如何想和丈夫做爱，与瓦妮莎·马林

但我当时就想，天啊，我真的很想上前去问他们：克里斯什么时候升职？

But I was like, man, I just really wanna because I wanted to get in front of them and be like, when is Chris getting a promotion?

就是那种邪恶天才的念头，我想当个幕后策划者。

Like that, I wanted to Evil Genius.

他可能早就看穿了，所以没让我陷入那种尴尬的境地。

And he probably knew that and so he didn't put me in that position.

后来我特别自豪，因为我们回到家了。

So then I was really proud because we got home.

这是我这周的高光时刻。

Here's my good week.

克里斯升职了。

Chris got a promotion.

他现在是Rock Nation的执行副总裁。

He is now the executive vice president of Rock Nation.

是的。

Yeah.

这太疯狂了。

That's crazy.

这太棒了。

That's amazing.

他回到家后就说：‘是时候了。’

What, what, what, what, He got home and he was like, yeah, no, it's time.

我得去申请这个。

I need to ask for that.

关键是，人们从不会主动给你升职。

And here's the thing, people never they don't hand out a promotion.

他们不会说：‘你升职了。’

They're not like, you're getting promoted.

你得自己去提出来。

Like, you have to ask.

他说，他去找了老板，基本上就是说：‘嘿，你知道吗，这就是我一直在做的工作。’

He said, he went to his bosses and he basically was like, hey, this is like, you know, this is the work I'm doing.

他做了很多工作，你们都知道，主要是在全球新业务方面，他获得了这个头衔，我为他感到非常骄傲。

He's doing a lot, as you guys know, like around the world of like new business, and he got the title and I was so proud of him.

所以希望等到节目播出时，这件事已经正式公开了，否则我就给他泄露了秘密。

So hopefully by the time it comes out, it's officially announced in the public or I've ruined that for him.

然后我还想补充一件特别棒的小事。

And then I have one little hot good week that I wanna just add.

我去了一次令人害怕的线下活动。

I went to a scary in person.

我去参加了在洛杉矶上演的一场互动式戏剧《The Willows》，主题是谋杀案。

I went to a dinner, a theater, an interactive theater play in LA called The Willows, and it's for murder.

杰克，你一定会喜欢。

Jack, you would love it.

你会被带到一栋房子里，然后被带出来，这是一场互动式戏剧。

You go to this house and they pull you out and it's an interactive theater.

他们会带你四处参观，然后有人被谋杀了，这简直就像一场谋杀案

They take you around and someone is murdered and it is It's like a murder

神秘之夜。

mystery night.

这是一场谋杀谜案之夜。

It's a murder mystery night.

太有趣了。

It's so fun.

演员们简直太棒了。

The actors are fucking incredible.

有一个时刻，其中一个演员让我躲到床底下，他说：‘来，和我一起躲在这儿。’

There was a moment where one of the actors had me under a bed and he was like, come hide here with me.

那简直太疯狂了，我玩得特别开心。

And like, it was fucking crazy and I had so much fun.

我意识到，超级碗那种场合我不适合，但这种现场互动戏剧就特别对我的胃口。

And I realized like Super Bowl, I'm not meant to be there, but like a live interactive theater event.

我太喜欢了。

I love it.

太棒了。

It was so good.

我想带你去。

I wanna take you.

柳树。

The Willow.

这个

This

让我想起了。

reminds me.

我非常想去。

I would love to.

它被分开了。

It's split up.

就像《不再睡眠》，但是在

It's like sleep no more, but on

我正想说，双胞胎睡得不多，我记得有人试图让我哺乳什么的。

I was just gonna say, the twinsies sleep no more where I swear, like, have a memory of someone, like, trying to, like, get me to breastfeed or something.

是的。

Yes.

我不得不躺在地上，一遍遍说：死了，死了，死了，死了，死了，死了，真的太疯狂了。

I had to lay on the floor and be like, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, Like, it was really wild.

这真的太有趣了。

It was really fun.

Anyway，我们回来的时候呢？

Anyway, when we come back?

你会跟你丈夫发生关系的。

You're gonna fuck your husband.

大家好。

Hello, everyone.

你是否正踏入人生的崭新篇章？

Are you entering a fresh chapter of life?

好了，是时候升级一下你的床了。

Well, it's time for an upgrade, specifically for your bed.

看。

Look.

我们现在是成年人了。

We are grown ups now.

这不再是十年前的LadyGang了，你的卧室也该反映这一点。

This isn't the LadyGang of ten years ago, and your bedroom should reflect that.

所以让自己更舒适一些，换上BollandBranch的新床单吧。

So make yourself more comfortable and put together with some fresh new sheets from BollandBranch.

在 bollandbranch.com slash LadyGang 使用代码 LadyGang，首单享15%折扣并免运费。

Get 15% off your first order plus free shipping at bollandbranch.com slash LadyGang with code LadyGang.

他们的标志性床单是全新开始的完美基础。

Their signature sheets are the perfect foundation for a fresh start.

我超爱我的BollandBranch床单。

I love my BollandBranch sheets.

我有华夫格毯子。

I have the waffle blanket.

我也有被套。

I also have the duvet.

枕套非常柔软。

The pillowcases are so soft.

每次洗完它们，感觉都越来越好，我真的超喜欢上床睡觉。

They feel better and better every time I wash them, and I just, like, love getting into bed.

你一定会喜欢的。

You're gonna love it.

第一晚，它们就会让你的床感觉完整、精致、舒适，配得上这次升级。

Night one, they're gonna make your bed feel finished, polished, comfortable, and worthy of an upgrade.

我知道你们有时候会问，哪些才是真正的优质床单？

I know sometimes you guys are asking, what are the really great sheets?

我们超爱BollAndBranch。

We love the BollAndBranch.

去下单吧。

Go get them.

用BollAndBranch安睡好觉。

So sleep sound with BollAndBranch.

在 bollandbranch.com/ladygang 使用代码 LadyGang，首单立享15%折扣并免运费。

Get 15% off your first order plus free shipping at bollandbranch.com/ladygang with code LadyGang.

访问 bollandbranch.com/ladygang，输入代码 LadyGang，即可享受15%折扣。

That's BollandBranch, bolland,branch.com/ladygang, code LadyGang to unlock 15% off.

部分商品不适用。

Exclusions apply.

《LadyGang》由Progressive保险公司赞助播出。

LadyGang is brought to you by Progressive Insurance.

