Ask Jay：如何在人生最艰难的时期照顾好自己？

嘿，我是杰伊。

Hey, it's Jay.

我不知道你今天过得怎么样，但我刚才想了一会儿你。

I don't know what your day's been like, but I was just thinking about you for a minute.

我希望你能对自己多一点耐心，因为你值得。

And I hope you're being a little patient with yourself because you deserve it.

是的，我很快会再跟你聊的。

And, yeah, I'll talk to you soon.

今天我们聊聊健康这个话题。

Today we're talking about health.

我们生活中有太多东西都建立在掌控感之上，但当身体或心理健康问题出现时，那种掌控感可能一夜之间就消失了。

So much of our lives are built around the feeling of control, but when physical or mental health challenges show up, that control can vanish overnight.

当身体或大脑感觉在跟你作对时，那种感觉会让人害怕、孤独，而且精疲力尽。

It can feel terrifying, isolating, and utterly exhausting to navigate a body or a mind that feels like it is working against you.

我已经准备好今天和你一起深入探讨这些信息了。

I'm ready to dive into these messages with you today.

那我们开始吧。

Let's get into it.

嗨，Jay。

Hi, Jay.

我刚生了第三个宝宝。

I just had my third baby.

我现在正处在产后的艰难时期。

I am in the thick of the postpartum period.

我产后焦虑挺严重的，就像生第一个孩子时那样。

I have postpartum anxiety pretty bad with him like I did with my first baby.

被诊断出子痫前期，还不得不住院。

Was diagnosed with preeclampsia and had to be readmitted.

这让我的焦虑更加一发不可收拾。

That threw my anxiety into a whirlwind.

我自己也是母婴护士，所以知道得太多了。

I'm also a mom baby nurse, so I know too much.

但产后子痫前期确实很少被提及。

But postpartum preeclampsia is just not talked about enough.

身处这样的境地，经历产后妈妈可能面临的最可怕的事情之一，当我们正经历自己最害怕的事情时，我们该如何走出创伤？

Being in this situation, going through one of the scariest things that a postpartum mom can go through, how do we move past trauma when we're currently living what we most feared would happen.

恭喜你迎来第三个宝宝。

Congratulations on your third baby.

虽然这是件令人兴奋的事，但我也很遗憾你第二次经历产后焦虑。

As exciting as that is, I'm also so sorry you're dealing with postpartum anxiety for a second time.

我显然无法体会那是什么感觉，但我很佩服你能挺过来。

I obviously have no idea what that must be like, and I commend you for working through it.

你提到产后子痫前期很少被提及，我同意。

You mentioned that postpartum preeclampsia isn't talked about enough and I agree.

所以让我为那些可能不了解的听众解释一下。

So let me explain it for anyone listening who might not be familiar with it.

不是给你解释，因为你是母婴护士，你比我还懂这个。

Not for you because you're a mom baby nurse and you know this better than I do.

所以如果我说错了，你可以纠正我。

So you can correct me if I get it wrong.

产后子痫前期是一种分娩后血压异常升高的情况，真的很难预测。

But postpartum preeclampsia is a condition involving dangerously high blood pressure after giving birth, and it is really hard to predict.

如果不治疗，可能会导致癫痫发作和中风。

Left untreated, it can cause seizures and strokes.

而它特别危险的地方在于，血压高峰通常出现在产后第三天到第六天之间。

And what makes it super dangerous is that in general, the blood pressure peaks tend to happen somewhere between day three and day six after delivery.

这一点很重要，因为大多数产妇在分娩后大约四十八小时就出院了，这意味着最高风险期是在你回家之后才出现的。

That's important because most patients are discharged from the hospital around forty eight hours after delivery, which means that the highest risk period lands after you've gone home.

你独自带着新生儿，睡眠不足，然后突然发生危及生命的情况。

You're on your own with a newborn running on no sleep, and then something life threatening happens.

我敢打赌，当人们知道你是护士时，他们会说，至少你知道发生了什么。

And I'll bet that when people find out you're a nurse, they say something like, well, at least you know what's happening.

但你不仅仅知道发生了什么。

But you don't just know what's happening.

你知道每一种可能的情况。

You know every way it can go.

你见过那些不好的结果，不是作为统计数据，而是真实的人。

You have seen the bad outcomes, not as statistics, but with real people.

所以回到你真正的问题：当我们正经历着最害怕的事情时，我们该如何走出创伤？

So to your actual question, how do we move past trauma when we're currently living the thing we were most afraid of?

走出某件事，是在那件事结束之后才能做的工作。

Moving past something is work you do after that thing is over.

听起来，你的事情还没结束。

And it does not sound like it is over for you yet.

也许让你疲惫的部分原因是，你试图从还没经历完的事情中恢复，这有点像在电影还没看完时就试图写影评。

Maybe part of what's exhausting you is trying to recover from something you're not done experiencing yet, which is a bit like trying to review a movie you're currently watching right now.

但现在确实有你能做的实际工作。

But there is real work you can do right now.

但我要说清楚，我绝不会假装知道你应该如何应对产后焦虑或子痫前期，但我想尽力回答你关于在经历重大恐惧时如何应对创伤的问题。

But to be clear, I would never pretend to know how you should manage your postpartum anxiety or preeclampsia, but I want to do my best to answer your question about navigating trauma in the midst of living a major fear.

