为庆祝70岁生日，她雇了一名陪护

美与赢得网球大满贯、赋能社区或在南美洲的荒野中追踪美洲豹有何关联？大家好，我是伊莎贝拉·罗西里尼，欢迎回到《这不是一档美容播客》第二季，在这里我将揭示美如何贯穿我们生活的每个角落。请通过您喜爱的播客平台收听由欧莱雅集团出品的《这不是一档美容播客》。

What does beauty have to do with winning a tennis grand slam or empowering communities or tracking jaguars through the wild heart of South America? Hi there. I'm Isabella Rossellini, and I'm back with season two of this is not a beauty podcast where I uncover stories that get to the heart of how beauty is woven through every facet of our lives. Listen to this is not a beauty podcast from L'Oreal Group on your favorite podcast platform.

大家好，我是安娜。在节目开始前插播一条：请留意《纽约时报》订阅用户的专属福利。如您所知（希望现在您已了解），每周三我们会发布面向所有听众的《现代爱情》新剧集，这一传统将持续下去。但只有订阅用户才能解锁每周五发布的额外内容。

Hey, everyone. It's Anna. I'm just popping in at the top of this episode to make sure you know about some special stuff that's only available to New York Times subscribers. As you know, hopefully by now, every Wednesday, we publish a new episode of Modern Love that anyone can listen to from anywhere, and we're gonna keep doing that. But only subscribers have access to the bonus content we publish on Fridays.

每个周五，您可以通过聆听最新《现代爱情》专栏的有声版开启周末。订阅用户还可获取全部往期节目存档。若您尚未订阅，我们希望您能考虑加入——这不仅是为了获取更多《现代爱情》内容，更是对《纽约时报》新闻编辑部工作的支持。了解更多请访问nytimes.com/podcast，或直接在Apple Podcasts或Spotify订阅。

Every Friday, you can start your weekend by listening to the latest Modern Love column read aloud. Subscribers also have access to the full back catalog of Modern Love episodes. If you're not already a subscriber, we hope you'll consider becoming one, not just to get access to more modern love, but as a way of supporting the journalism that powers the whole New York Times newsroom. To learn more, you can go to nytimes.com/podcast, or you can subscribe directly from Apple Podcasts or Spotify. Okay.

节目即将开始。一如既往感谢收听。爱在此刻，爱在永恒。坠入爱河

Here's the show. As always, thanks for listening. Love now and forever. Fall in love

昨夜。比任何事物都强烈。为爱 爱。

last night. Is stronger than anything. For the love Love.

而我爱你胜过一切。

And I love you more than anything.

那里有欢愉。爱。

There's delight. Love.

这里是《纽约时报》，我是安娜·马丁。本期节目是《现代爱情》。今天，我将与作家兼治疗师盖尔·赖斯对话。当盖尔即将迎来70岁生日时，她意识到自己最想要的生日礼物是一次性高潮。于是她决定雇佣一名伴游。

From the New York Times, I'm Anna Martin. This is modern love. Today, I'm talking to writer and therapist Gail Rice. When Gail was about to turn 70, she realized what she really wanted for her seventieth birthday was an orgasm. So she decided to hire an escort.

得知这个故事后，我脑海中冒出大约一百万个问题，而盖尔非常友善地为我做了详细解答。但要知道，明确需求是一回事，实现方式则是另一回事。我们深入探讨了整个过程。请继续收听。

And when I heard about this, I had approximately a million questions for Gail, which she was kind enough to answer for me in detail. But look. Knowing what she wanted was one thing, figuring out how to get it was another. We talked all about it. Stay with us.

随着节日季临近，Wayfair为您准备好所有待客装饰所需。从让全家团聚的餐桌椅具，到令宾客倍感舒适的备用床品毛巾，Wayfair是您一站式家居解决方案。这个季节，将空间改造成待客天堂。在Wayfair集中采购所有必需品，所有商品都能快速便捷地直送到府。

As the holidays approach, get prepped for all your hosting and decorating needs with Wayfair. From dining tables and chairs that bring the whole family together to extra sheets and towels that make guests feel comfortable, Wayfair is your one stop shop for everything home. This season, transform your space into an entertainer's dream. Get everything you need to host all in one place at Wayfair. Plus, Wayfair ships everything fast and easy right to your door.

立即登录wayfair.com选购全品类家居用品。网址wayfair.com。Wayfair——万千风格，万家所需。

Shop all things home today at wayfair.com. That's wayfair.com. Wayfair, every style, every home.

大家好，我是阿什莉。我和男友住在旧金山。我们希望能通过独立账号正式共享我的《纽约时报》订阅。虽然我们都热爱烹饪、享受厨房时光，但我是个专注30分钟高效晚餐的实用派。

Hi. This is Ashley. I live in San Francisco with my boyfriend. We would love to officially share my New York Times subscription with separate logins. We both love cooking, love being in the kitchen, but I'm a thirty minute and under efficient dinner girly.

我偏好烤盘简餐，而他热衷精致料理，追求烹饪叙事感。我希望能保存自己的简易食谱并标记已完成菜品。我认为他拥有独立账户会非常理想。

I want a sheet pan meal. He is very elaborate. He wants to get into the storytelling. I wanna be able to save my easy meals and check off the ones that I've completed. And I think him having his own profile would be great.

阿什莉，我们听到了您的心声。现在推出《纽约时报》家庭订阅计划：您拥有专属登录账号，精致料理先生也能获得独立账户，还可再添加两名成员。详情请访问nytimes.com/family。

Ashley, we heard you. Introducing the New York Times Family Subscription. You get your own login and mister elaborate gets his, plus room for two others. Find out more at nytimes.com/family.

好的，盖尔。是的。我们在这里讨论你在Substack平台《Oldster》上发表的一篇文章，这篇的标题非常引人注目。标题是这样的：'为庆祝七十岁生日，我雇了一名陪护。'

Alright, Gail. Yes. We are here to talk about an essay you published in a substack called Oldster, and the title of this essay is an amazing one. This is the title. For my seventieth birthday, I hired an escort.

这真是个爆炸性的标题。我不得不直接问，这个想法是从哪里来的？

That is a splashy headline. And I have to know just straight off the bat, where did that idea come from?

嗯，这个想法源于我对即将迈入70岁的一种存在性恐惧。这让我感到非常害怕，我真的很担心自己就这样慢慢消逝。所以我觉得需要做点什么，我得为生日做些真正刺激的事。于是我安排了几次旅行，做了些尝试，但依然觉得不够。后来我想到了跳伞，因为我一直有这个念头。

Well, the idea came from sort of an existential dread of turning 70 is where it came from. It felt quite scary for me, and I was really feeling frightened of sort of just fading away. So I thought I needed something, I I gotta do something really exciting for my birthday. So I did a few things, I planned a few trips and did that, but still didn't feel enough. So I thought of jumping over a plane because I've often thought of doing that.

