Meet Rob. Meet Rich.

嘿。

Hey.

嘿。

Hey.

怎么了？

What's going on?

罗伯和里奇是漫展之王。

Rob and Rich are the kings of Con.

大家好。

Hi, everybody.

我是罗伯·贝内迪克特。

This is Rob Benedict.

我是理查德·斯佩特二世。

And I'm Richard Spate junior.

我们是漫展之王，我们来找你了。

We are the Kings of Con, and we are coming to you.

我们现在拍的是我们第一集的前传，那集是昨晚拍的。

What we're we're shooting right now is a a prequel to our first episode, which we shot last night.

对。

Yes.

没错。

It is.

而且当——

And when

我说拍，其实是录的意思。

I say shot it, I mean, recorded it.

不是啦。

Nah.

但我们确实也拍了。

But we also shot it.

但我们也拍了，这对我们来说是头一回。

But we also shot it, which is a first for us.

我的头发真的很难看。

My hair is just really bad.

我是说，我还不习惯视频。

I mean, I'm not used to the video.

我也不习惯视频。

I'm not used to the video either.

然后我意识到，好吧，就这样吧。

And I realized, well, there you go.

别动。

Don't move.

你的头发看起来挺好的。

Your hair looks fine.

我注意到的是，当我戴着耳机的时候……

What I'm noticing is that when I have headphones in...

所以，我们已经开了个好头。

So already, we started out great.

我忘带耳机了。

I forgot my headphones.

所以……

So...

而且我现在在俄勒冈州的约瑟夫镇，对。

And I'm in, you know, Joseph, Oregon Yeah.

借了个空屋子来录播客。

Borrowing an empty cabin to do the podcast.

我的耳机不在这间屋子里。

My headphones are not in this cabin.

所以

So

我已经搞砸了。

I already have screwed it up.

但是，对。

But Yeah.

我现在才注意到。

And I'm I notice it now.

任何人给我发短信，就会叮一声。

Anybody sends me a text, and it goes, ding.

以前只在耳机里响。

It used to only go on my headphones.

那倒不是问题。

It wasn't a problem.

现在它就会直接在这里响。

Now it's gonna go right in here.

不过还好，我不是很受欢……

But you could also Luckily, I'm not pop...

不是很受欢迎。

Very popular.

你可以把那个关掉。

So You could turn off that.

你很有名，而且你需要……

You're very popular, and you need...

你可以关掉那个应用。

You can turn off that app.

看到了吧？

See?

我喜欢你那种“我不出名”的样子，然后你刚才还朝窗外的人挥手。

I love how you're like I can't I love how you're like, I'm not I'm I'm not popular, then you just waved at someone out the window.

那是市长候选人迈克尔·琼肯。

That was mayoral candidate Michael Junken.

所以我就……

So I

约瑟夫·俄勒冈的市长竞选人来看我了。

had a visit from Joseph Oregon mayoral contender

确实。

That's true.

迈克尔·琼肯。

Michael Junken.

好的。

Alright.

我要关掉

I'm turning off

这些乱七八糟的东西。

all this crap.

你真是太好了。

That's kind of you.

好。

Okay.

听着。

Listen.

所以

So

我们昨晚录了那期节目。

we we we we did the episode last night.

我们想先做个小小的前传，让大家热热身，因为这是

We wanna do a little prequel here just to warm people up because this

对我们来说是个新播客。

is a new podcast for us.

对。

Yep.

但我……

But I'm...

你在俄勒冈州。

You're in Oregon.

我在上面，

I'm up up

在

in

从温哥华……

Vancouver from...

我们……

We...

这个我们该叫什么？

What what what do we call this?

Fartoon Studios，就是Fartoon的温哥华分部？

Fartoon Studios, the the Vancouver branch of Fartoon?

Fartoons？

Fartoons?

是Fartoons A。

It's it's Fartoons a.

Fartoons A。

Fartoons a.

通常，主工作室是Fartoon A，然后分部就是Fartoon B。

Usually, like, the main studio would be fartoon A and then the satellite studio would be Fartoon B.