心理学家克里斯·布鲁因和他的同事们做过一项很有名的研究，探讨什么因素能预测一个人是否会留下长期的心理创伤。

There's a well known piece of research by psychologist Chris Bruin and his colleagues studying what predicts whether someone develops lasting trauma.

他们发现，一些最强的预测因素是与事件本身相关的情况，包括当事人身边是否有支持。

What they found is that some of the strongest factors were the circumstances surrounding the event, including whether the person had support around them.

不过，这只是相关性，并不是绝对的保证。

Now that's a correlation rather than a guarantee.

我并不是说，只要你身边有足够多的人，就什么都不会伤害到你。

And I'm not telling you that if you have enough people around you, nothing can hurt you.

但如果现在你确实可以依靠支持系统，那么现在正是该用的时候。

But if leaning on a support system is an option for you right now, this is the moment to use it.

我觉得经历创伤最困难的一点是，你会感到极度孤独，觉得自己被误解。

I think one of the most difficult things about going through a traumatic experience is that you feel extremely alone and you feel misunderstood.

我们感到孤独，是因为在经历艰难时刻时，会觉得自己是唯一在经历这些的人。

We feel alone because when we're going through a difficult moment, it can feel like we're the only ones going through it.

这种感受是完全正常的。

And that's a legitimate feeling.

我想肯定这一点。

I wanna validate that.

但实际上，也有其他人正在以他们自己的方式经历着同样的事情。

But in reality, there are other people going through it in their own way.

有时候你可能想远离别人，但有时候，知道你和别人经历着同样的事情，听到他们的故事，他们也听到你的故事，这反而是最大的安慰。

And there may be times when you wanna stay away from other people, but there are times when actually knowing that you're going through the same thing as someone else, hearing their story, them hearing yours is the greatest source of comfort.

我鼓励你去找其他经历过或正在经历这些的母亲，不是为了寻求建议，不是为了快速解决或答案，因为我们知道那是不可能的，而只是为了能够分享你的心声，让他们也分享他们的心声，让你们建立那种纽带和联系，被真正理解你痛苦的人包围，这样你就不会感到孤单。

I encourage you to find other mothers who've been through this before or are going through it right now, not for advice, not for a quick fix or a solution because we know that is impossible, but just to be able to share your heart with, for them to share theirs with you and for you to create that bond and that connection of being surrounded by people who truly understand your pain and so that you don't feel alone.

被理解的另一部分其实来自于我们能够解释自己正在经历的事情。

The other part about being understood actually comes from us being able to explain what we're going through.

我认为经历困难时期最大的问题之一是我们害怕别人会觉得我们变了。

I think one of the biggest problems about going through a difficult time is that we're scared that other people are gonna think we've changed.

我们害怕自己正在变成什么样的人。

We're scared about who we're becoming.

我们害怕自己的身份，害怕别人对我们的看法。

We're scared about our identity, our perception.

我们担心自己不像以前那么有趣了。

We're worried that we're not as fun as we used to be.

我们担心自己不像以前那么聪明了。

We're worried that we're not as bright as we used to be.

你可能比平时情绪更沉重。

You might be emotionally heavier than usual.

你可能背负着比平时更多的东西，而且你能感觉到周围的人也都注意到了。

You might be carrying more than you're used to, and you could tell the other people around you notice it as well.

当我经历困难的时候，我觉得沟通、表达和解释你所经历的事情非常重要，要告诉他们这不是你想要的，你也不知道什么时候能走出来，或者需要什么才能走出来。

When I'm going through a difficult time, I believe it's so important to communicate and articulate and explain what you're experiencing and how it's something you don't want and how you're not sure when you're gonna be out of it or what it takes.

但是能够和你周围的人，那些你花最多时间在一起的人分享这些，不仅让他们更了解你，也让你感到被理解，被看见。

But being able to share that with the people around you, the people you spend the most time with, allows not only them to understand you better, but for you to feel understood, for you to feel seen.

当你经历巨大的变化和转变时，你最大的痛苦就是别人看不见你。

When you're going through moments of great change and great transition, the biggest pain you experience is people not seeing you.

帮助那些爱你、在你身边的人看见你，和他们分享你正在经历的事情，这样他们也能用同理心、背景和理解来对待你。

Help the people who love you and who are around you see you and share with them the experience that you're currently going through so that they can also meet you with empathy, context, and compassion.

如果你的消息在“我刚生了第三个宝宝”那里就结束了，我会告诉你，这已经够你忙的了。

If you had ended your message at I've just had my third baby, I would have told you that was plenty to be dealing with.

你现在在家里和工作中要照顾很多人。

You're taking care of a lot of people right now in your house and at your job.

只要确保其中一个人是你自己。

Just make sure one of them is you.

再次恭喜你有了第三个宝宝。

Again, congratulations on your third baby.

你以前经历过这些。

You've been through this before.

你有这个能力。

You have the skills.

你比任何人都更有经验。

You have the tools more than anyone does.

我知道这让你害怕，但这也是你最大的优势。

And I know while that scares you, that is also your greatest strength.