等等，等等，等等。你不能用这么随意的语气说'跳出了飞机'。要知道，你说'我安排了几次旅行，然后还跳了次伞'。

Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold You can't say jumping out of a plane in that kind of toss-up. You know, I planned a few trips, and then I also jumped out of a plane.

其实在讨论跳伞之前，我想先回到更早的话题。你说到对70岁的恐惧，能详细谈谈

And I actually wanna go back even before we get into the plane of it all and say, you're you're talking about a fear of turning 70. Can you talk more

这个吗？我想这是一种时间所剩无几的感觉。我过着非常充实快乐的生活，但我能感觉到它正在走向终点。二十年前我50岁，再过二十年我就90岁了。

about that? Well, I think it was a sense of time running out. I think it was really I lead a very sort of full happy life, but I felt I could feel it ending. I guess that's what it was. I think I was thinking, twenty years ago I was 50, twenty years going ahead I'm 90.

是啊。

Yeah.

这让我感到害怕。真的，它让我清醒地害怕。感觉我需要一些让我有点害怕的东西。因为害怕70岁的到来，我觉得需要用做一些让我害怕的事情来对抗这种恐惧，唤醒自己。这很难解释，但我需要一次身体上的跳跃。

And it scared me. It scared me alive really. It felt like I needed something I was kinda scared of. Because I was scared of turning 70, I felt in a way I had to counter it by doing something I'm scared of to wake myself up. It's hard to explain, but I needed a body jump.

但跳飞机也可能达到同样的效果。

But it could have happened jumping out of a plane.

告诉我你所说的身体跳跃是什么意思。

Tell me what you mean by body jump.

嗯，我需要感受到身体是活着的。比如，怎样才能让我的心跳加速？

Well, I needed I needed to feel alive in my body. Like, how can I get my heart jumping?

你需要一次刺激。

You needed a jolt.

我怎样才能

How can I

我的电池需要充电？

My battery needed a jolt?

是啊。我的电池需要充电了。如果它想在接下来的二十年里保持活力和警觉，我现在就得让它动起来。

Yeah. My battery needed a jolt. And if it was gonna be alive and alert in the next twenty years, I needed to get it going now.

说实话，当你想找点让心跳加速的事情时，我首先想到的是跳飞机。绝对是这样。但陪游服务对我来说没那么有吸引力。你对陪游有什么顾虑吗？

When you think of something to get your heart pumping, honestly, the first thing I think about is jumping out of a plane. Absolutely. But the escort does not track for me as much. What were you fearful of with the escort?

我只是觉得，当我开始考虑让身体动起来时，有些事情发生了。是的。这让我意识到，我在65岁左右就停用了约会软件。好吧。所以从那以后我就没再约会，也没有任何感情关系。没有任何人联系。

I just think something happened when I started thinking about getting my body going Yeah. That made me realize I had I stopped dating apps at about 65. Okay. So I hadn't been dating and hadn't had any relationship since then. No no connection with anyone.

我想可能有些潜意识里的东西被触发了。当我想到要和跳伞教练绑在一起时，似乎有个声音在说，哦，也许还有另一种方式可以与人建立联系。然后我就自然而然地接受了这个想法。

And I think maybe something quite unconscious happened. When I thought of being strapped to the guy in the parachute, I think something happened that said, oh, maybe there's another way I can get connected to somebody. And it and I just slipped into that.

嗯哼。你说你在65岁时停用了约会软件。为什么停用呢？

Uh-huh. You say you stopped dating apps at 65. Why did you stop?

嗯，主要是因为我对遇到的男性感到沮丧、失望和厌倦。我甚至跟朋友说过，现在我对男性只有三个要求：他们能绕着街区走一圈吗？能做到吗？嗯。

Well, because basically, I was frustrated, disappointed, fed up with meeting men. I I got to a point where I said to a friend, I've got three things now I look for in men. Can they walk around the block? Can they do that? Mhmm.

他们有问过任何关于我的事吗？有吗？随便什么都行。有吗？标准够低了吧。

Have they asked me anything about myself? Yep. Anything. Yep. Low bar.

门槛非常低。

Very low bar.

听着。我的标准也一样，但请继续。是的。

Listen. I have the same bar, but please continue. Yes.

第三个问题是，他们至少表现出有支付饮料或咖啡的能力吗？我不需要他们付钱。就像，

And the third one was, do they at least show some capacity to pay for the drink or the coffee? I don't need them to pay for it. Like, do

他们只是展示能力？比如，他们带钱包了吗？回来。

they just show capacity? Like, do they have a wallet? Back.

是的。所以，是的。我付出了很多努力却回报甚微。我甚至不确定为什么还要继续做这件事。

Yeah. So yeah. I it was a lot of work for little return. I wasn't even sure why was doing it anymore.

是的。盖尔，听着。作为一个三十出头的人，我无法形容这与我在交友软件上的经历有多么相似。所以，是的。

Yeah. Gail, listen. I cannot tell you how closely that tracks with my experience on the apps as someone in my Oh. Early thirties. So Yes.

你知道的，随你怎么理解。你是治疗师，对吧？

You know, interpret that how you will. You're a therapist. Correct?

我是一名治疗师，我理解那种感受。这也是我退出的另一个原因。无论你是20岁、30岁还是40岁的女性，这种情况都在发生。

I'm a therapist, and I hear that. And that's that's the other reason I got out. I know whether you're 20, 30, or 40, women, this is what's happening.

我能问问你那个清单上的内容吗？比如他应该能走路，应该会问你问题，应该...对吧？至少要有支付能力，第四条是他能取悦我，能让我达到高潮，还是你根本没考虑到那一步？

Can I ask you too on that list of, you know, he should be able to walk, he should ask you questions, he should Yep? At least have the capacity to pay, was a fourth like he can pleasure me, he can give me an orgasm, or did you not even get that far?

嗯，是的。甚至都不是高潮的问题。我觉得首先是，这些男人并不怎么有吸引力，因为他们年纪大了。你知道，我看着自己，我也老了。但事情甚至都没发展到那一步，安娜。

Well, yeah. It wasn't even the orgasm. I think it was, yeah, can he well, first of all, they weren't very attractive, these men, because they're old. And you know, I look at myself, I'm old too. But it's sort of no, it didn't even go that far, Anna.

感觉就像是...非常疏离。

It sort of it felt so remote.

你是在说参加这些约会时的感受。你感觉非常抽离。对吗？可能有点...

You're talking about the feeling of going on these dates. You you felt very removed. Right? Sort of maybe

是的。

Yes.

没有真正投入其中，所以你停止了使用那些交友软件。这样我就能理解为什么在这个重要生日时，你开始认真考虑某些事，你的话仿佛突然让你回到了自己的身体里，对吧？为了让事情感觉不那么遥远，让它们变得迫切。所以我确实理解你怎么会去搜索男性陪侍，现在我们需要谈谈这个。你是怎么找陪侍的？就直接搜索'附近的男性陪侍'吗？

Not embodied on the and so you you stop, you know, engaging with the apps. And then it makes sense to me that for this big birthday, you're really thinking about something, and your words sort of jolt you into your body, right, to make things feel less remote, to make them feel immediate. So I do understand how you arrived at googling male escorts, and now we gotta talk about that. How do you find an escort? Do you just Google male escort near me?

