摇摆

这是一个ABC播客。

This is an ABC podcast.

看着我丈夫与其他女性发生性关系，对我来说非常有吸引力。

Watching my husband have sex with other women is a huge turn on for me.

你来到这里，只是观看自然的人们进行自然的性行为，然后你会想，这也许适合我。

You come here and you just watch natural people having natural sex and you're like, that could work for me.

我想，这种乐趣的一部分可能也在于成为那种你清楚知道每个人都渴望的人。

I suppose a part of the enjoyment probably is also being that person that you kinda know that everyone wants.

我们有一个群交之夜。

We have a gangbang night.

它被称为三座位。

It's called the three seats.

所以，对于每一位女性，都会有三位男性，全是男性。

So it's cock, cock, cock for every one female that you've got three guys.

swingers 是指你可以与其他人在性方面互动，但与自己的伴侣保持情感上的专一。

Swinging is where you can have sex with other people, but you maintain a emotional monogamy with your own partner.

我站在车旁，正换上几周前别人送给我的那双黑色靴子。

So I'm standing at the car, and I'm changing into these black boots that were given to me a couple weeks ago.

我以前从来没穿过这双鞋。

I've never worn them before.

它们又亮又黑，还带着尖跟。

They're shiny and black, and I got this spiky heel.

你好。

Hi.

是我，由美。

It's me, Yumi.

我只是一个在休息日出门、努力让自己看起来像为去性爱俱乐部录音而精心打扮的小女人。

I'm just a little lady working on my day off, trying to look like she's put some effort into what she's wearing to go and record at a swingers club.

嘿，基拉。

Hey, Kyla.

我的制片人来了。

My producer's here.

我能看见门口。

I can see the doorway.

我们到了。

We made it.

看，我穿上了我的性感靴子。

Look, I put on my sexy boots.

我本来打算穿条更短的裙子，但我还没脱腿毛。

I was gonna wear a shorter dress, but I haven't waxed my legs.

所以我穿了条长一点的裙子。

So I put a longer dress on.

我正在按按钮。

I'm pushing the button.

嘿。

Hey.

嘿。

Hey.

是吉米和基拉。

It's Jimmy and Kyla.

打电话开门，宝贝。

Call the door, babe.

好的。

Okay.

在今天之前，如果我听到‘换偶者’这个词，我的脑海里浮现的是一群头发油腻、穿着涤纶衣服、浑身烟味的老年人。

Before today, if I heard the word swingers, my mind saw older people with greasy hair dressed in polyester and smelling like ashtrays.

但换偶者是满身烟渍、欲望旺盛的遗老遗少，还是像你我这样的普通人？

But are swingers horny, nicotine stained relics, or are they regular people like me and you?

我是尤米·斯廷斯。

I'm Eumie Stines.

女士们，我们需要谈谈换偶。

Ladies, we need to talk about swinging.

与开放式关系或多元恋爱不同，换偶者通常以情侣为单位一起与其他伴侣探索。

Unlike open relationships or polyamory, swingers mostly explore with others together as a couple.

这是协议的一部分，通常是一起去，一起走。

It's part of the deal and usually a scenario where if one goes, both go.

很难知道有多少人喜欢交换伴侣，因为这仍然有点禁忌。

It's hard to know how many people like to swing because, well, it's still kind of taboo.

人们确实在做这件事，但似乎很少有人谈论它。

People People are definitely doing it, but it seems like not many are talking about it.

一些来自2013年澳大利亚健康与关系研究的过时数据表明，只有大约千分之二的夫妇承认曾与另一对夫妇发生过性行为。

Some dated stats from the Australian study of health and relationships in 2013 show that only around two in one thousand couples admitted to engaging in sexual activity with another couple.

在缺乏最新统计数据的情况下，我可以告诉你们，在制作这一集的过程中，我们发现有足够多的交换伴侣者，足以在全国范围内支撑起一个性俱乐部生态系统。

In the absence of current statistics, I can tell you that in making this episode, we discovered that there are enough swingers to support an ecosystem of sex clubs around the country.

如果有人感到好奇或准备稍微尝试一下，他们该如何从搜索‘交换伴侣’和‘性俱乐部’，真正走到门口、脱掉衣服并参与其中呢？

If someone is curious or ready to experiment a little, how do they go from googling swingers and sex club to actually walking through the door, removing their clothes, and participating?

所以我们先上楼，然后我会

So we'll go upstairs first, and then I'll

带你下去。

take you down.

这是杰西。

This is Jess.

我们正在她位于悉尼的性俱乐部里。

We're in her sex club in Sydney.

