垃圾音乐人《烹饪之后》

欢迎收听《深度无意义》。我是尼克·文赞特。本期节目将探讨垃圾音乐以及那些我们该做却没做的事。

Welcome to profoundly pointless. My name is Nick Vinzant. Coming up in this episode, garbage music and things we should do, but don't.

用人们丢弃的物品创作出真正优质的音乐确实是个挑战。简单介绍一下背景——这东西通常只用普通拖鞋演奏，结果总是制造麻烦。但矛盾的是，它又是我做过最棒的东西。

It's kind of a challenge to, make actually good music out of something that people throw away. A little bit of background. This thing is always played with just regular flip flop. And it's causing only problems. And the thing is, at the same time, it's the best thing I ever made.

非常感谢您的收听。如果有机会，请订阅我们并留下评分或评论，这对节目帮助很大。新听众们，欢迎你们。

I wanna thank you so much for joining us. If you get a chance, subscribe, leave us a rating or a review. We really appreciate it. It really helps out the show. If you're a new listener, welcome.

老听众们，感谢你们一直以来的支持。今天第一位嘉宾是位另类音乐人，他用垃圾演奏而非乐器，而且效果惊人。有请《烹饪后的垃圾音乐家》。你最初是用传统乐器起步的，还是一开始就选择了这条路？

If you're a long time listener, thanks for all of your support. So our first guest is a different kind of musician. Instead of using instruments, he plays on garbage and it's really good. This is Garbage Musician After Cooking. Did you start out with kind of traditional musical instruments, or was this always the path?

两种说法都成立。我确实是从敲打锅碗瓢盆开始的，那是我最初的打击乐体验。后来转用标准架子鼓，直到某个周日又重拾了锅碗演奏。

Both ways are kind of true. I actually started with playing on pots and pans. It was the first thing I ever drummed on. After that, I stopped playing on pots and pans and I started playing on a normal drum set. And on Sunday, I just went back to the pots and pans again.

但这种形式究竟哪里吸引你呢？为什么选择这种音乐风格？

What is it about them though? Right? Like, why why are you drawn to this style of music?

为什么？其实最初多少是因为需要钱。我需要工作，而打鼓始终是我的热情所在。

Why? I think it's all kind of started more or less, actually because I needed some money. I needed a job. And, well, my passion is to to play drums. That always has been my passion.

当时考虑要么去超市或酒吧做兼职，要么尝试街头打鼓表演。但携带整套鼓具穿行城市实在太重——整天背着全套装备走动简直是噩梦。

I was thinking, well, I can get like a half time job somewhere in a supermarket or at a bar doing that or I could try making some music on the street, drumming. The thing with drumming on street is for one, if you have a drum kit, it's really heavy to transport that through the city. I mean, who carries the whole drum set with him? Especially when you're walking around all day. That's kind of a big big problem there.

垃圾完美解决了这个问题。现在只需背着装满锅具的背包，手提两个水桶就能随时上街表演。

And garbage actually solves that problem. Because now I just have a big backpack full of pots and pans. I have a two buckets that I can just carry in my hand. And then I'm good to go. Then I can just go into the streets.

另一个优势是：当人们看到非常规演奏物时会格外关注。街头表演需要抓人眼球的元素，而敲打垃圾的乐手比普通鼓手更能制造惊喜。

Another really good thing about good thing about that too is that as soon as you play on something that is not usual to people. They don't see it that often that someone plays on garbage. As soon as you do that, it's more interesting for them, especially when you play on the streets. On the streets, you always need to have something that catches the eye of the audience, something that is interesting, something that they have never seen before. Someone who drums some garbage is for them much more interesting than someone who just plays drums.

人们被它吸引是因为它如此新颖、有趣且与众不同。

People are so attracted to it because it's so new, so interesting, so unusual to do.

但这只是新鲜感作祟吧？还是音乐本身真的很好？比如，哦，这种确实...嗯，虽然不同，但确实能引起共鸣。

Is it a novelty kind of thing though, right? Or is the music really good? Like, oh, this kind of actually yeah. It's different, but it does resonate with people.

我认为是两者的结合。显然，我现在演奏得更好，因为人们比五年前更关注了。五年前我不过是个在街上敲打垃圾制造噪音的人。他们听到类似电子鼓的声音，却看到有人在敲垃圾——我想这就是它的魔力所在。

I think a combination out of those two. Apparently, I started to play better because people pay way more attention now than they did five years ago. I think five years ago, I was just literally someone who bangs on garbage on the streets just making some noise kind of. They hear something that sounds kind of like, for example, techno drums, but they see someone who plays on garbage. And I think that's like the the magical thing about it.

只用锅碗瓢盆吗？还是其他什么垃圾乐器？

Is it just pots and pans or what other kind of instruments are you or garbage are

我有很多不同音高的锅具，它们能互相配合。我花了不少时间才找到合调的物品。比如现在和其他乐手合作时，我可以说'咱们来演奏升D小调吧，因为我的锅具适合这个调'。

you using? Have a lot of pots pots and pans in different tonalities. So they actually fit to each other. It took me quite some time to find something in a key. So for example, now if I play with other musicians, I can actually tell them, okay, let's play in the the key of d sharp minor because my pots fit to that.

另外还有水桶，它们充当底鼓的角色。还有塑料油罐之类的。

On the other hand, I have buckets. The buckets just work as a kind of base, like a kick drum. Then I have also like plastic jerry can.

显然找垃圾不难对吧？到处都有。但你需要特定类型的垃圾吗？

Obviously, it's not hard to find garbage. Right? Like, you can find that kind of pretty much anywhere. But do you have to look for a certain type of garbage? Right?

你刚才提到'得找个能演奏D小调的平底锅'。

You mentioned, like, alright. I gotta get a pan that plays in d minor.

大多数垃圾根本不入调，基本就是噪音。很难说'啊这是A音或D音'。确实很难找，比如我用的锅具并非都能演奏——你需要敲击后有延音的。

Most garbage doesn't play in any key. More or less a noisy thing. It's not something that makes a tone where you can say, ah, that's an a or that's a d. But, yeah, it is definitely difficult to find them. For example, the pots that I use, they are not all of them are actually playable because you need something that when you hit it, it needs sustain.

声音必须持续较长时间。否则就只是...需要能产生共鸣的物体。对，所以找到真正能共振的东西相当困难。

It needs to sound for a longer time. Otherwise, it's not just like, you need something that makes more like a sound, something like that to to imagine. Something that resonance. Yeah. And so for that, it was pretty hard to find something that actually resonates.

我发现他们制作陶罐有一种特殊工艺，现在已经失传了，这对我来说成了个难题。因为天气越来越热，我需要找些新罐子。那些罐子——不知该怎么形容——就像我奶奶家里会有的那种，绘着花卉的老式陶罐。

And I found out that there is one special way they made pots. They don't do it anymore, which is kind of a problem for me now. Because if I need to find some new pots, it's getting hotter and hotter. They're like those I don't know how to describe them. They're like little pots which look like my grandma would have them in her home, like old pots with painted flowers on them or something.