你今天选择播放这个播客，真是明智之选，而Progressive非常乐意帮助人们做出明智决定。

You chose to hit play on this podcast today, very smart choice, and Progressive loves to help people make smart choices.

因此，他们提供了一个名为Auto Quote Explorer的工具。

That's why they offer a tool called Auto Quote Explorer.

它能让你将Progressive的汽车保险报价与其他公司的报价进行比较，这将帮助你节省研究时间，并在选择最适合你的费率时享受节省。

It allows you to compare your Progressive car insurance quote with rates from other companies, and that's gonna help you save time on research, and you can enjoy savings when you choose the best rate for you.

在本集结束后，前往progressive.com试试看。

Give it a try after this episode at progressive.com.

Progressive意外伤害保险公司及其关联公司并非在所有州或情况下都提供服务。

Progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates not available in all states or situations.

价格因购买方式而异。

Prices vary based on how you buy.

现在回到《LadyGang》。

Now back to the LadyGang.

好了，各位。

All right, guys.

今天我们邀请的嘉宾是一位拥有20年性治疗经验的持证心理治疗师。

Our guest today is a licensed psychotherapist with 20 of experience in the sex therapy field.

我几乎说不出口，更别说去经历了。

I can barely say it, let alone have it.

她曾登上《纽约时报》、奥普拉和《Vogue》杂志，并主持了评分最高的播客《枕边谈话》，这档每周节目就像一场双人约会，充满切实可行的性爱技巧、实用的亲密关系建议、幽默又坦诚的故事，揭示了卧室门后真实发生的一切，还有更多内容。

She's been featured in the New York Times, Oprah and in Vogue and host the top rated podcast Pillow Talks, which is your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories, what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more.

这是你一直希望拥有的性教育。

It's the sex education you wish you had.

她今天来这里与我们交谈，是因为她知道我们和丈夫之间并没有性生活。

And she's here today to talk to us because she knows that we are not having sex with our husbands.

她知道这个世界一团糟，我们注意力分散，只想穿着柔软舒适的睡衣和袜子上床，吃一片安必恩，然后睡个觉。

And she knows that the world is on fire and we are very distracted and we just wanna wear a cuddly soft jammies and socks to bed and take an Ambien and go to sleep.

她还开设了一门关于如何达到高潮的课程。

She also teaches a class on how to orgasm.

我们将在本周四聊到这个话题，但我们现在非常兴奋地欢迎范妮莎·马林加入LadyGang。

We'll get to that this Thursday, but we are so excited to welcome to the LadyGang, Vanessa Marin.

大家好。

Welcome, guys.

我非常高兴能来到这里。

I'm so excited to be here.

我们很高兴你能来。

We're excited to have you.

你可能是LadyGang上最受期待的话题之一。

You are probably a very highly requested topic on the LadyGang.

我的意思是，

I mean,

人们都喜欢谈论性。

people love to talk about sex.

对吧？

Right?

谁不喜欢呢？

Who doesn't?

确实如此。

So true.

好的。

Okay.

所以我的第一个问题，这纯粹是个私人问题：我知道你和你丈夫一起做这份工作，他并不从事治疗，但他的个人简介写着‘我娶了一位性治疗师’。

So my first question, and this is just a personal question, is I know you do this work with your husband who is like not in the therapy, but he his bio is like, I'm married to a sex therapist.

这事儿是怎么发生的？

How did that come about?

因为我真的想不出还有什么比和丈夫不停地谈论性更没情趣的事了。

Because I actually can't think of anything less sexy than talking about sex constantly with my husband.

哦，有意思。

Oh, interesting.

好吧。

Okay.

所以，是的，他的正式头衔是‘普通男人’。

So, yeah, his official title is the regular dude.

他没有任何培训背景，也没有任何执照之类的东西。

He has zero training, zero licenses, anything like that.

所以他最初是在我开始制作在线课程时帮我打理业务的。

So he originally started helping with my business when I started building online courses.

事情开始蓬勃发展，我需要一些帮助。

Things were taking off and I needed some help.

但从一开始我就有个直觉，特别想让他出镜。

But I had this hunch from the very beginning that I really wanted to get him in front of the camera.

因为虽然我接受过治疗师的训练，我的培训告诉我不要分享任何个人生活，不要透露你自己的事情，但关于性，我的感觉却完全不同。

Because even though I'm trained as a therapist and my training tells me don't share anything about your personal life, you don't want to share anything going on with you, With sex, it feels really different to me.

我们都对性感到尴尬。

We're all embarrassed about it.

我们都对性有些羞耻感。

We all have some amount of shame about it.

我们都私下觉得，自己一定是世界上唯一一个和丈夫做爱有困难的人。

We all secretly think I must be the only person in the world who is struggling to have sex with my husband.

我意识到，我想率先做个榜样，展示勇敢、脆弱和开放的态度。

And I realized, like, I wanna go first and show people an example of being brave and vulnerable and open.

事实上，和赞德在一起，今年我们已经在一起十九年了。

And the reality is with Xander, you know, we've been together nineteen years this year.

我不知道自己是怎么活到拥有十九年关系的。

Don't know how I got old enough to be in a nineteen year relationship.

但我们关系很好，性生活也很棒，同时也经历了很多坎坷。

But we have a great relationship and sex life, and we've also been through a whole lot of shit.

我们经历过性欲低落、性欲不匹配、表现问题、高潮困难。

We've had periods of low libido, mismatched libido, performance issues, orgasm challenges.

我们经历了这么多，却依然设法走过来了，重新建立起深厚而亲密的性生活。

We've been through so many things, and we've managed to muck our way through it and keep coming back to having a really great connected intimate sex life.

所以我想让人们知道，我们经历的这些起起落落是正常的，而且也是可以克服的。

So I wanna show people that these ups and downs that we go through are normal and they're overcomeable too.

这就是棘手的部分。

This is the tough stuff.

好的。

Okay.

所以有太多太多了。

So there's so many.

我们的LadyGang成员涵盖了从约会、不约会到新恋情的各种状态。

We have our LadyGang is everyone from like dating, not dating to like new relationships.

我们已经这样持续了十年。

And we've been doing this now for ten years.

所以我们认识杰克的时候，她还是单身，经常和人发生一夜情，而现在我们都结婚了。我觉得我先说吧。

So like we met Jack and she was single and she was like having one day stands with, you know, people and and then now we're all married and I think for me, I'll go first.

