《跃入深水》| 由达科塔·范宁主演

《现代爱情》这个播客由Living Proof提供支持。

Modern Love, the podcast, is made possible with support from Living Proof.

我是黛博拉·卡门。

I'm Deborah Kamen.

我是《纽约时报》的调查记者。

I'm an investigative reporter at The New York Times.

有一次，我正在调查房地产行业中的不良行为，这是一次特别艰难的调查。

This one time, I was working on a particularly difficult investigation of the bad behavior in the real estate industry.

我正在和我的编辑开会，她对我说：黛博拉，你的脸怎么这么白？

I was in a meeting with my editor, and she said, Deborah, why is your face so white?

我就如实告诉了她。

And I just told her the truth.

我说：你知道吗，这个故事真的很难搞。

I said, you know, this story is really hard.

她看着我说：这正是我们的工作。

And she looked at me and said, that's what we do.

我一直在想这件事。

I think about that all the time.

在《纽约时报》，我从未遇到过任何人对我说：'这太有野心了'或者'这个故事太难了'。

At The New York Times, I have never encountered someone who said to me, that's too ambitious or that story is too hard.

恰恰相反。

It's the contrary.

他们告诉我，你需要挖掘得更深。

I am told you need to dig deeper.

你需要继续下去，直到我们确保掌握了每一个事实、每一个层面，来讲述那些因为太难而无人讲述的故事。

You need to keep going until we make sure we have every single fact, every single layer to tell the stories that would not be told because they are hard.

这正是《纽约时报》的特别之处。

And that's what's special about The New York Times.

它让我们的读者不仅能了解发生了什么，还能理解为什么会发生。

It allows our readers to understand not just what's happening, but why it's happening.

如果你是订阅者，你很可能已经体验过这种理解的感觉。

If you're a subscriber, you probably have experienced that sense of understanding.

感谢您支持这项工作。

And thank you for supporting this work.

如果您还没有订阅，可以在 nytimes.com/subscribe 订阅。

If you're not, you can subscribe at nytimes.com slash subscribe.

Living Proof 的干洗发喷雾真的能彻底清洁头发，您上完动感单车课后都不用洗头。

Living Proof's dry shampoo is so good at actually cleaning hair that you can take a spin class and not wash your hair after.

在 livingproof.com 使用代码 love，下单满 20 美元即可免费获得一份旅行装干洗发喷雾。

Use the code love at livingproof.com for a free travel size dry shampoo with your $20 order.

我们是科学。

We are the science.

您就是活生生的证明。

You are the living proof.

还有 Squarespace，为您提供工具，帮助您通过定制的着陆页、网站或在线商店展示您的热情。

And by Squarespace, providing tools that help people showcase their passions with a customized landing page, website, or online store.

同时还提供域名、主机服务和 24/7 全天候支持。

Also offering domains, hosting, and twenty four seven support.

在 squarespace.com/modernlove 获取免费试用。

Get your free trial at squarespace.com/modernlove.

你应该试试，Squarespace。

You should, Squarespace.

这里是《纽约时报》与WBUR波士顿电台联合制作的《现代爱情》。

From The New York Times and WBUR Boston, this is Modern Love.

讲述爱情、失去与救赎的故事。

Stories of love, loss, and redemption.

我是你的主持人，玛格娜·查克拉巴蒂。

I'm your host, Magna Chakrabarty.

没有人会忘记自己第一次坠入爱河的经历。

No one forgets the first time they fall in love.

那种小鹿乱撞、头晕目眩的感觉，那些深夜长谈的电话，或者现在可能是短信和Snapchat。

The butterflies, the giddiness, the late nights and long phone calls, or maybe now the text messages and Snapchat.

坠入爱河的感觉就像是可能发生的最重要、最戏剧性的事情，除非这种体验伴随着一次真实的跌倒。

Falling in love feels like the most important dramatic thing that could happen unless that experience is accompanied by an actual fall.

本周，达科塔·芬妮为我们带来纳塔莉·林德曼这篇令人心跳加速的现代爱情故事，颂扬情感坠落的积极面。

This week, Dakota Fanning brings us Natalie Lindeman's heart racing modern love piece celebrating the upside of an emotional plunge.

去年夏天，我从美国最陡峭的峡谷之一坠落了100英尺。

Last summer, I fell 100 feet into one of the steepest canyons in The United States.

