#1063 - 查理·霍珀特 - 如何在旧我的死亡中生存

当你自我认知超越了这种一致性时，那种恐惧就会出现——你不再能完全信任那个你正在意识到的新的自我部分。

And the terror that happens when your sense of self expands outside of that congruence, where you no longer feel the ability to fully trust this new piece of yourself that you're becoming aware of.

也许不是新的部分，而是你开始意识到的某个部分。

Perhaps not a new piece, but a piece that you're becoming aware of.

嗯。

Mhmm.

作为一名教授魅力的人，我早就认识到，信念——如果非得说一点的话——是魅力的支柱，那就是在自身内部保持一致和内在协调的能力。

And as someone who teaches charisma, I have long recognized that conviction is if I had to say one thing, it is the backbone of charisma, is the is the ability to be congruent on your own side and internally aligned.

但它并非全部，因为这种状态并不允许在这个阶段继续成长。

But it's not the end all be all because if you it doesn't allow for growth in that phase.

所以你看像康纳·麦格雷戈这样的人，信念极强，但也有情绪问题，似乎没能很好地整合，因为那需要他去怀疑：嘿。

So you look at, like, Conor McGregor, super high conviction, has had some emotional issues that he doesn't seem to have been able to integrate well because that would require him to doubt, hey.

也许我最近的行为并不够好。

Maybe I haven't been behaving in the best way lately.

但正是这种信念带他走到了今天，那为什么要放弃它呢？

But the conviction has what's taken him to where he is, so why trade it in?

是的

Yep.

对吧？

Right?

是的

Yep.

你是在要求别人放弃那些他们有证据证明在现实世界中有效、能带来尊重和钦佩的东西，而去选择一种会失去这一切、让人感觉糟糕、并让他们退回到白带水平的行为。

You're you're asking somebody to get rid of the thing that they have evidence is effective at getting them results in the real world and respect and admiration in order to do a thing which loses all of that and feels like shit and puts them back to before a white belt.

嗯。

Mhmm.

人们选择不接受这种交换，这有什么好惊讶的吗？

Is it any surprise that people choose to not take that trade?

这对我来说一点也不意外。

Like, it's no no surprise to me at all.

反而让人惊讶的是，居然还有人选择走另一条路。

It's shocking that anybody does otherwise.

这才是更大的惊喜，而且如果我听人们谈论过，乔·哈德森也说过类似的话，那就是你逐渐进入一种别无选择的状态。

It's that's that's the bigger surprise, and it only and if I've heard people talk, Joe Hudson says something similar, which is you enter into increasingly a state of choicelessness.

这并不是我从战略角度会做出的选择。

Like, this is not what I would elect from a strategic choice.

我的头脑并不清楚地看到这种做法的价值，但我的其他部分却不同，我们可以谈谈，当你的觉知从‘我就是我的想法’、‘我在思考事情’、‘我有策略、计划、与世界互动的方式’这样的层面转移时。

My mind does not see the value of this so clearly, but some other part of me, and we could talk as your sense of awareness moves from I am my thoughts, I am thinking about things, I have strategies, plans, ways of engaging with the world.

我也把自己定位得更高一些，但更贴近身体。

Like, I I locate myself up here too, a bit more embodied.

我能感受到臀部贴着地面，双脚踩在地板上，还有那条中央支柱、心脏，以及这里这一部分。

I feel my butt on the ground, my feet on the floor, and really, like, the central column, the heart, the this piece right here.

这是最脆弱的部分。

This is the tender piece.

这是能够展现脆弱的部分。

This is the piece that can do vulnerability.

这是能够流泪、哭泣、去爱和全心拥抱的部分。

This is the piece that can weep and cry and love and hug fully.

这个部分拥有出色的战略。

This is the piece that has wonderful strategies.

是的。

Yeah.

这真的很棒，我不想把它丢弃。

And it's really cool, and I don't wanna throw it out.

我想，我也曾一度试图这样做，但那是错误的。

I think that's that was something I also tried to do for a period of time, which was a mistake.

那是什么样子？

What what did that look like?

所以，我认为人们——尤其是男性——对敏感和脆弱产生负面联想的部分原因在于，当这种状态尚未完全整合时，早期阶段看起来就像你是一根紧绷的神经。

So this is where I think part of the reason that I think people, men in particular, have negative associations with sensitivity and vulnerability is because it some of the early stages of arriving there where it's not more fully integrated can look like you're just a raw nerve.

任何触碰你的人，你都会立刻哭泣，缺乏自我控制。

And anyone who touches you, you just cry, and there's there's a lack of containment.

这种脆弱还没有得到充分的体现。

There's not a full embodiment of the vulnerability.

因此，帮助你保持过去与未来之间连贯线索的一部分，是你头脑的作用。

And so part of what helps you have some consistent thread of past future is your head.

它是你需要用来制定策略的那部分。

It's the part of you like, you need it to strategize.

但我认为关键的转变在于——再次强调，我在这方面仍是个学习者。

But I think the big shift, and again, I'm very much a student in this.

我从比我更资深的人身上学习，那就是这种思维从主导者转变为工具。

I'm learning from people far ahead of me, is that this switches from the master to the the tool.

对吧？

Right?

头脑、策略，所有这类东西，变成你可以偶尔动用的工具，而不是在你静坐冥想时一直喋喋不休的东西。

The the mind, the strategy, all of that sort of stuff becomes something that you can deploy from time to time, but not something that when you sit and meditate, chats the entire time.

你可以更频繁地进入一种更安静、更切身的感受状态。

You can drop into a quieter felt place more often.

而且，再次说明，我在这里有点超出了自己的能力范围，因为我还没真正活出那种状态。

And, again, I'm I'm a bit above my pay grade here because I don't live there.

我在说这件事。

I'm talking about the thing.

是的。

Mhmm.

是的。

Mhmm.

有多少人能有这种选择呢？

How many people have the choice with this?

另一件让我感到沮丧的事是，我原本以为有很多人和你我一样，已经达到了成就的门槛，却一次次地调整目标。

This is another thing that upsets me is I had the impression that there are so many guys that are, like, similar to you and I, have hit achievement thresholds and moved goalposts so many times.

我钦佩他们，仰望他们，从他们身上学到了大量关于商业的知识。

And I admire them, and I look up to them, and I've learned a ton about business from them.

我看到很多像你这样的圈内影响者，我觉得他们就在那里。

And I I see so many of the influencers like you and at in the space, I feel like they're there.

我和很多人聊过这个话题，是的。

I have this conversation with a lot of people Mhmm.

我以前听过类似的说法，哇，真厉害。

And what I've heard before is like, oh, wow.

你谈到这些事情的时候，我手臂上的汗毛都竖起来了。

The hair on my arms is standing up as you're talking about this stuff.

我有这种感觉。

I feel it.

确实是这样。

It's yeah.

