LG速递：Liz Moody的懒人小妙招

LadyGang，我想说，非常感谢你们对我新书《给不再想当老好人的人的自助指南》的支持。

LadyGang, I wanted to say I am so thankful for all your support of my new book, The Self Help for People Who Are Done Being the Bigger Person.

这本书目前在fthembook.com上销售中。

It is on sale right now at fthembook.com.

我想解释一下出版界的一个情况：预售真的很重要。

I wanted to explain something about the publishing world that preorders really matter.

我只有三周的时间来为这本书争取一些预售，这决定了出版社是否会去Target、Walmart、Barnes & Noble以及你们当地的独立书店推广。

I literally have three weeks to get some pre orders on this book, and that's how the publisher goes out to Target and Walmart and Barnes and Noble and all your indie booksellers.

他们基本上会说：嘿，这本书有点热度了。

And they basically say, hey, there's a little heat on this book.

你愿意在The Grove的Barnes & Noble买10本吗？

Would you buy 10 for your Barnes and Noble at The Grove?

你愿意在你的独立书店买10本吗？

Would you buy 10 for your Indy?

这很疯狂，因为这本书十一月才正式出版，但未来几周的订单真的、真的至关重要。

It's crazy because the book is published in November, but the orders over the next few weeks really, really matter.

如果你打算支持我并购买这本书，如果你能尽早下单，我会非常感激。

If you're planning on supporting me and you're planning on getting the book, if you could do it now sooner than later, I would appreciate it so much.

fthembook.com。

Fthembook.com.

我还提供了各种预售奖励，其中之一是免费加入K型集体，我将在全年亲自担任你的教练，为书的发布做准备。

And I offered all these pre order bonuses, and one of them is to get into the K Type Collective where I'm literally gonna be your personal coach all year long leading up into the book launch for free.

每周三，你都会收到我布置的作业。

Every Wednesday, you're gonna get homework for me.

可能是社交媒体方面的。

It could be social media.

也可能是关于金钱的。

It could be money.

也可能是情感方面的。

It could be emotional.

到了周日，我会检查并完成所有工作，告诉你我的看法，并提供个性化的反馈。

And then on Sunday, I'm gonna review it and do all of the work and tell you what I think and give you my personalized feedback.

我们还会每月在Zoom上举行一次问责会议，以便大家聊天。

And we're gonna have once monthly accountability meetings as well on Zoom so we can all chat.

我对这个新时代感到非常兴奋。

I'm really excited about this new era.

LadyGang不会消失，但感谢你们的支持。

LadyGang isn't going anywhere, but thank you for your support.

Fmbook.com。

Fmbook.com.

该来个快速环节了。

It's time for a quickie.

Podcast One为您呈现Lady Gang——好莱坞女孩帮派，带来Lady Gang快速环节。

Podcast one presents the lady gang, the Hollywood girl posse with lady gang quickie.

以下是Kelty Knight、Becca Tobin和Jack Vanick。

Here's Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanick.

咱们快点吧。

Let's make this quick.

你好。

Hello.

你好。

Hello.

你好。

Hello.

我是凯尔蒂·奈特。

This is Kelty Knight.

按照典型的LadyGang风格，贝卡·托宾的电脑开不了机，她稍后会加入我们。

In typical LadyGang fashion, Becca Tobin's computer won't turn on, so she's gonna be joining us in a little bit.

但我先来做个介绍，因为今天这期节目让我非常兴奋。

But I'm gonna do our introduction because I'm very excited about today's episode.

她真是个和我志同道合的女生。

It's really a girl after my own heart.

如果你曾经试图用一杯绿色果汁、一个新计划本和早上6点的作息来改变生活，结果却越搞越糟，那么今天的嘉宾就是为你准备的。

If you have ever tried to fix your life with a green juice, a new planner, and a 6AM routine only to spiral, Today's guest is for you.

她真的太可爱了。

She is so lovely.

她是《Liz Moody播客》的主持人。

She's the host of the Liz Moody Podcast.

她是一位畅销书作者，基本上是互联网上那位教你如何好好生活、又不假装人生必须完美的大姐姐。

She's a bestselling author and basically the Internet's big sister for getting your shit together without pretending that life has to be perfect.

她致力于拆解幸福、人际关系、心理健康背后的科学，探索真正能让你感觉良好的方法，而不仅仅是让你看起来更好。

She's built a career breaking down the science of happiness, relationships, mental health, and what actually works to make you feel good, not just look good.

她采访过各种顶尖专家，测试各种习惯，提出我们所有人深夜两点偷偷想问Chad的那些尖锐问题。

And she's interviewed all kinds of top experts testing the habits, asked uncomfortable questions that all of us are secretly asking Chad at 2AM.

所以今天我们要深入探讨：为什么我们都这么疲惫？

And so today we're diving into why are we all exhausted?

为什么倦怠成了新常态？

Why is burnout the new normal?

为什么我们总在过度优化自己的生活？

Why are we over optimizing our lives?

到底什么才能让我们真正快乐？

What actually makes us happy?