在沿着近乎垂直的峡谷侧面翻滚了75英尺后，我又自由落体了25英尺，最终落在花岗岩巨石之间一条干涸的溪床上。

After tumbling 75 feet down the near vertical canyon side, I dropped another 25 feet in free fall, landing in a dry stream bed between granite boulders.

人们说我的幸存是个奇迹。

People said my survival was a miracle.

坠落的徒步者经常被从加利福尼亚阿尔塔塞纳的伊顿峡谷 airlift 救出，那里正是我坠落的地方。

Fallen hikers are airlifted out of Eaton Canyon in Altadena, California, the site of my fall on a regular basis.

每年都有好几人因此丧生。

Every year, several die.

我一向热爱坠落的感觉。

I have always loved falling.

我三岁时，最喜欢的游戏就是从壁架上跳下来。

When I was three, my favorite game was mantle jumping.

我爸爸会把我放在壁炉台上，扶稳我，然后退后一步。

My dad would place me on the mantle, steady me, and step back.

我会用力一推，坠落那一秒极致的快感，随后他接住我，把我摇晃着放回地面。

I'd push off and fall for that perfect rush of a second before he caught me swinging me to the ground.

在高中时，我和朋友们从高高的岩石悬崖跳入下方的大海，找到了青少年版的壁炉台跳跃。

In high school, I found a teenage version of mantle jumping by leaping off high rocky cliffs with my friends into the ocean below.

我喜欢风在耳边呼啸的感觉，那让我感到无比鲜活。

I loved the way the wind whistled in my ears, making me feel so alive.

然而，尽管我热爱冒险，却对感情保持谨慎。

Yet if I was passionate about adventure, I was cautious about passion.

当我的朋友们陷入又走出爱情时，我安慰他们，看着他们因悲伤而脸颊泛红。

As my friends fell in and out of love, I comforted them, their faces flushed with grief.

直到有一天，我也勇敢一跃，告诉了足球队那位自信的队长我喜欢他，而他也说他喜欢我。

Until one day, I too took the leap and told the confident captain of the football team that I liked him, and he said he liked me.

一周后，他发邮件告诉我，他开始和一个在夏令营认识的女孩交往，说她和我很像，只是金发。

A week later, he sent me an email saying he was dating a girl he had met at camp and that she was a lot like me except blonde.

我把这次经历当作借口，不再对任何男生投入感情。

I used this experience as an excuse not to get invested in any more boys.

与一个男生初吻后，我无视了他的短信，直到他不再尝试联系。

After my first kiss with one boy, I ignored his text until he stopped trying.

我告诉另外三个约我出去的男生，说他们是很好的朋友；还有一个男生提起返校节舞会时，我就不再给他发消息了。

I told three more who asked me on dates that they were great friends, and I stopped texting another when he brought up homecoming.

我当时并不想找男朋友。

I wasn't looking for a boyfriend.

我那时在寻找冒险。

I was looking for adventure.

男朋友只会拖慢我的脚步。

A boyfriend would only slow me down.

然后，在我高中三年级快结束时，一位名叫怀尔德的高年级学生邀请我去参加毕业舞会，我答应了。

Then near the end of my junior year of high school, a senior named Wilder asked me to prom and I said yes.

也许是因为我知道他很快就要去上大学了。

Maybe it was because I knew he would be leaving for college soon.

我刚答应下来，心跳就开始加速，赶紧冲进一间空教室，独自喘口气。

Right after I said yes though, my heart started pounding and I raced into an empty classroom to breathe for a minute alone.

我脸上的笑容大得都疼了。

The smile on my face was so big, it hurt.

舞会是集体活动，算不上真正的约会，但他就在那里，那个男孩，用从未有人看我的眼神望着我。

Prom was a group event, not really a date, but he was still there, this boy, looking at me as no one ever had.

我严肃地告诉自己：要表现得自然一点。

Be casual, I told myself sternly.

就算Wilder曾在观景台吻过我，远处的城市灯火闪烁，也不代表他三个月后就不会离开。

Just because Wilder had kissed me on a lookout while the city lights blinked in the distance, didn't mean he wasn't still leaving in three months.

在我们开始第一次真正约会时，我决心保持轻松随意的态度。

I was determined to keep things casual as we headed out on our first real date.

为了避开初夏的炎热，我们决定徒步前往伊顿峡谷的Sage Line小径，去看那里的瀑布。

To escape the early summer heat, we decided to hike the Sage Line Trail to the waterfall in Eaton Canyon.

