为什么萨明·诺斯拉特现在“完全活在当下”

嗨。

Hi.

我是《纽约时报》烹饪版的艾莉克莎·韦贝尔。

It's Alexa Weibel from New York Times Cooking.

我们有很多简单的周中晚餐食谱，今天我要做的是我的五种食材奶油味噌意面。

We've got tons of easy weeknight recipes, and today, I'm making my five ingredient creamy miso pasta.

你只需要用煮意面的淀粉水，和一点味噌、黄油一起搅拌，直到变得 creamy。

You just take your starchy pasta water, whisk it together with a little bit of miso and butter until it's creamy.

然后加入面条和一点奶酪。

Add your noodles and a little bit of cheese.

这就像升级版的芝士通心粉，但感觉像是餐厅级别的菜。

It's like a grown up box of mac and cheese that feels like a restaurant quality dish.

《纽约时报》烹饪版为你准备了忙碌工作日晚上的简单菜肴。

New York Times cooking has you covered with easy dishes for busy weeknights.

你可以在 nytcooking.com 找到更多内容。

You can find more at nytcooking.com.

嘿，你好。

Hey there.

我是安娜。

It's Anna.

你即将听到的这期节目，是我们庆祝“现代爱情”专栏二十周年的特别系列之一。

The episode you're about to hear is part of a special series celebrating the twentieth anniversary of the Modern Love column.

这期节目最初是在2024年春天播出的。

This originally aired in the spring of twenty twenty four.

希望你喜欢，也祝你收听愉快。

We hope you enjoy and happy listening.

也有爱。

There's love as well.

这里是《纽约时报》，我是安娜·马丁。

From The New York Times, I'm Anna Martin.

欢迎收听《现代爱情》。

This is Modern Love.

我们还在庆祝二十周年，聚焦我们最爱的爱情故事，邀请我们最喜欢的作家、音乐家、艺术家，而今天，是一位厨师。

And we're still celebrating our twentieth anniversary spotlighting our favorite love stories with our favorite writers, musicians, artists, and today, a chef.

为某人做饭，可以说是表达“我爱你”最原始的方式。

Cooking for someone is kind of the original way to say, I love you.

那份辛劳、时间、用心，还有那些切菜、揉面、精心调味的过程。

The labor, the time, the care, all that chopping and kneading and careful seasoning.

所以，如果食物是爱，那么厨师兼作家萨明·诺斯拉特，可能就是这个世界上最浪漫的人了。

So if food is love, then chef and writer, Samin Nosrat, just might be the most romantic person in the world.

很甜。

It's sweet.

而且味道很浓郁。

And it's It's rich in flavor.

对。

Yeah.

太好吃了。

It's so good.

太好吃了。

It's so good.

我都快感动得流泪了。

I it's bringing tears to my eyes.

太好吃了。

It's so good.

这是萨明在她的Netflix节目《盐、脂肪、酸、热》中的片段，她在意大利面对那些花了多年时间制作帕玛森奶酪的人们，兴奋得不得了。

That's Samin on her Netflix show Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat, freaking out in the best way over some Parmesan cheese in Italy with the people who spent years making it.

这是萨明最自在的状态，和别人一起分享美食、欢笑，有时还有泪水。

This is Samin in her element, sharing meals and laughs and sometimes tears with other people.

从她为朋友们举办的那场热闹又美味晚餐开始，我——

From the vibrant, delicious dinner she hosts for her friends I'm

我马上让你开始干活。

gonna put you straight to work.

那你要先来杯葡萄酒吗？

So do you want a glass of wine first?

对。

Yeah.

好的。

Alright.

和她妈妈一起做传统的伊朗菜，边做边摸索。

To making traditional Iranian dishes with her mom with some trial and error.

显然，我这辈子都做错了。

Apparently, I've been doing this wrong my whole life.

你不是

You're not

在煎它。

frying it.

你只是在做一个外皮酥脆的肉饼。

You're just making good crusty patty.

好吧。

Okay.

她的教学视频展示了家庭厨师如何从零开始制作拉丝的芝士千层面。

To her instructional videos showing us how home cooks can make cheesy, molten lasagna from scratch.

好烫。

Hot.

天哪。

Oh my god.

感觉像一块岩浆顺着喉咙滑下去。

It's like a piece of lava going down my throat.

好吧。

Okay.

希望你能和很多人一起分享这份千层面。

I hope that you get to share this lasagna with a bunch of people.