如果你准备好接受一种零毒鸡汤的智慧自我提升，让我们欢迎女士帮派的成员——莉兹·穆迪。

If you're ready for a smarter self help with zero toxic positivity, let's please welcome to the lady gang, Liz Moody.

哇哦。

Woo hoo.

你们写的这段开场白吗？

That did you guys write that intro?

这是出自我们吗？

Did that come from us?

因为这简直就是我的理想开场白。

Because that's like my dream intro.

太完美了。

That was perfect.

不是。

No.

是我写的。

I wrote it.

这太棒了。

This is amazing.

这叫TNI，给你了解一下。

That's called TNI for you.

我以写作闻名。

I'm known for my writing.

我的开场白。

I mean, my intros.

我感觉被理解了，非常感谢。

I feel very seen, and I appreciate it.

在她分享我们的懒人生活小技巧之前，我想跟大家介绍一下Liz的播客。

So I wanna tell you guys about Liz's podcast before she gets into our lazy girl life hacks.

我通过一个我参与的播客群认识了Liz，除了做那上千件事之外，她还为我们运营这个群组。

I met Liz through this podcasting group that I'm a part of, and she in addition to doing the 1,000 things she does, she like runs this group for us.

我们最近刚吃了一顿饭，饭后我对自己发誓要回去重新听一下。

And I we had recently had a dinner and after the dinner, I made a promise to myself I was gonna go back and revisit.

我认识这么多播客主，之前也听过你的播客，但我想回去支持那些参加晚餐的女生们，重新听每一位播客主的一集。

I knew so many of these podcasters and I'd listened to your podcast before, but I was like, I wanna go back and support the girls that were at this dinner and relisten to one episode of each one of these podcasters.

后来我在纽约的时候，正在听Liz的播客，她正在聊闲聊，而我最讨厌闲聊了。

And I ended up I was in New York and I was listening to an episode of Liz's podcast and she was talking about small talk, which I hate.

我当时正在时装周，心想：无论我去哪儿，别人都会问：你是谁？你做什么的？

I literally and I was in the middle of fashion week and I was like, everywhere I go, people are like, who are you and what do you do?

我就想：这正是我不愿出门的原因——如果你不认识我，你就不该来了解我。

And I was like, I this is why I don't leave my house because I don't wanna like, if you don't know me, if you don't know, you don't get to know.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

Liz在她的播客里给出了一个革命性的建议。

And Liz had this revolutionary advice on her podcast.

这集真的太棒了。

It is such a good episode.

这周我会在我们的通讯中附上这个链接，她说：走上前去对每个人说，你现在最兴奋的一件事是什么？

I will link it in our newsletter this week where she says, walk up to everyone and say, what's one thing you're like super excited about right now?

你目前真正感到兴奋的是什么？

Like, what are you really excited about right now?

整个时装周期间我都这么做了。

And I did it for all of fashion week.

我从未与陌生人建立过如此深厚的联系，获得了更多对我自身成功有用的有趣信息，也受到了更多启发。

I've never bonded more with strangers, got more interesting intel that I can use for my own success, and like was more inspired.

效果简直好得出奇。

It was crazy good.

你做播客的方式真是绝妙的日常女孩小技巧。

Like what you're doing on your podcast is such good everyday girly hacks.

我觉得你太聪明了。

I just think you're brilliant.

于是我跟Liz说：嘿，我想邀请你来LadyGang做客，她问：那你希望我聊些什么？

So then I said to Liz, hey, I want to have you on LadyGang and she's like, well, what do you want me to talk about?

她跟我说：‘那有没有什么偷懒的方法可以提升你的生活？’

And she goes, she said to me, what about like lazy ways to enhance your life?

我当时就说：‘老实说，就是杰克·范和比奇·托宾那种方式。’

And I was like, honestly, Jack Van and Beech Tobin like we are.

这个已经算进去了。

This is in.

就是，搞定了。

Was like, done.

所以，Liz，你为什么这么聪明？我们怎么才能既偷懒又过好生活？

So Liz, why are you so smart and how can we be lazy and also have a good life?

等等。

Wait.

好吧。

Okay.

首先，我想说我很喜欢那期关于闲聊的节目，也很高兴它帮到了你，因为这对我来说意义重大。

So first of all, I wanna say I love the small talk episode and I'm so glad that it helped you because that's so close to my heart.

我也讨厌闲聊。

I hate small talk as well.

我喜欢直接切入主题，问：你最大的恐惧是什么？

I like to go in and be like, what's your biggest fear?

还有，你认为生命的意义是什么？

And, like, what do you think the meaning of life is?

从那期节目里，我还用了一个我一直都在用的技巧。

There's one other tip from that episode that I use all of the time.

所以我想分享一下，如果

So I just wanna share it if

你们不介意的话。

you guys are okay with it.

好的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

我非常喜欢读历史书籍。

This is so I read I love reading history books.

它们帮助我理解现代社会，也让我真实地对所处的时代感觉更好——我们生活的这个时代看似前所未有，实际上却有着大量先例。

They help me make sense of, like, the modern world, and they make me feel honestly a lot better about the times, the unprecedented times that are in fact very, very precedented that we are living in.