当我们到达时，已经有几十名徒步者在水池里嬉戏，一位大学生问我们是否听说过再往下一英里处还有第二个瀑布。

Dozens of hikers were already splashing in the pool when a college age hiker asked if we had heard of the second waterfall only a mile beyond.

你想去吗？

You wanna go?

我问Wilder，已经半站起身。

I asked Wilder, already half standing.

尽管这条路没有标记，我们还是沿着陡峭的山坡又走了二十分钟，找到了它——美丽而幽静。

Although the path is unmarked, we tramped another twenty minutes up the steep incline and found it, beautiful and isolated.

我心里不断大喊着要放松，但水声轰鸣，我几乎听不见自己的声音，我们在泉水边亲吻着。

In my head, I kept shouting casual, but it was difficult to hear myself over the water crashing around us as we kissed in the spring.

阳光温暖着我们湿漉漉的皮肤，我如此完美地依偎在他怀里，这感觉一点也不真实。

It didn't seem real how perfectly I fit into his arms as the sun warmed our dripping skin.

如果我们回去时多留意一点，或许会意识到我们下山太早了，但只是彼此相伴，就让我们飘飘然了。

If we had paid more attention going back, we might have realized we had turned down the mountain too soon, but just being around each other was making us high.

和他在一起太容易了。

It was so easy to be with him.

他没有放得太慢，相信我能跟上；当我告诉他那天Amy抓到他在历史课上盯着我看时，他笑着承认，那根本不是第一次。

The way he didn't go too slowly, trusting I could keep up, and the way he laughed when I told him about the day Amy caught him staring at me in history, and he admitted it wasn't the only time.

我想，我这次麻烦大了。

I'm in such trouble, I thought.

我们正绕过峡谷壁的一个弯道，赶在天黑前往回走。

We were coming around a curve in the canyon wall, hurrying to get back while it was still light.

这比我们预想的更像攀岩，我们不得不紧贴岩壁，小心翼翼地沿着狭窄的岩脊移动，但以为转过弯后会好走些。

It was more like rock climbing than we planned for, and we had to go flat against the wall and move carefully along a narrow ledge, but we figured it would get easier around the bend.

怀尔德先走，寻找岩缝和落脚点，最终成功绕了过去。

Wilder went first searching for notches and footholds, finally making it around.

接着我跟着爬，摸索着抓手，脸离岩石只有几英寸。

Then I went feeling for handholds, my face inches from the rock.

我顺着他抓过的地方摸索，左脚向后伸，寻找那条岩脊。

I traced to where he had grasped, reaching back with my left foot searching for the ledge.

突然间，我什么也抓不住了。

And suddenly, I wasn't holding on to anything.

沙砾从我身边簌簌滚落山崖。

Sandy grit was skittering down the mountain alongside me.

我正在坠落。

I was falling.

我原以为我会没事，但当我看到怀尔德眼中的恐慌时，我意识到这次不会有伸出的手臂了。

I thought I would be okay, but when I saw the panic in Wilder's eyes, I realized there would be no outstretched arms this time.

没有海浪。

No ocean waves.

我知道如何摔倒，但不是像这样。

I knew how to fall, but not like this.

我在直升机螺旋桨的声音中醒来。

I woke up to the sound of helicopter blades.

有人用一件衬衫盖住了我。

Someone had covered me with a shirt.

我感到温暖、舒适，非常疲惫。

I was warm, comfortable, so tired.

一个穿着连体服的男人把我抱起来，用防水布裹住我，然后咔哒一声把我固定好。

A man in a jumpsuit lifted me, wrapped me in a tarp, and clicked me into place.

一根缆绳将我吊到空中。

A cable carried me into the air.

我突然想到。

It struck me.

我刚摔下来，现在他们却要把我带到更高的地方。

I had just fallen, and now they were taking me up even higher.

我爸爸在光线刺眼的急诊室里找到了我，想握住我的手，但它们和我身体的其他部分一样，血肉模糊。

My dad found me in the too bright emergency room and tried to hold my hands, but they were a bloody mess like the rest of me.

他说怀尔德在等候室里。

Wilder's in the waiting room, he said.

护士用大剪刀剪开我的衣服，擦去我身上的泥土和血迹。

Nurses cut away my clothes with giant scissors and wiped the dirt and blood from my body.

我听到零星的短语：100英尺、脊椎骨折、一个奇迹。

I heard scattered phrases, 100 feet, fractured vertebrae, a miracle.

他们让我用脚跟去推某人的手掌。

They asked me to push against someone's palm with my heel.