但就是Fartoons和Fartoons，

But it's just Fartoons and Fartoons,

A。

A.

A。

A.

好的。

Alright.

所以我们这次做这个，不是说昨晚没有技术问题，但我觉得我们还是撑过来了。

So we're doing this and not to say last night, didn't have technical difficulties, but I think we pulled it out.

我们对第一位嘉宾真的非常期待。

We're really excited about our first guest.

我们等不及让你们都听到。

We can't wait for you all to hear it.

我们非常兴奋。

We're very excited.

所以这是一个……

So this is a...

如果这是一个开场白，但它也会满足那些渴望、期盼更多Rob和Rich以及其他剧集的人。

If this is a preamble, but it's also gonna satisfy, like, those of you lusting, yearning for, you know, more Rob and Rich and other episode.

好吧，这肯定是……

Well, this has gotta be...

我的意思是，就是这个。

I mean, this is it.

就是这个。

This is it.

我希望你满意。

I hope you're happy.

是的，兄弟。

Yeah, man.

而且而且……

And and...

但是，这个……

But this...

但你现在看到的是新常态的诞生。

But what you're seeing is you're seeing the genesis of the new normal.

接下来会发生什么。

What's gonna be happening.

首先，你们只会看到几集有这些背景的节目。

For starters, you're only gonna get a handful of episodes with these backgrounds.

Rob只会在遥远的库夫那边做几集。

Rob's only gonna be doing a few up there in the remote world of the couve.

我不会永远待在俄勒冈州的约瑟夫，或者我会，但我觉得不会。

And I won't be in Joseph Oregon forever, or I will be, but I don't think it will be.

但现在我在一个小女孩的卧室里。

But right now I'm in a little girl's bedroom.

好吧，我不该这么说。

Well, I shouldn't say that.

她是个青少年，但这个……

She's a teenager, but this...

你知道，我不常会有这个背景。

You know, I won't have this background that often.

而且我也不会再有这个上下铺的主题了。

And I won't have this bunk bed theme.

漂亮。

Beautiful.

我的艺术……

My art...

看到我挂在墙上的艺术了吗？

And see my art on the wall here?

真漂亮。

Just beautiful.

而且，你知道，我选了米白色的墙。

And, you know, I went I went with the cream color for the walls.

我觉得那真的很不错。

I thought that that was really

我喜欢你那样做。

I like the way you did.

你做了个背景墙，但用的是同一种绿色。

You did an accent wall, but in the same green color.

没错。

Exactly.

但是……

But...

所以我们想给你个小预览，然后告诉你……

So so we wanted to give you a little sneak peek and and tell you...

让你看看你面对的是什么。

Just so you could see what you're dealing with.

说实话，我们也想看看我们面对的是什么，因为你知道，我们昨晚是心血来潮做的。

Also Quite frankly, we we wanted to see what we were dealing with because, know, we did this last night on a Lark.

好吧，看来也不是一时兴起。

Well, I guess it wasn't on a Lark.

我们知道要做这件事，但只是下载了软件，然后试了一下……

We knew we're gonna do it, but we just kinda downloaded the software and we're giving it a...

我们的试播也是第一集。

Our test run was also our first episode

没错。

That's right.

或者说，这将是我们的第二集。

Or which is gonna be our second episode.

但奇怪的是，我们已经录了13集，只是听对方说话，然后互相回应。

But it's weird because we've been doing 13 episodes of just hearing each other talk and reacting off.

所以当Rob在我讲感人的家庭故事时去做些小动作，比如中途调杯酒，我都不知道他在干嘛。

So when Rob goes and does something dinky, like make a drink in the middle of one of my heartfelt family centric stories, I didn't know what he was doing.

我只听到背景里摇酒器的声音，然后意识到，哦，他根本不在乎我在讲Mima和她的病。

And I would just hear, like, you know, martini shakers in the background and realize, oh, he doesn't he doesn't care that I'm talking about Mima and her illness.

但现在我能看到你站起来走开了。

But now I'm gonna be able to see you get up and go away.

你也能看到我走开。

You'll get to see me walk away.

