我取出401(k)养老金来打造女性专属退休社区

嗨。

Hi.

我是《纽约时报》游戏的朱丽叶，来这里和粉丝们聊聊我们的游戏。

I'm Juliette from New York Times Games, and I'm here talking to fans about our games.

所以你玩《纽约时报》的游戏。

So you play New York Times Games.

是的。

Yes.

你有最喜欢的游戏吗？

Do you have a favorite?

《连线》。

Connections.

这款游戏刚好能挠到我大脑的痒处。

It just scratches an itch in my brain.

这个游戏确实需要跳出框架思考。

It's really out of the box thinking with that game.

我每晚都和我丈夫一起玩。

I play with my husband every night.

哇。

Aw.

我绝不允许他背着我玩这个游戏。

I I refuse to let him play it without me.

我喜欢它就像现实生活中的联系一样。

I love that it's like a real life connection

是的。

Yes.

当你们玩《联系》的时候。

While you guys play connections.

这非常甜蜜。

It's very sweet.

我发誓我没玩那个。

I promise I didn't play that.

新

New

《纽约时报》游戏订阅者可畅享所有游戏及功能。

York Times game subscribers get full access to all our games and features.

立即订阅nytimes.com/games，享受特别优惠。

Subscribe now at nytimes.com/games for a special offer.

此刻与永恒的爱。

Love now and eternal.

爱。

Love.

但比任何事物都强大。

But stronger than anything.

为了爱。

For the love.

爱。

Love.

我爱你胜过一切。

And I love you more than anything.

爱。

Love.

我的爱依然存在。

There's still my love.

这里是《纽约时报》，我是安娜·马丁。

From the New York Times, I'm Anna Martin.

这里是《现代爱情》栏目。

This is Modern Love.

今天，我将与两位正在彻底重新思考退休意义和共同变老意义的朋友对话。

Today, I'm talking to two friends who are completely rethinking what it means to retire and what it means to get older together.

她们的名字分别是罗宾·尤里恩和谢丽尔·赫夫。

Their names are Robin Urion and Cheryl Huff.

几年前，罗宾兑现了她的04/2001k养老金，在德克萨斯州达拉斯市外约一小时车程的地方买了一块地。

A few years ago, Robin cashed out her 04/2001 k and bought a piece of land in Texas about an hour outside of Dallas.

她搭建了许多微型住宅的场地。

She set up a bunch of spots for tiny homes.

她建了一个户外厨房，并开始出租这些空间。

She built an outdoor kitchen, and she started renting the space out.

她称之为‘鸟巢’。

She called it the bird's nest.

谢丽尔是第一个搬进去的，随后其他女性也加入了她的行列。

Cheryl was the first to move in, then other women joined her.

实际上，‘鸟巢’社区全是女性，都是16岁以上的女性。

In fact, the bird's nest is all women, all women older than 16.

在一个对许多人来说变老意味着孤独与困难的国家，‘鸟巢’的女性们正发现事实并非必须如此。

And in a country where for many people getting older can be isolating and difficult, the women of the Birds Nest are learning it doesn't have to be.

今天，罗宾和谢丽尔将告诉我，为何在‘鸟巢’的这些年是她们一生中最自由快乐的时光，以及为何她们认为更多女性应该尝试类似的生活方式。

Today, Robin and Sheryl tell me why these years at the Birds Nest have been some of the freest and happiest of their lives and why they think more women should do something similar.

请继续收听。

Stay with us.

我给弟弟订了《纽约时报》的订阅服务。

I gave my brother a New York Times subscription.

她给我订了一年期的订阅，这样我就能玩所有游戏了。

She sent me a yearlong subscription so I have access to all the games.

我们会一起玩Wordle、Mini和Spelling Bee。

We will do Wordle, Mini, Spelling Bee.

这让我们之间有了更私人的联系。

It has given us a personal connection.

我们会互相分享文章。

We exchange articles.

读完同一篇文章后，我们就能展开讨论。

And so having read the same article, we can discuss it.

涵盖面广，选择多样，不仅仅是新闻。

The coverage, the options, it's not just news.

真是个多元化的礼物。

Such a diversified gift.

我真的很兴奋地给他订阅了《纽约时报》烹饪专栏，这样我们就能分享食谱了。

I was really excited to give him a New York Times cooking subscription so that we could share recipes.

