85. 一场单口喜剧演出

你正在收听卢克的英语播客。

You're listening to Luke's ENGLISH Podcast.

如需更多信息，请访问 teacherluke.podomatic.com。

For more information, visit teacherluke.podomatic.com.

大家好，欢迎来到卢克英语播客的又一期节目。

Hello, ladies and gents, and welcome to another edition of Luke's ENGLISH Podcast.

非常感谢过去几周我收到的大量邮件和消息。

Thank you very much for recent emails and messages which I've had over the last couple of weeks.

人们对我最近与我哥哥詹姆斯聊天的几期节目给予了积极的评价。

Positive things that people have said about recent episodes in which I chat with my brother James.

这些节目非常受欢迎。

They've been very popular.

所以我肯定会继续制作这类节目。

So I've certainly plan to continue doing those.

下次詹姆斯来我公寓时，我可能会和他聊些别的内容。

Next time James is over here in the flat, I'll probably have a chat with him about something or other.

显然，我做的这类内容越多，在我看来就越好。

Obviously, more the more of those I can do, the better in my opinion.

但詹姆斯是个很忙的人，我也是，所以我们没有太多机会聚在一起录制播客。

But James is quite a busy person and so am I, so we don't get that many opportunities to spend time together and record a podcast.

因此，我预计有时我会继续制作这种只有我一个人的节目。

So I expect sometimes I'll continue to do episodes like this one where it's just me.

但只要他来这儿，我就会让他和我聊点什么，然后录下来上传到网上。

But whenever he's over here, I will get him to talk to me about something, and I'll record it and put it online.

别忘了访问网站，那里可以找到我与我哥哥的对话摘录，以及我在本播客中提到的其他内容，你会看到我写下的各种语言点。

Don't forget to visit the website where you can find extracts of the conversations that I have with my brother and other things that I say on this podcast, you will see various bits of language which I've written there.

这些是短语、表达，甚至句子，我认为它们包含有用的词汇，你可以看一看，记住其中的模式，尝试重复使用，甚至查一查你看到的某些词的含义。

And those are phrases or expressions or even sentences, which I think contain useful bits of vocabulary, things that you can kind of have a look at, maybe remember the pattern, try and repeat it again, and just maybe even check the meanings of certain words that you see there.

这肯定能帮助你学到更多东西。

That will certainly help you to learn a lot more.

你当然可以在任何地方收听这个节目，但如果你访问网页，还能看到一些你可以学习和掌握的词汇。

You can obviously just listen to this wherever you are, but if you visit the web page, you will also see bits of vocabulary which you can pick up and learn as well.

当然，网站是 http://teacherluke.podomatic.com。

Of course, the website is httpcolon//teacherluke.podomatic.com.

现在，我们来看一下。

Now, let's see.

我最近参加了更多单口喜剧演出，并开始在推特等平台上宣传这些活动。

I've been recently doing more stand up comedy gigs, and I've started to kind of, let's say, like, advertise them on Twitter and things like that.

这些演出通常都在伦敦市中心举行。

They're usually in the center of London.

所以如果你在附近，不妨过来看看喜剧表演。

So if you're around, then you can come and have a look at the comedy.

而且，我也收到一些人的消息，他们希望我上传这些单口喜剧演出的录音。

And, also, I've had a few messages from people asking me to upload recordings of those stand up comedy gigs.

所以我想在这期节目中就做一次这样的分享。

And so I thought in this episode, would do that.

现在，我先来跟你聊一些关于单口喜剧的事情，帮助你理解整个背景，同时也教你一些常用于描述单口喜剧表演的词汇。

Now I'm going to, basically, first of all, tell you some things about comedy, about stand up comedy, just to kind of contextualize the whole thing and also teach you some bits of vocabulary, which are often used to describe comedy performances in stand up.

然后我会播放一段我最近在演出前录制的音频，那时我谈到了演出前的感受、我的想法、所有的担忧等等。

And then I'm going to play a recording that I made recently just before I did a gig, and that's where I talk about how I feel before the performance, what I'm thinking about, all my concerns, and so on about a performance before I do it.

在那种情况下，我常常会感到非常紧张。

I'm often quite nervous nervous in those situations.

所以你会听到我谈论演出前的感受。

So you'll hear me talking about how I feel before a gig.

接着你可以听一段演出的录音，看看观众对哪些内容笑了，对哪些内容没笑。

Then you can listen to a recording of the performance, and you can see, you know, which things the audience laughed at and which things they didn't laugh at.

你还能听到我在舞台上是紧张还是自信，以及我玩得有多开心。

And you can hear either how nervous I am on stage or how confident I am and how much fun I'm having.

在听完那段录音后，我会再播放一段我当晚回家后收到的回应。

And then once we've listened to that recording, I'm gonna just sort of play you a response, which I had following the performance when I came home that evening.

