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大家好。
Hello, everybody.
欢迎回到节目。
Welcome back to the show.
这是2025年末的一期节目，这些是我最喜欢的内容。
It is an end of 2025 episode, and these are some of my favorites.
让我来回顾过去十二个月里学到的一些最佳经验，包括通讯稿、播客以及我经历过的所有事情中的精华部分。
Get I to go through some of the best lessons I've learned over the last twelve months, stuff from the newsletter and the podcast and everything that I've gone through.
在我们深入讨论之前，我想特别感谢大家让《现代智慧》成为今年Spotify榜单上全球第八大播客节目。
And before we get into it, I wanted to say thank you very much for making Modern Wisdom the eighth biggest podcast in the world according to the Spotify charts this year.
Spotify年度回顾已经发布，我到现在还不太确定该怎么看待这个成绩。
Spotify Wrapped came out, and still not too sure what to think about it.
真的，真的非常感激。
Just really, really grateful.
所以感谢每一位支持这个节目、支持我并给予我鼓励的人。
So thank you everyone for supporting the show and me and gassing me up.
这简直难以置信。
It it's unbelievable.
所以非常感谢。
So thank you.
另外，快到年底了，你需要进行年度回顾。
Also, it's nearly the end of the year, and you need to do an annual review process.
你需要总结经验并设定目标。
You need to learn your lessons and set your goals.
我过去近十年每年十二月都会做的这份回顾，可以在chriswillx.com/review找到。
And the review that I have done every single December for the last nearly a decade is available at chriswillx.com/review.
已有数十万人使用过，完全免费。
Hundreds of thousands of people have done it, and it's totally free.
你可以直接复制到你喜欢的笔记应用中填写，这样你就能进行反思、留下回忆，并明确明年的目标。
You can just copy it into your note app of choice and fill it in, and it means that you'll get to reflect and make some memories and understand what you're trying to do next year.
这个方法是基于我关注过的所有优秀人士的经验，我整合了他们最精华的部分，再加上一些自己的见解，形成了一个完整的流程。
And it's based on all of the best people that I've ever followed, and I've stolen all of their best bits, and I've put it into a single process plus some of my own.
网址是chriswillx.com/review。
That's chriswillx.com/review.
好的。
Alright.
我们开始吧。
Let's get into it.
第一个，父母归因错误。
First one, the parental attribution error.
我们喜欢责怪父母，这几乎是现代心理学中的一种成人礼。
We love blaming our parents, it's practically a rite of passage in modern psychology.
但这种趋势下隐藏着双重标准。
But there's a double standard buried in the trend.
我们将自身的缺陷归咎于成长环境，却把优点完全归功于自己。
We attribute what's broken in us to our upbringings, while claiming that what's strong is ours alone.
可以称之为'父母归因偏差'，就像基本归因错误中我们把他人的行为归因于性格，却为自己的行为找环境借口一样。
Call it the parental attribution error, like the fundamental attribution error where we blame others' actions on their character, but excuse our own by pointing to circumstance.
我超车是因为上班要迟到了。
I cut that guy off because I'm late for work.
他超车是因为他是个混蛋。
He cut me off because he's a dick.
这是一种扭曲的归功与归咎方式。
It's a skewed way of assigning credit and blame.
我们将坏事外归因，将好事内归因。
We externalize the bad and we internalize the good.
你急于指责却吝于赞赏。
You're quick to blame and slow to credit.
你说自己焦虑型依恋是因为需要时无人拥抱你，但你能独自消化情绪、默默忍受不适的能力不也出自同一个熔炉吗？
You say you're anxiously attached because no one held you when you needed it, but isn't your ability to be alone with your emotions and to endure discomfort quietly also forged in the same crucible?
你责怪父母在学校对你要求太严，认为这让你变得完美主义和神经质。
You blame your parents for pushing you too hard in school, convinced that it made you perfectionistic and neurotic.
但你上次承认正是同样的压力赋予了你雄心、自律和动力是什么时候？
But when was the last time that you acknowledged that same pressure gave you ambition and discipline and drive?
你将童年不容许犯错视为害怕失败的原因。
You point to a childhood where mistakes weren't tolerated as the reason that you fear failure.
但你的细致、高标准和拒绝敷衍了事又从何而来？
But what about your meticulousness, your standards, your refusal to phone it in?
你抱怨成长过程中无人询问你的意愿，但这不正是你如此善解人意的原因吗？
You complain that no one ever asked you what you wanted growing up, but could that also be why you're so tuned in to what everyone else needs?
你说自卑源于从未受表扬，但这不正是你比周围人都努力的驱动力吗？
You say your low self worth comes from never being praised, but isn't that the same fuel that makes you outwork everyone around you?
你将回避冲突归因于家中的争吵，但你的调解天赋和情绪感知力不也源于此吗？
You trace your conflict avoidance back to all of the shouting at home, but isn't that also where your talent for de escalation and emotional radar came from?
你把过度独立归咎于无法信任他人，但这不也造就了你的能力、适应力和临危不乱吗？
You chalk up your hyper independence to not being able to trust anyone, but isn't that also what made you capable, adaptable, and calm under pressure?
你说情感封闭是因无人重视你的感受，但这不正是你在他人崩溃时能保持镇定的原因吗？
You say you're emotionally guarded because no one took your feelings seriously, but isn't that also why you're steady when the people around you fall apart?
你自诩讨好型人格是因需维持家庭和睦，但或许你的社交天赋与情商也正源于此。
You've labeled yourself a people pleaser because you had to keep the peace at home, but maybe that's also where your social fluency and emotional intelligence were born.
你将边界感薄弱归咎于父母不尊重你的界限，但这不也正是你格外注意不越界的原因吗？
You blame your poor boundaries on parents who didn't respect yours, but isn't that also why you're so careful not to cross anyone else's?
你说害怕成为负担源于曾被视作负担，但这份恐惧不也造就了你的可靠、自律和永不令人失望吗？
You say your fear of being a burden comes from being treated like one, but isn't that the same fear that now makes you reliable, disciplined, and impossible to disappoint?
你将批评敏感归因于成长中遭受的评判，但这同样使你变得深思熟虑、善于接纳并执着进步。
You attribute your sensitivity to criticism, to all of the judgment that you grew up with, But that is also what makes you thoughtful, receptive, and serious about getting better.
你说神经系统无法放松是因为家庭环境充满变数。
You say your nervous system never relaxes because your home was unpredictable.
但这不也让你变得敏锐、思维敏捷且永远保持警觉吗？
But isn't that also why you're perceptive, quick thinking, and never caught off guard?
你最引以为耻的特质，往往只是光明面的阴影部分。
The traits that you are most ashamed of are often just the dark side of something light.
你的锋利棱角并非凭空出现。
Your sharp edges didn't appear out of nowhere.
它们往往是实用特质的副产品。
They're often the byproduct of something useful.
一种被过度激发的优势，或未经引导而运用的天赋。
A strength turned up too high or a gift handled without guidance.
想想一把剑。
Think about a sword.
它强大、精准，专为斩断阻力而设计。
It's powerful, precise, designed to cut through resistance.
但如果是双刃剑——大多数剑与优势皆是如此——有时回摆时也会划伤自己。
But if it's double edged, and most swords and strengths are, then sometimes it nicks you on the backswing.
这并不意味着你要丢弃这把剑，而是要学会如何正确握持它，因为大多数值得拥有的特质都伴随着风险。
That doesn't mean that you throw the sword away, it means you learn how to hold it properly, because most traits worth having come with risk.
真相比单一原因更为复杂，因为我们拥有的每个特质都是相互交织的。
The truth is messier than a single cause, because every trait that we have is entangled.
创伤与天赋往往同根同源。
Wounds and gifts often share a root.
你所自豪的独立自主，可能正源于童年时期无人可依的境遇。
The self reliance you're proud of might come from the same childhood where you couldn't rely on anyone else.
你所拥有的自信，可能最初是为了抵御再次感到渺小或被忽视而形成的保护机制。
The confidence you carry may have started as a defense against ever feeling small or dismissed again.
甚至你追求成功的动力，或许源于内心深处对不够优秀的恐惧。
Even your drive to succeed might be rooted in the fear of not being good enough.
但这种认知需要成熟的视角。
But this perspective requires maturity.
把自己塑造成糟糕家庭教育的受害者，远比直面复杂的传承遗产要简单得多。
It is simpler to cast yourself as the victim of bad parenting than to reckon with a complicated inheritance.
说'他们伤害了我'比承认'他们至今仍在以我尚未完全理解的方式塑造着我'要容易得多。
It's easier to say they hurt me than to admit they shaped me in ways that I'm still figuring out.
主流文化更鼓励人们责怪父母，而非尝试理解他们。
The cultural narrative rewards blaming your parents more than it does understanding them.
心理治疗将他们妖魔化。
Therapy turns them into villains.
社交媒体把他们变成笑柄。
Instagram makes them punchlines.
但你在批评他们的同时，又有多少次感谢过他们呢？
But how often do you thank them in the same breath that you critique them?
当然，这些都不能为虐待、忽视或家庭功能失调开脱，但它确实要求我们保持诚实。
None of this obviously excuses abuse or neglect or dysfunction, but it does ask for honesty.
如果你要将自己的缺点直接归因于童年经历，那么你也应该用同样的方式追溯自己的优点来源。
If you are going to draw a straight line from your childhood to your flaws, you should trace that same lineage to your strengths.
如果你不愿让父母为你的优点邀功，或许也不该急于让他们为你的缺点背负骂名。
If you can't let your parents take credit for what's right with you, maybe you shouldn't be so quick to make them the villains for what's wrong.
我认为这种现象无处不在。
And I think that this is everywhere.
将自己的不足归咎于父母，这确实像是一种成人仪式。
It really is a rite of passage to lay at the feet of our parents our shortcomings.
既然过去有如此明显的根源，我们又何必主动承担自己的不足呢？
And why would we want to own our own shortcomings when there is such an obvious germinator of it from our past?
但我觉得，人类天生就有这种倾向：将成功归功于自己，把失败归咎于他人。
But I think just naturally, there is this desire to own our successes and to outsource our failures.
这是一种受害者心态，即便是那些不自称受害者的人，即便是那些已将童年时期令人不快的经历、重大挫折和巨大障碍转化为力量的人，这也是一种复杂的遗产。
It is a kind of victim mentality, even for people who don't call themselves a victim, even for people who have alchemized stuff that was really off putting and a big setback and a huge hurdle to get over from their childhood, it's a complicated inheritance.
我认为这是正确的思考方式。
I think that's the right way to think about it.
你的童年、父母、成长环境、学校里孩子们对待你的方式，所有这些因素都在这个大熔炉中共同作用。
The impact that your childhood had on you, your parents, your upbringing, the way the kids in school treated you, all of those things are contributing in this big melting pot.
这就像一剂蜥蜴眼药水，加上在体育课被排挤一个月的经历，还有母亲给予不足的肢体关爱，全都混在这锅浓汤里。
It's an eye of newts and a month of being ostracized in gym class and a mom that didn't give you enough physical affection, and it's all mixed up in this big soup.
然后你也不知道最终会变成什么样。
And then you don't know what it's gonna turn into.
要厘清这种传承关系从何而来真的非常困难。
And it's really hard to draw the line to work out where that lineage comes from.
但我从自己和许多其他人身上，尤其是网上很多人，都看到了这种倾向——把焦虑型依恋、情绪失调、人际交往困难、低自尊或无法敞开心扉等问题都归咎于父母。
But I have seen in myself and in lots of other people, so many people on the internet, this desire to blame their parents for their anxious attachment and the fact that they don't ever feel regulated and the reason that they struggle to connect with people or their low self esteem or their inability to open up, whatever it might be.
你会想：好吧，但所有这些缺点通常都伴随着你引以为豪的其他特质。
And you go, okay, but all of those shortcomings typically have something else going on, which you're really proud of.
加拿大喜剧演员Ryan Long大约一年前首次让我思考这个问题，当时他谈到自己如何创作这些小品，完全沉浸其中无法自拔。
And Ryan Long, Canadian comedian, sort of first got me thinking about this about a year ago when he was talking about how he writes these sketches and he's sort of completely obsessed and it totally consumes him.
他不断思考如何完善每一句台词，只为在下次舞台表演时能将段子打磨得更出色一点。
And he's thinking about exactly how to perfect each different line and just to refine this bit a little bit more for his next stand up on stage.
这种状态会渗透进他的个人生活，影响他的友谊、恋爱关系、家庭生活，甚至对公寓的看法等方方面面。
And then it bleeds over into his personal life, into his friendships or his relationships or his family life or the way that he thinks about his apartment or whatever.
就像他无法关闭那种强迫症般的完美主义工作狂模式，那种全力以赴的思维方式。
Like, he he doesn't get to turn off the obsessive, perfectionistic, hard worker, like that sort of hard charging mindset.
遗憾的是，他无法将这种特质严格限制在工作领域。
Unfortunately, he can't exactly compartmentalize it only around work.