希望它能给你带来一点快乐、安慰和美味。

I hope it brings you a little joy and comfort and deliciousness.

当我们请萨明选一篇《现代爱情》的文章时，她很清楚自己想读哪一篇。

When we asked Samin to pick a Modern Love essay, she knew exactly which one she wanted to read.

这篇文章当然跟食物有关，但也是关于时间的，时间多么宝贵，就像一块刚出炉的热腾腾的千层面，我们要和爱的人一起慢慢品味。

It's an essay that involves food, of course, but it's also an essay about time, how precious it is, and how just like a piece of piping hot lasagna, we have to savor it with the people we love.

萨敏·诺斯拉特，欢迎来到《现代爱情》。

Samin Nosrat, welcome to Modern Love.

安娜，非常感谢你邀请我。

Thanks so much for having me, Anna.

好的。

Okay.

我担心这听起来有点吓人，但我还是想告诉你，我们其实见过面。

I worry this is gonna sound creepy, but I'm just gonna tell you we've actually met before.

我们有一个共同的朋友。

We have a friend in common.

有一次，我跟着她出去办事。

And one time, I tagged along on an errand with her.

她要把从你那儿借的一个锅还给你，送到你家。

She was dropping off a pot she'd borrowed from you at your house.

哦，是为了她的辣椒。

Oh, for her chili.

没错。

Exactly.

是的。

Yes.

那时候我就见过你了。

And I met you then.

嗯，那时候我是住在我那个小公寓里，还是住在这里？

Well, did I still live in my little apartment, or did I live here?

不是。

No.

那是一个中间带花园的房子。

It was like a house with a garden in the middle.

对。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

我现在就住那儿。

That's where I live now.

你当时还给了我一罐LaCroix气泡水。

And you gave me a LaCroix.

哦，天哪。

Oh, wow.

我当时心里特别激动，但表面上装得很淡定。

And I fangirled very quietly.

真有意思。

That's funny.

好。

Okay.

好了，那事儿说完了。在聊文章之前，我想问你一个私人问题。

Now that that's over, before we get to the essay, I wanna ask you a personal question.

你在《盐、脂肪、酸、热》这个电视节目里，以及你所有的其他作品中，都表现得非常情绪外露。

You are so openly emotional on Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat, your TV show, and and throughout all your other work.

你会有那些时刻，因为某样东西太好吃了，就大声笑出来或者突然哭出来。

You've these moments where you laugh out loud or you burst into tears because something tastes so good.

你一直都是这样，情绪这么容易流露出来吗？

Have you always been that way with your emotions so close to the surface?

我觉得既是也不是。

I think yes and no.

就是，我觉得那些感受一直都在。

Like, I think the feelings have always been there.

我的家人来自伊朗，而我这个特定的家庭有它自己的关于失去、悲伤和受文化影响的故事。

My family's from Iran, and my particular family has its own story of loss and grief and being affected by culture.

所以在我家里，我并没有被特别鼓励去表达自己的感受。

And so in my family, I was not necessarily encouraged to, like, express my feelings.

所以这花了很多……嗯。

And so it's taken a lot of Mhmm.

工作、大量的心理治疗、很多次去面对它，还有重新连接回真实的自己。

Work, a lot of therapy, a lot of sitting with it, and also just, like, connecting back to who I am.

我觉得这有一部分是成长的过程，就是不再总是担心别人怎么想，我现在只是98%的时间会那样，不是100%了。

And I think part of that's just growing up, like, and getting outside of constantly worrying what other people think, which I I only do it 98% of the time now, not a 100.

但我觉得，与其为内心涌起的东西感到尴尬，想要压抑它们，现在我明白了，那是我唯一能做的，那就是我。

But I think instead of being embarrassed about the things that rise inside of me and wanna come out, now I understand that's all I can do and that's who I am.

从某种程度上说，这正是吸引某些人靠近我的原因，你知道吗，因为我可能给了他们一种许可，因为那东西太好吃了。

And in a way, that's what draws certain people toward me, you know, is I, like, maybe give permission because the thing tastes so good.

对吧？

Right?

我怎么能控制住自己呢？

How could I contain myself?

你明白吗？

You know?

就是，是的。

Like, I just yeah.

我就是觉得，我必须得把它说出来。

I don't it's just it it I have to let it out.

这种感觉太好了。

It's so good.