我会告诉你我当时的感觉，觉得演出中哪些地方好，哪些地方不够好。

And so I'll tell you, like, how I felt, what I thought was good, and what I thought wasn't so good in the performance.

明白吗？

Okay?

所以，你可以在本集播客中期待这些内容。

So that's what you can expect from this episode of the podcast.

我之前在这档播客中已经谈过单口喜剧，所以你应该基本了解它是什么。

Now I've talked about stand up comedy before in this podcast, so you should know basically what it is.

我知道在英国，单口喜剧非常非常流行，但在世界上的某些国家，它并没有那么受欢迎。

I know that in The UK, it's really, really popular thing, but in some countries in the world, it's not quite so popular.

为了让你重温一下单口喜剧的基本概念，它涉及一群观众。

So just to remind you basically what stand up comedy is, it involves an audience of people.

通常，观众会在酒吧上方的大房间里，有时也会在更大、专门建造的喜剧场馆里。

Often that will be in a big room above a pub or sometimes in a much larger purpose built comedy venue.

所以，有一群观众，以及一个小小的舞台，舞台上可能只有一盏灯和一个话筒。

So an audience of people and, basically, a small stage, probably with one light on the stage and a microphone.

接下来，喜剧演员会上台，表演大约五到十五分钟的段子，他们只是站在那里拿着话筒，对观众说话，努力逗大家笑。

And what happens is that comedians come up onto the stage and they do maybe five, ten, fifteen minutes of material where they just stand with the microphone, and they just speak to the audience and just try to make the audience laugh.

你唯一要做的就是尽可能多地、频繁地逗观众发笑。

That's the that's really the only the only sort of thing you have to do is just make the audience laugh as much as possible and as often as possible.

一场非常成功的单口喜剧表演是，表演者一直在说话，每隔十秒左右就会爆发出一阵大笑。

And a really successful stand up gig will be the person talking, and it's like every ten seconds, there's kind of a big laugh.

这就是你表演单口喜剧时所追求的效果。

That's what you're aiming for when you do stand up comedy.

所以，事情就是这样。

So that's it, really.

从某种意义上说，这是一种非常纯粹的表达方式。

It's like a very pure form of expression in a way.

我不确定是否能称之为艺术形式，但很多人确实这么认为。

I'm not sure if you can call it an art form, but many people do.

从这个角度看，它是一种极其纯粹的艺术形式，完全依赖于演讲者引发观众即时反应的能力。

And and in that sense, it's like a really pure form of art where it really just relies on on the ability of the speaker to kind of get this instant reaction from the audience.

这和音乐不同，因为在音乐中，观众只是静静地欣赏。

It's different from music because, obviously, in music, the the audience just sort of sit and appreciate.

你有乐器和一首歌，可以呈现出来。

You've got a musical instrument and a song which you can kind of present.

在戏剧中，你有剧本。

In in in theater, you have a script.

你还有导演等等。

You've got a director and so on.

但在喜剧中，只有表演者本人。

But in comedy, it's just the performer.

就是这样。

That's it.

所以如果表演不成功，你不能怪任何人。

So if the performance isn't a success, you can't blame anyone else.

这不是导演或编剧的错。

It's not the fault of the the director or the script writer or anything.

这完全取决于你自己，因为你既写了所有素材，又亲自表演。

It's purely down to you because you write all of the material and you perform it too.

而且，你每十秒就会被评判一次，所以你必须确保自己始终能引发笑声。

Also, you're being judged every every ten seconds, and so you have to make sure that, you know, you're always getting laughs.

如果你没逗笑观众，那就基本上算是失败了。

And if you don't get a laugh, it's basically a failure.

所以，你知道，这压力非常大。

So, you know, it's very high pressured.

从观众的角度来看，这看起来可能只是好玩和嬉闹。

From the audience's point of view, it it probably looks just like fun and games.

一切都只是图个乐子。

It's all just a bit of a laugh.

一般来说，如果喜剧演员非常出色，他们会让人觉得这一切轻而易举。

The comedian, generally, if they're if they're very good, makes it look easy.

看起来一切都像是即兴发挥。

It looks like it's all just spontaneous.

一切都像是即兴创作，自然又放松。

It's all just improvised, completely natural and comfortable.

所以观众会觉得喜剧演员只是在跟大家聊一些关于自己的事，或者谈谈他们的一天之类的。

So it looks like the comedian's just kind of just telling the the audience a few things about themselves or talking about their day or something.

这一切看起来都非常正常自然，但其中却充满了笑话和让人发笑的内容。

It all looks very normal and natural, and yet there's lots of jokes in there and things that make you laugh.

所以，你知道，如果表演出色，你就看不到任何尴尬或紧张。

So, you know, if it's a good performance, you don't see any awkwardness or nerves.

