ASK THE LADYGANG

插一句，我现在住得挺开心的。

Side note, I'm happy living here.

就是心里一直悬着，不知道她什么时候会跟我提

Just lots of uncertainty of when she's going to ask me

让我搬走，或者她自己要搬出去。

to leave or move.

这也太煎熬了。

That's so rough.

我觉得跟朋友合租风险真的超级大，多半最后都会闹僵，这感觉就像跟对方谈恋爱一样

I feel like it's so, so risky moving in with a friend because it usually goes south because then you're like, it's almost like dating them.

相当于你跟对方绑定成同居关系了

Now you're in a relationship.

你连他们私下独处的样子都看得一清二楚

You're seeing them in their little quiet moments.

还会开始注意到他们的各种小习惯，分分钟把你烦死

You're starting to notice little things that they do that bug the shit out of you.

比如她老把烘干机里的绒毛留着，时间一长，怨气就慢慢积起来了。

Like if they leave like the lint in the dryer and then it starts like building resentment and resentment.

如果你想俩人还能做朋友，赶紧搬出去吧。

Think you should move out as soon as possible.

对，想维持友谊的话，趁早搬走。

If you want to stay friends.

而且她这么写，里面明显有种权力不对等的感觉。

There's just with the way that she is writing this too, there's a power dynamic that's going on.

她总在琢磨，对方什么时候会开口让她搬走。

She's like, I'm wondering when she's going to ask me when I have to leave.

很明显，朋友那边才是掌握主动权的那一个。

So the friend obviously has the power.

说不定是她搬进了对方的公寓什么的。

Maybe she moved into her apartment or something.

现在她肯定走路都得小心翼翼的。

And now she's just like, she's probably walking on eggshells.

她大概也不想在朋友面前展露真实的自己。

She's probably not trying to like show her true self to the friend.

这真的挺难的。

And that's just hard.

跟朋友之间搞这种权力关系，真没必要。

You don't want to be in a power dynamic with a friend.

朋友之间本来就该是平等的。

Like you should be equal with your friends.

我觉得吧，不如直接开诚布公地谈一谈。

Well, I would also just have a very open conversation.

坦率地告诉她，你担心她哪天突然不想让你住了，咱们好好说清楚。

Just really communicate that you have anxiety about her deciding she doesn't want you there anymore and just have like a really honest conversation.

我觉得也可以直接说：咱们都是成年人了。

I also think it's a good thing to say, Hey, we're adults.

彼此之间没必要搞这些明里一套、暗里一套的。

We don't have to have passive aggressive things between each other.

如果你觉得我有什么地方需要改、需要调整，只要是我能轻松做到的，我都愿意改，因为我希望咱们住得舒服。

If there's something I'm doing that you would like for me to change or adjust or fix, like if it's something that I am, that's easy for me to do, I wanna do it because I want us to have like a really comfortable living space.

说开是最好的办法，不然就只能搬走了。

Open conversation is just the only answer here or or Jack move out.

不过我觉得还是说开比较好。

But I think open conversations probably better.

对。

Yeah.

沟通确实很难，尤其是如果他们以前从来没学过怎么谈这个的话。

It's definitely communication so hard though, especially if they haven't had

没错。

it.

是啊。

Yeah.

我曾经和一个最好的朋友合租，结果后来就彻底绝交了。

I mean, I lost one of my best friends after we were roommates.

真的吗？

Really?

你看，我以前和好多朋友一起住过，都没问题。

See, I've lived with a bunch of my friends before and it's always been fine.

是啊。

Yeah.

确实挺难的。

It can be hard.

好的，来自纳什维尔的麦迪逊。

Okay, Madison from Nashville.

我和我男朋友已经在一起三年了，这事儿说起来都不可思议。

My boyfriend and I have been, this is crazy.

我和我男朋友在一起三年了，他到现在还没带我去见过他家人。

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and he still hasn't introduced me to his family.

每次我提起来，他就说‘快了快了’，然后赶紧换话题。

Every time I bring it up, he says soon and changes the subject.

