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欢迎回来，老兄。
Welcome back, man.
又来搞速度跑的播客电话了。
Another speedrunning podcasting booty call.
这正是我们所期望的。
That's that's the hope.
每天多做点难事是个不错的信条，但重点不该放在冰浴上，而该放在你拖了三个月都没敢做的那个决定上。
Do more hard things every day is a great mantra, but it should be less about ice baths and more about making that decision you've been putting off for three months.
对。
Yeah.
我觉得大家对‘难事’有个很大的误解，好像跑个马拉松，就自然能跟老婆谈那些难缠的话题了，还觉得自己在做难事，可这些难事其实并不通用。
I think that there's been a big misconception around hard stuff, which is just that like running a marathon necessarily means that you can have a hard conversation with your wife by saying, like, oh, I do hard things, but those hard things don't necessarily generalize.
所以我觉得，能力的专属性其实很局限，除非你真把自己定义成‘我能做难事的人’，比如因为跑过马拉松，或者天天泡冰浴。
And so I think domain specificity is much more narrow unless you decide to generalize to an identity label of like, I am the type of person who can do hard things because I ran this marathon or because I do these ice baths.
然后你才能把这个标签扩展到其他行为上。
And then as a result, I can then generalize that label to other behaviors.
但只要你能建立这个身份认同，就不必非得跑完马拉松才能做那些难事。
But if you can make that label and identify with it, then you don't need to run the marathon in order to do the hard thing.
你只需要这个标签就够了。
You just need the label.
人们更应该关注哪些真正困难的事？
What are the hard things that people should be focusing on more?
哪些关键能力能真正提升人们应对困难的底气，值得大家多花心思？
What what are the step change function, hard thing capacity skills that people should focus on more?
我觉得关键在于清醒地意识到，有哪些外部因素在悄悄影响你的行为，让你偏离目标。
I think it's being cognizant of what what other what outside forces are influencing your behavior in a way that is aversive or against your goals.
比如你打算创业，却又害怕别人怎么说，那就等于你让别人左右了你的选择。
And so if you're like, I want to start a business, but I am afraid of what other people will say, then it means that we are allowing those other people to control your behavior.
当你用这么直白的话说出来，就会发现：天啊，我居然给了他们这么大的权力，来决定我的人生。
And I think when you say it in really plain terms like that, you're like, wow, I didn't know was giving them that much power for my life.
我不做这件事，是因为怕他们怎么说——这说明，他们其实控制着我。
It's like, am not doing this because of them, which means they control me.
对我来说，所谓困难的事，某种程度上就是不让这种控制继续下去。
And to me, like the hard thing is in some ways just not allowing that control to persist or to keep going.
挺有意思的是，很多人能承受身体上的挑战，却没法在决策上做到果断。
It is interesting how many people can do hard things physically but can't do hard things decisively.
我这边有安全团队之类的，我跟他们每个人都分别聊过这个话题，因为他们都经历过战斗、死亡这些事。
I have so I have, you know, our security team and whatnot, and this is is a discussion that I've had with probably each of them at different times because they've seen combat and death and all that kind of stuff.
有趣的是，他们愿意拿自己的生命去冒险，可到了跟妻子、伴侣或爱人谈一次坦诚的对话时，却怎么也迈不出那一步。
And what's funny is that like the amount of risk that they are willing to put their physical bodies in, like literally their lives at stake, but then how that doesn't necessarily translate to being able to have a like, call it vulnerable conversation with a wife, spouse, lover, etcetera.
这真挺耐人寻味的。
It's just interesting.
这又回到一点：这些能力并不能通用。
And this is again back to like, these things don't generalize.
表面上看着相似，实际上完全不是一回事。
They look good, but they do not mean the same thing.
奇怪的是，我们总在公开场合赞美那些显而易见的困难，哪怕它们对人生方向的影响其实没那么大。
It's weird that we publicly admire the obvious hard thing even if that isn't the one that actually makes the biggest difference to people's life direction.
这并不能说明你是个好朋友。
It's not predictive of being a good friend.
也不能说明你会是个最好的伴侣。
It's not predictive of being the best partner.
更不代表你能当个成功的老板。
It's not predictive of being a successful business owner.
但因为它更显眼、更容易被公开称赞，你可以在网上炫耀，比如‘我跑过马拉松’，却不会说‘当伴侣问我一个难题时，我没有躲开’。
But because it's more obvious, because it's more publicly laudable, you can flex it online and you can tell people I ran a marathon as opposed to when my partner asked me a difficult question, I didn't shy away from it.
我如实回答了。
I told them the truth.
但我要说明，我觉得这些事本身确实值得称赞。
And to be clear, I think that those things are laudable in and of themselves.
比如你上战场，或者去跑个马拉松。
Like, you go fight a war, you go do like, you go run a marathon.
我觉得这些事都很了不起。
I think all of those things are are praiseworthy.
真正的问题在于，那种以为‘我能做所有难事’的普遍想法，其实是个误解。
It's just the generalizable component of that hard being, oh, I can do all hard things is really the misconception.
但我确实觉得，如果你因为做了某件难事，就告诉自己能应对所有困难，那这种信念还挺了不起的。
But I do think that if for whatever reason you tell yourself a narrative that because you did this hard thing, can do all hard things, then that's amazing.
如果有人这么说：‘我开始练柔术，生活彻底改变了’，那当然很好。
And by all means, if someone's like, I started doing jujitsu and it completely changed my life.
这真的很棒。
It's like, that's awesome.
但很可能不是因为你学会了怎么防守。
But it probably isn't because you learned how to do guard better.
更可能是，学会防守这件事对你来说意味着什么，进而改变了你之后的一系列行为。
It's probably because like what guard what learning to do guard meant for you changed these other series of behaviors down the line.
你觉得，那些做体力上困难事情的人，和那些培养出应对真正重要困难能力的人，这两者之间有多大关联？
How correlative do you think it is people that do hard things physically versus people who develop the capacity to do hard things that matter?
你能再说一遍吗？
Can you say that again?
比如说，主动选择做难事，和下定决心做难事，这两者之间的区别。
Let's say that doing hard things electively versus doing hard things decisively.
对我来说，最大的不同在于，一种需要情感上的决断，另一种需要付出努力。
The big difference between the two to me seems to be decisions that require emotion and decisions that require effort.
这应该是其中关键的一个区分点。
That seems to be one of the big delineations here.
你是说，像那种需要勇气的对话，跟需要体力的挑战之间的区别？
So so it's like the call it hard conversation versus hard physical tasks?
对。
Yeah.
那些通过锻炼身体、学会面对艰难体力任务而发生转变的人，你觉得其中有多少能将这种能力迁移到面对情感上的困难上？
And how many people who develop the skill to do hard physical tasks as a transformation, how many of those do you think carry over into being able to do the hard thing emotionally?
反过来也差不多，情况相似。
Probably the same in the opposite direction.
那些擅长处理艰难对话的人，比如律师，能理清复杂的想法，可一旦去练柔术、去举铁，或者不肯拼命，就完全不行。
The guys who were like, can have, quote, hard conversations, the attorney who can get through all these complex ideas and have whatever then sucks on at jujitsu or sucks at in the weight room or doesn't try hard.
我觉得技能其实都很具体，除非你把它们笼统地归纳起来。
I think I just think that skills are more specific unless you generalize them.
那你怎么去归纳呢？
How do you generalize?
我觉得是通过贴标签、建立身份认同来实现的。
I think it's it's it's creating labels and identity with personality.
如果我们把一个人在各种情境下的行为总和定义为性格，对吧？
And so if we if we if we if define personality by the aggregate of how you behave in all conditions, right?
也就是说，你在不同情况下的表现，就是你的性格。
So all these conditions, how you act is your personality.
而我们给这种性格贴上的那个标签，就是身份。
The label we ascribe to that personality would then be the identity.
如果我们决定改变这个标签——这话说得有点专业了，但本质上，它会成为你行为的全局强化剂。
And so if we decide to change that label, then that label, this is getting a little technical, but basically becomes a global reinforcer for your behavior.
比如，我是个诚实的人。
Like I am honest.
所以我们给这个标签贴上‘诚实’，它下面包含很多具体的行为，我们之所以这么做，是因为我们认为诚实是好的。
And so we make this label and then honest has a lot of sub behaviors underneath of it that we then act because we believe that honest is good.
因此，我们希望自己的行为能与这个整体的自我强化标签保持一致。
And so we want to act in accordance with this global reinforcer for ourselves.
当我们进入新情境时，就会想：嗯，什么样的行为才和这个标签一致？
And so when we enter a new situation, we think, okay, what is in alignment?
哪种行为最符合我给自己定下的这个身份？
What behavior is most aligned with this label?
然后我们就照着去做。
And then we do that.
而一旦没这么做，没按这个标准来，就会感到内疚，因为违背了自己定下的行为准则。
And then when we don't do, when we don't act that way, then we feel guilty because we broke our own rules of behavior.
所以这里的关键是，你在某个领域做难事，并不意味着它会自动延伸到其他所有领域，除非你刻意把自己的身份和它绑在一起。
So the big lesson here is just because you're doing hard things in one domain does not mean that it crosses over into all domains unless you purposefully try to make your identity wrapped up around it.
完全正确。
A thousand percent.
还有，我记得上大学的时候，我想加入一个兄弟会，那是SEC联盟的，他们以搞恶作剧、欺负新生之类的事出名。
Also, when when I I remember when I went to college, my I I wanted to pledge a fraternity, and it was in the SEC, and they're known for for hazing and whatnot.
所以我给爸爸打电话，跟他说：嘿，这事儿可能不太妙。
And so I'd I'd call my dad and I was like, hey, this might be like bad.
我可能得经历一些挺难熬的事。
I might have to go through some stuff that's hard.
我不确定。
I don't know.
我爸爸给了我很多持久的礼物，其中一样他说：想想你到目前为止经历过的所有难事。
And you know, my dad's given me a lot of lasting gifts, but one of them he said, think about every hard thing that you've gone through up until this point.
他说：他们对你做的任何事，都不会比那些更糟。
He's like, there is nothing that they can do to you that is worse than that.
这真的给了我极大的力量。
And that actually was incredibly empowering.
后来当我遇到更多困难时，我立刻想到自己曾经经历过的最糟的事，然后心想：天啊，这根本不算什么。
And I remember when there were more hardships that were going on, I just immediately went to the worst things that I had gone through and I was like, oh my God, this is nothing.
所以我能挺过这段挺难熬的时光，周围有人崩溃大哭，各种情况都有。
So I was able to like go through this relatively hard thing where there were people who were like cracking and crying and all this stuff.
我想说都是成年男人，但其实旁边那些人更像长大的男孩。
Like I wanna say grown men, but I would say adult boys next to me.
我能站得笔直，因为那些21岁的小伙子们能对我做的，都没我以前经历过的更糟。
And I was able to stand tall because it was just like, there's nothing that these other 21 year old guys can do to me that has I have not suffered through.
罗根有句话，正好能解释为什么值得去面对困难。
It's a good justification for doing hard things that Rogan's got this line.
你经历过的最糟的事，就是你这辈子最糟的事。
The worst thing that's ever happened to you is the worst thing that's ever happened to you.
对。
Yeah.
如果你这辈子最糟的事，是星巴克服务员把你的名字拼错了，那确实挺惨的。
And if the worst thing that's ever happened to you is somebody misspelling your name on a Starbucks cup, that's a big deal.
对。
Yeah.
但如果你经历过的最糟的事比那还要糟糕上千倍，我觉得我们的问题在于近期偏见——如果你最近没经历过困难，就容易忘记自己曾经挺过难关的能力，这就有点像‘天鹅绒监狱’效应。
But if the worst thing that's ever happened to you is a thousand times worse than that I think one problem we have is recency bias that if you haven't been through a tough time right now, your memory of being able to deal with hard things, you kind of get velvet prison syndrome.