是的。对。没错。我很快意识到，他们全是我孙辈的年纪，展示的都是同一种模式——袒露胸膛、几乎不穿内衣、以各种姿势作为性对象。我想，糟了，我找错池塘了。

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And and what I realized very quickly was, you know, they all they all were the age of my grandchild, and they were all the same kind of model of here's my bare chest, here's me with hardly any underwear on, here's me sitting this way, that way, as a sexual object. And I thought, Oh no, I'm in the wrong pond.

于是我开始寻找高价性服务者。通过观察价格我发现，价位越高，裸露的胸臀越少，遇到的人越像有正经生活的。渐渐地也出现了些四十多岁的从业者。

So then I started looking for sexual escorts that cost over. So I started to realize, looked at the cost. So it became the higher up I got, the less pecks I got, the less bums I got. And what I got was you know, people that looked like they had a life, and I tend then it also were a few more people that were in their forties.

嗯。

Mhmm.

这正合我意——接触更成熟的群体，衣着得体的人。最终筛选所剩无几，我迅速锁定了米奇：首先是他照片的质感，其次是他那段讲话视频...

So it it worked for me because I got a slightly older group, and I got people with their clothes on. So when I finally honed in, there weren't many, there were a couple. And I really quickly honed into Mitch because couple things. First of all, his photos, but then he also had a video of him speaking. Oh.

对。他在视频里谈论女性和男性一样，都有常规关系无法满足的需求。那段充满心理安抚的对话令人安心。

Yeah. And just talking about how women like men have needs that aren't met in normal relationships, and it was a very kind of psychologically reassuring chat he was having.

这个叫米奇的人

And this person, Mitch

嗯。

Mhmm.

顺便说一句，故事里的名字都改过了。米奇是他最终锁定的那个伴游，对吧？

The names in the story have been changed, by the way. Mitch was the escort he kinda finally zeroed in on. Right?

没错。所以我感到非常安心，就告诉他我对即将70岁感到焦虑。我说我想要一次性高潮。我告诉他

That's right. So I felt really reassured, and I told him I was anxious about being 70. I told him I want an orgasm. I told him

哇哦。

Wow.

我想要一次情色按摩。他说完全没问题，小菜一碟。

I want an erotic massage. He said, absolutely no problem. Easy peasy.

等等，盖尔，你告诉他你害怕70岁这件事？这感觉情感上相当亲密啊。

Wait, Gail, you told him that you were nervous to turn 70? That feels pretty emotionally intimate.

不知道。但他就是那样的人。我对他说，你会是个不错的心理学家。因为他有种非常温暖的待人方式，看起来是个很有原则的人，而且他真心想帮我。他听懂了我的话。

Don't know. But he was very much like that. I said to him, You'd make good psychologists. Because he had a way about him that was very warm and he seems to be a man with a lot of integrity and he really wanted this. He heard me.

他说，我理解你的需求，你表达得很清楚，我很感谢。所以这应该不成问题。

He said, I understand that and you're being very clear and I appreciate that. So we should it should be No problem.

那么，多少钱？

So How much was it?

嗯，每小时550美元，而且你得买三个小时。

Well, it was $550 an hour, and you had to get three hours.

哦，哇。好吧。所以这是偏高的价位，

Oh, wow. Okay. So this was on the higher end,

确实。是的。嗯，我发现这个价格偏高，但没错，这是高端且奢侈的，因为对我来说，我宁愿用这笔钱买张机票。我是说，这是一大笔钱。而且，我当时处于那种急需解决70号电池问题的状态。

certainly. Yes. Well, as I find out, this higher but, yeah, this was higher end and extravagant because, like, for me, I'd I'd rather get a plane ticket for that. I mean, was a lot of So it was a big investment. And again, I don't know see, think I was in such a space with this 70 thing.

感觉就像，你知道，我的生活就靠这次电池救援了。如果这是必须付出的代价，那我就这么做。

It felt like, you know, my life depends on this battery jump. And if this is what it's gonna cost, this is what I do.

你把钱付给米奇了。

You paid the money to Mitch.

是的。嗯。

Yep. Mhmm.

然后夜幕降临。

And then the night comes.

是的。

Yes.

你当时感觉如何？

How were you feeling?

听着。进去前我真的很紧张。那天是我生日前夕。确切说是第二天才是我生日。所以我将在酒店里醒来迎接生日。

Look. I was really nervous going in. It was the evening of my birthday. It was so the next day is my birthday. So I was gonna be waking up in the hotel on my birthday.

天啊。计划得真棒。好的。明白。好的。

Oh my gosh. Great planning. Okay. Copy that. Okay.

所以，是的，我当时非常紧张。

So, yeah, I was very nervous.

你以前从没做过类似的事，对吧。

You've never done anything like this before, No.

我不知道有没有人这么做过。我自己也完全不知所措。另外让我有点震惊的是，我原本想象的是——香槟冰镇好了，卧室温馨浪漫，他会敲门而入。结果呢？你得去大堂接他。我当时就想，这可真是一点都不浪漫。于是我下楼到大堂，他长得和照片上一模一样，

I don't know anybody's done it. I don't know what I'm doing. And I guess the other thing, I was a bit shocked because I had this image of, oh, know, I've got the champagne on the ice and I've got this lovely bedroom and he's gonna knock at the door and come in and no, you have to meet them in the lobby. So I thought, oh, so that's pretty not sexy. So I go into the lobby and he looks exactly like what he did in the picture and

呼。

Phew.

但整个过程诡异极了。他走过来，好像在我脸颊上亲了一下。电梯上升的那段路程让我不断自问：我为什么要和这个陌生人共乘电梯？我们聊着天气，完全背离了我预想的场景——本该是酒店房间里喝着香槟欣赏夜景。

But it just feels so weird. He comes over and I think he kissed me on the cheek or something. And that that journey up the elevator just felt like, what am I doing in this elevator with this stranger? And we are talking about the weather. And it's so so I'd lost any sense that it had in the hotel room with the champagne and the view.

接着就是非常尴尬的进门过程。

So then it was like this very uncomfortable entry in.

明白了。所以你和米奇初次见面是在电梯里聊天气。接下来发生了什么？

Okay. So you're in the elevator with Mitch, meeting him for the first time, talking about the weather. Tell me what happens next.

等我们走到房门口，说真的，当时特别庆幸准备了香槟，好歹有个缓冲。然后呢？事情就从这里开始失控了。我切换成了采访模式：'说说你的情况吧'。

So then we get to the door, I mean, I guess I'm so grateful for the champagne because I sort of knew I had that to lean into. Then what happens? And this is where it went off the rails. So I go into my Uber interviewing mode. Oh, tell me about yourself.

