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明白了。
Okay.
这正是时候。
Tis the season.
节假日到了，这一年里我用Chinet纸盘最多的就是这个时候。
It's the holiday season, which is where I use the Chinet brand the most in my life.
招待朋友家人，Chinet全都能搞定。
When it comes to entertaining friends and family, Chinet has you covered.
他们家的Chinet经典系列，结实耐用，不弯不漏，微波炉也能用，而且在美国制造，至少80%是回收材料做的。
They have their Chinet Classic Collection, which is durable, no bends or leaks, microwave safe, made with at least 80% recycled materials here in The USA.
想要更精致一点？选Chinet水晶系列，看着高档，但客人拿起来完全不拘束。
Chinet Crystal for a more elegant look, but it's elegant that your guests aren't afraid to touch.
不会碎，还有独特的旋纹设计，显得更有格调。
There is no shatter and a unique swirl design making it fancier.
Chinet舒适款自带隔热套，热饮比如苹果酒拿在手里不烫手，舒服得很。
The Chinet Comfort, that's got the built in sleeve that keeps drinks hot like apple cider and hands happy.
带盖子的，有12盎司和16盎司两种规格，随你选。
Snap on lid, they have 12 ounces or 16 ounces for whatever size you need.
也是在美国本地生产的。
Also made right here in The US.
收拾起来特别方便，还环保。
It's easy cleanup, environmentally conscious.
这个牌子真是想得面面俱到。
This brand has thought of everything.
不管是节日聚餐还是油腻的肋排，它都扛得住，微波炉能用，美国制造，减少运输碳足迹。
It's great for all of holidays gatherings, durable enough to handle the sauciest ribs, made to be microwave safe, made in The USA to cut down on transportation impact.
我们太喜欢这些了。
We love all this.
去mychannet.com看看，多备点，为你的节日聚会做准备。
Visit mychannet.com to find out more and stock up for your holiday gatherings.
用了它，你的生活会轻松好多。
It'll make your life so much easier.
我们特别在意的一点是，女性总是愿意回馈社会、支持他人。
Close to our heart is the belief that ladies give back and show up for others.
目前，全球有超过三亿的女性和女孩正经历月经贫困。
Right now, there are over 300,000,000 women and girls that live in period poverty across the world.
如果没有经期用品，她们常常不得不辍学，错失很多发展机会。
And without period care, they often stop going to school and miss out on economic opportunities.
所以我们站出来为她们发声。
So we're showing up for them.
我们和SALT可持续经期护理、AB公司合作，承诺每笔销售拿出2%的收益，用于捐赠经期用品和支持经期健康项目。
We've partnered with SALT Sustainable Period Care, AB Corp, with a 2% giveback mission to donate period care and help fund initiatives in menstrual health.
所以每次你在shop.theladygang.com通过Lady Gang下单，你都在帮助那些需要的女孩获得环保的经期用品——让她们的月经不成为学业的终点。
So each time you buy with Lady Gang at shop.theladygang.com, you're helping give girls in need planet saving period care so when their periods start, their education doesn't have to stop.
另外，去salt.com/pages/ladygang买你的经期用品，用优惠码LADYGANG还能享八五折。
Plus, go to salt.com/pages/ladygang for your own period care and get 15% off with code LADYGANG.
那这个是什么呀？
Well, what is this?
欢迎来到Lady Gang。
Welcome to the LADYGANG.
太棒了。
That's amazing.
再说一遍。
Say that again.
Lady Gang。
The LADYGANG.
这儿就要有大变化了。
Things are about change around here.
每周我们都会跟好莱坞最火的女生团体——凯尔蒂·奈特、贝卡·托宾和杰克·瓦尼克——聊聊。
Each week, we catch up with Hollywood's hottest girl posse, Kelty Knight, Becca Tobin, and Jack Vanic.
你好。
Hello.
你好。
Hello.
你好。
Hello.
欢迎来到LADYGANG。
Welcome to the LADYGANG.
我是贝卡·托宾，旁边是杰克·范尼克和凯尔蒂·奈特。
I am Becca Tobin here with Jack Vanic and Kelty Knight.
你好。
Hello.
嗨。
Hello.
上周我们惹麻烦了，因为我一边录节目一边低头看笔记。
We got in trouble last week because I was looking down at my notes during this.
结果被我们的员工亚历克斯训了一顿。
And, well, I got in trouble from our employee, Alex.
她说她当时就说：嘿。
She said she was like, hey.
你能抬头看看吗？
Can you look up?
因为你整个时间都在看笔记。
Because it's just like you looking at your notes the whole time.
但我其实是在翻所有发生过的事，想挑出最糟的那个。
But I'm, like, looking through all the things that happened, trying to pick the best terrible thing that happened.
所以我把它放这儿了。
So I put it over here.
你完全可以提前做好这些，再开始录播客。
You can definitely do that before we actually start recording the podcast.
我本来正想说呢，
I was actually
在我们采访切尔西的时候，我本来想问你来着。
going to ask you during our interview with Chelsea.
我知道你可能只是在看笔记，但看起来你当时在给她发消息。
I know you were probably referring to notes, but it looked like you were texting when she was talking.
所以我建议你把笔记放在电脑上，摆在面前。
So I was gonna say you should start putting your notes on your computer in front of you.
哦。
Oh.
大家都是这么做的，免得看起来对你说话的人不感兴趣。
That's what people do so that you don't look like you're, like, uninterested in what they're saying.
有意思。
Interesting.
我得回头看看。
I'm going back.
我刚才在跟亚历克斯发消息，因为她老会给我发提醒，说：嘿。
Was texting with Alex about because sometimes she'll send me notes being like, hey.
别忘了这事，或者公关那边说，别问她阴道的事，之类的。
Don't forget this or the pot the at the PR person is saying, like, don't ask about the her vagina or, like,
反正就是这类事吧。
whatever.
是的
Yeah.
不过这主意不错。
That's a good idea, though.
就把它们放在你的Zoom屏幕旁边。
Throw it throw them up right next to your Zoom thing.
对。
Yeah.
我可以直接放上去。
I I could put it right up.
现在我换了房间，感觉特别清爽。
And now that I'm in a new room, it's like I'm so fresh.
你真清爽。
You're so fresh.
对。
Yeah.
不了。
No.
我不想要，我天啊。
I don't want I've god.
希望我没惹她生气。
I hope I didn't piss her off.
对了，有个关于切尔西的有趣事儿。
Anyway, funny story about Chelsea.
那之后我们和她相处得特别开心。
So we had such a good time with her after that.
我们给代理写了信，我就说，我其实一直特别想送她一本她自己的书。
We wrote to the rep, and I was like, I just I've really always wanted her to have a copy of her book.
她根本不需要便利贴之类的东西。
She doesn't need a Post it or anything.
我们就想方设法给她弄了一本。
I just we tried to get her one.
我从LADYGANG那边给她发了五十万条私信，就想着等书一出来就给她寄一本。
Like, I DM'd her 500,000 times, I think, from LADYGANG being like, we wanna send you a book when the book came out.
那个公关人员说，她真的特别想要一本自己的书。
And the publicist was like, she absolutely wants a copy of the book.
所以我上周给她寄了一本，还附了张我们写的便条。
So I sent her a copy of the book last week, in the mail with, like, a little note from us.
我还顺手给她寄了十根小烟。
And then I also sent her 10 tiny joints.
天哪。
Oh my god.
太棒了。
Amazing.
我的天。
Oh my god.
因为我觉得这事儿特别暖心。
Because I was like, this is so nice.
她估计收到过太多了
Like, she probably gets so many
凯尔西，这些是随机从好礼袋里拿的吗？
Kelsey, where was this just, like, from a random goodie bag that you might have gotten?
不是。
No.
就是随便放那儿的。
It was lying around.
我不是特意去买那些小卷烟的。
I mean, I didn't go buy the joints.
那些小卷烟是有人寄来一箱给我们的。
The joints came to us in, a box.
我是被人送的，但它们还都包在塑料里呢。
Like, I got them given to me, but they were in the plastic and everything.
天啊。
Wow.
而且
And
我错过了三支赠品烟
I I missed three gift joints
给了切尔西。
to Chelsea.
我刚才问的就是这个。
That's what I was asking.
她肯定不会抽这些。
There's no way she's gonna smoke those.
不会。
No.
我不会，你不知道吗？
I wouldn't You don't know?
那又怎样？
So?
上面会不会贴个标签，说明是什么东西？
Were would there, like, a label of what they were?
是的。
Yeah.
对。
Yeah.
没错。
Yeah.
有标签的。
There's a label.
哦，我猜可能是……
Oh, I wonder it's a
大概来自Nug Club。
probably from Nug Club.
像那种小婴儿衣服。
Like a little baby clothes.
是的
Yeah.
就像个小婴儿卷卷。
It's like a little baby roll.
我就说Nug Club寄给我最好的卷烟了。
Just gonna say Nug Club sent me the best joints.
对。
Yeah.
就是这些。
Those are them.
不是。
No.
