实际上，放下很容易！

声音测试，你在听吗？

Sound check, are you checking?

摇摆下去，但我不会跌倒。

Shimmy down, but I won't fall.

我是胸围测量仪。

I'm tit titer.

声音正在测试中。

Sound is checking.

我们来谈谈超然吧。

Let's talk detachment.

问题是，我该如何不再那么在意？

The question is, how do I stop caring so much?

我该如何停止沉迷？

How do I stop obsessing?

我该如何在自己和那些人、他、她以及他们之间建立距离？

How do I create distance between myself and those people and him and her and them?

贝贝，你问错了问题。

Bebe, you are asking the wrong question.

你不是缺乏关心的问题，而是根基有问题。

You don't have a caring problem, it's a foundation problem.

你不能靠《48条权力法则》来解决一个根本性的问题。

And you can't 48 laws of power your way out of a foundational problem.

听好了，我们是人类，与那些情感匮乏、极端地谈论依附与疏离的人不同，他们说：‘哦，是的，你永远不该对任何东西产生依恋。’

Listen, we are humans and contrary to the wiles of some emotionally destitute people who talk about attachment and detachment with this extreme way where it's like, oh yeah, you should never be attached to anything.

听好了，我们是人类。

Listen, we are humans.

我们天生渴望联结。

We are wired for bonding.

我们天生需要连接。

We are wired for connection.

连接从来不是，也永远不会是软弱的表现。

Connection has never been and will never be weakness.

这是生物本能，是进化的结果，试图对抗它很愚蠢。

It is biological, it's evolution and trying to fight it is lame.

好吧，L A M E，愚蠢。

Okay, L A M E lame.

作为一个不喜欢把概念复杂化的人，健康的成年依恋 simply 就是喜爱。

As someone who doesn't like over complicating concepts, healthy adult attachment is simply fondness.

好吧，就这些。

Okay, that's all.

所有那些人们从天上和海里扯出来的东西，其实就是喜爱。

All these extra things that people are pulling from the skies and from the sea, it's just fondness.

你喜欢某人，你爱某人。

You like somebody, you love somebody.

就像我喜欢这个社群。

Okay, like I like this community.

我爱这个社群，这就是我不断回来的原因。

I love this community, which is why I keep showing up.

你对他们有感情。

You have affection for them.

一旦它变成了其他任何东西，你就离开了生物学和进化，进入了一种不健康的关系动态，这时它不再是一种真诚的喜欢，而变成了生存的需要。

The minute it becomes anything else, you are leaving biology and evolution and moving into an unhealthy relational dynamic where it stops being genuine fondness and starts being about survival.

我们不是在谈论儿童时期的依恋，因为当孩子在那个年龄需要依恋以求生存时，那是一个完全不同的领域。

We're not talking about childhood attachment because there's a whole area about it when a child needs attachment at that age for survival.

所以问题不在于你有依恋。

So the problem is not that you are attached.

问题在于你越过了界限，让对方不再是一个人，而变成了一种必需品。

The problem is that you have crossed the line where the other person stops being a person and starts being a requirement.

无论出于什么原因——你知道你的原因——你已经不再从丰盈的状态中选择他们，而是从匮乏的状态中紧紧抓住他们。

And for whatever reason, you know your reason, you're no longer choosing them from a place of fullness, but clinging to them from a place of lack.

如果你只是停下来，诚实地停顿片刻，审视自己内心的转变，你就会发现我们很多人都有的同一个问题：如果没有这段关系，没有这样的连接，没有这个人，无论这个人对我意味着什么，没有它，我就不知道我是谁。

And if you just pause, honestly, you just pause for a moment and examine the shift within you, you will find the same issue that a lot of us tend to have, which is that without this relationship, without a connection like this, without this person, whatever this person represents for me, without it, I do not know who I am.

我不知道自己是谁。

I don't know what I am.

我不知道接下来该往哪里走。

I don't know where to go from here.

我跟你说，这实际上是大多数情况下，关于疏离、离开、远离糟糕处境、切断和远离伤害你的关系的根本诊断。

I'm telling you, this is literally the underlying diagnosis for most things when it comes to detachment and leaving things and going away from terrible situations and cutting off and moving away from relationships that are hurting you.

很多时候，这都是根本性的诊断。

A lot of the times, this is the underlying diagnosis.

因为有一件事我要告诉你，我喜欢追根溯源。

Because one thing about me, I'll tell you this, I like getting to the root of things.

没必要只修剪症状，绕着症状打转。

There's no need, trimming the symptoms and just going around the symptoms.

那样只会不断循环往复。

It will just keep going around in circles.

