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情人节快到了，无论你是想更深入地与伴侣建立联系，还是想决定是否应该分手，我都有解决办法。
Valentine's Day is coming up, whether you want to more deeply connect with your partner or work out whether or not you should break up, I've got the fix for you.
我整理了一份清单，包含50种最热门且有科学依据的方法，帮助你更深入地与伴侣建立联系，还有25个问题能帮你判断是否应该分手。
I have put together a list of 50 of the most viral and science backed ways to connect with your partner more deeply and 25 questions that will help you work out whether or not you should break up.
这些内容现在都可以在《现代智慧情人节特辑》中免费获取。
And they're all available right now at the Modern Wisdom Valentine's review, and it is completely free.
你只需访问 chriswilx.com/valentines 即可获取。
You can get it by going to chriswilx.com/valentines.
就是 chriswilx.com/valentines。
That's chriswilx.com/valentines.
你是我最喜欢的作家。
You are my favorite writer.
谢谢
Thank
不客气。
you.
在目前所有写作的人当中，你的文字每字含金量最高。
You have the most insights per word of anybody that's writing stuff at the moment.
嗯，谢谢。
Well, thanks.
这对我意义重大。
That that means a lot to me.
谢谢你。
Thank you.
你本可以选择写任何主题。
You could have chosen to write about anything.
为什么选择写关于花钱的内容呢？
Why choose to write about spending money?
嗯，我会…我会…我会回溯到我职业生涯的起点，那和很多年轻人一样，尤其是在二十一世纪中期。
Well, I'll I'll I'll take it back to the start of my career, which was like a lot of young men, particularly in the in the mid two thousands.
在科技真正兴起之前，终极目标就是成为华尔街的投资银行家。
The ultimate goal before tech really existed, the ultimate goal was be an investment banker on Wall Street.
现在回想那个时代有点难，因为如今如果你是在斯坦福或其他地方的年轻人，你的目标可能是去谷歌工作，或者去OpenAI工作。
And it's hard to remember that era because now if you're a young person at Stanford or whatever, your goal is like go work at Google, go work at at at OpenAI.
但在那时，所有人的目标都是去高盛工作。
Back then, it was all go work at Goldman Sachs.
所以，我20岁时唯一的人生志向就是成为一名投资银行家或对冲基金经理。
And so what my my sole kind of life aspiration when I was 20 was to be an investment banker or a hedge fund manager.
嗯。
Mhmm.
而且我知道我热爱投资。
And I knew I I loved investing.
即使在那样的年纪，我也常去巴诺书店阅读投资类书籍，一开始我就非常喜欢。
Even at that age, I used to go to Barnes and Noble and read investing books, and I I loved it to begin with.
我只是对金钱非常着迷。
I just I was fascinated with money.
然后我机缘巧合地找到了一份写作的工作，因为我是在2008年毕业的。
And then I haphazardly got a job as a writer because I graduated in 2008.
当时的经济一团糟，没人招人。
The economy was was a wreck, and nobody was hiring.
没有银行在招聘。
No banks were hiring.
所以我能找到的唯一金融工作，是在《富达投资》当作家。
And so the only finance job that I could find was as a writer for The Motley Fool.
我不想当作家。
Didn't wanna be a writer.
我讨厌写作。
Hated writing.
我感到羞愧，明明梦想成为有影响力的投资银行家，现在却成了记者。
Was embarrassed that I had dreams to be a powerful investment banker, now I was a journalist.
我当时想，我真的很讨厌这份工作，但其实我很快就爱上了它。
I was like, I I hated that, but I actually, like, pretty quickly fell in love with it.
我爱上它的原因是，我喜欢以局外人的身份工作，不受这个职业内在激励的影响。
And what I loved about it was I loved being an outsider who was not being influenced by the incentives of that career.
所以，如果你是一名对冲基金经理，你会有很多围绕这个职业的激励和偏见。
And so if you are a hedge fund manager, you have a lot of incentives and biases based around that.
如果你是一名财务顾问，你必须以某种特定的方式思考才能融入这个职业。
If you are a financial adviser, there's a lot of just you have to think a certain way to fit into that profession.
我觉得作为一名作家，我不是记者。
And I felt like as a writer and I'm not a journalist.
作为一名作家，我可以作为一个局外人旁观。
As a writer, I could just be on the outside looking in.
我觉得自己就像坐在看台上往下看，心想：让我试着弄清楚这里到底发生了什么。
I felt like I was just up in the bleachers looking down and be like, let me try to figure out what's going on here.
你说比赛的关键在球场上。
You said the play is on the pitch.
是的。
Yes.
然后讲述背后的故事。
And then tell a story behind it.
对我来说，我觉得我很幸运，因为我认为金钱领域蕴含着几乎比其他任何领域都更迷人的社会故事——你如何花钱、如何存钱以及你的抱负，这些都是了解你为人的一扇窗。
And to me, money I I think I I got lucky because money, I think, has more fascinating social stories in it than almost any other field, where how you spend money and how you save money and your ambitions are such a window into who you are.
当然，生活中还有很多比金钱更重要的事情，比如家庭、人生目标等等，但金钱无疑是了解一个人非常清晰的窗口。
And, of course, there's a lot of other things in life that are more important than money, family and and purpose and whatnot, but money is a very clear window into who you are.
因此，我觉得关于金钱，有讲不完的有趣故事。
And so that I I I feel like there's just an endless well of interesting stories to tell about it.
从一个人花钱的方式，你能看出关于这个人的哪些方面呢？
What can you tell about someone from the way that they spend money?
这其中很大一部分关乎你的抱负以及你如何看待自己。
So much of it is about your ambitions and who you think about yourself.
我其实一点也不反对物质主义，我也真的不会评判别人。
I I really I'm not anti materialistic at all, and I I really don't judge other people.
但当我看到有人开着一辆黄色兰博基尼时，我就会想，这里面肯定有故事。
But when I see somebody driving a a yellow Lamborghini, I'm like, there's a story there.
这里面肯定有故事。
There's a story there.
这并不是一个评判的故事，而是一个关于你想要成为谁、想要展示什么的故事。
And it's not a judging story, but there's that's a story of who you wanna be and what you wanna show off.
有些人拥有昂贵的汽车，是因为他们热爱其工艺和工程设计等等。
Now some people have expensive cars because they love the craftsmanship and the engineering and whatnot.
他们真正是为了它而做，这依然是一个故事。
They're truly doing it for Which is still a story.
这依然是一个故事。
For for it's still a story.
但每当我看到有人明显在炫耀时，这种情况很多，你都能看出来，这其中总有一个故事。
But whenever I see someone clearly peacocking, and there's a lot of it, you see it, there's a story in there.
我找到了一条1929年的新闻标题，那是大萧条前的巅峰时期，这个标题特别棒。
I found this headline from 1929, which was the peak just before the Great Depression, and it was such a good headline.
它刊登在《华盛顿邮报》上。
Was in the Washington Post.
你越是贫穷时被冷落，就越享受展示自己富有的感觉。
It was the more you are snubbed while poor, the more you enjoy displaying being rich.
我当时就想，你甚至都不需要读这篇文章。
And I was like, there's it's almost like you don't even need to read the article.
就是这样了。
Like, that's that's it.
这太敏锐了，我觉得也非常真实：对很多人来说，不是所有人，但对很多人而言，你越是炫耀，或者越渴望炫耀，很大程度上是因为你曾受过伤害，于是你心想：我要反击回来。
That's it's so astute and I think so true that for a lot of people, not everybody, but for a lot of people, the more you are showing off or you just desire to show off, a lot of it is a wound that was inflicted upon you, and you're like, I'm gonna get back.
而且有时候，你根本不是为了别人而炫耀。
And so and sometimes too, you're not even showing off for other people.
你这么做是为了自己，是为了向自己证明。
You're doing it for your you're doing it to prove to yourself.
是的。
Mhmm.
我在向自己传递一个信号：我做到了。
I am To signal to yourself that I did it.
我记得曾经和安东尼·斯卡拉穆奇聊过这个，他说他小时候生活在这样一个社会阶层：对自己而言，最终证明自己成功、超越了原生环境的标志，就是一辆兰博基尼。
I remember talking to Anthony Scaramucci about this, and he said that he he he grew up, you know, in in one social class where the ultimate signal that you made it to yourself, that you overcame where you became, was the Lamborghini.
就是这样。
That that was it.
所以他他说他觉得他并不想为了别人而拥有它。
And so he so he he said he was like, I I he was like, I I don't want it for other people.
我想做这件事是为了向那个曾经在下面长大的孩子证明，我已经来到了这里。
I wanna do it to show myself that that kid who grew up down there made it up here.
所以无论怎样，这都是一种信号，一种故事，因此我们并不该去评判。
So it's a signaling a story either way, and that's why it's not judging.
但这却是了解你是谁的一个有趣窗口。
It's just but it's an interesting window into who you are.
这让我想到一种报复性的物质主义——我要用物质来报复过去那些事。
Like, retributive materialism is what it's making me think of, that I am going to get back at whatever that thing was from my past.
是的。
Yeah.
我们好了。
And we good.
你在所有事情上都能看到这一点。
You see this across everything.
你在那些花大量时间打扮自己的人身上也能看到这一点。
You see this across people who spend a lot of time beautifying themselves.
什么？
What?
因为他们可能在生命中的某个时刻觉得自己很丑。
Because they probably, at one point in their life, felt quite ugly.
是的。
Yeah.
那些花大量时间积累权力的人。
Somebody who spends a lot of time accumulating power.
在某个时候，他们可能觉得自己非常无力。
Well, at one point, they probably felt pretty powerless.
是的。
Yeah.
有人拼命积累财富，因为他们曾经觉得自己可能没什么自由，也没有多少独立性
Somebody who tries to accumulate a lot of wealth while they felt like they maybe didn't have very much freedom or they didn't have very much independence
嗯哼。
Mhmm.
或者他们非常贫穷。
Or they were very poor.
有人让自己变得非常强大、强壮和庞大，但曾经，他们可能感到非常虚弱。
Somebody who makes themselves very powerful and very strong and very big, well, at one point, they probably felt very weak.
这并不是一个美好的启示，因为在指出这一点时，它某种程度上贬低了大多数人追求的东西，而每个人都讨厌这样，是的。
Like, it it's not a wonderful lesson because in the calling out of it, it sort of derogates the thing that most people are chasing, and everyone fucking hates that Yeah.
因为它贬低了他们尚未实现的目标，或者已经实现的目标。
Because it it devalues the goal that they haven't yet reached or the one that they have reached.
所以看看我为了达到这个地步付出了多大的努力，你却告诉我，是的。
And so look at how fucking hard I worked to get to this place, and you're telling me Yeah.
这是否只是某种童年或祖先创伤的一部分？
This is part of just some childhood ancestral wound thing?
是的，我理解这一点。
It's like, I get that.
