帮助青少年重返校园的更好方式

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您正在收听NPR的《生活指南》。大家好，我是Mariel。记得我六年级开学第一天，穿着前一天还特别喜欢的可爱套装。

You're listening to Life Kit from NPR. Hey, everybody. It's Mariel. I remember my first day of I think it was sixth grade. I showed up in this cute outfit that I had loved the day before.

没记错的话，是条格子裙配酒红色开衫。本来觉得挺时髦，结果到学校发现所有女生都穿着运动短裤和球鞋。我当时就懵了——难道我漏看了通知？突然对自己的穿着感到特别不自在，像个彻头彻尾的局外人。

If I remember right, there was a plaid skirt and a maroon cardigan. I was stylish, but then I got to school and all the girls were wearing gym shorts and athletic sneakers. And I was like, what? Did I miss the memo? Like, I suddenly felt so self conscious about my clothes, like a total outsider.

这可不是开启中学生活的好方式。而且我想很多人都有同感吧？开学季固然令人兴奋——崭新的笔记本和无限可能，

Not a good way to start my middle school journey. And I think I'm not alone here. Right? Back to school time can be exciting for sure. All those fresh notebooks and dreams of possibility.

「今年我要参加戏剧试镜/入选足球队/终于敢和那个男生说话了」，但对孩子们来说同样充满压力。

This is my year. I'm gonna try out for the play or make the soccer team or finally talk to that boy, but it's also hard on kids.

做青少年从来不易，养育青少年也从来不易。

You know, it's always been hard to be a teenager and it's always been hard to raise a teenager.

这位是Lisa Demore。

That's Lisa Demore.

我是关注青少年及其周边成人心理健康的心理学家，著有三本关于青少年养育的书籍，并有幸与沃尔顿家族基金会和盖洛普合作开展了关于青少年及其父母情感生活的民意调查。

I'm a psychologist who cares for teenagers and the adults around them. I'm the author of three books on raising adolescents, and I had the honor of working with the Walton Family Foundation and Gallup on a poll about the emotional lives of teenagers and their parents.

补充说明：沃尔顿家族基金会是NPR的资助方。该调查属于2024年《Z世代心声》研究项目，访问了数千名10-18岁青少年及其父母/监护人，探究青春期前及青春期孩子的情绪世界。结果不出所料——他们的情感非常复杂。例如研究发现，近所有受访孩子前一日都感到快乐，但45%同时感到压力，38%感到焦虑，23%感到悲伤。

Just a note here, the Walton Family Foundation is an NPR funder. And that poll was a part of the twenty twenty four voices of Gen Z study. They talked to thousands of ten to eighteen year olds and one of their parents or guardians about the emotional lives of preteens and teens. Turns out, no surprise here, they are complex. The study found, for example, that nearly all of the children polled felt happy the prior day, but forty five percent also felt stressed, thirty eight percent felt anxious, and twenty three percent felt sad.

现在的孩子不仅要考虑课业和校园社交，还要思考如何融入社交媒体上的同龄人。而这些孩子的父母同样面临诸多考量。

Kids today aren't just thinking about their classes or fitting in with their schoolmates. They're also thinking about fitting in with all the other kids on social media. And the parents of those kids have a lot to think about too.

父母们忧心忡忡：孩子在校表现如何？社交媒体影响多大？他们的未来会怎样？所有人都在新旧问题交织的复杂环境中摸索前行。

Parents worry about how kids are doing in school. They worry about social media. They worry about what's ahead for their kids. So everybody is navigating a complex environment with both old and new concerns.

在本期《生活指南》节目中，记者安迪·特格尔将与丽莎·德莫尔探讨青少年返校前的情绪准备。我们将讨论如何让孩子主动倾诉难题、糟糕日子后的应对策略，以及设定社交媒体使用边界的方法。

On this episode of Life Kit, reporter Andy Tegel talks with Lisa Demore about how to prepare emotionally as your teens and preteens head back to school. We'll talk about how to let your kids come to you about tough topics, what to do after a bad day, and how to set boundaries around social media.

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实际节省金额因人而异。并非所有

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in all

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states. Support for this podcast and the following message come from Indeed. You just realized your business needed to hire someone yesterday. Indeed sponsored jobs helps you stand out. According to Indeed data, sponsored jobs posted directly on Indeed have 45% more applications than non sponsored jobs.