它们有种特

They have like a

我知道你说的是什么。

I know what you're talking about.

它们是用一种叫'emaia'的材料制成的（发音可能是emaija？），能发出特殊声响。现在全是不锈钢制品，现代罐子根本发不出那种悦耳声音。所以我想买新的都成问题。

They have like a material they're made with, emaia. Emaija, I don't know how it's pronounced or called, which makes that sound. And now everything is made from stainless steel or anything like that. The pots nowadays don't sound that good anymore. So I have kind of a problem if I want to find some new.

某些地方或许还能买到，但越来越罕见了。我带着鼓槌去二手市场，挨个敲击他们卖的罐子，听完就说'哦，不行，谢谢'。

Well, I think you can still buy them some places, but they're more more rarely. So where do you get them? Like a market where people sell their stuff secondhand. I went there with with a drumstick, looked at all the pots they have, and then I hit on them and said, oh, no. Thank you.

然后继续寻找。真不知道摊主们怎么想，我也没时间逐个解释。

And went on to find other things. So I I don't know what they were thinking. I didn't have time to explain it to everyone. But yeah. What

你到处敲别人罐子时，收获了多少异样眼光？

kind of looks were you getting when you're just walking around banging on people's pants?

早就不在意了。要是在乎路人的眼光，我根本没法做事。就像我在街头表演时，刚打开装满'垃圾'的巨型背包——里面全是破罐子废金属——周围人总是一脸'这人在市中心翻什么垃圾'的表情。

I don't know. I don't even know anymore. All the kind of looks, I I trade myself not to care because otherwise, it would it would be too much. People are always looking weirdly, especially, for example, also when I when I start making music in the street, the moment that I unpack my things, you know, I'm I'm just walking around with a backpack through the city, a really big backpack backpack though. Then I start to unpack it, and I only have garbage inside.

现在我学会专注做自己的事，根本不去看路人。他们永远用'他在干嘛？为什么在市中心摆弄垃圾？'的眼神盯着我。

I only have pots and broken metallic things. I don't know. Things people wouldn't have used for anymore. And I really started to concentrate to just do my thing and to not look at the people because they're always like, what is he doing? Why is he unpacking garbage in the middle of the into the the city center?

你靠街头表演赚钱？没考虑过进录音棚做专辑吗？

You make the money playing on the street. Can you like, is this is this something where you could go into a recording studio and make an album?

嗯，还没有。事情是这样的，大约一年前，我意识到我想在这方面多做些尝试，因为有很多人在街上跟我搭话，说‘嘿，我们有个活动，如果你能来表演就太好了’。但我无法满足他们的请求，因为我所做的并不完全是音乐。

Well, no. Not yet. The thing is, like, one year ago, I I realized that I want to do a little bit more with it because there were a lot of people who talked to me on the street and said, hey, we have an event. It would be nice if you could come to us and and have a gig on a stage. But that also is something I I couldn't give to those people because what I do is it's not that's that much of of like it's not really music what I do.

我的意思是，我偶尔会做些不错的节奏，人们喜欢这个。但我觉得人们从中看到的魅力在于那种现场表演的随机性——重点不在于音乐本身，而是当下这种形式带来的独特体验。但单纯把它搬上舞台，我觉得还挺有难度的。

I mean I make a few nice beats now and then and that's what people like. But I think also the beautiful thing about it what what people can see in it is that kind of live performance just that kind of the the randomness. It's not about the music. It's about the event itself that people find so great at the moment. But to put it just for itself on stage, I think that's rather difficult.

所以从去年开始，我决定更进一步，专门研究如何将它搬上舞台，让它足够有趣到能现场演出，也因此值得进录音棚录制。我一直在构思新乐器，思考如何保持这种‘垃圾音乐’风格。现在终于可以说，我有能真正在舞台和录音室呈现的作品了——是的，可以用来创作歌曲、制作专辑。目前正在录制几首歌，第一首很快会发布。

So what I did since last year, I wanted to take it a step further and I specialized on exactly doing that, getting it on stage, making it interesting enough to play it on stage, and therefore also making it interesting enough to get it into a studio to record it. I'm thinking all the time about making new instruments, what I could do that still fits into my kind of garbage music. And now I can finally say that I have something that I could actually that I can actually present on stage and also in the studio to, yeah, to make songs, to make an album. And I'm making a few songs right now. The first one should be available soon.

所以桶里的锅碗瓢盆算是模拟鼓声对吧？那其他乐器模拟的是什么？

So if the pots and pans in the bucket kind of simulates drums, right, what do the other instruments simulate?

PVC管发出的声音像贝斯，像弹拨的贝斯吉他。如果通过软件加很多效果，甚至能听起来有点像吉他。

The PVC pipes, they sound like a bass, like a bass guitar, something plucky. I mean, if you put a lot of effects on it with the software, then maybe even could sound more or less like a guitar, for example.

我看到你后面有些管子。能用小一点的给我们示范下吗？想看看你怎么操作...哇那个得有两米吧？七英尺？随你怎么换算。

I see you have some in the background. Is there could you give us, like, a quick example on one of the smaller ones? I'm interested to see how you do this. Oh, yeah. That's, like, two meters, seven feet, whatever the metric you wanna use there.

补充说明：这东西永远是用普通人字拖来演奏的。

A little bit of background. This thing is always played with a just regular flip flop.

哦我还以为你只是...以为你拖鞋掉了

Oh, I thought you were just yeah. I thought you just dropped

不是啦！没掉鞋——这其实就是我的...我的‘鼓棒’

your shoe. No. You got it. I didn't drop my shoe. That that's actually my my my stick

原来是这样演奏的！太棒了！

That's how you play it. I love it.

不知道为什么，但这差不多是你能为这类乐器找到的最佳选择了。它能产生非常温暖的声音。让我给你示范一下。

I don't know why, but that's that's kind of the best thing you can you can get for this kind of instrument. It gets it gets a really warm sound. Let me give you an example.

对于正在收听的各位来说，这并没有连接专业麦克风之类的设备。好的，所以你有鼓、吉他、贝斯吉他。还有其他你在尝试的乐器吗？

And for anybody listening to this, right, like, this isn't hooked up to professional microphones and all that kind of stuff. So Okay, so you got the drums, you got the guitar, the bass guitar. Is there any other ones that you're working on?

实际上有的。还有几种。目前我在试验电动剃须刀的声音。如果你把那个声音通过麦克风采集，然后调整音高——调高或调低，就能得到非常接近电子合成器的声音。完全就像你在每首电子音乐里听到的那种音色。

Actually, yes. There are a few other ones. Right now I'm experimenting with razor, like an electric razor. If you take that sound, put it to a microphone and then just pitch the tone, so pitching it higher or lower, then you can get a sound that is really close to just electronic synthesizers. Sounds absolutely like something you would hear in every electronic song.

我还有一把锯子。就是普通的那种，但你可以像拉小提琴那样用琴弓来演奏。用琴弓拉锯子会发出非常奇特的声音。

And I also have a saw. It's just like a normal saw, but you can use a bow just like for a violin. And then you can bow the saw and get a really weird sound out of it.