对。
Mhmm.
有时候我们真的会忘掉。
And sometimes you can forget.
比如，女生可能会说，我依然是那个我。
Like, I guess chicks would say, like, I'm still that bitch.
我依然有那份本事。
I'm you know, like, I'm I've still got that capacity.
我们有时候就是会忘记。
Sometimes we forget.
是的。
Yeah.
我觉得有一点
I think one
支撑我度过那些艰难时刻的，最重要的信念就是：这终将成为我日后讲述的故事。
of the strongest frames that has gotten me through those harder times is that this is the story I will one day tell.
所以，坏事越多，反而让这个故事越显得恢弘壮烈。
And so it just like almost the more bad things that happen, it's like the more epic the story becomes.
我们所讲的故事，最大的受益者其实是自己，因为大多数时候，我们既是讲述者，也是听众。
And so, I mean, the main beneficiary of the stories that we tell is ourselves because we're the giver and the receiver of most of the stories.
我们所讲述的故事里，自己才是最大的接收者。
Percentage of stories told, are the biggest receiver of the stories.
所以我觉得，这种视角真的特别有力——当然，糟糕的事总会发生，但难道不正因如此，故事才更精彩吗？
And so I think that's actually been, I think, just such a powerful frame for like, of course, this terrible thing will happen and like, doesn't that make the story so much better?
对。
Yeah.
有意思的是，当你说到叙事、人物塑造、情节弧线、英雄之旅这些概念时，听起来好像有点天真、神话化、不理性、太象征性，但人类的大脑本来就是这样运作的。
What's cool is I think, when you say we're talking a narrative story personification, arc, hero's journey, it all sounds kind of wishful in a way, mythological, irrational, symbolic, but that's the way that humans' brains work.
我们天生就活在故事里。
Like, we work in story.
即使这并不完全符合神经科学中内侧前额叶外侧皮层如何运作以让人变得更坚强的机制。
And even if it's not strictly the way that the neuroscience behind how the medial prefrontal lateral cortex works in order to make us a a tougher person.
如果你是个会对自己讲这样的故事的人——你相信自己能挺过这一切，那实际上你追求的正是这种信念。
If you are the kind of person that tells yourself the story, that you're the kind of person that can get through this, that is functionally exactly what you're chasing.
你真正想要的，就是这个故事本身。
Like, what you're after is the story.
如果你从一开始就明确这一点，不断构建那些将来可以回望的故事，我觉得这反而比试图用理性分析行为是如何构成的更直接。
And by putting that on the front end and going, okay, I'm just gonna keep on building stories that I'm gonna refer back to in future, I think you're actually being more direct than if you were trying to take a more rational view of exactly how behavior is put together.
故事，恰恰就是你理解自己行为和身份如何形成的最理性的角度。
Like the story is the rational view of how your behavior and your identity are put together.
这里面内容太多了。
There's a lot there.
至于神经科学、大脑标签那些东西，我真的一点都不懂。
I think like with the neuroscience and the and the brain labeling and all that stuff, I have no idea.
这超出了我的专业范围。
So that's that's above my pay grade.
不过，我觉得我们所有的行为归根结底都是累积起来的。
But, yeah, I I just think about all of our all of our behavior is just in aggregate.
我们只会做那些曾经得到过回报的事。
We do what we've been rewarded for doing.
这并不意味着你一定能得到奖励。
And it doesn't mean we get a cookie.
也可能是某种不好的事情消失了。
It could also mean a bad thing goes away.
奖励的形式其实有很多种。
There's a lot of different types of reward.
所以，如果你还记得一个故事——比如你经历过一段艰难时期，最后挺过来了——那这个故事其实就是对你当时所做行为的强化提醒。
And so if we remember a story, so like let's say you had that story of you went through this hard thing and then you survived, then it basically serves as a reminder of the reinforcer of the behaviors you did to get through it.
这就像对小孩子说：‘还记得上次你这么做，最后吃了冰淇淋吗？’
And so it's almost like, with a kid who's smaller, if you're like, hey, remember last time you did this, got ice cream.
只要你提醒他们当时的回报，他们就更愿意重复那个行为。
If you remind them of that reward, then they're more likely to repeat the behavior.
所以我认为，我们本质上是用这种叙事来提醒自己，短期内提升某个强化物的相对价值。
And so I think we basically use that narrative as a reminder to, in the short term, increase the relative value of a reinforcer.
如果从整体来看动机是什么，那本质上，当你激励别人时，你就是在做同样的事。
And so if we think about like what is motivation in general, that's functionally what you're doing if you motivate someone.
比如，你短期推销某样东西，其实就是提升了某个特定强化物的相对价值。
Like if you sell someone something for the short term, you increase the relative value of a specific reinforcer.
你本来根本不想买香水，但看到广告后，在广告播放的那段时间里，你对‘闻起来好’这件事的渴望就被提升了。
You didn't wake up, wanting to buy cologne, but you see an ad and for the short period of time that the ad goes on, it increases the relative value of smelling good.
结果就是，你的行为发生了变化，于是你买了。
And so as a result, it changes your behavior and then you buy.
所以我觉得，故事的作用也是这样——我们用它们在短期内激励自己去执行那些当下不太舒服、但长远来看更有回报的行为，因为我们被提醒了过去曾经经历过的那些积极结果。
And so I think stories function that same way where we use them to motivate ourselves in the short term to do the desired behavior that might be less comfortable in the short term, but we're reminded about the larger reinforcing event that we had in the past.
你认为有多少人是在公开场合做艰难的事，只是为了逃避面对自己私下里没有能力做这些事的现实？
How many people do you think are doing hard things publicly in order to not need to face the lack of capacity they have to do hard things privately?
我不认识那些人，说实话，我也不知道。
I don't know them, so I don't know, to be honest with you.
这真是我的实话。
That's my honest answer.
我真的不知道。
I don't know.
我觉得有些人确实在做艰难的事，只是在网上展示的是他们实际所做的一小部分。
I think some people really do hard things, and that's what they capture online as a fraction of what they really do.
也有些人，他们所有艰难的事都只发生在网络上，根本不是真的。
And I think there are people who 100% of the hard things they do online and they're not Yeah.
而且那些事也没多难，毕竟背后有一整个团队在帮他们。
That And they're not even that hard because they've got a squad of people behind them.
我记得曾经有个梗是这么说的：你那儿不是有摄像机吗？
Like I was I think there was a meme around this for a moment that was like, but you had a camera there.
比如有人因为惊人的消息突然晕倒之类的。
It's like girl collapses because of crazy news or something like that.
你那儿不是有摄像机吗？
It's like, but you had a camera there.
所以呢，就是这么个情况，你知道的，有这么一个方面，你知道的
And so you so there's just this this, you know, this element of, you know
不信任，还有表演的成分
Mistrust, performative nature.
对
Yeah.
没错
Yeah.
成功的三个步骤
The three step process of how to win.
第一，明白没人会来救你
Number one, realize no one is coming to save you.
第二，为自己的现状负责
Number two, take responsibility for your current position.
第三，愿意为了成为你想成为的人，放弃现在的自己
Number three, be willing to sacrifice who you are for who you want to be.
我觉得这三点其实讲的都是权力的问题。
I think that those three is really all about power.
从认知的角度来看，顺序上应该是第一点最重要：你得为一切负责。
In the realization, so the probably in sequence, probably the first one should come first, which is you own everything.
意思是，就算你承认一切由你掌控，你可能还是抱着希望，指望别人来改变你的处境。
It's like, okay, if I own everything, then you could still hope that someone saves you, but it still relies on someone else to change your condition.
所以你得明白，所有结果都由你承担。
And so it's like, okay, I own all these outcomes.
你不会再指望别人来改变你的现状，但只要你还这样想，你就必须迈出第三步——你得做出牺牲。
I'm not going to rely on someone else to change my condition, but you're still there, which means you have to take the third step, is that I have to sacrifice.
你得放弃一些东西，才能换来另一些东西。
I have to give up something in order to get something else.
我觉得，无论从创业还是个人成长的角度来看，人们卡得最久的地方，就是不愿意做取舍，总想什么都想要。
And I think I think where people actually stay stuck the longest in their careers from an entrepreneurship perspective or just from a personal development perspective is the trades that we are unwilling to make is basically the desire to have everything at the same time.
我最简单的比喻是：你当然想住得有山景、靠近海滩，还能步行到全食超市。
And and the easiest analogy I have is like, it is totally reasonable to want to have a mountain view and to be on the beach and be walking distance from a Whole Foods.
但你几乎不可能找到一个地方能同时满足这三点，因为它们看起来彼此矛盾。
But you probably will not find a place that has all three of those because they are all at apparent contradictions or, you know, apparent odds.
所以，我们就这样陷入犹豫不决的僵局，总觉得每条路都是妥协。
And so there, but So what happens is we just stay in this paralysis of indecision because we feel like all paths are settling.
现在有种说法，总在鼓吹‘绝不妥协’之类的话。
And I think there's this movement or narrative around like never settle and things like that.
但人们误把‘绝不妥协’当成‘绝不做取舍’。
But people mistake, never settle for never make trades.
于是我们疯狂追求选择的多样性，甚至想最大化所有选项。
And so we have this obsession with optionality or optionality maxing.
但选项只有在被使用时才有价值。
But options are only valuable when taken.
如果我们从不做出选择，也就是从不兑现手里的机会——有些机会必须抓住，一旦抓住，其他机会就消失了。
And so when we never take the option, which means we don't cash in the option that we have available, like some options need to be taken and when they are taken, other options disappear.
对。
Mhmm.
因为潜力再大，也不等于现实中的成就。
Because just having maximum potential does not mean maximum reality.
因为你得下定决心。
Because you need to commit.
你必须做出选择，这意味着放弃其他可能性。
You have to commit, which is the elimination of alternatives.
你想想，有哪件值得做的事，是不需要下定决心、不需要取舍的？
And so like there, I mean, show me anything that was worth doing that did not require commitment, which is an elimination alternative, it's a trade off.
我们年轻的时候，总是被鼓励要最大化自己的潜力。
And so in the beginning of our lives, when we're younger, we are are praised for maximizing our potential.
对吧？
Right?
怎么才能让所有大学都录取你？
How can we have as many colleges accept us?
怎么才能门门功课都拿最高分？
How can we have all the best grades?
我们怎么能同时拥有所有可能的道路呢？
How can we have all the paths in front of us?
但我认为很多人认识一些人，他们年轻时靠追求最大潜力取得了成功，却没能真正实现自己的潜力。
But I think many people know people who are really successful earlier on by for maximizing potential, but not realizing potential.
我觉得，潜力的最大化与真正实现之间的差距，就在于我们愿意做出哪些承诺——也就是那些取舍，那些放弃其他可能性的决定。
And I think the gap between the maximization of potential and the realization of potential is the commitments that we're willing to make, which is the trades, the elimination of the alternatives.
当我们不得不做出选择，意识到有些机会永远无法实现时，因为我们只有一生，而这些取舍往往是不可逆的。
When we have to start cashing those options in and realizing that some of them are never going to come to fruition because we could only have one life and some of those trades are permanent.
你只有真的生了孩子，才会明白不生孩子意味着什么。
You can only not have a kid until you have a kid.
到了那一刻，你才真正明白。
And then at that point, you have Right.
再也没有回头路了。
There's no going back.
对吧？
Right?
你知道吗，人生中有些决定是没法退货的。
You know, some decisions in life don't have refunds.
我觉得这正是我早年职业生涯时想说的，尤其是对单身男性来说，因为现在社交媒体上这种想法特别普遍。
And I think that is what I would say maybe in the earlier part of my career, especially single guys because I think a lot of that's like really prevalent in social media right now.
就是一味地追求更多选择。
It's just options maxing.