是的。
Yeah.
在那个小的
In the little The
黄色的盒子。
yellow boxes.
太疯了。
Are insane.
是的。
Yeah.
对。
Yeah.
好的。
Okay.
不错。
That's good.
干得漂亮，凯尔蒂。
Good job, Kelty.
其实，这正好是个很好的过渡。
Well, actually, this is a really good segue.
这正好
This is
接得特别巧，讲讲我这周的好事和糟心事。
a really great segue for my good week, bad week.
所以该说说
So it's time for
好事。
Good week.
对。
Yes.
没错。
It is.
糟心事。
Bad week.
天哪。
Oh, no.
咱们都知道凯尔蒂做事特着急。
So we all know Kelty makes hasty decisions.
你懂的。
You know?
她啊，就是个急性子。
She's a hasty, hasty woman.
急性子。
Hasty.
天哪，糟了。
Oh, no.
我完蛋了，各位。
I'm in trouble, guys.
你没事儿。
You're not in trouble.
你知道的，该写第二本书了。
I you know, it's second book time.
是时候出第二本书了。
It's second book time.
而且啊，这事说起来特别有意思。
And there's there's it's so funny.
不管我们一起接手什么项目，我和另外两个伙伴的做事风格从来都没变过。
Like, anytime we have a project, the three of us approach every project the same exact way.
就说Jack吧，她做事特别有条理，凡事都想得很周到，做一件事花的时间往往比实际需要的久得多，因为她总希望把所有细节都做得尽善尽美。
Like, Jack's style is very, very methodical and thought out, like, takes a lot longer than it should probably because she's very concerned about it being absolutely perfect.
是个完美主义者
A perfectionist.
特别追求完美的人
Perfectionist.
不管做什么创作项目都这样
Comes to any sort of a creative project.
对
Mhmm.
我总拖到最后一刻才交，给你的东西我知道，要是早点开始，肯定能做得更好，但眼下就只有这个时间、这个状态了。
I am wait until the very last second, and, like, I give you something that's I know that if I had started sooner, it could be better, but what I have is this moment and this amount of time.
所以呢，只能在现有时间里，做到最好了。
So it's gonna be what the best it can be with this amount of time.
对吧？
Right?
然后还有凯尔蒂，她会直接腾出八个月，跑去写作静修营，全身心扑进去，简直就是个创作天才。
And then there's Kelty, who will literally block out eight months of her life, go on writing retreats, do the thing, like really throw herself into the work, a creative genius, if you will.
我最好的朋友凯特·纳贾特·汤普森，帮我们润色了第一本书的语法和标点，那些小细节——我们一投入创作就容易忘掉句号、逗号啥的。
And my best friend, Kat Najat Thompson, who edited helped edit our first book, you know, for grammar errors, for, like, little things here and there because we get into the moment, and it gets tricky, and you forget a period or a comma or whatever, whatever, punctuation.
她呢，就负责给我们擦屁股，把稿子打磨得亮亮的。
She goes in and she polishes our poops, if you will.
前几天我还在跟她发消息，她就问：‘你那几篇论文啥时候交啊？’
So I'm texting with her the other day, and she's like, hey, when are you gonna submit your essays?
毕竟嘛，我永远是最后一个到现场的。
Because obviously, I'm the last one to the party.
我当时就说：‘我向你保证，到时候一定交给你。’
And I was like, oh, I was like, I promise you I'll have these by this time.
我还问她：‘其他那些文章写得怎么样了？’
I was like, how's it going with the other with the other essays?
你感觉还顺利吗？
Like, do you feel good about it?
不顺利。
No.
我原话是这么说的。
And I quote.
她要是知道我复述这话，非得跟我急不可。
She's gonna kill me for repeating this.
但我实在忍不住，必须得说。
But I just I had to.
这跟内容一点关系都没有。
This does not have to do with any content.
这跟内容一点关系都没有。
It has not it is not content.
这是从编辑的角度来看的。
It's as from the eyes of an editor.
你懂的吧？
You know?
她说，杰克的论文完美无缺。
And she said, Jack's essays were perfect.
凯尔蒂的那堆东西简直一团糟。
Kelty's were a goddamn mess.
这也太离谱了。
This is crazy.
等等。
Wait.
而且这还是凯尔蒂把所有东西都拿去Grammarly改过之后的事。
And this this is after Kelty has put all of her shit through Grammarly.
这东西唯一的用途就是改改语法和拼写错误。
The only that's the only, like, job of this thing is to fix grammar and spelling mistakes.
但问题根本不是语法，而是结构混乱——凯尔蒂的文章全是这样。
But it's it's not even the problem is is that Kelty, it's not grammar all the it's, like, structural.
对，没错。
It's Yes.
她讲故事的时候，说着说着，段落中间就突然跳到另一个情节，可压根没告诉你她已经换场景了。
It's she'll be telling a story, and then halfway through the paragraph, she's onto another part of the story, but you she hasn't told you she's moved on.
她回邮件也是这个风格。
It's the same way she responds to emails.
她做人做事，全都是这样。
It's the same way she operates in life.
想让她专注起来，真的真的真的很难。
It's very, very, very, very hard to keep her
专注。
focused.
确实
It's
这事儿太 predictable 了不对，这情况简直千篇一律，全是老样子。
it is so predictable.
每次都一模一样。
Every time is the same.
你完全能预料到接下来会是什么走向。
You know how it's gonna be.
说真的我太难受了，我之前还特意去参加了两次写作闭关营呢。
Like, my heart is broken because I did go on two writing retreats.
这次我写这些散文的时候，流程是先全用语音转文字写完，再自己整理成通顺的故事。
And my my process for my essays this time was, like, I did them all voice to text, and then I went in and I made them a story.
之后我再把整理好的文章放到Grammarly里去检查。
And then I took them again and put them in Grammarly.
主要就是改一改那些连写句，把句子捋顺。
So, like, had to fix run on sentences, fixed sentence.
说实话，我当时还挺得意的，毕竟上次我那几篇鬼扯的文书差点惹麻烦，根本讲不通。
Like, I thought, honestly, I was, like, really to be honest with everyone, I was patting myself on the back because I was like, I know the last time I got in shit for having, like, the most kooky crazy essays, it didn't make sense.
有一半文章写到一半就卡死了。
And, like, half of them would just stop, like, halfway through.
这次我可不干了。
And this time I was like, no.
这次我一定要靠谱。
I'm gonna be so responsible.
这次我一定能行。
I'm gonna be great.
我肯定能搞定。
Like, I can do this.
我早就写完了，知道你们这群人肯定拖到最后一刻。
I got them done super early because I knew you bitches would wait till last minute.
我当时真是自鸣得意。
I was really patting myself on the back.
我甚至把稿子过了好几遍Grammarly，结果改的地方少得可怜。
Like, even after I put them through Grammarly, was like, they barely even came with any changes.
写得真棒。
They're great.
但你想想，你老是跑去参加什么骑手静修营啊，乱七八糟的。
But let's, like, think about how you you know, you're going on these rider retreats and blah blah blah blah.
你根本不是一拿到作业就立马冲去搞定，追求最快完成速度吧。
It's not like you're you're literally doing that the second that we get the assignment to get it done in the fastest way possible.
对啊。
Yes.
搞定之后就再也不用操心了。
And then so you don't have to think about it again.
我晚上根本睡不着。
I won't sleep at night.
那些事儿就像乌云一样压在我心头。
Things, like, hang over me like a dark cloud.
我想洗个澡的时候，心里别老惦记着还得干啥。
And if I wanna be able to have a shower without thinking about what I need to do.
这也得算在凯特头上。
Well, this also Kat.
凯特，我跟你道歉。
I apologize to you, Kat.
这事儿得记到我这儿，我就直接……
This goes into my I'm just gonna
等等。
Wait.
之前是不是还有……
Was there
还有吗？
more?
贝卡，之前是不是还有别的？
Was there more, Becca?
那可是我过得挺顺的一周。
Well, that was my that was my good week.
明白了。
Okay.
但她有没有再说别的？
But she also Did she say it anymore?
不过说真的，她觉得这特别有意思，因为她好像一直在听这个播客。
In your defense, she was like, but it's also just so entertaining because I feel like she listens to the podcast.
所以她熟悉我们的声音。
So she's like, knows our voices.
她觉得就像在听凯尔西说话一样。
She's like, it's like listening to Kelsey talk.
不是内容本身有问题。
So it's not that the content is bad.
我觉得你得知道，内容其实特别棒。
I think you should know the content is wonderful.
这特别有凯尔蒂的风格。
And it's very Kelty.
但从编辑的角度来看，这简直是一团乱麻。
But as far as, like, from a perspective of an editor, it's a goddamn mess.
明白了。
Okay.
那我很高兴能跟你坦白这件事。
Well, then I'm glad that I can admit this to you.
我先回过头说说切丽莎的故事。
So I'm just gonna go back for a second to the Chelsea story.
我确实给切丽莎发了那本书，哦天哪。
So I did send Chelsea Oh, no.
