You're not behind, you're right on time

欢迎来到Motherkind。

Welcome to Motherkind.

我是佐伊，本节目由Wild Nutrition的女性营养补充剂赞助。

It's me Zoe and we are sponsored by Wild Nutrition's women's supplements.

很高兴你在这里。

I am so happy that you are here.

你并不落后。

You are not behind.

你的想法可能告诉你你落后了，但想法不是事实，我相信你恰恰赶上了最好的时候。

Your thoughts might tell you that you are but thoughts are not facts And I believe that you are right on time.

前几天，我十岁的女儿因为别的孩子都能做的事她做不到而感到沮丧。

The other day, my 10 year old was getting upset about something that all her friends can do and she can't.

我脱口而出的是：你正好赶上属于你的节奏。

And my instant response was, you are right on time for you.

当我对她这么说的时候，我意识到，很多人都需要听到这句话——那种‘落后’的感觉，真的只是感觉而已。

And as I was saying that to her, I realized so many of us need to hear that feeling behind is just that, it's a feeling.

就像我在《Motherkind》这本书里经常说的，感觉不是事实。

And as I talk a lot about in Motherkind in my book, feelings are not facts.

那这种‘落后了’的感觉，到底从哪儿来的呢？

So where does this feeling of being behind come from?

其实是因为比较，对吧？

It comes from a comparison, right?

不管是来自自己内心的比较。

Whether that's from yourself, internal comparison.

我原以为自己现在应该走得更远了。

I thought I'd be further along by now.

我原以为自己早就该达到那个阶段了。

I thought I've hit that milestone.

为什么我还在这里？

Why am I not here?

或者是来自外界的比较。

Or external comparison.

对吧？

Right?

所以你可能在拿自己和朋友、社交媒体上的人，或者和你同龄的知名人士作比较。

So maybe you're comparing yourself to friends or people you see on social media or maybe even kind of well known people that are the same age as you.

我知道我会这样，因为我跟艾玛·格林和碧昂丝是同龄人。

I know I can do that because I am the same age as Emma Green and Beyonce.

你看，就是这样。

So there you go.

但我真的希望你能听清楚这一点。

But I really want you to hear this.

其实根本没有规定你必须在某个时间点之前完成什么、达到什么成就。

There actually is no timeline of what you should have done or achieved by a certain point.

那只是我们脑子里虚构出来的一个概念，我敢打赌，如果你现在回头看看自己的人生，那些年轻时让你倍感压力的事情，到了今天你大概能明白，那些时间表和截止日期，不过是你给自己编的故事。

It's a kind of made up construct in our heads and I'll bet if you look back on your life now, some of the things that you were putting yourself under so much pressure about in your twenties or even thirties, you can probably see now that those timelines and deadlines, they were just a story that you were telling yourself.

我相信你现在回头看，会觉得一切都刚刚好，来得恰到好处。

And I bet you can see that now it all makes sense and that it happened right on time for you.

每当我觉得自己落后了，我就会想想那些按自己节奏取得成功的人。

And whenever I feel behind, I think about people who have succeeded on their own timelines.

我播客的嘉宾，也算是朋友吧，梅尔·罗宾斯，42岁的时候欠了80万英镑的债。

So my podcast guest and I guess, friend, Mel Robbins at 42, she was £800,000 in debt.

那时候她完全不知道自己未来该做什么。

She had no idea what she was gonna do with her life.

现在57岁了，她成了全球最受欢迎的播客主之一。

And now at 57, she's one of the biggest podcasters on the planet.

里奇·罗尔，一位特别了不起的先生，他也做播客。

Rich Roll, an incredible guy who also has a podcast.

他40岁那年戒了酒。

He got sober at 40.

45岁才写了第一本书。

He wrote his first book at 45.

你能猜到我的这些例子是从哪儿来的吗？

Can you tell where my frame of references are coming from?

他们都是做播客的。

They're all podcasters.

但生活中有太多例子，说明很多人到了五六十岁，甚至七十岁，依然能做出惊人的成就。

But there are so many examples of just incredible people achieving incredible things late into life, fifties, sixties, seventies even.