有一些心魔是我一直在逃避的，一些我以为可以埋葬的过去，我愿意口头承认，但不一定愿意深入探究。

There's some demons that I'm running away from, some stuff in my past that I thought that I could bury that I'm willing to verbally acknowledge, but not necessarily dive into.

所以我认为，在所有这些门槛的边缘，确实存在一种选择，就像在成果的边缘也有选择一样，那就是：嘿。

And so I do think that there is a choice at the edge of all of these thresholds, just like there's a choice at the edge of results, which is, hey.

我看到那些采取这些行动的人，开始变得健康，开始赚更多的钱。

I've seen that people who take these actions start to get in shape, start to earn more money.

我是否愿意放弃不尝试所带来的安全与舒适，去全力以赴？

Am I willing to let go of the safety and comfort of not trying in order to apply myself?

我认为同样地，这里有一个问题：我是否愿意放弃那种通过时刻完全掌控自己所有行为而获得的确定性和控制感，进入一种非理性、女性化、情感化的空间，在那里我无法完全掌控？

I think similarly, there's a question of, am I willing to let go of the certainty and the control that I have by completely managing all of my actions all the time and to enter into this irrational, feminine, emotional space where I am not totally in control?

我认为今天很多人都面临这样的选择。

And I think that there's a lot of people have that choice today.

我认为我们每个人都有选择。

I think we all have choices.

至于这种触及神经的比喻，我认为很有趣，因为几乎所有的跨文化男性气质定义都包含情绪控制。

Well, the the raw nerve thing, I think, is an interesting analogy because almost all cross cultural definitions of masculinity include emotional control

是的。

Yeah.

或者这种定义的某种变体。

Or some variant of that.

你可以走捷径。

You can shortcut it.

所以，理解男性气质深度的方式是去感受一切，但同时拥有一个能够容纳这一切的容器。

So so the way to think the depth of masculinity is to feel everything, but to have a vessel that can contain it.

对吧？

Right?

所以这不仅仅是即刻的本能反应，比如‘你伤害了我’。

So that it is not just immediate instinctual, oh, you hurt me.

我打你。

I punch you.

对吧？

Right?

不是‘你伤害了我’。

It's not you hurt me.

我就把情绪全发泄在你身上。

I just dump on you.

我哭了。

I cry.

我这样。

I this.

你仍然在强烈地感受着，但有一个系统可以帮助你觉察这种感受、照顾好自己、不抛弃自己，同时在对方面前展现脆弱——也就是向他们表明你受伤了，但并不把情绪发泄在他们身上，然后选择如何行动。

That you're still feeling intensely, but there's a system that can feel it, tend to yourself, not abandon yourself, be vulnerable in front of the other person, which would be to show them that you're hurt without dumping it on them, and then choose how to behave.

不过，你可以通过干脆不去感受来跳过这一步。

You can shortcut that though by just not feeling.

你可以直接想：有人侮辱了我。

You can just you can just go, somebody insulted me.

我不在乎。

I don't care.

那是个喷子。

That's a hater.

你可以套用各种心理模型之类的东西，是的。

Like like, you can get mental models and all sort of stuff Yep.

把这一切下面的所有感受都切断，直接说：听喷子的话对我而言不切实际，而且你确实可以彻底丢掉所有情绪。

To just cut everything beneath this off and just say, well, that it's wouldn't be practical for me to listen to what the haters say, and it would and you can you can just lose all of the feeling.

而你从这种做法中获得的，是完成事情的惊人效率。

And what you gain from that is an incredible efficiency in terms of getting stuff done.

我的意思是，你看世界上最富有的人，他们大多数时候都非常擅长与自己的情绪脱节。

I mean, you look at the wealthiest people in the world, they are very good at disconnecting from their feelings most of the time.

在如此高强度下持续多年赚取数十亿、数百亿美元，如果不压抑自己的情感，几乎是不可能的。

It's tough to make billions and billions and billions of dollars and stay in the game for that amount of time at that intensity level without abusing your own feelings.

对吧？

Right?

因为你必须持续地压抑。

Because you're permanently having to suppress.

是的。

Yes.

而且你可以赚很多钱。

And you can make a lot of money.

但这会成为阻碍。

But it gets in the way.

对吧？

Right?

这就是为什么乔·哈德森对脆弱性的定义很有趣——即使害怕也要说真话，即使害怕也要表达自己的真实想法。

This is this is one of the reasons why an interesting definition of vulnerability, Joe Hudson's definition of vulnerability, telling the truth even when it's scary, speaking your truth even when it's scary.

嗯。

Mhmm.

这是一种非常积极面对脆弱性的定义。

That is very much a lean in definition of vulnerability.

是的。

Yeah.

但尤其是当你从结果转向行动，再从行动转向情绪时，你的人生结果必然会变得更糟，你会感觉更差，别人也会对你更差。

But especially as you transition from, like, results to action and then action to emotions, your outcomes in life are reliably going to get worse, and you're going to feel worse, and people are going to treat you worse.

那我为什么要这么做呢？

So well, why would I do that?

我为什么要牺牲掉唯一一个别人在乎的可观察指标呢？嗯。

Why would I I'm I'm gonna sacrifice the only observable metric that anybody cares about Mhmm.

而在一个日益注重功绩、理性与物质主义的社会里，这是唯一一个人们能通过外在表现来评判我的标准。

And that I can flex on Instagram and in an increasingly meritocratic, rationalist, materialist society is the only one that people can judge me based on outwardly.

是的。

Yeah.

对吧？

Right?

没人知道我每晚睡觉时内心的平静，而我有时会忘记这一点。

No one knows the peace of mind I have when I go to bed at night, and I can kind of forget that.

就像，是的。

It's like, yeah.

果然如此。

Sure enough.

我已经有三年没睡过一个安稳觉了，但你知道，看看我的车吧。

I haven't had a peaceful night of sleep in three years, but, like, you know, like, fucking look at my car.

所以我认为，我注意到至少有一些试图提出……的共同线索。

So I think an interesting unifying thread that I see between at least some of the people trying to come up with

嗯，确实有一些方式可以承认，我觉得你这里提了一个非常好的观点。

Well, so so there are ways of conceding, I think you're raising a really good point here.

如果你只是想当个和尚，但这对很多人来说并不现实。

That is you if you just to become a monk is not available to many people.

从技术上讲，你可以飞去尼泊尔，穿上围裙，手里拿着一个碗，但这对大多数人来说不太可能实现。

Technically, you could fly to Nepal and and wear a loincloth and and hold a cup, but that's that's not a likely outcome for a lot of people.

因此，我们有必要存在于一个共识性的经济现实中，在这里，他人的看法会影响你。

So there is this need to exist in consensus economic reality where the opinions of other people affect you.

它们很重要。

They matter.

