据称瓦萨事件：凯尔蒂遭遇身份被盗！

麻醉师？

Anesthesiologist?

不是，是麻醉护士。

No, it's the nurse anesthetist.

因为有麻醉医生和护士，我这话说得不太对。

Because there's the anesthesiologist and the nurse I'm not saying this right.

不管怎样，是他给我注射了催眠药物。

Anyways, he was the one administering my sleepy drugs.

但我侧躺着，有个枕头，他真的把枕头拿起来，给我调整得更好了。

But I'm on my side and there's a pillow, and he literally takes the pillow and adjusts it better for me.

我当时想，这样我的脖子得到了很好的支撑。

I was like, so that my neck is so supportive.

然后他一边给我注射丙泊酚，一边说：好了。

And then he's in he's putting in my propofol, and he's like, okay.

深呼吸两次，再深呼吸五次，然后开始想一些你希望梦到的美好事情。

Take two take five deep breaths and just start thinking about something really nice you wanna dream about.

他们不是完全让你失去知觉了吗？

Did they not they knocked you out completely.

对吧？

Right?

彻底昏过去了。

Out cold.

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

这太奇怪了。

It's so weird.

做结肠镜检查这个概念真的太奇怪了。

The whole thing concept of getting a colonoscopy is so weird.

我觉得，我们居然用丙泊酚麻醉，好让他们把东西塞进我们屁股里。

I'm like, we get knocked out with propofol for them to turn like, shove something up our butts.

是的。

Yeah.

然后在里面摸索。

And fish around.

是的，他们会拍照。

Yeah, they take pictures.

他们会拍照。

They take pictures.

我拍了一张我内痔的照片，我们都知道我有痔疮，这并不奇怪。

I took a picture of my internal hemorrhoids, which we all shocker knew I had.

没那么严重。

They aren't as bad.

等等，他们还发现别的东西了吗？

Wait, did they find anything else?

还是说，你没问题？

Or no, you're good?

不，我很好。

No, I'm good.

除了那些内痔，我干净得不得了。

So squeaky clean except for those internal hemorrhoids.

那真是一次愉快的经历。

It was lovely.

对不起啊，雅克。

I'm so sorry, Jac.

也许下次你可以来奥斯汀做这个。

Maybe for your next one, could come to Austin to have it done.

我还在和保险公司扯皮，因为他们想让我付所有他们‘停机’时的时间费用，你还记得吗？

Well, I'm still fighting with insurance because they tried to charge me for all of the time that they up when they like, remember?

因为那些机器当时坏了。

Cause it was like the machines weren't working.

所以我一直坐在

So I was sitting on

那个，可以装得下

that, like, that can hold

大概两个小时。

for like two hours.

不

No

双层袜子。

double socks.

待在里面产生的租金。

The rent of being in there.

因为所有的费用都来自这里。

Cause that's where all of the price comes from.

十五分钟要一千块，但你待了十五乘以八分钟。

It's like, fifteen minutes is $1,000 but then you were there for 15 times eight.

这是一个支架。

This is a bracket.

太疯狂了。

Was insane.

是的。

Yeah.

所以我还在和保险公司为这件事争执。

So I'm still fighting with my insurance about that.

我很抱歉。

I'm sorry.

想想我做子宫切除术的时候，他们给你麻醉，然后真的把你翻过来。

Think about the time that I had the hysterectomy and they knock you out and they literally flip you Yeah.

把你头朝下放进那个装置里，双腿朝天，接着就开始切了。

Put you head down in this thing, like, up, head underneath you, legs in the air, and then they chop you.

简直太离谱了。

Like, it's wild.

但你根本没办法，就说我的子宫肌瘤吧，他们直接把它从肚脐眼那儿旋了出来。

Well, you just can't I mean, even with my fibroid, they like spiraled it out of my belly button.

我非常想

I would love

急诊室有那种设备吗？

do they have that thing like in ER?

我的意思是我们虽然不是医学生，但我真的特别想去看一些手术。

I mean, I guess we're not students, but I actually would love to go watch some surgeries.

我猜你们可以在YouTube上观看这些手术。

I bet you can watch them on YouTube.

人们尖叫的就是这个

This is what people are screaming

啊

at

我的意思是，偶尔当整形外科医生发布完整视频，展示他们真的把前额切开，深入你的头内部，活动那些肌肉时，我会觉得特别震撼。

their I car right feel like once in a while when one of the plastic surgeons has like a full video where they like literally take the forehead off and they're like in the inside of your head, like moving muscles around.

就像我之前说的，我通常能很好地保持心理距离，但真的亲眼观看的时候，还是不一样。

I'm like, I like I said, I can disassociate pretty well but like but then watching it actually watching it.

我就觉得，我的

I'm like, my

我这里的朋友刚做了一个小小的中面部提升。

friend here just did a little like mid midi like, the little mid face lift.

是的。

Yeah.

不是在麻醉下做的。

Not under anesthesia.