立即通过Indeed加速招聘，并获取75美元赞助职位信用额度提升曝光，访问indeed.com/lifekit。条款适用。招聘，有Indeed就够了。本消息来自Apple Card。您知道吗？Apple Card通过智能还款建议助您更快结清账单。

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且不收取任何手续费。这是一张与众不同的信用卡。需信用审批，由高盛银行美国盐湖城分行发行。浮动年利率18.24%-28.49%基于信用评分，2025年7月1日利率标准。

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条款详情见applecard.com。本消息来自嘉信理财原创播客《选择学》。该节目探讨人类决策背后的心理与经济因素。订阅最新一期请访问schwab.com/podcast。

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进入正题前提醒您：是否已关注我们的Instagram账号？没错，我们现已开通官方账号@NPR生活指南。

Before we dive into the rest of the show, I just wanted to check. Have you followed us on Instagram? Yeah. We have an Instagram now. It's at NPR Life Kit.

在那里，你会发现独家视频、漫画等内容。再次提醒，就在NPR生活工具箱。我们那里见。

There, you'll find exclusive videos, comics, and more. Again, that's at NPR Life Kit. See you there.

返校季对孩子们来说总是特别敏感的时期，尤其是对青春期前后的孩子。虽然我自己家里没有青少年，但我也曾经历过那个阶段，实在不想重温那些开学第一天的紧张感。记得穿着新鞋子或背着新书包时，总担心自己是否选对了款式，朋友会不会觉得你很酷，对自己的一举一动都过度在意。我们能从这里开始聊吗？

Back to school time is is such a self conscious time for kids, especially for preteens and teens. I don't have a teen at home personally, but I used to be one, and I do not miss those first day jitters. Let me tell you. You know, I'm remembering wearing your new shoes or your new backpack and hoping that you made the right choices and that your friends think that you're cool, and just feeling so aware of every aspect of my body and my language and everything. Can we start there?

能和我们聊聊现在孩子们返校时面临的一些焦虑吗？

Can you talk to us a little bit about some of the anxieties that kids these days are facing as they return to school?

当然。有些焦虑是永恒的，有些则是时代特有的。就像你描述的，我想没人会愿意重读七年级或八年级。

Absolutely. Well, there's the timeless ones, and then there's the timely ones. Right? So what you described, like, I don't think any of us would sign up to do seventh grade again or eighth grade again.

我连最讨厌的人都不愿诅咒他们经历这个。绝对不愿意，丽莎。

Not on my I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Absolutely not, Lisa.

这个阶段向来艰难。要经历太多转变，总担心自己能否融入。身体像你说的正在变化，却无法控制发展方向。牙套、文胸这些都要面对，很长时间里谁都感觉不自在。

It's always been hard. You know, there's so much transition. You're so worried about where you fit in. Your body, like you said, is changing, and you have no control over where this is all headed. You know, it's braces, it's bras, it's all of the above, and I think nobody is comfortable, for quite a while.

除此之外，现在的年轻人还面临时代性的挑战。学业要求很高，还要应对可能让他们精疲力尽的社交媒体环境。而且年轻人会担忧大事。

And then on top of that, we have the timely challenges that young people now face. Right? We're asking a lot of them academically. They are trying to navigate a social media environment that can be very, very taxing for them. And young people worry about big things.

我七八年级时根本不会考虑世界和平或环境问题。但如今青少年最担忧的却是自己的未来会怎样。现在的孩子面临的情况完全不同了。

When I was in the seventh and eighth grade, I was actually now worrying about, world peace, what was happening with the environment. Those concerns were not on my mind at all. You talk to teenagers today. One of the top concerns for young people was what their futures were gonna look like. So it's different now for kids.

这清单可真够长的。那对于现在青春期孩子的父母来说呢？他们也不轻松。这个阶段父母最大的负担是什么？他们最担心什么？

That is quite the list. And what about the other side for the parents of tweens and teens today? It's no walk in the park either. What are some of the big burdens they're carrying during this time? What are parents most worried about?

某种程度上担忧是相似的。很多父母觉得不再像以前那样了解自己的孩子，感觉像是被孩子'分手'了。小时候的孩子更热情健谈，进入青春期后突然变得沉默寡言或难以敞开心扉。这对父母向来是个挑战。

Well, I think in some ways, it's the same. I think a lot of parents feel like they don't really know the kid in the same way they felt they used to. I think a lot of parents feel like their kid has broken up with them. You know, their younger kid was more engaged and warm and friendlier and more conversational, and suddenly kid turns into a teenager and they become quieter or squirrelly or, hard to get to open up. So I think that's always been challenging for parents.

