#1069 - 马克斯·巴特菲尔德博士 - 爱如何让你发疯

再者，这种观点认为，有时候惩罚性的事情反而让人感觉良好，比如五年级的那个小丑，被老师训斥时，其他学生却都在笑。

Again, this idea that sometimes punishing things can feel good, like that class clown in fifth grade that gets yelled at by the teacher, but all the other students laugh.

这种惩罚在很多方面实际上起到了强化作用。

That punishment is actually reinforcing in many ways.

所以另一种理论是，反刍思维是我们陷入的一种循环。

So that's another theory is that rumination is this loop that we get stuck in.

这当然让我们感觉糟糕，但同时也可能自我延续。

That certainly makes us feel bad, but also it can be self continuing.

因此，不同的人对理解它有不同的方法。

And so, different people have different, you know, different approaches to understanding it.

对我来说，当我给人们提供建议时，我更关注的是：这种行为对你有什么作用？

For me, that's what I like to look at when I'm advising people is what function is this serving for you?

大多数人会说：你在说什么？

And most people say, what are you talking about?

这根本没什么作用。

That's not serving any function.

这就是为什么这种情况不断发生，因为我们缺乏这样的洞察力，即它实际上是在起作用。

And that's why it keeps happening, is because we don't have that insight that it actually is doing something.

所以我们必须弄清楚它的根源。

And that's why we have to get to the bottom of it.

里克·汉森和他的儿子福雷斯特合办了一个名为《Being Well》的播客。

Rick Hansen has a podcast with his son, Forrest, called Being Well.

他们做了一整期关于反刍的节目，而这是我发现最有趣的内容之一。

And they did a full episode on rumination, and that was one of the things that I found so fascinating.

他鼓励人们问这个问题。

He asked gets people to ask this question.

你的反刍给你带来了什么？

What are you getting out of your rumination?

你的反刍到底给你带来了什么？对，就是这个。

What are you getting out of your what what is it that Right.

它在为你做什么？

It's doing for you?

你说得对。

And you're right.

当你第一次想到这个问题时，你会想：你这话到底是什么意思？

When you first think about that question, you go, what the fuck do you mean?

如果我能把这种想法从我体内驱逐出去，如果我能彻底清除它，我当然会这么做。

If I could exorcise this out of me, if I could expunge it from myself, of course I would.

我不希望再去想那些过去的事情，或者昨晚晚餐时我说过的那句蠢话，或者那个我很喜欢的人可能不喜欢我，或者担心她不喜欢我，又或者担心我女朋友会发现我出轨了。

I don't wanna be thinking about this thing from the past or the this stupid sentence that I said at dinner last night or how that person that I really like probably doesn't like me back, and I'm worried that they don't or whatever, that that my girlfriend's gonna find out that I cheated on her.

但事实就是这样。

But it is.

确实如此。

It is.

有几点见解，至少我觉得它们有一定道理。

And a couple of things a couple of insights that that I think at least hold a bit of water.

其中之一是，人类的头脑极度厌恶不确定性。

One is that the human mind abhors uncertainty so much.

模糊性和不确定性正是焦虑的温床。

Ambiguity and uncertainty are kind of one of the seats of of, like, the germinators of anxiety.

当你面临模糊和不确定性时，你宁愿想象一场灾难，也不愿面对这种模糊。

And if you've got ambiguity and uncertainty, you would rather imagine a catastrophe than deal with ambiguity.

因为发生了什么、将来会怎样、这会对未来意味着什么， somewhere 存在一个未完成的循环，而你正在把它闭合。

Because what happened, what is going to happen, what this means for the future, there is an open loop somewhere, and you're closing it.

你正在将它压缩简化。

You're collapsing it down.

但由于我们有负面偏见，你压缩后的结果可能是某种极端糟糕的情境，甚至违背了宇宙的物理法则。

But because we have a negativity bias, you're collapsing it down to perhaps a situation so bad that even the physics of the universe couldn't allow it to.

比如，你已故的奶奶复活了，看到你欺骗了女朋友，然后整个宇宙——我的意思是，这家伙居然让全世界都知道了。

You know, your fucking dead grandmother comes back and she sees that you cheated on your girlfriend and then the entire universe well, I mean, this guy's managed to make the entire world see.

你正在将所有不确定性叠加态压缩成某种确定的结果，这充分说明了人类多么厌恶模糊和不确定性，宁愿想象灾难也不愿接受未知。

You are collapsing down the superposition of all of the uncertainty into something, And it just goes to show how much humans abhor ambiguity and uncertainty that we would rather imagine a catastrophe than deal with not knowing.

对。

Right.

我觉得这是一个相当不错的见解。

I think that's a pretty cool insight.

而且，这方面另一个因素是，我们的大脑也是。

Well, and another element of this is that our brains are also.

认知上的吝啬鬼，它们倾向于选择阻力最小的路径。

Cognitive misers, they want to take the path of least resistance.

它们只想做最容易的事，所以如果你形成了一条路径，这实际上是在很大程度上忽略了许多细节。

They want to do the thing that's easiest, and so if you wear in a path, this is, you know, very much kind of glossing over a lot of details.

但如果你形成了一条路径，这条路径就会被反复使用，一次又一次。

But if you wear in a path, that path is going to get used again and it's going to get used again and again.

所以，如果你有一次反复思虑，下次再反复思虑的可能性就会增加。

And so if you ruminate once, you're a little more likely to ruminate again.

如果你再次反复思虑，你就知道这会走向哪里了——这并不好。

And if you ruminate again and you see where this is going, this isn't good.

因此，如果我们天生就有反复思虑的倾向，而这种倾向由于认知结构本身具有自我强化的特性，那么一旦这种反复思虑开始，我们很大程度上就陷入困境了，除非有干预。

So if we have an evolved tendency to ruminate and it can serve a function for us and it's self reinforcing just because of cognitive architecture, we're kind of doomed in a lot of ways once that rumination starts, unless there's intervention.

而干预措施，我的意思是，治疗可能有帮助，但还有其他干预方式。

And interventions, I mean, therapy can be helpful, but there are other interventions as well.

只是打破你的日常习惯，去别的地方，做点别的事情。

Just breaking your routine, going somewhere else, doing something else.

并不总是非得靠治疗。

It doesn't always have to be therapy.

治疗对一些人有好处，但对其他人来说，你可以在不进行这种昂贵而严肃的干预的情况下做到这一点。

Therapy's good for some people, but for others, you can do this without, you know, this serious kind of costly intervention.

就是去做点别的事。

It's like do something else.

想点别的事。

Think about something else.

是的。

Yeah.

