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嘿，姐妹们。
Hey, lady gang.
我想以姐妹会真实精神为出发点，说点真心话。
I want to be real for a second in the spirit of lady gang authenticity.
当你听完一集后，把链接发给朋友，当你留言，当你分享‘周一小确幸’或我们的片段，当你在我们的Substack互动、打开我们的通讯，或参与我们的Facebook群组。
When you listen to an episode and you send it in a text to a friend, when you drop a comment, when you share a me Monday or one of our clips, when you engage on our Substack or open our newsletter or engage in our Facebook group.
这些对我们来说不仅仅是互动。
It's not just engagement to us.
它们实实在在地维系着姐妹会的生存。
It literally keeps the lady gang alive.
我们没有大型企业资助我们这个小小的疯狂马戏团。
There is no giant corporation funding our little crazy circus.
只有我们三个人、贾里德，还有帮我们制作片段的科利，以及你们。
It's the three of us and Jared, and Collie who helps us make clips, and it's you.
你们的转发、五星评价、‘天啊，你必须听听这个’，然后分享给朋友——这些才是支付我们团队薪酬的来源。
Your shares, your five star reviews, your OMG, you have to listen to this, sharing it with a friend, that is what pays our staff.
这让我们能够进行巡演，也让我们每周都能免费地为你们持续更新。
That is what helps us be able to tour, and that's what keeps us showing up every week for you for free.
如果Lady Gang曾经让你感到不那么孤单，让你从糟糕的一天中笑出来，或者帮助你度过一段混乱的时光，这周请帮我们一个忙，告诉一个朋友，就一个朋友，一个同事也好。
If Lady Gang has ever made you feel less alone, laughed you out of a bad day, or helped you through something messy, do us a favor this week, tell a friend, just literally one friend, a coworker.
我们之所以成长，是因为你和我们一同成长，我们非常感激有你站在我们这边。
We grow because you grow with us, and we're so thankful to have you on our corner.
爱你们。
Love you.
我是认真的。
Mean it.
那这是什么？
Well, what is this?
欢迎来到Lady Gang。
Welcome to the lady gang.
太棒了。
That's amazing.
再说一遍。
Say that again.
Lady Gang。
Lady gang.
这里即将发生改变。
Things are about to change around here.
每周我们都会与好莱坞最热门的女生团体——凯尔蒂·奈特、贝卡·托宾和杰克·范尼克——聊聊。
Each week, we catch up with Hollywood's hottest girl posse, Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanick.
你好。
Hello.
你好。
Hello.
你好。
Hello.
欢迎来到Lady Gang。
Welcome to lady gang.
我是贝卡·托宾，和杰克·范尼克以及凯尔蒂·奈特在一起。
I'm Becca Tobin here with Jack Vanick and Kelty Knight.
你好。
Hello.
凯尔蒂穿得像个老奶奶。
Kelty's dressed like a little granny.
你知道的
You know
她披着一条披肩。
She's got a shawl.
这让我想起你做面部拉皮的时候。
Is that it reminds me of when you got a facelift.
是的。
Yes.
哦
Oh
我的天。
my god.
你做手术时包在头上的就是那个吗？
Is that what what you wrapped around your head when you did it?
是的。
Yeah.
Lady Gang，同一个。
Lady Gang the same one.
但我要说的是。
But here's my thing.
我知道那是二十五年前的事了，但当我搬到纽约，在东村当艺术家时，围巾就是我的标志。
When I I know it was twenty five years ago, but when I moved to New York and was spending a lot of time being an artist in the East Village, scarves were like my thing.
我的意思是，我知道你不能说围巾是你的标志。
Like, mean, I know you can't name scarves as your thing.
是的，它们太普通了。
Yeah, they're pretty generic.
但我戴了很多围巾。
But I wore a lot of scarves.
我总是戴着那种大大的、醉醺醺的艺术风格围巾。
Like I always had some like big boozy artistic scar on scarf.
我想重新拾起这个风格，所以今天早上我戴上这条围巾，心想：天啊，这看起来一定特别有格调，但现在我觉得自己像个90岁的老奶奶。
And I would like to bring it back and so I threw on this scarf this morning thinking, my god, this will just look so chic and now I feel like I look like a 90 year old grandmother.
哦，天哪。
Oh wow.
围巾不酷，对吧？
Scarves are not cool, are they?
感觉很可爱。
Feel cute.
我试过很多次想成为围巾爱好者，但每次戴上它，我都觉得想钻进地缝里。
I have tried so many times to be a scarf person and it is it like, I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin every time I put one on.
这不适合我。
It's not for me.
只有当你觉得冷的时候才需要。
It's really only when you're chilly.
我觉得当你觉得冷的时候，围巾挺不错的。
I think when you're chilly, it's lovely.
但你的围巾是不是那种丝绸围巾？
But hers is like a, isn't yours like a silk scarf?
不是，是羊绒的。
No, it's like a, like a cashmere.
如果佐伊·克拉维茨现在穿着我这件衣服，她会看起来超酷的。
Like if Zoe Kravitz was wearing what I'm wearing right now, she would look so cool.
没错。
That's true.
是的，但我觉得这是我的问题。
Yeah, but she's I think just it's a me issue.
别觉得自己不够酷。
Don't think you look uncool.
我只是觉得，
I just think,
嗯，你看起来像
well, you look like
一位海滨祖母。
a coastal grandmother.
今年你打算
Said this year you're gonna
拥抱你自己的标志性风格。
lean into your own signature style.
就是这个了。
This is it.
知道吗？
Know
什么？
what?
她来了。
Here she is.
你不用担心。
You're not gonna worry.
嗯，我期待今天的嘉宾。
You're Well, I'm excited for today's guest.
那我们开始吧。
So let's get through this.
是时候了。
It's time for
不错的一周。
Good week.
是的。
Yes.
确实如此。
It is.
糟糕的一周。
Bad week.
哦，不。
Oh, no.
我美好的一周是我二十年来第一次做了法式美甲。
My good week is I got a French manicure for the first time in twenty years.
上一次我做法式美甲还是在高中，那时候我的指甲是鸭嘴形的。
The last time I had a French manicure was in high school when my nails were like the duckbill shape.
你们以前有没有做过那种指甲？还是只是橙县那边的流行？
Did you guys ever get those or was it an Orange County thing?
很糟糕，不是吗？
Mean, weren't
不是特别鸭嘴形，而是非常方，极其方。
quite aggressively duckbill, but they were super square, aggressively square.
我的指甲是向外张开的。
Mine were like they would flare out.
那真的是橙县人会做的超长法式美甲。
That was like the Orange County thing to do really long French mani.
从那以后，我就对这种美甲特别反感，因为它让我一直想起高中时代。
And ever since then, I've had like such an aversion to it because it just reminded me of high school so much.
但我心想，算了，我实在不知道该拿我的指甲怎么办。
But I was like, you know what, I can't figure out what to do with my nails.
我就干脆试试看。
I'm just gonna try it out.
然后我彻底爱上了。
And I am obsessed.
我喜欢极了，我觉得我再也不会改了。
I love it and I don't think I'm ever gonna change.
我截了这些指甲的图。
I screenshotted these nails.
这些是两天前的吗？
Are those two days ago?
这是一种柔和的法式美甲。
It's like a soft French.
我也想试试这种风格。
So I wanna try that too.
白色部分没有那么分明。
It's like a the white is not quite as defined.
只是微微晕染开去。
It's just sort of like goes into.
我觉得这种风格在你的指甲上很好看。
I actually like that on your nails.
谢谢你。
Thank you.
嗯，做短了。
Well, made
把它们剪短了。
them shorter.
它们更短了。
They're shorter.
她把它们做得有点风尘味。
Well, she made them slutty.
因为我觉得
Because I
我当时在意的是形状。
was like, like the shape.
它们是那种风尘味的 coffin 形状。
They're like slutty coffin shape.
对我来说，风尘味就是非常尖锐。
Well, slutty is like very pointy to me.
它们感觉很风尘。
They feel slutty.
我的指甲是圆形的。
I have like a round nail.
我当时觉得我喜欢圆形的，但我看了之后。
Was like, I like a round, but then I looked at them.
我觉得这些是
I'm like, these are a
有点
little
简直就是三角形，但那时候再说什么也晚了。
literally triangles, but then it's too late to say anything.
所以它们是有点风骚的法式美甲。
So they're a little slutty French manicure.
