如何从任何人脑海中窃取想法——欧·珀尔曼 - #1088

是的。

Yes.

请随便拿起其中一堆。

Pick up any one of the piles, please.

放在你的左手里。

Put it in your left hand.

就像这样，就像你要发扑克牌一样。

Like this, like like as if you're gonna deal poker.

好。

K.

对。

Yeah.

再拿起另一堆。

And pick up another one of the piles.

这样感觉对吗？

Is that feels right?

放上面，这样你就重新把牌堆叠起来了。

Put it on top, so you're kind of reassembling.

把最后一叠也拿起来。

Pick up the last one.

也放上面。

Put it on top as well.

你已经切了三次牌了。

You've cut the deck three times.

对。

Mhmm.

接下来你这么做。

And here's what you do.

请你面前，从左到右，面朝下每人发五张牌。

I want you in front of you over there to deal one, two, three, four, five cards face down in front of you, please.

怎么放都行，你自己决定。

You can put them on top however you want.

这些牌你亲自拿一下。

You're gonna take those cards yourself.

好。

Okay.

不用。

No.

把牌拿近一点。

Bring them close to you.

好。

Okay.

我这就把牌收好。

I'm just getting them in.

完美。

Perfect.

把所有牌都收起来，拿近一点，对。

Them all, put the deck away, and bring it close to you Mhmm.

所以我根本没法看到你手里的牌到底是什么。

So there's no way I could see, and see if you what your poker hand is.

现在别告诉我，但猜一整手牌可比猜一张牌更有赚头。

Now don't tell me, but this becomes more monetizable than guessing one card.

对。

Mhmm.

把牌收好，拿近一点贴着身体。

And close the cards and bring them close to your body.

你知道自己手里是什么牌吗？

Do you know what poker hand you have?

知道。

Yes.

不过从概率上讲，你这手牌大概率啥都没有，毕竟大多数时候都是这样。

Now, again, statistically, you probably have nothing because that's what happens in most poker games.

但你刚才好像挺开心的。

But you seemed a little happy.

你当时高兴到什么程度？

How happy did you feel?

我们也不清楚。

We don't know.

你还说你不太玩扑克，所以我得观察你更久才行，但一对其实是最差的牌了。

You also said you don't play poker very much, so I'd have to observe you for much longer, but a pair would be the worst hand.

再好一点是两对，然后是三条。

The next one would be two pair, three pair.

再往上就是顺子或者同花了，不过顺子可不是什么牌技。

We would have a a straight or a flush or straight isn't a card trick.

这纯粹是观察你，看你的反应在哪儿。

This is just watching you, and it's seeing where was their response.

再说一遍，从统计上讲，我从来没碰过牌。

Statistically, again, I've never touched the cards.

这根本不是什么魔术手法。

This isn't a card trick.

这跟手法无关。

This isn't about sleight of hand.

我觉得你有两个对子。

I think you have two pair.

操，等一下。

Fuck And hold on.

等一下。

Hold on.

等一下。

Hold on.

你先别动，什么都别做。

Before you do this, don't do anything.

等一下。

Hold on.

别跟我提任何关于这个的事。

Don't tell me anything about it.

我觉得这两对牌都不大，应该都比较小。

I don't think I think the pairs too are I would describe them as both relatively low.

这只是我的感觉。

That's my feeling.

你现在帮我个忙。

Do me a favor right now.

我没看出有什么异常。

I nothing jumped.

我打赌你手里肯定没有脸牌。

I bet you there's no face cards.

你把牌一张一张正面朝下摆到你面前，怎么摆都行。

I want you to take and lay the cards out in front of you one at a time, face down in front of you in any order you want.

就摆成一排五张，放在你面前就行。

Just lay them in a row of five in front of you, please.

好。

Okay.

八点。

Eights.

有对八吗？

Was there a pair of eights?

有。

Yes.

确实有。

There was.

你看，我之前说‘低’的时候，你根本不知道该怎么接话。

See, I when I said when I said low, you didn't know what to say.

你当时懵了，因为这算低吗？

You were confused because is that low?

这正好在中间。

It's right in the middle.

我也不确定。

I don't know.

这正好在中间。

It's right in the middle.

难点就在这儿。

That's the difficulty.

我才不在乎你手里是什么牌呢。

I I don't care what the poker hand is.

你想知道为什么吗？

Do you wanna know why?

为什么？

Why?

从你出生那天起，到今天为止，任何牌技都不可能让你记住。

Because from the day you were born until today, a card trick will not be something you remember.

真的记不住。

It won't.

所以我给你看点能让你记住的。

So I'm gonna show you something that you will remember.

我有点害怕。

I'm scared.

你准备好了吗？

Are you ready?

从你出生那天起，到今天为止，你一直都在放这五张牌。

Because you put these five cards down from the day you were born until today.

你出生在几月？

What month were you born in?

能告诉我吗？

Could you tell me, please?

二月。

February.

二月。

February.

几号？

What day?

二十三号。

Twenty third.

是哪一年的二十三号？

Twenty third of what year?

八八年。

'88.

八八年。

'88.

老兄，别闹了。

Dude, no.

不行。

No.

不行。

No.

不行。

No.

不行。

No.

不行。

No.

不行。

No.

操。

Fuck.

你戴着这面具，我真没法判断是更好了还是更糟了。

I can't tell if it's better or worse given that you're wearing that mask right now.

我真的看不出来。

I can't tell.

我压根没注意到。

I didn't even realize.