你难道不想和别人分享吗？

And don't you wanna share that with someone?

当然想。

Totally.

这感觉太好了。

This tastes so good.

我想让你也感受一下。

I want you to have some.

我是说，你的情绪把我们吸引了进来。

I mean, your emotion invites us in.

它邀请我们和你一起深深感受。

It invites us to feel deeply alongside you.

那么，Samin，当我们邀请你上节目时，你立刻就知道了你想读哪篇文章。

So, Samin, when we asked you to come on the show, you knew immediately which essay you wanted to read.

这篇文章叫《你也许想嫁给我丈夫》，作者是Amy Krouse Rosenthal。

It's called You May Want to Marry My Husband by Amy Krouse Rosenthal.

你说这是因为你对Amy着迷，你是她的铁杆粉丝，多年来一直密切关注她。

And you said it was because you were obsessed with Amy, that you were an ardent fan, that you'd followed her intensely for years.

在听众听到故事之前，不要透露太多情节，你能告诉我为什么你对她如此着迷吗？

Without giving away too much of the story before listeners hear it, can you tell me why you're so drawn to her?

我大概第一次接触到她的作品是在2005年左右，那是我人生中一个大量阅读艺术家和创意人士博客的时期。

I probably first encountered her work maybe, like, 2005, which was a time in my life when I was reading a lot of blogs by artists and creative people.

对。

Mhmm.

我当时对自己作为餐厅厨师的职业道路感到非常不开心，我想成为一名作家。

I was really deeply unhappy in my own path as a restaurant cook, and I wanted to become a writer.

所以我会把所有空闲时间都用来吸收一些创意灵感。

So I would sort of spend all of my time filling my spare time with, like, creative juju.

然后我看到了她的书，我记得叫《平凡生活的百科全书》。

And I saw her book, I think it's called Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life.

那是一本回忆录，用非常精彩的百科全书条目形式写成，但写的都是她生活中很普通的事情。

It was a memoir written in this amazing format of encyclopedic entries, but of just ordinary things in her life.

我当时就觉得这太聪明、太有智慧了，所以就开始在网上关注她。

And I just thought it was so clever and smart, and so I started following her online.

她总是做一些邀请陌生人参与的项目。

And she was always doing projects that invited strangers in.

她有一个活动，她记录下来并做成了一部短片，叫《美丽的召唤》。

And so she had an event that she documented and turned into a short film called The Beckoning of Lovely.

那时候互联网已经开始变得阴暗了，你知道吗？

And the Internet was already starting to turn dark, you know?

对。

Mhmm.

在那个充满黑暗和疏离的时代，她提供了一种美好的连接方式。

And it was this thing where it was like in in time of so much darkness and disconnection, like, she was offering a beautiful way to connect.

对。

Mhmm.

我知道那个视频。

I know that video.

我看了好几遍。

I've watched it several times.

艾米·克劳斯·罗森塔尔把这个项目叫做“召唤美好”，就像你说的，因为她的核心理念就是召唤、吸引光明、快乐和连接。

Amy Krouse Rosenthal called this project the beckoning of lovely, as you said, because her whole sort of ethos was beckoning in, calling in light and joy and connection.

所以她让所有陌生人聚在一起做艺术，时间定在八八，也就是2008年8月8日晚上8点08分。

So she had all these strangers show up to make art together at eight eight, so 08/08/2008 at 08:08PM.

哦，我忘了8点08分这个细节。

Oh, I forgot the 08:08.

对。

Mhmm.

那真是很美好的事情，看着就让人感动。

It was just this beautiful thing to witness.

这部电影太欢乐、太特别、太神奇、太纯真了，我当时就想做那样的事情。

This movie was so joyful and special and magical and innocent and like, I wanted to do things like that.

我想成为那样的事情的一部分。

I wanted to be part of something like that.

它太鼓舞人心了。

It was so inspiring.

确实鼓舞人心。

Absolutely inspiring.

她的作品非常有趣。

Her work was so playful.

她写的《现代爱情》那篇文章也有那种特质。

And the Modern Love essay she wrote also has that quality.

但同时，那篇文章也特别催泪。

But at the same time, it is a total tearjerker.

这篇文章让我哭得不行。

Like this essay makes me cry.

在你读之前，我想先跟你探讨一个理论。

Before you read, I wanna pose a theory to you.

我觉得世界上有两种人。

I feel like there are two types of people in the world.

