如何在迷茫时找到动力并建立自信

我有三个想法想跟你分享，也跟我们自己分享，用来激励我们自己，让我们带着比现在更多的信心向前走。

I have three ideas for you, for us, to motivate ourselves and to move forward with hopefully a little bit more confidence than what we're coming with.

嗨，大家好。

Hi, hello.

欢迎收听《玛丽的一杯茶》，这是一个关于女性自爱的播客。

Welcome to Mary's Cup of Tea, the self love podcast for women.

不过，所有爱自己的人在这里都受欢迎。

Though all self lovers are welcome here.

我是玛丽。

I'm Mary.

我写作和演讲关于自爱的话题，最出名的是我的书《自爱的礼物》，我还为女性举办静修活动。

I write and speak about self love, and I'm best known for my book, The Gift of Self Love, and I also host retreats for women.

这个播客会激励你去爱自己。

And this is the podcast that will inspire you to love yourself.

在我们深入之前，先快速说一下，我想确保你知道我的书《自爱的礼物》。

Real quick before we dive in, I wanna make sure you know about my book, The Gift of Self-Love.

这是一本练习册，帮你建立自信、认清自身价值，学会爱上真实的自己。

It's a workbook to help you build confidence, recognize your worth, and learn to love who you are.

在各大书店都能买到。

It's available anywhere books are sold.

已经有成千上万的人买了它、喜欢它，还告诉我这本书对他们的自我成长之路帮助特别大。

Thousands of people have it, love it, and have told me that it has greatly benefited their self love journey.

希望它也能对你有所帮助。

And I hope it'll do the same for you.

那我们现在就开始播客内容吧。

And now let's get into the podcast.

我不想花太多时间跟你细说我现在为什么在动力上遇到瓶颈。

I don't wanna bore you with the details of how and why I'm struggling with motivation right now.

那种感觉就是很迷茫，不知道接下来该往哪个方向走。

But it's the usual feeling lost, not knowing what direction I'm headed.

心里想着要不要换个赛道，但又担心以后会后悔，毕竟我放弃了之前那么努力才得到的一切，那样做会不会太傻了？

Thinking about taking a different turn, but wondering if that will make me regret it because I've given up everything I've worked hard for and wouldn't that be stupid?

但接着，我努力得到的一切似乎还不够，我可能还不够努力，还拿自己和那些看起来比我强十倍、赚得更多的人比，为什么我不能像他们那样，那么专注呢？

But then everything I worked hard for doesn't seem like it's enough and I'm maybe not working hard enough and comparing myself to the person who looks like they're doing 10 times better than me and making more money and why can't I be that way and be that dedicated?

为什么一切都这么难？

And why does everything feel so hard?

当然，这是因为这种心理循环和思维过程让人精疲力尽。

Well, of course, it's because the mental loop and that thought process is exhausting.

这样自我打击，确实会消耗真实的精力和热量。

It actually takes real energy and calories to beat yourself up that way.

所以这会导致你感到疲倦、精疲力尽、疲惫不堪，从而失去动力。

So that leads to feeling tired and exhausted, fatigued and thus demotivated.

这听起来也很傻，因为我有那么多值得感恩的事情，而且我那么努力地想保持积极。

It sounds so silly too because I have so much to be grateful for and I'm trying so hard to be positive.

通常对我来说，这还挺自然的。

And usually that comes rather naturally for me.

但昨天散步的时候，我真的不得不把积极性变成愤怒，或者我得骗自己的大脑，让它愤怒地积极起来。

But yesterday on a walk, I literally had to turn my positivity into anger or I had to like trick my brain into angrily being positive.

我就会说，这些该死的鸟唱着这么好听的歌，我真是太爱我的狗了，他简直可爱死了。

I'd be like, these fucking birds are singing these beautiful fucking songs and I just love my fucking dog and he's so fucking cute.

我真的必须用那种方式说出来，因为我的情绪太负面了，很难转成正面的，这是我唯一能对我丈夫表达我有这么多值得感恩的事情的方式。

And I literally had to speak that way because my energy was so negative and it was so hard to turn out positive that this was the only way that I could vocalize to my husband that I have so much to be grateful for.

