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如果你第一次遇见别人，你会怎么描述自己的工作？
How would you describe what you do if you meet someone for the first time?
哇。
Wow.
简单说，学校的做法是每次带一群人来待上一周，教他们骑马的技巧。
Well, what the school does is I bring people out for a week at a time and teach horsemanship.
也就是和马相处的基本原则，以及如何理解马的行为。
The basic fundamentals of working with horses and understanding horses.
但这些其实更像是通往生活的跳板。
But that is more of a springboard for life.
我刚开始的时候拍了个YouTube频道，本来只是想分享一些基础的骑马技巧，给那些想从事赶牛、当牛仔或者驮运工作的人一点参考。
I started out we started out with a YouTube channel where I was just just wanting to give some basic horsemanship tips and some things for young people who are wanting to get into wrangling or cowboying or packing.
结果这频道自己发展起来了。
And it took on a life of its own.
后来我们收到了大量提问和评论。
And we started getting a lot of questions, a lot of comments on the channel.
大家就说，你要是开个学校，我们就来。
It's like, hey, if you'll start a school, we'll come.
从那以后，事情就慢慢发展起来了。
And so it's just kinda grown from there.
要说我们教骑术，确实没错，但更重要的是，我们想帮年轻人建立更踏实、更稳重的生活态度。
So it's hard to say we teach horsemanship, but then we also try to help young people have a more grounded, solid approach to life.
你小时候想从事什么职业？
What career did you want to do when you were a kid?
我想当牛仔。
I wanted a cowboy.
就这个目标。
That was it.
这个国家的每个小男孩，到了某个年纪都会想长大后当牛仔。
Every little boy in this country at a certain age, they wanna be a cowboy when they grow up.
我和别人不一样的地方是，我从来没放弃过这个念头。
The only difference with me was I never outgrew it.
我一直都想做这个。
That's all I ever wanted to do.
来聊聊
Talk to me about
你的成长经历。
your upbringing.
小时候的生活是什么样的？
What was childhood like?
肯定不是当牛仔。
Definitely not cowboy.
我的家庭非常稳固。
I had a very solid family.
我爸，还有我的家族，我是我们家族第七代出生在肯塔基州中部。
And my dad, my family, I'm the seventh generation of my family born in Central Kentucky.
我爸、我爷爷、我太爷爷，还有我妈那边的家族，都是这样。
My dad, my granddad, my great granddad, and my mom's side of the family too.
我爸爸是个浸信会牧师。
And my dad was a Baptist preacher.
所以为了他的工作，我们搬了很多次，但我其实没在乡下长大。
And so we moved a lot for his work, but I didn't grow up.
我接触农活、牧场这些事，都是回肯塔基州看望祖父母的时候。
My opportunities for farm work, ranches, and stuff like that was when I visited my grandparents back in Kentucky.
那时候我就知道，这正是我想做的事。
And I knew back then this is what I wanted to do.
但我花了好长时间才真正干上这一行。
It took a while for me to be able to actually do it.
我是在一个关系紧密、根基稳固、典型的乡村父权家庭长大的。
But I was raised in a very close knit, very solid, very country patriarchal family.
你懂的。
You know?
就是那种特别传统的肯塔基风格。
Just very old school Kentucky.
对。
Yeah.
你家里其他人对有个不按常理出牌的牛仔怎么看？
What do the rest of your family think about having a rogue Wrangler
在里面？
in it?
我不清楚，我真的不知道。
I don't I don't know.
那时候的我跟现在不一样。
The I was different.
在我养孩子的时候，还有年轻时，我跟现在完全是两个人。那时候我整个人绷得特别紧。
I was a different man back when I was raising my children And back as a young man, I was wound really tight.
你具体是指哪方面呢？
What do you mean when you say that?
我脾气不好，而且多年来一直承受着巨大的压力。
I had a bad temper and I was under a lot of stress for a lot of years.
所以那时候的我，可不是现在大家看到的这种淡定随和的人。
And so I wasn't the calm, laid back, easygoing fellow that, you know, people see today.
现在孩子们都长大了，我觉得吧。
And so I think, you know, my children are all grown.
在很多方面，他们还在拿过去的我跟现在的我做比较。其实我才刚找到能让自己冷静下来、学会放松、掌控生活的方式，也就这五年的事。
And I think, you know, in a lot of ways they're still setting back trying to compare the old me with the new me that, you know, it's only been about five years that I found the place where I could just get some self control and learn how to chill and get a handle on things.
我觉得，家人其实一直在旁观，努力把现在这个我，跟他们认识了那么多年的那个我联系起来。
I think in a lot of ways, family just sitting back watching and trying to justify the one what they see now with what they knew for so many years.
你当初是怎么踏入这种生活的？
What's the story of your initiation into this life?
是说当牛仔的生活吗？
Into the cowboy life?
那时候我刚结婚，孩子也刚出生。
I was newly married, and we had a baby.
还只是个婴儿。
It was just an infant.
我当时在田纳西州一个叫阿尔派恩的小镇上班，那里有一家伯克林家具厂，专门做躺椅。
And I was working we were in a little town called Alpine, Tennessee, and there was a Burkeline furniture factory there that made recliners.
我在发货部门干活，但过得不开心。
And I was working in the shipping and, was not happy.
那工作我真的不喜欢。
Didn't like the job.
那时候你多大？
What age are you here?
我那时候26岁。
Oh, I was 26.
我那时候常看《西部马术》杂志，背面的分类广告里有一条，说爱达荷州有个驼鹿狩猎营地，只要你夏天去白干，他们就教你驮运技能。
And was reading Western Horseman and there was a ad in the back in the classifieds about a elk hunting lodge in Idaho that was offering you could come out and if you would work for the summer for free, they would teach you packing.
我当时就想，嘿，这事儿我能干。
And I said, you know what?
我决定去试试。
I'm going to do it.
我就这么干了。
I'm doing it.
我决定放手一搏。
I'm taking the jump.
我可不想一辈子待在工厂里，过这种日子。
I'm not spending the rest of my life working in a factory and sitting here and doing this.
我要去追从小到大一直梦想着的事。
I'm going to go chase the dream that I've had since I was a child.
于是我老婆带着刚出生的孩子飞去夏威夷，住进她爸爸家，把所有家当都卖了——其实也没多少东西。
And so my wife and our infant, she flew to Hawaii to stay with her dad and sold everything we had, which wasn't much.
我背上马鞍和装备，搭灰狗巴士去了爱达荷，结果答应来接我的人根本没出现。
And I got a saddle and my gear and took a Greyhound bus up into Idaho, and then wasn't nobody there to pick me up that was supposed to pick me up.
于是我从那儿搭便车去了爱达荷的查利斯，那时候还没手机呢。
So I hitchhiked from there into Challis, Idaho, and this was way before cell phones.
我就找了个投币电话，给牧场打了过去。
So I found a pay phone and I called the ranch.
牧场的经理说，我不认识你。
And the manager of the ranch says, I don't know who you are.
我从来没听说过你这号人。
I never heard anything about you.
老板正和女朋友在科罗拉多河上漂流，穿越大峡谷，他压根没告诉我你要来。
The owner is rafting the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon with his girlfriend, and he never told me you were coming.
不过他后来还是开车来接我了，我在那儿待了一个夏天，学了不少东西。
But he came and picked me up, and I stayed on there for the summer and learned a bunch.
之后我离开那里，搭便车从爱达荷州的查利斯去了怀俄明州的科迪。
And then I left there and hitchhiked from Chalice, Idaho to Cody, Wyoming.
到了科迪，我身上只剩九美元，于是找到一个露营地，他们允许我搭个小帐篷，每晚六美元，我记得清清楚楚。
And when I got to Cody, I had like $9 And so I found a campground where they'd let me pitch my little one man pup tent for $6 a night, I remember it.
我选了那儿，是因为有洗澡间，我不想变成邋遢的流浪汉。
And I stated that one because they had a shower house and I'm like, I'm not gonna become a scrubby homeless person.
我就待在那儿，每天不停地给各个牧场、度假农场、马术营地打电话，打个不停。
So I stayed there and I just started calling every ranch, every dude ranch, every outfit, every day calling, calling, calling.
我钱花光了。
I ran out of money.
那个露营地的女主人告诉我，她爸爸需要人帮忙运干草。
And the lady who owned that campground there, she told me, she said, my dad needs somebody to haul hay.
我就去帮了他，他给了我十五美元，就为了这么一车干草。
So I went and helped him and he paid me $15 for hauling hay like this.
回来后，又住了一晚，还管了一顿晚饭。
Came back, another night stay, another supper.
第二天她说，如果你能捡干净营地里的烟头，我就给你一碗汤、一个三明治，再免费住一晚。
Next day she said, if you'll police the campground for cigarette butts, I'll give you a bowl of soup and a sandwich and another night stay.
我就照做了。
So I did.
第二天，有一家牧场终于回了电话，派人过来，坐下来面谈，我立马把被褥全塞进他们卡车后厢，跟着去上班了。
And then the next day, one of the outfits called called me back, came in, sat down and interviewed, and I threw my bed roll and everything into the back of their truck and went out and went to work.
你那时候带着个婴儿，做这些事？
And you're doing all of this with a infant?
没有。
No.
不是。
No.
我的屁股
My But
在夏威夷。
in Hawaii.
他们是夏威夷的。
They're Hawaii.
你现在仍然属于这个体系。
You're still a part of this system now.
所以你离开了你的妻子。
So you're away from your wife.
你离开了你的第一个孩子？
You're away from your first child?
好几个月了。
For several months.
是的。
Yeah.
我不建议这样。
I don't recommend it.
那很难受吗？
Was that difficult?
某种程度上是的。
In a way, it was.
但另一方面，也没像该有的那么难熬。
In another way, it wasn't as difficult as it should have been.
明白。
Mhmm.
但你心里一直有这种压力。
But you've got this tension.
对吧？
Right?
你正处在一种矛盾中：一边是慢慢朝着自己长久以来的梦想、职业追求和人生使命前进，另一边是想做个好父亲、好丈夫。
You've got this tension between slowly moving toward a dream that you've had for a long time, this career aspiration, this fulfillment of a life purpose, and then also the desire to be a good father, a good husband.
但你确实做到了。
But you also are.
你做出这些牺牲，是为了创造更好的未来。
You're making these sacrifices in order to create the future.