你得
You gotta
用这个擦屁股的时候要小心。
be careful when you're wiping your butthole with this.
我知道。
I know.
别，别老谈什么肛门鱼匠之类的，不是，杰克，我觉得这个适合你，因为你这么娇小，有时候你的指甲却那么大。
Don't, very talking about anal fishers like, no Jack, I like this for you because you're such a petite girl and sometimes you had such a big nail.
是的，这个很精致。
Yeah, this is little dainty.
这个适合你。
This you.
这个很适合艺术家。
This fits for artist.
你可以同时处理指甲和画笔。
You can be dealing with a nail and also paintbrushes.
没错。
True.
对。
Right.
明白。
I know.
我太喜欢了。
I love it.
我那糟糕的一周就是和我的指甲有关，从我还是孩子的时候就这样。
That's my good My bad week is I what has to do with my nails ever since I was a kid.
我总是忍不住去抠我的甲皮，好像明天就活不了一样。
I pick up my cuticles like there is no tomorrow.
这就像一种强迫症，我觉得这是未被诊断出的强迫症的一部分。
It's like a comp I think it's part of my undiagnosed OCD.
这简直是一种强迫行为。
It's like a compulsion.
我根本停不下来。
I cannot stop.
我试过各种方法来改掉这个习惯。
I have tried everything to do it.
所以我会去做美甲，比如法式美甲，或者俄罗斯式美甲。
And that's why I get manicures like French man or not French manicures, Russian manicures.
现在
Now
你做的是法式美甲。
you get a French manicure.
现在你做法式，但俄式美甲是唯一能让我连续两周不抠指甲倒刺的方法。
Now you get a French, but the Russian manicure is like the only way that like can stop me from picking my cuticles for like two weeks.
两周后，看起来就像个五岁孩子一样。
And then after two weeks, it's like, it looks like I'm a five year old.
我想问问所有在听的人，有没有人知道怎么才能让这个习惯停下来。
I just want to ask anybody out there that's listening if they have any idea of how to make it stop.
因为我根本没意识到自己在做这件事。
Cause I do it without even noticing.
然后我一看手指，都烂得不成样子了。
And then I look at my fingers and they're like ragged as hell.
我觉得自己很恶心，但我不知道该怎么停止。
And I feel disgusting, but I don't know how to stop it.
那你平时怎么做呢？
Like what do you do?
我不知道。
I don't know.
这真是个难题。
That's a tough one.
你是不是得随身带着小指甲剪，到处走的时候就给倒刺剪一剪，而不是直接撕扯？
Do you just have to walk around with those little nail clippers everywhere you go so that you just give yourself a little trim of the cuticle and not a pull?
是的，我有倒刺剪，但还是忍不住去弄。
Yeah, I have the cuticle trimmers, but then I still do it.
我不知道该怎么办。
I don't know what to do.
但如果有任何听众有建议，请一定告诉我。
But anybody out there that has any advice, please let me know.
我可能得戴手套了。
I'm going have to wear gloves.
我认为他们给我奶奶开了一些药，用来阻止她抠皮肤。
I think they gave my grandmother some sort of medication to stop picking at her skin.
真的吗？
Really?
那就是
That's what
我说的。
I'm saying.
有没有针对那些拔眉毛的人的治疗方法？
Isn't there something for people that pick out their eyebrows
有的。
Yeah.
而且
And
特里赫塔,
Trichta,
我最近谈到了睾酮水平低的问题，这算是我最近的好事。
my good week is that I recently talked about having low T, low testosterone.
我收到了来自女性社群的大量反馈，私信里有九成的人说，别犹豫。
And I got so much feedback from the lady gang community on my DMs and nine out of 10 people said, don't hesitate.
去做吧。
Do it.
这是我做过最好的决定。
It's the best thing I've ever done.
已经过去几周了。
So it's been a couple weeks.
据说需要一段时间才能真正见效，嗯。
Apparently it takes a while for it to really start to Mhmm.
我用的是药膏，现在非常兴奋，真的很喜欢女性社群，她们都给了我非常好的建议。
Get in I'm doing the cream and I'm just excited and I just love the lady gang because they all gave me like such good advice.
她们都在为我加油打气。
They all gave me just cheer they're cheering me on.
他们都在为我加油
They're cheering me
你怎么拿到处方的？
How did get a prescription?
医生。
The doctor.
所以我去做了血液检查，正是那时他们发现我睾酮水平低，并告诉我这会对我的旅程有帮助。
So I went and I did blood work and that's when they saw that I had low T and they told me that this was gonna help me in my journey.
那么
So what's
会有什么效果？
the gonna do?
你会有什么感觉？
What are you gonna feel?
睾酮，好吧，女性性欲低下通常是因为睾酮水平低。
So testosterone, okay, so low libido, usually women have low libido due to low testosterone.
确认一下，我确实性欲低下。
Check, I definitely have low libido.
能量水平、睡眠，还有瘦肌肉质量。
Energy levels, sleep, also like lean muscle mass.
如果你雌激素水平高，确实更容易囤积脂肪，而睾酮能帮你减脂塑形。
It's really good to sort of like, if you have high estrogen, sort of hold on to like the weight a little bit more and the testosterone helps you sort of like lean out.
这些是主要的几点，到目前为止还不错。
That's kind of the main ones, but so far so good.
我感觉挺好的。
I feel pretty good.
我没有暴躁情绪。
I don't have rage.
我本来担心自己会变得易怒，因为如果有人会暴怒，那肯定是我，因为我本来就容易生气。
I was worried that I was gonna have rage because if anybody's gonna have rage, it's gonna be me because I already have it in general.
是的，到目前为止还没长痘。
Yeah, so far no zits yet.
敲敲
Knock on
木头。
wood.
这会导致你长痘吗？
Could it have given you acne?
它可能让你长痘。
It can break you out.
它也可能导致少量脱发，但那通常是剂量过高的情况。
It can also give you a little bit of hair loss, but that's like if your dose is too high.
但我一直在服用Nutrafol，以抵消睾酮引起的脱发。
But I have been doing the Nutrafol to sort of off set the hair loss of the testosterone.
关于女性身份有趣的是，所有事情都会影响脱发。
What's so funny about womanhood is that everything affects hair loss.
他们说，如果你的睾酮太高，就会掉发。
They're like, if your T's too high, you're losing hair.
如果你的睾酮太低，男人就得吃孕激素，也会掉发。
If your T's too low, man's You a take progesterone, hair loss.
他们说，你吃了一种蔬菜。
They're like, you eat a vegetable.
他们说，你要吃这种药，然后停掉。
And they're like, you're going to take this medicine and then you're going to stop it.
你永远不会继续吃它，就会掉发。
Loss of You're never going to take it.
掉发。
Loss of hair.
真的太真实了。
Like it's so true.
你自己也跟着受影响。
Yourself follows.
然后
And then
总的来说，你进入更年期后，就会掉头发。
just in general, you go through menopause, no hair.
就是，一点头发都不剩。
Like, no hair.
不管怎样，我们都会掉光所有头发。
We're just going to lose all of our hair no matter what.
生孩子，掉头发。
Having a baby, no hair.
不生孩子，也掉头发。
Not having a baby, no hair.
打麻醉，也掉头发。
Getting anesthesia, no hair.
真的没错。
Like it's true.
麻醉会让头发脱落。
Anesthesia make your hair fall
出去？
out?
是的。
Yes.
什么？
What?
因为你们会短暂地死去，各位。
Because you die for a little bit guys.
对。
Yeah.
天啊。
Oh God.
好吧，我这一周过得挺糟的，甚至不确定是糟还是好，但我想给各位女性提个醒。
Okay, well my bad week is, I don't even know if it's bad or good, but this is just more of a PSA to the ladies out there.
所以我去了我的妇产科医生那里，她开始问我家族中乳腺癌、宫颈癌、卵巢癌之类的病史，我们聊着聊着，我就说，是啊，我妈妈和我阿姨她们都有，等等等等。
I So went to my OB GYN and she started asking me just about my family history with like breast cancer, other cervical ovarian, blah, blah, We're talking and I'm like, yeah, my mom and my aunt and blah, blah, blah.
所以她让我做了一个乳腺癌风险评估，可以在线完成。
And so she had me take this like risk assessment, breast cancer risk assessment, and you could do it online.
它是免费的，你知道的，随便吧。
It's like free, you know, whatever.
