杰伊·谢蒂首次采访他的妻子

非常非常鼓励。

Very, very encouraging.

而且我并不是来自富裕家庭，完全不是。

And I'm not I don't come from a well off background at all or anything.

所以并不是说我有后备计划，但我的父母仍然非常非常鼓励和支持我。

So it's not that I had a backup plan, but my parents were still very, very encouraging and supportive.

对，说实话，我从来没想过这些。

Yeah, that was never in my mind, to be honest.

我知道我想和你在一起。

Knew I wanted to be with you.

所以我跟我妈说，即使我们最后住在一个很小的房子里，就在我以前常去的寺庙旁边，我也知道我想和他共度一生。

And so I was like to my mom, even if we end up living in a really tiny house, just by near the temple that I used to go to and just I know that I want to spend my life with him.

所以无论结果如何，你都非常非常热情，而且你很有目标感。

So whatever ends up being and you are really, really enthusiastic, and you have so much purpose.

而且从一开始，你就非常有动力去做你想做的事。

And even from the beginning, you were so driven to do whatever you wanted to do.

当时我还不知道那是什么。

I didn't know what that was at the time.

但你那么有干劲，我就知道不管是什么，不管我们注定要成为什么样的人，那都会发生。

But you were so driven that I just knew whatever it was, whatever we were meant to be was what was gonna happen.

所以……

And so...

而且我知道你永远不会……

And I knew you would never...

你总会一直在那里照顾我，我从一开始就感觉到了。

You'd always, like, gonna be there to take care of me, and I felt that from the beginning.

我一直觉得有你在支持我。

Like, I always felt supported.

你想牵手吗？

You want to hold hands?

我不太擅长在公共场合秀恩爱，所以我还是不牵了。

I'm not good at PDA, so I'm going to not do that.

天哪。

Oh, my God.

你在镜头前被拒绝了。

You're rejected on camera.

就是这样。

There you go.

所以那真的很好。

So that was it was it was really nice.

我觉得他有很多我从小到大一直希望丈夫拥有的品质，就像我爸爸那样。

And I feel like he had a lot of the qualities that I always felt I would always grow up saying, oh, I really want a husband that was like my dad.

我很爱我爸爸，他总是让我感到被保护和被支持。

Like, I love my dad, and he was always someone that I felt very protected and supported by.

所以现在回想起来，我在了解他的过程中确实感受到了那些品质。

And so I definitely now looking back at it, I felt those qualities in him as I got to know him.

所以我想，是的，那真的很好。

And so I thought, yeah, that was that was nice.

而我父母，是的，我父母他们并没有那种想法。

And my parents, yeah, my parents my parents didn't carry that.

我一直以为会是……

I always thought it would be...

你知道，在印度家庭里，你总会觉得这会是个问题。

You know, you always think in Indian families that's gonna be an issue.

但他们从一开始就很喜欢他。

But they loved him from the start.

他真的很擅长……

He's got really good...

我不知道你们有没有注意到，但他真的很会说话，能用言语赢得别人的好感。

I don't know whether you guys have noticed, but he's got a really good way of saying things and and winning people over by his words.

这是真的。

It's real, though.

我知道，所以这很真诚，也很暖心。

I know that's why it's genuine and it's sweet.

所以通过这些互动，我觉得我父母也很容易就信任了他。

So from those interactions, I think my parents trusted him very easily as well.

我真的很喜欢你父母。

I really get along with your parents.

我知道。

I know.

他们超棒的。

They are the bomb.

我觉得在一段关系开始时，另一件很重要的事就是自我认知和设定期望。

Another thing I think that's really important at a start of a relationship is self awareness and setting expectations.

所以我觉得，作为僧人修行过，并且亲身经历过那段经历，我获得了大量的自我认知。

So I feel that having done the work as a monk and having been through that experience myself, I'd gained so much self awareness.

所以我非常清楚自己需要什么样的伴侣。

So I was really aware of what type of partner I needed in my life.

我非常清楚自己需要什么才能在生活中茁壮成长。

I was really aware of what I needed in my life to flourish, to thrive.

所以当我遇到某个人时，我很容易就能把我的期望告诉她，比如我记得我说过的一件事，这完全没有冒犯的意思。

And so when I met someone, it was very easy and simple for me to communicate my expectations to her and be like, I remember one of the things I said, and this is not offensive at all.

这确实是我当时的真实感受。

It's it's genuinely how I felt at the time.

我说过，如果你想要一个周末去宜家、去电影院的丈夫，那我可不是那种人。

And I said that if you want a husband who goes to IKEA on the weekends and and to the cinema, like, I'm not that guy.

我并不是说那样不好，如果有人是那样的话。

And I didn't mean that as a bad thing if anyone is that.

我的意思是，我想成为一个有目标地生活的人，我希望我的生活是服务于他人的。

What I meant that as is I want to be someone who lives a life of purpose, and I want my life to be about service.

我希望我的生活能对人们产生影响。

And I want my life to have an impact on people's lives.

我需要一个能理解、接受并配合这一点的伴侣，她也想过不平凡的生活，因为如果我真的想产生影响、想有所作为、想服务他人，那平凡的生活对我来说是行不通的。

And I need a partner that's going to understand that, embrace that and roll with that as well and wants to live not a normal life because that wasn't going to work for me if I really wanted to have an impact, if I really wanted to make a difference, if I really wanted to serve.

所以那并不是出于自负。

And so that wasn't an ego thing.

这不是我觉得自己更好、更高人一等或者特别。

It wasn't me thinking I'm I'm better or above or special.

我只是在说，这对我来说是优先事项。

It was me saying this is a priority for me.

我不需要它成为你的优先事项，但我需要你理解这是我的。

And I don't need it to be your priority, but I need you to understand it to be mine.