前几天我们还刚分享了一个食谱呢。

And we even just shared a recipe the other day.

《纽约时报》为我们共度的美好时光增添了色彩。

The New York Times contributes to our quality time together.

所有这些信息都触手可及。

You have all of that information at your fingertips.

它丰富了我们的关系，拓宽了我们的视野。

It enriches our relationship, broadening our horizons.

这真是个超酷的

It was such a a cool

且贴心的礼物。

and thoughtful gift.

我们正在阅读

We're reading

同样的东西。

the same stuff.

我们做着同样的食物。

We're making the same food.

我们步调一致。

We're on the same page.

与你关心的人建立更深联系。

Connect even more with someone you care about.

了解更多关于将《纽约时报》订阅作为礼物的信息，请访问nytimes.com/gift。

Learn more about giving a New York Times subscription as a gift at nytimes.com/gift.

罗宾·尤里汉和谢丽尔·赫夫，欢迎来到节目。

Robin Urihan and Cheryl Huff, welcome to the show.

嗨。

Hi.

你们好吗？

How are you?

很高兴来到这里。

Happy to be here.

如果我走上你家'鸟巢'的车道，会看到什么？

If I came walking up your driveway of the Birds Nest, what would I see?

你会看到一大片区域，十间小房子，一个户外厨房，满眼绿色，可能还有好多狗狗

You would see this huge area, 10 tiny homes, an outdoor kitchen, lots of green, lots of dogs would probably

迎接你。

greet you.

就在周围溜达，对。

Just walking around, yeah.

就在周围溜达。

Just walking around.

这里曾是片牧场。

This was a pasture.

没错。

Yep.

我的狗狗们认为这里的每栋房子都是它们的，所以它们总在别人的露台上。

My dogs think this is, every house here is theirs, so they're always on somebody's deck.

你是怎么

How did you

想到把这块地改造成鸟巢的？

get the idea to make this land into the bird's nest?

嗯，因为...我是说，这里一直计划要建成一个小型房屋社区。

Well, because it I mean, the it was always going to be a tiny house community.

我买下这块地时就知道这个规划。

I knew that when I bought it.

所以你就把它布置得像房车公园一样，我们在两亩半围栏内有14个停车位和14根电线杆。

So, you set it up like an RV park, so we had all these 14 pads and 14 power poles on two and a half acres fenced in.

在过去两年

On a past two

我们确实这么做了。

of us, yeah.

当时就我们两个人。

There the two of us were.

其实挺有趣的，昨晚我看到一些照片，天哪，我们刚住在这里时，这片地方荒凉得很。

In fact it was funny, I saw some pictures last night that I was like, oh my God, it was desolate out here when we lived here.

我们刚搬来的时候，这里什么都没有，只有我们俩，然后我们就开始忙着种植物、建花园、搬运灌木和石头。

When we first moved out here, I mean there was nothing, just the two of us, and we just went to work trying to plant things and make gardens and hauling brush and rocks.

简直疯狂。

It was crazy.

我想了解你为什么决定以及如何决定这里应该成为一个全女性的社区。

I wanna understand why you decided and how you decided that this should be a community for all women.

哦，其实一开始我并没有这个打算。

Oh, well, I didn't in the beginning.

我建立这里时并不是为了打造一个全女性的社区。

I did not set this up to be an all women's community.

我只是想要一个社区而已。

I just wanted a community.

我买了一间可以出租的小房子，里面空荡荡的，对吧？

And I bought a little tiny house that I could rent out and it was bare bones, right?

于是我想，好吧，我要办个建筑工坊。

And so I thought, okay, I'm going to have a builders workshop.

那个工坊只面向女性。

That was for just women.

我发布的活动是'女性专用电动工具学习班'，我们会一起改造这间小房子。

I posted it as learn to use power tools for women only and that we would mess with this little tiny house.

这是个为期三天的研讨会，来了不少女性。

It was a three day seminar and these women came.

我们有多少人来着？

How many do we have?

大概12个？

Maybe 12?

这些人我原本一个都不认识，但我们玩得特别开心。

Didn't know these people from Adam and we had so much fun.

有天晚上我们围坐在篝火旁，我说‘如果这活动只限女性参加会怎样？’

And we were sitting around the fire one evening, and I said, what if we did this all women?

然后大家反应就是‘好啊’

And it was like, yeah.