老兄，我们该怎么处理这事？你知道，我觉得你的一些研究清楚地表明确实有很多值得担忧的地方。更糟的是，这些话题还很难开口讨论。是这样吗？

Man, what do we do about this? You know, I I think some of your your research showed that clearly there's a lot to worry about. And on top of that, it's hard to talk about this stuff. Is that right?

确实如此。父母双方都有很多顾虑，我们梳理过其中几个，他们发现很难与青少年进行这类对话，或者不知如何开启这类谈话。但我想说的是，尽管青少年可能显得不易沟通或不愿谈论这些，我们从青少年那里听到的是这些对话对他们多么有帮助，他们多么在意成年人的意见。所以我对所有照顾青少年的人的建议是：尽管去尝试开启你担心的任何话题的对话。而最好的方式通常是等待青少年主动提起时顺势而为。

It is true. Both the parents have a lot of concerns, and we've run through several of them, and that they find it hard to have these conversations with teenagers or they're, you know, having a hard time bringing these conversations up. And so what I can tell you is that as much as teenagers may seem like they're not so easy to talk to or they don't necessarily want to have these conversations, what we heard from the teenagers is how helpful these conversations are, how much they care about what adults have to say. So my advice to anyone caring for a teenager is go ahead and try to have this conversation about whatever it is you're worried about. And the best way usually to make it happen is to listen for when your teenager brings it up.

父母和看护者可能会担心学业问题，也可能担忧心理健康。如今的青少年会在家里谈论这些事。所以当你的孩子开始谈论时，正是绝佳的时机说：'听起来你朋友在学校遇到困难了，你自己在学校感觉怎么样？'

So parents and caregivers can worry about things like school. They can worry about things like mental health. And today's teenagers will talk about those things at home. And so once your kid is talking about it, that is a great time to say, oh, it sounds like your friend's having a hard time at school. How are things feeling for you at school?

要点一：如今的青少年压力很大。即使看起来不像，他们确实想倾诉。你可能需要让他们先主动找你。如果他们不开口，可以尝试预约专门时间。

Takeaway one. Teens have a lot on their plates these days. Even if it doesn't seem like it, they do want to talk about it. You just might have to let them come to you first. If they don't, you could try scheduling some time with them.

留意他们开启话题的时机，因为那时青少年最愿意接受成年人的意见或相关问题。但有时家长发现想谈的话题始终没被提起。这时我建议查看孩子的日程表——虽然听起来有点奇怪。我们可以对孩子说：'我在想你这学期开学的情况，有些问题想聊聊...'

Look for them to open those up because that's when teenagers are going to be most receptive to what adults have to say or even questions from adults about those things. Sometimes though, parents and caregivers find that the thing they wanna talk about just isn't coming up. In those moments, what I recommend is looking for, a place on your kid's calendar, which can feel like a funny thing to look for. But I think what we wanna say to a kid is, hey, I was thinking about your, you know, start of your school year and how it's going. I have a few questions.

我有些想法。我们是现在谈，还是明后天找个时间？给他们适应'即将有这场对话'的缓冲期，通常能让谈话更顺利。

I have a few thoughts. Can we talk about it now, or is there a time in the next day or two where we could talk about it? So giving them a chance to adapt to the idea that there's gonna be a conversation about this tends to make those conversations go better.

明白了。让他们主动打开话匣子，别搞突然袭击。这些建议真的很实用。还有其他建议吗？

Okay. So let them open the door. Don't blindside them with the conversation. I love that those those are really good tips. Anything else?

这类对话还有什么其他技巧？

Any other approaches for for these types of conversations?

有时候家长会直接告知青少年信息，比如'明天上学前记得收拾好书包，我们不想开学第一天早上就手忙脚乱'，这时青少年可能会翻白眼。但要知道：年轻人的成长任务就是逐渐独立。

Well, I think sometimes it happens that parents or caregivers share information with a teenager, like, okay, you know, you need to get your backpack all ready for the school your day tomorrow. We don't want the first day to be, you know, wild in the morning. And the teenager or the tween will like roll their eyes when the adult does it. Here's what's usually happening. Young people, teenagers, their job is to become increasingly independent.

所以如果我们说'去把书包收拾好'，而他们回答'这建议太棒了，谢谢提醒'——那才叫反常呢。那才真叫奇怪。

And so if they if we say to them, hey, you need to go, you know, get your backpack loaded and they go, that is a great suggestion. I'm so glad you mentioned that. I really appreciate the guidance. That would be weird. That would be weird.