而且那种压力，我知道我之前在第三百期节目里跟你提过，我当时还说我要暂停播客。

And yet the pressure of that, I know I mentioned this to you before in my three hundredth episode where I also said I was gonna take a podcast break.

但现在我就在这里，我就是那个说要休息却还在哭的女孩。

But here I am, I'm the girl who cried taking a break.

我对静修营也是这样。

I do this with retreats.

我总是说，再也不办静修营了。

I always say, no more retreats.

我要休息一下。

I'm taking a break.

现在你猜我在做什么？

And now guess what I'm doing?

我在考虑办一个静修营。

I'm thinking about hosting a retreat.

主要是因为静修营和播客这两件事让我觉得特别有成就感，特别值得。

Primarily because it feels like the one, the retreats and the podcast feel like the two things that are so, so fulfilling, you know, so rewarding.

但同时，我什么时候才有勇气休息一下呢？

And at the same time, when will I have the courage to take a break.

所以我想用最自我关怀的方式来聊聊动力这个话题。

And so I wanted to talk about motivation in the most self compassionate way possible.

我有三个想法，想和大家分享，帮助我们激励自己，带着更多的信心向前走。

I have three ideas for you, for us to motivate ourselves and to move forward with hopefully a little bit more confidence than what we're coming with.

这三个想法包括：一个问题、一个解决方案和一个挑战。

So those three ideas include one question, one solution, and one challenge.

但在开始之前，我真的需要读一条好评。

But before we start, I really need to read a positive review.

这样我才不会觉得我做的一切都是白费的。

So I don't feel like all of what I'm doing is to no avail.

哦，我其实找到了一个能看到国际评论的方法。

Oh, and I actually figured out a way to see international reviews.

以前我只能看到美国国内的评论，但我发现了一个系统，可以看到来自世界各地的评论，这太棒了。

Whereas before I could only see reviews written from within The United States, but I uncovered a system that lets me see reviews from all over the world which is amazing.

如果之前没有感谢过这些评论，我真的很抱歉。

And I'm so sorry if I haven't acknowledged those before.

我之前就是看不到它们。

I just couldn't see them.

我看到有大约1300条评论，这对我来说简直难以置信。

And I saw that there was like 1,300 reviews, which is just mind blowing to me.

我真的非常非常感激。

And I'm so, so grateful.

如果你留过评论，我非常感谢你。

And if you've left one, I appreciate you so much.

这条评论说：我最喜欢的一杯茶。

So this one says, my favorite cup of tea.

如果我这辈子只能听一个播客，那绝对是《玛丽的一杯茶》。

If I could only listen to one podcast for the rest of my life, it would be hands down Mary's Cup of Tea.

玛丽在我的自我爱护之旅中扮演了重要角色，我强烈推荐她。

Mary's played a major role in my self love journey and I cannot recommend her enough.

每集我都能学到有用的东西，而且能看出玛丽为制作这个节目付出了多少心血。

I'm always able to take something helpful from each of the episodes, and you can tell how much effort Mary puts into her work to produce this show.

谢谢你认可这一点。

Thank you for recognizing that.

我非常感激玛丽和她请来的所有嘉宾，每周听这个节目总是我的一大亮点。

I'm beyond grateful to Mary and all the guests she brings to the show, and it's always a highlight of my week to listen.

我深感荣幸和感激，衷心感谢你。

I am so honored and grateful and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

那我们赶紧开始吧，因为我姐姐马上要过来和我一起吃午饭。

So let's dive in quite quickly because my sister's on her way over to have lunch with me.

所以我会快速过完这集，希望能给大家重新注入能量，哪怕你感到迷茫，也能至少多一点点动力。

So I'm gonna zip through this episode, hopefully reenergize us, Get us at least a little bit more motivated even if you're feeling lost.

所以，这部分首先是一个问题，我希望你开始每天问自己，或者当你觉得写日记、做计划或者搞什么复杂的激励方法太难的时候，就问自己这个问题。

So the first part of this is a question that I want you to start asking yourself on a daily basis or whenever it feels too hard to do a whole journal or plan or some kind of elaborate mechanism to motivate yourself.

你知道的，就是那些十步流程、锻炼、冥想之类的。

You know, the 10 step routine, the workout, the meditation.