我觉得这很重要，如果我们真的对某件事有承诺，当你让对方知道，同样地，她也会分享她的。

And I think this is really important that we should feel that if we're genuinely committed to something, when you make someone aware and same back from her side to like when she and she will share hers.

但是当她让我知道她的优先事项和她看重的东西时，你开始尊重对方看重的东西，而不是期望他们放弃自己的。

But when she's made me aware of what her priorities are and what's important to her, you start respecting what's important to the other person rather than expecting them to trade theirs.

在关系初期，通常发生的是，不是尊重对方的热情，而是期望他们改变热情来迎合你，或者妥协，并对你的东西感到兴奋。

And that's usually what happens in relationships in the beginning is instead of showing respect for the other people's passion, you expect them to change their passion for yours or compromise and be excited about your stuff.

我觉得这不是正确的做法。

And I don't think that that's the right way.

我认为是我们对自己有清晰的认识，沟通出来，然后尊重对方沟通的内容。

I think it's us being clear about ourselves, communicating that and then respecting what the other person communicates.

其实我们很早就聊过这个了。

I think we discussed that really early on, actually.

对，确实是这样。

Yeah, for sure.

说清楚一下，他周末确实陪我去过宜家。

Just to be clear, he has come to IKEA with me on the weekends.

还一起看过电影。

And movies too.

不过，我明白他的意思。

But yeah, no, I understood the point of it.

我记得那时候他特别想做成自己的事，忙得不得了。

And I remember at that time when he was really pushing for what he wanted to do, he was very, very busy.

所以有些事情就顾不上了。

And so there were certain things.

不过，他确实花了很多时间陪我和我的家人。

I mean, he spent a lot of time with me and my family.

但我们当时就说好了，你看，如果有一些我必须参加的额外活动，因为家里嘛，总有各种事情要去，比如亲戚家或者朋友家，每个节日都得去。

But we had just agreed that, look, if there was extended things that I had to go to because with families, there's always other things that you have to go to, like family friends or relatives houses for every event possible.

如果发生这种情况，我知道他不用来参加这些活动，我也没关系。

And if that happened, then I knew that I was Okay with him not coming to them.

我从一开始就跟他说过，你

And I said that to him from the beginning that You're

也很棒，因为

amazing as well for

这个。

this.

如果你需要去做一些事情，我知道对你来说更重要，不是因为你想活下去，而是因为那个目的，那我完全理解，那比你来参加另一个可能没人记得的聚会更重要。

If you need to go and do something which is, I know for you, more important, not because for the purpose that you want to live, then I totally understand that comes above you just coming to another party, which people are not probably going to remember.

所以没关系。

Like, it's Okay.

我觉得这对我们来说真的很重要，因为你总能听到别人怎么说。

And I think that was really actually really important for us because you can always hear what other people say.

比如说，家人或者朋友什么的，总会有不同的看法。

Like, family members or friends or whatever will always have a different opinion.

所以，只要你觉得你们已经讨论过了，而且你真的理解那个人的观点，那么当别人说些什么的时候，你就不会轻易被影响，因为你理解得很透彻。

And so as long as you feel like you have discussed it and you really understand that person's point of view, then you don't feel kind of it doesn't rub off on you when people say things because you understand it deeply.

但如果你没有做到这一点，我觉得就很容易被别人的生活观、恋爱方式或者其他什么所左右。

Whereas if you don't, then I think it's really easy to get swayed by other people's view of life or other people's way of relationships or whatever it is.

比如，你可能会……

Like, you can get...

那很容易影响到你。

That can rub off on you very easily.

但如果你真的理解那个人，理解他们为什么这么做，我觉得这会对你支持他们产生很大的不同。

But if you really understand that person and why they're doing it, I think that can make a big difference to you supporting them in why they're why they're doing it.

天哪。

Oh, my God.

这个牵手的事。

This holding hands thing.

而且我们当时必须意识到这一点，我真的很感激她。

And had and we had to realize and I really appreciate that from her.

我真的很看重这一点，因为这不是把某件事看得更低。

Like, I really valued that because it wasn't about seeing something as less.

而是把某件事看作是我的优先事项。

It was about seeing something as a priority for me.

有一个人能理解这一点，信任我，并且允许我有那个空间，这让我们关系更紧密了。

And and having someone who understood that and trusted me and and allow me to have that space strengthened us.

而且我们很快就变成了一个团队。

And we also very quickly became our we became a team.

所以当涉及到我们的家庭或者各种要求时，任何来自亚洲家庭或印度家庭的人都知道，

So when it came to our families or like demands and for anyone who's from an Asian family or an Indian family knows that

这是件大事。

it's a big deal.

这是件大事。

It's a big deal.

家庭是很重要的事情。

Like family is a big deal.

而且它会在感情中牵扯很多。

And it gets very involved in a relationship.

我记得很早的时候就跟她说，我就说，就你和我，我们是一个团队，就是我们俩。

And I remember saying to her really early on, I was like, it's me and you like, we're a team like it's us.

我们必须这么想，因为我们这辈子每天都要一起醒来。

And we have to think like that because we've got to wake up next to each other every single day of our lives.

我们这辈子每天都要一起入睡。

We've got to go to sleep together with each other every day of our lives.

我们这辈子每天都要面对面，待在一起。

We've got to be in each other's face and space every single day, each of our lives.

所以就是我们俩。

So it's it's us.

我们必须是一个团队。

We have to be a team.

然后很快我就发现，只要是涉及到我的家人或者我的承诺之类的事情，我都会站在她那边。

And then very quickly, like I found that when it was anything to do with my family or my commitments, etcetera, then I would have her back.

然后每当她遇到关于我的事情时，她也会站在我这边。

And then whenever she was anywhere and it was about me, she would have my back.