但就算你只是想尽量多保留选项，实际上也已经关上了其他路，比如你将无法享受到婚姻承诺带来的好处。
But we just even even in the attempt to options max, you still close off other options, which is that like you will not have the benefits of, let's say, a committed marriage.
因为你一直保持着选择的开放性。
Early on because you've kept your options open.
没错。
Right.
而且如果你同时想搞五个项目，也就得不到那种大型企业带来的收益。
And like you will not have the benefits of like a very large business if you try to pursue five
对。
Mhmm.
或者干脆什么都不做，就是不想做承诺。
Or don't pursue any because you want to not make commitments.
所以我觉得，承诺其实恰恰是成熟和成长的强烈信号。
And so I think that commitment is actually a really strong signal for maturation and growing up.
很多错误都是因为原地不动造成的。
Lots of mistakes were made by standing still.
人们总以为不行动就不是决定，其实它就是。
Like people think that inaction isn't a decision, but it is.
完全对。
Totally.
我的意思是，即使什么都不做，情况也在变化。
I mean, conditions change through inaction still.
门会关上的。
Like doors close.
有些时刻，机会摆在眼前，你必须行动，否则就永远错过了。
There are moments where you have opportunities where you have to act or they will go away.
是的
Yeah.
所以我觉得，抓住这些机会意味着你必须主动拒绝一些你可能想要、甚至非常想要的东西。
And so I think it's like being able to seize those opportunities and that means that you have to actively say no to something that you might want or might want a lot.
我认为，愿意清晰地做出这些取舍，用它们来换取你更想要的东西，这才是人们在生活中前进、获得更多所追求之物的方式。
And I think those are the traits that we, I think being willing to make those trade offs clearly and trade them for the things that you want more is how people can progress through life and and get more of what they want.
不得不接受取舍的痛苦
The pain of having to accept trade
让很多人止步不前。
offs holds a lot of people back.
百分百如此。
A 100%.
结果他们什么也得不到。
And then they end up getting nothing.
我真心觉得，这正是这么多人完全无法发挥潜力的根本原因。
And I think that I honestly think that is like at the crux of why so many people are not realizing any potential at all.
因为他们根本不愿意做任何取舍，更别提做出最重要的那个选择了。
It's because they are unwilling to make any trade and then make the biggest trade of all.
你觉得该怎么克服这种决策瘫痪呢？
How do you think about overcoming that decision paralysis?
眼前有太多不错的选择。
Lots of good options in front of you.
花了很多时间去尽可能扩大可选方案的范围。
Spent a lot of time trying to maximize surface area of of available options.
听起来有点荒谬，但对人类来说，选择越多，反而越不开心，而不是更快乐。
And it's insane to say, but it's functionally true for humans that more options make you more miserable, not happier.
确实如此。
Super true.
而且我们身边 probably 都有这样的人，我马上就能想到几个，他们选择不多，但每个选择都特别清晰。
And also, we probably know someone I mean, I can think of people off the top of my head that didn't have many options, but the option that they had was very clear.
比如有个人特别宅，就爱写代码，方向特别明确，一路走下来很顺畅。
Like, this guy is a super nerd and just loves coding, and it was very clear straight on.
他当时在身体条件上有很多限制，不太可能成为体育明星，甚至可能连体形都算不上多好。
And So there was a lot of things that weren't available to him physically, probably wasn't going to be the sports star, maybe even in super great shape.
但那条路仿佛从一开始就被注定了。
But it was almost like that path was predetermined.
可如果你往后面看，他们并没有因此就不成功。
But then when you fast forward, it's not like they're less successful.
正因为他们很早就清楚自己要做什么，所以能提前把未来拉到眼前，直接迈开步子走起来。
It's that because they just already knew what they were going to do, they got to start pulling the future forward down the one path and start walking.
所以，人们又陷入了一种误区，觉得选择越多越牛，把选择数量当成身份的象征，可实际上，这些选择都只是空白支票。
And so there's again this fetishization of having options and seeing that as a proxy for status when the reality is that they're all blank checks.
你一张都没兑现过。
You haven't cashed any of them in.
是啊。
Yeah.
所以我觉得，最初的那个问题归根结底是：人之所以卡住，是因为根本不知道自己真正想要什么。
And so I think the original question ladders to like people get stuck because they don't know what they want.
我用你愿意为得到某样东西而付出的代价来定义你真正想要的是什么。
And I define what you want by what you're willing to sacrifice to get something.
为你的现状负责。
Take responsibility for your current position.
这话是什么意思？
What's that mean?
就是把自己看作问题的根源。
It's identifying yourself as source.
但我要澄清一点，这并不意味着你目前的处境完全是由你自己造成的。
And to be clear, it doesn't mean that like your position in reality is 100% because of you.
但这种方法，虽然不完全准确，却非常实用——它能帮你更好地生活：事情可能真不是你的错，但仍然是你要面对的问题。
But from a So this is a validity This is a, invalid but useful, more useful way of going through life, which is that it absolutely might not be your fault, but it is still your problem.
因为你唯一能直接影响的，只有你自己，所以你就是那个源头。
Since you are the only one who you can influence directly, then you are the one who is source.
当然，你完全有理由说：我有创伤、有遗传倾向、出生在某个地区、说某种语言、家境贫寒，诸如此类。
And because like you could still be correct in saying that like, because I insert grievance, insert, you know, trauma, insert genetic predisposition, insert zip code I was born in or language or poverty level or whatever it is.
这些因素可能都成立，但你依然得行动起来，因为你是唯一能改变现状的人。
All of those things could be true and yet you still have to take action as the only source that can change it.
没人会来救你。
No one's coming to save you.
对。
Yeah.
这又回到了第一点。
Which goes back to the first one.
没人会来救你，反过来也意味着没人会来拦你。
The interesting thing about no one is coming to save you also means no one is coming to stop you.
我觉得有些人可能会。
I think some people might.
我觉得一旦你开始行动，那种螃蟹桶里的比喻就特别贴切。
I think actually as soon as you start, I think the the lobster or crab analogy in the bucket is so true.
对我来说，创业最难的部分，其实是第一批你必须放下的朋友。
I actually think that the hardest, I mean, I think for me again, like the hardest part of entrepreneurship was the first set of friends that you have to relinquish.
因为一旦你第一次做了，就会发现你依然能挺过来，能熬过去，还能结识新朋友。
Because once you do it the first time you realize that you will still survive, you'll still make it through, you'll find new friends.
但第一次的时候，你是在放弃所有你熟悉和珍视的东西，去赌一个你从未体验过、只靠希望支撑、完全不确定会不会成真的未来。
But like in the first time it's sacrificing everything you've known and loved for something that you've never experienced and hope will happen and have no idea if it actually will.
所以代价是清楚的，回报却是未知的。
So the cost is known, the payoff isn't.
这就是为什么我觉得这是最冒险的选择，也是为什么那么多人难以迈出这一步。
And that is why I think it is the riskiest and why so many people struggle to make the job.
是的。
Yeah.
你知道吗？你的肠道控制着你的能量、恢复能力、食物吸收效率，而维持这一切正常运转的关键营养素，就是膳食纤维。
Did you know your gut controls your energy, your recovery, how well you absorb everything that you eat, and the one nutrient that keeps it all running properly is fiber.
结果发现，百分之九十五的美国人摄入的纤维都不够，这就是我如此推崇Momentous的纤维补充剂的原因。
Well, it turns out that ninety five percent of Americans don't get enough of it, which is why I'm such a huge fan of Momentous's Fiber Plus.
大多数纤维补充剂都只能解决单一问题，只含一种纤维。
Most fiber supplements are a one trick pony, one type of fiber solving one part of the problem.
Fiber Plus 是一种三合一配方，同时改善消化、增强肠道屏障功能，以及稳定血糖。
Fiber Plus is a three in one formula built to tackle digestion, gut barrier strength, and blood sugar stability all at once.
我每天都吃这个。
I use this every single day.
光靠饮食很难摄取足够的纤维。
It is kinda hard to get enough fiber just through food alone.
最棒的是，Momentous 提供三十天无条件退款保证。
And best of all, Momentous offers a thirty day money back guarantee.
你可以买下来，连续二十九天每天使用试试看。
So you can buy it, try it, every single day for twenty nine days.
如果你不喜欢，他们会全额退款给你。
And if you don't love it, they will just give you your money back.
而且他们支持全球配送。
Plus, they ship internationally.
现在通过下方链接或访问 livemomentous.com/modernwisdom 并在结账时输入代码 modern wisdom，首次订阅最高可享三五折优惠，还附带三十天退款保证。
Right now, you can get up to 35% off your first subscription and that thirty day money back guarantee by going to the link in the description below or heading to livemomentous.com/modernwisdom and using the code modern wisdom at checkout.
这个世界会根据你的勇气来奖励你，而不是你的聪明才智。
The world will reward you in proportion to your courage, not your intellect.
世界上最危险的人，是那些即使没有回报也依然每天坚持出现的人。
The most dangerous person in the world is the one who continues to show up every day even when the rewards are not guaranteed.
你的潜力，取决于你能承受多少不确定性，以及能坚持多久。
Your potential is determined by the amount of uncertainty you're able to tolerate and how long you can tolerate it for.
只要你能克服被拒绝的羞耻、重复的枯燥和反馈带来的痛苦，你就能超越99%的人。
You can beat 99% of people if you can master the shame of rejection, the boredom of repetition, and the pain of feedback.
有人问我，如果你只能把一种品质传给儿子，你会选什么？
I was asked, if you could transfer only one trait to your son, what would it be?
我认真想了很久，琢磨着所有那些品质，到底该挑哪一个。
And I've really thought a lot about it and I was like, all the traits, what would I trade?
我最想传给他的会是什么？
What I would transfer?
我觉得是勇气，因为如果没有勇气，其他一切都无从谈起。
And I think it's courage because if you don't have courage, nothing else matters.
没有勇气，你根本做不了任何有意义的事，也站不住任何立场。
Like you can't take any action, you can't do anything worth doing, you can't stand for anything because you have no courage.
所以我觉得，当个失败者，总比当个懦夫强得多。
And so I think that's why it's so much more preferable to be a failure than a coward.
我希望自己能把他这一课传给他，一遍又一遍地提醒他：你得敢冒险，得能接受失败，得愿意输，然后明白输并不等于你就是个输家——输，其实是通往赢的第一步信号。
And I think that I would hope that I could transfer just that lesson and try and reinforce as many times as I can in his upbringing that like you have to, you have to take jumps and you have to lose and you have to be willing to lose and then realize that losing doesn't actually make you a loser because losing is the first signal on the path to winning.
但如果你根本不敢上场，那才是真正的永远输掉了。
But like not playing is the actual signal for for a forever loss.
在你看来，勇气是什么？
What is courage to you?
这是个非常好的问题。
Really good question.
我得好好想想怎么表达得更清楚。
I needed to find it better.
就是愿意在短期内付出巨大代价，去追求一个结果不确定的长远回报。
Being willing to take action where there's a large short term cost with an uncertain delayed benefit.
所以如果你打算创业，可能会担心别人笑话你，说些冷言冷语，比如‘哎呀，你又搞你的播客了’。
So if you want to start a business and you think that you're going to get made fun of or snide remarks or like, oh yeah, you're doing your podcast thing again.
别错过啊。
Oh yeah, don't miss out.
对吧？
Right?
你知道，别错过周五晚上，那可是重磅播客。
You know, don't miss Friday night because it's a big podcast.
你得先承受这些短期的代价。
You know, you're going to suffer that short term.
这是明摆着的付出。
That's a known cost.
而回报呢？要等很久，还不一定有。
And then the payoff is delayed and uncertain.
不仅来得晚，而且根本没保证。如果你早就知道做播客能赚一百万，那你还管什么，直接干就是了。
Like not only will it come later, it were guaranteed, if you knew you were going to make a million dollars doing a podcast, then you'd like, whatever, fuck it.