但如果你仔细观察，通过模式匹配来推断某人会成为什么样、试图成为什么样，以及他们恐惧什么或曾经是什么，这种方法的可靠性其实命中率非常高。
But if you look around closely, the reliability of being able to pattern match what somebody becomes or is trying to become and what it is that they fear or what they used to be is really high hit rate.
还有很多人熟知的那句话：受伤的人会伤害他人。
And the the saying that a lot of people know, hurt people hurt people.
嗯哼。
Mhmm.
这有很多类似的情况，比如，我们的行为和举止反映了不安全感、生活中遭遇的事情，或者甚至是生活中经历过的积极体验。
There's a lot of cousins of that, of just, like, the way that we behave and act is a reflection of insecurities, things that were done to us that we had in life, or or even positive experiences that we've had in life.
我认为很多在非常富裕环境中长大的人，他们的财务心理也非常有趣。
I think a lot of people who grew up very wealthy, they have a very interesting financial psychology as well.
他们能够，我认为，非常敏锐地理解金钱无法为你做什么。
They can they understand, I think, very acutely what money cannot do for you.
所以，如果你和他们交谈，很多人会说，是的。
So a lot of them, if you talk to them, would be like, yeah.
我们从小就很富有，拥有许多房子和车子。
We grew up very rich, and we had all these homes and all these cars.
但你知道，随便挑哪个故事都行。
But, you know, pick pick whatever story you want.
我父母关系不好。
My my parents didn't get on.
我父母离婚了。
My parents got divorced.
我父亲和我没有关系。
My dad didn't have any relationship with me.
我在学校被欺负。
I was bullied at school.
他们的洞察力非常敏锐。
Like, they they're very acute.
他们非常清楚，金钱能解决很多问题，当然也能为你打造精彩的生活。
They're they're acutely aware that money can solve a lot of problems and build an amazing life for you, of course.
嗯嗯。
Mhmm.
但我认为，当你穷困时，很容易告诉自己，钱就是解决所有问题的答案。
But I think when you're poor, it's easy to tell yourself that's the solution to all my problems.
只要我有那么多钱，内心那个空洞就会消失，会被填满，一切问题都会迎刃而解。
That if only I had that much money, then this hole I have in my soul would go away, and it would it'd be it'd fill up, and everything would be done.
而那些从小富足的人知道，这并不真实。
And then people who grew up rich know that that's not true.
一栋大房子能让你快乐吗？
Will a big house make you happy?
如果你用它来改善与他人的关系的话。
If you use it as a way to have better relationships with people.
你有一栋大房子，这样每个周五晚上都能邀请二十个最好的朋友来，好好玩一场，是的。
You have a big house so you can have 20 of your best buddies over every Friday night and have a great time, yes.
如果你有一栋大房子，是因为你需要它来养育五个孩子，而这正是你生活的意义和目标，是的。
If you have a big house because that's what you need for you and your spouse to have five kids and that's your meaning and purpose in life, yes.
当然。
Absolutely.
但我觉得，如果你只是因为觉得‘这应该是你想要的’而这么做，那可能会很痛苦。
But I think if if you're using it as as a way of just like a you know, because that's what you should want kind of thing Mhmm.
那样的话，可能会非常痛苦。
Then it can be pretty miserable.
非常有趣。
Very interesting.
哈维·凡士通，凡士通轮胎的创始人，他生活在大约一百二十年前。
Harvey Firestone, who created Firestone Tires, he he was he was alive a hundred and twenty years ago or some odd.
他在二十世纪二十年代写了一本自传，并指出了这一点。
He wrote a biography in the nineteen twenties, and he pointed this out.
他说，他认识的每一个富人都会买一栋巨大的房子，而他们无一例外，都觉得这简直是个巨大的负担。
He said, every wealthy person that he knows, without exception, buys a gigantic house, and every single one of them, without exception, finds it to just be a tremendous burden.
他当时就说：‘我们为什么要做这种事呢？’
And and he was and he was like he was like, why why do we do it?
他甚至提到，当时还像个吝啬鬼的亨利·福特，也拥有一栋他非常讨厌的大房子。
And he even said Henry Ford, who at the time was like a a cheap miser kinda he was like he was like, even Henry Ford has a gigantic house that he hates.
但他认为，人类灵魂中一定有什么东西，把庞大的房产与成功联系在一起。
But he's like, there's he's like, there has to be something in the human soul that just associates large property with success.
宽敞的住宅。
Big abode.
因为我觉得，很多拥有大房子的人都明白这一点。
Because and I think a lot of people who have a big house know this.
大房子需要大量的维护。
Like, a big house is a tremendous amount of upkeep.
是的。
Mhmm.
住在那些巨大豪宅里的人，最终往往会把自己局限在房子的一个小角落里，是的。
And lot of people who live in those giant homes will eventually basically seclude themselves to a small little corner of that house Yeah.
那里才感觉像家。
That feels homely.
我很想看看那些拥有超过一万平方英尺住宅的人。
I would love to see people who have homes over 10,000 square feet or whatever.
我很想做那种GPS追踪地图。
I'd love to do one of those GPS tracking maps.
是的。
Yes.
你知道他们是怎么对狼群做的。
You know how they do with wolves.
与狼共处。
Stay with wolves.
是的。
Yeah.
对。
Yeah.
我还想看看，天哪。
And I'd want to see, oh my god.
你知道你的房子有10,000平方英尺吗？
You know of the 10,000 square feet that your house is?
但你实际上只使用1,500平方英尺的空间。
You use the same 1,500 square feet.
对。
Right.
你可以在这种地方买到这样的房子，或者买很多这样的房子，或者你本来就是住在这里的。
And you would be able to purchase that in this location or however many of these or you this is what you lived in.
你用的还是22岁时住的房子的大小。
You use the size of house that you lived in when you were 22.
是的。
Yes.
而你至今仍然住在那栋房子附近，只是稍微大了一点。
And you're still living in that same house that's just slightly bigger surrounding.
但即使你把这条信息展示给那个人，或者对我自己说，嘿。
But even if you showed that person that that information or for myself and you said, hey.
你实际上只能住在一间1500平方英尺的房子里。
You you could actually only live in a house that's 1,500 square feet.
不。
No.
不。
No.
谢谢。
Thanks.
没兴趣。
Not interested.
所以哈维·菲尔斯姆说对了。
So that that's what Harvey Firesome got right.
他说，这确实是个负担，但你还是会去做，而且还会继续做下去。
He was like, it's a burden, but you still do it, and you're still going to do it.
我有个朋友，他父母住在一个20000平方英尺的大房子里，他带我们参观了。
I I have a friend whose parents live in a 20,000 square foot house, and he gave us a tour.
那次参观基本上就是，是的，沿着那条走廊过去，有四间卧室从来没人用过。
And the tour was basically, yeah, down that hall, there's four bedrooms that nobody ever uses.
沿着这条走廊过去，有一个房间。
Down this hall, there's a room.
本来打算做成健身房，但我们其实把健身房设在楼下了。
It was gonna be a gym, but we we actually put the gym downstairs.
从来没人用过它。
Nobody ever uses it.
他当时正带我们参观那些从未使用过的区域。
It was he was giving us a tour of places that are never used.
就像我说的，他们基本上就把自己局限在厨房、客厅和卧室里，仅此而已。
And just like I said, they basically secluded themselves to the kitchen, living room, bedroom, and that was it.
见证我的过时吧。
Behold my obsolescence.
看，是的。
Look Yes.
是的。
At Yes.
多余的是，我可以。
Surplus I can.
但我觉得这正是这个话题如此引人入胜的原因，因为人们一直都在这么做，而且将来也总会如此。
But I think this is why it's such a fascinating topic, because people have always done that, and they will always do it.
一个有趣的点是，并非所有富人都会购买豪华汽车。
An interesting point is even rich people not all rich people buy fancy cars.
现在人人都热衷于汽车。
Now everyone's into cars.
是的。
Yeah.
并非所有富人，但大多数富人会选择稍高一档的舱位飞行。
Not all rich most rich people fly at a slightly nicer class.
我认为这是少数人不会后悔选择商务舱而非经济舱的地方之一。是的。
I think that's one of the places that very few people regret choosing to fly business over flying economy Yeah.
如果你正在寻找这种旅行品质的话。
If you're in the market for that kind of travel quality.
是的。
Yeah.
这是亿万富翁房地产大亨萨姆·泽尔告诉大卫·塞纳的。
This is what Sam Zell, who is a a billionaire real estate guy, he told David Senra this.
萨姆·泽尔说，萨姆·泽尔说，唯一真正的物质奢侈就是乘坐私人飞机。
Sam Zell said Sam Zell said, the only true material luxury is flying private.
所以萨姆的建议，是一项雄心勃勃的建议。
So Sam's Sam's advice, it's ambitious advice.
他就像说：争取达到私人飞机的财力水平。
He was like, get to private jet money.
那是唯一一件
That's the only thing that
让你变得相同。
makes you same.
斯科特·戈拉威说，一旦你能拥有自己的房子，接下来唯一值得买的就是拥有一架私人飞机。
Scott Galloway said, once you're able to own your own home, the only next thing worth buying is being able to have a jet.
而且，这显然是百分之0.0001的人才能做到的事。
And, obviously, that's point 0001%.
没错。
Fucking yeah.
我觉得，斯科特，对很多人来说，能买得起房子已经是
I'm like, Scott, the difference between I mean, for a lot of people, being able to buy a house is
那正是
That's that's the of
目前根本够不着的目标。
fucking reach at the moment.
然后是飞机的事，但至少对我来说，有趣的是，那游艇呢？
And then the jet thing but at least to me, the the sort of funny note on that was like, what about a yacht?
他说，游艇太蠢了。
He's like, yacht's stupid.
不。
No.
麻烦死了。
Pain in the ass.
是的。
Yeah.
确实是。
It's Yeah.
我觉得他特别有趣。
I thought he was so funny.
在长时间思考之后，你如何定义财务成功？
How do you define financial success then after all of this time thinking about it?
财务成功到底意味着什么？
What does financial success come to mean?
对我来说，就是能够做自己想做的人的自由。
To me, it's independence to be who you wanna be.
我想成为的人，不是你想成为的人。
And who I wanna be is not who you wanna be.
每个人对这一点都有自己非常独特的定义。
Is everyone has their own very individualistic definition of that.
就是早上醒来，告诉自己：今天我可以做任何我想做的事，并拥有这样的独立与自由。
It's waking up and saying, I can do whatever I want today and having the independence and the freedom to do that.
区别在于，有些亿万富翁完全无法掌控自己的时间，无法掌控自己的日程，整天做着他们不想做的事。
And the distinction is there are billionaires who have no control over their time, no control over their schedule, spend their entire day doing things that they don't wanna do.
而有些人年收入五万美元，却过着自己最理想的生活，完全掌控自己的人生——掌控居住地、工作地、与谁共度时光，做着自己热爱的爱好。
And there are people who make $50,000 a year who are living their absolute best life and totally control their life, control where they live, where they work, who they spend their time with, doing the hobbies that they wanna do.