这就在早期建立了一种非常牢固的纽带。

And that built like a really strong bond early on.

对，我完全同意。

Yeah, I completely agree.

而且即使我们之间想讨论这件事，并且我们对对方有不同的看法，至少在我们交谈的人面前，如果我们互相支持，对方就会感到被支持和安慰。

And even if we wanted to discuss it between us and we had a different opinion to the other person, at least to the like people that we were speaking to, if we had each other's back, the other person felt supported and comforted by that.

而我觉得如果你……

Whereas I feel if you're...

在你爱的人和你一辈子相处的人之间战斗，真的太难了。

It's just so hard to fight that battle between the person that you love and the people that you've spent your whole life with.

但我觉得当你知道你要……

But I think when you know you're going to...

当你理解背后的原因时，我总是回到这一点。

When you understand the reason behind it, I just I keep coming back to that.

但我真的觉得这有很大的不同。

But I really think it makes such a difference.

我们朋友想让我们讨论的第三个话题是爱的语言，以及认识和识别我们自己的爱的语言和别人的爱的语言。

Third topic that our friends want us to discuss is love languages and realizing and recognizing our own love languages and the love languages of someone else.

如果你不知道爱的语言是什么，那是盖瑞·查普曼的一本很棒的书。

So if you don't know what the love languages are, it's a great book by Gary Chapman.

我做了很多关于它的视频。

I've made lots of videos on it.

有五种爱的语言。

There are five love languages.

它们是优质时间、身体接触、肯定的话语、服务的行动和礼物。

They are quality time, touch, words of affirmation, acts of service and gifts.

我们每个人都有多种爱的语言，但我们有一个优先级，一个等级顺序，我们俩大多把其中一两个作为我们最重要的爱的语言。

So all of us have multiple love languages, but we have a priority, a hierarchy order, and we both mostly value one or two as our top love languages.

每个人都有。

And everyone has them.

所以你也可以想想自己的。

So you can think about yours as well.

我记得我们关系早期，在讨论怎么和对方家人相处，或者我们俩怎么相处的时候，你对我说过一句话，我一直记到现在。

I remember earlier on in our relationship when we were talking about spending time with each other's family or even each other, you said something to me which has stuck with me for a really long time.

我害怕。

I'm scared.

到现在还怕。

Until now.

害怕。

Scared.

不，那真的很好。

No, it was really good.

他说，我们可以花很多时间和人在一起，而且可以做很多不同的事情。

He was saying how we can spend so much quantity of time with people, And it can be spent doing so many different things.

你们虽然在一起，但实际上呢，比如在看电影或者玩手机，或者一整天都待在一起，但你们真正互动的有多少呢？

You're with each other, but you're actually doing like, okay, you're watching a film or you're on your phones or you're spending the whole day together, but how much are you actually interacting with each other?

所以我真的很喜欢他总是选择高质量的相处时间，而不是非得……

And so I really loved that he would always choose quality time over necessarily...

不是说不要数量。

Not over, like, quantity.

所以即使他和我、我的家人或朋友相处的时间很短，他也总是确保自己……

So even if he's spending a short amount of time with me or my family or my friends, he would always make sure he's got...

就是，他们能得到他的全部注意力。

Like, they've got his full attention.

就是，他真的会让他们觉得……

Like, he would really make them feel...

而且他确实是真心实意地，把自己完全投入到那个时刻里。

And he genuinely felt that way, that he was investing his full self into that moment.

我觉得那让……

And I think that made...

这差别真的很大。

Makes such a difference.

当时我其实不太理解，总觉得和家人在一起就是理所当然的陪伴嘛。

I never understood that at the time because it was always like, you know, when you're spending time with family, it's just family time.

但这让我开始反思，我是把时间花在与人相处上，而不是单纯计较待了多久。

But it really made me think about how I spend time with people rather than the amount of time I spend time with people.

看着你一直这么做，我也注意到大家有多感激你全神贯注的陪伴，哪怕时间很短，也能和人建立很深的连接。

And as I've seen you do that while we've been together, I just think I've noticed how much people appreciate your full attention and how deeply you connect to them even in such a short space of time.

而我属于那种人，哪怕跟别人待上一小时，心思可能早就飘到别处去了。

Whereas I've been like the type of person who can spend an hour with someone and my mind can be somewhere else.

这其实是一种……

It's a training...

确实有这种情况。

There is.

这绝对是需要刻意练习的。

It's a training thing, definitely.

我从你身上学到了这一点，但能够全身心投入到对话或一个人身上，这真的是一个非常了不起的品质。

And I've learned that from you, but it's an incredible quality to have to be able to invest your full self into conversation or a person.

这就是为什么他……

And that's why he...

其实挺烦人的，但他什么都记得。

It's actually really annoying, but he remembers everything.

比如，他记得每个人的名字，记得我五周前说的每句话，记得我当时穿什么。

Like, he remembers everybody's name, everything I said, like, five weeks ago, everything I was wearing.

这确实是个很棒的能力，但有时候也很烦人，因为我没有那样的记忆力。

Like, it's an amazing quality, but it can also be very annoying because I don't have that memory.

所以他就说，不对。

So he's like, no.

你三周前说过这个。

You said this, like, three weeks ago.

我就说，不对。

It's like, no.

我没有。

I didn't.

但我没有那种记东西的本子，所以只能信他说的。

But I don't have, like, a book that I write things down in, so I have to take his word for it.

不过，

But,

对，每天五颗杏仁，各位。

yeah, five almonds a day, guys.

五颗杏仁。

Five almonds.

是的。

Yes.

这是我妈会跟我说的。

That's my mom would tell me.

不过，不，谢谢你。

But, no, I thank you.

我真的很感激。

I really appreciate it.