我真的希望这一切能尽可能顺利、少些痛苦，祝你一切顺利。

I really hope that this can be as smooth and as painless as possible, and I'm wishing you all the best.

本期《On Purpose》节目由马自达赞助播出。

This episode of On Purpose is presented to you by Mazda.

安心不是偶然得来的。

Peace of mind doesn't happen by chance.

它来自于我们在真正需要之前就养成的习惯。

It's created through the habits we build before we ever need them.

这就是每一辆马自达背后的理念。

That's the philosophy behind every Mazda.

凭借主动安全功能，让你更警觉、更互联、更投入，马自达让你无论面对什么样的路况都能从容应对。

With proactive safety features that help keep you more aware, more connected, more engaged, Mazda helps you feel ready for whatever the road brings.

这就是为什么马自达被评为《消费者报告》最安全的新车品牌。

It's why Mazda has been named Consumer reports safest new car brand.

截至2026年7月，马自达获得的2026年IIHS顶级安全之选+奖项数量超过了其他任何汽车品牌。

And as of July 2026, Mazda has won more 2026 IIHS Top Safety Pick plus awards than any other car brand.

想了解更多，请访问 www.iihs.org。

Visit www.iihs.org to learn more.

很多事，在事故没发生时就已经在发生。

A lot can happen when an accident doesn't.

想了解更多，请访问 mazdausa.com。

Visit mazdausa.com to learn more.

《消费者报告》不背书任何产品或服务。

Consumer reports does not endorse products or services.

嗨，Jay。

Hi, Jay.

我是一位妻子，两个男孩的妈妈，直到不久前，我还是我们家族企业的首席财务官和老板。

I'm a wife, mom of two boys, and until recently, I was the CFO and owner of our family business.

和许多创业者一样，多年来我一直相信，更努力地工作才是解决问题的答案。

Like so many entrepreneurs, I spent years believing that working harder was always the answer.

今年早些时候，我决定做一次预防性的 Pro Novo 扫描。

Earlier this year, I decided to get an elective pro Novo scan.

我差点没去做，因为我觉得自己身体挺好的。

I almost didn't do it because I felt healthy enough.

扫描发现了一个我从来不知道的脑瘤。

The scan found a brain tumor that I never knew I had.

一夜之间，我以前觉得重要的一切都变了。

Overnight, everything I thought mattered changed.

恢复期间，我根本没想什么营收会议或发展路线。

During recovery, I wasn't thinking about revenue meetings or growth paths.

我满脑子想的都是，我能不能看着儿子们长大，能不能再跑步，能不能抱抱我丈夫，或者只是再过一天普通的日子。

I was thinking about whether I'd get to watch my boys grow up, be able to run again, hug my husband, or simply have another normal day.

幸运的是，我的手术很成功，但我回来之后，看事情的角度完全不一样了。

Thankfully, my surgery was successful, but I've come back with a completely different perspective.

我已经从日常的忙碌中抽身出来了。

I've stepped away from the day to day grind.

我意识到，如果为了成功而牺牲健康、人际关系和内心的平静，那成功就没什么意义了。

I realized success means very little if you sacrifice your health, your relationships, and your peace to achieve it.

我的问题是，你怎么知道什么时候该停止追求更多，相信你已经建立得足够多，从而能完全拥抱你辛苦创造的生活？

My question is, how do you know when it's time to stop chasing more and trust that you've already built enough so you can fully embrace a life you've worked so hard to create.

首先，你经历了这么大的事情。

First of all, that is an enormous thing to have happened to you.

我想那一定很可怕。

And I imagine it was terrifying.

你差点没做的扫描发现了你根本不知道的脑瘤。

A scan you almost skipped finds a brain tumor you had no idea was there.

谢谢你告诉我们这件事，我很高兴手术顺利，你没事了。

Thank you for telling us about it, and I'm so glad that the surgery went well and that you're okay.

我想开始回答你的问题，关于怎么知道你已经建立得足够多，我想谈谈我最喜欢的演讲之一。

I wanna start to answer your question about how to know when you've built enough by talking about one of my favorite speeches ever given.

2005年，史蒂夫·乔布斯在他自己癌症诊断和手术大约一年后，发表了一次毕业演讲。

In 2005, Steve Jobs gave a commencement speech about a year after his own cancer diagnosis and surgery.

在那次演讲中，他没有说面对死亡给了他新的信息，而是说这让他更清楚地看到了他已经知道的事情。

In it, he doesn't say that facing death gave him new information, but rather that it allowed him to see things that he already knew more clearly.

听起来你在康复期间就是这样的。

It sounded like that's what happened to you in recovery.

你当时没在想营收会议的事。

You weren't thinking about revenue meetings.

你心里想的是你的孩子们、你的丈夫，还有能过上平常的一天。

You were thinking about your boys, your husband, and having a normal day.

那些你早就知道最重要的事情浮出了水面，这想想也挺残酷的。

The things that you already knew were the most important rose to the surface, Which is a cruel arrangement if you think about it.

我们一生中领悟到的一些最宝贵的东西，往往是在最糟糕的几周里得到的。

Some of the most valuable things we ever work out about our lives arrive attached to the worst weeks we ever have.

健康危机常常会让人有这样的领悟。

Health scares do this to people constantly.

本不该非得经历这些才能明白。

It shouldn't take that.