我压根没注意到。

I didn't even realize.

帮帮我。

Help me.

你太吓人了。

You're terrifying.

你真是个让人毛骨悚然的人。

You're you're a terrifying human.

咱们刚开始之前不是在聊邪教的事吗？

You know we were talking about cults before we got started?

我现在就搞一个。

I'm starting one now.

你来加入吗？

Are you joining?

来。

Yes.

来。

Yes.

对。

Yes.

快告诉我，贾里德，这到底怎么了，我们都得搞清楚。

Tell me we all need to tell me what this is broken already, Jared.

我们有六个了。

We got six.

没事的。

It's okay.

好。

Good.

老兄，这简直太离谱了。

Dude, that's unbelievable.

我觉得你也出问题了。

Think you're broken too.

这真让人心里发毛。

It's very disconcerting.

对。

Yep.

咱们现在到底该往哪儿走？

Where do we even go from here?

这是第一个。

This is the first one.

我真的不知道，兄弟。

I don't know, dude.

我靠。

I'm Holy shit.

不错。

Nice.

行。

Okay.

行。

Okay.

行。

Okay.

这就是从你出生那天到现在的全部内容了。

That's it from the day you're born until today.

把这些收起来吧。

Put these away.

刚才那只是个轻松的热身小环节。

That was just a fun warm up.

我本来不想这么早就把这些话说出来的

I didn't wanna throw these out there that early.

行吧

Okay.

那你说，你能做出啥

Well What's

最离谱的事啊？

the worst thing I'm gonna do?

好的。

Okay.

我的天啊。

Holy shit.

谢了，兄弟。

Thanks, man.

谢谢。

Thanks.

现在我总觉得下一秒就会有鬼突然跳出来吓我。

Now now I feel like I'm gonna get jump scared by a ghost or something.

你刚才提到，故事才是关键，不只是靠 gimmick 那一套，还得能讲出点深度来。

So you mentioned that story is a big part of it, that being able to sort of build in more than just being the trick.

我觉得这才是核心，因为我做的东西，真正有力量的是那个故事，它让我能长久走下去，这其实是我成功的秘密。

Well, I think that's the key because the story you tell is the true power of what I do and what provides longevity, and has been my secret to success.

这么多年我都没意识到自己卖的是什么，我觉得这一点，很多人根本没搞明白。

Which is for years, I didn't realize what I was selling, which I think is a core principle that a lot of people don't realize.

我说的‘销售’，别人一听就以为是赚钱的事。

And when I say selling, people always think that means money.

我不是在说钱。

I'm not talking about money.

其实我们每个人在生活中都是销售员。

All of us are salespeople in life.

但大家根本没意识到这一点。

We don't realize it.

你和我，现在就在卖注意力。

You and me, right now we're selling attention.

你在卖观众看这个节目、听你说话。

You're selling people watching and listening to this program.

因为一旦他们不看了，你的事业就完了，而这可是花了好多年才积累起来的资产。

Because if they stop, your business is done, and it took a long time to grow this, your equity.

所以我问自己：我到底在卖什么？

So I asked myself, what was I selling?

我一直以为，我厉害，我卖的就是我自己。

For the longest time, I thought I'm selling, I'm amazing.

你看我多牛。

Look at me.

这想法太自我中心了。

It's a very narcissistic approach.

我会玩个酷炫的把戏。

I can do a cool trick.

可这跟你有什么关系？

Why does that matter to you?

后来我反过来问自己：这事儿对别人来说为啥重要？

And then I started inverting the question saying, why does it matter to anyone else?

其实根本没人在乎。

It shouldn't matter.

谁管你啊？

Who cares?

当然。

Sure.

这是一种逃避。

It's an escape.

当然。

Sure.

挺有意思的。

It's fun.

我可以跟98%的竞争对手一样，做点酷炫的东西，然后觉得自己很牛。

I could do the same thing as 98% of my competitors and realize it's cool.

这不错。

That's great.

我后来明白，能让我脱颖而出的，是把焦点放在别人身上。

I realized what's going to differentiate me is when I make it about other people.

所以，故事怎么讲、事情怎么被记住，如果能跟观看者本人产生关联，情感冲击力就会强得多。

So the way the story gets told, the way a thing is remembered is much more emotionally impactful if it has something to do with the person watching you.

对吧？

Right?

就是那个瞬间，能跟观众产生共鸣，那就像一个魔术手法一样。

That moment that connects with them where that was a card trick, so to speak.

但你回头跟别人讲这个魔术的时候，说法就完全不一样了——因为我只是猜中了扑克牌里的两对，那其实没啥特别的。

But the card trick when you recount it to somebody will be completely different because when I just guessed two pair in a poker hand, that wasn't that meaningful.

但如果你静下心来重新想想：我洗了牌，切了好几次，最后翻出来的竟是我生日，这怎么可能？

But when you sit back and rethink this through and go, I shuffled these cards, I cut them a bunch of times, and then it was the date of my birth, how could that be?

这个故事会被讲得完全不一样，而且希望未来好多年里，大家都会一直传下去。

That story is going get told in a very different way, and hopefully for months and years to come.

这只是一个很小的类比，但每次表演时，我都会把重点放在观众身上。

And that's a very small parallel, but when I perform, I always make it about the people watching.

如果是给NFL球队表演，我就得讲那些球迷真正关心的东西。

If it's for an NFL team, it's going to be what matters to the football viewer.