而且你之前说，有时候你会觉得是直播，所以中途去上厕所，对吧。

And when you did the whole bit about how you sometimes will tinkle mid show because you think it's a live show Right.

你也不说一声。

And you don't say, hey.

比如暂停一下，让我去上个厕所。

Let's pause it so I can go Tinkle.

就像放狗一样。

Release the hounds as it were.

你就那样……

You're like...

现在我得看着你坐立不安，然后去尿尿。

And now I'm gonna have to see you get antsy and then go pee.

然后我说话的时候，你就在那儿回短信，我也能看到。

And then I get to see you answering texts whenever I talk.

哎呀，天哪。

Oh, man.

你知道更奇怪的是什么吗？

You know what's even gonna weird?

我们还没聊到最重要的……

We we we haven't talked about the important...

最吓人的是，你看我肩膀后面那儿了吗？

The scariest part is, like, see right there over my shoulder?

总有一天，会有人拿着大砍刀悄悄来找我们。

Some point, we're gonna get a shadowy visit from the machete.

大砍刀。

Machete.

我是说，我们到时候会……

I mean, we're gonna be...

大家都能看到她变得多么重要。

People are gonna be able to see her loom large.

嗯，而且不是不是不是……

Well, and not not not...

剧透警告，但我们确实有来自外界的最新消息，由弗兰克·斯佩德在第一集，也就是现在的第二集中报道。

Spoiler alert, but we do have news from the outside world with Frank Spade in the first, what is now the second episode.

这是来自那位最沮丧的独家记者的意外插播。

An an unplanned interruption from the one and only correspondent with the most despondent.

没错。

That's right.

弗兰克·斯佩德。

Frank Spade.

那我们现在进入正题，我们有一些……

So getting down to business here, we've got...

观众朋友们，我们需要你们的帮助。

We need your help audience.

我们需要选一首主题曲。

We need to pick a theme song.

我已经写了，是的。

I've written Yeah.

我写了三首。

I've written three.

我们聊聊……

We talk about...

我的意思是，我……

I mean, I'm...

你看，你是这个节目的音乐总监。

You look, you're you're the musical director of the show.

没人会抢走你这个头衔。

Nobody's gonna take that title away from you.

没人会跟你争这个。

No one's arguing with you about that.

所以我不...

So I don't...

所以在我们开始这段对话之前，我想让你知道你的工作很稳定。

So when we start this conversation, I want you to know your job is safe.

谢谢。

Thank you.

好吗？

Okay?

谢谢。

Thank you.

但你刚才放的那首主题曲

But that theme song you just dropped right now

听起来很像我们的第一首主题曲，只是换了歌词。

Sounded an awful lot like our first theme song, just with different words.

嗯，我喜欢...

Well, I like...

你看。

Look.

这是经典。

It's a classic.

我挺喜欢的。

I kinda like it.

我觉得很上口。

I think it's catchy.

我发现自己会哼它。

I find myself singing it.

简短、好听，又直接。

It's short and sweet and to the point.

所以那个……

So that...

那就是……

That's...

我们现在再听一遍。

Let's hear it again right now.

所以这是主题曲比赛的第一首参赛作品。

So this is the this is the first entry into the theme song contest.

一共有三个选择。

There are three choices.

这是第一个选择。

Here's choice number one.

那就播放那个气势磅礴的第一个选择吧。

So play the big booming choice number one thing.

好的。

Okay.

行。

Alright.

我给这个打一只脏袜子。

I give that one one dirty sock.

哇。

Wow.

嗯，我我我不确定这是好还是不好。

Well, I I I don't know if that's good or not.

我们看看吧。

We'll see.

我也不确定。

I don't either.

好的。

Okay.

那么第二个选项，稍微有点桑巴风格的那种？

So then with this second option, with with something a little little more like a Samba?

更像桑巴一点。

Little more like Samba.

好的。

Okay.

好的。

Alright.

我给这个打两根编织针。

I give that one two knitting needles.

哇。

Wow.

谁知道呢？

Who knew?

而且这个的好处是，我之前没意识到我会在哪里得到……

So what's great about this too is that I didn't realize where I was gonna get...