但现实往往就是这样。

It very often does.

所以，我来回答你的问题，怎么知道什么时候该停，或者什么时候你已经积累够了。

So here's how I'd answer your question about knowing when it's time to stop or when you've built enough.

我觉得“够了”不是一个你最终能达到的里程碑。

I don't think enough is a milestone you eventually reach.

如果是的话，早就有人达到了，然后告诉我们确切的数字。

If it were, someone would have hit it by now and given the rest of us the exact number.

看看你健康上发生的事。

Look at what happened with your health.

你觉得自己够健康，差点就完全跳过脑部扫描，这说明那个基准有多骗人。

You felt healthy enough that you almost skipped the brain scan entirely, which shows how deceptive that baseline can be.

不管是身体还是工作量，“够了”都是一个不断变化的目标。

Whether we're talking about your body or your workload enough is a moving target.

是时候把它当作标准放下了。

It is time to drop it as the bar.

它根本没法衡量。

It's not measurable.

所以我觉得你的问题其实不是‘我怎么知道？’

So I don't actually think your question is how do I know?

我觉得你是知道的。

I think you know.

我觉得更难的问题是怎么去执行。

I think the harder question is how do you execute it?

这听起来可能很简单，但作为一个像你一样在企业界工作过的人，要真正放下手头的工作，说起来容易做起来难。

And that probably sounds simple, but as someone who has worked in the corporate world like you, it's a whole lot easier said than done to step away from the grind.

你总有时间回最后一封邮件，或者在休息日接个电话。

You always have time to answer one last email or take a quick call on your day off.

先从今年真正休完你的年假开始，或者算算完全退休或半退休在财务上会是什么样子。

Start with actually taking your vacation days this year, or figuring out what full or partial retirement might look like financially.

给自己安排一个无会议日。

Create a no meetings day for yourself.

周五远程办公。

Work remotely on Fridays.

慢慢地，但坚定地，为你的生活腾出更多空间。

Slowly but surely make more room in your life for your life.

这不就是全部的意义所在吗？

And isn't this the whole point?

我们工作是为了生活。

We work so that we can live.

这就是安排。

That's the arrangement.

不知从什么时候开始，我们中的一些人把顺序搞反了，结果工作占据了我们的生活。

And somewhere along the way, of us get it backwards and end up with work taking over our lives.

听起来你刚刚把它重新摆正了。

It sounds like you've just flipped it back the right way around.

我觉得这太棒了。

And I think that's brilliant.

所以，在转变的过程中，对自己宽容一点。

So go easy on yourself while you make the switch.

这可是个大转变。

It's a big one.

你花了好多年建立了一种生活方式，而你现在才刚开始过另一种生活几个月。

You spent years building one way of living and you're only months into a different one.

这需要一段时间才能适应。

And that takes a while to settle.

但身处其中其实挺让人兴奋的。

But it's an exciting thing to be in the middle of.

我还想再指出一点。

I want to point something else out again.

因为你辛苦工作了好多年，你才有能力负担这次扫描。

Because you worked hard for so many years, you were able to afford this scan.

我猜，展望未来，你对世界的样子、对自己生活的样子，都有了更多的灵活度。

And I'm assuming you have a bit more flexibility with what the world looks like moving forward, with what your life looks like moving forward.

我觉得我们很容易把自己已经实现的那部分生活看得一文不值，然后才意识到，我们本该把精力放在更有价值的事情上。

I think it's really easy to make certain parts of our life look worthless when we already have achieved them and then realize that we should have focused on more worthwhile things.

但现实是，如果你经济上不稳定，如果你不安全，你生活中感受到的压力，和你想花时间陪家人的渴望，是一样强烈的。

But the reality is that if you were financially insecure, if you were not safe, you would still feel that pressure in your life as much as wanting to spend time with your family.

我觉得作为人类，我们很擅长把某件事妖魔化，然后说，不再需要那个了。

I think as humans, we're very good at demonizing something and saying, don't need that anymore.

我也这么做过。

I've done that.

现在我要专注于这个。

Now I'm going to focus on this.

而现实是，和谐一致的生活，比头脑通常喜欢的那种非此即彼的切换更重要。

And the reality is that a life lived in harmony and alignment is more important than this binary switch that the mind usually likes to take.

我们喜欢对自己说，我已经那么努力了。

We like to say to ourselves, I've worked so hard.

我需要停止工作。

I need to stop working.

我只需要和家人在一起。

I just need to be with family.

或者是我花太多时间陪家人了。

Or I'm spending too much time with family.

我赚的钱不够多。

I'm not making enough money.

我得去赚点钱才行。

I just need to go and make some money.

但事实是，这种二选一的取舍最终会让我们在某个方面感到不安。

And the truth is those are binary trades that end up making us feel unsafe in one way or the other.

你可以花很多时间陪家人，但会感到经济上没有保障、没有安全感；或者你可以赚很多钱，但会觉得自己和爱的人在一起的时间不够深入、不够有质量。

You could spend lots of time with your family and feel financially insecure and unsafe, or you could make lots of money and feel like you don't have depth and quality of time with the people you love.

这时候我们通常会想到“平衡”这个词。

Now we usually turn to the word balance.