你知道，对于非音乐人来说，第一反应可能是‘哇这很酷’。但其他音乐人是怎么看的？他们会支持这种实验性的尝试吗？

You know, for people who maybe aren't musicians, right, like I get the immediate like, oh, that's cool. Right? Like, it's interesting to see how you can make musical sounds with stuff that's not necessarily an instrument. For other musicians, are they like, hey, man. Go for it with this experimental stuff.

还是他们会觉得‘这家伙在搞什么名堂’？

Or are they kinda like, what's this guy doing?

到目前为止我得到的反馈都很积极，因为对他们来说这也是新鲜事物。我在挑战自己去做前人没怎么做过的事——用人们丢弃的东西创作出真正优秀的音乐。

I think till now I I only got great response because even for them it's something new. I'm challenge I'm challenging I'm challenging myself to do something that people haven't done that much before. It's kind of a challenge to make actually good music out of something that people throw away.

你是在尝试阶段，还是已经胸有成竹了？

Do you are you testing it out or do you feel like, no. I can do this.

我无比渴望且坚信这类创作绝对有潜力。我的核心想法是将更多现场音乐元素融入电子音乐场景。电子音乐的困境在于——虽然大众热爱它，但现场演出时观众很难像观看传统乐队那样与声音产生共鸣。我想创造能让人们直观理解声源的作品，比如看到那个巨大的低音管时就能明白‘哦，敲击这种乐器就会发出这种声音’。

I really, really, really want to, and I believe that there's definitely potential in this kind of thing. And the big idea for me behind this is that I want to integrate more live music into the electronic scene, like the electronic music scene. The thing is with electronic music everyone loves it but for me what I miss is that you cannot relate that much to the sound when you're watching it like live on stage, you cannot relate this much to what is happening there than you can watching a regular band. And that's why I want to create something where people can actually relate to the sound. They see, for example, that big bass tube and they think, Hey, okay, that's the sound you make when you hit on that kind of instrument.

我希望人们能以这种方式更好地理解电子音乐现场发生的一切。

I hope that people can relate in that way more to what is happening in electronic music.

这很有道理，对吧？我理解你的意思，就像我是那种电子浩室、科技舞曲（随便你怎么称呼）音乐的粉丝。但据我所知，可能只是有人在台上按了下他们iPhone的播放键。对吧？

That makes sense. Right? And I understand what you're saying in the sense that, like, I'm a fan of that house electronic techno, whatever you want to call it, music. But for all I know, it's somebody up there just pressing play on their iPhone. Right?

你并没有看到有人实时创作那些音乐。准备好迎接些更硬核/听众提交的问题了吗？好的。当然。有没有哪件垃圾你曾尝试用来做音乐，结果发现‘哦，这根本行不通’？

Like, you're not seeing someone make that music in real time. Are you ready for some harder slash listener submitted questions? Yeah. Sure. What is a piece of trash you've tried to make music on and was like, oh, this this is not gonna work.

这是个好问题。某种程度上这是个挣扎。目前还是那个大型PVC管乐器，它或多或少算是我现阶段最成功的作品，因为此刻它最抓人眼球。但同时也是我最大的败笔，因为它实在太大了。

That's a good question. Well that's kind a struggle I think. It's still the big PVC pipe instrument. That's more or less my greatest success right now because that's what catches the eye the most at this moment. But at the same time, it's also kind of my biggest failure because it's such a big instrument.

它几乎塞不进我的车——实际上只剩一厘米空隙。能关上车门纯属运气，我之前根本没计算过尺寸。这乐器体积庞大，搬运起来特别沉。

It's nearly doesn't fit in my car. It it actually I I have one centimeter left. It's like I'm just by luck I I I just could close my doors of the car just by luck. I I I didn't even try to calculate that before. It's like a really big instrument, really heavy to carry around.

它总是坏，而且我得在乐器末端装麦克风。当12根管子以不同角度延伸时，要同时捕捉相同音量的声音非常困难。现场演出时音质难以统一，反馈问题严重——音箱的声音会回传到麦克风。这个乐器从制作、搬运到收音都困难重重，带来的全是麻烦。

It breaks all the time And I need to put microphones on the end of that instrument. And if you have 12 of those pipes ending at different spots, It's really hard to catch all the sounds at the same level. So with the same audio quality, live on stage, I'm getting a lot of problems because you have feedback. The the sound from the speakers are getting back into the microphone. It's just an instrument that is really really hard to build, to carry around, to to put mics on, and it's causing only problems.

问题是，在

And the thing is, at the

与此同时，它又是我做过最棒的东西。流行文化中有类似例子吗？比如其他音乐人做过相似尝试，或电影里用过这种音效？不一定到这个程度，但类似‘这人在这部作品里这样做过’和我做的差不多？

same time, it's the best thing I ever made. Is is there any other example of this in, popular culture in the sense that, like, some other musician has done something similar or there's a sound effect in a movie or anything like this that maybe not, like, not to this level, but just like, oh, this person did this in this, and it's kinda the same thing that I'm doing.

当然有。尤其像你说的电影音效领域，很多人已经在做类似尝试。我在Instagram上关注了些专门做这个的创作者。世界上早有人用自然物品通过麦克风录制，创造出疯狂的声音效果。所以确实有不少人在做这个。

Yeah. There are definitely a lot of people who are already doing something similar than I do, especially as you said in, for example, effects for films, for movies. I'm following I'm following a few people on Instagram who are actually doing that. And there are a lot of people in this world who already got really creative and made really crazy sounds out of naturalistic things just recorded with a microphone. So yeah, there are definitely a lot of people doing that.

但我没见过有人现场表演这类东西。所以你平时会到处敲打物品找灵感吗？没我希望的那么频繁。不过四处尝试周围物品的声响确实是个好方法。

But I haven't seen them. I haven't seen any doing this kind of thing live on stage. So do you then just like walk around banging on stuff all the time? Not as much as I would wish. It's definitely a good idea to just go around and experiment with things that are around you just to hear the sound.

当我路过...英语怎么说来着？像是建筑工...

When I walk past like a how do you say it in English? Like a construction

是啊，建筑工地。

Yeah, construction site.

每当我看到那种超长的大型管道在那儿晃荡，我就特别想冲过去敲打它，听听能发出多深沉的低音，那种超重低音效果。不过我没真这么做，毕竟违法。而且大多数时候工人们还在施工吧。但确实，我觉得多发掘些能制作音乐的物件挺棒的。

When I see like a really long big pie playing around, I would I would love it to just go there and hit on it, see how bassy it sounds, how sub bassy that sound would be. But I don't do it since it's illegal. Most of the times they're working there, I guess. But yeah, I think it's a good thing to and just find more things to make music with.

你最喜欢的声音总体是什么？

What is your overall favorite sound?

必须是垃圾做的吗？其实我有个作弊的乐器，特别钟爱。

Does it have to be garbage? There's one instrument I'm cheating with and I love it.

先说个垃圾做的，再说个普通的如何？

Give me a garbage one and then a regular one. How about that?