是的，性俱乐部指的是一个专门为了促进和实现性行为而设立的场所。

And, yes, sex club means a club whose sole purpose is to enable and facilitate the having of sex.

它不是那种工作日举办金属乐之夜、周二供应塔可之类的俱乐部。

It's not a club that hosts metal nights on weekdays and does tacos every Tuesday or whatever.

这是一个专门为性行为设计、定制建造、售票并配备工作人员的场所。

This is a place designed, custom built, ticketed, and staffed solely for sex.

今晚，杰西正在举办一场换偶活动，但有个条件。

Tonight, Jess is hosting a swingers event, but there's a catch.

这是仅限女性的夜晚，如果女孩们带了男朋友，他们都被留在了家里。

It's a ladies only night, and the girls, if they have a guy, have left them at home.

杰西将在开门前带我们参观一下这个俱乐部。

Jess is taking us for a tour of the club before doors open.

所以你这里有淋浴区，然后是床，床上有帷幔，主要是为了提供一点隐私，但我们也会提供所有必要的安全用品。

So you've got, like, the shower space in there, and then you've got, like, your beds, the canopies on them just to sort of give a bit of privacy, but we do also provide all the safety needs.

包括避孕套、润滑剂、口腔防护膜和干净的床单。

So condoms, lubes, dams, and clean sheets.

下面这里是音响设备。

Down here's the audios.

好的。

Okay.

所以在这个房间的最尽头，有一张超大的床。

So at the far end of the room, there's this huge bed.

像是两张特别大的床拼在一起。

It's like two really big beds pushed together.

轻松容纳六个人左右。

Could fit easily six or so people on there.

杰西，这张床上最多同时有过多少人？

Jess, how many people have been on there?

那最多能有多少人？

Like, what's the maximum?

我见过大概四十个人想挤上那张床。

I've seen probably 40 people trying to get onto that one bed.

是的。

Yeah.

人们在这里会有点疯狂，因为我觉得这里太开放了，他们就觉得 okay。

It's people go a bit mental in here because I think it's so open that they're like, okay.

叠人塔开始了。

Stack's on.

这些俱乐部是有规定的。

In these clubs, there are rules.

你经过接待处时可以阅读这些规定。

You can read them as you go through reception.

它们被塑封在柜台上。

They're laminated to the counter.

派对开始后，有多种方式可以表达同意。

And once the parties are underway, there are multiple ways to communicate consent.

有一个门禁政策，如果门关上了，我们就保持关闭状态。

There's a door policy where if the door is closed, we keep it closed.

我们还有一个链条政策。

And then we also have a chain policy.

所以，如果你拿着链条并把它钩在门上，就意味着别人可以观看，但不能进入。

So if you hold the chain and you have it hooked up to the door, it means people can watch, but they can't enter.

所以你可以让门开着，但人们不能随意走进来？

So so you can leave the door open, but people aren't welcome to just wander in?

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Correct.

如果门关上了，那就意味着千万不要

And if the door's shut, that means just do not

进入？

enter?

禁止进入。

Do not enter.

是的。

Yeah.

在参观性俱乐部时，有很多信息需要消化。

There's a lot to take in as we tour the sex club.

比如，人们是如何从觉得和伴侣以外的人发生性关系可能很酷，到真正跨越这道门槛的？

Like, how do people go from thinking it might be cool to have sex with someone other than their partner to actually crossing that threshold?

我以为换偶就是那种钥匙放在碗里、闭着眼睛瞎搞的情况，我显然对此不感兴趣。

I thought swinging was sort of, you know, keys in a bowl, eyes wide shut kind of scenario, which I wasn't obviously keen on.

这是莎拉。

This is Sarah.

她和丈夫十年前就进入了换偶圈，或者像圈内人喜欢称的那样，进入了这种生活方式。

She and her husband got into the swinging scene or the lifestyle as people who are in it like to call it a decade ago.

我当时正和他讨论不同的性偏好，还有双性恋对我们关系意味着什么。

I was, you know, just discussing with him different sexual preferences and, you know, being bisexual and what that meant for us in our relationship.

他 actually 说，为什么我们不去试试 swingers 俱乐部呢？

And he actually said, well, why don't we check out a swingers club?

那就是那个界限。

There's that threshold.

萨拉直到亲自去那里跨越那道界限时，才知道这个场所的存在。

Sara didn't know it existed until she was there crossing it.

说实话，这真的让人紧张不已。

It was really nerve racking, to be honest.