你只需要回答一堆关于你背景、我的历史之类的问题，等等等等。
You just answer a bunch of questions about like your background, your, I guess, history, blah, blah, blah.
如果你的风险评分超过百分之二十，他们建议你每六个月做一次乳房筛查，而不是每年一次。
And if you score above twenty percent for risk, then you're actually, they suggest doing every six months, a screening on your boobies instead of the yearly.
所以我做了我的风险评估。
So I did my risk assessment.
我的评分高于百分之二十。
It was higher than twenty percent.
所以我现在得去做乳腺X光检查，也不是非做不可。
So now I have to go do a mammogram, not have to.
我有特权每六个月做一次乳腺X光检查，每六个月再做一次乳房核磁共振。
I have the privilege of doing a mammogram every six months and then an MRI on my titties every six months.
哦，天哪。
Oh wow.
哦，是核磁共振还是超声波？
Oh, MRI or a sonogram?
核磁共振。
MRI.
哇哦。
Woah.
所以这纯粹是我的公益提醒。
So this is just my public service announcement.
我还向几位从事乳腺癌相关研究的朋友确认过这件事。
And I actually confirmed this with a couple of friends of mine who are sort of like in that world of breast cancer, breast cancer research, whatever.
所以女士们，去完成那个风险评估吧，因为如果你的风险超过一定百分比，保险也会覆盖这项检查。
So ladies, go take that risk assessment because also your insurance covers it if you're above a certain percent.
而且我认识的两个人，她们没做乳腺X光检查，结果都没发现体内的肿块。
And I also, two people in my life didn't have the mammograms didn't show up the thing that was in them, like it didn't come up for them.
只做过一次乳腺X光检查。
Was only until a mammogram.
所以我刚预约了人生第一次乳腺X光检查，据说要趴着，床上有洞，下面有个工作人员用金属板来回摆弄你的乳房。
So I just scheduled my first mammogram on my titties and apparently you lay down on your stomach and there's holes cut out on table and then there's the person under there with like this metal plate that's like maneuvering your boobies all around.
等等，你以前没做过乳腺X光检查？
Wait, you haven't had a mammogram before?
没有，没有，没有，我是说MRI，抱歉。
No, no, no, the MRI, sorry.
哦，是MRI。
Oh, MRI.
我以前做过乳腺X光检查，是在乳房上做的。
The mammogram I've had in my boobs
乳腺X光检查的机器。
the mammogram so machine.
是的，是的，是的。
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
我其实觉得乳腺X光检查被误解了，名声不太好。
Which I actually feel like the mammogram has a bad it's gotten some bad PR.
我觉得没那么糟糕。
I don't find it to be like that terrible.
哦，我
Oh, I
我的意思是，我妈妈总是说，这是最糟糕的事，我的意思是，它
mean My mom always is like, it's the worst thing I mean, it's
它不算很棒，但 definitely 比看牙医好多了。
not it's not amazing, but it's like definitely better than the dentist.
整个过程只要三十秒。
You just takes thirty seconds.
不。
No.
你说得对。
You're right.
你说得对。
It's you're right.
但牙医的口碑也不好，贝卡。
But the dentist doesn't have good PR either, Becca.
不是的。
It's not.
我的意思是，牙医
I mean, the
牙医的口碑也不好
dentist doesn't have good PR
我就是这个意思，它其实简单多了。
that's what I'm saying is like, it's like it has it's it's really easier.
在我看来，它比牙医检查简单多了。
It's way easier than the dentist in my opinion.
听我说，每个人都有自己的感受，但对我来说非常简单。
Listen, everybody has their thing, but to me it's very easy.
我觉得我之前特别害怕做这件事，因为我听到了太多可怕的传闻。
And I think I was so scared to do it because I had heard so many horror stories.
所以真的，去网上查一下吧，姐妹们。
And it's really, so go online, that test ladies.
我们要好好照顾自己的乳房。
Let's take care of our titties.
好好照顾乳房。
Take care of the tits.
好的。
Okay.
我这一周过得不错，因为我发现了一个新的说法，我简直着迷了。
Well, my good week is I have discovered something, a new saying, and I'm obsessed with it.
你知道的，我家，好吧。
So, you know, my house well, okay.
所以我是在网上看到的。
So I saw it online.
这叫给房子放放气。
It's called burping your house.
是的。
Yeah.
所以你得，你看到了吗？
So you have to you saw it?
嗯。
Mhmm.
得给房子放放气。
Gotta burp your house.
我总跟贾里德这么说。
Say it to Jared all the time.
我会说，该给房子放放气了。
I'm like, time to burp the house.
对。
Yes.
天哪。
Oh my god.
我刚看到。
I just saw it.
我刚开始。
I just started.
所以，本质上，给房子通风就是打开门，让新鲜空气进来。
So basically, burping the house is essentially just opening the doors and like letting fresh air in.
但现在有一种新的、很酷的Z世代说法。
But but now there's a new cool Gen Z way to say it.
你得给你的房子通风。
You gotta burp your house.
所以你知道，当家里变得闷热时，现在每天晚上克里斯都会问：你准备好通风了吗？
So like, you know, when your house just gets stuffy and like, it's like every night now Chris will be like, are you ready to burp?
我就说，好的。
And I'm like, yeah.
然后我们打开门，呼吸新鲜空气。
And then we like open the door, we get our fresh air.
这其实就是一场闲聊。
It's just a kiki.
我真的从中找到了小小的快乐。
I I really am finding little joy in it.
不。
No.
我超喜欢这个做法，就像我们说的给房子通气一样。
I love it the same way that we're talking about burping the house.
我们最近给家里买了一个超棒的碗柜。
We recently got this like amazing hutch for our house.
但在买之前，我在想，你知道吗？
But before we got it, I'm like, you know what?
我要给我们的房子送个小礼物。
I'm gonna buy our house a little bit of a treat.
我只是在想，用这种方式对待你的房子，给它做一些小小的美好事情。
And I'm like, just thinking about your house that way, like doing little nice things for it.
真是让人惊叹。
It's like, wow.
这让人觉得
It makes
让我感觉更快乐了一点。
me just feel a little happier.
我知道。
I know.
我想着，我要好好洗洗你的房子。
I'm like, I'm gonna wash you house.
我要把你身上的那些蜘蛛网都清理掉。
Like, I'm gonna get some of the spiderwebs off you.
是的。
Yeah.
给房子一点小小的自我关怀。
Little self care for the house.
我爱你。
Love you.
爱你的房子。
Love you house.
好的。
Okay.
我糟糕的一周是这样的，伙计们，你们还记得在《Lady Gang》上这么多年，我从不八卦吗？
My bad week is guys, do you remember on Lady Gang for years, I would not gossip.
我知道，我当时就想，但这就是我们在这个播客上做的事。
And I knew and I was like, And but that's what we do on this podcast.
我毫无遗憾。
I have no regrets.
我毫无遗憾。
I have no regrets.
是的
Yeah.
这是我的问题。
Here's here's my problem.
你们都知道，有时候我会去参加杰夫·刘易斯的节目。
I as you guys know, sometimes I go on Jeff Lewis.
我去参加了杰夫·刘易斯的节目，但在这种小房间里和人聊天时，你会忘记其实有人在收听。
I went on Jeff Lewis and I don't know what I it's like being on this podcast where when you're in a small room with people, you forget that people are listening.
对吧？
Right?
嗯哼。
Mhmm.
所以我对这位新来的家庭主妇阿曼达·弗朗西斯大加批评，谈到了她的欺诈行为和那些书。
So I went to town on this new housewife, Amanda Francis, about the fraud and the books.
我还详细论述了她为什么算不上畅销书作者。
And I gave a dissertation on why she's not a best selling author.
我心想，作为一个《纽约时报》畅销书作者，你不能仅仅因为在美国亚马逊的商业类或女性类榜单上排名第一，就自称是畅销书作者。
I was like, as someone who is a New York Times best selling offer and not, you can't just be call yourself a best selling author by being number one on the Amazon Business and Women.
得是《今日美国》、《多伦多星报》这些才行。
Like, it's gotta be USA Today, Toronto Star.
真正有分量的畅销书榜单是存在的。
Like, there are actual, like, best selling lists.
明白吗？
Okay?
这些榜单讲得通吗？
Do they make sense?
讲不通。
No.
但你呢。
But, like, you.
你知道吧？
You know?