看起来你是在暗示，在经历困难时期之后，你的想法内容非常重要——如果你想要走出当前的困境，给自己一些新的思维空间。

It it it seems like you're suggesting that the content of your thoughts after a difficult period are are pretty important that if you want to get over whatever it is that's happening, giving yourself some fresh territory to inhabit.

该死。

Fuck.

我真的、真的讨厌这样：每当我的伴侣出去玩了一晚上，第二天早上我就开始担心他，担心有没有收到他的短信。每天早上我醒来，都会想到那个女孩，想着她怎么还没回我消息之类的。

I I I really, really hate the way that if my partner's been on a night out, that I worry about them the next morning and whether I've got a text or the I I every morning, I wake up and I think about that girl and hasn't she hasn't texted me back or whatever.

好吧。

It's like, okay.

也许你可以尝试做一些不同的事，因为你的想法总是和你习惯的行为模式绑定在一起，比如一醒来就立刻看手机，或者一醒来就去房子的某个地方吃早餐。

Well, maybe if you do something different because your thoughts are attached to the patterns that you've been behaving, the fact that you get up and look at your phone straight away or the fact that you get up and go to that part of the house in order to get breakfast.

也许你可以一醒来就直接去咖啡馆，这样就打破了你原有的行为模式，从而也会改变你的思维方式。

Well, maybe if you got up and went straight to a coffee shop, that pattern's already disrupted the way that you operate, and therefore it's going to disrupt the way that you think.

没错。

Exactly.

你知道吗，如果你一醒来就立刻查看手机，那就把手机放别处。

You know, if you wake up and you check your phone instantly, put your phone somewhere else.

把它放在车库里，或者睡觉前放在车里。

Put it in the garage, put it in the car before you go to bed.

这不需要那么复杂。

It doesn't have to be complicated.

只需要稍微改变一下。

It just is switch things up a little bit.

我认为人们往往想得太复杂，尤其是那些容易反复思虑的人。

And I think people over complicate, especially people who tend to ruminate.

他们觉得，一定得对。

They're like, Well, there has to Right.

有个复杂的

Be a complicated

如果我有反复思虑的问题，就让我思虑吧。

Allow me to ruminate if I have my rumination problem.

是的。

Yeah.

不，正是如此。

No, exactly.

没错。

Exactly.

而且我觉得有时候，你只需要和自己争论一下，一点点地反驳，你不必完全证明那些反复思考的念头是错的，只需要一点点地削弱它。

And I think sometimes also just arguing with yourself, just chipping, you don't have to completely prove the rumination wrong, but just chipping away at it.

不久前我和一个人聊天，他担心和他分手后，那个女人正过着最好的生活。

I was talking to a guy a while back, and he was worried that this woman he broke up with was living her best life after they broke up.

这个念头在他脑海里一遍又一遍地冒出来。我对他说，你怎么知道她今天没有踩到口香糖呢？

And he just had that thought just kept popping into his head over and over and over And I said to him, how do you know she didn't step in gum today?

他可能会想，我不知道，也许她确实做了。

He's like, I don't know, maybe she did.

也许她确实做了。

Maybe she did.

你知道吗，有时候只需要一点点可能性就够了。

You know, and that's all it takes is just a little bit of possibility.

你也可以对自己这样做。

And you can do that to yourself.

就跟自己辩论一下。

Just argue with yourself.

我不想说这只是一个简单的解决办法。

And it's not, I don't want to say that there's just a simple solution.

你只需要停止这样想就行了。

All you have to do is stop thinking that way.

完全不是这么回事。

That's not it at all.

这必须是有意为之的。

It has to be very intentional.

你真的需要采取行动。

You actually have to take steps.

把手机放在车里，出去吃早餐，一点点化解。

Put your phone in the car, go out for breakfast, chip away.

也许她真的踩到口香糖了。

Maybe she did stepping gum.

而这些小事日积月累，影响真的很大。

And those things really add up over time.

我很喜欢把反复思考看作是一位老师的这个想法。

I love the idea of rumination being a a teacher.

我喜欢这个想法的原因是，我觉得很多人在处理第一层情绪时就有问题，对吧，比如感到悲伤。

And the reason that I like it is I think a lot of people have a problem with their first order emotions, right, feeling sad.

但真正的问题其实在于第二层和第三层情绪。

But it's really the second and third order emotions.

这是他们对自身悲伤的沮丧，以及随之而来的对这种沮丧的苦涩感。

It's their frustration at their sadness and then their bitterness about their frustration about their sadness.

但如果你陷入这种对自身所做或自认为所做的一切荒唐事，或是本应预见却未预见之事的无尽自我鞭挞循环中，一个很好的解决方法是再次思考：这究竟对你有何益处？即便我们此刻从进化视角探讨的是终极结果而非直接后果。

But if you've got this infinite regress of self flagellation about all of the bullshit that you've done or think that you've done or how you should have seen the thing that you're going to do, a nice way to work out, again, how is this serving you even if it's an ultimate as opposed to a proximate outcome that we're playing with now from an evolutionary lens.

有趣的是，你会意识到：哦，它是在试图保护我。

What's cool is you go, oh, it's trying to keep me safe.

它是在试图教会我些什么。

It's trying to teach me something.

我经历了一段非常艰难痛苦的时期，这让我不断思考它。

I went through this very difficult, painful situation, and it's making me think about it.

然后我又因为自己总在想这件事而觉得自己是个傻瓜。

And then it's making me think about how much of an idiot I am for thinking about it.

接着我又因为自己竟然如此纠结于这件事而感到沮丧。

And then it's getting me frustrated at how much of an idiot I think I am for how much I'm thinking about it.

所有这些其实都是在试图调动防御机制，确保我安全，并让我的未来生活顺利。

And all of this is just trying to marshal defenses to make sure that I'm safe and make sure that my life goes well moving forward.

所以谢谢你。

So thank you.

谢谢你们，数百万年进化来的本能，还在努力保护我。

Thank you, many million year old programming, for trying to keep me safe.

我觉得至少这能帮助缓解人们对这种反复自责所持有的评判态度，

And it just I think it at least helps to it's a solvent that helps to dissolve a little bit of the judgment that people have around That that

这种自我评判实在太普遍了。

kind of self judgment is so prevalent.

我真的很羡慕那些不总爱想东想西的人，你知道的，他们能说停就停，去跑步，或者关掉思绪看看电视，或者做他们想做的任何事。

And I really envy the people who don't think, you know, who just can turn it off and go for that run or turn it off and just watch TV or, you know, whatever it is that they do.

但那不是我。

Because that's not me.

