30岁前我希望知道的8件事

这里是iHeart播客节目。

This is an iHeart podcast.

最近，我尝试更加审慎地做决定，即使是像在家做饭而非点外卖这样的小事。这虽简单，但能帮我为真正重要的事情节省开支。正因如此，我喜爱State Farm个人价格计划。它让你能捆绑房屋和汽车保险，以制定符合需求的实惠价格。这是那些能支持你努力构建的生活的深思熟虑的选择之一。

Lately, I've been trying to be more intentional, even with small decisions like cooking at home instead of ordering out. It's simple, but it helps me save for things that truly matter. That's why I love the State Farm Personal Price Plan. It lets you bundle home and auto insurance to create an affordable price that fits your needs. It's one of those thoughtful choices that support the life you're trying to build.

今天就与State Farm代理人交谈，了解如何通过个人价格计划选择捆绑并节省开支。如同好邻居，State Farm随时相伴。价格基于各州不同的评级计划。保险选项由客户选择。可用性、折扣和节省金额及资格因州而异。

Talk to a State Farm agent today to learn how you can choose to bundle and save with the personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state.

Lowe's深知会员能获得更多。因此，今天注册MyLowe's Rewards或MyLowe's Pro Rewards，即可享受会员优惠、积分等福利。此外，从银钥匙和金Pro级别开始，您还可获得免费标准配送服务。会员节省迅速累积，何须等待？立即免费成为会员，享受更多节省。

Lowes knows that rewards members get more. That's why when you sign up for MyLowe's Rewards or MyLowe's Pro Rewards today, you get member deals, points and more. Plus you get free standard shipping starting at Silver Key and Gold Pro status. Savings for rewards members add up fast, so why wait? Become a rewards member for free and get more savings today.

忠诚计划受条款和条件约束。详情请访问lowes.com/terms。可能变更。本集《On Purpose》由Chase Sapphire Reserve赞助播出。我相信旅行是我们被赋予的最伟大礼物之一，而Chase Sapphire Reserve一直是我通往世界最迷人目的地的大门。

Loyalty program subject to terms and conditions. Details at lowes.com/terms. Subject to change. This episode of On Purpose is brought to you by Chase Sapphire Reserve. I believe that travel is one of the greatest gifts that we've ever been given, and Chase Sapphire Reserve has been my gateway to the world's most captivating destinations.

使用Chase Sapphire Reserve卡时，我在Chase Travel上的所有消费可获得八倍积分，甚至能参与独一无二的体验，如音乐节和体育赛事。更不用说该卡还能让我进入全国精选机场的Sapphire by The Club贵宾厅。旅行因Chase Sapphire Reserve而更富回报。相信我。了解更多请访问chase.com/sapphirereserve。卡片由摩根大通银行发行。

When I use my Chase Sapphire Reserve card, I get eight times the points on all the purchases I make through Chase Travel, and even access to one of a kind experiences, experiences like music festivals and sporting events. And that's not even mentioning how the card gets me into the Sapphire lounge by the club at select airports nationwide. Travel is more rewarding with Chase Sapphire Reserve. Trust me. Discover more at chase.com/sapphirereserve Cards issued by JPMorgan Chase Bank NA.

FDIC。需信用审批。条款适用。当一切顺利时，我们以为会永远顺利。但我们错了。

FDIC. Subject to credit approval. Terms apply. When things are good, we think they'll be good forever. And we're wrong.

当情况糟糕时，我们总以为会一直糟糕下去，这是错的。好景不会永远持续，困境也不会永远存在。我们需要明白的是，如何在混乱中专注于过有意义、有目标的生活，并寻求内心的平静。

When things are bad, we think they'll be bad forever and we're wrong. Things are never good forever and they're never bad forever. What we need to recognize is how we can focus on living a life of meaning and purpose and seeking peace even in chaos.

头号健康与养生播客。

The number one health and wellness podcast.

杰伊·谢蒂。杰伊·谢蒂。独一无二的杰伊·谢蒂。大家好，我是杰伊·谢蒂，《On Purpose》播客的主持人，也是《纽约时报》畅销书《像僧侣一样思考》和《爱的八条法则》的作者。

Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. The one, the only only Jay Jay Shetty. Shetty. Hey everyone, it's Jay Shetty, host of the On Purpose podcast and author of New York Times bestselling book Think Like a Monk and Eight Rules of Love.

如果你还没读过这两本书，希望你能去拿一本，学习关于心态、平静、目标、爱情、关系和约会的内容。但今天我要和你分享的是我希望在30岁前知道的八件事。我现在37岁，到目前为止学到了很多，但有些事情本可以在我30岁前节省时间、金钱和精力，我想全部分享给你。如果能和20岁的自己坐下来进行一次毫无保留的对话，这些关于人、工作和生活的真相本可以让我省去多年的压力、过度思考和浪费的精力。这些不是陈词滥调，而是来自心理学和人类行为的反直觉教训，将改变你的生活、爱情和工作方式。

If you haven't read either of those books, I hope you go and grab a copy to learn about mindset, peace, purpose and love, relationships and dating. But today I'm talking to you about eight things I wish I knew before I was 30. I'm 37 now and I've learned so much up until this point in life, but there are certain things that I know could have saved me time, money and energy before I was 30 years old and I wanna share them all with you. If I could sit my 20 year old self down for an unfiltered conversation, here are the truths about people, work and life that would have saved me years of stress, overthinking and wasted energy. These aren't cliches, they're counter intuitive lessons from psychology and human behavior that will change how you live, love and work.

让我们开始吧。第一课是：人们并没有像你以为的那样关注你。我想谈谈1999年Gilovich提出的聚光灯效应。他说我们高估了别人对我们的注意或评判。而事实是，大多数人都在忙着担心自己。

Let's get in. Lesson number one is people aren't thinking about you as much as you think they are. I want to talk about something known as the spotlight effect from Gilovich in 1999. He said that we overestimate how much people notice or judge us. When the truth is most people are too busy worrying about themselves.