记得那是从美好时光里来的。

Remember that from quality time.

这就是发挥你技能和才华的时候了。

And this is where it comes to using your skills and talents.

她总是很用心，比如给我家人做超好吃的东西。

Like, she'd always make an effort to, like, cook amazing stuff for my family.

我记得你给我妹妹做过一个小黄人蛋糕。

I remember when you made my sister a minion cake.

哦，对。

Oh, yeah.

为了她的生日。

For her birthday.

那花了我一天半的时间。

That took me a day and a half.

而且特别值得。

And it was so worth it.

看起来真的很好看。

Like, it looks so good.

我也很喜欢小黄人。

And I love minions, too.

所以特别可爱。

So it was it was so cute.

而且我妈妈还记得你做的第一个蛋糕

And and my mom still remembers the first thought you ever made

当我第一次来

when I first came

的时候。

over.

你第一次来的时候。

When you first came over.

就是那些东西。

It's just it's those things.

所以，你知道，发挥你的才能，运用你的技能，人们会更感激这些，而不是花一周或花时间，就像她说的，数量，但想法质量。

So, you know, using your talents, using your skills and and people appreciate that even more than like taking a week or taking time, like she's saying, like quantity, but the the quality of a thought.

即使人们说，重要的是心意，其实不是。

Even when people say like, it's the thought that counts, it's not.

重要的是心意的质量。

It's the quality of the thought that counts.

这才是我们能在人们生活中产生影响的地方。

Like, that's that's where we make an impact in people's lives.

所以回到爱的语言这个话题。

And so going back to love languages.

这对我来说是人际关系中一个有趣的教训。

So this was an interesting lesson for me in relationships.

花了一段时间。

It took a while.

花了很

It took a

久才走到那一步。

while to get there.

对，确实花了很长时间。

Yeah, definitely took a while.

是的。

It did.

而且我们很长一段时间都搞错了。

And we got it really wrong for a long time.

就像，那真是。

Like it was.

对，这绝对是一段旅程，因为你总是想给对方你想要的东西。

Yeah, it was definitely been a journey for sure, because you always end up trying to give the person what you want.

这真的是很自然的事情。

Like it's it's such a natural thing.

哦，抱歉。

Oh, sorry.

我忘了这是你的节目。

I forgot it's your show.

不。

No.

不。

No.

我刚才只是在说，这太……

I was just saying that it's so...

我回想了一下，因为我在想我搞砸的所有事情。

I'm just thinking about it back because I'm thinking about all the things I got wrong.

但人们总是很容易把自己喜欢收到的东西，或者自己喜欢为对方做的事情，强加给别人。

But it's so easy to always want to give other people what you love receiving or what you love doing for that person.

我觉得你的爱的表达方式可能不同，你给予别人的和你喜欢从别人那里得到的可能不一样。

And I feel like your love languages can be different in what you giving to other people and what you like receiving from other people.

我喜欢为别人做饭，而且我真的很享受一顿好饭。

I love cooking for people, and I really appreciate a good meal.

但我不一定会说那就是我表达爱的方式。

But I wouldn't necessarily say that that's my way of showing love.

那也不一定是我感受到被爱的方式。

It's not necessarily my way that I feel love given to me.

而且，是的，我觉得这经历了很多尝试和错误。

And, yeah, I think it took a lot of trial and error.

那几年真是一场严肃的实验。

It was a serious experiment going on for a couple of years.

她现在在忍着呢。

And she and she's holding back right now.

但和Radhi在一起的时候，她真的超搞笑。

But lips with Radhi is hilarious.

就像，她是我认识的最有趣的人。

Like, she's she's the funniest person I know.

她最让我开心。

She makes me laugh the most.

我有点紧张。

I'm a nervous.

对，她现在开始投入了。

When I yeah, and she's she's getting into it.

她开始投入了。

She's getting into it.

你得去Instagram上找些故事看看。

You need to go find some stories on Instagram.

但当我第一次见到她时，你会觉得，哦，她是个优雅的人。

But when I when I first met her and when you see her, you're like, Oh, she's an elegant.

哦，是的。

Oh, yeah.

优雅、端庄的年轻女性。

Elegant, graceful young woman.

我当时就想，好吧，也许她喜欢那种大场面，喜欢高档优雅的地方。

And I was just like and I was just like, Okay, so maybe she likes like like, oh, grand gestures and elegant posh places.

我当时就是这么想的。

Like, that's what I thought.

这正好说明了媒体是怎么让我们根据一个人的外表去猜测他们喜欢什么的。

And this just shows us how a the media makes us assume what people like or we based on how someone appears, we assume what they like.

所以我就那么做了。

And so that's what I did.

结果我完全搞错了。

I got it completely wrong.

我记得我安排了我们的第一次约会。

And I remember organizing our first day.

我们去看了一场戏剧表演，其实挺有意思的。

We went to watch a theater show, which is actually really fun.

然后我们去了我订的那家餐厅，叫Lakanda Locatelli。

And then we went to this restaurant that I booked and this restaurant's called Lakanda Locatelli,

他为了那一天的约会，估计得辅导差不多一个月的课才付得起。

which he must have like tutored for about a month to afford that one day date.

真的。

Literally.

对，确实很贵。

Yeah, it was expensive.

而且这家餐厅特别难订。

And this restaurant is like highly in demand.

贝克汉姆都去那儿。

Like David Beckham goes there.

就是那种特别高档、特别气派的餐厅。

And it's it's one of these, you know, very posh, very grand restaurant.

我当时觉得就得这么做。

I thought that's what I needed to do.

结果我完全想错了。

And I was totally wrong.

我们坐在那里。

Like we sat there.

她看起来对这个地方完全不感兴趣。

She looks so uninterested in this space.