这怎么可能？

How is that possible?

哇。

Wow.

他们只是给你用了大量的药物。

They just give you a lot of drugs.

但我想这更便宜，而且也更安全，因为不用麻醉。

But I but I guess it's a, it's it's less expensive and it's also, like, less dangerous because it's, not going under anesthesia.

但那才是最棒的部分。

But that's the best part.

我觉得我同意，但当时我想，哎呀，我最近对丙泊酚真是随随便便的。

I think I would agree, but then I was like, well, I've been, like, really willy nilly with my propofol lately.

真的用了很多。

Like, really racked up on it.

所以是的。

So Yeah.

我打算几年后去那里，这里有个医生做这种神奇的小手术，你想去哪儿？

I'm thinking in a couple years, I'm gonna go to there's a doctor here that does these, like, magical little, like Where do wanna go?

是的。

Yeah.

非常好。

Really good.

是的。

Yeah.

好的。

Okay.

我这周过得真糟。

My bad week.

说到面部拉皮，我最近一直为这个肩膀困扰，你知道的，因为我现在40岁了，这很正常。

So speaking of facelifts, I've been just kinda struggling with this one shoulder, you know, because I'm 40 now and that's just what happens.

所以昨天我抱福特上车座时，我心想：天啊。

So I go to lift Ford into his car seat yesterday, and I'm like, oh god.

结果我的肩膀猛地一抽，虽然把他塞进车座了，但我还是疼得直叫：哎哟，哎哟。

And it like really tweaks my shoulder, and I got him in the seat, I was like, ow, ow.

他问我：妈妈，怎么了？

And he's like, what's wrong, mommy?

我说：没事。

And I said, it's okay.

就是肩膀有点问题。

It's just my shoulder.

我只是在变老。

I'm just I'm getting old.

他问：‘你很快就要死了吗？’

And he goes, are you gonna die soon?

没有情绪。

No, no emotion.

你很快就要死了吗？

Are you gonna die soon?

是的。

Yeah.

天哪。

Oh my god.

我当时说：‘我可没打算死。’

And I was like, well, I'm not planning on it.

大概不会。

Probably not.

他只是想让你做好准备，你知道的，你本可以稍微更悲伤一点，比如你的语气能再稍微……是的。

He's just trying to prep you know, you could just be a little more sad, like if your tone could be a little more, you know, Yeah.

知道。

Know.

是的。

Yeah.

你很快就会死吗？

Are you gonna die soon?

天哪。

Oh my god.

酷。

Cool.

那

That

哇。

is Wow.

福特真的是你的孩子。

Ford really is your child.

是的。

Yeah.

面无表情。

Just deadpan.

你

What do you

你觉得福特长大后会成为什么样的人？

think Ford will be when he grows up?

哦，好问题。

Oh, good question.

天啊，这很难说。

God, that's tough to say.

而且不是运动员。

And not an athlete.

他完全没有动力。

He's got no drive.

没有竞争意识，没有。

No competitive No.

哦。

Oh.

但他是在足球场上吗？

But is he soccer field?

他在打高尔夫。

He is golfing.

高尔夫算不上什么运动，但确实如此。

Not that golf really a sport, but So true.

别告诉扎克·马丁。

Don't tell Zack Martin that.

不算运动。

Not a sport.

我跟扎克为此争论过很多次。

I have argued with Zack so much about this.

他说：他们是运动员，贝卡。

He's like, they're athletes, Becca.

我说：真的吗？

I'm like, oh, really?

你体重四百磅，也能成为顶尖的高尔夫球手。

You could be four hundred pounds and be an incredible golfer.

完全正确。

A 100%.

能绕着街区走一圈，因为说实话。

Be able to walk around the block because, like, that's just I'm sorry.

这是一种技巧。

It's a skill.

这不是一项运动。

It's not a sport.

是的。

Yeah.

总之，他其实非常专注，也很冷静。

Anyways, yeah, he's a really actually very focused he's very calm.

他非常专注。

He's very focused.

所以我觉得他可能会在高尔夫上表现不错，因为他没有那种需要去冲撞、发泄的狂躁男孩能量。

So I think he's probably gonna be good at golf because he's like, he doesn't have that, like, crazy boy energy that needs to, like, tackle something.

那对你来说真不错。

So That's nice for you.

是的。

Yeah.

我不知道他会做什么。

I don't know what he's gonna be.

他肯定不会当演员，因为昨天在诊所我们彻底爆发了，你知道为什么吗？

He's certainly not gonna be an actor because we had a meltdown at the doctor yesterday, a meltdown because you know what?

他不想被迫说‘啊’，当医生要检查他的喉咙时。

He doesn't wanna have to say, ah, when they open his mouth to look in his throat.

他不会配合的。

He wouldn't do it.

这是一场僵持。

It was a standoff.

比如，嗯，

Like Well,

他到底怎么了？

he is so what is with this guy?