想象一下，你上班时衬衫前襟有一大片咖啡渍。你感到暴露、羞辱，发誓每个人都在盯着、窃窃私语、评判、八卦。你一整天都在畏缩。但转折来了，当康奈尔大学的心理学家实际测试时，发现几乎没人注意到。在他们著名的Barry Manolo T恤研究中，学生被要求穿着显眼尴尬的Manolo衬衫走进满是同龄人的房间。

Now imagine walking to work with a giant coffee stain down the front of your shirt. You feel exposed, humiliated, you swear everyone's staring, whispering, judging, gossiping. You spend the whole day shrinking into yourself. But here's the twist, when psychologists at Cornell University actually tested this, they found almost nobody noticed. In their famous Barry Manolo T shirt study, students were asked to walk into a room full of peers wearing a bright embarrassing Manolo shirt.

穿着者确信一半的人会注意到并记住。但现实是，只有约20%的人注意到了。真相是我们都生活在心理学家所谓的聚光灯效应下——认为所有人都在关注我们，而实际上大多数人正忙着担心自己的咖啡渍、自己的不安全感、自己的聚光灯。这就是为什么这很重要。

The wearers were convinced half the room would notice and remember. But the reality, only about 20% of people noticed at all. The truth is we all live under what psychologists call the spotlight effect. The belief that everyone is watching us when in reality most people are too busy worrying about their own coffee stains, their own insecurities, their own spotlight. Now here's why this matters.

你并没有像自己想象的那样被评判。你想象中的观众并不存在。世界不是在审视你，而是在自顾自地刷屏，沉浸于各自的自我意识中。聚光灯只存在于你的脑海里。一旦意识到这点，你就能最终站上舞台，承担风险，接受瑕疵，因为没有人像你以为的那样密切关注你。

You're not being judged as much as you think. The audience you imagine doesn't exist. The world isn't scrutinizing you, it's scrolling past, lost in its own self consciousness. The spotlight is in your head. And once you realize that, you can finally step on stage, take the risk, wear the stain because no one's watching as closely as you think.

别再寻求连自己都不了解的人的认可。别再为那些在你跌倒时不会出现的人表演。别再为了那些根本不在意的人修饰自己的人生。别再背负那些本不该由你承担的评判重量。别再为了适应他人的舒适区而压缩自己的梦想。

Stop chasing approval from people who don't even know themselves. Stop performing for people who wouldn't show up if you fell. Stop editing your life for people who aren't even paying attention. Stop carrying the weight of opinions that were never yours to hold. Stop shrinking your dreams to fit someone else's comfort zone.

别再让沉默的批评者免费占据你的思维空间。别再将他人的观点与自我认知混淆。他们压根就没在考虑你。第二课：忙碌不等于高效。

And stop letting silent critics rent space in your head for free. Stop confusing someone's opinion with your own reflection. They're not thinking about you in the first place. Lesson number two. Busyness isn't productivity.

我们常将忙碌误认为有价值。这在心理学上被称为「努力启发式」。我们都体会过这种感觉——以为每天工作十二小时就是在进步、在赢。但现实是，你可能拼命十二小时却仍在原地踏步。

We mistake being busy for being valuable. This is something in psychology known as the effort heuristic. We all know what it feels like. We think if we're working twelve hours a day, we're winning, we're moving forward. But the reality is, you can hustle twelve hours a day and still not move forward.

我们必须用成果而非时长衡量进展。你是否曾炫耀过自己有多忙？甚至试图让自己听起来更有价值？比如会说「我连续工作了十二小时」「我会议一个接一个」「这周几乎没睡」。

We have to measure progress in outcomes not hours. Have you ever caught yourself bragging about how busy you are? Or maybe even trying to make yourself sound worthy. You might say, I work twelve hours straight. Hey, I had back to back meetings.

我们把忙碌当作荣誉勋章佩戴。但心理学给这种谬误命名为「努力启发式」——认为付出更多努力的事物必然更有价值。然而事实并非总是如此。

I barely slept this week. We wear busyness like a badge of honor. But psychology has a name for this mistake, the effort heuristic. It means we assume that if something took more effort, it must be more valuable. But that doesn't always fit.

研究者让人们对同一艺术品的两幅画作评分。一幅被描述为耗时四小时完成，另一幅则号称用了二十六小时。结果呢？人们认为二十六小时的画更美、更有意义、更值得赞美。相同的艺术品质，仅因努力程度的故事不同。

Researchers asked people to rate two paintings of the same artwork. One was described them as taking four hours to make, the other was described as taking twenty six hours. Guess what? People rated the twenty six hour painting as more beautiful, more meaningful, more worthy of praise. Same art, same quality, but different story about the effort.

我们都认为，工作时间越长就该得到更多回报，付出更多努力就该赢得更多，做得更多就该获得更多。但问题在于，耗时更长并不意味着更好。十二小时的工作时长并不能证明你的影响力。

We all think if we're working longer we should be rewarded more. If we're working harder we should win more. If we're doing more we should get more. But here's the problem, just because something takes longer doesn't mean it's better. A twelve hour workday isn't proof of impact.

永无止境的待办清单不是进步的证明，精疲力竭也不是成功的标志。忙碌不等于高效。所以关键要记住：不要用你燃烧的时间来衡量自我价值。

A never ending to do list isn't proof of progress. Exhaustion isn't proof of success. Busy is not the same as effective. So here's the takeaway. Don't measure your value by the hours you burn.

要用你创造的成果来衡量。不要问'我工作有多辛苦'，而要问'我的工作真的有意义吗？'因为在你生命终结时，没人会颁给你'假装忙碌最长时间奖'。但你会记得自己建造过什么、改变了什么，以及成为了怎样的人。

Measure it by the results you create. Don't ask how hard did I work? Ask did my work actually matter? Because at the end of your life, no one is going to hand you an award for most hours spent looking busy. But you will remember what you built, what you changed and who you became.

开始记住：你的价值不在于忙碌，而在于你是你自己。停止用小时数而非成果来衡量每一天。不要再填满每分钟只为不觉得自己落后。

Start remembering. You are not valuable because you are busy. You're valuable because you're you. Stop measuring your day by hours instead of outcomes. Stop filling every minute so you don't feel like you're falling behind.

别再误将疲惫当作你重要的证据。我们太多人为此深感矛盾。是时候聪明地工作了，是时候追求高效而不仅仅是辛苦。第三课：朋友会改变，但这并非背叛。

Stop mistaking exhaustion for evidence that you matter. So many of us are so conflicted by that. It's time to work smart. It's time to work effective, not just hard. Lesson number three, your friends will change and that's not betrayal.