他详细讲了自己的市场营销工作，如何因为发现这个特殊市场需求而辞职——毕竟他喜欢性爱。接着他开始大谈特谈做应召男郎的经历，我就顺势问他通常接待什么样的女性客户。

I heard all about his marketing job and how he quit marketing because he saw this as a niche market and he liked having sex. And then I heard all about what it's like to be an escort, and so asking him about the kind of women that came to see him.

你基本上把他当作心理治疗的客户来对待了。

You're basically treating him like a client for therapy.

嗯，几乎比那更糟。感觉我像是在为报纸采访他。而他乐在其中。他是个非常好、有趣的人。于是我问起那些来找他的女性类型。

Well, almost worse than that. Felt like I was interviewing him for the paper. And he was enjoying it. He's a really nice guy, interesting guy. And so I asked the kind of women who come to see him.

他说，通常她们分为两类。一类是三十岁左右、单纯寻求激情性爱的女性，另一类是五十岁以上、离异或丧偶、渴望男友式陪伴的女性。我当时就说，我好像并不符合这两类。

And he says, Well, they normally go into two groups. So there's the women in about their thirties that are just looking for hot sex, and then there's the women probably over fifties who have been divorced, so their husband died, and they're looking for a a boyfriend experience. And I said at that point, I said, well, I don't I don't really fit into those categories.

是啊，我只想要个高潮。

Yeah. I'm looking for an orgasm.

没错，我说我要个高潮。他立刻回应道：'哦对，我懂这个需求。'

Yeah. I'm looking for an orgasm. And he said, oh, yes. Yes. I know that.

后来我们继续聊着，窗外有座巨大的塔钟。我抬头看时间时惊呆了——居然聊了近一小时。这只是三次会面中的第一次啊。

So I don't know. We kept talking, and then I and there was this big clock, this huge tower clock outside the window. And I looked up and I was shocked, like, nearly an hour had gone by. Yeah. And one of three.

抬头一看——天哪！我突然意识到：见鬼，我竟然花了550美元来采访这家伙！一股无名火冒上来，就直接问他：'现在怎么办？' 顺便说，全程没有任何肢体接触，本来我还想问问这个的。

Looked up Oh gosh. And I I felt this and what I felt was, fuck, I've just spent $550 interviewing this guy. And I felt kind of a bit of rage, so I said to him, what do we do now? I sort of just and by the way, there was no physical touch, nothing. I was gonna ask.

不，什么都没有。连碰一下我的膝盖都没有。他坐在那边，我坐在这边的椅子上采访他。然后他说，好吧，也许我们站起来吧，他就亲了我一下。我当时想，哦，感觉不太对劲。

No, nothing. Not a touch on my knee, nothing. He sat over there, I sat over there on these chairs and I interviewed him. So then he says, Okay, well I guess maybe let's stand up he made me a kiss. I thought, Oh, it didn't feel right.

但不管怎样，他那么做了。我们站起来后，他给了我一个非常糟糕、湿漉漉的吻。感觉太过亲密了。对吧。是的。毫无预兆。

But anyways, he did that. We stood up and he gave me this really awful slobbery kiss. It felt way too intimate Right. Yeah. Out of nowhere.

毫无铺垫。

No wind up.

完全没有铺垫。是的。事情就从那一刻开始，变得越来越糟。

No no wind up at all. Yeah. It just went from there, it went from bad to worse.

我们马上回来。嗨，我是《纽约时报》游戏的朱丽叶，正在和玩家们聊我们的游戏。你玩《纽约时报》的游戏吗？是的。

We'll be right back. Hi. I'm Juliet from New York Times games, and I'm here talking to fans about our games. You play New York Times games. Yes.

每天都会玩。这里有个小标签叫‘朋友’，你可以添加好友。这功能对我来说挺新鲜的。

Every day. There's this little tab down here called friends. So you could add your friend. That feels new to me.

确实是。

It is.

有社交功能真好。天啊。你还能看到他们所有的时间记录。太疯狂了，对吧？

It's nice to have the social aspect. Oh my god. And you have all their times. That's crazy. Right?

你可以玩拼字蜜蜂、Wordle、词语连线。天啊，太棒了。我爱死这个了。我得下载这个应用。

You can look at Spelling Bee, Wordle, Connections. Oh my god. Amazing. Love that. I'll have to get the app.

《纽约时报》游戏订阅用户现在可以在好友标签页添加好友。详情请访问nytimes.com/games。好了，盖尔。刚才米奇给了你一个糟糕的吻。继续说吧。

New York Times game subscribers can now add friends in the friends tab. Find out more at nytimes.com/games. Alright, Gail. So Mitch has just given you kind of an awful kiss. Keep going.

告诉我后来发生了什么。

Tell me what happened next.

然后我们就，怎么说呢，开始脱衣服。像是，

Then it just sort of we just sort of got out of our clothes. Like,

嗯。

Sure.

我脱掉衣服，他也脱掉衣服。我还留着内衣，他也留着内裤，把它们放在椅子上，然后笨拙地爬上床。可能是我心里想着，呃，我不知道接下来该怎么办。但我还是抱着希望，觉得情况会好转。然后我对他说，我说，要不我们试试情色按摩？

I took my clothes off, he took his clothes off. So I left my underwear on, he left his underwear on, put them on the chairs and sort of get in the bed in this very clumsy way. Probably it's a bit of me that felt like, Well, I don't know how this goes. I was still hopeful thinking this is going get better. And then I said to him, I said, I think maybe why don't we do the erotic massage?

好吧。天哪，我这辈子做过很多按摩，但这次连个好按摩都算不上。更别提有什么情色意味了。感觉就像有人在我肚皮和手臂上抹了点油轻轻拍打，偶尔碰一下我的腿。

Okay. Oh my goodness. I've had massages all my life really, and this was like not even a good massage. And there's no way it was erotic. It was like someone was patting my tummy and my arms with a bit of oil and then occasionally touched my leg.

但这就是按摩的全部内容了——大腿上部、手臂和肚子。仅此而已。而我...

But that was that was the extent of the massage, the top of my leg, my arms, and my tummy. And that was it. And I

确实听起来毫无情调，你说得对。这更像是在拍打检查。

just That does not sound erotic, you're right. That sounds like a like a pat down.

就是拍打检查，我都搞不清他在干嘛。他一直用奇怪的方式抚摸我，而且...我全程连内裤都没脱下来过。

A pat down, and I'm not even sure what it was. So I and that he just kept kind of stroking me in a weird way. I I never got my underwear off the whole time.

你当时想脱吗？听起来似乎...

Did you want to? It doesn't sound like

你并不真想。呃，不想吧。我也不知道自己想要什么。我只希望有人能主导局面。

you really wanted to. Well, no. I don't know what I want. I wanted someone to take charge.