这很复杂，我妻子，
It's a complex My wife,
而我们至今还在一起。
and we're still married today.
今年三月就结婚三十四年了。
It's thirty four years in March.
恭喜你们。
Congratulations.
谢谢。
Thank you.
但我比她大六岁，我们俩性格完全不同。
But I'm six years older than she is, and we're totally different.
我们结婚的时候，我已经一个人生活很久了。
And I had been on my own for a long time when we got married.
婚姻里常有的事，到了两年左右，那种新鲜感就没了。
And as happens in marriage, you know, we'd hit that two year mark and the luster was gone.
那时候我们相处得不太顺利。
We weren't getting along very well.
你知道吧。
You know?
所以分开那阵子，她没怎么难过，我也没多伤心。
So she wasn't I don't think she was heartbroken at the separation for a while, you know, any more than I was.
等我安顿下来后，我在那儿度过了整个夏天。
And, so after I got settled, I had worked for the summer there.
后来我又和另一个女人在一起了。
And then I wound up with another outfit.
等我安顿下来后，就把她和孩子接了过来。
And after I got settled, I flew her and the baby out.
我们分开了一段时间，把之前的混乱和情绪都平复了，这才重新开始修复关系。
We'd had enough time apart for all the turmoil and the bubbling to settle down, and then we could start working on it again.
从某种角度说，这段经历确实挺艰难的。
So it was in in one sense, it was difficult.
但从另一个角度看，其实也松了口气——虽然本不该这样。
Another sense, it was a bit of a relief, you know, that it shouldn't have been.
这反映出我当时在性格上还很不成熟。
It doesn't speak well to where I was in my character at the time.
但确实如此。
But yeah.
也许这六个月的分开，反而成就了长达三十五年的婚姻。
Maybe that six month break has enabled a thirty five year marriage.
没错。
Right.
我妻子来了，我这辈子到处奔波，一直是个闲不住的人。
You you need the my wife has come I'm I've traveled all over the world, and I've always been a very restless fella.
有时候我妻子会坐到我面前说：亲爱的，我爱你，但你得出去走走。
And there's been times where my wife has come to me and sat down and said, Honey, I love you, but you gotta go.
去打猎，去看看朋友，做点别的事，别整天待在家里惹我烦。
Go hunting, go visit a buddy, go do something, but you can't sit around and drive me crazy all day.
所以她懂我，这些年一直非常支持我。
So, you know, she knows, and she's she's been very supportive over the years.
那种心态的转变是怎么发生的？
What was the mindset shift?
我想了解过去的德韦恩和现在的德韦恩，是什么让你慢慢平静下来的？
I'm interested to learn about old Dewayne and new Dewayne and where that calming trajectory why that happened?
是什么促使了这种变化？
What instigated it?
我就直说了，有那么一刻，我实在不喜欢现在的自己了。
Well, I'll just say I came I came to a place in life where I just didn't like me anymore.
我照镜子的时候想，我可不想再跟这个家伙共度下一个五十年，就像过去这五十年一样。
I looked in the mirror and I'm like, I will not spend the next fifty years with this guy like I have the last fifty.
我真的不喜欢自己。
I don't like me.
身边的人也都不喜欢我。
Nobody around likes me.
某个契机突然就来了，我心想，这日子我真的过不下去了。
We'll just, just catalyst just came about and I'm like, I can't do this anymore.
我之前经历过一次轻微的心脏病发作，我知道那就是心梗。
I had had a small heart attack and I knew it was a heart attack.
那时候我真的没开玩笑，躺在床上，眼睁睁看着症状袭来。
And I was at the point, I'm not kidding, I lay there in bed and I felt it come on.
我心里清楚，我这是要心梗了。
And I'm like, I think I'm having a heart attack.
好多了。
Good.
我不用再跟它较劲了。
I don't have to fight this anymore.
我不想吵醒我老婆。
I'm not gonna wake my wife up.
我就睡了。
I went to sleep.
你当时在
You were in
躺在老婆旁边，心脏病发作了。
bed next to your wife having a heart attack.
是的。
Yeah.
我就睡了。
And I went to sleep.
第二天早上我醒来了。
I woke up next morning.
我心里想：真倒霉。
I'm like, dang it.
我还活着呢。
I'm still I'm still here.
而且我也没告诉她。
And so and I'm and I didn't tell her.
后来我去看了医生。
And I went to the doctor.
我又出现了其他心脏问题。
I had further heart problems and other problems.
我终于去做了心电图，医生说：没错。
And I I finally went to the doctor and they did the EKG, and they're like, yeah.
你之前那次确实有心脏问题。
You you had a heart situation back on this.
我意识到，我不能再这样活下去了。
And I'm And it was just kind of, it's like, I can't continue to live like this.
我的孩子们都不喜欢我。
And my kids didn't like me.
我并没有虐待他们，只是不是一个讨人喜欢的人。
I wasn't abusive, wasn't a very nice person.
我总是紧张、易怒，所以必须做出一些改变了。
And I was just very on edge, very angry, very So I had to make some decisions.
到底是什么让我变成这样？
What's making me like this?
我得把这些东西从生活中彻底清除。
I need to get it out of my life.
有一些人，包括家人，我都直接说：你们走吧，别再出现了。
And there were people, including family, that I'm like, nope, y'all are gone.
我不再看新闻了。
I stopped watching the news.
我就说，不行，你们都走吧。
I'm like, nope, y'all are gone.
开始调整饮食，整天坐在前廊抽烟斗，任由时光流逝。
Started changing my diet, started spending a lot of time out on the front porch just smoking cigars, letting the world go by.
慢慢地，事情终于慢慢掌控住了。
And slowly over time, you know, got a handle on stuff.
重新开始读书。
And went back to reading.
小时候我特别爱读书，后来又捡起来，读诗，读马可·奥勒留，渐渐找回了以前的视角。
You know, when I was a kid, I read heavily, you know, and got back, went back to reading poetry and Marcus Aurelius stuff and just kinda got some of my perspective back.
我觉得这对那些感到愤怒、却不想陷在那种状态里的年轻男性来说，是个有希望的讯息。
I think that's a hopeful message for young men that find themselves being angry and not in a place where they want to be.
愤怒一点好处都没有。
Angry, there's no benefit to it.
它解决不了任何问题。
You know, it doesn't fix anything.
就算你在打架的时候，我以前干过一阵子执法工作。
Even when you're in a fight, and I was in law enforcement for a while.
就算你在打架，要是真动了怒，肾上腺素是会上来，但脑子就乱了。
Even when you're in a fight, if you get angry in the fight, yeah, maybe your adrenaline comes up, but you lose your head.
你会失去原本的策略。
You know, you lose your strategy.
后来我才明白，愤怒这东西根本没好处，它在一点点消耗我，让我做出蠢事，这种状态必须结束。
Anger, it just turned out, I'm like, this is not profitable, and this is eating me up inside, and I'm making stupid decisions, and this this this has just gotta end.
你之前在外面跟我讲过，马能察觉人的情绪状态，还有心跳，如果你带着情绪走进它们的环境，它们是能感觉到的。
You told me as we were talking outside about how horses can detect your emotional state, your heart rate, and if you enter into an environment with them Right.
它们会跟着你的情绪走。
They'll match you.
没错。
Right.
如果你带着紧张、愤怒、沮丧的情绪过去，它们马上就能察觉出来。
If you enter in all sympathetically aroused, presumably angry and frustrated, they're gonna be able to tell.
对。
Right.
你是怎么在这么多年的养马经历中，还一直带着这么大的怒气挺过来的？
How did you manage to get through so many years of working with horses still being this angry guy?
通过和马相处，了解自己，这有多重要？
And how how important was learning about yourself through working with horses?
问题是，我怎么就没被马害死呢？
The the question is how how did I not get killed?
被马？
By a horse?
马是怎么没把我弄死的？
How did horses not kill me?
那一直都是在对抗。
It was always a fight.
我是喜欢马，但始终没达到我期待的那种状态。
I mean, I loved horses, but there was always it wasn't ever what I wanted it to be.
很长一段时间里，我根本没意识到这一点。
And I never really realized, for the longest time.
后来我就想，有位马术师，他根本不认识我。
And then there's there's I'm just gonna go, there's a horseman out there.
他对我一无所知。
He doesn't know me.
明白吗？
Okay?
他叫巴克·布兰登曼，是我在这个马术领域里最大的影响者。
And so I'm not, his name's Buck Brandenman, and he's been my biggest influence in the horse world.
明白吗？
Okay?
所以我现在说的很多关于马术的事，德韦恩，听起来好像挺有见地，对吧？
And so a lot of stuff I say is when it comes to horse world, man, Dewayne, that sounds really smart.
但那些都不是我原创的。
It's not mine.
这功劳我不占。
I'm not taking credit for it.
明白吗？
Okay?
但我从他那儿学到，你的马其实就是你自己的镜子。
But I learned from him that your horse is just a mirror of you.
它们只是你内心的映射。
They're just a reflection of you.
所以你和马之间任何问题，其实都是你内心问题的反映。
And so any problem that you're having with your horse is just a reflection of a problem that you have inside.
当我慢慢领悟到这一点，并真正放在心上，学会先让自己平静下来，好让马能配合我——其实这些道理，我早该用在妻子和孩子身上了，从小就应该懂的，可是……
And when I started getting that and I started understanding that, and I started taking that to heart, learning to calm myself for the horse, you know, so I could accomplish something with the horse, which I should have had enough since when I was young to do that for my wife or for my kids, you know, but
有时候，你得靠一匹马来教你
Sometimes you need a horse to teach you what
人教不了你的东西。
a human can't.
你知道吗，马克·吐温说过，青春是浪费在年轻人身上的。
You know, Mark Twain said that youth is wasted on the young.
但当我开始这么做的时候，事情真的有了起色。有时候我去驯马，心里却想着：天啊，今天状态真不好。
So but when I started and it started working you know, there's times I've gone out to work a horse, and I was like, man, I just I'm not in a good place today.
我就坐在围栏外的椅子上，盯着那匹马，点上一支雪茄，一边抽一边看它。
And I've sat down in a chair outside the pen looking at the horse, lit up a cigar, smoked the cigar looking at the horse.
雪茄抽完了。
Cigar's done.
再点上一支。
Light up another cigar.