你知道，它会随着现场的气氛自然流动，所有人都会被表演者的话所吸引。

You know, it just tends to flow with the energy of the room, and everyone just gets carried away with what the person is saying.

但事实上，大多数喜剧演员在舞台上和演出前都非常紧张。

But, actually, most comedians are really very nervous on stage and before a performance.

从喜剧演员的角度来看，这本质上是一场生存之战。

It's really from from the comedian's point of view, it's very much about survival.

你只能尽力完成表演，尽可能长时间地博得更多笑声，然后赶紧下台。

So you just have to try and survive your performance and just try and get as many laughs as you can for as long as possible and then just get off the stage.

你知道吗？

You know?

所以这也可能是一段非常痛苦的经历，尤其是当没人发笑的时候。

So it can be very painful experience as well, especially if nobody laughs.

你知道吗，大多数喜剧演员其实非常认真，他们对自己的喜剧表演极其认真。

You know, most comedians are actually very serious, and they they take their comedy very seriously.

一场糟糕的演出对他们来说可能非常令人沮丧，因为你感觉被彻底拒绝、心碎不已——你精心打磨的段子，那些对你个人意义重大的内容，却因为没人发笑而彻底失败了。

And a bad gig can be quite upsetting for them because you feel completely rejected and brokenhearted because everything that you kind of carefully worked out in the material that you wrote and which meant a lot to you personally just failed in a sense because nobody laughed at it.

当你真正发自内心地说出这些话时，效果最好。

Now it works best when you really mean what you're saying.

所以，当失败时，那种痛苦会更强烈，你知道的。

So it it hurts more, you know, when it fails.

喜剧演员们把自己的身份、尊严和情感都押在了能否逗人发笑的希望上。

Comedians kind of gamble themselves and their dignity and their feelings on the prospect of making people laugh.

如果很多人笑了，那么回报就会非常鼓舞人心，也让人感到被认可。

Now if a lot of people do laugh, then the the reward is very encouraging and and validating.

你会觉得自己仿佛站在世界之巅，但风险在于，你可能会被看作一个自恋的怪人，遭到观众的评判和鄙视。

And you you really feel on top of the world, but the risk is that you'll just look like an ego driven weirdo and that you'll just get judged, and and you'll just get a lot of disdain from the audience.

如果失败了，这就是它的代价。

That's the the downside if it doesn't work.

所以，有些人说，没有人比喜剧演员受到更多的评判，因为你一直在被评判。

So, you know, some people say that nobody gets judged more than comedians because you're being judged.

只要你一上台，人们就开始评判你，之后每十秒钟他们都在评判你，期待你讲个笑话什么的。

As soon as you get onto the stage, people are judging you, and then every ten seconds after that, they're judging you, expecting you to tell a joke or something.

喜剧的语言，我们用来描述喜剧表演的表达方式，常常是非常暴力的词汇。

The language of comedy, the expressions that we use to describe a comedy performance, are often quite violent expressions.

比如，如果一个喜剧演员在舞台上不成功，他们会说：‘你炸了。’

So for example, if a comedian is not successful on stage, they would say that, you bombed.

‘炸了’的意思就是在舞台上失败，彻底搞砸了。

To bomb means to fail, basically, on stage, to bomb.

或者说你‘死在台上’了，他‘死在台上’了。

Or you could say you died he died on stage.

这显然不是说他真的死了。

That means that, obviously, he didn't literally die.

只是说他的表演非常糟糕。

He just had a very bad performance.

所以他上台演出失败了，或者说，‘我今晚彻底崩了。’

So he died on stage or or we'd say, oh, I I absolutely died on my ass tonight.

如果你‘崩在屁股上’，就是那种演出很糟、没人笑、你孤零零站在台前的感觉，非常尴尬。

If you die on your ass, it's just that feeling of sort of having a bad gig where no one's laughing and you're just standing there in front of everyone, and it's very embarrassing.

你崩在屁股上了。

You died on your ass.

但另一方面，喜剧演员实际上是在试图‘笑死’观众。

But then again, what the comedian is attempting to do with the audience is he's trying to kill the audience, actually.

当然不是字面意思。

Now not literally.

那会违法、错误，诸如此类。

That would be illegal and wrong and all those sorts of things.

但喜剧演员经常这么说。

But that's what comedians often say.

这是一种他们常用的表达方式。

That that's an expression they use.

他们说，哦，他今晚把观众逗死了，或者他今晚简直太炸了，这个笑话太绝了。

They say, oh, he's he killed the audience tonight, or he absolutely killed tonight, or this joke kills.

它总是能让观众笑翻。

It always kills the audience.

所以这其实是非常暴力的比喻。

So it's really quite violent imagery.

要么观众把喜剧演员逗死，让他在台上垮掉，要么喜剧演员用一个极其精彩的笑话把观众逗死。

Either the audience kills the comedian and he dies on stage, or the comedian kills the audience with a really killer joke.

