在中国约会与在美国约会完全不同

我给你介绍一个人，是亲戚，听起来像是远房亲戚。

I have someone for you, a relative and it sounded like a distant relative.

当我到场时，才发现原来是她丈夫的兄弟。

And then when I showed up at the thing it was like it was her husband's brother.

天哪。

Oh my gosh.

他们说：‘你现在是家里人了。’

They're like you're in the family now.

真有趣。

That's funny.

后来我和那个家伙交往了好几个月。

And I ended up dating that guy for quite a few months.

但后来我得知，他当面否认自己离过婚。

But I found out later on and he denied this to my face that he'd been divorced.

对我来说，我只是想让他直接告诉我他离过婚。

And to me I was like just tell me you've been divorced.

这并不是

It's not

一个很大的事。

a big Great.

我不在乎。

I don't care.

对大多数人来说，我爸爸

For most people My dad's

离过婚。

been divorced.

我在美国待了那么久，他却当面直接骗我。

Like I spent so much time in America but he just flat out lied to my face.

他说：‘我不知道你在说什么。’

He was like no I don't know what you're talking about.

我说：等等，我们有共同的朋友。

I was like wait but we have mutual friends.

他说：我知道我可以问。

He was like I know I can ask.

这太疯狂了。

That's crazy.

而且是的。

And yeah.

而且这种污名。

And such a stigma.

这种污名和这种羞耻感，尤其是在北方，那时我就想：听着，你当我是傻子吗？

Such a stigma and such a sense of shame especially for northern And I was at this point, I was like, listen, like, do you take me for a fool?

我们需要分手，因为如果你连这件事都不敢当面告诉我，却还说你想和我认真交往，

Like we need to break up because if you could not even tell me that to my face but you're telling me you wanna be serious with me,

不。

no.

别相信你。

Don't believe you.

不。

No.

哇，这太疯狂了。

Wow that's crazy.

有意思。

Interesting.

我还在想，约会应用在中国真的存在吗？

I'm like the dating apps exist in China?

这难道不傻吗？

Is that a Not silly really

因为Grindr是存在的。

because Grindr exists.

好吧。

Okay.

实际上，我一个中国朋友买了Grindr，所以现在它实际上是被中国公司拥有的。

Actually, a a China friend of mine bought Grindr, so it's actually now Chinese owned.

是的。

Yeah.

他几年前买下了它。

He bought it like

几年前。

a few years ago.

嗯。

Mhmm.

没错。

Yep.

哇。

Wow.

所以我认为中国的同性恋男性确实会用它，否则不会用。

And so I think the, like, gay guys in China use But it a otherwise, no.

因为中国太大了，就像我奶奶说的，不可能对每个人进行背景调查。

Because China is just too big and it's like my grandma said, it's impossible to background check anyone.

是的。

Mhmm.

没有领英那样的平台，你知道的，那可是超过十亿人口。

There's no LinkedIn or that kind of thing where, you know, it I mean, it's like over a billion people.

哇。

Wow.

很多人都是搞副业的，你根本不知道他们从哪儿冒出来的。

And a lot of people are hustlers and you just don't know where they spring out from.

他们从哪儿冒出来的？

Where they spring out from?

不像你在Instagram上能看到共同好友，哦，他在这所学校上过学，那我就认识人了——在中国可没法这么查。

It's not like you go on Instagram and you can see mutual friends and oh he went to school here, okay then I know somebody Not went to school like that at Dang.

所以，是的，没有约会应用。

So, yeah, no dating apps.

太不可靠了。

It's too dodgy.

好的。

Okay.

下一个。

Next.

这里还有另一个有趣的区别。

Here's another fun difference.

我们是明确排他，还是默认排他？

The are we exclusive versus assumed exclusivity?

在中国约会中，一旦你开始和某人约会，就意味着你们一定是排他的。

So in China dating, once you start dating someone that implies that you're definitely exclusive.

那约会是什么样子的？

And what but what does dating look like?

就是出去约会？

Like going on dates?

甚至连出去约会都算。

Even going on dates.

哇。

Wow.

是的。

Yeah.

甚至一个吻之后，你就不会再和其他人约会了。

Even like a kiss that you're that's then you're not going on dates with other people.

是的。

Yeah.

而在美国，你可以同时和多个人约会，直到你们进行‘我们是不是在一起了’、‘我们是不是男女朋友’的对话才算明确关系。

Whereas in The States you you can be dating multiple people at the same time and it's not until you have the are we exclusive are we boyfriend girlfriend conversation.

对。

Yep.