好。垃圾做的嘛，就像我说的，是那个让我又爱又恨的管状乐器。非垃圾做的则是卡林巴琴。你听说过卡林巴吗？就是带金属簧片的小木块。

Yeah. So garbage one, as I said, it's the one I love and hate the most, the tube instrument. The other one that is not made out of garbage is a kalimba. Have you ever heard of a kalimba? I don't think It's like a little wooden block with metal things on it.

拨动金属片时，木块会共振发声。就是这个原理。

If you let the metal thing vibrate, the block vibrates and that creates a sound. This is one.

哇，你能现在快速弹一下吗？这声音真酷。不过它源自哪里？属于哪种文化？

Oh, I feel like can you strum it or play it or whatever real quick? That is a cool sound. Now where is that from though? Like what culture does that originate from?

我记得最早应该是非洲某地，具体国家说不上来。

I think originally originally it's somewhere from Africa. I don't know what country to be exact.

你使用前会先清洁它吗？

Do you clean it off before you use it?

为了让大家都清楚，我要说明一点：我演奏的并非那些真正非常脏的东西。我的意思是，虽然它们会越玩越脏——比如在街头演奏时——但我绝不会从满是霉菌的垃圾堆里捡东西来演奏。

For everyone that we are on the same page here. I'm not playing on things that are actually really, really dirty. So, I mean, they're getting more dirty and they're getting dirtier when I play on the street, for example, but I don't take something from a garbage belt that is full of, I don't know, fungus.

随便吧。感觉你又不是从...

Whatever. It's like you're not digging out of the

垃圾桶里刨出来的，对吧？完全不是。就算真这么做，在开始演奏前，我至少会彻底清洁一次。

trash can. Right? Not at all. So and if I would do that, then, yes, before I start playing it, I definitely cleaned cleaned it at least one time.

现在能解释下'After Cooking'这个名字的由来吗？

So now can you explain the name After Cooking?

'After Cooking'啊。这名字怎么来的？大概四年前吧，当时我在街头做垃圾打击乐表演，总有人问我的名字，想通过社交媒体找到我。

After Cooking. Yeah. Where did that come from? Well, a few years ago, I think four four years ago or something when I did the garbage drumming on the street thing a year, people ask me all the time what my name is. Well, if they can find me on social media or anything.

但我当时没有任何艺名。后来我开始考虑取名的事，不过也没太认真对待，所以没花太多时间琢磨。

And I I didn't have anything. I didn't have a name. And then I started thinking about what I what I could do and I don't know. I I didn't take it that serious. So I I didn't think about a name that long.

最后我想，既然我在敲打锅碗瓢盆——这些东西原本是用来做饭的，而我对它们进行了回收再利用——就叫'烹饪之后'吧。就像烹饪结束后，当这些器具不再被使用，我就拿来当鼓敲。

And at the end, I thought, okay, I'm banging on pots and pans. Normally you cook on pots and pans. I do kind of a recycling thing with them. So I call myself after cooking. It's like after you're done with cooking, after you don't use this stuff anymore, I take them to drum on it.

不错啊兄弟，我喜欢这名字。我们问题问完了，你觉得还有什么需要补充的吗？

It's a good I like it, man. I like it. That's all the questions that we have. Is there anything else that you think that we missed?

有件事我一定要告诉大家。很多Instagram和TikTok的粉丝都在问我什么时候发布第一首歌，或者什么时候会上架Spotify。我想说虽然一直在全力创作，但这需要时间——我不希望自己的作品是两天赶工出来的，我想精益求精，所以耗时比较久。

Well, there's definitely one thing I would love to to say. Just to to to let people know when when things will be happening because on my Instagram and TikTok, a lot of people ask me when I will drop my first song or when I drop something on Spotify. And I just wanted to say that I've been working on it really, really hard, but it also takes a lot of time because I don't want to to be my songs just something that I have done in two days. I mean, I want to put effort in it, make it sound really, really good. And that's why it takes so long.

不过我的首支单曲终于完成了！现在还需要做很多后续工作：制作MV、设计封面等等。预计十一月就会登陆Spotify、Apple Music等所有主流平台。请大家支持我的音乐梦想！

But my first one is finally ready. And now there are a lot of things that still need to be done. For example, music, making a music video, thinking about art cover and anything. But my songs should be out there on Spotify, Apple Music, whatever you can think of at the November. Please support it because that's my dream.

我很乐意为人们创作更多作品。所以，是的，我真的很兴奋。

I would love to make more for people. So, yeah, I'm I'm excited.

我要特别感谢After Cooking加入我们。如果你想联系他，我们在社交媒体账号上已附上他的链接。我们在Twitter、TikTok和Instagram上毫无存在感。节目描述中也包含了他的信息。你至少得看看他演奏音乐的一个视频，因为无论你是否喜欢那种音乐，那场面都令人印象深刻——它证明了音乐可以无处不在，任何人都能用任何东西创作音乐。

I want to thank After Cooking so much for joining us. If you want to connect with him, we have linked to him on our social media accounts. We're profoundly pointless on Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram. And we have also included his information in the episode description. You you gotta check out at least one of the videos where he's actually playing the music because it is whether you like the music or not, it is impressive and an example of just how how music can be everywhere and come from anyone on anything.

好了，现在有请John Shaw进入节目最无厘头的环节。我本想换个开场方式，但John突然声称他能不靠手机就判断美国任何地方的天气。你真觉得自己能做到？比如我说个城市，你就能大致说出当地现在的天气？

Okay. Now let's bring in John Shaw and get to the pointless part of the show. I was gonna start it a different way, but then John made some ridiculous claim that he can identify the weather of any part of the country without looking at it on his phone. You you think that you can honestly, like, if I say a city, you can say what the weather is there generally speaking right now?

嗯，应该可以。

Yeah. Probably.

亚特兰大。

Atlanta.

大概五十到六十华氏度之间，今天局部多云。

Somewhere between fifty and sixty and probably partly cloudy today.

目前亚特兰大确实是58度。好吧，波士顿呢？

Okay, it is 58 degrees in Atlanta right now. Alright. Boston.

我猜54度，阴天。

I'm gonna say like 54 and cloudy.

61度。那亚利桑那州的凤凰城？

61. Okay. How about Phoenix, Arizona?

呃...这就难倒我了。我...我猜87度，晴天吧。

Alright. See, that's where it gets tough for me. I I mean, I'm I'm gonna say 87 and sunny.

77？

77?

我我我觉得任何人都可以。我不认为了解美国及美国各地区在季节交替时的大致温度有多困难。

I I I I think anybody could. I don't think it's that difficult to know a roundabout temperature for The United States and and you know, in the areas of The United States during the seasons. I don't think it's that difficult.

不，其实现在想想我同意你的观点。我只是原本以为声称能预测全国几乎任何地方的天气会显得更荒谬。好吧，那你问我三个城市，看我能不能猜中。

No. I actually now that I think about it, I agree with you. I just thought it would be a much more ridiculous claim that you can predict the weather pretty much anywhere in the country. Okay. So ask me threes a couple ask me three cities and see if I can do it.