我不明白，为什么每个人看到我动手指和脚趾都这么惊讶。

I didn't understand why everyone was amazed to see me move my fingers and toes.

最后，他们把我推到床上，在我鼻子下放了氧气，又在我手臂上插了针。

Finally, they rolled me to a bed, put oxygen under my nose, and stuck a needle in my arm.

我睡着了。

I fell asleep.

Wilder一被允许就来看我了，但我太迷糊了，除了谢谢他的花，什么也说不出来。

Wilder visited as soon as he was allowed, but I was too out of it to say anything except thanks for the flowers.

我服用了强效止痛药，时间在访客和药物催眠的睡眠中模糊流逝。

I was on heavy pain medication, time passing in a blur of visitors and drugged sleep.

但第二天他再来时，我已经准备好了。

When he came the next day though, I was ready.

你不用自责了，我说。

You're off the hook, I said.

他坐在我床边，我的点滴管在他肩膀后滴着。

He sat next to me on the bed, my IV dripping behind his shoulder.

你什么意思？

What do you mean?

他问。

He asked.

我用药物作用下的语无伦次告诉他，他不必来医院，也不必整个夏天陪着一个残废的女孩。

I explained in my drug speech that he didn't have to come to the hospital or hang out with a broken girl all summer.

别有负罪感。

No guilt.

等我康复了，恢复正常了，我会给他打电话。

I'd call him when I was healed and back to normal.

他一直陪在我身边，直到护士把他赶出去。

He stayed with me until the nurse kicked him out.

五天后，我回家了。

Five days later, I was home.

医生说，我得从臀部到脖子戴一个像束身衣一样的支具，持续八到十二周，然后我们再讨论康复的事。

Doctor said I would have to wear a corset like brace from my hips to my neck for eight to twelve weeks, and then we could talk about recuperation.

一周前，我还是那个会从悬崖跳入大海、迫不及待寻找第二处瀑布的女孩。

A week earlier, I was the girl who leapt off cliffs into the ocean and jumped at the chance to find the second waterfall.

现在，只要坐上二十分钟就让我精疲力尽，稍微动一下都会疼得皱眉。

Now sitting up for twenty minutes exhausted me and I could barely move without wincing in pain.

我的家人慌乱地来回奔走。

My family rushed around in a state of semi panic.

每个人都想知道我是否需要另一个枕头、吃点什么，以及我什么时候吃了最后一片止痛药。

Everyone wanted to know if I needed another pillow, something to eat, and when I'd taken my last pain killer.

我讨厌醒着。

I hated being wake.

怀尔德一直来看我，这让我害怕得要命。

Wilder kept visiting and it scared the hell out of me.

我连三个小时都撑不醒，连最简单的动作都需要帮忙，身上还散发着血腥味。

I couldn't stay awake for more than three hours, needed help with the simplest movements and smelled like blood.

但当他来的时候，我努力让自己看起来像那个他邀请去舞会的女孩。

But when he came, I thought to look like the girl he had asked to prom.

我会梳理仍沾满峡谷灰尘的头发，穿上长裙遮住伤痕累累的双腿，并确保绷带盖住伤口。

I'd brush out my hair still full of canyon dust, wear a long skirt to cover my battered legs and make sure bandages covered my wounds.

我看上去就像被老虎撕咬过一样，但支架遮住了大部分伤痕。

I looked as if I had been mauled by a tiger but the brace covered most of it.

我会笑着从床上滚下来四处走动，仿佛保持持续运动就能证明我坚强、独立且毫发无伤。

I'd laugh, roll out of bed and walk around as if keeping in constant motion would prove I was strong, independent and unhurt.

但几小时后，我的眼皮就会耷拉下来，后背也会开始哀求休息。

But after a few hours, my eyelids would droop and my back would beg for relief.

我以为他会在我睡着时离开，但我却听着他和我弟弟打篮球的声音迷迷糊糊睡着了。

I figured he'd leave while I slept but I doze off listening to him playing basketball with my little brother.

而当我醒来时，他正和我的家人一起吃晚饭。

And when I'd wake up, he'd be eating dinner with my family.

有时我想，那天我的身体是通过学会屈服才拯救了自己。

Sometimes, I think my body saved itself that day by learning to surrender.

正是那些年的坠落经历，让我为放松身心坠入那百英尺的深渊做好了准备。

That those years of falling prepared me to relax into the 100 foot plunge.

但直到摔倒数周后，我才能真正放下。

But it was weeks after the fall before I could truly let go.