我朋友们都觉得我该给他下最后通牒，但这么干我觉得特别吓人，而且自己居然还得问这种问题，本身就很丢脸——这算不算重大警告信号？

My friends think I should give an ultimatum, but that feels so scary and also kind of embarrassing that I even have to ask, is this a red flag?

我是不是太没耐心了？

Am I being impatient?

我真的搞不清楚，问题会不会出在我身上。

I genuinely cannot tell if I'm the problem.

我的意思是，

I mean,

你绝对不是问题所在。

you're definitely not the problem.

这简直是明晃晃的重大警告信号。

That is a huge massive red flag.

我都在想，他是不是另有女朋友了。

I wonder if he has another girlfriend.

或者他是不是

Or if he's

就是那种根本不想认真投入的人，你知道的。

just somebody that's like doesn't want to commit that hard, you know.

他觉得要是介绍她认识，就等于在传递错误的信号。

And he thinks that if he does introduce her, it means it's sending the wrong message.

如果他们……

If they've

都谈了三年了。

been dating three years.

在同一座城市？

In the same city?

他家人也住他那儿吗？

Does his family live in the same city as him?

等等，你们在同一座城市谈了三年，他家人你连面都没见过？赶紧拉黑跑路吧。

Wait, does his family live in the same city as you and you've been together three years and you've yet to meet his family, pop smoke and get the fuck out.

这太奇怪了。

That's weird.

我觉得这倒不是什么红灯信号，而是个挺有意思的地方——他老是转移话题。

I also think it's not red flag, but like an interesting point that he changes the subject.

他可能跟家人关系不太好。

I mean, he might have a bad relationship with his family.

咱们得再多了解点背景才行。

We need more context to the story.

如果他跟家人关系确实不好，只是不想提这事，那……

If he has a bad relationship and he just doesn't want to like,

我的意思是，

what I

我觉得吧，

would say.

这是一回事。

That's one thing.

但要是她自己也说不清为啥，那就不像是他家人有问题，倒像是他另有原因，故意躲着不提。

But like, if she doesn't seem to know why that it doesn't seem like it's a bad relationship more so he's just avoiding it to avoid it for, I don't know, maybe a different reason.

但要是他根本就是个骗子呢？我老是往最坏的地方想，可说实话，

But also what if he's like a grifter and I always go to the worst place, but like, mean, men

男人确实最容易是这种人。

are usually the worst place.

对啊。

Yes.

要是你重新审视一下他的生活，发现他表面过得挺好，家里却一塌糊涂，

What if you recreated your life and you're like, you know, he's got his life together and everything and his family is like junk.

你懂我意思吧？

You know what I mean?

所以他不想让她看到这些真相。

And he doesn't want to show that to her.

我宁愿相信是这个原因，而不是他根本不想负责。

Like my hope is that that's what it is rather than he doesn't want to commit.

但不管哪种情况，这都是个大问题，因为你们根本不在一个频道上。

But either way, it's a major major red flag because you're not at the same place.

如果你都想到要办订婚派对了，可连他家的圣诞节、万圣节或者任何家庭聚会都没参加过，这就不对劲了。

If you are like thinking next step is engagement party and you haven't met the family at any of the Christmases or Halloween parties or family events like you're.

而且我觉得这本质上是个沟通问题。

Well, and I think it's just like a communication thing.

你得主动问清楚，别光想着他是在回避话题。

Like you need to ask why you don't need to just be like, oh, he's changing the subject.

你得深挖一下，到底是什么原因。

It's like you need to dive into what is the reason why.

因为有些理由能说得通，有些就完全说不过去。

Cause there are some acceptable answers and then there are some that aren't.

我们之前请过性学专家，她说过，得先让对方放松，状态好了再问。

And we know from having the sex expert on that you should come and then ask them.

先营造好氛围，等他心情不错的时候，再提出来问。

Come, get them relaxed, get them in a good place and then ask them.

她就是在播客里这么说的。

That's what she said on the podcast.

她说，他们只想感受到亲密。

She said, you they want to feel closeness.

所以他想和你建立连接。

So he wants to connect with you.