我觉得最难的是，我们都很忙，a，有一种舒适感，b，然后还有c，我就像典型的凯尔蒂一样，觉得周六早上我自己动手处理这些事反而更快、更容易。

I think the hardest thing is like I'm it's just a, we're busy, b, there's like a level of comfort, and then there's c, I just am like, I I'm like a typical Kelty where I'm like, I could literally take care of this faster, easier by myself on a Saturday morning.

你懂我的意思吗？

Do you know I mean?

但今年我的愿望清单里，有一项就是探索我的性癖好，重新拥有一个充实的性生活。

But on my list of manifestations for this year, one of my things was to explore my kinks and to like really have a robust sex life again.

所以我很高兴你来了。

So that's why I'm excited you're here.

但这种感觉是怎样的？告诉我们，我们是正常的，因为我们的所有朋友，包括我们自己，都有一种心照不宣的疑问：我们的性生活，是我们真正想要的吗？

But what is it like and tell us we're normal because all of our friends, all of us, like there's sort of this unspoken rule of like, are we having a sex life that we like?

你知道，我们所看到的关于性的一切例子都来自电视和电影，我们看到情侣在一起，克服了一些初始的小挑战，然后迎来幸福结局，但故事总是在这里结束。

You know, the only examples that we ever see of sex are on TV and in the movies, and we see that, like, the couple getting together, the, you know, overcoming some initial little challenge and then the happily ever after, but it always ends there.

我们看到关系初期的激情火热，每个人都会经历这一阶段。

We see the hot and heavy at the beginning of the relationship, and like everybody goes through that.

一开始我们有很棒的化学反应，但从来没人展示过幸福结局之后会发生什么。

We have that great chemistry at the beginning, but we never see what happens after the happily ever after.

比如，当你们在一起多年后，你看到对方把袜子扔在洗衣篮旁边而不是扔进去，把杯子放在台面上而不是立刻放进洗碗机里，这时候会发生什么？

Like, what happens when you've been together for so many years and you've seen them throw the socks to the side of the hamper instead of into it, and leave the cup on the top of the counter instead of immediately beneath, like, into the dishwasher.

所以现实是，大多数人对自己的性生活感到尴尬，觉得性生活很少，而且所发生的性行为无聊、可预测。

And so the reality is that most people feel really embarrassed that they're struggling in their sex life, not having very much sex, that the sex that they're having feels boring, predictable.

我可以准确告诉你接下来会发生什么，因为每次都是同样的情况，但现实是，大多数人对自己的性生活并不满意。

I can tell you exactly what's gonna happen because it's the same thing every single time, but the reality is most people are pretty unhappy with their sex lives.

他们感到彼此疏远。

They're feeling disconnected.

他们几乎没有欲望。

They're not feeling very much desire.

然而，由于我们并不公开谈论这个问题，大多数人觉得自己在这方面的经历非常孤独。

And yet, because we don't talk about it that openly, most of us feel very alone in that.

我们大多数人晚上躺在床上时，都在暗自琢磨：是不是我哪里出了问题？

Most of us are secretly lying in bed at the end of the night wondering, Is something wrong with us?

我是不是没选对人？

Am I not with the right person?

我们真的不兼容吗？

Are we not actually compatible?

但这种情况比大多数人想象的要普遍得多。

But it's way more common than most people think.

所以我有个问题。

So I have a question.

我觉得，总的来说，女性对亲密关系的看法是不同的。

Like, I just think for women in general, we view intimacy differently.

对我来说，尤其是和我丈夫在一起时，当我们依偎在沙发上，或者进行一场深刻而美好的对话时，我会感到非常亲密。

Like for me, especially it's like, feel very intimate with my husband when we're like cuddling on the couch or when we're like having like an amazing deep conversation.

对我来说，亲密感是通过身体和性来连接的，但其实性行为没那么多，更多是彼此亲近，以一种更温柔的方式，我觉得就是这样。

Like my intimacy is attached physically and sexually, but it's just, it's less sex and it's more being close to each other, like in more of like a sweet way, I guess, is how I feel about it.

但面对这种不匹配，你们该怎么办呢？

But like, what do you do about the mismatch?

我觉得很多女性并不完全像我这样，但她们对亲密感的理解和感受方式，和那些只想和你发生关系的男性是不同的。

Cause I feel like a lot of women aren't exactly how I am, but like they view intimacy and feel intimacy differently than men that are like, just wanna be inside you.

我觉得最能感受到亲密的时候是和我

That's how I feel the most intimate with I

我把身体亲密和情感亲密看作是同一枚硬币的两面。

think of physical and emotional intimacy as two sides of the same coin.

每段关系都需要两者兼备。

Like every relationship needs some of both of them.

通常在一段关系中，一方希望在身体亲密之前先建立情感亲密，而另一方则恰恰相反。

And there's typically in a relationship, there's one partner who wants to feel that emotional intimacy before physical intimacy, and the other partner wants the exact opposite.

他们希望通过身体亲密来开启情感上的连接。

Like, wanna feel physical intimacy as a way to open up emotional intimacy.

通常来说，女性希望先有情感上的亲密，而男性则希望先有身体上的亲密。

And it tends to be women want the emotional intimacy first, men want the physical intimacy first.

但我总是问自己，这其中有多少是源于社会化的结果？

But I always ask myself, how much of that comes down to socialization?

我们从小就被不断灌输：不能渴望性，不能太直白地表达，不能被贴上‘荡妇’的标签，社会根本不允许女性渴望或追求性。

Like, we all were raised being taught constantly that we're not supposed to want sex, we're not supposed to be too overt about it, we don't want to be labeled sluts, and it's just not societally permissible for women to want sex or crave sex.

而男性则接受了完全不同的社会化教育。

Whereas men, they get an entirely different set of socialization.

他们可以渴望性，但却不被允许表达情感，不能展现情绪。

They're allowed to want sex, but they're not allowed to be emotional, to have emotions, to express emotions.

我不想当个懦夫，对吧？

I don't want to be a pussy, right?

所以我认为，很多东西其实都源于我们被教导哪些欲望是被允许的、哪些是被接受的。

So I think a lot of it just comes down to what we've been taught we're allowed to have and allowed to want.

但归根结底，我认为在所有关系中，我们都想要这两者。

But at the end of the day, I think in all relationships, we want both things.