我正在读一本关于维多利亚时代生活的书，书中提到一个小小的细节：维多利亚时代的女士们参加晚宴时，会带着一些预先准备好的谈话话题，这被视为她们作为上层阶级女性的职责之一。

And I was reading this book about Victorian life, and it said that it was just like a little aside, but it was like Victorian ladies essentially came to dinner parties armed with conversational topics that was considered part of their duties as these, like, upper class Victorian ladies.

我当时就想，哦，我也可以像个维多利亚时代的女士一样。

And I was like, oh, I could be like a Victorian lady.

所以每当我置身于派对、晚餐或新场合时，我总会提前听一档播客或读一本书，并在心里把内容转化成一个问题：你觉得这个话题怎么样？

So whenever I'm putting myself in an environment like a party or a dinner or a new event, I always have, like, a podcast that I listen to or a book that I listen to, and I've already framed it into a question in my head of like, oh, what do you think about this topic?

我刚刚听了一档关于这个的播客，它对我帮助很大，因为它消除了我对对话冷场的焦虑和不安。

I was just listening to a podcast about this, and it's so helpful for me because it takes away that anxious, fluttery feeling of what if the conversation runs dry.

我会想，那这个话题呢？

I'm like, oh, well, what about this?

你觉得这个怎么样？

What do you think about this?

所以，做一个维多利亚时代的女士，虽然在很多方面不是这样，但就这一点而言，是我从这期节目中最喜欢的建议。

So be like a Victorian lady is my other not in many ways, but in that one particular way is my other favorite tip from that episode.

这太聪明了。

That's so smart.

这太聪明了。

That's so smart.

因为我觉得，尤其是那些内向、害怕外出、在陌生人面前会极度焦虑的人。

Because I feel like especially people that are introverted and like, dread going out and like get so anxious when they're around new people.

这看起来有点像取巧，但却是种很好的取巧方式。

It's like, you wouldn't think that that'd be like, it seems kind of like a cheat in a way but a good cheat.

但没人想聊天气。

But everybody want like everybody doesn't want to talk about the weather.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

每个人都希望进行一场愉快的对话。

Everybody else wants to have a good conversation too.

所以他们心里会想，谢天谢地你提了个有趣的话题，你根本不需要谈什么严肃的内容。

So they are just like, thank God you brought up something interesting and you can just and it doesn't have to be a serious topic.

比如最近，我手机里存着《美国超模大赛》的纪录片，一提起来，大家都迫不及待想聊。

Like recently, I've had America's Next Top Model documentary in my pocket and I bring that up and everybody's dying to talk about it.

你可以谈谈审美标准，以及这些年来我们如何改变了文化对话。

You can talk about beauty standards and how we've shift the cultural conversation over the years.

这能引出非常有趣的内容。

It can lead to really interesting stuff.

这对我也有帮助，因为我的生活方式主要有两种：一种是围绕我自己，我像个自恋者。

And this also helps me because I I have two main ways that I go into life which is either it's about me and I'm a narcissist.

所以我总是觉得，我就站在那儿。

So I'm expecting that I'm like standing there.

我跟人打招呼：嗨。

I'm like, Hi.

我会想，快问我关于我的事吧，因为这可是我最感兴趣的话题。

I'm like, Ask me about me because that's like my favorite topic.

所以这是第一点。

So that's like number one.

第二点是我太容易一下子深入了。

And number two is I go way too deep too fast.

有一次我在这档播客里提到过，当时我在迪拜，和艾伦·波莫一起去看碧昂丝的演唱会。

Like there was this time I I've talked about this on the podcast, but I was in Dubai and I was with Ellen Pompeo at the Beyonce concert.

我从来没见过艾伦·波莫，但一直是她的粉丝。

And like I never met Ellen Pompeo, but I've like been a fan forever.

我花了很多时间跟她丈夫相处，因为他和我丈夫一样都在音乐行业工作。

And I had spent a lot of time with her husband because he's also in the music business alongside my husband.

当我第一次在这家豪华酒店的大堂见到艾伦·波莫时，

And like I'm meeting Ellen Pompeo in like the lobby of this ritzy hotel for the first time.

我跟她说：‘嗨，我是凯尔蒂。’

And I was like, hey, I'm Kelty.

然后我就问：‘你们俩为什么能在一起这么长时间？’

And I was like, why do you think you guys have been together so long?

你们从来没离过婚。

Like, you've never got divorced.

那是我问她的第一个问题，仅此而已。

That was the first question that I asked her only

采访问题。

interview question.

也就是

Which

等等。

is Wait.

就像

Like

她是怎么回答的？

What did she how did she respond?

因为我觉得我也会超爱这个问题。

Because I feel like I would love that.

她其实一点都不生气。

She'd honestly, she wasn't mad.

她非常冷静。

She was very cool.

她当时

She was

就是，你知道，我觉得你只是学会和某人一起建立生活，她就这么做了，但她本身也是一个非常有名的人。

just like, you know, I think you just learn to, like, build a life with like, she she did it, but also like she's a really famous person.