‘好啊’

Yeah.

让我缓缓

Slow me down there.

所以你当时是和这些你教过的女性围坐在篝火边

So you're sitting around the fire with these women who you've taught to use.

呃我要坦白我其实一窍不通

Well, I'm gonna show you that I don't know anything.

我对电锯啊电钻什么的

I'm like a chainsaw, a drill

电钻

A drill.

其他工具。

Other tools.

对。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

没错。

Yeah.

好吧。

Okay.

所以我显然需要这个研讨会。

So I clearly needed the seminar.

但你们就围坐着。

But you're sitting around.

你还记得是怎么提起这个话题的吗？

Do you remember how it came up?

比如，这应该全是女性。

Like, this should be all women.

你还记得吗？

Do you remember?

不记得？

No?

我想那更像是一种感觉——天啊，看看这12位女性在短短一两天内一起工作、一起欢笑、一起用餐的场景。

I think it was more like a feeling that, gosh, look at what in one day, or two days, of these 12 women working together, laughing together, eating together.

看看这对我们这个小群体产生了怎样的影响。

Look what that's done to us as this small group.

这让我们瞬间变成了最好的朋友。

And it made us like, ah, instant best friends.

我想那是一种感觉，而且我可能当时就说过这话。

And I guess it was a feeling, and I think I probably said it.

我肯定说过。

I'm sure I said it.

如果我全部选择女性会怎样？

What if I did this all women?

大家都会觉得，天啊，那太棒了，罗宾。

And everybody was just, gosh, that would be awesome, Robin.

说'这真是个很棒的研讨会'是一回事。

It's one thing to be like, man, this is a great workshop.

从'很棒的女性团队'到'我想和所有女性住在这个相对——实际上非常隔离的空间里'是另一回事。

Great crew great crew of women to being like, I wanna live with all women in this relatively, like, actually very isolated space.

如果把鸟巢全部变成女性，你觉得会有什么可能性？

Like, what felt possible if you made the bird's nest all women?

轻松，我想是轻松。

Ease, I guess, ease.

与人相处自在。

Being easy with people.

那种瞬间的亲密感，意识到我们因为都是女性就有共同点。

That instant bonding, the recognition that we have things in common just because we're women.

仅仅因为我们是女性，是啊。

Just because we're women, yeah.

而且很轻松，懂吗？

And it was easy, know?

你不需要谨言慎行，也不用在意自己的外表。

You don't have to guard what you say or how you say it or what you look like.

说到底，不管别人怎么想，我们女性——我自己就深有体会——有男性在场时就会改变。

And at the end of the day, no matter what anybody wants to say, we women, we, I've seen it in myself, we change when men are around.

再详细说说这点，对。

Tell me more about that, yeah.

嗯，我观察到的现象是，女性会不自觉地调整自己的举止。

Well, I've observed it, Women just will carry themselves differently.

她们说话方式也会变。

They'll talk differently.

她们会，你看，哎呀注意我的衬衫之类的。

They'll, know, Oh gee, look at my shirt.

哎呀，全都黏糊糊的。

Oh, it's all yucky.

不是说这不好，我觉得这是我们骨子里的东西。

Not that it's bad, that's just in us, I think.

我也一样，不是说我跟别人不同，但就是有种自在感——就像在睡衣派对上，你可以聊那些尴尬的、甚至可能不愿和其他女性讨论的事，但当有人在这里提起时，就会变成'哦对！'

And I'm the same way, not saying I'm different than anybody else, but there's an ease when it comes to, it's like being at a slumber party, that you can talk about the things that are embarrassing and even maybe you don't like to talk about it with other women, but when somebody brings it up here, oh yeah!

哦，我也是。

Oh, me too.

是啊。

Yeah.

等等。

Wait.

你能给我个例子吗？

Can you give me okay.

你刚才说可能是尴尬的事，能不能举个具体例子——有哪些话题你只会在全是女性时聊，而不会在男女混合的场合讨论？

I you know, you just said it's maybe embarrassing, but can you give me an example of something you're able to talk about with just women that you you wouldn't be if you were in mixed company as it were?

不

No.

谢丽尔，你想说说我们老生常谈的话题吗？

Cheryl, you wanna tell what we always come back to?

我...我打喷嚏时会漏尿

I I pee when I sneeze.

每次都这样吗？

Every time?

不是

No.