首先，我们不会剪辑这个。

First of all, that we're not editing this.

我们……

We're...

我真的有固定的时间要把这些歌塞进去，因为我们……不。

I I literally have a certain time I'm gonna have to fit these songs in as we're No.

确实。

That's true.

不过，你也可以暂停一下，去看看日落之类的画面，然后再回来。

Although, guess you could pause it and go away to, like, you know, an image of the sunset or something and then come back.

当然。

Sure.

无所谓。

Whatever.

也许……

Maybe...

我觉得我们应该这么做。

I think we should.

总之，所以……

Anyway, so...

好的。

Okay.

第三个选项。

Option number three.

我就让它自己说话吧。

I'm just gonna let it speak for itself.

好的。

Okay.

关于Con。

Of Con.

我叫Rob Benedict。

My name's Rob Benedict.

别叫我Ron。

Don't call me Ron.

是Rob。

It's Rob.

有个b，像basketball里的b。

There's a b like basketball.

我和里奇·斯佩德在一起。

I'm with Rich Spade.

他还是个新人呢，各位。

He's a junior, y'all.

我的喜剧可是超前时代的。

Cutting edge comedy ahead of my time.

就像约翰尼·卡森，或者

Like Johnny Carson or

李安·莱姆斯。

Lee Ann Rhymes.

做专辑

Making album

引用专辑就像什么什么什么的。

references like blah blah blah.

我们不知道国王降临的世界。

We don't the world where the Kings have come.

这是个不错的选择。

It's a good choice.

这是个不错的……

It's a good...

你懂吧？

You know?

我没有投票权，先跟大家说清楚。

I don't get a vote, just so people know.

这……

It...

没人关心我怎么想，因为我不参与投票。

Nobody nobody cares what I think because I'm not voting in this.

但如果你有投票权，你会给那个打几分？

But if you did, what would you give that one?

你想……

You wanna...

说实话？

Honestly?

我会给它一个地球。

I'd give it one globe.

那不就是整个世界嘛。

Well, that's the whole world.

你手里握着整个世界。

You got the whole world in your hands.

所以罗比，音乐总监罗伯·本尼迪克特提出了三个选项。

So Robbie, musical director Rob Benedict has come up with three options.

罗伯，在信任意见的世界里，说到想法，他可不信任。

Rob, in the world of trusting opinions, when it comes to mind, he doesn't.

所以我没有投票权。

So I don't get to vote.

但我也取消了他的投票权，因为他跟这些选项太熟了。

But I'm also removing his ability to vote because he's too close to them all.

这些都是他的心血。

They're all his babies.

没错。

True.

如果让罗伯来决定，这三首都能当主题曲，但世界不是这么运作的，罗伯特。

If if we're up to Rob, they'd all three be theme songs, and that's not just how the world works, Robert.

说得对。

That's correct.

总得有个主题曲。

Gotta have a theme song.

一个节目，一首主题曲。

One show, one theme song.

你想要三首主题曲？

You wanna have three theme songs?

那就开三个节目。

Have three shows.

我们生活的世界不是那样的。

That's not the world we live in.

对吧？

Okay?

我觉得我好像惹麻烦了。

I feel like I'm in trouble.

哦。

Oh.

而且我没有……

And I didn't...

我不知道。

I don't know.

什么？

What?

嗯，你……

Well, you...

你这是在得寸进尺啊。

You're pushing it.

你呀，先生，带着你那些主题曲，你就只配一首。

You, mister, with all your theme songs, you just get one.

随手就从口袋里掏出主题曲来。

Just dropping theme songs out of your pockets.

全世界有很多人连一首主题曲都没有。

There are people all over the world don't have a theme song.

有些播客连主题曲都没有。

There are podcasts with no theme song.

人们就这么走来走去。

The people are walking around.

他们没有什么好听的音乐来开场。

There's no great musical entree for them.

他们只能靠你的主题曲来开始生活。

They just have to start life with you with your theme songs.

总之，罗比，你继续说吧。

Anyway, so So go on Robbie Yeah.