还有‘笑点’这个词。

And also the word punchline.

笑点就是笑话中最有趣的部分。

The punchline is the part of a joke which is funny.

它就像是结尾那句搞笑的话。

It's like the funny line at the end.

你知道，‘punch line’中的‘punch’意思是用拳头打人的脸。

The punch line, as you know, to punch someone is to hit someone in the face with your fist.

所以这与暴力意象有关。

So there's this violent imagery related to it.

因此，这几乎像是一种角斗士式的搏斗之类的东西。

So it's it's almost like a sort of gladiatorial combat or something like that.

就这样吧。

So there you go.

现在，我想接下来放一段我最近在一场单口喜剧演出前录制的音频，当时我解释了自己有多紧张，以及担心些什么。

Now I thought that next I'll play you a recording I made recently before I did a stand up comedy gig, and I explained how I feel, how nervous I am, and the things that I'm worried about.

所以你现在可以听一听。

So that's what you can listen to now.

这是几周前我在伦敦市中心进行单口喜剧演出前的我。

This is me a couple of weeks ago just before I did a stand up comedy gig in the center of London.

好的。

Okay.

今晚我有一场单口喜剧演出，所以我打算先练习一下我的段子。

I've got a stand up gig tonight, so I thought I'd just practice my material.

每次我表演喜剧时，我总是会提前担心自己的表现。

Now, I'm always whenever I do comedy, I always kind of worry about the performance before I do it.

关于我的表演，我主要担心两件事。

And there are two main things that I I worry about in terms of my performance.

第一件事是段子内容。

The the first thing is the material.

也就是说，我实际要说的具体内容。

So that means the actual specific things that I'm saying.

我担心段子内容，是因为当我面对观众时，它们应该显得自然。

So I worry about the material because when I'm talking to the audience, it should seem to be natural.

最好的情况是，内容是即兴的、自然的、未经预设的，就像人们平时正常交谈一样。

So it's best when it's spontaneous and natural and unplanned, You know, just like when you're when a person is just normally talking.

对我来说，最有趣的事情，就是人们自然流露的瞬间。

Now for me, the funniest thing the funniest things are when people are just being spontaneous.

当你和一个特别特别搞笑的朋友在一起时，他们随口说出的话既搞笑又恰到好处，完全契合当时的氛围。

You know, when you you're with a friend who's really, really funny, and they're just spontaneously saying things that that are really funny, and they're they're really appropriate to the moment.

这些都是让东西真正有趣的重要因素。

Those are all important things to make something really genuinely funny.

它们必须是自发的，或者至少看起来是自发的，并且必须直接回应现场观众。

They have to be sort of spontaneous, or they have to seem spontaneous, and they have to speak directly to the people in the room.

而且所有这些在那一刻都必须说得通。

And it all has to kind of make sense at that moment.

对吧？

Right?

它必须以某种方式契合那个时刻。

It has to somehow be appropriate for that moment.

如果你在表演前写好了喜剧素材，然后上台时说出那些事先准备好的内容，就会显得不够自发。

Now, if you've written comedy material in advance of a performance, and then you go up and you you say, like, pre prepared or pre planned things, it's gonna seem less spontaneous.

它看起来也不会那么贴合那个时刻、那么贴合在场的人。

It's gonna seem less kind of appropriate to to that moment, to those people there.

所以，有一种技巧在于能让一些事先规划好的素材显得像是自发的、契合当下的。

So there's an art in kind of being able to make some preplanned material seem to be spontaneous and of the moment.

所以你必须在你的素材中加入一些能吸引观众、让他们与你的表演产生共鸣的内容。

So you have to try and build into your material something that is gonna draw the audience in or allow the audience to connect with what you're doing.

也许我想得太多了，我应该直接上台，照着我的素材说就行了。

Now, maybe I think about it too much and I should just go out there and just say my material.

但我总是担心，我表达素材的方式不够有说服力，也不够自然自发。

But I'm always worried that the way that I say my material won't be kind of convincing or spontaneous enough.

所以这是我担心的一个方面。

So that's one thing that I'm worried about.

另一个问题是素材本身。

Another thing is the material itself.

通常，我都是独自写这些素材，没有真正拿给观众测试过。

Now often I've written that material on my own, and I haven't really tested it on an audience.

有些内容我确实拿给观众试过，知道它们很好笑，因为每次都能引发笑声。

Some of that stuff I've tested on an audience, and I know it's funny because it always gets a laugh.

但新素材就不确定观众会不会笑了。

But new stuff, I don't know if the audience will laugh or not.

所以总会担心，我写的东西、我要说的内容，到底是真的好笑，还是只是我觉得好笑。

So there's that fear of kind of like, if the things I've written, the things I'm gonna say really are funny or or if it's just me.