这就像他就是不肯配合。

This is like he he will not perform.

他就是不肯配合。

He will not perform.

我们带他去看医生是因为他喉咙痛。

So we were going to the doctor because he had like a sore throat.

我当时就说，你肯定是链球菌性咽炎。

I was like, you definitely have strep throat.

我们得走了。

We gotta go.

我们得去办那件事。

We gotta go do the thing.

于是我们就去了医生那里，他说，我不懂，他当时说，医生能做什么呢？

And so we went to the doctor and he said, I don't he's like, what are they gonna do at the doctor?

我说，他们会检查你的喉咙。

I said, they're gonna look at you.

他们什么都不会做。

They're gonna nothing.

没什么可怕的。

Nothing scary.

对吧？

Right?

他们要看看你的喉咙。

They're gonna look in your throat.

他说，我会做，但我不想说‘啊’。

He's like, I'll do it, but I don't wanna say, ah.

我说，好的。

And I said, okay.

你可能不需要。

You probably don't have to.

我不知道你为什么非得说‘啊’，但据说还是得把舌头压下去，好让他们能清楚地看到里面。

I don't know if that I don't know why you say ah anyway, but apparently it's still like get your tongue down so they can really look back there.

是的。

Yeah.

所以当医生进来的时候，我就知道事情不妙了。

So then I knew we were in trouble when the doctor comes in.

他们说

They're like

他拿出了那根小棍子。

Brought the little he brought the little stick out.

他们说，我们不想用棍子。

Well, they were like, we don't wanna have to use the stick.

派对是

Party was

就说，赶紧把那根棍子拿来吧，这把他吓坏了。

like, just get the mother stick because this scared him.

是的。

Yeah.

他张开嘴看着医生，医生说，好了。

And he's like opening his mouth and looking at the doctor and he's and the doctor's like, okay.

张开嘴。

Open up.

他张开了。

He opens.

她就说，好吧。

And she goes, okay.

说，啊。

Say, ah.

他却摇头。

And he's like shakes his head.

我对他说，兄弟，你就说个啊。

And I'm like, buddy, just say ah.

你一说啊，就完了。

As soon as you say ah, it's done.

她根本都不会碰你。

She's not even gonna touch you.

就说个啊。

Just say ah.

整整两分钟，他就是不肯。

It was two straight minutes of him would not.

他从来没说过。

He'd never said it.

从来没说过‘啊’。

Never said, ah.

那么她就放弃了吗？

So then did she just give up?

她放弃了。

She gave up.

她说：好吧，你告诉我。

She's like, well, let me know

如果他但这是给他的一课，让他可以继续不

if he But this is a lesson to him that he can continue to not

做这件事，因为他不想做。

do this because he doesn't want do.

我说，我就说，把舌压板给我吧。

I said I was like, just give me the tongue compressor.

我来做。

I'll do it.

好的。

Yeah.

她就说，不行。

She's like, no.

我们不想非得这么做。

We don't wanna have to do that.

我就说，我想对这个孩子这么做。

And I'm like, I wanna do that to this child.

天哪。

Oh my God.

这孩子真够呛。

What a kid.

他永远当不了演员。

He's never gonna be an actor.

谢天谢地。

Thank God.

你知道吧？

You know?

对。

Yeah.

好的。

Okay.

嗯，我这顺利的一周就是等等看。

Well, my good week is hold on.

让我先喝一口我的饮料。

Let me just pop my drink here.

各位，首先我想感谢Clean Simple Eats，因为他们懂行，给了我一大份。

You guys, first of all, I wanna thank Clean Simple Eats because they know what is up because they've given me a big boy.

我觉得自己像个正常人一样。

I feel like the person okay.

所以这就是等待的时间。

So this is the wait.

这是清澈蛋白能量天堂鸡尾酒。

This is the clear protein and energy paradise punch.

美味。

Delicious.

20克蛋白质，但他们给我的是那种你在音乐节上喝米勒淡啤时的样子——大得离谱，你会想：是的，我愿意花9美元买这瓶啤酒，因为它太大了。

20 grams of protein, but they gave it to me in a, you know, like when you drink a Miller Lite at a music festival and it's like giant and you're like, yeah, I'll spend $9 on this beer because it's huge.

我对这款饮料就是这种感觉。

That's how I feel about this.

长期以来，我一直喝的是他们给我的那一小瓶能量饮料。

Like, for so long, I've been drinking they gave me half a little energy drink.

我需要它撑过整个上午。

I need this to last me all morning.

我不想喝六瓶。

I don't wanna drink six of them.

非常感谢你。

So thank you so much.

你真美味。

You're delicious.

你知道我最喜欢的是什么吗？

Know what's so I'm enjoying?

在做结肠镜检查之前，你必须喝清液，他们批准了这款产品，因为它含有清晰的蛋白质。

Before a colonoscopy, you have to do clear liquids, and they approve that because it's a clear protein.

哇，真的吗。

Oh, wow.