我和罗比要推出一个……

And I are going to launch a...

你们管这个叫什么来着？

What do you call it?

频道？

A channel?

什么什么什么鬼

What what what the hell

是什么？

is it?

Patreon频道。

Patreon channel.

一个Patreon频道。

A Patreon channel.

对。

Yes.

还有YouTube频道。

As well as a YouTube channel.

还有YouTube频道。

And a YouTube channel.

还有我们平时发布纯音频播客的地方。

And our our our normal normal location for our audio only podcast.

所以你会听到很多Rob和Rich的内容，多到你想吐，吐在你爱的人身上。

So you're gonna get you're gonna get so much Rob and Rich in your life that you're gonna wanna barf all over your loved ones.

你会对我们感到厌烦的。

And You're you're gonna get sick of us.

你爸妈也会对我们感到厌烦的。

Your mom and dad are gonna get sick of us.

不过，爱你们哦。

Meanwhile, love you

是我们的一个大粉丝。

one big fan of ours.

赶紧穿上塑料雨衣吧，因为我们要吐了。

Start wearing plastic because here comes the vomit.

罗比。

Robbie.

对，里奇。

Yeah, Rich.

我喜欢，我喜欢你的

I like I like your

选择。

choice.

Patreon。

Patreon.

去Patreon看看吧。

Go to Patreon.

把这个搞清楚，但他们到时候可以投票

Figure this out, but they're gonna be able to vote

为他们的Patreon投票。

Vote for their Patreon.

大家到时候都能投票。

People are gonna be able to vote.

听好了。

Listen.

我知道Patreon是个要付费才能加入的东西。

I know Patreon's like a a thing you pay to be a part of.

我们会让你觉得物有所值。

We're gonna make it worth your while.

这会像是一个关于Rob和Rich所有内容的粉丝页面。

It's gonna be like a fan page for all things Rob and Rich.

我们会做有趣的内容。

We're gonna do fun content.

这是一个让你参与进来的方式。

It's a way for you to join in.

所以不只是我们在跟你说话。

So it's not just us talking to you.

你可以……

You get to...

你的声音能被听到。

Your voice gets to be heard.

而且我们也厌倦了只看到彼此。

And we're tired of just seeing each other.

所以，能有人提交想法、感受、创意，回应我们做的事情，而且在这种情况下，还能通过选主题曲来很大程度上塑造这个节目，那真是太好了。

So it's gonna be nice to have people submit thoughts, feelings, ideas, respond to what we're doing, and and in this case, very, very, very much get to shape the show by picking the theme song.

所以，对。

So Right.

你来选。

You get to pick it.

从今天起一周后收听，你就能听到我们……

Tune in a week from today, and you'll get to hear what we...

你选的主题曲会在第二集播出，其实如果这算第一集的话，那第二集就是真正的第一集。

What you what you chose as our theme song in episode number two, which is really episode number one if this is a

对。

Yes.

开场白。

Preamble.

嗯，但为了不让大家混淆，我们得叫它第二集。

Well, but we have to call it episode two for for the sake of not confusing everybody.

我们能叫它第零集吗？

Can we call it episode zero?

只是说说而已。

Just saying.

零。

Zero.

为什么零从来不是个选项呢？

Why is zero never an option?

嗯，零起点嘛，你知道，人们会说，我们回到了最初开始的地方。

Well, ground zero, you know, and people are like, well, we're starting back where we started.

所以那就是零起点。

So that's ground zero.

所以，我觉得，确实有个零起点。

So, I mean, I guess that's there is a ground zero.

如果这是第一集，但标题叫第零集，怎么样？

What if this is episode one, but the title of the episode is episode zero?

那以后我们都这么干？

And what if we do that going forward?

第二集的标题是第一集。

Episode two's title is episode one.

那肯定不会让人困惑。

That won't get confusing.

不。

No.

就像是不。

That's like it's No.

赛季开始的时候。

Beginning of the season.

我们不会那么做。

We won't do that.

我们会说这是……

We're gonna say this is...

不。

No.

会是第一集。

It's gonna be episode one.

我……

I'm...