心理学有个术语叫'社会情绪选择理论'：随着年龄增长，我们在人际关系中会更重视深度而非广度。失去朋友虽然痛苦，但往往是成长而非失败。看，事情是这样的：二十多岁时，你的社交收件箱爆满。

There's a psychological term known as socio emotional selectivity theory. As we age, we prioritize depth over breadth in our relationships. Losing friends as hard as it is, is often growth not failure. Look, this is how it works. When you're in your twenties, your inbox is insane.

你有群聊、同学、同事，还有和几乎不认识的人的周五夜计划。你的社交世界仿佛无限广阔。但随着年龄增长会发生奇妙变化——心理学家研究数十年得出的数据非常明确：你的社交圈会收缩。

You've got group chats, classmates, colleagues, Friday night plans with people you barely know. Your social world feels infinite. But something fascinating happens as you get older. Psychologists have studied this for decades and the data is crystal clear. Your social circle shrinks.

并非因为你正在失败，而是因为你的大脑正在重新校准。这被称为社会情绪选择理论，由斯坦福大学的一位心理学家首创。她发现，随着人们年龄增长，或仅仅感知到时间有限时，他们不再投入于无止境的社交扩展，而是优先考虑更少、更深层、情感上更有意义的关系。在一项研究中，他们追踪了人们一生中的人际关系变化。

Not because you're failing, but because your brain is recalibrating. This is called socio emotional selectivity theory, a concept pioneered by a psychologist at Stanford. She found that as people age or even just perceive their time as more limited, they stop investing in endless social expansion. Instead, they prioritize fewer, deeper, more emotionally meaningful relationships. In one study, they tracked people's relationships across their lifespans.

年轻人报告拥有广泛的社交网络和大量熟人。年长者则持续报告较小的社交圈，但对这些关系的满意度更高。更引人注目的是，年长者的人际冲突更少，情绪稳定性更强。改变我们的不是年龄，而是我们自认为剩余的时间有多少。

Young adults reported wide networks with lots of acquaintances. Older adults consistently reported smaller networks but also higher satisfaction in those relationships. What was even more striking was that the older adults had fewer conflicts and reported greater emotional stability. It isn't age that changes us. It's how much time we believe we have left.

当时间感觉充裕时，我们追求新奇与多样；当时间感觉珍贵时，我们选择亲密与深度。这就是为什么二十多岁时感觉在收集朋友，而三十、四十、五十岁时则像在筛选真正重要的人。我想我们许多人在失去朋友、渐行渐远、随着年龄增长而疏远时，可能会开始评判他人，认为别人变了。

When time feels expansive, we chase novelty and variety. When time feels expensive, we choose intimacy and depth. That's why your twenties feel like you're collecting people and your thirties, forties and fifties feel like you're filtering down to the ones who really matter. I think a lot of us when we're losing friends, when we grow apart, when we drift apart as we get older, we may start to judge people. We may think people change.

我们可能认为是自己做错了什么。实际上，人们只是时间更少了，他们想更专注于重要的关系。这是生命中自然而然的演变。如果你因社交圈缩小而感到愧疚，不必如此。

We may think that we did something wrong. The reality is people have less time. They want to focus more on the relationships that matter. And this becomes a natural evolution in life. If you're feeling guilty that your social circle is shrinking, don't.

这不是失败，而是前进的模样。这意味着你的大脑足够明智，意识到滋养你的小圈子比消耗你的大圈子更有价值。对你说真话的小圈子比只说你想听的大圈子更好。私下为你喝彩的小圈子比只在公开场合鼓掌的大圈子更珍贵。

It's not failure. It's what moving forward looks like. It means your brain is getting wise enough to realize a small circle that feeds you is more valuable than a large circle that drains you. A small circle that tells you the truth is better than a large circle that tells you what you want to hear. A small circle that celebrates you in private is better than a large circle that claps only in public.

促使你成长的小圈子比让你停滞不前的大圈子更有意义。你可以拥有更少的朋友，却获得更多的快乐。别搞混了。无论你梦想的是健康疗愈之旅、美食主题度假，还是以联结为核心的周末，大通蓝宝石信用卡都能帮你设计真正对你有意义的旅行体验。今天我们要探讨的是：在有正确支持的情况下，有目的的旅行如何变得更简单且回报丰厚。

A small circle that challenges you to grow is better than a large circle that keeps you the same. You can have less friends that bring you more joy. Don't get it confused. Whether you're dreaming of a wellness retreat, a food focused getaway, or a weekend built around connection, Chase Sapphire Reserve helps you design travel experiences that actually mean something to you. Today, we're talking about how purposeful travel can be easier and way more rewarding when you have the right support.

当你思考旅行时，不只是去一个新地方，更重要的是为什么出发。也许是为了充电，与所爱之人共度时光，或是沉浸于某种热爱。但说实话，规划过程可能令人不堪重负——找到合适的酒店、控制预算、让一切显得充满意义。

When you think about travel, it's not just about going somewhere new. It's about the why. Maybe you're recharging, spending time with people you love or indulging in a passion. But let's be honest, the planning can be overwhelming. Finding the right hotel, staying on budget, making it all feel intentional.

这正是大通蓝宝石卡（Chase Sapphire Reserve）的用武之地。凭借每年300美元的旅行积分和精选的蓝宝石特选酒店等福利，你可以专注于最重要的事。想象一下：你预订了心仪已久的精品酒店，旅行积分帮你抵消部分费用；或是通过蓝宝石特选发现一家以健康疗愈为主题的度假村，因其卓越服务和独特体验而被精心挑选。突然间，行程安排变得轻松，你的旅行也更符合个人价值观。

That's where Chase Sapphire Reserve steps in. With perks like the annual $300 travel credit and curated Sapphire Edit stays, you can focus on what matters most. Picture this: you book a boutique hotel you've been eyeing, and the travel credit offsets part of your cost. Or you discover a wellness focused resort through Sapphire Edits, handpicked for its incredible service and unique experiences. Suddenly, the logistics feel lighter, and your trip feels more aligned with your values.