有时候这些反而弊大于利，因为这让迈出第一步显得更加困难。

Sometimes all of that ends up doing more harm than good because it makes taking the first step feel that much more daunting.

所以，我开始问自己：现在，我以最善良、最真实的方式出现，是什么样子？

So instead, I started asking myself, what is the kindest, truest way I can show up right now?

现在，我以最善良、最真实的方式做自己，是什么样子？

What is the kindest, truest way that I can be myself right now?

这个问题，在过去的三四个月里，对我帮助特别大，尤其是因为“善良”和“真实”之间的那种对立，那条界线很微妙。

That question in the past, I would say three, four months has been incredibly helpful for me specifically because of that dichotomy between kind and true, which is a fine line.

但我更想说的是我周末做的事，我跟我妈说我超级忙，因为我想躺在床上看《泰德·拉索》，吃冰淇淋。

But I'm more so talking about what I did over the weekend, which was told my mom I was super duper busy because I wanted to lay in bed and watch Ted Lasso and eat ice cream.

现在，我有点后悔跟我妈说我超级忙了，尤其是因为我不小心告诉她我们周末没做什么。

And now I kind of regret telling my mom that I was super duper busy, especially because I accidentally told her that we didn't do much over the weekend.

然后她说，等等，我邀请你过来，你说你超级忙。

And she was like, wait, I invited you over and you said you were super duper busy.

我就说，嗯，是的，我们确实忙，但对不起。

And I'm like, well, yeah, we were but like, I'm sorry.

但后来我们也休息了。

But then we also ended up resting.

她说，不，不，你不用道歉。

She's like, no, no, you don't have to apologize.

但我回头想想，我可能应该和我妈妈吃个午饭。

But I look back and I think I should have maybe had lunch with my mom.

那可能就是善良和真实之间的平衡，就像说，嘿，妈妈，我这个周末真的很想休息，但很乐意去吃午饭。

Like that might've been the balance between kind and true where it was like, hey mom, I really wanna rest this weekend but would love to go to lunch.

我只要两点前到家，或者类似这样的安排。

I just gotta be home by two or whatever that looks like.

你知道，你能以最善良、最真实的方式出现是什么样？

You know, what is the kindest truest way you can show up?

说实话，也对自己温柔点说实话，这个周末我既没做到善良，也没做到真实。

And if I'm being honest and kind, kindly honest with myself, This weekend, I was not showing up as kind nor true.

一切都感觉不对劲，乱糟糟的。

Everything just felt out of balance, out of sorts.

我甚至周一还得缓一缓，不是缓那些什么都没做的日子，而是缓那些因为什么都没做而自责的日子。

And I even had to take Monday to recover from that and not like recover from days of doing nothing but recover from days of beating myself up for doing nothing.

我们喜欢彻底的诚实，但不要自我鞭挞。

We love radical honesty, but we are not going for self flagellation.

这个词是我随口说的，因为我经常用，也经常有这种感觉。

This is a word that I kind of threw out there because I use it a lot, because I feel it a lot.

但有人问我这个词是什么意思，就是自我鞭挞。

But somebody asked me what it meant, like self flagellation.

他们问，那是什么意思？

They were like, what does that mean?

我说，哦，我没意识到这个词听起来像我在拼命装聪明。

I'm like, oh, I didn't realize that it was one of those words that made me sound like I was trying really hard to sound smart.

也许这就是我最初开始用这个词的原因。

Maybe that is initially why I started using it.

但后来我查了定义，发现它跟我对自己做的事太契合了——鞭打就是用鞭子抽自己。

But then when I looked up the definition and realized how much it resonates with what I tend to do to myself, flagellation is beating yourself with a whip.

这在中世纪是一种惩罚方式，类似那种。

It used to be a form of punishment in medieval times, that kind of thing.

所以我们喜欢彻底的诚实，但不会用它来鞭打自己。

So we love radical honesty, but we are not gonna use that to beat ourselves with a whip.

除非是在那种好玩、刺激、性感的情境里，如果你喜欢的话，那就随你便了。

Unless it's in a fun, kinky, sexy way, if you're into that, in which case, more power to you.

现在我们来谈谈解决方案。

So now moving toward the solution.

我下载量最高的一集，出乎意料，因为那音频质量真的很差。

One of my most downloaded episodes, surprisingly, because the audio is shit.