我真的很惊讶，人们竟然如此公开地发生性行为，而且很多人都在观看。

I was just really surprised that the people were, you know, engaging in sex so openly, and lots of people were watching.

我以前从未真正看过现场性行为。

And I'd never really watched live sex before.

那你第一次去的时候就加入其中发生关系了吗？

And did you jump in and have sex that first time?

我花了相当长的时间才慢慢适应，抱歉用这个词双关了，但大概过了一年，我们才真正开始引入其他人和不同的元素到我们的性生活中。

I took quite a while to to get into the swing of things, pardon the pun, but it was probably about a year before we really started introducing other people and and different aspects into our sex life.

我们有意识地做出了这个决定。

And we made a conscious decision to do that.

我们非常希望确保这是我们都想做的事情。

We really wanted to make sure that it was something that both of us wanted to do.

这将是对我们现有性生活的延伸，真正让我们能够探索自己的倾向。

It was going to be an extension of our existing sex lives and really allow us to experiment with our own proclivities.

你知道，那六个月里我们只做三人行、四人行、群交之类的活动，和其他女性一起。

You know, that was six months of just threesomes and, you know, foursomes and and orgies and things like that with other women.

之后又过了六个月，我们才开始进行完整的交换。

And then it was about six months after that that we started doing full swap.

对于不了解的人，完整的交换通常指涉及插入的性行为，而软交换——许多新伴侣开始时的做法——则是包含一切但不涉及插入的性感互动。

For the uninitiated, a full swap generally means a hookup that involves penetration, whereas a soft swap, which is where many new couples start, is sexy play that involves everything but.

莎拉和她的丈夫找到了一对让他们感到舒适的伴侣，作为他们第一次完整交换的对象。

Sarah and her husband found a couple they felt comfortable with for their first full swap.

所以我们像安排约会一样安排了这次见面，还约了我们在 swingers 圈子里的朋友。

So we set it up like a date, and we actually met friends of ours from the swinging scene.

他们知道他们将是我们第一次的伴侣。

They knew that they were going to be our first.

为了让你能设身处地地理解，或者你们当时可能没穿鞋，我不确定，但你能帮我们想象一下当时的场景吗？

So just to put us in your shoes, or you probably weren't wearing shoes, I don't know, but can you help us to picture it?

第一次的时候，具体是什么情景？

What was the scene that very first time?

请你详细描述一下，就好像你重新回到那一刻，亲身回忆一样。

Talk us through it as though you're back in your own body remembering it.

我们订了一间酒店房间。

We got a hotel room.

我们先喝了点酒，吃了晚饭，然后上了房间。

We went for drinks and dinner, and then we we went up to the room.

整个过程几乎就像失去童贞一样。

So almost like losing your virginity.

整个过程安排得很周密，也很紧张，但进行得非常好。

It was very planned and nerve wracking, but it it did go really well.

我们俩都被另一对夫妇吸引，这真的很有帮助，而且性生活非常棒。

Both of us were attracted to the other couple, which really helped, and the sex was fantastic.

看着我丈夫和其他女人做爱，对我来说是极大的刺激。

Watching my husband have sex with other women is a huge turn on for me.

我是个超级偷窥狂，而我甚至之前都没意识到这一点。

I'm a massive voyeur, which I didn't even realize I was.

现场色情才是你能得到的最好的色情内容。

It's live porn is the best kind of porn you'll get.

当时我的伴侣在我们第一次约会时就向我介绍了这种生活方式。

So my partner at the time, he introduced me to the lifestyle on our first date.

你还记得杰西吗？

Remember Jess?

她是我们在性俱乐部的向导。

She's our tour guide at the sex club.

他基本上给我详细介绍了这种生活方式以及他是如何参与其中的。

So he basically gave me the spiel about the lifestyle and how he was involved in the lifestyle.

这是他希望继续下去的事情。

It was something that he wanted to continue.

他给了我几本书，还有一些文章，让我阅读，看看我是否对此感兴趣。

Gave me a few books and, I guess, articles to read up on to see if I was interested in it.

大约一周后，我就说：好吧，咱们干吧。

And after about a week, I was like, yep, let's do this.

跟我讲讲你的第一次经历。

Tell me about your first time.

我的第一次是和一对夫妇，我当时紧张得直发抖。

My first time was with a couple and I was pretty much shaking in my boots.

那是一个非常令人紧张的场面。

It was very nerve wracking situation.

那天出门前，我喝的龙舌兰酒可能是我一生中最多的一次。

It's probably the most tequila I've ever taken before I've gone out on a day.