我还得穿高跟鞋，我平时根本不穿。

And I had to wear heels I don't wear heels.

说实话，我穿了一条平时不会穿的裙子，因为我觉得那是他想要的。

Literally, I was in a dress I wouldn't normally wear because I thought that's what he wanted.

所以我真的穿了那种……

So I was literally in a that...

一条特别淑女的裙子，平时我不会穿，还有高跟鞋，平时我也不会穿。

A really girly dress, which I wouldn't normally wear, and heels, which I normally wouldn't wear.

所以我们俩坐在那家餐厅里，最后我饿得不行了。

So we were both sitting in this restaurant and I was really hungry at the end of it.

最后我跟他说，就算你只是带我去一家好超市里走走……

And I said to him at the end, I was like, look, even if you just take me on a walk in a really good supermarket...

或者这里怎么说来着？

Or what do they call it here?

杂货店？

Grocery store?

超级...

Super...

杂货店超市。

Grocery store supermarket.

我就觉得，那简直是你带我去的最棒的约会了。

I was like, that is, like, the most epic date you could take me on.

从货架上给我拿点好吃的。

Get me a few treats from, like, the from the shelves.

我们去无麸质素食区逛逛。

We'll go down the gluten free vegan aisle.

那会是最棒的一天。

That would be the best day.

所以在那之后，我觉得你开始有点明白了。

And so after that, I think you kind of started understanding.

我觉得我还是搞错了。

Think I still got it wrong

几次。

a few

对，几次。

times.

我觉得我就是——这就是我想说的。

I think I was just and this is my point.

你看，我们都会因为过去的经历、媒体、我们的想法之类的搞错事情。

Like, we all get stuff wrong because of previous experiences, the media, what we think, like all that kind of stuff.

我错了好一阵子，因为我一直在想。

I just kept I got it wrong for a while because I just kept thinking.

然后我就想，好吧，她喜欢吃的。

And then I was like, Okay, she likes food.

好，然后我突然明白了，哦，她喜欢美食。

Okay, let's then then I had a moment where it's like, Oh, she likes foods.

然后我就只给她买带食物梗的卡片和食物，

Then all I did was buy her cards with food puns and food,

这个我真的很喜欢。

which I really like.

然后我们约会就只去跟吃有关的地方。

And then we only went to like food places for all our dates.

关系开始变得更近了。

Was starting to get closer.

你确实做到了。

You did.

你带我去约会，我们去了一个类似杰米·奥利弗那种烹饪活动。

You took me on a date where we went cooking at like a Jamie Oliver thing.

对，那是一次

Yeah, that was

真的很好玩。

really fun.

哦，那天过得真不错。

Oh, that was a good day.

对，你做得很好。

Yeah, you did good.

你做得很好。

You did good.

不过确实，我们拍了很多照片。

But yeah, we did take a lot.

而且即使在我……他是个喜欢送礼物的人。

And even when I was and he's a gift person.

所以我的爱语是礼物和肯定的话语。

So I'm gifts and words of affirmation.

我觉得我肯定是肯定的话语和共度时光，可能主要是共度时光。

And I think I'm definitely words of affirmation and quality time, maybe quality time.

我不是那种特别喜欢礼物的人。

I'm not so much of a gift person.

我觉得我从来都不是。

I don't think I ever really have been.

比如我过生日的时候，我印象里最深的其实是小时候我爸会专门请一天假，陪我一起度过。

Even, like, on my birthdays and stuff, like, all I really remember growing up is my dad would just take a day off and spend that time with me.

我那时候特别喜欢的是这个，而不是礼物本身。

And I used to just love that aspect of it rather than the gifts.

我也喜欢礼物，但那不是我最看重的。

I do like gifts, but they're just not my main thing.

所以我当时想给你买礼物，他想要的是那种平板电脑之类的东西。

So I was trying to buy a gift for you, and he wanted, like, an iPad type thing.

不是。

No.

我确实想要一台iPad。

I wanted an iPad.

你想要……

You want...

好吧。

Okay.

行吧。

Fine.

我以为我们想要的是iPad那种东西。

I thought we wanted an iPad type thing.

所以我就到处看了看。

And so I was like looking around.

我想要的是平板电脑。

I wanted a tablet.

我以为你想要的是平板电脑。

I thought you wanted a tablet.

所以我真的在到处找最好的配置，还有特别好的细节，看哪个好，而且价格也合适。

And so I was literally looking around for the best spec and like really, really good like details of whatever was good and also good pricing.

因为很明显，好价钱很重要，如果你在卡德里，亲爱的。

Because obviously, like a good bargain is is you need that if you're in Kadri, love.

如果你在卡德里，你需要一个好价钱。

If you're Kadri, you need a good bargain.

所以我一直在看，然后我找到了这款很棒的华硕平板电脑。

And so I was looking around, and I found this amazing Asus tablet.

华硕是什么？

What is Asus?

华硕对大家来说都是个好品牌。

And Asus is a good brand to everybody.

所以我想，看。

And so I thought, look.

这款看起来真的很不错。

This looks like a really good one.

让我买下它。

Let me buy it.

买到了。

Got it.

包装好了。

Packed it up.

送给他了。

Gave it to him.

我从来没见过有人拆礼物时失望成那样，因为他说的想要一个……

I have never seen disappointment, like, so bad in my life from opening a gift because when he says he wants an...

比如平板电脑，他想要的是iPad。

Like, a tablet, he wanted an iPad.

所以我就明白了，他喜欢那种高品质、昂贵的礼物，我可能到现在还没送对过。

And so I learned that he likes really, like, good quality, expensive gifts, which I probably still haven't got.

现在，我就直接让他自己买礼物了。

Now, now I just tell him to buy some gifts.