更可预期的是他们会翻白眼，但还是会照做。只要他们按我们要求的去做，即使他们有点抱怨，即使他们翻白眼，我认为成年人应该接受他们已经找到了一种既顺从又不会显得像个乖宝宝的方式。

What is much more expectable is that they're gonna roll their eyes and they're gonna do it. But so long as they're doing what we ask, even if they're kinda grousing about it, even if they're rolling their eyes, I think adults should accept that they have found a way to both be compliant without seeming like a goody two shoes.

哇。丽莎，你是在说接受翻白眼的行为。接受翻白眼。

Wow. Embrace the eye roll is what you're saying, Lisa. Embrace the eye roll.

我对翻白眼的耐心比大多数成年人都要多。

I have a lot more patience for eye rolls than most adults do.

哇。好吧。我得把这个带回家给我妈妈。第二个要点。听着。

Wow. Okay. Well, I'm gonna have to bring that home to my mother. Takeaway two. Look.

在这段过渡期，你和孩子的关系会发生变化，因为他们正在改变。这是好事。感觉像是和孩子经历分手是很自然的。这是正常的发展。接受翻白眼吧。

Your relationship with your kid is gonna change during this transition period because they're changing. That's a good thing. It's natural to feel like you're going through a breakup with your kid. That's normal development. Embrace the eye roll.

在你参与的盖洛普民意调查中，你发现三分之一的Z世代孩子觉得自己必须完美。初中和高中时期可能会让青少年觉得他们需要完美。他们余生的成败取决于此。父母该如何支持一个在学校里追求完美的孩子？

In the Gallup poll you worked, you found one in three Gen Z kids feel they have to be perfect. Middle school and high school can feel like a time a teen needs to be perfect. The rest of their life is depending on how they do. How can parents support a kid whose perfectionism flares up around school?

目标不是试图指导他们如何变得更完美或如何避免错误。错误已成定局。目标是帮助他们理解错误是不可避免的，我们都有缺点，但在我们努力改进缺点的同时，我们仍然可以觉得自己是善良、有价值且体面的。这就是我们想让孩子明白的。当孩子们真的为完美主义所困扰时，他们会因为一个错误就认定自己一无是处。

The goal is not to try to give them guidance about how they can be more perfect or what they could do to prevent mistakes. Mistakes are a done deal. The goal is to help them understand that mistakes are inevitable, we all have our shortcomings, but while we are working on our shortcomings, we still can feel that we are good and worthy and decent. That's what we're trying to get kids to understand. When kids really struggle with perfectionism, they make a mistake and then they decide they're entirely terrible.

这就是事情失控的地方。目标是让他们在认识到错误的同时，仍保持一种积极的自我认同感。

That's where things go off the rails. The goal is to let them recognize a mistake while still having a general sense of positive self regard.

我们能稍微谈谈青少年的情绪和情感吗？因为我知道对许多父母来说，这可能让人感到害怕，就像在追逐一个移动的目标。比如，我的孩子总是焦虑。我的孩子总是压力很大。关于青少年的情绪和情感，你能告诉我们什么？

Can we talk a little bit about the moods and emotions of teenagers? Because I know for a lot of parents, this can feel scary and like a moving target. Like, my kid is always anxious. My kid is always stressed. What can you tell us about the moods and emotion of teenagers?

总的来说，青少年的情绪更为强烈。这本身并不是什么问题的迹象。实际上这是向前发展的标志。但在我们的盖洛普民意调查中，我最喜欢的一个问题是关于孩子们在前一天经常出现的情绪。他们确实告诉我们他们感到焦虑，感到压力，有些孩子感到悲伤，还有些孩子感到愤怒。

So the general framework is that teenagers' emotions are more intense. It's not on its own a sign that anything's wrong. It's actually a sign of forward development. But one of my favorite questions that we asked in our Gallup poll was about the kinds of moods kids had a lot of on the previous day. And they did tell us that they felt anxious, and they did tell us they felt stressed, and some kids felt sad, and some kids felt angry.

首要反馈是，孩子们报告前一天最常体验的情绪——94%的孩子提到快乐，91%提到愉悦。我刚才列举的其他情绪中，最高占比的也只有45%。所以关键结论是：孩子们情绪多变，时好时坏。而青少年的情绪更是像坐过山车般起伏不定。

The number one response, the feeling they reported having a lot of them previous day, 94% of kids said happiness and 91% said enjoyment. All of the other emotions I just mentioned, the highest ranking one was only at forty five percent. So the takeaway here is that kids have lots of moods, good and bad. And what you see in teenagers is that they have ups and downs.