我喜欢深入挖掘事物的根源。

I like looking, you know, digging for the root of something.

你实际上是在把别人当作救命稻草。

You're literally using somebody else as a lifeline.

这就是我想让你问自己的问题。

And that's the question I want you to ask yourself.

顺便说一下，亲爱的们。

Quick thing, my loves.

如果你喜欢我在这里分享的内容，你应该订阅我的通讯。

If you like what I share on here, you should be subscribed to my newsletter.

喂？

Hello?

为什么不呢？

Because why not?

我经常在那儿和你们交流。

I talk to you quite often on there.

第二，如果你想获得更深入、更有条理的指导，我专门为你们制作了‘重建练习’。

Number two, if you want deeper and more structured guidance for me, I made the reclaim practice just for you.

三本深度引导式工作手册。

Three deep guided workbooks.

你可以在theneurocosmic.com找到它们。

You can find them at theneurocosmic.com.

所有链接都在描述中。

All the links are in the description.

去看看吧。

Go take a look.

好的，继续。

Okay, moving on.

这就是我想让你在自己难以从所处情境中抽离时问自己的问题：诚实面对，这是一段关系，还是一根救命稻草？

And that's the question I want you to ask yourself Whenever you are struggling to detach whatever situation you find yourself in, be honest, ask yourself, is this a connection or is this a lifeline?

这个问题带来的清晰感，是因为关系是直截了当的。

Oh, the clarity that comes with this question because connection is straightforward.

说实话，什么是关系？

Let's be honest, what is connection?

很简单，我真心喜欢这个人，好吗？

It's simply, I genuinely like this person, okay?

我爱这个主题，我喜欢这个人，我非常爱他们。

I love this theme, this person, I love them so much.

我对他们充满好奇。

I'm so curious about them.

他们的存在让我的生活变得更美好。

Their presence makes my life better.

他们让这个世界变得更明亮。

It brightens the world.

我爱他们身上的所有这些特质。

I love all these things about them.

但与此同时，如果必须没有他们生活，我也可以做到。

And in the same breath, if I had to live without them, I can.

我会因为必须没有他们而感到快乐吗？

Will I be happy that I have to live without them?

不会，我会为此感到悲痛。

No, I will grieve it.

我会很难过，但我能挺过去。

I'll be sad, but I will survive.

我会继续存在。

I will remain.

我不会消失。

I will not disappear.

而另一方面，当你想到这条生命线时，你会说：天哪，我无法没有这个人活下去。

And then the lifeline on the other hand, you're like, Oh my God, I can't live without this person.

你的情绪完全取决于他们的反应。

Your entire mood depends on how they react.

好吧，如果他们说了什么错话，那就完了，你的一天就被毁了。

Okay, if they say something wrong, that's it, your day has destroyed.

你无法继续前行。

You can't move on.

你的生活已经支离破碎。

Your life has fallen apart.

他们的肢体语言不一样。

Their body language is different.

所以你感觉你们是纠缠在一起的，仿佛生来就属于彼此。

So it feels like you're enmeshed, like you're born with this person.

他们做的每一件事都会影响你如何与这个世界互动。

Everything they do affects how you move through the world.

当人们谈论抽离或难以放手时，总是说：‘哦，是啊，我就是有点难以抽离。’

When people talk about detachment or struggling to leave things, it's always, Oh yeah, like I just, you know, I kind of struggle with detachment.

我只是觉得，我真的很难放下任何人。

I'm just like, I just really have a tough time with leaving people.

天啊，我太心软了。

Oh my God, I'm so soft.

我太在意了。

I care too much.

宝贝，你这么一说，听起来还挺可爱的。

Girl, when you say it like that, it sounds cute.

说实话，如果你仔细想想，我也深入思考过这个问题，这简直是一场危机，而且

Honestly, if you think about it and I've thought about this deeply, it's an emergency and

我会

I'll

让我给你描绘一幅画面，让你明白我的意思。

paint you a picture so you see what I'm saying.

想象一下，你把手放在热炉子上，正常的、健康的反应是立刻缩回手，因为太烫了。

Imagine that you put your hand on a hot stove, The normal reaction, the healthy reaction will be to pull back immediately because it's hot.

这就是你的本能反应。

So that's your reflex reaction.

想象一下，你站在一个房间里，看着别人把手放在热炉子上，但他们却没有本能地缩回，而是站在那里，任由手放在热炉子上。

Imagine that you're standing in a room and you watch somebody put their hand on a hot stove and instead of reflexively pulling back, they stand there and leave their hands on the hot stove.

房间里每个人都会认为，这背后一定出了严重的问题。

Everybody in that room will agree that something is deeply the matter.