但去年，她组织了一场最棒的惊喜生日派对。

But last year, she organized the most incredible surprise birthday party.

所以我一直很喜欢惊喜。

So I've loved surprises.

这也是我们童年时期的另一件事，等等。

And this is another thing about our childhood, etcetera.

我从小就喜欢惊喜，因为我妈妈总是在我生日时给我惊喜。

I've loved surprises since I was a kid because my mom would always surprise me my birthday.

所以我真的鼓励你反思一下你的偏好、优先事项和你喜欢的东西，它们是从哪里来的？

And so I'd really encourage you to reflect on where your preferences and priorities and things that you love get like, where does that come from?

对我来说，我对生活中和一切事物中的惊喜的热爱，来自于我妈妈在我生日时给我的惊喜。

So for me, my love for surprises in life and in everything comes from my mom surprising on my birthday.

而且随着你长大，给别人制造惊喜变得越来越难。

And I've never as you grow up, surprises become harder and harder to do for people.

去年，她组织了一场最史诗般的生日惊喜。

And last year, she organized the most epic birthday surprise ever.

那是在我生日两个月后发生的，所以我完全没有预料到。

So it happened two months after my birthday, so I was not expecting at all.

她跟我说她是在给一个朋友的活动做饭和准备餐饮。

She told me she was like cooking and catering for a friend's event.

所以她整个星期都在做饭，特别辛苦地忙这些事。

So she was cooking this whole week, like working so hard on all of this stuff.

我当时就想，这个朋友到底有多重要？

I was just like, how important is this friend?

因为她真的是费了很大的劲。

Because she was going through extreme lengths.

我心里想，哇，她对这个朋友真是尽心尽力。

And I was like, wow, like, she's really dedicated to this friend.

那也挺好的。

And that was cool.

我挺欣赏她这样做的。

Like, I appreciated it.

我喜欢看她沉浸在自己擅长的事情里，为她爱的人做饭，那画面真的很美。

And I was like, I love seeing her in an element and loving cooking for someone that she loves and that was beautiful.

然后我想我那天晚上要跟我的经理和团队去参加一个活动。

And then I think I'm going to an event with my manager and my team the same night.

所以我就说，哦，抱歉，我去不了你的活动了，等等。

So I'm like, Oh, sorry, I won't be able to make it to your event, etcetera.

就像，我有这个事，你有那个事。

Like, I've got this, you've got that.

玩得开心。

Have fun.

希望一切顺利，真的非常顺利。

Like, I hope it goes really, really well.

然后我到了，打开活动的大门。

And then I turn up, I open the door to this event.

里面全是我在洛杉矶的朋友。

It's like all of my friends from L.

就像所有我爱的人，所有真正爱我、相信我的人。

A, like everyone that I love, everyone that really loves and believes in me.

他们全都在场。

They were all there.

每个人都来了。

Everyone showed up.

她确保我关心的每一个人

She made sure that literally every single person that I care about

都在那里。

was there.

就像个跟踪狂女友，翻他手机，把他提过的每个人都找出来。

It was like a stalker girlfriend looking through his phone at everyone that he mentioned.

我当时就想，我得找到那个人的号码。

I was like, let me find that person's number.

我得拿到那个人的邮箱。

Let me get that person's email address.

而且说实话，那真的就是在我婚礼之后。

And literally, it was just genuinely after my wedding.

再说一次，当然是和她结婚了。

Again, married to her, obviously.

在那之后，发生在我身上最好的事，就是那场婚礼，真的太好了。

After that, the best thing that's ever happened to me, like, was that good.

简直太棒了。

It was just amazing.

那是最美的时刻。

Like, it was the most beautiful event.

真的非常感人，非常有意义。

It was really heartfelt, really meaningful.

我们请了一位幻术师。

We had an illusionist.

我特别喜欢魔术师和幻术师。

I love magicians and illusionists.

而且我

And I

有一场非常棒的表演，还有一个超棒的DJ用小提琴演奏了我最喜欢的几首歌。

had an incredible show, an incredible DJ playing violin to some of my favorite songs.

我所有喜欢的人都从L来了。

All my favorite people were there from from L.

A。

A.

因为婚礼就在L。

Specifically because it was in L.

A。

A.

我完全被震撼到了。

And I was just so blown away.

真的，我这辈子第一次说不出话来，因为她完全超出了我所有的预期。

Like, genuinely, I was, like, speechless for the first time in my life because she'd completely outdone any expectation I could have ever had.

这对我来说是最难的事情，因为这是我第一次想让他知道我真的懂他的爱的语言，也懂为了办成这样的事要付出的努力。第一，我直到真正开始准备才知道有多难。

Which was the hardest thing ever for me because it was the first time I wanted to show him that I really understood his love language and also like the effort that goes that that you go through to make something like that happen, one, I had no idea until I actually started going through it.

通常，我会遇到一个障碍，然后我会想，你知道吗？

And usually, I would get to a point where I would find an obstacle, and I'd be like, You know what?

我还是带他去别的地方吧。

I'll just take him somewhere instead.

算了。

Forget it.

我不需要做这个。

I don't need to do this.

但他计划很多约会时，都会投入很多心思。

But he puts in a lot of thought into a lot of the dates that he plans.

所以我真的很想让他知道，我理解他的爱语，也观察到了他的一些特点。

And so I really, really wanted to show him that I really understand it and that I've observed things about him.

我真的注意到他喜欢和欣赏什么。

And I really notice what he loves and appreciates.

所以那是我这辈子做过最难的事情。

And so it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life.

这太难了。

It was so hard.

我不是个会做计划的人。

I'm not a planner.

我不擅长组织安排。

I'm not good at organizing.

这绝对不是我擅长的前三项技能，就这么说吧。

I wouldn't say it's my top three skills, let's just say that.

