口交与你那有毒前任 第10部分

我们之间要，你知道的，对彼此感兴趣。

Us to be, you know, interested in each other.

是啊。

Yeah.

我是说，你完全属于不同的圈子。

I mean, you are in a totally different community.

如果你现在在洛杉矶，我们在这儿给你牵线就完全不成问题。

If you were in Los Angeles right now, we would have no problem fixing you up here.

对吧？

Right?

我是说，这是事实。

I mean, that is the truth.

你非常优秀。

You are fantastic.

你知道，你非常善于表达，我能看出你心地善良，而且你英俊帅气，具备所有优点。

You know, you're you're very articulate, and you I can tell that you have a really good heart, and you're handsome, and all the things.

但在南方，我们得实话实说，美国每个州的情况都不一样。

But being in the South, and we're not gonna kid, that every every state in America is different.

每个城镇也各不相同。

Every town is different.

而在你所在的地方，公开承认自己是同性恋或双性恋可能会面临更多挑战，我理解这种困境。

And where you're at, it probably is a lot more challenging to be openly gay or bi, and I know the struggle.

真的，我深知这种挣扎是真实存在的。

Like, I know that struggle is real.

我的听众遍布全球，遍布全国各地。

I have listeners all over the world, all over the country.

所以我认为真正有用的可能是找到当地的社群。

And so I think what might be useful then is is really finding like, what about a community there?

那里有没有同性恋、双性恋者组成的社群，比如朋友群体？

Is there a community of people who are gay, bisexual, like friends?

因为我觉得如果交友软件现在对你不起作用，通过朋友介绍认识人总是有帮助的——我大部分约会对象或喜欢的人都是通过朋友介绍的。

Because I feel like if the apps aren't working for you now, it's always helpful to you know, how I've mostly found most of my dates is or people I I like or friends fix me up.

我让他们知道。

I let them know.

我说，你认识什么人吗？

I said, do you know anybody?

即使他们当时不知道，也许下周或下个月他们会说，我有个很棒的人介绍给你，因为我和你一样。

And even if they don't know right away, maybe next week or next month, they go, I've got this great guy for you because I don't I'm like you.

比如，我现在在应用上也有点知名度了。

Like, I'm also a little recognizable now if I'm on an app.

对吧？

Right?

本地人会说，哦，和艾米丽上床。

Locally, oh, sex with Emily.

让我们看看是怎么回事。

Let's see what that's about.

我打赌她在床上很棒。

I'll bet she's good in bed.

你懂我意思吗？

You know what I'm saying?

所以找到一群志同道合的朋友可能会帮你融入派对、参加烧烤聚会。

So finding a community of like minded friends might help you going to parties, going to barbecues.

现在是夏天。

It's the summer.

所以在Grindr这类应用上，可能就是你现在的状态——这就是当下的氛围。

And so the apps maybe where you're at on Grindr, it's just it that is the vibe.

我认为你不应该停止表达你的真实意图。

And I don't think you should stop stating your intention.

我觉得如果因此吓跑别人，他们反倒帮了你，因为这表明他们承受不了也不适合。如果你只想约炮，我会直接发裸照，否则我不会这么做。

I think if you scare people off, they're doing you a favor because it's showing that they can't handle it and they're not And so if you wanted just to get laid, I would lead with the nude pics, but otherwise I wouldn't.

我会先安排视频约会。

I would lead with a FaceTime date.

我是说，这就是当下的潮流。

I mean, that's all the trends right now.

现在大家都是这么做的。

That's what everyone's doing.

在见面之前，他们都会先通过视频确认对方。

They are betting people on first before you go out and meet them.

我知道你会得到你想要的，我很高兴你提出这个话题，因为我觉得很多人都在这些不靠谱的社交软件上挣扎。

And I know you're gonna get what you want, and I'm really glad you're bringing up this conversation because I think a lot of people struggle with it, the flaky apps.

但有一点是肯定的，这就像数字游戏一样。

But so the one thing is that it's a numbers game.

对吧？

Right?

就像，继续刷，继续找，总会遇到合适的人。

Like, gotta just keep swiping, keep going, you'll find someone.

你知道，他们说约会应用现在火爆得很，因为大家都急着想找人，但我觉得你也应该花心思经营自己的社交圈。

You know, they say the dating apps are blowing up right now because everyone's so ready to meet someone, but then I would also really put an effort in to cultivating your community.

毕竟如果你没打算搬家的话...

Because if you're not planning on moving Mhmm.

这可能是你可以利用的绝佳资源。

That might be a great resource for you to tap into.

而且

And

我很感激。

I appreciate that.

要相信人性本善，你会找到对的人——就像明确期待并清晰表达你的意图那样。

Just expecting that people are good and you will find your person, like expecting and being really clear with your intentions.

要知道你正在讲述一个故事：'我试过了，结果这样那样的事情发生了。'

Like, know that you have a story that you're set you're you're saying, well, I've tried it and this happens and that happens.

也许这种情况发生过几次，但这并不意味着你就该放弃尝试，因为明确表达我们的意图和需求本身也是一种修行。

Maybe it happened a few times, but it doesn't mean that you can't keep trying because it's also a practice being really, really clear about our intentions and what we want and stating it.

所以我在寻找长期关系。

So I'm looking for a long term relationship.

这些是我的价值观。

These are my values.