我认为很多女性对男性有一个普遍的误解，就是我们往往把性视为一种纯粹的生理行为。

And I think one of the really common misunderstandings that a lot of women have about men is we tend to think of sex as this purely physical act.

就是身体部位和身体部位的结合。

It's just putting body parts in other body parts.

我只是想释放一下。

I just want to get off.

我只是想要高潮。

I just want to have an orgasm.

当我们的丈夫或伴侣想要和我们亲密时，我们往往会把这种行为去人格化。

And we tend to depersonalize when our husband or partner boyfriend, whatever, like, wants to be intimate with us.

我们认为他只是想发泄一下。

We think he's just trying to get off.

他只是想得到一些快感。

He just wants to get some.

但男性告诉我们，身体上的亲密是他们感到最亲近、最脆弱、最开放、最投入的时刻。

But what men tell us is that physical intimacy is the time that they feel the absolute closest, the most vulnerable, the most open, the most present.

这些正是抓住他的时刻，尤其是在性爱之后，感受那种情感上的亲密。

Like, those are the moments to really catch him, like, in that emotional intimacy, and especially after sex.

我发现我们很多人总是急着起身，冲进浴室，拿起手机查看过去三分钟里错过了哪些短信。

I find a lot of us are so quick to, you know, we jump up and we run to the bathroom, we grab our phone and we see what text messages we missed in the last three minutes.

但我们却错过了这个机会。

But we're missing that opportunity.

天啊，凡妮莎，三分钟。

Damn Vanessa, three minutes.

天啊。

Damn.

我不是在点名批评任何人。

Not trying to call anyone out.

我们错过了与伴侣共度此刻、维系我们刚刚建立的连接的机会。

We're missing those opportunities to linger in that moment with the connection that we hopefully just created with our partner.

另一点是，我们也可以在性爱中融入情感上的亲密。

And other piece of it too is we can bring emotional intimacy into sex.

没必要把它们看作两件完全独立的事情。

Don't have to view them as these two separate things.

但我觉得，讽刺的是，很多女性在这方面很困扰，因为我们把性行为仅仅视为一种生理行为，因为我们总在迎合伴侣，心想：‘唉，我什么都不需要。’

But I think, ironically, a lot of women struggle with that because we're thinking of sex as just this physical act, because we are catering to our partner like, ugh, I don't need anything.

你可以随便来，想怎么搞就怎么搞，随便吧。

You can just, you know, have your way, do your thing, whatever.

我们错过了在性行为中真正建立亲密感的机会。

We miss that opportunity to actually create real intimacy during sex.

我有个问题想问你，因为每次和闺蜜们聊天，她们都说丈夫抱怨性生活的频率太低。

I have a question for you just because I feel like when I'm with my girlfriends, a lot of them will say that their husbands complain about the frequency of the sex.

而我们都坐在那儿目瞪口呆。

And we are all sitting there dumbfounded.

他们到底在跟谁交流，才会觉得自己是性生活最少的那一群？

Like, who are they talking to to think that they are the ones having the least amount of sex?

这里面有种奇怪的现象，我忍不住想：你的朋友里都有哪些放荡的妻子？

There's some weird thing going on where I'm like, who are your friends with the slutty wives?

我和他们一起吃晚饭。

I don't have dinner with them.

我不知道你在说谁。

I don't know who you're talking about.

你们总是讲这种悲惨故事，说你们从不被满足，但所有已婚男人其实都得不到，别让我觉得自己是个不合格的妻子。

Like, you guys are are like have this sob story like you're never getting laid, but no man that's married is getting laid and stop making me feel like I'm less than of a wife.

所以我想说，这纯粹是为了我自己的私心。

So I just wanna like set this is really for my own selfish reasons.

显然你和男人、女人，还有所有人都聊过。

Like, you obviously talk to men, women, all all of them.

你觉得，有多少比例的夫妻，情况就像你们说的这样？

Would you say that, like, what percentage of couples, married couples, is this, like, the story that's being told?

男人想要更多，而妻子给的却没他们想要的那么多。

The men want it more and the wives are not giving it as much as they want.

好的。

Okay.

有趣的是，我们对观众进行了这项调查，因为这总是那个经典的故事

So interestingly, we surveyed our audience about this because that's always the classic story that

你经常听到。

you hear.

男人总是更想要。

The man's the one who wants it more.

我们做了一次投票，但这并不科学。

We did a poll, and this is not scientific.

这只是一个小小的Instagram投票。

This is just a little Instagram poll.

当然，我们的社群——这些人都主动选择关注一位性治疗师——但在我们的社群中，有45%的异性伴侣关系中，女性的性欲更高。

And, of course, our community, these are people who are consciously deciding to follow a sex therapist for But sex in our community, forty five percent of male female relationships, the woman was the one with the higher sex drive.

这对女性来说可能是一个非常具有挑战性的情况，因为它会引发大量的羞耻感和尴尬。

And that can be a really challenging situation for women because it brings up so much shame and embarrassment.

在我的婚姻中，曾经有一段时间，我的欲望比赞德更高。

I've had seasons of our relationship where I've had higher desire than Xander.

这很容易让人往个人身上想。

And it's so easy to take it personally.

就像对啊。

Like Yeah.

我哪里有问题？

What's wrong with me?

他不应该是一直主动撩我吗？

Isn't he supposed to be constantly harassing me?

我一直在看那些愚蠢的Instagram短视频，说什么只要我站在那儿，我丈夫就会被我吸引。

I'm seeing all these dumb Instagram reels about like, oh, you know, things that turned my husband on me just standing there.

是的。

Yeah.

为什么这样的事不会发生在我身上？

Like, why is that not happening with me?

所以我认为这些数字可能比实际情况要高，但指出很多时候女性才是欲望更强的那方很重要，这种情况下会带来完全不同的羞耻感。

So I think those numbers are probably inflated over what the actual number is, but I think it is important to call out that a lot of times the woman is the one that has the higher desire, there's an entirely different level of shame that comes up in those scenarios.

哇。

Wow.

我不

I don't

知道，对于男性来说。

know And for the men.

我也不认识她。

I don't know her either.

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

我也不认识我自己。

I don't know me either.

我从未见过她。

I've never met her.

但如果LadyGang你们在听的话，请告诉我们。

But LadyGang, if you're out there, let us know.

要感到自豪。

Be proud.

我们想找到你们。

We wanna find you.

我的意思是，我真的很想知道这件事。

Like, I I would love to know that.