所以我觉得这真的很令人震惊。

So I think it was like very alarming.

我觉得一个普通人参加派对时会说，随便吧。

I think a regular normal person at a party would be like whatever.

但我问的是 Meredith Grey，她在迪拜的关系。

But like I'm asking like Meredith Grey, like her relation in Dubai.

我们都处在一种奇怪的境地。

We're all in like a weird.

然后我还真的在飞机上看到她了。

And then I like also was on the I saw her on the plane.

我以为我们已经是朋友了，因为我碰了碰她裹着的羊绒披肩，心想，我们都坐在豪华的阿联酋商务舱里。

I thought we were already friends because I touched her like cashmere wrap she was wrapped in and I was like, we're all in like the fancy Emirates business class.

我当时想，是啊，我们其实是一样的，但又不一样，不管怎样。

I was like, yeah, we're the same but like we're not this anyway.

好吧。

Okay.

懒人生活小妙招。

So lazy life hacks.

懒人生活小妙招。

Lazy life hacks.

是的。

Yeah.

我

I

想偷懒，但我想把这柠檬榨出汁来。

wanna be lazy, but I wanna juice that lemon.

所以这有点

So this is kind

像我整个品牌的核心理念：我们做事情不应该是为了做而做。

of what my entire brand is about, which is we should not do things just for the sake of doing things.

没人会因为你拥有最完美的晨间routine而给你颁奖。

Like, nobody's gonna give you an award for having the best morning routine.

晨间routine的意义在于为你想要的一天、想要的感受做好铺垫。

The point of a morning routine is to set yourself up for the day that you wanna have, the way that you wanna feel that day.

你生活中每一件事都应该有其背后的理由。

Every single thing that you include in your life should have some sort of why associated with it.

这听起来显而易见，但当我们刷Instagram、听播客时，很容易忘记：如果那个人在做这件事，而且在Instagram上看起来很棒，那我也应该这么做。

And that feels obvious, but it's so easy to forget when we're scrolling on Instagram and listening to podcasts, and you're like, well, if that person's doing this thing and they look like that on Instagram, then I should be doing it too.

所以我认为，我努力要做的就是帮助人们弄清楚，哪些事情真正能改变他们的生活，而哪些事情只是占用了他们的时间，却并未带来他们期望的影响。

So I think that a lot of what I'm trying to do is help people suss out what are the things that are gonna actually move the needle in their lives and what are the things that maybe they're spending time on that aren't actually having the impact that they wanna have.

比如嘴贴。

Like mouth tape.

我不需要晨间工作间。

I don't need a morning shed.

我不需要晨间工作间。

I don't need a morning shed.

我打算

I'm gonna

用成人保持器拿出我的手机，然后我会把它拼起来。

take out my phone by adult retainer and then I'm gonna piece the out.

嘴贴主要被用作一种诊断工具。

Mouth tape is largely used as a diagnostic tool.

如果你真的去问问牙医和气道专家，他们会说，你贴上嘴贴后，如果还能呼吸，能整夜安睡，那你就会意识到，哦，原来如此。

If you actually talk to dentists and airway specialists about it so that you'll put it on and if you can breathe and, like, sleep through the night with it on, then you usually you're like, oh, okay.

你的气道运作良好。

Your airway is working well.

你能通过鼻子呼吸，等等等等。

You're able to breathe through your nose, etcetera, etcetera.

每天晚上都使用它可能会有帮助，但很多人强迫自己使用，而实际上他们的身体在说：我的气道并不是这样打开的，这可能真的有危险。

Using it every single night, it can be helpful, but a lot of people are forcing themselves to use it when actually their body's like, my airway isn't open in this way and that can be actually dangerous.

我并不是

You're like, I'm not

被连接上。

getting joined.

她正在玩手机。

She's on her phone.

她的电脑打开了。

Her computer turned on.

莉兹来了，我们刚一开始聊关于‘懒人女孩’的生活小技巧，因为我们不可能事事亲为。

Liz is here and we're just we're just starting to talk about lazy girl life hacks because we can't do it all.

好的。

Okay.

所以我提到嘴部胶带，但Liz，我们喜欢的每件事都得有个目的。

So I said mouth tape, but Liz, what else do we like everything needs a purpose.

我们到底需要什么？

What do we actually need?

是的。

Yeah.

我认为最重要的是先定义：我想做的第一件事，是明确你任何一项爱好最基础的要求。

So I think the big thing is to define the first thing I would do is I would define the bare minimum of any single hobby that you want to do.

如果你想要锻炼，那就想想：我理想的锻炼是什么？

So if you want to workout be like, what is my ideal workout?

但同时，我最基础的锻炼是什么？

But then also what is my bare minimum workout?

也许你最基础的锻炼就是坚持平板支撑二十秒，或者做五个开合跳，把它真正变成一个最低标准。

Maybe your bare minimum workout is you hold the plank for twenty seconds or you do five jumping jacks and make it like actually a bare minimum.