因此他不得不与这套复杂特质共存——在某个领域备受珍视的特质，在另一个领域反而会成为软肋或烦恼来源。
So he has to contend with this complicated set of traits, which is the thing that he really values in one area can actually be a vulnerability or a weakness or frustration in another area.
这个例子很典型，因为本质上都是相同特质的体现。
And that's an obvious one because that's the same thing.
但有时候也可能是完全不同的特质在起作用。
But sometimes it's different things.
你对独处的适应能力，让你能轻松成为创业者、承担风险或独自旅行，但在生活的另一个领域，这种特质却让你难以敞开心扉。
It's, well, your comfort with solitude, which has meant that you're fine to be an entrepreneur or take risks or travel on your own, is something different in a different area of your life where you struggle to open up.
这两者之间的联系较难厘清，但它们很可能有着相似的根源。
The lineage between those two is a little bit harder to work out, but they still probably have a similar sort of root.
而且这其中很大一部分他妈的都是基因决定的。
And so much of this as well is fucking genetically predetermined.
就像我们从环境角度审视自己的成长经历时会说，这部分本可以改变，但更多只是我们基因里的先天倾向。
Like we look at our upbringings in an environmental standpoint and we say, well, this is something that could have been changed, but so much of it is just our predisposition genetically.
而那些无法改变的部分，因为如果改变了，你就不会存在于此。
And that couldn't have been changed because if it was changed, you wouldn't be here.
你就不会是你。
You wouldn't be you.
那会是另一个人。
It would be someone else.
会是下一个精子形成的生命。
It would be the next sperm.
顺便说一下，如果你是个有表现焦虑的男人，正和伴侣努力造人，要知道每次不同的抽插动作——如果你在这一下、下一或下三下结束，都会是不同的孩子。
By the way, if you're a guy who has performance anxiety and are trying for a baby with your partner, just so you know, every different thrust, if you finish on this thrust or the next one or three after that, it's a different child.
以防你原本的压力还不够大。
Just in case there wasn't enough pressure on your performance already.
而且，不知为何今年某个时刻我突然想到这个，但自从想到后，我就无法不感叹生命降临的偶然性有多微妙。
And, I don't know why I thought about that at some point this year, but ever since I thought about it, I can't not think about how precarious different people being brought into life are.
哦，你决定让她仰面躺一会儿，但后来又把她转向了另一边。
Oh, you decided to you you flipped her onto her back for a while, but then you actually decided to turn her the other way.
那样你整个人生轨迹都会改变，世界上会诞生一个完全不同的人。
And that the entire course of your life and brought a different human into this world.
所以，是啊，我也不知道怎么就从父母归因偏差扯到对人类意识的推动贡献上了。
So, yeah, I don't know how I ended up on thrust contribution to, like, human consciousness from parental attribution error.
但不管怎样，这就是父母归因偏差。
But anyway, that's the parental attribution error.
下一个话题，建议过度反应者。
Next one, advice hyper responders.
在我看来，我们在追求个人成长时接受建议的方式存在一个问题。
There's a problem with how we all take advice when pursuing personal development, as far as I can see.
指导不会将我们塑造成全新的模样，而是会放大我们已有的特质。
Guidance doesn't sculpt us into something new, it exaggerates what we already are.
这种模式近乎残酷。
The patent is almost cruel.
最不需要药物的人最容易过量服用，而真正急需的人却对其免疫。
The people who least need the medicine are the ones most likely to overdose on it, while the ones who need it desperately are immune.
所以另一种思考方式是，建议的接受程度并不均衡。
So another way to think about it would be advice doesn't land evenly.
它会寻找阻力最小的路径，往往被那些本就倾向于该方向的人所吸收。
It finds the path of least resistance, and it tends to be absorbed by people who already lean in its direction.
例如，在Me Too运动后'不要对女性过于主动'的告诫，让本就谨慎焦虑的男性更加畏缩，而那些肆意践踏边界的人依然我行我素。
For instance, the post Me Too instruction don't be pushy with women made conscientious and anxious men even more timid, while the guys that were steamrolling boundaries still didn't take any heed.
'只要更努力工作'的处方被缺乏安全感的高成就者奉为圭臬——他们早已把精力榨干到生活的每个缝隙里，而真正懒惰的人却依然无动于衷。
The prescription to just work harder is devoured by an insecure overachiever who's already bleeding effort into every crack of their day, while the genuinely lazy person coasts past it unchanged.
关于'男性应该更开放'的教诲，那些敏感、善于表达的男性全盘接受，而将脆弱视为弱点的沉默一代则完全置之不理。
The men should open up more lesson is swallowed whole by the sensitive, expressive guys, while the stoic boomer who equates vulnerability with weakness ignores it completely.
而'承担更多责任'的呼吁，会让那些已经认为都是自己错的人背负更重的担子，而那些总是推卸责任的人则毫无改变。
And the call to take more responsibility encourages the ones who already think it's their fault to carry even more of the load, while the ones who constantly point the finger elsewhere never change.
简而言之就是：真正需要听取建议的人往往充耳不闻，而那些需要相反信息的人却会将其奉为圭臬。
A TLDR would be people who really need to hear advice often don't notice, while those who could do with the opposite message will take it as gospel.
你可以称这些人为'建议过度响应者'，历史和神话中比比皆是。
And you could call these people advice hyper responders, and history and myth are full of them.
所以伊卡洛斯本就鲁莽，沉醉于自由与荣耀，他父亲代达罗斯告诫他要走中庸之道。
So Icarus was already reckless, intoxicated by freedom and glory, and his father Daedalus told him to keep to the middle path.
不要飞得太高或太低。
Don't fly too high or too low.
但伊卡洛斯放大了与他冲动相符的那部分——他本就具备的特质。
But Icarus exaggerated the part that matched his impulse, the one that he already had.
他越飞越高，直到蜡翼融化，坠入大海。
He sawed higher and higher until the wax melted and he fell into the sea.
堂吉诃德本就浪漫、充满幻想，且极度渴望人生目标。
Don Quixote was already romantic, imaginative, and desperate for purpose.
当他读了太多骑士故事后，不仅将其视为虚构作品欣赏，更奉为行动指南。
When he read too many tales of knights, he didn't just enjoy them as fiction, he treated them as instruction.
关于高贵与勇敢的教诲被放大到荒诞地步，直至他向风车发起冲锋并自取其辱。
The lesson to be noble and brave was amplified into absurdity until he was charging at windmills and humiliating himself.
即便是佛陀，在悟道之前也早已苦行禁欲，痴迷于自我掌控。
Even the Buddha, before enlightenment, was already austere and obsessed with self mastery.
这位年轻的苦行者如此刻板地遵循自我否定的教条，几乎将自己饿死，后来才意识到这种指导已变成毒药，于是创立中道以修正方向。
And as a young ascetic, he followed the prescription of self denial so literally that he nearly starved himself to death, only later realizing the guidance had become poison and creating the middle way to correct course.
为什么会这样？
Why does this happen?
人们会根据自身特质过滤建议，因此这放大了既有倾向而非纠正失衡。
Well, people filter advice through their existing traits, So it amplifies predisposition rather than correcting imbalance.
我们存在这种偏见。
We've got this bias.
我们已经在沿着之前的方向前行。
We're already moving in the direction that we were previously.
我们都想成为好人。
We all want to be good.
因此我们过度重视那些迎合我们自我认知的指导，认为自己是有责任心、品德高尚且勤奋的。
So we over index the guidance that flatters our self conception as conscientious, virtuous, and hardworking.
但或许最具影响力的因素是：那些最能刺痛我们的教导，往往与我们内心的恐惧相吻合。
But maybe the most influential thing is the fact that instructions which bite deepest are the ones that match our inner fears.
焦虑的人听到的不仅是‘别太强势’。
The anxious man doesn't just hear, don't be pushy.
他会觉得这证实了他的恐惧——他的任何举动都已经过分了。
He feels that it confirms the fear that any move he makes is already too much.
敏感的人听到的不仅是‘多敞开心扉’。
The sensitive man doesn't just hear open up more.
他会觉得这证实了他的担忧——即使他已经过度分享，情感上仍是不够的。
He feels it confirmed the worry that he's emotionally inadequate even when he's already oversharing.
缺乏安全感的过度成就者听到的不仅仅是‘再努力些’。
The insecure overachiever doesn't hear just work harder.
他觉得这证实了自己永远不够好的猜疑。
He feels that it confirms the suspicion that he's never enough.
自我责备者听到的不仅仅是‘承担更多责任’。
The self blamer doesn't just hear take more responsibility.
他觉得这证实了自己即便无辜也有罪的恐惧。
He feels it confirms the fear that he's guilty even when he isn't.
问题在于，好的建议若被误用，可能比坏建议或没有建议更糟糕。
The trouble is that good counsel, when misapplied, can be worse than bad counsel or none at all.
抗拒者会忽视它，而接受者则会过度执行。
The resistant ignore it while the receptive overdo it.
最终结果是失衡被放大而非纠正。
And the net effect is that imbalance gets amplified, not corrected.
自我提升不会像药物那样均匀分布。
Self improvement doesn't distribute like medicine.
它像酒精一样传播。
It distributes like alcohol.
本该节制的人却沉醉其中，而那些需要放松的人却滴酒不沾。
The ones who should abstain are drunk on it, while the ones who could do with loosening up don't even sip.
问题不在于缺乏建议。
The problem isn't a lack of advice.
而在于无法辨别那些诱人的指导——它们之所以吸引你，是因为证实了你已有的倾向，比如你的偏见、缺陷和恐惧。
It's the inability to tell when guidance is seductive because it confirms your existing tendencies, like your biases, your flaws, and your fears.
许多建议并不能让我们平衡。
Much advice doesn't balance us.
反而会放大我们的特质。
It exaggerates us.
它让自律者更僵化，敏感者更脆弱，负责者负担更重。
It makes the discipline more rigid, the sensitive more fragile, the responsible more burdened.
关键不在于发现，而在于辨别。
The trick is not discovery, but discernment.
不是听更多，而是懂得何时停止倾听。
Not hearing more, but knowing when to stop listening.
我认为这是普遍性建议存在的一大问题。
And this is one of the big problems, I think, with blanket advice.
这也是为什么今年比以往任何时候，我都更加谨慎地看待建议，某种程度上我认识到了'一刀切'建议的不可靠性。
And it's one of the reasons why this year more than ever, I've caveated, I think, to a degree, I've learned the fallibility of one size fits all advice.
有些事情对大多数人而言是正确的，比如每晚睡足八小时、保持规律的作息时间、不过量饮酒、身边有朋友陪伴等等。
There's some things that for more people are right, being in bed for eight hours a night, having a consistent sleep and wake time, not drinking too much, having friends around, etcetera, etcetera.
但当你面对时，你应该更努力工作或更开放些，或者对女性别太咄咄逼人。
But when you get to, you should work harder or you should open up more, or you should be less pushy with women.
哇哦，这其实非常具体，因为我需要了解你的大量行为才能判断这是否属实。
Well, Well, that's actually really specific because I need to know a lot about your behavior to work out whether that's actually true.
如果你已经在做某件事，那么证实你偏见的建议很可能会促使你变本加厉。
And if you are already doing a thing, it's likely that something which confirms your biases is gonna push you to do it more.
哈，我就知道我是对的。
Oh, I knew I was right.
这会让你感觉良好。
That makes you feel good.
或者你对某件事有恐惧，这通常正是许多此类感受的根源。
Or you have a fear about a thing, which is usually the genesis of a lot of these feelings in any case.
哦，我就知道这对女性来说太过分了。
Oh, I knew that was too much for women.
我不该，我不应该，我绝不能。
I shouldn't, I should not, I must not.
或者你害羞、胆怯，或者你已经非常努力了，因为你觉得自己还不够好。
Or you were shy or you were timid, or you're already working so hard because you think that you're not enough.
所以那些强化'你不够好因为你不够努力'的声音。
So something which reinforces you're not enough because you're not working hard enough.
就像是说，哦，没错。
It's like, oh, yes.
我就知道。
I knew.
我早知道那是一坨屎。
I knew it was a piece of shit.
我早知道我应该更努力工作。
I knew that I should work harder.
这太恶劣了。
It's vicious.
虽然这不是放之四海皆准的规则，但也他妈八九不离十了。
And this is it's not a universal rule, but it's pretty fucking close.
我认为过度依赖建议的人会形成一种单人认知回音室——只接收那些强化其恐惧的建议和指导，而他们本就倾向于认同这些内容，因为这佐证了他们一贯的行为模式。
Advice hyper responders, I think, create a kind of like cognitive echo chamber of one, like just one person only letting in bits of advice and guidance, which reinforce their fears, and they are already predisposed to agree with because it backs up the sort of behavior that they've been doing all along.
我觉得这事非同小可。
I think this is a big deal.