杰西20岁时，由于男友的引荐，她从单纯的生活中转向了换偶生活。

Jess was 20 when thanks to her boyfriend's introduction, she crossed over from a vanilla life into swinging.

六个月后，她和伴侣决定一起开一家性俱乐部。

After six months, she and her partner decided to open a sex club together.

他们已经不是情侣了，但七年后的今天，仍然是这家我正在参观的俱乐部的生意伙伴。

They are not a couple anymore, but seven years later are still business partners at this club that I'm visiting.

这里是一个博雅房。

In here is a boyar room.

你可以在外面看到里面发生的事，但他们看不到外面。

What happens is you can see inside there, but they can't see out.

所以这是一个双向镜。

So it's a two way mirror.

里面还装了一个吊架。

So it's got a sling inside of it.

我们回到了俱乐部，正沿着一条长长的走廊前行。

We're back at the club and traveling down a long corridor.

到目前为止，我最喜欢的地方是那个巨大的淋浴间，有三个花洒，能容纳大约18个人。

So far, my favorite spot has been the gigantic shower room, which has three shower heads and could fit about 18 people.

所有那些干净的毛巾。

All those clean towels.

我知道我看到的是一个干净整洁、穿着衣服的版本，但看起来真的很有趣。

Like, I know I'm seeing a sterile and fully clothed version of it, but it just looks fun.

按摩床上有两个洞。

The massage table has two holes in it.

很明显，一个在下面用于生殖器，另一个在前面用于脸部。

Obviously, one for the genitals down below and then one for your face.

杰斯告诉我，尽管这张按摩床是专门为俱乐部设计的，让男性的阴茎可以垂下来穿过洞口，但实际使用它的人大多是女性，她们躺下来以让自己感到舒适的方式暖身。

Jess tells me that even though the massage table was specifically built for the club so that penises could dangle down through the hole, it's mostly women she sees using it, lying down to get warmed up in a way that feels right for them.

那个帘子后面上面是什么？

What's up the back there behind that curtain?

我的垃圾桶。

My rubbish bins.

超级，超级性感。

Super, super sexy.

我的垃圾桶就是我的制冰机。

My rubbish bins are my ice machine.

所以空气中有一种期待感，一种氛围。

So There's a sense of anticipation, an energy, a in the air.

也许是因为制冰机。

Maybe it's the ice machine.

也许是因为已经有六十多位女性购买了今天活动的门票，她们正赶来接受抚摸、手指刺激或口交，或者也可能什么都不做，或者做任何她们想做的事。

Maybe it's the 60 or so women who have already bought tickets to today's event and who are on their way to get fondled, fingered, or eaten out, or maybe none of those things, or maybe whatever the hell they want.

人们开始抵达，参加这场仅限女性的活动的女性群体非常多样化。

People are starting to arrive, and it's quite an assortment of different women for this women only event.

我的意思是，一群四五位朋友刚走进来。

I mean a group of four or five friends just walked in.

我说句概括的话，她们都挺漂亮的，看起来二十多岁，很吸引人。

They're all kind of hotties, I'd say, just to generalize, but looking in their twenties, mid twenties, attractive.

看起来他们像是要去赛马或者参加婴儿派对什么的。

Just look like they could be going to the races or to a baby shower or something.

嗯，鞋子的款式挺多样。

Know, assortment of nice shoes.

我很高兴我穿了黑色靴子。

I'm glad I wore my black boots.

是的。

Yeah.

我已经给不少女孩签到过了。

I've already signed in quite a few girls.

对。

So, yeah.

女孩们都很守时。

Girls are very good at being on time.

当我当调酒师的时候，我喜欢觉得自己能根据观众的类型判断正在演出的是哪支乐队。

When I was a bartender, I liked to think that I could tell what band was playing by the audience they attracted.

但在这里，我不知道正在演奏的是什么乐队。

But here, I don't know what band is playing.

走进来的女性年龄从年轻到中年，体型从瘦到胖，各种都有。

The women who walk in are a mixture of young to middle aged, thin to fat.

每个人都努力让自己看起来不错。

Everyone has made an effort to look good.

她们绝大多数是白人，可能只有少数例外，除此之外，她们之间几乎没有其他共同点。

They're overwhelmingly white with maybe a couple of exceptions, but there's not much else to unite them.

这个俱乐部很棒的地方在于，这里对任何事情都没有期待。

The great thing about this club is, like, there's no expectations of anything.

我大概是一年前才开始认真考虑，去探索除了两个人的关系之外的其他可能性。

I only started looking even into the whole idea of exploring more than just having a two people in your relationship maybe a year ago or so.