我认为大多数人对自己苛刻地评判，不仅评判他们做过的事，更特别评判他们没做过的事，那些他们本可以采取的其他选择。

And I think most people find themselves really harshly judging, not just what they've done, but especially what they haven't done, what they could have done as an alternative.

现在有很多新的研究，我们实验室也做了一些相关研究，探讨同情心与自我同情之间的区别。

And there's a lot of new research out there about, and we do some of this in our research lab, about the difference between compassion and self compassion.

有趣的是，假设你像这个家伙一样作弊了，他确实应该为此感到内疚。

And what's really interesting is if so suppose you cheat like this guy, and he should feel guilty for that.

别误会我的意思。

Don't get me wrong.

他确实应该为此感到非常内疚。

He should feel very guilty about that.

但话又说回来，我更容易对自己说：你知道吗？

But that being said, it's much easier for me to say, You know what?

每个人都会犯错。

Everybody makes mistakes.

往前看吧。

Move on.

也许下次别在奥运会上再提这件事了。

Maybe don't mention it at the Olympics again next time.

但原谅自己往往要困难得多。

But to forgive yourself is often much more difficult.

因此，研究人员最近一直在关注这种差异。

So there's this disparity that researchers have been targeting recently.

为什么在别人身上，我们很容易知道何时该施以同情？

Why is it that it's easy to know when to apply compassion to someone else's life?

而在我们自己身上，却对那些本可以做、没做或本该做得不同的事充满内疚和羞愧。

And in our own case, we have a lot of guilt and shame about what we could have done or what we didn't do or what we should have done differently.

这会引发后续的问题。

And that creates problems downstream.

你如何建议人们培养更多的自我同情？

How do you advise people to develop more self compassion?

这还是研究的前沿领域，目前还没有很好的干预方法。

It's such the cutting edge of research that there is not a good intervention right now.

有一些方法，有一位名叫克里斯汀·内夫的研究者，可以说是这方面的权威。

There are some, there's this researcher named Kristin Neff, who is kind of the guru of this.

她指出的一种方法是，像给朋友写信那样给自己写一封信，这会非常有帮助。

And one of the things she shows is that kind of like writing a letter to yourself as you would to a friend can be really helpful.

即使只是写一封信给朋友，建议他们在同样情况下该怎么做，也会很有用。

Even just writing a letter to a friend, advising them if they were in the same situation, here's what you should do.

所以，很多关键在于自我反思，意识到我们对待自己和对待他人的方式是不同的。

So a lot of it has to do with self reflection and just being aware of this fact that we're treating ourselves differently than other people.

但说实话，研究人员目前正在寻找有效的干预手段。

But truly, researchers are looking for interventions as we speak.

我们的实验室也在做这方面的研究，因为这是一个普遍存在但最近才被识别出来的问题。

We're doing it in our lab as well because it's such a prevalent problem that only recently has been identified.

太酷了。

Very cool.

跟我谈谈高拒绝敏感性。

Talk to me about high rejection sensitivity.

我之前对此有些感觉，但直到开始研究后，我才第一次听到这个正式术语，是的。

I'd had an inclination about this, but I'd never heard it as a formal term before I started looking Yeah.

在你的

At your

拒绝敏感性基本上就是：你喜欢被拒绝吗？

So rejection sensitivity is basically, do you like rejection or not?

大多数人不喜欢，所以不喜欢被拒绝是正常的。

And most people don't, so it's normal not to like it.

但它对你的后续影响有多大？

But how much does it affect you downstream?

有些人的情况是，他们对被拒绝如此敏感，以至于即使根本没有被拒绝，也会察觉到被拒绝的迹象。

And some people, what happens is they are so sensitive to being rejected that they see signs of it even when they haven't been rejected at all.

所以你发短信给我，我没有立刻回复。

So you send me a text and I don't respond instantly.

如果你有很高的拒绝敏感性，就会想：哦，他讨厌我。

If you were high in rejection sensitivity, it's, oh, he hates me.

可能他再也不想和我说话了。

And probably he never wants to talk to me again.

你知道吗？

And you know what?

我再也不会跟他说话了。

I'm never gonna talk to him again.

我会让他好看的。

I'll show him.

这样一来，它就会制造出这些动荡的社交环境，让你现在看到的是一种无处不在的拒绝视角。

And so what that does is it creates these turbulent social environments, where you are now seeing, it's a lens that you see rejection everywhere.

即使情况只是模棱两可，比如有时人们没有立刻回短信。

Even when it's just ambiguous, sometimes people don't text right back.

因此，拒绝敏感性在某些方面与神经多样性有关。

And so rejection sensitivity has been associated with neurodivergence in some ways.

所以你偶尔会在自闭症患者或注意力缺陷多动障碍患者身上看到这种现象。

So you occasionally see it in people with autism or people with ADHD.

在人格障碍患者中，这种现象的发生率要高得多。

You'll see it in people with personality disorders at a much higher rate.

其原因并不一定是它导致了这些障碍，而是它是多种行为、生活方式以及看待世界方式中的一部分。

And the reason why isn't necessarily because it's causing those disorders, but it's part of a constellation of behaviors and kind of ways of living and lenses of viewing the world.

是的。

Yeah.

那你能不能谈谈，你希望更多男女知道如何表达兴趣的方式？

What about what talk to me about some of the ways that you wish more men and women knew how to signal interest.

因为我觉得现在网上越来越多地出现这种情况。

Because I think this is something I'm seeing more of online now.

也许这是后#MeToo时代的一种产物，男性被教导的不仅是‘不就是不’，而且任何不够明确、不够强烈的‘当然愿意’都可能意味着‘赶紧离开我’。

Maybe this is kind of the progeny of a post me too world where men have been taught not only that no means no, but that anything short of a really, really obvious hell yeah is probably get the fuck away from me.

对。

Right.

他们不想让女性感到不适，不想越界，害怕卷入类似#MeToo的事件，而且他们本质上都是好人。

And they don't want to make women feel uncomfortable, and they don't wanna blow through boundaries that aren't there, and they're scared of being a part of some me too, and they're just good people generally.

所以我看到越来越多这样的情况。

So I'm seeing more.

有个视频里，一个女孩谈到在纽约，女性正在偷金融界精英们的沙拉。

There was a video of a girl talking about how in New York people women are stealing Finance Bros salads.

我见过这种情况。

I've seen that.

是的。

Yeah.

完全正确。

Absolutely.

有个女孩在中央公园散步，胸部相当丰满，没穿上衣，也没穿内衣，她说，看我的皮肤在发光，但没有一个男人会过来跟我搭讪。

There's a girl walking through Central Park with, like, pretty big boobs and no top on no top on, no bra on, saying, like, no my skin's glowing and no guy's gonna come up and talk to me.