能问下吗，你说这辈子经常做按摩，那他按摩时...

Can I ask, like, when he was you say you've gotten massages your whole life?

是啊。

Yeah.

有没有那么一刻，你会想，也许我该给他一些反馈。也许我该说，比如，你提到过我不享受这个吗？你有表达出来吗？

Was there ever a moment where you were like, maybe I should give him feedback. Maybe I should say that I like, did you say I I'm not enjoying this? Did you vocalize that?

我原本希望的是他能主动掌控局面，这种信任我很少给予他人，尤其是对男性。这就是整件事复杂的地方。我意识到，这次经历让我渴望人生中能有那么一次，不用我付出代价就能获得纯粹的快乐——虽然我可能为此付了钱，但不必像过去那样在情感上不断付出。

I what I'd hoped was he would be taking charge, which is something I'm I don't I don't give lightly to people, and I certainly don't give it lightly to men. I mean, this is what's so complex about this. I think what I realized with this is I wanted someone for once in my life to give me pleasure without me having to I might have paid for it, but without me having to pay for it in all the ways I've had to pay for it. What do

你具体指什么？

you mean by that?

就是不必先取悦对方，不必扮演善解人意的女孩，不必时刻顾虑他的感受。我以为花钱买来的服务能让我成为绝对主角，结果大部分时间他的头都靠在我肩上，感觉像在安抚一个孩子。

Well, mean to pleasure them first or to be the nice girl or to be the person that's always concerned about how he feels. I wanted to have a chance to have it all about me, which is I thought what I was buying. But it felt like he had his head on my shoulder most of the time, and it's like I was almost patting his head.

这甚至有点母性泛滥了。

It's also kind of maternal.

非常母性。糟糕透了。可悲的是，我的人生太多时间都在照顾别人，所以这种情形完全提不起我的兴致。后来我迷迷糊糊睡着了——可能是太无聊，或者只是...只是在逃避。半梦半醒间我还想着：天啊，我居然要睡着了。

It's very maternal. Really awful. And sadly, a lot of my life has been looking after other people, so this just does not turn me on at all. And I think I finally I was finally able to say, I sort of drifted off to sleep I think because I was bored or or or maybe just maybe just checking out. And at one point I thought, oh gosh, I'm going to sleep.

他说，哦，一定是因为你太放松了。我说，不，我并没有感到放松。哦。他说，什么？

He said, oh, it must be because you're so relaxed. I said, no. I don't feel relaxed. Oh. He said, what?

你不觉得放松？我说，不，我...这个不行。

You don't feel relaxed? I said, no. I I this isn't working.

哇，所以你最终还是说出来了。

Wow. So you did speak up eventually.

最终，我花了几个小时才鼓起勇气。最后我说，这样不行。他抬头看着我——因为他当时像小狗一样把头靠在我肩上——用他那双下垂的大眼睛望着我说，真的很抱歉。我当时心想，哇。

Finally, it took me a few hours. Finally, I said, this isn't working. And he looked at me, up at me because he's got his head on my shoulder like a dog really. He sort of looked at me with his big droopy eyes and said, I'm so sorry. Thought, well Wow.

嗯...然后我说，是啊，我也很遗憾。他说，你知道，有时候就是没有那种感觉。这句话惊醒了我。真的惊醒了我。

Uh-uh. And then I said, yeah, I am too. And he said, you know, sometimes there's just not a connection. That woke me up. That woke me up.

我说，不，我要求的不是男友体验，我要的是这些服务。他说，是的，但有时候就是没有默契。我说，这真的很令人失望，因为我原本不明白问题出在这里。

I said, no. I didn't ask for the boyfriend experience. I asked for these things. He said, yeah, but just sometimes there's no connection. I said, well, that's really just it's really disappointing because I didn't understand that's what it was about.

我说，我觉得你最好还是走吧。他看起来崩溃了，然后离开了。有意思的是，酒店送来了小块生日蛋糕，我之前不想吃是因为没心情之类的。于是我带着蛋糕和剩下的香槟回到床上，这可能是那晚最美好的时刻了。但我整晚都在辗转反侧，很难解释具体在纠结什么。

I said, I think it's just best if you go. And he looked devastated and he left. This is interesting because the hotel delivered me a little piece of birthday cake and I didn't want to eat it before because I didn't want it before or whatever. So I got back in the bed with the birthday cake and the rest of the champagne and that's probably the best beer of the night. But I was up all night just fussing about it's hard to explain what I was fussing about.

感觉就像是，我猜有一部分在说，天哪，我真的老了。真的，你知道吗，我甚至没法让一个付费工作者完成他的工作，因为他无法与我建立联系。你知道，整个故事就是这样。

It was sort of like I guess there's a part of it going, Oh gosh, I really am old. It's really you know, I can't even get a paid worker to do their job because he can't connect with me. You know, there's all that story.

就像是我自身有缺陷。

Like, there's a deficiency in me.

完全正确。完全正确。然后因为我没睡好，事情就变了，它变成了，不，我生气了。我要给他写封信。所以我黎明时分就起床开始写这封信，然后我

Absolutely. Absolutely. And then because I hadn't slept and it changed then, it sort of changed into, no, I'm mad. I'm gonna write him a letter. So I was up at Dawn and started writing this letter, and I

而黎明是你的生日，那天是你的生日。

And Dawn is your birthday, it's your birthday.

那是我的生日，生日快乐，那是我的生日。但这才是真正的礼物。我的声音，我刚找回了我的声音。我清晰地听到了她的声音。

That's my birthday, happy birthday, that's my birthday. But this is the gift really. My voice, I just got my voice. I got her loud and clear.

所以

So

我写了一封信，信的内容是关于我们都在从事满足人们亲密需求的行业。你知道，我作为心理学家，你作为性工作者。我们的工作是与走进门的人建立联系。我们必须顺应人们的状态。我还说，我理解如果你无法让我达到高潮，那可能不会发生，但你做的任何事情都无法让任何女性或人接近那种感觉。

I wrote a letter, and the letter was about we're both in the same business of servicing people's intimate needs. You know, I do it as a psychologist, you do it as a sex worker. And our job is to connect with what comes in the door. We have to go with where people are. I also said, I understand if you couldn't give me an orgasm, that might not have happened, but there was nothing that you did that would lead any woman or person to get anywhere near that feeling.

这很有趣，因为你看，这封信在某些方面极其直白，极其直白。

It's interesting because, you know, the letter in some ways is is is it it's extremely direct. It's extremely direct.

嗯。

Mhmm.

你在某种程度上是在公开指责他。你还提到了愤怒，我认为引入这种情绪非常有意思

And you are kind of calling him on the carpet in in certain ways. And and you'd mentioned rage, which I think is a really interesting emotion to bring

嗯。

Mhmm.

在这个时刻。

In at this time.