这太聪明了，因为你不能

That's so smart because you can't And

我并不饿。

I wasn't starving.

任何含有蛋白质的东西。

Anything that's protein.

没错。

Exactly.

哇。

Wow.

太聪明了。

That's genius.

真的很好。

It's really good.

现在我有点迫不及待想跟你讲我的故事了。

And now I feel a little zip to tell you my story.

我这周的成就就是我已经读完了Lisa Rinna这本书的63%。

My good week is that I am 63% through Lisa Rinna's book.

让我告诉你，这本书真的不会让你失望。

And let me tell you I hear it's not disappoint.

天啊，我太喜欢她了。

God, I love her.

你知道吗，丽莎·琳娜，如果你没看过《主妇》那一季，你得马上去补看。

You know, Lisa Rinna, if you didn't watch the season of the traders, you need to go and do that immediately.

但关键是，我特别喜欢那种落魄的女王。

But the thing is is I love a down and out queen.

当时我并没有意识到，她离开《主妇》时有多么难过。

Like, I didn't realize at the time that she was so upset about leaving housewives.

我想，因为当你被解雇或主动离职时，你总会想，我要专注于别的事情了。

Like, I guess, because they you know, when you get fired from a job or leave, you know, you you you're like, I wanna focus on something else.

所以她们成功了。

Like, you know, and so they made it.

她们平复了情绪。

They they calmed it.

但在书里，你才会了解到她离开背后的真正原因，以及她有多愤怒。

But in the book, you find out the real story behind her leaving and how mad she was.

她以为自己的事业就此结束了。

She thought her career was over.

她就说，我就是觉得这一切都太疯狂了。

She was like, I'm like, all this stuff.

而她能够逆袭这一点，再加上这本书特别适合夏天海边阅读的原因，就在于它就像她一口气录了九个小时的语音备忘录，然后直接打印出来了。

And then the fact that she's risen above, but what makes the book so good, if you guys need a summer beach read, is that it is as if she'd literally recorded a voice memo for nine hours, and then they printed it.

根本没人修改过。

And no no one edited it.

我的意思是，我确信她有编辑。

Like, I mean, I'm sure she had an editor.

给她的编辑点个赞。

Shout out to her editor.

但他们并没有试图让丽莎·琳娜说标准英语，你知道的，这让我觉得

But they did not try to make Lisa Rinna speak in English, which as, you know, This I'm like

这太凯尔蒂了。

is very Keltie.

这太凯尔蒂了。

This is very Keltie.

书里的某些章节就这样结束，我说了他。

There's like parts of the chapters of the book that just ends with, and I said, him.

我再也没有想过他。

And I never thought about him again.

就这样，章节结束了。

And like, that's the end of the chapter.

完全没有衔接。

Like, there's no tie in.

也没有收尾。

There's no wrap up.

有时候她会插入很多旁白。

Like, sometimes she'll like, she has all these asides in it.

比如她就会说，是的。

Like, where she just is like, yeah.

然后就是高级定制，宝贝。

And then it was couture, bitch.

就这样结束了。

And like, that's the end of it.

你知道我最欣赏她什么吗？

Do you know what I really appreciate about her?

这只是一个假设，因为我没读过这本书。

And this is just an assumption because I haven't read the book.

但据我了解，我们现在处于一个治疗盛行的时代，有很多治疗师，有很多自我实现，还有很多空话和责任追究。

But from what I gather, I you know, we're in an age of therapy, a lot of therapist people, a lot of self actualization, a lot of blah blah blah accountability.

我就是喜欢那种什么都不做的人。

I love someone who does none of it.

懂吗？

Know?

我的意思是，我绝不想和这样的人生活在一起，但我就是喜欢观察那些完全不想提升自己的人。

Like, I mean, I would never wanna be in their life, but I just love observing somebody who has zero desire to improve upon themselves.

这就是关键所在。

Well, that's the thing.

她还经常提起这件事。

And she talks about it.

她说，我们都接受过心理治疗。

She's like, we're all in therapy.

我也接受过心理治疗。

I've been in therapy.

我的孩子们也接受过心理治疗。

My kids have been in therapy.

她确实老谈这个，但她又说，反正我就是我这样的性格。

Like, she she really does talk about it, but she's like, but then I kinda am what I am.

然后她谈到，有几年这个女儿特别恨她，后来情况反转了，这个女儿又开始恨她。

And then she talks about, like, the years that this daughter hated her, and then and then it switched, and this daughter hated her.

而且她隐约透露了一点八卦，但并没有点名批评克莉丝·詹纳。

And and she kind of oh, there's like a little bit of tea where she kind of she's not calling out Kris Jenner.

我不知道她们是不是朋友，或者她是否真有这个意思，但有一段话是说，我不插手我孩子的烂事，因为我不想成为丽莎·琳娜，当阿米莉亚在巴黎走秀的时候。

I don't know if they're friends like I don't know or if she even means to, but there's this whole section of like, I don't go to my kids shit because I don't want to be Lisa Rinna when Amelia's walking the Paris runway.