还有另一个视频，一个女孩穿着长裙，就是那种派对连衣裙走在街上，配文大概是：我等不及要出门，然后在酒吧里没有一个男人来搭讪我。

There's another one of a girl walking in a maxi dress, this party dress down the street, and the caption's something like, I can't wait to go out and have no guy come up to me at the bar.

你希望更多男性和女性了解如何表达兴趣？

What do you wish more men and women knew about how to signal interest?

是的。

Yeah.

这比你想象的要简单得多。

It's much simpler than you would imagine.

你不需要什么技巧。

You don't need tricks.

最简单的方式就是直接说，嘿，你很可爱之类的。

The easiest way to do it is to say, hey, you're cute or whatever.

我不知道人们会怎么说。

I don't know what people say.

就是普通人，正常人类，你懂的。

Normal people, human beings, you know.

但你可以随便说点什么。

But you could say whatever.

你可以说，嘿，我喜欢你。

You can say, hey, I like you.

或者，嘿，你的靴子太帅了。

Or hey, that's a killer boots.

这是个很棒的说法。

That is a great phrase.

没那么危险。

Not super dangerous.

你知道，我认为调情和表达兴趣的危险在于你可能会太过分。

You know, that's the danger I think with flirting and signaling interest is that you can go too far.

你绝对可能会过头。

You can absolutely go overboard.

比如评论别人的身体，大概就不要这么做。

And commenting on people's bodies, for example, probably don't do that.

评论他们的衣服属于身体相关行为，因此也可能有风险。

Commenting on their clothes is body adjacent, and so that can be dangerous as well.

比如，

Like,

身体相关。

Body adjacent.

是的，确实如此，你知道的。

Yeah, it really is, you know?

就像，哦，这件上衣挺紧身的，你知道的，比如

It's like, Oh, that top is pretty tight, You know, like

对。

Yeah.

所以你确实需要小心。

And so you do have to be careful.

调情本质上就是模棱两可的。

Flirting by its very nature is ambiguous.

这就是为什么这样很好。

That's why it's good.

人们在很多方面已经失去了调情的能力，这并不是因为#MeToo运动，而是因为我觉得人们在职场和学校里把调情过度化了，结果我们不得不告诉他们：好了，别再这样做了。

People have lost the ability in many ways to flirt because, not because of me too, but because I think people took flirting a little too far in the workplace, in schools, and as a result, we had to teach them, Okay, stop doing that.

别再评论别人的身材了。

You know, stop commenting on people's bodies.

在某些情况下，这是不受欢迎的。

That's not welcome in some cases.

但我认为，坦率直接是有帮助的，但这也很难，因为你必须主动展现自己。

But I think that's why being forthright is helpful, but it's hard because you have to put yourself out there.

而调情则不同，它像是：也许我喜欢你，也许我不喜欢。

Whereas with flirting, it's like, oh, maybe I like you, maybe I don't.

所以如果你根本没有明确表达出喜欢我，我就无法拒绝你。

So you can't reject me if I haven't actually signaled that I like you.

但我觉得这种情况已经持续很久了。

But I feel like this has been going on a really long time.

大概八年前，我教课的时候有过一个瞬间，那时候交友应用——我不会说它们是寻找伴侣的主要方式——但确实变得比以前普遍多了。

I had a moment when I was teaching a class probably eight years ago, and this was when apps were, you know, they were, I wouldn't say the dominant form of dating apps of finding people, but they had become much more prevalent than they used to be.

班上有个我挺喜欢的男生，一个学生，我教过他几门课，他收到一个女孩的短信，不知道该怎么回复。

And there was this guy who I really liked in class, a student, and I'd had him for a couple courses, and he had gotten a text from a girl, and he didn't know how to respond.

当时班上有大概15个人同时给他出主意，教他该怎么回短信。

And there were in class, probably 15 people giving him advice on what to text back at once.

而我内心的反应是：哦，不。

And my reaction was, in my head, was, oh, no.

比如，他们争论的都是一些非常基础的东西。

Like, this isn't they're debating things that are so basic.

他们脑子里想得太多了。

They're in their head so much.

这些可怜的孩子根本没有机会。

They don't have a chance, these poor kids.

所以我认为在很多方面我们必须回归基础，而这在社交媒体上是非常困难的。

And so I think we have to get back to the basics in many ways, and it's very difficult on social media.

通过短信交流非常困难，因为你没有那种一来一往的互动。

It's very difficult through text because you don't have that back and forth.

如果我当面跟你开玩笑，稍微逗你一下，那会明显得多。

If I tell you a joke in person, I tease you a little bit, that's much more obvious.

但如果我发条短信，对方就会想：他是在讽刺吗？

But if I send a text, it's like, Was he being sarcastic?

他那么说是什么意思？

What did he mean by that?

而这些都是他们反复争论的问题。

And those were all the questions that they were debating back and forth.

比如，我该怎么回复那条消息？

Like, How do I respond to that?

所以部分原因在于我们沟通方式的局限性。

So part of it is just the limitations in the way we communicate.

另一则消息是，Shopify为美国10%的电商公司提供支持。

In other news, Shopify powers 10% of all ecommerce companies in The United States.

他们是Gymshark、Skims、Allo和Neutonic背后的推动力，这就是我与他们合作的原因。

They are the driving force behind Gymshark, Skims, Allo, and Neutonic, which is why I partnered with them.

因为当涉及到将浏览者转化为买家时，他们是最出色的。

Because when it comes to converting browsers into buyers, they are best in class.

与其它领先的电商平台相比，他们的结账流程平均提升了36%的转化率。

Their checkout is 36% better on average compared to other leading commerce platforms.

通过Shop Pay，你可以将转化率提升高达50%。

And with Shop Pay, you can boost conversions by up to 50%.

他们还提供获奖级别的支持，全程为你保驾护航。

Got award winning support there to help you every step of the way.

你看。

Look.

你创业不是为了学习编程、建网站或管理后台库存。

You are not going into business to learn how to code or build a website or do back end inventory management.

Shopify帮你处理所有这些事务，让你专注于你真正该做的事——设计并销售出色的产品。

Shopify takes care of all of that and allows you to focus on the job that you came here to do, which is designing and selling an awesome product.

升级你的业务，使用我和Neutonic在Shopify上相同的结账系统。

Upgrade your business and get the same checkout that I use with Neutonic on Shopify.

