you be a champion on their like, think about that. Like, they have no one for them.

世界上有数百万孤儿，对吧？数百万需要温饱和教育的孩子。不仅如此，世界上还有处于同样境遇的成年人。我认为一旦你体验过一次爱，就很容易重新锚定那种感觉，开始成为他人的守护者。

Like, there's millions of orphans, right? Like millions of kids that need to be fed and educated. And there's but not only that, there's adults in this world. They're in the same spot, you know? And so I think it's easy once you experience a love one time to then anchor back into that and begin to be a champion for someone else.

我想这就是为什么在一段关系中、拥有孩子如此让人踏实——因为它给了你那些经历，而这些经历在它们发生在你身上之前是不易获得的。

And I think that that's why, you know, being in a relationship, having children is so grounding is because it gives you those experiences that I don't know that they're just not easy to come by until they happen to you.

有道理。

That makes sense.

所以我认为挑战在于——你听过我的三个C标准（注：可能指某种价值观体系）。你达标了吗？我知道自己并非每天都达标。我渴望达标，正在努力，这件事始终摆在我面前。但在你生活中践行它，将为他人产生涟漪效应。

So I think the challenge is, is you heard my three C's. How do you measure up? I know that I don't measure up every single day. I want to, and I am working at it, and it's something that's in front of me all the time. But modeling it in your own life will create a ripple effect for others.

首先，审视自己。你具备这些品格特质吗？还是你在虚张声势？你是出于 ego 和贪婪在虚张声势，试图成为你不是的人吗？就像我们谈到的傲慢那样。或者你能找到这种品质吗？

And so first of all, check yourself. Like, do you have those character traits or are you beating your chest? Are you beating your chest out of ego and avarice and just trying to be something you're not, right? That arrogance we talked about. Or can you find this?

它存在于你内心吗？因为践行这一点将产生巨大的影响力，创造巨大的影响。这不正是我们想要的吗？为了正确的理由对他人产生影响力。所以对我来说，首先是自我审视，然后以同样标准要求他人。

Like, is it in you? Because playing that out is going to create massive influence, is going to create massive impact. And that's what we all want, right? To be influential and impactful on others and do it for the right reason. And so to me, I think it's check yourself and then it's hold others to the same level of that standard.

对我来说，我也在努力以这个标准要求身边的男性。最近在我们某个社区里，我曾站在台上说：'我们将捍卫需要被捍卫的人'。我不会允许有人被剥削。我要让人们对此负责。所以如果你认同这个理念，就用它来检视自己，确保自己朝着这个方向成长，然后要求你周围的人同样做到。

For me, it's like I am trying to also hold the men around me to that standard. You know, even in our community recently, one of the communities we have, I stood up on stage and I said, we will defend those who need defended, right? Like I'm not going to allow people to be taken advantage of. I want to hold people accountable to it. So if you buy into this concept, check yourself towards it, make sure you're growing towards that, and then hold others accountable to it around you.

非常感谢您参与本期播客并收听今天的节目。期待与您进一步交流，您可以通过任何社交媒体平台关注我的账号EddieWilsonOfficial与我联系。

Thanks so much for being a part of the podcast and for listening today. Love to connect with you further, and you can connect with me on social media EddieWilsonOfficial on any of the social media channels.