爱荷华市。呃，我连这地方在哪儿都不知道。我猜是在爱荷华州吧。

Iowa City. Well, I I don't even know where that is. I'm assuming Iowa.

爱荷华？嗯，57度。

Iowa? Yeah. 57.

现在是63度。

63 currently.

挺接近的，误差在10度以内。好，再问一个，再来一个。

That's close. That's within 10 degrees. Okay. Give me another one. Give me another one.

布法罗。

Buffalo.

哦，我打赌那儿更冷，可能四十多度吧。

Oh, I bet it's colder there. It's probably in the forties.

布法罗62度。哦，60度？

62 in Buffalo. Oh. 60?

但我敢打赌，有些城市的实际温度会出乎意料地与预期相差甚远。我原以为布法罗会更冷一些。

I bet there are though some cities that would surprise you in terms of like how much different than the anticipated temperature that they were. I would think that Buffalo would have been colder.

好吧，我觉得这个可能有点难猜。对于住在丹佛的人来说，他们可能会觉得不难。但丹佛的温度是多少？

Alright. Here here's a here's what I think would be a tricky one. And for everyone that lives in Denver, they're like, it's not that hard. But Denver.

65度。

65.

哇，我本来猜的要冷得多。实际是59度，但我可能会猜45度左右。

Wow. I would have gone much colder. It is 59, but I probably would have said, like 45 or something.

作为一个来自美国心脏地带堪萨斯州，并且经常去科罗拉多州的人，科罗拉多州、堪萨斯州和中西部部分地区的天气变化非常快，实际上通常比人们想象的要暖和得多。比如在一月份，你可能会遇到65度的天气，因为天气变化来得快去得也快。

As a person who is from the heartland of America in Kansas and had frequently went to Colorado, Colorado and Kansas and parts of the Midwest have very rapidly changing weather where like it's actually generally much warmer than people think. Like you can have a 65 degree day in the January because the weather just blows in and blows right out.

那边风可真大。

Lot of blowing over there.

风确实很大。

Lot of blowing.

总之，就是这样。没什么特别的。我觉得如果大家仔细想想，大多数人应该都能在任意时间猜对大多数城市温度的10度范围内。

Anyways, that was it. Nothing crazy. I mean, I I I think if if people were to think about it, they everyone could probably come within 10 degrees of most cities, I would think, at any given time.

我想你说得对，大家应该能猜得差不多。等等，等一下。我们来猜佛罗里达吧。告诉我佛罗里达州坦帕市的温度是多少。

I guess that's probably right that you could come with okay. Well, wait. Wait a minute. Let's do Florida. Give the temperature in Tampa, Florida.

我猜坦帕大概是79度吧。

I mean, I'll probably say Tampa's 79.

我觉得实际温度可能比你想的要高。我打赌坦帕现在有72华氏度（约22摄氏度）。我们来看看。

I think that's probably warmer than you think it is. I bet it's 72 right now in Tampa. Let's look.

顺便说一句，我很欣赏你选了坦帕这个例子。可怜的汤姆和吉赛尔。

I love how you picked Tampa, by the way. Poor Tom and Giselle.

哦对。老兄，如果是你遇到这种情况会怎么做？当你的伴侣给你最后通牒——要么停止做某件事，要么我就离开你。根据报道，她基本上就是告诉他：要么停止打橄榄球，要么我们就分手。而他选择了橄榄球而非家庭。

Oh, yeah. Man, what would you do like, what would you do in that circumstance if your significant other gave you an ultimatum? Like, you have to stop doing this thing or I'm going to leave you. For the room the basically, what the reporting has been is that she essentially told him, stop playing football or we need or we're going to break up. And he chose football over essentially his family.

如果你深爱某人，并像他那样为之付出大半人生，我认为他应该有最终决定权。我知道如果是我会怎么做——如果我妻子说‘你要么停止打球要么失去我’。但我们并不清楚具体细节。

If you love somebody and have dedicated as much of your life as he has, I think he should have the final decision. I mean, I know what I would do if it was me, and my wife was like, hey. You know, you should stop playing football or you're gonna lose me. But you know? And we don't know the exact details.

但说实话，他本该在真正退役时就收手的。这赛季他打得简直糟糕透顶。

But, I mean, it's you know? He he he should have retired when he actually retired. He's been dog shit this season.

我对橄榄球方面不太了解，不过坦帕现在87华氏度（约30摄氏度），对于十一月份来说比我预想的要暖和得多。

I mean, I don't know about the whole football aspect of it, but it is 87 degrees in Tampa, which is significantly warmer than I would have thought that it would be for basically November.

顺便说，你的卫衣看起来挺舒服的。

Your sweatshirt looks pretty comfortable, by the way.

确实舒服得不可思议。这种弹性卫衣既保暖又能让身体保持透气凉爽，简直完美。

It's incredibly comfortable actually. It's that perfect kind of stretch sweatshirt that is both warming and allows a certain like coolness to go into your body. It's fantastic.

如果我在你旁边，我肯定会紧紧抱住你。

If I if I was near you, I'd I'd I'd hold on to you tight.

这件卫衣穿着特别舒服，是那种让人想依偎的类型——会让人想拥抱你。不过你觉得汤姆·布雷迪选择橄榄球而非家庭这件事奇怪吗？

It's a very comfortable sweatshirt. It's one of those kind of ones that, like, you would wanna snuggle up. Like, people wanna hug you. Do you think that that's weird though that Tom Brady would choose football over his family?

当然不是。当你面对像汤姆·布雷迪这样有点自负、自恋的人——我的意思是，橄榄球就是他成年后的全部生活。他不懂其他任何事。他得到了一切馈赠，也为此付出了努力。

Of course not. When you have somebody like Tom Brady who is a little egotistical, narcissistic I mean, football's been his entire adult life. He doesn't know anything else. He's had everything given to him. He's worked for it.

我不是那个意思，但当有人走到他面前说'听着，我要走了'，我感觉就像在逼他做选择——要么选择过去二十年来熟悉的生活，要么选择我。我觉得这个人可能是他儿子，显然也可能是他妻子。

I don't I don't mean it like that, but, you know, when somebody comes to him, I feel, and goes, listen. I'm leaving. Like, it's either what you've known for the last twenty years or it's or it's me. I, like, I feel like it could be his son. It could be his his wife, obviously.

也可能是他父母。但他最终会选择橄榄球。可话说回来，她给他下最后通牒公平吗？我是说，橄榄球真的毁掉了他们的婚姻吗？她不能再等一年吗？

It could be his parents. He's gonna choose football. But at the same time, is it fair of her to give him an ultimatum? I mean, was it ruining their marriage? Could she have waited another year?

幸福的秘诀在于知足。你必须能够说：'这就够了。是的，我有足够的钱，足够的名声。'

The secret to happiness is knowing what enough is. That you have to be able to say, I've this is enough. Sure. I have enough money. I have enough fame.

'我打够了橄榄球。'你必须给自己设定这样的界限，否则你永远无法抽身，最终会被吞噬。看看这家伙，真的像是被吞噬了似的。他看起来糟透了，天啊伙计。

I've played enough football. Like, you have to be able to have some parameters of that because otherwise, you can never turn that off and it will consume you. I mean, if you look at the guy, like, it literally looks like it's consuming him. I mean, he looks terrible. Like, woah, man.