这种情绪过山车的比喻太贴切了。回想我的高中时代，每天不是觉得站在世界之巅，就是感觉世界末日要来了。

That roller coaster just really resonates. You know? Thinking back to my time in high school, I just remember every day I was on the top of the world or the world was ending.

完全同意。你

Absolutely. Do you

作为家长，对这种情绪过山车有什么应对建议吗？

have any advice for riding that roller coaster as a parent?

有的。我希望大家用心理学家的视角来看待这个问题。对我们而言，心理健康不在于保持愉悦，也不意味着永远情绪高涨。

I do. So here's how I want everyone to think about this. I want everyone to think about this the way psychologists think about it. To us, mental health is not about feeling good. It is not about getting up and staying up.

心理健康的核心是：情绪与情境相符，并能妥善管理这些情绪。比如孩子没被邀请参加朋友们都去的派对，感到难过是正常反应。若毫无感觉反而奇怪。我们关注的是他们后续如何应对。

Mental health is about having feelings that fit what's happening and managing those feelings well. So if your kid isn't invited to a party that all their friends seem to be going to, they will be sad. That is the expectable emotion. It would be strange if they didn't feel it. What we're interested in is, well, then what do they do?

他们会痛快哭一场吗？会听着悲伤歌单直到情绪平复吗？会抱着狗狗寻求安慰吗？或是去跑步发泄？这些都是很好的适应机制——我们的调查显示，很多孩子确实用这些方式自我安抚。

Like, do they have a good cry? Do they go put on their sad playlist until they feel better? Do they cuddle the dog? You know, do they go for a run? All of those are wonderfully adaptive and many of those are things kids told us they did to comfort themselves in our surveys.

只有当孩子采用有害的应对方式时我们才需要担心，比如自我贬低或自残行为。负面情绪本身反而是心理健康的证明，无需过度忧虑。

We only worry if they're using coping strategies that are harmful. If they take it out on themselves in any way, if they feel low or self harm, then we become concerned. But the presence of a negative emotion on its own is usually proof of mental health, not grounds for concern.

这个建议太棒了。有负面情绪很正常，关键是如何处理。这正好引出我的下一个问题：当青少年像所有人一样遭遇糟糕日子时——比如他们阴沉着脸回到家，或者上车时头顶乌云——作为家长该如何应对？

That's great advice. It is okay to have negative emotions. It's it's what we do with them. And that was gonna that leads into my next question, which is what about when your teen comes home and has a bad day as we all do? You know, they get in the car.

这种时候真的很难把握分寸。

There's just a dark cloud hanging over them. As a parent, you know, it's it's hard to know what to do.

确实如此。所以我们问青少年，当你心烦时，成年人做什么对你最有帮助？绝大多数人回答就是倾听。仅仅是倾听。其次是认真对待我们的感受。

Absolutely. So we ask teenagers when you're upset, what is it that adults can do that's most helpful to you? Far and away, what they said is just listen. Just listen. Second to that was take our feelings seriously.

排在非常后面的才是提供建议。作为家长，当孩子放学上车或下车时情绪低落，你总想解决问题，总忍不住想插嘴给些建议...

Very low down on the list was offer advice. And then I think I'm a parent myself. Your kid gets in the car, your kids comes off the bus, they're upset. You wanna fix it. You wanna jump in with some Just

倾听。这简直是最难的事

listen. It's like the hardest thing

确实太难了。太难了。可以试着问：'你需要我帮忙还是只想倾诉？'因为通常孩子会说'我只想发泄一下'。

to do. It is so hard. It is so hard. It can help to say something like, do you want my help or do you just need to vent? Because usually kids will say, I just need to vent.

作为青少年家长，我的首要技巧是当孩子烦躁时，我会问：'有什么我能做但不会让情况更糟的事吗？'这样问效果很好，因为既承认了过度干预可能适得其反，又表达了愿意提供帮助。家长问'今天学校怎么样'时，要像打开情绪垃圾桶——让孩子倒出来就好。

I will also tell you my number one tool as the parent of teenagers myself, when a kid is upset is sometimes I'll say, is there anything I can do that won't make this worse? And that seems to go over very well because I'm acknowledging that, you know, getting in there and meddling may not actually be helpful, but I'm also offering whatever services might be of use. And so if parents can think about when they say how was school? Think about it as like opening an emotional garbage can. Let the kid dump it.