它们直接影响你的生存能力，也影响你社交和在生活中获得幸福的能力。

They have a direct impact on your level of survivability and also just your ability to be social and happy in life.

所以你说的这些确实都是真实的。

So that's real, all the things that you're saying.

但同时，每个人也都有独特的灵性召唤，那就是你学会去忽略的那微弱的声音。

But then there's also the unique spiritual calling that everyone has, which is that it's the little voice that you can learn to drown out.

它并不响亮，但却持续存在，始终在那里。

It's not in an it's not a loud voice, but it is a persistent voice, and it's always there.

就像在关系一开始时就警告过你，中期又提醒过你，到了关系末尾它依然存在。

Like, warned you at the beginning of the relationship, warned you midway through the relationship, it's there at the end of the relationship.

对吧？

Right?

它就只是在那里。

It's just it's just there.

我认为我试图做的，是找到这两者的结合点：一方面尊重自己在世界上生存、运作的需求，生产出别人想要和喜欢的东西，同时将注意力向外聚焦。

And I think I know that what I'm trying to do is to find a marriage of those two things, where I am honoring the need to function and live in the world and produce stuff that other people want and like, and having attention outwardly focused in

为了进行你自己的进化编程，因为你是一种社会性生物。

order to do your own evolutionary programming, which is you're a social creature.

当然。

Of course.

你需要被肯定，被认可。

You need validation, recognition.

你不希望被族群抛弃。

You don't wanna be abandoned by the tribe.

你不想变得太古怪、太深奥，以至于没人能理解你，因为那可能会很难应对。

You don't wanna be so weird and fucking esoteric that nobody can relate to you because that's probably gonna be pretty tough to handle.

是的。

Yes.

我认为沟通和同理心的一个巨大方面，就是能够去理解：这个人此刻在哪里？与他们所处的位置共鸣，这需要向外关注。

And I think a huge aspect of communication and empathy is the ability to go, where is this person at Meet them where they're and meet them where they are, and that requires external focus.

然后还有内在的关注，那就是：我能把一切屏蔽掉吗？

Then there's the internal focus, which is can I shut it all out?

无论别人说什么、做什么、怎么想、是否在意，关于我自己的真相是什么？

And if if no matter what anybody says or does or thinks or cares, what's true about me?

这在‘我为何而存在？’这类问题上最难回答。

And this is hardest in the realm of, like, why am I here?

对一些人来说，是‘我的性取向是什么？’

For some people, it's what is my sexuality?

对吧？

Right?

有一些非常具有挑战性的问题，而且总是存在这种拉扯。

There's there's these very, very challenging questions, and there's always this tug.

那么，人们会如何回应呢？

Well, how are people gonna respond to it?

他们会喜欢什么？

What will they like?

啊，这在经济上行不通。

Ah, that wouldn't work financially.

我认为，能够同时容纳这两种力量存在于你内心，这才是真正的课题，而且我无法给你一份明确的清单来教你如何做到。

And I think to become able to hold or allow both of those currents to exist in you at the same time is the work, and there's not like a checklist that I can give you in order to do it.

我自己也还在学习中。

I'm still learning it myself.

但我正在意识到这两种力量之间的张力，而且我也逐渐明白，当你继续前行时，有趣的是，你可以追随其中任意一条，它们最终都会引导你走向对方。

But I'm waking up to the tension between those, and I'm also waking up as you go I think the cool thing is you can follow either one, and they will lead you to one another eventually.

因为如果我回顾一下《Charisma on Command》刚开始的时候，那时是非常注重外部的。

Because if I I had this period of if I look at the beginning of Charisma on Command, was very external focused.

人们喜欢我做的事情吗？

How are do people like what I'm doing?

酒吧里的那个女孩对我所说的话感到满意吗？

Does does the girl at the bar happy with what I'm saying?

对吧？

Right?

所有这些事情。

All of that stuff.

我会拍一个视频。

I'll make a video.

但事实上，我绕了一大圈才最终创造出这个美妙而富有创意的东西，尤其是在事业初期。

But it actually took me this roundabout route to this beautiful, creative thing that I got to build, especially early on in the business.

因此，在追求那种外在的、自我中心的梦想——和朋友们在海滩上生活，做着我想做的工作，同时练瑜伽——的过程中，我找到了自己。

And so in pursuing this external egoic dream of living on the beach with my friends doing work that I wanted while doing yoga, I found myself.

我找到了那个内在的自己，然后又失去了他。

Like, I found this internal guy, and then I lost him.

而在过去的几年里，你也可以转向内在的一面，也就是深入内心。说实话，我知道我们不想谈太多个人的事，但我当时就想：我要去做一些奇怪的项目。

And then in the last couple years, you can also lean to the internal side, which is you go deeply internal, and for a while, I mean, I know we don't wanna do too much personal stuff, but I was like, I'm gonna do these weird projects.

我要做一个《龙与地下城》的节目，而且我真的超爱这个。

I'm gonna make a Dungeons and Dragons show, and I'm gonna make I loved it.

我要做些没人想看的东西。

I'm gonna make stuff that nobody wants to watch.

对吧？

Right?

我不在乎。

And I don't care.

我不在乎。

I don't care.

这都是我，我，我，我，我。

This is me, me, me, me, me.

然后你会意识到，这并没有那么令人满足。

And then you go, oh, this isn't as satisfying.

我想去服务他人。

Like, I want to serve.

我确实希望付出自己，但要以对他人有意义的方式。

I want I actually do want to give of myself, but in a way that is meaningful to other people.

所以，如果我回顾魅力对我而言的意义，有一个根本性的问题：我必须成为怎样的人，才能从这个世界获得我所需要的东西？我认为，这是每个孩子、每个青少年都会面对的问题。

And so I think if I look at the arc of what charisma meant to me, there was this who do I have to be in order to get what I need from the world, was is a foundational question, I think, of every child, every adolescent.

我认为，走向成熟意味着认识到自己有能力，依然相互依存，但爱源自于我自身。

And I think entering into maturity is about recognizing oneself as capable, still interdependent, but the love comes from me.

爱就是我的本性，我自然地散发出它。

The love is who I am, and I radiate that.

问题不再是‘我如何获得爱’，而是‘我如何回归到我本就是的爱’？

It's not how can I get love, it's how can I return to the love that I am?

当你这样做的时候，一种不同的经济活动就会启动，那就是服务。

And when you do that, a different kind of economic activity comes online, which is service.

我觉得我正站在这一转变的边缘。

And I feel like I'm at the precipice of this.

比如，第一次，我提出的问题所蕴含的能量，不再是单纯地想着如何取悦他人、提供服务，然后顺便赚点钱？

Like, for the first time, the energy of the questions that I'm asking isn't merely how can I people please and serve, and, yes, I'll get some money from that?

这种服务达到了那个层次。

It's it's that level of service.

我最真诚、真实地与对方相处并依然保持坦诚的方式是什么？

It's what's the most honest, true way that I can meet this person where they are and still tell the truth?