我刚刚才和一个朋友聊到这个，她正在同时和几个人约会，她说：天啊。

I was literally just having this conversation with my friend who was dating, like, dating around, and she's like, my god.

感觉太奇怪了。

It feels so weird.

我就是说，是的。

I'm like, yeah.

那她是外国人吗？

Well Is she foreign?

不是。

No.

不是。

No.

不是。

No.

她来自这里。

She's from here.

她就住在这里，但她也说，是的。

She's from here, but she was like, yeah.

我的意思是，除非我跟对方明确谈过 exclusivity 这件事。

I mean, unless I have the, like, exclusivity conversation.

我当时就说，是的。

I was like, yeah.

但这确实很奇怪，我觉得。

It's but it is a weird it's a very strange thing, I think.

比如，即使我单身的时候做这种事，也不觉得。

Like, even when I was single and doing that, it didn't feel

对。

Yeah.

感觉不错。

Good to me.

对。

Yeah.

这感觉并不好，我也单身过，也做过这种事，对我而言也不觉得好。

It doesn't feel mean, I've I've been single and done that too, and it doesn't feel good to me either.

不。

No.

在欧洲，这实际上更接近亚洲。

In Europe, it's it's actually more similar to Asia.

哦，欧洲真的吗？

Oh, Europe really?

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

他们不会同时和五个人约会，然后才去谈‘我们是不是男女朋友’这个问题。

They're they're not like dating five people at the same time and then having the are we boyfriend girlfriend conversation.

我反而觉得欧洲的情况正好相反。

I would assume opposite actually from Europe.

我觉得欧洲人更倾向于随意约会？

I would think Europeans are more like Sleeping around?

是的。

Yeah.

或者只是同时约会多个人。

Or just like dating multiple people.

不是真的。

Not really.

很有趣。

Interesting.

比如我的法国朋友或德国朋友，只要他们和某人发生关系或接吻，之后再见到那个人，就基本上算是开始约会了。

Like my French friends or German friends as soon as they soon as they let's say sleep with someone or make out with someone like it's and they see that person again then they're just pretty much dating that person.

哇。

Wow.

很有趣。

Interesting.

我刚收到了KiwiCo寄来的快递，等宝宝出生后，我非常期待用它来陪伴他。

I just received my crate from KiwiCo and I'm so excited to use it with my baby when he arrives.

作为一个从一开始就重视教育和大脑发育的人，我一直在想：我做得够不够？

As someone who prioritizes education and brain development from the start, I've already wondered, am I doing enough?

什么样的玩耍才是正确的呢？

What does the right kind of play look like?

宝宝成长得太快了，一个月有效的方法下个月可能就不适用了。

Babies grow so quickly, and what works one month changes the next.

Panda Crate 每两个月送达一次，所以你的玩具会随着宝宝一起成长。

Panda Crate arrives every two months, so your toys grow with your baby.

打开我的 Kiwi Co Panda Crate 让我感到安心。

Opening my Kiwi Co Panda Crate felt reassuring.

所有玩具都制作精美，专为特定发展阶段设计，由儿童发展专家共同打造，包括西雅图儿童医院的专家，因此建立在真实的科学基础上。

Everything is beautifully made and designed for a specific stage of It's created with child development experts, including experts at Seattle Children's Hospital, so it's rooted in real science.

我收到了 Panda Crate Plus，里面包含适合发展阶段的玩具、一款可随宝宝成长的玩具，以及简单的家长指南，帮助促进发展。

I received the Panda Crate Plus with stage specific play items, a Grow With Me toy, and simple parent guides to support development.

材料无毒，坚固耐用。

The materials are nontoxic and made to last.

能有适合年龄的、促进大脑发育的玩具随时可用，我感到如释重负。

I'm relieved to have age appropriate brain building play ready to go.

通过KiwiCo Panda Crate解锁促进大脑发育的游戏。

Unlock brain building play with the KiwiCo Panda Crate.

在kiwico.com/panda使用代码MANNERS，首单享8折优惠。

Get 20% off your first Panda Crate with code MANNERS at kiwico.com/panda.

在kiwico.com/panda使用代码MANNERS，立享8折优惠。

That's 20% off at kiwico.com/pandacode MANNERS.

洛杉矶怎么样？

What is LA like?

听说不太怎么样。

Not great, I've heard.

洛杉矶啊，我的意思是，每个人好像都在和好几个人约会。

LA is very I mean, I would say everyone's dating a million people.

但再说一遍，这从来不是我理解的约会方式。

But, again, like, that was never how I thought of dating.

所以对我来说，我心想，等等。

So I it it to me, I'm like, wait.

我们亲过，也约会了好几次。

We, like, made out, and we're we've gone on multiple dates.