你该增肥了。

You gotta put on some weight.

郑重声明，是你先问我的。好吧，现在是点名时间了吗？

Just for the record, you asked me. Alright. Is it is it shout out time?

继续啊，没想到你会搬出这套准备了半年的长篇大论。

Go on to didn't think it was gonna go on to this diatribe that you've been preparing for six months.

因为在我人生的某个阶段，确实有人问过我这个问题

I mean, I've had people ask me about it because at one point in my life

你曾经是汤姆·布雷迪的头号粉丝。

You were the biggest Tom Brady fan of all time.

我曾是汤姆·布雷迪的铁杆粉丝。没错。

I I was a large Tom Brady fan. Yes.

而且不仅仅是体型上像个大号的汤姆·布雷迪粉丝那种。

And not just like physically a large Tom Brady fan.

好了。让我们先来点感谢环节，毕竟大家就是为这个来的。从肖恩·麦库姆、布伦丹·墨菲、茉莉·斯托里、杰瑞德·C、玛丽·沃尔特、本·马格努斯、詹姆斯·萨戈斯、杰森·韦斯特摩兰、布兰登·比斯到昆汀·费里斯——恭喜各位。好。

Alright. Let's give some shout outs because that's why the people are here. We'll start off with Sean McComb, Brendan Murphy, Jasmine Story, Jared C, Mary Walter, Ben Magnus, James Sagos, Jason Westmoreland, Brandon Bees, and Quentin Ferris. Congratulations. Alright.

这周有点乱套，因为我们那个竞争激烈的推特投票——现在归埃隆·马斯克所有了——四个选项票数完全持平。所以我不想讨论四个话题，我觉得听众也不想听我们聊四个。这样吧，我把四个主题列出来，你们决定关心哪个，或者全部跳过也行。

Well, this is a little messed up this week because our highly contested Twitter poll that's now owned by Elon Musk, all four of them have the same amount of votes. So I don't wanna talk about four things. I don't think people wanna hear us talk about four things. So I'll say the four topics and then you decide which one you care or you can pass on all four of them.

等等，你这是跳过常规问题直接用投票当借口了吧？

It won't Wait a minute. Are you skipping your usual other questions and now using the poll as a crutch?

没啊。我是说...我准备了问题的...就是记不清流程顺序了...说实话

No. Did I I mean, I have questions. I I can't remember anymore which goes in in line. To be honest

通常流程是你先讨论两个问题，然后进入投票环节，像今天这种特别节目我们还会安排月度香烛环节。

It goes usually you have two questions about something then you go to the the poll thing and then on an episode like this we'll do candle of the month.

你懂...你懂我想表达什么...你明白的

You you know you know what I'm like trying to get to. You know.

我知道。因为只要是月度香烛特辑，你基本上就只惦记着蜡烛会是什么味道。

I know. Because whenever it's a candle of the month episode, you basically forget about anything else besides what's the candle going to be.

我超爱这个环节。这次准备了超棒的。好了，我们速战速决把这些问题过掉吧。

I love it. I got such a good one. Alright. So let's breeze through these questions.

好吧。我们就忽略一切直接进入本月的蜡烛推荐环节吧。

Right. Let's just ignore everything so we can get to candle of the month.

你知道现在有些人正快进跳过这五分钟，就为了

You know there's people out there right now that are just skipping this five minutes ahead to to

看看到底是什么。时间日期都没显示，所以他们不知道具体什么时候。可能随时会发生。

see what a do. Time date on there, so they don't know when when it be. It could be any moment.

这个嘛，其实还挺聪明的。好了，那你觉得什么更名不副实？火鸡大餐还是圣诞火腿？

It's well, I mean, that's kind of smart, actually. Alright. So what's what's more overrated to you? A turkey dinner or a Christmas ham?

火鸡。这根本没什么好争论的。火鸡太难吃了。我从没在哪次感恩节晚餐后真心觉得'哇幸好我们吃了火鸡'。我宁愿吃麦当劳汉堡。

Turkey. That's I don't even think that's up for any sort of debate. Turkey is not good. I have never had a good Thanksgiving dinner where I thought like felt myself, wow, glad we had that turkey. I would rather have McDonald's hamburgers.

就算去感恩节晚餐发现没有火鸡，只有隔夜的麦当劳汉堡，我还是会选汉堡。火鸡真的不行。没人真正喜欢火鸡。根本没有吃它的必要。

If I went to a Thanksgiving dinner and they had didn't have a turkey and had like McDonald's hamburgers that were a day old, I would still rather have that. It's turkey. It's not good. No one actually enjoys the turkey. There's no reason to have it.

这点我同意。不过如果非要在火腿和火鸡里选，我可能还是会选火鸡。就是...

I would agree with you on that. However, if if I have to if I have to choose ham or turkey, I'm probably going turkey. That's just

不。

No.

当然是火腿。更便宜、更好吃、更容易烹饪。简直是更优质的肉类。

That's ham. Cheaper, better, easier to cook. I mean? Just superior meat.

这可是节日大餐，你不能故意选便宜的。

It's a holiday meal. You're not going cheap on purpose.

你知道我在想什么吗？为什么有些肉类我们直接用动物名称称呼，而有些却用不同的名字？比如牛叫牛肉，猪叫火腿，但鸡还是鸡，火鸡还是火鸡。

You know the thing that I was thinking about? How come there are only certain things that we refer to by their name and other meats we refer to by a different name? Right? So cow is beef, pork is ham, but a chicken is a chicken and a turkey is a turkey.

这可能是个文化差异问题。我敢说世界上和美国某些地方肯定有人会说'给我来点那头牛，苏西'，或者'给我来点那只羊，马丁'之类的。

It might be a cultural thing. I mean, I'm sure there are areas of the world and in America where someone's like, give me some of that cow, Susie. You know? I don't Give me some of that sheep, Martin. I I don't know.

但你懂我意思吧？你吃万圣节糖果的截止日期是什么时候？会一直吃到十一月，还是说十一月二号就把糖果处理掉，因为万圣节结束了，该考虑感恩节了？

But you know what I mean? When is your cutoff for Halloween candy in terms of do you eat it after, you know, well into November, or is it like, you know, November 2, we're dumping the Halloween candy because Halloween's over. It's time to start thinking about Thanksgiving.

当然是吃完为止。开什么玩笑，我怎么可能扔掉免费的糖果？

When it's gone. Okay. I'm not throwing away free candy. You fucking kidding me?

说实话我尽量不让糖果留在家里。那天晚上过后孩子们可以吃，我们会把糖果装袋，然后我再也不想看见它们。我甚至不想知道它们藏在哪——要么塞抽屉，要么塞孩子书包里让他们带去学校。

I I I try not to even have it in the house, to be honest. Like, after the after that night, my kids can eat it. We'll put it in bags, and, like, I don't ever wanna see it again. Like, I don't wanna know where they where it is. I will hide it in the drawer, put it in the kid's backpack, send it to school.

