快乐的人与众不同的三件事

嘿，我是杰。

Hey, it's Jay.

我不知道你今天过得怎么样，但我刚才突然想到了你。

I don't know what your day's been like, but I was just thinking about you for a minute.

我希望你能对自己多一点耐心，因为你值得。

And I hope you're being a little patient with yourself because you deserve it.

好的，回头再聊。

And, yeah, I'll talk to you soon.

你不开心，是因为你总把自己当成受害者。

You're unhappy because you keep making yourself the victim.

听我说完。

Hear me out.

你有没有遇到过那种看起来真正快乐的人？

Have you ever met someone who just seems genuinely happy?

他们也会有压力、失望，也会遇到糟糕的日子，但不知怎么的，他们似乎从来不会陷在里面出不来。

Someone who still has stress, disappointments, and faces bad days, yet somehow they never seem to get stuck there.

他们也会像你我一样，有感到不知所措、疲惫不堪或被人误解的时候，但脸上依然带着真诚的微笑，继续向前走。

They have moments just like you and I where they feel overwhelmed, exhausted, or misunderstood, but there is an authentic smile on their face as they continue to move forward.

当你遇到这样的人时，很容易觉得他们一定拥有你没有的东西。

When you meet someone like that, it can be easy to assume they must have something you don't.

也许他们的童年更轻松。

Maybe they had an easier childhood.

也许他们更有钱。

Maybe they have more money.

也许他们找到了合适的伴侣。

Maybe they found the right partner.

也许他们的大脑构造就是不一样。

Maybe their brain is just wired differently.

我们编造了一个故事，认为幸福是某些人幸运地拥有的东西，而我们其他人则努力追赶。

We create this story that happiness is something some people are lucky enough to have and that the rest of us are trying to catch up to.

但我对幸福研究得越多，就越意识到一件重要的事。

But the more I've studied happiness, the more I've realized something important.

快乐的人学会了如何更好地重新看待困难。

Happy people have taught themselves how to have a better relationship with the way they reframe hardship.

他们不会把每次挫折都看作是世界在针对自己。

They don't look at every setback as evidence that the world is against them.

他们不会把每次延误都当成自己落后的证据。

They don't treat every delay as proof that they're behind.

他们会感到痛苦，但不会把痛苦变成一种身份标签。

They feel pain, but they don't turn pain into an identity.

他们会经历艰难时期，但不会认为这种状态会永远持续下去。

They go through rough times, but they don't assume it will last forever.

所以今天，我想和大家分享快乐的人做得不一样的三个地方。

So today, I wanna share with you the three things that happy people do differently.

听完这期节目，你会学到三个切实可行的思维转变，能立刻帮你重新掌控自己的快乐。

By the end of this episode, you will have three tangible mindset shifts to implement that will help you immediately get control back over your own joy.

我想先从一个残酷的事实说起。

And I wanna start with a hard truth.

有时候你不开心，并不是因为生活对你不公平。

Sometimes you're not unhappy because life has been unfair to you.

你不开心，是因为你开始觉得自己在现在的生活里无能为力。

You're unhappy because you've started to see yourself as powerless inside the life you're living.

我想把话说清楚。

Now I wanna be really clear.

这并不意味着你没有经历过不好的事情。

This does not mean bad things haven't happened to you.

也不代表你正在经历的痛苦是假的。

It doesn't mean the pain you're going through isn't real.

更不是说你的心碎、悲伤、焦虑、创伤或失去都不重要。

It doesn't mean your heartbreak, your grief, your anxiety, your trauma, or your losses don't matter.

但它的确意味着，在某个时刻，幸福要求我们不再只问‘为什么这事会发生在我身上？’

But it does mean that at some point happiness asks us to stop only saying, why did this happen to me?

而是开始问：‘我能做些什么，让这件事变得更好？’

And start asking, What can I do to make the best out of this?

这个问题至关重要。

That question is everything.

因为当我们只问‘为什么是我’时，

Because when we only ask, Why me?

我们常常被困在伤痛里。

We often stay trapped inside the wound.

但如果我们转而问‘接下来我能做什么’，

But when instead we ask, What can I do next?

我们就开始重新掌控局面。

We begin to reclaim control.

而掌控感，正是那些停滞不前的人和重新感受到快乐的人之间最大的区别之一。

And a sense of control is one of the biggest differences between people who remain stuck and people who begin to feel joy again.

快乐的人做的第一件不同的事就是：他们真心相信自己能主宰自己的未来。

The first thing happy people do differently is this: They truly believe they have agency over their future.

所谓主宰，就是你相信自己有能力影响自己的生活。

Agency means you believe you have some ability to influence your life.

这并不意味着你能解决所有问题。

It doesn't mean you're able to fix everything.

那是不现实的。

That would be unrealistic.