因为很多时候，你会写一些自认为特别好笑的东西，上台一说，结果冷场，没人笑。

Because quite often, you'll write something that you think is really funny, and you go in front of an audience and you say it, and it it falls flat and no one laughs.

然后你就会意识到：天啊，我为什么会觉得这个好笑？

And then you realize, woah, why did I think that was funny?

这根本一点都不好笑。

That's not funny at all.

这完全没什么好笑的。

There's nothing funny about that.

所以每次说新段子时，心里总会有个声音在想：也许这个并不好笑。

So there's always that fear in your mind of like, when you say new material, you think, maybe this isn't funny.

我真的不知道这到底好不好笑。

I have no idea if this is funny or not.

尤其是当你反复练习、反复琢磨过之后。

Especially if you've practiced it and thought about it a lot.

过一段时间后，你就会失去原本的幽默感，只剩下文字。

After a while, you just lose the original spark of of humor in it, and it's just words.

所以我担心我的素材不够好笑。

So I'm worried that my material won't be funny.

我也担心表演效果。

And I'm worried about the performance.

所以这些包括我向观众传达素材的方式、身体动作、语调以及整体态度。

So that's things like the way in which I deliver the material to the audience, the way that I move physically, my tone of voice, my general attitude.

比如，我会不会表现得积极、乐观、充满活力？

For example, am I gonna be, like, all positive and upbeat and energetic?

还是会显得低能量、情绪化一点，或者类似的状态？

Or am I gonna be a bit more kind of low energy, a bit more moody or something like that?

总是很难判断该采用哪种表演方式。

It's always difficult to know which kind of performance I should be using.

我应该站在舞台上一动不动地讲，还是应该走动并做一些肢体动作？

Should I sort of stand still on stage and just talk, or should I try and move around and do physical movements?

做肢体动作又想显得自然，真的很难。

It's it's difficult to to it's difficult to do physical movements and make it natural again.

站着不动说话更安全，但我还是应该尝试一些肢体动作，因为这样会更自然一些。

It's safer to just stand and talk, but I should try and do some physical movements because it makes it a bit more natural.

但要再自然地即兴做这些动作实在太难了，所以我有点紧张。

But it's really hard to to do that spontaneously again, so I'm a bit nervous about it.

但我想到，既然我需要练习熟悉我的素材，那就干脆现在先把今天要讲的内容朗读一遍。

But I thought what I'd do now is just because I need to practice going through my material, that I would just read through the material that I'm gonna do today.

现在我正努力记住这些内容，所以预计会有记不起来的时候，可能会停顿一下之类的。

Now I'm trying to remember it, so I expect there'll be moments where I can't remember my stuff, and I'll pause or whatever.

这纯粹是因为我在练习。

So that's just because I'm practicing.

希望今晚上台时，我不会再停顿或努力回想自己要说的话了。

Hopefully, when I go on stage this evening, I won't be pausing or trying to remember what I'm saying.

另外，还有面对观众时的肾上腺素激增。

Also, there's the adrenaline of going up in front of some people.

即使观众人数很少，你还是会感受到一阵肾上腺素激增，这会让你说话变快，甚至开始谈论一些原本没计划好的内容。

Even if it's a small number of people, you still get like an a kick of adrenaline, which can make you talk fast, it makes you start talking about things you hadn't planned to talk about.

当然，还有其他因素，比如观众可能会有什么反应。

And of course, there's there are other elements like, for example, what the audience are gonna do.

因为在单口喜剧表演中，观众总觉得自己是参与其中的。

Because in a stand up comedy gig, the audience always feels like they are involved.

观众经常会对你说的话做出回应。

Like often the audience will talk back to you.

他们会打断你、调侃你。

They'll heckle you.

他们会对你做出回应或类似的行为。

They'll respond to you or something.

所以这总是让人有点担心，因为你永远不知道观众会做什么、说什么，或者如何回应你的段子。

So that's always a bit of a worry, cause you never know what the audience is gonna do or what they're gonna say or how they're gonna respond to your material.

所以你只能硬着头皮，放手去干。

So you just have to kind of just bite the bullet and go for it.

所以，总之，我现在来过一遍我的一些素材，我只是会正常地读一遍这些内容，不会刻意加入特别的表演风格。

So anyway, let me just go through some of my material now, and I'm just gonna read through the material just because I'm just gonna read through it normally without kind of putting a particular edge on the performance.

所以我主要只是读这些文字，因为我还没决定最好的呈现方式。

So I'm just gonna read through the the words mainly just because I haven't really decided the best way to present the material.

所以谁知道呢？

So who knows?

也许这根本不会很好笑。

Maybe this won't be very funny at all.

可能只是我在读一些素材而已。

It might just be me reading through some material.

我们不知道。

We don't know.