我不相信我的丈夫能给我生活中所追求的一切。

I don't believe that my husband can give me everything that I'm looking for in life.

把这么多期望寄托在一个人身上，本来就已经太多了。

And that's just a lot to put on one person anyway.

上次我来这里已经是很久以前了，因为新冠疫情。

Last time I was here was quite a while ago actually because of COVID.

但当时我和五个人在一起，我经历了四次高潮。

But I was with five people and I had four orgasms.

所以

So

前几个小时会是大量的社交互动。

expect the first few hours be all the mingling.

然后会有人第一个穿上内衣，这会鼓励其他女性也穿上自己的内衣。

And then someone's gonna be the first one to dress up in their lingerie, which will encourage all the other women to dress up in their lingerie.

再继续一些社交，但用不了多久，音频室就会被使用了。

A bit more mingling, but won't be too long until the audie room is being used.

好的，艾丽卡。

Okay, Erica.

你是最早到这儿的人之一。

You were one of the first people here.

我看到你进来了。

I saw you walk in.

是的。

Yes.

你常来参加这样的活动吗？

Have are you a regular at these nights?

不。

No.

这是我第一次来。

This is my first time.

我很抱歉要

I'm so sorry to

采访你。

interview you.

这是你第一次来。

It's your first time.

你对此感觉怎么样？

How are you feeling about it?

我非常紧张，但喝了几杯酒来放松一下。

I'm very nervous, but I've had a couple drinks to calm my nerves.

所以我现在感觉好了一点。

So I'm feeling a little bit better now.

如果你不介意的话，你多大了？

How old are you, if

你介意我问一下吗？

you don't mind me asking?

我24岁。

I'm 24.

你的男性伴侣呢？

What about your male partner?

你们在一起多久了？

How long you've been together?

六年了。

Six years.

他对此怎么看？

And what does he think about this?

他 actually 开车送我来的。

He actually drove me here.

你担心自己会上瘾吗？

Are you worried you might get addicted to it?

有一点。

A little bit.

是的。

Yes.

当我们收拾装备准备离开时，我看到艾丽卡仍然穿着全套衣服，正和几个刚认识的常客深入交谈。

As we pack up our gear to leave, I see that Erica is still fully clothed and deep conversation with a couple of regulars that she's just met.

其他女性已经换上了内衣或束缚装，有一位年轻女子穿着吊带袜，穿着丁字裤，踩着高跟鞋，正俯身在台球桌上，用球杆击打球入袋。

Other women have dressed down to lingerie or bondage gear, and there's a young woman in suspender stockings wearing a g string and towering heels, and she's bending over the pool table using a pool cue to smack a ball into the pocket.

这真是个热闹的场面。

It is quite a scene.

如果换偶场景是一副牌，我们已经遇到了几位女王、一个新手、一些老手，还有一些业余玩家。

If the swinging scene is a deck of cards, we've met a couple of queens, a newbie, some veterans, and some dabblers.

现在是时候见见每个人都想遇到的那张牌了。

Now it's time to meet the card everyone wants.

她很难找到。

She's hard to find.

她备受追捧。

She's coveted.

她是独角兽。

She's the unicorn.

这有点像一种传说中的生物，非常特别且稀有。

It's sort of like this mythical creature that's super special and rare.

米兰达在换偶圈子里被称为独角兽。

Miranda is what's known in swinging circles as a unicorn.

她29岁，单身，很喜欢作为特邀嘉宾受到的瞩目。

She's 29, single, and loves the top billing she gets as special guest star.

虽然 swingers 活动主要是情侣参与，但独角兽通常是独自一人寻找乐趣。

While swinging is for couples, unicorns ride solo looking for fun.

单身女性通常可以自由进入 swingers 俱乐部参与活动。

Single women are usually welcome to play at swingers clubs.

她们的入场费常常有折扣。

Often, their entry tickets are discounted.

但单身男性并不是独角兽。

But single men are not unicorns.

如果他们能被允许进入，也必须经过严格的审核。

If they're welcome at all, they are heavily vetted.

我想，其中一部分乐趣可能也来自于知道自己是人人都想接近的那个人。

I suppose a part of the enjoyment probably is also being that person that you kinda know that everyone wants.

你会获得很多关注，有时这可能会让人不堪重负，但同时也真的很棒。

You do get a lot of attention, which sometimes can be overwhelming, but also it's really nice.

就像神话生物一样，米兰达正在让梦想成真。

As it is with mythical creatures, Miranda is making dreams become reality.