是的。
Mhmm.
所以对我来说，这才是真正的财富。
And so to me, that's really what wealth is.
我认为很多人在追求目标时会搞错方向：如果你唯一的财务目标就是拥有最高的净资产，而实现方式是假装成一个不是你的人，每天早上起床做你不喜欢的事。
And I think I think a lot of people can get this wrong in their ambitions, that if your sole financial ambition is I want the highest net worth, and and the and the way in which you're gonna get that is to basically put on a performance of somebody that you're not and wake up every morning and do things that you don't enjoy doing.
这并不是说不努力工作。
And that's that's that's not to say hard work.
我认为绝大多数人从努力工作中获得极大的满足和快乐。
I think I think the vast majority of people get a big thrill and a lot of pleasure out of hard work.
他们喜欢高效地做自己想做的事情。
They like being productive doing the thing that they wanna do.
而是为了追求更大的银行账户，去拼命做那些你根本不喜欢的事情。
It's working hard on things that you genuinely don't enjoy solely because you're attracted to a bigger bank account.
是的。
Mhmm.
但这种情况非常普遍。
And but then that's a very common thing.
所以我认为财富的定义是：能够做你想做的人，拥有独立性，每天早上醒来都能说：今天我要做的，就是我想做的事。
So I think I think the definition of wealth is the ability, the pleasure of being who you wanna be, being independent, waking up every morning and saying, what I'm gonna do today is the thing that I want to do.
没有独立性的财富，是一种独特的贫困。
Wealth without independence is a unique form of poverty.
对很多富人来说，情况就是这样。
That's that's what it is for a lot of wealthy people.
对我来说，这是结识众多富人时最令人着迷的事情之一。
This to this to me is one of the most fascinating things of meeting a lot of wealthy people.
如果你将财富与物质联系起来，你会想，他们有大房子、豪车，或许还有私人飞机，然后你就会认为，哦，这个人非常富有。
If you associate wealth with material and you go, do they have a big house, have a big car, maybe have a plane, and you associate, oh, this person is very wealthy.
对于他们中的许多人来说——并非所有人，但很多人——如果你深入了解他们，会发现他们一天中的绝大部分时间都在做自己不想做的事情。
And for a lot of them, not all of them, but for a lot of them, if you get to know them, they spend the vast majority of their day doing things that they don't want to do.
而对我来说，那可能仍然对某些人有吸引力。
And that to me that that still might be be appealing to some people.
或者如果你还没达到那个境界，你可能会说，听着。
Or if you're not at that, you might say, look.
我理解你这么说，但让我亲自体验一下。
I understand you say that, but let me experience it for myself.
让我试着去做那件事。
Let me try to do that.
这一直是它的吸引力，所以我理解。
That's always the appeal, so I get that.
但我认识的那些非常富有的人中，有些人过着真正精彩的生活。
But it's of the very wealthy people I've met, some of them have truly amazing lives.
我不说嫉妒，但看着他们，我会想，我真的想成为你。
And I wouldn't say jealous, but I look at them and be like, I I I want to be you.
是的。
Yep.
不过，我认为更多的人，当你真正了解他们后，你会说，哇。
There's I think there's a greater number, though, that when you if you get to know them, you're like, wow.
这和我原本想象的不一样。
That's that's not what I thought it would be.
很多人的确不得不做他们不想做的事情。
Well, a lot of people have to do things that they don't want to do.
很多拼命工作、打两份工、照顾孩子的人，都会说，嗯，还不错。
And many people who worked super hard, two jobs, got the kids, all the rest of the stuff, would say, well, you know, good.
他们也应该努力工作，我这么辛苦，他们也该如此。
They they should do I have to work hard and so should they.
你说得对。
You go, yeah.
但你认为他们是怎么让自己变得富有的呢？
But why do you think they made themselves wealthy?
是的。
Yeah.
如果你很富有，我就不用再做第二份工作了。
What would you do if you well, if I was wealthy, I wouldn't have to work the second job.
如果你是那种有动力去追求他们那种财富的人，
It's like, if you are the sort of person who is driven to make yourself into the kind of wealth that they have
是的。
Yes.
你就无法关掉这个开关。
You can't turn off the switch.
你停不下来。
You can't you can't turn.
你几乎不可能遇到任何亿万富翁，除了极少数偶然致富的人。
You're never gonna meet a a billionaire, except on the very few people who, like, accidentally got rich.
你永远不会遇到一个白手起家的亿万富翁，他们的性格会说‘够了’。
You're never gonna meet a self made billionaire who has a kind of personality who could say, that's enough.
把所有钱都投进市政债券，然后回家。
Let me put it all in muni bonds and go home.
这并不是这样。
It's it's it's not it's not.
他们成功的理由是，他们拥有这样的性格：一天24小时，满脑子想的都是自己的事业。
The reason that they are successful is because they have the kind of personality where they cannot twenty four hours a day, all they can think about is their business.
而且，即使我会说，我不想要这样的生活。
And the and that's that's and even if I would say, don't want that for myself.
当然，我想获得财务上的成功，也享受我所从事的工作。
Of course, I wanna be financially successful, and I enjoy the work that I do.
我非常感激这些人的存在。
I'm so grateful that those people exist.
比如，我们在这个世界上所享受的绝大多数伟大技术和伟大医学，都来自那些对自己的工作痴迷到疯狂的人，即使这以他们的健康、婚姻、与子女的关系为代价。
Like, the vast majority of the great technology and great medicine that we all enjoy in the world came from people who are maniacally obsessed about their job, even if it came at the expense of their health, their marriage, their relationship with their kids.
他们创造了惊人的东西，这就是他们成功的原因。
They created something amazing, and that's why they got successful.
人类永动机。
Human perpetual motion machines.
是的。
Yes.
他们只是在不断运转，吸收问题然后吐出解决方案。
They're just churning sucking in problems and spitting out solutions.
是的。
Yeah.
我认为我们最应该感激的是社会中那些以牺牲自身幸福为代价，创造了惊人技术和伟大事物的人，让我们如今都能从中受益。
I think we should be almost the most grateful for people in society who created amazing technology and amazing things at the expense of their own happiness that we all get to benefit from now.
是的。
Yeah.
我的意思是，这应该是一个警示故事。
I mean, it should be a cautionary tale.
但从外部看，每个人都会审视它，并认为某种版本可能适用于他们，但不会适用于我。
But from the outside, everybody looks at it and thinks some version of that might be true for them, but it won't be true for me.
没错。
Yeah.
看着我在这片由艺术、文学、电影、歌曲、祖辈的故事以及历史上最著名投资者所布下的雷区中起舞。
Watch me dance through the minefield that has been laid by art and literature and movies and songs and stories from my grandparents and the most famous investors from history.
看着我在这片雷区中起舞，却没有触发任何一根绊线。
Watch me dance through that minefield and not kick any of the trip wires.
大卫·森拉已经剖析了400位最成功的企业家。
David Senra has profiled 400 of the most successful entrepreneurs.
他在这方面做得非常出色。
He's done such a good job doing it.
他说，在他所采访的400位企业家中，只有两位的生活是他真正想过的。
And he says of the 400 entrepreneurs he's profiled, there's two whose lives that he thinks that he would he that he would actually wanna live.
他们是谁？
Who were they?
一个是埃德·索普，他曾是拉斯维加斯的算牌手，后来成为对冲基金经理。
One is Ed Thorpe, who was a a card counter in Vegas and then a hedge fund manager K.
而且他的个人生活也极其出色。
And had just an amazing personal life on the side.
家庭美满，健康状况绝佳。
Just amazing family, incredible health.
我想他现在还活着。
I think he's still around.
我觉得埃德·索普已经90岁了，但看起来却像55岁。
I think Ed Thorpe is 90 years old and genuinely looks 55.
哇。
Wow.
精彩的人生。
Incredible life.
但其他那399个人，他所采访的，都是那些创造了了不起东西的人。
But of the other, you know, 399 people that he's profiled, it's that person created something amazing.
嗯哼。
Mhmm.
他们打造了非凡的事业，积累了惊人的财富，开发了让我们所有人都受益的技术，我们应当崇拜或钦佩这样的人，但我绝不想成为他们。
Built an incredible thing, an amazing amount of wealth, technology that we all benefit from, and we should worship that person or really admire that person, and I would never wanna be them.
是的。
Yeah.
是的。
Yeah.
是的。
Yeah.
是的。
Yeah.
至少在选择榜样时，尽量避开他们。
And evade them as much as you can, at least in a role model.
你有一句很棒的话：当钱不再是你思考的焦点时，它才能最好地为你服务。
You got this great line, money serves you best when it stops being the thing you think about.
是的。
Yeah.
我认为，绝大多数成功的创业者，除了可能的对冲基金经理，都不是为了赚钱而奋斗。
I think I think a lot the vast majority of successful entrepreneurs, with the exception of maybe hedge fund managers, were not chasing the money.
他们对试图解决的问题着迷，但并不是为了致富才去做。
They were absolutely fascinated with the problem that they were trying to solve, but they weren't doing it just to get rich.
钱，钱自然就来了。
The the money the money came.
它最终会到来。
It eventually came.
如果你以对人们有帮助的方式解决了足够多的问题，财富最终会找到你。
If you solve enough problems in a way that's helpful for people, it'll eventually come to you.
但我认为，那些以成为富翁为目标的创业者，很少能真正实现。
But I think people entrepreneurs who set out the goal is to become rich very seldomly do.
哦，其实我对那句话的理解有所不同。
The oh, I actually took that line to mean something else.
金钱在你不再想着它的时候，才能最好地为你服务。
Money serves you best when it stops being the thing you think about.
我把这理解为，财富的最高境界是你不再需要考虑一件东西的成本。
I took that to mean that your ultimate form of wealth is when you no longer have to think about the cost of a thing.
你去吃饭时，不介意主动买单。
You turn up at dinner and you don't mind putting your card down.
你需要
You need
再买一些。
buy some more.
是的。
Yeah.
你可以不再去想它了。
You can stop thinking about it.
几个月前，我带着巡演去了纳什维尔。
So I was in Nashville a couple of months ago on tour.
我和我的巡演经理卢克一起去的。
And I was there with Luke, who's my tour manager.
他跟我讲了个故事，说他妻子总是生他的气，因为凌晨一点了他还一直在发WhatsApp。
And he was telling me this story about how his missus gets mad at him because it's 1AM, and he's still WhatsApp ing away.
他的手机使用频率是所有人里最高的。
He has the highest phone use of anybody.
Z世代的女孩、TikTok上瘾者，简直像赌徒一样。
Gen z girls, TikTok addicts, like degen.
他的使用频率最高，但全是工作相关的。
He has the highest, and it's all work.
纯粹是工作，而他就是喜欢这样。
It's just work, and he just loves it.