这需要的勇气少得多。
Like it takes significantly less courage.
但我认为关键在于，结果既不确定又来得晚。
But I think it's the fact that it is unknown and delayed.
所以你得准备好被狠狠打击，不止一次，有时还得持续很长时间，才有可能等到回报。
So you basically have to be willing to get kicked in the nuts and multiple times and sometimes for extended durations before the hope that you will get something.
但我觉得，要熬过这段被打击的时期，不管它会持续多久，唯一的方法就是意识到你只有两条路可走。
But I think the only way to get through that kind of kicked in the nuts period for however long it's going to be, is realizing that you have two paths.
一条是确定的：你现在的状态，根本带不到你想去的地方。
One that is guaranteed, which is that the breath you're currently on will not get you where you want to go.
另一条路虽然不确定能不能带你到目标，但却是唯一有希望到达的那条。
And the other path is not guaranteed to get you where you want to go, but it's the only one where you have a shot where you do.
而你的潜力，就取决于你能承受多大的不确定性，以及能坚持多久。
And that's where your potential is determined by the amount of uncertainty you're able to tolerate and how long you can tolerate it for.
我觉得这也说明了，我们玩的游戏越大。
And I think that also goes to the bigger the games we play.
对吧？
Right?
你玩的局越大，时间就越长。
Like, the longer the game you play, the bigger the game you play.
所以如果你想造出能飞到月球的火箭，就得能忍受远超常人的、极其漫长的不确定性。
And so if you wanna create rockets that go to the moon, you have to be able to deal with uncertainty for just an absolutely absurd amount of time compared to most humans on any endeavor.
有一句话说，
There's a line at the
反馈的痛苦。
end, pain of feedback.
我对这个很感兴趣。
I'm interested in that.
被拒绝确实很伤人。
I mean, rejection hurts.
失败也让人难受。
Failing hurts.
当你全力以赴了，可市场或者命运依然觉得你不够格，那种痛苦真的很难受。
And I think when you give it your all and then the market side of the universe, whatever determines that you are still not enough, that is very painful.
随着时间推移，你会慢慢明白，反馈不是失败，而是动力。
I think that in time you learn that feedback is fuel rather than failure.
一旦你建立起这种新的认知，我就想说，咱们这档播客请过那么多特别成功的人，他们大多都有类似的体悟——这根本不是失败，而是反馈，或者至少不是失败。
And once that new association gets paired, I mean, you've had plenty of incredibly successful people on this podcast and I would say many of them have the same kind of, I would call it lesson is like it's not failure, it's feedback or it's not failure.
这说明他们在本质上对‘输’的理解完全不一样了。
But it just means that like fundamentally they have a different pairing for losing.
每个人都得经历这个过程，因为真正的输并不可怕，感到输的痛苦也没错，它逼着你必须改变。
And so everyone has to go through this because like, like losing losing is good and feeling bad about losing is good because it forces you to change.
而只要你的改变方向是对的，时间久了，你自然会变得更强。
And that change means that over time, as long as you're changing in the correct direction, you get better.
不然你就会一直重复导致你上次失败的策略，原地打转。
Or else you would continue to do the strategy that caused you to lose last time and you would just run it back again.
所以我在过来的路上一直在想，现在社会一个很大的问题，就是我们拼命想把失败带来的痛苦给拔掉牙。
And this is why I have this like, thought on the way over here, was thinking about this and, like I think one of the big losses or failures of society right now is that we are trying to castrate the teeth from the pain of loss.
我们试图不让孩子们、不让任何人感到难过。
We're trying to not allow kids, people, the feeling to feel bad.
好像我们认定感到难过就是坏事，但其实感到难过根本不是坏事。
It's like we have determined that feeling bad is bad, but feeling bad is not bad.
感到难过其实是个信号，提醒我们该做出改变了。
Feeling bad is a signal so that we need to change.
因为如果从来没人感到难过，那就意味着每个人时时刻刻都在做自己想做的事，但这样的社会根本无法正常运转。
Because if no one feels bad ever, then it means that everyone is doing what they want to do all the time and that is not how a functioning society works.
有时候人们会做些蠢事，就得知道、得感到后悔。
Sometimes people do stupid shit and need to know and feel bad for it.
最终，现实总会和你的选择正面碰撞。
Eventually reality is going to come into contact with your decisions.
对。
Yes.
越是拖延，你就越难找到办法去避开现实的反噬。
And the more that that's put off, the less likely you are to come up with a way to avoid that reality coming into reality.
所以现在发生的事，可能最让人害怕的就是某些媒体试图重新定义现实，制造一种幻想，让你觉得失败和难过根本不算什么，但现实并不会因此改变。
And so, so the way that you know, right now what's going on, this is probably the more frightening part about like some of the media that's out there is like trying to just redefine reality and create a fantasy where you losing and you feeling bad isn't true, but it doesn't change reality.
这只在短期内扭曲了人们的认知，迟早得连本带利还给现实。
It just changes someone's perception of it for the short term and then they have to pay reality back with interest and time.
账单迟早要结的。
And like the check always comes due.
而且利息还高得吓人。
It's just like the interest is much bigger.
想到我将来的孩子，我希望他能经历失败的痛苦，这样才能真正学到东西。
And so, in light of, you know, my son, my child that I have in the future, like I want him to experience the pain of loss so that he can learn.
不然你还能怎么学会呢？
Because like how else can you learn?
你必须得经历。
You have to.
不然一切都只凭感觉走，那可不行。
Otherwise, it's just it's everything's quote, you know, going by feeling.
而且还会觉得，感觉不好就是坏事。
And then also somehow thinking that feeling bad is bad.
还认为感觉好就是好事。
And also that feeling good is good.
其实有很多事情，虽然做起来让人开心，但并不好。
And there's tons of things that you can probably do that feel good that are not good.
也有很多事情，虽然做起来让人难受，但其实并不坏。
And there's tons of things that you can do that feel bad that are not bad.
能告诉别人‘你感觉不好也没关系’，这其实是一份很大的礼物。
Well, what a gift to give somebody to say you can feel bad and not feel bad about it.
对。
Yeah.
就是这样，这没什么大不了的。
It's in like, and that's okay.
你输了，那又怎样。
Like, you lost.
我们接下来会学到什么？
What will we learn?
下次我们会做什么？
What will we do next time?
很好。
Great.
现在再做一遍。
Do it again now.
这看起来就是韧性。
That feels like resilience.
对。
Yeah.
相反，每次你感受到这种负面情绪时，就急着去干预、恐慌、控制或疏远，这几乎就是一种脆弱的模式。
As opposed to any time that you feel this emotion, which is negative, that is worthy of rushing in and panic and control and distance, that that's almost like a formula for fragility.
所以，由此延伸出来，虽然我们还没聊过，但我觉得挺有意思的是：你一感到难受，就觉得一定是自己走的路有问题，必须得改点什么。
So laddered onto this, I know we haven't talked about, so this is this is fun, is the idea that we need like, that because you you feel bad, it means that the path that you're on, like you need to change something.
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所以这就正好相反：如果我们现在明明知道正走在被踢裆的路上，而我都做了第十七期、第一百期播客了，还没变成百万富翁，还没达成我想实现的目标，
And so it's equal opposite, which is like, okay, if we know that we're on the path of getting kicked in the nuts right now, and I know I'm on my seventeenth or hundredth podcast and I'm still not like a millionaire yet, I I have not achieved what I want yet.
这并不意味着我非得改道不可。
It does not mean that I have to change course.
但是
But
你之前说过，负面情绪其实很重要，能帮你调整应对方式。
earlier on, you said that bad feelings, feeling bad are important to update the way that you're approaching this situation.
那你怎么区分这两种情况呢？
So how do you distinguish between the two?
不是的。
No.
你刚才说到点子上了，这正是关键所在——那就是判断。说到底，最难的就是：你该怎么帮别人看清，什么时候该坚持，什么时候该转弯？
And that's and that's and I would say what you what you hit on is is the is the crux of it, which is judgment, which is like and this is one of the hardest ones is like, do you help someone recognize patterns of when you need to basically, it's the internal question of when do I push and when do I pivot?
对吧？
Right?
我该坚持挺过难关，还是该调整方向？
When do I push through the hardship versus when do I adjust?
我是不是因为怕吃苦才放弃这套训练？
Am I giving up on this set in the gym because I'm being a pussy?
还是因为再练下去真的要受伤了？
Or am I giving up because I'm about to injure myself?
是的。
Yeah.
我喜欢这种说法。
And so I like that.
是的。
Yeah.
我确实反复思考过这个问题，这几乎是创业者都会遇到的典型困境：我的产品到底有没有市场契合度，还是该继续硬撑？
And I've and I've worked through this a lot because it's a pretty classic entrepreneurship issue of like, do I have product market fit or like, do I need to just keep pushing?
你懂的，有时候你只是在拼命往上推一座根本推不动的山。
You know, like, you know, where am I just trying to push up a hill?
如果你一开始的某个核心假设，经过反馈验证后被证明是错的，那这时候就应该考虑转型。
Is that if one of the fundamental assumptions that you begin your quest with has been proven untrue based on the feedback, then that is where pivoting makes sense.
比如你原本觉得，我要做个狗用滑板，因为觉得很多狗主人会愿意给狗买滑板。
So if you said like, I think that I'm going to create a doggy skateboard because I think that a lot of dog owners will want to buy skateboards for their dog.
你觉得这个市场能有多大，但肯定不会靠这个赚上十亿美金。
It'd be like, and I believe that the percentage like and I wouldn't make a, you know, a billion dollars doing this.
这意味着，市场规模得达到一定体量。
That would mean that there's the size of the market.
只有当你的转化率够高，才有可能拿到足够的市场份额。
This percentage needs to be the take rate in order for me to get that market share.
如果你问了一百个狗主人，结果没人想买你的狗滑板，这可不叫硬撑。
It's like, okay, if I talk to a 100 dog owners and none of them want to buy my doggy skateboard, I would not say that is a push situation.
这明显是该转型了，因为你最初的那个核心假设根本站不住脚。
I would say that is a pivot situation because our fundamental assumption we started this quest with is false.
所以得认真对待这些反馈，然后果断调整方向。
And so we need to take that feedback and then pivot.
当我们推进的时候，他们说：‘嗯，我不太清楚你手里到底拿着什么。’
If as we're going through, they're saying, maybe, but like, I don't know what you have in your hands.
这玩意儿到底是什么？
What the hell is that?
所以问题不是假设错了，而是执行出了问题。
So it's like the assumption is not proven, but it's more of an execution issue.
也就是说，我只需要做得更好一点。
And so it's like, okay, I just need to get better.
我得再坚持一下。
I need to push through.
但说实话，最难把握的就是：到底什么时候该坚持，什么时候该转向？
But I'm saying it is definitely one of the harder lines to know like where when should I push?
什么时候该转向？
When should I pivot?
从失败里，我该学到什么？
What lesson do I learn from losing?
因为失败能让你学到真东西，我们得确保自己吸取的是对的教训。
Because losing teaches you shit and we just need to make sure that we learn the right thing.
学习的过程自然会发生。
Like teaching will occur.
对。
Yes.
要不要从中吸取教训，就看你自己的选择了。
Whether you take it away or not is up to you.
我招了第一个员工，结果是个废物。
It's I hired my first employee and he was a fuck ass.
所以呢，
Therefore,
好吧。
all Right.
员工们
Employees
所以啊，失败真的能让你学到东西。
So like losing will teach you something.
关键是要确保我们学到的是对的。
It's just wanna make sure that we learn
正确的教训。
the right lesson.
我觉得这其实是在说，尽量让早期的决定都尽可能没错，百分之百对。
I feel like this is a justification for making early decisions as right as possible Oh, a 100%.