最后那句'与其说是探索，不如说是甄别'在我看来很有道理，因为网上能找到的内容是无限的。
And I think that the line at the end about being less about discovery and more about discernment, to me, makes a lot of sense because there is an unlimited amount of content that you can find online.
如果你带着这种寻找恐惧佐证、强化既有偏见的倾向，就像戴着蓝光过滤器浏览网络、查阅建议书籍和信息——特定颜色的内容会通过，其他颜色的则被过滤掉。
And if you have this bias to find things which confirms your fears and reinforces your existing biases, It's like going through the internet or going through advice and books and information with a set of blue light blockers on, where anything that is certain colors will come through and anything that is other colors will not.
所以你看到了确认偏误。
So you see confirmation bias.
从个人发展的角度看，这也是另一种确认偏误的表现。
It's a personal development confirmation bias would be another way to look at it.
我喜欢这个观点。
I like it.
我很认同。
I like it.
我认为这是个重要问题。
I think it's a big deal.
这也解释了为什么人们会如此一心一意地成为他们追随理念的狂热传播者。
And it also explains why people become such sort of single-minded evangelists for a lot of the ideas that they follow.
因为这不仅是他们发现并认为对自己有效的东西，而且感觉比这更深刻。
Because not only is it something that they found, which they think works for them, but it feels deeper than that.
它在存在层面上产生共鸣，因为他们早已拥有这种感受。
It feels resonant in a way that's existential because they already had this.
他们某种程度上已经感受到了这一点，而现在这正在放大他们的预设立场，即他们最初面对这种情况时所持的观点。
They already kind of felt this thing, and this is now amplifying their set point, the the position that they were coming into this situation with.
然后，他们当然会热切地成为这种立场的旗手。
And then, of course, they're gonna be ardently sort of be a flag bearer for this position.
这不仅是他们原先的立场，现在还被别人的'哦，我就知道'所证实。
Not only is it basically where they were previously, but it's now being confirmed by somebody else's, oh, I knew.
我就知道关于自己的那个想法，不只是我一个人有。
I knew that that thought I had about myself, it wasn't just me.
我就知道自己太过分了，或者我就知道自己需要锻炼，或者我就知道自己分享得不够，还需要再多两个。
I knew that I was too much, or I knew that I needed to work out, or I knew that I was too I was not sharing enough and I needed two more.
所以，是的，建议，超级响应者。
So, yeah, advice, hyper responders.
好吧。
Alright.
下一个。
Next one.
脆弱才是真正的力量。
Vulnerability is true strength.
这句话惹恼了不少人。
This this annoyed a lot of people.
脆弱才是真正的力量。
Vulnerability is true strength.
脆弱很难。
Vulnerability is hard.
完全感受情绪会妨碍生活。
Fully feeling your feelings gets in the way of life.
它们让你慢下来，产生怀疑，招致嘲笑，并带来痛苦。
They slow you down, make you doubt, open you up to mockery, and cause pain.
接纳情绪在理论上听起来很棒，但在实践中却显得软弱。
Embracing your emotions sounds great in principle, but it feels frail in practice.
尽管如此，我想试着向你证明，接纳脆弱才是真正的力量。
That being said, I want to try to prove to you that embracing vulnerability is true strength.
乔·哈德森对脆弱性有个绝妙的定义。
Joe Hudson's got this great definition of vulnerability.
他说，脆弱性就是即使害怕也要说出真相。
He says, vulnerability is speaking your truth even when it's scary.
那么问题来了，谁才是真正勇敢的人？
So a question to ask, who is truly the braver person?
是允许自己感受情绪的人，还是情绪一靠近就逃避的人？
The one who lets themselves feel, or the one who flees the second an emotion gets too close?
是情感上能承受全部经历重压的强者，还是脆弱到必须压抑情绪的弱者？
The one strong enough to carry the full weight of their experience emotionally, or the one so fragile that they have to suppress it.
布芮妮·布朗有句名言：'没有脆弱性，就没有勇气。'
Brene Brown has got this line, Without vulnerability, there is no courage.
如果没有不确定性、没有风险、没有暴露，你就不算真正勇敢，因为根本没有赌注。
If there's no uncertainty, no risk, no exposure, you're not being that brave because there's nothing on the line.
我们总是太快把压抑赞美成力量。
We are so quick to praise suppression as strength.
我们称之为控制。
We call it control.
我们称之为自律。
We call it discipline.
我们假装情感疏离是成熟的标志，但真正活出人生意味着切实感受发生的一切。
We pretend emotional detachment is a sign of maturity, but fully living your life means actually feeling what fucking happens.
而不是在内心悄然破碎时仍强装镇定。
Not just performing composure while something inside of you quietly breaks.
在我看来，这里的敌人是病态的坚忍主义。
The enemy here, as far as I can see, is toxic stoicism.
不是那种扎实、自省的瑞安·霍利迪式哲学。
Not the grounded, reflective Ryan Holiday kind.
而是那种空洞的版本，它鼓励情感封闭，让你以麻木为荣，仿佛克制等同于韧性。
Instead, the hollowed out kind, the kind that rewards shutdown, that teaches you to be proud of how little you feel as though restraint were the same thing as resilience.
本节目由Shopify赞助播出。
This episode is brought to you by Shopify.
看。
Look.
2026年将是你终于启动那个酝酿已久的生意的年份，因为正如我反复强调的，为事情列待办清单并不等于真正去做。
2026 is the year that you're finally going to launch that business you've been thinking about for ages because, as you've heard me harp on about, making a to do list for the thing isn't doing the thing.
告诉人们你要去做那件事仍然不等于真正去做，但有个好消息。
Telling people you're gonna do the thing still isn't doing the thing, but here's the good news.
Shopify让真正去做这件事变得难以置信地简单。
Shopify makes it unbelievably easy to actually do the thing.
他们让创建品牌、开业运营和获得第一笔销售变得非常简单。
They make it very simple to create your brand, open for business, and get your first sale.
他们有数千种可定制模板，你只需拖放操作即可。
They've got thousands of customizable templates, so all you need to do is drag and drop.
你不需要编码或设计技能。
You don't need coding skills or design skills.
你可以通过一个简单的仪表盘管理运输、税务、支付等所有事务。
You can manage things like shipping, taxes, payments, all from one simple dashboard.
在将浏览者转化为买家方面，他们是行业翘楚。
And when it comes to converting browsers into buyers, they are best in class.
他们的结账系统平均比其他领先电商平台高出36%的转化率。
Their checkout is 36% better on average compared to other leading commerce platforms.
使用Shop Pay支付，您甚至能将转化率提升至50%。
And with Shop Pay, you can boost conversions up to 50%.
Shopify帮您处理经营中的所有繁琐事务，让您专注于核心工作——设计和销售出色的产品。
Shopify takes all of the messiness of running a business off your plate so that you can focus on the job that you came here to do, which is designing and selling an awesome product.
现在您可以通过下方描述中的链接，或访问全小写的shopify.com/modernwisdom，注册享受每月1美元的试用期。
And right now, you can sign up for a $1 per month trial period by going to the link in the description below or heading to shopify.com/modernwisdom, all lowercase.
立即访问shopify.com/modernwisdom，开启您的销售之旅。
That's shopify.com/modernwisdom to start selling today.
在我看来，对脆弱的恐惧会让你的内心世界变成雷区。
As far as I can see, fearing vulnerability turns your inner world into a minefield.
它让你把情绪当作威胁，于是你小心翼翼地生活，生怕触发什么。
It teaches you to treat emotions like threats, so you tiptoe carefully through your life, trying to not set anything off.
为自己的控制力感到骄傲，却逐渐与周围的生活脱节。
Proud of your control, but slowly growing more disconnected from life around you.
这不是真正的力量。
This isn't strength.
这是经过包装的逃避。
It's avoidance, rebranded.
韧性并非大多数人想象的那样。
Resilience is not what most people think it is.
这并不是说要感受不到痛苦或对挑战和挫折无动于衷。
It's not about not feeling the pain or being impervious to challenges or setbacks.
也不是指那些压抑或忽视自己感受的人。
It isn't about people who suppress or ignore their feelings.
更不是指那些妄想自己毫无情绪的人。
It's also not about people who are delusional and think they don't have feelings.
真正的韧性在于那些能深刻体会情感，却仍能为自身最大利益而采取行动的人。
Resilience is about people who feel their feelings deeply, but are able to act despite them in their best interests.
这是马克·曼森的一个犀利洞见。
It's a slamming insight from Mark Manson.
这个常见错误，尤其是在高功能、高成就人群中，就是认为脆弱等于软弱。
This common mistake, especially among high functioning, high achieving people, is believing that vulnerability is weakness.
但脆弱意味着害怕说出真相却依然选择行动。
But vulnerability is being scared of speaking your truth and doing it anyway.
是在自我保护之前选择保持在场。
It's choosing presence before protection.
是即使展现的东西不够整洁、未经修饰或尚未完成，也愿意被看见的勇气。
It's the willingness to be seen even when what's visible isn't tidy or filtered or finished.
想象一下，在脑海中勾勒两个人收到坏消息的场景。
Imagine, picture in your mind, two people receiving bad news.
一个人双手颤抖，泪流满面；另一个人面无表情，下颌紧绷，当晚却连灌三杯酒，刷着手机，麻木不仁。
One's hands shake as tears come, the other's face goes blank, jaw locked, and later that night, they're three drinks deep, scrolling their phone, feeling nothing.
究竟谁才是真正的强者？
Which one is really stronger?
能够展现情绪的人，还是必须逃避情绪的人？
The one who can show their emotions or the one who has to run from them?
在我看来，软弱就是假装自己没有感觉。
As far as I can see, weakness is pretending you don't feel.
强大则是深刻感受并保持开放。
Strength is feeling deeply and staying open anyway.
我们称之为应对，但往往只是在逃避现实。
We call it coping, but often it's just abstaining from reality.
那位以镇定自居却默默耗尽精力的高管
The executive who prides herself on being unflappable while quietly burning out.
她称之为专业素养，实则害怕真实的自我被拒绝
She calls it professionalism, but it's really a fear of having her true self rejected.
那位坚持'我不玩感情游戏'的伴侣，实际意思是'我无法忍受亲密关系'
The partner who insists, I don't do drama, when what they mean is, I can't tolerate intimacy.
每次深入讨论都变成情感威胁，于是他们以牺牲亲密为代价假装平静
Every deep discussion becomes an emotional threat, so they fake calm at the cost of closeness.
那些在网上宣扬脆弱可贵却在现实中情感疏离的人，他们精通开放的语言，却对其实践过敏。
The person who posts about the value of vulnerability online while being emotionally unavailable offline, They are fluent in the language of openness, but allergic to the practice of it.
这个痴迷真实却畏惧真诚的社会，奖励那些短暂流行的肤浅告白，却惩罚那些挥之不去的真实心声。
The society obsessed with authenticity, but terrified of sincerity, rewarding shallow confessions that trend while punishing the real ones that linger.
那些学会沉默即安全的孩子，长大后成为连需求都未表达就先道歉的成年人。
The children who learn that silence equals safety growing into adults who apologize for their needs before they've even voiced them.
网红文化将表演性的原始情感作为品牌贩卖，一边将情感货币化，一边消解其真实性。
The influencer culture that sells performative rawness as a brand, monetizing emotion while sterilizing its reality.
同一种疾病的不同症状。
Different symptoms from the same disease.
人们如此害怕被情感击垮，以至于从不让自己被情感塑造。
People who are so afraid of being broken by their feelings that they never let themselves be shaped by them.
真正的恐惧不仅仅是情绪本身。
The real fear isn't just the emotion itself.
还有情绪可能得不到回应的恐惧。
It's also what the emotion might not receive.
我们并不害怕悲伤。
We're not afraid of sadness.
我们害怕的是在无动于衷的人面前流露悲伤。
We're afraid of being sad in front of someone who shrugs.
我们并不害怕哀痛。
We're not afraid of grief.
我们害怕的是哀痛时遭受评判。
We're afraid of grieving and being judged for doing so.
这才是我们试图逃避的抛弃感。
That's the abandonment we're trying to avoid.
即便我们深知感受情绪比压抑更勇敢，周遭的人仍可能因我们的敞开心扉而看轻我们。
Even if we know that feeling our feelings is braver than denying them, the people around us still might think less of us for opening up.
于是我们选择隐藏。
So we keep things hidden.
非因我们情愿，而是不愿在分享时独自承受。
Not because we want to, but because we don't wanna feel alone in the sharing.
在我看来，男性在这方面更为艰难，因为几乎所有关于男子气概的定义都将情绪控制作为核心信条，这使得男性更难因展现情感而感到自豪。
Men, as far as I can see, have this harder still, as almost all definitions of masculinity have some version of emotional control as a core tenet, which makes feeling pride in showing emotions as a man even tougher.
但如果你从不真实地展现自我，就无法与世界或其中的任何人建立联系。
But you cannot connect with the world, or anyone in it, if you never truly show yourself.