幸好我没有过敏症

Good thing I don't have allergies.

不过确实

But yeah.

我正想说

I was gonna say.

但像那样的事情，是女性的经历，因为我们肌肉会松弛。

But things like that, that's a woman's experience because we lose muscle tone.

我们生过孩子。

We've had children.

所以随着年龄增长，我们会有共同的经历。

So we have common experiences as we age.

有些事发生在我们身上，人们却避而不谈。

Things happen to us that people don't talk about.

然后当我们聚在一起时，就会惊讶地发现：你也是？

And then we get together and it's like, you too?

没人会因此评判你。

Nobody's judging you for it.

你能想象在男人面前说这个吗？

Can you imagine saying that in front of men?

天哪。

Oh gosh.

哦，顺便说一下，有时候我打喷嚏时，

Oh, by the way, sometimes when I sneeze,

会漏尿。

I pee.

而没有一个男人会说，我也是。

And no man would say, Me too.

是啊。

Yeah.

嗯，他们都会说，哦。

Well, and they're all gonna go, Oh.

你知道吗？

You know what?

男人到了65岁会发生什么，

Whatever happens to men when they get 65,

他们希望自己

they wish they

可能是这样。

could be.

顺便说一句，我们甚至别讨论这个了。

By the way, let's not even talk about it.

我们甚至别讨论这个了。

Let's not even talk about it.

但你是希望他们能这样。

But so you wish they could be.

这就是关键的区别所在。

And so that's the difference that right there.

而且并不总是这样，往往就是些类似的小事。

And it doesn't always it's just small little things like that.

我想问你们两位一个问题，我很好奇。

What have you this is to both of you, I'm curious.

在没有男性生活的空间里，你们对自己有什么新发现？

What have you discovered about yourself living in a space without men?

我一直被教导说我能做得很好，男孩子能做的事我也都能做。

I can do well I've always been taught this, that I could do whatever a boy could do.

我在这里所做的一切已经充分验证了这一点。

And I've validated that to the nth degree doing what I've done here.

这让我充满力量。

And that's empowering.

这也是我希望所有女性都能意识到的——你们完全可以做到。

And that's what I want all women to realize that you can do it.

你可以做任何你想做的事，只需要保持坚持。

You can do whatever you want to do, you just have to be persistent.

当你结婚后，有了丈夫，就会产生'好吧，他会照顾我'这样的期待。

Think when you're married and you have the man and you have these expectations that, Okay, he's going to take care of me.

总觉得有些事他应该为我做。

There's certain things that he's going to do for me.

但在这里，你早上醒来发现有事情要做，就会自己动手完成。

Here, you wake up in the morning and there's something to do, you do it.

得去倒垃圾，你就得自己动手。

Gotta take the trash out, you're going to do it.

不对他人抱有任何期待，也就永远不会失望。

You don't put expectations on anybody else, and so you're never disappointed.

如果某件事需要两个人完成，那就再找个人帮忙。

And if it's something that takes two of you to do it, then you go get somebody else.

而且我们各有所长。

And we had different Skills.

不同的技能。

Different skills.

所以如果我做不了某件事，我知道这里总会有人能教我

So if I can't do something, I know there's somebody here that can show me

怎么做。

how.

我只想让女性明白，你可能需要更努力，但不必事事依赖男人。

I just want women to realize that you might have to work harder, but you don't have to depend on a man for everything.

知道吗？

Know?

而且我不认为这是我们俩在外头才学会的。

And I don't think it's necessarily that either one of us learned that while we were out here.

而是我们本来就习惯这样做事。

It's that we already operated like that.

我知道我做不对，但我还是会去做。

I know I'm not going to do it right, but I'm going to do it.

是的。

Yeah.

而且会有效果的。

And it'll work.

但确实，做得不对。

But no, it won't be right.

可能

There might

里面可能有10颗钉子，是的。

be 10 nails in it as Yes.

而不是但它会

Opposed to But it's going

起作用。

to work.

它会起作用的，因为我不会放弃直到成功。

It's going to work because I'm not giving up until it works.

我本来就是这样的人，但在这里这种行为是被接受、被鼓励的。

And I was already like that, but out here it's accepted, it's encouraged.

你不会被评判。

You're not judged.

他们会再递给你一颗钉子。

They'll hand you another nail.

我觉得还需要再来一颗。

I think it needs one more.