这是我的道德准则。

These are my morals.

这就是我的为人准则。

This is what, you know, I'm about.

不要把时间浪费在那些玩消失的人身上——我特别喜欢那些一开始就展现真面目的人。

And not spending any time on the people who ghost or the people who are I love when people show you who they are right away.

你明白吗？

You know?

相信他们的表现，然后继续前进。

You believe them and you move on.

这不是你的问题。

It's not about you.

好的。

Okay.

好的。

Okay.

这有帮助吗？

Is that helpful?

是的。

Yes.

非常感谢。

Thank you very much.

非常感谢你这么说。

Thank you so much for that.

我很感激。

I appreciate it.

谢谢你的倾听和来电。

Thank you for listening and for calling in.

我知道这将会帮助很多人。

I know this is gonna help so many people.

祝你一切顺利。

Best of to you.

好的。

Okay.

照顾好自己。

Take care of yourself.

你能行的。

You got this.

再见。

Bye.

拜拜。

Bye bye.

我很高兴他打来电话，当他提到我们的人口统计特征时。

I'm so glad he called in, you know, when he mentioned our demographic.

我只想让大家知道，我们有各种性别和性取向的人打来电话，我们欢迎每个人。

And I just want you all to know that we have people of all genders and all sexual orientations calling in, and we welcome everybody.

但我认为思考我们在这个有趣的时代如何约会是个非常有趣的概念——当所有交友应用都火爆起来，或者当我们独自隔离一年后，真的准备好去遇见一个伴侣的时候。

But I think it's a really interesting notion to think about how we are dating right now at this interesting time when we're all the apps are blowing up or maybe where we were alone for a year, we're in isolation, and we're really ready to meet a partner.

因此我认为我们必须记住，我们有权决定自己想要什么样的关系、寻找什么样的人，以及我们愿意容忍和不愿容忍的行为。

And so I think that we have to remember that we get to decide what kind of relationships relationships we we want want and and what what kind kind of of people we're looking for and what kind of behavior we will and will not tolerate.

他让我想到的，也是我想强调的，就是审视你对约会的信念。

And what he brought up for me, and I want to hammer this home to you, is that check-in on your beliefs around dating.

每当我听到有人说‘我们镇上的男人都很糟糕’或‘女人都不想认真交往’或‘我总是被放鸽子’时，

Know, whenever I hear, we'll say, all the men in my town are terrible or all the women don't want to commit or I keep getting ghosted.

也许你确实被放过几次鸽子，也许有过一些不愉快的经历，但请检视这些想法，别让它们定义你或未来的亲密关系。

Maybe you got ghosted a few times and maybe you've had some bad experiences, but please check those thoughts and do not let them define you or your future sexual experiences.

因为一旦你形成这些信念并围绕它们编造故事，要走出去约会就会困难得多。

Because once you start having these beliefs and then you create stories around them, it's gonna be a lot harder to get out there and date.

所以当你明确自己的意图，写下‘我想要一段关系’时，

So when you get clear in your intentions and you write out, I want a relationship.

我希望对方能让我在相处时有某种感觉。

I want the person to make me feel a certain way when we're together.

这些是我周末想一起做的事。

These are the kind of things I'd like to do on the weekends.

这是我的目标，或者说对我重要的东西——道德观、价值观等等。当你把这些都写下来，筛选人群就会容易得多，也能更清楚地意识到谁可能是你的真命天子，谁不是。

This is, you know, my goals or what I what's important to me, morals, values, all those things, and you write it all down, it's gonna be a lot easier to move through people and just to realize who might be your person and who isn't.

所以要有意识地行动，检查那些限制性信念，因为每个人都能找到属于自己的那个人，你也会找到那个对的人。

So get intentional and check your limiting beliefs because there is somebody for everybody and you will find that person.

今天的节目就到这里。

That's it for today's episode.

感谢收听《与艾米谈性》。

Thanks for listening to Sex With Emily.

别忘了在你收听播客的平台点赞、订阅并给我们评价，也把这期节目分享给你的朋友或伴侣。

Be sure to like, subscribe, and give us a review wherever you listen to podcasts and share this with a friend or a partner.

相信我，如果你从这期节目有所收获，他们也会的。

Believe me, if you got something out of this episode, they will too.

我们每周发布两到三期节目。

We release two to three episodes a week.

在Instagram、YouTube、Facebook和Twitter上都能找到我。

Find me at Instagram, YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter.

这里是SexWithEmily的全部内容。

It's all sexwithemily.

如果您有任何关于性、约会或人际关系的问题，请发送邮件至feedback@sexwithemily.com或访问sexwithemily.com/askemily。

If you'd like to ask me a question about sex or dating, relationships, email me feedbacksexwithemily dot com or sexwithemily dot com slash askemily.

欢迎访问我的网站。

And check out my website.

我们有许多深入探讨各类话题的精彩文章，比如《如何实现多次高潮？》

We have so many great articles diving deep into topics like how do I have multiple orgasms?

《如何在床上更持久？》

How do I last longer in bed?

《如何停止思念前任？》

How do I stop thinking about my ex?

《应该尝试哪些性玩具？》

What sex toys should I try?

以及更多丰富内容。

And so much more.

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Sign up for weekly emails.

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I been told I give really good emails.

确实如此。

I do.

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Was it good for you?

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