亲密关系只存在于你自我暴露的程度——你的悲伤、愤怒、喜悦、欲望、边界，一切。
Intimacy only exists to the degree that you reveal yourself, your sadness, anger, joy, desires, boundaries, everything.
当你因害怕羞耻而隐藏缺陷或感受时，你就阻断了亲密与真实。
When you hide your flaws or your feelings out of fear of shame, you block intimacy and authenticity.
你暴露得越多，关系就越亲密。
The more that you expose, the closer you are.
你展现得越少，距离就越疏远。
The less you show, the more distant you become.
你想选择哪一种？
Which do you want to choose?
脆弱不是软弱。
Vulnerability isn't weakness.
这是一种反抗。
It's rebellion.
让你强大的不是感受得少。
It's not how little you feel that makes you strong.
而是你能面对多少并保持开放。
It's how much you can face and stay open.
这是在说：我先来。
It is saying, I'll go first.
即使害怕我也会诚实，不是因为脆弱，而是因为我有勇气完全展现自己。
I'll be honest even when it's scary, not because I'm fragile, but because I'm brave enough to be fully seen.
我觉得这他妈太酷了。
I think this is so fucking cool.
我觉得这简直精准诠释了开放性的真谛——想想看，多少人在与最喜爱的内容创作者、作家、思想家、电视名人等建立的准社会关系中寻求什么？
I think this is, like, so on the money around what openness really means and the fact that what is it that so many people look for in parasocial relationships with their favorite content creator or or writer or thinker or TV personality or whatever?
他们想要真实性。
They want authenticity.
但社会一方面痴迷于真实性，一方面又对真诚感到恐惧。
But society is obsessed with authenticity and terrified of sincerity.
就像，这个事实如此他妈的真实，反而催生了一个表演性真实的世界。
Like, those the fact that that is so fucking true then creates a world of performative authenticity.
就像那些'素颜幕后，我不需要化妆或剧本'的桥段，结果你发现这些人实际上在玩某种五维柔术象棋，他们成功让你相信他们表现得很自然，实际上却极其做作。
Like the stripped back behind the scenes, I don't need no makeup or no script, but then you find out that what this person's actually doing is some fucking five dimensional jujitsu chess, where they've managed to flip you into believing that what they were actually doing was naturalistic when really it was super, super contrived.
我认为我们喜欢真实和真诚的概念，但当它真正落地，当橡胶接触路面时，会让人感到非常不适，因为在真正展露情感的人面前无处可藏。
I think we like the idea of authenticity and sincerity, but when it comes into land, when it actually makes, when the rubber meets the road, it feels really uncomfortable because there is nowhere to hide from someone who is truly, truly showing their emotions.
那些真正敞开心扉的人，他们会说：'这是我要插在地上的旗帜，这是我他妈真正在乎的东西。'
Someone who really opens up, who says like, this is a flag that I'm planting in the ground, and this is something I really fucking care about.
我会因为兴奋而大喊大叫，也会因为这件事带给我的感受而痛苦啜泣。
And it's gonna, I'm gonna shout and scream in excitement, or I'm gonna cry and whimper in like pain at what this thing has caused me to feel.
这很重大。
Like that is big.
这是个非常重大的处境。
It's a very big situation to be in.
我们不妨想想奥弗顿之窗。
We like, think about the Overton window.
就是可接受言论的奥弗顿之窗，对吧？
The Overton window of acceptable speech, right?
这些是你能说的所有词汇，其中又有一个你能被允许说的词汇范围。
These are all of the words that you can say, and within that is a bracket of words that you're allowed to say.
情感深度也类似，人们能感受到的情感范围其实非常宽广。
It's kind of the same with emotional depth, that there is a whole breadth of emotions that people can feel.
尽管我们总说要追求真实、真诚、开放和真相，但当有人跨出这种情感奥弗顿之窗时，大多数人——尤其是网络上的人——都会以某种方式被触发。
And despite the fact that we say what we want is authenticity, sincerity, openness, truth, When somebody steps outside of this sort of emotional Overton window, most people, most people, especially people online, are triggered in one way or another.
这非常容易引发情绪波动。
It's very triggering.
或许是因为这让他们想起了自己正在逃避的情绪。
And maybe it's triggering because it reminds them of the emotions that they're hiding from.
也许是因为他们缺乏自我调节能力，所以看到他人痛苦时自己也会感到失控。
Maybe it's that their inability to regulate themselves causes them to feel dysregulated by seeing someone else who's suffering.
也许这让他们想起了所有他们正在麻痹自己不去面对的事情。
Maybe it reminds them of all of the things that they're numbing themselves from.
也许某种程度上是嫉妒这个人有勇气把情绪表达出来。
Maybe there's a degree of jealousy that this person is brave enough to put it out there.
也许这是一种奇怪的怜悯，掺杂着'我不想被这样看待'的抗拒。
Maybe there's a strange kind of pity that's tinged with being seen that I don't want to be reflected in this.
而且，是啊，看着人们一边谈论着对开放性、透明度、脆弱性、真实性、连接性和沟通关系的需求，一边在网上做出完全相反的反应，真是他妈的有趣极了。
And, yeah, it is it is so fucking fascinating to watch people talk about the need for openness, transparency, vulnerability, truth, connection, relationally, in in terms of communication, online.
然后当那些该死的筹码被摊到桌面上时，所有人都吓得屁滚尿流。
And then when when the fucking chips get laid out onto the table, everybody shits themselves.
每个人都害怕得要命。
Everybody's so scared.
我真的深有体会。
And I really get the sense.
如果没有任何风险，就根本谈不上勇敢。
There is no such thing as being brave if there's nothing on the line.
不感到恐惧的勇敢并非真正的勇敢。
Being brave without feeling scared is not bravery.
假设在平行宇宙里，我把你培养成一名士兵，但改变了你的心理构造——你感受不到恐惧，成为最顶尖的特种兵，三角洲海豹六队成员，踹门击毙歹徒，你会认为自己在那个世界里勇敢吗？
If you're the sort of person, let's say in a alternate universe, I plucked you out and I made you a soldier, but you had one change to your mental makeup that you didn't feel fear, and you were the best super soldier ever, Delta SEAL Team six, kicking down doors, shooting bad guys, would you say that you're brave in that world?
呃，某种程度上算是吧。
Well, kind of, I suppose.
就像你在表演勇敢。
Like you're acting bravery.
勇敢是一种行为表现，但你也明白这种勇敢与心怀恐惧却做同样事情的人有本质区别。
Bravery is being performed, but it's also you would know that there's a difference in that kind of bravery versus someone who is terrified and does the same thing.
没有恐惧就谈不上勇敢。
There is no bravery without being scared.
我认为这意味着如果没有不确定性、没有风险、没有暴露弱点、没有代价，那就算不上真正的勇敢。
And I think that that means that if there's no uncertainty and no risk and no exposure and there's nothing on the line, you can't really be being that brave.
而这就像...这就像一场抽离现实的哲学辩论。
And that that, like, that this is just a, like, transactional detached philosophical argument about it.
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这还没有涉及到这样一个事实：你所有的情感、所有的人生体验都依赖于你真正有所感受，否则人们就会像行尸走肉般度过一生，就像哲学僵尸这个概念——那种表现得像自动机器人的存在，他们做所有该做的事，你刺他们时他们会说'好痛'，你拥抱时他们会哭，你给他们好东西时他们会微笑，但内心其实毫无感受。
This doesn't get into the fact that all of your emotions, all of your experience of life is dependent on you actually fucking feeling something, or else you people are going through life like a a pee zombie, a philosophical zombie, this idea that someone who acts like an automaton, like does all of the things, has you stab them and they say, ow, you hug them and they cry, you, you know, give them something nice and they smile, but they don't actually feel anything on the inside.
疯狂的是，这正是很多人正在努力成为的那种化身。
And it's crazy that that is the kind of avatar that a lot of people are moving towards.
这某种程度上正是他们的梦想。
That's sort of their dream.
人人都害怕世界会被人工智能和机器人接管，但与此同时却又在竭力让自己变得尽可能自动化和机械化。
Everyone's got this fear that the world's gonna be taken over by AI and robots, and yet at the same moment is trying to make themselves as automated and robotic as possible.
我不想被自己的情绪所左右。
I don't want to be at the mercy of my feelings.
我不想被这些恼人的情绪分散注意力。
I don't want to be distracted by these pesky emotions.
但我害怕的是被机器人取代。
But what I'm feared of is being replaced by a robot.
就像，你所恐惧的事情其实已经发生了。
Like, what you fear will happen has already happened.
如果你不能完全与自己建立连接，如果你不愿说出真相——尤其是当它令人恐惧时，那你存在的意义是什么？
You are, if you don't connect with yourself fully, if you're not prepared to speak your truth, even when it's scary, especially when it's scary, what are you here for?
也许你并不常感到恐惧，这很好。
And maybe you don't feel fear all that much, and that's great.
也许你感受不到脆弱。
And maybe you don't feel vulnerability.
也许你没有什么需要敞开心扉的事。
Maybe you don't have stuff that you need to open up about.
但仅仅因为你感受不到，并不意味着你有理由对那些能感受到的人指指点点、嘲笑讥讽。
But just because you don't feel stuff, I don't think that that is a reason to point the finger in sort of laughing mockery at the people who do.
毕竟，敢于表达真实感受的人才是更勇敢的。
After all, they're the ones that are braver for having spoken up about it.
所以，是的，我一直在思考这个问题，我会继续强调它，尽管互联网对此深恶痛绝——尤其当这些话出自一个看起来像廉价版安德鲁·泰特混合马克·扎克伯格的家伙之口。
So, yeah, I I've been thinking about this a lot, and I'm gonna keep hammering on about it, and the Internet fucking hates it, especially coming from a guy who looks presents like me like some budget Andrew Tate meets fucking Mark Zuckerberg.
但我不在乎。
And I don't care.
我不在乎，因为我知道在这件事上我是正确的。
I don't care because I know that I'm right about this.
我是对的，只是关于'脆弱即真正力量'的观点提出得太早了。
I'm right, but I'm early on the vulnerability is true strength thing.
这个观点终将被那些对建议极度敏感的人所接受。
And it will land for the advice hyper responders.
不同人群的接受程度会有所差异。
It will land differentially.
有些人会因此感到被真正理解，而另一些人则会想：你到底在说什么鬼东西，老兄？
There will be people for whom they will feel really seen by this, and there'll be people that will go, what the fuck you want about, mate?
你什么意思？
What do you mean?
你是想让我哭吗？
You're getting me to you want me to cry?
真他妈基佬，是吧？
Fucking gay, isn't it?
哭？
Cry?
不。
No.
不。
No.
什么？
What?
哦，是啊。
Oh, yeah.
谈谈我的感受。
Talk about my feeling.
什么？
What?
对她？
To her?
不。
No.
不。
No.
对酒吧里的那些人说吗？
To them at the pub?
不。
No.
不。
No.
爸爸没有。
Dad didn't.
好吧。
Alright.
酷。
Cool.
就像，这是为那些需要的人准备的，他们会明白的。
Like, that's this is this is for the people that it's for, and they'll know.
但我给你的建议是，把这些视为馈赠，听听我谈论它们时你的真实反应，而不是条件反射般地抗拒。
But my proposal to you is to see these as offerings and to see where they land when you hear me talk about them, as opposed to having a knee jerk reaction.
我们将能够通过下方评论的犀利程度和愚蠢或聪明程度来判断。
And we will be able to see based on the sharpness and the stupidity or smartness in the comments below.
好的。
Alright.
下一个。
Next one.
一个关于拖延症的故事。
A story about procrastination.
1830年，维克多·雨果在《巴黎圣母院》的截稿日期上严重滞后。
In 1830, Victor Hugo was catastrophically behind deadline on the hunchback of Notre Dame.
出版商只给了他几个月时间，但雨果是个惊人的拖延者，他忙着接待访客、在巴黎闲逛，并找各种借口不写作。
His publisher had given him only a few months left, but Hugo was a spectacular procrastinator, entertaining visitors, wandering Paris, and finding excuses not to write.
绝望之下，他发明了一套怪异的自律方法。
Desperately, he invented a bizarre discipline system.
他收集了所有日常衣物交给仆人，并下令将其全部锁起来。
He gathered all his normal clothes, gave them to his servant, and ordered them to be locked away.
他只留了一条巨大的羊毛披肩，像僧袍一样裹在身上。由于羞于以隐士装扮出门，他只能把自己关在屋里。
He kept only a massive wool shawl that draped around him like a monk's robe, And he was too embarrassed to leave his house dressed like a hermit so he can find himself indoors.
他还买了一整大瓶墨水，这个具象化的围城象征会随着时间逐渐减少。
He also bought a huge bottle of ink, a literal symbol of his siege that would go down over time.
每天清晨，他都半裸着坐在书桌前，刺骨的寒气让他别无选择，只能面对手稿。
And each morning, he sat half naked at his desk, the cold air biting with nothing to do but face the manuscript.