事实上，最新的一项研究显示，大多数由女性创办的企业，都是在她们五十多岁时起步的。

In fact, there's a new piece of research out that shows that most businesses started by women are started in their fifties.

这难道不很合理吗？

Doesn't that make sense?

为什么呢？

Why?

因为那时候孩子大概已经离家了。

Because our children have probably left home.

我们有了足够的时间去做这件事。

We've got the time to do it.

而且这些企业的成功率是平均水平的两倍。

And actually those businesses are twice as successful as the average business.

我觉得这真的特别让人振奋。

So I think that is really exciting.

我想让你想想这种‘我落后了’的想法。

I want you to think about this sort of I'm behind idea.

相信你现在所处的位置，正是你该在的地方。

Just trust that wherever you are right now is where you are meant to be.

我真心相信，我选择相信，我人生中最美好的日子还在前方，我生命中将深爱的某些人、将产生的某些影响、将完成的某些事业，都还没到来。

I really believe, I choose to believe that my best days are ahead of me and that some of the people that I'm gonna love deeply in this life, some of the impact that I'm gonna have, some of the work that I'm gonna do.

这些我目前都还不知道。

I have no idea about that yet.

我认识太多人，六十岁才开启精彩事业，五十岁遇到真爱，七十岁才结识一生挚友，对吧？

I know so many people that have started incredible careers at 60, met the love of their life at 50, met their best friend at 70, right?

其实根本不需要给自己设这么多硬性的时间表和截止日期。

There really isn't these kind of deadlines and timelines that we have to put on things.

我经常提到这一点，因为对妈妈们来说，思考自己人生的不同阶段和篇章特别重要——清楚自己正处在人生的哪个阶段、事业的哪个时期，力量巨大，也许你现在正处在以家庭为重的阶段。

And you know I talk about this a lot because it's so important as mothers that we think about our lives and kind of seasons and chapters and knowing what season of your life or your career you're in is so powerful because maybe you're in a season where you're prioritising family.

也许你正处在人生的一个转折期，正在放下那些不再适合你的东西。

Maybe you're in a season of making big changes and you're kind of shedding anything that doesn't fit you anymore.

也许你正处于事业的阶段，正在努力打造一些东西。

Maybe you're in a career season and you're trying to build something.

但不管你处在哪个阶段，都别急，你已经在了。

But whatever season you're in, all there.

别总想着我现在在这个阶段，可我更想进那个阶段。

Don't be thinking I'm in this season, but I want to be in that season.

这种想法才会让你感到压力。

That is how you create stress.

所有的压力，其实都来自想待在别处，而不是安于当下。

All stress is sort of created by wanting to be somewhere other than where you are.

这真的让人松了一口气。

It is such a relief.

当我真正接纳了自己所处的阶段，那种释然的感觉，我简直无法形容。

I cannot tell you the relief that I experienced when you just settle into the season that you are in.

我向你保证，你现在所处的每一个阶段，都在让你学到一些对你下一章至关重要的经验、技能和领悟。

And I promise whatever season you're in right now, you are learning lessons, skills, insights that are gonna help you on your next chapter.

所以我只想提醒你，因为我自己也需要记住这一点。

So I just want you to remember because I need to remember this.

我其实是在对自己说话，同时也对你说。

So I'm talking to myself as much as I am to you.

你最好的日子还在前方。

Your best days are ahead of you.

有些改变你人生的经历，是你现在根本想象不到的。

There are experiences that are going to change your life that you cannot even imagine yet.

我真的相信，最好的还在后面。

Like I really believe that the best is yet to come.

所以，请相信你所在的位置，相信你正在经历的阶段，相信你自己的节奏，这会给你巨大的力量，也希望让你感到更安心。

So trust wherever you are, trust the season that you are in, trust your own timelines and I think that is so empowering and hopefully it's going to help you feel so much more at ease.

我们下次见。

I will see you next time.

谢谢你在这里。

Thanks for being here.