然后你还在那里，像，我真的非常愤怒，因为你竟然在欺骗这些人，人们还花几千美元，好吧。
And then you're also, like, I I just, like, I'm so enraged by the fact that you are, like, snake oiling these people and people are spending thousands of dollars like, okay.
但你也根本不了解你的生意。
But also, don't know your business.
我从来没有买过阿曼达·弗朗西斯的课程。
I haven't bought an Amanda Francis course.
我只是在TikTok上深陷其中，现在算法也这样推荐。
I'm just so deep in it on TikTok and now the algorithm.
于是我说了这些话，却忘了它被公开了，现在我关于畅销书榜单的评论在TikTok上到处都是，人们都说：哇，你真的讨厌女性。
And so I said all this and I forgot that it went public and now it's my commentary on the best seller list is all over TikTok and people are like, wow, you really hate women.
我当时就想：什么？
I was like What?
我被这些骗子骗了，而我觉得我的触发点就在于：我是个邪恶的天才，但我讨厌别人装成邪恶的天才。
I'm being out scammed by the scam artists and I think that's my trigger point is that I'm an evil genius, but I don't like when people are an evil or genius.
我总是操控媒体。
I always manipulate the press.
展开剩余字幕（还有 480 条）
我总是操控标题。
I always manipulate the headline.
我觉得我们是全球排名第一的播客。
I'm like, we're the number one podcast in the world.
是吗？
Are we?
不，我们只是存在得久而已。
No, we just been around for a long time.
你知道，我其实也是个骗子，叫乔安。
Know, like I'm also I'm a Joanne the scammer.
那我为什么会对另一个骗子这么反感？
So why am I so triggered by another scammer?
是因为她骗人的本事比我强吗？
Is it because she's scamming better than me?
显而易见。
Obviously.
总之，对不起。
Anyway, I'm sorry.
我不再贬低别人了。
I'm not shit talking anymore.
那她是不是
Then like Did she
发现了什么？
find out or something?
没有，我只是哦。
No, I just Oh.
我感到尴尬，因为这根本没人关心。
I'm embarrassed because it's just like, who cares?
让我给你一些建议。
Let me just give you a piece of advice.
我不知道你有没有听过这个理论。
I don't know if you've heard of this theory.
这叫做随他们去。
It's called let them.
这是新的。
It's new.
完全是全新的。
It's brand new.
我正在
I'm on
在这个话题的最前沿。
the forefront of this whole topic.
不，我懂你，因为我自己也会陷入这种愤怒的循环，尤其是当我看到某个人的时候。
No, do, I see you because I also can get into these, like, loops of rage when it comes to somebody I see.
我会想，哦，我看到了你肮脏、卑劣的一面，你骗了所有人，但我知道真相。
I'm like, oh, I see your nasty, sleazy side and, like, you're fooling everybody, but I know the truth.
是的。
Yeah.
而且，你本该去参加杰夫·刘易斯的节目。
It's and also, you're supposed to go on Jeff Lewis.
你完成了你的工作。
You did your job.
你清楚任务是什么。
You knew the assignment.
明白吗？
Okay?
你知道还有什么吗？
You know what else
你本该去那里，还应该去八卦。
You're were you supposed to go on there and you're supposed to gossip.
还有，你把自己上了个该死的真人秀，阿曼达，不管你叫什么名字。
Also, you're putting yourself on a freaking reality show, Amanda, whatever your name is.
你将面临所有方面的审视。
You're gonna be subject to everything scrutiny of all of it.
所以，你并不讨厌女人。
So and I you don't hate women.
你只是喜欢做出一些观察。
You just like to like make observations.
是的。
Yeah.
你说得对。
You're right.
然而，我认为当别人因此攻击你时，你不应该把它当成个人攻击。
However, I think you can not take it personally when people start attacking you about it.
随他们去吧。
Let them.
随他们去吧。
Let them.
谁在乎呢？
Who cares?
不是针对杰夫·刘易斯。
Not on Jeff Lewis.
随他们去吧。
Let them.
是的。
Yeah.
他们不是针对杰夫·刘易斯。
They're not on Jeff Lewis.
是的。
Yeah.
他们根本不知道，甚至都不知道怎么收听天狼星广播。
They're not they don't even know they don't even know how to get to Sirius radio.
明白吗？
Okay?
他们？谢谢。
They're Thank you.
他们活在自己的小世界里，毫无理由地讨厌你，但我们就是要放任他们。
They're in their little lives and they hate you for no reason and it's just we're gonna let them.
而且，这就像……
Well, also it's like
你只是在陈述事实。
you were just kind of laying out the facts.
并不是你在胡说八道。
Not like you're just like talking shit shit.
你只是说：这有点骗人，这就是原因，她是如何操纵的。
You were like this is a little scammy and this is the reason why and this is how she's manipulating it.
你不知道要出一本畅销书有多难。
Like you don't know how hard it is to get a best selling book.
对吧。
Right.
你明白我的意思吗？
You know what I mean?
我不得不卖掉我的卵巢。
I had to sell my ovaries.
好的。
Okay.
Anyway，当我们回来时，Danae Hayes 就在这里，她特别搞笑。
Anyway, when we come back, Danae Hayes is here, and she's hilarious.
别走开。
Do not go anywhere.
我们来聊聊你为皮肤做的所有事情。
Let's talk about all the things you do for your skin.
精华液、护理、日常流程。
Serums, treatments, routines.
我一直在往皮肤上涂抹各种东西。
I am constantly lathering something onto my skin.
我们为美容和自我护理投入了这么多精力和金钱，但你知道每晚八小时一直接触你皮肤的是什么吗？
We put so much effort and money into our beauty and self care routine, but you know what touches your skin for eight hours every night?
你的床单。
Your sheets.
如果你在护肤上投入，那么你的床上用品也很重要。
If you're investing in skincare, your bedding matters.
Bohlen Brand床单采用超洁净的100%有机棉制成，透气、对皮肤温和，且不含刺激性化学物质。
Bohlen Brand sheets are made from ultra clean, 100% organic cotton that's breathable, gentle on skin, and free from harsh chemicals.
我刚为福特的生日在家招待了一大群家人，每张床上都铺着Bohlen Brand床单，每个人都称赞我们的床单特别舒服。
I just hosted a ton of family at our house for Ford's birthday, and every single bed is outfitted with Bohlenbranch, and every single person comments on how cozy our sheets are.
我们每张床上还配有蜂窝毯。
We also have the waffle blankets on each bed.
真是个很棒的细节。
Such a great touch.
它们有助于调节温度，触感极其柔软，能带来真正有助于你第二天状态的优质睡眠。
They help regulate temperature, feel incredibly soft, and create the kind of sleep that actually supports how you look and feel the next day.
你立刻就能感受到Boll and Branch的差别，而且每次洗涤后，你的床单都会变得更柔软。
You'll notice the Boll and Branch difference immediately, and your sheets will get softer with every wash.
所以，用Boll and Branch好好睡一觉。
So sleep sound with Bowl and Branch.
前往 bowlandbranch.com/ladygang，使用代码 Lady Gang，首单立享15%折扣并免运费。
Get 15% off your first order plus free shipping at bowlandbranch.com/ladygang with code Lady Gang.
就是Boll and Branch，bowlandbranch.com/ladygang，输入代码 Lady Gang，解锁15%优惠。
That's Bowl and Branch, bolland,branch.com/ladygang, code Lady Gang, to unlock 15% off.
适用条款除外。
Exclusions apply.
现在回到Lady Gang。
Now back to the Lady Gang.
今天的嘉宾是一位女性，她将南方魅力提升到极致，融入了讽刺、音乐和喜剧元素，毫无畏惧，最终成就了一场全方位的文化现象。
Today's guest is a woman who took southern charm, cranked it up to 11, added satire music comedy and zero fear, and somehow turned it into a full blown cultural moment.
她出生在阿拉巴马州，定居纳什维尔。
She's Alabama born, Nashville based.
她是一位喜剧演员、音乐人、演员和内容创作者，她的角色和恶搞乡村专辑已经席卷了互联网和真正的公告牌排行榜。
She's a comedian, a musician, an actress, a content creator whose characters and parody country albums have taken over the Internet and the charts like the actual Billboard charts.
她积累了超过500万粉丝，入选《好莱坞报道》下一代创作者名单，首年巡演售出超过5万张门票，并在No Big Deal和Lainie Wilson的亲自邀请下，成功在著名的奥普里剧院完成喜剧首秀。
She's racked up over 5,000,000 followers, landed on the Hollywood Reporter's Next Gen Creators list, sold more than 50,000 tickets to her first year of touring, and made her grand old Opry comedy debut at the personal invitation of No Big Deal, Lainie Wilson.