但我真的很高兴我做到了，因为我对他的爱是唯一支撑我完成这件事的动力，不然的话，我根本不会去做，千万别找我策划派对。

But I was just so happy that I did it because and it was genuinely the love that I have for him is the only thing that got me through it because otherwise, I would have just basically never call me for party planning.

绝对不。

Never.

我不是个……

I'm not a.

我真的很幸运能遇到她，因为她还为大家做了饭。

I'm so blessed to have her in my life because and she cooked for everyone, too.

所以我

So I

做了。

did.

对，确实。

Yeah, it was.

她组织了整个活动。

Everyone she organized the event.

那里大概有80个人。

There were like 80 people there.

太棒了。

It was amazing.

我非常感激你做了这件事。

And I'm so grateful to you for doing that.

这真的是最棒的事情。

Literally is the best thing.

你喜欢就好。

I'm glad you liked it.

谢天谢地，要是你不喜欢那就尴尬了。

Thank God, because imagine you hate it.

不，我超喜欢的。

No, I loved it.

我真的很喜欢。

I loved it.

太棒了。

It was amazing.

对，真的，简直难以置信。

And and yeah, it was just it was incredible.

这也说明我们在一起快六年了。

And it just shows like we've been together now for nearly six years.

了解彼此是需要时间的。

And it takes time to learn about each other.

彼此成长需要时间。

It takes time to grow each other.

但关键是，你每天醒来时，是不是充满热情和活力，想要再次爱上那个人？

But the point is, are you waking up enthusiastic and energetic every day to fall in love with that person again?

这就是你必须问自己的问题。

Like, that's the question you have to ask yourself.

你是在寻找更多理由，让对方为你改变吗？

Like, are you looking for more reasons to get that person to change for you?

还是你在寻找更多理由，让自己说，不，我希望我们更相爱。

Or are you looking for more reasons to be like, No, I want us to feel more in love.

我希望我们更了解彼此。

I want us to learn about each other.

我希望每天都能给你更多。

I want to give more to you every day.

我希望每天都能为你变得更好。

I want to be better for you every day.

还是你在寻找那个人能为你变得更好的方式？

Or are you looking for how that person can be better for you?

如果是反过来，那这段关系很可能不会持续太久，或者会变得非常单向。

And if it's the other way around, then most likely that relationship is not going to last too long or it's going to be very one way.

但如果是想着，我每天怎么能为那个人变得更好？

But if it's like, how can I be better for that person every single day?

这可能需要时间，我们也花了不少时间来更全面地理解彼此，等等。

And it may take time and it has taken us time to completely understand each other more, etcetera.

我们经历了很多，我也想达到那个状态。

And we've been through a lot, and I want to get to that as well.

但你知道，这需要时间，只要你每天带着那个意图、那个动机、那个渴望醒来，就没关系。

But that, you know, it takes time and it's Okay as long as you're waking up every day with that intention, with that motive, with that desire.

对，我确实觉得关键在于你觉得自己能给对方带来什么，而不是你能从对方那里得到什么。

Yeah, I definitely think it's about what you feel you're bringing to the other person rather than what you feel you can get from the other person.

我觉得这会有很大的不同，因为

I think that makes such a difference because

当两个人都这么做的时候。

when both people do that.

当两个人都这么做的时候，你会觉得，好吧，这就是我能提供的。

When both people do that, when you feel like, Okay, well, this is what I can provide.

我很喜欢你刚才说的，每个人都有不同的技能，因为即使在恋爱关系中，我觉得我有……

And I love what you say about everyone having different skills because even in a relationship, I think I have...

我们在很多方面都很不一样。

We are very different in a lot of ways.

在大多数方面，我们都很不一样。

In majority of the ways, we're very different.

我得说我们完全不一样。

I had to say we're totally different.

所以，我们没有把这种差异看作是把我们分开的东西，而是真的努力去说，好吧，行。

So instead of seeing that as things that are taking us apart from each other, I think we've really tried to say, Okay, cool.

比如，我喜欢待在厨房里，而你特别擅长处理那些跟账单有关的数学问题，我真的很不想做那些事。

I love being in the kitchen, for example, and you're really good at doing all the math stuff to do with bills, I really don't want to do that.

所以与其纠结于‘哎呀，咱们在这件事上那件事上都得平分秋色’，不如干脆发挥各自的长处。

And so instead of trying to be like, Oh, no, we should be equal in doing this and doing that, no, let's just play to our strengths.

我觉得这带来了很大的改变，因为我不再被迫去做那些让我特别不自在的事。

And I think that made a huge difference because I didn't feel pressured to do things which I really don't feel comfortable doing.

要是非得让我做，我肯定也会做的。

If I had to do them, I would have.

不过谢天谢地，我们俩都自然而然地接手了对方不太擅长的那部分。

But, thankfully, we both kind of go to areas which the other person is maybe not so good at.

所以我们各展所长，也不会因为对方做不了这些事而觉得烦。

And so we just played to our strengths and we weren't annoyed at the other person for not being able to do those things.

我们很清楚彼此在不同领域各有擅长，能用这些长处为关系出力，而不是硬撑着在所有方面都当全能选手，那样对我们来说行不通。

We just understood that we have skills in different areas and we can contribute to the relationship with those skills rather than trying to be like all rounders in all areas, which doesn't work for us.

说到这个关键，我太喜欢了。

And the key to that, I love that.

关键在于，要把对方带来的价值视为同等重要。

And the key to that is valuing what the other person brings as equal

对你来说。

to you.

平等的。

Equal.

所以不是说，如果你的技能和我的不同，但我的技能能做到这个，或者我的技能能解决那个，那就更重要。

So it's like it's not saying, oh, if your skill is different to mine, but my skill does this like my skill fulfills this or my skill sorts this out like that's more important.