你控制不了经济。

You don't control the economy.

你控制不了别人是否也爱你。

You don't control whether someone loves you back.

你控制不了公司是否录用你。

You don't control whether a company hires you.

但拥有主动权意味着你会主动做出选择，增加改善处境的机会。

But agency means you make active choices that increase your chances of improving your circumstances.

没有主动权的人，会等生活先改变，自己才改变。

A person without agency waits for life to change before they change.

有主动权的人，在生活还不完美的时候，就开始改变了。

A person with agency begins changing while life is still imperfect.

心理学中有一个概念叫‘控制点’，就是研究这个想法的。

This idea has been studied in psychology through something called the locus of control.

控制点指的是人们多大程度上相信自己能掌控生活中的结果，而不是被外部力量左右。

The locus of control is a concept referring to how strongly people believe they have power over the outcomes of events in their lives versus external forces.

内控倾向较强的人往往相信自己的行动、选择和反应能影响未来的结果。

People with a more internal locus of control tend to believe that their actions, choices, and responses can influence outcomes in their future.

外控倾向较强的人则倾向于认为生活主要由外部力量控制，比如运气、命运、现有制度或社会环境。

People with a more external locus of control tend to believe that life is mostly controlled by outside forces, such as luck, fate, existing systems, or societal circumstances.

研究表明，内控倾向较强的人生活满意度更高，心理健康状况也更好。

Research has linked a more internal locus of control with higher life satisfaction and better mental health.

再说一次，这并不意味着要假装外部系统不存在，或者把所有困难都归咎于自己。

And again, this doesn't mean pretending external systems don't exist or pretending all hardships are your fault.

它的意思是，即使在困难的环境中，你的应对方式仍然会产生影响。

It means believing that even within difficult circumstances, your response is still impactful.

想想我们有多少次因为使用外部归因的语言而放弃了自己的力量。

Think about how often we give our power away through the external language we use.

我没办法开心，因为我的前任已经走出来了。

I can't be happy because my ex moved on.

我没办法自我感觉良好，因为我的朋友们都比我领先。

I can't feel good about myself because all my friends are ahead of me.

我没办法改变生活，因为没有人支持我。

I can't change my life because there's no one out there supporting me.

这些说法每一个都可能包含真实的感受，但它们也包含着一种放弃。

Every one of those statements may contain a real feeling, but they also contain a surrender.

它们让你的快乐依赖于外界先发生变化。

They make your happiness dependent on something outside of you changing first.

问题在于，你最终会等待其他环境和人生的其他阶段来允许你感到快乐。

The problem is that you end up waiting for other circumstances and other seasons of life to give you permission to feel happy.

实际上，快乐的人不会这么做。

In reality, happy people don't do that.

他们不会否认困难的存在。

They don't deny the difficulty.

他们只是拒绝让困难成为唯一的真相。

They just refuse to make difficulty the only truth.

他们不会只说这不公平，而是重新定义成：我还有什么可以做的。

Instead of just saying this is unfair, they reframe it to what is still available to me.

这就是转变的关键。

That's the shift.

你无法总是选择什么会找上门来，但你可以选择如何迎接它，让它停留多久，以及是否允许它永久住下来。

You can't always choose what arrives at your door, but you can choose how you welcome it, how long you entertain it, and whether you allow it to move in permanently.

本期节目由State Farm赞助播出。

This episode is presented by State Farm.

我们花了很多精力去成为最好的自己，培养更好的习惯，更投入地生活，拥抱正念。

We spend so much energy becoming the best version of ourselves, building better habits, showing up more fully, embracing mindfulness.

但有时候，最有意义的事情就是去处理你一直拖延的那件事。

But sometimes, the most purposeful thing you can do is just handle the thing you've been putting off.

如果搞定保险这件事一直挂在你的待办清单上，State Farm可以帮你选择适合你的保障方案。

If getting your insurance sorted has been living on that list, State Farm is there to help you choose the coverage that's right for you.

登录statefarm.com网站或使用便捷的应用程序，就能从他们超过19000名本地代理人那里获得帮助。

Go online at statefarm.com or use the easily accessible app to get help from one of their over 19,000 local agents.

就像好邻居一样，State Farm随时在你身边。

Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

愤怒可能会来，悲伤可能会来，失望也可能会来。

Anger may arrive, grief may arrive, disappointment may arrive.

但你要问自己，我是让这些情绪来拜访我？

But you have to ask, am I letting this visit me?

还是让它们成为我的一部分？

Or am I letting it become me?

这就是我们很多人卡住的地方。

This is where many of us get stuck.

遇到不好的事情，我们不说“我经历了被拒绝”，而是说“我是个被拒绝的人”。

Something bad happens and instead of saying I experienced rejection, we say I am rejected.