你可以将精力倾注在滋养心灵的体验上，无论是山间的瑜伽静修，还是新城市里以美食为主题的周末之旅。想了解更多关于大通蓝宝石卡如何助你打造有意义的旅行？请访问chase.com/sapphirereserve。你的价值观，你的旅程——与大通蓝宝石卡同行。让每次旅行从始至终都充满意义。

You can pour your energy into the parts that fill you up, whether that's a yoga retreat in the mountains or a culinary focused weekend in a new city. Want to learn more about how Chase Sapphire Reserve can help you create trips with purpose? Head over to chase.com/sapphirereserve. Your values, your journey with Chase Sapphire Reserve. Every trip can feel meaningful from start to finish.

第四课：自律比动力更容易。多数人认为改变生活需要更多动力。常有人对我说'杰伊，激励我吧，能说些改变我人生的励志话语吗？'我们都觉得只要更有动力，就会去健身、创业或改善饮食。

Lesson number four is discipline is easier than motivation. Most of us think that what we need to change our lives is more motivation. The amount of people that come up to me and say, Jay motivate me. Can you tell me something motivational that will change my life? We all feel if I could just feel more motivated, I'd go to the gym, start the business, eat better.

但这里有个反常识的真相：你需要的不是更多动力，而是更多自律。自律并非指意志力或强硬态度，而是设计你的生活，让正确选择比错误选择更轻松。容我再说一遍——

But here's the counterintuitive truth. You don't need more motivation, you need more discipline. And discipline doesn't mean willpower or toughness. It means designing your life so the right choice is easier than the wrong one. Let me say that again.

自律就是设计生活，使正确选择比错误选择更容易。你的系统正在帮助你更轻松地做出艰难抉择。心理学家称之为'自我损耗'。从穿衣到饮食的每个决策都在消耗大脑的自控力电池，到了晚上，这块电池早已耗尽。

Discipline is designing your life so that the right choice is easier than the wrong one. Your systems are helping you make hard choices more easily. Psychologists call this ego depletion. Every decision you make from what to wear to what to eat drains your brain's self control battery. By the time the evening comes, that battery is dead.

你们多少人有过这种体验？整天都在做决定：穿什么、吃什么、备餐、烹饪、午餐做什么、晚餐做什么。接着还要考虑演示文稿该用什么配色？账目还没核对平衡——

How many of you have felt this before, right? You've been making decisions all day. What to wear, what to eat, meal prepping, what to cook, what to make for lunch, what to make for dinner. Then you've got what color does this slide deck need to be? I haven't made the accounts balance up.

没回复母亲消息，没给朋友打电话，没回某人信息，还得更新交友资料。简直精疲力尽。

I haven't replied to my mom. I haven't called my friend. I haven't texted this person back. I've got to update my dating profile. It's exhausting.

这就是为什么动机不可靠。动机会随着情绪消退，而纪律性则因你的系统而长存。这就是为什么奥巴马总统在任期间只穿两种颜色的西装，为什么史蒂夫·乔布斯总是穿同一件黑色高领毛衣。

And that's why motivation isn't reliable. Motivation fades with your mood. Discipline survives with your systems. It's why President Obama only wore two suit colors as President. Why Steve Jobs wore the same black turtleneck.

他们并非懒惰，而是在守护自己的纪律性。他们削减琐碎决定，以保留精力应对重大抉择。这种现象被称为决策疲劳。我们许多人因终日做太多小决定而精疲力竭，以致无力应对重大选择。请为人生中的重要决定保留能量。

They weren't lazy, they were protecting their discipline. They cut small decisions so they had energy for the big ones. This is known as something called decision fatigue. So many of us gets tired of making so many small decisions all day that we don't have energy for the big ones. Keep your energy for the big decisions in life.

人们花更多时间策划婚礼，而非确保结婚对象合适；投入更多时间获取学位，而非确认所选职业配得上自己的资质。我们在获取事物上耗费的时间远多于准备阶段。别再等待动力降临，开始建立让纪律性自然形成的系统吧。

People spend more time planning their wedding than they do making sure the person they're marrying is the right person. People spend more time getting their degree than making sure the job they choose is worthy of their qualification. We waste so much more time in getting something than we do for preparing for something. Stop waiting to feel motivated. Start setting systems that make discipline feel natural.

前一晚准备好衣物，把健康食品放在可见处并清除垃圾食品，屏蔽分散注意力的网站。因为成功不源于追逐动力，而来自设计一个以纪律性为默认模式的生活。

Lay out your clothes the night before. Put healthy food where you can see it and take away all the bad stuff. Block websites that waste your focus. Because success doesn't come from chasing motivation. It comes from designing a life where discipline is the default.

第五课：你大多数的恐惧是记忆而非威胁。今日感受到的恐惧通常属于昨日。当你感到恐惧时，大脑会告诉你这是针对当下，但多数时候并非如此。想象一个在课堂上朗读被嘲笑的孩子。

Lesson number five is that most of your fears are memories, not threats. The fear you feel today usually belongs to yesterday. When you feel fear, your brain tells you it's about this moment. But most of the time it isn't. Think about a child who is laughed at for reading out loud in class.

或许你也经历过类似情境。多年后成年时，当被要求在工作场合做演示，他们会突然心跳加速、掌心出汗、喉咙发紧。

Maybe you went through something like this as well. Years later, as an adult, they're asked to present at work. Suddenly their heart races. Their palms sweat. Their throat tightens.

他们以为自己害怕公开演讲。但真相是：他们并非惧怕这次会议或演示，而是恐惧当年那个教室。这源于情绪记忆编码——当我们经历痛苦（可能是尴尬、拒绝或失败）时，大脑不仅存储事实，更存储了感受。

They think I'm scared of public speaking. But the truth? They're not scared of this meeting or presentation, they're scared of that classroom. This happens because of emotional memory encoding. When we experience something painful, maybe it's embarrassment, rejection, failure, The brain doesn't just store the fact, it stores the feeling.

大脑的恐惧中枢杏仁核会将那段记忆标记为危险信号，下次遇到任何类似情境时，你的身体就会像往事重演般做出反应。也许你幼时有过不愉快的水中经历，如今每次接触水域——无论是海洋还是泳池——都会感到胸闷。这就是为何你今日的恐惧往往属于昨日。它们并非针对真实的即时威胁，而是被触发的陈旧记忆。

The amygdala, the brain's fear center tags that memory as danger and the next time anything even resembles that situation your body reacts as if the past is happening again. Maybe you had a really uncomfortable experience in water when you were young. Now every time you get into water, whether it's the ocean or a swimming pool, you feel tight chested. That's why the fear you feel today often belongs to yesterday. They're not about real immediate threats but about old memories being triggered.