难道我们不是一对吗？

Like, aren't we a thing?

不是。

And no.

但人们就是这样，这已经成了整个……怎么说呢？

People but that's it's become the whole, like what's the word?

暧昧关系？

Situationship?

谢谢。

Thank you.

现在人人都在用这个词。

That everyone uses now.

根本不是这么回事。

It's like, no.

这就是我的暧昧关系，因为除非你们明确谈过‘我们是不是男女朋友’这个问题，否则很多女生的大脑都会混乱，因为她们觉得：我们明明就像在谈恋爱啊，是的。

That's my situationship because until you have the, like, are we boyfriend girlfriend conversation, that's why so many girls' brains get so messed up because they're like, we're in a relationship because it feels like a freaking relationship Yeah.

但男生不会这样想。

And it's not to the guys.

是的。

Yeah.

这真的很有趣。

It's it's so interesting.

对我来说，我觉得现在这成了男生们一种特别容易的逃避方式，因为这就是当下的文化。

I think to me, I think it's such a, like, easy cop out for these guys now that, like, that's the culture.

他们说：我们没在约会，但还是享受着所有恋爱的好处。

They're like, we're not dating, but they still get all the benefits.

你懂的？

You know?

是的。

Yeah.

有时候也是女生在对男生这么做。

And sometimes it's it's the girls doing it to the guys.

这不只是

It's not just

是的。

Yeah.

男生。

The guys.

但从生物学角度看，这确实对女生有害。

But biologically, it does harm girls.

对吧？

Right?

因为我们性行为后会产生情感依恋。

Because we bond after sex.

是的。

Yes.

所以实际上，马克·格罗夫斯——你会很喜欢他——他应该来参加这个节目，他是一位关系专家。

So actually, Mark Groves, who you would love, he should come on the show, but he talks about how he's a relationship expert.

当你发生性关系时，释放的荷尔蒙会在女性大脑中停留一周。

When you have sex, the hormone that gets released stays in women's brains for a week.

对于男性来说，只持续二十四小时。

For guys, it's twenty four hours.

因此，女性会在这一周内持续感受到这种依恋感。

And so women, like, have that feeling of attachment over the week.

而男性几乎立刻就能放下。

And the guys, they move on almost instantaneously.

所以，这确实非常有趣。

So, yeah, it's very interesting.

这就是为什么在中国，人们会等到结婚后再发生性关系。

That's why in China, people wait to have sex.

是的。

Yeah.

比如，他们其实并不是真的，我的意思是， obviously，有些人你知道的，

Like, they're not really I mean, obviously, there are people who, you know,

围绕。

surround.

但是

But

传统来说，在中国，性是一件非常重要的事。

traditionally speaking, like, sex is a really big deal in China.

我的意思是，我甚至记得我有一些无法摆脱的状况。

I mean, I even remember with some of my situation shifts that I couldn't break.

我当时和马克一起工作，他说你得停止随意发生关系，因为你无法清晰思考。

I was working with Mark at the time and he was like, you gotta stop hooking up because you can't think clearly.

是的。

Yeah.

他 literally 说，如果你还在和那个人随意发生关系，你的大脑就无法清晰思考。

He's like literally your brain cannot think clearly if you're still hooking up with the person.

这真的非常有趣。

It's all fascinating really.

确实如此，我认为对很多人来说，我们总试图告诉自己：‘没关系，我没事，我不在乎。’

It is and I think that for a lot of people we try to think oh no I'll be fine or I don't care or I don't care.

但实际上，我们只是没有真正倾听内心的声音，也没有真正尊重自己。

But actually we're just not really listening to our inner self and not really respecting ourself.

对吧？

Right?

没错。

Absolutely.

因为我也曾经经历过，你知道的，在我二十多岁的时候。

Because I've also been there, you know, in my twenties.

天哪。

Oh my gosh.

但随着我逐渐变老，变得更加有灵性，更懂得倾听自己，这种状态几乎已经像婚姻一样稳定了。

But like as I get older and more soulful and listen to myself more, that's almost married now.

那些日子已经过去了。

So those days have gone.

但不，只是玩玩而已。

But, no, but toyed.

我认为这造成了很多焦虑型依恋。

And I think it creates a lot of the, like, anxious attachment.

至少我知道，当我处于那种暧昧关系时，我没有忠于自己，也没有尊重自己。

At least I know that was it for me when I was in situationships like that, that I wasn't staying true to myself and honoring myself.

我变得如此焦虑，正是因为你说的那样。

I became so anxiously attached because it was exactly what you said.