我以为可以用我的伤作为借口，把怀勒推开。

I thought I could use my injuries as an excuse to push Wilder away.

我以为可以继续保持随意的关系。

I thought I could keep things casual.

我以为可以忘记我摔倒时他脸上的表情，忽略胸口那令人恐惧的渴望感。

I thought I could forget the look on his face as I fell and ignore the terrifying feeling of longing in my chest.

但我做不到。

But I couldn't.

也许是因为他说过：‘我宁愿和你一起过夏天，也不愿和任何其他女孩在一起。’

Maybe it was the way he said, I'd rather spend my summer with you than any other girl.

也许是因为和他在一起时，我会忘记支架和伤口，感觉自己完整而未被摧毁。

Maybe it was how being around him made me forget the brace and the wounds, made me feel whole unbroken.

最终，放手不仅变得不可避免，而且令人振奋。

Finally, surrender became not just inevitable but exhilarating.

我不再想抓住任何东西了。

I didn't want to hold on to anything anymore.

我想跌倒，而我已经跌倒了。

I wanted to fall and I already had.

我知道这一次，我也会好起来的。

And I knew that this time too, I would be okay.

达科塔·芬宁朗读娜塔莉·林德曼的文章《拥抱情绪下坠的积极面》。

Dakota Fanning reading Natalie Lindeman's piece Celebrating the Upside of an Emotional Plunge.

嘿。

Hey.

我是来自《纽约时报》旗下产品推荐服务Wirecutter的劳伦·德雷贡，我测试耳机。

It's Lauren Dragon from Wirecutter, the product recommendation service from The New York Times, and I test headphones.

我们基本上会制造人工汗水，反复喷洒在这些耳机上，观察它们随着时间的推移会发生什么变化。

We basically make our own fake sweat and spray it over and over on these headphones to see what happens to them over time.

我们要戴上降噪耳机，看看它们究竟有多好地隔绝外界声音。

We're gonna put on some noise canceling headphones and see how well they actually block out the sounds.

我的数据库里有3,136条记录。

I have 3,136 entries in my database.

孩子们，健身，蓝牙是什么版本？

Kids, workout What version of Bluetooth?

在Wirecutter，我们替你做这些工作。

At Wirecutter, we do the work

所以你不用操心。

so you don't have to.

如需独立的产品评测和真实世界的推荐，请访问 nytimes.com/wirecutter。

For independent product reviews and recommendations for the real world, come visit us at nytimes.com/wirecutter.

广告后，我们将与娜塔莉聊聊康复、她的内心，以及威尔德。

We'll talk with Natalie about healing, about her heart, and about Wilder after the break.

我是Katie，来自Living Proof，我们经常收到粉丝来信，比如这一封。

I'm Katie at Living Proof and we get love letters all the time, like this one.

亲爱的Living Proof，我试过很多款干洗发喷雾，但我的头发还是会在第三天就变油，到那时我就只能扎马尾了。

Dear Living Proof, I've used so many dry shampoos, but my hair still gets greasy, and I wear a ponytail by day three.

你的干洗发喷雾让我的头发非常干净蓬松，到第四天还依然垂着。

Your dry shampoo has my hair so clean and full of body that it's still down on day four.

这是我用过最有效的干洗发喷雾。

This is the most effective dry shampoo I've ever used.

喜欢猫。

Love cat.

下单满20美元时，使用代码LOVE即可免费获得一份旅行装干洗发喷雾。

You can use the code LOVE for a free travel size dry shampoo with your $20 order.

Livingproof.com。

Livingproof.com.

我们回来了。

We're back.

这里是《现代爱情》播客。

This is Modern Love, the podcast.

我是梅格娜·查克拉巴蒂，现在和我在一起的是本周文章的作者娜塔莉·林德曼。

I'm Meghna Chakrabarty, and with me now is the author of this week's essay, Natalie Lindeman.

娜塔莉，感谢你加入我们。

Natalie, thanks for joining us.

谢谢邀请。

Thanks for having me.

同时，我们还邀请了《纽约时报》'现代爱情'专栏的编辑丹尼尔·琼斯。

Also, we are joined by Daniel Jones, editor of the Modern Love column for The New York Times.

丹，很高兴你能来。

Dan, great to have you.

很高兴来到这里。

Good to be here.

那么，娜塔莉，你为《现代爱情》写这篇文章时是17岁吗？

So, Natalie, you were, what, 17 when you wrote this for Modern Love?