明白吗？他们只是想清空情绪。别质问为什么带情绪垃圾回家。如果倒完垃圾感觉好些了，直接扎紧袋口扔掉就行，不必翻检内容。

Right? They're just trying to get rid of it. Don't ask them why they brought the garbage home. And if they seem to feel better having dumped all the garbage, tie it off, throw it away. You don't have to go through it.

你也可以选择放手不管。

You can also let it go.

那不愿意倒情绪垃圾的孩子怎么办？

What about the kid who doesn't want to give you their emotional garbage? You know?

确实存在这种情况。青少年（尤其是大孩子）心烦时最需要的另一点是独处空间，他们会明确表达这个需求。家长整天没见孩子，知道开学季肯定发生了很多事...

Well, it's true. And indeed, one of the other things that was high on the list of what teenagers wanted, especially older teenagers when they were upset was some space. And and they were asking for that very explicitly. And I think it's hard, you know, you haven't seen your kid all day, a whole lot went down, you know it did. It's the start of a school year.

没错。孩子回家直奔房间闭门不出时，要明白：学校人满为患。那些冲回自己房间（如果有幸拥有独立房间）关上门的孩子，不是讨厌家人，只是需要暂时远离所有人。

Yeah. They come in the house, they could take make a beeline for their room, you're hearing nothing. So there's a couple of ways to think about it. First of all, school is a lot of people. And so the kid who comes home and just makes a beeline if they are, you know, lucky enough to have their own room, goes to their room, closes the door, it's not that they don't wanna be with the adults in their home, it's that they don't wanna be with anybody.

我们还需记住的是，他们的日子漫长而乏味。当我们说‘跟我讲讲你学校的一天’时，那感觉就像让伴侣复述今天参加的每一个会议。我们会觉得‘算了吧，已经结束了’。

The other thing we have to remember is their days are long and tedious. And when we say, tell me about your school day, that would be like our life partner saying, recount for me every meeting you had today. And we feel like, no way. It's over.

结束了。我还有一大堆工作要处理。

It's done. I gotta go do a lot work.

因此更有效的方式是给他们空间。我们的数据还显示，孩子们有很好的方法应对沮丧情绪——他们会听音乐，有时会通过打电子游戏转移注意力，以此摆脱负面情绪。

So what tends to work well is give them space. And and what we know also from our data is that kids have great ways to cope with upset feelings when they're frustrated. They will listen to music. They will, you know, sometimes play video games as a distraction just to, like, move on from things.

我很赞同这点。这非常合理。成年人工作一整天后需要减压，青少年同样值得拥有这样的空间。

I love that. And, and it makes a lot of sense. You know? After after a long day of work, adults want to decompress. Teens deserve that space too.

第三个要点：青少年的情绪往往更强烈。有好日子，也会有非常糟糕的日子。丽莎建议要注重倾听并尊重孩子，这是他们培养自我调节能力的重要阶段。

Takeaway three. For teens, emotions are often more intense. There will be good days, and there will be really, really bad days. Lisa says focus on listening and giving your kid respect. This is an important time for them to develop their own coping skills.

关键是要给予他们充分的空间。现在我们来谈谈社交媒体——这是当今无法回避的话题，尤其在新学年开始时。家长需要为孩子设定合理的边界。

Offering them lots of space to do so is key. Let's talk a little bit about social media, access to social media because it is the thing we can't not talk about these days. And I think especially at the beginning of the school year. You know? You wanna set good boundaries for your kid.

希望他们能有个良好开端。具体该怎么做呢？

You want them to start out on the right foot. What does that look like?

在我的理想方案中，应该循序渐进。孩子确实需要与同龄人保持联系，但社交媒体可能带来压力，而社交孤立同样不利。建议等到孩子主动要求手机时，了解其真实需求。通常短信是孩子们开始社交或制定计划的方式。如果孩子因无法使用短信而影响正常社交，那就是考虑允许使用的时候了。

So in my ideal world, you go very slowly because kids do need to be connected to their peers. Social media can be hard on kids. Social isolation is also really hard on kids. I would wait until a kid says I need a phone, and you find out why, and it's not unusual for texting to be how kids start to connect or make social plans. And if the day has come where your kid really doesn't know what's going on or is not able to maintain meaningful friendships because they don't have access to texting, I think that is a time to consider giving them access to texting.