有些人本来不是冲着我来的，但跟我一起看了这场表演。

Somebody who's not a fan of me, I came along for the ride.

我正在努力吸引新观众，让他们认可我、喜欢我做的事。

I'm trying to catch new people and have them buy into me and what I do.

而要做到这一点，就得一切以他们为中心。

And doing that is making it all about them.

比如我演出的时候，只要你来看我的表演，观众才是真正的主角。

Like when I do my shows, if you come watch my show, the audience is the star of the show.

我不是在说那种老掉牙的灵性套话。

I don't mean that in a cliche New Age way.

我是说真的，没有观众，我的表演就不存在。

I mean, literally, I don't have a show without the audience.

我就像在淘金，而我眼中的金子，就是那些真实自然的反应。

I'm panning for gold, and my version of gold is genuine authentic reactions.

人们惊呼、震撼，哪怕你没亲眼看到、没感受到那种情绪，因为惊奇这东西，是人人都能懂的。

People freaking out, and other people, even if you're not in observing that and feeling that same feeling, because wonder is kind of universal.

但音乐不是这样。

Music isn't.

喜剧也不是。

Comedy isn't.

几乎没什么东西是普世的。

There's almost nothing that is universal.

就那么几样。

There's a few things.

对吧？

Right?

但惊奇感就是其中之一，它早就刻在我们的基因里了。

But wonder is one of them that's like hardwired into our DNA.

我们马上接着聊，不过在这之前，你有没有过这种感觉？

We'll get back to talking in just one second, but first, tell me if this sounds familiar.

你规律锻炼，吃得也还行，说不定还吃点补剂，身体没啥大毛病，但就是感觉浑浑噩噩，全靠感觉撑着。

You train regularly, you eat reasonably well, maybe you even supplement, you feel fine, but you're just kind of going off vibes.

大多数人根本不知道自己身体里到底在发生什么，所以我才和Function合作。

Most people have absolutely no idea what's going on inside of their body, which is why I partnered with Function.

Function 提供超过160项高端实验室检测，涵盖激素、心脏健康、代谢指标、炎症、甲状腺、营养素、肝肾功能等。

Function gives you access to more than 160 advanced lab tests spanning hormones, heart health, metabolic markers, inflammation, thyroid, nutrients, liver, and kidney function.

它甚至能提前发现与50多种癌症相关的早期信号。

It even detects early signals linked to more than 50 types of cancer.

你想想，常规年度体检一般就查20项左右，而Function一次就做160多项。

To put that in perspective, your typical annual physical might test about 20 markers and function runs over 160.

这可不是简单把一堆数据扔进你邮箱就完事了。

And this isn't just numbers dumped into your inbox.

每项结果都有临床医生亲自审核，异常指标会明确标出，还会给你清晰的解读和个性化的干预方案，告诉你下一步具体该怎么做。

Every result is reviewed by clinicians, Abnormal markers get flagged, and you get clear explanations and a personalized protocol with actionable next steps so you can actually do something about what you learn.

最棒的是，你每年做两次检测，所有数据都集中在一个简洁的仪表盘里。

Best of all, you test twice a year, and everything lives in a simple dashboard.

你可以轻松追踪变化趋势，确认自己是不是在朝着正确的方向走。

You can just track trends over time, make sure that you're moving in the right direction.

这种级别的检测，平时在私立诊所做，动不动就得花几千块。

Normally, this level of testing would cost thousands through private clinics.

用 Function，一年只要 365 美元。

With Function, it is $365 a year.

每天才一美元，就能知道你身体里到底在发生什么。

That's $1 a day to know what's actually happening inside of your body.

现在下单还能减 25 美元，最终只要 340 美元。

And right now, you can get $25 off, bringing it down to 340.

拿跟我一样的全套血液检测套餐，赶紧点下方链接去 functionhealth.com/modernwisdom，结账时输入代码 modernwisdom，再省 25 美元。

Get the exact same blood panels that I get and save that additional $25 by going to the link in the description below by heading to functionhealth.com/modernwisdom and using the code modern wisdom at checkout.

就是 functionhealth.com/modernwisdom，结账时输 modernwisdom 就行。

That's functionhealth.com/ modernwisdom and modernwisdom at checkout.

有个特别有意思的故事，关于温斯顿·丘吉尔他妈，珍妮·杰罗姆。她连续两晚分别跟首相格莱斯顿和对手迪斯雷利共进晚餐。

There's a cool story about Jenny Jerome, Winston Churchill's mother, and she got to dine with prime minister William Gladstone and his rival Benjamin Disraeli on consecutive nights.

吃完跟格莱斯顿那顿，她说：‘我离开的时候觉得，他真是英格兰最聪明的人。’

And when she left the dinner after sitting next to Gladstone, she said, I left feeling that he was the cleverest man in England.

第二天晚上跟迪斯雷利吃完，她说：‘我离开的时候觉得，我才是那天最聪明的女人。’

And the following night after sitting next to Disraeli, she said, I left feeling like I was the cleverest woman.

不错。

Nice.

这正是阿兰·德波顿说的‘反向魅力’或‘逆向魅力’的绝佳例子。

That's This wonderful example of what Alain de Botton calls reverse charisma or inverse charisma.

有些人本身很有趣。

Some people are interesting.

有些人却能让你觉得自己特别有趣。

Some people make you feel interesting.

没错。

Right.

为什么跟某些朋友在一起，你总有说不完的话，可跟另一些人在一起，就啥也不想说呢？

Why is it that around certain friends, we have lots to say, and around other people, we don't have so much.