闻到那股味道了吗？
Smell that ready?
也许是烟斗吧，反正我就这么坐着，抽完一支，然后回家。
Maybe it was a pipe, you know, but another one sat there and then go home.
那天就是还没准备好。
Just wasn't ready that day.
就是还没准备好。
Just I wasn't.
然后我就想，今天我到底干成啥了？
And it's like, did I accomplish anything today?
啥也没干成。
No.
但今天我也没把事情搞砸。
But I didn't wreck anything today.
有时候，这就算赢了。
And sometimes that's a victory.
有时候，最大的胜利就是，今天我没把事情弄乱。
Sometimes the biggest victory is, you know, I didn't make a mess today.
今天算不错了。
It was a good day.
我最后终于明白了这一点。
And I finally had to start figuring that out.
最近我一直在想那些平凡的小成就，那些你独自默默完成的小小胜利。
I've been thinking a lot recently about mundane successes, these sort of small personal victories that you do in private.
没有掌声，
There's no fanfare.
也没有观众。
There's no audience.
根本没人会为你鼓掌。
No one's even going to applaud you.
更没人会拍拍你的肩膀夸你。
No one's gonna give you a pat on the back.
你说‘今天我没让那匹马的日子变得更糟’，这算什么成就啊，简直无聊透顶。
Like, how boring of a success to say, I didn't mess up another horse's day today.
我觉得很难再找到比这更微不足道的胜利了。
Like, there there is even few lower magnificent successes that you could do.
但我觉得，我们得有办法表达：这种事其实很重要。
And yet, I think we need language around how that is something that's important.
这种成就，你应该能在一天结束、照镜子的时候对自己说出口。
That is a victory that you should be able to say at the end of the day when you look yourself in the mirror.
嘿。
Hey.
你明明很烦躁，却还是对那个人很温柔。
You were gentle with that person when you were frustrated.
没错。
Right.
那个人来找你的时候，你本来情绪很乱，但你还是选择了先保持礼貌。
This person came up to you, and you were all agitated, and you chose to put civility first.
这种稍微有点儿礼貌、有点儿教养的事，没人会特意夸你，但这确实算回事。
Like, that's something and no one's gonna give you a pat on the back for being modestly polite and civilized.
对吧？
Right?
我真的很欣赏你这么说。
I just I really it's cool that you say that.
我觉得，如果我们能多聊聊对自己温柔一点，多认可那些看似平凡的小成就，这其实挺好的。
I really think that more language around being gentle with yourself and appreciating when you have these small unmagnificent victories is is probably something good.
如果你换个角度看，就像学数学时，我们会学负数和正数，对吧？
Well, if if you look at it, you know, like, in math, you know, you study your negative numbers and your positive numbers in math.
明白吧？
Okay?
你有个数轴，咱们从左边开始看。
So you've got a chart, and let's start to my left.
左边是负五、负四、负三、负二、负一，然后是零，再是正一、二、三、四、五。
You've got negative five, negative four, negative three, negative two, negative one, zero, one, two, three, four, five.
在生活里，你可能正处在负五的位置。
And in life, you're at negative five.
人们常常觉得，或者我们自己也这么想：不到正二，就等于什么都没做成。
And people tend to think, and sometimes we tend to think, until I'm at two, I didn't accomplish anything.
但其实，从负五走到负四，就已经是进步了。
But getting from a negative five to a negative four, that's a victory.
然后我们就
And, and then so we
只是别从
just Or avoiding going from
负四滑到负五。
a negative four to a negative five.
对。
Yes.
就停留在负五。
Just staying at a negative five.
至少没降到负六。
We didn't go to negative six.
这本身就是一种胜利。
That's a victory.
你明白吗？
You know?
你知道吗，我年轻的时候，下班回家，
You know, when I was young, come home from work.
‘今天过得怎么样啊，亲爱的？’
How was how was your day today, honey?
我没跟人吵架，那天就算不错了。
I didn't I didn't get in a fight, so it was a good day.
你懂的。
You know?
但这确实算是一种胜利。
And but that is a victory.
你看，我研究这些，还给播客取名叫‘智慧’，
It's you you know, I I study and and you name your podcast, you know, Wisdom.
但渐渐我发现，智慧并不在我研究的东西里。
Wisdom is not in my studies, I'm starting to see this.
智慧主要不是靠你去做什么得来的。
Wisdom is predominantly not something that you do.
如果你读《圣经》里的《箴言》，或者马可·奥勒留的《沉思录》，还有这些智慧文献，你会发现，它们更多是在告诉你哪些事不该做，而不是教你该做什么才能变聪明。
If you study the book of Proverbs in the Bible, okay, if you study Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, and you study these wisdom writings, there's much more of the wisdom writings that are telling you things not to do than are telling you need to do this to be wise.
更多的意思是，如果你真有智慧，你就根本不会去做那些事。
But more of it is, if you're wise, you won't do this.
所以我们说的这些小胜利，很多时候其实就是：今天我没做那件事。
And so, like, what we're talking here, a lot of a lot of victories is just I didn't do that today.
数学里有个概念叫‘永远别乘以零’。
There's an idea from mathematics called never multiply by zero.
比如，200万乘以47，再乘以2.1，再乘以2万，最后乘以零，结果还是零。
So we can have 2,000,000 multiplied by 47 multiplied by 2.1 multiplied by 20,000 multiplied by zero is zero.
就是零。
Is zero.
如果你整天忙着养生，避开植物油，只吃草饲有机牛肉，但有一天却开车不系安全带，那等于前面所有努力都乘以零了。
So if you spend all of your time working on your health and avoiding seed oils and eating only grass fed organic meat, but one day decide to drive your car without a seat belt on, that's multiplying by zero Right.
如果你
If you
出车祸。
get into a wreck.
对。
Right.
我觉得生活中很多事，关键在于避开陷阱，而不是急于追求成功。
And so much of life, I think, is avoiding pitfalls, not expediting successes.
因为这些陷阱可能让你彻底出局，或者造成灾难性的后果，恢复起来要花上很久。
Because the pitfalls can kick you out of the game permanently, or they can do things that are they're so catastrophic, they take much longer to come back from.
这在某种程度上，是为回避风险找的借口。
And this is, in some ways, an excuse for being averse to risk.
对。
Right.
但我认为，这其实是聪明地对待风险，清楚哪些风险的代价有限。
But I think it's just being clever about risk and knowing where you can take risks that have limited downside
对。
Right.
不是没有底线的风险。
Not unlimited downside.
对。
Right.
我们平时经常跟马打交道，今年也接手了几匹马。
Well, you know, we work a lot with horses, of course, and we've gotten some horses in this year.
那些马不是我们的。
They weren't ours.
我儿子去年买了一匹马，那匹马如果你懂行，其实能骑，但它还没驯服。
Like, my son had bought a horse last year, and the horse was if you knew what you were doing, you could ride the horse, but the horse was not a broke horse.
他没养多久就被派到海外去了，他在军队服役。
He didn't have him for very long and then he deployed overseas, he's in the military.
所以我们把它接到家里来了。
So we brought him to our place.
于是就有了这么多事，我和两个年轻小伙子一起处理，就说好了，别着急，别冒进，慢慢来。
And so, there's all these things and the two young men that were working with me, it's like, okay, don't move fast, don't jump, let's do this.
别吓着他。
Don't scare him.
咱们得冷静点，毕竟马是猎物动物。
Let's be calm because they're a prey animal.
所以我们要处理的细节可多了。
So there's all this stuff that we work with.
那个年轻人骑上去之后，本来什么事都没有，可他伸手去鞍袋里拿了个水瓶，瓶子一响。
And so the young man that rode, he went out and rode him, and he didn't do anything like but it was just he reached in the saddlebag and pulled out one of these water bottles, and it crinkled.
那匹马一下子吓得跳了起来。
And that horse, he just jumped out of his skin.
我的意思是，没闹出大乱子，但你花那么长时间，慢慢靠近马，轻手轻脚地训练，鞍具也一点一点慢慢系紧，三下一下地来，动作都特别轻柔。
I mean, it didn't turn into a wreck, but it was just like you spend all of this time moving easy around the horse, working with them real easy and slow, you know, so the saddle, cinching them up nice and slow, cinching them by threes, and moving all nice and easy.
结果就一个水瓶咔嚓一响，前面所有努力全白费了。
And then just one thing crinkling a water bottle, and it's you just multiplied by zero.
大概花了一年时间，我试了几乎所有新手能用的训练方法，想找出最有效的一种。
Over the span of about a year, I tried pretty much every green strength that I could to work out which one was best.
后来我发现了AG1，用了三年都没换，因为它真的最棒。
And I came across AG1, and I've stuck with it for three years because it is the best.
成分最全面，测试最充分，配方也最严谨。
It's the most comprehensive, highly tested, and rigorously formulated.
一勺AG1含有75种维生素、矿物质和天然食物提取物，包括复合维生素、益生元和益生菌、绿色超级食物混合物等等，这些成分协同作用，帮你弥补饮食中的营养缺口，提升能量和专注力，还能改善消化。
One scoop of AG1 contains 75 vitamins, minerals, and whole food sourced ingredients, including a multivitamin, pre and probiotic, green superfood blend, and more that all work together to fill the nutritional gaps in your diet and increases energy and focus and helps with your digestion.
最棒的是，它提供90天无条件退款保证。
Best of all, there is a ninety day money back guarantee.
你可能还不确定。
So you might not be sure.
你觉得这算是个大决定，但其实不是。
You might think that this is a big commitment, but no.
完全不是。
It isn't.
你可以买来试试，每天服用，整整三个月。
But you can buy it and try it every single day for three months.
如果不满意，直接给你退款。
And if you don't like it, just give you your money back.
现在正值黑色星期五，AG1在十一月全程推出特别优惠。
Right now, AG1 is running a special Black Friday offer for all of November.
你将免费获得一整年的维生素D3和K2、五份AG1旅行装，外加一份额外赠品。
You get a year's free supply vitamin d three, k two, five free AG1 travel packs, plus a free bonus gift.
请前往下方描述中的链接，或访问 drinkag1.com/modernwisdom。
Just go to the link in the description below or head to drink ag1.com/modernwisdom.
就是 drinkag1.com/modernwisdom。
That's drink ag1.com/modernwisdom.
你通过和马相处，对人类有什么新的认识？
What have you learned about humans from working with horses?