我认为我邀请你来的一个原因是你有一个播客集名叫《当你丈夫不知道如何调情时》。

I think one of the things that I was really interested in having you on is you have an episode called When Your Husband Doesn't Know How to Flirt of your podcast.

我想聊聊这个，因为我确实觉得男性会对我们做这种事：他们让我们爱上他们。

I wanna talk about this because I do think that men do this thing to us where they make us fall in love with them.

他们给我们送花，向我们调情，给我们发温馨的短信，然后我们嫁给了他们，之后他们却忘了怎么调情。

They bring us flowers and they flirt with us and they send us nice texts and then we marry them and then they forget how to flirt.

这就像，对啊，今天是我的生日。

And it's like, yes, it's my birthday.

谢谢。

Thank you.

你知道，但问题是，我们该怎么应对这些男人呢？

You know, but it's like, how do you what what do we do about the men?

我能告诉你他们为什么停止了吗？

Can I can tell you why they stopped?

他们停止是因为被拒绝了。

They stopped because they got turned down.

通常都是男人主动发起性行为。

So it's usually it's usually men who are initiating sex.

通常都是男人，你知道的，主动发起很多身体接触。

It's usually men who are, you know, initiating a lot of like the physical contact.

然后你们就进入了关系的这个阶段。

And then they start, you know, you get to that part in the relationship.

在关系初期，你们只要对视一眼，气氛就来了，但随着时间推移，情况就开始变得复杂了。

At first in the relationship, it's like you just look at each other and it's on, and then it starts to get more complicated as time goes on.

当男性开始被拒绝时，他们会把这当作个人的 rejection。

When men start getting rejected, they take it really personally.

事实上，女性也会这样。

Mean, women, we do too.

我认为我们低估了主动发起任何形式的接触——不仅仅是性，甚至包括身体接触或调情——所感受到的敏感性。

I think we underestimate just how sensitive initiating any sort of, you know, not just sex, but even just like physical contact or flirtation.

当你的伴侣说‘不’时，那种感觉非常敏感。

It feels so sensitive when your partner says no.

如果你处于一种伴侣经常被拒绝的情境中，很容易让对方筑起心墙，开始想：‘算了。’

And if you're in a scenario where your partner feels like they're pretty consistently being turned down, it's really easy for those walls to come up and for him to start thinking, you know what?

我就不想再主动了。

I just, I'm not gonna bother.

我会等她来找我。

I'll let her come to me.

我会让她按照她的方式来做。

I'll let her do it on her terms.

而作为女性，我们注意到他们的疏远，于是开始感到非常难过。

And then as women, we notice that pulling away and, you know, we start feeling really sad.

我们开始感到孤独。

We start feeling lonely.

我们在想，到底发生了什么

We're wondering like, what the

怎么回事？

heck is going on?

这其实是当你试图与伴侣建立联系时所表现出的脆弱性。

It's really the the vulnerability of having to put yourself out there trying to connect with your partner.

但我觉得，和我丈夫在一起后，纯粹为了调情而调情的行为确实停止了。

But I feel like with my husband, the flirting just to flirt stopped when we got married for sure.

为了引发性关系的调情还在继续，但我确实拒绝了他，因为我想：别告诉我我现在看起来很漂亮，我知道你打的什么主意。

The flirting to then lead to sex did continue and I did turn him down because I was like, don't tell me that I look pretty right now because I see what you're doing.

因为如果我说‘谢谢亲爱的，太感谢了’，你就会朝我靠近，以为这是性邀请。

Because if I say, thanks babe, thanks so much, then you start moving towards me and you think that's an invitation for sex.

所以我们该怎么训练他们

So it's like, how do we train them to

一直对我们好点

like Be nice to us all the

对我好一点，看着我

be nice to me and look

看着我

at me

却又不期待我之后和你发生性关系。

without then expecting us to have sex after.

我经常听女性提到这一点，我认为男性真的低估了这一点：我们其实只是想要善意。

This is something I hear about all the time from women and I think this is something men really underestimate is like we really just want kindness.

听起来真让人心酸。

It sounds so sad.

听起来就像是，你知道的，标准低到地窖里去了。

It sounds like the, you know, the bar is in the basement kind of thing.

但女性真正希望的是伴侣能关注我们、对我们友善，并且将这些互动与性行为区分开来。

But women truly just want our partners to be interested in us, to be kind to us, and to have those kind of interactions separate from sex.

是的。

Yeah.

所以我们必须明确地和伴侣沟通这一点。

So this is something that we have to just be really specific with our partners about.

而且，你知道，我们在电视和电影里看到太多这样的场景了，比如，哦，那个男人比他自己还了解我。

And, you know, we get so much we see so much in TV and the movies like, you know, oh, the guy just he knows me better than I know myself.

他根本不需要我告诉他，就知道该怎么做。

He just knows what to do without me having to tell him.

我们都有一种隐秘的愿望，希望伴侣能读懂我们的想法。

Like, we all have that secret desire that our partner can just read our mind.

我也有这种想法，一直都有。

I have it all the time too.

我懂。

I get it.

但现实是，我们必须教会我们的伴侣我们想要怎样的爱。

But the reality is, like, we have to teach our partners how we wanna be loved.

尤其是男性，他们真的很想知道。

And men in particular, they they really wanna know.

我可以说，我们跟男性交谈过无数次，他们总是说：你就直接告诉我吧。

Cannot tell you how many times we talk to men where they're like, just tell me.

我真的很乐意去做那件事，不管那是什么事。

I, like, I will happily do the thing, whatever the thing is.

我只是想知道那件事到底是什么。

I just wanna know what the thing is.

你可能觉得我已经告诉过他们上百万次了，可能觉得我们以前就聊过这个话题，但他们真的需要重复，也需要具体的指导。

Then you may have felt like I've told them a million times, you may have felt like we've had this conversation before, but they just really need that repetition and they really need the specificity.

所以，说说看，找出三件让你觉得是有趣调情的具体事情。

So tell like, identify what are three specific things that feel like fun flirtation to you.

因为这是另一件事。

Because that's the other thing.

男人不理解这种笼统的词。

Men don't understand general words like that.

比如你告诉一个男人，随便撩我一下，或者随便浪漫一点，他根本不知道这指的是什么。

Like if you tell a man just flirt with me or just be romantic with me, he doesn't know what that means.

你必须说得具体一点。

You have to get specific.