那是我做播客第一年发布的，我现在都不敢去听。

It was released in my first year of podcasting, and I'm scared to listen to it.

但那一集的标题是《自信源于清晰》。

But the title is Confidence Comes From Clarity.

而且我猜，如果我没记错的话，我在里面说，我们大多数人其实不是真的缺乏自信，而是很难定义自己的自我认知。

And I'm assuming, if I remember correctly, I argue that most of us don't really struggle with self confidence as much as we struggle with defining our self-concept.

关于这一点，我们可以从两个方向来探讨。

And there are two directions we can go with that.

一个是特别灵性、深奥、抽象的，比如我们会说，你不是你所扮演的角色。

Either very spiritual, esoteric, abstract, where we're like, you are not the roles you play.

你的身份并不重要。

Your identity doesn't matter.

你不是你从事的那份工作。

You are not the job that you work.

你是一个灵魂，一个精神，只是在人生中流动。

You are a soul and a spirit just flowing through life.

是的，这些我都相信。

Yes, I do believe in all of that.

但我也需要在现实世界中立足，在资本主义下正常生活。

But I also personally need to ground myself and I need to function in this world under capitalism.

我需要生存，赚钱，并尝试以一种友善而真实的方式表达自己。

And I need to survive and make money and try to express myself in a way that feels kind and true.

为了做到这些，我必须清楚自己是谁，或者至少清楚自己的一部分，这样这些部分就能帮助抵消我生活中那些不太清晰、让我感到有些不安的领域。

And to do that, I must have clarity about who I am or at least some parts of who I am enough so that those parts kind of help offset the areas of my life where I don't feel so clear, where I feel a little bit insecure.

但在某些方面，我不知道这是我们必须学习的业力课程，还是大脑在重复某些模式。

But there are certain areas where I don't know if it's a karmic lesson that we have to learn or something about the brain repeating certain patterns.

但如果我读十年前的日记，简直就像今天写的一样。

But if I read my journal from ten years ago, it is literally like I could have written it today.

就思维类型、模式以及我思考问题的方式而言，也许不一定是具体想什么，而是我如何处理一切。

In terms of like the types of thoughts and the patterns and like how I'm thinking about things, maybe not necessarily what specifically I'm thinking about, but how I'm processing everything.

在某些尴尬的方面，它和我现在自责的事情、反复思考的事情等等惊人地相似。

In some embarrassing ways, it is wildly similar to the things I beat myself up over now, the things that I ruminate on, etcetera.

所以，当感到迷茫时，尤其是在生活的某个领域，比如事业，如果你和我一样，我永远感到迷茫，无论我做什么或取得多少成就，仍然觉得不够，不足以让我对此感到自信和笃定。

And so when it comes to feeling lost, especially if it's in a certain area of your life, whether it's with your career, if you're anything like me, I'm perpetually feeling lost and no matter what I do or how much I accomplish, it still doesn't feel like it's enough for me to feel confident and self assured in it.

或者可能是感情方面，不管是约会、长期伴侣关系还是婚姻，这些都让人觉得很复杂。

Or maybe it's with your romantic relationships where dating or long term partnership, marriage, all of that feels very complicated.

也可能是友情方面。

Maybe it's with friendship.

这个话题我们其实很少聊。

Like that's something we don't talk about enough.

对我来说，友情是个痛点，你知道吗？

For me, friendship is a sore spot, you know?

我希望自己有更多长期的朋友。

I wish I had more longer term friends.

我确实有一些很好的朋友，但真正认识我很久、能称得上朋友圈的人，还是不够多。

And I have really good friends in my life but not as many people as I'd like that have known me for a while where we have this like friend group so to speak.

或者你可能在家庭方面感到迷茫。

Or maybe you're feeling lost with your family.

我猜对我来说，答案是D，以上所有。

I I guess for me it's D, all of the above.

又拿我的悲惨故事来烦你了，但家庭对每个人来说都很复杂。

Again, boring you with my sob story, but family is also, it's so complicated for everybody.

我打算把它说得不那么个人化。

I'm just gonna depersonalize it.

但来自一个破裂、分散的家庭，确实很难找到自己的位置。

But coming from a ruptured, a fragmented family, it can be hard to find your place.