现在，你可以通过点击下方描述中的链接或访问shopify.com/modernwisdom（全部小写）来注册每月1美元的试用期。

Right now, you can sign up for a $1 per month trial period by going to the link in the description below or heading to shopify.com/modernwisdom, all lowercase.

访问shopify.com/modernwisdom，立即升级你的销售方式。

That's shopify.com/modernwisdom to upgrade your selling today.

把发短信的任务外包给关系中的人，这叫众包或众筹。

Crowdsourcing or crowdfunding your text back to someone in a relationship.

我的意思是，现在人们都会直接用ChattyPT。

I mean, now people would just use chatty p t.

你看过那集《南方公园》吗？里面所有男生都把发短信的任务外包给女朋友，是的。

You've seen that South Park episode, right, where all of the guys outsource their texts to their girlfriends to Yeah.

ChattyPT。

Chatty p t.

而他们的女朋友都过得很开心，男生们却纳闷：‘你怎么这么温柔？’直到他们发现，原来所有人都把短信外包给了大语言模型。

And all of their girlfriends are having such a lovely time, and the guy's like, how are you how is she so and then they realize that it's because everyone's fucking outsourced it to an LLM.

对。

Right.

你提到了人们的穿着。

You mentioned people's outfits.

科学对女性为什么打扮有什么说法？

What does science say about why women dress up?

关于这个问题有很多不同的观点。

There's a there's a lot of back and forth about that.

从进化心理学、文化心理学，甚至个性角度，都有各种论点，你知道的，多种多样的解释。

And, you know, there's arguments from evolutionary psych side, cultural psych, maybe personality, you know, a variety of things.

总而言之，我认为科学并没有给出明确的答案。

All that to say, I don't think science says anything.

我认为人们只是有各种理论。

I think people have theories.

我认为各方面都有一些证据。

I think there's evidence in one way or another.

但在我看来，最有说服力的证据是，这取决于具体情况，取决于具体语境。

But in my opinion, the evidence that's most persuasive is that it depends, and depends on the context.

所以在很多情况下，女性打扮是为了给彼此留下深刻印象，而不是为了取悦男性。

So in many cases, women dress up to impress each other more so than to impress men.

这似乎有违直觉，因为她们为什么要这样做呢？

And that seems counterintuitive, because why would they do that?

但人们想要这样做，背后有很多原因。

But there are a lot of reasons why you might want to do that.

女性与男性一样，也存在社会等级结构，她们不希望自己的伴侣被抢走。

Women have a social hierarchy in the same way that men do, and they don't want their mate to get poached.

因此，你不仅要向男性展示你是个有魅力的人，还要向其他女性表明：别来招惹我，你是在浪费时间。

And so you have to show not just a man that you're an attractive person, you have to show other women like, don't mess with me, you're wasting your time.

所以，就我个人而言，我觉得这个解释、这个证据相当有说服力，但并非所有人都这么认为。

So personally, I find that explanation, that evidence to be pretty persuasive, but not everyone does.

是的，这个观点很有意思。

Yeah, it's an interesting one.

我的意思是，我见过太多不同的研究了。

I mean, I've seen so many different studies.

有一个很棒的研究，我是从……不是乔伊斯·本尼森，也不是坎迪斯·布莱克，也不是科里·克拉克那里了解到的。

There was a great one that I learned about from, not Joyce Benninson or Candace Blake, not Corey Clark.

另一位进化心理学领域的女士教给我这个很棒的研究，他们有一个主角，就是研究中那个……他们怎么称呼那个参与者来着？

Someone else one of the one of the evolutionary psychology ladies taught me this great study where they had a protagonist, this what what do they call the the person that's the actor in a study?

叫什么来着？

What's it called?

实际上，我通常不太确定。

Typically, I don't know, actually.

我通常用Target的压缩粉饼。

Compact I usually use target.

不是压缩的。

Not compact.

用

Use

把目标人物当作个人。

target an actor personally.

好的。

Okay.

好吧，不管那个人是谁。

Well, whoever that is.

这项研究的一个版本，同一位女性出现了两次。

One version of the study same same woman twice.

这项研究的一个版本，她穿着相当暴露的服装。

One version of the study, she's wearing quite revealing clothing.

这项研究的第二个版本，她穿着比较保守的服装。

Second version of the study, she's wearing pretty covered up clothing.

有两个人以为自己即将参与这项研究，正等在外面——经典的‘你以为还没开始，其实已经开始’的情境。

And two people who think they're about to go into the study are waiting outside the classic it's begun before you think it's begun thing.

对。

Right.

主角走上前，向他们问路，然后他们进行了声音分析、微表情追踪、肢体语言变化等等。

The protagonist goes up, asks them for directions, and then they did vocal analysis, sort of microexpression tracking, body language changes, and stuff.

而同一个女人穿着更保守的衣服，显得相当友善，只是从她身边经过或随便说点什么。

And the same woman in much more conservative clothing that sort of quite kind and pass her on the way or just say whatever.

我认为他们反正也不知道需要把她指引到哪里去。

I don't think they know where they need to to send her in any case.

而在另一个版本中，有一种上下打量的眼神，然后问'你看到她要去哪儿了吗？'

And then in the other version of it, there's sort of this like, this sort of look up and down, and then did you see what she was going?

不对。

No.

不是。

No.

不。

No.

没有。

No.

所以我认为，男性可能会注意到她穿得更暴露，但我觉得这并不是因为衣服本身。

So I don't think I mean, guys might notice the fact that she was more revealing, but I don't think that it would be from the clothes.

我觉得他们并没有那么在意。

Don't think that they're paying as much attention.

我认为这就是女性不理解男性如何看待女性的地方。

I think this is the thing that women don't understand about what guys notice about women.

对。

Right.

我的意思是，你之前提到过那个关于阿玛尼西装的很棒的研究，那项研究到底是关于什么的？

I mean, there was that great study you you you talked about what was that study to do with the Armani suits?

是的。

Yeah.

这是一个经典的研究，探讨了女性之间的竞争，即同性竞争。

It's a classic classic study in just this idea that there is competition, intrasexual competition, competition among women, and between each other.

研究显示，如果让同一个男性穿上阿玛尼西装 versus 汉堡王的制服，然后问女性们。

And so the study shows that if you put guys in Armani suits versus Burger King attire, wear, the uniform, whatever, and you ask women, same guy.

所以，你穿着汉堡王的制服，你穿着阿玛尼西装，然后问女性哪个版本的克里斯。

So like, you have you wearing Burger King, and you have you wearing Armani suits, and you ask women which version of Chris.

但你不会这么说。

Now, and you wouldn't say it that way.

你会问：你觉得克里斯有吸引力吗？

It's like, do you think Chris is attractive?