他以前是个俱乐部推广人，和我同行业，这人简直是个疯子。
He used be a club promoter, same industry as me, and the guy is an animal.
他做自己这份工作特别出色，而且毫不松懈，还乐在其中。
He's he's so good at what he does, and he is unrelenting, and he has a lot of fun doing it too.
所以这简直就是所有维恩图的奇怪交集。
So it's this kind of weird intersection of all the Venn diagrams.
他提出了一个非常他妈棒的观点。
And he he made this really fucking wonderful point.
他说，我的大脑喜欢解决问题。
He said, I have a brain that likes to solve problems.
我只是想给它一些好的问题去解决。
I'm just trying to give it good problems to solve.
是的。
Yeah.
太好了。
Great.
是的。
And Yeah.
我当时就觉得，想到这一点时手臂上还起鸡皮疙瘩，因为很多人天生就有一种大脑，总想沉迷于某件事，试图让这个部分契合那个部分。
I was like, still chills on my arms thinking about it because lots of people have the kind of brains that are just looking to obsess over something to try and fix make this piece fit to that piece.
他很幸运，找到了事业、孩子、柔术、妻子和健康方面的诸多事务。
He is fortunate that he has managed to find business and kids and jujitsu and wife and health stuff.
他有一堆有趣的问题可以让我去应对。
And he's a bunch of interesting problems allow me to apply to that.
但如果你没有足够有趣的问题，人们就会沉迷于政治、色情或前女友之类的事情。
But if you don't have a sufficiently interesting problem, that's when people get obsessed with politics or porn or their ex Yeah.
或者任何其他可能的东西。
Or whatever it might be.
我认为，一个很好的解决办法或许是通过足够的正念练习，学会放下对问题的永久执着？
And I think a really great solution to this, maybe should you do enough mindfulness to be able to relinquish your permanent obsession with problems?
也许吧。
Perhaps.
但一个不错的过渡策略是给自己找些更好的问题去解决。
But a good interim strategy is just give yourself better problems to solve.
我的意思是，你刚才说的这一点，其类似的概念就是FIRE运动——财务独立，提前退休。
I mean, a a a cousin of what you just said is, you know, the the FIRE movement, financial independence, retire early.
有很多人会过着极其节俭的生活，保持很高的储蓄率，然后当他们28岁、银行里有五十万美元左右时，就选择退休。
You had all these people who would try to live incredibly frugal lives with a high savings rate, and then they would when they were 28 and had half $1,000,000 in the bank, whatever it would be.
但很多真正这样做了、28岁就退休的人，六个月后却患上了临床抑郁症。
So many of the people who actually did that, who retired when they were 28, were clinically depressed six months later.
因为他们意识到，真正赋予他们生命意义和目标的东西，其实是工作。
Because they realized, like, what their actual purpose was in life that gave them meaning and whatnot was work.
于是，许多这样退休的人又重新回到了工作岗位。
And so many of those people who did retire went back to work.
因此，我们每个人都需要有意义的问题去解决，这一点非常重要。
And so the idea that we all need meaningful problems to solve and to go is is really important.
很多人对退休这件事的理解是完全错误的。
And a lot a lot of people get this wrong with retirement.
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他们把所有的退休规划都花在如何存够钱上，却完全没有考虑退休后要做什么。
They spend all of their retirement planning on how do I save enough money and none of it on what am I gonna do in retirement.
我的意思是，这这这这这这对人们来说是个大问题。
I mean, that's that that's that's that that that's a big problem for people.
另外，你可能之前听我提到过Element，坦白说我现在离不开它，它是我每天早晨开启新一天的方式。
In other news, you've probably heard me talk about Element before, and that's because I am frankly dependent on it, and it's how I've started my day every single morning.
这是市面上口感最好的补水饮料。
This is the best tasting hydration drink on the market.
你可能会想，为什么我需要补充更多水分？
You might think, why do I need to be more hydrated?
因为适当补水不仅仅是喝足够的水。
Because proper hydration is not just about drinking enough water.
还需要有足够的电解质，让你的身体能够利用这些液体。
It's having sufficient electrolytes to allow your body to use those fluids.
每一袋便携式冲剂都含有科学配比的电解质，包括钠、钾和镁。
Each grab and go stick pack is a science backed electrolyte ratio of sodium, potassium, and magnesium.
它不含糖、色素、人工成分或其他任何添加剂。
It's got no sugar, coloring, artificial ingredients, or any other junk.
这在减少肌肉抽筋和疲劳、优化大脑健康、调节食欲和抑制渴望方面起着关键作用。
This plays a critical role in reducing muscle cramps and fatigue while optimizing brain health, regulating your appetite, and curbing cravings.
这种橙子口味的冷饮，是一种甜美、微咸、充满橙香的甘露，你服用后和不服用时的差别会真切地感受到，这就是我不断提起它的原因。
This orange flavor in a cold glass of water is a sweet, salty, orangey nectar, and you will genuinely feel the difference when you take it versus when you don't, which is why I keep going on about it.
首先，他们提供无条件退款政策，且没有时间限制。
First of all, there's a no questions asked refund policy with an unlimited duration.
买它。
Buy it.
用完它。
Use it all.
如果你因为任何原因不喜欢，他们会全额退款，你甚至不需要退回包装盒。
And if you don't like it for any reason, they give you your money back, you don't even have to return the box.
他们对你一定会喜欢它如此有信心。
That's how confident they are that you'll love it.
此外，他们在美国内提供免费配送。
Plus, they offer free shipping in The US.
现在，你只需通过下方描述中的链接访问 drinklmnt.com/modernwisdom，在首次购买时即可免费获得 Element 最受欢迎口味的试用装。
Right now, you can get a free sample pack of Element's most popular flavors with your first purchase by going to the link in the description below, heading to drinklmnt.com/modernwisdom.
那就是 drinklmnt.com/modernwisdom。
That's drinklmnt.com/modernwisdom.
难道没有数据表明退休后的人死亡率更高吗？
Isn't there some data around people who retire dying most more quickly as well?
我相当确定有一项研究调查了那些决定在60岁或65岁退休的人，有许多因素会影响你的寿命。
I'm pretty sure that there was a study done on people who decide that they're going to retire at 60 or 65, and there are many things that contribute to how long you're going to live.
但其中之一似乎是您停止工作的早晚。
But one of them seems to be how early you stop working.
是的。
Yeah.
如果你更早退休，往往也更容易早逝。
And if you stop working earlier, you tend to die sooner.
而且，我是说，把继续为你的公司老板卖命作为延长寿命的策略，对我来说可能有点风险太高了。
And, I mean, continuing to serve your corporate overlord as a longevity strategy might be a little bit of a high risk move for me to put forward.
但我认为某种东西。
But I think something.
这个教训是：是的，意义、目标、起床的理由、结构、与他人互动、有待解决的问题、保持思维活跃。
The lesson is, yes, meaning purpose, reason to get up, structure, collegial, sharing with other people, problems to solve, keeping the mind active.
工作带来的是一整套东西，远不止工资那么简单。
It's a big suite of things that come from work that is more than just the paycheck.
我书中唯一提出的公式，是我能想到的最简单的公式：一个不错的生活公式是独立加目标。
The only formula that I put in the book, it's, like, the simplest that I could do, is a formula for a pretty good life is independence plus purpose.
我认为，如果没有这两者，很难拥有一个美好而有意义的人生。
And I I I I I think it's hard to have a good, meaningful life without both of those things.
独立做你自己，做你想做的事，嗯。
The independence to be who you are and do what you want Mhmm.
还有目标，像你所说的那样，去解决有趣、困难的问题的智慧。
And the purpose, the wisdom to solve solve interesting problems, hard problems, as you said.
我认为那很重要。
I think that's that's important.
我觉得这两者都需要才能拥有美好的生活。
I think you need both of those to have a good life.
我想你需要独立性，这样你才能选择自己想解决的问题。
And I guess you need the independence so that you can choose the problems that you want to solve.
而目标对每个人来说都会不同。
And purpose will be different for everybody.
嗯。
Mhmm.
对我来说，目前是我的孩子们。
For me, it's my my kids right now.
等他们独立了，这就会改变。
That'll change when they're on their own.
对有些人来说，是工作。
For some people, it's work.
有些人，是宗教。
Some people, it's religion.
无论是什么，这种独立性让你做自己，并追求比自我更宏大的目标。
Whatever it might be, that independence to be who you are and to chase something that is bigger than yourself.
去解决一个比你自己更宏大的问题。
Work on a problem that is bigger than yourself.
跟我谈谈财富的相对性，以及比较和参照物。
Talk to me about the relativity of wealth, the the comparison and anchors.
我认为你在说这个时必须谨慎用词，因为你可能会冒犯很多人。
I think it's it's you have to choose your words carefully when you say this because you can really offend a lot of people.
但如今，一个普通的中产阶级美国人，年收入六万美元——无论中位数收入是多少——过的生活，对于一百年前的人来说，简直如同魔法一般。
But the average ordinary median middle class American today earning $60,000, whatever whatever the median income is, lives a life that would be indistinguishable from magic to somebody a hundred years ago.
我的意思是，这确实是真的。
I mean, that's that's true.
仅仅是你我从不思考的最简单事物的获取，比如布洛芬、防晒霜，更不用说手机和互联网之类的东西，对过去的人而言，都会像是魔法。
Just the the access to the simplest things that you and I never think about, Advil, sunscreen, let alone phones and the Internet and whatnot, would have seemed like magic to people.
同样真实的是，这也是关键部分，同样真实的是，没有人醒来时会想着布洛芬有多么神奇，以及我们应该多么感激生活在一个拥有布洛芬、青霉素等等的世界。
It is also true, and this is the important part, it's also true that nobody wakes up thinking about how magical Advil is and how grateful we should be to live in a world that has Advil and penicillin and all.
没有人会想到，奢侈品变成必需品的速度只需两秒钟。
Nobody the speed at which a luxury becomes a necessity is two seconds.
你可以轻易想象一个世界，我们的孙辈生活在其中，如果我们能一窥其貌，拥有时光机，能看到他们在2150年的生活状态，可能会觉得，我简直无法想象，你们这些人醒来时一定非常幸福。
And you can easily imagine a world in which our grandkids live in a world that if we could get a glimpse of it, had a time machine, and could see how they're living in the world twenty one fifty, be like, I can't you you guys must be wake up so happy.
是的。
Yep.
我们已经攻克了癌症。
We've cured cancer.
你知道，我们完成了所有这些事情。
What what what you know, we've done all these things.
我们成为了多行星物种，无论那意味着什么，而他们不会感激其中的任何一项，因为这一切都将变得稀松平常。
We're we're a multiplanetary species, whatever it might be, and they won't appreciate any of it because it'll just become a normal thing.
因此，奢侈品迅速变为必需品，这向来如此。
And so that's always the case that luxury becomes necessity very, very quickly.
一直以来，财富都没有一个明确的定义。
It's always been the case that there's no definition of wealth.