是的。

Yes.

17岁。

17.

还在上高中。

Still in high school.

高中最后一年。

Senior in high school.

是的。

Yeah.

这经历真是非同凡响。

What a huge experience.

对于一个17岁的孩子来说，这既令人害怕又鼓舞人心。

Scary and inspiring at the same time to have as a 17 year old.

人们读了你的文章后有什么反应？

What was the reaction from people who read your essay?

有趣的是，发表在《现代爱情》上的这个故事首先是一个爱情故事。

It's funny because, the story that's published in Modern Love is first and foremost a love story.

所以，尽管它与我经历的那种疯狂的身体体验有关，但我写它的时候才17岁。

So even though it's connected to this sort of crazy physical experience that I had, I was only 17 when I wrote it.

所以，这个故事可以说是我能够理解并用语言表达的整个经历的一部分。

So the story is kind of the piece of the entire experience that I was able to absorb and put into words.

我收到的大部分关于《现代爱情》这篇文章的回应，都是关于坠入爱河那种令人恐惧但最终回报丰厚的体验。

The majority of the response I got to the modern love piece was about the terrifying, but ultimately super rewarding experience of falling in love.

那么，丹，我的理解对吗？娜塔莉是《现代爱情》栏目有史以来最年轻的投稿人吗？

So, Dan, do I have this right that Natalie was the youngest Modern Love contributor ever?

是的。

Yeah.

从《纽约时报》的角度来看，娜塔莉当时还是个孩子，这意味着她甚至无法签署我们要求作者签订的合同。

From The New York Times perspective, Natalie is a child, or was at that time, meaning she couldn't even sign the contract that we require writers to sign.

但那是她唯一像个孩子的地方。

But that was the only way in which she was a child.

我是说，这篇文章的成熟度以及她谈论的内容，玛格娜，我不知道你17岁时的写作水平如何。

I mean, the sophistication of this essay and what she talks about, know, Magna, I don't know what your writing was like when you were 17.

可没达到这种程度。

It was not like this.

确实是

That's

毫无疑问。

for sure.

你知道，

You know,

那时候我基本上都在看漫画书。

I know I was pretty much reading comic books at that time.

我不太记得自己当时在写什么了。

I'm not really sure what I was writing.

但她将这段经历巧妙地串联起来，谈论了脆弱与放下防备、让自己去爱，这篇散文从开头就深深吸引了我。

But the way that she weaves this experience and manages to talk about vulnerability and letting go to let yourself fall in love when you've been bracing yourself against that, the essay just grabs you from the beginning.

是的。

Yeah.

好的。

Okay.

纳塔莉，我有很多问题想问你。

So tons of questions to ask you, Natalie.

我知道，正如你所说，这是一个爱情故事。

I know that, as you said, this is a love story.

但首先，你从那次跌落中受的伤完全康复了吗？

But first of all, are you completely healed from the injuries you sustained in the fall?

是的。

Yes.

是的。

Yes.

惊人的是。

Amazingly.

实际上，在我跌倒那年夏天的八月，我已经在打80%强度的排球了。

Actually, I was playing volleyball at about 80% the August of the summer I fell.

所以，哇。

So I Wow.

我完全康复，可以正常活动了。

I'm completely good to go.

我确实有疤痕。

I do I do have scars.

我背上有些类似虎爪形状的疤痕，但我还挺喜欢它们的。

I sort of have the tiger claw shaped scars on my back, but I kind of like those.

除此之外，身体其他方面都完全没问题。

And and everything else is completely physically fine.

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

哦，太好了。

Oh, good.

听到这个消息真是太棒了。

So that's fantastic to hear.

好的。

Okay.

我超级幸运。

I'm super lucky.

那么，我想其他人真正想知道的是怀尔德的情况。

And now, I guess what everyone else really wants to know is Wilder.

是的。

Yes.

还在一起吗？

Still together?

没有吗？

No?

没有。

No.

没有。

No.

没有再在一起了。

Not still together.

但不，不是的。

But but no.

Wilder 是我理想中最好的初恋对象。

Wilder was the best first boyfriend, first love I could have ever dreamed up.

我们有一段非常甜蜜的高中恋情。

And we had a really sweet high school relationship.

大约一年后，我准备去上大学。

And about a year later, I was getting ready to go to college.

那时我根本不想和任何人谈恋爱。

And I didn't wanna be in a relationship with anybody at all.