而穿着阿玛尼西装的克里斯，人们会说：是的。

And the Armani suit Chris, people are like, yeah.

而穿着汉堡王制服的克里斯，女性则会说：不。

And in the Burger King uniform, people are like women are like, no.

是同一个人，只是衣服不同。

Same guy, just different clothes.

你有没有觉得，他有魅力？

Are you know, is he attractive?

他有魄力吗？

Is he powerful?

他是那种你想约会并共度一生的人吗？

Is he somebody you'd wanna date and mate with?

不太算。

Not really.

不是。

No.

但如果你对女性做同样的测试，男性们会说，是的，她很性感。

But if you do that with women, the guys are like, yeah, she's hot.

不管她穿什么，不管是那种有权力感的商务装，还是汉堡王的制服，都没关系。

Doesn't matter what she's wearing, whether it's the powerful, you know, business attire, whether it's the Burger King uniform.

这项研究已经被重复了很多次。

And this study has been replicated many, many times.

这项研究最早在90年代就被提出，此后一直以各种方式被持续研究。

First kind of discussed in the 90s, and it has continued to, you know, be investigated in many, many different ways.

所以我看到这个，就会谈论它，并说，是的，女性和男性一样都是渣男。

And so I look at that, and I talk about that, and I say, yeah, so women are pigs, just like men.

你明白吗？

You know?

我的意思是，这很像，我们有自己的领域，没错。

I mean, it's very like, we we have our own domains Correct.

在好色这方面。

Of being a pig.

是的。

Yeah.

它们略有不同，指向不同的方向。

They're slightly they're slightly different, and they're pointed in different directions.

是的。

Yeah.

我认为在某种程度上，这有点可悲：女性投入大量精力，以为存在某种男性法官或暴君，一个类似全景监狱般的神一样的人物在审视她们，评判她们的美貌标准，而实际上这种评判很大程度上来自内部。

I think it's it's kind of tragic in some ways that the amount of effort that women go through thinking that there is some sort of male judge or tyrant that's kind this Panopticon fucking godlike figure looking over them to judge their beauty standards when the call is very much coming from inside of the house.

而且，如果所有女性都不喜欢被强加的美丽标准，我觉得如果她们能以某种方式实现上帝视角般的协调，一致地说：好吧。

And if if all women didn't like the beauty standards that were being enforced, I feel like if they were somehow able to do god's eye coordination and all say, okay.

那我们为什么不一起尝试留短发、剪短指甲、不穿高跟鞋、不晒黑，还有其他那些东西呢？我们可以一起把市场需求降下来，男生们 probably 根本不会注意到。

Well, why don't we all try and have less long hair and less long nails and less high heels and less tan and all the rest of the stuff, we can kind of bring the market down together, and guys are probably not gonna fucking notice.

你上一次听到哪个男生说：‘你看到她的指甲了吗？’是什么时候？

Now when's the last time you heard a guy say, did you see her nails?

老兄，这太疯狂了。

Dude, it is wild.

我的意思是，珠宝这类服饰，大多数男生我猜根本不会在意。

I mean, that's the other thing that jewelry is a sort of area of attire that most guys I don't think really pay any attention to.

一个50美元的包和一个1万美元的爱马仕包，或者路易威登包之间的区别，还有街头品牌鞋子和一千美元品牌鞋子之间的区别。

The difference between a $50 bag and a $10,000 Birkin or a Louis Vuitton bag or something, the difference between this brand of shoes from the high street and this brand of shoes that's a thousand dollars.

我们根本搞不懂。

We have no idea.

你是说，谁会

Like, who do you who do you

觉得这些是为谁准备的？

think that this is for?

但同样的情况，完全相同的动态机制是成立的。

But the same thing, the same exact fucking dynamic is true.

哥们，你觉得那个女人对你宝马M3里的Recaro运动版座椅了解多少？

Guys, how much do you think that woman knows about the specific sporting cup edition Recaro seats that you've got inside of your BMW m three?

比如，哦，这是限量版，因为车尾有双排气管，还有黑色的饰件，中间是Alcantara材质的座椅，而且配备了其他版本的iDrive系统，不，不是的。

Like, do you oh oh, but this is a limited edition because it's got the the twin tip exhaust at the back, and they're the black the and then there's the Alcantara seat in the middle, and it's actually got the iDrive with the other like, no.

她不仅不知道，也不理解，更不在乎。

Not only does she not know, she doesn't understand or care.

没错。

Right.

是的。

Yeah.

这其实关乎你如何分配精力，而不是一味地放大这种努力，你知道吗？

And it's, again, it's it's about allocation of your effort, not this amplification of that effort, you know?

无论是在说，我要改装我的车，让它成为一辆完美的车，最终吸引到我的真爱。

And whether it's like, hey, I'm gonna tweak my car so that's a perfect car that will finally attract the love of my life.

这太蠢了。

That's that's stupid.

你知道，这不会奏效的。

You know, that's that's not gonna work.

那么，你把精力用在别处能去哪儿呢？

So where can you put that effort instead?

直接去跟一个女人聊天吧。

Literally go talk to a woman.

这会是个艰难的挑战。

That would be tough one.

方向比速度重要，伙计。

Direction over speed, dude.

对。

Right.

方向比速度重要。

Direction over speed.

是一个男人说你太优秀了，配不上我，还是说你高攀不起我？

Is is a man saying you're too good for me or you're out of my league?

那是个危险信号吗？

Is that a red flag?

我看到有人说过，这是个危险信号。

I saw someone saying that that's a red flag.

我不这么认为。

I don't think so.

我的意思是，让我稍微解释一下。

I mean, well, let me let me back that up.

这有可能吗？

Can it be?

是的，但不能脱离上下文。

Yes, but not out of context.

你得想想他为什么这么说？

You have to consider why is he saying that?

所以，如果你把它当作一条笼统的建议，不，那并不是一个危险信号。

So if you give that as blanket advice, no, that is not a red flag.

它可能是一个积极的信号。

It could be a green flag.

这可能表明了一种谦逊的态度。

It could indicate humility.

但现实情况是，我们没有更多关于那个男人为什么这么说的信息。

But the reality there is we don't have more information about why did that guy say it?

所以这关乎投入，而不是制定这些规则。

And so this is about investment rather than creating these rules.

人们想要快速见效。

People want it fast.

他们就想这样，好吧，这家伙说了这话，所以他是个好人。

They want to be like, okay, this guy said this thing, therefore he's a good guy.

是的，这就像个魔法咒语。

Yeah, that's like a magic spell.

而人际关系并不是那样建立的。

And that is not how relationships are built.