我的灵魂想要一件事，而我的大脑和身体却在做另一件事。

My soul was wanting one thing, and then my brain and whatever body was doing another.

所以我非常焦虑。

And so I was so anxious.

你会对那个人产生焦虑型依恋，然后情况发生变化，比如他们消失不理你、回复很慢之类的，你就彻底崩溃了。

And you become anxiously attached to the person, and then there is it's a situation shift, so they ghost you or they take long to respond or whatever, and you're freaking out.

是的

Yeah.

呃

Ugh.

太糟糕了

It's so awful.

太糟糕了

Terrible.

太糟糕了

Terrible.

听众们，女性不要过早发生性关系。

Listeners, women, don't have sex too soon.

是的

Yeah.

嗯

Well

所以，除非你确定他

and so Unless you know that he's

或者直接说明你想要什么。

Or just be upfront with what you want.

还有你想要什么。

And what you want.

确切地说是

Exactly being

对自己诚实。

honest with yourself.

表达出来。

Express it.

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

等等。

So wait.

所以情况变了，我确信在中国它们仍然存在，但数量更少了，你会这么说吗？

So situation shifts, I'm sure they still do exist in China, but less, you would say?

是的。

Yeah.

确实存在，但还是更传统一些。

They do, but it's still more traditional.

而且人们也更早结婚。

And and also people get married much younger.

所以尤其是来自父母的压力，催促你赶紧结婚生子。

So there's a pressure to especially from the parents, like, hurry up, get married, and have kids.

对。

Right.

比如在二十多岁的时候，你知道吗，哇。

Like, in their twenties, you know Wow.

这实在是太年轻了。

Which is just very, very young.

是的。

Yeah.

所以你可以猜到，我也有很多中国女朋友。

So as you can guess, I mean, have a lot of Chinese girlfriends too.

她们也未必婚姻幸福。

They're not necessarily happily married either.

我的美国朋友也不是。

Neither of my American friends.

好的。

Okay.

我们接着谈情感表达。

Moving on to emotional expression.

在美国，人们喜欢公开表达肯定。

In The States, people like to have open verbal affirmation.

我爱你。

I love you.

情感表达非常核心。

Emotional processing is very central.

在中国，我们并不经常说‘我爱你’。

In China, we don't really say I love you that much.

爱更多是通过行动表现出来的。

Love is more shown through actions.

所以是可靠、稳定和实际的关怀。

So reliability, consistency and practical care.

我更喜欢这样。

Which I prefer.

我认为很多女性其实更喜欢这样，只是她们自己都没意识到，这就是为什么了解你的爱的语言非常重要。

I think a lot of women actually prefer that and they don't know they prefer that which is why doing your love languages is very important.

是的，没错。

Yes, exactly.

所以我猜，也许美国人更倾向于言语的肯定，而中国人则更偏向于服务行为之类的。

So I'm guessing maybe more Americans are words of affirmation and then Chinese are like acts of service or something.

我喜欢服务行为和礼物。

I like acts of service and gifts.

哦对的，中国人也很喜欢礼物。

Oh yeah, Chinese like gifts too.

关系初期，给我买一个路易威登的包。

Early on in the relationship buy me a Louis Vuitton bag.

说实话，我只想早上给我买杯抹茶就行了。

Honestly, I'm like, just get me a freaking matcha in the morning.

我很开心。

I'm happy.

哦，你真是很不麻烦。

Oh, you're very low maintenance.

我很不麻烦。

I am low maintenance.

然后你以后再送我一个包。

And then you can give me a bag later on.

是的。

Yeah.

当我刚开始和我丈夫约会时，他每周都给我买一个奢侈品包。

When when I started dating my husband very early on, he was always buying me every week, he'd buy me a luxury bag.

哇。

Wow.

一个设计师包。

A designer bag.

这并不是说他吝啬

And that's not mean

这并不是你真正的

That's not really your

是的。

Yeah.

我是射手座。

I'm a Sagittarius.

你知道的。

You know?

比如，这并不是我们的爱的语言。

Like, it's not really our my love language.

你想去体验。

You want to experience.

是的。

Yes.

有趣的体验，诸如此类的事情。

Fun experiences and this and that.

而且，我不太了解他对奢侈包的品味。

And also, I don't know about his taste in the designer bag.

嗯，这总是个问题。

Well, that's always the problem.

这总是个问题。

That's always the problem.

我的意思是，我当时想

Mean, I was like

你是不是给我的一个朋友发消息了？

You're like, did you text one of my friends?

你能问一下吗，是的。

Can you ask Yeah.

那挺有趣的。

Then That's funny.

对。

Yeah.

最后，告诉他们，没必要。

And finally, tell them, like, no need.