事实上，针对杏仁核的研究发现，与面对新情况相比，与过往情绪记忆关联的恐惧反应强度通常高出两到三倍。所以你胸口的恐惧感并非总是真相，它常常只是记忆重播。你不是害怕演讲，而是害怕曾经遭遇的难堪；你不是害怕爱情，而是害怕经历过的伤心。

In fact, research on the amygdala found that fear responses are often two to three times stronger when tied to past emotional memories than faced with new situations. So the fear in your chest isn't always truth. It's often a memory replay. You're not afraid of the presentation, you're afraid of the old humiliation. You're not afraid of love, you're afraid of the heartbreak that came before.

关键启示在于：下次恐惧来袭时，问问自己——这份恐惧源于当下，还是来自往昔？因为当你明白多数恐惧只是回声时，就能停止让昨日支配今天。别再让多年前伤害你的人继续伤害你，别再让陈旧伤痕造成的痛苦超过事件本身。

Here's the takeaway. The next time fear shows up, ask yourself, is this fear about now or am I carrying it from then? Because once you see that most of your fears are echoes, you can stop letting yesterday control today. Stop letting people who hurt you years ago, hurt you again today. Stop letting old wounds cause more pain than the moment itself ever did.

别再让记忆操控那些值得重新开始的时刻，别再让昨日的拒绝窃取今日的自信，别再让单一章节使你误以为整个故事都已破碎，别再让早已结束的战斗中过去持续获胜。我希望你思考的是：每当遭遇困境时，要追溯根源，认清它的来处。

Stop letting memories control moments that deserve a fresh start. Stop letting yesterday's rejection steal today's confidence. Stop letting a single chapter convince you the whole story is broken. Stop letting the past keep winning when the fight is already over. What I want you to think about with that is that whenever you come up against something, frame it back, recognize where it comes from.

我们必须斩草除根。仅解决表面症状无法真正改变人生，唯有追溯根源、查明起因、理清来龙去脉，才能当场斩断症结，从而彻底改变生活。因为我们中有太多人由于过往伤痛而不敢今日冒险，太多人因昔日艰辛而回避当下挑战。

We have to cut it at the root. You're not gonna solve your life by only getting over the symptom right now. It's by cutting it at the root, figuring out where it started, figuring out where it came from, almost tracking it back helps you cut it right there and then and it can transform your life. Because so many of us are not taking risks today because of pain we felt in the past. So many of us are not taking on challenges today because of hardships we had in the past.

太多人由于过去失败而不敢今日尝试。你不该让过去如此牢牢掌控现在与未来。可能会因此错过绝佳伴侣、非凡事业、精彩人生——仅仅因为某个选择、错误或往事。这实在得不偿失。随着天气转凉白昼渐短，我总想将家布置得更温馨。

So many of us are not trying things today because of failures in the past. You don't want to let your past have such a tight hold of control over your present and your future. You could miss out on an amazing partner, an amazing career, an amazing life because of a choice or a mistake or something that happened in your past. It's not worth it. As the weather cools down and the days get shorter, I always find myself wanting to make my home feel cozier.

秋天有种让人慢下来、点燃蜡烛、营造温暖舒适空间的魔力。说实话，Wayfair就是我实现这些愿景的去处。Wayfair能提供打造舒适之家所需的一切——无论是蜷卧其间的舒适躺椅，抵御寒夜的柔软床品，还是引入秋意的应季装饰。他们甚至备有浓缩咖啡机，让你在厨房就能制作心爱的拿铁咖啡。

There's something about fall that makes you slow down, light a candle, and create a space that feels warm and inviting. And honestly, Wayfair is where I go to make that happen. Wayfair is everything you need to cozify your home. Whether it's a comfy recliner to curl up in, soft bedding for those chilly nights, or even autumn inspired decor to bring in the season. They even have espresso makers so you can make that cafe latte you love right in your kitchen.

对我来说，最近为阅读角添置了一条舒适的盖毯和一盏低亮度台灯，空间瞬间焕然一新，仿佛变成了一个小小避风港。我喜爱Wayfarer提供各种风格和预算的选择，还有免费便捷的配送服务。现在正是为秋季装扮家居的最佳时机，让你轻松舒适地享受这个季节。

For me, I recently picked up a cozy throw blanket and a low lit lamp for my reading corner. It transformed the space instantly. Suddenly, feels like a little sanctuary. I love that Wayfarer's options for every style and budget, plus free and easy delivery. Now really is the best time to get your home ready for fall, so you can enjoy the season with ease and comfort.

用Wayfair精心挑选的平价秋季焕新系列温暖你的家，从舒适躺椅到温馨床品和秋日装饰一应俱全。登录wayfair.com享受超值优惠。网址wayfair.com。Wayfair——万千风格，装点每家。

Cozify your home with Wayfair's curated collection of easy, affordable fall updates, From comfy recliners to cozy bedding and autumn decor. Find it all for way less at wayfair.com. That's wayfair.com. Wayfair. Every style, every home.

我是《On Purpose》的Jay Shetty，如果你曾感到迷失自我，试着改变环境吧，哪怕只有几天。达美航空近期邀请四位创作者进行这样的实验：两段旅程，一个问题——如果旅行不仅是位移，而是在行进中充电呢？

This is Jay Shetty from On Purpose, and if you've ever felt like you've lost touch with yourself, try changing your surroundings. Even for just a few days. Delta recently invited four creators to do just that. Two trips, one question. What if travel isn't just movement, but recharging in motion?

在西雅图，他们专注于日常与自我护理：健身、接地气的散步和冥想；在哥本哈根，他们释放自我：骑行、桑拿、拥抱当下。最令他们惊讶的是什么？惯常的压力消散了。

In Seattle, they focused on routine and self care. Gym time, grounding walks, and meditation. In Copenhagen, they let go biking, saunas, and embracing the moment. And what surprised them most? Their usual stress faded.

他们感到更清醒、更平静、更紧密相连。Aura睡眠评分数据证实了这点：根据监测，每个人都以更充沛的状态迎接清晨，身体活动量自然增加。旅行为他们提供了践行自我护理的空间——不是约束，而是平衡。最美妙的是？

They felt clearer, calmer, more connected. And auraing data backed it up. Based on their auraing sleep scores, everyone met the day feeling more rested, and their bodies moved more without even trying. Travel gave them space to practice self care, and not restriction, but balance. And the best part?