从那时起，他的书房变成了牢房。
From that point on, his study became a cell.
据传说，雨果会疯狂地起草文稿，然后将完成的书页从门下塞出，由仆人收集保管。
According to the legend, Hugo would draft furiously and then slide the finished papers under the door where his servant collected them for safekeeping.
他与外界完全隔绝，连微小需求都不得不隔着这道屏障协商。
He was so cut off that even small needs had to be negotiated through the barrier.
食物和新的纸张从另一侧传递进来，因此日常作息从未中断。
Food and fresh paper were passed back the other way, so the routine never broke.
他的妻子阿黛尔说，他仿佛进入了一座小说监狱。
Adele, his wife, said he had entered his novel as if it were a prison.
与其说是监狱，不如说是自我强制的修道室。
It was a less jail and more self imposed monastic cell.
结果就是，在狂热迸发的状态下，他日复一日地写作，常常连续十二小时不停笔，在禁闭的几个月内完成了整部小说。
And the result was that in a feverish burst, he wrote day after day, often for twelve hours straight, and finished the entire novel within the lockdown months.
到1831年1月15日，手稿已经完成——这场疯狂的创作迸发，诞生了本世纪最伟大的小说之一。
By 01/15/1831, the manuscript was complete, frantic burst that birthed one of the great novels of the century.
如果没有这个近乎戏剧化的严苛惩罚体系，这部奠定雨果文学地位的作品可能永远无法完成。
Without that desperate, almost theatrical punishment system, the book that cemented Hugo's legacy might never have been completed.
基本上，当你别无选择时，你能完成的事情会让自己都感到惊讶。
Basically, you will be amazed at what you can complete when you have no other option.
显然，现代社会与这种方式完全相反。
And obviously, the modern world is the antithesis of this.
我们有无数其他事情要做，巴黎的派对要参加，虚拟会议可以参与，即便我们并非实际参与者，只是旁观。
We have an infinite number of other things to do, parties to attend in Paris and virtual meetings that we can go to, even if we're not actually a participant, we're just observing them.
我认为当你全身心投入一件事时——这也是为什么宏观层面的多任务处理（甚至不是微观层面）如此糟糕的原因之一。
I think when you commit yourself fully to one thing, and it's one of the reasons why multitasking in the macro, not even in the micro, is such a bad idea.
当你全身心投入一件事时，你确实能取得惊人的成就。
When you commit yourself fully to one thing, you can really achieve an awful lot.
我深知这绝对是——如果不是最大的——我人生中所有试图擅长之事的关键突破点，无论是儿时打板球、创业开第一家公司、做俱乐部推广、尝试当DJ、模特工作、该死的学习过程、播客事业、移居美国、还是该死的O-1签证申请。
I certainly know that it's one of the, if not the biggest unlocks that I've had ever with anything that I've ever tried to be good at, whether it was playing cricket as a kid or building my business, my first business, club promoting, trying to DJ, modeling thing, the fucking learning thing, the podcasting thing, the moving to America, the fucking o one visa thing.
就像，我真正引以为豪的每一项重大成就，都要求我以某种形式实践这种雨果式牢房法则——见鬼，老兄。
Like, every single big achievement that I'm really proud of has had, it's required me to do some version of this Hugo jail cell thing where, fuck, dude.
比如，几天前我在呼吸练习课上碰到一个女孩，我们已经两三年没见了。
Like, I bumped into a girl at Breathwork a couple of days ago, and she we haven't seen each other for two, three years.
她说，我只是想告诉你，你知道，我...我真的很为你的一切进展感到高兴。
And she was like, I just wanted to say, like, I'm, you know, I'm I'm really I'm really happy for how everything's gone for you.
而且，你知道，看起来...看起来你确实过得很好。
And, you know, it really seems like like you've you've got on well.
因为我记得三年前我们聊天时，晚上11点我跟你通话，你还在办公室里连续几小时地编辑音频文件。
Because I remember when we were talking about three years ago, and I would be speaking to you and it would be 11PM at night, and you'd just be in your office editing audio files for hours and hours and hours.
当时我和朋友在外面玩，问你在做什么，你总是告诉我你正在编辑这些音频文件。
And I'd be out with my friends and I'd be asking what you're up to, and I'd you'd just tell me that you were editing these audio file.
你现在肯定...我猜你现在有人专门负责编辑音频文件了吧？
Are you you must have I guess you have people that edit the audio files now.
是啊，谢天谢地，这已经不是我需要亲自处理的工作了。
That's like, yeah, thankfully, that's not a task that I have to do anymore.
但我曾经必须这么做，而你也将如此，直到某天不再需要为止。
But I had to, and so will you up until the point at which you don't anymore.
但若不曾亲力亲为，就永远无法到达无需操劳的阶段。
But you can't get to the point where you don't have to do the stuff without having been the person that has to do them.
这和维克多不同，即使他写完《巴黎圣母院》，也不会找代笔来写续集或新书。
I mean, it's different from Victor because even if he writes the hunchback of Notre Dame, it's not like he gets a ghost writer in to write his sequel or his next book.
另外，本期节目由RP Strength赞助播出。
But In other news, this episode is brought to you by RP Strength.
这款训练应用在过去两年里对我的健身效果和乐趣产生了巨大影响。
This training app has made a huge impact on my gains and enjoyment in the gym over the last two years now.
它由Mike Isretel博士设计，提供超过45个预设训练计划和250个技术视频，通过逐步指导每个训练计划，彻底消除了制定理想举重计划的猜测工作。
It's designed by doctor Mike Isretel and comes with over 45 premade training programs, 250 technique videos, takes all of the guesswork out of crafting the ideal lifting routine by literally spoon feeding you a step by step plan for every workout.
它会指导你具体的组数、次数和重量选择，最重要的是如何完善动作姿势，让每次重复都达到最佳增肌效果。
It guides you on the exact sets, reps, and weight to use, most importantly, how to perfect your form so every rep is optimized for maximum gains.
它会根据你的进步每周调整重量，并提供30天退款保证。
It adjusts your weights each week based on your progress, and there's a thirty day money back guarantee.
你可以购买后试用29天，如果不满意，他们会全额退款。
So you can buy it, train with it for twenty nine days, and if you do not like it, they will give you your money back.
现在通过点击下方描述中的链接，或访问RP Strength官网的Modern Wisdom页面，并在结账时使用代码Modern wisdom，即可享受RP增肌应用最高50美元的优惠。
Right now, you can get up to $50 off the RP hypertrophy app by going to the link in the description below or heading to RP Strength dot com slash Modern Wisdom and using the code Modern wisdom at checkout.
网址是rpstrength.com/modernwisdom，结账时使用代码modern wisdom。
That's rpstrength.com/modernwisdom and modern wisdom at checkout.
是的。
Yeah.
关于宏观层面的那点，我认为值得深入探讨的是——人其实无法真正多任务处理。
That thing in the macro, I think, which is just maybe worth lingering on is you can't multitask.
根本就不存在所谓的多任务处理。
There is no such thing as multitasking.
人们所理解的多任务处理，其实是指并行处理。
Like, what what people think about when they think about multitasking is parallel processing.
但并行处理也是不存在的。
There is no such thing as that.
即便只是在不同任务间切换，也会对你所能达成的成果造成巨大损耗。
Even switching between tasks has a huge fucking cost in terms of what you can achieve.
在宏观层面这样做时，你会错失整个大语境窗口——这个词现在因为AI而广为人知。
But then doing it in the macro too, you you miss out on all of the big context window, a word that everyone knows now from AI.
语境窗口越大，能吸纳的信息就越多，能建立的关联也就越丰富。
The bigger the context window, the more information it's able to pull in and the more connections it's able to make.
我最近在观察乔治·麦克写书的过程，他所拥有的语境窗口规模简直大得离谱。
I'm watching George Mac write his book at the moment, and the size of the context window he's got is fucking insane.
他全部的生活就是阅读、写作、训练和睡觉。
Like he is All he does is read, write, train, and sleep.
仅此而已。
That's it.
这就是他生活的全部。
That's all he's doing.
他完全沉迷其中。
He's just obsessed.
他深深沉浸在这个过程里。
He's he's so deep in this process.
这让我意识到，如果我在写书的同时还要处理其他那些破事，我根本没法与他竞争，会被彻底碾压。
And it made me realize if I was trying to compete with him for writing a book while doing all of the other bullshit that I'm doing, I'm gonna get eaten alive.
我永远无法接近这种深度见解，因为我没在探索这些想法相互联结的各种可能性。
I'm not gonna get anywhere close to these types of insights because I'm not playing with the different ways that all of these ideas can lock together.
无论你想达成什么目标都是如此。
And it doesn't matter what you're trying to achieve.
如果你专注于健康，即将进入2026年，与其同时追求所有目标，不如花九十天或一百八十天专注一个目标，然后在接下来的三个季度或半年里更换目标，这样你会取得更好的效果。
If you commit yourself to your health, we're about to go into 2026, you would be much better off having ninety days or one hundred and eighty days on a single goal and then changing it for the next three quarters or half of the year than you would be trying to do all of those things.
嗯，保持生活平衡很重要。
Well, it's important to have a balanced life.
要知道，如果对一件事过度投入，你会把自己累垮的。
And, you know, you'll burn yourself out if you do too much of one thing.
不，我完全不同意这种观点。
It's like, no, I fully disagree.
找到能让你痴迷的事物，让它钻进你的身体，像该死的寄生虫一样占据你。
Find something that you can get obsessed about, allow it to climb inside you and wear you like a fucking parasite.
寄生虫。
Parasite.
当你完成那件事后，你会取得更大进展。
And then once you are done with that thing, you will make more progress.
这里有个绝佳的例子。
Here's a good best example.
专注训练六个月，比两年半吊子的训练能取得更大进步。
You will make more progress in six months of dedicated training than in two years of half in, half out training.
而且你会学到更多，而不是把所有时间都浪费在刷论坛、看视频和其他乱七八糟的事情上。
And you will learn more and you'll be spending all of your time fucking trolling forums and watching videos and doing all the rest of it.
这才是关键所在。
That is the unlock.
关于拖延症还有另一个洞见。
There's another insight about procrastination.
比如今年我一直在思考拖延症的问题。
Like I've been thinking a lot about procrastination this year.
就我所见，拖延症往往与恐惧有关。
Procrastination, as far as I can see, is often about fear.
我们总喜欢把拖延症伪装成时间管理问题，但通常并非如此。
We like to pretend procrastination is a time management problem, but regularly it isn't.
它更像是戴着运动手环的自我保护策略。
It's more like a self protection strategy wearing a Fitbit.
当我们拖延做那些明知该做的事情时，有时并非在与时间表抗争。
When we delay doing the thing we know we should do, we're sometimes not wrestling with our schedule.
我们是在与自我价值感搏斗。
We're wrestling with our self worth.
背后的逻辑大致是这样的：
And the logic goes a bit like this.
如果我尝试却失败了，所有人都会看见。
If I try and fail, everyone will see.
所以如果压根不去尝试，失败就是私密的、可否认的、安全的。
So if I never try at all, the failure is private and deniable and safe.
在我看来，这就是潜藏在多数拖延症背后的心理把戏。
This is the psychological sleight of hand at the heart of much of procrastination, as far as I can see.
它看似是逃避，实则发挥着盔甲的作用。
It feels like avoidance, but it functions like armor.
你不断说服自己任务太可怕/条件不完美/需要先做好准备，但真正恐惧的是——即便全力以赴也可能不够好。
You convince yourself the task is scary or the conditions aren't perfect, or you need to feel ready first, but really you're just terrified that doing your best might not be good enough.
所以你什么都不做。
So you don't do anything.
表面上看，拖延症像是懒惰，但实质上是恐惧披着睡衣的外衣。
On the surface, procrastination looks like laziness, but underneath it's fear wearing a pyjama top.
可悲之处在于这个陷阱设计得多么精巧。
And the tragedy is how elegant the trap is.
第一，你拖延是因为不想显得糟糕。
Number one, you procrastinate because you don't want to look bad.
第二，这种恐惧会让你止步不前。
Number two, this fear stops you from doing things.
第三，你害怕失败，但拖延只会确保失败的发生。
Number three, you are afraid of failure, but by procrastinating, you guarantee failure.
你通过私下确认失败，来公开免疫自己免受失败的打击。
You inoculate yourself from failure publicly by certifying your failure privately.
你可以说，要是我真的尝试了，我本可以做到的。
You get to say, well, I could have done it if I'd actually tried.
这就是你的安全毯。
This is the safety blanket.
这是一种情感保险策略，一个心理漏洞，让你在梦想慢慢枯萎时仍能保持完好无损。
It's an emotional insurance policy, the psychological loophole that allows you to stay intact while your dreams slowly starve.
奇怪的是，这是少数几种我们会因执行一个实际带来相反结果策略而自我祝贺的行为之一。
It's weirdly one of the few behaviors where we congratulate ourselves for executing a strategy that literally delivers the opposite of what we want.