一种人喜欢让人流泪的故事，另一种人则避之不及。

There are the people who like a story that makes you cry, and there are people who avoid it like the plague.

哦，对。

Oh, yeah.

而你选这篇文章的时候，直接就选了它。

And you in picking this essay, you just went right for it.

你直接面对了那种情感。

You went directly into the emotion.

所以我想知道，为什么你觉得你不怕悲伤，而很多人却怕呢？

So I wanna know, like, why do you think you're not afraid of the sad when a lot of people are?

我觉得悲伤一直是我生活的一部分。

I think sadness has always just been a part of my life.

然而，你知道，在我的工作和生活中，我总与快乐紧密相连。

And yet, like, you know, in my work and in the world, like, I'm so deeply associated with joy.

对。

Mhmm.

而且两者缺一不可。

And you can't have one without the other.

我想我对快乐的向往，正是因为内心有太多悲伤。

I think my orientation toward joy is because I have so much sadness inside.

我觉得这篇文章两者都有。

I mean, this essay has both.

既有快乐，也有悲伤。

It has the joy and it has the sadness.

我完全理解你为什么被它吸引，也迫不及待想听你朗读。

I completely see why you were so drawn to it, and I can't wait to hear you read it.

好的。

Okay.

太好了。

Great.

你可能想嫁给我丈夫，作者是艾米·克劳斯·罗森塔尔。

You may wanna marry my husband by Amy Krouse Rosenthal.

这篇东西我早就想写了，但吗啡和缺少多汁的芝士汉堡——现在算算，已经五个星期没吃正经食物了——耗尽了我的精力，也影响了我仅存的那点写作才华。

I've been trying to write this for a while, but the morphine and lack of juicy cheeseburgers, what has it been now, five weeks without real food, have drained my energy and interfered with whatever prose prowess remains.

另外，那些时不时冒出来的小盹，总在我说到一半的时候把我带走，显然也没能让我想写的进度快到哪里去。

Additionally, the intermittent micro naps that keep whisking me away mid sentence are clearly not propelling my work forward as quickly as I would like.

不过说实话，这些小盹还挺有意思的，像做梦一样。

But they are admittedly a bit of trippy fun.

但我还是得坚持写下去，因为我有截稿日期。

Still, I have to stick with it because I'm facing a deadline.

而且这个截稿日期还挺紧迫的。

In this case, a pressing one.

我得趁着自己还有，一，你的注意力，二，心跳的时候，把该说的说出来，而且要说对。

I need to say this and say it right while I have, a, your attention, and b, a pulse.

我和一个最了不起的男人结婚已经二十六年了。

I've been married to the most extraordinary man for twenty six years.

我原本还打算再一起过二十六年呢。

I was planning on at least another twenty six together.

想听个恶趣味的笑话吗？

Wanna hear a sick joke?

2015年9月5日晚上，一对夫妻走进了急诊室。

A husband and wife walk into the emergency room in the late evening on 09/05/2015.

几个小时后，经过一些检查，医生确认妻子右侧那种不寻常的疼痛并不是他们以为的没什么大不了的小阑尾炎，而是卵巢癌。

A few hours and tests later, the doctor clarifies that the unusual pain the wife is feeling on her right side isn't the no biggie appendicitis they suspected, but rather ovarian cancer.

9月6日凌晨，夫妻俩开车回家，在那种迷迷糊糊的震惊中，他们突然意识到，今天——他们得知这个潜伏已久的问题的那一天——也正是他们原本要正式开启空巢生活的那一天。

As the couple head home in the early morning of September 6, somehow through the foggy shock of it all, they make the connection that today, the day they learned what had been festering, is also the day they would have officially kicked off their empty nestering.

他们三个孩子中最小的那个刚刚去上大学了。

The youngest of their three children had just left for college.

那么多计划瞬间就化为泡影了。

So many plans instantly went poof.

和丈夫、父母一起去南非的旅行，泡汤了。

No trip with my husband and parents to South Africa.

现在也没理由申请哈佛的洛布奖学金了。

No reason now to apply for the Harvard Loeb Fellowship.

和妈妈一起环游亚洲的梦想，也没了。

No dream tour of Asia with my mother.

那些在印度、温哥华、雅加达的精彩学校的驻留写作机会，也都没了。

No writers' residencies at those wonderful schools in India, Vancouver, Jakarta.

难怪“癌症”和“取消”这两个词看起来这么像。

No wonder the word cancer and cancel look so similar.