对啊。

Right.

你就会想，嗯，也不完全是。

And you go, well and no.

关键在于他们多大程度上鼓励你深入挖掘、反思自己，他们能接纳多少真实的你，看起来愿意为你留出多少空间。

It's how much they encourage us to dig deeper and to think about ourselves, how much of us they can tolerate or they seem like they're willing to hold on to.

他们愿意对自己敞开心扉到什么程度，这决定了你是否觉得有足够的空间去表达自己？

How prepared are they to open up about their experience that makes us feel like we have the headroom to be able to do it about ourselves?

我觉得，确实很多人想培养魅力。

And I think, yeah, a lot of people want to develop charisma.

他们只想突出自己，强调我、我、我。

They want to me, me, me.

看我多厉害。

Look at how impressive I am.

他们希望自己的气场充满电，故事振奋人心，一进房间就能点燃全场——但当我回想最愿意花时间相处的人，未必是那些最有趣的人。

They want that aura to be electric and the stories to be energizing and everyone in the room to walk in and just but when I think about the people that I like spending the most time with, it's not always the ones that are the most interesting.

而是那些让我觉得自己特别有意思的人。

It's the ones that make me feel the most interesting.

我觉得这百分百正确，而且很多人根本没注意到，沉默的力量有多强大。

I think that's a 100% true, and the power of silence that people don't really observe or realize.

我花了好多年才明白这个道理。

It took me so many years.

喜剧演员如果在观众还在笑的时候接着讲下一个段子，这就叫‘踩了笑点’。

A comedian, if they step on their own jokes, if you tell another joke while people are laughing, it's known as stepping on.

你是在抢走他们的一部分笑声。

You're taking away some of their laughter.

你是在打断那种感觉。

You're taking away some of the feeling.

你把节奏给砍断了。

You cut it short.

我花了好多年才意识到，一旦观众开始有反应，我就该停一停，因为笑声会自己延续下去。

It took me years and years to realize that when people start reacting in a performance, I stop because it will continue.

有时候就像雪崩一样，一发不可收拾。

It's like an sometimes it's an avalanche that continues.

事实上，我们很快就要拍一个特别节目了。

And in fact, we're shooting, pretty soon a special.

我觉得我可以聊聊这个，一个奈飞的专场。

I think I can talk about it, a Netflix special.

我们聊到的一个重点是，平时你看舞台演出，摄像机拍观众的比拍舞台的还多。

And one of the big things we talked about is when you normally watch a show you watch on stage, we have more cameras pointing into the audience than on stage.

因为观众笑完坐回去的那一刻，才是最棒的时刻。

Because when people sit back down after they've experienced it, that's the best moment by far.

不是的。

No.

但还不只是这样。

But it's it's not even that.

而是因为他们感觉不到自己在镜头前了。

It's because they don't feel like they're on camera anymore.

你站着的时候，聚光灯可都打在你身上。

When you're standing, the spotlight's on.

开拍。

Action.

当你坐下来的时候，才能慢慢回味刚才发生的事，感觉就像镜头根本没对准你了。

When you sit down, you get to unpack what just occurred, and it feels as if you're no longer on camera.

这就像你烤牛排，你知道吧，肉里的汁水都会收回去。

I liken it to you know when you cook a steak, how all the juices come in?

如果你直接把牛排往盘子里一放，汁水全漏光了，那多可惜。

If you just take the steak and put it on a plate, you don't pour the juices.

那才是最香最嫩的部分啊。

That's the most delicious part of it.

正是这些汁水，才让牛排有了真正的味道。

That's what gives it all the, you know, the the the juiciness.

说白了，这才是真正的风味。

It's like the the real flavor.

我演出的时候也是这样，观众一坐下来，就转头跟旁边的人说：‘天啊，刚才那句是啥意思？’对方也懵了：‘我也不知道啊。’

That happens in my show when people sit and they turn to the person next to them, and they're like, what the and he's like, I don't know me.

然后他们又问：‘这到底是咋回事？’

And he goes, how do you?

我真不确定自己喜不喜欢刚才那个最真实的部分。

I don't know me if I like that right there, the real part.

我一离开房间，你们就开始说真话了，那才是最棒的。

When I leave the room, and you guys, that's the best part.

你得把录音机继续开着，就停在那儿。

That's where you wanna leave the tape recorder on.

你得听听他们私下里到底在说什么。

That's where you wanna hear what people really say.

对。

Mhmm.

他还说：‘这哥们儿怎么做到的？我真搞不懂。’

And he goes, was he dude, I don't know how he did that.

我中途又改主意了。

I changed my mind in the middle.

他怎么做到的？这才是最精彩的部分。

How did he that's the best part.

对我来说，这才是真正的乐趣。

That for me is the real joy.

安静地坐着，这需要很高的觉察力，才能意识到还有第三个参与者。

Sitting with silence is something that takes a lot of skill to realize that there's a third participant.

如果你在做任何表演，尤其是两个人之间的表演，台上是你和你的搭档，但其实还有第三个参与者——可能是三个人，也可能是三千个人，但不是所有在看的人。

If you're ever doing any kind of performance, especially if it's between two people, you and your person that's on stage, there's a third participant or 3,000 participants, not all of the people that are watching.

没错。

Right.

让这种沉默停留，让那种奇妙的感觉多悬一会儿。

And allowing that to sit, allowing the sort of wonder to hang a little bit.