我也喜欢与情侣互动，因为他们有一种涉及独角兽的幻想，能够实现这种幻想并看到他们的愿望成真，这真的很美好。

I like being involved with couples as well because they have a sort of fantasy that has a unicorn involved, and it's nice to be able to fulfill that as well and see their, like, sort of, yeah, fantasies come true.

你如何与情侣协商你们要做什么？

How do you negotiate with a couple what you're going to do?

沟通是关键。

Communication is key.

一旦你确定自己对他们感兴趣，他们也对你有兴趣，我们就会好好聊一聊。

So once you've kinda determined that you're interested in them and they're interested in you, we just really have a conversation.

比如，你会问：‘你们今晚在这里玩吗？’

Like, it'll kinda be like, you know, are you playing here tonight?

或者，‘你们是回自己家还是去酒店？’

Or, you know, are you going back to yours or a hotel?

然后我们就会一起决定，就像你们两个人一起玩一样。

Or and we kind of determine that and it's kinda like you two playing together.

你们两个人是单独玩吗？

Are you two playing alone?

你知道的，你在找一群人，但其实只需要一个人。

You know, you're looking for a group of people, just one person.

然后我们会讨论一些规则，比如有些人有特定的限制，像‘我的伴侣不能和你发生关系，但你可以和我发生关系’，接着我们就大致判断一下是否合适。

And then we kind of get into the rules like some people do have particular rules like, you know, my partner can't have sex with you, but you can have sex with me, and then we just kinda determine whether, I suppose, we match up.

当一对情侣在寻找一位单身女性一起玩时，这被称为‘独角兽狩猎’。

When a couple is on the lookout for a single female to play with, it's called unicorn hunting.

虽然成为备受追捧的变数可能有一些好处，但有时情侣们会忽视独角兽的需求和愿望，只关注自己的愿望清单以及如何一一实现。

And while there can be perks to being a coveted wild card, sometimes couples overlook the needs and desires of the unicorn, thinking only about their own wish lists and how to tick them off.

米兰达有一些建议。

Miranda has advice.

不要在第一条消息里就对别人提出要求，或者在第一句话就那样做，因为这通常让我很反感——当别人态度非常强硬时，比如‘嗨’。

Don't, in the first message, demand things of people or in the first sentence because that's often the big turn off for me is when people are very demanding, hi.

我叫芭芭拉。

My name's Barbara.

这是我的伴侣。

This is my partner.

这就是我们想要的，然后直接列出一大堆要求，比如你们得为我们做这个做那个。

This is what we want, and just kind of list a bunch of, like, we want you to do this for us.

天哪。

Oh gosh.

这真的让人很反感。

That's really off putting.

你甚至都没花一秒钟去了解我。

You haven't even taken a chance, like, a second to get to know me.

一些该做的，我觉得就是做你自己，保持开放。

Some of the dos, I think, just be yourself and be open.

你可以真诚，但不傲慢或夸张，我觉得是的，要真诚、有耐心，第一次见面时别太急切或咄咄逼人。

Like, you can be truthful and not be arrogant or over the top, but I think, yeah, be truthful and be patient and don't be too intense and pushy in the first sort of meeting.

我觉得也许这正是让我们能从这种生活方式中学到东西的原因，即使我们自己根本无意涉足其中。

And I think maybe this is what gets us to what we can learn from the lifestyle even if we have no intention of ever going there ourselves.

过于急切，就像生活中那些令人不适的昆虫，只会让人感到恶心和被利用。

Pushiness, insects, as in life, just makes people feel gross and used.

在开放关系中，规则和界限是至关重要的。

The rules and boundaries when swinging are golden.

要坦诚讨论那些以C开头的词，当然不是指那个词，而是其他的C词。

Open discussion of the c words, and no, not cock, cock, cock, the other c's.

沟通、明确、简洁且持续的同意是必不可少的，而这需要练习。

Communication and clear, concise, continuous consent are essential, and they take practice.

为了让性行为变得有趣和愉快，女性需要感到安全。

For sex to be fun and enjoyable, women need to feel safe.

认识一下温迪。

Meet Wendy.

她是阿德莱德开放关系界的女王。

She's the queen of swinging in Adelaide.

她经营着一家性俱乐部，已经在这一行待了二十五年。

She runs a sex club and has been in the scene for twenty five years.

在温迪参与换偶的这段时间里，关于何为充分同意的概念发生了很大变化。

In the time Wendy's been swinging, the concept of what was sufficient consent has changed a lot.

我刚开始参与换偶时，同意就是‘不意味着不’。

When I first started swinging, consent was just no means no.