我们不说“我经历了心碎”，而是说“我不可爱”。

Instead of saying I went through heartbreak, we say I am unlovable.

我们不说‘我某件事失败了’，而说‘我是个失败者’。

Instead of saying I failed at something, we say I am a failure.

最快乐的人学会了把发生的事情和他们真正的自己分开。

The happiest people have learned to separate what happened from who they really are.

如果你觉得自己是个失败者，你就会停止尝试。

If you believe I am a failure, you stop trying.

如果你觉得只是这件事没做成，那你还可以去尝试下一件事。

If you believe I failed at this one thing, you can try the next thing.

区别很小，但影响巨大。

It's a small difference, but the impact is massive.

如果你觉得自己不值得被爱，你就会对爱情关上心门。

If you believe I am unlovable, you close yourself off from romance.

如果你觉得什么事都做不成，你就会放弃所有机会。

And if you believe nothing works out for me, you stop going for opportunities.

但如果你相信这次没成，但下次会有机会，你就能带着希望继续前进。

But if you believe this one didn't work out but something else will, you're able to keep moving forward with hope.

没有希望的幸福是很难创造的。

Happiness without hope is hard to create.

但幸运的是，这种掌控感并不是一种你天生就有或没有的心态。

But luckily, this form of agency is not just a mindset that you either have or you don't.

它是一种你可以主动去练习的能力。

It's a practice you can actively work toward.

我想给你一个简单的方法来练习。

And I want to give you a simple exercise for this.

下次遇到让你失望的事情时，写下三栏。

The next time something disappoints you, write down three columns.

第一栏，写下发生了什么。

In the first column, write what happened.

要实事求是。

Be factual.

不要添油加醋。

Don't dramatize.

就把事件写下来。

Just write down the event.

也许是关系结束了，或者我没得到那份工作，或者朋友没来帮我。

Maybe it's the relationship ended, or I didn't get the job, or my friend didn't show up for me.

在第二列，写下“我在给自己讲什么故事？”

In the second column, write what story am I telling myself?

这里你要说出你赋予的意义。

This is where you name the meaning you've attached.

也许是我总被抛弃，或者我不够有才华，或者别人不在乎我。

Maybe I'm always abandoned, or I'm not talented enough, or people don't care about me.

现在在第三列写下，“我能采取的一个有力量的行动是什么？”

Now in the third column write, what is one empowered action I can take?

第三列就是你重新开始幸福的地方。

That third column is where your happiness begins again.

这个行动可以是：我今天给家人打电话，而不是给前任发短信；或者我去寻求反馈，然后申请别的工作；或者我下班后和朋友坦诚地通个电话。

The action could be, I'm gonna call my family member today instead of texting my ex, or I'm going to ask for feedback and apply to a job elsewhere, or I'm going to have an honest conversation with my friend on the phone after work.

另一种选择就是把自己当成受害者，一直待在那个状态里，最终剥夺了自己的主动权。

The alternative is to instead make yourself the victim and stay there, ultimately taking away your own agency from yourself.

但问题是，讽刺的是，受害者心态往往反而让人觉得更安全。

And here's the thing: the hard part is that victimhood will oftentimes ironically feel safer.

它给了我们不行动的理由。

It gives us a reason not to act.

如果一切都是别人的错，那我们就不用冒险去改变。

If everything is someone else's fault, then we don't have to risk changing.

如果全世界都跟我们作对，那我们就不用再尝试了。

If the world is against us, then we don't have to try again.

如果什么都不重要，那我们就可以原地不动。

If nothing matters, then we can stay exactly where we are.

但讲这种故事的代价，是你的幸福。

But the cost of that story is your happiness.

你不可能同时感到有力和无力。

You cannot feel powerful and powerless at the same time.

你不可能一边总是感到无助，一边又心怀希望。

You cannot feel hopeful while constantly acting from helplessness.

如果你每天都在收集生活对你不利的证据，你就不可能建立起快乐的人生。

You cannot build a joyful life if every day you're always collecting evidence that life is out to get you.

所以现在问问自己，在你生活的哪些地方，你把痛苦和无助感混淆了？

So now ask yourself, where in your life have you confused pain with powerlessness?

你在哪些地方开始给自己编故事，把自己当成受害者？

Where have you started telling yourself a story that makes you the injured party?

你在哪些地方等着别人先改变，才允许自己往前走？

Where are you waiting for someone else to change before you allow yourself to move forward?

现在，在那个领域里，你能做的一件小事是什么——哪怕再小——能提醒你，你对自己的生活仍然有影响力？

And now, what is one action in that area, however small, that would remind you that you still have influence over your own life?

这就是快乐的人做的第一件不同的事。

That is the first thing happy people do differently.