或者带去办公室。总之那天晚上之后我一眼都不想再看到糖果。

Like, I'll take it to my work. Like, I I don't I don't wanna see it after that night.

你为什么这么抗拒快乐和享受？

Why are you so against fun and joy?

不是抗拒。我只是不想在35岁就患上比现在更严重的糖尿病。

I'm not. I'm against not trying to have diabetes worse than I already have at the age of 35.

所以因为你管不住自己，就要扔掉孩子们的糖果？

So you're throwing away your children's candy because you can't control yourself?

我不会说是扔掉，但它们确实会消失。这是肯定的。

I wouldn't say it's getting thrown away, but it's definitely disappearing. That's for sure.

因为约翰·肖控制不住自己。

Because John Shaw can't control himself.

这有点像圣诞树的类似问题，对吧？就像圣诞节过后你会把圣诞树保留多久？

It's kinda like a similar question to like a Christmas tree. Right? Like how long after the Christmas holiday do you keep your Christmas tree up?

但我真不觉得这两者有什么相似之处。这是食物，是可以吃的东西。比如万一发生什么意外，而你家里唯一剩下的就是那些万圣节糖果，你却决定把它们扔了。那现在你就得饿死了。

But I don't really see how that's similar to it. This is a food, something that you could eat. Like, what if something happens and the only thing that would have been in your house is all that Halloween candy, but you decided to throw it out. Now you're gonna starve to death.

呃，饿死我也得花上几周时间呢。

Well, it's gonna take me a few weeks to starve to death.

是啊，最好囤货量够大

Yes. Better be pretty big

自然灾害级别的储备。

natural natural disaster.

这得撑上好几个月才行。

This is gonna be a couple of months.

没错，最好为长期备战做准备。

Yeah. Better get ready for the long haul there.

不，我...说实话我觉得大概一周后就会觉得，好吧，万圣节糖果实在太多了。

No. I okay. I would honestly say probably, like, after a week. It'd be like, alright. We got too much Halloween candy.

我们可以开始把这些糖果寄到别处去了。

We can start, like, shipping this off to other places.

就是...就是我不知道。这可能是最具转折性的转变之一？转变什么的？比如，从一个季节过渡到下一个季节。我已经准备好把万圣节过完就算了。

It's just it's just I don't know. It's this is probably one of the most pivotal trans transformational? Trans something? Like, in terms of going from, like, one season to the next. Like, I'm ready just to get Halloween done.

比如，让我们迎接寒冷天气、节日季、裹得严严实实的下雪天。让冬天快点来吧。懂吗？我不想再看到万圣节的装饰、服装和阴雨绵绵的天气了。赶紧进入冬天吧。

Like, let's move on to the cold weather, the holidays, like, bundling up snow. Like, let's get it here. You know? I don't wanna I don't want, you know, reminders of Halloween and costumes and rainy wet weather. Like, let's bring on the winter.

所以如果必须在万圣节、感恩节和圣诞节之间舍弃一个，我猜你会选择放弃万圣节？

So if there was a choice between Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, you had to get rid of one, I'm assuming you would get rid of Halloween.

没错。绝对是这样。在所有节日里，我会第一个取消万圣节。

Yeah. Absolutely. One one I out of every holiday that we celebrate, I'd get rid of Halloween.

我会选择取消感恩节。

I would get rid of Thanksgiving.

感恩节...我对它无感。虽然有些部分我还挺喜欢，比如看橄榄球赛、聚餐美食、寒冷天气。但说到底，那天人们对你莫名友善得很刻意。

Thanksgiving or something care less about things Thanksgiving. That I like about it. Like, you know, watching the football games, the meal, the food, you know, the cold weather. Anyways, people are unnecessarily nice to you.

我讨厌周围人强装快乐的样子。太糟糕了。开玩笑的，我最爱看人们真心快乐。所以我才说保留万圣节和圣诞节就好。

I hate it when people around me are happy. It's awful. No. I'm all about seeing people happy. That's why I'm like, let's go let's go Halloween and Christmas.

直接跳过感恩节吧。人们在感恩节并不真的快乐。这是个虚伪的节日。在我看来没人真正为感恩节感到兴奋。你今年会穿戏服上班吗？

Let's skip over Thanksgiving. People aren't really that happy at Thanksgiving. It's a sham holiday. No one is actually that excited about Thanksgiving in my mind. Are you wearing your costume to work?

从来没穿过，但今年在考虑。因为觉得可能对提振团队士气有好处，你懂吧？

I never have, but I'm considering doing it. Because I think it'd be good for Morale, you know?

天啊，你现在彻底被公司文化同化了。我知道。太操蛋了。升职之后，你现在完全是个企业人了。

God, you have you are on the corporate train now. I know. It's fucked. Now you got a promotion. You are a corporate man.

看看你这身企业装扮，约翰。

Look at you corporate, John.

我完蛋了，我知道。

It's I'm I'm fucked. I know.

我知道。

I know.

那些报告怎么样了？什么时候截止？来吧伙计们，打起精神来。

How about those reports? When are those reports gonna be due? Come on, guys. Let's get the morale up. Come on, guys.

我们再开个会吧。我对你们的会议安排很有意见。约翰最爱安排会议，他特别不喜欢我认为Zoom会议是世界上最糟糕的东西。不，它们很有用，能提供信息。

Let's have another meeting. I'm having a You are offensive about your meetings. John loves scheduling meetings, and he really doesn't like it that I think that Zoom meetings are the worst things in the world. No, they're not. They're informative and helpful.

听着，我们能继续推进吗？当然。等什么呢？群众都在等着呢。哦等等。

Listen. Can we can we keep on moving here to Sure. What Waiting on you. What the masses are here for? Oh, wait.

该死，我们没讨论那些问题。

Damn it. We didn't talk about the the questions.

做你的投票吧。你事情太多了，又要搞投票又要选月度蜡烛，两件事了。

Do your poll. You got too many things going on. You got a poll and you got candle of the month. That's two things.

好吧，其实有四件事：杰克·保罗拳击赛，还有...

Alright. So there's four things. Here they are. Jake Paul boxing, for those

又是这个？

of Again?

昨天他击败了安德森·席尔瓦，我的意思是，现在他打败了一个真正意义上的格斗选手。

Well, he beat Anderson Silva yesterday, which I mean, now he's beat a legitimate, like, fighter.

他必须与正值巅峰期的选手对战。除非他能击败一个处于职业生涯黄金期的对手，否则没人会真正认可他。但与此同时，这样做又会彻底破坏现状——只要他继续维持这种模糊状态（他到底实力如何？），争议本身带来的热度反而比任何结果都更有价值。

He's gotta fight somebody that is actually in their prime. No one is ever going to take him seriously unless you fight somebody that is actually in the prime of their career and then beat them. But at the same time, that completely ruins it because as long as he can kind of do this whole fake thing, is he really good? Is he not? The controversy is much better than anything else.

他最不愿做的就是终结这种争议。

The last thing he wants to do is settle that controversy.