我想我今晚可能会录下我的表演，然后我们可以对比一下，看看这次是不是比上次更有趣，或者观众觉得哪里好笑、哪里不好笑。

I I think I'll probably record my performance tonight as well, and then we can compare the difference and see if this one was funnier than the other one or or or what the audience thought was funny or or didn't.

因为他们可能会觉得我是个傻瓜。

Because they they might think I'm an idiot.

谁知道呢？

Who knows?

实际上，我正在练习的这段表演确实包含一些相当粗俗的内容，尤其是在结尾部分。

Because they Actually, that the routine that I'm practicing does have some quite rude material in it, particularly at the end.

所以如果你对这类内容感到不适，不妨跳过这一段，因为结尾处有一些粗话和露骨的内容。

So if you do get offended by that sort of thing, then maybe just skip this bit because there's a there's a few rude words and a bit of explicit content at the end.

不幸的是，这类内容往往更容易引发笑声。

Unfortunately, that more often gets laughs.

如果你足够粗俗，就能轻易获得笑声。

If you're very rude, you can get easy laughs like that.

所以，我担心自己在五分钟表演的结尾处加入了一些粗俗内容，希望你们不会因此感到冒犯。

So I'm afraid I do add some rude material, at the sort of end of this five minute set, which I hope you don't get offended by.

如果你担心自己会反感，那就直接跳过吧。

And if you're worried that you will, then just skip it.

明白吗？

Okay?

所以我想像一下，我们现在在一个喜剧俱乐部，主持人正要宣布我上台。

So I'd like to imagine that we're in a comedy club, and the emcee is just about to announce me onto the stage.

然后他说：好的，那么。

And he goes, so, okay.

你的下一位表演者叫卢克·汤普森。

Your next performer is called Luke Thompson.

所以请大家欢迎

So please welcome to the

舞台上的卢克·汤普森先生。

stage, mister Luke Thompson.

观众会欢呼：太棒了，期待我特别搞笑。

And the audience goes, yay, expecting me to be really funny.

太棒了，卢克·汤普森。

Yay, Luke Thompson.

然后我出场，拿起话筒。

And I appear and I get the microphone.

这时候我有点紧张。

I'm a bit nervous at this point.

我说：女士们先生们，谢谢你们今晚能出来，毕竟，这糟糕的天气到底是怎么回事？

I go, ladies and gentlemen, and well done for making it out tonight, because, you know, what was all this bad weather?

外面冷得要命，对吧？

It's it's freezing out there, isn't it?

天气突然就变冷了，是不是？

It's suddenly gone cold, isn't it?

我不知道发生了什么。

I don't know what happened.

温度突然就滴滴答答地降了。

It just suddenly the temperature just drip drip.

温度不仅滴落，还直接暴跌了。

The temperature just dripped and dropped as well.

我不知道为什么。

I don't know why.

其实我是知道的。

Well, I do actually.

现在是冬天，不是吗？

It's it's winter, isn't it?

每年都会发生一次。

It happens once a year.

所以也不该太惊讶。

So it shouldn't be too much of a surprise.

但下雪时你总是得小心。

But the snow always is you gotta be careful.

我觉得最好的描述就是它很危险，不是吗？

I think the best way to describe that is it's treacherous, isn't it?

那雪真是危险的东西。

It's it's it's treacherous stuff, that snow.

你根本不敢相信它。

You you don't trust it.

别相信它。

Don't trust it.

别，你知道的，别背对着它，因为它会用某种冰刀刺你，然后还试图推翻政府，因为这玩意儿本质上就是一种危险的物质。

Don't, you know, don't turn your back on it because it will stab you with some sort of ice knife, and then it'll try and overthrow the government because it's, you know, it's basically a treacherous substance.

这正是我想表达的意思。

That's what that's what I'm trying to say.

但，是的，这就是雪。

But, yeah, that's snow.

这简直是个雪地笑话。

It's it's it's a snow joke.

没错。

So yep.

而且我试着种过

And my I tried to grow

胡子。

a beard.

我说是长出来，其实更像是自己从我脸上冒出来的。

I say grow, it more just sort of came out of my face.

因为众所周知，这个公式是：头发加脸部等于有男子气概，对吧？

And because the equation, as we know, the equation kind of goes, hair or face plus hair equals manly, right?

这就是那个公式，不是吗？

That's the equation, isn't it?

头发加脸部等于有男子气概。

Hair plus face equals manly.

但如果这是真的，那我奶奶其实相当有男子气概，因为没错，她并不是什么长胡子的女人。

Now, but if that is true, then my gran was really quite manly, actually, because yeah, because she wasn't a bearded lady or anything like that.

她只是有那么一点粗糙，你知道的，她说像砂纸一样，你甚至能在她脸上擦出火来。

She just had, you know, she said it was a bit sandpapery, you know, you could strike a match off her face, you know.

她非常坚强。

She was quite tough.