这些不同文章下的某些评论真是让我笑死，总是男人们在问——

Some of the comments sometimes on these different articles that just tickle me to death, well who's gonna it's always men.

谁来开罐子呢？

Well who's gonna open a jar?

天啊。

Oh my gosh.

不会吧。

No.

你是认真的吗？

Are you serious?

是的，已经好几次了。

Yes, several times.

是的。

Yes.

而且我

And I

我心想，如果必须的话，我就把罐子摔在地上，然后捡出玻璃碎片。

think to myself, if I have to, I'll take that jar and slam it on the ground and pick out the glass.

所以

So

我昨天用锤子砸了一个药瓶。

I took a hammer to a pill bottle yesterday.

确实如此。

So yeah.

但我现在意识到力量正在消退。

But I do realize now that strength is going.

有

There are

你是指你的力气，你的体力。

As in your strength, your physical strength.

是的，体力。

Yes, physical strength.

事实上，我刚刚告诉我儿子，我说我得开始举重了，因为我还不想依赖别人帮我把丙烷罐搬进屋里。

In fact, I was telling my son, I said, I have to start lifting weights because I don't want to have to yet depend on somebody else to lift my propane tank into my house.

你觉得当你真的到了那一天会怎样？

What do you think will happen when you reach that point?

我不知道。

I don't know.

我脑子里已经设计好了一个小杠杆滑轮系统。

I have devised in my mind a little lever and pulley system.

干得漂亮，谢丽尔。

Nice Cheryl.

干得漂亮，谢丽尔。

Nice Cheryl.

是的，我太喜欢这个主意了。

Yes, I love it.

我超爱这个设计。

I love that.

哦，那是什么？

Oh, what's that?

一只鸟在按我的门铃。

A bird ringing the bell on my door.

她想让我

She wants me

过去给她开门。

to go over there and let her in.

而且而且小鸟是

And and Bird is

我的狗。

My dog.

常住居民。

Resident.

罗宾，你的狗。

Robin, your dog.

严格来说是个住户。

Technically a resident.

是的。

Yes.

她喜欢过来在我家小憩一会儿。

She likes to come over and take a little break in my house.

真贴心。

That's so sweet.

话说狗是怎么按门铃的？我突然想到这个问题。

And how does a dog ring a doorbell actually, I'm realizing?

她有个特制的门铃。

She has a special bell.

对。

Yeah.

一个小门铃。

A little bell.

那就像个商店门铃，但装在门的下方。

It's like a shop bell, but it's down on the bottom of the door.

所以她

So she And

她用鼻子顶门铃吗？

she nudges it with her nose?

嗯哼。

Uh-huh.

是的。

Yep.

有时候她会用爪子拍门铃，然后给我一个嫌弃的眼神。

Well, sometimes she smacks it with her paw and then sends me a dirty look.

我们马上回来。

We'll be right back.

这个社区里大多是退休年龄的女性，社区里每个人都60岁了吗？

In this community of mostly retirement age women are all is everyone in the community 60?

那是真的吗？

Is that is that true?

是的。

Yep.

好的。

Okay.

都是60岁。

All 60.

对。

Yep.

如果有人生病了你们怎么处理？

How do you handle it if someone gets sick?

嗯，我们遇到过这种情况。

Well, we've had that.

就在上个月，我们遇到了那是个糟糕的月份。

Just last month, we had It was a bad month.

一个全膝关节置换手术、心脏搭桥手术，还有一只脚骨折了。

A total knee replacement and bypassed heart surgery and a broken foot.

还有脚踝骨折。

And got a broken ankle.

哇。

Wow.

所以那导致我们司机不够用了。

So that left We ran out of drivers.

我们当时到处开车跑。

We were driving everywhere.

但那正是我想要的。

But that's what I wanted.

你想要什么？

What did you want?

我希望我们尽可能互相照顾。

I wanted us to take care of each other as much as we possibly could.

但没有任何期待，我认为这正是你渴望一个社群的有趣之处。

But with no expectation, which I think is the really interesting part of your you wanted a community.

事实上，我认为你们两人已经创造了一个相互支持却毫无期待的社群。

And in fact, I think you've created the two of you a community where there is this mutual support, but there's no expectation.

能向我解释这两者是如何共存的吗？

Can you explain to me how those two things work together?

罗宾从不记账。

Robin does not keep track.