在那些你实在没法去健身房、没法完成最佳训练计划的日子里，至少你还有个可以退而求其次的选择。

And then on the days where you don't do, you can't like get yourself to the gym, you can't get yourself to do your optimal routine, at least you have something to fall back on.

我觉得这个道理也适用于健康饮食。

I think of this for healthy eating too.

我有个五分钟就能搞定的晚餐，是我常吃的。

I have like a five minute dinner that is my go to.

不管我多累，我都能为自己做出这顿饭。

I know no matter how tired I am, I can make this dinner for me.

就是那种冷冻蔬菜配炒蛋的组合。

It's like a frozen veggie scrambled egg situation.

但关键是，这顿饭完全不用动脑思考。

But like that is if if I don't have to think about it.

所以，你想要养成的任何习惯——比如冥想——你的最低限度流程是什么？

So any habit that you wanna have, you wanna meditate, what is your absolute minimum routine?

如果你想改善与伴侣的关系，拥有更好的性生活，那它的最低版本是什么？

If you wanna enhance a relationship with your partner and have a better sex life, what's the minimum version of that?

你想要融入的每一个习惯，它的最低版本是什么？

What is the minimum version of any single habit that you're trying to incorporate?

这太聪明了，因为当你想到新年决心为何总是失败时，是因为人们设定了那些根本不可能实现的宏大目标。

And that's so smart because it's like when you think about New Year's resolutions and how they all fail, it's because people have these lofty goals that they're never gonna accomplish at all.

这就像为自己设定一些在实际生活中真正可达成的目标。

It's like setting yourself up for something that's like actually attainable in your life.

我觉得这太聪明了，因为你真的会去做那二十秒的平板支撑之类的动作。

I think that's so smart because you'll actually do that twenty second plank or whatever it is.

我觉得这非常有趣。

I think it's so interesting.

我们经常谈论如何为自己创造成功的条件，这确实有道理，但为自己设定失败的条件也同样重要。

We talk about so much setting ourselves up for success and I think there's validity in that, but setting ourselves up for failure is equally important.

所以，既要思考最低限度的版本是什么，以便避开失败，也要意识到，关于实现目标的研究很多，我们更应该关注那些很可能遇到的障碍，并想象如何绕过它们。

So both what is the lowest possible version look like so you can avoid that failure, avoid that version, but also thinking about there's so much research on attaining our goals, and we really want to look at the obstacles that we're gonna likely run into and picture how we're gonna circumvent those obstacles.

因此，我认为，像思考成功一样思考失败，会非常有帮助。

So I think thinking about the failures as much as the as the successes can be really, really helpful.

确实如此。

Definitely.

我们为什么这么累？

Why are we so exhausted?

为什么我们这么疲惫？

Like, why are we so tired?

为什么我们非得做到最低限度？

Why are why do we even need to be like bare minimum?

就连我这种属于女性团体里的那种人，现在也进入了最低限度模式。

Because even me as the k type of the lady gang, like, I'm in my bare minimum era.

我以前太拼命当女强人了，简直飞得太靠近太阳。

Like, I I girlbossed way too close to the sun for too long.

我现在累了，只想知道今天最少要做多少事，就能在日历上打个勾，算作完成了一天？

I'm tired now, and I'm like, what is the least amount of work I can do today and still, like, consider it a check mark day in the calendar?

比如，

Like,

我也累了，莉兹。

I'm tired, Liz.

我觉得我们做了很多消耗我们的事，却很少做那些能让我们恢复活力的事，而且我们对自己关于什么能让我们恢复活力有着很多错误的想象。

I think we're doing a lot of the things that drain us and not very many of the things that fill us up, and we're telling ourselves a lot of stories about what filling ourselves up looks like.

所以，比如我经历了一天特别累的事情后，就会想，好吧。

So, like, I'll have a really hard day, and then I'll be like, okay.

我就要在沙发上瘫着了。

I'm just gonna rot on the couch.

别跟我讲话，我就刷社交媒体。

Nobody talk to me, and I'll scroll on social media.

但刷社交媒体根本无法让我恢复精力，而和人聊天虽然一开始感觉更难一点，需要跨过一点心理障碍，却能真正让我重新充满能量。

And scrolling on social media is not actually replenishing me in any way, whereas talking to a person, while it feels a little bit harder, there's a little bit more of a hurdle to get over initially, would fill me up again.

我觉得我们一遍又一遍地在做这种事。

And I think we're doing that over and over and over.

我们还生活在一个信息泛滥、坏消息不断的世界里，很多人在日常生活中都感到无力和缺乏掌控感。

We're also living in this cesspool of information and bad news, and a lot of us feel really disempowered and lacking agency in our day to day lives.

我觉得这也会让人感到非常非常疲惫。

And I think that that can feel really, really draining as well.

除此之外，还有经济问题。

And then on top of that, there's, like, the economy.

我想非常明确地告诉人们：人们并不认为自己感到精疲力尽和极度疲惫的情绪是合理的。

And I wanna I want to say very clearly to people, I think that people don't feel valid in their feelings of feeling really burnt out and really exhausted.