之后观察他们使用短信的情况。我对孩子们说：‘在仅靠短信就能维持社交关系时，不必使用社交媒体。’我认为14岁是开始使用社交媒体的最低年龄，许多孩子通过短信就能满足社交需求直到14岁以后。选择14岁是因为这时他们开始具备多角度思考和理解不同动机的能力。

Then see how they're doing with texting. And I said to my kids, you are on texting until you cannot maintain your social relationships with texting alone. And my ideal for when social media comes into the picture is minimally age 14. And with texting, a lot of kids can get two and past 14 with enough connection to their peers. And the reason 14 for me is so critical is that that's when they develop the ability to see things from multiple perspectives, understand different motivations.

在此之前，无论多么聪明，他们的思维都是具象化的。青少年接触社交媒体的年龄越大，他们持有的怀疑态度就越强——这对社交媒体使用而言是极好的防护。

Before that, however smart they are, they are concrete in their thinking. And the older teenagers can be before they get on social media, the more skepticism they bring to the table, which for social media is a very good thing.

哇，这太有趣了。你说14岁，那是分水岭年龄吗？

Wow. That is so interesting. 14, you said, is that watershed age?

勉强算是。

Minimally.

对，对，对。我们再多聊聊关于为新学年设定健康界限的事。比如说有人想开始化妆。

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let's talk a little bit more about setting healthy boundaries for the school year specifically. Maybe it's someone who wants to start makeup.

也可能是高中生有了更多自由时间，他们想自己去参加橄榄球比赛，或者打听某某人的派对。在这些时刻，你如何让自己和整个家庭为成功做好准备？

Maybe it's high schoolers that have a little more free but freedom. They wanna start going to football games on their own, or they're asking about so and so's party. How do you set yourself, your whole family up for success in those moments?

我们需要认识到，实际上我们正在养育有记录以来最温顺的一代青少年。真的吗？

What we need to appreciate is that we are actually raising the tamest generation of teenagers on record. Really?

他们很少出门

They leave

比我们当年出门少得多。真的？做些事情。是的。他们非常守规矩。

the house far less than we ever did. Really? Do things. Yes. They are very well behaved.

事实上，我们临床工作者中有些人正在感叹，如今的青少年没有足够地挑战界限，不像我们通常看到的那样频繁要求外出。他们都是很好的孩子。我们正处于所谓的密集型育儿阶段，各个社会经济阶层的父母都非常清楚孩子的动向，通过科技与孩子保持紧密联系。所以实际上我们需要留意的是，挑战界限、寻求新鲜感、想要探索世界正是青少年的本分。这在你的家庭里可能不太有趣，但这恰恰是青少年应该做的。

In fact, some of us on the clinical side are bemoaning the fact that today's teenagers are not pushing the boundaries enough, not asking to go out as much as we would normally see. They're very good kids. And we're in a phase of what we call kind of intensive parenting, where parents are across socioeconomic groups, very, very aware of what their kids are up to, very closely connected to their kids through technology. So the thing that we actually wanna be mindful of is that it is actually teenager's job to push boundaries, to seek novelty, to wanna be out in the world. It's not fun necessarily in your family, but it's exactly what teenagers are supposed to be doing.

因此我的建议是：当你和青少年讨论他们可能面临的各种风险时，不要聚焦于如果被抓到你会怎么做。不要聚焦于法律规定。法律很多时候其实很不合理。要聚焦于青少年的安全。所以如果青少年问你：'如果抓到我在抽大麻你会怎么做？'

So my guidance on this is when you are talking with teenagers about all of the risks that are available to them, do not focus on what you're gonna do if you bust them. Do not focus on what the law says. The laws make actually very little sense much of the time. Focus on the teenager's safety. So if a teenager says to you, what are you gonna do if you catch me smoking weed?

你可以说：'听着，被我抓到是你最不需要担心的事。我担心的是：大麻对发育中的大脑非常有害。所以不管我是否抓到你，我担心的是这实际上会干扰你大脑的健康发育。所以别担心被抓的问题。'

You can say, look, me catching you, that is the least of your concerns. Here's my worry. Cannabis is very hard on the developing brain. And so whether I catch you or not, my worry is that you're gonna actually interfere with healthy growth in your own brain. So don't worry about getting caught.

担心受伤的问题。

Worry about getting hurt.

要点四：若预见到家规可能引发冲突，丽莎建议强调孩子安全的重要性而非潜在惩罚。至于社交媒体，应循序渐进地引入。她推荐14岁前仅限使用短信功能。对于即将返校的青少年和家长，你还有什么最后的想法、感受或建议吗？

Takeaway four. If you're anticipating conflict around house rules, Lisa says emphasize the importance of safety for your kids instead of potential punishments. And as for social media, introduce it slowly and deliberately. Lisa recommends restricting kids to just texting before the age of 14. Do you have any final thoughts, feelings, advice for teens, for parents as we head back to school?