但说到平衡，我们想到的是时间均等，可这从来都不会发生。

And when we think of balance, we think of the same amount of time, And that never happens.

因为工作的性质，我们工作的时间总是比社交、休闲或者和朋友家人相处的时间要长。

We all work longer than we spend socially or in leisure or spending time with our friends and family just with the nature of work.

所以在我们看来，平衡这个概念并不好，但协调与和谐要健康得多。

So balance is a poor idea in our mind, but alignment and harmony are much healthier.

你想和谁在一起？

Who do you want to be present with?

你想和谁一起过周五晚上？

Who do you want to spend a Friday night with?

你理想中的周日早晨是什么样的？

What's your ideal Sunday morning?

你理想中的假期是什么样的？

What's your ideal vacation?

周六你想以什么方式陪伴家人？

What's the best way you want to be with your family on a Saturday?

创造回忆和美好时刻，关键不在于你有多少时间，而在于你有多投入。

Making memories and making moments is less about the amount of time you have and more about the amount of presence you have.

努力工作，就是要确保你不会因为工作太拼命而伤害到自己的身心。

And working hard is making sure that you're not working so hard that you're hurting your body and mind.

你可以努力工作，取得成功，实现很多目标，同时不伤害自己的身心健康。

You can work hard and be successful and achieve a lot of things without causing damage to your mind and body.

再说一次，这又回到了协调与和谐，而不是平衡。

Again, it goes back to alignment and harmony and less about balance.

现在你已经意识到健康有多重要，家庭有多重要，同时你的生意也为你提供了基础，让你有选择和机会，你实际上有机会活在协调与和谐之中。

Now that you've become aware of how much health is a priority and how much your family is a priority, but also how your business has allowed you this foundation to be able to have choices and options, you actually have the opportunity to live in alignment and harmony.

不要为了家庭或工作而忽视健康。

Don't ignore your health for family or work.

不要过度重视工作，以至于没有和家人创造回忆。

Don't over prioritize work that you don't make memories with your family.

也不要完全沉浸在家庭时光中，以至于失去了意义感、目标感和个人成就感，这些都是充实丰富生活的一部分。

And don't get so lost just in spending family that you lose a sense of meaning and purpose and personal achievement, which are all parts of living a full rich life.

我不相信平衡存在，因为我相信生活更像是有季节的。

I don't believe balance exists because I believe life is more about seasons.

如果你想想自然运作的方式，它给了我们很多关于如何生活的启示。

If you think about the way nature operates, it informs a lot about how we can live.

你不会在同一天里经历下雨、下雪、出太阳和刮风。

You don't experience rain, snow, sunshine, and wind all in the same day.

一般来说，我们就是按照季节的本来面貌去体验它们。

Generally, we experience the seasons as they are.

有成长的季节，有享受的季节，有温暖舒适的季节，也有放手的季节。

There are seasons for growth, seasons for pleasure, seasons for warmth and coziness, and seasons for letting go.

搞清楚你现在正处于人生的哪个阶段。

Figure out what season you're in in life right now.

当你顺应那个阶段时，你就能从一个阶段自然过渡到下一个，而不会觉得哪个阶段是错的，哪个是对的。

And when you align with that season of life, you get to move from one to the next without making one feel wrong and one feel right.

你上一个阶段对你有帮助。

Your last season served you.

你在合适的时候意识到了某些事情。

You became aware of something at the right time.

你做出了必要的改变，现在进入下一个阶段。

You made the necessary changes and now move into the next.

再次感谢你的留言。

Thanks again for your message.

祝你事业顺利，家庭幸福，身体健康。

I'm wishing you so well in your career, family life, and your health.

阿罗哈，杰伊。

Aloha, Jay.

我照顾我93岁患有痴呆症的母亲，整整十八个月。

I was the caregiver for my 93 year old mother with dementia for eighteen months.

我和我丈夫得到了我们能得到的所有支持。

My husband and I got all the support we possibly could.

即便如此，我还是得了各种病。

And even then, I suffered from various ailments.

我觉得最难的是，你辛辛苦苦在生活中设立界限，保持真实，注意自己的精力。

I think the hardest part was working so hard in your life to set boundaries and be authentic and be careful of your energy.

当你需要照顾一个痴呆症患者时，这一切都白费了。

When you have caregiving responsibilities for a person with dementia, all of that goes out the window.

所有专家都告诉你，你得进入他们的世界。

All the experts tell you, you need to enter their world.

你得学会即兴发挥。

You need to learn improv.

你得学会撒谎。

You need to learn to lie.

而这一切对我来说都很难做到，既要让她保持平静，又不能让自己崩溃。

And all of that was very hard for me to do, keeping her calm and not falling apart.

如果你有时间，我很想听听你能分享一些照顾者如何度过这段时期的建议。

I would love it if you had time to share what caregivers can do to help them get through this time.

谢谢你，也谢谢你为你母亲所做的一切。

Thank you for this and thank you for all you've done for your mother.

不是每个人的支持系统里都有像你这样的人。

Not everyone has someone like you in their support system.

虽然我知道痴呆症是一种毁灭性的疾病，但她很幸运有你。

And while I know dementia is a devastating disease, she's been lucky to have you.

而且我真的很抱歉，你坚定不移的支持也付出了代价。

And I'm really sorry that your unwavering support also came with a cost.