人类根本不懂怎么沟通。
Humans don't know how to communicate.
沟通是我们最大的短板。
Communication is our biggest weakness.
这数字倒不是重点，但最近和马、还有人打交道，让我特别深刻地意识到这一点。
That's not like the number, but that's something that lately this has been just really hammered home to me, working with horses and working with humans.
沟通这个问题，比我们大多数人想象的要复杂得多。
And communication is a much more complex issue than I think many of us give it credit for.
你想想马和人之间的关系，要能相处得好，沟通是必不可少的。
So you take a horse and a human, a relationship with a horse and human, all right, for that to work, there has to be communication.
但这里头有两个问题。
Well, we have a couple of problems here.
首先，马不会说英语，我们也不会说马的语言。
First off, the horse doesn't speak English and we don't speak horse, all right?
可作为人类，我们总指望马进入我们的世界，却太自大、太懒，或者两者都有，不肯去学马的语言。
But as humans, we insist that the horse comes into our world, but we're too arrogant or too lazy or a combination of both to learn to speak horse.
马的沟通方式不是靠说话。
And horse's language is not verbal.
而是全靠动作。
It's all movement.
全是肢体语言。
It's all body language.
就是这么回事。
It's all this.
所以这本身就是一个问题。
And so that is a problem.
但另一个问题是，人类和马都是捕食者。
But another problem is us and the horse, we're predator animals.
人类就是捕食者。
The human is we're predators.
我们的身体天生就是为了吃肉的。
Designed to eat meat.
我们的眼睛长在脸的前方，彼此并排。
Our eyes are side by side on the front of our face.
我们看到的是一个整体画面，天生就是为了锁定目标然后去捕捉它。
We see one picture and we're designed to see what we want and go get it.
展开剩余字幕（还有 480 条）
马是猎物动物。
The horse is a prey animal.
它们是那些肉食动物都想捕食的对象。
They are the animal that everything that eats meat wants to eat.
所以它们的本能完全不同。
And so they have a complete different instinct.
它们的本能就是觉得所有东西都想吃掉自己。
Their instinct is everything wants to eat me.
早上醒来，我们会想，我想当个‘奖杯老公’。
We wake up in the morning and we say, I wanna be a trophy husband.
这就是我的目标，我读到了。
That's my goal I read it.
好的。
Okay.
我今天想去争取什么呢？
What do I wanna go get today?
马一醒来就想：今天可别被吃掉。
The horse wakes up and says, I don't wanna get eaten today.
两种完全不同的本能。
Two totally different instincts.
明白吗？
All right?
所以要想和马建立沟通，我们就得进入它的世界，学会它的语言，更要学会用它的思维方式去思考。
So to be able to build a communication with a horse, we have to move into the world and learn to speak, but learn to think how they think.
我的意思是，我们可以说男人和女人其实是一样的。
Well, I mean, we can say men and women are the same thing.
你知道的，女人和男人是不一样的。
You know, that women are different from men.
他们的思维方式不一样。
They have a different way of thinking.
就像我说的，我结婚快三十四年了。
And like I said, my wife, I've been married almost thirty four years.
直到今天，我有些话刚说完，她听到的完全不是我原本的意思。
And even today, there's things I say, and she absolutely what she heard is not what I said.
你懂的。
You know?
所以我得调整，她也得调整，反过来也一样。
And so I have to I have to and vice versa.
你懂的。
You know?
要是没有沟通，跟一个人相处三十四年根本不可能。
So communication and you cannot have thirty four years of relationship with one person if there's no communication.
有意思的是，当你在马身边时，它就像一个外部的晴雨表，能反映出你内心的状态。
It's interesting the fact that when you're around a horse, you have this almost like an external barometer or thermometer for you and what's going on.
没错。
Right.
我之前跟你说过，我最近花了一些时间跟马相处。
So I mentioned to you that I'd spent a little bit of time with horses recently.
我第一次骑马是在德克萨斯，那感觉挺有意思的。
So I rode my first horse out here in Texas, and that was fun.
后来我还去参加了马术治疗。
And then I went and did equine therapy.
那会儿我负责照顾马，给它修蹄子，干一堆杂活。
So that was caring for a horse and and and treating its hooves and doing all the rest of this stuff.
回头想想，我和这匹马之间最让我尴尬的一次互动，真是难忘。
And I'd honestly, in retrospect, one of the most embarrassing inner situations with this horse.
首先，马真的很大。
So first off, these things are big.
对啊。
Mhmm.
除非你真跟马待在一起，不然你根本想不到它们有多庞大，挺吓人的，全是肌肉块。
You don't realize unless you're around horses just how big they they're kinda scary because there's a lot of them, and they're just muscle.
就像舞台上的健美选手，浑身都是精炼的肌肉。
So, you know, on stage bodybuilder prep level machine.
对。
Right.
所以我们慢慢适应了这匹马，一边给它梳毛，它特别安静，真的非常放松。
So, anyway, we're getting used to one of these horses, and we're brushing her, and she's super chill, really, really relaxed.
然后他们说，好了。
And then they said, okay.
我们现在给你这个工具，用来清理马蹄里的污垢。
So we're gonna give you this tool, and this tool is what you can use to clean out the hoops.
对。
Right.
这匹马一看到你拿出这个工具，就知道要做什么了。
And this horse will know what's happening when you bring the tool up.
但你得让它感觉足够安心，它才会主动抬起脚来。
But you need to make it feel sufficiently comfortable so that it will raise its foot up for you.
你得注意它把脚放下来的时候别踩到你，对。
You need to be careful about where it puts its foot back down Yeah.
因为我当时穿了洞洞鞋，这可不是个好主意。
Because it I had Crocs on, which was not a good idea.
总之，你要用手稳稳地按住马的后腿上部，顺着腿滑下去，在脚踝处轻轻捏一下，再稍微拉一下，就这样做。
Anyway, so you sort of put your hand firmly, upper hind leg, slide it down, little pinch at the ankle, little pull, do this.
所以，你走向马的时候，自己得保持放松的状态。
So so you need to feel relaxed as you walk up to the horse.
你得想象马接下来会做出这个动作。
You need to imagine that the horse is going to do this.
你得让它觉得舒服。
You need to make it comfortable for it.
它得对你感到自在，诸如此类。
It needs to be comfortable with you, so on and so forth.
我记得当时走向那匹马，心里想，如果这匹马不喜欢我，那就是我的问题了。
And I remember walking up to the horse and thinking, if this horse doesn't like me, that's a comment on me.
我真的很希望这匹马能喜欢我。
I really want this horse to like me.
没错。
Right.
我的自我价值立刻取决于那只刚认识十分钟的马是否愿意抬起脚五秒钟，好让我清掉它蹄子底下的一点泥土。
And my self worth had immediately become outsourced to whether or not this horse I met ten minutes ago was gonna lift its hoof up for five seconds so that I could move a little bit of dirt out of it.
没错。
Right.
我之前管这叫‘马的冥想’，觉得挺可爱的，但说到底，我到底能从和马相处中学到多少关于自己的东西呢？
And honestly, that one incident, I'd I'd been calling it horse meditation because I thought, like, it's cute or whatever, but really how much can I learn about myself from being around a horse?
那件事之后，我每隔一两周就会反复想起它。
That one incident, I I must think about it every week, every couple of weeks.
那种渴望被需要、被接纳，把自尊心寄托在外界身上，还因此贬低自己的感觉——没错。
This need to be wanted, this need to be accepted, this outsourcing of my own self esteem to something else, and this sort of derogation of how I felt about myself Right.
全看一只马有没有抬起脚。
Based on whether or not a horse lifted its foot up or didn't.
没错。
Right.
所幸，它最终抬起了脚。
And, thankfully, it did.
但这真的让我思考，我们究竟把自我价值寄托在了哪里？你面前这个生物，就像你说的，只是在映照你罢了。
But I I it just really made me think about where do we put our sense of self worth and and the fact that you have this creature who is, as you say, kind of just reflecting you Right.
把你的样子反射回来。
Back at you.
是的。
Right.
你再也无处可躲了，尤其是当你压抑了愤怒、攻击性、悲伤，或者别的什么情绪，但内心依然在翻腾、在震动。
There's nowhere to hide anymore from the way that you're behaving, especially if you can clamp down the anger or the aggression or the sadness or the whatever, but inside it's still rubbling and vibrating.
我想，我和你今天才刚认识，但我觉得你平时不太会这样主动去接近别人。
Well, I suspect I mean, you and I, we only met today.
对吧？
Alright?
你给我的感觉是，你很少会这样直接去跟一个男人打交道。
But you strike me as the kind of person that you don't very often approach another man like that.
我的自我价值感，取决于这个人是否尊重我。
Like, my self worth is predicated on whether this guy respects me or not.
明白吗？
Okay?
尤其是另一个强势的人。
Especially another alpha.
明白吗？
Okay?
但这匹马根本不是什么强势角色。
Now horse is not an alpha.
明白吗？
Okay?
这匹马绝对算不上强势。
That horse is definitely not an alpha.
如果你愿意，当晚就能把它架上烤架当晚餐，它一点办法都没有。
If you wanted to, you could put that horse on the barbecue for supper that night, and there's nothing he could do about it.
明白吧？
Okay?
所以你把自己的价值感建立在另一个生物是否喜欢你、接受你上，而那个生物的生死全由你掌控，这真的很能说明问题。
So it speaks to me the fact that you predicated your view of your self worth on whether another creature whose well-being was in your hands liked you or accepted you or not.
这你听得懂吧？
Does that make sense?
确实，真的很有道理。
It really it really does.
而且我曾经
And I've
最近我一直在思考和谈论这个问题。
been thinking and talking about this a lot recently.
有一类人，我就是其中之一，总觉得别人的情绪状态是自己的责任。
There is a category of people, of which I'm one, who see other people's emotional states as our responsibility.
对。
Right.
你不开心，我就不开心。
If you're not happy, I'm not happy.
对。
Right.
如果你不开心，我就得想办法解决。
And if you're not happy, I have to fix it.
对。
Right.
这在某些方面挺高尚的，但只有当你主动选择这么做时，才算高尚。
And that's noble in some ways, but it's only noble if it's a choice.
如果你是出于帮助别人的意愿这么做，
If you're choosing
是的。
Mhmm.