还有什么想留给我们的建议吗？

Anything that you want to leave us with?

我想说两点。第一，关注睡眠。睡眠是维系人类健康的粘合剂。高中生每晚应睡9小时，初中生10小时，小学生11小时或更多。实际需要的睡眠时间远超人们想象。

Let me say two things. Number one, focus on sleep. Sleep is the glue that holds human beings together. High schoolers are supposed to be getting nine hours of sleep at night, middle schoolers 10, elementary school kids 11 or more. So way more sleep than people think kids need.

第二点是日常作息非常有益。规律作息能减少决策疲劳，帮助我们落实计划，明确生活优先级。因此要非常慎重地建立作息习惯，让自己逐步适应学年节奏——保证充足睡眠，预期会有抱怨，并明白过渡期本就艰难。

The other thing I will say is that routines are wonderful. Routines reduce decision making. They help us do the things we say we wanna do. They help us sort of be clear about what our priorities are. So build your routines very, very deliberately and, let yourself sort of click into that school year routine with lots and lots of sleep, expect complaining, and know that transitions are just hard.

要点五：确保顺利过渡学年的两个可靠方法——给予青少年充足睡眠时间，并为他们建立良好作息。丽莎·达穆尔，与你交谈非常愉快。非常感谢你的分享。

Takeaway five, two surefire ways to have a smooth school transition, give your teen lots of time to sleep, and find a good routine for them. Lisa D'Amour, it's been an absolute pleasure. Thank you so much for joining us.

谢谢邀请。

Thank you for having me.

好的，现在进行总结。要点一：孩子面临诸多压力，他们可能想倾诉。若想讨论重要话题，等孩子主动找你。

Alright. It's time for a recap. Takeaway one. Your kid has a lot on their plate, and they probably wanna talk about it. If you wanna discuss a big topic with your teen, let them come to you.

若孩子不主动，尝试预约谈话时间而非突然袭击。要点二：亲子关系出现距离感是正常的，接受他们的白眼。要点三：在起伏不定的青春期，重点在于倾听和给予空间。要点四：制定家规时，强调安全风险而非惩罚措施。

If they don't, try putting some time on the calendar rather than blindsiding them. Takeaway two, some more distance in the relationship is normal. Embrace the eye roll. Takeaway three, amidst all the ups and downs, focus on listening and giving them lots of space. Takeaway four, when you're setting house rules, emphasize the safety risks, not punishments.

要点五：充足睡眠和规律作息至关重要。

Takeaway five, a solid sleep and a solid routine are paramount.

以上是Life Kit记者安迪·泰格尔的报道。想获取更多Life Kit内容，请收听我们的其他节目。我们有关于缓解孩子开学焦虑的专题，还有关于如何在青少年情绪波动时给予支持的指南。您可以在npr.org/lifekit找到这些内容。如果您热爱Life Kit并想获取更多资讯，请订阅我们的新闻通讯npr.org/lifekitnewsletter。

That was Life Kit reporter Andy Tegel. For more Life Kit, check out our other episodes. We've got one on calming your kids back to school jitters and another on how to show up for teens when big emotions arise. You can find those at npr.org/lifekit. And if you love life kit and want even more, subscribe to our newsletter at npr.org/lifekitnewsletter.

同时，我们非常期待您的反馈。如果您有节目创意或建议想要分享，请发送邮件至lifekit@NPR.org。本期Life Kit由玛格丽特·索里诺制作，视觉编辑贝克·哈兰，数字编辑玛莉卡·格雷布，高级监制梅根·凯恩，执行制片贝丝·多诺万。

Also, we love hearing from you. So if you have episode ideas or feedback you wanna share, email us at lifekit@NPR.org. This episode of life kit was produced by Margaret Sorino. Our visuals editor is Beck Harlan, and our digital editor is Malika Grebe. Megan Cain is our senior supervising editor, and Beth Donovan is our executive producer.

制作团队还包括安迪·泰格尔、克莱尔·玛丽·施耐德和西尔维·道格拉斯，工程支持由罗伯特·罗德里格斯提供。我是玛丽尔·塞加拉。感谢收听，祝您开学首日愉快。

Our production team also includes Andy Tegel, Claire Marie Schneider, and Sylvie Douglas. Engineering support comes from Robert Rodriguez. I'm Mariel Segara. Thanks for listening, and have a great first day.

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