讲故事的时候，不是每个人都会靠揭秘生日卡片魔术来炫技。

When it comes to storytelling, know, you not everybody is going to be prestiging their way through some date of birth revealing card trick.

更一般地说，讲好一个故事，你觉得有哪些核心原则？

Telling stories more generally, what are some of the principles that you think about when it comes to telling a good story?

我觉得这个适用。

I think this applies.

你可能不会去学当魔术师或心理师，但我掌握的那些核心能力，其实在生活中哪儿都能用。

There's a parallel, which is you're not gonna probably learn to be a magician or a mentalist, but the core skills that I have are ones that are interchangeable in life.

问是非题，得到的就是是非答案。

Asking yes or no questions gives you yes or no answers.

门就关上了。

Doors get closed.

对吧？

Right?

你得多打开几条路，问些没人问过的问题。

The more you can give a branching tree and ask questions that haven't been asked before.

所以我做事，都是从终点倒着推的。

So a lot of what I do is I design my ideas with the end goal in mind.

我清清楚楚知道我想要什么结局，然后反过来一步步设计。

I literally know what I want the ending to be, and then I work backwards from there.

你明白吗？

Does that make sense?

我知道我注意到了这一点，比如上周我刚在福克斯商业频道做了一期节目。

I know I observed that, for example, I just did something on Fox Business last week.

下周我还要上CNBC。

I'm gonna be on CNBC next week.

我在看，现在大家最关心的是什么？

I'm watching, what do people care about right now?

真的，现在是个特别的时期。

Truly, this is a unique time.

中东那边乱成一团。

There's chaos in The Middle East.

油价一直在涨。

Gas prices are going up.

大多数人身上都背着债。

Most people are in debt.

大家最在意的，就是油价到底会涨到多少。

People care about what's the price of gas gonna be.

我上去之后，编了个故事，开头的钩子是我说：对我们所有人来说，有四个‘F’最重要。

And I went on there, and I I I made up the story, but the story the hook at the beginning is I said, there's four f's that matter most to all of us.

家人、朋友、信仰、财务。

Family, friends, faith, finances.

所以你是想说‘燃油’？

So you're gonna say fuel.

是的。

Yeah.

天哪，克里斯，你真是...

Know, I damn it, Chris.

我真该把你招进团队。

I need you on on payroll.

不过说实话，那期是在福克斯新闻做的，所以‘信仰’这个点很重要。

But, yeah, I I I I didn't wanna it was on Fox News, so faith was important.

但你说得对，这个钩子确实不错——开头就得让人一听就忍不住说：‘对啊，就是这样。’

But I I said that that's a good one, though, is that you just needed to you the hook, the interesting part at the beginning is you want to liken something that somebody can say, oh, yeah.

这说得通。

That makes sense.

我觉得挺有道理的。

That like, it makes sense to me.

我马上又想到，油价会怎么走？

And right away, I I brought it back to what are gas prices going to be?

这会对全国各地的人产生什么影响？

How does it affect people around the country?

这样一联系，就全串起来了。

And it it tied together.

你当然不能当心灵感应者来搞这个，但我觉得大多数人都是在自动模式下生活的。

And again, you're not gonna do this as a mentalist, but most people, I think they're an autopilot.

别人问他们问题，或者遇到新的人时，他们就会像飞机一样，自动进入巡航模式。

And when they ask someone else a question or when they meet someone, they slip into, just like in an airplane, autopilot.

飞机起飞后到降落前，大部分时间都是电脑在飞，就是‘如果这样，就那样；如果那样，就这样’。

After you take off and until you land, the plane is mostly flown by a computer that just does if this, then this, if this, then this.

我们生活中95%的时间都是这么自动运行的。

We operate 95% of our lives in that exact fashion.

你遇到一个人，第一反应是战斗还是逃跑？

You meet someone, is it like fight or flight?

我该问点啥？

What do I ask them?

哦，你平时是做什么的？

Oh, what do you do?

明白了。

Okay.

你哪儿人啊？

Where are you from?

当然，你也可以这么做。

And yes, you can do that.

我不是让你装怪，但如果你往深了想，先想好第一句、第二句、第三句该问啥，再想想，第四句呢？

I'm not saying to be like a weirdo, but if you scratch below the surface and think of the first question, second question, third question you want to ask them, and then, oh, what's the fourth?

你倒过来，先问第四个问题。

Ask them the fourth first.

你更有可能问出一个他们最近没人问过、能让他们跳出自动模式的问题，让他们心里一惊：这问题还挺有意思。

You're much more likely to hit a question that they haven't been asked recently that jars them out of autopilot themselves, where they go, that's interesting.

我从来没这么想过。

I never thought of it that way.

这真是个绝佳的问题。

That's a great question to ask.

那种能让人重新回归内心反思的问题。

Something that brings you back to something more introspective.

然后，认真听。

And then listen.

我知道这听起来最疯狂，但大多数人就等着轮到自己开口说话。

I know that's the craziest part, but most people just simply wait for their turn to speak next.

只要你一说中他们心里的事，叮叮叮，他们的脑子立马就开始想：我接下来得这么说。

And as soon as you say something that resonates with them, ding, ding, ding, their brain starts saying, I need to say this next.

我得说点什么，可你根本没在听他们说什么了。

I need to say this, and you're not listening to what they're saying anymore.

阅读和写作是两码事，咱们大脑里很少能同时干好这两件事儿。

Read and write are two different operations that rarely work at the same time in our brains.