造成这种状态的原因很多，资本主义体系中有很多力量希望你感到疲惫、停滞、耗尽、无力，觉得你无法掌控自己的生活，也无法感觉更好。

And there's a lot contributing to that, and there's a lot of forces at play in capitalism that want you to feel burnt out and stuck and exhausted and disempowered and like you can't take control of your life and you can't feel better.

嗯。

Mhmm.

我每天都这样感觉。

I feel that all the time.

我总觉得，是不是到了四十岁就会这样？

Like I am feeling very much I don't know, is it something about being forties?

社会 basically 在告诉我：你已经过了巅峰期，再也不会漂亮了。

Like I don't know, where basically society is telling me like you're past your prime, you'll never be beautiful again.

你唯一的希望就是穿得更好、赚更多钱，或者得到这些东西。

The only hope you have is if you put together a better outfit or like make more money or get these things.

你懂我的意思吧？

You know what I mean?

我当时就想，我什么都有了。

And I was like, I have all the things.

我真的什么都有了，但还是没觉得好起来。

Like, I literally have all the things and I still don't quite feel better.

关于这一点，你学到了什么？

What have you learned about that?

我的意思是，我们真的很少谈论三十多岁末和四十岁这段时期，它是我们如何看待自己、以及社会告诉我们自身价值的转折期。

I mean, I think that our honestly, we don't talk enough about how our late thirties and our forties are this time of transition in terms of how we view ourselves and the value that society tells us that we have.

我今年39岁。

I've I'm 39.

在这段时间里，我对自己的自我形象感到非常惊讶，因为你总能看到那些新闻文章，讲的是好莱坞明星们说：‘我的四十岁是我人生最好的时光。’

I've been really surprised by my own self image during this time because I feel like you see all these news articles with, like, Hollywood celebrities, and they're like, my forties were the best time of my life.

我才不在乎呢。

I didn't give a fuck or whatever.

我一直在挣扎，比如，当街上没有人对我吹口哨时，这意味着什么？

And I've really struggled with, like, what you know, if men aren't catcalling me as I'm walking across the street.

当我想到自己的生育能力在下降，诸如此类的事情时，我在社会中究竟处于什么位置？

And if I'm thinking about my fertility waning and things like that, like, where do I fit in in society?

但我还远不是那种睿智的长者，我仍然在努力抓住一些东西，这个过渡期真的很难熬，我觉得我们应当更多地谈论它的艰难之处。

But I'm not quite like the wizened older person yet, and I'm still I think that trying to cling a little bit, that transition period is really tricky, and I think we could give a lot more voice to how tricky that is.

而且我认为，我们生活在一个系统中，这个系统设计得让我们时时刻刻都在关注自己的外表。

And I think that we, again, we live in this system that's really designed to get us to think about how we look at all the at every single moment of our lives.

我现在正盯着自己的脸看。

I'm staring at my face right now.

以前从来不是这样的。

That was never the case.

五年前，我们并没有花那么多时间盯着自己的脸看。

Like, five years ago, we were not spending all of our time staring at our faces.

整形外科医生过去常收到一些患者带来的照片，他们想让自己看起来像某个名人。

Plastic surgeons used to get pictures of people coming in and wanting to look like a celebrity.

现在人们上传的照片，是那些试图看起来像网络版自己的人，像是经过Facetune美化后的自己，这令人恐惧。

Now we get pictures of they they get pictures of people trying to look like a Internet version of themselves, like a Facetune version of themselves, which is horrifying.

所以我认为有几件事。

So I think a few things.

第一，我们可以丰富我们的身份认同。

One, I think we can diversify our identities.

我们很多人往往只认同某一种身份，比如母亲、公司老板，或者有吸引力的人。

A lot of us identify as sort of one thing, whether it's a mom or a boss at a company or attractive.

我认为，我们为自己的身份划分的类别越多，面对这些身份中任何一部分的挑战时，就会过得越好。

And I think that the more buckets we put our identity in, the better time we're gonna have with challenges to any parts of those identities.

另外，也要考虑 offline，我知道这很难，要回到现实世界——回到之前聊到的闲聊话题，我一直在思考这个问题：我们让自己变得很难应对生活中那些有摩擦、有难度的事情。

And then also, think getting offline, I know that it's hard, and getting into the real world, which going back to the small talk conversation, this is something I've been thinking a lot about is we've set ourselves up to have a very hard time with friction with doing things that are difficult in our lives.

你可以通过Uber Eats点餐，二十分钟内就能吃到饭。

So you can order from Uber Eats and you can have your food there in like twenty minutes.

你可以在线上和人交流，却从不需要面对面交谈。

You can talk to people online and never have to talk to them in person.

你可以刷社交媒体，感觉像是在进行社交互动，但根本不需要说个妙语连珠的笑话，或者读懂任何社交暗示。

You you can scroll on social media and feel like you're getting social interaction, but you never have to like make a sparkling joke or read a cue or anything like that.

这种对摩擦的抗拒，让我们不再像过去那样投入精力去培养和维持现实生活中的关系，因为关系需要摩擦。

And that aversion to friction is making it so that we're not putting in the effort to cultivate and to maintain our real life relationships in the way that we used to because relationships require friction.