所以，对你来说，调情是讲些粗俗的笑话，然后彼此咯咯笑、闹腾吗？

So does flirting with you mean telling like crude jokes and, like, being really, like, giggly and silly with each other?

是写一张小小的爱的便条吗？

Does it mean write me a little love notes?

是每次从我身边走过时拍一下我的屁股吗？

Does it mean slap me on the ass every time you walk by me?

要具体一点，因为对你来说的调情，和对另一个女人来说的调情，会完全不同。

Like, be specific because flirty for you is gonna be really different than flirty for another woman.

所以我们必须把这一点说清楚。

So we have to get specific about it.

但这根本就是胡说八道，瓦内萨。

It's just bullshit though, Vanessa.

说实话，我真的什么都要做。

Like, honestly, like, I have to do I have to do everything.

现在呢

Like, now

这太过了。

that's too Kelty.

你

You

你知道的。

know that.

我知道他们确实如此，但让我烦心的是，接下来会发生的事是这样的。

I know they are, but this is what annoys me is like, here's what's gonna happen.

我会结束这段关系，所以我得在这方面推你一把。

I'm gonna end so I wanna push you on this.

我是懂的

Like, I get

我明白，我会去做。

it and I'll do it.

事情是这样的，有一年我过生日的时候，克里斯·奈特问我：你生日想要什么？

Here's what'll happen is that one year for my birthday, Chris Knight asked me, what do you want for your birthday?

我说：我要去书店尽情购物。

I said, I'm gonna bring bookstore shopping spree.

行吗？

K?

我们已经四年了，你猜我每年生日都收到什么？

We're four years in and guess what I get every year on my birthday?

每年都是书店购物卡，第一年我特别喜欢。

A bookstore shopping spree, which I loved on year one.

你懂我的意思吧？

You know what I mean?

但现在我想要一件钻石珠宝。

But now I would like a diamond piece of jewelry.

比如当凯尔西。

Like When Kelsey.

凯尔西。

Kelsey.

凯尔西一出手，就破坏了那种魔力。

Takes the magic out when

我他妈得说清楚，但听好了。

I have fucking tell But listen.

两种方式都行。

Both ways.

我没法为扎克做到这一点。

I couldn't do that for Zach.

我没法每年都送他他想要的完美礼物，就因为他有一年告诉我他想要什么。

I couldn't give him the perfect gift that he wanted every single year, year after year just cause he told me one year, the thing he wanted.

不，我知道。

No, I know.

但我现在

But I'm

我会说，这就是你跟我调情的方式。

going be like, this is how you flirt with me.

而我这辈子剩下的时间，就只会得到这种 exactly 的调情。

And then that's all I'm going to get for the rest of my life is a this exact flirt.

这叫婚姻。

That's called marriage.

你得一直告诉他，凯尔蒂，你丈夫听进去了。

You have to keep telling him, Kelty, your husband listened.

这让我想起你第一个生日之类的，你说你什么都不想要。

It reminded me of your first birthday or whatever that you're like, I don't want anything.

结果他真的什么都没给你。

And then he literally got you nothing.

然后你就说，不，明年我要这双鞋。

And then you're like, no, I want these shoes next year.

然后他就给你买了这双鞋。

And then he got you the shoe.

你看，他真的在听。

Like he listens.

但我知道他在听，我只是生气，因为我觉得，我懂了。

But I know he listens, but I'm annoyed that I I like, I get it.

他不是一个有主见的人。

He's not a freethinker.

我明白你的意思。

I hear you.

不。

No.

知道。

Know.

我是这么解决这个问题的，因为我懂。

Here's here's how I've resolved this because I get it.

当然，我们都希望伴侣有时候能读懂我们的心思。

Like, there of course, we all want our partner just to be able to read our minds sometimes.

所以我做的就是在我手机上记了个笔记。

So what I do is I made a note on my phone.

我给了赞德访问权限，并把我想收到的东西的链接都加了进去。

I gave Xander access to it, and I put links to things that I like and would love to receive.

我从不会直接告诉他：嘿，买这个包给我。

I don't ever tell him out loud, hey, buy me this bag.

买这条项链给我。

Buy me this necklace.

这条项链真的是从清单里挑的。

Literally, necklace came from the list.

我只是把它加到了清单上。

I've just put it on the list.

那里有很多选项，所以他可以逐一浏览并选择。

There are multiple things there, and so he gets to go through and choose.

我仍然保留了惊喜的元素，因为我往列表里添加了多个东西。

I've still got that element of being surprised because I've put multiple things on it.

我不必亲口说出来。

I don't have to say it out loud.

我只是把它加到列表里，但他也能确切知道什么能带给我快乐。

I just put it on the list, but he also gets to know, like, exactly what it is that would bring me joy.

我认为这是在为伴侣的成功创造条件。

I think that's setting our partners up for success.

这简直太聪明了。

Can you I just that's genius.

比如一些逗妻子开心的小技巧，我可以转发给其他人。

Of, like, ways to flirt with your wife so I can forward it

给所有人？

to everyone?

因为每个人都不一样。

Because it's different for everyone.

她就是这么说的。

That's what she said

对每个人来说都是如此。

to for everyone.

是的。

Yeah.

比如，我喜欢被拍屁股。

Like, you I I like getting my ass slapped.

对另一个女人来说，她会说：绝对不行。

For another woman, she'd be like, absolutely not.

你在开玩笑吗？

Are you kidding me?

那不是调情。

That's not flirting.

对吧？

Right?

所以我们得具体一点。

So we have to get specific.

我可以给你一份选项清单，但你得逐一查看并圈出。

I can give you a list of options, but then you gotta go through and circle.

这些是我想要的，而这些是

These are the ones that I would like, and these are the ones that are

不行的。

a no go.

也许这就是

And maybe that's what

你为你的记事本做的，凯尔西。

you do for your notepad, Kelsey.

是的。

Yeah.

就准备一个笔记本，把你喜欢的东西都写上去，然后他可以根据自己的喜好来挑选。

Just have like a notepad of things you like and throw them on there, and then he can pick and choose as he decides.

你知道吗？

You know what?

这是个好主意。

That's a great idea.

看吧，我们终于说到点子上了。

See, we got to a good place.

我是贾斯汀·西尔维斯特。

I'm Justin Sylvester.

我是布莱克利·索思顿。

And I'm Blakely Thornton.

欢迎收听《昨日凝视》，这档播客我们将剖析历史上最重要的流行文化时刻，并给予它们应得的酷儿之爱。

Join us for Yestergaze, the podcast where we break down the most pivotal pop culture moments in history and give them the queer love that they deserve.