这种幸福感并未随着归家而结束。与达美同行，飞享更美好人生。完整旅程请关注达美航空YouTube频道。今年秋季，Pandora Talisman开启大胆新篇章，致敬古币力量与现代自我表达。每件Pandora护符都将永恒符号转化为深刻个人化的意义宣言。

That sense of well-being didn't end when they got home. With Delta, fly and live better. Explore the whole journey on Delta's YouTube channel. This fall, Pandora Talisman opens a bold new chapter, a tribute to ancient coins and the power of modern self expression. Each Pandora talisman transforms timeless symbols into deeply personal, meaningful statements.

正面饰有心形、蛇、月亮与星辰等蕴含丰富象征的图案；背面镌刻的拉丁文箴言引发沉思、信念与力量，使每件Pandora护符成为重要事物的触觉提醒。独特的纹理处理与自然瑕疵让每件作品充满生命力，如同贴近心脏佩戴的故事，满载历史与意义。它们是记忆、韧性与个人真理的载体，体现塑造你身份与立场的价值观。无论是单独佩戴还是叠搭于Pandora项链手链，Pandora护符都能以独特方式彰显你的旅程，颂扬你的个性，每日勇敢而优雅地讲述你的故事。

On the front, you'll discover powerful motifs like hearts, snakes, moons, and stars, each carrying its own rich symbolism. On the back, engraved Latin words of wisdom invite moments of reflection, intention, and strength, making every Pandora talisman a tactile reminder of what matters most. Designed with textured finishes and organic imperfections, each piece feels alive, like a story worn close to the heart, full of history and meaning. They're carriers of memory, resilience, and personal truth, embodying the values that shape who you are and what you stand for. Whether worn alone or layered together on Pandora necklaces and bracelets, Pandora talismans offer a unique way to express your journey, celebrate your identity, and tell your story boldly and beautifully every day.

潘多拉护身符，人生箴言现已于实体店及pandora.net官网发售。第六课：归属感比意志力更能带来改变，因为身份认同具有传染性。这事实将彻底颠覆你的认知，它改变了我对人类变革的思考方式。

Pandora talisman, words to live by now available in store and online at pandora.net. Lesson number six. You're more likely to change by belonging than by willpower because identity is contagious. This will actually blow your mind. It transformed how I think about human change.

我意识到人类改变包含三个核心要素：首先是教练指导——结识在你将踏足的旅程上领先三到五年的人，获得他们的指引能改变你的人生；其次是持续性与承诺，当你真正付诸行动并坚持足够长的时间；第三点正是本节重点——社群力量。

I've realized that there are three core aspects to human change. Coaching, knowing something that is three or five years ahead of you, knowing someone who's three or five years ahead of you on the journey you're about to go through and having their guidance can transform your life. The second is consistency and commitment. When you can actually commit to action, commit to making a change and you do it over a certain amount of time. And the third, which is what this one's all about is community.

我们需要社群来保持责任感，需要它激发竞争，也需要它促进协作。多数人认为改变取决于意志力——只要更努力、更拼命、更强迫自己就能改变。但这里有个反常识的真相。

We need community for accountability. We need it for competition and we need it for collaboration. See most people think change is about willpower. If I just tried harder, if I just pushed more, if I just forced myself, I'll change. But here's the counterintuitive truth.

归属感比意志力更能带来改变，因为身份认同具有传染性。几年前研究者调查为何有人成功戒烟而有人复吸，发现惊人事实：成功者并非意志最坚定的人，而是那些更换了社交圈的人。

You're more likely to change by belonging than by willpower because identity is contagious. A few years ago researchers studied why some people quit smoking successfully and others relapsed. They found something surprising. It wasn't the strongest willed individuals who succeeded. It was the ones who changed their social circles.

若身处吸烟者环绕的环境，戒烟成功率骤降；但若配偶戒烟，你的成功率便飙升；密友戒烟同样提升你的成功概率。相同习惯，相同尼古丁，不同环境。为何？

If you were surrounded by smokers, your chance of quitting dropped dramatically. But if your spouse quit smoking, your likelihood of quitting jumped up. If a close friend quit, your odds went up. Same habit, same nicotine, different environment. Why?

因为我们总会适应群体的行为规范。哈佛大学社交网络研究显示，肥胖、吸烟甚至快乐都像传染病般在朋友圈扩散。朋友发胖会使你的风险增加57%，朋友快乐则让你快乐概率提升25%。传播的从来不是意志力。

Because we adapt to the norms of our group. A Harvard study on social networks showed that obesity, smoking and even happiness spread through friends groups like contagions. If a friend of yours becomes obese, your own risk increases by fifty seven percent. If a friend becomes happy, your own chance of happiness rises by twenty five percent. Willpower didn't spread.

传播的是身份认同与群体联结。所以若想改变人生，别再问「如何增强意志力」，而要问「我该融入哪个群体」。你会不自觉与身边人保持同频共振，潜移默化中习得他们的习惯。

Identity and connectivity did. So if you want to change your life, stop asking how do I get more willpower? Start asking who do I need to belong to? You'll fight to match the energy of the people you sit with. You'll pick up their habits without even realizing it.

关键点在于：意志力是脆弱的，归属感则强大无比。改变习惯最快的方式就是更换你周围的人。因为你不仅会变成你所练习的样子，更会变成你身边人的模样。

Here's the takeaway. Willpower is fragile. Belonging is powerful. The fastest way to change your habits is to change your people. Because you don't just become what you practice, you become who you're around.

停止与那些你不想成为的人共度时光。别再浪费精力在你不钦佩的人身上。别再与只会消耗你自信的人建立联系。别再投入那些让你变得怯懦而非勇敢的圈子。我认为这一点至关重要，因为如果你审视生活中想做的改变，却总想着'为什么不在新年时改变？'

Stop spending time with people you don't want to be like. Stop wasting energy on people you don't admire. Stop building connections with people who only drain your confidence. Stop investing in circles that make you smaller instead of braver. I think this is a huge one because if you look at a change you want to make in your life and you're thinking why don't I change it at New Year's?