就是为了避免那种心理创伤——学新东西总比改掉旧习惯容易得多。
To try and avoid that PTSD of it's far easier to learn something than it is to unlearn something.
学一样东西，大概比改掉它容易一百倍。
Probably a 100 times easier to learn something than it is to unlearn something.
如果你已经养成了某种习惯，比如跟员工或外界打交道的方式，而你前三个员工全都坑了你，那这种模式就深深刻在你脑子里了。
If you've drilled a particular habit, particular bad habit, if you have come up with a a mode of interacting with your employees or the world, because all of your employees the first three employees, you get all of them fucked you over.
对。
Mhmm.
最后，你终于等到了第四个人。
And then finally, you get to the fourth.
你得把之前为前三个人所建立的所有补偿机制全都改掉。
You have to unlearn all of the compensatory mechanisms that you built on the first three.
现在你遇到一个值得信赖的人，却因为过去的习惯限制了他们的发挥，拖慢了所有进度，变得过度警惕，工作环境也变得压抑——所以，尽量让早期的决定更准确。
Now that you've got someone who's worthy of that and you're restricting their progress, you're slowing everything down, you're being hypervigilant, it doesn't feel like a good place to work, try and make your early decisions right.
是的。
Yeah.
改变一种长期被强化的行为，比改变一种从未被强化的行为要难得多。
Changing a behavior with a long history of reinforcement is harder than changing one with no history of
你真是个彻头彻尾的行为主义者。
You're such a hardcore behaviorist.
是的。
Yeah.
我的意思是，这世上唯一让我觉得说得通的，就是这套理论。
Well, I mean, it's the only thing that's made sense to me in the world.
我的意思是，这
Like, it's I mean, the
皮肤一直这样撑着。
Skin upheld.
我的意思是，这对我来说就是现实，根本不用多说。
I mean, it's just I don't even it's just my reality.
所以我换个说法。
So I'll say differently.
很多人得不到自己想要的东西。
Like, many people do not get what they want.
他们回头看自己的生活，会觉得：这根本不是我想要的。
They look up at their lives and they're like, this is not what I want.
所以如果你得不到想要的，那说明你看待世界的方式是错的，或者你的认知框架没错，但你掌握的变量不够。
And so if you don't have what you want, it means that the model that you view the world through is incorrect or you have the correct model and the incorrect variables are insufficient variables.
说到底，就是这么回事。
It's basically all it is.
对我来说，越专注于输入和输出，我的预测就越准确。
And so for me, the more I have looked purely at inputs and outputs, the more I've gotten my predictions correct.
因此，这种思维方式给我带来了很强的正向反馈，我就更愿意用它了。
And so I have been super reinforced for using this style of of of thinking, and so I do it more.
我翻看自己以前写的东西，就会觉得，天啊，如果早懂这个道理，我本来可以用一半的字说清楚——归根结底，就是搞懂为什么。
And so it's just and like I read some of my old stuff and I'm like, oh man, like I could have said this in half as much words if I'd now it's understanding why, like at the most basic level, it's just understanding why.
我举个例子。
I'll give an example.
我觉得这正是为什么世界上大多数人活得这么迷茫：我想要的，没得到。
I think this is why the vast majority of the world like walks around confused, which is I don't have what I want.
事情没按我预期的那样发展。
That didn't go the way I expected.
她反应比我想象的还糟。
She took that worse than I thought.
所以你总是被现实打个措手不及。
So you're constantly surprised by reality.
所以像这句话——约翰尼偷了东西，因为他不诚实，对吧？
And so in a simple sentence like Johnny stole because he's dishonest, right?
大多数人听了都会点头，说没错，约翰尼偷东西是因为他不诚实。
Most people nod their heads and be like, yeah, Johnny stole because he's dishonest.
但我们问，不诚实到底是什么意思？
But we say, what does dishonest mean?
不诚实其实只是一个标签，对吧？
Dishonest means it's a label, right?
它是用来形容那些做出一系列行为的人，其中一种就是偷窃。
That we ascribe to somebody who does a series of different behaviors, one of which is stealing.
如果我们把这句话用更具体的定义重说一遍，就成了：约翰尼偷东西是因为他这种人就会偷，这完全是循环论证，毫无意义。
And so if we were to restate that sentence with the broken down definition, it would then be Johnny stole because he's the type of person who steals, which is circular and makes no sense.
约翰尼偷东西的真正原因，是他过去因为偷窃得到过回报，或者他看到别人偷窃后得到了好处，于是就模仿了那种行为。
Because the real reason that Johnny stole is because he's been reinforced for stealing in the past or he saw someone who got reinforced for stealing and then modeled their behavior.
这才是约翰尼偷东西的真正原因。
That is why Johnny stole.
正因为这种根本性的误解，大多数人用一些自己其实并不真正理解的词来解释现实。
And so because of that basic misunderstanding, most people have these words that they use to explain the reality that they don't actually understand.
结果，现实就比本该发生的更频繁地欺骗了他们。
And as a result, reality fools them more often than it should.
他因为这么做得到了奖励，却因为做相反的事而受到惩罚。
He was rewarded for it He was punished for doing
而相反的行为。
the opposite of it.
没错。
Exactly.
我刚才说的这些，其实正是描述和解释之间的区别，这听起来有点抽象，有时候确实难懂，但归根结底，这就是我的世界观。
And so that basic that like and that what I just explained is is the difference between description and explanation, which is relatively heady and I think difficult sometimes to grasp, but is at the most basic level like my worldview.
事情就是这样发生的。
This is what happened.
事情之所以这样发生，是因为这个原因。
This is why it happened.
为什么？
Why?
对。
Yeah.
从这个基本的理解出发，其他所有东西都能逐步构建起来。
And so from that one kind of basic understanding, everything else can kind of pretty much get laddered up.
换句话说，如果我想教一个孩子打篮球，我不会跟他说‘你要打得更好’，因为五岁的孩子会说：‘我不知道该怎么做到。’
And so, said differently, if I wanted to tell a child, get good at basketball, right, I would not tell him get better at basketball because a five year old would be like, I don't know how to do that.
这到底是什么意思？
What does that mean?
所以我会说：好吧，我们来拆解一下。
So I'd be like, okay, well, let's break it down.
首先是运球、传球、投篮。
We've got dribbling, passing, shooting.
明白了。
Okay.
就这么做。
Do that.
稍微近一点，但他们还是不知道该怎么弄。
A little bit closer, but they still probably don't know how to.
如果我说，去练好运球、传球和投篮。
If I say, go get better at dribbling, passing, and shooting.
还是没用，直到最后才说：好吧，先说传球。
Still can't do anything with that until eventually be like, okay, passing.
你用左脚朝对方跨一步，双臂伸直，最后拇指朝下完成动作。
So I want you to take a step with your left foot towards the person and I want you to extend your elbows and finish with your thumbs down.
如果球朝着他们跑动的方向飞过去，他们接住了，那就算是成功传球了。
And if the ball goes towards them in the direction that they're running and they catch it, you've passed successfully.
然后我会反复重复这一连串动作，直到他们明白，这一系列行为就是传球。
And then I would repeat that chain of events until eventually they would understand that that chain of behaviors equals passing.
如果他们多练几次，多次命中目标，就能把传球练好了。
If they do it a lot and they hit the target many times, they would be good at passing.
我们会一遍遍重复这些步骤，直到他们把传球、运球、投篮全都练好了。
We'd repeat that all the way down until they're good at passing, dribbling, shooting, etcetera.
最后，我们就会说，这个人是个不错的篮球手了。
And then eventually we would describe them as a good basketball player.
但正是这种把概念拆开再重组的方式，让绝大多数人完全搞不懂身边发生的事。
But that basic unbundling and rebundling of terms is why I think the vast majority of people are wildly confused by what's going on around them.
比如有人问：你为什么不爱我？
Is that someone says, why don't you love me?
他却说：你在说什么啊？
And he's like, what are you talking about?
他觉得：我付账单、倒垃圾，这还不够吗？
He's like, I pay the bills, take out the trash.
你到底还想要我怎么样？
Like, you know, like what do you want from me?
她却说：你从不夸我漂亮，也不抱抱我。
And she says, like, you don't tell me I'm pretty, you don't hug me.
你从不听我说话，也从不问我今天过得怎么样。
Like you don't listen to me when I, you don't ever ask me how my day is going.
因为她觉得爱就是这些行为，而他则把爱理解成另一套行为。
And it's because for her, she defines love in these behaviors and he defines love in these behaviors.
结果他们就一直吵架，却从不问一句：你到底什么意思？
And so then they fight forever rather than just saying like, what does that mean?
你到底什么意思？
What does that mean?
我们有两个员工在并购期间吵了起来，其中一个说：只要你对我客气一点、礼貌一点，我就心满意足了。
We had two employees arguing about something at acquisition and one was like, Hey, can you I would be fine if you were just like kind and polite to me.
我当时就问：那你具体指的是什么？
And I was like, Okay, what does that mean?
那一刻明显停顿了一下，因为这等于说：你希望对方猜出你心里觉得什么是好行为，可你从来没说清楚过。
And there was obviously a moment of like hesitation there because it's like, okay, so you want the other person to guess what you think in your mind means good behavior, but you've never articulated it.
你希望他们能猜中，还必须猜对。
So you want them to guess and somehow get it right.
而且
And
所以最后我就说，你能不能多问点问题，少做点断言？
so so finally it just was like, can you ask more questions rather than making more statements?
那人就说，好啊，没问题。
And the person was like, yeah, sure.
我说，太好了。
It's like, great.
但现在这件事解决了，他们相处得很好，一切都顺利。
But that basic thing now, and they're fine now and everything's great.
所以这就是为什么我看待世界是通过行为，因为我曾经想要一些东西，却不知道该怎么表达，现实中确实常有这种情况。
And so, but like, this is why I view the world in behavior because I have wanted things, but I didn't know how to get them, which happens in reality.
既然我生活在现实中，我就更愿意用现实来定义事物。
And so as long as I live in reality, I prefer to define things through reality.
而现实往往比我预想的还要按规律运行。
And then reality tends to behave far more as I predicted it would.
在继续之前，大多数人三十多岁时依然在努力训练。
Before we continue, most people in their thirties are still training hard.
他们的蛋白质摄入已经很到位了。
Their protein is dialed in.
他们的睡眠质量比二十多岁时更好。
They sleep better than they did in their twenties.
自律不是问题，但恢复的感觉确实不一样了。
Discipline is not the issue, but recovery feels somewhat different.
力量的增长变得慢了一些。
Strength gains take a little longer.
容错的空间开始变小了。
The margin for error starts to shrink.
所以我很推崇时间规划。
And that is why I'm such a huge fan of timeline.
你知道吗，线粒体是肌肉细胞里的能量工厂。
You see, mitochondria are the energy producers inside of your muscle cells.
随着它们随年龄减弱，即使你的习惯依然良好，产生力量和有效恢复的能力也会发生变化。
As they weaken with age, your ability to generate power and recover effectively changes, even if your habits stay strong.
Timeline的Mitopure含有唯一在人体试验中得到临床验证的乌列林A成分。
Mitopure from Timeline contains the only clinically validated form of Urytholin A used in human trials.
它能促进线粒体自噬，这是身体清除受损线粒体、更新健康线粒体的自然过程。
It promotes mitophagy, which is your body's natural process for clearing out damaged mitochondria and renewing healthy ones.
研究显示，这种成分有助于提升老年人的线粒体功能和肌肉力量。
In studies, this supported mitochondrial function and muscle strength in older adults.
这并不是要你更拼命地练。
It's not about pushing harder.
而是真正去支持你训练背后那些细胞层面的机制。
It's about actually supporting the cellular machinery underneath your training.