她正为自己的第二场单口喜剧巡演——‘Buckwild’巡演做准备，我们非常激动地欢迎这位才华横溢、幽默非凡、势不可挡的达娜·海斯。
She's gearing up for her sophomore stand up run, the Buckwild tour, and we are so excited to welcome the wildly talented, wildly hilarious, and wildly unstoppable, Danae Hayes.
欢迎。
Welcome.
天啊。
Oh my gosh.
各位，这开场也太棒了吧。
Y'all what an intro.
我都干完了。
Well, did it all.
恭喜你。
So congratulations to you.
谢谢。
Thanks
你们啊。
y'all.
那真是太棒了。
That was man.
今天早上我的自尊心直接从这儿飙升到那儿了。
My my self esteem just went from here to there this morning.
我很感激。
I appreciate that.
理应如此。
It should.
这太疯狂了。
This is wild.
所以，我们早就知道你和贝卡，当时你是最初的粉丝。
So basically, we knew about you and Becca, when you were the original.
所以你最初是贝卡的粉丝，你是什么时候听说她的？
So you original fan Becca, when did you hear of her?
我根本不知道。
I don't even know.
我只是偶然看到一个奇怪的算法，然后我第一次看到你的歌，我当时就想，这女孩太有才华了。
I just gotten some like weird algorithm and I think I first saw one of your songs, and I was like, it's such I I was like, this girl's super talented.
但后来我专注起来，开始听歌词，然后我想，这内容也太扯了吧。
But then I was focus and then I was, like, listening to the lyrics, and I was like, but this is so fucked up.
哦，她还是，然后我想，哦，但她是个喜剧演员。
Oh, she's and then I was like, oh, but she's a comedian.
哦，她什么都会做。
Oh, she, like, does everything.
你真的特别搞笑。
You're just really funny.
我原本来自佐治亚。
I'm originally from Georgia.
我现在住在德克萨斯，所以真的很欣赏你这种南方风情。
I now live in Texas, so I really do appreciate your southern charm ish.
是的。
Yeah.
我正想说，我不确定自己有什么魅力。
I was about to say, I don't know if I have much charm.
我觉得这太粗俗了。
I feel like it's very crass.
当那首《Dick and My Night Sing》发布时，我爸爸给我打了电话，因为他还住在我家乡。
Like, when when that song Dick and My Night Sing came out, my dad, he called me because he still lives in my hometown.
他说，用他的话说，‘为什么？’
And he was like, I just actually, in his words, was, Why?
你为什么要这么做？
Why would you do that?
他还说，因为你这首歌，我奶奶已经换了三次教会。
And he was like, Your grandmother has had to move churches three times because of that song.
别再唱这首歌了。
Stop singing it.
哦不。
Oh no.
你能让我们回到《Dick in My Nightstand》的开头吗？
Can you take us back to the, start of Dick in My Nightstand?
顺便说一句，这真的很女性团体。
This is very lady gang, by the way.
是的。
Yeah.
我的意思是，我们每个人都有一个，对吧？
I mean, we all have one, right?
而且硅胶从来没让我怀孕过。
And silicones never got me pregnant.
我过生日的时候，你知道那种情况吗？你哼着一首歌，但其实并没有意识到自己出声了？
I was had a birthday and you know when you're like humming something, but you don't really realize that you're saying it out loud?
我只是突然在脑子里冒出了这个想法。
I had just like stumbled upon this idea in my head.
最初的开头是，我床头柜里放着一根假阳具和一把格洛克手枪。
It originally started with, I have a cock and a Glock in my nightstand.
所以我就想，这意思就是，我床头柜里放着一把枪和一个假阳具。
So I was like, that's, you know, I have a gun and a fake dick in my nightstand.
我当时就想，Cock and Glock这个名字有点拗口。
And I was like, Cock and Glock is kind of hard.
感觉念起来不太顺。
Like that doesn't really flow much.
所以我就想，我们为什么不直接唱《床头柜里的那话儿》呢？
So I was like, why don't we just sing dick in my nightstand?
于是我就开始在生日派对上哼唱起来。
So I just started humming it at a birthday party.
而我朋友，我以前从没唱过歌。
And my friend, I'd never sang a song before.
我以前也从没写过歌。
I'd never written a song before.
而我那位歌手朋友，她问我，'你刚才在哼什么？'
And my friend who was a singer, she was like, What are you humming right now?
我说，'我床头柜里有个假阳具。'
And I was like, I got a dick in my nightstand.
她说，'你得把这个写出来并发布。'
She's like, you need to write that and put it out.
然后我说，'好吧。'
And I was like, okay.
于是我们就这么做了。
So we did.
是的。
Yeah.
效果确实不错，女孩们都很喜欢。
It did just, the girls loved it.
有趣的是，男人们也挺喜欢的。
And the guys like it too, funny enough.
嗯，这太棒了。
Well, That's amazing.
对。
Yeah.
我就想Exactly。
I wanna exactly.
我想知道，你现在已经爆红了。
I wanna know, so you've blown up.
我想说，过去一年可能是你生活中完全认不出来的一年。
I would say the last year has probably been like an unrecognizable year of your life.
在这一切之前，你都在做什么？
What were you doing before all of this?
比如，我知道在突破之前总有一段艰苦的奋斗期，但你高中毕业时就想着，我真的很搞笑，我要去追求它。
Like, I know you've been there's always a grind that's happening before it breaks through, but like you graduate high school and you're like, I am really funny and I'm just gonna go for it.
所以你一直在制作内容。
And so you've just been making content.
比如说，在那之前，那是什么感觉，你知道的，
Like, tell me what that's like before it came, you know,
真希望真是这样。
wish that was the case.
真希望我能告诉别人，我从小就从事喜剧表演，但实际上我打垒球。
I wish there was like, I could tell people, oh, I've been doing comedy, you know, my whole life, but I actually played softball.
所以我后来在阿拉巴马大学打垒球。
So I ended up playing softball at the University of Alabama.
从那以后，我主修体育广播。
And from there, I majored in sports broadcasting.
于是，我开始尝试体育广播，还为SEC网络解说了一些垒球比赛。
And so, I started dabbling in sports broadcasting, and I got to call some softball games on the SEC Network.
挺有趣的，但我的制片人在耳机里对我说：别开玩笑了。
It was fun, but my producer, it was in my ear, he's like, Stop making jokes.
他说：这是垒球比赛。
He's like, This is softball.
别开玩笑了。
Stop making jokes.
所以，我觉得自己被局限在一个非常狭小的盒子里。
And so, I felt like I was confined to a really small box.
于是，我离开了体育播音行业。
And so, I got out of sports broadcasting.
我搬回了阿拉巴马州一个约1200人的家乡，开始做房地产销售。
I moved back to my hometown in Alabama of like 1,200 people, and I started selling real estate.
我想我最后一套卖的房子是2018年，卖了8.8万美元，哇。
And I think the last house I sold was in 2018 for $88,000 Wow.
恭喜你啊，佣金女孩。
That commission girl, congrats.
撒钱吧。
Make it rain.
是的。
Yeah.
知道。
Know.
我也为这笔交易付出了很多努力。
I worked hard for that deal too.
那个房主是个卡车司机，他只是说，帮我争取最好的价格。
It was like, the guy who owned it, he was a truck driver and he was just like, was like, get me the best deal possible.
我对他说，先生，有两个浴室的马桶都缺失了。
I'm like, sir, two of the bathrooms are missing toilets.
好吧。
Okay.
我正在尽我所能了。
I'm trying the best I can here.
于是我停止了房地产销售，转行去做医药销售。
So then I stopped selling real estate and I went into pharmaceutical sales.
我经历了这辈子最糟糕的经历。
And I had the worst experience I've ever had in my life.
我只是和一个你所能想象的最讨厌的人一起工作。
I just, I worked with like the biggest creep you could imagine.
我 literally 在那里干了整整四周，然后我就想，我受够了。
And I was, I literally worked there for like four weeks and I was like, I'm done with this.
所以我开始办垒球训练营来赚钱。
So So then I started doing softball camps to make money.
从那以后，我就被拉入了。
And then from there, I got roped.
我简直不敢相信我会说出这些。
I can't even believe I'm sharing this.