就像我六岁的孩子，突然冒出个想法，非得马上说，我就跟他说：别急，先放进‘想法泡泡’里。

So you have to it's like my my six year old has an idea, and he wants it I'm like, put it in the thought bubble.

就让它待在‘想法泡泡’里。

Leave it in the thought bubble.

咱们回头再聊这个。

Let's come back to it.

对吧？

Right?

这最难了。

That's the hardest thing.

我自个儿也难，但举手示意、先把想法存着，这招真管用。

It's hard for me too, but the raising your hand approach and saving the thought is such a

对话里最难的，就是这个。

challenge in a conversation.

人人都讨厌闲聊，这几乎是普遍现象。

Everybody criticizes the fact that they don't like small talk.

几乎所有人都觉得闲聊特别烦人。

It it's it's a almost universal thing that people dislike.

对啊。

Right.

想象一下，你进电梯，遇到个人，每层都停，还得硬撑着聊些毫无意义的话。

The idea of getting into an elevator with somebody that's gonna stop at every floor trying to hold together some conversation that means nothing to everybody.

我觉得，干脆跳过那些社交客套，直接进入正题，这主意不错。

And, yeah, the idea of ridding yourself of the social foreplay and jumping straight to third base or whatever the equivalent is

没错。

Right.

我觉得这想法挺好。

I think is a good idea.

其实，问点不一样的问题也行。

Well, even asking something that's just different.

比如你和我，平均来说遇到的新的人，可能比谁都多。

Like, I you and I probably encounter far more new people on average than almost anyone.

我有时候一周能见上千号人。

I will meet sometimes thousands of people in a week.

这本来就是我工作的一部分。

It's just a a part of my job.

那你怎么跟他们建立真正的连接呢？

So how do you connect with them on a real level?

我会停下来，尽量记住每个人的名字。

I will stop and try to get everyone's names.

要是不知道你叫啥，我就默认你叫贾里德。

If I don't know your name, I'll make sure it was Jared.

我得确保自己没记错。

I wanna make sure I got it right.

这其实是个特别基础的本事，做起来很简单，可大多数人根本不在意。

Like, that's a very core skill that's so easy to do that most of us just think nothing of.

那普通人怎么才能提高这方面的能力呢？

How can people become better at that?

我在夜店门口见过的陌生人，少说也有上百万了。

Met I've a million people on the front door of nightclubs.

所以这真的挺难的。

So it's very tough.

当你一下子要面对好多人的时候，确实容易让人招架不住。

So in that situation, if you're meeting a bunch of people all at once, it can be overwhelming.

对吧？

Right?

就像想从消防水龙带里喝水一样。

It's like trying to drink from a fire hose.

但其实是有办法放慢节奏的。

There are ways to slow it down.

其实有办法记住名字，哪怕只是短期用用。

There's ways to remember names for short term purposes.

但长期记住就完全是另一回事了，这跟记忆的形成方式有关。

Long term is very different because of the way memory imprints.

去年我做了一场TED演讲，那可是当年全球观看量最高的，我这人就是爱低调炫耀。

I gave a TED Talk last year, most viewed in the world for that year, humble brag.

我特别

I'm very

但真挺自豪的。

proud of that though.

嗯，

Well

讲完了。

done.

我根本没想到能这么火，差点儿连上台的资格都拿不到，真是擦着边儿才挤进去的。

Didn't expect it to do that well, and I barely made it to the TED Talk by the skin of my teeth.

这完全是另一回事了。

That's a different story.

你要去问TED那边的人，他们都说我能赶上演讲，简直是在最后一分钟才赶到的。

If you ask the TED Talk people, the fact that I even made it for the TED Talk was within minutes.

航班改道了。

Flight was diverted.

结果降在了西雅图，而不是温哥华。

It landed in Seattle instead of Vancouver.

我们在停机坪上干等了两个半小时。

We were on the tarmac for two and a half hours.

大家都在琢磨怎么把我弄过去。

We're trying to figure out how to get me there.

我要不要直接开车横跨边境？

Am I going to get in a car and just drive across the border?

最后，飞机总算起飞了。

Finally, it takes off.

不过这事可太搞笑了。

I anyway, it was very funny.

我从温哥华机场冲出去的速度，比任何一次马拉松冲刺都快。

I sprinted faster than any marathon finish I've ever had out of the Vancouver Airport.

你有没有在车里换过衣服？

You know when you're changing in a car?

你总共在车里换过几次衣服？

How many times have you changed in a car?

就是那种像电影里一样，腿伸到窗外，一边换衣服。

Where you're just like in a movie, legs out the window Yep.

对啊。

Yep.

边换边赶路。

Changing.

他们可都看见我的内裤了。

They're seeing my tighty whities.

这内裤太丢人了。

These underwear were embarrassing.

根本不是给人看的。

They were not designed for public consumption.

不管怎样，那场面太疯狂了。

Anyways, it was crazy.

我都不知道那事儿是怎么凑成的。

I don't know how that thing came together.

但就在那事儿里，我教你了个绝招：见完人两秒内绝对记牢对方名字，不然太尴尬了。

But in it, I taught you how to never forget someone's name after meeting them within two seconds because it's very embarrassing.

所以我搞了个小把戏，把洗发水瓶子上的说明给改了，本来上面写的是啥？

And so I have a a little thing where I've switched up the instructions on a shampoo bottle, which are normally what?

搓揉，冲洗，再重复。

Lather, rinse, repeat.

搓揉，冲洗，再重复。

Lather, rinse, repeat.