如果你在乎自己在三十岁、四十岁、五十岁乃至更久之后还能保持力量，那这一点至关重要。
If you care about staying strong into your thirties, forties, and fifties and beyond, this is foundational.
最棒的是，现在有30天无理由退款保障，美国境内包邮，还支持全球配送。
Best of all, there is a thirty day money back guarantee plus free shipping in The US, and they ship internationally.
现在，通过点击下方描述中的链接，或者访问 timeline.com/modernwisdom 并在结账时输入代码 modern wisdom，你最多能享受八折优惠。
And right now, you can get up to 20% off by going to the link in the description below or heading to timeline.com/modernwisdom and using the code modern wisdom at checkout.
就是 timeline.com/modernwisdom，结账时记得用 modern wisdom 这个代码。
That's timeline.com/modernwisdom and modern wisdom at checkout.
我想让你做一件事，但我没明说，那就是 Neil Strauss 说过的一句话：未说出口的期待，就是预先埋下的怨恨。
On the I want you to do this, but I didn't tell you, it's that Neil Strauss line, unspoken expectations are premeditated resentment.
比如，你为什么要做
Like, why you do
我根本没让你做的那件事？
this thing that I didn't tell you to do?
对。
Yeah.
可能你不是故意的，我觉得很多人这么做都不是有意的。
Probably not deliberately because I think a lot of people do it not on purpose.
当然。
Of course.
但这是一种无意识的、早有预谋的怨恨。
But it's a a unconscious premeditated resentment.
对。
Yeah.
你目前付出的投入，将来会变成一种你根本没意识到的怨恨。
The investment that you are making will be a resentment in future that you aren't aware is about to come about.
对。
Yeah.
人们对现实的认知地图常常是错的。
Another thing on the people's map of reality is inaccurate.
当你听到一个人总在抱怨时，最明显的一个领悟就是：他的现实框架根本不对。
I think one of the most obvious realizations that you can have when you hear somebody who complains a lot is that their framework of reality is incorrect.
差远了。
Oh, by a mile.
抱怨就是你在说：为什么现实没有给我我期待的东西？
A complaint is you saying, why is reality not delivering that to me which I anticipated?
是的
Yeah.
现实根本不关心这些。
And reality doesn't care.
现实只会继续给你它本来就要给的东西。
Reality is just going to continue to deliver to you that which it is giving.
上班路上怎么这么多车？
Why is there all of this traffic on the way to work?
路上根本不该有这么多车。
There shouldn't be all of this traffic.
我没料到会这么堵。
I didn't anticipate all of this traffic.
是的
Yeah.
我以为不会堵车的。
I assumed there wouldn't be traffic.
现实跟我唱反调。
Reality disagreed with me.
现实并没有错。
Reality is not wrong.
它从未输过。
It's undefeated.
现实从未输过。
Reality is undefeated.
是的。
Yeah.
是一百万比零。
It's a million and o.
一百万次击倒。
A million TKOs.
所以这真的就是，我的意思是，你想聊多久我都行，你知道的。
So this is really I mean, I can talk about this as long as you want, you know this.
有了这个，真正有趣的是，这种对现实的误解有多常让人上当，留下错误的人，却把本来对的人拒之门外。
With it, what this becomes really interesting is, how often this misconception of reality causes people to get fooled and keep the wrong people in their lives and keep sometimes the right people out of their lives.
所以我管这叫恶意的好处，或者说是好心办坏事。
And so, I call this a malicious benefit or, well intentioned harm.
一方面，如果有不少人拍视频黑你，他们的本意确实是想伤害你。
And so on one hand, if there are a number of people who make, let's say negative videos about you, they intend to harm you.
但当你看自己的媒体数据，看你靠点击量和热度赚的钱，你会发现你反而赚得更多了。
But when you look at your media and the way that you are compensated through the impressions that you earn and the amount of relevance that you have, you make more money.
所以他们本想害你，却白白花了时间和精力，替你做了本该你花钱请人做的事。
And so though they intended to hurt you, they have taken their time and effort, which you normally have to pay people for and then for free promote you.
这简直就是送上门的礼物。
What a gift.
这说明他们根本没本事搞垮你，这可太好了。
It just means that they are incompetent at doing harm, which is wonderful.
你希望所有敌人都在伤害你这件事上这么没本事。
You want all your enemies to be incompetent in their harm doing.
另一方面，你可能会遇到一个真心爱你、为你好的人，但偏偏能力不足。
On the other hand, you have somebody who loves, I'll use this in quotes, right?
他们对你好，却也完全不靠谱。
Loves you, means you well, but is also incompetent.
结果每次他们出现在你的生活里，你的生活反而变得更糟。
And as a result, whenever they enter your life, your life gets worse.
他们总会带来一些负面的后果。
They cause negative consequences to occur.
所以很多人特别看重别人的动机。
And so a lot of people care a huge amount about intention.
而对我来说，这算是人生中一个重大的转变——我不再管别人初衷如何，只看他们实际做了什么。
And this was one of the larger shifts that I think happened in my I'll call it career, but just my life, was completely stripping people of their intentions and only looking at their outputs.
这么做让我处理人际关系轻松多了，因为我能分清哪些是真正重要的信号，哪些是干扰。
And that made navigating relationships significantly easier for me because it allowed me to remove the noise from the signal of the person.
举个例子，我这种想法的转变，最早其实是从莉拉开始的。
And so there are some people like, I mean, honestly, reason that one of the this is like probably the very beginning of this kind of thought change was with Leila.
我当时有个顾问，你大概可以这么叫吧。
Like I had an advisor, you want to call it that at the time.
我当时在想，我不确定自己是不是想娶这个女孩。
And I was like, I'm not sure if I want to marry this girl.
你别帮我做决定，别给我建议。
Don't, you know, help me, you know, make this decision.
他说，那你看看自己的数据吧。
And he said, well, just look at your stats.
他问：你状态变好了吗？
He's like, are you in better shape?
我说：是啊，她吃得健康，也去健身房。
And was like, well, yeah, know, eats healthy and she goes to the gyms.
我也跟着她一起去，他就说：明白了。
I, know, I go with her and he's like, okay.
所以你现在吃得更健康了。
So you're you're more, you're eating better.
明白了。
Okay.
你喝酒还像以前那么多吗？
Are you drinking as much?
我当时就想，她根本不太喝酒，而我却很喜欢喝。
I was like, she actually just really doesn't drink and I like drinking.
我可能是个坏榜样。
I'm probably a bad influencer.
他听了说，行吧。
He's He's like, okay.
所以她减少了这种负面习惯。
So she decreases this kind of negative thing.
明白了。
Okay.
懂了。
Got it.
他问我，那在事业上呢？
And he's like, about what about business wise?
我说，天啊，我现在赚的钱比以往任何时候都多，这全靠她帮我。
I like, oh, I'm I'm making more than I've ever made and since she's helping me do that.
他听了就说，明白了。
He was like, okay.
于是他逐项列出我生活中可以衡量的各个方面，说，很明显，和这个人在一起后，你的生活品质提升了很多；相比之下，我回想起过去的一些关系，情况几乎完全相反。
And so he just went down the list of all these different kind of components of my life that I could measure and he's like, it seems like your life is significantly better with this person than and when I contrast that to some of the call it relationships I had in the past, it was almost the opposite.
以前我一谈恋爱，突然就不怎么锻炼了，饮食也不健康了，出去玩的次数多了，事业也受影响。
Like I would get into the relationship and all of sudden I like, I wouldn't work out as much and I wouldn't eat as healthy and I would go out more and, my business would suffer.
结果，所有我重视的事情都下滑了。
And so like all the things that I cared about would go down.
虽然我觉得那个人并没有恶意，甚至初衷是好的，但他的确造成了好心的伤害。
And so even though I don't think that person had any malicious intent, I think they had good intent, but they had well intentioned harm.
所以，Lens 帮助我做了很多决定，让我能摆脱情绪的负担——比如，我真心相信你是个有善意的人。
And so lens has helped me make so many decisions in in a way that removes a lot of the emotional weight behind them, which is like, oh, I I absolutely believe that you are well intentioned person.
我觉得你根本没能力为我做好事。
Was like, I just think you're very incompetent at doing at doing good for me.
你根本没有本事帮我。
Like, you do not have the skill to help me.
我可不想成为你好心办坏事的牺牲品。
I'm not prepared to be the collateral damage of your good intentioned errors.
对。
Yes.
你转过身想抱我，结果一不小心打到了我脸上。
As you spin around trying to give me a hug, but by accident punch me in the face.
对。
Yes.
你开车时没留意，虽然不是故意的，却撞到了人。
It's you're driving down the street, and because you didn't mean to but weren't paying attention, you ran somebody over.
从结果来看，那个人死了，不管是因你分心玩手机，还是因为你开车技术差、失控撞上去，结果都一样。
Functionally, the difference between that person being dead because you didn't mean to because you were texting on your phone or because you're a bad driver and you swerving off the street to hit them, the outcome is the same.
这一点，我们的社会其实是不认同的。
And this is something that our society actively disagrees with.
因为看看我们法律的写法，总是想分清动机，然后根据动机来调整惩罚和后果。
Because if we look at how our laws are written, we try to tease out intention and we change punishment and consequences based on intention.
这在某种程度上不重要吗？
Is that not important to a degree?
有时候确实重要，但我只是想说，别管该不该，从你该怎么过好这一生的角度看，如果你是那个被撞的人，结果都是死。
It can be, but I'm just more saying, I'm not saying should or shouldn't, but I'm saying in terms of how you navigate getting what you want out of life, if you were the one who got hit, you're dead either way.
所以当只发生一次的时候，我会更看重实际发生了什么，而不是动机——一百次里一百次都这么看。
And so when N equals one, I would look at the signal, what happens, rather than the intention a 100 times out of a 100.
还有没有一点余地？
Is there any space?
听起来，只要这个人在我生活中能给我带来好处……
It sounds like, for as long as this person in my life benefits me
对。
Mhmm.
留着他们也没什么坏处。
It's good to keep them in.
一旦他们不再对我有帮助，我就直接走人。
And the moment that they stop benefiting me, then I get rid of them.
对。
Mhmm.
对有些人来说，这种看法会觉得关系太功利了。
To some people, that would come across as a very transactional view of relationships.
这其实默认了非黑即白的利弊判断。
I think it assumes a binary of benefit, not benefit.
但大多数人做的事都挺复杂的。
And most people have many things that they do.
比如说，你结婚了，对象是你配偶。
Like, let's say somebody Let's say you're like, I'm married to somebody.
要是这个人不再满足你的需求了，怎么办？
What happens when that person stops serving me?
但现实中，不太可能有人突然从以前帮你一百件事，一下子变成要么伤害你、要么完全不帮你的状态。
Well, it's very unlikely that tomorrow someone stops goes from, I help you in these 100 ways to I either hurt you or help you in zero.
更常见的是，你一开始有上百件事他们都在帮你，十年后可能只剩下七十件，再过十年，可能就只剩四十件了。
It's more common or more likely that you had a 100 ways and now ten years later, they help you 70 ways and maybe ten years later, they help you 40 ways.
但只要你清楚地意识到对方曾经为你做的那一百件事，你就能明确地说出来：你做这些的时候，真的对我帮助很大。
But if you're at least cognizant of the 100 ways that that person helps you, then it allows you to articulate, hey, when you do these things, it helps me a lot.
这对我来说意义重大。
It would really mean a lot to me.
这样能起到积极的强化作用。
Reinforcement again.
没错。
Yeah.
而且我真的挺感激的。
I mean, and I appreciate that.
是的。
Yes.
不过换个说法吧，我要戴上我的克里斯帽子了。
But like in different terms, was going to put my Chris hat on.
这其实就是良好的沟通。
This is just good communication.
对吧？
Right?
你不告诉我，我怎么知道你想要什么？
Like how do I know what you want until you tell me?