我开始和一个女孩约会，而她参与了一个传销组织。
I started dating this girl, and she was a part of a pyramid scheme.
天哪。
Oh my god.
是
Was
就是，你
like, you
被拉入了多层次营销。
got roped into an MLM.
接下来是哪一个？
This is the next Which one?
是房地产还是医药销售？
Which real estate pharmaceutical sales?
只有一件事能发生，
There's only one thing that can go about,
这也正是你带我走的反女同路线。
which is also like the anti lesbian trajectory that you're taking me on.
对，没错。
Like Right.
你没这么傻。
You're smarter than this.
你知道这是给女孩们准备的。
Know that's for like the girlies.
我不知道。
I don't know.
你们知道吗，我当时就像那个格格不入的异类。
Y'all I was like the sore thumb that stuck out.
我那时候在做海滩健身（Beach Body）。
Was with beach body.
哦，你们能想象我一个同性恋者站在那儿吗？
Oh, can y'all imagine my gay ass out there?
就像在推销健腹操一样。
Like pimping out hip hop abs.
我看起来简直像个傻子。
Like I looked like such a fucking idiot.
但我当时就想，我真的受够了试这么多工作了。
And, but I was like, I'm so sick of trying all these jobs.
我当时的女朋友，她在这件事上做得非常好。
The girl that I was dating, she was doing really well at it.
她有吗？
Did she
有嘻哈腹肌吗？
have hip hop abs?
没有，她没有。
No, she did not.
没有。
Did not.
她所以
She So
实际上没人拥有那些被推销的嘻哈腹肌。
no one selling the hip hop abs actually had.
这只是一个梦想。
It's just a dream.
腹肌是嘻哈风格的。
A hip hop abs.
这只是一个梦想。
It's just a dream.
是的。
Yeah.
唯一在向你兜售嘻哈腹肌的人是肖恩·T，他本人就是练出来的。
The only person selling you hip hop abs is Shaun T and he, the guy doing it and he is cut up.
但说实话，每当我不得不谈论这个时，我就想：我哪里有问题？
But yeah, I, when I have to talk about that, I'm just like, what's wrong with me?
你怎么卖嘻哈腹肌呢？
How do you sell hip hop abs?
也就是说，这整个东西是不是靠什么大型多层次营销模式？
Like, is it all on the is it all, like, what's the big MLM that we
就像雅芳那样？
Like Avon?
是的。
Yeah.
比如，你是不是一直在Instagram上展示，然后还用优惠码？
Like, is it you're showing it on Instagram all the time and the and then you're using code?
这到底是什么？
Like, what is this?
你是要去做像Tia那样的吗？
Are you going Do and doing like Tia
你？
you?
不，不。
No, no.
我注意到了这一点。
I did notice this.
比如我在社交媒体上做这件事时，我发现每次我想和朋友聚会，他们都不太愿意来我家。
Like I was doing it on social media and I noticed that like anytime I would wanna have like a get together with friends, they were so reluctant to come to my house.
所以我总是让他们坐在客厅里，然后我会说：‘好了，现在你们都到齐了。’
And so I would always like sit them down in the living room and I would be like, Now that I've got y'all here.
他们会说
And they'd be
像，不。
like, No.
我只是在开玩笑。
I'm like, I'm just kidding.
我只是在开玩笑。
I'm just kidding.
但说实话，你基本上就是在锻炼，分享你的健身内容。
But, yeah, no, you were just like basically working out, sharing your workouts.
我要说的是，确实有很多很棒的地方，比如我帮助了很多客户。
And I will say this, there was a lot of really cool things of like, I did help a lot of my clients.
他们减掉了惊人的体重，改变了生活方式。
They lost crazy amounts of weight and changed their lifestyles.
所以，我并不为此感到羞耻。
So that is not something I'm ashamed of.
我对此非常自豪。
I'm very proud of that.
但你知道，我被拉入多层次营销的事实，确实让我夜不能寐。
But, you know, the fact that I was roped into an MLM is, yeah, I can't even sleep at night.
我经常会半夜惊醒，吓得不得了。
Like, I'll wake up in the middle of the night in terrors.
是的。
Yeah.
我简直就像活在一部自己写的电影或情景喜剧里。
I've been honestly the like movie or sitcom you write on your life.
没错。
Yes.
它
It's
满满的。
full.
当我们请达娜伊上CBS时，内容会非常丰富。
We've got so much when we get Danae on CBS.
这会很棒。
It's gonna be great.
第一季就是你做所有那些糟糕的工作。
The first seasons is just you doing all your shitty jobs.
是的。
Yeah.
有趣的是，你这么说真是太有意思了。
Funny enough, that's so funny that you said that.
我刚刚把一部情景喜剧的试播集发给了一个电视台，其中一位主角沉迷于Facebook市场和暴富骗局。
I actually just sent a pilot episode of a sitcom off to a network, and one of the main characters, she's addicted to Facebook marketplace and get rich quick schemes.
是的，我明白。
Yes, I understand.
那会是
That would
我。
be me.
那就是我在小镇上的样子。
That would be me in a small town.
毫无疑问。
There's no doubt about it.
当我通过Poshmark以4美元卖出东西时，我获得的那种兴奋感和多巴胺冲击是不健康的。
The high that I get, the dopamine hit that I get when I sell something for $4 on Poshmark is unhealthy.
是的。
Yeah.
我
I
得跟女朋友打赌。
have to make bets with my girlfriend.
她睡着了。
She's asleep.
她刚下了一趟早班飞机，但她会从Poshmark上买些东西，然后说，哦，不合身。
She just got off a early morning flight, but like she'll buy something off Poshmark and she's like, oh, they don't fit.
我会说，听着，如果你能以进价卖出去，我就带你去你最喜欢的意大利餐厅。
I'm like, look, if you can sell it for what you have in it, like, I'll take you to your favorite Italian restaurant.
因为你知道，她总是不停地在倒腾Poshmark。
Because I mean, like, she's just always slinging Poshmark, you know?
你其实根本赚不到钱。
It's like, you're really not making any money.
你只是把现有的东西卖了，然后买别的，再卖出去。
You're just selling what you have and then buying something else and selling it again.
是的。
Yeah.
她现在简直像个慈善家了。
She's just like a humanitarian at this point.
她只是想从Boschmark上把人拉黑。
She's just trying to close people from Boschmark.
这是衣物交换。
It's clothing swaps.
我们正在践行环保和友善环境的理念。
We're being eco conscious and eco friendly.
环境也是这样。
So is the environment.
我想回去。
I want to go back.
抱歉。
Sorry.
我想回去。
I want to go back.
所以人们都在听这首歌，那首放在床头柜里的歌变得非常流行，这就是你走红的时刻。
So people are listening This dick in the nightstand song got very popular and that's how you charted and this was like kind of the popping off moment for you.
我想提一件事，因为这是Lady Gang。
I just wanna bring something up because this is Lady Gang.
我最近意识到，我床头柜里的可能不是我该有的那个东西，我觉得现在是时候跟你们女士们提一下了。
I recently realized I may have the wrong dick in my nightstand and I thought this was like a good time to bring this up with you ladies.
所以，我女朋友克里斯蒂娜最近在我们的群聊里发了一张照片。
So my girlfriend Christina recently in our group chat sent a picture.
她女儿去浴室抽屉里翻出了一个振动器，还笑嘻嘻的。
Her daughter had like gone in the drawer in the bathroom and had pulled out a vibrator and was like smiling.
那是一个看起来像花的振动器，你知道的？
And it was one of the vibrators that looks like a flower, you know?
她觉得挺可爱的，但后来发现它还有一根绳子，下面还有一个小花。
And she like thought it was cute, but then it had a string and it had a secondary flower.
我当时就问：这是什么精密仪器？
And I was like, what is this precision instrument?
她回答：哦，你没有这个？
And she was like, oh, you don't have this?
这是一个振动器，另一端的花状部分可以插入肛门。
It's a it's a vibrator that then connects and you put the other flower up your butt.
现在孩子们都在玩这个吗？
Is this what the kids are doing now?
我以前只有直筒型的振动器，当我买了一个阴蒂吸吮器时，我还觉得自己特别前卫呢。
Because I have this straight vibrators and like, I thought I was so of the world when I got a clit sucker.
我们现在连肛门振动都开始用了？
Like, are we now onto like also an ass vibration?
我需要帮助。
I need help.
听我说。
Listen.