但如果是被强迫的，是出于一种义务感或者别的什么压力，那即便结果是好的，也谈不上多么高尚。
To do it to help, if it's a compulsion, if you're forced to do it through some sense of obligation or whatever, it's not even though the outcome may be good, it's not quite as virtuous as it may seem.
当你帮助别人是为了自己时，这种善行就变了味。
Well, it becomes unvirtuous when your help of others is about you.
我这么做，是因为让我自己感觉更好。
I do this because it makes me feel better.
我这么做，是因为它给了我生活的意义。
I do this because it gives me purpose in life.
我这么做，是因为你就会更喜欢我。
I do this because you're gonna like me more.
你就会更尊重我。
You're gonna respect me more.
问题就出在这里。
That's where it becomes a problem.
但如果只是出于同理心，那就没什么问题。
But it's not a problem if it's just, you know, empathy.
所以，嗯，我也说不清自己到底想表达什么，但大概就是这么个意思。
And, so, yeah, I don't know where I was going with that, but there you go.
你这一生中，有没有哪匹马让你学到了特别多的东西？
Is there a particular horse that you have learned a lot from in your life?
有没有那么几匹关键的马，你和它们有过深厚的关系，教会了你……
Is there a few Keystone horses that you had relationships with that taught
很多东西？
you an awful lot?
有的。
There are.
有好几匹呢。
There there's there's several.
我以前在阿拉斯加的一个牧场骑马，他们引进了一匹母马。
So I was riding for an outfit in Alaska, Guyden, and they brought in a mare.
据我了解，她之前是德克萨斯州的一匹退役障碍赛马。
She was a retired And The best I could understand, she was a retired barrel racing horse from here in Texas.
我刚去的时候，他们把她分给我，因为没人敢让客人骑她。
And so when I signed on, they assigned her to me because nobody else We couldn't put guests on her.
其他马夫都不愿意骑她，因为她一紧张就只想跑。
None of the other wranglers wanted to ride her because her go to was run.
只要有什么让她不安，她立马抬头就跑，根本停不住。
If something disturbed her, her head came up and it's run, just run.
这简直就是她应对一切的本能反应——跑。
That's my answer to escape, to just run.
我根本没法靠力气去硬拦、去压制她。
And it wasn't something that I could physically fight and stop.
这匹马让我彻底改变了思路：不再想着用体力去控制一个有心理和情绪问题的动物，而是试着走进她的内心，弄清楚当问题出在情绪上时，我该怎么做才能真正理解她、安抚她？
And so that horse really made me step outside of the thought process of physically controlling something that has a mental, emotional issue and getting in her head and figuring out what can I do if the problem is mentally or emotionally, what can I do to get in to her head and get into her emotions and fix that for her?
我后来做了一件事，其实特别简单，可能别人都觉得这算不上什么。
And what I did, and it's so simple, it probably wouldn't even make sense to a lot of folks.
每次我们坐在牧场里，等其他人上马，她安静的时候，我就轻轻施一点压力，让她把头稍微歪一下。
But while we were sitting there and while she was calm, sitting there at the ranch, waiting for others to get on their horses, I would just come in with the lightest little pressure and get her to tip her nose.
不是硬拽她的头，只是给个信号：嘿，把鼻子转过来。
Not pull her nose in, just give a signal, hey, tip your nose.
于是她就会把鼻子低下来。
So she'd tip her nose.
我们就一遍又一遍地这么做。
And we'd just do that and just do that.
后来上路了，她一紧张脑袋就抬起来，我就自然而然地用这个方法。
And then when we get out on the trail and she started getting anxious about something and her head would come up, I would just default to that.
她慢慢找到了安全感，就是那个信号，然后就安静下来，真的安静下来了。
And so she would find something that she would secure, the signal, and she would calm down, and she would calm down.
整个夏天和那匹母马相处，我在突破那种总想用蛮力控制非物理性问题的思维模式上，取得了巨大进步。
And working with that mare for the summer, I made huge strides with myself in stepping outside of the norm of trying to physically control something that isn't ideal.
是的。
Yeah.
我提过，我第一次在德克萨斯骑马。
I mentioned that I had ridden a horse for the first time in Texas.
对。
Mhmm.
他们给了我群里领头马的缰绳，就是那个叫法。
And they gave me whatever the leader of the group is for the horse, whatever that's called.
我当时在队伍最末尾。
And I was right far at the back
是的。
Yeah.
那匹马正在吃草。
And this horse was eating.
带队的女士说，轻轻拉一下，它就会跟上来了。
And the lady that was guiding the group said, just give him a little pull, and he'll come along.
我轻轻一拉，它纹丝不动。
I gave him a little pull, and he didn't move.
真没法形容它们脖子有多大力气。
I mean, it is absurd to explain how strong these things' necks are.
对。
Yeah.
我当时就想，他不是不想走吧。
And I'm like, I don't think he doesn't want doesn't wanna come.
她说，不是的。
She's like, no.
不是。
No.
再稍微用点力。
Just take a little bit more.
再加点劲儿。
A little bit more.
我觉得我自己力气已经不小了。
I'm like, I'm a pretty strong guy.
于是我就想，行吧。
So was like, right.
好吧。
Okay.
我使出全力一拉。
I'll give it a big pull.
纹丝不动。
Didn't move.
这时候，他们已经走出一百码远了。
I'm like and by this time, they're a 100 yards away.
是的。
Yeah.
我当时就想，他根本不想来，一点这意思都没有。
I'm like, he still he doesn't wanna doesn't seem like he want no.
用上全身的力气拉。
Like, a really big pull.
于是我用了硬拉时的那种交替握法。
So I went mixed grip like you do on a deadlift.
对。
Yeah.
我把脚踩进马镫里，
Set my feet into the stirrups and,
就是，就是，
like, like,
硬是把那匹马的头给拽起来了。
one rep maxed this horse's head up.
最后它总算站起来了，但这绝对不是让马做这件事最有效的方法。
And finally, he got up, and, that was absolutely not the most efficient way to get him to do that thing.
其实有更好的办法，对吧。
There would have been a much better way Right.
比我还强。
Than me.
对。
Right.
一般来说，一匹普通的夸特马，体重大概在八百到一千一百磅之间。
Well, so your average horse, your average quarter horse size horse, you know, is gonna weigh between eight hundred and eleven hundred pounds.
明白吗？
Okay?
我现在教人的时候，不想要他的身体。
Now what I teach folks is I don't want his body.
明白吗？
Okay?
我想要的是他的心思。
I want his mind.
如果你像刚才那样，强行让他的身体做你想要的动作，但没让他心里服气，只要一有机会，他就会又回到原来的样子。
Now, if I physically, like you just went through, if I physically get his body to do what I want, but I don't have his mind, as soon as he gets a chance, he's gonna go back again.
但如果你不纠结于身体，先抓住他的心思，只要心思到位了，身体自然就跟上了。
But if I ignore the body and I get the mind, if I have the mind, I have the body.
所以在这种情况下，我不会去拉他的头，明白吗？
So in a situation like that, what I do is I don't pull his head up, okay?
我会拿着缰绳，轻轻弹动他嘴里的马嚼子。
I take the reins and I bounce that bit that's in his mouth.
我轻轻一抖，力度挺干脆的。
I bounce it pretty sharp.
他心里就明白了：我不喜欢这样。
And he decides in his mind, I don't like that.
还是自己把头抬起来吧。
Think I will pick my head up.
我才不会去抬你的头呢，你长脖子不就是干这个的吗？
And it's like, I'm not gonna pick your head up, that's what you have a neck for.
明白吗？
Okay?
你有脖子，这玩意儿就是用来干这个的。
You have that neck, that's what it's for.
我不抬你头，我只是让你自己意识到：抬头对你最有利，这样咱们才能往一块儿走。
I'm not picking your head up, I'm going to suggest to you that you decide it's in your best interest for you to pick your head up, and we go for the mine.
生活中不也这样吗？你手下那么多人，你总不能靠吼、靠唠叨、靠吓唬吧。
And how much in life, you know, you you've got all these folks working for you here, and you have to you can't physically browbeat and nag and frighten.
你试过了吗？管用吗？
You've tried does it work?
没用。
No.
没用。
No.
没用。
No.
没用。
No.
他们都很抵触。
They're belligerent.
是的。
Yeah.
我早就听过这些事了。
I've I've already heard stories.
是的
Yeah.
就是啊
It's just yeah.
对
Yeah.
他们被虐待了。
They're abused.
是的
Yeah.
你要让事情变得这样：只要这是克里斯希望做的事，对你自己最有利，你就会主动去做。
You wanna make things so that they decide that if this this is what Chris wants done, it's in it's in my best interest, I wanna go do that.
是的
Yeah.
归根结底，还是沟通的问题。
And again, it's communication.
你明白吧？
You know?
再说，关键是要走进马的思维，用这种方式和马互动。
And again, it's getting in the horse's mind and working with a horse in that manner.
我来给你举个例子，如果可以的话。
I'll give you an illustration if I can.
明白吗？
All right?
在我眼里，最不能容忍的事之一，就是我正要上马的时候，马却自己走开了。
One of the cardinal sins in my book is when I go to get on a horse and the horse walks off, when I'm part way up.
我正踩着脚蹬，一条腿刚跨过去，它就往前走了，丢下我不管。
I'm stepping up, I'm swinging my leg over and he's walking, he's leaving.
这绝对是大忌。
That's a cardinal sin.
所以，我和这匹马在这件事上看法不一样。
So we have a difference of opinion here, me and the horse.
我希望你站稳脚，我上马的时候别动，等我准备好了再告诉你走。
It's like, I want you to plant your feet and I want you to be still while I get on, and then I'll tell you when I want you to go.
他说：可我就是想走啊。
He says, well, I want to go.
我可不会站在那儿拽着缰绳喊‘停’，还单脚蹦着跟在马后面，一边想往上爬。
So I'm not going to sit there and take pull back and say, woah, and do that one legged hop along Cassidy down while I'm trying to get in the side.
我不会这么干。
I'm not going to do that.
我也不会用蛮力拽住它。
I'm not going to physically hold him back.
我会把脚踩进马镫，然后直接往上跨。
I'm going to put my toe in the stirrup and I'm going go to step up.
要是它一走，我就跳下来，让它绕着我转八圈、十圈，一直走。
And when he walks off, I'm going to step back out and I'm going make him keep walking in a circle around me eight or 10 times.