他们相信内在的控制力，不让自己陷入自怜的泥潭。

They believe in that internal locus of control and they don't let themselves get stuck in self pity.

他们心怀希望，明白好事坏事都会起起伏伏。

They hold on to hope and they understand that the good and the bad will ebb and flow.

接下来是快乐的人已经知道的第二个转变，你需要做出这个改变。

Now here's the second shift you need to make that happy people already know.

你不能再等着自己突然感觉好起来。

You need to stop waiting to suddenly feel good about yourself.

我们生活的文化从小就教我们说，等我怎样怎样了，我就会快乐。

We live in a culture that has taught us to say, I'll be happy when from a very young age.

等我进了理想的学校，我就会快乐。

I'll be happy when I get into the right school.

等我找到工作，我就会快乐。

I'll be happy when I get a job.

等我升职了，我就会快乐。

I'll be happy when I get promoted.

等我搬到合适的城市，我就会快乐。

I'll be happy when I move to the right city.

等我终于遇到对的人，我就会开心了。

I'll be happy when I finally meet someone.

等我们结婚了，我就会开心了。

I'll be happy when we get married.

等我们有孩子了，我就会开心了。

I'll be happy when we have children.

等我赚更多钱了，我就会开心了。

I'll be happy when I'll make more money.

等我们买了房子，我就会开心了。

I'll be happy when we buy the house.

等事情变得容易些了，我就会开心了。

I'll be happy when things get easier.

这些愿望中有些确实非常美好。

Some of those desires are absolutely beautiful.

渴望爱情本身并没有错。

There's nothing wrong with wanting love.

追求成功一点错都没有。

There's nothing wrong with wanting success.

追求健康、稳定、家庭或财务安全也完全没问题。

There's nothing wrong with wanting health, stability, family, or financial security.

目标给我们方向。

Goals give us direction.

梦想给我们动力。

Dreams give us energy.

但问题在于，你把幸福当成了只有达成目标后才能获得的奖励。

But the problem begins when you make happiness the reward you only get after you arrive at the goal.

因为每次你到达一个目标，终点线就会往前移。

Because every time you arrive to a goal, the finish line moves forward.

你得到了工作，现在又需要升职。

You get the job, and now you need the promotion.

你减了肥，现在又需要塑形。

You lose the weight, and now you need to turn up.

你开始约会了，现在又想着要订婚。

You start dating someone, and now you need to get engaged.

你搬进了公寓，现在又想要房子。

You move into the apartment, and now you want the house.

人的心态会随着时间推移而调整。

The mind adapts as we go along.

曾经觉得特别的事变得平常，曾经觉得像梦一样的事突然变成了起点。

What once felt extraordinary becomes normal, and what once felt like the dream suddenly becomes the baseline.

心理学家称之为享乐适应，也常被叫做享乐跑步机。

Psychologists call this hedonic adaptation, often called the hedonic treadmill.

享乐适应是指，无论经历多大的好事或坏事，人的幸福感都会很快回到自己原本的稳定水平。

Hedonic adaptation is the human tendency to quickly return to your own stable baseline level of happiness despite major positive or negative life events.

无论是中了彩票还是遭遇重大挫折，你的心态最终都会调整到新的常态。

Whether you win the lottery or experience a major setback, your mind eventually recalibrates to the new normal.

这并不意味着环境完全无关紧要。

This doesn't mean circumstances don't matter at all.

当然有关系。

Of course they do.

但这确实意味着，如果你总是指望下一个里程碑来获得持久的幸福，那你一辈子都会在追逐一种感觉，而那种感觉一旦到手就会立刻消退。

But it does mean that if you keep depending on the next milestone to create permanent happiness, you will spend your entire life chasing a feeling that keeps fading the moment you get it.

这就是为什么快乐的人不会把幸福当成终点线。

That is why happy people don't treat their happiness like a finish line.

他们依然有目标。

They still have goals.

他们依然努力工作，但在追求目标的过程中，他们能从当前的工作中找到稳定的日常快乐。

They still work hard, but they find steady daily joy inside of the current work as they pursue their goals.

他们仍然想要更多，但他们不会把“更多”当作借口，去忽视已经拥有的东西。

They still want more, but they don't use more as an excuse to ignore what is already here.

他们明白，如果你在梦想尚未实现时无法享受生活，那么当梦想最终实现时，你很可能也不知道该如何去享受。

They understand that if you cannot enjoy your life while dreams are unfinished, you probably won't know how to enjoy it when those dreams are finally realized.

这正是很多高成就者容易陷入的困境。

This is where a lot of high achievers struggle.

他们说，等这个项目结束我就休息。

They say, I'll rest after this project.

结果项目变成了更大的项目。

Then the project becomes a bigger project.

他们说，等下一个里程碑到了我就庆祝。

They say, I'll celebrate after the next milestone.