留着吧

Save that

为其他事情留着。

for something else.

为其他事情留着吧。

Save that for something else.

在中国，煮汤是一种极大的爱的表现。

Also in in China, like, making soup is a huge form of love.

拉丁文化也是如此。

Same with like Latin cultures too.

是的。

Yeah.

食物。

Food.

我记得我爸爸刚开始和我继母约会时，我曾说过一些不太友好的话。

And and I actually remember when my dad started dating my stepmother and I kind of made this like not a very nice comment.

刚开始的时候，我不是个很称职的继女。

I was not a very good stepdaughter in the beginning.

当时我21岁。

Was like 21.

你当时20岁，正感到痛苦，而且

You were 20 And you were hurting and

是的，我当时状态很差，对爸爸说了些刻薄的话。

Yeah, I was not in a good place at And I made some snide comment to my dad.

我当时说：她连中国汤都不给你煮。

I was like, well she doesn't even cook Chinese soup for you.

那她怎么可能是真的爱你呢？

So how much can she love you?

你知道吗？

And you know what?

我必须为我的继母点赞。

I have to admire my son mother for this.

从她听到那番话之后，就开始给他煮汤。

From when she heard that, she started making him soup.

哇。

Wow.

现在每次我回香港，你都在我的Instagram故事里见过他。

And now and anytime I go back to Hong Kong, you've seen him on my Instagram stories.

真好。

Good for you.

她给我煮汤，还送到我公寓来。

She makes she makes me soup, and she brings it over to my apartment.

汤就放在炉子上的锅里。

And and it's there on the pot on the stove.

我意大利奶奶也是这样。

My Italian grandma was like that.

每次我们去她家，炉子上总是有汤，这是我最喜欢的东西。

Every time we came over to her, always soup on the stove, and it's my favorite thing.

太棒了。

It's the best.

这可以说是一种爱的表现。

It's I mean, it's a form of love.

对吧？

Right?

这是一种爱的表现。

It's form of love.

是的。

Yeah.

爱的表现。

Form of love.

我喜欢她这么做。

I love that she did that, though.

我知道，因为她本不必这样做的。

I know because she didn't have to.

她本可以走另一个方向，变得像个自以为是的泼妇。

She could've she could've gone the other way and been like, like, you know, entitled bitch.

对。

Right.

对。

Right.

永远不会给你或你父亲煮汤。

Never making soup for you or your father.

但确实如此。

But yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

有意思。

Interesting.

她就是说不，不，选择了另一条路。

She was like no, no, went the other way.

她真棒。

Good for her.

是的

Yeah.

米歇尔·奥巴马怎么说？

What does Michelle Obama say?

她说，当他们低俗时，我们就要高尚。

She said when they go low, we go high.

谢谢你，米歇尔。

Thank you, Michelle.

哦

Oh

这让我想起一件有趣的事。

and actually it makes me think of something funny.

在北京，有个可爱的家伙一直在追我。

In Beijing there was this lovely guy who was chasing me.

大约一个月里，每个工作日他都会派司机给我礼仪学校送来各种营养丰富的补品，里面都是稀有食材。

And for about a month every weekday he would send his driver to drop off different super nourishing suits with like rare ingredients at my etiquette school.

天哪。

Oh my gosh.

每天。

Every day.

我的助手们会望着窗外，说：‘天哪，他的车、他的司机来了。’

And my assistants would be looking out the window and be like, Oh gosh, like his car, his driver's here.

然后另一个助手就会下去，你知道的，

And then one other would go down and like, you know,

拿进来，是的。

bring Yeah.

汤，太棒了。

The soup That's amazing.

不过我喜欢这个。

I love that, though.

我觉得这其实挺浪漫的。

I I think that that's It's quite romantic, actually.

确实是。

It is.

就像是，我在乎你、你的身体、你的健康以及你的感受。

It's like, oh, I care about you and your body and your health and how you feel.

我不知道。

I don't know.

我真的非常喜欢这一点。

I I really love that.

是的。

Yeah.

不过这很有趣。

That's interesting, though.

他们都在等着。

They're all they're all waiting.

是的。

Yeah.

这很可爱。

That's cute.

没有更新他，而是把他变成了朋友。

Did not updating him but turned him into a friend.

就是这样。

There you go.

是的。

Yeah.

聪明。

Smart.

好的。

Okay.

所以中美之间另一个区别是承诺的速度。

So another difference between US and China is the speed of commitment.

在美国，人们约会的时间很长，但不一定有明确的结果或目标之类的。

And in The US people date for a really long time without necessarily any clear outcome or goal or whatever.