你们睡在一起，希望三年后你们还能一起睡。

He's going to you're going to sleep with him and then, well, hopefully you're sleeping together after three years.

我真的没法想象这么做。

I just like can't imagine doing that.

这种时候才最适合谈那些难开口的事。

Like, that's the time when you bring up a hard conversation.

我自己是绝对干不出这种事的。

I just can't imagine doing that myself.

我也做不到，因为二十秒内我就……

Well, I can't either because within like twenty seconds, I'm

我们在洗澡呢，亲爱的。

We're in the shower, honey.

我们都到Trader Joe's了，才三分钟，我就觉得，行了，

We're already at the we're at Trader Joe's three minutes I'm like, okay,

明白了。

got it.

也许他对自己家人感到不好意思。

Maybe he's embarrassed about his family.

可能吧。

Like, maybe.

那就是说，

That's what

我就是这个意思。

I'm saying.

她只需要知道就行。

She just needs to know.

她直接问出来、说清楚就好了。

She just needs to ask and just say.

但仔细想想，这两个问题其实本质上是一回事。

But then it's like, this is I think about the same thing for both of these questions.

就是时机的问题。

Like the timing.

有时候啊，拖得太久，已经没救了。

It's like sometimes it's too far gone.

有时候拖了那么久，早过了那种不好意思提的阶段，现在反而觉得这事儿根本没法开口了。

Like sometimes it's been so much time and now it's like past the awkward stage of you've been bringing it up that it's like now it's like it feels almost untouchable conversation.

明白了。

Okay.

丹妮，咱们的老听众了。

Dani, longtime listener.

她说自己是来自凤凰城的老听众兼潜水员。

She said a longtime listener and lurker from Phoenix.

我最近升职了，挺棒的，可现在要管两个我最好的同事，简直尴尬到不行。

I got a promotion at work, which is amazing, but now I'm managing two of my closest work friends and it is so awkward.

其中一个在下班聚餐时就说，我变了不少。

One of them already made a comment at happy hour about how I've changed.

我没变啊。

I haven't changed.

我只是现在得认真干活了。

I just actually have to do my job now.

我不想失去这段友谊，但这份晋升我也确实拼尽全力了。

I don't wanna lose the friendship, but I also worked really hard for this.

我该怎么避免在别人眼里变成反派呢？

How do I not become the villain in this story?

哎呀。

Ugh.

在我看来，如果你真没变，只是正常履职，那可能你朋友是有点嫉妒。

Well, to me it seems like if you really haven't changed and you're just being professional, it seems like maybe your friends are jealous.

那当然了。

Of course

他们就是嫉妒。

they're jealous.

你升职了，他们眼红，我觉得这种人根本不配当你朋友。

Oh your promotion and they're jealous of, and so I don't think those are even people you need as friends.

如果他们都不愿支持你的话。

If they're not going to support you.

说实话，有点嫉妒很正常，但要是因此故意使绊子，那真该长大点了。

I mean, listen, a little jealousy is normal, but if they're gonna be dicks about it, like grow up.

直接说你心里的想法就行。

Just say what you feel.

改变这种关系确实不容易，但只要你态度真诚，他们也不是不讲理的人，说句‘这新关系让我有点不适应，我会更支持你’，事儿就过去了。

You're, you know, it's a hard dynamic to change, but it's not something that you can't get over as long as they are reasonable and just say, sorry, it's just weird, this new dynamic and, know, I'll be more supportive of what you're doing.

你也可以跟他们说：‘你刚才那句话，让我感觉挺别扭的。’

Or you could say to them like, just, I'm feeling, you said this comment, I'm feeling weird.

我只想尽力别让这事儿变得奇怪、别扭，或者显得我高高在上。

I'm trying to do my best to not make this strange or weird or be bossy or whatever.

但如果我有什么做得不对的地方，你直接告诉我。

But if there's something I'm doing, tell me.

不然的话，我真的只是希望感受到多一点支持。

Otherwise, I just really want to feel a little bit more supported.