为什么不在生日时改变？我向你保证，那是因为你没有改变你的社交圈。不，不，你可能会想：'杰，我有一些非常好的朋友，我不想离开他们，他们很棒。'

Why didn't I change it on my birthday? I promise you it's because you didn't change your circle. No, no, you're thinking, Jay, I've got some really good friends. I don't wanna leave them. They're amazing.

你不需要离开他们。你需要围绕新目标建立新的圈子。当你有了目标，就围绕它构建圈子。这并不意味着你要抛弃朋友或家人，也不意味着你要切断关系。

You don't have to leave them. You have to build new circles around new goals. When you have a goal, a circle around it. It doesn't mean you leave your friends or your family behind. It doesn't mean you cut people out.

你依然可以爱他们，依然可以让他们留在你的生活中，但你必须围绕新目标创建新的圈子。以你现有的圈子，实现目标的可能性会小得多。我知道你在想：'杰，我去哪里找这些人？我在我的社区里不认识这样的人。'

You can still love them. You can still keep them in your life, but you have to create new circles around new goals. It is so much less likely for you to achieve the goals you have with the circle you currently have. And I know you're thinking, Jay, where do I find those people? I don't know people like that in my community.

我不是在那个领域长大的。在网上找到他们。在书中找到他们。在播客里找到他们。你可以通过关注他们来与这些人建立联系。

I didn't grow up in that area. Find them online. Find them in books. Find them on podcasts. You can associate with people by giving your attention to them.

决定你将成为什么样的人的，不是你身边实际存在的人，而是你选择关注的人。你在听谁说话？你在追随谁？你允许谁进入你的世界？

It's not the people around you physically that define who you're becoming. It's the people you choose to give your attention to. Who are you listening to? Who are you following? Who are you allowing in?

你在消耗什么？这将改变你的去向。第七课：你不是因为工作太辛苦而精疲力竭，而是因为缺乏意义感而耗尽。

What are you consuming? That will transform where you're going. Lesson number seven. You don't burn out from working too hard. You burn out from meaninglessness.

长时间工作并不总会导致倦怠，空虚的时间才会。大多数人认为倦怠源于工作时间过长，他们会说我每周工作七十小时所以疲惫不堪。但研究显示真相是——

Long hours don't always cause burnout. Empty hours do. Most people think burnout comes from working too many hours. They'll say I'm exhausted because I'm working seventy hours a week. But here's what the research shows.

让我们精疲力尽的不是工作时长，而是空虚感。我曾指导过一位大型企业的高绩效女性，她每周工作六十甚至七十小时。但工作之外她精力充沛——跑马拉松、在收容所做志愿者、四处旅行。

It's not the hours that burn us out, it's the emptiness. I once coached a woman who is a high performer at a huge firm. She worked sixty, sometimes seventy hours a week. But outside of work, she was full of energy. She ran marathons, she volunteered at a shelter, she traveled.

后来她换了公司。工作时间保持不变甚至略有减少，收入还稍高了些。但六个月内她就陷入倦怠，精力枯竭准备辞职。为什么？

Then she switched companies. Her hours stayed the same, maybe even a little lighter. She was making a bit more money. But within six months she was burned out, drained and ready to quit. Why?

不是因为工作量，而是工作对她失去了意义。任务变得重复，得不到认可，她感觉自己像机器里的齿轮。相同工时，更少意义，更多倦怠。

Not because of workload but because the work no longer meant anything to her. The tasks were repetitive. The recognition was absent. She felt like a cog in a machine. Same hours, less meaning, more burnout.

这与克里斯蒂娜·马斯拉克（研究倦怠领域的全球顶尖学者）的研究完全吻合。她提出倦怠的三个维度：一、感到精力耗尽；二、

This lines up with Christina Maslak's research on burnout, the world's leading scholar in this field. She identified three dimensions of burnout. One. Feeling drained or used up. Two.

产生疏离感、消极和怨恨；三、无效能感——觉得自己的工作无关紧要。最持续导致倦怠的不仅是长时间工作，更是当工作显得毫无意义、错位或不被看见时。

Feeling detached, negative, resentful. Inefficacy. Feeling like your work doesn't matter or make a difference. What drives burnout most consistently isn't just long hours. It's when your work feels meaningless, misaligned or unseen.

盖洛普调查发现，76%的员工经历过职业倦怠。但最强的预测因素不是工作时长，而是他们是否觉得工作有意义。马斯拉克的研究表明，那些认为工作缺乏认可或重要性的人，即使在相似的工作量下，倦怠程度也要高出两到三倍。相比之下，从事有意义但要求高的工作的人——护士、社会工作者、初创企业创始人——往往能承受更高的工作负荷而不倦怠，因为目标感就像燃料。所以真相是，你并非因付出太多而耗尽自己。

Gallup found that seventy six percent of employees experience burnout. But the strongest predictor wasn't the number of hours, it was whether they felt their work had purpose. Maslak's research shows that people who feel their work lacks recognition or significance report two to three times higher levels of burnout even at similar workloads. In contrast, people engaged in meaningful but demanding work, nurses, social workers, startup founders often sustain far higher workloads before burning out because purpose acts like fuel. So the truth is, you don't burn out from giving too much of yourself.

你是因为把精力投入无关紧要的事情而耗尽。如果你感到精疲力竭，不要只问自己工作了多久，还要问自己在为什么而工作？减少工作时间可能暂时有帮助，但找到意义会改变一切，因为疲惫是可以忍受的，而毫无意义则不然。

You burn out from giving yourself to things that don't matter. If you feel drained, don't just ask how many hours am I working? Ask what am I working toward? Cutting hours might help temporarily but finding meaning changes everything because exhaustion is survivable. Meaninglessness isn't.

你可以为工作注入意义。你可以为工作注入活力。找到让你好奇的事物。找到能为职场带来激情的东西。你不必拥有一份完美的工作。

You can bring meaning into your work. You can bring energy into your work. Find something that you can be curious about. Find something to bring passion into the workplace. You don't have to have the perfect job.

你必须将激情带入职场。第八课，你的大脑会欺骗你关于未来的想象。我们自认为擅长预测什么会让自己快乐。一旦我得到晋升，我就会更快乐。一旦搬到那座城市，一切都会变好。

You have to bring passion into the workplace. Lesson number eight, your brain lies about the future. We think we're good at predicting what will make us happy. I'll be so much happier once I get that promotion. Once I move to that city, everything will be better.