这就像一个除非能保证胜利否则拒绝参赛的人，却没意识到拒绝参赛才是唯一确定的失败。
It's like a man who refuses to play the game unless he can guarantee victory, not realizing that refusing to play is the only guaranteed loss.
每次你躲在拖延中时，你选择了假设性优秀的虚假安全感，而非真实混乱的人类尝试、失败、再尝试的过程。
Every time you hide in procrastination, you choose the fake safety of hypothetical excellence over the real messy human business of trying and failing and trying again.
你选择了那个本可以成就伟业的自己，而非那个真正可能做到的你。
You choose the version of you who could have done great things over the version of you who actually might.
而这就是令人不安的真相。
And this is the uncomfortable truth.
拖延往往与犹豫不决无关。
Procrastination is often not about indecision.
这是一个选择活在理论而非实践中的决定。
It's a decision to live in theory rather than in practice.
一旦你看清这一点，整个游戏规则就改变了。
Once you see it clearly, the whole game changes.
问题不再是我为什么无法开始？
The question stops being, why can't I get started?
而是变成了：如果我真正尝试，我究竟在害怕关于自己的什么真相？
And becomes, what am I so afraid will be true about me if I actually try?
这是个更难回答的问题，因此大多数人从不自问。
That's a much harder question, which is why most people never ask it.
他们继续为自己的谨慎沾沾自喜，同时悄然确保了自己最恐惧的结果必然发生。
They just carry on congratulating themselves for their caution while quietly guaranteeing the outcome that they fear most.
解药不是动力。
The antidote isn't motivation.
动力总是来来去去。
Motivation comes and goes.
解药是臣服。
The antidote is surrender.
你降低了风险。
You lower the stakes.
你让自己显得愚蠢。
You let yourself look foolish.
你接受作为初学者的尴尬，接受把事情做糟的笨拙，接受真实努力被公之于众的暴露感。
You accept the embarrassment of being a beginner, the awkwardness of doing something badly, the exposure of your real effort being put on the line.
因为一旦你不再需要维持完美形象，开始行动就会变得轻而易举。
Because once you remove the need to look good, the need to start becomes easy.
事实证明，任何有意义的工作最难的部分往往不是工作本身。
It turns out that the hardest part of any meaningful work is not so much the work itself.
而是你必须经历的身份转变——从保护自我形象的人变成敢于冒险的人。
It's the identity shift that you must endure from someone who protects their image to someone who risks it.
如果你能做到这一点，拖延症就不再是可怕的巨龙，而会显露出它原本的面目——一种脆弱的情绪习惯，用来保护那个本不该延续到成年阶段的自我版本。
If you can do that once and procrastination stops being a dragon, instead it becomes what it always was, which is a flimsy emotional habit built to protect a version of you that was never meant to survive adulthood.
你不需要勇气才能开始
You don't need courage to begin.
你只需要愿意被人看到你在起步
You just need the willingness to be seen beginning.
拖延是个大问题，据我所见，通常有两个实际限制
Procrastination's a massive problem, and there's practical limitations, usually two, as far as I can see.
第一个是你不知道该做什么
The first one, you don't know what to do.
你有个大项目
You have this big project.
你不是在写一本书
You don't write a book.
你写一个句子，打开一个Word文档，或者做研究
You write a sentence, you open a Word document, or you do research.
不知道该做什么？
Don't know what to do?
相对简单的解决办法。
Relatively easy solution.
下一个具体行动是什么？
What is the next physical action?
我需要写一本书。
I need to write a book.
好吧。
Okay.
那么，你现在在哪儿？
Well, where are you?
我在床上。
I'm in bed.
行吧。
Okay.
那我他妈就把你被子掀了。
Well, I fucking throw the covers off you.
然后你需要把一条腿挪出床外，再把另一条腿也挪出来。
Then you need to get one leg out of bed, then another leg out bed.
接着你需要站起来。
Of Then you need to stand up.
然后你需要去洗手间。
Then you need to go to the bathroom.
接着你需要穿上裤子。
Then you need to put your pants on.
然后你需要走进客厅。
Then you need to go into the living room.
接着你需要拿出你的笔记本电脑。
Then you need to get your laptop out.
看，这就是下一个具体动作。
Like, that is the next physical action.
大多数人能再多走一步，但无法一口气跑完马拉松。
Most people can go one more step, but can't run a marathon in a single go.
同样的情况也是如此。
And the same thing is true.
第二个重要的实际原因是，你知道该做什么，但不知道如何去做。
Second big practical reason is you know what to do, but you don't know how to do it.
而在ChatGPT、谷歌、YouTube、你可以联系的朋友、专家和教练的世界里，这个问题相当容易解决。
And that with the world of ChatGPT and Google and YouTube and friends that you can ring and experts and coaches is pretty easy to fix.
比如，我不知道该做什么。
Like, I don't know what to do.
将其分解为下一个具体动作。
Break it down to next physical action.
我不知道。
I don't know.
我知道该做什么，但不知道具体怎么做。
I know what to do, but I don't know how to do it.
去问别人，包括问那些该死的AI助手。
Ask somebody, including a fucking AI agent.
但关键点在于，我认为，当问及为何我连达到那个阶段都感到恐惧，为何不愿自己回答那个问题时，原因就在于此。
But the big bit, I think, when asking why is it that I'm scared of even getting to that stage, why do I not want to answer that question myself, is because of this.
这是个身份认同问题。
It's this identity problem.
事实是，你宁愿私下确保自己的失败，通过私下确保失败来公开避免失败。
It's the fact that you would rather assure your failure privately, inoculate yourself from failure publicly by assuring your failure privately.
而且确实，你内心有一部分在某种程度上是个懦夫。
And yeah, there is this bit of you that it's a kind of a coward in a way.
确实如此。
It is.
不是懦夫。
Not a coward.
这样说太刻薄了。
That sounds too mean.
看着我。
Look at me.
看看我试图表现得多么温和、多么软弱无力地传递效果信号。
Look at how gentle and fucking soft signal of effectiveness I'm trying to be here.
这或许确实有些懦弱，但可以理解。
It it is it is maybe cowardly, but it's understandable.
我想说的是，你那个需要保护的自我部分，其实并不像你以为的那样需要那么多保护。
The thing that I would say is that version of you, that bit of you that needs protecting doesn't actually need as much protection as you probably think.
那是你相当幼稚的一个版本。
It's quite a juvenile version of you.
这很不成熟。
It's it's immature.
还很稚嫩。
It's nascent.
它最不想要的就是显得愚蠢。
And it it what it doesn't want is to look silly.
它不想被评判。
It doesn't want to be judged.
它不希望因为某件事的失败而损害自我价值。
It doesn't want its self worth to be damaged because it's failed at something.
它不希望别人因为表现不如预期而看轻它。
It doesn't want other people to think less of it because it's not performed in the manner that it should have done.
这正是冒名顶替综合征最残酷的一面。
And it's one of the ruthless things about impostor syndrome.
尤其当你不断进步时，冒名顶替综合征不会很快消失，因为你攀登的每个更高阶梯都意味着可能摔得更惨。
And especially as you progress, impostor syndrome doesn't necessarily go away that quickly because, like, every higher rung on the ladder that you climb just gives you further to fall.
天啊。
Oh my god.
看看我现在的最低产出标准必须达到什么程度。
Look at what my minimum level of output has to be now.
这意味着拖延问题——如果你不小心，不转身面对或接纳那个害怕被看见、害怕失败、害怕被人评价的自我部分，它就会一直尾随着你。
And this means that the procrastination thing, if you're not careful, if you don't turn around and face or pick up that sort of part of you that's worried about being seen, that's worried about failing, that's scared about being judged from people, If you don't turn around and deal with that, he will or she will follow behind you.
每次当你试图后退几步准备冲刺时，都会踩到它们，它们就会尖叫着说'哦不'。
And every time that you try to sort of take a step back to run at something, you'll step on them, and they'll yelp, and they'll go, oh, no.
如果我们搞砸了怎么办？
What if we what if we mess up?
我认为这不是一个好的处境。
And I don't think that that's a good situation to be in.
最后一点是，你知道那些你放弃的任务会让别人怎么看你吗？
And, you know, the final point is, do you know about what the people do you know what the tasks that you didn't go for made other people think about you?
毫无影响。
Nothing.
他们对你毫无看法，因为你根本没有尝试。
They don't think anything about you because you didn't try.
所以你最担心的状况——变得无关紧要、无人问津——恰恰会在你不敢尝试时发生。
So the very thing that you are worried of happening, which is becoming irrelevant and people not caring, is gonna happen if you don't go for it.
而我宁愿选择...
And I would much sooner.
或许...或许这是成熟与否的问题。
And maybe maybe it's a maturity thing.
随着年龄增长，事情会变得更容易，因为人们逐渐意识到失败并没什么大不了。那些勇于尝试的人，无论成功与否，那些敢于挑战的人，远比那些带着讽刺、疏离、不真诚、假装酷炫说‘我才不需要做那个’的人更值得尊重。
It's probably gonna get easier as you get older because people realize as they age that failure isn't that big of a deal and that somebody who tries and and who try somebody who tries, regardless of whether or not they succeed or fail, somebody who gives it a crack is worthy of respect way more than somebody who has this sort of sardonic, distanced, non earnest, insincere, like, cutting cool, I didn't need to do that, man.
就像‘我其实根本没尝试过任何事，老兄’。
Like, I didn't really tried anything, man.
好吧。
Alright.
反正这些人不是我想交往的类型，也不是我朋友们想相处的对象。
Well, they're not the people that I wanna hang around with, and they're not the people that my friends wanna hang around with either.
所以找到你的同类。
So find your tribe.
你可以选择与那些愿意被看见在起步阶段的人为伍，或是与那些因害怕公开失败而选择装酷的人相处——即使他们本可能成功。
You can be around people who have the willingness to be seen beginning or the people who would rather look cool for fear of failing publicly at something that they might win at.
好了。
Alright.
这真的很酷。
This is really cool.
当时我正在和Next Generation播客的主持人Elliot Buick交谈，试图向他解释投入、产出和成果之间的区别。
So I was speaking to Elliot Buick, who is a host of the Next Generation podcast, and I was trying to explain to him the difference between inputs, outputs, and outcomes.
这就是所谓的投入产出错觉。
So this is the input output delusion.
我认为生产力有三个层次：投入、产出和成果。
I've got a sense that there are three levels of productivity, inputs, outputs, and outcomes.
大多数人止步于前两个层次，然后困惑为何生活毫无实质改变。
Most people stop at the first two and then wonder why nothing in their life actually changes.
投入指的是付出的努力。
So inputs are effort applied.
我在书桌前坐了八个小时。
I sat at my desk for eight hours.
我花了两小时起草一封推广信息。
I spent two hours drafting an outreach message.
这周我去健身房锻炼了五次。
I went to the gym five times this week.
投入让人感觉高尚。
Inputs feel noble.
它们证明你在努力工作，但没有方向的努力只是消耗热量。
They prove that you're working hard, but effort without direction just burns calories.
你可以整天努力尝试，却依然离你想要的东西毫无进展。
You can spend all day trying and still be no closer to the thing that you want.
据我所见，这是詹姆斯·克利尔的《原子习惯》一书出版后随之而来的问题之一。
This, as far as I can see, is one of the issues that came in the wake of Atomic Habits by James Clear.
非常棒的书，出色的作家。
Phenomenal book, fantastic writer.
但当他说'你不会上升到目标的高度，而会沉沦到系统的水平'时，大家都开始只优化输入环节，我认为这不是他的本意，但人们确实开始只优化输入了。
But when he said, you don't rise to the level of your goals, you fall to the level of your systems, everybody started optimizing for inputs only, and I don't think this is what he meant, but everybody started optimizing just for inputs.
我在书桌前坐了八小时。
I sat at my desk for eight hours.
我花了两小时起草推广信息。
I spent two hours drafting outreach messages.
我这周去了五次健身房。
I went to the gym five times this week.
投入是高尚的，让你感觉自己在努力工作。
Inputs are noble, feel like you're working hard.
它们向其他人展示你在努力工作，但不一定能指引你正确的方向。
They show everybody else that you're working hard, but they don't necessarily point you in the right direction.
你可能整天都在努力，却依然离你想要的东西越来越远。
And you can spend all day trying and still be no closer to the thing that you want.
所以人们达到的下一个阶段是产出。
So the next stage that people get to is outputs.
如果说投入是付出的努力，那么产出就是完成的工作。
So if inputs are effort applied, outputs are work done.
所以我发了50封邮件，对吧？
So I sent 50 emails, right?
而不是我在办公桌前坐了八小时。
Rather than I sat at my desk for eight hours.
我发布了四篇博客文章，而不是花数小时起草消息。
I published four blog posts as opposed to I spent hours drafting messages.
我完成了所有计划中的锻炼，而不是说我这周去了五次健身房。
I completed all my programmed workouts as opposed to I went to the gym five times this week.