更像是尝到了愤怒的滋味。更像是，哦，一种本能反应。我的直觉就是感到暴怒。

It was more a taste of rage. It was more like a, oh, a gut. My gut just felt furious.

虽然我没有完全相同的经历，但我得承认，这种愤怒的滋味，我在一次不满意的亲密体验后产生了共鸣。对我来说，这是因为我会开始觉得是自己的错，然后对自己有这种感觉感到生气。所以这种愤怒或许是指向

You know, while I have not been in this exact situation, I will admit, this taste of rage, I resonate with after an unsatisfying intimate experience. There's like you know, to me, it's it's because I start to feel like it's my fault, and then I get mad at myself for feeling that way. And so the rage is is perhaps, like, directed

向内。不是

Inwards. Not

甚至对他人也如此内敛。确实。是的。

even so much at the other person inwards. Exactly. Yeah.

是的。我认为这正是我常对女性说的。比如，抑郁就是向内爆发的愤怒。那种我们作为女性会愤怒，却常常将怒火转向自己的感觉。我有过这种经历，能感觉到自己不会停留在那种状态。

Yeah. And I think that's I often say that to women. Like, anger, depression is anger directed inwards. That sense of we get angry as women but we often throw it back at ourselves. And I had that experience and I could feel I wasn't gonna stay there.

正是这促使我写了那封信。于是愤怒与羞愧转化成了更为务实的东西。

And that's what led me to writing the letter. So the rage and the shame turned into something a lot more pragmatic.

我

I

把信发给他后，大约三分钟内他就回复短信说：当然，我会全额退款。实际上，他同意全额退款时我很震惊。我原以为只要他承认就好，钱不是重点。我需要的是他承认这次搞砸了。他写了封挺诚恳的邮件说：听着，我真的很抱歉。

sent it to him and within like three minutes, he'd text me back, Absolutely, I'm giving you the whole refund. And actually, I was shocked when he gave me a whole refund. I thought if he just acknowledges this, it wasn't the money. It was like, I need acknowledgment that this went really bad. He wrote quite a nice email and he said, Look, I'm really sorry.

我知道事情不顺利。实在不明白发生了什么。我很难过。信里提到昨晚的失败。我非常乐意给你退款。

I know it didn't go well. I can't really understand what happened. I'm devastated. It said last night it didn't go well. I'm more than happy to give you the refund.

如果你愿意谈谈这件事，我非常乐意和你聊聊。

I'm more than happy to talk to you if you wanna talk about it.

所以当你寄出那封信并收到他的回复时，你知道，他退还了钱给你。你是否感到正义得到了伸张？就像是，好吧，就是这样。你当时的情绪是怎样的？

So when you sent that letter and got his response, you know, in a lot and he sent you back the money. Did you feel vindicated? Was it like, alright. Well, so there. Like, what was the emotion for you?

我感到难过。是的，我确实感到难过，因为我真心认为米奇是个好人，我相信他也很崩溃。某种程度上，我为事情变得如此糟糕为我们两人感到难过，同时也感到正义得到了伸张，还有如释重负。

I felt sad. Yeah. I felt I felt because I really think Mitch is a really good guy, and I really think he was devastated. And I felt sad for both of us in a way that it turned out so badly and I felt vindicated. And I felt relieved.

他确实是我认为的那种人。所以我想，好样的，你看人真准。就在那一刻，我决定必须把这笔钱用在会让我再做一次的事情上。哇哦，我当时就明白，如果现在不行动，就永远不会有第二次机会了。

He was the guy I thought he was. So I thought, good girl, you can read people. And at that moment, I decided I had to put that money somewhere where I'd do it again. Woah. I kind of knew at that moment, if I don't commit now, it's never gonna happen again.

天哪。所以，盖尔，你当时就想，好吧，我们得再雇一个陪护人员了。

Oh my. So, Gail, you're like, alright. We gotta hire another escort.

没错。

Yep.

没错。你太棒了。

Yep. You rock.

是的。然后那篇文章的反馈又让我有点火冒三丈。

Yep. And then it was the feedback from the article that got my little bit of rage happening again.

就是你写关于和米奇经历的那篇文章。嗯哼。

The article where you wrote about your experience with Mitch. Mhmm.

对。因为在大量支持声中，有一小撮人——主要是男性，说什么‘你还指望那可怜的家伙怎样？看看他面对的是什么，一个更年期妇女，开什么玩笑，养条狗算了’。

Yeah. Because alongside heaps of support was a very small minority of people, mainly men, I think, saying things like, what did you expect the poor guy? Look what he had to work with. Post menopausal woman, you've gotta be kidding. Get a dog.

天啊。这话太刻薄了。

My god. That's very unkind.

就是这类言论。没错。他们基本上都在为可怜的米奇叫屈。

That kind of stuff. Yeah. Oh, they basically, it was about poor Mitch.

是啊。

Yeah.

可怜的家伙。所以这彻底点燃了我的怒火。我想

Poor guy. So that is what fired me up. I thought

看来你兴致勃勃想再雇一位陪侍。是吗？你是怎么找到的？我是说，第二次体验压力其实更大，因为第一次实在太令人失望了。你第二次寻找时调整过方式吗？

It's like you're fired up to hire another escort. Do you Yep. How do you find I mean, there's there's even more pressure, I would say, on the second experience because the first one was so disappointing. How did you did you adjust your approach to the search at all the second time around?

其实没有。妙就妙在——这真是宇宙给我的馈赠——许多女性给了我各种建议，比如推荐情趣用品，提议试试女性伴游，五花八门的点子。其中有位女士提到她找过某个陪侍六次，而她已经六十多岁了。

Well, no. The beauty of this and again, this is the cosmos delivering to me, really. But the beauty of this is I had all this feedback from women, you know, offer me all kinds of advice about sex toys and suggesting maybe I try a woman and suggesting all kinds of things. And in that, one woman suggested she'd been to this escort six times, and she was in her sixties.

哇。

Wow.

那人叫克里斯。我当时就想，就是他了。后来我在他网站上看到特别搞笑的一点，他写着'满意度保证'。

So his name was Chris. I thought, there you go. There's the guy. Yeah. And and I find him on like, I look at his website, and the really funny thing about this was on his site, he said, I I guarantee satisfaction.

服务结束后才收费。不过我觉得你说得对，第二次确实难得多。

I don't take payment until the the after the fact. Oh. But I think there was a is what you said, a lot harder the second time.

嗯？第二次更难是什么意思？你更紧张了？

Yeah. What do you mean harder the second time? You were more nervous.

可能是我自己的问题。

Maybe it was me.

啊。

Ah.

也许是我有问题。也许这只会证明这一点。也许我确实需要消失。你知道，关于这次70%电量跳跃的整个想法都有些不切实际。

Maybe it was me that's defective. Maybe this will just prove that. Maybe I do need to fade away. You know, this was all a bit of a fantasy about this 70 battery jump.

那跟我说说细节。你回到同一家酒店了吗？

So bring me into that. Did you go back to the same hotel?