在很多方面，她就像个牛仔。

She was like a cowboy really in a lot of ways.

她膝盖甚至有点关节炎，让腿有点罗圈腿。

She even had sort of a bit of arthritis in the knees, which kind of made them a bit bandy, you know, bandy legged.

她背部也不好，导致她有点驼背。

And she had bad back, made her a bit hunched over.

她随身带着枪，还穿着护腿，骑着一匹叫唐托的马。

She carried a gun at all times with her, and she, you know, she wore chaps as well, rode a horse called Tonto.

那不是真的。

That's not true.

但她在某些方面确实像个牛仔，你知道的。

But she was, in some ways, like a cowboy, you know.

她不太喜欢陌生人。

She didn't take too kindly to strangers.

而且，她会过来

And, you know, she would she would come and

偶尔来拜访。

visit sometimes.

就是那种叮当、叮当、叮当、叮当、叮当、叮当的声音。

It would be like, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching.

很明显，那是她的珠宝。

Obviously, that's her jewelry.

叮当、叮当、叮当，

Ching, ching, ching,

因为那是八十年代，所以我们家厨房有那种牛仔酒吧式的弹簧门。

because we had it was the eighties, so we had those, like, saloon doors into the kitchen.

叮当、叮当、叮当、叮当、叮当，嗯，

Ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, Well,

你好啊，小伙子。

howdy, boy.

我和你爷爷刚从很远的米德兰兹地区骑马下来，那个地方叫萨顿科尔菲尔德。

Me and your grandpa here just rode down from way up yonder in the Midlands, from a town named Sutton Coldfield.

我想我们是下来拜访你爸妈，喝杯咖啡的。

I reckon we'd come down and visit your Ma and Pa, drink a cup of coffee.

能见到你，我比斗鸡还骄傲，孩子。

I'm prouder than a game rooster to be able to see you, boy.

给你带了点东西。

Brought something for you.

一包特浓咖啡豆。

A It's packet of extra strong beans.

我现在饿得像密苏里州的山地猎犬，来，过来给老奶奶亲一口脸吧？

Now I'm hungry as a Missouri hillhound, so why don't you come over here and give your old grandma a kiss on the face?

怎么了，孩子？

What's the matter, boy?

你不愿意给奶奶亲一口吗？

You gonna pucker up them lips for grandma?

你打算吹一曲《迪克西》吗？

You gonna whistle Dixie?

她就是这样的。

That's that's exactly what she was like.

好吧？

Alright?

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

我现在喜欢看新闻，不只是因为那些故事，

Now I love watching the news, not just because of the stories,

而是我喜欢他们说话的方式。

but I love the way they speak.

我喜欢新闻里人们的说话模式，因为它们很奇怪。

I love their speech patterns in the news because they're strange.

无论什么情况，他们说话都不像普通人。

They don't speak like normal people, no matter what situation they're in.

哈默史密斯的蒸馏者，位于西伦敦的哈默史密斯，一场开放麦喜剧之夜。

The distillers' arms in Hammersmith Hammersmith in West London and an open mic night comedy evening.

我站在观众面前，不知道接下来该说什么。

I'm standing in front of the audience wondering what the hell I'm going to say next.

有点紧张，因为如果搞砸了，我会显得很蠢。

A little bit of tension because if I get this wrong, I'm gonna look like a tit.

你知道的，就是

That's you know what

我的意思是？

I mean?

就是他们说话的方式。

Like, the the way that they they speak.

我不知道为什么

I don't know why

是这样。

that is.

不知为何，新闻里每个人都好像这样说话。

For some reason, everyone on the news seems to speak something like this.

句子的重音非常奇怪。

The sentence stress is very strange.

语调也很怪异。

The intonation's just weird.

没人真正知道这句话接下来会走向哪里，甚至连写这句话的人自己也不知道，这相当奇怪，因为某种原因，句子的结构似乎让人觉得这一切背后隐藏着一个绝对真实的事实，但也许这全是胡说八道，我们根本无从知晓新闻播音员脑子里到底在想什么。

No one really knows quite where the sentence is going to go next, not even the person who wrote it, which is rather strange because somehow the sentence structure seems to make it sound like there's an absolute solid gold fact at the heart of all of this, but maybe that's just all bullshit, and we don't really know what's going on inside the brain of the newsreader himself.

也许有一件非常奇怪的事是，当这句话终于结束时，它必须以一种非常奇特的语调收尾。

Perhaps one thing that is very strange is that when the sentence finally does draw to a close, it has to do so on a very strange note.

为什么会这样？

Why is that?

他们为什么这么做？

Why are they why are they doing this?

我不知道。

I don't know.

但是，

But,

是的，我猜他们现在根本停不下来了。

yeah, I imagine that they can't stop doing this now.

我的意思是，这会变成一种习惯，对吧？

I mean, it it would become a habit, wouldn't it?