我觉得有些人会像你刚才说的那样，觉得这是种交易关系。
And I think that people say what you just said, which is people would see this as transactional.
那又怎样？
And then I would say, and?
对，那又怎样？
Yes and?
这有什么不对？
Why is this wrong?
你为什么觉得交换本身就是错的？
Why have you decided that having an exchange is incorrect?
这本来就是社会运行的方式。
It's how society works.
整个资本主义体系，其实都是建立在自愿交换基础上的，这也是最成功的社会模式。
All of capitalism, which is the best societies have been built on exchange, voluntary exchange.
我觉得有些人会觉得，把这种市场交换的逻辑用在友谊或亲密关系里，有点让人不舒服。
I think some people would feel icky about applying that exchange capitalism dynamic inside of friendships and intimate relationships.
我觉得不管你说不说，交换其实一直在发生。
I think that exchange happens either way.
只是他们不愿意说破罢了。
They just don't want to say it.
如果你有个朋友，你们说好了一定要互相支持、不离不弃。
If if you have a friend and you are like, oh, we're we're ride or die.
这其实意味着你们之间有很长一段互相付出、彼此强化的历史。
It means you have a long history of reinforcement, which means you have a long extension curve.
这说明你在这段友谊上被多次肯定过，所以你愿意容忍一些小波动。
It just means that you've been reinforced many times for this friendship, which means that you're willing to deal with blips.
但你愿意容忍多少波动，取决于你过去积累的肯定有多少。
But the amount of blips that you're willing to deal with is proportional to the history of reinforcement.
如果一个新人刚进入你的生活，几乎没做过什么好事，却突然出了点状况——
If someone new comes into your life and has almost done nothing good and then does a blip
你在这方面的底气就没那么足了。
You don't have as much ballast in the sense.
没错。
Exactly.
你根本没有理由去包容。
You have no reason to.
所以，所谓的 extinction curve，本质上就是你愿意等多久，希望好事重新出现。
So the hope the basically extinction curve is functionally just how long you're willing to hope that the good thing comes back.
不过，你确实应该有点近因偏差。
You probably should have a degree of recency bias though.
哦，因为如果一个人的行为是可变的。
Oh, Because if the person's behavior is changeable.
当然了。
Yeah, for sure.
没错。
Yeah.
这种行为总是会被打折扣的。
It's going to be it's always discounted.
一个人一半是好人，一半是混蛋。
Someone that was 50% a good guy and 50% an asshole.
对。
Yeah.
离你最近的那50%比十年前的那50%更显眼。
The 50% that is closest to you is more salient than the 50% that started ten years ago.
哦，确实如此。
Oh, yeah.
如果是前半段和后半段，完全彻底的转变。
If it was front half, back half, a 100%.
而且说实话，我觉得这对很多人来说特别有参考意义。
And that's and honestly, and this is like, I think this is super relevant for a lot of people.
人确实是会变的，这没什么问题。
Like people do change and that's okay.
你可以继续珍惜他曾经的样子，同时不再认同现在的他。
And you can be friends with the person they once were and no longer friends with the person they are.
这完全没问题。
And that's okay.
马克·曼森说过一句话，让我立刻想到了你。
Mark Manson dropped this unreal line that reminded me of you.
嗯，说吧。
Okay.
去做困难的事，不是因为有趣，而是因为真正的收获才有意义。
Do hard shit, not because it's fun, but because the win actually means something.
你为它流过血。
You bled for it.
你为它拼过命。
You broke for it.
你配得上它。
You earned it.
轻易得来的胜利，没人记得。
Easy wins are forgettable.
艰难的胜利，才会改变你。
Hard ones change you.
这才是重点。
That's the point.
这句话是你说的。
And it's your line.
凡事都很难，也没人关心。
Everything is hard and no one cares.
我很抱歉，实现你的梦想从来就不是又快又容易、还不用冒风险的事。
I'm sorry accomplishing your dreams wasn't fast, easy, and risk free.
要是真那么容易，那就不叫梦想了；要是随便就能做到，你也不会觉得那是胜利，顶多就是系了个鞋带而已。
Like, they wouldn't be dreams if they were, and you wouldn't call them wins if they were easy because they would just be you tying your shoes.
小时候觉得赢一次就了不起的事，等你真正有本事了，那根本算不上什么。
And what it was once a win when you were five is no longer a win when you're competent.
能力越强，你所面对的赌注也就越高。
And with increased competence comes increased stakes.
要想赢得更大的成就，你就得愿意下更大的注、冒更大的险。举个例子，如果你是个亿万富翁，玩十美元的扑克牌纯粹就是浪费时间。
You have to be willing to bet more, put more on the line to win bigger, which means, like, if you're a billionaire, playing $10 hands of poker is a complete waste of time.
来自I Prevail的加布。
Gabe from I Prevail.
他是I Prevail的鼓手。
He's the drummer from I Prevail.
你总会觉得自己不够好。
You will always think you suck.
没关系。
That's okay.
跟自己的标准比，觉得自己不行，这很正常。
It's okay to suck compared to your standards.
你越成长，标准就会越高。
As you grow, so will your standards.
但这并不意味着你真的不行。
That doesn't mean you actually suck.
对。
Yeah.
可能是你真的不行，和你觉得自己不行，这两者之间的区别。
They could just be the the actuality of sucking versus the perception of sucking.
没错。
Correct.
随着你的能力提升，你的标准也会跟着提高。
It's the as as you increase in capacity, you increase in standards.
是的。
Yeah.
既然你的标准永远赶不上你的能力，你总会感受到一种落差——明明自己还没达到理想中的样子。
And given that your standards will always outstrip your capacity, there will always be this felt sense lack between where I am and where I want to be.
不过，马克·曼森那句话在AI时代特别重要，因为现在你可以靠捷径快速达成结果，而不必投入应有的努力。
But, yeah, that Mark Manson line, I think, is really important in sort of an era of AI because you can speedrun or shortcut getting the outcome without putting in the requisite inputs.
现在人人都追求杠杆效应，想用最少的投入换最多的产出，这确实说得通。
Now because everybody's obsessed with leverage and trying to get as many outputs from as few inputs as possible, that does make sense.
但如果你完全割裂了过程，不再像以前那样重视通往结果的每一步，也不再以同样的细致和严谨去审视输出，那就有问题了。
But when you begin to fully detach it from it and you don't focus on the journey that got you there in the same way, and you're not scrutinizing the outputs with the same level of finitude and and resolution that you cost.
对。
Yeah.
没错。
Yes.
确实如此。
Yes.
而且，重要的不只是最终的结果。
And it's not just the outputs that matter.
关键不在于产出本身。
It's not just the output.
这也是为什么那些追求杠杆效应的人，往往没法真正看清现实。
And this is why the sort of leverage crowd doesn't fully come into reality.
他们接触不到人类讲述自己人生故事的那种方式。
It doesn't come into contact with the way that humans are telling themselves the story of their life.
如果你能搞出一个超级快的代码，专门用来写那些价值一亿美元的线索，
If all if you could come up with some sort of super quick code that would write $100,100,000,000 dollar leads for
对你来说，
you, the
整个项目的感觉都会不一样。
entire project would feel different.
你获取这些线索的流程，完全可以一字不差地保持原样。
Your process of getting that it could be word for word, the exact same.
把我写过的每一个字都拿去，根据这个提纲整理成一本书。
Take every word that I've written and create this book based on this brief.
好好想想。
Think.
对。
Mhmm.
我会说，AI确实很懂潜在客户，但我不懂。
I would prove that AI knew a lot about leads, but not me.
我觉得，这其实反映了两种观点之间的差距：一种认为你的人生成果就是你最终成为的那个人，另一种则认为，人生成果是你这一生积累的所有行为，或者说是你存在过之后留下的那些东西。
And I think that I mean, I think this this this sits at the discrepancy between saying the output of your life is who you become and the aggregate set of behavior that you've learned over your life, or if the output of your life is the stuff that you that exists as a result of you being here.
这更像是一个哲学问题，而不是非黑即白的是非题。
And that is more of a philosophical question than I think it is a like right or wrong.
我觉得，你完全可以从两个角度来论证：人活着的意义，究竟是你留下过什么，还是你变成了什么样的人。
I think you can make arguments for either side of like the person the purpose of your life is what changed as a result of you being here.
你做了什么，或者你成为了谁。
What you did or who you became.
是的
Yeah.
生命的目的是，外在的一切都只是为了改变内在。
Where the purpose of your life is all of the outside only existed to change the inside.
我觉得两种说法都有道理。
And I think there's there's arguments for both.
我其实对这两种观点都有很强的认同感，因为当我经历困难时，我会觉得这一切都是为我而发生的。
I have I'm I would say I have strong affinity towards both definite definitions because I would say that when I go through harder times, I lean more towards like, this is happening for me.
而当我生活顺遂时，我就觉得是我正在影响和塑造这一切。
And when I'm going through easier times, it's like, I am hap I I am happening to it.
是的
Yeah.
没错
Right.
是的
Yeah.
我正在影响现实。
I'm happening to reality.
但把这两者当成非此即彼，确实如此。
But the binary of that Yeah.
只看其中一方，会让人变得脆弱。
Seeing it as only one or the other will create a kind of fragility.
如果你只关注结果，就永远不会去思考如何成为那个能创造结果的人，因为你总会找捷径，而这些捷径往往行不通。
If all that you're focused on is outcomes, then you're never going to think about becoming the person who can generate those outcomes because you're gonna find shortcuts that don't necessarily work.
如果你只盯着过程，就永远无法判断，这些苦难到底有没有意义。
And if you're only ever focused on inputs, you're never gonna actually work out if all of this suffering amounted to anything.
昨晚乔治在家读了其中一本书，他对作者的句子表达方式不太满意。
Show me some George, in the house last night was reading one of these books, and he he wasn't happy with the way that the author had put together the sentence.
他说：给我找点能砸到脚上的东西。
And he says, show me something I can drop on my foot.
这是他常说的一句话。
That was his line.
我根本没法拿这玩意儿砸自己的脚。
Like, I can't drop anything on my fucking foot with this.
给我点能砸脚的东西。
Show me something I can drop on my foot.
这话说得模模糊糊，太含糊了。
It's wishy washy, vague language.
你还记得《心灵捕手》里那个公园长椅的场景吗？
Do you remember the park bench scene in Good Will Hunting?
不记得。
No.
我早就没看了。
I haven't seen it long enough ago.
对。
Yeah.
他坐在公园长椅上，罗宾·威廉姆斯跟马特·达蒙聊爱情，说了这么一句话。
Sat on a park bench, Robin Williams talking to Matt Damon about love, and he has this line.
他说，爱是一种主动的承诺，威尔。
He says, love is an active commitment, Will.
爱是选择把别人的幸福看得和自己的一样重要。
It's a choice to value someone else's well-being as much as your own.
如果你看过这部电影，就知道他根本没说过那句话。
If you watch the film, you'll know that he doesn't say that.
他实际说的是这个。
He says this instead.
你不可能知道，你在医院里连续两个月睡在椅子上，医生从你的眼神里就看得出来，探视时间对你根本不管用。
You wouldn't know about sleeping sitting up in the hospital room for two months because the doctors could see in your eyes that the term visiting hours do not apply to you.
这其实是一回事，同一个意思。
It's the same thing, same idea.
对吧？
Right?
顺序应该是：意思、画面、语言，而不是意思、语言、画面。
Idea, picture, words, and that is the order, not idea, words, pictures.
给我拿个能砸到我脚上的东西看看。
Show me something I can drop on my fucking foot.
能砸到我脚上的东西。
That I can drop on my foot.
这话说得够直白了。
It's clear language.
两个都是。
Both of them.
这两个例子都是。
Both of the examples.