它们需要时间来培养。

They're built over time.

它们是通过逐渐了解他人而建立的。

They're built by getting to know people.

而且，我的意思是，确实没有捷径可走，虽然确实有少数几句话说出来可能算是危险信号。

And there's just no way of, I mean, there are a few things people could say that would be a red flag.

比如，嘿，我要杀了你。

Like, Hey, I'm gonna murder you.

但即便如此，我刚才只是随口一说，也许这不算断章取义。

But even then, I just said it, and that's not out of context, maybe.

现在，你把这段剪出来，就会变成，哦，博士。

Now, you clip this, and it's like, Oh, Doctor.

巴特菲尔德在追求什么。

Butterfield is after.

他盯上了克里斯。

He's after Chris.

这可真是大麻烦了。

This is big trouble here.

但你知道，这就是为什么语境如此重要。

But, you know, that's why context is so important.

没有捷径可走。

There's no shortcuts.

我觉得这在很大程度上是你内容中的一个核心主题：如果我们从关系情境中截取非常短暂、脱离语境的片段，然后从中推导出普适性规则，最终就会陷入各种麻烦。

I think this is sort of much of the meta theme of what you're doing with your content, which is to say, if we take very short, out of context pieces of relationship situation and then apply a universal rule from that, we end up getting in all sorts of trouble.

这简直太棘手了，因为是的。

It's so super fucking squirrelly because yeah.

我的意思是，如果一个地位很高、自信满满的男人说‘你太优秀了，我配不上你’，这其实是个不错的赞美，而且可以表达得非常可爱、撩人。

I mean, you're too good for me is if said by a guy who's quite high status and self assured, actually quite a nice compliment, and it can be done in such a cute, flirty way.

没错。

Right.

你就是太优秀了，不适合我。

You're just too good for me.

我怎么会遇到像你这样的女孩呢？

How how have I ended up with a girl like you?

你知道吗，听到这样的话其实挺好的，尤其是当它不是出于卑微的讨好，而是真正发自内心的目光。

You know, that's a that's a nice thing to hear, especially if it's done from a place of not sort of pliable simping, but it's it's it's genuinely done out out of a look.

我们都清楚彼此很适合，没错。

And we both know that we're good for each other, but Right.

这很棒。

That's cool.

当你看着你的约会对象走进来时，即使是第三次约会，你也忍不住想：天啊，你简直高攀不起。

And to to look at your date as she walks through, even on the third date, and you go, dude, you are so out of my league.

天哪。

Holy shit.

这真的很棒。

Like, that's that's cool.

我觉得这样挺好。

I I think that's good.

对。

Right.

这正是浪漫喜剧的写法。

That's the rom com writing right there.

没错。

Exactly.

好吧，行。

So well, okay.

真的存在所谓的危险信号吗？

Are there things such things as real red flags?

除了那些明显的迹象，比如我会吃了你然后把你的骨头埋在花园里，还有哪些人们应该注意的危险信号？

And so beyond the obvious shit of, like, I'm gonna eat you and and bury your bones in the garden, what about red flags that people should pay attention to?

我觉得确实有一些，你知道的，重要的信号可能不在于说了什么。

I think there are certainly some, you know, and big ones are maybe not what's being said.

可能是他们正在做的事情。

They could be what's being done.

你知道，行为比人们说的话重要得多，因为让我退一步说，行为和意图之间存在差距。

You know, behavior matters a lot more than what people say, because people, let me back it up and say, there's a behavior intention gap.

我可能很想为某人做很多美好的事情，但如果我从不付诸行动，那这就是一个警示信号。

And so I might want to do a lot of really nice things for someone, but if I never do that, okay, that's a red flag.

而关键在于，长期来看，我是否能说到做到？

And that's a pattern over time is do I follow through or not?

这一点很重要。

And, okay, that's important.

无法调节情绪。

An inability to regulate emotions.

我们之前已经讨论过这一点。

You know, we talked about this already.

这是一个主要的警示信号。

That's a major red flag.

如果你看到这些愤怒的爆发，即使只是轻微的、不经意地流露出来，比如出了点事就砸墙。

If you see these outbursts of anger, even if it's just minor ones leaking out, you know, something goes wrong, you punch a wall.

是的。

Yeah.

这值得引起注意。

That's that's worth looking at.

我不是说我在13岁的时候砸过墙，你知道吗？

And it's not I have punched a wall when I was 13, you know?

所以，那时候那算一个警示信号吗？

And so, like, was that a red flag back then?

对。

Yeah.

我当时情绪上还没完全成熟。

I wasn't fully emotionally developed.

你13岁的时候，人们本就不该和你约会。

People shouldn't have dated you when you were 13.

没错，他们确实没有，让我告诉你。

Right, and they didn't, let me tell you.

塔尔·埃普斯坦。

Tal Epstein.

没错，是的。

Right, yeah.

那是个危险信号。

And that's a red flag.

人们在秘密掩盖下都在做些什么？

What are people doing under the cover of secrecy?

他们到底在做什么？

What are they doing?

如果你发现，他们声称自己在做的事和实际做的事不一样，那就值得留意。

And if you find out that, again, what they say they're doing is different from what they're actually doing, that's worth looking at.

所以对我而言，简而言之，你问题的答案是关于一致性，以及关于监管。

So ultimately for me, I guess the short answer to your question is it's about consistency and it's about regulation.

那么，行动是否与意图一致？

So do actions match up with intentions?

他们是一个冷静的人吗？

And are they a calm person?

当他们情绪失控时，能否恢复冷静？

And do they have the ability to become calm when they get dysregulated?

因为我们都会情绪失控。

Because we all get dysregulated.

没错。

Exactly.

我本来就想说，确实如此，不是每个人都能保持冷静。

That I was gonna that's exactly what I was gonna say that not everybody is calm.

所以你并不一定需要一个总是冷静的人。

And so you don't necessarily want somebody who is always calm.

对。

Right.

其实，做一个充满激情的人还挺酷的，也许在某些情况下，尤其是为你挺身而出时，发怒反而是有帮助的。

It's actually kinda cool to be someone who's excitable and and and maybe actually there's a useful time for them to get angry, especially if it's on your behalf.

但前提是，是的。

But it's if yeah.

如果你赶飞机迟到了，但最后还是赶上了，这会毁掉整个假期吗？

If you're late for the flight and you just make it, does that ruin the entire holiday?

对。

Right.

或者当飞机降落时，大家是否都已经平复了情绪？

Or by the time that the flight's landed, has everybody been able to sort of burble their emotions back down?

对。

Right.

没错。

Exactly.