从那时起，我们就进入了所谓的“B计划”，也就是“BE”，只活在当下。

This is when we entered what I came to think of as plan b, that's b e, existing only in the present.

至于未来，让我介绍一下这篇文章的男主角，杰森·布莱恩·罗森塔尔。

As for the future, allow me to introduce you to the gentleman of this article, Jason Brian Rosenthal.

他是个很容易让人爱上的人。

He's an easy man to fall in love with.

我一天就搞定了。

I did it in one day.

让我解释一下。

Let me explain.

我父亲从夏令营起就最好的朋友，约翰叔叔，他认识杰森和我一辈子了，但我们俩从来没见过面。

My father's best friend since summer camp, uncle John, had known Jason and me separately our whole lives, but Jason and I had never met.

我去东部上大学，第一份工作在加州。

I went to college out east and took my first job in California.

等我搬回芝加哥老家时，约翰觉得我和杰森特别合适，就给我们安排了一次相亲。

When I moved back home to Chicago, John, who thought Jason and I were perfect for each other, set us up on a blind date.

那是1989年。

It was 1989.

我们才24岁。

We were only 24.

我当时对这段关系完全不抱任何期望。

I had precisely zero expectations about this going anywhere.

但当他敲响我那栋小木屋的门时，我心里想，哎呀，这个人真讨人喜欢。

But when he knocked on the door of my little frame house, I thought, uh-oh, there's something highly likable about this person.

晚餐结束时，我就知道我想嫁给他。

By the end of dinner, I knew I wanted to marry him.

杰森呢？

Jason?

他一年后才知道。

He knew a year later.

我从来没用过Tinder、Bumble或eHarmony，但我要根据我和他在同一屋檐下生活了大约九千四百九十天的经历，在这里给他建一个大致档案。

I've never been on Tinder, Bumble, or eHarmony, but I'm gonna create a general profile of Jason right here based on my experience of coexisting in the same house with him for, like, nine thousand four hundred and ninety days.

首先是基本信息。

First, the basics.

他身高五英尺十英寸，体重一百六十磅，头发花白，眼睛是淡褐色的。

He's five foot ten, hundred and sixty pounds with salt and pepper hair and hazel eyes.

下面这些特质不分先后，因为每一点对我来说都很重要。

The following list of attributes is in no particular order because everything feels important to me in some way.

他穿衣服很有品味。

He's a sharp dresser.

我们成年的儿子贾斯汀和迈尔斯经常借他的衣服穿。

Our young adult sons, Justin and Miles, often borrow his clothes.

认识他的人，或者只是不经意间瞥见他西裤和皮鞋之间那一截的人，都知道他对花袜子情有独钟。

Those who know him or just happen to glance down at the gap between his dress slacks and dress shoes know that he has a flair for fabulous socks.

他身材保持得很好，也喜欢锻炼。

He's fit and enjoys keeping in shape.

如果我们的家会说话，它一定会说杰森特别心灵手巧。

If our home could speak, it would add that Jason is uncannily handy.

说到吃的，天哪，他做饭真是一把好手。

On the subject of food, man, can he cook.

漫长的一天结束后，最开心的事就是看着他进门，把一袋 groceries 往台上一放，先用他买来的橄榄和好吃的奶酪哄我开心，然后再开始做晚饭。

After a long day, there's no sweeter joy than seeing him walk in the door, plop a grocery bag down on the counter, and woo me with olives and some yummy cheese he has procured before he gets to work on the evening's meal.

杰森喜欢听现场音乐。

Jason loves listening to live music.

一起。

Together.

我还得补充一句，我们19岁的女儿帕里斯，比起跟别人，她更愿意跟他一起去听音乐会。

I should also add that our 19 year old daughter, Paris, would rather go to a concert with him than anyone else.

我在写第一本回忆录的时候，编辑一直让我把某些部分展开来写，我总在那几个地方打转。

When I was working on my first memoir, I kept circling sections my editor wanted me to expand upon.

她会说，我想多看看这个人物。

She would say, I'd like to see more of this character.

我当然会同意。

Of course, I would agree.

他确实是个很有魅力的人物。

He was indeed a captivating character.

但有意思的是，她其实可以直接说，多写点关于杰森的内容。

But it was funny because she could have just said, let's add more about Jason.

他真的是个非常棒的父亲。

He's an absolutely wonderful father.