因为痴呆症会损害大脑接收新信息的能力，所以纠正患者认为正确的事情可能会让他们非常痛苦。

Since dementia damages the brain's ability to take in new information, correcting someone about what they think is true can be super distressing.

但研究表明，顺着患者的思路来，可以帮助缓解这种痛苦。

But research suggests that meeting a patient where they're at can help ease that.

但有时候他们的思路并不在现实里。

But sometimes where they're at is not in reality.

我完全能理解，对你母亲这样做，可能会让你觉得非常非常难受，因为她可能是最早告诉你不要撒谎的人之一，也是她帮你塑造了世界观，让你成为现在这个有爱心的人。

And I can totally hear how doing this with your mother, probably one of the first people who told you not to lie, who helped shape the worldview that made you the caring person you are, can feel really, really tough.

纽约城市大学有一项研究，和你的感受不谋而合。

There's research out of the City University of New York that echoes your sentiment.

家庭照护者要克服像不想对父母撒谎这样的本能反应，这本身就会带来情感上的代价。

Family caregivers deal with an emotional cost to overriding an innate reflex like not wanting to lie to your parents.

所以回到你的问题，也就是照护者如何保持自我，不迷失自己。

So back to your question, which is how caregivers can keep from losing themselves.

我希望你能有一个地方，可以暂时放下照顾者的身份。

What I want for you is somewhere you can stop being the caregiver.

不只是你一个人这样。

It's not just you.

很多照顾者发现，当他们的角色变得占据一切时，他们就开始失去自我。

Many caregivers find that they begin losing touch with themselves when their roles become all consuming.

你花了十八个月的时间去随机应变、时刻关注、保持冷静、斟酌言辞、不让自己崩溃。

You spent eighteen months improvising, monitoring, staying calm, choosing your words, not falling apart.

而这一切，都像是一场表演。

And every one of those is a performance.

不是虚假的表演，而是真实而充满爱意的举动，但确实是一种表演，因为你一直在为了别人而不断调整自己。

Not a fake one, a real and loving gesture, but a performance because you are regulating yourself continuously for someone else's benefit.

如果一直这样没有休息，你开始迷失自己，听起来也很自然。

Do that with no interval and it sounds pretty natural that you would start to lose track of yourself.

再加上角色反转，你不得不成为照顾父母的那个人。

Add on the role reversal of having to be the one caring for your parent.

所以我希望你能找到一个不用扮演这个角色的地方。

So I hope you can find somewhere you're not in the role.

每周哪怕一个小时，不用去照顾另一个人。

An hour a week where you're not managing another human being.

至少要有一个人，你能在他面前做个挣扎的女儿。

And at least one person you can be the struggling daughter with.

最后我想留给你一句话。

I'll leave you with this.

2009年，亨利·布罗代蒂和玛丽卡·邓肯发表了一篇论文，他们把家庭照护者称为“隐形的第二患者”。

There's a paper from 2009 by Henry Brodetti and Marika Duncan, where they describe family caregivers as the invisible second patients.

我不知道你是否认同这个说法，但听你说话的感觉，你确实也需要被关心。

And I don't know whether you'll relate to that, but from what I can hear, it sounds like you deserve some care too.

你不只是一个照护者。

You're not just a caregiver.

你远不止如此。

You're more than that.

我希望你和其他所有了不起的照护者都能得到这样的关怀。

I hope you and all the other amazing caregivers out there can get it.

而且我希望这能让你感觉更像自己。

And I hope it makes you feel more like yourself.

我觉得这就是我想和你分享的核心。

I think this is the essence of what I want to share with you.

如果你不照顾自己，你照顾的那个人就得不到最好的你。

If you don't care for yourself, the person you are caring for doesn't get the best of you.

他们得到的只是你剩下的部分。

They're getting what's left of you.

但如果你照顾好自己，把自己放在第一位，哪怕每周一小时，哪怕每天三十分钟，你就能把最好的精力和关怀带给对方。

But if you care for yourself and put yourself first, even for an hour a week, even for thirty minutes a day, you now can bring your best energy and care to the other person.

对于那些想把自己奉献给他人、爱他人、想服务他人的人来说，我们常常自我放弃或自我牺牲，认为那才是更高的原则，却没有意识到，当我们把自己累垮时，我们给别人的能量、关注和陪伴反而更少了。

For those of us who want to give ourselves to others, who love others, who want to serve others, we often self abandon or self sacrifice believing that that's the higher principle, Not realizing that we're giving less of our energy, less of our attention, less of our presence to someone else when we wear ourselves down.

如果你精疲力尽，你就是在用疲惫去爱别人。

If you're exhausted, you're giving someone your love with exhaustion.

如果你自己都耗尽了，那你给别人的照顾也是耗尽的。

If you're depleted, you're giving someone your care that's depleted.

每天、每周都花点时间给自己充电、恢复精力、重新振作，只会让你成为更好的照顾者。

Taking time every day and every week to refuel and re energize and renew will only make you a better caregiver.

休息并不是照顾别人的对立面。

Rest is not the opposite of caring for someone.

实际上，休息是必需的燃料，让你能更深入地照顾别人。

It is actually the fuel that's required so you can care for someone more deeply.