所以她说，尽管我想去拍摄她，但我不会去，因为我想让这件事成为她自己的事。

So she's like, even though I want to go and like be filming her, I don't go because I want it to be her thing.

而且她也不会来看我的演出。

And she doesn't come to my shows.

而且这简直就像非常

And like, it's just like very

非常奇怪。

very bizarre.

这太可疑了。

It's so shady.

但这本书最棒的地方是，她真的详细讲述了这些节目的幕后制作过程。

But the greatest thing about the book is she really talks about how the sausage is made of the shows.

所以她说，我真的不敢相信百老汇不会起诉她，也许他们真的会。

So she's like, I I'm just like, I can't believe Broadway's not gonna sue her, and maybe they are.

但她基本上就是说，是的。

But she's basically like, yeah.

然后我和艾琳·戴维森坐下来，那天我们俩都不想工作。

Then I sat down with Aileen Davidson, and neither of us wanted to work that day.

所以我只是看着她眨了眨眼，然后把一杯水泼在她脸上。

So I just looked at her and winked and then threw a glass of water in her face.

天哪。

Oh my god.

所以她基本上就是说，

And so she's basically like,

我们不想等到真的发生争执再行动。

we don't want to wait for like a real fight to happen.

所以我们干脆就说，赶紧离开这儿，把这场戏拍完。

So we just were like, let's get the out of here and get this scene done.

所以我们就会假装打架，就像只是

So we would just like fight Like it would it's just a

这太疯狂了，像WWE一样。

It's wild WWE.

越想越觉得确实如此。

Like it's truly the more I think about it, it really is.

真的太 WWE 了。

It's so WWE.

太不可思议了。

Incredible.

这是一本好书。

It's a great book.

每个人都应该去看看。

So everyone should check that out.

非常值得一读。

Very good read.

在那之前我读了一本特别厚重的书，花了我很长时间才读完

And I read a very heavy book before that that took me a long time

读完。

to get through.

然后我就想，我得弄一本。

And then I was like, I need that.

你的那本长书是哪一本？

Which one was your long one?

它叫《健康生活》，是一个关于这个家庭的故事。

It's called Wellness and it's this story.

它深刻地描绘了这个家庭。

It's like, it was very deep about this family.

然后，爸爸和儿子在Facebook上重新联系，但他们俩都深深陷入了算法之中，就像

And then, like, the dad and the dad son reconnect on Facebook, but they both, like, get deep into the algorithms of, like, it's

是那本健康题材的小说吗？

Is it the wellness fiction?

是的。

It's yeah.

不是。

No.

不是。

No.

不是。

No.

这是小说。

It's it's fiction.

这不是真的。

It's not true.

这是一个故事。

It's a story.

但他们之间有一种关系破裂了，然后通过Facebook重新联系，但他的算法一直在给他推送各种阴谋论。

But they, like, they have this like relationship that falls apart and then they connect over Facebook, but his algorithm is like giving him the dad's algorithm is giving him all these conspiracy theories.

哦。

Oh.

而另一个算法则推送所有真相，这就像我们每天所面对的现实博弈。

And then the other one is giving all the truth and it's like a play in what we deal with on a daily basis.

对，没错。

True, so.

阿门。

Amen.

但那本书非常深刻。

But it was very deep.

我当时想，这本书什么时候才能结束啊？

And I was like, is this book ever gonna end?

简直太压抑了。

Like, it's pretty depressing.

但我就是想不明白，我从不会半途放弃一本书。

But then I wouldn't figure out, I won't quit a book halfway through.

我不是半途而废的人。

I'm not a quitter.

好了，等我们回来的时候，我要跟你们说说我的倒霉周，这事儿值得单独讲一讲。

Okay, when we come back, I'm gonna give you my bad week because it deserves its own segment.

我们要感谢梅西百货，让这个节目每周都能免费提供给大家，但说实话，我们本来就超爱梅西百货，就算没有赞助也会聊它。

We would like to thank our friends at Macys for making this show free to you every week but to be honest, we love Macys so we would talk about it anyway.

我太兴奋了，因为马上就要出发了，几周后我就要去纽约。

And I am just so excited that it's time to go like I'm going to New York in a few weeks.

我刚去过纽约，那时候又下雪又潮湿，你得穿靴子，懂我的意思吧？

And I was just in New York and it was snowy and wet and you have to wear like boots, you know what I mean?

你得穿那种厚重的鞋子。

You gotta wear like a heavy shoe.

有一种东西特别可爱，我到现在还是超喜欢。

There is something so cute, and I'm still into it.

去年开始流行那种小小的玛丽珍网面鞋，嗯。

It started last year about the little like Mary Jane mesh Mhmm.