你随便问谁都知道。

Ask anyone.

看到街角那个人了吗？

See that guy on the corner?

他也会告诉你。

He'll tell you.

杰森很有同情心，而且他还会翻煎饼。

Jason is compassionate, and he can flip a pancake.

杰森会画画。

Jason paints.

我很喜欢他的画。

I love his artwork.

我本来想称他为艺术家，但他有法律学位，大部分时间都在市中心的办公室从九点待到五点，至少在我生病之前是这样。

I would call him an artist, except for the law degree that keeps him at his downtown office most days from nine to five, or at least it did before I got sick.

如果你在找一个浪漫的、说走就走的旅行伴侣，杰森就是你的不二人选。

If you're looking for a dreamy, let's go for it travel companion, Jason is your man.

他还特别喜欢小东西，比如品尝用的小勺子、小罐子，还有一对坐在长椅上的情侣小雕塑，他送给我这个，说是提醒我们家庭是怎么开始的。

He also has an affinity for tiny things, taster spoons, little jars, a mini sculpture of a couple sitting on a bench, which he presented to me as a reminder of how our family began.

杰森就是这样一个人。

Here's the kind of man Jason is.

我们第一次去做产检的时候，他带着花出现了。

He showed up at our first pregnancy ultrasound with flowers.

他这个人，因为总是起得很早，每个周日早上都会用咖啡壶旁边的东西摆出各种搞怪的笑脸，给我惊喜。

This is a man who, because he is always up early, surprises me every Sunday morning by making some kind of oddball smiley face out of items near the coffee pot.

一把勺子、一个杯子、一根香蕉。

A spoon, a mug, a banana.

他从小卖部或者加油站出来的时候，会说，把手伸出来。

This is a man who emerges from the mini mart or gas station and says, give me your palm.

然后，一颗彩色的口香糖球就出现了。

And voila, a colorful gumball appears.

他知道我喜欢所有口味，除了白色的。

He knows I love all the flavors but white.

我想你现在对他已经够了解了吧。

My guess is you know enough about him now.

那我们就右滑吧。

So let's swipe right.

等等。

Wait.

我有没有提过他超级帅？

Did I mention that he's incredibly handsome?

我会想念他那张脸的。

I'm gonna miss looking at that face of his.

如果他听起来像王子，我们的关系像童话，那也差不太远，只是多了二十五年一起过日子的琐碎，还有我得癌症这件事。

If he sounds like a prince and our relationship seems like a fairy tale, it's not too far off, except for all of the regular stuff that comes from two and a half decades of playing house together and the part about me getting cancer.

唉。

Blech.

在我最近一本回忆录里，那是在我确诊之前写的，我邀请读者们寄来关于配对纹身的建议，想法是作者和读者通过墨水联结在一起。

In my most recent memoir written entirely before my diagnosis, I invited readers to send in suggestions for matching tattoos, the idea being that author and reader would be bonded by ink.

我当时是认真的，也鼓励大家认真对待。

I was totally serious about this and encouraged submitters to be serious as well.

结果收到了几百份建议。

Hundreds poured in.

八月份出版几周后，我收到了密尔沃基一位62岁图书管理员的来信，她叫波莱特。

A few weeks after publication in August, I heard from a 62 year old librarian in Milwaukee named Paulette.

她建议用“更多”这个词。

She suggested the word more.

这是基于书里的一篇文章，我在里面提到“更多”是我说的第一个词。

This was based on an essay in the book where I mentioned that more was my first spoken word.

确实如此。

True.

而现在，它很可能也是我最后说的一个词。

And now it may very well be my last.

时间会证明一切。

Time shall tell.

九月份，Paulette开车到芝加哥的一家纹身店和我见面。

In September, Paulette drove down to meet me at a Chicago tattoo parlor.

她纹了她的第一个纹身，在左手腕上。

She got hers, her very first, on her left wrist.

我纹在了左前臂内侧，用的是我女儿的字迹。

I got mine on the underside of my left forearm in my daughter's handwriting.

这是我的第二个纹身。

This was my second tattoo.

第一个是一个小写的j，在我脚踝上已经二十五年了。

The first is a small lowercase j that has been on my ankle for twenty five years.

你大概能猜到它代表什么。

You can probably guess what it stands for.

Jason也有一个，但字母更多，是a、k、r。

Jason has one too, but with more letters, a k r.