财富没有一个客观的定义。
There's no objective definition of wealth.
唯一对人们有意义的定义是相对于他人的定义。
The only definition that makes sense to people is relative to other people.
因此，我拥有多少钱并不重要。
And so it doesn't matter how much money that I have.
唯一重要的是我拥有的比你多。
All that matters is that I have more than you.
这一直都是如此。
That's always been the case.
由于社交媒体的存在，现在这种情况的威力增强了100倍。
It is a 100 times more potent now because of social media.
所以我刚才说的在一百年前也是真实的。
So what I just said was true a hundred years ago.
一千年前也是如此。
It's true a thousand years ago.
你通过与他人比较来评判自己。
You judge yourself relative to other people.
但你现在用来与自己比较的群体，是经过算法筛选、突出展示的顶尖1%人群生活中最精彩时刻的精选集。
But your comparison group now that you're comparing yourself to is a curated algorithmic highlighted reel of the top 1% of moments of the top 1% of people's lives.
全球范围。
Globally.
是的。
Yes.
全球范围。
Globally.
因此，这催生了一种观念。
And so it's created this idea.
看。
Look.
根据数学的铁律，有一半的人口必须低于中位数。
As an iron rule of math, half the population has to be below the median.
是的。
Yep.
事情就是这么运作的。
That's just how it works.
有一半的人口必须低于平均水平。
Half the population has to be below average.
但当每个人几乎都被强制灌输着最顶尖1%的人生活中最顶尖1%的时刻时，你就创造了一种情境：许多人按任何历史标准来看都过着不错的生活。
And when everybody, though, is being almost force fed the top 1% of moments of the top 1% of people's lives, you create the situation where a lot of people are living good lives by any historical standard.
是的。
Yep.
但我们创造了一个世界，在这个世界里，我认为大多数人期待的实际上是顶尖1%的结果。
But we've created a world where I think most people expect what is effectively a top 1% outcome.
嗯哼。
Mhmm.
你在大学生身上经常看到这种情况，很多人认为，他们生活中最基本的标准应该是：从一所顶尖大学获得学士学位，一份起薪六位数的公司工作，优质的医疗保险和退休保障，以及一栋3000平方英尺、配有两辆SUV的房子。
And you see this a lot with with college students where a lot of people think that the, look, the baseline norm of what they want in life is a bachelor's degree from a flagship university, corporate job that pays low 6 figures to begin with, great health insurance, great retirement, a 3,000 square foot house with two SUVs.
这已经成为他们的基本标准，就像我理所当然该拥有的那样。
That's that's become their baseline norm of, like, that's the that's just what I expect.
任何低于这个标准的都被视为失败。
Anything short of that is Anything short of that is a failure.
是的。
Yep.
一方面，我希望能生活在一个期望不断提升的世界里。
And on one hand, I wanna live in a world that has rising expectations.
这正是进步的体现。
That's what progress is.
我希望生活在一个我的子孙后代所处的世界里，那里癌症已经被治愈，他们甚至都不会去想它。
I wanna live in a world where my grandkids live in a world where where cancer is cured, they don't even think about it.
这才是梦想。
That's the dream.
不断提高的期望本身就是进步。
Rising expectations are is progress.
这就是它的本质。
That's what it is.
但你也必须预期并理解，在那个世界里，无论是个人还是整个社会的成长，都不会像你想象的那样有感觉，因为它只是变成了你所期望的常态。
But you also also have to expect and understand that in that world, that growth individually and as a whole society is never gonna feel like you think it would be because it just becomes the norm that you're expecting.
是的。
Yeah.
中位数收入是83,000美元。
The median income is 83,000.
对于家庭来说，个人收入要低一些，因为每个家庭通常不止一个工作者。
For a household, individually, it's it's it's it's lower because there's there's more than one worker per household.
哦，是按家庭算的？
Oh, per household?
每个家庭大概有一个半或类似数量的工作者。
There's one and a half or whatever workers per household are.
哦，这很有趣。
Oh, that's interesting.
你说得对。
You're right.
美国中位数家庭收入。
The median US household income.
家庭收入。
Household income.
是的。
Yeah.
所以个人的话，大概是6万左右。
So so individually, it's probably 60 or something.
随便吧。
Whatever.
也许是5万。
Maybe 50.
随便吧。
Whatever.
哦，有意思。
Oh, interesting.
是的。
Yeah.
我认为这种相对性说法完全是正确的。
It I think the the sort of relativity thing is is completely true.
不存在客观的财富这种东西。
There is no such thing as objective wealth.
财富只是相对于你周围的人而言的主观感受。
There is only subjective wealth compared to the people around you.
但还有另一种比较，就是你昨天的自己。
But there's another comparison, and it's you yesterday.
对。
Yeah.
所以你不仅需要比周围的人更出色，即使你真的做到了——这本身就是刻意为之，你已经是这个群体中的异类。
So not only do you need to be more than the people around you, but let's say you even manage to do that, right, which is by design, you're the outlier in that group.
无论这个群体有多大，现在是八十亿人，但就你的朋友圈、邻里关系或其他任何小圈子而言，我已经做到了。
So however big the group is, which is now 8,000,000,000 people, but local friend group, neighborhood, whatever it might be, I've done it.
我在与我比较的那些人中，处于前10%或1%。
I'm in the top 10% or 1% of people that I compare myself to.
好吧。
Okay.
那你和昨天的自己相比，进展如何？
And how's your trajectory doing up against you?
是的。
Yeah.
因为你现在必须跑在一台跑步机上，这台跑步机不仅比你旁边所有人的跑步机都快，而且即使别人不提速，你的跑步机也会不断加速。
Because you now have to run on a treadmill that's not only faster than all of the other people running on treadmills next to you, but the treadmill can only get faster on yours irrespective of what they do at the same time.
关于这个进展的层面，我知道你是吉米·卡尓的铁粉。
And that that trajectory piece I know you're a massive fan of Jimmy Carr.
他是个很棒的朋友，这哥们简直太牛了。
He's a great friend, and and the guy fucking rules, dude.
最棒的。
The best.
他妈的太聪明了。
Fucking So smart.
他很棒。
He's great.
他有一个观点，认为轨迹比位置更重要。
And he has this idea trajectory is more important than position.
如果你是世界上第一百名的高山滑雪运动员，但去年你还排在第150名，那么你主观上比去年排名第一、今年排名第二的顶尖滑雪运动员处境更好。
If you were the hundredth best downhill skier in the world, but last year you were a 150, you are in a subjectively better position than the second best downhill skier in the world who last year was number one.
是的。
Yeah.
哦，这确实完全正确。
Oh, that's that's absolutely true.
我认为对很多人来说，他们真正喜欢的不是有钱，而是变得有钱的过程。
I think for a lot of people, what they really like with money is not even being rich.
是变得富有的过程。
It's the process of becoming rich.
轨迹的变化才更令人兴奋。
The change in in the trajectory is way more exciting.
哲学家安德鲁·塔特曾说过，拥有东西并不有趣。
The philosopher Andrew Tate once said, having things isn't fun.
获得东西才有趣。
Getting things is fun.
没错。
Sure.
这是一个深刻的见解。
It's an accurate insight.
我认为可能是纳斯说过，当你拥有某些东西时，人们就不会喜欢你了。
And I think it was Nas maybe who said, people don't like you when you have something.
当人们在追求某样东西时，别人会喜欢他们。
They like you when you're pursuing something.
是的。
Yeah.
你听说过大卫·巴斯的《欲望的进化》这本书吗？
Have you ever heard the book, The Evolution of Desire by David Buss?
当然听过。
Of course.
一本很棒的书。
Fantastic book.
他提到的一个观点，举的例子非常有趣：真正有吸引力的并不是那些拥有大量资源的人。
One of the things that he pointed out, the example that he gave, thought was so fascinating is what tends to be attractive are not people who have a lot of resources.
而是那些具备未来获取资源潜力的人。
It's people who have the potential to acquire future resources.
所以他举的例子是，医学生可能对伴侣更有吸引力。
So the example that he gave is a med school student might be more attractive to a mate
比医生更有吸引力。
Than a doctor.
比医生更有吸引力。
Than a doctor.
没错。
Yep.
关键在于他们所处的发展轨迹。
It's the trajectory that they're on.
为什么那个靠朋友沙发过活的饥饿吉他手反而能吸引所有女孩？
Why is it that the starving guitarist living on his friend's couch can kinda get all of the girls?
为什么？
Why?
为什么？
Why?
就像，你知道吗，我敢说摇滚明星也可以，只要他走在正确的轨道上。
Like, do you know, I'm sure the rock star could too as long as he's on the right trajectory.
但如果这位摇滚明星正在走下坡路，他就像是跌到1美元的比特币。
But if the rock star's facing down, he's kind of like Bitcoin at $1.
你之前提到过我们早期的一些节目。
You were talking about some of the early episodes that we'd done.
当你在某人旅程的起点时，你知道，我们第一次交谈是在那之前。
And it when you get to be at the start of somebody's journey you know, we spoke for the first time before
2019年？
2019?
这么说对吗？
Does that sound right?
是的。
Yeah.
2019年，也许甚至是2018年。
2019, maybe maybe even 2018.
是的。
Yeah.
在你写《金钱心理学》之前，甚至在你开始在合作基金博客上写作之前。
Before you'd written Psychology of Money, before I don't even know if you were blogging on collaborative funds.
我当时是个博主。
I was a blogger.
是的。
Yeah.
但你当时还在Motley Fool工作吗？
But were you still at Motley Fool?
不对。
No.
那是一个合作基金。
It was a collaborative fund.
当时还没写书。
Hadn't written a book yet.
是的。
Yeah.
你当时也是一个刚刚起步的视频播客。
And you were a very nascent vodcaster yourself.
对吧？
Right?
没错。
Correct.
是的。
Yeah.
那就像一个乱七八糟的婴儿幼儿项目。
It was a a blobby baby toddler thing.
不过，聊聊那个发展轨迹吧。
But, yeah, talk to me about that that trajectory piece.
你有没有什么例子或故事能说明，我不仅要比周围的人做得更好，还要比昨天的自己更好？
What are your have you got any examples, any stories that speak to that I must be better not only than the people around me, but also than me yesterday?
我觉得，说实话，对我来说挺奇怪的。
I think it's I mean, know, it was weird for me.
在我写书之前，我已经做了十五年的全职专业作家，当时作为博主和网络写手，我对自己的状态非常满意。
I I had been a full time professional writer for fifteen years before I wrote a book, and I was very comfortable in my position of where I was as as a blogger, as an online writer.
我觉得自己生活得很好，热爱自己所做的事情，收入足以让家人完全幸福并拥有一定的独立性，然后我在十五年后写了一本书，本以为它不会有任何影响，出版商也这么认为，但它却极大地提升了我的职业轨迹。
I felt like I had a great life, loved what I did, made enough money for my family to be totally happy and have some sense of independence, and then I wrote a book fifteen years into it that I never expected to do anything, and the publisher didn't expect to do anything, but massively increased the trajectory of my career.