结果里程碑变成了理所当然。

Then the milestone becomes the expectation.

他们说，等事情没那么忙了，我就去陪我爱的人。

They say, I'll spend time with people I love once things slow down.

结果生活永远停不下来。

Then life never slows down.

然后突然发现，他们成就了很多，却没真正体验过什么。

And suddenly, they've achieved so much, but they haven't experienced much.

他们打造了一个外表光鲜的生活，却从未从内心真正去感受它。

They've built a life that looks impressive from the outside, but they haven't inhabited it from the inside.

反过来，快乐的人不会等待完美的条件出现，因为他们知道那些完美的条件永远不会到来。

On the flip side, happy people don't wait around for the set of perfect conditions because they know those perfect conditions will never arrive.

相反，

Instead,

他们选择享受平凡的星期二。

they choose to enjoy Tuesday.

听起来很简单，但

That sounds simple, but

实际上这挺深刻的。

it's actually pretty profound.

谁都能享受假期。

Anyone can enjoy the vacation.

谁都能享受婚礼。

Anyone can enjoy a wedding.

谁都能享受升职通知、生日旅行、重大发布、庆祝晚宴。

Anyone can enjoy a promotion announcement, a birthday trip, a big launch, a celebration dinner.

但快乐的人学会了如何在平凡的日子里找到生活的意义。

But happy people have learned how to find life in the ordinary day.

他们知道如何享受一次散步、一杯咖啡、一条有趣的短信、车里的一首好歌、与爱人十分钟的交谈、干净的厨房、晴朗的早晨，以及漫长一天后上床睡觉的感觉。

They know how to enjoy a walk, a coffee, a funny text, a good song in the car, a ten minute conversation with someone they love, a clean kitchen, a sunny morning, the feeling of getting into bed after a long day.

他们不会把这些小事当作毫无意义的东西而忽略。

They don't dismiss these small things as meaningless.

他们明白，正是这些小事构成了我们生活的大部分。

They understand that the small things are what make up the most of our lives.

这就是感恩变得强大的地方。

This is where gratitude becomes powerful.

但我想谨慎一点，因为我知道有时候人们谈论感恩的方式会让人觉得有点轻描淡写。

But I want to be careful because I know gratitude can sometimes be talked about in a way that feels a little dismissive.

人们会说‘你要感恩’，然后他们觉得这意味着你的痛苦就不算数了。

People here be grateful and they think it means your pain isn't valid.

这不是我要表达的意思。

That is not what I'm saying.

感恩并不是假装生活中的困难没那么难。

Gratitude isn't pretending the hard things in life aren't as hard as they are.

感恩是允许美好的事物在那些挣扎中依然存在。

Gratitude is allowing the good things to exist within those struggles.

你可以一边悲伤，一边感激那个关心你的朋友。

You can be grieving and still appreciate the friend who checked in.

你可以一边压力山大，一边在休息室里享受一次开怀大笑。

You can be stressed and still enjoy a shared laugh in the break room.

你可以一边忙得团团转、焦头烂额，一边还能注意到美丽的日落。

You can be running around late and overwhelmed yet still notice a beautiful sunset.

感恩不会消除痛苦，但它能给痛苦带来一些必要的陪伴，让幸福有机会走进来。

Gratitude doesn't erase pain, but it does give pain some much needed company in order for happiness to find its way in.

当我们把幸福推迟到未来时，常常会对自己生活中已经存在的美好视而不见。

When we postpone our happiness, we often become blind to the good that is already in our lives.

我们会说，我不能幸福，因为我还单身，却忽略了那些滋养我们的友谊。

We say, I can't be happy because I'm single, while ignoring the friendships that are nourishing us.

我们会说，我不能快乐，因为我

We say, I can't be happy because I

讨厌自己的工作，却忽略了从职业中学到的一切。

hate my job while ignoring everything we're learning about our career.

我们会说，我不能快乐，因为我还没成功，却忽略了干净的床单、热水澡和头上的屋顶。

We say, I can't be happy because I'm not successful yet while ignoring the clean sheets, hot shower, and roof over our heads.

有一个古老的斯多葛派观点：我们在想象中遭受的痛苦，往往比现实中更多。

There's an old stoic idea that we suffer more in imagination than in reality.

沉迷于各种“万一”和未知的情景，我们会在实际结果出现之前，甚至完全脱离现实的情况下，给自己施加情感上的痛苦。

By obsessing over what ifs and unknown scenarios, we inflict emotional pain on ourselves long before and often entirely independent of any actual outcome.

我们会想象一种生活，在那里我们突然对自己完全满意、感到满足，却因为等待这个虚假的结果而无法快乐，这本身就是一种伤害。

We can hurt ourselves by imagining a life where we're suddenly completely content with ourselves and fulfilled because we wait for this false outcome before we're able to be happy.