所以在过去几年经历二十多岁身份危机、感到迷茫的探索中，我得出一个结论：目标不是停止迷茫，找到自己然后感觉良好、一路顺风，对吧？

And so in my feeling lost exploration, so to speak over the past few years of quarter life identity crises, I have come on this thesis that the goal is not to stop feeling lost, to find yourself and then you just feel good and off to the races, right?

我觉得对我们来说，接受迷茫是一种非负面的体验可能更有益。

I think it might be more beneficial for us to accept feeling lost as a non negative experience.

也许它就像那些虽然感觉不好但却是积极情绪或积极体验的事情之一，对吧？

Maybe it's one of those things that is a positive emotion or a positive experience that doesn't feel good, right?

就像不是所有积极的感觉都让人舒服一样。

Kind of like how not all positive feelings feel good.

也许迷茫是人类境况的一部分，我们可以去拥抱它，而不是逃避、试图解决它，或者用成就和成功来淹没自己，以免去想它。

Maybe feeling lost is part of the human condition that we can lean into rather than avoid or try to figure it out or bury ourselves with accomplishments and success in order to not think about it.

我为自己做了一件事，这也引出了我们关于动力的解决方案，那就是我创建了一份“迷失指南”。

One thing that I did for myself, and this brings us to the solution for motivation, is I created a feeling lost guide.

其实我根本没打算卖它。

And I actually had no intention of selling it.

我只是在为自己整理一个数字资源库，当我感到特别混乱、没有方向的时候，可以随时翻看。

I was just kind of putting together a digital hub of resources for myself to turn to when I'm feeling so discombobulated and directionless.

所以我全用Notion做成了数字版，因为那对我来说就像我的第二大脑。

So I made it all digital in Notion because that's personally like my second brain.

它有点像笔记和数据库之间的桥梁，你可以做图表，还能做各种很酷的东西，它们之间可以相互关联，这样你就能轻松找到所有内容。

It's kind of like a bridge between note taking and databases, and then you can make charts and all kinds of cool things that like relate and link to each other, so you can easily find everything.

就像我说的，它是我的第二大脑。

Like I said, it's my second brain.

所以我开始为自己开发这个，还加入了一些我在静修营里教过的、对别人有帮助的练习，然后开始深入探讨这种迷失感——失去一部分自己，然后重新塑造一个新的自己。

So I started developing this for myself and threw in some of the exercises that I've taught at retreats that have helped other people and started digging into this feeling of loss, loss, losing a part of yourself and then creating someone new in lieu.

我是不是该去当说唱歌手？

Should I be a rapper?

好的。

Okay.

我不干了。

I quit.

我要去当说唱歌手了，因为刚才那段太棒了。

I'm becoming a rapper because that was awesome.

我是说，Lou，谁会想到用那个跟Lou押韵呢？

I mean, Lou, like who would think to rhyme that with Lou?

好的。

Okay.

然后，你瞧，我做出了《迷失指南》，我之前跟你提过。

And I, lo and behold, created the Feeling Lost Guide, which I've talked to you about before.

但如果你还没拿到，而且这期节目跟你特别相关，我觉得你会很喜欢，而且会收获很多。

But in case you haven't gotten it and this episode deeply relates, I think you are going to love it and get so much out of it.

里面有数字日记，还有一些非常深入的提示。

There's digital journaling, some very deep prompts.

还有思维导图、图表之类的。

There's mind maps, charts.

其中有个练习叫“有效比较”，我会带你学会怎么不拿自己和别人比，而是把那种比较变成动力。

One of the exercises is called productive comparison, where I walk you through how to not compare yourself to others, but use that comparison as motivation.

这个练习真的特别有用。

And it is actually really powerful.

再说一次，这些内容是我通过多次静修和亲身经历花了很多时间打磨出来的。

Again, I've spent hours developing this stuff through retreats and my own personal stuff.

所以如果你想要的话，可以去 maryscupoftea.com/lost 看看。

So if you wanna get that, you can go to maryscupoftea.com/lost.

那里会带你到《迷失指南》的页面，而且可以立即下载，你现在就能开始用。

It'll take you to the Feeling Lost guide and it's instantly downloadable, so you can start on it right now.

Notion 这个平台真的很棒。

And the platform Notion is awesome.