另外，如果你感到疲惫，可能你不需要更多的睡眠，也不需要更多的咖啡因，你只是脱水了。

In other news, if you're feeling tired, you might not need more sleep, you might not need more caffeine, you might just be dehydrated.

适当的补水不仅仅是喝足够的水。

And proper hydration is not just about drinking enough water.

而是要摄入足够的电解质，让你的身体能够有效吸收这些水分。

It's about having sufficient electrolytes to allow your body to properly absorb those fluids.

Element 含有科学验证的电解质配比，包含钠、钾和镁，不含色素、糖分、人工成分或其他任何乱七八糟的东西。

Element contains a science backed electrolyte ratio, sodium, potassium, and magnesium with no color, no sugar, no artificial ingredients, or any other BS.

它在减少肌肉抽筋和疲劳、优化大脑健康、调节食欲和抑制渴望方面起着关键作用。

It plays a critical role in reducing muscle cramps and fatigue whilst optimizing brain health, regulating appetite, and curbing cravings.

这种柠檬水口味太受欢迎了， literally 一卡车都卖光了。

This lemonade flavor was so popular, literally a truckload of it was sold.

那是个蝴蝶球。

That was a knuckleball.

你看到了吗？

Do you see that?

在空中飘动。

Moved in the air.

不管怎样，这太棒了。

Anyway, this is phenomenal.

我真的能感觉到喝与不喝的区别，你也应该试试。

I really tell the difference between when I drink it and when I don't, and you should try it too.

最重要的是，他们提供无条件退款政策，且退款期限无限，你可以放心购买。

Best of all, they've got a no questions asked refund policy with an unlimited duration return, so you can buy it for as long as you want.

如果你不喜欢，无论什么原因，他们会给你一个该死的退款。

And if you don't like it for any reason, they'll give you a fucking fuck.

该死。

Damn it.

哦，你不需要退回盒子。

Oh, you don't have to return the box.

他们很有信心，你会喜欢它的。

They're confident that you're gonna love it.

你可以通过点击下方描述中的链接或访问 drinklmnt.com/modernwisdom 来免费获取他们最受欢迎口味的试用装。

And you can get a free sample pack of their favorite flavors by going to the link in the description below or heading to drinklmnt.com/modernwisdom.

那就是 drinklmnt.com/modernwisdom。

That's drinklmnt.com/modernwisdom.

那中间的那个呢？

What about the one that's in between?

所以，你是怎么做到的？如何才能在世界上获得你想要的结果？

So you've gone, how can I get the outcomes that I want in the world?

嗯。

Mhmm.

我想在这两者之间应该还有一个，那就是我该如何服务他人，也就是我该如何服务自己？

The I I assume that there's one that's in between those two, which is how do I serve other people, which is how do I serve myself?

是的。

Yeah.

比如，我该如何了解自己，进行内在的修炼？

Like, how do I learn about me and do the inner work thing?

我觉得我感觉到，对你来说，过去七年、六年、五年左右大概就是这样的。

And I think I get the sense that that's the last seven, six, five years or whatever it is for you.

所以，这么说对吗：在中间确实存在一种中间阶段？

So is is that right to say that there is a kind of a middle

我认为，在任何阶段、任何地方，服务自己都是一个很好的出发点，因为最终它们会变得相同。

I I I think that serving oneself is a wonderful point at any stage, anywhere, because they they eventually become the same.

服务自己。

Serving oneself.

但要经历这个过程。

Journey, though, with this.

我想要这个世界中我所追求的结果。

I want the outcomes I want in the world.

嗯哼。

Mhmm.

有一些了。

Got some.

去他的。

Fuck that.

没得到。

Didn't get it.

是的。

Yeah.

你不能直接从那里跳到服务他人。

You don't go straight from there to service.

没错。

Correct.

你来做这个。

You do this.

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

所以它们都是你在自身能力范围内所能提供的自助服务层级。

So they're all levels of self-service at the level that you're capable of doing it.

所以自助服务意味着，在那种意识水平下，如果你愿意这么说，我需要某样东西。

So self-service looks like when at that level of awareness, if you will, I need something.

他们有这个。

They have it.

我得变成谁？对。

Who do I have to become Yep.

然后怎么得到它？

And be to get it?

那就是我在为自己服务。

That's me serving myself.

现在这是一种互动的方式。

Now it's an interactive way of doing it.

然后服务就变成了：我厌倦了做这些事。

Then service becomes, I'm tired of doing that.

我想更坦诚地面对我的情绪。

I wanna be more honest about my emotions.

所以自我服务就是休息一下，放慢节奏，暂时抽离，向内探索。

So self-service is taking a break, slowing down, withdrawing for a period of time, going inward.

这就像灵魂的暗夜。

There's this dark night of the soul.

如果你看看英雄之旅，你知道，如果把它看作一个钟表，钟表的下半部分就是考验与磨难。

If you look at the hero's journey, you know, if you look at it like a clock, there's the lower half of the clock, which is the trials and tribulations.

我们可以再多聊聊这个。

We can talk more about that.

但这些神话故事中都有这样一个阶段，正如乔丹·彼得森所说，是‘鲸鱼腹中’的时期，在这段时间里，你被迫直面内心深处的黑暗与痛苦。

But that those mythic stories have this period of time, as Jordan Peterson would say, the belly of the whale, where you are compelled to acknowledge the darkness inside the pain inside of yourself.

因此，这就是自我服务的样子。

And so that is what self-service looks like.

它不断轻拍我的肩膀，提醒我要留心关注。

It's something is keeps tapping me on the shoulder telling me that I gotta pay attention.

我要去处理这件事。

I'm gonna go attend to that.

我们可以具体谈谈这可能是什么样子，但我知道你正在和乔·哈德森交谈。

And we could talk about specifically what that might look like, but I know you're talking to Joe Hudson.

他非常适合这类话题。

He's wonderful for this sort of thing.

我想听听你对这两件事的看法。

I wanna get your perspective on on both of those things.

这个怎么说呢？

The the how do you say?

下午三点到九点。

The 3PM to 9PM.

是的。

Yeah.

下午三点到九点。

3PM to 9PM.

是的。

Yeah.

所以首先，我最近特别喜欢神话。

So first off, I I love mythology these days.

我认为卡尔·荣格是二十世纪最杰出的人，甚至我觉得他被严重低估了。

I think Carl Jung is perhaps the most brilliant man of the twentieth century, and I think deeply underrated even his thing.

我看看乔丹·彼得森对社会产生的影响，肯定有某种荣格式的智慧在给我们传授某些教训。

I look at Jordan Peterson and the impact that he had on society, and, like, there must be a Jungian giving us some lessons somewhere.