那种感觉很棒。
And it felt great.
那种感觉很棒，我想大概持续了一年。
It felt it felt amazing for, I wanna say, a year.
然后，这就成了我现在所处的常态。
And then it became, this is just where I'm at now.
我认为幸福之所以是一种短暂的情绪，原因就在这里。
I think what the reason happiness is a fleeting emotion, which it is.
大多数人很少能长时间保持快乐。
Most people are never happy for more than a short period of time.
幸福是一种很棒的情绪，但它总是转瞬即逝。
It's a great emotion, but it's always fleeting.
因为让你快乐的是惊喜。
It's because what makes you happy is surprise.
是经历了一些你真正没有预料到的事情。
It's experiencing something that you genuinely did not expect.
所以当我事业出现这个转折时，有一段惊喜的时期。
And so when I had this bump in my career, there was a period of surprise.
我从未预料到会发生这样的事。
I never expected this to happen.
但过了一段时间后，就变成了：好吧。
And then after a period of time, it was like, okay.
我已经习惯了这种发展轨迹，这就是我们目前的状况。
I'm now I'm used to this trajectory, and this is where we're at.
所以我认为，即使你处于更高的发展轨迹上，也会很快适应。
So I think even when you're on a higher trajectory, you can get used to very quickly.
趋势会继续变得越来越陡峭。
Gradient continues to get steeper.
但问题是，随着斜率变得越来越陡，你能让它更垂直的方向空间就越少。
But the problem is as the gradient gets steeper, there are fewer and fewer degrees that you can make it go more vertically.
但即使你处于这种状态，比如还有一家叫文艺复兴科技的对冲基金。
But even if you're on this like, even if you're still so there's a hedge fund called Renaissance Technologies.
它是有史以来最成功的对冲基金。
It's the most successful hedge funds ever existed.
不可能吧。
No way.
你从来没听说过？它根本不向外部投资者开放。
You never heard of So it's it's a it's a it's not open to outside investors.
基本上只有员工才能投资，它完全处于一个独立的领域。
It's pretty much only employees get to invest in it, and it is in a universe of its own.
过去三十年，它的年均回报率达到66%。
Its average annual returns going back, like, thirty years are 66%.
这简直太离谱了——如果你对金融一无所知，这就像迈克尔·乔丹的50倍。
Just at a complete which if you don't know anything about finance, that is like Michael Jordan times 50.
这完全是另一个世界。
It's it's different universe.
但是你看。
And but look.
当你连续三十年每年都赚取66%的回报时。
When you've earned 66% every year For three thirty years.
如果你明年还能赚这么多，你确实变得更富有了，但你会觉得，是的。
And if you earn it next year, like, you got richer, but you're like, yeah.
这就是它的运作方式。
That's just what this does.
是的。
Yeah.
这就是我目前的情况。
That's just where I'm at.
对。
Yeah.
是的。
Yeah.
对。
Yeah.
这就是我所期待的。
That's that's what I expect.
我想象一下，当泰勒·斯威夫特巡演赚了十亿美元时，她也会说，对。
And I imagine, like, when Taylor Swift makes a billion dollars on tour, she's like, yeah.
这就是我平时的做法。
That's that's just that's what I do.
任何低于这个标准的都是失败。
And anything short of that is a failure.
任何低于这个标准的都是失败。
Anything short of that is a failure.
对。
Right.
对。
Right.
我认为，无论你做什么，情况总是这样。
I think that's always the case with anything that you do.
约翰·贝尔ion的一首歌里有一句很棒的歌词。
Great line in a John Bellion song.
他说：如果我爬得越高，摔得就越惨，那为什么还要去爱任何东西呢？
He says, if the higher I climb is the further I fall, then why love anything at all?
他谈论的是情感连接、打开心扉，然后可能被伤害。
He's talking about emotional connection and opening up your heart and then potentially being broken.
但当涉及到地位、追求、金钱、成功和荣誉时，同样的道理也绝对成立。
But the same thing is absolutely true when it comes to status and striving and money and success and accolade.
你上一张专辑获得了格莱美提名。
Your last album got a Grammy nomination.
今年，它必须获得提名或获奖，或者你最好拿到两个。
Well, this year, it better get a nomination or win or you better get two.
是的
Yeah.
否则你就是在倒退。
Or else you're going backward.
这不太好。
It's not very good.
我认为这里特别有趣的一个职业是美国总统，因为你是世界上最有权力的人，拥有的一切触手可及。
The one career profession I think is really interesting in here is president of The United States because you are the most powerful man in the world with anything at your fingertips.
而民主的美妙之处在于，这是一份短期工作。
And by the beauty of democracy, it's a short term job.
没错。
Yep.
在成为世界上最有权力的人之后，有一天你醒来，却只是个名叫乔治·布什的普通人。
And after being the most powerful man in the world, one day you wake up and you're just some guy named George Bush.
很少有职业像这样，你曾在巅峰时刻俯瞰一切，但终将结束。
And there's there's very few careers that are like that, where you are absolutely tippity top for a moment, but it's going to end.
而且，是的，你可以出书、做演讲，赚一大笔钱，但总有一天会到来，那时没人再关心你。
And, yes, you you can you can have book deals and speaking deals and have a good fortune, but you know there's gonna come a specific day where nobody cares about you.
我的意思是，想象一下你写的第一本书就成为全球畅销书，销量之高前所未有，然后你还得写第二本、
Well, I mean, imagine the first book that you write being a global international bestseller at a rate that's hereto unknown of in the entire industry and then having to write a second one and a
第三本、第四本。
third And a third one and a fourth one.
是的。
Yeah.
不。
No.
这对我来说很有趣。
It's a it's an interesting thing for me.
而且，是的，这
And, yeah, it's
但在这方面，你的处境其实相当不错。
been But you're in oddly oddly good company with regards to that.
詹姆斯·克利尔也做过同样的事。
James Clear did the same thing.
是的。
Yep.
如果你排除那些模型，马克·曼森也做过同样的事。
If you discount models, Mark Manson did the same thing.
是的。
Yep.
你其实属于一个当代群体，这些人都是在高中时期就达到了巅峰。
The there is a you're in a sort of contemporary club of people who kind of did the same of peaking at in high school
对。
Yeah.
就他们的写作生涯而言。
With regards to their writing career.
但这并不是说这不能被超越，
And that's not to say that it can't be beaten,
但能够超越它的能力非常困难，因为不仅你自己的期望会发生变化，更重要的是，别人的期望也会改变。
but the ability to be able to beat it is so It's so difficult because your own and, importantly, everybody else's expectations shift.
没错。
Correct.
不只是更高了。
Not just higher.
它们会飙升到极致。
They they they go stratospheric.
是的。
Yeah.
是的。
Yeah.
是的。
Yeah.
这充分说明了期望的重要性。
Which says a lot about the importance of expectations.
是的。
Yeah.
对。
Yeah.
这关乎一切。
It's it's everything.
我认为我第一本书能卖得不错，很大程度上是因为没人对它抱有期待。
And I think a lot of the reason that maybe my first book did well is because nobody expected anything from it.
没人，读者也没期待什么。
Nobody expect readers didn't expect anything.
出版商，我也没期待。
The publisher, I didn't expect.
当时一切全是上行空间。
It was all it was all upside right there.
此后的一切，如果每句话都不能带来翻天覆地的改变，我都认为是失败。
And everything came that came after that was like, if this is anything short of of absolute life changing in every sentence, I'm gonna consider it a failure.
顺便说一下，我用了好几年的Eight Sleep了，真的无法想象没有它的生活。
A quick aside, I've been using Eight Sleep for years, and I genuinely can't imagine life without it.
拥有一张能主动调节床铺两侧温度的床垫，简直是革命性的改变。
Having a mattress that actively cools and heats each side of the bed is a total game changer.
而最新款的Pod Five则将体验提升到了新高度。
And the newest model, the Pod five, takes things to the next level.
它现在配备了一款温控羽绒被，能与智能床垫罩协同工作，实现全身气候调控，整晚从各个角度维持你理想的温度。
It now includes a temperature regulating duvet that works with the smart mattress cover to deliver full body climate control, maintaining your ideal temperature from every angle all night long.
新的底座还内置了扬声器，你可以听着环境音、雨声或医生的讲解入睡。
The new base also includes a built in speaker, so you can fall asleep to ambient sound rainfall or Doctor.
安德鲁·休伯曼，任何能帮你放松的东西都行。
Andrew Huberman, whatever helps you switch off.
并且通过升级的生物传感器，它现在能每晚进行健康检测，识别呼吸中断、异常心率或你HIV的突然变化。
And with upgraded biometric sensors, it now runs nightly health checks, identifying disrupted breathing, abnormal heartbeats, or sudden changes in your HIV.
它现在能更出色地调节温度、加热、抬升并监测你的睡眠，这也是为什么Eight Sleep已被临床证明，能让你每晚多获得一小时优质睡眠。
It now cools, heats, elevates, and monitors your sleep better than ever, which is why Eight Sleep has been clinically proven to give you up to one hour more of quality sleep every night.
如果你还在犹豫，他们提供三十天的睡眠试用，你可以购买后试用二十九晚。
And if you're still on the fence, they have a thirty day sleep trial, so you can buy it and sleep on it for twenty nine nights.
如果你不喜欢，他们会全额退款，而且他们支持国际配送。
And if you don't like it, they'll just give you your money back, plus they ship internationally.
现在，通过访问下方描述中的链接，前往 8sleep.com/modernwisdom 并在结账时使用代码 Modern Wisdom，即可享受高达 350 美元的折扣。
Right now, you can get up to $350 off the pod five by going to the link in the description below by heading to 8sleep.com/modernwisdom and using the code Modern Wisdom at checkout.
就是 eightsleep.com/modernwisdom，结账时输入 Modern Wisdom。
That's eightsleep.com/modernwisdom and Modern Wisdom at checkout.
你认为现代人的不满有多少是源于与我们其实并不想成为的人进行比较？
How much of modern dissatisfaction do you think comes from comparing ourselves to people that we don't actually want to be like?
我觉得这和我们之前讨论的内容是一致的，那就是地球上最富有、最有权力的许多人，私下里甚至公开地都过得不快乐。
I think that that marries what we were talking about before, which is a lot of the richest, most powerful people on the planet are secretly or even kinda publicly miserable.
不想成为？
Don't wanna be?
是的。
Yeah.
我觉得更重要的是，你还记得MTV的《豪宅》这个节目吗？
I think what's more important you remember the show the show MTV Cribs?
当然记得。
Of course.
你有那个年代的记忆吗？
You have that generation?
我知道你还年轻。
I know you're young.
是的。
Yeah.
是的。
Yeah.
是的。
Yeah.
是的。
Yeah.
是的。
Yeah.