就是那本书，还有那些关节。
This this book the book and the joints.
本来我不想提这部分的，但既然说到这儿了，那就说了吧。
I wasn't gonna tell you this part, but since now we're talking about it, guess they will.
所以我花了好多时间用我的Cricut给她做了一张特别的卡片，上面写着‘谢谢’，还是用金箔刻出来的。
So I spent all this time making a special card for her on my Cricut that, like, said thank you, you know, and it was, like, cut out on foil.
一个个字是从杂志上剪下来的。
Magazine letters cut out individually.
不是。
No.
这叫勒索信。
That's called a ransom note.
不是。
No.
然后我打开一看，又犯了我一贯的错误——
And then I opened it, and I made the mistake that I always do,
就是先做了卡片，
which is I made
然后再往里写内容。
the card, and then I wrote in it.
我写的时候，还以为自己把'special'拼错了。
And while I was writing in it, I thought I spelled special wrong.
于是我就写了个‘mother’，说这个词我也拼错了。
So then I wrote mother I spelled that wrong.
然后我又改了一种写法，结果才发现，哎，我第一次其实拼对了——就写了‘mother’，后来干脆就接着往下写了。
And then I wrote it the other way, and then I realized I'd spelt it right the first time, said mother And then I just kept going with the note.
所以她要么觉得这挺搞笑的，要么就觉得我太怪了。
So either she's gonna think it's funny or she's gonna be like, you're so weird.
我喜欢这个。
I like that.
我觉得也没那么糟。
I don't think that that's that bad.
我觉得你要是能坦然承认自己有点‘精神病’，还挺好的。
I think if you you acknowledge your psychopathness there.
我觉得她压根不会看。
I think she's not gonna read it.
我觉得她不会
I don't think she's gonna
看的
read it
也不会去翻书或者抽那些大麻。
or open the book or smoke the joints.
但不会的。
But No.
没关系。
That's fine.
我始终知道，我尽了自己的那份力。
I'll always know that I did my part.
你愿意花这个时间，真的很贴心。
Well, you took the time, and that's very kind of you.
我真为你高兴。
I love that for you.
好的，贝卡。
Okay, Becca.
最近不太顺啊？
Bad week?
我这周倒霉的事是手上突然长了一堆莫名其妙的皮疹。
My bad week is that I had this mysterious rash on my hands.
哦，真的啊。
Oh, yes.
我还老念叨着要自己把缝线拆了啊，乱七八糟的。
And I talked about taking my own stitches out and blah blah blah blah.
说实话，我可能后悔让你们一路跟着我经历这些了，但我刚接到皮肤科医生一个特别担心的电话，说我得做一整套检查，全套项目都得查，因为有些指标太吓人了。
Well, I'm I mean, I may regret having you guys follow me along on this journey, but I got a very concerned call from my dermatologist, and I have to go do a whole workup, like a whole panel because some things were alarming.
我也不晓得。
I don't know.
最烦的是，她打电话来是跟我说活检的事，可她说得乱七八糟的，根本讲不清到底是哪儿出了问题。
I couldn't really get here's what's so frustrating is that she called me to tell me about the biopsy, but it's not really like an it's this, it's this, it's this.
它可能是这个，也可能是那个。
It was like a it could be a this.
也可能是这个。
It could be a this.
检测结果显示出一些指标异常。
It's showing markers for this.
一下子冒出来四个可能的病因。
And it was like four different things.
所以现在我得去抽一大套血检，但我心里清楚，肯定啥事没有。
And then so now I have to go do, a whole blood workup, and I know it's gonna be nothing.
我真的觉得最后啥问题都没有。
Like, I really know it's gonna be nothing.
不过我也顺便做个公益提醒。
But I also just a public service announcement.
如果你是医生，打电话通知病人结果，别忘了，我们所有人都会往最坏处想。
If you're a doctor calling someone to tell them news, assume we are all
道德观。
morals.
上网搜一下。
Googling.
对。
Mhmm.
你知道吗，我当时还不得不问：‘你能拼一下吗？’
You know Also, I I had to be like, can you please spell that?
她说了好几遍，内容完全一样。
What are you she said the same thing four times.
她就说，是的。
She's like, yeah.
一连说了四遍。
The in, like, four times.
我当时就想着，
And I was like,
我当时就想，大姐，我都听不懂你在说啥啊。
I But, bitch, I don't know what that means.
我就说，
I'm like,
你能
do you
拼出来吗？
spell that?
我实在搞不懂，他们难道忘了我们根本听不懂吗？
I just don't un they forget we're idiots.
我当时就想，我现在整个人都懵了，要是挂了电话，接下来整整十五分钟我都肯定搞不清她刚才到底在说什么。
I'm like, I am a fucking idiot right now, and I'm gonna get off the phone and have no idea what you just told me for fifteen minutes.
所以比起我得去参加的那个小会场讨论，我更郁闷的是，连皮肤科医生说的英语我都听不懂。
So I am less concerned about this panel that I have to do and more concerned about the fact that I couldn't understand the English language from my dermatologist.
到现在我都没闹明白到底是怎么回事。
Still don't know what's going on.
你知道吗，还有医生的态度问题。
You know, it's also the bedside manner.
当时医生打电话告诉我感染了HPV，那语气搞得好像我马上要死了一样。
It's like when the doctor called me to tell me I had HPV, the way that she delivered the message was like I was dying.
我当时在做指甲，她就说：呃，我得告诉你，你感染了HPV。
And I was at the nail salon, and she was like, I just you know, I have to tell you, you have HPV.
我当时就愣了。
And I'm like,
但我打了疫苗的。
but I got this shot.
我一边哭一边想，
I'm, like, crying in
在美甲店哭成狗，全因为她把这事儿说得跟绝症似的。
the nail salon because she made it seem like it was the worst diagnosis in the world.
我才二十出头啊。
In my early twenties.
是啊。
Yeah.
你觉得呢？
You think?
但你
But, you
其实医生说话温柔点也好啊。
know, a little bedside manner would be real nice too.
对啊。
Yeah.
至少知道不是要死了。
Just to know you're not dying.
谁来？
Who's up?
我来吧，我这倒霉事儿跟那本书有关。
I'll go because mine my bad week kinda has to do with the book.
所以呢我想把话题拉回这本书，就聊聊咱们三个人目前的处境。
So I'm bringing it back to the book in regards to, you know, just the three of us and our situation.
我们除了各自写自己的随笔之外，所有内容都是围绕同一个主题来写的。
So while we are all writing our individual essays, we also are writing everything as themed.
我们还要写前言、尾声这些内容，把整本书串起来，开头和结尾都安排妥当，把一切都打理得漂漂亮亮、圆圆满满的。
So we're writing like intros, outros, like things to tie the whole book together, like a beginning of the book and a conclusion and everything, you know, to make it all in a perfect little bow.
前阵子凯尔茜给我发消息了，因为最近我们俩要忙的事儿实在太多了。
And the other week, Kelsey texted me because we have so much going on.
然后她就跟我说，好消息啊
And she was like, good news.
这本书我全写完了，就等我们收尾了
I wrote the entire book for us.
你只要飞快过一遍，咱们俩就能开工了
All you have to do is just go through it really quickly, and we'll be, like, ready to go.
我当时就说，行啊
And I'm like, great.
好吧。
Okay.
我打开文档看看啥情况。
I'm gonna open this doc and see what's going on.
城堡那部分简直乱成一锅粥。
It was a goddamn mess in castles.
然后凯尔蒂说，哎，你直接照着杰克的版本改就行，一天之内准搞定。
And then Kelty's like, oh, you can just Jack, you'll be done by the end of the day.
对吧？
Right?
可我得一页一页细抠，二十页啊，得理顺逻辑、逗人发笑、读起来顺溜，还得跟咱们的整体主题对得上。
And I'm like, there is, like, 20 pages that I have to go through with a fine tooth comb and make have to make sense, have to make funny, have to make flow, and also relevant to what we're doing.
第一天我就白忙活了，全花在一段根本不存在的内容上——那是凯尔蒂自己瞎写的。
Because the first day, I I wasted my entire day on this section that didn't even exist in the book that Kelty just wrote out.
所以说，这就是我们得面对的现实。
It's So, you know, it's just it's what we have to deal with.
独一无二的。
One of a kind.
她真是独一无二。
She's one of a kind.
好消息。
Good news.
我开干了。
I got started.
我开干了。
I got started.
咱们开干了。
Got us started.
你还好吗？
Are you okay?
我想让大家都知道，咱们已经开干了。
I just wanna let everyone know that I got us started.
展开剩余字幕（还有 480 条）
我们下一个
Our next
大项目，我想做个实验。
big project, I would like to do an experiment.
好。
Okay.
我想
I would like
答案是根本完不成。
It won't get done is the answer.
不会的。
No.
会的。
It will.
肯定会在截止前五分钟搞定。
It'll get done five minutes before it's due.
什么？
What?
不管咱们下一个大项目是什么，让凯尔蒂退到一边，看看会发生啥。
Whatever our next big project is, for Kelty to take the back seat and, like, see what happens.