但在中国，一旦关系认真起来，一旦确定了 exclusivity，进展就会非常非常快。

But in China once things are serious, once it's like okay we're exclusive timelines move very very quickly.

很有趣。

Interesting.

这是因为社会对年龄、必须生育后代以及 fertility 等方面有大量压力，还有来自家庭的诸多期望。

And that's because there are a lot of social pressures around age and having to provide grandkids and then fertility and really just a lot of family expectations.

父母的压力太大了。

There's so much pressure from parents.

就像你在上学时，父母总说别谈恋爱、别谈恋爱，可你一毕业，他们就问：你怎么还没结婚？

It's like when you're in school your parents are like don't date, don't date, don't date and then the day you graduate they're like why aren't you married?

我会疯掉的。

That's I would lose my mind.

他们总问：你怎么还没结婚？我们的孙子孙女在哪？

They're like why aren't you married and where are our grandkids?

是的。

Yeah.

这太疯狂了。

That's crazy.

是的。

Yeah.

我觉得我不会喜欢这样。

I don't think I'd like that.

不会。

No.

谢谢。

Thank you.

没有压力。

No pressures.

但我要说，我和我丈夫从第一次约会到正式结婚只用了七个月。

But I have to say me and my husband from first date to legally wed was seven months.

挺快的。

Pretty quick.

哇。

Wow.

真快啊。

That is quick.

事实上，如果我没有在上海封城期间被封锁六十天，当时上海有两千两百万人被封锁。

In fact if I had not been locked down in Shanghai during the sixty day lockdown where they locked down 24,000,000 people.

哦，是的。

Oh yeah.

我们可能五个月就结婚了。

We probably would have got married in like five months.

哇。

Wow.

是的。

Yeah.

但那是2020年。

But that was that was 2020.

来自你们。

From you guys.

感觉你爸爸不太像那种推着你前进的人。

Feel like your dad doesn't feel like much of a pusher.

有趣的是，当我刚开始和我丈夫约会时，有一天我给爸爸打电话，说：爸爸，我觉得我找到了要嫁的人。

Well, you know what's funny is when I started dating my husband, one day I called my dad and I said, dad, I think I found the man I'm gonna marry.

我爸爸说：终于。

And my dad said, finally.

太好笑了。

Hilarious.

然后他给所有朋友打电话，说：我终于找到愿意娶我女儿的人了。

And then he called all his friends and was like, I finally found someone willing to marry my daughter.

天啊，我真想见见你爸爸。

Oh my gosh I can't wait to meet your dad.

还有威士忌。

And whiskey.

是的

Yeah.

太有趣了

That's so funny.

对

Yep.

我爸爸真的特别可爱

My dad is really, really cute.

好吧

Okay.

另一个区别是独立与相互依赖

The other difference is independence versus interdependence.

在美国，独立被浪漫化，依赖别人会让人感觉像软弱

So in The States, independence is romanticized and needing someone can feel like weakness.

而在中国，相互依赖是被期待的，彼此需要是很正常的

Whereas in China, interdependence is expected and needing each other is normal.

知道这很有趣。

Know it's funny.

我继续前行。

And I keep going.

是的。

Yeah.

所以，我和我丈夫的婚姻在中国看来是非传统的，因为结婚时他允许我，我当时以为我会在中国度过一生。

So when obviously me and my husband have an unconventional marriage for China because he let me when we got married, I thought I was gonna be in China for life.

但几年后，我突然觉得我想去洛杉矶追逐我的梦想。

And then a few years later, was like, I I kinda wanna go to LA and chase my dreams.

而他根本没有犹豫。

And he didn't even hesitate.

他说，人需要有梦想。

He said, people need to have dreams.

如果你的梦想在这里，你就必须去。

If this is your dream, you gotta go.

这太棒了。

That's amazing.

但确实，这很可能不正常。

But yeah, very probably not normal.

一点都不正常。

Not normal at all.

我当时在宾夕法尼亚州为QVC直播销售抗病毒产品，到处跑来跑去。

And I'm like in Pennsylvania on air for QVC selling anti vorta or I'm like here and there.

我在小红书上发了帖，小红书基本上就是中国的Instagram。

And I posted on my Rednote, my little red book which is China's Instagram basically.

他那些五十岁左右的中国中年商人朋友也都关注我。

And all his friends who are like 50 year old middle aged Chinese businessmen also follow me.

当然了。

Yeah, of course.

他们一起吃饭时会翻看我的帖子，说：‘你得管好你老婆。’

And they'll be like at dinner together and they'll be like looking through and be like, you need to control your wife.

她在这儿，她在那儿。

She's here, she's there.