那是大多数人了解另一半人如何生活的窗口。
That was that was most people's view into how the other half lives.
那是在社交媒体之类的东西出现之前，情况就是那样。
This is before social media and whatnot, and that was it.
但这并没有真正膨胀你的渴望，因为你知道那不是同龄人。
But it didn't really inflate your aspirations because you know that's not a peer.
那是Jay z。
It's Jay z.
那是Shaq。
It's Shaq.
当然，他的房子比我的大。
Of course, he has a bigger house than I do.
社交媒体做的是，它向你展示了那些表面上应该是同辈的人，或者至少这是其理念。
What's what social media did is it showed you people who ostensibly should be peers, or at least that's the that's the idea.
还有Instagram登录。
An Instagram login as well.
他们使用的平台和你一样。
They use the same platform that you do.
那只是普通人，不是名人。
That's just a norm that's not a celebrity.
那不是沙奎尔·奥尼尔。
It's not Shaq.
那只是个看起来像我的人，但他显然过着比我好得多的生活。
It's just a guy who looks like me, but he's obviously living a much better life than I do.
所以这就产生了一种想法，好像那才是我应该达到的状态，我认为这正是它的毒害所在。
So it created this idea that, like, that's that's where I should be, and I think that's that's the poison of what it is.
它给人一种印象，那些人向你展示的只是他们生活中极其微小的一部分。
It it gives the impression that people who, a, are are showing you a tiny little fraction of their life.
它让你觉得，此时此刻你也应该在做同样的事情。
It gives you the impression that that's what you should be doing right now at this moment too.
你对金钱与地位之间的关系有什么新的认识？
What is what what have you come to learn about the relationship between money and status?
你提到我们的朋友吉米·卡，我非常钦佩他，我觉得他太出色了。
You bring up our friend Jimmy Carr, who I I admire so I I think he's so brilliant.
我对喜剧演员有着特别的喜爱。
I have a such a fondness for comedians.
你有和他聊过吗？
Have you got to speak to him?
没有。
No.
我们偶尔发过几次私信，但我真的很喜欢他。
We've DMed a couple times, but that but I I love the guy.
他太棒了。
He's so great.
我觉得喜剧演员了不起的地方在于，如果你喜欢某个喜剧演员，你根本不知道也不关心他们赚了多少钱。
I think what's great about comedians and is that if you have a favorite comedian, you don't know and you don't care how much money they make.
几周前我现场观看了路易·C·K的表演，这就是他的一部分。
I saw Louis CK live a couple weeks ago, and this is part of who he is.
他踉踉跄跄地走上舞台。
He stumbles out on stage.
他穿着一件明显太大了的衬衫和一条有点脏的牛仔裤，但人们就是喜欢他。
He's wearing, like, a a shirt that's way too big for him and his dirty jeans kinda and people love him.
他们喜欢每一刻，因为你喜爱他们，是因为他们的喜剧才华，这显而易见。
They love every second of it because what you love them for is their comedy, obviously.
你根本不会去在意，这真是种罕见的情况——我所看重你的地方，和你的经济成就完全无关。
You just you don't you don't it's a rare situation where I'm like, the what I value you for has nothing to do whatsoever with your financial success.
所以，你谈到了金钱与权力之间的关系。
And so you have the relationship between money and power.
如果你在谈论一位商人或企业家，你可能会根据他们的净资产来衡量他们的成功。
If you're talking about a businessman or an entrepreneur, you might measure their success based off of their net worth.
如果你最喜欢的运动员有赌博成瘾并输光了所有钱，但他在球场上依然那么精彩有趣，你也不会太在意。
If you're talking about if your favorite athlete had had a had a gambling addiction and lost all their money, but they're still just so much fun to watch on the court, you wouldn't care that much.
有很多运动员和喜剧演员都符合这种情况。
And there's a lot of athletes who did fit that that bill and and comedians who might fit that bill.
如果——当然这不是事实——但假如我最喜欢的喜剧演员，我发现他还没找到赚钱的方法，而且他真的身无分文，住在一间小公寓里。
If and this is not the case, but if my favorite comedian, if if I found out, like, he hasn't figured out how to monetize it yet, and and the guy's actually broke and lives in a tiny apartment.
我不在乎。
I don't care.
我会看他的每一个专场，是的。
I'm gonna watch every special Yeah.
因为我看重的不仅仅是钱。
Because I value them for something more than money.
对你最好的朋友也是如此。
And that's true for your bet your best friends.
我在书里写过这件事。
I wrote about this in the book.
我有一个最好的朋友，我已经认识他二十年了。
One of my best friends, I've known him for twenty years.
这个最棒的人，和他一起玩总是特别开心，我认识他很久了。
The best guy had so much fun hanging out with this guy, and I've known him forever.
在我们同龄人当中，他赚的钱远远是最少的，真的是最少的，这让他非常困扰。
And of our peer group, he makes by far the least amount of money, by far the least amount of money, and it really bothers him.
他经常谈论自己感到多么自卑之类的话题。
And he talks about how inferior he feels and whatnot.
有一天我告诉他，如果你是个有趣的笑话讲述者、是个好朋友、和你相处很愉快、我喜欢我们的对话、你努力工作养家、是个好父亲、好丈夫、好公民，如果你做到了这些，你已经赢得了我愿意给任何人的90%的分数。
And I told him one day, I was like, if you are a funny joke teller and a good friend, you're fun to hang out with, I love our conversations, you're working hard to support your family, you're a good dad, you're a good husband, you're a good citizen, if you do those things, you've earned 90% of the points that I am willing to give anybody.
如果你恰好也富有且成功，我可能会把你提升到，比如说，9.2分。
If you also happen to be rich and successful, I might bump you up to, like, a 9.2.
但我们别假装，比如，我喜欢你、欣赏你的地方是因为你
But let's not pretend that, like, what I enjoy about you and like about you is that you
不过，他的问题并不在于你对他的热情和尊重。
His issue, though, is not your warmth and respect to him.
他的问题在于他对自己的看法。
His issue is his perspective of himself.
对。
Right.
是他对自身的感受，而不是他觉得你对他有什么看法。
It's how he feels about him, not how he feels you feel about him.
我认为，在某种程度上，这是不可避免的。
I think and in some ways, this is unavoidable.
我并不是说这是一件坏事。
So I'm not saying this is even a bad thing.
这只是一个现实。
It's just a real thing.
嗯。
Mhmm.
但我们总希望别人钦佩我们的原因是财富。
But we wanna think that what people admire us for is our is is is our wealth.
而90%的情况下，如果你回顾生命中对你最重要的人，他们看重的并不是你的财富。
And 90% of the time, if you run through the people who are most meaningful to you in your life, they don't value you for your wealth.
而他们看重的东西与金钱毫无关系。
And the thing that they value for has nothing to do with money.
我的孩子们一点也不在乎我去年的收入是否增加，或者我们的净资产是多少。
My kids don't care in the slightest whether my income went up last year or what our net worth is.
他们在乎的是我是否倾听他们，是否在车道上和他们一起踢足球，是否给他们读书，以及我是否是一个好朋友。
They care that I listen to them and that I play football with them in the driveway and that I read books to them and that I and then that I'm a good friend.
我……我还有一个朋友，就是那个带我参观他那栋大部分都没用过的超大房子的朋友，他说，有时候我会希望我爸爸只是个开着斯巴鲁的普通人，那样钱的问题就真的不存在了。
I I have I have I have another friend, the same friend who gave me the tour of his very large house that was mostly not used, who said, sometimes I have days where I I wish my dad was just a normal guy who drove a Subaru, that the money was actually getting away.
他继承了
It was getting He inherited
他继承了那笔钱？
he inherited the money?
是的。
Yes.
对。
Right.
这笔钱反而妨碍了他成为一个普通的好父亲。
That the money was getting in the way of his ability to just be a normal good dad.
当你拥有那么多钱时，它就成为了他们生活中一切活动的中心。
And when you have that much money, it was the it was the center of everything that they did in life.
就像是，我们该如何用我们的钱来做慈善以及维持我们的生活？
Was like, how do we use our money for philanthropy and the lifestyle that we live?
然后他说，有时候我只希望我爸爸能像个普通人一样，带我出去打棒球。
And he's like, sometimes I just want my dad to just go out and play baseball with me, to be a normal guy.
这不是很奇怪吗？那些为钱挣扎的人痴迷于钱，而那些有很多钱的人也痴迷于钱？
Isn't that strange that people who are struggling for money are obsessed with money, and people who have lots of money are obsessed with money?
杠铃两端的这两个群体，他们花费大量时间思考的，很大程度上都是他们的财富。
Both groups at both ends of the barbell are much of what they're spending their time thinking about is their wealth.
我认为生活中的很多事情都是如此。
I think that's true for a lot of things in life.
如果你认识经历过不孕不育的人，他们会不惜一切代价要一个孩子。
If you've known someone who's dealt with infertility, they will do anything to have a kid.
他们会不惜一切代价，甚至砍掉自己的手臂，只为拥有一个孩子。
They wouldn't chop off their arms, do anything to have a baby.
嗯哼。
Mhmm.
如果你认识那些有新生儿的人，他们会不惜一切代价只为了今晚能睡一觉。
If you know people who have newborns, they would do anything to sleep tonight.
他们会砍掉自己的手臂。
They would chop off their arms
是的。
Yeah.
为了让孩子闭嘴，让我能睡一会儿。
For this kid to shut up and let me sleep.
对。
Yeah.
总有一种情况，就是你对某样东西的重视程度。
There's always a case that, like, the extent to which you value something.
如果你想要某样东西却得不到，你会觉得它比什么都重要。
If if you want something and you can't have it, you value it more than anything.
当你拥有了它，它的价值就会降低。
When you have it, the value diminishes.
如果它被从你手中夺走，那么你对它的感知价值又会急剧上升。
And if it's taken away from you, then the perceived value goes up tremendously again.
这种幼稚的想法，认为稀缺等于价值。
Such playground mentality, this sort of scarcity equals value
是的。
Yeah.
对每一件事都是这样。
For for everything.
怎么可能
How could
但还能有别的可能吗？
it be any other way, though?
当然，这一直都是如此。
Of course, that's that's always what it is.
稀缺性等于价值。
That scarcity equals value.
因为多巴胺是一种极其强大的药物。
Because dopamine is a hell of a drug.
就是这样。
That's it.
我的意思是，这占了很大一部分原因。
I mean, that that's a lot of it.
在一个竞争激烈的世界里，我们都在争夺注意力、工作、伴侣，我们始终在竞争，无论我拥有多少，都不重要。
And in a competitive world where we're all competing for attention, we're competing for jobs, we're competing for spouses, we're always competing, again, it doesn't matter how much I have.
重要的是我比你拥有得更多。
It just matters that I have more than you.
我认识的最快乐的人，往往是那些最知足的人，而不一定是 richest、最健康或最成功的人。
The happiest people I know are the most content, not necessarily the richest, healthiest, or most successful.