在最糟糕的情况下，如果有人伸手碰你，你说了不，他们就停下来，这就完了。

At its worst, if somebody reached out to touch you and you said no and they moved on and that was it.

如今，这样做是不可接受的。

These days, it's unacceptable to do that.

人们期望你在触碰和开始互动之前先征得同意。

You're expected to ask for consent before touching and moving on to play.

温迪的俱乐部采用FRIES同意模型，F-R-I-E-S。

Wendy's club goes by the FRIES model of consent, f r I e s.

FRIES是一个朗朗上口的同意准则缩写。

FRIES is a crunchy hot acronym for consent.

F代表自愿给予。

F stands for freely given.

没有人被强迫做任何他们不想做的事情。

No one is being coerced into doing anything they don't want to do.

R代表可撤销。

R reversible.

你随时可以改变主意。

You can change your mind at any time.

I代表知情。

I informed.

你清楚地知道会发生什么、和谁发生，没有任何关键信息被遗漏。

You know exactly what and who is going where, and nothing crucial has been omitted.

E代表热情，因为哇，性爱。

E is enthusiastic because yay, sex.

S代表具体。

S is specific.

嗨，宝贝。

Hi, babe.

我们要做了。

We're gonna do it.

这太宽泛了。

It's too broad.

具体意味着你知道确切达成了什么协议。

Specific means you know exactly what has been agreed.

知道规则并不意味着在现实生活中总是容易执行它们。

Knowing the rules doesn't mean it's always easy to enact them in real life.

在性俱乐部的环境中，薯条看起来是什么样子？

What does fries look like in a sex club setting?

先建立联系，问对方是否愿意一起去玩，然后当你上床后，在进入下一阶段之前，确认一下对方的状态。

Making a connection first, asking if would you like to go play, and then when you're on the bed, you know, sort of checking in before you progress to the next stage.

所以这是持续的同意。

So it's ongoing consent.

温迪说，沟通在你到达俱乐部之前就已经开始了。

Wendy says communication starts way before you get to the club.

你真的要确保，当你去的时候，如果是和伴侣一起去，提前就你们的规则和界限进行过沟通。

You really gotta make sure when you go, if you're going with a partner, that you had a chat about things beforehand about your rules and your boundaries.

只要每个人都明白，如果你感觉不舒服，可以随时退出，想回来时也可以重新加入，如果那天你不想参与，那完全没问题。

As long as everybody understands that you can tap out if you don't feel like it and join back in if you want to and if you're not feeling it that day, it's perfectly fine.

我们非常重视同意，所以我们总是说，同意至上。

We are very big on consent, and so we always say consent is king.

这个

This

这是杰斯，我们正在访问的性俱乐部的主持人和老板。

is Jess again, the host and owner of the sex club we're visiting.

基本上，如果你和伴侣，或者你周围的人之间没有进行过沟通，那么这种互动就不应该发生。

Basically, if there's not a conversation that's happened between your partner, between the person that's around you, then that interaction should not be happening.

在杰斯自己的关系中，并不是每天都全身心投入那种激烈的状态。

In Jess's own relationship, it's not all hardcore twenty four seven frothing.

他正在学习这种生活方式，所以他对这一切还非常新鲜和陌生。

He is learning about the lifestyle, so he's very fresh and very new to it.

作为一位经验丰富的 swingers，Jess 确保他们总是按照他的节奏来。

As Jess is a seasoned swinger, she makes sure they always move at his pace.

所以我们不公开 swinger。

So we don't swing openly.

我们是一起 swinger。

We swing together.

我们是一对一起玩、一起留下的伴侣。

So we're a couple that plays together, stays together.

我们每次去俱乐部之前都会先聊天，讨论我们想做什么。

We always have a conversation before we even turn up to the club and say, what do we wanna do?

我们希望达成什么目标？

What would we like to achieve?

但我们确保没有任何事情是固定不变的。

But we make sure that nothing's set in stone.

所以并不是说，我们今晚必须和某人玩。

So it's not, you know, we have to play with somebody tonight.

顺其自然吧。

It's if it happens, it happens.

但在整个过程中，我们都会保持沟通。

But we communicate throughout the whole entire process.

看到你的伴侣和别人发生性关系是什么感觉？

What's it like to see your partner having sex with another person?

这是一个非常振奋人心的时刻，因为我能看到我关心和爱的人获得快乐，与自己沉浸其中，而我还能参与其中。

It's a very uplifting moment because I can see somebody that I care and love have pleasure or have that moment with themselves, and especially to be involved in it as well.

知道你的伴侣和别人享受性快感，这种感受有个名字。

The enjoyment of knowing your partner's having sexual pleasure with someone else has a name.