天哪。
Oh, boy.
这可能会搞砸。
It could be a disaster.
我的意思是，咱们肯定赶不上截止日期。
I mean, we won't meet a deadline.
这得看项目类型，我很多项目都是自己干的，因为那些纯粹是创意类的活儿。
It will be It you know, it just depends on the project because a lot of projects I do do by myself because they're, like, straight creative projects.
但有些项目，凯尔蒂就会说：咱们得做这个，耗时特别长。
And then some projects, Kelty is like, we should do this thing that takes so long to create.
不过杰克，这事儿只有你懂怎么弄。
But, Jack, you're the only one that knows how to do it.
所以别怕想得大一点。
So dream big.
你得先迈开第一步才行。
Help you by starting out.
我真的得开始了。
I do need to start.
这感觉真不错。
It's great.
我身上有件挺好的事。
Something nice about me.
我真的好爱你。
I I love you so much.
你听我说。
Listen.
我之前想自己搞定这些片头片尾，结果根本搞不定。
I need a and when I was trying to do it myself and finish these little intros and outros, I can't do it.
我需要你的指点
I need your guidance
谢谢
Thank
谢谢你。
to you.
帮我踏上这条道路吧。
Start me on my path.
谁都一样。
Everyone does.
谁都一样。
Everyone does.
走向伟大。
To greatness.
好。
Okay.
我这周过得挺好的。
My good week.
这周末我去了一趟拉斯维加斯，参加一个单身派对。
Was just in Vegas this weekend for a bachelorette party.
所以我现在嗓子哑得厉害。
That's why my voice is extremely hoarse right now.
对。
Mhmm.
但我在拉斯维加斯的时候，我们正坐在一家酒吧里。
But while I was in Vegas, we're, like, at a bar.
喝着酒呢。
We're having some drinks.
酒吧里有个姑娘，金发，看起来跟我们差不多大，一直往我这边看。
And there's this girl at the bar, and she was, like, a blonde girl, looked around our age, and she kept looking at me.
我就想，哎，该不会是对我有意思吧？
So I was like, oh, I wonder, you know, maybe she's a ladyganger or something.
结果临走前她朝我走过来，就站在离我脸不到半米的地方，一直对着我笑。
She comes up to me on the way out, and she just, like, stands, like, a foot away from my face and is, like, smiling at me.
我当时还等着她跟我说‘天啊’之类的话呢。
And I'm, like, waiting for her to say, oh my god.
比如跟我说她喜欢LADYGANG，或者说她超爱2009年的那个扭曲巡回演唱会之类的。
I love The LADYGANG or, like, I loved Warped Tour in, like, 2009.
结果她上来就跟我说：‘你也太他妈辣了吧。’
And she just goes up to me, she goes, you're so fucking hot.
结果她转头就走了。
And then walks away.
结果她走的时候还来了一句：换我我也愿意。
And as she's walking away, she goes, I would.
我的天呐。
Oh my god.
可以啊你！
Congrats.
我当时就惊了。
I was like, oh my god.
真的完全没料到。
Was literally taken aback.
对啊。
Yeah.
我当时身边还跟着十个超漂亮的闺蜜，她偏偏就冲我来了。
And I was with a group of my gorgeous girlfriends, like, 10 beautiful girlfriends, and she just came up to me.
这简直是我人生中最棒的时刻了。
Was the best moment of
我的人生。
my life.
她就单单挑中了我。
Singled me out.
我到现在还留着呢。
I still got it.
恭喜你啊。
Congratulations.
你确实还是那么有魅力。
You do still got it.
我能问问你当时穿的是什么吗？
Can I ask you what you were wearing during this moment?
我穿的是Ramey Brook的一套闪亮的粉紫色露脐上衣配裤子。
I was wearing, like, a like, a sparkly pink purple crop top pant outfit from Ramey Brook.
对。
Yes.
我当时确实挺好看的。
I did look good.
但没现在这么好看。
Not like I do now.
你现在也超棒的。
You look great.
你做得真棒，宝贝。
You're doing great, sweetie.
行了。
Alright.
这正好引出我这周的倒霉事。
This is a great segue into my bad week.
你知道的，我头发开始变白了。
As you know, I'm going gray in my hair.
而且，要是我有阴道的话，那儿估计也白了——不过说实话，我眉毛白好多年了。
And, if I had vagina, probably my vagina, but I official, I've had gray eyebrows for a long time.
现在连乳头上的毛都白了。
But now I have gray nipple hair.
真·老了。
Officially old.
乳头都长白毛了。
The nip got a gray.
我压根没想到乳头也会变白。
That's I didn't realize the nipples were gonna go gray.
白头发？
Gray hair?
总比长黑毛强吧。
That's better than a black hair.
对啊。
Yeah.
至少不显眼。
Because it blends in.
你说得有道理。
I guess you're right.
真会往好处想。
Way to look on the bright side.
这确实是个瞬间。
That is that's a moment, though.
这真是年龄的标志啊，你知道的，
What a marker of your age, you know,
你如今懂的这一切。
everything you know now.
因为我私处的毛早就被激光脱光了，剩下几根长出来我就用蜜蜡拔掉，所以我根本没法知道会不会长出灰白的阴毛。
I I think because I don't have a vagina hair, like, I'm pretty much lasered and then the few that come I wax, I'm never gonna know if I get a gray bush.
我腋毛也一根都没有了。
I have no armpit hair.
所以说，腿毛根本不会变白。
So, I mean, leg hair does never turn gray.
所以这真的是唯一能让我意识到自己老了的标志了——我现在头发灰得厉害，每次剪头发，只要看到有灰的，就拼命拔掉。
So this was really the only marker that could be like I mean, I have so much gray hair now that I'm, like, aggressively, like, plucking it out when I point my when I cut my hair.
只要发缝里冒出一根灰的，我一眼看见就立马拔掉，就这样。
Like, if it comes anywhere on the part and I can see it, it gets plucked like so.
总之
Anyway
你可能真不该把每根白发都拔掉。
You probably shouldn't pluck out every gray that you have.
那样搞下去，其他头发迟早要遭殃。
Sometime that is gonna get overwhelming on the rest of your hairs.
是啊。
Yeah.
迟早我得去染发了，唉。
Well, at some point, I'm gonna have to do the I dye my gray hair Yeah.
但我真不想搞这个。
Color, but I really don't wanna get into that.
我现在就想保持金发，连发根都不放过。
Like, I'm trying to, like, sleeves, but or blonde right up to the root.
我也不知道该怎么办。
I don't know what the answer is.
你倒是给个建议吧。
Tell me, please,
每个人在自己做的事上都这样。
everyone, in what you do.
说说看，大家都是怎么做的？
Tell me, everyone.
在洛杉矶做头发贵得离谱。
It's so expensive in LA to get your hair done.
我知道。
I know.
我觉得我得每四个礼拜就去一趟，坐在那儿搞那些头发护理。
And and I feel like like I'm gonna have to go every four weeks and sit there with the hair thing on.
我就不能自己弄吗？
Like, can I just do it myself?
反正我迟早会变成那种像我妈一样，自己喷染发剂的阿姨。
Anyway, I'm gonna be that lady that's, like, spraying it like my mom.
你们见过那种老太太吧，眉毛都染蓝了，就因为她们觉得‘我这技术没问题’。
And you're the old ladies that end up with, like, blue eyebrows because they're just like, I've got this.
那要是之后视力开始下降可怎么办啊
Well, then you start losing your eyesight.
到那时候，你可就真的啥都搞不清了啊
So then, like, you really don't know what you're doing?
我的天
God.
我老是会担心自己视力下降，因为我脸上总能发现好多小问题，比如突然冒出来一根杂毛之类的
I constantly think about losing my eyesight because there's so many things I catch on my face that I'm like, oh, a rogue hair
要不然就是
or
要不就是鼻毛乱长，各种糟心事都找上门。
nose hairs that start sprouting or, like, all the things.
我特别担心自己会视力衰退。
I'm so worried about losing my eyesight.
你肯定得用上那台微距镜头，我会帮你留意的
You need that macro I will always take care
有你真好，贝卡。
of you, Becca.
谢谢你。
Thank you.
我绝对不允许你长鼻毛，不过好吧。
I will never allow you to have a nose hair, but okay.
在我们开始和范妮莎的访谈之前，我这周特别棒的事是，我给LADYGANG词典新增了一个词，我知道有些人可能会说：别拿这个当你的高光时刻，但真的太棒了。
My good week before we get into our interview with Vanessa is, I got a new word for the LADYGANG dictionary, which I know is sometimes people are like, please don't use this as your good week, but it's so good.
我们一个LADYGANG成员私信我，说有个新词。
One of our LADYGANGers DM'd me and said, have a new word.
叫VEGENDA。
It's a VEGENDA.
就是当你阴道特别旺盛的时候。
When you're vagina VEGENDA.
等等。
Wait.
这太棒了
That's an amazing
我的阴道确实有自己的小脾气。
My vagina absolutely has a vagina.