就像我们西方国家渴望这种东西，因为我认为这是西方盛行的分析思维与物质主义，同东方精神层面的结合。

Like, we we crave it as as a country in the West, because I think it is the synthesis of the analytical mind thing that is so popular in the West materialism with the Eastern spiritual side.

我认为荣格对许多人来说就是这座桥梁。

I think Carl Jung, like, is that bridge for many people.

接着约瑟夫·坎贝尔出现了，提出了英雄之旅的叙事结构。

So then you have Joseph Campbell who comes and creates this hero's journey arc.

我会大致谈一下，但我发现这些周期大约每十二年出现一次。

I'll talk broadly about it, but what I've seen is that these occur in twelve year cycles roughly.

我不是在断言这一点，但我注意到我人生中的第一个十二年周期，是从创办‘魅力行动’开始的。

I'm not saying this, but I noticed the first twelve year cycle for me was starting Charisma on Command.

英雄之旅的核心理念是，你进入了一个自己从未意识到存在的自我层面。

And the entire idea of the hero's journey is that you enter into a part of yourself that you didn't know existed.

你带着一份宝藏归来，并将其带回世界。

You come out with a treasure, and you bring it back to the world.

所以第一次进入艰难阶段时，我不得不更加深入、更加努力地工作，承担财务风险，诸如此类的事情，而我带回来的，是一种充满勇气的存在方式。

And so the entering into the hard part the first time around was I have to dig deeper, work harder, take financial risks, all that kind of stuff, and what I bring back is this way of being with courage, I would say.

那就是我必须分享的礼物——你也可以去巴西，开创自己的事业，去接近那个你吸引的人，这是一种精神上的馈赠，可以通过YouTube或其他任何媒介传递。

That was like the gift that I had to share, which is you too can go to Brazil and start your own business and talk to that person that you're attracted to, and it was this it's it's a spiritual gift that you're giving, and it can come through the medium of YouTube or whatever.

这次深入其中，我觉得我找到的礼物是重新连接所有与自己割裂的部分。

Descending into it this time, I would say the gift that I'm finding is through reconnecting with all the split off parts of myself.

如果你能连接上自己那些被割裂的方面，意味着你要面对那些曾对你残忍的人、你对他人施加的残忍、你生命中的痛苦、以及你尚未处理的悲伤，当你将这些部分逐渐整合起来，你会发现一种持久的爱就在那里。

If you if one connects with as many of the split off parts of their self, which means going into the times that someone was cruel to you, that you were cruel to others, the pain in your life, the grief that you haven't processed, all those sorts of things, as you bring more of those together, you find an abiding love that is there.

这正是我从情感探索中转变的关键，而情感探索有时很难描述它的价值，因为你会觉得这真的很难。

And that's, for me, was the turn from the emotional inquiry, which is, like, really tough to sometimes describe the value of it because you're like, this is really challenging.

但我想说，另一面是，哦，我明白了什么是平静。

But I would say the other side is it's like, oh, I know peace.

我来这里的路上，听一首歌哭了两次，因为音乐太美了。

I know I cried listening to a song on the way over here twice because music is beautiful.

前几天我给花浇了水，它们重新焕发了生机，我因此哭了，因为参与如此美好的事物实在太动人了。

I watered flowers the other day, and they came more back to life, and I cried because it was so beautiful to participate in something so lovely.

世界变得更加震撼人心，这种震撼不是因为我拥有了一千万粉丝，也不是因为我赢了奖，或者那个女孩喜欢我。

And the world is just more stunning, and it's not like, oh, that's stunning if I get 10,000,000 followers, or it's stunning if I win the prize, or if the girl likes me.

就是这样，不是的。

It's like, no.

不。

No.

一切都是如此令人惊叹。

Like, it's all stunning.

我跟你说，今天坐在这里看着你的成长历程，简直太他妈震撼了

I told you sitting here with you today watching your growth path is fucking

我想到了一个词，就是完整感或自足感。

I mean, the word that comes to mind is, like, wholeness or enoughness.

谢谢你比我表达得更清晰。

Thank you for speaking it more clearly than I did.

Exactly that.

That's exactly it.

是的。

Yeah.

这是一种完整性。

It's wholeness.

当我们为了在童年时期有效融入而割裂自己时，情况就是这样。

It's it's if we fragment ourselves in order to effectively fit in as children.

对吧？

Right?

所以我们有了这些杂乱古怪的兴趣，或者我们的性取向与周围环境不符，于是我们就想：那不是我。

So we've got this eclectic weird interest, or we have a sexuality that doesn't fit in with our so we go, that's not me.

那是别人的事。

That's other people.

你能看到这种现象通过各种投射表现出来。

And you see it come through in all kinds of projections.

在许多最严格的宗教团体中，正如我们所知，那些牧师或神父——我不是说所有神父，但确实有一些人最可能公开反对同性恋，却在私下有秘密的暧昧关系，因为他们割裂了自己的一部分，因为他们相信自己的社群和上帝不认可他们的真实身份。

So often in some of the most strict religious communities, they have, as we know, these pastors or these priests, and I'm not saying all priests, but are some of whom are most likely to be vocally anti gay, but have secret dalliances on the side because they've split off that piece of themselves because they believe that their community and God does not approve of who they are.

对吧？

Right?

所以我们每个人都会以不同的方式这样做。

So we all do this in different ways.

我们的社区不认可我们的悲伤。

Our community doesn't approve of our sadness.

它不认可我们的敏感、我们的艺术天赋，无论是什么。

It doesn't approve of our sensitivity, of our artistry, whatever it is.

因此，在恢复全部的完整性时，你会重新找回更多的自己。

And so in recovering all of that wholeness, you get back more of yourself.

这表现为更多的创造力、更多的联结和更多的喜悦。

And what that looks like is more creativity, more connection, more joy.

你不再试图取悦那些过去十年里让你如此在意的人，而是开始真正与那些一直爱你、始终陪伴在你身边的人相处。

You stop trying to impress the people that you've been so caught up on for the last ten years and actually start hanging out with the people that have loved you all along and are there.

你会意识到，周围还有更多这样的人。

You become aware that there are more people like that all around you.

我知道我曾花了很多时间专注于那些遥不可及的人，就像你刚才描述的那样

I know that I spent a lot of time focused on the person who was just out of reach, like, as you described in your

社会性的最近发展区。

Zone of proximal development socially.

是的。

Yeah.

没错。

Exactly.

是的。

Yeah.

或者说是关系性的。

Or relationally.

对。

Yes.

对。

Yes.

对。

Yes.

所以，我有一个问题，我认为这相当重要，就是试图让人们思考他们对成功的定义是什么。

So the the question that I have, and I think is kind of an important one, is to try and get people to think about what their definition of success is.

比如，你想要的结果是什么样子的？

Like, what does getting the outcome that you want look like?

嗯。

Mhmm.

在每一个层次或深度上，我想要的结果是经济上的安全。

And at each level of resolution or depth, or the outcome that I want is to be financially secure.