我记得有个人跟我说过：我浪费了我的二十多岁，因为我在等待那个足够好的自己出现。

I remember speaking to someone who told me once, I wasted my twenties because I was waiting to become the version of myself that was good enough.

那句话一直留在我心里。

That sentence stayed with me.

他们太沉迷于想象中未来的自己，以至于无法享受正在流逝的当下。

They were so caught up in an imagined future version of themselves, they couldn't enjoy the now that was slipping by past them.

这个人向我承认，他们总觉得自己在等待变得更瘦、更成功、更自信、更聪明。

This person admitted to me that they felt like they were always waiting to be thinner, more successful, more confident, and more intelligent.

他们觉得自己还不是最好的版本。

They didn't feel like the best version of themselves.

结果，他们一直在推迟自己的生活。

And as a result, they kept postponing their own life.

他们不和朋友出去。

They didn't go out with friends.

他们不约会。

They didn't date.

他们不旅行。

They didn't travel.

他们不尝试新的爱好。

They didn't try new hobbies.

他们不让自己被看见。

They didn't let themselves be seen.

我觉得很多人都做过这种事。

I think a lot of us have done this before.

我们很多人一生中都经历过类似的阶段。

A lot of us have done versions of that throughout our lives.

但事实是，没有人能到达那个最终的完美自我。

But the truth is none of us are ever going to reach the final perfect outcome of who we are.

你不仅被允许，而且必须在变化和成长的过程中享受生活。

And you are not only allowed to, but you have to enjoy life while you're still changing and growing.

你可以在悲伤的时候笑。

You're allowed to laugh while you're still grieving.

你可以在疗愈的过程中约会。

You're allowed to date while you're still healing.

你可以在奋斗的时候庆祝。

You're allowed to celebrate while you're still working.

在生活完全理顺之前，你也有权感受快乐。

You're allowed to feel happiness before your life makes perfect sense.

快乐的人明白这一点。

Happy people understand this.

这就是第二个转变如何与第一个相连的地方。

This is where the second shift connects back to the first.

推迟快乐不过是放弃主动权的另一种形式。

Postponing happiness is just a different form of surrendering agency.

所以现在问问自己，你把哪些快乐搁置了？

So now ask yourself, what happiness have I put on hold?

你是不是把友谊放一边，等自己不那么忙了再说？

Have you put friendships on the back burner until you're less busy?

你是不是把约会暂停，等自己更有自信了再开始？

Have you put dating on pause until you feel more confident?

你是不是把休息抛在脑后，等自己在工作中证明了自己再说？

Have you put resting aside until you prove yourself at work?

不管是什么，最好的做法就是转变心态，问问自己：我现在能接触到的那份快乐中的一小部分是什么？

Whatever it is, the best thing you can do is shift your mindset and ask instead, what is one small piece of that happiness that I can access right now?

如果你在等机会去旅行，这个周末能不能去探索一个新街区？

If you're waiting to travel, can you explore a new neighborhood this weekend?

如果你在等对自己的身材有自信，现在能不能穿一件让你感觉不错的衣服？

If you're waiting to feel confident in your body, can you wear an outfit that makes you feel good now?

如果你在等爱情到来，能不能先对家人多付出一些关爱？

If you're waiting for love, can you practice being more loving to your family?

如果你在等成功，能不能先庆祝一下已经取得的小成就？

If you're waiting for success, can you celebrate the small achievements you've already had?

接下来，我想讲第三点，也是最后一点，快乐的人有哪些不同的做法。

Now, I want to move on to the third and final thing happy people do differently.

他们会主动创造自己每天都享受的生活。

They actively create a life they enjoy every single day.

快乐的人不会等着快乐偶然发生。

Happy people don't wait for joy to accidentally happen.

他们主动为快乐创造日常条件。

They create the daily conditions for it.

他们安排生活的方式不是惩罚自己，而是优先考虑那些宁静的时刻。

They schedule out their life in a way that doesn't punish themselves, but instead prioritizes moments of peace.

也许不是早上6点起床去健身、喝绿色果汁，有些人更享受睡个懒觉，在床上喝杯咖啡，慢慢度过一个悠闲的早晨。

Maybe instead of waking up at 6AM going to a workout class and drinking green juice, One person finds more happiness by sleeping in and having a slow morning with coffee in bed.

或者也有人觉得早起奋斗更带劲，因为他们更看重下班后能悠闲地吃顿晚饭、看场电影。

Or maybe someone does feel more alive with early mornings spent grinding because they prioritize being able to enjoy a slow dinner and a movie after work.

关键不在于复制别人眼中正确的生活方式。

It's not about replicating what the right way looks like for someone else.