我想知道他们会不会把工作带回家，甚至回到家后还用那种腔调跟妻子说话。

I wonder if they kind of take their work home with them, have come home speaking like that, even to their wife.

比如，晚上好

Like, good

亲爱的。

evening, darling.

今天在新闻室过得特别棒。

I had a fantastic day at the newsroom today.

谈论事实让我欲火焚身，所以我建议我们就在门口来一场即兴的性行为。

Talking about facts makes me horny, so I suggest we indulge in an impromptu act of sexual congress right here by the door.

没错，亲爱的。

That's right, darling.

把内裤脱了，我要干你。

Take off your underpants because I'm going to fuck you.

我是卢克·汤普森，现在在我妻子的走廊里。

This is Luke Thompson in the hallway in my wife.

谢谢。

Thank you.

我一直都是卢克·汤普森。

I've been Luke Thompson.

晚安。

Good night.

所以你看，就是这样。

So there you go.

这就是素材。

That's the material.

结尾有点粗鲁，但正如我所说，这些粗鲁的话往往能引人发笑。

Slightly rude at the end, but as I said, those rude things often get laughs.

这就是人们喜欢的那种廉价玩意儿。

That's the kind of cheap stuff that people like.

所以这就是五分钟的段子。

So that that's the five minute material.

现在在我看来，这基本上是两个部分。

Now it's basically, in my opinion, two bits.

第一部分是关于留胡子，然后我讲到我奶奶年纪大了的时候脸上也有些毛发。

So the first bit is, about growing a beard, and then I talk about how my grandma had a bit of facial hair when she was, like, old.

于是我心想我奶奶有点像牛仔，这其实挺蠢的。

And so then I thought that my grandma was a bit like a cowboy, which is a bit stupid, really.

这只不过是我用来模仿牛仔嗓音的借口，而我喜欢这么做。

And it's just an excuse for me to do this kind of cowboy voice, which I enjoy doing.

就是这种‘嘿哟’的腔调。

That kind of howdy.

我是个牛仔。

I'm a cowboy.

那种食肉动物，你知道的，就是那种东西。

That kind of carnivores, you know, that kind of thing.

这只是一个机会来表演那个。

It's just a chance to do that.

这是新素材，我以前只表演过一次。

Now that's new material, and I've only ever done that once before.

说实话，我对它没什么信心。

And I'm not very confident about it, to be honest.

我不确定自己喜不喜欢这个声音，也不确定它好不好笑。

I'm not sure I like I enjoy doing the voice, but I'm not sure if it's funny.

那就走着瞧吧。

So we'll see.

另一个段子是关于新闻的，讲他们是怎么在新闻里说话的。

And the other bit is the bit about the news and how they talk on the news.

这可能是我最好的一些素材了，我以前表演过很多次。

And that's probably my some of my best material, and I've done that lots of times before.

这个段子几乎总能引来大笑，有时还会赢得观众的掌声。

And that almost always gets a big laugh and sometimes gets applause from the audience.

当然，还有开场白，我对自己开场白的感觉真的很不舒服。

Then, of course, there's the intro, and I I'm I'm really uncomfortable with my intro.

我没有一个强有力的开场段子，我觉得这有点问题。

Like, I don't have a strong opening bit, which I think is a bit of a problem.

所以你会在刚才的练习中听到，我说得其实不多。

So you'll hear in this I mean, in that practice run, you know, I kind of didn't really say much.

我提到了寒冷的天气，但开头并没有什么特别好笑的内容。

I talked about the cold weather, but there wasn't really anything very funny at the beginning.

我认为在即将听到的演出中，你会听到我开头也做了类似尝试，想讲个笑话。

I think in the performance, which you're about to listen to, you hear me do a similar thing, trying to make a joke at the beginning.

但效果并不好，直到表演后半段才逐渐升温。

It doesn't really work, and it picks up in the second half of the set.

现在你可以听一下我实际演出的录音，我讲的基本上是同样的内容。

So now you can listen to the actual recording of the gig, which I did, and I do the same material more or less.

我们来看看会发生什么。

And we'll see what happens.

我不知道观众会不会喜欢。

I wonder if the audience like it.

这段有五分钟长，所以请继续听，等我们结束后我会再讲一点。

So it's five minutes long, so do keep listening, and I'll talk a little bit more when we finished.

谢谢大家今晚，星期一还特意赶来。

So well done for coming making out tonight, Monday.

今晚星期一，天气真冷。

Very cold Monday evening.

干得好。

Well done.

外面路况真是危险，对吧？

Because it's been treacherous, hasn't it, out there.

但你们还是来了这里，到The Wharf这个喜剧场所，因为我们都知道，笑声是最好的良药，对吧？

But you've done the right thing to come here to The Wharf, the come for a comedy venue because we all know that laughter is the best medicine, don't we?