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是的。

Yeah.

这个，我是说，这是大卫·巴斯的观点。

The, I mean, that's from David Buss.

他说这是在伴侣身上最值得关注的首要特质，即情绪稳定。

It's the number one trait that he says to look for in a partner, which is emotional stability.

在经历某种情绪波动偏离常态后，你的伴侣需要多长时间才能恢复到正常状态？

How long after some sort of emotional perturbment that takes you away from baseline does it take your partner to get back to baseline?

这个恢复时间越短，就越好。

And the shorter that that window is, the better.

为了公正起见，我可能就是从大卫那里学到这一点的。

And what that And to give credit where credit is due, I probably got that from David.

大卫就像是我的研究导师。

David is like my research grandpa.

他有个学生叫莎拉·希尔，她曾是我的论文指导老师。

So he had a student, Sarah Hill, who was my engaged adviser.

不可能。

No way.

你师从莎拉吗？

You studied under Sarah?

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

天哪。

Holy shit.

没错。

Yeah.

所以，这就是那种经典的学术传承。

So, you know, so it's that classic lineage.

两年前，我曾在她的H BEST研讨会上发言。

I spoke at her H BEST symposium two years ago.

真的吗？

Did you?

是的。

Yep.

是的。

Yep.

哦，那是当时房间里学历最低的人，还是唯一一个拥有硕士学位的人，而周围全是博士、双博士、博士后和教授。

Oh, was that's by far the least credentialed person in the room or the only person in the room with a master's level education surrounded by PhD, double PhD, postdoc, doctorate.

该死的唐·图比也在场。

Fucking Don Tooby was there.

这发生在约翰·图比去世之前。

This was before John Tooby passed away.

所以，该死的约翰·图比就坐在前排，听我做那十五分钟的演讲。

So fucking John Tooby sat in the front row as I'm speaking my fifteen minute.

这时候你就需要服用β受体阻滞剂了。

That's when you need the beta blockers.

你知道吗？

You know?

那就是

That's

老兄，我真的想感受这一切。

Bro, I I wanted to feel all of that.

那真是太棒了。

That was it was fantastic.

是在棕榈泉。

It was in Palm Springs.

那是个很棒的地方。

It was this great place.

所以，是的，莎拉很棒。

So but, yeah, Sarah's wonderful.

她让我了解了另一项出色的研究。

She taught me about another one, this great study that was done.

你可能对它很熟悉，是关于排卵期转变假说的，或者也可能是克里斯蒂娜·杜兰蒂的研究。

It was you'll probably be familiar with it, to do with ovulatory shift hypotheses, or or maybe it was Christina Duranti.

是两者之一。

It's one of the two.

是的。

Yeah.

对。

And Yeah.

同一个人，一个版本是穿着皮夹克、抽着烟、发型很酷、超级有型；另一个版本则显得书呆子气得多，穿着类似针织背心的东西，几乎像是《生活大爆炸》里的漫画形象。

They had the same guy dressed in leather jacket, smoking, super cool with his hair done, or another version where he was much more nerdy and he was wearing a sort of sweater vest type thing, almost like a Big Bang Theory caricature.

在这项研究的两个版本中，都有女性参与进来。

And in both iterations of the study, women went in.

但其实是同一个人。

One it's the same guy.

对吧？

Right?

绝对是同一个人。

The absolute same guy.

女性进去见第一个男人。

Women go in and see the first guy.

女性进去见第二个男人，但被告知他们是双胞胎。

Women go in and see the second guy, but they're told that they're twins.

所以她们不知道两次见到的是同一个人，但被告知他们是双胞胎。

So they don't know that it's the same dude both times, but they're told that they're twins.

所以有两种不同的版本。

So there's two different versions.

我太喜欢了。

I love it.

她们进去后，和他聊天，只是被要求模拟一下约会场景，看看初次见面会是什么样子。

And they go in, and they have a conversation, and they're just told to sort of talk about sort of play out what dating might be like, what the sort of meeting would be.

她们问那个叼着香烟的男人，他则说，你知道的，也许我们可以出去约会，或者，你知道的，也许不行。

And they're asking the dude with the cigarette, and he's like, you know, like, maybe we could go out or, you know, maybe not.

我不知道，你懂吗？

I don't you know?

随便吧。

Whatever.

比如，那样会很酷之类的。

Like, it would be cool or something.

比如，也许，你知道，我可能会见你。

Like, maybe, know, maybe I'd see you.

也许你不喜欢，我外面有摩托车，诸如此类。然后和另一个家伙在一起时，他更加顺从，以及其他种种。

Maybe you're not like I got my motorbike outside, whatever the And then with the other guy, he's much more pliable and all the rest of it.

然后她们被问到。

And they're asked.

他们追踪激素周期。

They track the hormone cycles.

她们在排卵期窗口期间处于什么阶段？

Where are they during the ovulatory window?

那些正在排卵期的女性，会认为那个疏离、抽烟、明显表现出更典型男性特征的家伙，其实和另一个家伙是同一个该死的家伙。

The women who are ovulating see the guy that's detached, smoking, obviously signaling sort of more classically masculine traits, but is the same fucking dude as the other one.

甚至连女同性恋者都认为他会是个更好的父亲。

Even lesbians rate him as a better father.

问个问题，你觉得谁会是更投入的父亲？

To ask questions, who do you think would be a more invested father?

你觉得谁会是更好的父亲？

Who do you think would be a better father?

我的意思是，我知道你正在经历排卵期变化。

And that I mean, you've I know ovulatory shifts going through this.

这是真的吗？

Is it true?

不是吗？

Is it not?

可重复性危机说，然后我所有的朋友都说是，我有点想支持他们。

Replication crisis says and then all of my friends say yes, and I kind of wanna back them.

但我认为，这件事最终会水落石出的。

But I this will come out, I think, in the wash eventually.

但我他妈觉得那些研究真是太棒了。

But I fucking that stuff is so good.

那个关于女性更可能在排卵期投票给奥巴马而非罗姆尼的研究是怎么回事来着？

What was that one about women were more likely to vote for Obama over Romney Right.

是因为奥巴马显然比罗姆尼健谈得多吗？

When they were ovulating because Obama's evidently way more chatty than Romney was?

太棒了，老兄。

Brilliant, dude.

太棒了。

Brilliant.

是的。

Yeah.

嗯，这正是我真正喜欢进化论方法的地方，你知道，无论这些研究最终能否被复现，它们都催生了非常有趣的假设。

Well, and that's what I really like about the evolutionary approach is that, you know, whether these studies turn out to replicate or not, they drive very interesting hypotheses.