我想和Jason有更多时间。

I want more time with Jason.

我想有更多时间陪我的孩子。

I want more time with my children.

我想在周四晚上去绿磨坊爵士俱乐部喝马提尼。

I want more time sipping martinis at the Green Mill Jazz Club on Thursday nights.

但那是不可能的事了。

But that is not gonna happen.

我可能只剩下几天时间活在这个世界上了。

I probably only have a few days left being a person on this planet.

那我为什么还要做这件事？

So why am I doing this?

我打算在情人节那天结束这一切，我能期待的最真诚、不是花瓶的礼物，就是有对的人读到这篇文章，找到杰森，然后开启另一段爱情故事。

I'm wrapping this up on Valentine's Day, and the most genuine non vase oriented gift I can hope for is that the right person reads this, finds Jason, and another love story begins.

我会在下面留出这片空白，算是给你们俩一个应得的新开始。

I'll leave this intentional empty space below as a way of giving you two the fresh start you deserve.

带着我全部的爱，艾米。

With all my love, Amy.

我的意思是，她活着的时候一直就是她自己。

I mean, she was just herself the entire time she was alive.

对。

Mhmm.

她始终是完整的艾米·克劳斯·罗森塔尔。

She was just always and fully Amy Krouse Rosenthal.

我觉得这就是我读到这篇文章时被打动的地方，现在依然如此。

I think that's what struck me when I read this and strikes me now.

休息之后，萨敏将继续为我们带来更多内容。

More from Samin after the break.

我是乔纳森·奈特，纽约时报游戏部门的总经理。

I'm Jonathan Knight, and I'm the general manager of New York Times Games.

如果你玩我们的游戏，你可能会注意到它们有些与众不同。

If you play our games, you probably know there's something a bit different about them.

就像《纽约时报》的文章背后有作者一样，我们每日谜题的背后也有创作者。

Just like there are writers behind the articles you read in The Times, there are creators behind our daily puzzles.

Tracy Bennett负责挑选每天的Wordle答案，让游戏保持趣味性和多样性。

Tracy Bennett curates the day's Wordle solution to keep it lively and varied.

当Ilu设计每个Connections棋盘，包括那些试图难倒你的所有分类时，Sam Azerski会仔细检查Spelling Bee中的每一个字母、单词和pangram，确保不同水平的忠实玩家都能享受游戏。

When Ilu creates each connections board, including all those categories that try to stump you, Sam Azerski combs through every last letter, word, and pangram in Spelling Bee so that loyal players of all skill levels enjoy it.

我们的谜题每天由人工制作，符合你对《纽约时报》的期待标准。

Our puzzles are human made every day with the standards you'd expect from The New York Times.

这很重要，因为当你选择花时间玩我们的游戏时，这段时间应该花得值得，用来解那些有挑战性、令人惊喜又充满乐趣的谜题。

And this matters because when you choose to spend time with our games, it should be time well spent solving puzzles that are challenging, surprising, and joyful.

为你精心打造的谜题。

Puzzles handcrafted for you.

我们认为这值得投入，也值得付费。

We think that's something worth investing in and something worth paying for.

立即订阅，享受我们所有游戏的特别优惠，访问nytimes.com/joingames。

Subscribe now for a special offer on all of our games @nytimes.comslashjoingames.

Samin，非常感谢你朗读Amy Krouse Rosenthal的文章。

Samin, thank you so much for reading Amy Krouse Rosenthal's essay.

你读得太棒了。

You did an incredibly beautiful job.

这让你有什么感触？

What did it bring up for you?

我记得第一次在报纸上读到这篇文章时，很惊讶已经有一阵子没看到她的作品了。

I remember when I first read this in the paper, I was surprised I had not seen anything from her in a while.

实际上，我想她在那之后不久就去世了，就在文章发表后几天。

And I actually think she died shortly after, just a few days after it was published.

对。

Mhmm.

所以这篇文章带着那样的意味。

And so it came with that note.

这太让人震惊了，因为她那么年轻，那么充满活力。

And it was just such a shock because she was so young and so alive.

活力是我对她最深的印象。

Like aliveness was at the core of what I associated with her.

但即使在这篇故事里，她依然完全是她自己。

And yet still in this story, she's still so fully herself.

而且她从一开始就吸引我的那些东西——在平凡中发现美、想办法把人们聚在一起——在这里全都体现出来了。

And everything that I had been drawn to from the beginning about finding beauty in the ordinary and finding ways to bring people together comes out here.