我都说了，我要你站着别动，可你偏要走。
I'm like, I wanted you to stand still, but you wanna walk.
我跟你说，我这个人挺随和的。
I tell you what, I'm a nice guy.
我让你走。
I'm gonna let you walk.
我会让你做你想做的事，但得在控制范围内。
I'm gonna let you do what you want in a controlled manner.
你选曲子，我来配舞步。
You pick the tune and I'll pick the dance.
我会让他绕着圈走。
And I'll make him walk around.
他说：我不想再走了。
He's like, I don't I don't wanna walk anymore.
可你自己说想走的，所以我才让你如愿。
But you said that's what you wanted, so I'm letting you do what you want.
他说：我不想再走了。
He's like, I don't wanna walk anymore.
好的。
Okay.
停下。
Stop.
哇哦。
Woah.
我上马的时候，你站在这儿别动。
I want you to stand here while I get in the saddle.
他说了，可能得试几次，但过了一会儿他终于说：你知道吗？
And he says, and it may take a couple of times, but at a while he says, you know what?
我觉得我该做的，是站在这儿等他上马。
I think what I want to do is I want to stand here while he gets in the saddle.
所以我们沟通了，当我改变了他内心的想法，就不用再和他较劲了。
So we communicate, and when I got his mind, when I changed his want to, I didn't have to fight with his body.
所以，这就是处理这类事的方式。
And so that that's just that's how that's how you approach it.
你得明白，还得会沟通。
You you understand, and you communicate.
我听你说过，有时候你得向马道歉，因为自己太蠢了。
I've heard you say that sometimes you have to apologize to the horse for being an idiot.
是的。
Yes.
你该怎么向一匹马道歉呢？
How do you apologize to a horse?
它们根本不在乎。
They don't care.
我道歉，是为了让自己心里好受点。
I apologize to the horse for my sake.
我的意思是，马做的任何事都不是冲着我来的。
I mean, the horse nothing the horse does is personal.
明白吗？
Alright?
马会把你甩下来。
The horse will buck you off.
它不会回来向你道歉。
They won't come back and apologize to you.
它那样做，是因为当时它觉得那是必须的。
They did what they did because that's what they felt was necessary at the time.
所以它根本不是按这个思路行事的。
And so they don't operate on that wavelength.
但有时候我做了些事，事后才意识到，这真是我的错，太蠢了。
But there's times when I do something and it turns out I'm like, that was my fault and that was stupid.
马也不会把这当回事。
The horse doesn't take it personal either.
我可以向马道歉，但它根本不在乎这事儿。
And I can apologize to the horse and the horse, it just isn't in his thing.
我向马道歉，是为了让自己谦卑一点，清醒一点，提醒自己：喂，你得专心点，别再犯这种傻了。
But I apologize to the horse to humble myself and to bring myself down and to say, look, you need to pay attention, dummy, and not do that again.
马根本不在乎你道歉不道歉。
The horse doesn't really he doesn't want an apology.
它只是不想你再这么做。
He just doesn't want you to do it again.
听起来你通过这段经历学到了很多关于耐心和谦逊的东西。
Sounds like you've learned a lot to do with patience and humility through this.
对。
Yeah.
你知道，年轻的时候，你挑起争斗还能赢上几回。
And, you know, part of it is is when you're young, you can pick a fight and you can win, some of them.
等年纪大了，身体也伤得差不多了，我脖子里面装了钢板和螺丝，关节也都变形了。
And when you're older and you're busted up, I got plates and screws in my neck and I got joints are out of shape and stuff.
这种架，你根本赢不了，身体上已经不行了。
You're not gonna win that fight anyhow, not physically anymore.
所以你就开始明白，得换种方式来应对了。
So that's where you start saying, you know what, I need to approach this in a in a better way.
金属板
Plates
脖子里面还有螺丝。
and screws in the neck.
对。
Mhmm.
但我听你提过，这些伤其实大多不是骑马出的事，而是你经历过飞机失事、车祸，还把一辆房车从山坡上翻下去了？
But I've heard you say that not most of those were actually from horsing accidents, but you were in a plane crash, a car crash, and you rolled a motor home off a hill?
我当时是作为乘客，在阿拉斯加的一座山上出的事。
I was a passenger off a mountain in Alaska.
我真想听听这些故事，说说吧。
I need to hear those stories, please.
等等。
Wait.
我曾经在阿拉斯加北极圈以北的福特尤孔过冬，住在一位朋友家，我有一架小飞机，Cessna 180，大概是这种型号。
I spent a winter in Fort Yukon, which is above the Arctic Circle in Alaska, staying with a fella, And I had a little 180, a little Cessna 180 bush, I think it was 180.
我们当时正飞出去，正值隆冬，气温低到零下三十度。
And we were flying out and it was dead of winter, it was like 30 below zero.
飞机后舱里装着一个一百磅重的丙烷罐、一辆面包车的变速箱，还有几副备用轮胎。
And in the back of that plane, we had like a 100 pound propane tank, a transmission out of a van, some spare tires.
我们正往南飞，目的地是费尔班克斯。
And so we're flying back south to Fairbanks.
降落时，正好遇上侧风。
And when we landed in as we're touching down in Fairbanks, we had a crosswind.
遇到侧风着陆时，得把飞机往风的方向倾斜一点。
And so you kinda tilt the plane as you're landed into that crosswind.
就在我们触地的瞬间，我坐在副驾驶座上，眼睁睁看着起落架出了问题，轮子连同整个结构直接滚进了苔原。
And so as we touch down, and I'm sitting up on the copilot on passenger side, I see the landing gear go wrong, the wheel and everything go rolling off across the Tundra.
我赶紧伸手过去，说：‘等等，这正常吗？’
And so I reach over, and I'm like, hey.
话还没说完，起落架支柱就砸了下来，飞机瞬间翻滚，打了个地转，还在跑道上滑了一段。
Is that supposed to and then that strut came down and hit, we flipped and ground looped and and carried on on the runway.
连这台洗衣机都一起装进去了。
With all of this washing machine Yeah.
全塞进包里了。
All in the bag.
叮。
Ding.
叮。
Ding.
叮。
Ding.
叮。
Ding.
叮。
Ding.
车里还装着一辆半吨重的雪佛兰货车的变速箱，还有一个一百磅重的丙烷气瓶。
There was a transmission out of a out of half ton Chevy van and a 100 pound bottle propane bottle.
就在空中飞来飞去。
Just flying around.
是的。
Yeah.
幸好没撞上我们，这还算幸运。
It didn't hit us, which is good.
不过我们当时都站在外面。
But we stood out on that.
当然了，我那会儿穿着牛仔靴。
Of course, I was wearing cowboy boots.
我们在费尔班克斯的跑道上等着 FAA 人员过来，气温零下三十度。
So we're standing out on the runway in Fairbanks waiting for FAA to come out, and it's 30 below zero.
他们出来检查完，我们几个人一起把机翼抬起来，把飞机推离了跑道。
And and they come out and inspected, then we picked up the wing, a bunch of us, and pushed the plane off the runways.
之后我还得赶另外两班航班回家。
And then I had to catch two more flights that day to get back home.
所以呢。
So yeah.
那房车呢？
What about the motor home?
坐房车的时候，我坐在后面。
Motor home, I was a passenger in the back.
我们正从山上一条狭窄的路往下开。
We were coming down narrow road off the mountain.
开车的那位女士，前面两个青少年在座位上吵个不停。
And the lady that was driving, there were a couple of teenagers in the seat right here and they were fussing and bickering.
她就转过身去让他们别吵了。
And so she turned around to tell them to stop fussing.
喂，你们别闹了。
Hey, y'all stop fussing.
结果车就这么直接开下了路。
They just drove right off.
所以我们一路滑下去，不知道滑了多远，最后撞上了一堆树停了下来
So we went down, I don't know how far down we went, but we slid down and hit and landed up against a bunch of trees down
就在那儿。
there.
没翻车？
No rolling?
没有，车没翻。
No, it didn't roll.
明白了。
Okay.
没有。
No.
对。
Yep.
所以啊，这就是人生。
So just just life.
然后呢，我被甩下来过好多次。
And then, you know, a lot of bucked off, been bucked off a lot.
摔得青一块紫一块的，
Bumps and bruises and
是啊。
Yeah.
还有骨折，没错。
And Fractures and Right.
落地的时候总在各种奇怪的地方。
Landing in places.
所以这都是生活一点一点积累下来的。
And and so it was accumulation of life.
后来我去警察学院培训，学巴西柔术的时候，做了一个后翻战术动作，脖子突然咔嚓一声，但我没吭声。
And then I was in the police academy and we were studying Brazilian jujitsu and I was doing a backwards tactical role and something popped in my neck and I didn't say anything.
之后我们进行了一次长跑，大概跑一英里就停下来做俯卧撑和开合跳，然后接着跑，循环往复。
And so then we went on a big run and this run was pretty, we'd run for about a mile and then we'd stop and drop and do burpees and bicycles and on, and then jump up and run some more.
等我们回到警校时，我的心率怎么都降不下来。
And by the time we got back to the academy, my heart rate wouldn't go down.
然后我感觉身体里像有张电网在噼啪作响，心率就是停不下来。
And then I had this weird feeling of like an electrical net in my body and my heart rate would not go down.
最后他们给我上了救护车，直接送去了医院。
So finally they put me in an ambulance and took me to the hospital.
我当时离脊髓断裂就差一点点。
And I was, like, that far away from severing my spinal cord.
但其实情况已经很严重了，严重到我完全没意识到。
And but it had it was already bad, way worse than I I had no idea.
那个后翻战术动作，就是它让问题彻底爆发了。
And that tactical backwards tactical role had just had just
把情况推到了临界点。
brought it to the edge.
某种程度上，这反而是个警示，要不是这样，你被马甩下来的时候可没人提醒你。
So maybe an odd blessing in some ways that it warned you and that didn't occur when you got bucked off a horse.
没错。
Right.
确实如此。
Right.
我再也不骑蹦跳的马了。
And I don't ride bucking horses anymore.
我是这么说的。
I mean, I say that.
谁说得准呢。
You never know.
马始终是马。
A horse is always a horse is a horse.
但经过这么多年，我基本能分辨出哪匹马有点不对劲。
But after so many years, I can pretty well tell when one is a little hanky.