你可以去健身房但不完成锻炼计划。
You could go to the gym and not complete your workout.
你可以在办公桌前坐八小时却不发50封邮件。
You could sit at your desk for eight hours and not send 50 emails.
所以产出感觉更好，因为你可以量化它们。
So outputs feel even better because you can count them.
你可以看着电子表格，觉得自己很有效率。
You can look at the spreadsheet and think I'm being productive.
看看我创造了什么。
Look at what I made.
但产出并不能证明实际影响。
But outputs don't prove impact.
你可以发送50封邮件却收不到任何回复。
You can send 50 emails and get no replies.
你可以发布四期播客却无法打动听众。
You can publish four podcasts that don't move your audience.
你可以每天举重却不改变饮食，结果毫无成效。
You can lift weights every day without changing your diet and see zero results.
这只是动作，而非真正的进展。
It's motion, not momentum.
所以我们进入第三层次，我认为这才是人们更应该关注的。
So we move on to the third level, which is I think what people should be more focused on.
这就是成果。
These are outcomes.
如果说投入是付出的努力，产出是完成的工作，那么成果就是现实世界的结果。
So if inputs are effort applied and outputs are work done, outcomes are real world results.
所以我签下了三个新客户。
So I closed three new clients.
不是说我发了50封邮件，更不是说我坐了八小时办公室。
Not, I sent 50 emails and certainly not, I sat at my desk for eight hours.
新的训练计划让我的卧推增加了20磅。
The new training plan added 20 pounds to my bench press.
不是我完成了计划中的训练，也不是我这周去了五次健身房。
Not I completed my programmed workouts, or I went to the gym five times this week.
我最新发表的文章让我们的潜在客户翻倍了，对吧？
My latest article doubled our inbound leads, right?
你明白我的意思了。
You get where I'm going.
成果衡量变化。
Outcomes measure change.
它们告诉你你的工作是否真正达到了预期效果。
They tell you whether your work actually did what it was supposed to do.
这就是看似忙碌、感觉高效和真正有效之间的分界线。
And this is the line between looking busy, feeling productive, and being effective.
投入、产出、成果。
Inputs, outputs, outcomes.
忙碌的人计算时间和行动，高效的人计算影响。
Busy people count hours and actions, effective people count impact.
如果你衡量投入，你会擅长尝试。
If you measure inputs, you'll get good at trying.
如果你衡量产出，你会擅长生产。
If you measure outputs, you'll get good at producing.
但如果你衡量成果，你会擅长获胜。
But if you measure outcomes, you'll get good at winning.
所以别再以时间和活动计分了，每次行动后开始问这个该死的问题：这真的让我离目标更近了吗？
So stop keeping score with time and activity and start asking the one fucking question after everything you do, did this actually move me closer to my goals?
如果没有，不管花了多长时间或完成了多少，这都不是进步。
And if it didn't, doesn't matter how long it took or how much you got done, it wasn't progress.
我他妈太爱这个观点了。
I fucking love this idea.
投入、产出、成果。
Inputs, outputs, outcomes.
这是付出努力、完成工作与实际成效之间的区别。
The difference between effort applied, work done, real world results.
我真心喜欢这个观点。
I really love it.
我认为我们之所以不必然聚焦于实际成效，是因为不幸的是，我们对那部分的掌控力较弱。
And I think it makes sense why we don't necessarily focus on the real world results because unfortunately, we're not as in control of that.
这显然更偏向斯多葛学派的分叉边缘——你知道的——即这在我的掌控之内还是之外？
It would certainly be much further on the edges of your stoic fork of, you know, is this in my control or out of my control?
你无法控制是否能签下三个客户。
You don't control whether or not you close three clients.
你唯一能控制的是，你是否在办公桌前坐了八小时，以及你发送了多少封邮件。
All you control is, did you sit at your desk for eight hours and how many emails did you send?
但这并不意味着你最终不应该专注于你试图达成的目标。
But that doesn't mean that you shouldn't ultimately be focused on the destination thing that you're trying to achieve.
就像这是我前进的方向，我必须调整路线，可能需要开得更快，甚至可能得在车里熬个通宵。
Like that's the direction that I'm going in, and I'm gonna have to adjust course, and I maybe have to drive faster, and maybe I'm gonna have to pull an all nighter in the car.
但通常在这种情境下你做这些事的唯一原因，就是为了获得你想要的现实结果。
But the only reason that you're doing this stuff typically in this sort of situation is because of the real world results that you're trying to get.
你不是单纯为了做而做。
You're not doing it simply to do it.
你坐在办公桌前不是为了坐而坐，也不是为了发50封邮件。
You're not sitting at your desk just to sit at your desk or to send 50 emails.
所有这些行为背后都有原因。
There is a reason for all of those things.
甚至这方面的练习也变得有些难以捉摸，因为你离结果太远了。
Even the practice in this regard, it gets a bit squirrelly because you're so far detached from the outcome.
但就像，如果你是运动员，为什么要在季前赛做力量训练？
But like, why are you doing strength and conditioning training in the preseason if you're an athlete?
嗯，是为了降低受伤风险或提高速度。
Well, it's to reduce your injury risk or to increase your speed.
但即便如此，这也不是真的。
But even that isn't true.
是为了赢得那该死的比赛。
It's to win the fucking game.
比如这样你就能赢得更多比赛。
Like it's so that you win more game.
好吧，实际上发生了什么？
Okay, what actually happened?
我这么做的实际结果是什么？
What were the real world results of me doing this?
你越是远离努力的初衷及其产生的成果，就越难建立这种联系，也越容易与之产生冲突。
And the further that you get away from the genesis of your effort and the outcome that that effort generates, the harder it is to draw that line and the more that you're going to fight with it.
事情会变得越困难，动力也会越不足，因为反馈回路不会那么快出现。
The more difficult it's going to be, the less motivating it's going to be because the feedback loop is not there so quickly.
但我认为这非常重要，而且说真的，我非常欣赏它的价值。
But I think this is huge, and I I really I really like it for what it's worth.
本期节目由WHOOP赞助播出。
This episode is brought to you by WHOOP.
我佩戴WHOOP已有五年多，远早于他们成为节目合作伙伴之前。
I have been wearing WHOOP for over five years now, way before they were a partner on the show.
根据应用显示，我实际上用它记录了我超过1600天的生活数据，这简直不可思议。
I've actually tracked over sixteen hundred days of my life with it according to the app, which is insane.
这是我唯一坚持使用的可穿戴设备，因为它能追踪所有重要指标：睡眠、锻炼、恢复、呼吸、心率，甚至步数。
And it's the only wearable I've ever stuck with because it tracks everything that matters, sleep, workouts, recovery, breathing, heart rate, even your steps.
全新的5.0版本是最佳迭代。
And the new five point o is the best version.
你既能获得使Whoop不可或缺的所有优势——体积缩小7%，同时现在它还拥有14天续航，并通过HealthSpan功能追踪习惯对你衰老速度的影响。
You get all the benefits that make Whoop indispensable, 7% smaller, but now it's also got a fourteen day battery life and has HealthSpan to track your habits, how they affect your pace of aging.
它还为女性用户提供荷尔蒙分析功能。
It's got hormonal insights for ladies.
我是WHOOP的超级忠实粉丝。
I'm a huge, huge fan of Whoop.
这就是为什么它是我唯一坚持使用的可穿戴设备。
That's why it's the only wearable that I've ever stuck with.
最棒的是，你可以免费加入。
And best of all, you can join for free.
全新Whoop 5.0腕带完全免费，还能享受首月免费用，更有30天退款保证。
Pay nothing for the brand new Whoop five point o strap, plus you get your first month for free, and there's a thirty day money back guarantee.
所以你可以免费获得它。
So you can buy it for free.
免费试用。
Try it for free.
如果在29天后不满意，他们直接退款给你。
If you do not like it after twenty nine days, they just give you your money back.
现在点击下方描述中的链接，或访问join.whoop.com/modernwisdom，即可获得全新Whoop 5.0设备和30天试用。
Right now, you can get the brand new Whoop five point o and that thirty day trial by going to the link in the description below or heading to join.whoop.com/modernwisdom.
网址是join.whoop.com/modernwisdom。
That's join.whoop.com/modernwisdom.
好的。
Alright.
关于人际关系的一些经验。
Some lessons about relationships.
关于人际关系的七条经验。
Seven lessons about relationships.
从开始一段新关系时的八个警示信号说起。
Starts off with eight flags when starting a new relationship.
第一，他们不明白自己有多难相处。
Number one, they don't understand how difficult they are to live with.
第二，他们把任何批评都贴上粗鲁或冒犯的标签。
Number two, they label any criticism as rude or offensive.
第三。
Number three.
他们不断道歉，但从不改变行为。
They repeatedly apologize, but don't change their behavior.
第四点。
Number four.
他们与他人调情，却无视你的不适。
They flirt with others and dismiss your discomfort.
第五点。
Number five.
他们经常告诉你，你是在胡思乱想。
They frequently tell you you're imagining things.
第六点，他们不把你的爱视为珍贵的礼物。
Number six, they don't value your love as a substantial gift.
第七点，他们深陷痛苦，无法为你着想。
Number seven, they are too in pain to want the best for you.
第八点，他们通过指出你的缺点来转移批评。
Number eight, they deflect criticism by pointing out your imperfections.
这是阿兰·德波顿的观点。
That's from Alain de Botton.
我认为很多问题，至少阿兰最近谈到的，在于人们无法理解你的观点，他们缺乏共鸣或准备去接纳你的立场。
And I think a lot of the issue, at least that Alain's been talking about recently, is this inability for people to see your point of view, It's a lack of resonance or preparedness for them to see you where you are.
他们与他人调情，却对你的不安置之不理。
They flirt with others and dismiss your discomfort.
他们经常说你在胡思乱想。
They frequently tell you you're imagining things.
他们不把你的爱视为珍贵的礼物。
They don't value your love as a substantial gift.
他们通过指出你的缺点来回避批评。
They deflect criticism by pointing out your imperfection.
所有这些情况都表明，他们无法温柔而诚实地从你的视角看世界。
All of these situations are an inability to see the world from your eyes gently and honestly.
好的。
Alright.
第二条。
Second one.
一位随和体贴的伴侣对婚姻幸福至关重要。
An agreeable, thoughtful partner is important for a successful marriage.
若你追求一段长久幸福的恋情，应选择随和性与责任心都较高的伴侣。
If you're looking for a happy and long term romance, pick a partner with high levels of agreeableness and conscientiousness.
这些特质与更长久幸福的婚姻密切相关。
These traits are associated with longer and happier marriages.
责任心强的男女往往更忠诚。
Men and women high in conscientiousness tend to be more faithful.
这是罗伯·亨德森的研究结论。
That's from Rob Henderson.
这里其实漏掉了一点。
It's actually missing one there.
所以总共是三点。
So there's three.
泰·俊郎的研究指出关键特质是：责任心、随和性以及适度的开放性。
Tai Toshiro has got this work, which is conscientiousness, agreeableness, and moderate openness.
所以一个体贴、善良且适度愿意冒险的人。
So somebody who is thoughtful, kind, and mildly open to adventure.
责任心不足的问题在于他们不够体贴。
The problem with too little conscientiousness is that they are insufficiently thoughtful.
他们不会是个特别好的共患难伴侣，在危机时刻也无法帮你处理事务，因为他们缺乏那种勤奋主动、无需许可就能行动的学徒精神般的能动性。
They're not going to be particularly good as a partner in crime and in a time of crisis and to be able to help you do stuff because they just don't have that industrious sort of get up and go permissionless apprentice, like agency thing.
随和性这部分非常重要，我认为是双向作用的。
The agreeableness part is huge and I think does work in both directions.
不过我认为在吸引力方面，女性对男性随和比男性对女性随和更重要。
Although I think it's more important for women to be agreeable to men than for men to be agreeable to women in terms of attractiveness.
因为如果你的伴侣对你所有建议或谈话都像一堵石墙般冷漠，这很难激发热情，也不像是个团队。
Because if all that your partner says is a stonewall to any suggestion of yours or any conversation of yours, It's not very infusing, and it doesn't feel like you're a team.
总会让你觉得必须为自己的观点而战。
It always feels like you have to fight for your own opinion.
我认为这种情况久而久之会变得非常折磨人。
And I think that that can become very trying over time.
这会让人精疲力尽，即使你本身并非不随和的人，当对方极度不配合时，你也很难保持友善积极的态度——因为你感觉自己柔软脆弱，需要不断迁就对方，而对方却像浑身带刺。
It can become exhausting, and it can make you, even if you're not somebody who is disagreeable, it's very hard to maintain like kind positive some agreeability if the other person is being heavily disagreeable because you you are feeling quite sort of soft and you're warping yourself around them and they're feeling quite spiky.
这样很不好。
That's not very good.