我们常常觉得，如果我在休息、在放松，那就说明我不在乎。

We often think if I'm resting, I'm taking a break, then that means I don't care.

其实，这可能恰恰说明你更在乎，因为你希望给你爱的人带来更高质量的照顾。

It can actually mean that you want to care more because you want to bring a higher degree of care to the person you love.

照顾好自己，和照顾好别人并不冲突。

Taking care of yourself is not in conflict with taking care of someone else.

这其实是同一件事的一部分。

It's actually a part of the same thing.

本期节目由马自达赞助播出。

This episode is brought to you by Mazda.

生活中一些最美好的时刻，恰恰是因为一切顺利才发生的。

Some of life's best moments happen because nothing went wrong.

比如开车回家，聊不完的话题，还有那些完全按计划进行的安排。

The drive home, the conversation that continues, the plans that stay exactly as planned.

这就是安全感。

That's the feeling of safety.

每一辆马自达都配备了主动安全功能，帮助你更警觉、更专注、更投入地驾驶，让你在路上充满信心。

Every Mazda is designed with proactive safety features that help keep you more aware, more connected, and more engaged with your drive, so you can feel confident on the road.

因此，马自达被评为《消费者报告》最安全的新车品牌。

That's why Mazda has been named Consumer reports safest new car brand.

截至2026年7月，马自达获得的2026年IIHS顶级安全之选+奖项数量超过了其他任何汽车品牌。

And as of July 2026, they've won more 2026 IIHS top safety pick plus awards than any other car brand.

想了解更多，请访问www.iihs.org。

Visit www.iihs.org to learn more.

很多事都可能发生，只要没出事故。

A lot can happen when an accident doesn't.

访问 mazdausa.com 了解更多。

Visit mazdausa.com to learn more.

《消费者报告》不推荐任何产品或服务。

Consumer reports does not endorse products or services.

有些人白手起家，最终拥有一切。

Some people start with nothing and build everything.

我一开始拥有一切，却不得不从零开始重建生活。

I started with everything and had to rebuild my life from nothing.

我成长在一个特权家庭。

I grew up in a privileged family.

我父亲曾担任朱利叶斯·尼雷尔总统的首席秘书，我以为生活会一直这样下去。

My father served as principal secretary to President Julius Nyerere and I thought life would always stay the same.

然而有一天，我母亲突然失踪，毫无踪迹。

Then one day, my mother disappeared without a trace.

她再也没有出现过。

She was never found.

没有告别，也没有任何解释。

There was no goodbye, no explanation.

多年后，我到了丹麦，连当地语言都不会说。

Years later, I found myself in Denmark, unable to speak the language.

一切从头开始，一边读书带娃，一边打扫酒店客房，心里始终装着那份没有结局的伤痛。

Starting again from the very bottom, I cleaned hotel rooms while studying and raising my children, carrying a loss that never had an ending.

多年来，我一直以为我的故事是关于如何熬过来的。

For years, I thought my story was about surviving.

如今我才明白，这一切其实是在为我的使命做准备。

Today, I know it was preparing me for my purpose.

现在我把余生都用来分享真实的故事，帮助人们在人生最艰难的时期保持坚强。

I now dedicate my life to sharing authentic stories that help people stay strong during life's most difficult seasons.

所以我想问你一个问题：你是怎么把那些从未真正愈合的伤痛，转化成能帮助他人走出困境的力量呢？

So my question for you is this, how do you transform a wound that never truly healed into a life that helps other people heal?

真是个好故事。

What a story.

从你母亲失踪到在丹麦重新开始，我想先花点时间承认你所承受的巨大压力。

From your mother disappearing to finding yourself in Denmark, want to take a second to acknowledge the sheer weight of what you've endured.

在异国他乡从零开始，学习一门你不会的语言，一边打扫酒店房间一边带孩子和读书。

Rebuilding from nothing in a foreign country, learning a language you don't speak, cleaning hotel rooms while raising children and studying.

即使有人支持，在一个你不懂文化规则或语言的地方，也让人精疲力尽。

Even with support, being in a place where you don't know the cultural codes or the language is exhausting.

你付出了双倍的努力，只是为了到达起跑线。

You're working twice as hard just to arrive at the starting line.

而你在做这一切的同时，还背负着母亲失踪带来的沉重悲痛，没有明确的答案或了结。

And you are doing all of that while carrying the heavy grief of your mother's disappearance with no clear answers or closure.

这种长期的高压状态对身心造成巨大影响，因为健康不仅仅是身体上的健康，更是你的神经系统被迫承受的负担。

That kind of prolonged high stakes stress takes a massive toll on the body and mind because your health isn't just about physical fitness, it's about the load your nervous system is forced to carry.

所以，在说其他事情之前，你所做的这一切展现了非凡的韧性。

So look, before anything else, what you did took extraordinary resilience.

你展现的是一种不一样的健康。

You're displaying a different kind of health.

那种带着未愈合的伤口，却依然坚持建设生活的心理和情感耐力。

The mental and emotional endurance it takes to carry an active wound and keep building a life anyway.

我特别佩服你，能这么认真地讲怎么用自己的经历去帮助别人，而且那些为了生存所经历的一切，反而让你更接近自己的使命。

I'm so impressed with how carefully you're talking about using what you've been through to help others and how everything it took to survive brought you closer to your purpose.