所以我们就在夏天结束时分手了，事情就这样结束了。

And so we broke up at the end of the summer, and that was that was the end of that.

那也完美极了。

And that was also perfect.

所以，娜塔莉，我想知道，学会放手、顺其自然地投入爱情这一课，是否一直留在了你心中？

So, Natalie, I'm curious about whether or not this lesson of learning to to let go and relax into the the the falling in love, has that stuck with you?

在经历坠落之后，真正花了好几年才让我领悟到的美妙而深刻的一点，就是能够保持脆弱，但内心深处确信一切都会好起来。

The kind of really wonderful, cool thing that really took years to sink in for me after the falling experience was this capacity to to be vulnerable, but to know at a core level that everything is and will be okay.

我知道自己在关系中会没事，身体上也会没事，仿佛被这个世界温柔地托着。

You know, I will be okay in relationships, and I will be okay physically, and that I'm held kind of by the world.

从那以后，你有没有再回过那个峡谷？

Have you been back to the canyon since then?

有。

Yes.

我爸爸显然对发生的事非常难过。

My my dad was obviously very upset about what happened.

他想亲自去那个地方，抬头看看我坠落的地方，像要评估一下当时的情况。

And he wanted to go to the place and look up and see where I'd fallen and like what like, assess the situation.

到底那里发生了什么？

Like, what happened here?

比如，到底出了什么问题？

Like, what the heck went wrong?

我也想一起去。

And I wanted to come with.

而且那里很难看清楚，因为你知道，有树木、灌木丛等等

And it's pretty hard to see because, you know, trees and brush and all of this

而且那是100英尺高

stuff And it's a 100 feet

上去。

up.

真正的步道，它在100英尺高的地方。

Real trail and it's a 100 feet up.

然后有几个人从我们身边走过，问我们是否知道第二个瀑布在哪里。

And some guys came walking past us and asked us if we knew where the second waterfall was.

然后我

And my

我爸爸对他们大喊。

dad yelled at them.

指着我说道，绝对不行。

Pointed at me and said, no way.

这就是你去第二个瀑布会发生的事。

This is what happens when you go to the second waterfall.

然后他们就说，好吧。

And they were like, okay.

但是，对，所以它到底在哪儿呢？

But, yeah, so where is it?

我记得我们在讨论你的文章时，聊到你的故事，你告诉我你曾掉进两块巨石之间相当松软的沙子里。

I remember when we were talking in working on your essay when we were talking about your story, and you had told me that you'd fallen into pretty soft sand between two boulders.

对吧？

Right?

而且无论你从哪个方向掉下去，那段自由落体部分落到岩石上的距离其实都不远。

And that it wasn't very much distance either either way where you would have fallen that free fall part of the fall onto rock.

是的。

Yeah.

这太神奇了。

It's amazing.

而且我不知道该如何解释那个裂缝，它里面全是松软的沙土和小石子，与我掉进去时夹在中间的那两块巨大坚硬的岩石完全不同。

And I don't know how to explain sort of the crevice that was full of soft ish sand and dirt and little pebbles as opposed to the two giant hard rocks I fell in between.

对。

Yeah.

所以，是的。

So yeah.

我能突然说一句吗，作为一个家长，我现在非常能体会你爸爸的感受，还有你妈妈。

Can I just say all of a sudden, I'm just feeling for your dad a lot right now as a parent myself and your mom?

我也非常能体会你妈妈的感受，因为你能从这段非常可怕的经历中汲取如此深刻的人生教训，这真是太了不起了，也令人深受鼓舞。

I'm feeling for your mom as well because it's amazing and inspiring that you have pulled this profound life lesson out of this very scary experience that you had.

但是，同样作为一个家长，我在想，我多么希望你能不用经历濒临死亡的体验，也能学到同样的人生教训。

But, again, the parent in me is thinking, I wish that that same life lesson could have come without you, like, almost dying.

是的。

Yeah.

自从我足够清醒并能真正理解发生的一切以来，我一直觉得，在整个事件中涉及的所有人里——无论是怀尔德，还是我的父母——我都是最幸运的，因为我是唯一一个从头到尾都知道自己状况的人：是的，我能动我的手指和脚趾。

I since I was conscious enough to really understand what had happened, I've always felt that out of every single person involved out of Wilder, definitely out of my parents, I was the luckiest person in the entire situation because I was the only person who who knew throughout the whole time that, you know, yes, I can move my fingers and toes.

我知道今天是几号。

Yes, I know what day it is.