没有。我选了另一家更好的酒店。

No. I chose another better hotel.

哦，哇。

Oh, wow.

我...我升级了住宿。我想，至少我要享受酒店体验。这次我去了另一家酒店，压力小多了，因为我知道流程。我知道只需乘电梯上楼就行，我们能搞定。至于香槟和椅子的部分，我也知道该怎么处理。

I I went up I upgraded myself. I thought, if I'm at at least gonna enjoy the hotel experience. Now I went to another hotel, and it's sort of like this was less stressful because I knew the drill. I knew I just need to get up on the elevator, we can do this. And then the bit getting into the champagne and the chairs, I know how to do that.

但出发前我对自己发过誓...我和我的治疗师做了很多内心建设，研究如何应对这次经历。我告诉他，之前做过一次，结果很糟，所以提前预警说我可能会很紧张。但关键区别在于，这次我没有面试他，而是让他主导整个对话，包括交谈。我说，你是个女孩，克里斯。

But what I made a vow to myself before I went I I did quite a bit of work internally on myself and with my therapist too on how I was gonna approach this. So I said to him, I'd done this once before, it went very badly, so I'm just warning you, I'm, you know, probably quite nervous. So I said that, but the the key difference for me was I did not interview him. I just let him take charge even with the conversation. I said, you're a girl, Chris.

你告诉我我们现在该做什么。

You you tell me what we do now.

是啊。交出控制权对你来说很难吗？

Yeah. Was that hard to do, to hand over control?

不。因为这次我认定这是唯一的方法。我意识到我必须信任。我必须相信他能胜任。是的。

No. Because this time I decided that was the only way I could do it. I realized I had to trust. I had to trust that he could do the job. Yeah.

实际上我

And I actually

这是一种解脱。真的解脱了。我

it was a relief. It was a relief. I

意思是，这很有趣，因为第一次在床上其实没什么特别的。你幻想着穿上性感新内衣之类的，以为会是一场诱人的舞蹈。但并非如此，感觉就像，我们又脱掉衣服放在椅子上，但这次他说，最好从情色按摩开始。于是他主导并做了按摩，他按摩技术很好。

mean, it's interesting because again, there was nothing really sexy about the first bed. You you have this image of you got the new sexy underwear and stuff and it's all gonna be like this lovely seductive dance. Not that, it felt like, again, we take off our clothes, we put them on the chair, but this time he says, I think it's best to start with the erotic massage. So he takes charge and does that and he can give a massage. And it was a good massage.

不能说我现在还在追求情色

I wouldn't say I'm still looking for the erotic

按摩。那是第三个陪护。是的。

massage. That's the third escort. Yeah.

那是第三个。但那次很棒，非常周到，非常好，而且我当时完全投入。所以结束后，我整个人状态完全不同了，一切就那么自然地发生了。一开始我确实对他说过别吻我，因为上次那个吻我觉得真的让我失控了。

That's the third one. But it was good. It was very good, very attentive, very good, and I was present. So by the time that was over, I was in a totally different state and then it just flowed. I mean, one thing I did say to him at the start is don't kiss me because that last kiss thing I think was really what set me off.

太亲密了。但最后，我主动要求他吻我，结果那其实是整个过程中最棒的部分，因为亲吻时我感到无比踏实和安全。我通过表达自己的需求真正投入其中，而我要的恰恰是我曾告诉他我不想要的东西——一个吻。

Too intimate. But in the end, I asked him to kiss me, and that was actually one of the best parts of the session, was the kissing bit because I felt that solid and safe. I showed up by asking for what I wanted. And I wanted the very thing I told him I didn't think I wanted. Which was a A kiss.

总之长话短说，我达到了两次高潮。

So and and long story short, I got two orgasms.

哇。确实。太棒了。

Wow. Yeah. Yes.

是的。而且来得那么自然，毫不费力。他给人的感觉和之前那个完全相反。

Yeah. And it came it just it just came literally, it just was so natural. And, yeah, he he just felt totally opposite.

真是解脱啊。

What a relief.

是啊，从很多方面来说都是。当他说时间到了的时候，感觉就像交易结束一样，干脆利落，毫不拖泥带水。

Yeah. In many ways. And when he said the time's up, it just felt like end of transaction, crisp and clean and uncomplicated. When

当你关上门时，你为自己感到骄傲吗？听到这个故事我为你骄傲。我心想，真他妈棒。抱歉。但我就是觉得太棒了。

you close the door, are you proud of yourself? I'm proud of you hearing this story. I'm like, fuck yeah. Sorry. But I'm like Yeah.

好吧。没错。你在想要放弃控制时就放弃了。你在想要提出要求时就开口了。然后你来了。你好。

Okay. Yeah. You gave up control when you wanted to. You asked for what you wanted when you wanted to. And you came Hello.

这太棒了。

This is awesome.

你好。我得到了我想要的。我为自己感到非常骄傲。我感觉非常——我是说，就像某件事圆满完成了，我实现了突破。那正是我以为自己想要的，而我是对的。

Hello. I got what I wanted. And I felt very proud of myself. And I felt very I mean, I just felt like something was completed and I got the jump. That was what I thought I wanted and I was right.

从那次经历中走出来时，我感觉自己70岁依然是个性感的人。这种特质依然在我体内。我不一定需要时时刻刻展现它，但我知道它就在那里，这给了我力量。

And I came out of that feeling like I am a sensual sexual person at 70. It's still in me. I don't I don't necessarily need to use it all the time, but I know it's in me, and that gives me energy.

而这还不是终点。

And this isn't the end.

不，这并非终点。我可以大胆索求所需，并探索不同的实现方式。这正是让我兴奋且自豪之处——我曾是那个笃定永不涉足亲密关系的人。

No. This isn't the end. And I can ask for what I want, and I'll find different ways to do that. And I think that's the exciting bit for me, what I'm so proud of. Because I was always someone who was determined I was never gonna be in a relationship.

十七岁时我就明白自己不会结婚生子。成长过程中背负太多责任的我，绝不愿被关系束缚。因此终其一生都克制着

I knew at 17 I wouldn't marry, I wouldn't have children. No way was I getting trapped in a relationship because I grew up with a lot of responsibilities. So I'd spent my life having to hold back a

很多

lot

因为我总像随时准备抽身而退。如今回首，或许这正是我需要的觉醒时刻——哇噢——学会全然活在当下。

because I sort of always always one foot out the door. So maybe this was looking back now, I think, this is the battery jump I needed Wow. To be present.

那之后会发生什么？

What's on the other side of that?

嗯，再来一次情色按摩。我正在寻觅这样的体验。

Well, another erotic massage. I'm I'm I'm on the look for that.

姐妹我太爱了！你简直在宣言：我要我想要的——虽然克里斯给的按摩还行，但我要的是真正的情色按摩。

Girl, I love that. You were like, listen, I want what I want, and I have I've received an okay massage from Chris. It did the job, but I want a truly erotic massage.