她就是不会。

She just doesn't.

这不是常人能理解的，人们很难接受这点。

That's not a normal thing, and it's hard for people to understand that.

我花了不少时间解释：不，她是真的没有在记账。

And I spend some time explaining, no, she really is not keeping track.

完全没有

Like not

以牙还牙。

a tit for tat.

我支持你，你支持我，就是这种关系。

I support you, you support me, that kind of thing.

不是。

No.

完全不是。

Not at all.

而且这样也很自由。

And that's very freeing also.

你做这件事

You do it

当你想做的时候。

when you feel like doing it.

而你想做是因为没人期待你去做。

And you feel like doing it because you're not expected to do it.

完全正确。

That's perfectly right.

我们作为现在聚集在一起的团体，已经相处了相当长的时间，我们愿意竭尽所能互相照顾，避免任何人住进养老院。

We know as a group that are here now, and we've been together now for quite a while, that hey, we'll do whatever we can to take care of each other, to keep each other from going into a nursing home.

我们都有子女，但他们正处于三十多岁、四十出头的年纪，正值事业巅峰期，正全力拼搏实现自己的目标。

We all have children, but our children are in their mid thirties, early forties, and they're at the epitome of their career, so they're blowing and going to get where they want to get.

我们也为他们减轻了这种压力。

We alleviate that pressure for them also.

作为父母，我们不想总是打电话给孩子说'嘿，能带我去这里吗？'

Us as parents, we don't want to constantly call our kids and go, Hey, can you take me here?

哦，我脚踝骨折了。

Oh, I broke my ankle.

所以我从不觉得有义务接送谁或做什么事。

So I don't ever feel obligated to take someone or do something.

这只是我们作为这里居民的本分工作。

I just it's part of our jobs as residents here.

你对未来有什么看法？

How do you think about the future?

你们是计划一起养老的，对吧？

You know you're planning to age together, right?

那么你对即将到来的事情是怎么想的？

So how do you how do you think about what's to come?

我没想过。

I don't.

你知道，我们...我们很少讨论这个话题。

You know, I don't I I we talk about it not very often.

我想我们在某个时刻已经达成了共识，会尽己所能互相照顾，避免住进养老院。

I think we've kind of set our peace at one point that we will do whatever we can for each other to keep each other out of a nursing home.

如果这意味着有人最终需要轮椅，我们会给他搭斜坡、做饭，尽我们所能，但我们无法为未来做准备。

If that means that somebody ends up with a ramp and we cook them meals and they're in a wheelchair, as much as we can possibly do but we can't prepare for the future.

我们讨论过也许可以找个医护人员免租金住进来。

We've talked about maybe we'll get a healthcare nurse free rent.

而她只需挨家挨户地

And she'll just go from

轮流照看。

house to house.

我是说，这主意很棒。

I mean, it's a great idea.

对吧，这方案为什么不行呢？

Right, why couldn't that work?

具体操作我不太清楚，但我们确实讨论过一些细节。不过既然还没到那一步，在事情发生前我也不想为此失眠。

I I don't know how it all works, but there are little things that we have discussed, but we're not there so I'm not gonna lose any sleep over it till it happens.

谢丽尔，你也是这么想的吗？

Cheryl, is that how you think about it too?

就是那种‘船到桥头自然直’的态度？

Sort of like we'll cross that bridge?

是的，因为没人愿意为可能根本不会发生的事情浪费当下的快乐。

Yes, because no one And don't like to waste happiness thinking of things that may or may not happen.

有些人过度准备，他们从中获得安全感。

Some people over prepare and that's where they get their comfort from.

我的安全感来自于知道无论发生什么，我们都能解决。

I get my comfort from knowing whatever it is, we're going to work it out.

我不会浪费时间。

And I'm not going to waste any time.

我不从纠结细枝末节中获得安慰，因为我认为那不重要。

I don't get comfort from getting all the little details down because I don't believe it matters.

那如果

And what happens

行不通呢？

if that doesn't work?

现在你就手忙脚乱了，因为十年来你都以为事情会那样发展，现在却要临时调整。我觉得顺其自然反而更轻松。

Now you're scrambling because oh, for ten years this is how you thought it was going to happen, oh now I have to So switch it's easier I think to just kind of go with the flow.

并且相信一切都会解决的。

And know that it's going to work out.