每个人都会同意这一点。

Every single person will agree.

好的。

Okay.

没有人会看着他们说：‘天哪，他们就是没法把手从炉子上拿开。’

Nobody will look at them and be like, Oh my gosh, they just struggle to put their hand off the stove.

看到一个人被发现把手放在热炉子上，却不动，这种行为根本说不通。

No, it makes no sense to look at somebody who you found in that position, leaving their hand on a hot stove.

你会想，姑娘，你根本就不该走近炉子，你本该离炉子远远的。

You're going, girl, like, oh, you should have just not walked up to the stove, girl, you should have just sat away from the stove.

我不知道你对热炉子这么着迷。

I didn't know you were drawn to hot stoves.

哎呀，姑娘，远离热炉子，好吗？

Oh girl, avoid hot stoves, okay?

不，真正的问题是：为什么在热炉子面前，他们就是无法把手抽开？

No, the question is, why is it that in the presence of a hot stove, they couldn't pull away?

somewhere 出了问题。

Something is not clicking somewhere.

所以，如果我身处那样的房间，我可能会冲过去把那个人从炉子上推开，因为有人竟然会陷入这种 literally 是热炉子的处境。

So most likely, if I was in a room like that, I would run and push the person off the stove for somebody to find themselves in a situation that is literally a hot stove.

他们不是本能地闪避并远离，而是留在原地。

And instead of flinching and moving themselves away, they stay in it.

一定有什么根本性的问题。

There's something foundational wrong.

你必须从这里找到答案。

That's where you have to find the answer.

所以也许他们会去看神经科医生，因为某些功能出现了故障。

So maybe they're going to go see a neurologist, something has failed.

也许那里存在着深层的创伤。

Maybe there's something deeply traumatic there.

关键是，你要开始审视基础层面。

The point is you start looking at the foundation.

所有只是针对症状的治疗，都是在治标。

Everything is symptomatic is all treating the symptoms.

哦，宝贝，别碰那些烫人的东西，你正碰着烫的东西呢。

Oh girl, avoid hot stuffs, you on hot stuffs.

这不好笑。

It's not funny.

这是紧急情况。

It's an emergency.

我是这么看的。

That's how I see it.

我不玩那些游戏是有原因的。

I don't play games for a reason.

听好了，我是个非常有同理心的人。

Listen, I am a very empathetic person.

我能感受到一切。

I feel everything.

我这辈子永远不会试图不去感受。

I will never in my life try not to feel.

这会要了我的命。

That will kill me.

那些 Advice，你知道的，这么做、那么做，试着稍微克制一点。

The advice to, you know, do this and do that, try to hold back a bit.

对于我这样真正关心、真正深爱的人而言，这听起来反直觉。

It's counterintuitive for somebody like me who actually cares, who actually loves.

当我意识到我的共情能力并不是问题时，我就帮助了自己。

I helped myself when I realized that my empathy was not an issue.

有什么东西在泄漏，有什么东西失衡了。

Something was leaking, something was unbalanced.

somewhere 存在着一种失衡。

There was an imbalance somewhere.

我未加治疗，而是去审视这种失衡。

And I went untreated and looked into that imbalance.

我会听起来像坏掉的唱片。

I'm going to sound like a broken record.

你可能不喜欢我接下来要说的话，但能够从你不再想要的经历中抽离出来——无论是人、地方还是事物——都是因为你内心建立了一种比任何外部认可都更有价值的东西。

You might not like what I'm about to say, but the ability to detach from experiences you no longer want to have, whether that's people, places, things is a byproduct of building something inside yourself that is more valuable to you than any external source of validation.

抽离的修炼，早在你遇到需要抽离的情境之前就已经开始了。

The work for detachment begins way before you find yourself in situations that require it.

那么我们该怎么做呢？

So what do we do?

如果你想掌握抽离的能力，可以通过培养产生它的根源来实现，那就是自我认知和自尊。

If you want to master detachment, you can do so by building the thing that produces it, which is self knowledge and self respect.

我知道，我知道我的爱。

I know, I know my love.

我知道，当我打开我的问答表单时，那是几个月前我做TMBS第一季的时候，这可能是一种执念。

I know, I When I opened up my ask me anything form, this was months ago when I did my first season of TMBS, this might be a spell.

我收到了超过一千个问题。

I got over 1,000 questions.

是的，我很享受回答这些问题，第二季将来某天一定会推出。

And yes, I loved answering those questions and season two will come sometime in the future.

但当我浏览这些问题时，我心中想的正是答案。

But when I went through those questions, what I was thinking was the answer.

这实际上就是为什么我曾想过要做一个这样的视频。

And this is actually why I thought about doing a video like this sometime.