它自己就有主意，老想着：嘿。
It's a boojoe for its own plans of like, hey.
你最近光碰空气了。
You've just touched air lately.
我非得让你长个霉菌性阴道炎不可。
I'm gonna give you a yeast infection.
你吃了块巧克力。
You ate a chocolate bar.
你都尿路感染了。
You have a UTI.
我的阴道，它真有自己的小天地。
Like, I my vagina has a vaginna of its own.
哇，这个词太棒了。
Oh, that's a great word.
我真想不到咱们以前怎么就没想到过。
I don't know how we haven't come up with that before.
Vagenda。
Vagenda.
Vagenda。
Vagenda.
这就像是我的屁股一样。
That's like my butthole.
它有自己的小算盘。
It has its own agenda.
Bagenda。
A bagenda.
Bagenda。
Bagenda.
我吃泻药的时候它就自己闹脾气。
Mine does when I take a laxative.
你懂的。
You know?
就是完全猜不准。
Just never know.
那可不算有自己主意。
Well, that is not a mind of its own.
那是被逼着动的。
That is being forced to Forced.
管他呢。
Like, whatever.
这话在理。
That's true.
挖一挖。
Excavate.
总之，我们对今天的这一集特别期待，赶紧去听Vagenda吧。
Anyway, we're so excited about the episode today, and enjoy Vagenda.
马上回来。
We'll be right back.
每年这个时候，对很多人来说都不太好过。
So this time of year can be really challenging for people.
我知道我以前也经历过，别人都高高兴兴的，我却提不起劲儿，但这完全没关系。
I know that I've been in a position before where everyone's cheery, and I'm feeling a little crummy, and that is okay.
我想跟你们说的是，我们的赞助商BetterHelp能帮上你。
But what I wanna tell you is our sponsor BetterHelp is there to help you.
如果你正经历丧亲之痛、感情问题、压力大，或者睡不好、目标难达成，在线心理咨询或许真的适合你。
So if you're struggling with grief, relationships, or stress, or having trouble sleeping, meeting goals, online therapy might be good for you.
BetterHelp提供安全的在线心理咨询，支持视频、电话，甚至实时聊天，对接的都是持证专业心理咨询师。
So BetterHelp is a secure online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat sessions with licensed professional therapists.
他们会先了解你的情况，然后为你匹配一位专属的认证治疗师。
They'll assess your needs and match you with your own accredited therapist.
你能在48小时内匹配到一位心理咨询师。
You can be matched with a therapist in under forty eight hours.
那你还等什么？
So what are you waiting for?
不用坐在让人不舒服的候诊室里，而且他们的专业领域特别广，说不定你本地根本找不到这样的专家。
You don't have to sit in an uncomfortable waiting room and they have a broad range of expertise that may not be available in your area.
这项服务面向全球用户，你随时都能登录账户，给你的咨询师发消息。
So the service is available for clients worldwide and you can log on to your account anytime and send a message to your therapist.
你会收到及时又走心的回复，还能预约每周的视频或电话咨询。
You'll get timely and thoughtful responses plus you can schedule weekly video or phone sessions.
我们真的超爱他们。
We love them so much.
赶紧去 betterhelp.com/ladygang 注册吧，已经有两百多万人在专业咨询师的帮助下，掌握了自己心理健康的方向。
So visit betterhelp.com/ladygang and join over 2,000,000 people who have taken charge of their mental health with the help of experienced professionals.
LADYGANG 为我们的听众争取到了首月10%的优惠，地址是 betterhelp.com/ladygang。
So LADYGANG is offering our listeners 10% off your first month of online therapy at betterhelp.com/ladygang.
更好了，去 betterhelp.com/ladygang。
That's better, help.com/ladygang.
你们也知道，时间不多了啊。
As you know, time's running out, people.
如果你还在为自个儿、为家里的男人挑圣诞礼物，赶紧用 TravisMathew，他们是 LADYGANG 的赞助商。
If you're still waiting to find the perfect holiday gift for you, the men in your life in the holidays, you gotta use TravisMathew, who's a sponsor of LADYGANG.
他们有个超方便的节日礼物指南，你可以按价格、或者按兴趣和性格精选的合集来挑。
They've got their handy holiday gift guide, you can browse gifts with him for him with by price point or by curated collections for interest and personality.
有衬衫、Polo衫、外套、超软的居家服、鞋子、配饰，高尔夫装备也一应俱全，简直太棒了。
They've got button ups, polos, outerwear, ultra soft loungewear, shoes and accessories, great gear for golfers, and amazing.
不管你是给运动员、宅家派、还是像 Chris Knight 那样的鞋控买礼物，TravisMathew 都有适合的。
So whether you're shopping for the athlete, the lounger, the shoe guy like Chris Knight, TravisMathew has something for everyone.
把他的心头好囤起来，或者看看他们的‘假日乱炖’系列。
Stock up on his favorites or check out the TravisMathew Holidays and Confused collection.
哦，这玩意儿绝对能让任何节日派对嗨起来。
Oh, perfect for bringing the party to any holiday party.
用TravisMathew的风格，找到完美的节日穿搭。
Find the perfect holiday attire in true TravisMathew style.
去TravisMathew实体店，或者上travismathew.com/podcast，用优惠码LADY20立减20%。
Visit a TravisMathew retail store or make your way to travismathew.com/podcast and take 20% off your TravisMathew order when you use the code LADY20.
结账时记得用我们的优惠码LADY20。
Use our code LADY20 at checkout.
上travismathew.com/podcast，用LADY20这个码，全单享八折。
That's 20% off your entire order at travismatthew.com/podcast when you use the code LADY20.
travismathew.com/podcast
Travismathew.com/podcast.
过去一年半，很多人开始自己创业了。
So over the last year and a half, a lot of people have been starting their own businesses.
如果你有个好点子，或者有特别热衷的事，但一想到那些繁琐的商业流程就头疼——ZenBusiness是我们的赞助商，它能帮你从零开始，一站式搞定注册、运营和扩张，把你的想法变成赚钱的生意。
And if you have a great idea or something you're passionate about, but you're intimidated by all the business stuff, ZenBusiness is our sponsor, and it empowers you to turn your awesome idea into a money making business by helping you create, run, and grow your own business all from one platform.
说实话，创业根本不用啥都会，谁真能啥都会啊？
I'm telling you, starting a business doesn't mean you have to be an expert at everything because seriously, who is?
他们把那些繁琐的事务变得简单，让你能专心做自己热爱的事。
They make the business stuff easier so you can stay focused on your passion.
从注册公司到各种手续，全程帮你快速搞定，还有专业团队随时待命，陪你走过公司发展的每一步，需要啥都帮你解决。
From filing to your your formation, done as quickly and easy as possible, to a team of experts ready to help you throughout the life of your company in whatever area you need.
我们特别推崇这个，因为我们都觉得，人人都该有本事自己当老板，不该被那些商业流程吓退。
We are such fans of this because we believe everybody should be able to run their own business and not be intimidated by the business stuff.
ZenBusiness 已经帮成千上万的人把创业想法变成了现实，从头到尾手把手指导，让创业变得轻松又靠谱。
ZenBusiness has helped hundreds of thousands of people get their businesses off the ground by guiding them every step of the way and making it easier to launch a successful business.
现在开始，最低只要 49 美元。
So get started today for as low as $49.
去 zenbusiness.com/lady，只要 49 美元。
That's $49 at zenbusiness.com/lady.
记住，zenbusiness.com/lady，赶紧把你的生意搞起来。
That's zenbusiness.com/lady, and get your business going.
本期节目由 stamps.com 赞助播出。
Today's episode is brought to you by stamps.com.
我相信你们都知道，我们刚推出了全新的节日系列，全是节日季最棒的穿搭。
So I'm sure you know that we just launched our brand new holiday collection full of all of the best clothes for the holiday season.
我们一直用Stamps.com发货，这么多年了，现在还是离不开它。
We are using stamps.com to ship everything out because we've been using stamps.com for years now.
Stamps.com彻底解决了节日发货的麻烦和猜来猜去的困扰，还能帮你省钱。
So stamps.com takes all of the hassle and guesswork out of holiday shipping, and it saves you money.
你可以轻松对比各大快递的价目和时效，拿到超大折扣。
You can easily compare prices and delivery rates across major carriers and get huge discounts.
USPS最高能省40%，UPS甚至能省76%。
I'm talking up to 40% off USPS and 76% off UPS rates.
不管你是在亚马逊、Etsy、Shopify还是eBay卖货，Stamps.com都能帮你一键搞定发货。
And whether your sales come from Amazon, Etsy, Shopify, or eBay, stamps.com streamlines your shipping.
这个节日，用Stamps.com多送点笑容，现在就开始发货省钱吧。
So deliver more smiles this holiday and start shipping and saving with stamps.com today.
零风险，用我们的专属码LADYGANG，还能享特别福利：四周免费试用，外加运费抵扣券和电子称。
There's no risk, and with our promo code LADYGANG, you can get a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free shipping, credits, and a digital shipping scale.