我觉得挺有意思，因为‘砸到脚上’这个画面，明显更有冲击力。
I think it's interesting because with the drop on your foot, it's like I think the the picture is obviously like more motive.
正因为这样，它才更有动力，更有说服力，等等。
And because of that can be more motivating, more persuasive, etcetera.
但我觉得最难的地方在于，‘砸到我脚上’这部分——作为一个人，我一直在挣扎，怎么把这种想法变成‘我就要这么做’。
Where I think the drop on on my foot part where I like where I have struggled as a human being is taking that idea and saying, I want to do that.
我想要的那种爱。
I want that type of love.
然后想，我爱的人没在医院，现在也没机会站着睡觉，让医生知道探视时间对我无效。
And then saying, well, the person I love is not in the hospital and I don't have the opportunity right now to sleep standing up and have a doctor know that visiting hours don't apply to me.
那我该怎么办？
What do I do?
所以这又回到了一个问题：为了维持这段关系，我愿意放弃什么。
And so then it does go back to, what I'm willing to give up in order to maintain something.
但当没有那种压力的时候，其实挺有意思的。
But It's interesting when there isn't that level of pressure.
你知道的，当你逆着生活的纹理前行，逆流而游时，努力是显而易见的，因为整个世界都在压着你，你说你有个对手要对抗。
You know, when you brush up against the grain of life, when you're swimming into the stream, it's very easy to see effort because the whole world is bearing down, and you said there's an enemy to go up against.
我觉得当一切都很顺利的时候，就只是觉得，嗯，好吧。
I think when things are easy, it's like, okay.
那么，一切顺利的时候，爱又是什么样子呢？
Well, what does love look like when things are easy?
我们是在谈论爱的关系吗？
We talk in relation to love?
是的。
Yeah.
我觉得说到底，我衡量爱的方式就是：你愿意为维持一段关系放弃多少东西。
I think it's really well, I'll just say more how I measure it, but I think it's just what you're willing to give up in order to maintain something.
所以如果我有一段关系，我深爱着一个人，那我愿意为这段关系放弃一切，甚至包括我的生命。
And so if I have a relationship and I have somebody that I love a lot, then I'm willing to give up everything, including my life, in order to maintain that relationship.
或者为了那个人，为了那个理念——自由，为了国家。
And so or for that person or for that idea, for freedom, for the country.
只要你真心爱一样东西，你就愿意为它付出一切。
If you love something a lot, you're willing to give up everything for it.
所以当那个人要求你做点什么，或者没开口，但你觉得他其实希望你做，你就会愿意为此做出很大让步。
And so when that person asks you to do something or doesn't ask you to do something and you think that they would still like it, then you are willing to inconvenience yourself to a large degree in order to do that.
我觉得这些东西对我特别重要，因为它们让我既能给予对方真正想要的东西，也能分辨出谁在用言语操控我。
And I think that like the reason this stuff is so valuable for me is that like it allows me to both give the things that I think the other person wants or that they've told me they want, but also how to differentiate who is using words in order to try and manipulate me.
当有人跟你说，兄弟，就这么干吧。
When someone like, dude, do that.
你知道的，我挺爱你的，你懂的。
You know, love you, You know?
如果是兄弟情谊，那当然另当别论。
If it was bromance, obviously.
对。
Mhmm.
但你可以问自己，为了维持这段关系，你放弃了什么？
But then you could say, what have you given up in order to maintain this?
你为了维系这段关系，给自己添了哪些麻烦？
In what way have you inconvenienced yourself in order to maintain this relationship?
因为你所做的一切，都是出于方便，这段关系对你只有好处，这也没问题。
Because all of the actions you've taken, you've taken out of convenience and this relationship has been only beneficial for you, which is fine.
这本身没什么不对。
There's nothing wrong with that.
但总会有一天，我们的需求会发生冲突。
But there will come a time where our needs are at odds.
那时候，我想知道，之前那些好的部分到底有多大的分量，才值得去承受这些。
And in that situation, I would like to know how reinforcing was all the other stuff so that it is worth.
说白了，就是问你：那些好的经历有多大的价值，让你愿意去忍受一些不好的部分。
Basically, it's saying like how much good was the good for you so that you're willing to deal with some bad.
这会不会导致你故意去制造困难，来测试这段关系的韧性？
Can that lead to a situation where you almost purposefully try to seek out difficulty in an attempt to stress test relationships?
但我不会这么做。
Because I wouldn't.
并不是所有关系都该是那种完美的友谊，比如你和另一个男人之间的那种。
Not all relationships should have the the glorious friendship would be between you and another guy.
是的。
Yeah.
而且你根本不需要去应对任何矛盾。
And there's never anything you have to navigate.
是的。
Yeah.
而且这一切对双方来说都是有益且积极的。
And it's all just beneficial and positive in both I
我有个这样的朋友。
have a friend like that.
我们从六年级就开始做朋友了。
I've been friends since sixth grade.
我们从来没吵过架，这很难得，也很棒。
And I don't think we've ever had conflict, which is great and rare.
所以我们才这么要好。
And that's why we're so friends.
但我觉得，冲突发生也没关系。
But no, I think that it's okay for conflict to occur.
友谊的某个阶段结束也没关系。
It's okay for seasons of friendship to end.
但你可以通过愿意为对方承受多少不便，来衡量你们友谊有多深。我们俩其实根本没经历过冲突或竞争，纯粹是运气好。
But you can measure how how how good of friends you are by how and I don't know how much inconvenience you might be willing to deal with with me, but we just it just so happens that we really haven't had any need for conflict or competition.
他是联邦调查局的特工。
He's an FBI agent.
他的成功标准很简单，根本不在乎这些，没有嫉妒，没有羡慕，什么都没有。
And so his measures to success, like he has zero, there's no jealousy, there's no envy, there's no anything.
他只关心今天抓了几个坏人。
It's just like, how many bad guys should catch today?
他总说：‘兄弟，你得听听这个。’
He's like, bro, you got to hear this one.
然后他会突然问些特别荒唐的财务问题，就觉得特别好笑。
And so we could just And he's like, you know, then he'll just ask ridiculous questions about money stuff because he just thinks it's funny.
是的。
Yeah.
这样的相处方式，效果特别好。
And that and that has worked out well.
不过呢。
But yeah.
大多数人根本不知道自己的睾酮水平是多少。
Most people have no idea where their testosterone levels sit.
但如果我告诉你，其实有个解决办法呢？
But what if I told you there was a solution?
有一种方法能比高中霸凌者还快地发现你睾酮偏低，而且还不用花掉你所有的午餐钱。
Something that identifies low t faster than a high school bully, and it won't cost you all your lunch money.
这就是Function的用武之地。
That's where Function comes in.
它让你能做160多项实验室检测，包括对你的全套激素水平进行深度分析。
Gives you access to over 160 lab tests, including a deep dive into your full hormone paddle.
所有检测结果都会由专业医生审核。
Every result is reviewed by clinicians.
任何异常指标都会被明确标出。
Anything out of range is flagged.
你会得到清晰的解释，还有量身定制的方案和具体的下一步行动建议。
You get clear explanations with a personalized protocol with actionable next steps.
所以一旦发现哪里不对劲，你就知道该怎么处理。
So if something's off, you know exactly what to do about it.
不管是需要多去健身房，还是想在车里把Creed的歌放大声点，Function都会明确告诉你，你的睾酮和其他指标现在到底是什么情况。
Whether you just need to go to the gym more or you need to play Creed louder in your car, Function will tell you exactly where your testosterone and everything else stands.
通常这种级别的检测费用要几千块，但用Function，一年只要365美元。
Normally, this level of testing would usually cost thousands, but with function, it's $365 a year.
每天花一美元，就能告别胡乱猜测，真正了解自己的身体状况。
That's $1 a day to stop guessing with your health and start knowing.
现在下单还能再减25美元，最终只要340美元。
And right now, you can get $25 off, bringing it down to $340.
赶紧用我和我本人一样的血检套餐，通过下方链接或访问 functionhealth.com/modernwisdom，结账时输入代码 Modern Wisdom，立省25美元。
So get the exact same blood panels that I do and save $25 by going to the link in the description below or heading to functionhealth.com/modernwisdom using the code Modern Wisdom at checkout.
你总觉得赶时间，而你之所以赶时间，是因为你觉得自己落后了。
You're behind because you're in a rush, and you're in a rush because you feel behind.
你觉得自己落后，是因为你所处的阶段，和你比较的那些人不一样。
And you feel behind because you're in a different season than the people you're comparing yourself to.
你并没有落后。
You're not behind.
你只是走在前面。
You're just early.
是的。
Yeah.
这是在比较输出的差异，而不是去对比输入的差异。
It's measuring the output difference with without comparing the input difference.
我觉得说到底就是这么回事。
I think it's basically it.
为什么我的播客不像戈金斯那样？
It's like, why isn't my podcast like Goggins?
好吧。
It's like, okay.
他可是还多了十年呢。
Well, he's got ten more year.
这个答案你应该最清楚，对吧？
You would know the answer to that, right?
十年 plus 还有更多期播客呢。
Ten more years and however many more podcasts more.
所以问题是，如果我当初也这么干，现在能有同样的成果吗？
And so it's okay, well, if I were to match that and have done it back in time, would I have the same?
我会比他更成功吗？
Would I be bigger?
规模完全一样，所有条件都一样。
The same scale, All the same
就是那样的情况。
of that.
所以这是在只比产出，不比投入。
And so it's comparing outputs without comparing inputs.
我觉得归根结底，问题就出在这里。
And I really just think it comes down to that at the most basic level.
大多数情况下，人们之所以早了，是因为那些犯这种判断失误的，往往都是职业生涯初期的人。
Now, most of the time you are early because most people who make that, I'll call it error in judgment are earlier in their careers.
我觉得这本身也没什么大不了的。
And I also don't think there's anything necessarily wrong.
很多人说，比较会偷走快乐。
Like a lot of people are like, comparison is the thief of joy.
我不这么认为。
I don't agree with that.
我觉得比较才是衡量事物的方式。
I think comparison is how you measure things.
你看，这里，这里，这里就是差距所在。
Like this, this, this is the discrepancy.
把这种差距直接贴上‘偷走快乐的贼’的标签，这不对。
Labeling the discrepancy as bad as the thief of joy.
是的
Yep.
一般来说，通过比较才能看清你想要的和你拥有的之间有多大差距，这样才能去改进。
Comparison in general is how you can know what the discrepancy looks like between what you want and what you have so that you can fix it.
所以我们应该比较。
So we should compare.
当然。
Absolutely.
你应该拿自己和罗根比一比。
You should compare yourself to Rogan.
我只是举个例子。
I'm just using it.
比如说，我其实也应该拿自己和马斯克比一比。
But like, you know, I should compare myself to Elon.
这当然没错。
Of course I should.
所以我可以看看我和埃隆之间的巨大差距。
So I could look at the massive discrepancy between me and Elon.
这让我更清楚自己需要做些什么来缩小这个差距。
And that just gives me clarity on what things I need to do to try and decrease that.
你该怎么看待摆脱‘坏’这个标签呢？
How do you think about getting rid of the label of bad?
我认为，当你做的行为没有通过模仿获得反馈时，第一步该怎么做。
I think that the first action you take when you have not been reinforced for an action you do through modeling.
这也就是为什么我们会做这种播客，我猜是这样。
So, and this is why we do these types of podcasts, I assume.
意思是，如果你还没去做那些难的事，或者你真正想做的、有风险的事，你就会去找那些率先跳下去的企鹅。
I mean, is that if you haven't done the hard thing or the hard thing that you want to do or taking the better, taking the risk, we look for other people who have been the penguins who jumped off the edge first.
下面有鳄鱼吗？
Was there an alligator?
企鹅下面没有鳄鱼，但底下有北极熊等着吃它们。
Well, no alligators for penguins, but polar bear at the bottom to eat them.
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