我觉得这就是难的地方，我们要么试图让技能平等，我同意你的看法，这不是个好主意。

And I think that's where it gets hard, where we either try and equalize our skills, which I agree with you, is not a good idea.

发挥自己的长处是好的。

It's good to play to your strengths.

或者人们做的相反的事情是，他们做自己的技能，但然后他们认为自己的技能给关系增加了更多价值。

Or the opposite thing people do is they do their skill, but then they think their skill adds more value to the relationship.

我觉得这又会毁掉一切。

And I think that, again, just ruins it.

就像你说的，你们是一个团队。

Like you said, you're on a team.

就像你看一支运动队，一个球员不能说‘我比队里其他人都重要’。

Like when you look at a sports team, one player can't say I'm more important than the rest of the team.

这是团队运动。

It's a team game.

我现在想试着用一个食物的比喻。

And I'm going to try and do a food analogy now.

我正试着用一个食物的比喻。

I'm trying to give a food analogy now.

别。

Don't

不，让我说完。

like, no, let me out.

听我说完。

Hear me out.

好，就像一种食材不能变成另一种食材。

Okay, like one ingredient can't be like the other ingredient.

我比你更重要。

I'm more important than you.

对，是的，

Yes, yeah,

对，因为你需要所有的

Yeah, because you need all of

它们。

them.

除非你是盐。

Unless your salt.

不，但即便如此。

No, but still.

但好吧，对，我承认这点。

But yeah, Okay, yeah, I'll give you that.

我承认这点。

I'll give you that.

你不能说一种食材比另一种食材更重要。

You can't have one ingredient that's more important than the other ingredient.

是的，我

Yes, I

完全同意。

totally agree.

不，我同意。

No, I agree.

你做到了。

You did.

你做得很好。

You did great.

那个食物比喻很棒。

That was a great food analogy.

但我其实记得这个，因为当我们……

But I remember this actually because when we...

我当家庭主妇有一阵子了。

I've been a housewife for a while.

就是，我在家工作，还在学习什么的。

Like, I I stay at work from home, and I'm studying and stuff.

所以我记得，你在家工作。

So I remember You work from home.

我在家工作。

I work from home.

但我还是……

But I still...

就是说……

As in...

我更像家庭主妇，而不是上班族。

I'm more of a housewife than I am working.

而且我很喜欢这样。

And I love that.

我喜欢做……

I love doing...

我喜欢做饭，也喜欢做我做的所有事情。

I love cooking, and I love doing all the things that I do do.

但我们在纽约的时候，我记得他当时在《赫芬顿邮报》工作。

But when we were in New York, I remember he was working at that time for Huffington Post.

所以他白天大部分时间都在外面，晚上才回来。

So he was out most of the day, he would just come back in the evening.

他回来的时候，我刚好做完饭。

And he would come back, and I would have just finished cooking.

他总是会说，哦，我能帮你做点什么吗？

And he would always be like, oh, like, can I do anything for you?

需要我洗碗吗？

Can I wash up?

你辛苦了一整天了。

Like, you've been working hard all day.

对我来说，这真的很重要，因为说实话，我心里想的是，他工作了一整天，但回到家还会问我需不需要按摩，或者要不要他洗碗，或者帮忙做点家务。

And that for me was such a big thing because it's like, actually, in my mind, was like, he's been working hard all day, but he would come home and ask me if I needed a massage or if I wanted him to wash up or do anything in the house.

很多人觉得这应该是理所当然的。

And a lot of people think that that should just be a given.

就像，哦，对，我整天都在做家务，所以你回家就该洗碗。

Like, oh, yeah, I've been doing the house stuff all day, so come home and you should be washing the dishes.

但我觉得，如果你看到我们，就会觉得他这么做真的很贴心，因为其实他完全可以不做。

But I just think, actually, if you see us, that's such a sweet thing for him to have done in my eyes because he could not do that.

我们都可以选择不做很多事情。

We could all just not do a lot of things.

但如果我们多付出一点努力，让对方感受到我重视你，也重视你所做的事，就像我重视自己做的事一样，那么人们……

But if we put in that extra bit of effort and show that person that I value you and what you're doing just as much as I value what I'm doing, like people...

你知道，去上班看起来是在外面辛苦工作，但你也看到我在洗衣服、打扫、做饭，而且你同样重视这些，就像重视上班一样。

You know, going to work seems like you're going out and doing the hard work, but you also saw that I was doing the washing or the cleaning or the cooking, and you valued it in the same way as going to work.

我觉得那真的很……

And I thought that was a really...

那对我来说真的很重要，而且他一直都是这样。

That was a that was a big thing for me, and he's he's been like that the whole time.

所以我觉得也是一样的。

So I I think it's the same.

对我来说也是，她真的很擅长做这件事。

I I think for me as well, like, was so good at doing that.

她会全身心投入进去，对吧？

Like she would put our heart into it, right?

不只是随便做做。

It wasn't just doing it.

我觉得这才是关键。

And I think that's the point here.

重点不在于做什么事情。

It's it's not about doing the activity.

而在于用心去做。

It's about putting your heart into it.

就像以前总是说，哦，让我给你看看，比如前几天我刚从印度回来。

Like it would always be like, oh, let me here's the like the other day I was just like we just got back from India.

在印度的时候，我经常吃多萨。

And when I'm in India, I eat doses a lot.

多萨真的超级好吃。

Doses are incredible.

如果你知道他们有多萨，就去吃一个吧。

If you know they have done all they are, go get a dose.

对。

Yes.

我超爱多萨。

And I love them.

我真的就是，我说，我想念多萨了。

And I was literally just like I was like, missed doses

每天，每天早上。

every day, every morning.