小女鞋，旅行时特别好打包，轻便又便宜，我就买了几双Steve Madden的，或者梅西百货里有一款Sam Edelman的，是透明的，但有豹纹图案。

Baby shoe, and it's easy to pack when you're on a little trip, and it's light, and you can get there inexpensive, like I just those little Steve Madden or there's like a Sam Edelman one at Macys that's like see through, but it's like leopard.

我同意。

I agree.

而且穿这种鞋还能省得你特意去做足疗美甲。

And it also it saves you from having to get a pedicure.

哦，对哦。

Oh, yeah.

因为对我来说，温暖的天气总是来得太突然，我都没来得及把脚趾收拾得能见人。

Because I find the warm weather really sneaks up on me, and then my toes aren't ready to be seen.

所以这种鞋就刚好，是轻便又自在的春款鞋，还不用把我的脚趾全露出来。

So that shoe gives me, like, a lighter, freer spring shoe without having to show my toes on full display.

我也觉得网面平底鞋是全天候适配的，不管做什么活动都合适，哪怕是送孩子上学穿都没问题。

I also feel like the mesh flat is the any time of day, any activity it's appropriate to do drop off with your kid.

搭配亚麻西装去吃晚餐穿它也很合适，蹬上一双网面平底鞋，既时髦又舒适。

It's appropriate to take to dinner in, a linen suit, and you throw in a little mesh flat, and you're you're chic and you're comfortable.

太时髦了。

So chic.

我想换个话题，因为我得聊聊阔腿牛仔裤，它们现在真的又流行回来了。

I want to switch gears because I need to talk about barrel jeans because they're really making a comeback.

而且我觉得大家对它们的评价不太公道。

And I feel like they got a bad rap.

不知道为什么，大家之前都不太喜欢它们。

For some reason, people were just like not into them.

但我跟你们说，这种牛仔裤几乎是最衬大多数人身材的款式了。

But I'm telling you, are maybe the most flattering jeans on most people.

要是选对款的话，梅西百货里这类牛仔裤款式超多，而且很多都不到60美元，我得多囤几条，它们真的太好用了。

If you get the right kind and Macys has so many and so many under like $60 that I need to really stock up because they're so freaking good.

李维斯推出了一款收腰高腰阔腿牛仔裤

Levi's makes one called the cinch high rise barreled leg jean.

它有很多颜色可选，不管个子高矮穿都非常显身材。

It comes in many colors and it is a very flattering look for short or tall.

哦，我们会把这款的链接放上的。

Oh, we will link that.

对。

Yeah.

我就在想，他们是怎么做到的？

I'm like, how do they do that?

是的。

Yeah.

我的问题是，我之前一度偏爱阔腿裤，阔腿裤对有些人确实好看，但对我来说，全身都松垮垮的就不合适了。

My problem is I was like going on a wide leg thing for a while, and wide leg is good on some people, but I it's not good to be all wide on you.

不对。

No.

所以桶形裤才这么

That's why the barrel is so

好。

good.

桶形裤的特点是休闲、有型、不刻意、舒适，而且能很好地贴合臀部，勾勒出身材曲线。

The barrel is like, it's casual, you're cool, you're not trying too hard, it's comfy, but it actually fits your butt and gives you like a shape.

是的，而且很舒服。

Yeah, and they're comfy.

因为没人会说，天哪，我担心我的膝盖曲线。

Because nobody's like, oh my God, I'm worried about the curve of my knees.

像这种事，我们都能接受。

Like, we're fine with that.

你懂我的意思吧？

It's like, you know what I mean?

把它们遮起来。

Cover them up.

是的。

Yeah.

把膝盖遮住。

Cover up the knees.

没人想这样，我的意思是，你们都喜欢遮住膝盖，但我却很喜欢。

Nobody wants to well, I mean, you guys love to cover up your knees, but I love it.

你的膝盖看起来依然很棒，凯尔蒂。

Your knees are still looking good, Keltie.

你确实如此。

You do.

这是你

It's one

最棒的特质之一。

of your best qualities.

你知道吗？

You know what?

它们开始有点下垂了。

They're starting to fall a little.

它们开始有点下垂了，但我认为我还能再享受几个夏天，留一点短发。

They're starting to fall a little, but I think I have a couple more summers of a nice little crop to leave by a little short there.

但我超爱春季穿搭，比如网眼鞋配桶形牛仔裤、白T恤，再配上一个小包包。

But I love spring fashion, so we are like mesh shoes with a barrel jean and a white T shirt and a little, like, purse.

简单轻松。

Easy peasy.

太美了。

Stunning.

我们太喜欢了。

We love it.

谢谢，梅西。

Thank you, Macys.

你们可以在macys.com上购物。

And you guys can shop at macys.com.

这周我们会在通讯中分享我们最爱的商品链接。

We will link our favorites in our newsletter this week.

别忘了去梅西实体店逛逛购物。

And don't sleep on going to the Macy's in store and shopping.

真的特别有趣。

It is really fun.