我现在已经没什么需要证明的了。
And I'm like, I don't have anything to prove anymore.
那匹马我不会骑。
I'm not riding that horse.
如果你最近感觉没那么清醒，也没以前有活力，那第一件事就是做个血液检查，这也是我为什么选择和Function合作。
If you haven't been feeling as sharp or as energized as you'd like, getting your blood work done is the best place to start, which is why I partnered with Function.
他们每年做两次全面的血液检测，覆盖一百多个生物指标。
They run lab tests twice a year that monitor over 100 biomarkers.
他们有一支专业医生团队，把数据整理成清晰的仪表盘，给你切实可行的建议，帮你改善健康、延长寿命。
They've got a team of expert physicians that take that data, put it in a simple dashboard, and give you actionable recommendations to improve your health and lifespan.
从心脏健康、荷尔蒙水平到甲状腺功能，再到营养缺乏，Function全都帮你追踪。
Function track everything from your heart health to your hormone levels and your thyroid function, plus nutrient deficiencies.
他们甚至能筛查50种癌症的早期迹象，数据量是常规年度体检的五倍。
They even screen for 50 types of cancer at stage one, which is five times more data than you get from your annual physical.
最棒的是，安德鲁·休伯曼医生是他们的科学顾问，马克·海曼医生担任首席医疗官，你拿到的每一条数据和建议都科学可靠、实用有效。
Best of all, doctor Andrew Huberman is their scientific advisor, and doctor Mark Hyman is their chief medical officer, so you can trust that the data and insights you receive are scientifically sound and practical.
这种级别的血液检测通常要花几千块，但通过Function，只要500美元。
Getting your blood work analyzed like this would usually cost thousands, but with Function, it is only $500.
Function 的等候名单已经有三十万人了。
Function has a 300,000 person waitlist.
真糟糕。
Boo.
但每周一，他们都会为 Modern Wisdom 的听众开放几个名额。
But every Monday, they open up a few spots for Modern Wisdom listeners.
太好了。
Yay.
现在，你可以通过下方描述中的链接，或者访问 functionhealth.com/modernwisdom，获取我和我用的同样全套检测。
Right now, you can get the exact same panels I get by going to the link in the description below or heading to functionhealth.com/modernwisdom.
就是 functionhealth.com/modernwisdom。
That's functionhealth.com/modernwisdom.
你经常提到平衡，还有失衡带来的风险。
You talk a lot about balance, the dangers of being out of balance.
没错。
Right.
你给我解释一下。
Explain that to me.
嗯，
Well,
我们拿任何一件事来说吧，比如。
let's take let's let's take any okay.
养育孩子。
Raising children.
明白吗？
All right?
我常这么说，养孩子就像手里攥着一块湿肥皂。
I like to say that raising children is like holding a wet bar soap.
你攥得太紧，它就会从指缝里滑出来。
If you squeeze it too tight, it squeezes out, squirts out of your hands.
你攥得太松，它又会直接掉下去。
If you don't hold it tight enough, it slides out of your hands.
养孩子，关键是得把握好分寸。
Raising children, you gotta be balanced.
该有规矩的时候就得有规矩。
There has to be discipline.
人这一生确实需要纪律，但同样也需要爱、宽容和理解。
We as human beings need discipline in our life, but there has to be love and grace and understanding.
很多孩子长大后有问题，根源往往在于父母教养方式失衡。
And so a lot of children who grow up with issues from being raised, those issues are because their parents are out of balance one way or another.
婚姻出了问题，通常也是因为一方失衡了。
Marriage, you got problems in your marriage, it's usually somebody's out of balance.
要么太冷淡，要么太黏人。
They're too distant or they're too clingy.
要么要求太多，要么太过放任。
They're too demanding or they're too permissive.
他们缺乏个人界限。
They don't have personal boundaries.
就是失衡了。
It's just out of balance.
想一想，管他呢，干就完了。
Think, oh heck, I'm gonna do it.
他们能拿我怎么样？
What are they gonna do to me?
明白吗？
Okay?
我不喜欢这个男性成长圈子里的风气。
I don't like the trend in this circle, men's motivation circle.
我不认同现在被大力宣扬和推广的拼命文化。
I don't like the hustle culture as is being brought out and taught today.
我不赞成这种做法，因为我觉得它太偏激了。
I don't agree with it, because I think it's out of balance.
我觉得年轻男性需要明白，坐下来读读书、抽支雪茄、放松一下、静静思考，都没问题。
I think young men need to know that, hey, it's okay for you to sit down and to read and have a cigar and to chill and to think.
我敢打赌，如果你在健身房拼命做 reps，踩着器械跑步，然后走进隔间打开电脑，却根本没在思考。
Because I guarantee if you're in the weight room pumping out all these reps and running on the machine, and then you're going into the cubicle and you flip open a computer and you're not thinking.
你在学习，你在吸收信息，但你没有静下心来沉淀，也没有真正地思考。
You're learning, you're taking in, but you're not meditating on stuff and you're not thinking.
但这种观念走得太远了，搞得年轻人一坐下来想想事、放松一下，反而觉得愧疚。
But that can be taken so far that young men are made to feel guilty for just sitting down and thinking and relaxing.
我明白，过去这个国家确实存在一种现象，很多年轻男性从小没有父亲陪伴。
And I understand that there was a tendency in this country, we had a lot of young men that were not raised with dads.
他们也没被教导要干活。
They weren't raised to work.
整天瘫在沙发上玩 Xbox，从来不学着去承担责任、去工作。
And so it's sitting on the couch playing the stupid Xbox, not growing up learning to work.
所以这个极端走得太远了。
So that pendulum went too far this way.
现在为了纠正那个问题，人们又把钟摆摆到了另一个极端。
So now you've got guys who, in order to counteract that, they swung the pendulum too far this way.
一个成熟的人应该保持平衡。
And a balanced man needs to be somewhere in the middle.
他得能干活，做该做的事来提升自己，也得能坐在后院的篝火旁，抽支雪茄，读读吉卜林，保持内心的平和。
He needs to be able to work to do what needs to be done to improve himself, And he also needs to sit around by the fire in the backyard and have a cigar and read some Kipling and just stay balanced.
平衡很重要。
There needs to be balance.
我写过一篇关于这个的论文，是的。
I wrote an essay about that Mhmm.
这周写的。
This week.
是吗？
Did you?
我读给你听，你不介意吧？
Would you mind if I read it to you?
当然不介意。
Absolutely not.
我觉得A型人格的人有B型的问题，B型人格的人反而有A型的问题。
I think type a people have a type b problem, and type b people have a type a problem.
那些不自信的完美主义者得学会放松，而懒散的人则需要更努力、更有纪律。
Insecure overachievers need to learn how to chill out and relax, Lazy people need to learn how to work harder and be disciplined.
既然你订阅了我，我猜你大概属于A型人格。
Given that you subscribe to me, I'm going to guess you're probably type A.
就像安德鲁·威尔金森说的，你就是那种把焦虑转化成生产力的行走型焦虑症患者。
Some version of a walking anxiety disorder harnessed for productivity, as Andrew Wilkinson says.
你可能已经注意到了：A型人格但有B型问题的人，很少能得到同情——因为一个内心痛苦却表面成功的人，看起来总比一个安于懒散、快破产的人更占优势。
Here's the thing you may have already realized: Type A people with a Type B problem get very little sympathy, because a miserable but outwardly successful person always appears to be in a much more preferential position than the content being lazy but on the verge of being bankrupt person.
机会带来的问题，永远比匮乏带来的问题更少被人理解。
The problems of opportunity will always get less sympathy than ones of scarcity.
一个像是自己选的，另一个像是被迫承受的。
One feels like a choice, the other like a limitation.
一个是中产阶级的奢侈，另一个是系统性的压迫。
One is a bourgeois luxury, the other a systemic imposition.
我需要有人教我怎么自律、怎么更努力，听起来高尚又积极向上，还带着点善意。
I need someone to teach me how to be disciplined and work harder, feels noble and upward aiming and charitable.
我需要有人教我怎么放下、怎么放松，这感觉像上瘾、像交易、像奢侈的享受。
I need someone to teach me how to switch off and relax feels dopaminergic and addicted and transactional and opulent.
所有励志电影里，都有主角拼命加班、拼命努力的训练片段。
Every Underdog movie ever has a training montage of someone working their life out by working harder.
但从没见哪部电影拍过一个人准时六点退出Slack，或者终于安心去海边度假。
None included a guy learning how to log out of slack at 6PM or finally enjoy a beach holiday.
所以没错，台北人可能生活条件确实更好，但心理上，他们总觉得自己做得远远不够。
So yes, Taipei people may have objectively better lives, but subjectively, they are ravaged by the sense that they have never done enough.
每天早上醒来，他们都觉得自己已经落后了，只有全天都完美掌控、高效产出，才能勉强达到最低的合格线，晚上才能安心睡觉，不至于觉得虚度了光阴。
They wake up every morning feeling as if they've already fallen behind, and only if they dominate their entire day flawlessly will they have dragged themselves back up to some minimum level of acceptable output, which means they can go to sleep that night without feeling like they've wasted it.
恭喜你，你可能非常成功，但也可能非常痛苦。
Congratulations, you might be very successful, but you might also be very miserable.
‘再努力一点’这种建议，确实能让人在外界看来更成功——而这，往往是唯一被认可的成功标准。
Just work harder bro advice reliably makes everyone more successful in the only way that they can be judged: Outwardly.
生活中很少有问题是光靠拼命工作解决不了的，所以大家都把它当成了万能药，而不是一个有特定用途的工具。
There are very few issues in life which can't be solved by just working harder, so everybody treats it like a panacea, not a purpose built tool.
平均来看，也许更多人需要的是大卫·戈金斯在耳边大吼着催他们再拼一把，而不是艾克哈特·托勒轻声细语地说你已经足够好了。
And, on average, maybe more people do need to hear David Goggins shouting in their face to go harder, rather than Eckhart Tolle whispering in their ear that they are already enough.
但对某些人——也许是个别群体——他们真正需要听到的，恰恰是相反的话。
But for a certain, perhaps minority, cohort of people, they actually need to hear the opposite message.
我们需要一个能让人放松的戈金斯。
We need a parasympathetic Goggins.