完全不需要长期签约，也没有任何绑定合同。
No long term commitments or contracts.
花个几分钟就能上手用起来了。
You'll be up and running in minutes.
直接访问stamps.com，点击主页顶部的麦克风图标，输入优惠码LADYGANG就行。
Just go to stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top of the homepage, and type in code LADYGANG.
记住了，上stamps.com，输入优惠码LADYGANG。
That's stamps.com, promo code LADYGANG.
Stamps.com，帮你轻松搞定电商物流，还能省一大笔钱，真的省超多。
Stamps.com, easy ecommerce shipping for less, a lot less.
好了，回到我们的LADYGANG节目。
Now back to the LADYGANG.
今天请到的嘉宾可是个全能型人才，她1998年以美国妙龄小姐的身份出道，没错，就是1998年。
Our guest today is a quadruple threat starting her career as miss teen USA in 1998 or 1998.
对的。
Yeah.
1998年。
1998.
天哪。
Wow.
她一出道就拿到了《娱乐今晚》的热门职位，后来还成了我们所有人都想成为的那种女孩——和每一个2K时代的艺人一起主持TRL。
Landing the coveted gig on entertainment tonight and eventually being the girl we all wanted to be hobnobbing with every single y two k artist as the host of TRL.
她演过《我为喜剧狂》《大胆而美丽》，还有好多别的剧。
She's acted on thirty Rock's psych, the bold and the beautiful, and so many more.
她在《与星共舞》里表现炸裂，现在又接下了这份大活儿，各位。
She crushed the floor in dancing with the stars, and now she's got the big job, everybody.
她是NCIS系列历史上第一位女性主角，出演《NCIS：夏威夷》，还刚出了一本新书。
The first ever female lead for an NCIS franchise for NCIS Hawaii, and she's got a brand new book.
没什么大不了的。
No big deal.
好运来了，总是成群结队的。
When good things come, they come all at once.
这根本不算啥压力。
It's not overwhelming.
《从零开始的生活》，由你开启的家庭传统。
Life from Scratch, family traditions that start with you.
我们知道你们超爱读《LADYGANG》。
We know you love to read LADYGANG.
这本书里有食谱、育儿建议、生日和约会点子，还有她自己的亲身故事。
The book includes recipes, parenting tips, birthday, and date night ideas, and personal stories.
她美得简直让人窒息，而且现在还能跟尼克·拉奇睡在一起。
She is absolutely fucking stunning, and she gets to have sex with Nick Lachey.
现在就在夏威夷跟尼克·拉奇亲热呢，各位。
And gets to have sex with Nick Lachey in Hawaii right now, everybody.
她绝对是这世上最幸运的人了。
She's the luckiest human alive.
有请《LADYGANG》的嘉宾——凡妮莎·拉奇。
Please welcome to the LADYGANG, Vanessa Lachey.
谢谢
Thank
这么精彩的介绍。
you for that intro.
你刚才一口气说完的？
Did you breathe?
天哪。
Wow.
我觉得最逗的是你读到1998年的时候，还以为是打错了。
You know maybe the best part about it was when you read 1998 and you thought it was a typo.
对啊。
Yeah.
你心里肯定在想，天啊，都过去那么久了。
You're like, wait, that was so long ago.
然后你才反应过来，对哦，还真是那年。
And you're like, oh no, that's right.
我当时就想，天啊，你那时候可是代表美国队在赢比赛啊。
I was like, oh wow, you were, you were winning this team USA.
而我呢，正在贝夫法西高中演《约瑟夫与神奇彩衣》。
And I was in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat at Bev Facy High School.
所以说，咱们这情况其实差不多。
So, you know, it's like the same.
我就是那个老太婆了。
I'm the old lady.
等等。
Wait.
我们怎么就不提年龄这事儿呢？
How do we we don't talk about our ages.
对吧？
Do we?
对。
No.
对。
No.
你都四十了。
You're at 40.
是吧？
Right?
四十。
40.
四十。
40.
我就是那个男的。
I'm the guy.
我快四十了，今年一月。
I'm about to be 40 January.
行吧。
Okay.
你们呢，不是
And you guys not
40？
40?
30
30
我都在想，我到底多大了？
I'm like, how old am I?
人到三十岁，时间简直一晃就过去了，我觉得是这样。
It all just goes to a blur when you're in your thirties, I feel like.
是的。
Yeah.
没错。
It does.
没错。
It does.
我们特别高兴你能来。
So we're so excited to have you here.
我想聊聊你新接的活儿，不过在那之前，我想跟大家说个有意思的发现——我觉得你在职业生涯里得到的肯定太少了。
I wanna talk about the new gig, but first I wanna talk about interesting fact that I found out for all the listeners that I don't think you get enough credit for in your career.
你当年赢得米斯 teen 美国小姐时，同时拿了最友善小姐、米斯 teen 美国小姐，还有泳装环节的最高分，这可是历史上泳装环节的最高分纪录。
When you won Miss Teen USA, you won Miss Congeniality, Miss Teen USA, and swimsuit, the highest mark ever in the history awarded for a Hottie Body.
天哪！
Holy cow.
我都不知道该说什么了。
I I you.
你真是我新晋的最佳闺蜜。
You're my new best friend.
每当我情绪低落或者难过的时候，我都想打电话给你，让你让我振作起来。
Whenever I'm down or whenever I'm sad, I wanna call you up to make me feel good.
谢谢你。
Thank you.
气氛担当
Hype man.
但是
But
对啊
Yes.
你就是我的气氛担当
You're my hype man.
你是我女版的气氛担当
You're my hype gal.
我可不觉得冠军还能拿最佳亲和力奖
I don't expect the winner to also win Miss Congeniality.
我看了那么多《鲁保罗变装皇后秀》，知道这根本不可能发生
Like, I watch enough Drag Race to know that that never happens.
结果你连选美泳装奖也拿了，亲和力奖还拿了第二次
But then to also the Bikini Bitch one, Miss Congeniality two.
好吧。
Okay.
我觉得这背后是有门道的，容我讲讲。
I I believe there's a science to this, if I may.
我这辈子从来没参加过选美比赛。
So I'd never done a pageant before in my life.
有一次为了赌气，我参加了南卡罗来纳州青少年美国小姐的选拔。
I I did miss South Carolina Teen USA as a dare.
那时候我在州立农场保险公司上班。
I was working at a State Farm insurance office.
有个姑娘进来，美得不得了，我老板二话不说就给了她一笔钱，让她去报名州选美赛，我当时就懵了：你为啥给她钱？
This girl came in gorgeous, beautiful, and my boss ended up giving her money to enroll in the state pageant and I was like, why did you just give her money?
他说：她爷爷奶奶几十年来都是我们的客户，这算税务抵扣。我一听：哦——原来是这样！
He said, well, her grandfathers had a policy with us for decades and for me it's a tax write off and I was like, oh, oh, but then I went home and took the flyer that I had already taken out of YM magazine years prior that I kept in my nightstand because every girl dreams of being, you know, Miss Teen USA or even on like we watch these pageants growing up, right?
那天回家后，我翻出压在床头柜底下好多年的杂志剪页，那是我好几年前从《YM》杂志上撕下来的，因为每个女孩心里都梦想着当上‘青少年美国小姐’，对吧？我们小时候可都看这些选美比赛长大的。
Oh yeah,
所以我打了那个电话。
and so I call I I called the number.
是个免费电话，我给了他们地址，他们寄来了南卡罗来纳州的报名材料，但要一千美元——我哪有这么多钱啊，我才十七岁。我就问我爸，他说：‘咱们是中产家庭，这事儿别想了。’
It was an 800 number and I gave them my address and they sent me a South Carolina registration packet and it was $1,000 I don't have $1,000 I was 17 and so I asked my dad and he was like we are a middle class family.
对不起，这事儿真不行。
I'm sorry that's not happening.
后来，给我钱的那个老板问我：‘你后来有没有去查那事儿？’
So then my boss who gave the money said, did you ever look into that?
你真该去参加。
You should do it.
我说：‘我查了，要一千美元，谢谢，但我真去不了。’
And I said I did and it's $1,000 Thank you, but sorry.
结果二十四小时内，这人就找十个朋友每人捐了一百块，都问我：‘你到底去不去？’
Yeah, within twenty four hours this man had 10 of his friends donate $100 that they all asked me.
最后他们直接给我一张一千美元的支票，说：‘你没理由不去了。’
Handed me a check for $1,000 and said you have no excuses.
你去办吧。
Do this.
我支持你。
I I support you.
我相信你。
I believe in you.
我当时就想：这事儿也太离谱了吧！但我还是报名了，结果寄来一份清单。
I was like get out of town so I signed up, got it, it gives you a checklist.
你需要一件泳衣，但不是普通的泳衣。
You need a swimsuit, but it's a specific swimsuit.
那种只能干洗的泳衣。
It's like a dry clean only swimsuit.
不能沾水。
It can't get
湿了。
wet.
这还用说。
Obviously.