我想要的结果是，我所钦佩的人也能钦佩我。

The outcome that I want is for the people that I admire to admire me.

我想要的结果是与我的情绪保持协调，嗯。

The outcome that I want is to be attuned with my Mhmm.

能够感受各种情绪。

Emotions and be able to feel things.

我想要的结果是真正地认识上帝，无论那意味着什么。

The outcome that I want is to truly know God, whatever it might be.

而我所看到的冲突，来自于人们对生活中想要达成的目标有着不同的定义。

And the conflict that I see comes between people who have differing definitions of the outcome that they want for their life.

所以，那些行动导向的人会说：你正在用我想要的结果，换取你想要的情感投入、连接感和内心的平静。

So the person that's action oriented is saying, well, you are trading the thing that I want, which is outcomes, for the thing that you want, which is emotional presence, connectedness, sense of peace.

我认为，当你身处其中时，我们内心深处的自我怀疑，源于你回头看到那些前后一致、同时拥有你曾经拥有的目标与自信的人时，你会想：我已经失去了这一切。

And I think the reason that we have this bit of self doubt in the back of our minds as you're the person that's moving through it is you turn around and look at the person who is congruent, who has the thing plus the confidence and conviction that you used to have, and you're like, I've lost all of those.

嗯。

Mhmm.

我不得不放下所有这些。

I've had to let go of all of those.

我的现实成果正在节节败退。

My real world results are fucking falling backward.

是的。

Yeah.

我不再显得那么确定，连我自己也不再有那份确信来支撑我继续前行。

And I no longer appear as certain, and I don't have the certainty myself to carry myself through.

是的

Yeah.

是的

Yeah.

是的

Yeah.

没错

Exactly.

所以他们对我的尊重减少了，我在世上的效率也降低了。

So they don't respect me as much, and I'm less effective in the world.

而且我也对自己正在做的事情是否真的是我该做的感到怀疑。

And I also have self doubt about whether or not the thing that I'm doing is the thing I'm supposed to be doing.

你会想，那其中的回报在哪里呢？

You go, well, where in there is the reward?

在每一个层面上，都像你在告诉我，我不能赖床——虽然赖床对我来说很舒服，但我必须起床，按时冥想或去健身房。

And at each level, it's the same as you're telling me that I'm not going to sleep in, which is something that's comfortable for me to do, in order to get up and do my meditation or go to the gym on time.

我会被朋友们孤立，因为我不能再和酒友一起出去喝酒了，我已经不喝酒了。

And I'm gonna be ostracized by my friends because I can't go out my drinking buddies aren't my drinking buddies because I'm not drinking no more.

我还没有结识健身房的伙伴，因为我去健身房的次数还不够多，没能赢得那些常去健身房的人的尊重，我也不懂该怎么和他们交流，不了解他们的文化。

And I don't have my gym buddies yet because I haven't gone to the gym enough to get respect from the people that go to the gym, I haven't worked out how to speak to them and what their culture is.

是的。

Yeah.

所以在每一个该死的层面上，你都在你所熟悉的范式、你所意识到的存在层面上变得越来越无效，是的。

So at each different fucking level, you're becoming less effective in the paradigm that you know on the sort of plane of existence that you're aware of Yeah.

经历灵魂的暗夜，然后从另一端走出来。

To go through dark night of the soul to then come back out the other side.

嗯。

Mhmm.

你还记得乔丹讲过亚瑟王和圆桌骑士的故事吗？

And do you remember when Jordan talked about King Arthur and the knights of the round table?

不记得。

No.

我不了解这个。

I don't know this one.

哦，天哪。

Oh, dude.

所以

So

他们必须像亚瑟王和圆桌骑士一样，去从龙那里获取宝藏。

they have to go King Arthur and the knights of the round table, they need to go and get treasure from the dragon.

嗯。

Mhmm.

他们都踏上了旅程。

They all set off on a journey.

为了到达龙的所在地，他们必须穿过森林。

In order to get to the dragon, they have to go through the forest.

每个人都在自己看来最黑暗的地点进入森林。

Each man enters the forest at the point that looks darkest to him.

哦，我超爱这个画面。

Oh, I fucking love that visual.

我觉得这太酷了。

I think it's so sick.

太棒了。

It's so cool.

好的。

Okay.

你独特的心理症结是什么？

What is your particular pathology?

你最害怕的是什么？

What is your particular fear?

因为那就是你要面对的东西。

Because that's the thing that you're going to face.

是你讨好型人格吗？

Is it your people pleasing?

是无法忍受沉默吗？

Is it the inability to sit with silence?

是你极度需要他人的认可吗？

Is it the fact that you desperately need the validation of other people?

是你选择了自己那种心理毛病吗？

Is it you pick your, you know, mental malady of choice.

嗯哼。

Mhmm.

那就是你最终要面对的东西。

That's the thing that you end up facing.

嗯哼。

Mhmm.

而且，是的，我只是想明确地指出痛苦到底是什么。

And, yeah, I I just I really wanna, like, plainly call out what the pain is.

每个层次都有一个恶魔。

For every level, there's a devil.

是的。

Yes.

而你试图尽最大努力去面对的那个恶魔究竟是什么？

And what is the devil that you're to try as best as we can to be like, okay.

我认为，这大概就是经历一段旅程时会感受到的样子。

I think this is probably what it's going to feel like to go through a journey.

从行动到情感。

From action to emotion.

你的意思是，你一语中的了——在每一个层次上，你都在放弃那个领域的成功，去换取一些毫无保证的东西。

You mean, you you just nailed it, which is I am at every level, you are giving up success in that thing to get something that you have no promises.

布莱恩·韦滕对此有一个有趣的视角，不仅限于这一点，他说，当你放弃更高的东西去追求更低的，那就是一种悲剧。

Brian Wetten has an interesting framing, not just around this, but he says a travesty is when you give up the higher for the lower.

所以，悲剧就是你用内心的平静去换取金钱。

So travesty is when you trade your inner peace for money.

对。

Yep.

牺牲就是你放弃较低的，为了更高的东西。

Sacrifice is when you give up the lower for the higher.

所以你放弃了单身汉的绝对自由，去组建家庭之类的事情。

And so you give up the utter freedom of being a bachelor to start a family or something like that.

所以我认为这就是，你知道的，引入另一个神话，这就是亚伯拉罕。

And so I think this is this is it's, you know, to pull in another myth, this is Abraham.

这就是牺牲。

This is the sacrifice.

这就是愿意放弃较低的，为了更高的，这个故事在很多方面都令人恐惧，因为他把儿子绑起来，准备杀了他。

This is the willingness to give up the lower for the higher, and that story's pretty horrifying in a lot of ways because he ties up his son and is about to kill him.