每瓶洗发水上都写着这三个词。

Three words every shampoo bottle.

我改成这样说了：

Here's what I say.

听清楚，重复一遍，再回应。

Listen, repeat, reply.

你遇到别人时，大多数人其实不是忘了名字，

So when you meet someone, most people, when they hear a name, they actually didn't forget the name.

而是压根儿就没听进去，听起来是不是特傻？

They actually never knew it in the first place, which sounds so silly.

但人家一报名字，你就没在听，因为那时候你脑子里正一团乱麻。

But when they say the name, you weren't listening because your brain is going through a stressful period at that moment.

我是不是以前见过他？

Do I already know them?

这到底怎么回事？

What's going on?

你脑子里转着成千上万件事，尤其是刚认识人的时候，心里乱糟糟的。

You think of a million things, especially you're meeting people, there's all different things going on in your brain.

所以人家报名字的时候，你根本没听进去。

So when they said the name, you didn't actually hear it.

你根本没记住。

You don't know it.

要是当场再问一遍，你还是不知道人家叫啥。

If you ask them right then, you don't know the name.

所以最简单的第一步，就是认真听。

So right away, the easiest part, listen.

听着挺傻的，对吧？

Sounds silly.

然后复述一遍。

Repeat.

我一般能马上把对方的名字重复两遍。

I immediately repeat the name twice if I can.

刚才说啥来着？

What was that?

是Jared还是Jerry？

Jared or Jerry?

Jared。

Jared.

明白了。

Got it.

听清了，再复述一遍。

Listen, repeat.

你只要重复两遍，十秒内忘掉的概率就能降低九成以上。

If you've said it twice, your odds go down by over ninety percent of forgetting it within the next ten seconds.

接着回应的时候，最好能搭个话茬。

And then reply involves some sort of a hook.

这样能把名字牢牢记在脑子里。

You want to cement the name in your brain.

我有几个不同的小技巧。

I've got a few different tactics I use.

其中一个就是记怎么拼写。

One of them is how to spell it.

比如这个例子，乔纳森，对吧？我们刚才提到的乔纳森。

So in this case, Jonathan, right, we had Jonathan here.

是 J-O-N-A-T-H-A-N，两个 A 呢，还是结尾用 O？

Is that j o n a t h a n, the two a's, or an o at the end?

然后他就会说：J-O-N-A-T-H-A-N。

And then he goes, j o n a t h a n.

哦，原来这么拼啊！

Go, oh, that's the way to spell it.

就这一种拼法，其他那些都不是。

That's the only way, those other guys.

这么一来，我立马就把‘乔纳森’说了三遍了。

So right away, I've said Jonathan three times.

我记起来的可能性就大得多。

I'm gonna remember it much more likely.

这么说吧，它根本不会那么容易忘掉。

Like, it's much more likely it will not disappear.

第二，如果名字是Chris，我根本不会想：是C-H-R-I-S吗？

Second, if spelling, if the name is Chris, I'm not gonna be like, is that c h r I s?

对，就是这么拼。

Yeah, psycho.

当然是Chris，C-H-R-I-S，没别的可能。

Of course, it's Chris, c h r I s.

你根本不用去猜怎么拼。

So you can't spell it.

这时候我可能会夸他一句：Chris，你这衬衫真帅。

What I might do in that case is pay a compliment, which is Chris, I love that shirt, man.

这logo我好久没见过了，太有现代感了。

I haven't seen that logo for modernism.

这衬衫真棒，Chris。

Great shirt, Chris.

这下我又说了两遍了。

Now I've said it two more times.

我把它和一个画面绑在一起了——Chris穿着这件衬衫的样子。

I've hooked it with a visual, which is Chris wearing the shirt.

在你脑子里，就更容易记住了。

In your brain, it tends to click more.

第三招，我会把它和我认识的另一个人联系起来。

The third one is I connect it to somebody else I know.

比如我遇到一个人，我说：Jonathan。

So if I met someone, I go, Jonathan.

然后我想：真巧啊。

I go, that's so funny.

我刚读过一个叫Jonathan Hate的人写的书。

I just read a book by that guy, Jonathan Hate.

这书真棒。

What a great book.

Jonathan，这名字不错。

Jonathan, good name.

搞定，我这就把它们连起来了。

Boom, I've just connected it.

这些事儿十秒内就能搞定。

All of those things can happen in under ten seconds.

其实没那么难，人都喜欢被夸，这说明你在意他们，而且你还能记住他们的名字。

It's not that much, people like being complimented, it shows that you care about them, and you will now remember their name.

这招对我而言简直是人生外挂——每次认识新朋友，他们都会觉得被看见、被听见。等我一走，不管我本人是不是真有那么好，他们都会说：‘这人挺不错的。’

It's been a cheat code in life for me, because I will meet people and they will feel seen and heard, where when I leave, regardless if I'm really a jerk, they go, Oh, he's a nice guy.

对吧？

Right?

因为你表现得有人情味，这才真正打动了对方，而大多数人根本没这耐心。

It connects with you on a level because you're being personable, and most people don't take the time to do that.

除此之外，还有什么方法能提升记忆力吗？

What how can people become better with memory outside of that?

其实不止是

It's not

记住名字这一件事。

just names.

比如艾宾浩斯遗忘曲线、间隔重复这些记忆方法。

Ebbinghaus, forgetting curb, spaced repetition y stuff.