现在回到女士们的话题。

Now back to the lady gang.

好吧。

Alright.

我们回来了。

We're back.

我这周倒霉的事是我身份被盗了。

My bad week is I had my identity stolen.

如果你一直关注Lady Gang，你应该知道几周前我以为我的信用卡被盗了，因为我访问了一个可疑网站。

And if you are up to date on lady gang, you know that a few weeks ago, I thought my credit card got stolen because I had gone on a shady website.

我弄错了。

I was incorrect.

天哪。

Oh, no.

现在我想把整个故事完整地告诉你们：我所有信息都被盗走了，这两周我除了努力理清这团乱麻之外什么都没做。

And I would now like to update you with the full story of how everything about me has been stolen off the internet and I have spent nothing if not two weeks of my life untangling this wire.

我也想收回之前说过的话。

I also want to renege on something.

几个月前，我曾扯远了话题，谈到双因素认证有多烦人，我不想做任何认证，甚至不想在手机上设置密码。

I went on a tangent a few months ago about two factor authorization and how annoying it is and how I don't want to authorize anything and I don't even want a passcode on my phone.

我现在想收回之前的话。

I would like to renege.

我希望所有地方都用四重认证。

Want four part authorization on everything.

我希望登录时必须扫描我的阴毛。

I want you to have to scan my pubic hair.

我希望每次登录都要滴一滴血，因为这些人简直太可怕了。

I want to have to give a little drop of blood every time I log in because these people are being nightmarish.

好吧。

Okay.

那么我们开始吧。

So here we go.

几周前，我在洛杉矶，去参加了Emma Greed家的一顿小晚餐，她是Good American和Skims的创始人。

Few weeks ago, I'm in LA and I went to a little dinner at Emma Greed, who is the founder of Good American and Skims.

她是个美丽的女人。

She's like this beautiful woman.

她非常娇小。

She's like very tiny.

她是英国人吗？

Is she British?

她是英国人。

She's British.

她美得惊人。

She's like gorgeous.

她超级酷。

She's super cool.

她刚推出了一档播客。

She just launched a podcast.

所以我们开了个关于播客的晚餐会，当时在场的有凯特·肯尼迪，还有其他一群住在洛杉矶的女性播客主，她举办这场晚餐会，是想好好听听我们的想法。

And so we like had this podcasting dinner and it was like, you know, Kate Kennedy, like a bunch of girly podcasters that live in LA and she hosted dinner because she really wanna pick our brains.

我觉得太好了。

I'm like, great.

我去。

I'll go.

她的房子太棒了。

Her house is amazing.

我们吃了一顿美味的晚餐。

We had a beautiful dinner.

超级有趣。

Super fun.

第二天早上，我又在Instagram上发了一条动态，感谢Emma招待我们，并@了所有人。

The next morning, the next morning, I posted one story on Instagram saying, thanks Emma for hosting us and like tagged everyone.

就这样。

That's it.

没人知道我去了哪里或做了什么

No one would have known where I was or what I

在做什么。

was doing.

这已经让我毛骨悚然了。

It's creeping me out already.

你听完绝对会大吃一惊的

You're gonna die

等我把这件事告诉你你就懂了。

when I tell you this story.

结果转天早上，我的助理邮箱收到了一封邮件——这个邮箱只有和我合作过的人，或者我亲口说过、问过“要怎么联系你”的人才会知道，

So then the next morning to my assistant email, which is you only know it if you work with me, or if I've said like someone's been like, hey, where can I contact you?

而且这个邮箱还藏在我个人网站Keltie Knight.com的很深的位置，

And then it's deep on my Keltie Knight website.

根本没放在我的Instagram简介里，

Like, it's not on my Instagram.

结果我居然收到了艾玛助理发来的邮件。

It's not I get an email from Emma's assistant.

不。

No.

而且上面写着，她的邮箱是bookings@emmagreed.com。

And it says and it's her email is bookings@emmagreed.com.

所以这根本不是什么奇怪的邮箱。

So it's not even like a weird email.

这简直是个完美的邮箱。

It's like perfect email.

这不是Gmail。

It's not a Gmail.

也不是我编出来的AOL邮箱。

It's not like I made up an AOL.

嘿，Keltie。

Hey, Keltie.

你知道吗，Emma有一本新书要出版，她觉得你非常适合，想问问你是否愿意为她的新书举办一场直播推广。

Know, Emma has a new book coming out and she thought you would be great to she was wondering if you would host, a, live stream with her to promote the book.

她在新书发布前，每晚连续进行十场与女性的对话。

She's doing 10 in a row with females every night before the book comes out.

她将访谈关于她的生活、事业等内容。

And, she's gonna interview about her life and and business and stuff.

所以我回了邮件，说：是的，这对我来说完全合理，各位。

So I write back and I was like, yeah, I this makes perfect sense to me, guys.

我说：当然，我愿意参与。

I'm like, yeah, of course, I'll do this.