听好了，各位。
Listen, ladies.
我把阴茎放在床头柜里。
I sing dick in my nightstand.
这并不意味着我了解肛门方面的事情。
That doesn't mean I know about anal butt stuff.
但我要这么说。
But I will say this.
如果你把振动器放在浴室里，它很可能没发挥应有的作用。
If you're keeping your vibrator in your bathroom, it's probably not doing the job.
你真的应该把它放在随时能拿到的地方。
You really want that thing right next to your Easy access.
说到肛门的事情，谢谢你提起来。
I had to go to the Speaking of butt stuff, thank you for bringing that up.
我第一次去看了肛肠科医生，因为你知道，咱们就直说了吧。
I had to go to the butt doctor for the first time, because, know, I mean, let's just get into it.
对吧？
Right?
咱们
Let's
嗯，我很高兴你提到这个，因为这确实是我们打算问你的事情之一，我在你的Instagram上看到了，简直让我激动死了。
just Well, be we, I'm glad you're bringing this out because it is on the list of things we're gonna ask you because I saw this on your Instagram and I mean, I'm dying.
我迫不及待想了解这个了。
I'm chomping at the bit for this.
好的。
Okay.
所以，是的，我也是。
So, yeah, me too.
我等不及要在网上大肆分享关于屁股的事了。
I can't wait to share butt stuff all over the internet.
哦，等你变得特别有名了，比如那部情景喜剧赢得了艾美奖，我们就可以再拿出这个片段来。
Oh, and when you're super famous, like when that sitcom becomes like an Emmy award winner, we can pull this clip back out.
是的。
Yes.
好的。
Okay.
听好了
Listen,
妮基·格拉瑟上了《Lady Gang TV》。
Nikki Glaser came on Lady Gang TV.
这是十年前的事了，她谈到了自己的大阴户，这段内容至今仍在网上流传。
This was ten years ago, and she talked about her big vagina, and it is still on the Internet.
我认为我们是她成功的一部分。
And I think that we are a part of her success.
所以今天
So today
百分之百。
A 100%.
谢谢你，妮基。
You're welcome, Nikki.
我们是跳板，来聊聊你的屁股吧。
We're the springboard and talk let's talk about your butt.
Nikki，这就像跟你一起在走廊里扔热狗一样。
Nikki, it's like throwing a hot dog down the hallway with you.
天啊。
Oh my gosh.
后来我开始感到屁股疼痛，上厕所擦拭时会发现有血。
Well, so I started having pain in my butt and I would wipe and there would be blood.
我非常担心，因为我的祖父死于结肠癌。
And I got very concerned because my grandfather passed away from colon cancer.
然后我的祖母被诊断出直肠癌，但她康复了。
And then my grandmother got diagnosed with rectal cancer, but she beat it.
所以我心想，天啊，我看过很多关于二十几岁、三十几岁的人被诊断出结肠癌的研究，这让我吓坏了。
So I was like, Oh my gosh, I've seen all these studies of these 20s and 30 year olds getting diagnosed with colon cancer, and it freaked me out.
我去看了医生，然后
And I go to the doctor and
我 literally 从来没有做过任何有关屁股的事情。
I have literally never done butt stuff.
我敢发誓，你绝对找不到我过去任何一段感情中，有人会说：‘是啊，我和达娜做过那种事。’
Swear to God, you will not find a partner in my past that's like, Yeah, me and Danae, we did butt stuff together.
你根本找不到。
You just won't.
所以我到了那里，发现他简直是我这辈子见过最英俊的男人，当然了。
So I get there and it's like the most handsome man I've ever seen in my life, of course.
他看起来像是……什么来着？
And he looks like, what was it?
医生。
Doctor.
就是《实习医生格蕾》里那个麦斯蒂米。
McSteamy off of Grey's McDreamy.
简直就是史上最帅的男人。
Literally like the hottest man ever.
他走进来，对我说：‘嗨，达娜，我是医生。’
And he walks in and he's like, Hey Danae, I'm Doctor.
就这样。
So and so.
怎么了？
What's going on?
我当时想，我可能得了肛裂，这是ChatGPT告诉我的。
And I'm like, I think I might have an anal fissure is what chat GPT is telling me.
他问：‘你出血了吗？’
And he was like, okay, are you bleeding?
我回答：‘是的，我出血了。’
And I was like, I am.
他说：‘哦，既然这样，我需要检查一下你的屁股。’
And he was like, oh, well, with that being said, I'm going to need to look at your butt.
我说：‘当然可以。’
And I'm like, absolutely.
他说：‘我先到走廊里去一下。’
He's like, I'm going step out in the hallway.
我想让你跪下来，就像在祈祷一样。
I want you to put your knees down, kind of like you're praying.
然后我希望你把身体趴在长凳上，躺下来。
And then I want you you to put your body over the bench and I want you to lay down.
于是我躺下了，长凳离地面大约三英尺高。
So I lay down and the bench is like three feet off the ground.
他进来的时候，我的裤子已经褪到脚踝，屁股朝上。
Well, he comes in, my pants are down to my ankles, my butt is up.
然后他用脚踩下一个遥控踏板，把我的屁股抬到和他眼睛齐平的高度。
And then he presses this remote pedal with his foot and jacks my ass to eye level with him.
我 literally 像天花板风扇一样悬在半空，几乎要碰到我的背。
Literally floating up there like the ceiling fan is about to touch my back.
他说，好的，你能
He's like, okay, what can
你的脚趾能碰到地面吗？
your toes touch the ground?
不，我看起来就像
No, I'm I'm like I look like
就像小孩把脚放在你身上做飞机动作一样
it's like when a kid does the airplane on your feet like
不，我 literally 看起来就像一辆去修车店的丰田RAV4，被抬了起来。
no, I literally looked like a Toyota RAV four at the mechanic shop like I am lifted.
他说，我得把手指伸进你的屁股里。
And he's like, I'm gonna have to put my finger in your butt.
我心想，天哪。
And I'm like, Oh my God.
我在想，这会疼吗？
I'm thinking, Is this gonna hurt?
他说，会有点不舒服。
He's like, It's gonna be uncomfortable.
你会没事的。
You'll be fine.
所以他开始摸索起来。
So he starts digging around.
他做完后，我仍然六英尺高高地悬在空中。
And when he's done, I'm just still laying six feet up in the air.
他绕着检查台走了一圈，看着我说：‘达娜，这没什么好羞愧的，但在接下来的六周里，直到我再次见到你之前，请不要在肛门里放任何东西。’
And he just kind of like walks around the bench and he looks at me and he goes, this is nothing to be ashamed about Danae, But for the next six weeks until I see you, please don't put anything else in your butt.
我说：‘我现在屁股可还抬着呢。’
I go, I have my ass up right now.
我太脆弱了。
I'm so vulnerable.
我看着他，说：‘先生，我从来都没有在肛门里放过任何东西。’
And I looked at him and I go, Oh, sir, I have never put anything in my butt.
他说：‘嘿，这没什么好羞愧的。’
He goes, hey, there's nothing to be ashamed about.
你不必为了……而撒谎
You don't have to lie Just to
别再这样了。
don't do it again.
哦。
Oh.
我当时就想，天啊，他搞得好像我的屁股被阿拉巴马橄榄球队连续几个月蹂躏过一样。
Was like, bro, he made it seem like my butthole had been ran through by the Alabama football team for months.
我当时就想，他到底看到了什么？
I was like, what did he see?
他到底看到了什么？
What did he see?
他说，嗯，是肛裂，就是个肛裂。
He said, I have an Yeah, anal just an anal fissure.
所以他走出去后，我又对他说：先生，我想再强调一次，这个肛裂不是因为玩具造成的。
So when he walked out, I was like, Sir, I just want to tell you one more time that anal fissure was not from toys.
是因为大便。
It was from turds.
我向上帝发誓。
I swear to God.
然后他就说：好吧，再过六周。
And then he just goes, Well, again, six weeks.
然后他就直接走出了房间。
And then he just walks out of the room.
我感觉不对劲。
I just felt wrong.
我感觉非常不对劲。
I felt so wrong.
治疗是什么？
What was the treatment?
什么都没做？
Nothing?
就是不要往你的……里放东西。
Just not putting stuff in your He's
别往屁股里塞任何东西。
like, don't put anything in your butt.
好的。
Okay.
明白。
Check.
然后他说，我要给你一些小指套。
And then he was like, I'm gonna give you these little finger gloves.