这些问题的答案，归根结底都以某种形式指向这一点。

The answers to most of those questions boil down to this in one form or the other.

自我认知，以及随之而来的自我尊重。

Self knowledge and consequent self respect.

然后，母亲们、女神们、神祇们、他们的主人、先知和过去的诗人，他们从未说谎，而你也可以做到。

Then mothers, them goddesses, them gods, their masters, the seers and the poets of the past, they never lied and you can do it.

是的，你不需要特别出众，不，因为这种事情总会发生。

Yeah, you don't need to be special, no, because it always happens.

自从我向公众敞开心扉后，我现在已经见过很多次了。

It's something I've seen a lot now that I've opened myself up to the public.

在我的个人生活中也听过类似的话，当人们看到那些做着极其艰难事情的人时，这是一种非常奇怪的感觉。

I've heard it in my personal life too, it's a very weird thing when people see somebody who does really hard things.

我是基于经验来说的。

And I'm speaking from experience.

人们开始说，是的，但你不一样。

People start saying things like, yeah, but you're different.

哦，你只是自信超常。

Oh, you're just, you have an above average confidence.

你看待世界的方式让你与众不同。

Your way of seeing the world means that you're quite different.

所以你所做的可能是无法实现的，孩子。

So maybe what you do is unattainable child.

这并不是无法实现的。

It's not unattainable.

好吧，也许我确实不同。

Okay, maybe I'm different.

也许我确实如你们所说的一切，但让我感到有趣的是，当涉及到做艰难的事情时，人们更容易选择最懒惰的选项——认为它无法实现。

Maybe I'm any, all these things you say, But it's so interesting to me that when it comes to doing hard things, it's easier to fall on the laziest option, which is to consider it unattainable.

因为如果这件事无法实现，你就不用为之努力。

Because if it's unattainable, you don't have to work for it.

你不必去尝试。

You don't have to try.

但如果它是一种追求，你就必须付出努力。

But if it's aspirational, you have to do the work.

你以为我每次离开时都是微笑着的吗？

You think every time I walked away from things, was smiling.

我离开时心里想的是：佩尔，你遇到了一个占窝的松鼠。

I was walking away going, Pearl, you got a squatter squirrel.

不，我是含着泪离开的。

No, I was walking away in tears.

我的身体疼痛难忍。

My body was aching.

我因痛苦而哭泣，但我还是离开了。

I was crying in pain, but I walked away.

好吧，我来告诉你我是如何做到无论怎样都能离开的。

Okay, and I'll tell you how I'm able to walk away no matter what.

这就是我能够做到的方法。

This is how I've been able to do it.

我有一份清单。

I keep a list.

是的，公平地说，我有很多清单，但我有一份非常非常具体的清单，上面写着佩尔真正喜欢什么、真正不喜欢什么以及痛恨什么。

Yes, I keep a gazillion list to be fair, but I keep a very, very specific list called what Pearl genuinely likes and what Pearl genuinely dislikes and hates what Pearl detests.

这份清单是真实的，是我内心拥有的。

This list is real, a list that I have and internal.

这份清单是我将自己视为独立个体的一种方式。

This list is part of my way of treating myself as a separate entity.

我在上周的视频中谈过作为独立个体的概念。

I talked about being a separate entity in last week's video.

所以如果你不明白这个概念，去观看一下吧。

So if you don't get the concept, go and watch it.

但我有这份清单，因为它让我成为了一个能与之产生共鸣的人，一些让我感到充满活力的事物。

But I have this list because it makes me somebody that I relate to, things that make me feel alive.

那些我拒绝容忍的事情，那些让我付出代价的事情，那些曾经让我付出过代价的事情。

The things that I refuse to tolerate, the things that cost me, the things that have cost me before.

好吧，我知道这些事情。

Okay, I know these things.

当你如此清晰地了解自己时，你会培养出一种东西，一种非常重要、简单却极其有力的东西——客观性。

When you know yourself this specifically, you develop something, something so important, very simple yet so powerful objectivity.

是的。

Yes.

客观性不需要玩弄手段。

Objectivity does not need games.

客观性不需要精心策划或下棋。

Objectivity does not need planning and chess.

客观性不需要你成为玩家。

Objectivity does not need you to be a player.

客观性不需要你了解游戏规则，不需要精通其中的细节，也不需要在扑克牌桌上技高一筹。

Objectivity does not need you to know the game, to know the ins and outs and to be better at poker.

客观性不需要这些任何东西。

Objectivity does not need any of these things.