裸色高跟鞋，你知道的，得选个和你肤色完全匹配的色号。
Nude heels that, you know, there's a skin tone that has to match your tone.
那条晚礼服，我爸爸说：‘好了，这条裙子就是你的舞会礼服、南卡罗来纳小姐青少年组礼服，以后还是你的婚纱。’
The evening gown, which my dad was like, alright, this dress is going be your prom dress, your Miss South Carolina teen dress, your wedding dress.
全都能用上。
It's all of the above.
还得再配一套面试穿的衣服。
And an interview outfit.
所以我们当时去了哪儿？我都记不清了。
So I think we went to like, I don't even know.
估计是伯灵顿那个什么可乐工厂吧。
It was probably like Burlington Coke Factory.
简直尴尬到想钻地缝。
Like it was mortified, right?
但我那时候根本不懂这些。
But I didn't know any better.
我就这么去了州赛，结果居然赢了——长话短说吧，不过尼克最讨厌我这么说，因为我从来不会把故事讲短。
And so I went to state and I ended up winning and and making this a long story short, which is very rarely that Nick hates when I say that because I don't make any of my stories short.
等我参加密斯美国青少年大赛时，人家说要穿休闲装，我当时还心想：太好了。
But I get to Miss Teen USA and it's like casual and I'm like, oh, great.
在我眼里，休闲就是穿件圣母大学的运动衫，再搭条牛仔短裤和运动鞋。
To me, casual was a Notre Dame sweatshirt and, you know, jean shorts and sneakers.
不是不是，不是那样。
No, no, no.
休闲的意思是别穿晚礼服。
Casual meant not evening gown.
我一到现场，他们就瞅着我说：这姑娘。
Already I show up, and they're like, this chick.
你懂我的意思吧？
You know what I mean?
我觉得他们可能真有点可怜我。
I think they actually felt bad for me, maybe.
我当时根本不知道自己在干嘛。
I didn't know what I was doing.
我只好硬着头皮，把这糟心事给做好了。
I decided to make the best of a bad situation.
我记得一到那儿就哭了，心里想：我这是造了什么孽啊？
I mean, I I remember getting there and crying going, what have I done?
我这水平，根本不在一个档次上。
I am way out of my league.
我纯属一时兴起才拿了南卡罗来纳州青少年小姐，然后我就想：接下来咋办？
And because I won Miss South Carolina Teen USA on a whim, and I'm like, what's next?
他们跟我说：你得去参加全美青少年小姐，还有电视转播呢。
They're like, you go to Teen USA, it's on TV.
我当时就惊了：我的天。
I'm like, holy shit.
是啊。
Yeah.
所以我就是图个开心，我室友当时是路易斯安那人，比赛就在她家乡，每个周末我都能见到她家人。
So, so I just had fun and my roommate was Louisiana at the time and it was in her home city and I would see her family on the weekends.
我就想，既然来了，那就好好享受吧。
I'm like, I'm gonna make the most of it.
我模仿秀。
I did impressions.
我最拿手的是消防队长比尔。
My favorite was fire marshal bill.
对。
Yes.
哦，
Oh,
对啊。
yeah.
哦，你这是在模仿啊。
Oh, you're touching.
吉姆·凯瑞。
Jim Carey.
完全是吉姆·凯瑞那味儿。
Jim Carey through and through.
我的州农场保险员跑哪儿去了？
Where is my State Farm guy?
他当然一直支持我。
Well, he's of course he has supported me.
那时候他是我男朋友的老爸。
He was my boyfriend's dad at the time.
这太
That's so
暖心了。
sweet.
所以啊。
And so yeah.
我就想去玩玩，投票的时候更看重人缘，不是在直播前就定好了。
So I just went to have fun, and and you vote for congeniality before the live telecast.
所以……
So
要是知道你会赢，他们才不会投你呢，肯定不会。
They would've not if they knew you were gonna beat them, they would've No.
根本没想到是鲍勃·鲍勃波姆。
Didn't realize Bob Bobbomb.
但问题就在这儿。
But that's the thing.
根本不是那样。
It wasn't.
我身材也不是最好的，但我才17岁。
I didn't have the best body, but I was also 17.
后来我跟评委们聊了，他们都是平时电视里常见的名人，都说我看起来和表现得就像个17岁的孩子。
So when I talked to the judges later, who are regular everyday television personalities and celebrities, they're like, you just looked and acted 17.
你知道吗，我当时就是那样。
You know, I just I had.
我根本没有腹肌。
I didn't have a six pack.
也不是所有女孩都有，但我连怎么走路都不会。
Not that all of the girls did, but I didn't know how to walk.
真的不会。
Didn't.
我就只是做我自己。
I just was me.
我想在他们眼里，
And I guess to them.
看到的只是我那份自信。
It was just the confidence they saw.
结果那些曾经让我自卑的地方反倒成了我的优势，从那之后我的人生就彻底不一样了。
And so so all of the things that were my insecurities ended up working in my favor and life changed from then.
你现在都练出六块腹肌了对吧，毕竟你天天又是撸铁又是跑步的。
Now you have a six pack because you're like blowing stuff up and running.
所以当初这个项目官宣的时候，我别提有多激动了。
And so my I was so excited when this got announced.
《海军罪案调查处》可是现在电视圈最火的系列剧集了。
So NCIS is the most popular franchise on television.
所有人都懂这一点的
Everybody knows that.
大家都看过那档节目
Everyone watches it.
现在新出了一个夏威夷的衍生系列
So there's a new franchise in Hawaii.
最有意思的是，刚宣布这个消息的时候我们都特别开心，然后我就刷到你ins上发的那个视频了——大家要是还没看过的话一定要去看，那个视频里的凡妮莎就是坐在车里拍的那条
And what was so cool is, obviously, we're so happy when we when we saw this announced, but then the video of you on your Instagram, if you haven't watched it, everyone, there's a video of Vanessa, and then she took it in the car.
她儿子坐在婴儿座椅里，这时候她收到了自己被选中的消息。
Her son's in the baby seat, and she gets the news that she's gotten this gig.
她的反应特别真实。
And she's it's so genuine.
在你谈这个之前，我想说，我看着你的生活，真的想不通：你怎么可能会有烦恼？怎么可能过得不顺？
And I I will just say before I want to hear you speak on this, like, I just look at your life and I'm like, how could anything ever be wrong on like, how could she ever struggle?
你干过的活儿，哪个不酷？
Like, you've had all the cool jobs.
你有个超棒的老公。
You've got a cool husband.
你有个美满的家庭。
You got a beautiful family.
你长得也太漂亮了。
You're so gorgeous.
你这人生，简直啥都不缺。
It's like, you would never want for anything.
然后看到你那个视频，我突然就明白了。
And then seeing this video of you, I was like, oh, you know what?
原来你也和我们一样，拼命打拼，等着下一个机会。
Just like the rest of us, hustling and waiting for the gig.
真的特别真实。
It was very authentic.
谢谢你。
Thank you.
我觉得那简直是一次大释放。
I think it was a massive release.
那时候我们刚以为疫情结束了——那是2021年三月，我两个大孩子回学校了，戴着口罩，跟同学隔了六英尺远。
We had just come out of well, what I thought was us coming out of COVID because it was March 2021, and my two older kids were back in school with masks, six feet apart from their other classmates.
我老公刚去拉斯维加斯，重新录一些歌。
My husband had just gone to Vegas to rerecord some
那些新歌，他们还做成了卫衣图案。
of the new songs they made them to sweatshirt.
一张新的混音专辑。
A new remix album.
所以我一个人带着儿子，刚演完一场演出。
And so I was alone with my son and I had just done another show.
我们硬撑了一整年。
We held on for an entire year.
那是一部由奥利弗·哈德森主演的情景喜剧。
It was a sitcom with Oliver Hudson.
我演的是他老婆。
Was his wife.
我超爱所有的……
I love all of
我们最爱的。
our fave.
这剧是……
This is
那一年，从三月三十一号开始，是我人生中为这部剧拼的整整一年。
the one a year a year of my life for that show in March 31.
他们说剧不拍了，我当时就懵了：什么？
They said it's not gonna go and I'm like what?
我到底在干嘛？
What am I doing?
我到底在折腾啥？
What am I doing?
我一个四十岁、三个孩子的妈妈，2021年三月去试镜的。
I am a 40 year old woman with three kids and I auditioned March 2021.
拍了整整一年，结果最后说不拍了。
It took me a year to shoot this show and then it's a no.
那这一年，我到底在忙些什么？
And then that whole year, what am I doing with my life?
我做的这些，到底有什么意义？
What am I doing that matters?
我到底是谁？
What am I?
就是这一切都堆在一起了。
It just it was all of this.
什么意思？
Like what?
我究竟是个什么样的人？
Who am I kind of thing?
对啊。
Mhmm.
当这个机会来的时候，一切都发生得太快了，但我一看这个角色，就觉得：这不就是我吗？
And when this opportunity came up, it all happened so quick, but I looked at this role and I was like, this, I'm her.