我又没给自己升职，对吧？

Like, didn't give myself this promotion.

她应该主动问出来。

I mean, she should ask it.

她得直接说：你为啥觉得我变了？

She should be direct to be like, tell me why I've changed.

给我举个例子。

Give me an example.

这主意不错。

That's a good idea.

别光说‘唉，这跟跟朋友住一块儿、跟朋友共事一样，权力关系一变，真的特别难搞。'

Than just being I mean, again, it's the same thing with living with a friend, working underneath working with friends where there's a power dynamic again is very hard.

就是啊，你现在成了别人的上司，能指使人家做事，可你们明明是朋友，本该是平等的。

Like, it's hard that you're now the boss of somebody and you can like, tell them what to do when you should be equals as friends.

但我觉得关键还是直接点，就说：给我个具体例子。

But I think it's just being direct and be like, give me an example.

如果对方说的只是‘我正常上班啊’，那……

And if the example is just like, I'm doing my job, then

那你也可以跟他们说：‘说实话，这事儿让我特别别扭，我得把活儿干了，但也不想让你觉得我在越界。’

that's And then I think you could also say to them, Hey, this is like super awkward for me because like, I need to get shit done, but I also don't want to make you feel like I'm stepping over you.

那你觉得咋办最好？

What's the best way?

比如我跟LadyGang团队相处时就这么干，还挺管用的。

Like, do you, and that's something that's worked even with LadyGang.

我一催他们，就直接问：‘嘿，Jack，你那边咋样了？’

Like when I smash you guys over, I'm like, hey, what's Jack?

怎么给你发待办清单最舒服？

What's the best way to send you a to do list?

你希望我怎么跟进你啊？是该催你、烦你，还是直接给你下命令？

Like, how do you prefer for me to follow-up and be annoying and be like bossing you around?

你说你更喜欢发条消息。

And you're like, I prefer a text.

太好了。

Great.

我可不会给你发一堆邮件。

Well, I'm not gonna send you a million emails.

我就发一两条，关键是把这事儿说清楚，这样他们也知道，别老背后阴阳怪气地挤兑你。

I'm just gonna send and, you know, like, I think that maybe making that clear and then and then they'll know that they and they also need to not be doing the little side digs at you.

你自己拿主意。

Go yourself.

懂吧？

You know?

是的。

Yeah.

我最讨厌这样了。

I hate that.

对。

Yeah.

《LadyGang》由OneSkin赞助，这事儿可太有意思了。

LadyGang is brought to by OneSkin, and this is a crazy story.

Becca一开始用了OneSkin，还给我们团队发了封邮件，说：‘我超爱这产品！’

But Becca had started using OneSkin, and she wrote an email to our team, and she was like, hey, I love this product.

她问，能不能让你们上节目，给LadyGang的听众搞个优惠？

Is there any way they would come on so that the LadyGang can get a deal?

结果他们回话说：‘当然可以！’

And they ended up coming back and saying, Absolutely.

现在你们用代码 LADY 在 oneskin.co/lady 购买，能直接省15%。

So you can try OneSkin with 15% off using code LADY at oneskin.co/lady.

这个品牌的精髓，就是他们的OS1多肽。

And at the core of this brand is their OS1 peptide.

这是首个被证实能针对皱纹、细纹和皮肤松弛关键成因的成分。

It is the first ingredient proven to target a key driver of wrinkles, fine lines, and loss of elasticity.

听好了，OneSkin的产品登过《快公司》《彭博》《今日秀》，全都有，而且它们的设计就是能无缝叠加，或者直接替代你护肤步骤里的好几样，我们超爱这点。

Listen, there have been everywhere, Fast Company, Bloomberg, Today Show, all of OneSkin's products are designed to layer seamlessly or replace multiple steps in your routine, which we love.

这款OS1肽源于十多年抗衰老研究，实证有效对抗衰老的可见迹象，帮你从现在开始，一直到老，都拥有最健康的状态。

Born over a decade of longevity research, OneSkin's OS1 peptide is proven to target the visible signs of aging, helping you unlock your healthiest skin now and as you age.