但背后的理念是，存在一个更高的东西，我内心有一个命令，我不会否认它。

But the underlying idea is that there is a higher, there is there is a command inside of me that I'm not going to deny.

我对它感到恐惧。

I am terrified of it.

我不愿意去做它。

I don't want to do it.

克尔凯郭尔写了《恐惧与战栗》，这正是当你收到神圣召唤，让你辞掉工作、结束这段关系、娶她时，你被期望感受到的情绪。

Kierkegaard wrote Fear and Trembling, which is exactly what you're expected to feel when you've when you have that divine call tell you, leave your job, exit this relationship, get marry her.

这确实令人恐惧。

That's terrifying one.

生个孩子。

Have a baby.

当来自那个地方的召唤变得熟悉时，它会要求你放弃过去的自我身份，每一次都是一次自我之死。

Like, when that call from this place, as you get familiar with it calls, it asks you to trade in your identity of who you were, and it is an ego death every time.

每一次，那个小小的自我都必须死去，而新的东西随之诞生。

Every single time that little identity must die and something else is born.

但并没有什么保证，尽管我们从理性上知道：我依然会活着，一切都会好起来。

And there's not, like, the guarantee, even though we can rationally go, I'm still gonna be alive and all these things.

但那种感觉就是自我之死。

But that's the feeling is ego death.

是的。

What yeah.

深入探究这种恐惧与战栗，因为我认为，很多已经看到这集这么深的人，可能正在想：‘这到底是什么鬼？’

Dig into the fear and trembling, because I think a lot of people sort of people that have made it this far into this episode, I assume, are either going, what the fuck?

或者他们会说：‘这里有点东西。’

Or they say, oh, there's something here.

我感觉，我正在与某种东西产生共鸣。

There's like, I I I'm I'm resonating in this something here.

新灵药编号。

New tonic number.

没错。

Exactly.

这里确实有东西。

There is something here.

这是基于证据的、味道极佳、零卡路里的能量饮料。

It's fucking evidence based, very tasty, zero calorie energy drink.

那种站在悬崖边缘时出现的恐惧与战栗，那种存在性的眩晕，嗯。

That fear and trembling that appearing over the precipice, that sort of, like, existential vertigo Mhmm.

你就会说，是的。

Where you go like Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

你简直要惊呼，天哪。

You're like, holy fuck.

关于这种感觉，关于迈入其中，关于最初的几步和最重要的几步，还有什么好说的吗？

Like, that's what more is there to say about about that sensation and about stepping into it and about the first steps and the biggest steps?

你不必强迫自己。

You don't have to force yourself.

它会召唤你。

It will call.

它会呼唤你。

It will call you.

如果你坐在这里，可能还没坚持到这一步，但如果你在想，我不确定。

And if you're going sitting here and you probably haven't made it this far, but if you're going, I don't know.

我基本上只是鼓励并喜欢人们安于当下的状态。

I kind of just I really encourage and love people being where they're at.

所以我认为我曾经犯过一个错误，就是认为每个人都必须尽快度过这些阶段。

So I think a mistake that I had made, which is everybody needs to move as quickly as possible through these phases.

这完全是优化者的思维。

That's all the optimizer idea.

你的时刻终会到来。

Your time will come.

如果我说的是对的，这并不是你必须去做的事情。

The if if what I am saying is true, this is not something you have to do.

你的自我并不会主导这一切。

Like, your ego is not gonna be the one doing this.

在很多方面，你最终必须参与其中，并在某个时刻说‘好’。

It's going to in many ways, you have to participate and say yes at some point.

正如我们之前讨论的，你有选择权，但召唤终会到来。

You have your choice, as we talked about earlier, but the call will come.

你可以忽略它一千万次。

And you can ignore it about 10,000,000 times.

它会一直为你响个不停。

It will it will keep ringing for you.

后果会变得越来越严重。

And the consequences will get more and more dire.

你第一次忽略它时，可能会出去，关系变得有点困难。

You ignore it once, you know, you go out, it's a little bit of a difficult relationship.

如果你忽略它二十年，就会陷入一段没有爱的关系，现在你有了孩子，还要面对离婚，诸如此类的事情。

Ignore it for twenty years, you're in a loveless relationship, and now you've got kids and a divorce on your hands, like, all of that sort of stuff.

不倾听的后果会逐渐侵蚀你的行为、结果和情绪。

The consequences of of not listening begin to erode the actions, the the results, the emotions anyway.

好消息是，你其实不必做任何事。

So the good news is you don't you don't have to do anything.

对。

Yeah.

不管怎样，这个

One way or another, this

它终将找到你。

It'll get you.

这种觉悟终将到来。

Realization is gonna arrive.

你认为那里正在发生什么？

What do you think is going on there?

你有没有从物质的角度来思考它？

Is that do you come to think about it in material terms?

你有没有觉得，这是宇宙在不断调高课程的音量，直到你意识到：嘿，查理，嗯。

Do you come to think about it as the universe having to ramp up the volume of the lesson until you go like, hey, Charlie Mhmm.

好了，请说。

Now, please.

如果这一切都是对的，从根本上说，你远比你意识到的要更伟大，而我们都潜意识地认同这一点：如果我问你，你现在血压是多少？

If if all of this is right, fundamentally, you are so much more than you are aware of, and we all recognize this implicitly, which is if I were to say, you know, what's your blood pressure right now?

你的肝脏里正在发生什么？

What's happening in your liver?

显然，你身上有一些部分是你不了解的，也不需要你去掌控。

Obviously, there are pieces of you of which you are unaware and do not need to be in charge of.

当你入睡时，它们依然在默默运转，维持着你的生命。

When you go to sleep, they just keep humming along, keeping you going.

我们身上存在大量心理层面和灵性层面的东西，我们对此毫无觉察，也根本不需要觉察。

There are massive psychological pieces of us, spiritual pieces of us that exist that we're unaware of, that you just don't have to be aware of.

这些事都为你打理好了，但它们依然是你的一部分。

It's taken care of for you, but it's still you.

所以，这个观点一直是成立的。

So the idea is that this always has been the case.

它永远都会是这样。

It always will be the case.

你只是在逐渐苏醒，随着你能承受的范围，越来越意识到它。

You're just waking up to it and becoming more aware of it as you can swallow it.

因为如果你被突然丢进这种状态中，就像有些人经历强烈的致幻体验时那样，你可能会崩溃，如果你太快地深入这些事情，就会把自己击垮。

Because if you were to be dumped into it, as some people do with intense psychedelic experiences, you can crack, you can break yourself if go a little bit, a little bit, if you go too fast into these sorts of things.

所以实际上，与其急于穿越这些体验，不如好好享受这段旅程。

And so actually, rather than speeding through these, it's like enjoy, enjoy the ride.

我记得曾经相信，优化一切、在25、26、27岁前得到所有想要的东西，就是人生的终极目标。

I remember believing that optimization and getting everything you want, be like 25, 26, 27, was the end all, be all.