我的精神、情感和身体都在这里。

I'm here mentally, emotionally, physically.

没有人能进入我的脑海，知道我其实没事。

Nobody else could be inside my head and know that I was okay.

娜塔莉·林德曼写了一篇现代爱情散文，颂扬了情绪低谷带来的积极面。

Well, Natalie Lindeman wrote the modern love essay celebrating the upside of an emotional plunge.

她将于五月从皮策学院毕业，并正在完成一本名为《坠落及其他从这里到那里的方法》的散文集。

She'll be graduating from Pitzer College in May, and she's completing a book of essays called falling and Other Ways to Get From Here to There.

娜塔莉，非常感谢你和我们交谈。

Natalie, thank you so much for speaking with us.

这真的非常愉快。

It was really a great pleasure.

谢谢你们邀请我。

Thank you for having me.

和你们聊天太棒了。

Great speaking with you guys.

还有，《纽约时报》现代爱情专栏的编辑丹尼尔·琼斯，很高兴总是有你。

And Daniel Jones, editor of the Modern Love column for The New York Times, Always great to have you.

也非常感谢你帮助我们将这些人生经验带给所有人，而无需经历纳塔莉那样可怕的事情。

And thank you so much for helping bring these life lessons to all of us without having to go through something as scary as Natalie actually did.

我的荣幸。

My pleasure.

特别感谢达科塔·芬妮朗读了本周的散文。

Special thanks to Dakota Fanning who read this week's essay.

你今年晚些时候可以在菲利普·罗斯的《美国牧歌》电影改编版中看到她，她与伊万·麦克格雷格共同主演。

You can see her later this year in a film adaptation of Philip Roth's American Pastoral opposite Ewan McGregor.

下周在《现代爱情》中，以《大西洋帝国》和《革命之路》闻名的迈克尔·夏农将为我们讲述一种可怕疾病带来的意外幸福。

Next week on Modern Love, Michael Shannon, best known for Boardwalk Empire and Revolutionary Road, brings us the story of unexpected happiness brought by a dreadful disease.

有一种理论认为，阿尔茨海默病患者会因为忘记自己患病而自我痊愈。

Well, there is a theory that people with Alzheimer's heal themselves of their diseases because they forget they have them.

从某种意义上说，阿尔茨海默病治愈了我的祖母和我们的家人。

Alzheimer's has, in a sense, healed my grandmother and our family.

本周晚些时候，在情人节当天，还记得我们曾邀请你们发送最喜爱的爱情名言吗？

And later this week on Modern Love, specifically on Valentine's Day, remember how we asked you to email us your favorite quotations on love?

你们将听到这些名言汇聚成一个美妙的特别节目，我们将在周日发布。

Well, you'll get to hear them come together in a beautiful bonus episode that we'll be releasing on Sunday.

敬请期待。

So stay tuned for that.

《现代爱情》由《纽约时报》和波士顿NPR电台WBUR联合制作。

Modern Love is a production of The New York Times and WBUR, Boston's NPR station.

本节目由杰西卡·阿尔珀特、约翰·帕拉蒂和阿莫里·西弗特森制作、导演和剪辑。

It's produced, directed, and edited by Jessica Alpert, John Parati, and Amory Sievertsen.

《现代爱情》播客的想法由丽莎·托宾提出。

The idea for the Modern Love Podcast was conceived by Lisa Tobin.

艾瑞斯·阿德勒是我们执行制片人。

Iris Adler is our executive producer.

丹尼尔·琼斯是《纽约时报》现代爱情版块的编辑，也是本节目的顾问。

Daniel Jones is the editor of Modern Love for The New York Times and adviser to the show.

本播客的音乐由APM提供。

Music for the podcast, courtesy of APM.

请记住，我们始终希望听到您的声音，请在您喜爱的播客应用中订阅《现代爱情》，并为本周的节目写一篇评论。

Remember, we always wanna hear from you, so subscribe to Modern Love on your favorite podcast app and write us a review of this week's episode.

您也可以在facebook.com/modernlove和Twitter上分享您的想法。

You can also share your thoughts at facebook.com/modernlove and on Twitter as well.

我的名字是Megna w b u r。

I'm at Megna w b u r.

拼写是m e g h n a w b u r。

That's m e g h n a w b u r.

丹的推特账号是 danjonesnyt。

And Dan is danjonesnyt.

我是梅格纳·查克拉巴蒂。

I'm Meghna Chakrabarty.

感谢收听。

Thanks for listening.