然后你得把药膏涂进屁股里。
Then you're gonna have to put, gonna have to put a medicine in your butt.
像是一种药膏。
Like a cream.
像是一种药膏。
Like a cream.
然后你得把手指伸进自己的屁股里。
And then you have to stick your own finger in your butt.
对。
Right.
从技术上讲，他其实并不知道自己在说什么。
Technically he didn't really know what he was talking about.
是的。
Yeah.
所以现在你每天都要往屁股里塞东西。
So it's like, you're putting stuff in your butt every day now.
现在每天都要。
Every day now.
他让我接下来每天都要做
He wants me to do that every day for the next
持续六周。
had six weeks.
去看痔疮医生，我真把互联网翻了个遍，确保自己没有看错医生，那个Yeah。
To go for hemorrhoids to a doctor and I literally scoured the internet to make sure that I was not seeing a single man the Yeah.
你说你犯了个错。
State of You've made a mistake.
是的。
Yeah.
但对你来说这有点可疑，因为如果是个漂亮的女性，哪个更糟？
But then I guess it's a little questionable for you because if it were a beautiful woman, what's worse?
对。
Yeah.
我可能会享受得太过分了。
I'd probably enjoy it too much.
你知道吗？
You So you know what?
对你来说，你走的是正确的路。
You went the right route for you.
这么说感觉我有点 predatory，但我确实会。
That feels very predatory of me to say, but I would.
我可能会很享受
I would probably enjoy
我明白。
I understand.
我会每天回去，只是觉得事情又发生了。
Would go back every day and just be like, it's happening again.
你能把我举起来吗？
Can you lift me up?
我还需要一根手指。
I need another finger.
我们都爱上了比佛利山庄的一位整形外科医生，我们定期去咨询，好让他用那双大手托住我们的脸。
We're all in love with a plastic surgeon in Beverly Hills and we do consultations regularly so that he'll hold our faces in his big hands.
是的，还要凝视我们的眼睛。
Yeah, and look into our eyes.
等等，杰克，你那个谁来着，我记得有个医生曾经从你屁股那里往上搞。
Wait, Jack, was your, I can't remember the guy, the person that was doctor was going up your bum.
你还在做吗？
Are you still doing it?
是的。
Yeah.
所以我一直在做骨盆底疗法来缓解便秘。
So I have been doing like pelvic floor therapy for constipation.
所以最近我有很多手指进入过我的屁股。
So I have had many fingers in my butt recently.
不仅如此，我最近还用过一种导尿管，它会在里面充气成一个气球。
And not only that, I've recently had like a catheter that they blow up in a balloon.
所以他们会把它插进去，然后说：我要给气球充气了。
So they stick it in and then they're like, I'm gonna pump the balloon up.
当你感觉像要排便时，告诉我一声。
Let me know when you feel it to like, feel like a poop is coming out.
这就是我现在的情况。
So that's where I'm at.
幸好我面朝另一边，背对着她。
And thank God I face away from her.
但当她们在做其他事情时，我面朝那个女孩，她就是不跟我眼神接触。
But when they were kind of doing other stuff, I was facing towards the girl and she would not not make eye contact with me.
那时候我感觉有点，你知道的，有点太过分了。
That was like where I was getting a little bit, you know, a little bit too much.
是的，
Yeah,
我不知道我们大家都经历了这么多创伤。
I didn't know we all had so many, like traumas.
是的。
Yes.
凯尔西。
Kelsey.
我没有任何关于屁股的问题。
I don't have any butt stuff.
你才是那个小的。
You're the little.
我这辈子第一次真的觉得，这个俱乐部不邀请我，我太开心了。
I was literally like for the first time in my life like this is a club I'm so happy to not be invited to.
这并不怎么样。
It's not great.
我觉得我将来可能得做痔疮切除手术。
I think I do have hemorrhoid removal in my future.
我的意思是，迟早你得做那种用橡皮筋扎住、切断血流的事情。
Like I guess eventually you're gonna have to do that thing where you tie them off with the rubber band and like kill the blood to them, the circulation.
把它们弄掉。
Pop them off.
把它们弄掉。
But pop them off.
但我只听过男性说这是他们经历过的最痛苦的事情。
But I've only heard feedback from men about it being the most painful thing they've ever experienced.
我需要一个女人告诉我这感觉是什么样的。
I need a woman to tell me what this is like.
你知道的。
You know?
男人的疼痛耐受力简直为零。
Well, men have like zero pain tolerance.
没错。
Exactly.
所以我不会相信我
So I wouldn't trust I
我会说，自从我上传了那个视频后，有很多女性表示她们要么做过肛裂手术，缝合伤口，要么处理过痔疮。
will say that since I posted that video online, there have been so many women that have said they've either had anal fissure surgery where they sew you up, like a couch cushion or the hemorrhoids.
她们说，如果能避免的话，无论如何都要避开，因为据她们说，大概要持续两周或两个月，我也记不清了，但时间相当长。
And they said that if you can avoid it at all costs to do it, because you apparently for like two, I want say it was either two weeks or two months, I don't know, it was a pretty long timeframe.
她们说，你会失去判断何时需要上厕所的能力。
They were like, you lose the ability to know when you're going to use the bathroom.
所以你得长时间穿着纸尿裤，或者得坐在装满热水的浴缸里，最后还得用渔网把东西捞出来。
And so you have to wear a diaper for a long time, or you have to sit in a warm bathtub full of water and then fish it out with like a fishnet at the end.
不，不是这样的。
Nope.
就像在热水里拉屎一样。
Like poop in the hot water.
是的。
Yeah.
那你在水里到处拉屎吗？
Then you're shitting all over yourself in water?
真的就是这样。
Literally.
什么？
What?
我知道。
I know.
所以我要
So I
是的。
yeah.
我想告诉你一件事。
I wanna tell you something.
你现在还不太了解我们，但我是女性团体的成功教练。
Now you don't know us very well, but I am the success coach of the lady gang.
我真的很帮助人们变得更出名、更成功。
I really help people become more famous and more successful.
我在这方面真的很擅长。
It's like I'm really good at it.
我觉得你未来会有一则大型制药公司的广告，那些广告价值数百万美元。
I feel like there's a big pharma ad in your future and those are worth millions of dollars.
就像你认为在奥普里剧院演出，或者像你知道的那样参加巴克沃尔德巡演。
Like, you think playing the Opry or like, you know, doing the Buckwalde tour.
我查了票务情况。
I I I checked out the tickets.
很多场次都已经售罄了。
Like lots of the shows already sold out.
你几乎都很难买到票看演出。
Like you could barely even get to see you.
你太受欢迎了。
You're so popular.
但当你拿到那种痔疮或肛门领域的大药企资金时，那可是数百万美元。
But like when you get that hemorrhoid or anal big pharma money, it's millions.
所以别做一个
So do not be a
是的。
yeah.
写首歌吧，开始写歌吧。
Write the song, start the song.
天啊。
Oh my God.
你可以写个广告歌，
You could do the jingle,
关于屁股的广告歌。
the jingle for the butt.
好的。
Okay.
是的。
Yes.
我得跟我的经纪人谈谈。
I need to talk to my agent.
我要给你
Gonna call your
的经纪人打电话，因为Tisha上那个女孩刚拿到了全国性的医生职位。
agent today because that girl on Tisha just got a national Doctor.
百事可乐广告，表现得像医生一样。
Pepper commercial for being like Doctor.
百事可乐感觉真好。
Pepper feels so good.
这根本不是首好歌。
It's not even a good song.
是的。
Yes.
我的意思是，我为她高兴，但这个广告歌真没那么好。
I mean, I'm happy for her, but it's not that good of a jingle.
你看，你已经做到了。
Like, you've got this.
好的。
Okay.
好吧。
All right.
我拿10%。
I'll take 10%.
好的。
Okay.
完美。
Perfect.
我是贾斯汀·西尔维斯特。
I'm Justin Sylvester.
我是布莱克利·索思顿。
And I'm Blakely Thornton.
欢迎收听《昨日凝视》，这档播客我们将剖析历史上最重要的流行文化时刻，并给予它们应得的酷儿之爱。
Join us for Yestergaze, the podcast where we break down the most pivotal pop culture moments in history and give them the queer love that they deserve.
那些在拨号上网时代让我们激动不已的事。
The things that got us riled up during dial up.
那些本该是分手的接吻。
Those makeouts that should have been breakouts.
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