你知道吗？

You know?

她在这里做到了。

She's doing it here.

对。

Mhmm.

她在邀请人们走进她的生活，也走进她丈夫的生活。

She's inviting people into her life and her husband's life.

她讲了和读者建立联系、还去纹身的故事。

She tells the story of connecting with her readers and getting a tattoo.

就是那种感觉，既深深打动人心，又那么美，又那么让人难过。

And there's just this way where it's so deeply moving and so beautiful and so sad.

我觉得这两者缺一不可。

And I think you just can't have one without the other.

你知道吗，你提到过在你的工作中，在你的公众形象里，你以快乐著称，我是说，你的笑声对我来说就像一束金色的光芒。

You know, you mentioned that in your work, in your sort of public persona, you are known for your joy, which is I mean, your laugh is like a a golden beam of light to me.

它让我充满活力。

It, like, invigorates me.

我知道还有很多其他人，你也在谈论你承载的悲伤。

And I know so many others, and you're talking about the sadness too that you carry.

我想知道你是如何处理这两者的。

And I guess I wonder how you approach holding both of those.

你说你不能只有其中一个而没有另一个。

You say you can't have one without the other.

我想知道你是如何同时承载这两者的。

I wonder how you carry both at the same time.

其实，我是一个抑郁的人。

I mean, I am a depressive person.

我这一生中，一直被失去和悲伤深深压得喘不过气来。

I've been, like, deeply overwhelmed by loss and sadness throughout my life.

即使现在坐在这里说话，我都能感觉到心里那种悲伤的核心。

And even as I sit here talking, like, I can just feel the, like, core of sadness in my heart.

而且有时候，我确实得沉浸其中。

And also, sometimes I have to wallow in it.

但其他时候，我觉得这对我来说就是一个有意识的选择。

And at other times, I think it's just been a conscious decision for me.

这几乎像是一种生存机制，我不能一直待在那里。

It's almost like a survival mechanism that I can't stay there.

我不能活在那里。

I can't live there.

对。

Mhmm.

所以我能感受到它，能承认它，也能让它存在。

So I can feel it, and I can acknowledge it, and I can let it be there.

而且我活在这个世界上的方式，就是去寻找美，寻找快乐，寻找人与人之间的连接。

And also the way I have to exist in the world is by looking for beauty, and looking for joy and looking for connection.

对。

Mhmm.

我不是演员。

And I'm not an actor.

有时候我真希望自己会演戏。

I wish sometimes I really wish I could act.

但我散发出的那种快乐，我展现出来的那种快乐，其实也是非常真实的。

But, the the joy that I emit and I I represent is also, like, very genuine.

那不是装出来的。

It's not an act.

对。

Mhmm.

但我也得给另一部分留出空间。

But also I have to leave room for the the other part of it.

嗯。

Mhmm.

因为真正的快乐和真正的悲伤是同时存在的。

Because genuine joy and genuine sadness coexist together.

听起来你已经到了人生的一个阶段，能够深刻地认识到这一点。

It sounds like you've come to a place in your life where you really deeply acknowledge that.

从某种意义上说，这篇文章也做到了。

In its own way, I think the essay does too.

你知道，艾米写了很多关于她丈夫杰森的美丽事情。

You know, there are so many beautiful things that Amy writes about her husband, Jason.

其中一件事就是他为她做饭。

And one of those things is that he cooks for her.

她写道，漫长的一天结束后，没有什么比看到他走进门，把购物袋放在柜台上，用橄榄和美味的奶酪来讨好我更甜蜜的快乐了。

She writes, after a long day, there is no sweeter joy than seeing him walk in the door, plop a grocery bag down on the counter, and woo me with olives and some yummy cheese.

我觉得你就是这方面的女王。

And I feel like you are the queen of this.

我觉得，你绝对是表达对烹饪的热爱、用食物打动人心的高手。

I mean, sort of indisputably the queen of expressing love for cooking, of wooing people through food.

你最近一次为了表达爱意，为别人做了什么吃的？

What is the last thing you made someone to show them your love?

哦，我知道。

Oh, I know.

凯撒沙拉酱。

Caesar salad dressing.

用的是真正的鳀鱼。

With the real anchovies.

对。

Yeah.

用的是真正的鳀鱼。

With the real anchovies.

告诉我配料是什么。

Tell me the ingredients.