一旦我进入那段关系，我终将完整。但心理学告诉我们，我们在这方面糟糕透顶。哈佛心理学家丹尼尔·吉尔伯特进行了一项研究，对象是那些坚信中彩票会彻底改变他们幸福感的人。一年后回访这些彩票中奖者时，他们的幸福感几乎没有变化。事实上，许多人感到更加空虚。

Once I'm in that relationship, I'll finally be complete. But psychology says we're terrible at this. Daniel Gilbert, a Harvard psychologist, ran a study with people who were absolutely convinced that winning the lottery would transform their happiness. When they checked in with lottery winners a year later, their happiness had barely changed. In fact, many felt less fulfilled.

为什么？因为他们的社交关系、生活常规和目标感并未改变，变的只是银行余额。而更讽刺的是，当吉尔伯特研究那些遭遇灾难性事故失去行动能力的人时，一年后许多人报告称其幸福感与事故前相差无几。

Why? Because their relationships, routines, and sense of purpose hadn't shifted. Just their bank balance. And here's the twist. When Gilbert looked at people who had suffered catastrophic accidents and lost mobility a year later many of them reported similar happiness levels as before the accident.

看似生命终点的事件成为了适应的起点。这被称为情感预测偏差。我们的大脑会系统性高估好事或坏事对幸福感的影响时长。我们将晋升想象成永恒的高潮，实则很快适应；将分手视为无尽的绝望。

What felt like the end of life became the start of adaptation. This is called effective forecasting error. Our brain systematically overestimates how long good or bad events will impact our happiness. We imagine the promotion as a permanent high, when in reality, we adapt quickly. We imagine the breakup as endless despair.

但随着时间的推移，我们的情绪基线恢复速度比想象中快得多。吉尔伯特称之为心理免疫系统——我们在情感上的恢复速度远超想象。这很有趣不是吗？当境遇顺遂时，我们总以为会永远顺遂下去。

But over time, our emotional baseline returns faster than we think. Gilbert calls this our psychological immune system. We recover emotionally far more quickly than our imagination predicts. It's fascinating isn't it? When things are good, we think they'll be good forever.

而我们错了。当境遇糟糕时，我们以为会永远糟糕下去——同样错了。世事从不会永远顺遂，也不会永远糟糕。关键在于学会如何在混乱中追寻有意义、有目标的生活，保持内心平静。有项研究显示，大学生预测若宿舍抽签落选会痛苦数月。

And we're wrong. When things are bad, we think they'll be bad forever and we're wrong. Things are never good forever and they're never bad forever. What we need to recognize is how we can focus on living a life of meaning and purpose and seeking peace even in chaos. In one study, college students predicted they'd be miserable for months if they were rejected from a dorm lottery.

几周后他们的幸福指数已回归基线。大量研究表明，我们总是错误预估情绪反应的强度和持续时间。所以真相是：你对未来的想象通常是错的——它既夸大了喜悦，也放大了痛苦。

A few weeks later their happiness levels were back to baseline. A large body of research shows we consistently mispredict both the intensity and the duration of our emotional reactions. So here's the truth. Your imagination about the future is usually wrong. It exaggerates both the joy and the pain.

因此最佳建议不是「相信直觉」，而是「验证现实」。通过实践检验、尝试实验，你的认知将超越主观臆测。在做重大人生决定前——比如搬家、辞职、结束关系——别相信脑海里的推演，先做小规模试验。

That's why the best advice isn't trust your gut. It's test reality. If you learn to test reality, to experiment, to try, you will know more than what you may think or predict. Before making a big life decision, like moving cities, quitting jobs, ending relationships, don't trust the move in your head. Run a small experiment.

去新城市住一周，体验目标职业的日常工作，尝试过一天那种生活方式。因为想象会膨胀，而现实会教导。

Spend a week in that new city. Shadow someone in that career. Try a day living that lifestyle. Because imagination inflates. Reality educates.

你以为快乐永无止境，痛苦也永无止境。实则欢愉消逝得比预期快，痛苦结束得也比预期快。衷心希望这八个人生课题能助你打造未来十年最强大的自己——正是这些认知转变思维模式，改变职业轨迹，重塑人生轨迹。

You think happiness will never end. And you think pain will never end. The truth is pleasure ends quicker than you think and pain ends quicker than you think. I really hope that these eight lessons will help you get the next decade of your life to be the most powerful one yet. It's these lessons that shift your mindset, change your careers and change your life.

关键不在于等待外部奇迹，而在于改变内心对话。记得订阅频道。请记住，我永远站在你这边，永远为你加油。若你喜欢本期内容，推荐观看我对查尔斯·杜希格的专访：如何轻松改变习惯、优化决策的脑科学秘密。

It's not waiting for something magical external. It's about changing that internal dialogue. Make sure you subscribed. Remember, I'm forever in your corner and I'm always rooting for you. If you love this episode, you will also love my interview with Charles Duhigg on how to hack your brain, change any habit effortlessly, and the secret to making better decisions.

看，我犹豫不决是因为害怕做出选择、害怕付诸行动？还是因为直觉告诉我时机尚未成熟？

Look, am I hesitating on this because I'm scared of making the choice because I'm scared of doing the work? Or am I sitting with this because it just doesn't feel right yet?

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Trust me. Discover more at chase.com/sapphirereserve. American Public University is the number one provider of education to our military and veterans in the country. They offer something truly unique, special rates and grants for the entire family, making education affordable, not just for those who serve, but also for their loved ones. If you have a military or veteran family member and are looking for affordable, high quality education, APU is the place for you.

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Visit apu.apus.edu/military to learn more. That's apu.apus.edu/military. When we take care of our body, we make space to care for our mind. GROONS is a new daily habit designed to support both. Each day starts with eight delicious gummies packed with over 20 vitamins and minerals, six grams of dietary fiber, prebiotics, greens, and more.

这款全素无麸配方专为提升精力、免疫力和认知功能设计。首单使用优惠码PURPUS最高可享52%折扣。

It's a convenient comprehensive formula designed to support energy, immunity, and cognition. Vegan, gluten free, thoughtfully dosed. Get up to 52% off your first order with code PURPUS at checkout. That's code purpose for up to 52% off your first order.

本节目由iHeart播客出品。

This is an iHeart podcast.