我能演好她。
I can be her.
我相信她。
I believe in her.
她是个铁血硬汉，心里却特别柔软。
She's a badass with a warm heart.
她是个妈妈。
She's a mother.
她为国家拼命，但也深爱着家人。
She fights for her country, but also believes in her family.
啥都能扛，别人说不行？她根本不听。
She can do it all and doesn't take no for an answer.
她在男性主导的行业里杀出一片天。
She's kicking ass in a male dominated profession.
我心想：对，对，对，对，对！
I was like, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
我就是她，但我更希望别人也相信我能演好她。
I am her, but then I just needed them to believe in me being her.
那时候，刚经历那份工作黄了，又在家带孩子整整一年，天天怀疑自己是不是连个正常人都算不上。
At this time coming out of, like I said, the job that didn't go and a year of homeschooling my children questioning if I'm even a smart human being.
我接到这个电话后，才把那段视频拿出来，其实它根本不是为这个准备的。
I got this call and the reason I pulled the video out wasn't, it was never intended for this.
原本是想让尼克陪在我身边的，但他没在。
It was intended to, Nick wasn't with me.
通常我老公都会在，他一直都在，可这次他不在，所以我第一反应就是……
So at first I wanted, usually your husband, he's always been there and he's like, they're with me and he wasn't there.
我想告诉选角导演，她一路陪着我，对我有多重要。
And then I wanted to let the casting director know because she was with me on this journey, how much she meant to me.
所以我才说了声谢谢。
And that's why I was saying thank you.
然后我突然意识到，我儿子就在车里，我这才反应过来：天啊，我拿到了这个角色！
And then it just, I realized my son's in the car and I realized, holy shit, I got the job.
那一刻，所有情绪一下子全涌出来了。
It just, all of it was coming out.
真的，特别真实，毫无保留。
And yeah, was super raw.
所以剧一播出，他们就问我：要不要用这个片段、那个片段、还有这个片段？
And so when the show premiered, they were like, do we do this clip, this clip, this clip?
我就问我那个一起管社交媒体的姑娘：你看过我接到电话时录的那个视频吗？
And I told my girl who does my social media with me, I said, did you ever see the video when I got the job?
她说：没有啊。
And she was like, no.
我就把视频发给她了。
And I sent it to her.
她一看就说：天哪，V，你必须发这个！
And she was like, oh my god, V, you have to do this.
我记得当时心想，这视频太脆弱、太真实了，但也正因为真实。
And I remember thinking it was super vulnerable and super raw, but super real.
我真的希望别人能看到，让大家知道，没错，我们都会在难过或开心时哭出来。
And I really wanted people to see that and let them see that, yes, we all cry when we're sad or happy.
开心的时候，我们也会大笑。
We laugh when things are great.
咱们穿裤子也是一条腿一条腿地穿。
We put our pants on one leg at a time.
只要你努力打拼，对人好，事情总会有转机的。
And if you work hard and hustle and are good to people, things will hopefully turn in your favor.
我超喜欢这句话。
I love that.
这真的太重要了。
This is such a it's such a big deal.
嗯，明白了。
Okay.
那你现在是常住夏威夷了吗？
So are you living in Hawaii now full time?
是的。
Yes.
是不是
Did the
你把那栋漂亮的房子还有所有东西都卖了吗？
whole did you sell that beautiful house and everything?
还没呢。
Not yet.
等我们真拿到第二季的续订——说真的，我可不想过早乐观，先别急着安排。
I need we once we knock on wood, if and when we get our season two pickup, you know, I don't wanna put the cart before the horse.
所以啊，要是真有第二季，那第三季到第十季也未必能保证。
So that's when if we get season two and then I know that three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten are not guaranteed.
不过从统计上讲，只要CBS的剧能撑过两年、两季，一般都能继续拍下去。
But statistically speaking, if a CBS drama goes two years or two seasons, it's most likely going to go.
所以一旦确定了，我们再
So once that happens, then we'll
就搬走。
we'll make a move.
到时候立马卖房搬走。
Sell and move right now.
我们现在在夏威夷租了一套超棒的公寓，该有的设施全都有。
We're just renting a beautiful condo in Hawaii that has all of the amenities we need.
有游泳池。
It has a pool.
还有公园。
It has a park.
还有门卫帮我们收快递，平时也盯着安全，我不在家的时候，知道有人照看孩子。
There's, you know, a a doorman to take deliveries and he's there to make sure everyone's Okay when, like, if I'm not there, I know that there's security with the kids and
是的。
Yeah.
反过来也一样。
And vice versa.
尼克不在家的时候，他也知道我安全。
When Nick's not home, he knows I'm safe.
等第二季定了，我们就能彻底安顿下来了。
But season two, then we'll we'll be full
决定吧。
decision.
对。
Yeah.
哇哦。
Wow.
波利奥斯。
Polyos.
我一直在想，这难道不是现实生活里的音乐录影带吗？
I just think is this, a real life music video?
我就觉得，眼前这不就是你们吗？
I'm like, I just see you guys.
周末啦。
It's the weekend.
孩子有保姆照看。
The kids have a babysitter.
你们俩就像在瀑布边徒步一样。
You guys are like in the waterfall going for a hike.
对吧？
Right?
真的就是这感觉。
That's what it's like.
才不是呢。
Not.
根本不是那么回事。
It's a lot of it's It's not.
也许有一天吧，但现在？我们刚把狗带出去，住的是个小公寓，三个孩子、两只狗，尼克撂下所有事就为了搬过来。
Maybe one day, but right now it's a lot of We just got our dogs out there, so it's a small condo with the three kids, the two dogs, and Nick left everything to come out there.
他整天陪着孩子，我呢，每天在片场待十到十五个小时。
He's with the kids all day, and I'm on set for anywhere from ten to fifteen hours a day.
我们倒没抱怨，但离拍音乐录影带还远着呢。
But we're not complaining, but it's definitely not music video yet.
我们以后会好起来的，但现在就是先慢慢适应，一步步把日子过下去。
We'll get there, but for now it's just like, it's adjusting and taking it all in and taking it day to day.
完全是从零开始的生活。
Life from Scratch.
我一直觉得选这个话题聊特别适合你，因为你之前也坦白过，你和你妈妈的关系一直不太好，那段日子过得挺难的。
I really thought this was a really interesting topic for you because you've opened up in the past about, like, that you didn't have a great relationship with your mom and and that entire situation.
但你现在却组建了这么棒的家庭，好得都让人羡慕——要是能拥有家庭，谁不想活成拉奇家那样呢。
And so and then you've built this, like, incredible family, like, lust worthy family where I'm like, if you're gonna have a family, you should be the Lachey's.
那你是怎么熬过这些情绪波动，还把它们都写成书的呢？
How how was it to, like, kind of ride over those emotions and then get it out in a book?
其实我不是和我妈关系不好这么简单，
Well, it's not that I didn't have a good relationship with my mother.
我和她之间根本就没什么母子情分，完全是形同陌路。
My relationship with my mother was nonexistent.
要是你们买了这本书，就能了解整件事的来龙去脉了。
And if you get the book, you can get the whole story.
但她在我小时候就离开了。
But she left when I was little.
所以就像你说的，我一路跌跌撞撞，最后终于站起来问自己：我是要把生活看成半杯水，还是半杯满？
And so I've, to your point, like stumbled along the way and I just kind of eventually picked myself up and said, am I going to look at life as a glass half empty or am I going to look at life as glass half full?
她从不在身边，没法教我怎么约会、怎么做家传菜、送我首饰、给我恋爱建议、当妈的忠告，或者婚礼上的指导。
And no, she's not here to tell me, you know, how to date guys and how to cook the family recipe or give me jewelry or give me dating advice or motherly advice or wedding, any advice.
她就是不在了。
She's just not here.
于是我决定改变这一切，用个词说，就是要为我的孩子们打破这个循环。
And I decided I wanted to change that and to use a term break the cycle for my kids.
对。
Right.
我和我丈夫、我的家庭，还有我的未来的关系。
And my relationship with my husband and my family and my future.
我觉得这本书想说的是，你混乱的过去不必定义你的未来，‘混乱’这个词其实挺宽泛的。
I think the point of the book is that your messy past doesn't have to define your future and messy is a very loose term.
每个人对它的理解都不一样。
It can be interpreted in everyone's different ways.
很多人虽然妈妈还在身边，但关系一团糟。
People still have their mom in their life and they have a messy relationship.
这话我太认同了。
I mean, amen to that.
你知道吗，就是那句‘妈妈，我爱你’。
You know, it's like, I love you, mom.
说完就挂了，心里骂一句：操。
And they hang up and they're like, fuck.
每个人都在努力找自己是谁。
Everyone is struggling to find their own identity.
所以我终于明白，真正美丽的是——你有本事写自己的命运。
So I think the beauty that I finally come to grips with is that you have the power to write your own destiny.
如果你真想要那个 guy，想要那个尼克·拉西，那就去追啊，姑娘！
And if you want that guy, if you want that Nick Lachey, go get him, girl.
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