我生命中最幸福、最快乐的时光之一，就是做这些事情的时候。

Some of the happiest and most joyous times of my life was doing that stuff.

我也是。

Me too.

你再也回不去了。

You just can't go back.

人不能两次踏入同一条河流。

You can't step in the same river twice.

对吧？

Right?

所以，我想帮助人们的那个地方，你问谁在那里，就是当你想起那段时光，觉得真好。

And so the the where where I wanna help people, and you asked who's there, it's it's when you're like, I remember it was so good.

为什么我不能让时光倒流，回到那时候呢？

Like, why can't I make it go back to that?

你回不去了。

It's you can't go back.

你知道得太多了。

You know too much.

你学得太多了。

You have learned too much.

你已经走了太远。

You have come too far.

为了那个。

For that.

你必须继续向前走。

Too bloody You've got to move forward.

因此，我希望在我的职业生涯余下时间里，通过这次对话以及其他交流中学到的，真正帮助人们在那些范式转变的时刻、在那些孤独的章节节点上，优雅地迈入下一阶段。

And so what I hope to do with the rest of my career, and I'm learning in this conversation and others, is to really help people at those paradigm shift points, those lonely chapter moments to move gracefully into the next phase.

因为正如你所说，这确实非常艰难。

Because it is a bear for all the reasons that you said.

做这件事并不有趣。

It's not fun to do.

在你当前的环境中，根本没有人会鼓励你这么做。

Nobody is really encouraging you to do it in your current sphere.

是的。

Mhmm.

我真心渴望，非常渴望，为人们做出这些飞跃提供支持的空间。

I would just love, love, love to hold space for people to make those leaps.

当你亲眼见证某人从受害者心态中走出来，开始去健身房、认真调整自己，而这一切都是因为你的一句话，那种感觉简直太棒了。

It's such a privilege to watch somebody as you've if you've ever seen someone exit out of victim consciousness and start to go to the gym and start to dial in because of something that you've said, it's like, oh my god.

这种感觉真的非常好。

It feels so good.

是的

Yeah.

这在每个层面都是真的。

It just is it's true at every level.

好吧，下一个问题是，从行动到情感的转变，嗯。

Well, this the next one, the problem is the movement from action to emotion Mhmm.

这种方式不如从结果到行动的转变那么吸引人。

Is so unsexy in a way that the movement from results to action is not.

嗯。

Mhmm.

就像历史上每一个励志电影都有一个主角通过自律和积极向上改变生活的蒙太奇片段。

Like, that every underdog movie ever in history has a montage of a guy sorting his life out by learning to be disciplined and upward aiming.

嗯。

Mhmm.

但很少有电影展现一个男人深入接触内心的孩子，并在看圣诞电影时哭泣的场景。

Very few of them have a guy deeply learning to get in touch with the inner child inside of him and crying at Christmas movies.

对吧？

Right?

很少。

Very few.

很少。

Very few.

如果有的话，也是以一种救赎的形式呈现，即一个在男性特质上走得太远的人。

And if if it is, it's wrapped in this sort of redemption of a person who was too far on one side in terms of their masculine.

这是一种正义的纠正，就像荒谬地必要一样，为了。

And this was this was a righteous correction that was, like, comically needed in order to Mhmm.

重新平衡他周围的人。

Rebalance the people around them.

在大多数情况下，一个男人特别地接触自己的情感，并不是为了他自己。

For the most part, a man specifically getting in touch with his emotions is not in service of him.

而是为了他周围的人。

It's in service of the people around him.

是的

Yeah.

在某些方面，这很美好，但好莱坞对它的描绘并非如此。

And in some ways, that's beautiful, but the way that Hollywood portrays it is not that.

是的

Yeah.

它并不是一种对世界的存在主义馈赠。

It's not this sort of existential gift to the world.

不是这样的。

It's like, no.

他的妻子希望他能更体贴一些，比如他们在吃饭时，他却在玩手机、填Excel表格。

His wife needed him to be more attuned when she like, he was on his phone and filling in Excel spreadsheets when they were at dinner.

是的

Like Yeah.

好吧

Okay.

这是一种相当低分辨率的看待方式。

It's a pretty low resolution way to look at it.

是的。

Yeah.

我的意思是，你说得非常对。

I mean, you're you're very right.

我认为，就大多数人的发展而言，我们生活在一个要么孩子气、要么青春期的文化中。

I think we live in a an either childlike or adolescent culture in terms of most people's development.

甚至‘不性感’这个词，其实正是青少年才在乎的东西。

And even the term unsexy is like, that's really what adolescents care about.

青少年试图显得性感。

Adolescents are trying to be sexy.

这才是关键。

That's that's the thing.

进入二十多岁、三十多岁，那就没问题了。

And into your twenties, thirties, it's fine.

并不是说你不能拥有它，但它并不性感。

It's not to say that you can't have it, but it's not sexy.

它是充满爱的。

It's loving.

而这两者之间有区别，比如，你不追求性感，不是为了让人觉得你有吸引力、想靠近你。

And there's a difference that, like like, you're not trying to be sexy is do other people find me attractive and want to be more towards me.

充满爱是问我自己是否感受到爱，并且是否将爱传递给自己和他人？

Loving is do do I feel love, and am I radiating it to myself and to other people?

所以你是对的。

So you're right.

它并不性感。

It's not sexy.

它是充满爱的。

It's it's loving.

甚至我觉得这些词很贴切，因为在这个阶段，你选择的浪漫互动质量，会从关注什么性感、谁很酷、谁外表吸引人、谁能提升我的地位，转变为我爱谁、我爱什么？

And even I think those words are apt because the quality of romantic interactions that you choose in this period shifts from what's sexy, who's cool, who's physically attractive, who can help me with my status, to who do I love and what do I love?

这会彻底改变你浪漫关系的质量。

And that changes the quality of of your romantic relationships dramatically.

在我们继续之前，如果你认为所有的蛋白粉本质上都一样，恭喜你。

Before we continue, if you think that all protein powders are basically the same, congratulations.

这正是他们希望你这么想的。

That's exactly what they want you to think.

大多数品牌在产品出厂后从不进行检测，而Momentous会对每一批产品进行纯度和禁用物质检测，这就是我与他们合作的原因。

Most brands never test their products after they leave the factory, while Momentous tests every single batch for purity and banned substances, which is why I partnered with them.

他们确实是全球最好的。

They're literally the best on the planet.

在严格的第三方检测方面，他们无人能及，而且这款产品味道绝佳。

They're unparalleled when it comes to rigorous third party testing, and this stuff tastes phenomenal.

这种乳清蛋白来自饲喂牧草的欧洲奶牛。

This whey protein is sourced from grass fed European cows.

不含激素、抗生素或转基因成分。

No hormones or antibiotics or GMOs.