而是找到属于你自己的、能在日常小事中带给你最多快乐的生活版本。

It's about finding the version of your life that brings you the most joy day to day in the small things.

与其期待好事发生，快乐的人更倾向于围绕自己能创造的好事来安排生活。

Instead of hoping for good things to happen, happy people organize their life around the good things they can make happen.

他们会特意留出时间做让自己开心的事，而不是让一周变成一长串待办事项。

They carve out time for things that make them happy rather than allowing the week to feel like one long list of responsibilities.

预测一个人是否幸福的最大因素之一，不是今天发生了什么。

One of the biggest predictors of happiness isn't what happened to you today.

而是明天有没有值得期待的事情。

It's whether you have something to look forward to tomorrow.

实际上有研究表明，期待本身就能带来愉悦感，尤其是当我们期待的是某种体验时。

There's actually research showing that anticipation itself can be pleasurable, especially when we're anticipating experiences.

想想看。

Think about it.

你享受的不仅仅是度假本身。

You don't only enjoy the vacation when you're on the vacation.

你在想象它的时候就已经在享受了。

You enjoy imagining it.

规划餐厅、把活动发给旅伴、查看天气、想穿什么、倒计时、跟每个人分享。

Planning the restaurants, sending activities to your travel partner, looking at the weather, thinking about what you're gonna wear, counting down the days, telling everyone about it.

你的大脑会从希望、期待和未来的快乐中获益。

Your brain benefits from hope, anticipation, and future joy.

你的日程表上需要一些你期待的事情，而不仅仅是截止日期。

You need things on your calendar that you're looking forward to instead of just deadlines.

很多人

A lot of

的日程表上只有义务：工作会议、牙医预约、截止日期、家庭责任、没完没了的杂事。

people only have obligations on their calendars: work meetings, dentist appointments, due dates, family commitments, endless errands.

然后，他们却奇怪为什么生活感觉那么沉重。

And then, they wonder why life feels heavy.

但当然会感觉沉重啊。

But of course it feels heavy.

日程表上没有任何东西是能让你的内心感到滋养的。

There is nothing on the agenda that your heart recognizes as nourishment.

你的日程排得满满的，但它没有活力。

Your week is full, but it's not alive.

你有很多计划，但没有一个能给你带来能量。

You have plans, but none of them are giving you energy.

你虽然很忙，但并没有在构建一个自己真正享受的生活。

You're busy, but you're not building a life you actually enjoy.

快乐的人更有规划。

Happy people are much more intentional.

他们明白，快乐需要每天用心设计。

They understand that joy requires daily design.

我知道这听起来可能有点吓人。

And I know that can sound daunting.

我们都希望快乐是自然而然发生的。

We want happiness to feel spontaneous.

我们希望乐趣能自然而来。

We want fun to just happen naturally.

但随着年龄增长，快乐往往需要提前安排。

But as we get older, joy often has to be scheduled.

友谊也需要主动规划。

Friendships have to be planned.

联系需要主动去建立。

Connection has to be initiated.

哈佛大学关于成人发展的研究，这是针对成年人生活持续时间最长的研究之一，反复发现人际关系的质量与幸福、健康和长寿密切相关。

The Harvard study of adult development, one of the longest running studies on adult life, has repeatedly found that the quality of our relationships are strongly tied to happiness, health, and longevity.

罗伯特·瓦尔丁格，他来过我们节目，也是这项研究的负责人，他强调人际关系的质量对幸福和健康都至关重要。

Robert Waldinger, who's been on the show, who has directed the study, has emphasized that the quality of our relationships matters deeply for both happiness and health.

我们与谁交往，影响着我们的压力、韧性、人生意义感，以及活着的体验。

The people we are connected to shape our stress, our resilience, our sense of meaning, and our experience of being alive.

人际关系能带来幸福。

Relationships create happiness.

但人际关系不会自己维持。

But relationships don't maintain themselves.

所以幸福的人不只是重视关系，他们还会投入其中。

That's why happy people don't just value relationships, they invest in them.

他们会为关系做规划。

They plan for them.

他们不会等到感到孤独才去联系别人。

They don't wait until they're lonely to reach out to someone.

他们会问，你周四有空吗？

They say, Are you free Thursday?

在繁忙的工作周中，对朋友这样说。

To a friend in the middle of a busy work week.

这是人们常犯的最大错误之一，尤其是在进入成年期的时候。

This is one of the biggest mistakes people make, especially as they enter adulthood.

他们以为友谊还应该像以前一样方便。

They assume friendship should still be as convenient as it once was.

但在人生早期，各种机构会

But early in life, institutions do

替你完成这件事。

the work for you.

学校会把你

School puts you

每天都待在同一间屋子里。

in the same room every day.

大学创造了持续的近距离接触。

College creates constant proximity.