那些在拨号上网时代让我们激动不已的事情。

The things that got us riled up during dial up.

那些本该是分手的接吻。

Those makeouts that should have been breakouts.

那些被永载流行史册的瞬间。

And the drops that were cemented in pop.

我说的是贝尼弗。

I'm talking Bennifer.

泰拉对娜奥米。

Tyra versus Naomi.

汤姆·克鲁斯跳上沙发的那一幕。

Tom Cruise jumping on that couch.

还有更多更多。

And so much more.

所以请在苹果播客、Spotify 或你收听音频内容的任何平台为我们评分并订阅。

So please rate us, subscribe to us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or anywhere you get audio related content.

我们还接受Venmo转账。

We also take Venmo.

还有Cash App。

And Cash App.

ACH呢？

ACH?

或者信用卡号也可以。

Or credit card number as well.

我们很灵活。

We're we're malleable.

是的。

Yeah.

知道。

Know.

我们今天是同性恋。

We're gay today.

你正在收听《LadyGang》。

You're listening to the LadyGang.

我和一些女性朋友还有邻居们在一起，很多女性都在说，如果他只是做点什么，比如做点家务，或者只是主动去接孩子两次，我就会给他口交。如果我有个丈夫能做这些事就好了。我当时就在那儿想，不是要炫耀，但我确实有个什么都能做的丈夫，可我并不想扑上去扒他裤子。

I was with girls and friends of mine in the neighborhood, and, a lot of these women were saying, like, if he just did this, like, it's mostly like domestic duties or like, if he would just offer to pick the kids up like twice, I would give him a blow If I just had the husband that did x y and z and I was sitting there and I'm like, not to brag, I have the husband that does all that shit, and I don't wanna rip his pants off of him.

我的意思是，我也希望女性们明白，我知道这么说可能有点扫兴，但问题并不出在这里。

Like, it's I also want women because and I said, I know it's kind of discour like, discouraging to hear that, but it's also like that's not the part that's broken.

没错，当然，如果他真的能做这些事，那肯定会很有帮助。

Like, that's, yes, of course, it would be great if he did do those things that I'm sure it would help contribute.

但我确实拥有这样的丈夫。

But like, I do have that.

我的意思是，他当然不是完美的，但我确实有一个在家务和育儿上真正平等的伴侣。

I mean, he's not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but like, I don't I have a equal partner with household and parenting, truly.

而我这样的情况却很少见。

And I still Rare.

你确实非常罕见。

You're extremely rare.

非常罕见。

Very.

大多数情况是的。

Most yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

所以这对你来说不是问题，这没问题。

So that's not the issue for you, which is fine.

可能还有其他因素，我们完全可以深入探讨。

There could be other things and we can we can totally get into that.

但你很罕见。

But you're rare.

你知道，在大多数男女关系中，精神负担是严重不平衡的。

You know, in most male female relationships, the mental load is heavily imbalanced.

最近有一些出色的研究表明，精神负担不平衡的伴侣性生活频率要低得多。

And there's great research that's been coming out recently showing that couples who have mental load imbalances have way less sex.

因为当女性承担所有精神负担时，你会感觉生活中没有真正的伴侣。

Because when you are carrying all the mental load as a woman, it does not feel like you have a partner in life.

这感觉就像你有个孩子。

It feels like you have a child.

另一个你需要照顾的事情。

Another thing that you have to take care of.

没有人想和一个感觉像孩子的成年男人发生关系。

And nobody wants to have sex with a grown ass man who feels like a child.

所以这对许多伴侣来说是一个非常重要的起点。

So that's a really important starting place for so many couples.

这不是说‘你洗碗，我就用口交奖励你’。

It's not like, do the dishes and I'll reward you with a blow job.

而是我希望和一个懂得照顾事务、是我的伴侣、是我的平等对象的成年人建立关系。

It's, I want to be in a relationship with an adult who knows how to take care of things, who is my partner, who is my equal.

这并不意味着必须严格五五分摊。

And it doesn't need to mean splitting things like exactly fiftyfifty.

每个人都不一样。

Everybody's different.

但感受到你生命中有一个真正的伴侣，这对很多人来说非常重要。

But feeling like you have a true partner in life, that's really important for so many people.

但我想指出你刚才说的一件事。

But I want to call out something you said.

你说，我不想撕掉他的衣服。

You said, I don't want to rip off his clothes.

是的。

Yeah.

这其实是一个很大的误解，我认为很多人对长期关系中的性都有这样的误解。

And this is a big misunderstanding that I think a lot of us have about sex in long term relationships.

没错。

Right.

对。

Yes.

在关系初期，我们可能确实会有一种强烈的欲望，想直接撕掉彼此的衣服，激情也可能感觉更强烈。

At the beginning of a relationship, we might have, like, felt that desire to, like, just rip off each other's clothes and, like, passion might have felt a lot more intense.

但研究表明，我们无法将这种强度维持超过六个月，如果幸运的话最多十二个月。

But research shows that we cannot stay in that level of intensity for longer than six months, maybe twelve months if you're lucky.

在那时

At that

那时，我们大脑中的神经递质会发生实质性的变化。

point in time, the neurotransmitters in our brain literally shift.

我们身体上已经无法再维持那种强烈的情感和激情。

We're physically incapable of having that level of, like, passion and intensity.

但问题是，我们大多数人仍然以那种状态作为衡量标准。

But the problem is that most of us are still operating with that as the barometer.

比如，除非我极度渴望，想立刻撕掉伴侣的衣服，否则我就不想和伴侣发生关系。

Like, I can't have sex with my partner unless I'm wildly horny and I just wanna rip their clothes off.

在长期关系中，这种情况如今几乎不会再发生了。

That's just very rarely gonna happen these days when you're in a long term relationship.

所以，我对欲望的独到见解是，你知道，这是我听到最多的一件事。

So I actually like my hot take with desire, which is, you know, everybody that's the number one thing that I hear.

我性欲低下。

I have low desire.

我们的性欲不匹配。

We have mismatched desire.

我从来不想要性行为。

I never want sex.

我从来不想到性行为。

I never think about sex.

关于性欲，我的观点是，我认为性欲的重要性远没有我们大多数人认为的那么高。

And my hot take on desire is I don't think desire is nearly as important as most of us think that it is.