我丈夫会说，因为他总是这样告诉我，他会问：你觉得她能管得住吗？

And my husband will say, because he tells me this, he's like, do you think she's controllable?

我甚至试过管她，但她根本不会嫁给我。

I even tried to control her she would have never married me.

确实。

True.

我好喜欢他。

Oh, I love him.

我喜欢这一点。

I love that.

是的。

Yeah.

这真是难得的事。

That's such a rare thing.

我的意思是，即使在美国，拥有这样的伴侣也是一种罕见的事。

I mean, even in The States, it's a rare thing to have Yeah.

一个能让你发光、做自己的伴侣，因为很多时候 ego 会介入，随之而来的是嫉妒等等。

A partner who, like, lets you shine and do your thing because there's so so often ego's involved, jealousy comes with that, all that.

我喜欢这一点。

Like, I love that.

尤其是在中国这样非常父权的社会里。

And especially in a very patriarchal society like China.

是的。

Yes.

对。

Yeah.

那里的人还会在他耳边说些话。

Where people are also in his ear saying things.

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

顺便说一下，我看到我丈夫的朋友是如何对待他们妻子的。

And and by the way, I see my husband's friends and the way they treat their wives.

妻子们都是焦虑的全职主妇。

Like, wives are housewives with anxiety.

是的。

Yeah.

不。

No.

而丈夫们只是像老板一样命令她们。

And then the the husbands are just boss ordering them around.

比如，给某某多盛点饭啊，等等等等。

Like, oh, get more rice for so and so and, dah dah dah dah dah.

我可能连三十秒都撑不住。

I would last probably thirty seconds.

而且，是的，他们开着宾利SUV，却穿着白色豆子什么的。

And, yeah, they're driving Bentley SUVs and wearing But white bean no.

不。

No.

这太疯狂了。

That's crazy.

你知道吗，在美国，如果你邀请某人参加社交聚餐，大家都会默认他们会带伴侣一起来。

You know what's interesting is that if you invite somebody to a social meal in The States, it's expected that they'll bring their plus one.

对吧？

Right?

他们期待对方会带上配偶。

They expect they'll bring their spouse.

尤其是如果是团体晚餐的话，

Especially if it's group dinner or

什么的。

something.

是的。

Yeah.

在中国，人们期望他们不会带配偶前来。

In China, it's expected that they will not bring their spouse.

真的吗？

Oh, really?

就连我也会举办像除夕晚餐这样的活动，邀请我的礼仪课学生。

And even I've done things like New Year's Eve dinners and this and that and invited my etiquette students.

我会问：‘你们想带丈夫来吗？’

And I'm like, you guys wanna bring your husbands?

他们总是说：‘不，不，不，不。’

And they're like, no, no, no, no.

我会说：‘都12月31号了。’

I'm like, it's December 31.

不，没他我们会更开心。

No, we'll have more fun without him.

不。

No.

是的。

Yeah.

天啊，这真有趣。

Oh my, that's funny.

有很多次，我分别认识一对夫妻多年，却完全不知道他们彼此是夫妻。

And there have been so many instances where I knew a husband and a wife separately for years and had no idea they were married to each other.

然后我就想，哦，原来他们是夫妻。

And then I'm like, oh, I guess they're married to each other.

你怎么看这件事？

What do you make of that?

这太有趣了。

That's super interesting.

确实很有趣。

It is very interesting.

这是因为中国社会特别复杂。

It's because there's especially when because China is a very complicated society.

嗯哼。

Mhmm.

所以有很多骗子和江湖骗子，你知道的，情况很复杂，灰色地带很多，你根本不知道别人的意图是什么。

And so there's a lot of hustlers and scammers and just, you know, it's it's it's just very there's a lot of gray area and you don't know what people's intentions are.

因此，不带配偶来几乎成了一种保护措施。

So it's almost a form of protection to not bring your spouse.

哦，有意思。

Oh, interesting.

是的，不让你的配偶暴露在这种环境中。

Yeah, to not expose your spouse to that.

而且，你也不知道自己被邀请参加的是什么样的活动。

And also, you don't know what kind of event you're being invited to.

所以如果你完全不了解或不清楚情况，那就干脆不带配偶去。

And so if you don't totally understand or it's not clear, then yeah, then you just don't bring your spouse.

这很有趣。

It's very interesting.

是的。

Yeah.

因为我觉得在美国，我会带丹尼一起去，至少有个情感上的依靠，或者至少有一个人在身边。

Because I feel like in The States, I mean, like, I'll bring Danny if I for, like, an emotional buffer or at least you have one person.