限时优惠，用代码 LADY 在 oneskin.co/lady 购买，立减15%。

For a limited time, try OneSkin with 15% off using code LADY at oneskin.co/lady.

去 oneskin.co，用代码 lady，直接省15%。

That's 15% off at oneskin.co with code lady.

买完之后他们会问你从哪儿听说的，你就说：LadyGang推荐的。

And after you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them and tell them LadyGang sent you.

这个献给所有爱追剧的姐妹。

This one's for all my TV lovers.

我用DirecTV看剧，60多个频道，Disney+、Hulu、HBO Max，全打包在一起，太省事了。

My entertainment from DirecTV gets you 60 plus channels and Disney plus Hulu and HBO Max all in one pack.

但关键是。

But here's the thing.

有了我娱乐里这么多好剧，你肯定想聊你最近看的每一部。

With so much great TV in My Entertainment, you're gonna want to talk about everything you've been watching.

不过别忘了，你朋友可能没你看得那么多。

Just remember that your friends might not be as well watched as you.

别剧透啊，鼓励他们也来订我娱乐，每月只要34.99美元。

Don't be a spoiler and encourage them to get my entertainment for just $34.99 a month.

去 directtv.com/genrepacks 立刻注册吧。

Go to directtv.com/genrepacks and sign up today.

仅限新用户。

New customers only.

服务每月自动续费，除非你取消。

Service renews monthly unless canceled.

需要提供信用卡。

Credit card required.

应用服务另有条件。

Conditions apply to apps.

DirecTV五天试用结束后，HBO Max基础版（含广告）自动开始。

HBO Max basic with ads begins after DirecTV five day trial.

更多详情请访问directv.com。

Learn more at directv.com.

具体限制请见说明。

Restrictions apply.

你正在收听《LadyGang》。

You're listening to the LadyGang.

明白了。

Okay.

Grace从下雨的西雅图向大家问好。

Grace, sending love from rainy Seattle.

我在一个交友App上匹配到一个人，我们聊了三周，他却从来没提过想见面。

I matched with someone on a dating app, and we've been texting for three weeks, and he's not asked to meet up.

聊天挺聊得来的。

The conversation is great.

感觉他特别上心。

Seems really interested.

我跟一个连面都没见过的人搞成了这种暧昧关系。

I feel like I'm in a situationship with someone I've never met.

我该不该提出来问问？

Do I bring it up?

还是直接拉黑算了，别让自己受伤？

Do I just unmatch and protect my heart?

我都动真感情了，这事儿要是让米特知道了，太丢人了。

I'm already attached and this is embarrassing to Mitt.

我以前也干过好多回这种事，真的特别糟。

As somebody who has done this so many times in my past, it is so bad.

我以前在Tinder上匹配过好多男生，一聊就是好几周。

Like I matched with so many guys on Tinder and we would be texting for weeks.

我老在想象我们婚礼那天会是什么样子。

I'd be like thinking about how we'd look like at our wedding.

那种感觉真的特别好。

Like the vibes are always so good.

你们聊得特别来，但说到底，你根本一点都不了解这个人。

You have so much good banter, but it's like, you don't know this person at all.

很多时候，光靠文字聊得再好，真见面了也对不上号。

And a lot of times, if it's just through text, that doesn't translate when you're in front of somebody in real life.

你脑子里早就勾勒出他该是什么样子了。

And then you have this idea in your head of what they should be.

结果要么现实差太远，

And it always even either falls short.

要么像我这样，早就把未来都规划好了，最后特别失望。

Or if you're like me and you already start planning your future with them, you get so disappointed.

说白了，你其实就是自己在给自己来一波情感轰炸。

If like, it's like, you're almost like love bombing yourself in the sense.

如果他第一次约会都没说要跟你交往，你肯定会觉得特别失望。

And then if it's not like, if he doesn't ask you to be his girlfriend on the first date, you expected, then it's always a disappointment.

所以我要给所有用交友软件的人提个建议：赶紧约出来见面。

So like, if I had any advice of anybody on dating apps, it's meet up as soon as possible.