拥有客观性，你就能退后足够远，看清事情的本来面目，而不是被你的恐惧、自尊、自我和伤痛以及情绪所扭曲的样子。

With objectivity, you have the ability to step back far enough to see a situation as it is, not as your fears and your pride and your ego and your wounds and your feelings want it to be.

客观性让超然变得切实可行。

Objectivity makes detachment practical.

此刻，当你被某人或某事完全占据时，你完全在情绪的驱动下行动。

Right now, when you are consumed by somebody or something, you are operating entirely from your feelings.

是的，情绪是合理的。

And yes, feelings are valid.

当然，它们是真实的。

Of course, they are real.

得了吧。

Come on.

但感受并不是全部真相。

But feelings are not the whole picture.

客观性让你获得一个第二视角，在这个视角中，你不仅在感受，还在观察自己如何感受。

Objectivity gives you a second position where you are not only feeling, but you are also watching yourself feel.

从这个观察的角度，你现在可以问自己：佩尔女孩，这件事是关于这个人，还是关于更早以前的某种东西？

And from that watching position, you can now ask, Pearl girl, is this about this person or is this about something older?

这时你就会意识到：啊，这个模式又出现了。

And this is where you're like, ah, it's that pattern showing up again.

好吧，这种体验是不是又出现了？

Okay, is this experience showing up again?

这种一直支配着我生活的模式，你知道的，客观性会带你意识到：啊，啊，这其实是爱。

This thing that has been running my life, this thing that you know, this stuff objectivity will bring you to the point where you're like, ah, ah, this is in love.

天啊，这是恐惧。

Oh my God, this is fear.

哦，明白了。

Oh, okay.

我害怕。

I'm afraid.

我害怕。

I'm afraid.

然后，当你拥有自尊，并将这种自尊与这种主观性融合时，你所有的关系、所有的人开始通过你的喜好和厌恶被筛选。

And then with self respect, when you have that self respect merged with this subjectivity, all your relationships, all the people begin to be sifted through your likes and your dislikes.

你知道你是一个独立的人，你的喜好和厌恶独立于任何关系或连接而存在，你的偏好、你的价值观、你的不可妥协的原则，明白吗？

You know that you are an independent person whose likes and dislikes exist independent of any relationship or any connection, your set of preferences, your values, your non negotiables, okay?

这些都属于你，你知道任何不符合你清单的东西，不行，不行，不行，不行，因为记住，那是你的核心清单。

These things belong to you and you know that anything that does not fit into your list, nah, nah, nah, nah, because remember that's your core list.

当你意识到自己正在放弃自己的需求，对自己真正需要什么撒谎，抛弃自己的偏好时，你就是在2026年无偿地进行情感劳动。

When you notice you're abandoning your own needs, your own lying about what you need, abandoning your preferences, you're doing emotional labor for free in 2026.

你看到经济状况了吗？

Have you seen the economy?

在世界每一个国家，你都在无偿工作。

In every country of the world, you're working for free.

姑娘，男孩，哦，哦，当你发现自己在这么做时，看看你的清单，上面并没有这一条。

Girl, boy, oh, oh, when you find yourself doing it, you look in your list and it's not on your list.

免费工作不在你的清单上。

Working for free is not on your list.

你有财务目标，但你没有得到报酬，却一直在加班。

You have a financial goal, but you're not being paid and you've been working overtime.

哎呀，算了吧。

Ah, come on.

天哪。

Oh my gosh.

这个清单会立刻把你拉回客观立场。

That list pulls you back into objectivity immediately.

你不是在努力抽离，你只是自然抽离了。

You're not trying to detach, you just detach.

你之所以抽离，是因为你已经建立了比世界上任何感受都更有价值的自我。

You detach because you've built the self that is worth more than any feeling in the world.

这是基础性的，宝贝。

It's foundational, babe.

我跟你说，那些古老的智慧女性、女神、神灵、诗人、预言家和先知，他们从不说谎。

I'm telling you, them ancient knowledge mothers and goddesses, the gods, the poets and the soothsayers and the seers, they never lied.

这关乎自我掌控、自我认知和自我尊重。

It's about self mastery, self knowledge, self respect.

我会迅速消失。

I'd be vanishing so quickly.

我会消失。

I'd vanishing.

我会立刻走人，因为Pearl不玩这套。

I'd be like, out immediately because Pearl don't play that shit.

我足够了解她，所以尊重她。

And I know her well enough to respect her.

得了吧。

Come on.

来吧。

Come on.

姑娘。

Girl.

就待在那里看着我燃烧。

Just gonna stay there and watch me burn.

没关系，因为我喜欢你撒谎的样子。

That's alright because I love the way you lie.

喜欢你撒谎的样子。

Love the way you lie.