最后关于开放性维度：如果一个人对新奇体验的追求过于强烈（这正是开放性的本质），可能导致他们出轨。
Then finally, the openness one is if somebody is too open to experience that novelty seeking desire, that is what openness to experience is, may lead them to stray.
这并不是说所有高开放性的人都会背叛伴侣，但确实存在一定程度的预测性。
This is not to say that all people high in openness to experience are gonna cheat on you, but it is predictive to a degree.
他们是否会改变世界观、日常习惯、运气、人生哲学、处世方式或价值观——这种根本性的转变是大多数处于开放性正态分布区间的人不会发生的？
Are they going to change their worldview, change their routine, change their luck, change their philosophy, their life approach, their values in a way that is so fundamental that most normal people who fall within sort of the bell curve of openness would not.
但这个人的开放性如此之高，以至于可能轻易被同事或其他什么人吸引走。
But this person is so open to experience that they just get whisked away by somebody from their work or whatever it might be.
所以三个关键点：尽责性、宜人性、开放性——高尽责性、中等偏高宜人性，以及适度的开放性。
So three things, conscientiousness, agreeableness, openness to experience, high conscientiousness, moderately high agreeableness, and only moderate openness.
这是我关于亲密关系的七个真相清单中的第三条：离婚谜题，非常精彩。
Number three on my list of seven facts about relationships, the divorce mystery, so good.
为什么那么多人会和自己曾认为是最爱的那个人离婚？
Why do so many people divorce someone they thought was their favorite person?
这其实并不神秘。
It's not really a mystery.
主要是因为美好时光无法有效预测你们如何应对困境，而应对困境的能力对婚姻成功更为重要。
It's mostly because good times are a poor predictor of how you'll handle bad times, and handling bad times is much more important to the success of a marriage.
但作为人类和一种文化，我们尚未真正领悟这一点。
But as a species and as a culture, we have not truly internalized this.
这是维萨坎·瓦拉萨米的观点。
And this is Visakan Varasami.
我觉得他说得太对了——有多少次夫妻分手或离婚时，周围人都会说'我完全没想到'。
And I think he's so right that how many times have a couple split up or divorced and the people around them say, I I had no idea.
我完全没想到。
I had no idea.
或者关系中的这两个人，他们曾经确实是彼此最爱的人。
Or these two people within the relationship, they were literally their favorite person.
彼此深爱对方，只想与对方共度美好时光。
Each other loved the other and they didn't want to do anything more than have great times with each other.
为什么那些喜欢共处、享受巅峰体验且不愿与他人分享的人最终还是会分手？
Why is it that people who love spending time together and enjoy peak experiences and don't want to do it with anybody else still break up?
嗯，我想平均而言，分手更多是因为糟糕事件过多，而非美好时光太少。
Well, it's because I would guess on average, there are far more breakups that occur due to a surplus of bad events than a scarcity of good ones.
如果每隔两三天就大吵一架，情绪激烈且需要很长时间才能平息，这对关系的伤害远超过缺乏巅峰体验。
If you argue every two or three days, and they're big arguments and emotionally contentious, and they take a while to settle, that is so much more damaging to a relationship than simply not having enough peak experiences.
确实有些人天生追求体验开放、冒险或刺激，需要定期获得肾上腺素和多巴胺的冲击。
Now there may be some people high in openness to experience or adventurousness or excitability or whatever, who need that sort of regular adrenaline and dopamine thing.
当然，关系可能会因过于平淡而出现问题，但大多数关系破裂是因为争吵过多，而非美好时光太少。
And sure, you can have relationships that are too boring, but most relationships occur because of a too many arguments than too few good times.
是糟糕时刻太多，而非美好时刻太少。
Too many bad times, not too few good times.
这...好吧。
It it's like okay.
这一点被下一位同样来自Visekaan Varasami的观点完美诠释了。
It's perfectly explained by this next one, which is by the same guy, Visekaan Varasami.
决定关系成败的是低谷，而非高潮。
It's the lows, not the highs that make or break a relationship.
这是过去二十年感情经历中得到的惨痛教训。
A painful lesson over the last twenty years of relationships.
中期来看，与那些在特定方面产生强烈共鸣的人相处确实令人兴奋。
In the medium run, it's exciting to feel hype about people who seem to relate strongly in specific ways.
但从长远来看，真正决定关系能否持久的，是你们如何处理误解、冲突、困惑与分歧。
But in the long run, it's really how you handle misunderstandings, conflict, confusion, and disagreement that go the distance.
如果将这两点结合起来——离婚之谜：为什么那么多人会与曾经认定的灵魂伴侣离婚？
So if you combine those two, the divorce mystery, why do so many people divorce someone they thought was their favorite person?
因为处理逆境的方式比处理顺境更能预测关系走向。
Because how you handle bad times is a better predictor than how you handle good times.
长远而言，关系的持久度取决于你们如何应对误解、冲突、分歧与困惑。
And in the long run, it's how you deal with misunderstandings and conflict and disagreement and confusion that go the distance.
人们被踢出恋爱关系的底层，是因为他们无法与伴侣进行良好的争论。
People get kicked out the bottom of relationships because they are unable to argue well with their partner.
他们不会以同样的频率被踢出恋爱关系，因为他们没有与伴侣共同经历巅峰体验。
They do not get kicked out of relationships at the same rate because they are not having peak experiences with their partner.
决定关系成败的是低谷期，而非高潮期。
It's the lows, not the highs that make or break a relationship.
下一个观点，需求感是指你把别人对你的看法看得比自我认知更重要。
Next one, neediness is when you place a higher priority on what others think of you than what you think of yourself.
这句话出自乔·哈德森。
This is from Joe Hudson.
每次你为了取悦他人而伪装成另一个人时，都是在拒绝真实的自己。
Every time you show up as someone else to please another person, you're rejecting yourself.
这是恋爱关系中非常重要的一部分。
This is a huge part of relationships.
几乎每个人在恋爱中都渴望的一件事就是：我只想被看见。
How one of the things that almost anybody wants in a relationship is to say, I just want to be seen.
我只想做真实的自己就足够。
I just want to be enough.
我希望感到自己足够好，也希望对方能理解真实的我，而不是试图改变我。
I want to feel like I'm enough, and I want to feel like they get me and they're not trying to change me.
然而有多少人不敢以真面目示人？
And yet how many people are not prepared to show up as themselves?
这就是关于脆弱性的问题，对吧？
That vulnerability issue, right?
所谓脆弱，就是即使害怕也要说出真实想法。
That being vulnerable is speaking your truth, even when it's scary.
但正因为害怕，我们不敢说真话，这意味着我们戴着面具取悦他人，等于在否定自我，最终迷失自我，因为我们不知道自己究竟是谁。
But because it's scary, we don't speak our truth, which means that we show up as someone else to please another person, which means we're rejecting ourselves, which means that we start to lose ourselves because we don't know who we are.
你把他人对你的看法，看得比自我认知更重要。
And you are placing a higher priority on what someone else thinks of you than what you think of yourself.
这并非说你永远不该为伴侣改变，或不该做贴心的事或妥协，但长期彻底背叛真实的自己，与做个体贴的人、善解人意的伴侣，是截然不同的。
This doesn't mean that you're never supposed to change for your partner or that you're not supposed to do nice things or compromise, but there is a difference between fully betraying who you are, especially over a long period of time, and being a nice person and being a gracious partner.
第六点，真实才能赢得人心。
Number six, authenticity wins.
在一段关系中，唯一真正重要的是你能否在他们面前做真实的自己。
In a relationship, roughly, the only thing that matters is if you can be yourself around them.
共同的爱好、吸引力、生活方式契合都是次要的。
Shared hobbies, attraction, lifestyle alignment is all downstream.
如果你无法在某人面前完全做自己，你要么在表演，要么在不断妥协，久而久之这会腐蚀一切。
If you can't be fully yourself around someone, you're either performing or negotiating constantly, and over time, that corrodes everything.
真正的亲密关系是彻底做不加修饰的自己，却依然被接纳。
True intimacy is being radically unedited and still accepted.
其余的都只是布景道具。
And the rest is just set design.
这句话出自《信号》。
That's from SIGNAL.
我认为这说得非常准确。
I think that's on the money.
当你将需求感与自我否定相结合时，就是把他人对你的看法置于自我认知之上。
And when you combine neediness is when you place a higher priority on what others think of you than what you think of yourself.
当你为了取悦他人而伪装成别人时，你就是在否定真实的自己。
You're rejecting yourself when you show up as somebody else in order to please another person.
大体而言，唯一重要的是你能否在他们面前做真实的自己，真实就像一种溶解剂。
And roughly the only thing that matters is if you can be yourself around them, truth becomes this sort of solvent.
诚实这种溶解剂能穿透你面前的任何障碍。
Honesty becomes this solvent that kind of cuts through whatever's in front of you.
这就是为什么不以真面目示人如此危险。
And this is why it's so dangerous to to not show up as yourself.
第七点，谨慎选择。
Number seven, pick carefully.
你不是在选择一个女朋友。
You're not choosing a girlfriend.
你是在为你未来的儿子选择母亲。
You're choosing your son's mother.
埃里克·约根森，该死的狠角色。
Eric Jorgensen, fucking slammer.
慎重选择。
Pick carefully.
你不是在选择女朋友。
You're not choosing a girlfriend.
你是在选择你儿子的母亲。
You're choosing your son's mother.
我现在才明白这一点。
I mean, I see this now.
对吧？
Right?
我二十多岁时肯定他妈没意识到，但我所有朋友的人生轨迹都取决于他们当初的选择。
I certainly didn't fucking see it in my twenties, but all of my friends are flying or falling based on the choices that they made.
我们所有人都是如此，不分男女。
All of us are going to be, and this is male and female.
对吧？
Right?
你不是在选择男朋友。
You're not choosing a boyfriend.
你是在为你儿子选择父亲。
You're choosing your son's father.
这确实让这个决定显得格外重要。
Does add a lot of gravity to the decision.
确实如此。
Certainly does.
好的。
Alright.
下一个。
Next one.
小恐惧的羞耻。
The shame of small fears.
我曾写过一篇关于简单乐趣之耻的文章，这让我想到了一个非常相似但相反的话题。
So I wrote an essay about the shame of simple pleasures, and it got me thinking about something really similar, but on the other side.
那就是微小恐惧之耻。
So the shame of small fears.
想象一下向穴居人解释现代恐惧。
Imagine explaining modern fear to a caveman.
你看啊，格鲁克，现代人发条消息都能吓得半死。
Well, you see, Gruk, people today get terrified when they have to send a message.
格鲁克眨了眨眼。
Gruk blinks.
刻在石头上的消息？
Message carved on stone?
不是。
No.
是发光矩形上的一句话。
A a sentence on a glowing rectangle.
敌对部落的海上消息？
Enemy tribe sea message?
不是。
No.
剑齿虎的气味消息？
Sabre tooth tiger smell message?
不是。
No.
那为什么要害怕？
Then why fear?
呃，因为对方可能会对我们有不好的看法。
Well, because the other person might think badly of us.
格鲁克笑哭了。
Gruk cries laughing.
然而，这才是关键所在。
And yet, that's the whole point.
我们继承了一套为应对狮子而校准的神经系统，却用它来应付尴尬对话和平庸事业。
We inherited a nervous system calibrated for lions, and we are using it to navigate awkward conversations and underwhelming careers.
进化从未更新这套软件。
Evolution never updated the software.
只是重新调整了用途。
It just repurposed it.
你的祖先需要勇气来保全性命。
Your ancestors needed courage to keep their bodies alive.
你需要勇气来守护自我认同。
You need courage to keep your identity intact.
退一步看简直荒谬，对吧？
It's almost comic when you zoom out, right?
曾直面饥饿猛兽的物种，如今竟会因说出'需要改变'而汗流浃背。
The same species that once stared down hungry predators now breaks into a sweat trying to say something needs to change.
这不是因为我们变得可悲，而是因为怪物换了模样。
But it's not because we've become pathetic, it's because the monsters changed shape.
古老的威胁能摧毁你的肉体，而新的威胁则危及你的归属感。
Old dangers could kill your body, the new ones threaten your belonging.
你的整个生理机制都在为被逐出村庄做准备，而如今那村庄只存在于群聊之中。
Your entire biology gears up for exile from a village that now only exists as a group chat.
你的身体仍认为，若说出真相，你将孤独地死在荒野。
Your body still thinks that you'll die alone in the wilderness if you tell the truth.
这是为不复存在的世界设计的边缘系统残留物。
It's the residue of a limbic system designed for a world that no longer exists.
真正的痛苦由此开始——不在于恐惧本身，而在于你对恐惧产生的羞耻。
And this is where the real suffering begins, not in the fear, but in your shame about the fear.
内心有个声音质问：你怎敢为此心烦意乱？
A voice inside says, how dare you be upset by this?
别人的处境糟糕得多。
Other people had it so much worse.
你难道不明白这显得你多么渺小脆弱？
Don't you know how small and feeble this makes you?
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