它们需要摩擦——我两天前和一个朋友进行了一次特别艰难的对话，我当时就想，天啊，要是待在家里，和网上那些假人互动该多轻松啊。

They require I just had a really difficult conversation with a friend like two days ago, And I was like, man, this would be so much easier to sit at home and engage with all of the fake people on the Internet.

但那才是问题的核心。

But that's that's the meat of it.

我认为，再次强调，真正能充实我们的、强化我们身份的，正是穿越这些摩擦障碍，培养现实生活中的关系。

And I think, again, that's the stuff that's gonna fill our cup that's gonna reinforce our identity is pushing through those friction barriers and cultivating those real life relationships.

天啊，这太对了。

God, that's so true.

真的太对了。

It's so true.

实际上，我特别欣赏贝卡的一点是，自从我认识她以来，她总能把自己放进不同的身份容器里——尽管她是演员、是妈妈、是播客主持人、是妻子，还有这么多身份。

I actually this one of the things that I really respect about Becca is that she since I've known her, she's able to like put herself in her own cups like even though she's an actress she's a mom and she's a podcast like and she's a wife and all these things.

但我觉得，贝卡，你从来不像我，你太专注于自己的单一角色了，一点都不灵活。

But like, I never felt like you Becca, you like, you were so deep in your own one hole that you weren't malleable.

你感觉不到自己还能成为别的样子，而我呢，我会变成不同的角色——我是电视主持人。

Like you didn't feel like you could be anything else whereas like I turn into I'm like I am this, I'm a TV host.

就是这样。

That's it.

我就只能是这个身份，这才是唯一重要的，你知道吗？

That's all I can be and that's the only thing that matters, you know?

嗯，我的情况是源于知道自己其实挺擅长很多事情的。

Well, think mine came out of just like knowing that I was just kind of good at a lot of things.

就像，我从来没真正想过，那叫什么来着？

Like, I never really like the what is it?

样样通，样样松。

Master of none.

我只是样样通，样样松。

Like, I just Jack of all trades, master of none.

我觉得这并不是真的有意为之。

Like, I don't think it was it was really intended.

但有趣的是，你刚才提到，比如成为那个有吸引力的人之类的身份。

But you know what's interesting is you were saying, like, the the identity of like being the attractive one or whatever.

我有很多朋友，尤其是当我还是个演员的时候。

Like, I have so many friends, especially growing up and being an actress.

我从来不是每个场合里最漂亮的女孩。

I've I was never like the hottest girl in every room.

嗯。

Like Mhmm.

我一直想成为红毯上最美丽的女孩。

And I always wanted to be the most beautiful girl in every red carpet.

我真的很感激自己从未为此努力，因为那对我来说根本不现实。

And I'm actually so grateful that I was never I was never striving for it because it just was not realistic for me.

但我现在看着我那些四十多岁的朋友们，她们曾经是红毯上最火、最美的女孩，那是她们人生中最重要的身份标签。

But I'm watching all of my friends in their forties that they were the girl that was the hottest, most beautiful on the red carpet, and that was their identity in the bucket that they filled the most.

我现在看到他们正经历最大的挣扎，因为他们没有在其他方面充实自己，只专注于这一件事。

And I'm seeing that they're struggling the most right now because they didn't fill those buckets anywhere else because they were so good at this one thing.

是的。

Yeah.

所以我的情况是个意外之喜。

So mine was a happy accident.

我的意思是，二十多岁时我身高只有五英尺三英寸，在红毯上感觉糟透了。

I mean, I hated it in my twenties when I was five foot three and felt like shit on a red carpet.

现在我感觉棒极了，因为我一直都很普通，你知道的，我们就只是普通人。

Now I feel incredible because I'm like, I've always just been medium, you know, like, here we are being medium.

我完全有同样的感受。

I literally feel the exact same way.

我一直以来都为身材形象困扰，年轻时从不觉得自己有魅力，但最近我才开始感觉身体更自在了，意识到我其实并没有失去什么，因为年轻时我根本没觉得自己好。

Like I always struggled with like body image and like I never thought that I was that attractive when I was younger and only recently, how have I felt, like better in my own body that I'm like, I'm actually not losing anything because I did not feel good when I was younger.

当你谈到寻找身份和其他方面时，我也在去年开始学艺术了。

And when you were talking about finding identity and different things, too, I recently started doing art over the last year.

我正在写一本书。

And I'm also writing a book.

我和我丈夫聊过这件事，我很庆幸自己在做两件事。

And I had a conversation with my husband about it that I'm like, I'm so glad that I'm doing two things.

我对两件与外貌无关的事情充满热情。

And I'm passionate about two things that have nothing to do with what I look like.

真的完全无关。

Like it has nothing.

我不在镜头前。

I'm not in front of a camera.

我根本不会看自己。

I am not looking at myself at all.

做这些事的时候我不需要化妆。

I don't have to put makeup on for any of it.