只要感觉有点苗头，就马上约，要是不对劲，立马撤，别拖着。

If you think that there is a vibe, meet up as soon as possible and cut it off as soon as you're not feeling it.

我以前浪费了太多时间，以为自己爱上了些不靠谱的人。

Because I wasted so much time thinking I was in love with duds.

就是些不靠谱的家伙。

So duds.

太多不靠谱的了。

So many duds.

真该多用‘不靠谱的家伙’这个词。

Should definitely be using the word duds more.

对。

Yeah.

这人不行。

It's a dud.

我给她的建议就是：这人不行。

I guess my advice to her is just dud.

杰克就是个渣男。

Jack's a dud.

杰克一开口，凯尔蒂就插不上话。

When Jack tries to talk and Kelty can't talk.

渣男。

Dud.

所以我建议她直接说：你到底要不要约？约了见面看看有没有感觉。

So my advice to her is just tell them to shit or get off the pot and go meet up and see if you're vibing in person.

但见面的时候别带着一堆预设的想法，别有任何期待，顺其自然就好。

But then don't bring all these preconceived feelings with you to that date, like have zero expectations and then kind of go from there.

但说起来容易，我以前就老陷在这种情况里。

But that's hard because I have been in those situations.

这就挺怪的，因为我们现在太习惯这种单向的虚拟关系了。

It's just weird because we're so used to these like parasocial relationships now.

我知道我哥一直在约会，跟一个人聊了特别久。

I know my brother has been dating and he was talking to someone for like a really long time.

结果她突然就消失了。

And then all of a sudden she was just gone.

你只能想，她到底是真的吗？

And you're just like, were you real?

这事儿也太扯了。

This is so fucked up.

对，我同意。

Like, I agree.

线上是吧？

Like online?

是啊。

Yeah.

他们根本没见过面

They never

他们从来没碰过面，但天天聊天，我当时就觉得，这俩人简直绝配。

met They never met up, but like they were talking all the time and I was like, these are perfect.

我也说不清楚。

And I don't know.

我们在网上都能装出一个假的自己，你知道的，确实挺这么回事。

We get away with like doing these pretend versions of ourselves online that like, you know, yeah, I agree.

明白了。

Okay.

这事儿真够离谱的。

This is really fucked up.

科特尼说，我来自俄亥俄州的一个小镇，那儿人人都管别人的闲事。

Courtney said, I'm from a small town in Ohio where everyone knows everyone's business.

我和我最好的朋友，关系比我和我妈还近。

My and my best friend have become closer than my mom and I are.

说实话，这真让人难受。

Honestly, it hurts.

他们天天发消息，还约着见面。

They text each other, they make plans.

上周出事的时候，我朋友居然打电话给我妈，而不是我。

And during a crisis last week, my friend called my mom instead of me.

我知道我该为他们感情好感到高兴，可我总觉得被取代了，或者自己疯了。

I know I should be grateful that they love each other, but instead I feel weirdly replaced or totally crazy.

我跟你说件事。

I'm going to tell you something.

这事真发生在我身上，我当时气炸了。

This happened to me and I was pissed.

不可能。

No.

对啊。

Yeah.

希拉。

Sheila.

希拉。

Sheila.

我冲她大喊了。

I yelled at her.

几个月前，因为这事我和我妈吵了一架。

Had a big fight with my mom a couple months about this.

也不是吵架。

Not a fight.

我就只是忍不住冲她吼了一嗓子。

I just had to yell at her.

几个月前，就在《Lady World》刚结束那会儿。

So a few months ago, right after Lady World actually.

大家都知道，我带全家——整个家族——去了《Lady World》，我弟弟也去了，但他根本不是个爱旅行的人。

So everyone knows that when I brought, I brought my family, whole family to Lady World and I brought my brother to Lady World and he's not a big traveler.

他一回到家，可能是因为出国旅行的压力，突然得了贝尔氏面瘫。

And he, when he got home from the stress, I guess from the stress of traveling and being out of the country, he ended up getting Bell's palsy.