谁来拿电视遥控器和雪茄？
Who's going to carry the TV remote and the cigars?
#休息得比我还狠。
Hashtag rest harder than me.
B类问题和A类问题一样难，但解决起来却没那么酷炫。
Type b problems are just as tough as type a ones, but they require a much less sexy solution.
平静。
Peace.
那种光靠拼命努力是达不到的状态。
One that you can't achieve by just working harder.
我完全同意。
I agree a 100%.
有学生来学校，一看就是那种状态，我什么也不说。
I I have guys come into the school and they're like they're just I'm like, I don't say anything.
这不关我的事，但我心里明白，你这样下去会早逝的。
It's not my business, but I'm like, you're gonna die young.
绷得太紧了吧？
Tightly wound?
就是一直紧绷着，永远觉得不够。
Just tightly wound, and it's never enough.
永远觉得不够。
It's never enough.
我想问，到底什么时候才算够？
I'm like, when is it enough?
什么才算够呢？
What is enough?
最近几周我一直在想，有句话说得好，要紧的就抓住要紧的。
You know, I've been thinking last couple weeks, I'm like, you know, the saying is just keep the main thing the main thing.
但我觉得我们出问题的地方，在于我们怎么定义‘要紧的’。
But I think where we crash and burn is how we define the main thing.
我看待自己时，眼光特别狭小，甚至有点幼稚。
I see myself in a very small, tiny way, infantismal way.
我觉得自己跟大卫·戈金斯完全相反。
I see myself as the anti David Goggins.
我觉得自己就是那种人——有些地方确实需要他的那种激励。
I see myself as a guy, it's like there's places where his message is needed.
我不是在贬低他，明白吗？
I'm not knocking the guy, okay?
他的那种理念在某些地方确实有用，但不是对每个人都适用。
There are places where his message is needed, but his message is not needed for everybody.
明白吧？
Okay?
我接下来可能说得有点过头了，你们觉得不合适随时可以剪掉，没问题。
Gonna probably step over a line here and you can edit out anything you want, all right?
我特别受不了那些金融导师，他们居然要求你没有六块腹肌就滚蛋。
I'm really bothered by these guys who are financial gurus who will fire you if you don't have a six pack.
这问题不小。
There's a problem.
这种生活观的根本问题，就在于搞错了什么才是最重要的。
There's a main thing, staying the main thing problem with that viewpoint on life.
我希望那些因为各种原因、以各种方式影响着我的男性，能够找到生活的平衡。
And I want to see men that I'm, for whatever reason, whatever way brought in to influence, I want to see them find balance.
我不希望他们只追求财富。
I don't wanna see them find money.
我也不希望他们只追求腹肌。
I don't wanna see them find six packs.
如果这是结果的一部分，那也没关系。
If that is part of the result of it, fine.
明白吗？
Okay?
但我希望他们能找到平衡，找到内心的那个地方，知道自己真正重视的是什么，而这就足够了。
But I want them to find balance, and I want them to find that place inside where they're like, my main thing is my main thing, and it's enough.
我听过你说，一个好男人生来是为了付出，而不是为了赚钱。
I've heard you say that a good man is born to serve, not born to make money.
没错。
Absolutely.
你这么说具体是指什么？
What's that mean to you?
我的意思是，如果我赚了钱，而且我知道大家都找各种借口，因为有些人对我这么说很反感。
Well, it if I make money and I and I've heard all excuses because there's guys who have a problem with me saying that.
懂吗？
All right?
但如果我赚钱，那是为了我自己。
But if I make money, I make money for me.
当然，我妻子也从中受益。
Now, wife definitely benefits from it.
我的孩子们虽然已经长大，但也受益于这些。
And my children, although they're grown, they benefit from it.
但归根结底，如果我把一生都押在赚钱上，那终究是为了我自己。
But ultimately in the end, if I pour all my life into making money, that's for me.
但如果我把一生投入到帮助更多人身上，让他们的生活因为我而变得更好，那就不一样了。
But if I pour my life into as many people as is fitting, and I don't know, their life is better for me having come through.
说到底，我最在意的，是今天你离开这里的时候，因为我们的这次对话，你的生活哪怕只有一点点变得更好。
Ultimately, want, and I'll never know in some tiny way, what means the most to me is that when you leave here today in some small way, your life is better for us having sat down and talked.
这才是更有意义的。
That means more.
所以，我想我们确实是这样的。
So we're you know, I I think we are.
我觉得真正的男人生来就是为了付出的。
I think a real man is born to serve.
付出就是为你身边该照顾的人提供支持。
And serve means provide for those that are in your sphere of you to provide for.
意味着去保护。
It means to protect.
意味着去鼓励。
It means to encourage.
意味着去教导和培养，有时候也意味着退后一步，让他们自己撞一回墙。
It means to teach and to train, and sometimes it means to step back and let them hit the wall.
有时候，你能为别人做的最好的事，就是等一切结束后，走过去低头问一句：疼吗？
Sometimes the best service you can do for somebody is to, when it's all done, walk up and look down and say, did that hurt?
你知道，这正是他们需要的。
You know, that's what they needed.
但我们往往不愿意这么做，因为怕显得自己不够好，就连为别人付出时，也带着别的目的。
But we won't do that because it makes us look bad, and even in our service to others, we do it for ulterior motives.
但没错，我非常坚信这一点。
But yes, I believe that very strongly.
我相信，如果你这一生只为自己而活，那你来到这个世界就没有意义。
I believe I believe if you spend your whole life to yourself for yourself, you have no purpose of being here.
你活过这一遭，这颗星球并没有因此变得更好。
This this planet is not in any way better for you having been here.
在你看来，一个好男人就是这样吗？
Is that what a good man is to you?
对我而言，一个好男人就是这样的。
That's what a good man is to me.
我和妻子搬过很多次家，住过不少地方。
When my wife and I and we've moved, we've lived all over.
这一直是我们坚持的事。
But it's been a thing of ours.
每次搬走时，我们都会想办法让房子比我们来的时候更好一点。
When we leave, we try to leave the house in some way better than when we found it.
这就是我对待生活的方式。
And that's how I approach life.
当别人出现在我生命里时，我会努力让他们的生活比我遇见时稍微好一点。
When people come across my path, I try to leave their life a little better than when I found it.
你知道吗？
And you know what?
也许就是看着那位在沃尔玛结账、脚疼得厉害、眼神空洞的疲惫女士，直视她的眼睛，问一句：今天过得怎么样？
That may be just looking at that poor, tired lady checking out at Walmart with the sore feet and the glazed over eyes and looking her in the eye and say, How are you doing today?
其实不需要太多，但我敢说，至少在某种程度上，当我走过那条结账队伍时，她的生活比之前好了一点。
It don't take much, but it's like, I guarantee in some small way, her life was a little better when I passed through that Walmart line than it was before I got there.
我认为，这就是一个好人。
And yeah, I think that's a good man.
一个好人，是能保护、能担当、能付出、能安慰、能批评、能管教的人——只要能因为他的出现，让这个世界变得好一点点。
A good man is a man who can protect and who can provide and who can serve, who can comfort, who can reprimand, who can discipline, whatever's necessary to make the world a little better because he passed through.
我们马上再回到和德韦恩的对话，但首先，我得跟你们聊聊LMNT。
We'll get back to talking to Dewayne in one minute, but first, I need to tell you about LMNT.
过去三年，我每天早上都会喝LMNT。
For the last three years, I have started my morning every single day with LMNT.
这是一种味道不错的电解质饮品，该有的成分都有，不该有的全没有。
It is a tasty electrolyte drink mix with everything that you need and nothing that you don't.
每一条即饮包装都含有科学配比的钠、钾和镁，不含色素，不加乱七八糟的添加剂。
Each grab and go stick contains a science backed electrolyte ratio of sodium, potassium, and magnesium with no coloring, no junk, or any other BS.
你可能不是睡得不够。
You might not be underslept.
你可能也不需要更多咖啡因。
You might not need more caffeine.
你只是单纯脱水了。
You might just be dehydrated.
真正的补水，不只是喝够水那么简单。
And proper hydration is not just about having sufficient fluids in your body.
而是要有足够的电解质，让你的身体真正用得上这些水分。
It's having enough electrolytes to allow your body to use that water.
最重要的是，他们提供无条件全额退款，而且没有时间限制。
Best of all, they have a no questions asked refund policy with an unlimited duration.
所以你可以放心购买，试用多久都行。
So you can buy it and try it for as long as you want.
如果你不喜欢，不管什么原因，钱全退，连包装都不用退回。
If you don't like it for any reason, they'll give you your money back, and you don't even need to return the box.
他们对自己产品有信心到这种地步。
That's how confident they are that you'll love it.
现在，你完全可以零风险尝试，点击下方链接或访问 drinklmnt.com/modernwisdom，免费领取全套八种口味的试用装。
Right now, you can try it completely risk free and get a free sample pack of all eight flavors by going to the link in the description below or heading to drinklmnt.com/modernwisdom.
网址是 drinklmnt.com/modernwisdom。
That's drinklmnt.com/modernwisdom.
你觉得男性在力量与温柔、理性与感性、刚硬与脆弱之间，该怎么把握平衡？
What do you think about the balance when it comes for men between, strength and softness, sort of, rationality, emotionality, rigidity, vulnerability?
我觉得很多男性都在这个问题上感到困扰。
I think that's a balance that a lot of men struggle with.
我依然觉得，关于情绪的讨论——无论是对朋友、伴侣，还是对自己，敞开心扉这件事——你甚至曾因为否认自己的不适，而拒绝去看医生，结果差点错过心梗。
I still think that the conversation around emotions, around being open, whether it's with your friends or a partner or even yourself, I mean, you you literally denied yourself going to the doctor for a heart attack.
男性那种否认问题存在的能力，不管是身体上的还是情绪上的，简直像一种扭曲现实的力量，我们都拥有这种能力。
Like, the male ability to deny that things are wrong, whether they're physical or emotional, is like a reality distorting power that we all have.
没错。
Right.
你是怎么看待男性身上这种刚硬与柔软之间的平衡的？
How do you come to think about that balance between the the the hardness and the softness in men?
我还是老派的人。
I'm still old school.
我真的很老派。
I'm still very old school.
但有时候，这种态度会对身边的人造成伤害。
Now there comes a point where it can be debilitating to those around me.
明白吗？
Okay?
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