是否有可能培养知足感？
Is it possible to train contentment?
我认为这相当困难。
Pretty difficult, I think.
我认为行为金融学中有很多因素表明，这很大程度上取决于你的本性，而你的本性在出生时就已经定型，对此你能做的改变并不多。
I think there are a lot of things in behavioral finance that it's just who you are, and that who you are was forged at conception, and there's not a lot you can do about it.
丹尼尔·卡尼曼是一位心理学家，曾获得诺贝尔经济学奖。
Daniel Kahneman was a psychologist, won the Nobel Prize in economics.
他基本上算是行为金融学之父，提出了我们都在讨论的、支配我们如何看待金钱和成功的大部分理论。
Is basically the godfather of behavioral finance, came up with the vast majority of the theories that we all talk about that dictate how we think about money and success.
我们有一次问他，他过去七十年所做的所有这些研究，是否让他更擅长做决策了？
And we asked him one time, like, has all of this research that he had done over the previous seventy years, has it made him better at making decisions?
他说，没有。
And I'm like, no.
毫不犹豫地。
Without hesitation.
不。
No.
不。
No.
不。
No.
所以你会想，像他这样的人，这些研究也未必帮到他。
And so you're like, if somebody like him, it hasn't necessarily helped him.
所以我认为，人们常犯的错误是以为：只要我了解了财富、金钱和投资的心理学，就能改变自己、改变行为。
So I think for a lot of this, the flaw that people make is seem like, I I can learn about the psychology of wealth and money and investing and then change myself and change my behavior.
但很多证据表明，不行，你做不到。
And I think a lot of it a lot of the evidence is no, you can't.
我认为你最好的做法是更清楚地认识自己，接受它，并围绕这个事实制定财务计划和目标。
I think the best you can do is become more aware of who you are and accept it and build a financial plan and build goals that are around that.
我给你举个例子。
I'm gonna I'll I'll I'll give you an example of this.
杰夫·贝索斯曾谈到他在1994年（我记得是那一年）创立亚马逊时，他运用了如今广为人知的‘遗憾最小化框架’。
Jeff Bezos was talking about when he started Amazon in 1994, I think it was, and he used the this is now famous, the regret minimization framework.
他说，如果我创立了亚马逊但失败了，我不会为此感到后悔。
And he said, if I started Amazon and it failed, I would not regret that.
但如果我没有创立它，我将会抱憾终生。
But if I didn't start it, I would regret that for the rest of my life.
我记得听到这个说法时，心想：这真是太棒了。
And I remember hearing that and being like, that's awesome.
我很喜欢这一点，但这完全不像我。
I love that, and that is so not me.
如果我把所有的一切都投入一家初创公司，为父母筹集资金，每周工作一百五十个小时，持续五年，结果却失败了，我会崩溃的。
If I put everything I had into a startup and raised money for my parents and worked a hundred and fifty hours a week for five years and it failed, I would be beside myself.
但是，我很高兴他和其他这样的人存在。
And that's and that's but I'm so glad that he and other people exist.
这正是为什么他是亿万富翁，而你不是。
Which is exactly why he's a billionaire and you're not.
并不完全是这样。
It's not exactly.
而且永远都不会是。
And and never will be.
而且也不是，所以那种认为你必须弄清楚自己是什么样的人的想法。
And it's not and so the the idea that, like, you have to figure it out what kind of person you are.
所以回到之前，我不应该训练自己去想，我该如何培养企业家的心态？
And so back to, like, I I should not train myself to be like, how can I train myself to have the entrepreneur's mentality?
我不需要。
I don't.
没关系。
It's okay.
这没什么大不了的。
It's not that big a deal.
我应该只是创造一种能最大化展现真实自我的生活，而不是试图成为不是自己的人。
I should just create a life that maximizes who I am, rather than try to be someone who I'm not.
在这个背景下，了解自己有哪些重要的方面？
What are the important things to learn about who you are in this context?
我认为其中很大一部分是设定不超出自己家屋顶的目标，以一种积极的方式保持自私。
I think so much of it is having goals that don't leave the roof of your own house, kinda just being very selfish in a positive way.
当你追求的目标或所做的事情对别人非常适合但对你不合适时，很多糟糕的财务决策就会发生。
I think a a lot of bad financial decisions happen when you are chasing a goal or doing something that is very right for another person but wrong for you.
这是最容易陷入的陷阱，因为你可能会想：克里斯这么做了，对他有效，他也很开心。
And it's the easiest trap to fall into because you're like, Chris did that, and it worked for him, and he's really happy with it.
是的。
Mhmm.
所以我也应该这么做。
So I should do it too.
如果你追求的是那些对别人也不成功的想法，那情况就不同了，因为结果早已显而易见。
And it's it's it's one thing if you're chasing ideas that didn't work out for other people, then, like, the writing was already on the wall.
但如果你尝试去做一件不仅成功而且别人还很喜欢的事情，那你就会觉得：哦，那我也应该喜欢它，却忽略了每个人都是如此截然不同。
But if I try to do something that not only was successful but that you love, then it's like, oh, well, I I should love this too without the the acknowledgment that everybody is very is so incredibly different.
我在金钱方面做的很多事情，其他人（也许是你）看了可能会觉得，我不明白这有什么意义。
There are a lot of things that I do with my money that other people, maybe you, would look at and be like, I don't it doesn't make any sense to me.
我不理解你为什么要那样做。
I don't understand why you're doing that.
而90%的情况下，我的回答会是：是的。
And 90% of the time, my answer would be like, yeah.
我明白这对你行不通。
I I understand it wouldn't work for you.
你可能也会做一些让我抓狂的事情。
You probably do things that would drive me crazy too.
这没什么，很正常。
And then that's and it's fine.
如果我们在谈论对食物或音乐的品味，人们会非常清楚地理解这一点。
And people understand that very vividly if we're talking about our taste in food or music.
他们会说，每个人都是不同的。
They're like, everyone's different.
比如，你喜欢意大利菜。
Like, you like Italian food.
我喜欢什么无所谓。
I like doesn't matter.
没有谁是对的。
There's nobody's right.
这完全是主观的。
It's all subjective.
但当涉及到你应该如何管理你的钱以及你应该过什么样的生活方式时，这真的会让人感到困扰。
But when it comes to how you should manage your money and the lifestyle that you should live, it really bothers people.
我认为部分原因在于，显然在如何做这件事上没有正确答案。
I think part of it is because there's obviously no right answers in how to do this.
这一切都非常不确定。
This is all very uncertain.
如何积累财富是不确定的。
How to build wealth is uncertain.
如何管理财富、如何消费，这一切都是不确定的。
How to manage it, how to spend it, it's all uncertain.
所以当你看到别人做法与你不同时，你不会觉得‘哦，这或许是另一种方式’，而是会...
And so when you see somebody doing it differently than you are, you you take it as not like, oh, maybe that's a different way to do it.
你把它视为对决策的威胁
You take it as a threat to the the decisions that
你说得对
you true.
这就是一切。
It's this is everything.
这不是
This isn't
仅仅是财富。
just wealth.
这就是为什么我认为租房与买房的争论会如此激烈。
This is why I think the rent versus buy argument gets so heated.
因为说实话，租房和买房哪个更好，并不明显。
Because if you've like, because it honestly, it's it's not it's not obviously clear which is better, rent and buy.
任何人都能从正反两方面提出论点。
You like, anybody can make the argument either way.
但如果你背了巨额房贷，把全部积蓄都投进了房子，有人却告诉你租房更好，你会觉得这是一种威胁。
But if you've if you have a giant mortgage and you put your life savings into your house and somebody tells you renting was better, you're like, that's a threat.
这威胁到了我的自我认同，所以我一定会激烈反击。
That's a threat to my identity, and I'm gonna respond viciously now.
你之前说过一句话，说网上大多数争论其实都是因为不同观点的人无法理解彼此？
What's that line of yours where you say most debating on the Internet are just people with differing perspectives being unable to understand the others?
彼此各说各话。
Talking over each other.
是的。
Yeah.
人们只是
People just
大多数人，无论是关于如何投资你的钱。
Most people, whether whether it's how you invest your money.
当人们说不的时候。
When people are like, no.
比特币。
Bitcoin.
不。
No.
指数基金。
Index funds.
他们只是不同的人在互相打断。
They're just they're different people talking over
彼此。
each other.
有人试图告诉一个指数基金投资者该如何成为比特币投资者。
Guy trying to tell you an index fund guy how to be a Bitcoin guy.
真相可能是，比特币是你应该投资的绝对正确方式，而指数基金是我应该投资的完全正确方式。
And and and and the truth might be, it's like Bitcoin is the absolute right way that you should invest, and index funds are the exact way that I should invest.
这就是很多人在讨论这个问题时陷入的误区。
And that's where a lot of people get like, most debates about this.
人们有着不同的时间跨度、不同的风险承受能力、不同的文化背景和不同的家庭目标，却没能理解，拥有不同观点是完全可以的。
There's people with different time horizons, different risk tolerances, different cultures, different family goals, and not understanding that it's okay for people to have different views.
花钱向别人炫耀你有多少财富，是迅速破产的捷径，也是用昂贵方式换取尊重的方式。
Spending money to show people how much money you have is a fast way to go broke and an expensive way to gain respect.
这是最快让你变穷的方法。
It's the fastest way to have less money.
花钱向别人炫耀你有多少财富，是最快让你变穷的方法。
Spending money to show people how much money you have is the fastest way to have less money.
因此，我认为最有价值的财务资产之一，就是不需要向陌生人证明自己。
And so this is why I think one of the most valuable financial assets is not needing to impress strangers.
是的。
Yeah.
你资产负债表上最有价值的金融资产，就是能够说：我想把钱当作工具，为自己和家人创造更好的生活。
It's the most valuable financial asset that you can have on your balance sheet is to say, I wanna use money as a tool to give myself and my family a better life.
我不希望把它当作衡量社会地位的标尺。
I do not wanna use it as a yardstick of social status.
总的来说，因为我们几乎总是严重高估了别人对我们的关注程度。
By and large, because we massively overestimate almost always how much other people are paying attention to us.
我看过一些非常有趣的研究。
I've seen some fascinating studies.
我觉得这些研究设计得非常好：一些研究人员让一位女性穿上一件明显丑陋的毛衣——那种滑稽到夸张的丑毛衣，然后送她去参加一个派对。
I thought they were so well designed of the study where some researchers took a woman and they put her in an objectively hideous ugly sweater, like like like like a comically ugly sweater, and sent her into a party.
她在那里四处走动，带着一种羞耻感，回来后，研究人员问她：派对上有多少人注意到你的毛衣了？
And she mingled about, like, with a sense of humiliation, and she came back out, and they said, how many people in the party noticed your sweater?
她回答：所有人都注意到了。
And she's like, everybody.
大家都盯着我看，还在笑我。
Like, everybody's staring at me and laughing.
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