我认为，我们对自己产生性欲施加了压力，而这种压力是我们对生活中其他事情所不会施加的。

And I think that we put pressure on ourselves to feel the desire for sex in a way that we don't pressure ourselves to feel desire for anything else in life.

那么告诉我，哪个女人没有经历过这种情况？

So tell me, like, what woman has not had this experience?

你和你的女朋友有个约会。

You have a date with your girlfriend.

你们会出去喝点东西，吃个晚饭，随便干嘛。

You guys are gonna, like, go out, get some drinks, get dinner, whatever.

你们有一阵子没见她了。

You haven't seen her in a while.

特别期待见到她。

So excited to see her.

你知道你们会玩得很开心。

You know you guys are gonna have fun.

但到了那天，下着雨，你已经瘫在沙发上，《夏日屋》的新一集刚上线，你一边刷手机一边想：希望她能取消约会。

But then the day rolls around, it's raining, and you're already sitting on the couch, and that new episode of Summer House just came out, and you're kinda looking at your phone wondering like, oh, I hope she cancels.

我真的希望她能取消，我只想待在家里。

I really hope she I would just love to stay here instead.

但我们还是从沙发上爬起来了。

But we pick our asses up off the couch.

尽管之前对这次约会犹豫不决，我们还是出去和朋友聚了，结果玩得特别开心。

We go out and hang out with our friend despite the fact that we were feeling so ambivalent about it, and we have a great time.

嗯嗯。

Mhmm.

我们啊，真的觉得太好了，幸好我这么做了。

We have you know, we're like, oh, I'm so glad I did this.

我很高兴我们没有放彼此鸽子。

I'm so glad we didn't bail on each other.

你离开的时候，杯子已经满了。

You leave and your cup is full.

你感到非常开心。

You're so happy.

我觉得，我们对生活中很多选择其实都抱着矛盾的心态，但我们还是选择了去做，因为我们相信，这个经历本身会让人感觉良好，之后的感受也会很好。

Like, I think we are ambivalent about a lot of the things that we choose to do in life, but we choose to do them because we trust that the experience itself is gonna feel good and the feeling afterwards is going to feel good.

所以我认为，如果我们能以同样的方式看待性生活，就可能彻底改变绝大多数人的性生活质量。

And so I think if we looked at sex in that same way, it could completely change the majority of people's sex lives.

不过我现在说的，仅限于那些安全的关系。

Now I'm only talking about like relationships that are safe.

没有虐待发生。

There's no abuse going on.

对。

Right.

当然，你必须清楚自己会享受正在发生的性行为。

And of course, this has to be like, you have to know that you are gonna enjoy the sex you're having.

很多时候，女性告诉我她们有性欲问题，但我却说：不是的。

A lot of times women tell me they have a libido problem, and I'm like, no.

你有的是愉悦感缺失的问题。

You have a pleasure problem.

你并不享受正在经历的性行为，那为什么你会渴望它呢？

You're not enjoying the sex you're having, so why on earth would you crave it?

如果性行为不愉快、不享受，你又为什么会渴望它呢？

If it's not pleasurable and enjoyable, why would you crave it?

这完全说不通。

It makes zero sense.

但如果你处于一种情境中，我知道我们即将发生的性行为会很好，我知道之后我们会感到亲密和连接，这才是更值得关注的，而不是‘我现在是不是想立刻撕掉他的衣服’？

But if you're in a scenario where I know that the sex we're gonna have is good, I know we're gonna feel close and connected afterwards, That's the thing to pay attention to more than, do I wanna rip his clothes off right now?

有意思。

Interesting.

但假如，凯尔西，我替你说话，如果你的丈夫就像你约出去的那位女友，你知道你们得玩到凌晨四点，而且

But what if, Kelsey, I'm speaking for you, what if your husband is the equivalent of the girlfriend that you make plans with and you know that you're gonna have to go out till like four in the morning and like

一整天的狂欢。

An all day extravaganza.

期望值这么高，所以你会想，我

Expectations are so high, so you're like, I

今晚根本不可能和妮基出去到凌晨三点。

can't possibly go out with Nikki till 3AM tonight.

嗯，这真是个很棒的对话。

Well, is a great conversation.

所以，为了坦诚面对克里斯·奈特的消逝，我每年都会回顾我们的愿望清单，然后问自己：今年的目标是什么？

So I, you know, in spirit of being open here to Chris Knight's demise, because I had this every year we go over our manifest list and I say, what are my goals for the year?

我向他解释说，我今年有一个关于癖好的目标。

And I was explaining to him that I had this kinks goal of the year.

我真的不想停止探索自己真正喜欢的东西。

Like I really wanna not be done figuring out what I love.

我会去尝试和探索各种可能性。

Like I'm gonna explore and whatever.

我在向他解释的时候说，你需要知道些什么呢？我试着和瓦内萨进行这样的对话。

I was explaining to him and I said, what do you need to like, I tried to do the conversation, Vanessa.

她问：‘你需要知道什么？’

Was like, what do you need to know?

他说：‘事情是这样的。’

And he's like, well, here's the thing.

我觉得你说得非常清楚。

And I think it's very clear what you said.

你可以多次说不，然后他们就再也不问了。

Like, you can say no so many times and then they just stop asking.

他说，如果你穿了一套衣服，我

He's like, if you put an outfit on, I

会说他喜欢这套衣服。

will say he loves an outfit.

他喜欢乳贴。

He loves a pasty.

喜欢一套衣服。

Loves an outfit.

他喜欢丰盛的自助餐。

He loves a full smorgasbord.

我就像，我不想你不明白我的意思吗？

And I'm like, I I don't wanna not you know what I mean?

但他却说，如果你穿了一套衣服，我就知道，时候到了，我能明白。

But he's like, if you put an outfit on, then I know, like, it's go time and I'll know.

我当时就说，天哪。

And I was like, oh my god.

好吧。

Okay.

但话说回来，这全都是我的责任。

But like, then again, it's all on me.

我得去买一套衣服。

Like, I gotta get the outfit.

弗雷德里克斯之好莱坞已经花掉我太多钱了。

Fredericks of Hollywood has taken enough of my goddamn money.

就买一次那种又痒又扎、还让我得尿路感染的无裆内裤吧。

Like, get a one time only itchy, cratchy, giving me a UTI, crotchless panty.

我都累了，你知道的？

Like, I am tired, you know?

所以，对不起。

So Sorry.

不管怎样，你先

Anyway, put you