我家人没告诉我，因为那时候我正处在低谷期，

And my family did not tell me about it because I was, it

是啊，

was

我压力大，节目又被取消了，他们不想再给我添乱。

a bad time for me and they knew I was stressed and e news had just been canceled.

他们觉得，别再给我增加负担了。

They're like, don't want to add more to your plate.

但我朋友艾米丽以前得过贝尔氏面瘫，

And so they didn't tell me, but my friend Emily had had Bell's palsy.

我妈居然拖了三天才带我哥去急诊，我要是早知道，非疯了不可——因为超过48小时不治疗，脸就可能 permanently 伤了。

So my mom was waiting to take my brother to the ER for all these days, which I would have like flipped out if I had known that they had waited three days because if you don't get like the stuff within forty eight hours, you fuck up your face forever.

但她早就发消息给艾米丽，说：‘马特得了贝尔氏面瘫。’

But she had texted my friend Emily to be like, Matt has Bell's palsy.

我们该怎么办？

What do we do?

快，快走。

Go, go, go.

艾米丽以为我已经知道了。

Emily thought that I had already known.

我妈妈说，她不想打扰你。

And my mom was like, oh, I didn't want to bother you.

我知道艾米丽是这方面的专家，找她准没错。

And I knew Emily was like an expert and person to go to.

当艾米丽说‘我刚跟你妈聊过马特的面瘫’的时候，

And I, when Emily was like, oh, I talked to your mom about Matt's Bell's palsy.

我直接懵了：‘啥？你说啥？’

I was like, I'm sorry, what?

我当时气炸了。

Like, I was so mad.

后来我跟妈妈认真谈了这件事，不是吼她，但她说：我只是觉得你们太忙了，不想打扰你。

And when I yelled, didn't yell, but when I had a hard conversation with my mom about it, she was like, I just, were busy and I didn't wanna bother you.

这事儿吧，其实挺有代表性的。

And this is something.

我经常说这个：我年轻那会儿，二十多岁，忙得脚不沾地，就养成了习惯，跟家里人说别来烦我，你们的生活琐事别来打扰我。

And like, I mean, I talk about this a lot, but like I trained my family to not bother me in my twenties because I was so busy living my big life that I was like, don't bother me with your up life.

可现在到了三十多、四十多岁，我变成熟了，反而希望你们多来烦我。

And now in my thirties, forties, I've become a better human where I'm like, please bother me.

结果我得重新教他们怎么跟我相处。

And I almost had to like retrain them.

我跟Emily说：谢谢你告诉我这件事。

And I, I said to Emily, I said, thank you for telling me.

然后我去跟我妈说：听我说个建议。

And then I went to my mom and I was, so this is my advice.

你去跟你妈说，你爱你妈，也爱你朋友，就说：真高兴你们俩这么亲近。

Go to your mom and be like, I love your mom and your friend and be like, I love that you guys are close.

咱们仨简直像是一群狮子座。

We're like a Leo trio.

这太棒了。

This is amazing.

但你得让我知道情况。

But you have to keep me in the loop.

尤其是出事的时候，我没接到第一个电话，真挺伤我的心的。

Like, especially during a crisis, like it hurts my feelings that I wasn't the first call.

我随时都在你身边。

And I'm always here for you.

不管你多忙，别怪我，哪怕你觉得我再没空、再慢回消息，也直接发个911表情，打个电话给我，我就想做你第一个找的人。

And no matter how busy, like blame it on yourself a little, no matter how busy you think I am, no matter how flighty or how long it takes me to return, just like send the 911 emoji and like call me and I want I want to be your first person.

你跟你妈这么亲近，我真高兴，她真的特别好。

I'm glad you're so close with your my mom and she is amazing.

但你知道的。

But you know.

是的

Yeah.

不如就放在群聊里吧。

Keep it in a group chat or something.

对啊。

Yeah.

真奇怪。

So weird.

这确实挺难过的。

That's rough.

我的意思是，如果你是女儿，怎么可能不觉得受伤呢？

I mean, there's no way that you can't That doesn't hurt your feelings if you're the daughter.