早期的工作让你自然拥有社交机会。

Early jobs give you built in social contact.

但成年后的幸福需要更多的刻意安排。

But adult happiness requires much more intention.

你必须主动建立那些曾经为你安排好的习惯。

You have to create the rituals that used to be created for you.

周日聚餐、晨间散步、每月游戏之夜、年度旅行、读书会、固定午餐、共同爱好。

Sunday dinners, morning walks, monthly game nights, annual trips, book clubs, standing lunches, shared hobbies.

习惯消除了计划的麻烦，因为日历上已经标好了。

Rituals remove the friction of planning because the calendar is already marked.

你不需要每周都重新想一个联系的理由。

You don't have to reinvent a reason for connection every week.

你只需要去参加那些你已经期待的活动就行了。

You have to show up to something you're already looking forward to.

我知道在忙碌的生活中，抽出时间做让自己开心的事确实不容易。

I know in our busy lives, it can feel hard to carve out time just for activities that make us happy.

但事实是，快乐本身不需要证明自己的价值。

But the truth is joy is not something that has to justify itself.

我注意到，特别是对于有抱负的人来说，很容易无意中把快乐当成一种不够格的东西。

I've noticed that especially for ambitious people, it's easy to accidentally treat joy like something that's not enough on its own.

比如，我们跑步就要记录数据。

For example, if we run, we track it.

读书就要数读了多少本。

If we read, we count the books.

和朋友吃饭就要发朋友圈。

If we go to dinner with friends, we post it.

开始一个爱好，就会想它能不能变成副业。

If we start a hobby, we wonder whether it could become a side hustle.

休息的时候，我们管它叫‘恢复’，这样听起来好像还挺有成效的。

If we rest, we call it recovery, so it still seems productive.

但实际上，你需要允许那些带给你快乐的事情，就只是带给你快乐的事情本身。

But in actuality, you need to allow the things that bring you joy to just be the things that bring you joy.

我们必须重新训练自己的思维，意识到快乐本身就是从经历中获得的一种足够好的回报。

We have to retrain our minds to realize that joy is enough to get out of an experience.

本期节目由Wayfair赞助播出。

This episode is brought to you by Wayfair.

家应该是一个让你感到安宁的地方，一个真正反映你个性的空间，但要在风格、预算和无数选择之间找到平衡，确实不容易。

Home should be a place that feels like a sanctuary, a space that truly reflects who you are, but it can be challenging to balance style, budget, and endless options.

我一直在想办法改善家里的空间和谐感，但这并不简单。

I'm always looking for ways to improve the harmony of space at home, but it isn't easy.

我想要那些能让我感到踏实，同时又经得起时间考验的家具。

I want pieces that can ground me and still hold up to the test of time.

我在Wayfair上找到了一款非常漂亮的实木床头柜和边柜，我特别喜欢。

I went on Wayfair and found a stunning solid wood nightstand and credenza I love.

现在我的卧室成了放松身心的绝佳场所。

Now my bedroom is the perfect place to wind down.

这两件家具都非常结实，让人感到踏实，彻底改变了我房间的氛围。

Both pieces are incredibly sturdy, grounding, and completely transformed the energy of my space.

而且，你可以在Wayfair Verified购物，那里的产品专家会仔细审查每件商品的质量和功能，让你购物更放心。

Plus, you can shop with Wayfair Verified, where product specialists carefully vet items for quality and functionality so you can shop with more confidence.

如果自己组装听起来很麻烦，Wayfair可以帮你处理送货、安装和组装。

And if putting it all together sounds like a headache, Wayfair can handle delivery, installation, and assembly.

今天就加入Wayfair Rewards，每次购物都能获得5%的返现，开始为你的下一次家居升级省钱吧。

Join Wayfair Rewards today to get 5% back on every purchase and start saving on your next home upgrade.

前往wayfair.com选购所有家居用品。

Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home.

网址是wayfair.com。

That's wayfair.com.

Wayfair。

Wayfair.

各种风格。

Every style.

每个家。

Every home.

七天挑战由亚马逊健康AI为您呈现。

The seven day challenge is brought to you by Amazon Health AI.

你有没有试过在网上没完没了地搜索和翻看，想搞清楚自己的身体状况？

Have you ever tried to figure out your body by endlessly searching and scrolling for answers online?

我们都这么干过，但基本没什么用。

We all do it, and it never really works.

好在现在有亚马逊健康AI，它能把你的症状和病史联系起来，全天候为你提供医疗服务。

Thankfully, there's Amazon Health AI, which can connect your symptoms with your medical history and get you care 20 fourseven.

所以别再搜了，亚马逊健康AI来了！

So call off the search Amazon Health AI is here!

在结束之前，我想给你留下这周的七天挑战。

Before we finish, I want to leave you with this week's seven day challenge.