我跟所有愿意听的人都说，它帮我整理脑子里的东西帮了多大的忙。

I talk to anybody who will listen about how much it has helped me just organize the stuff in my brain.

对于这种情感类的工作，我通常更相信用纸笔来做。

I usually believe in analog for this type of emotional work.

但实际上，《迷失指南》并没有那么情感化。

But actually, the Feeling Lost guide isn't that emotional.

它更多是关于建立动力的。

It's more about building momentum.

与其漫无目的地刷手机，幻想着能从中获得灵感，从而彻底改变生活，那样其实没用。

Instead of doom scrolling with some false hope that I'll extract inspiration that'll finally change my life, That doesn't work.

灵感来自内心。

Inspiration comes from within.

这就是为什么我真的很相信这个指南，因为它让你自己找到答案。

That's why I really believe in this guide because it lets you come to the answers all by yourself.

对了，你听到宙斯现在打呼噜打得特别响吗？

Also, do you hear Zeus obnoxiously snoring right now?

哦，我们那只老年救援斗牛犬打呼噜的声音，真是让人安心啊。

Oh, the soothing sounds of our senior rescue pit bull snoring his life away.

哦，真想像鹅一样。

Oh, to be a goose.

求求你了。

I beg you.

这是里尔克的一句话，我记得他是奥地利心理学家。

This is a quote by Rainer Maria Rilke, who I believe is an Austrian psychologist.

他写道：我请求你，对心中所有未解之事保持耐心，并试着去爱那些问题本身，就像爱锁着的房间，或爱用陌生语言写成的书。

He writes, I beg you to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language.

不要去寻找那些现在无法给你的答案，因为你还没有能力去活出它们。

Don't search for the answers which could not be given to you now because you would not be able to live them.

关键是去经历一切。

And the point is to live everything.

现在就去活出那些问题。

Live the questions now.

也许有一天，在遥远的未来，你会不知不觉地，慢慢活出答案来。

Perhaps then someday, far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.

我真希望那是我写的。

I wish I wrote that.

你有没有读过一些东西，然后心想，该死，为什么不是我写的？

Do you ever read something you're like, damn it, why don't I write that?

因为这正是我做《迷失指南》的初衷——你要学会去活出那些问题，知道答案就在你心里，或者也许不是唯一的答案，但至少是一个答案，直到你改变想法。

Because this describes my intention for the feeling lost guide is that you learn to live the question knowing that the answer is within you or maybe not the answer but an answer until you change your mind.

然后你就得活出另一个答案。

And then you have to live your way into another answer.

我希望我们大多数时候都能保持这种心态。

And that is the spirit that I want us to be in more often than not.

我觉得这比感觉特别清晰、坚定、完美更有动力，因为完美其实是一种幻觉。

I think that is so much more motivating than feeling super clear, solid, perfect, which is an illusion before we move forward.

在继续前进之前，我们需要学会在没有所有答案的情况下前行。

We need to learn how to move forward without having all the answers.

但要相信，我们内心已有的某种答案已经足够了，因为你本身就足够好。

But knowing that what we do have within us an answer of some sort is good enough because you are good enough.

所以，如果你想进一步培养这种心态，并真正把它融入生活，可以去 maryscupoftea.com/lost 领取那份《迷茫指南》。接下来几周，我也会重新带大家练习里面的那些内容，因为说实话，我自己也特别需要这些练习。

So if you're interested in developing that mindset a little bit more and hopefully embodying it, you can go to maryscupoftea.com/lost to get that Feeling Lost guide and know that I am joining you in the next couple of weeks in redoing, revisiting a lot of those exercises because the Lord knows I need them.

现在，我们进入今天的挑战环节。

And now let's move on to the challenge that I have for you today.

除了拿到指南并深入实践之外，我常想到学校里教过我们的 SMART 目标法，对吧？

Aside from getting the guide and hopefully diving in, I think about often how in school they taught us the SMART goal method, right?

也就是具体、可衡量、可实现。

Where it's like specific, measurable, attainable.

我并不是想贬低那种说法。

I'm not trying to shit on that in any way.

它可能确实有很多道理。

It probably has a lot of truth to it.

就像，你知道的，循序渐进、迈出一小步才是正解。

Like, you know, we need to take small baby steps is the way to go.