他们说：太好了。

And they're like, great.

很棒。

Awesome.

这是她有空的日期。

Here's the dates she's available.

时间大概是晚上六点到七点。

It's gonna be from like six to seven.

这让我想起了新冠疫情期间。

It reminded me so much of COVID.

你还记得新冠期间每天晚上我们都做Instagram直播吗？

Do you remember how like every night of COVID we did an Instagram live?

而且，她确实有一本书即将出版。

Also, she does have a book coming out.

而且，我刚刚见过她。

Also, I just saw her.

她请我做这件事，这完全说得通。

It makes perfect sense that she's asking me to do this.

我当时就说，对，顺便说一句，没有女性罪犯。

I'm like, yeah, no female criminal BTW.

没有男人能把这些事情联系起来。

No man would ever be able to put these things together.

没错。

No.

太疯狂了。

It's wild.

所以我就想，好吧。

So I'm like, okay.

事情变得更糟了，伙计们。

It gets even worse, guys.

我的意思是，好吧？

You can I mean, okay?

那么，我就来讲这个故事吧。

So then, I'm just gonna tell the story.

然后我就想，太好了。

So then, I'm like, great.

他们说，好的，这是可用的日期。

And they're like, okay, here's the dates that are available.

于是我选了3月1日，星期天。

So I pick a Sunday, the March 1.

我当时想，周日很好，周日晚上对我来说特别棒。

I was like, Sunday's great, Sunday night's awesome for me.

他们说，好的，太好了。

And they're like, okay, cool.

但三天后，我突然意识到，哦，周日晚上不行，那天是演员颁奖典礼。

And then three days later, I realized, oh, I can't do Sunday night, it's the actor awards.

我能改到3月3号吗？

Can I have March 3?

他们说，没问题。

And they're like, no problem.

我们帮你改一下。

We'll switch it.

所以，我最初的第一反应应该是，这么容易就改了，太奇怪了。

So then my first my first inclination should have been like it was too easy to switch.

这是艾玛。

This is Emma.

这本来早就被订满了，但我没意识到。

This would have been booked up, but I didn't I didn't clock it.

我当时觉得，太好了。

I was like, great.

很简单。

Easy.

很好。

Great.

抱歉。

Sorry.

我搞砸了。

I fucked up.

所以他们说，没问题。

So they're like, cool.

你以前做过Facebook直播吗？

Have you ever done a Facebook live before?

Facebook直播合作？

A Facebook live collaboration?

我当时说，没有。

And I was like, no.

我还在和助理的邮箱沟通。

And I'm still talking to the assistant email.

你知道的，我每天收到成千上万封邮件，就像你们知道的，我发邮件的方式。

And you know, I get thousands of emails a day and I like, you know, you guys know how I email.

就是，你看到的全是龙卷风。

Like, I'm just it's all you see a tornado.

赶紧申请，龙卷风来了。

Apply quickly tornado.

我说，没有，我没做过。

I'm like, no, haven't.

我做过Instagram直播合作。

I've done an Instagram live collaboration.

这有什么不同吗？

Is it different?

他们说，是的，有点不一样。

And they're like, yeah, it's a little different.

我们需要去你的Facebook上设置活动。

We need to go and set up the event in your Facebook.

我当时说，好吧。

And I was like, okay.

他们问：你知道怎么查看你的Facebook里有没有我们的活动请求吗？

And they're like, do you know how do you see do you see our event request in your Facebook thing yet?

我进去一看，说：我没看到活动请求。

And I go in and I'm like, I don't see the event request.

现在我完全明白了，因为几年前我们刚开始巡演Lady Gang的时候，你还记得Ricky为Yes在Facebook上设置活动的事吗？

Now this makes perfect sense to me because years ago when we first were touring Lady Gang, do you remember when Ricky set up events on Facebook for Yes.

是的。

Yeah.

所以我心想，这完全说得通。

So I was like, this makes perfect sense.

你得看到那个活动。

You gotta see the event.

于是我进入Facebook，根本没看到活动。

So I go into Facebook, there's no event.

我说：‘朋友们，我没看到啊。’

I was like, I don't see it guys.

他们说：‘天啊，你肯定是遇到问题了。’

And they're like, oh man, you must be having problems.

你的设置肯定出了什么问题。

Something must be wrong in your settings.

我来帮你联系Emma的技术人员，他会帮你的。

I'm going to hook you up with Emma's tech guy and he's going to help you out.

我当时说：‘太好了。’

And I was like, great.

这也太复杂了。

This is so elaborate.

我根本没想到会是11。

I was not is so expecting 11.

我太紧张了。

I'm so freaked out.

然后我就想，好吧。

So then I'm like, okay.

我当时想，太好了。

I was like, great.

你知道我最最喜欢的是什么吗？

You know what I love more than anything?

有个技术人员直接告诉我该怎么做，因为我最讨厌

A tech person getting on and just telling me what the to do because I hate

这个。

it.