是的，我仍在关注这个问题，因为我意识到必须照顾好身体的核心部分。我想这是我学到的一课。另一方面，不要让蛛网再次堆积起来。

Yeah. I'm still on the look because I still realize I've got to look after that central part of my body. I guess that's something I've learned. So on the other side of it is, don't get the cobwebs. Don't let the cobwebs build up again.

找到方法。也许明年就是跳伞了。我的身体有些状况。

Find a way. And maybe next year is jumping off a plane. There's something with my body.

你知道，我们开启这段对话时，你说即将到来的七十岁生日让你思考，二十年前是五十岁。再过二十年，我就九十岁了，这让你感到害怕。你害怕的是

You know, we opened up this conversation, and you said that your seventieth birthday approaching your seventieth birthday made you think, you know, twenty years ago, was 50. In twenty years, I'll be 90, and that scared you. You were scared of

嗯。

Mhmm.

害怕死亡。

Of dying.

不，不是害怕死亡。我不怕死。我害怕的是没有充分利用拥有的时间。这才是重点。

No. Not dying. I'm not scared of dying. I'm scared of not using the time I've got. That's it more.

我希望在离世时能确信，我已竭尽所能让自己在有限的时间里保持活力与清醒。其中一部分就是放下那些阻碍我的事物——所有曾束缚我的防御机制，比如疏远人际关系、过度控制、拒绝展现脆弱、一味讨好他人。这些我都不想在未来的二十年里继续。我确实感觉时间所剩无几，事实就是如此。

I want to die knowing that I did everything I could do to keep myself alive and alert in the time I've got. And part of that is me letting go of the things that held me back. So all the protective defenses I had that held me back like disconnecting from relationships and being in control and not allowing myself to be vulnerable and pleasing others, all those things, I don't want them in the next twenty years. I mean, I still feel time's running out. I it it is.

但它对你来说不再那么可怕了。是这样吗？

But it's no longer as scary to you. Does is that true?

不，不是的。没错。它不再可怕了，而且感觉我一生中照顾别人太久了，那曾是我的主要任务，而现在这是关于我自己的事。

No. It's not. No. That's right. It's no longer scary, and it feels like I looked after people for so long in my life that I that was my main gig, and this is about me now.

那么，我能问你吗？比如，你会定期见克里斯吗？这是季度性的商业交易，还是每年一次之类的？

Well, can I ask you? Like, are you gonna see Chris regularly? Like, is this a quarterly business transaction or or, you know, like yearly or something?

不，不会了。我决定再也不见克里斯了。好吧。因为如果我要再做一次，那必须得是新鲜刺激的。哦。

Well, no. I've decided I'll never see Chris again. Okay. Because if I'm gonna do it again, it has to be new and exciting. Oh.

重复同样的事情没意思。我不想再做例行公事了。我不想，你懂的。所以得换个新人。我在想也许，不知道，或许下次生日什么的，但必须是个新人、新酒店、新跳伞体验。

It's more of the same. I don't wanna do routine anymore. I don't wanna, you know. So it's somebody new. And I'm thinking maybe, I don't know, maybe next birthday something, but it's gotta be somebody new, a new hotel, a new person, a new jump.

盖尔，你生日是什么时候？

When's your birthday, Gail?

四月。

April.

这样你就有时间找到合适的人选了。也许是个女性？不是？我不知道。谁知道呢？

That gives you time to find the right person. Maybe a woman? No? I don't know. Who knows?

嗯

Well

还有另一件事，因为我在寻找一位女性来做情色按摩。

and I that's the other thing because I am looking for a woman for the erotic massage.

是的。是的。

Yeah. Yeah.

这一点我非常明确。

I'm very clear on that.

盖尔，我毫不怀疑，而且我是真心实意地说这句话。你将会得到梦寐以求的情色按摩。我全心全意地相信这一点，真的非常确信。

Gail, I have no doubt, and I really mean this sincerely. You are going to get the erotic massage of your dreams. I just believe that whole with my whole heart, and and and I just really do.

哦，我太喜欢这句话了。非常感谢。我们都能做到。我们都能得到那样的体验。

Oh, I love that. Thank you so much. We all can do that. We all can get that.

如果你想阅读激发这次对话的那篇文章，我们会在节目注释中提供链接。在你离开之前，我想告诉你，《现代爱情》专栏正在征集分手台词。比如，当你与某人分手时，你说了什么？或者当有人与你分手时——顺便说一句，他们怎么敢？——他们说了什么？

If you wanna read the essay that inspired this conversation, we'll have the link in our show notes. And before you go, I wanted to let you know that the Modern Love column is looking for breakup lines. Like, when you were breaking up with someone, what did you say? Or when someone was breaking up with you, which, by the way, how dare they? What did they say?

我们寻找那些令人惊讶、震惊、或许有趣或 poignant（ poignant 此处保留英文，因中文需根据语境选择“辛酸”“深刻”或“动人”等不同译法）的台词。我们寻找那些让你铭记于心的话语。如果你想分享你的故事，可以填写一份表格，我们也会在节目注释中提供该链接。提交截止日期是10月5日星期日。《现代爱情》团队成员包括艾米·珀尔、克里斯蒂娜·约瑟夫、戴维斯·兰德、艾丽莎·古铁雷斯、艾米丽·朗、珍·波扬特、林恩·利维、里瓦·戈德堡和莎拉·柯蒂斯。

We're looking for lines that are surprising, shocking, maybe funny, or poignant. We're looking for words that have stuck with you. If you wanna share your story, there's a form you can fill out, and we'll put that link in our show notes as well. The deadline to submit is Sunday, October 5. The Modern Love team is Amy Pearl, Christina Joseph, Davis Land, Elisa Gutierrez, Emily Lang, Jen Poyant, Lynn Levy, Riva Goldberg, and Sarah Curtis.

本期节目由艾米·珀尔制作，林恩·利维编辑。本集原创音乐由玛丽安·洛萨诺和丹·鲍威尔创作。丹还创作了我们的主题音乐。混音工程师是索菲亚·兰德曼，录音棚技术支持由麦迪·马谢洛和尼克·皮特曼提供。

This episode was produced by Amy Pearl. It was edited by Lynn Levy. Original music in this episode by Marian Lozano and Dan Powell. Dan also composed our theme music. Our mix engineer was Sofia Landman with studio support from Maddie Masiello and Nick Pittman.

《现代爱情》专栏由丹尼尔·琼斯编辑，米娅·李是现代爱情项目的编辑。如果你想向《纽约时报》提交一篇散文或微型爱情故事，我们的节目注释中有投稿指南。我是安娜·马丁。感谢收听。

The Modern Love column is edited by Daniel Jones. Mia Lee is the editor of Modern Love Projects. If you'd like to submit an essay or a tiny love story to The New York Times, we have the instructions in our show notes. I'm Anna Martin. Thanks for listening.