这让我想起斯多葛派哲学家爱比克泰德教过的东西。

It reminds me of something Epictetus, the stoic philosopher, used to teach.

他基本上是说，生活给我们的境遇我们控制不了，但我们对回应的方式始终有完全的掌控权。

He basically said life hands us circumstances that we don't control, but we always keep full ownership over our response.

今天的科学告诉我们，拥有这种掌控感就像一面盾牌。

What science shows us today is that having that kind of agency is basically a shield.

当你意识到自己仍然能控制自己的回应时，你的身心就不会被慢性压力的全部伤害击垮。

When you realize you still control your response, it keeps your mind and your body from taking the full damaging hit of chronic stress.

而你现在做的正是这件事。

And that's exactly what you're doing.

你在掌控自己对命运的反应，并且思考如何在痛苦仍然存在的时候，把经历转化为帮助他人的力量。

You're owning your response to the hand you were dealt and asking how to put what you've been through at the service of others while the pain is still active.

问题不是如何抹去痛苦。

The question isn't how do you erase the pain?

我很高兴你没有这么问。

And I'm glad that's not what you're asking.

你问的是如何在旅程进行中分享你的经历。

You're asking how to share your journey while you're still in it.

说实话，你已经在这么做了。

And honestly, you're already doing it.

我觉得不必等到完全痊愈才能开始帮助别人。

I don't think full healing needs to be a prerequisite before you start helping others.

你给别人的不是一个完美结局的精致故事。

You aren't offering people a polished, neat story with a perfect ending.

你给他们的是真实的证明：一个人可以从零开始重建，承受失去，并且继续前行。

You're offering them real proof that a person can rebuild from nothing, carry an open loss, and keep going anyway.

当人们正处于最艰难的时刻，他们需要的不是一个关于成功到达的故事。

When people are in the middle of their hardest season, they don't need a story about arriving.

他们需要的是一个关于坚持的故事。

They need a story about enduring.

治愈你的心灵和身体并不是一条直线，也没有一个清晰的终点线。

Healing your mind and body isn't a linear process with a clean finish line.

所以我认为，不要等到你觉得自己完全无伤再行动，这是明智的。

So I think it's wise not to wait around until you feel completely unscathed.

每次你分享你的故事，你都在把那些本会击垮你的东西，变成有用的东西。

Every time you share your story, you're taking something that was meant to crush you and turning it into something useful.

我希望讲述它不仅仅对听众有力量，也是你持续健康和治愈的重要部分。

I hope that telling it isn't just powerful for the people listening, but a vital part of your ongoing health and healing too.

我们很多人都会等到事情过去之后才分享自己的故事。

A lot of us wait to get to the other side to share our story.

这样做有两个错误。

There's two mistakes with that.

第一，你其实永远也到不了所谓的‘另一边’。

The first is you never really get to the other side.

第二，只有在你身处其中的时候分享你的故事，才能真正帮到别人。

And the second is it only helps when you share your story when you're in the middle.

当你正在成长的过程中，正在疗愈的过程中，你把这些分享给别人，大家就能产生共鸣。

When you're in the middle of growth, when you're in the middle of healing and you share that story with others, people can relate to it.

他们能感同身受。

They can resonate with it.

他们能感到被理解、被看见，因为他们也能体会到你的痛苦。

They can feel understood and seen because they can share in your pain.

如果你等到自己到了‘另一边’——那其实是个虚构的地方——不仅让人觉得你站在一个他们永远到不了、也无法共鸣的位置，而且感觉太遥远了，他们需要的是离他们更近一点的人。

If you wait till you're at the other side, which is a fictional destination, not only does it feel like you're speaking from a place that people feel they can never get to or relate to, it feels so far away that they need someone a bit closer.

比起领先三十年的人，有个比你领先三步的人来引导你更好，因为那样你会觉得下一步就在眼前，现在就能迈出去。

It's better to have someone guiding you that's three steps ahead rather than three decades ahead because it feels like you could reach that next step right here, right now.

我觉得分享你的故事，重点不在于时间线，也不在于把疗愈当作终点，而在于你真正经历过的转变、你不得不面对的问题、你熬过的那些时刻、那些艰难的对话。

I believe sharing your story is less about the timeline, less about healing as a destination, and more about the genuine transformation you've had to go through, the questions you've had to answer, the moments you've had to live through, the conversations that have been difficult.

分享你正在学的东西，而不是你已经征服的。

Share what you're learning, not what you've conquered.

分享你正在获得的东西，而不是你已经搞明白的。

Share what you're gaining, not what you figured out.

因为那才是真正能帮到别人的。

Because that's what's really truly going to help people.

听你说话，我觉得那才是你真正想做的。

And as I listen to you, I believe that's what you really want to do.

谢谢你今天信任我，跟我分享这些非常私人的故事。

Thank you for trusting me with these deeply personal stories today.

照顾好自己的身心是一个持续的过程。

Taking care of your mind and body is a continuous practice.

我很感激能陪你一起走。

And I'm so grateful that I get to walk alongside you.

继续发你的语音留言，我会一直听着。

Keep sending in your voice notes, and I'll keep listening.