但在我心里，也有疯狂的一面。

But there's also a part of me where I am so insane.

不，是妄想。

No, delusional.

不。

No.

我唯一能想到的解释就是，我是个反叛的水瓶座，不喜欢固定的体系。

The only thing I can think of is by saying I'm a contrarian Aquarian who doesn't like set systems.

所以我做事比较 unconventional，因为这样能让我的大脑觉得自己比那些遵循 SMART 目标法的麻瓜们更酷、更厉害。当然，如果那方法对你有用，也挺好的。

And so I do things a bit more unconventionally because that helps my brain feel like it's cooler and better than everybody else than all those muggles who are following the SMART goal method, which is great if it works for you.

但我个人相信，自信是通过证据建立起来的——证明你能做那些困难、离谱、奇怪的事情，而且不仅活下来，还能活得很好，感受到更自由的自我。

But I personally believe that confidence is built through evidence that you can do hard, outrageous, weird things and still not only survive, but thrive and feel a more liberated sense of self.

我一直在整理一份“大胆清单”。

I've been compiling an audacity list.

我管它叫“大胆清单”，因为我不知道还能叫什么。

And I called it an audacity list because I don't know what else to call it.

但基本上就是，如果你知道事情一定会成功，你会做什么？

But it's basically, what would you do if you knew that it would work out?

如果完全没有风险，你会怎么做？

What would you do if there was absolutely no risk entailed?

自信是通过证据建立起来的。

Confidence is built through evidence.

每次你做一些有点大胆的事情，你就是在向你的大脑传递一个信号：你是那种能忍受一点不适的人。

Every time you do something a little audacious, you send a signal to your brain that you are the type of person who can tolerate a little discomfort.

所以，这里有一些可以放进你大胆清单的例子。

So, are some examples of things you can put on your audacity list.

去申请那份你完全不够格的工作。

Apply for the job that you're wildly unqualified for.

《泰德·拉索》里有一个场景。

There's a scene in Ted Lasso.

抱歉。

Sorry.

但这让我印象很深。

But it's on the forefront of my mind.

这部剧真的很好看。

It's an incredible show.

希望你有机会看看。

I hope you get to watch it.

但有一幕，那个女老板，她正和一个足球运动员的女朋友在一起。

But there's a scene where the big boss, who's a woman, she's hanging out with a girlfriend of one of the soccer players.

如果其他球员需要做品牌推广，你有兴趣吗？

If any of the other players needed some branding work done, is that something you'd be interested in?

我不想你只是因为那天晚上在洗手间对我友好就给我一份工作。

I don't want you to offer me a job just because I was nice to you in the loo the other night.

为什么不行？

Why not?

男人经常在洗手间里互相介绍工作。

Men keep each other jobs in toilets all the time.

确实是这样。

They do.

我说的是工作，就是那种正经的工作。

I meant employment, like job jobs.

所以不是用手、用嘴或者用脚的那种。

So not hand or blow or foot.

脚。

Foot.

哦，你说得对。

Oh, you're right.

严格来说，应该是脚。

Technically, it would be feet.

你就考虑一下吧。

And just give it a thought.

去申请那个你不够格的工作。

Apply for the job you're unqualified for.

男人一直都这么干。

Men do it all the time.

你还可以在胆量清单上加上一条，就是给名人或者你崇拜的人发邮件或私信。

Another thing you can put on your audacity list is to email or DM a famous person or someone you admire.

我在TikTok评论里看到有个女孩说，每次想给前任发消息的时候，她就改去给提莫西·查拉梅发消息。

I saw a TikTok comment where this girl said that every time she feels like texting her ex, she messages Timothy Chalamet instead.

就像你可以这么做，而且这没什么大不了的，当然前提是你得友善、有礼貌，别太冒犯或者奇怪。

Like you can just do that and it's harmless, of course, if you're sweet and kind and not invasive or weird.

但你真的可以就这么做。

But you could just do that.

给提莫西·沙拉梅或者你暗恋的人发消息。

Message Timothy Shalami or whoever you have a crush on.

请求原谅，或者原谅别人。

Ask for forgiveness or forgive someone.

我特别想详细说说这条。

I so badly wanna elaborate on this one.