它叫‘共乐感’，也有人称之为反嫉妒。

It's called compersion, also known as of jealousy.

但看着你深爱的人与别人亲热，并不总是那么直接明了。

But watching the love of your life get it on with another person isn't always so straightforward.

你可能会以为这纯粹是嫉妒，但其实不是。

You would think it's just pure jealousy, but it's not.

对莎拉来说，第一次观看丈夫与另一名女性发生性关系时，她感受到了复杂的情绪。

For Sarah, watching her husband have sex with another woman for the first time brought a mix of emotions.

这让我意识到，当你和某人长期发生性关系时，你已经非常熟悉他们的性爱方式，甚至能预判接下来会发生什么。

It made me realize that when you have sex with someone for so long, you're so used to the way that they have sex and, you know, their their methods, and you can almost count what's happening next.

但当我看到他和其他女性发生关系时，发现那里的性爱截然不同。

But I realized that when he was having sex with other women, the sex was quite different.

他变得更加充满活力。

He's much more energetic.

持续的时间也长得多。

Could last a lot longer.

哇，真的吗。

Oh, wow.

并不是说他在性方面有什么问题，只是我觉得，他在表现时会格外卖力。

Not that he's, you know, got any issues with that, but just, you know, putting on his best performance, I'd say.

莎拉，回想你第一次参加换偶经历时，你心里在想些什么？

Sarah, just thinking back to your first swinging experience, what was going through your head?

那时候，你知道的，我现在40岁了，但那是十年前的事了。

At the time, you know, I'm 40 now, but this is ten years ago.

那个女孩比我年轻很多，身材更好，非常热情，我知道我丈夫对她有很强的性吸引力。

The girl was a lot younger than me, in better shape, really enthusiastic, and I knew that my husband was really sexually attracted to her.

我光看他们做爱的方式就能感觉到。

I could just tell him the way that they had sex.

你确实会拿自己和她比较。

And you do compare yourself.

你知道的？

You know?

哦，那为什么他不那样对我呢？

Oh, well, why doesn't he fuck me like that?

而且，我觉得我当时产生的很多嫉妒情绪，其实更多反映的是我自己的不安全感。

And, you know, I think a lot of the jealousy that I was having was just more of a reflection of my own insecurity.

我们来聊聊身体形象之类的问题。

Let's talk about body image and stuff.

在 swingers 环境中发生性关系时，你会在意自己的外表吗？

When you're having sex in a swinging environment, are you conscious of how you look?

你会不会评估自己的小腹赘肉和大腿上的橘皮组织之类的？

Are you kind of assessing your your tummy rolls and your cellulite on your thighs and stuff?

还是说这种顾虑会逐渐消失一些？

Or or does that sort of evaporate a bit more?

这种顾虑会随着时间推移而消失。

It evaporates over time.

对于和你发生关系的那对夫妻来说，当然会。

So a a couple that you're having sex with, absolutely.

这需要时间，我们经常拿这个开玩笑。

It takes me you know, we we laugh about it.

现在我们得花两天时间来准备参加性派对。

We're like, oh, it's taking us two days to get ready for a sex party in these days.

你知道的？

You know?

这涉及到脱毛、修眉、晒黑、肉毒杆菌、接发、美甲等等，需要做很多事情。

It's waxing and plucking and tanning and Botox and extensions and nails and, like, there there's a lot that goes into it.

我应该指出，莎拉住在黄金海岸，那里的人标准不太一样。

I should just point out that Sara is on the Gold Coast, and they have different standards up there.

但摇摆生活帮助莎拉对自己更宽容了。

But swinging has helped Sara be kinder to herself.

它让我明白，我不该对自己身体太苛刻，因为每个人都有身体，我们都长得不一样，这让我学会了接纳它。

It's taught me that I should be less harsh on my own body because every, you know, everyone's got a body and we all look different, and it's it's allowed me to embrace it.

我年轻时对自己的私处外观有过很大的困扰。

I used to have a real issue when I was younger with, like, the look of my vagina.

但在摇摆生活的经历中，我重新爱上了它。

And over the course of swinging, it's really made me love it again.

对于莎拉和她丈夫来说，摇摆生活一度变得太过频繁，他们因此休息了九个月。

For Sarah and her husband, swinging did get a bit much, and they took a nine month break.

我觉得我只是有点疲惫了，因为那一周我们做爱的次数和去俱乐部的次数实在太多了。

I think I was just a little bit worn out with how how many times we were having sex a week versus how many times we were going to the club.