这里面结合了间隔重复记忆法，还有一些记忆宫殿的定位方法，把这些技巧都融合进去了。

This is a little bit of spaced repetition with some mind palace location based stuff going in there.

这算不上完整的记忆术，如果你想把别人的名字记更长时间的话——对的。

It's not full mnemonics because if you're trying to remember people's names for longer Yep.

你确实得多花点功夫，把这些信息刻进脑子里、记牢，还要反复复习，另外得找个点把这个人跟某个画面关联起来。

You really have to do a little more kind of like hardwiring and cementing and repetition, but also having something that hooks the person to either a visual.

我完全同意你说的。

I'm with you.

记忆宫殿这招真聪明。

Memory Palace is smart.

一件事连着下一件事，再连着下一件事，就能慢慢搭起来。

One thing connects to the next, connects to the next, and you can build that out.

能长时间记住这些的人，其实没几个。

How many people can remember that for a long time is difficult.

确实挺难的。

It's tough.

我的记忆力其实没那么好，别人听了都不信。

My memory is not that great, which people will not believe.

他们准会说：你去问我老婆。

They'll say you ask my wife.

她肯定说：他记性差得要命。

She'll be like, his memory is terrible.

但我对那些重要的事，记性可好着呢。

But my memory is great for things that are important for me to remember.

对吧？

Right?

是的。

Mhmm.

再想想看。

Think about that again.

我觉得对大多数人来说，确实如此。

For most people, I think that's the case.

你可以直接发挥自己的优势。

You can straight like, you can play to your strengths.

如果你擅长买买买和那些鸡腿，那你就干脆跳过练腿日。

If you're good at buys and back and those chicken legs, then you're skipping legs day.

对吧？

Right?

我不是在说你啊。

I didn't mean that about you.

腿部训练真不错。

Legs are great.

但我喜欢克里斯那样子，他问我：‘你刚才跟我说啥了？’

But I like how Chris is like, what did you say to me?

今天练吧。

Train today.

对。

Yeah.

我觉得我对自己在乎的事记得特别牢，那些不在意的就会慢慢忘掉，这部分反而最难培养。

But I think that I will do very well at the things that I have to remember and things that I don't care about will kind of atrophy, and that's the part that's harder to to really condition.

这事儿我开现场讲座时老有人问：怎么才能更好地记住想法？

Well, this was something that I get asked a lot at the live shows that I've been doing, which is how do I get better at remembering ideas?

对。

Yep.

我刚开始想摆脱那种幼稚的大人状态时，老听萨姆·哈里斯、乔丹·彼得森和罗根的播客，感觉他们记忆力简直像照相机一样。

And when I first started trying to not be so much of an adult infant, I'm listening to Sam Harris and Jordan Peterson and and Rogan, and these guys just seem to have, like, eidetic memory.

像本·夏皮罗那种人，简直像有照相机一样的记忆力。

Like, fucking Ben Shapiro seemed to have this, like, photographic memory.

我记得以前读完东西，想当天跟朋友复述一下，结果连书名都想不起来，尴尬死了。

I remember reading things and then trying to explain them to a friend later on that day, and I couldn't even remember what book it was I'd been reading, and it was so embarrassing.

我当时就想，天啊。

And I thought, god.

我老觉得，那些人要么有我根本没有的本事，要么就是用了什么我完全不知道的技巧，甚至可能他们就是比我优秀。

You know, this suck these people out there that they either have a skill set that I don't have or a capacity that I don't have or they're that they're using some sort of strategy that I'm not aware of, and maybe they're just better people than me.

后来我才明白，其实我根本没必要记住那些东西。

And then I realized that there was no reason for me to remember it.

我记那些东西，只是为了去健身房的时候跟朋友吹牛。

I was remembering ideas to tell my friend in the gym.

对啊。

Right.

很多人说，真希望自己能多记住点读过的内容。

And a lot of the time when people are saying, I wish I remembered more of what I read.

我就想，为啥呢？

I'm like, well, why?

你读的东西，为啥非得记下来不可？

Why is it that you want to remember this thing that you're reading?

主要是觉得，能跟别人讲讲挺酷的。

Well, it would be cool to explain to other people.

很多时候，我就想装出一副我读过的样子。

A lot of the time, it's that I want to be able to say that I've read it.

我想跟别人吹一吹，说我读过这本书、看过这个纪录片啥的。

I want to be able to tell other people and show other people that I know this book that I've been going through or this particular documentary or whatever it might be.

自从我开始做节目，我才真有理由去记东西了。

And as soon as I started doing the show, I had a reason to remember things.

那对我来说特别重要，我得把内容记牢，因为当天要跟嘉宾聊他们的书。

It was high valence for me, like, very highly important for me to hold on to stuff because I wanted to talk about this thing today with this guest about their book.

对啊。

Right.

所以对我来说，做这件事是有目的的。

So there was a purpose for me to do that.

我在写东西呢。

I'm writing.

你懂的。

You know?

我每周都发一份通讯。

I do this newsletter every week.

写了三十万字之后，嘿，那周我学东西自然有动力，因为我知道下周一得交一千字。

300,000 words later, well, there was a reason for me to learn stuff that week because I know that I've got a thousand words to hand in this Monday.

所以，有目标的时候，我学东西、记东西才顺理成章，也才记得住。

So there is a purpose for me learning things and remembering things so that I can then recall them.

但要是没这个动力，东西根本记不住。

But without that, it's very difficult to have memory stick.

光靠硬记，太费劲了。

It's very effortful.