如果你要去一个你不熟悉的地方，你会想，哦，有备无患。

If you're going to something you don't know, you're like, oh, got it.

那是我的安全港。

It's my safe place.

每个人都带着自己的配偶。

Everybody's bringing their spouse.

对。

Right.

没错。

Exactly.

是的，就是这样。

That's yeah.

而在中国，有

And in China, there's

有一个词叫，各自为政。

this term called, to their own.

所以很多夫妻，他们的社交生活非常不同。

And so a lot of husbands and wives, their social lives are very, very different.

我挺喜欢这样的。

I kinda love that.

对。

Yeah.

所以妻子们和她们的闺蜜一起玩，而丈夫们则

So the the wives are hanging out with their girlfriends and then the the

我觉得这其实非常健康。

I think that's actually so healthy.

这其实很健康，因为这样你们就能拥有自己的空间。

It actually is healthy because then you get kind of your own space as

好吧。

well.

而且我觉得你和我都是这样，我的男朋友虽然不在中国，但他住在纽约，我觉得这对我们的关系其实很有好处，因为你们可以各自做自己的事情，然后再聚在一起。

Well, and I think you and I are both I mean, my boyfriend's not in China, but he's in New York, and I think that that it's been actually beautiful for our relationship because you can do your own separate things and then you come together.

这确实很难，但它培养了独立性，然后你们再相聚，而不是陷入依赖关系。

It's really hard, but it's also it fosters the individuality and then you come together versus the codependence.

是的。

Yeah.

好的。

Alright.

今天关于爱情和浪漫的话题就到这里吧，各位。

That is enough love and romance for today, guys.

祝大家情人节这一周快乐。

Have a happy Valentine's week.

别忘了关注下周一的春节特别节目，非常有趣。

Make sure you stick around for next week's Chinese New Year episode which is really fun.

标题是《影响中国生育率的十二生肖信仰》。

It's titled The Zodiac Beliefs That Shape Birthrates in China.

哇。

Wow.

人们会生气的。

People are gonna get angry.

因为几周前我发布的那个Instagram短视频，讲的是中国父母会避开属羊的年份生育，比如2027年，那个视频爆火了。

Know because that Instagram reel that I posted from the episode a few weeks ago about how Chinese parents skip giving birth the year of the goat which is 2027, that really popped off.

我觉得播放量大概有220万。

Think it's at like two point two.

是的，两百多万吧，没错。

Yeah, two point something, yeah.

对，那你能给大家简单介绍一下中国十二生肖吗？

Yeah, So and then everyone's like, you give a lowdown on the Chinese zodiac?

所以我正在听你们说，我们会的。

So I'm listening to you guys, we will be.

而且既然今年是马年，我刚刚推出了一套风水艺术作品，帮你今年招财纳福。

And also since it's year of the horse, I just launched a Feng Shui collection of art pieces so that you can bring in good fortune this year.

我们有两款不同的马，这就是为什么你们应该看看视频。

We have the horse in two different, and this is why you should look at the video.

这是一匹天马。

This is a, well, is the celestial horse.

它非常漂亮。

It's really pretty.

它是红色的，上面有真正的金箔云纹。

It's red with actual gold gilded clouds on it.

另一款是经典马。

And then the other one is the classic horse.

凯尔西，也许你可以看一下

Kelsey, maybe you can look

把它举起来。

that up.

是的。

Yeah.

这些瓷马是风水物品，用于激活你空间中的动力、机遇、福气和富足。

And these porcelain horses, they're Feng Shui objects to activate momentum, opportunity, blessings and abundance in your space.

它们很漂亮。

They're beautiful.

它们真的非常漂亮。

They're really beautiful.

当你订购时，你可以下单。

And when you order them, you can order them.

这是我与Antivorta的合作项目。

It's a collab I'm doing with Antivorta.

所以你可以通过我Instagram个人简介中的链接，或者在antivorta.us网站上订购。

So you can order it from my Instagram link in bio or on antivorta.us website.

还提供了如何将它摆放在书桌上，或放在房间哪个角落来最大程度提升你属马年的运势的说明。

There are also instructions on how to place it on your desk or which corner of your room to really boost your luck for Year of the Horse.

顺便说一下，红色款是限量版，赶紧下单吧。

And by the way, the red one is limited edition, so get yours now.

我打算买几个。

I'm gonna get a couple of them.

对。

Yeah.

他们说，莎拉，这太可爱了。

And they say, Sarah, it's so cute.

是的。

Yeah.

看看底部，莎拉·简·何，前Antivorta。

Look at the bottom, Sarah Jane Ho, ex Antiporta.

Antivorta，太爱了。

Antiporta, love.