我可以以这些方式纯粹地表达我的创造力，正如你所说，我觉得这非常重要，尤其是对女性而言。

And I can kind of express my way creatively in these avenues that like are purely creative, I guess, to your point, I think that's so such an important thing, especially for women.

我最喜欢的一项研究来自利维博士。

One of my favorite bits of research is from Doctor.

贝卡·利维，来自耶鲁大学。

Becca Levy at Yale.

她发现，如果我们对衰老持有积极的看法，比如认为衰老是生活中美好的一部分，我们实际上能多活七年半。

And she found that if we have posi we have positive beliefs about aging, like, view aging as a good thing in our lives, we literally add seven point five years to our lives.

所以，真的是实实在在的七年半，只要我们对衰老抱有积极的态度，就能延长这么多寿命。

So, like, in actuality, like, literal real years, seven point five years we get added if we have positive aging beliefs.

她说，我曾邀请她上我的播客，她说，实现这一点最好的方法是拥有积极的衰老榜样。

And she said, I had her on the podcast, and she said that the best way to do that is to have positive aging role models.

因此，我最近一直在有意识地做一件事：关注一些人。

So something I've been really consciously doing is following.

我最近在Instagram上关注了一位七十多岁的女性，或者听一些年长女性的播客，我努力去观察——看，这个人到了四十岁、五十岁、六十岁、七十岁，依然过着充实而精彩的生活。

I just felt like this woman in her seventies on Instagram, or I listened to podcasts with older women, and I just try to look at like, look, this person's in her I try to do it every age, like their forties, their fifties, their sixties, their seventies, living full exciting lives.

看，这个人五十多岁了，却彻底转变了职业道路。

Look, this person's in their fifties, and they completely shifted their career path.

他们开始了一项全新的事业。

They started something completely new.

这太棒了，它在我脑海中建立了可能性和实证，帮助我形成积极的衰老观念。

It's so cool, and it builds that sense of possibility and those proof points in my own brain, which helps me have those positive aging beliefs.

是的。

Yeah.

确实如此。

That's so true.

我知道。

I know.

太对了。

So true.

作为一个女孩，这世界真不容易。

It's hard out here for a girl.

你有没有过这样的经历：走进健身房，却因为交通糟糕、停车困难、接待员给你白眼，而立刻转身离开？

Have you ever walked into a gym and then you, like, literally turned around because you're already stressed because the traffic was bad, the parking was bad, the check-in lady gave you the eyes.

那里有 creepy 的男人盯着你看，而你的运动文胸上还沾着一点呕吐物或者婴儿吐的东西。

There's, like, creepy men staring at you, and you just have a little bit of throw up or baby throw up or something on your sports bra.

你心想，我只想放纵一下，但我知道我只有二十分钟，而且我非常坚持锻炼。

And you're like, I just wanna be gross, but I know I have twenty minutes, and I'm so committed to my fitness.

这就是为什么在我们家，我们有一台 Tonal。

That is why in the night household, we have a Tonal.

Tonal 在家中提供了一整套健身房的便利和私人教练的指导，只需一套简洁的系统。

Tonal provides the convenience of a full gym and the guidance of a personal trainer at home with one sleek system.

让我告诉你一件事。

Now I'll tell you this.

去年，Tonal 我想我们是在疫情期间买的，它新增了普拉提功能，这简直是革命性的改变。

Last year, the Tonal, I think we've got ours in COVID, it added on Pilates, and it's a game changer.

我知道我的医生至少每周都会说一次，你要从普拉提器械上下来，去举重，而 Tonal 完全改变了这一点。

I know that my doctor is like, at least once a week, I want you to get off your Pilates reformer and be lifting heavy weights, and Tonal has absolutely changed the game for that.

它太可爱了。

It is so cute.

它提供实时指导。

It gives you real time coaching.

真是太棒了。

It's just amazing.

我喜欢力量训练。

I love the strength.

还有一些瑜伽。

There's some yoga.

还有一些很棒的灵活性训练。

There's some great mobility workouts.

目前，Tonal 正在为我们的女性听众提供 200 美元折扣，使用促销码 LADY。

So right now, Tonal is offering our lady gang listeners $200 off your Tonal purchase with promo code LADY.

访问 tonal.com。

That's tonal.com.

使用促销码 LADY 可享受 200 美元折扣。

Use promo code LADY for $200 off your purchase.

访问 tonal.com，使用促销码 LADY 可享受 200 美元优惠。

That's tonal.com promo code LADY for $200 off.

LadyGang 由 Progressive 保险公司赞助。

LadyGang is brought to you by Progressive Insurance.

你今天选择了收听这个播客。

You chose to hit plan this podcast today.

真是明智的选择。

Very smart choice.

Progressive 非常乐意帮助人们做出明智的决定。

And Progressive loves to help people make smart choices.

因此，他们提供了一个名为 AutoQuote Explorer 的工具。

That's why they offer a tool called AutoQuote Explorer.

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It allows you to compare your Progressive car insurance quote with rates from other companies, And that's gonna help you save time on research, and you can enjoy savings when you choose the best rate for you.

在本集结束后，请前往 progressive.com 试试看。

Give it a try after this episode at progressive.com.