当然。

Sure.

对，就是这样。

That's that's yeah.

再没什么比被排除在朋友圈子之外、一堆疑问却没人告诉你更让人难受的了。

There's nothing worse than being like out of the loop in friendship and like the all of these questions.

就是那种感觉，我完全掌控不了局面。

It's the same thing is like, I'm not in control.

我根本不知道发生了什么。

I'm out of the loop.

对啊，就是这样。

Like, yeah.

最管用的办法，永远是直接说清楚。

And the answer is always gonna be being direct.

最难的，也永远是直接开口。

And the hardest thing is always gonna be being direct.

跟人面对面谈心，真的特别别扭。

It's so uncomfortable to have direct conversations with people.

现在有了社交媒体，大家又爱搞阴阳怪气，发邮件、发消息、用表情包，可这表情到底啥意思啊？

And because of all the social media we have and the passive aggressiveness and the emails and the text messages and the emojis, like what does that emoji mean?

我们现在太擅长绕圈子了，明明可以打电话或者当面说：‘这是我的底线’。

We've gotten so good at never just getting to the point, picking up the phone or seeing them in person and just being like, Hey, this is my boundary.

这就是我需要的。

This is what I need from you.

我真的很在乎你。

I love you.

我这么说是因为爱你。

This is coming from a place of love.

这让我很难受。

This hurts me.

你希望别人怎么跟你说话？

How do you want to be spoken to?

我们其实得互相教一教。

Like, we just have to teach each other.

天啊，这真的好难。

God, it's like- it's hard.

还有啊，刚才我那通牢骚，抱歉，跑题了。

And it's also, go around fix, sorry, my last rant.

我们总在绕着圈帮那些拒绝去咨询的人解决问题。

We go around fixing people who refuse to go to therapy.

我觉得这话真没错。

In my opinion, that's true.

我得双倍投入咨询——不仅要处理自己的问题，还得提前演练怎么跟那些不乐意去咨询的人谈，他们可全在我生活里。

Like we have to go, I have to double up in therapy because not only am I working on my own shit, I'm planning conversations that I need to have with people that are up my life because they won't go to therapy.

我得先修好自己，再顺手修他们的烂摊子，还得教他们怎么自己去疗愈。

Like I have to fix me and then I have to fix their shit and teach them how to therapies themselves.

可这责任不能全压在我一个人身上。

Not it's all on me.

不客气啊，各位。

You're welcome, everyone.

对了，要是觉得咱这建议还行，就多写点吧。

Anyway, if you thought that our advice was good, write more.

有问题就发邮件到 helloladygang@Gmail.com，我们会选出来在下一期回答。

Ask the lady gang questions at helloladygang@Gmail.com, and we will answer them in the next question.

谢谢所有可爱的女孩们。

Thank you to all the girly pops.

我觉得咱们今天说得挺到位的，兄弟们。

And I think we did good, guys.

我们回来啦。

We're back.

咱们回来咯，宝贝。

We're back baby.

现在我们给的建议，比实际需要的成熟多了。

We're giving much more mature advice these days than we need to.

我知道。

I know.

还记得我们以前的建议吗？

Remember our old advice was

咱们干脆一把火烧了算了。

We should like, burn it down.

我们就是觉得……

We're like,

喝个烂醉。

get drunk

还有他。

and him.

对啊。

Yeah.

把他钓上来。

Fish him.

行吧。

Okay.

下次我们更不讲武德一点。

We'll be more shady next time.

总之，我们超爱你，下周二见！

Anyway, we love you, and we will See you next Tuesday.

《LadyGang》由凯尔西·奈特、贝克特·奥宾和杰克·范尼克主持制作，社交媒体由科利·卡雷拉负责，音频视频剪辑由贾里德·蒙纳哥完成，额外支持来自史蒂夫·德莱梅特和PodcastOne。

LadyGang is hosted and produced by Kelsey Knight, Becketobin, and Jack Vanick with social media support from Collie Carrera, audio and video editing from Jared Monaco, and additional support from Steve Delameter and PodcastOne.