但可能保持原样会更有力量。

But it's probably more powerful if I leave it as it is.

请求原谅，或者原谅别人。

Ask for forgiveness or forgive someone.

说出那些奇怪的话，发到社交媒体上，淘一些离谱的二手货挂在家里，或者穿上你从没想过自己能驾驭的衣服。

Say the weird thing, post it on social media, thrift something outrageous and hang it up in your home or wear something you never thought you could pull off.

这就引出了我大胆行动清单上的最后一点，也是这期关于动力的播客的最后一个要点。

And this brings me to not only the last point in the audacity list, but the last point in this podcast episode overall on motivation.

有时候，做和你感觉相反的事情会有帮助。

Sometimes it helps to do the opposite of what you feel like doing.

做和你计划相反的事情。

Do the opposite of what you had planned.

做和你恐惧反应告诉你的相反的事情。

Do the opposite of what your fear response is telling you to do.

做和你默认习惯相反的事情。

Do the opposite of your default.

有一次，我朋友杰克问我，你是怎么在社交媒体、内容和创业上保持这么一致的，尤其是公开露面的部分，比如每天拍视频。

One time my friend Jake was asking me, how do you stay so consistent with social media and content and building a business, especially the showing up publicly part, like every single day making videos.

说实话，我现在没有以前那么有韧劲了，这也是我整个人身份危机的一部分。

I mean, I'm not as tenacious now as I used to be, which is part of my whole identity crisis.

总之，他几年前问我这个问题，他说，你是怎么做到一直出现的？

Anyway, he was asking me this a couple years back where he's like, how do you show up all the time?

难道你就没有那种糟糕的日子，不想上镜，或者觉得自己不好看，或者正在哭的时候吗？

Like, don't you just have shit days where you don't wanna be on camera or you look ugly or you're crying?

我说，当然有啊，绝对有。

And I'm like, yes, absolutely.

而且恰恰是那些日子，我出现得更多。

And those are the days that I show up more.

我告诉他，我说，如果你观察我的社交媒体帖子，我发帖频繁的时候，通常是因为我在幕后有点挣扎。

And I told him, I said, if you'll observe my social media posts, the times that I'm posting a lot is usually because I'm struggling a little bit behind the scenes.

因为我觉得自己不够好。

Because I feel like I'm not good enough.

我觉得我的信息不值得分享。

I feel like my message isn't worth sharing.

我觉得我不该这么做，但我还是做了。

I feel like I shouldn't and then I do anyway.

而这就是我建立自信的方式。

And that is my confidence builder.

它是在证明我能够穿越那些不适感。

It is creating the evidence that I can move through that discomfort.

当然，要有辨别力。

Now, of course, have discernment.

这不是在鼓励你强迫自己去做不想做的事。

This isn't a call to push yourself into doing things you don't want to do.

对自己也要有自我同意。

Like, consent is very important with yourself also.

但也许，有些时刻，穿越不适感确实能带来自信、动力、积极性和创造力。

But perhaps, there are moments where moving through the discomfort actually creates confidence, momentum, motivation, creativity.

这些正是我们感到迷茫时所寻找的自我碎片和内在部分。

So many of these self pieces and parts of ourselves that we are looking for when we feel lost.

所以，不妨带着一点保留去考虑，如果它让你有共鸣，感觉真实且善意，那就试着反着做。

So, consider with a grain of salt, if it resonates and feels true and kind for you, consider doing the opposite.

希望这个视角能帮你在迷失的时候找到自我激励的方法。

I hope this has been a helpful perspective on how to motivate yourself when you feel lost.

请和我一起做这份“迷失指南”。

Please join me in doing the feeling lost guide.

我觉得亲自动手，深入思考这些问题的细节，会非常有帮助。

I think it helps tremendously to get your hands dirty and into the mental weeds of this type of unpacking.

当你学会不轻信自己所有的想法时，那种力量是巨大的。

It is so powerful when you learn to not believe everything you think.

当你学会把自己的念头、纷乱的思绪、自我苛责都看得淡一些的时候。

When you learn to take your thoughts, your monkey mind, your self flagellation with a fat grain of salt.

这就是我今天对你的祝愿。

And that is my wish for you today.

我非常爱你。

I love you so much.

我们下期节目再见。

I'll talk to you in the next episode.