确实。想想他赚的钱吧。也许是个好拳手？也许不是？其实没人知道真相。

Well, yeah. And then, I mean, imagine the money he makes. Right? While maybe being a good boxer, maybe not. I mean, no one really knows.

关于提前开启的黑色星期五促销——本来想讨论某些商家提前三四周就放出促销信息，不过这个话题不值得多聊。

So we have early, early Black Friday sales. That was just gonna be about how some stores have already posted their Black Friday sales more than, you know, three, four weeks out. We don't need to spend a lot of time on that.

你完全不在意这个。你最喜欢的万圣节糖果？哦，应该是花生酱杯吧。

You don't care at all. Your favorite Halloween candy? Oh, probably Reese's cup.

没错，花生酱杯确实无可争议。

Yeah. It's hard it's hard to argue against the Reese's cup.

是啊。

Yeah.

花生酱杯。然后...

Reese's cup. And then

最后一个话题是我们今年的万圣节装扮——准备cos成什么角色。

the final one was our Halloween costumes for this year. What what we were going as.

我现在正处于人生中需要负责全家万圣节装扮的阶段。没错，全家人都会装扮成某个主题。我的两个儿子扮恐龙，我和妻子则扮成《侏罗纪公园》里的角色。

I'm in the stage in my life where I have to do all of the family costumes. Yeah. So the whole family dresses up something. My two boys are dinosaurs. My wife and I are the people from Jurassic Park.

好了，现在进入节目里你们唯一还在乎的环节吧。

Okay. Let's get to the part of the only part of the show that you care about anymore.

对，好的。来说说这款蜡烛。

Yes. Alright. So the candle.

等等，我还有个开场白。

Wait. I've got an intro.

哦，好吧。噢。

Oh, alright. Oh.

现在，是时候跟随这位叛逆蜡烛鉴赏家本人开启月度之烛的品鉴之旅了。

Now it's time to go on a ride with the outlaw candle connoisseur himself. Candle of the month.

好，我们直接开始吧。这款蜡烛来自DW Home，你可以访问dwhome.com。很简单，但这家公司的本月推荐蜡烛是'感恩节盛宴'。

Alright. Let's let's get to it. So this candle comes from d w home. You can go to dwhome.com, and it's pretty simple. But the candle of the month from that company is Thanksgiving feast.

显然，这是一款手工浇注蜡烛——这点很棒，因为你知道蜡材、原料都经过精心调配，能让你在房间或家里任何地方享受35小时手工打造的感恩节气息。

Obviously, it's it's it's a hand poured candle, which which makes which is nice because you know that the work went into the wax, ingredients, everything were were handcrafted for thirty five hours of thanksgiving smells in your room, in your house, wherever you have it.

噢，我还以为你说制作这支蜡烛要花35小时，我心想这蜡烛得卖多贵啊？

Oh, I thought you meant it took them thirty five hours to make the candle. I was like, how much is this candle?

不不，是能燃烧35小时。就像我说的，这是手工浇注的。顺便告诉好奇的朋友，我选的是大号双烛芯款，18盎司的。

No. No. It's a thirty five hour burn. Like I said, it is it is, you know, hand poured. And for those of you wondering, I did the large double wick size, 18.

单芯蜡烛卖14美元。所以你知道我在节目里常说的，尼克，对吧？烛芯越多越好。

You do a single wick, it's $14. So you you know you know what I say on this on this program, Nick. Right? More wicks, the better.

总之，这就是你我之间的区别。当我听说某样东西是手工制作的，我反而觉得这会降低它的价值。我宁愿让机器来完成，而不是人。

Anyways. See, this is the difference between you and me. When I hear about something being handcrafted, I'm like, actually, I feel like that makes it less valuable. I would much rather have a machine do something than a person.

在某些方面我并非不同意你。但手工制作让物品更独特。就像，这让我觉得，我买这支蜡烛是因为有人投入了时间和精力，而不是简单地按一下机器按钮，把16盎司蜡烛倒进玻璃罐里。懂吗？有人可能花了心思，专门为我精心制作的。

I mean, I I I don't disagree with you on some things. However, handcrafted just makes it more of specific. Like, it makes it more, man, I'm getting this candle because someone put in the time and the effort instead of just pressing a button on a machine and have poured 16 ounces of candle into a glass jar. Right? Like, someone probably, you know, someone spent a little time on this, made it special for me.

是啊。对我来说那意味着他们可能在某些地方搞砸了。我宁愿让机器来做，这样我才能得到原本应该有的样子。

Yeah. I'd much that means to me that they probably messed it up in some way. I'd much rather have a machine do it so I get what the so I get what it was supposed to actually be like.

不，你只是在消极看待。你就是个悲观主义者。总之，访问dwhomed'snuts?.com。我就说这么多。就这样吧。

No, you're just being negative. You're just being a negative Nelly. Anyways, head over to dwhomed'snuts?.com. That's all I got. That's it, man.

哦。下个月再来。我们会准备...我也不知道。我要挑个不错的节日款。我已经在物色节日蜡烛了。

Oh. Come back next month. We're gonna have I don't know. I'm gonna get a good holiday one. I'm already looking at the holiday candles.

好吧。我们得评选年度最佳蜡烛了。

So Alright. We're gonna have to do candle of the year.

哎呀。好吧好吧。我们确实得评了。

Oof. Alright. Alright. We're gonna have to.

不过得涵盖一整年的表现才行。

It's gonna have to encompass the whole year though.

如果你有任何...

If you have any Because

你是在把季节性当作拐杖来用。

you're you're using the seasonality as a crutch.

是啊。顺便说一句，如果你有任何建议，尽管提出来，因为我...不。

Yeah. If you have any suggestions, by the way, send them our way because I'm No.

别。不行。是的。谁都不该提建议。约翰应该能自己做研究。

Don't. No. Yes. No one should send any suggestions. John should be able to do his own research.

对吧？你应该是领头羊，而不是跟风者。我可以把本月的蜡烛摆出来听你要说什么，而不是你要采纳什么建议。

Right? You're supposed to be leading the pack, not following it. You I am can put in the candle of the month to hear what you're going to say, not what suggestions that you're going to get.

倾听每个人的意见总是好的。所以...

It is it is always good to listen to everybody. So that's that's

好吧。但有时候人们需要领导者。好了。准备好我们的...准备好揭晓前五名了吗？

fine. And sometimes people need a leader. Okay. Alright. Are you ready for our are you ready for our top five?

是单芯还是双芯？你最多用过几根芯？试过五根吗？没有。四根？

Is it a single wick or double wick? What's the most amount of wicks you've ever had? You ever gone five? No. Four?

什么？

What's?

通常是四根。芯太多就会出问题。

Four usually. You get you get too many wicks, and it starts to become a problem.

嗯。但你有没有用过五芯或六芯的？

Yeah. Do you have but have you ever had a five wicker or six wicker?

我见过它们，但从没买过。

I've seen them. I've never bought them.

没有。

No.

那些是大蜡烛。

They're big candles.

它们它们是大大的老家伙。连一根蜡烛都应付不了

They're they're big Big olds. Can't handle a candle that

那么大，好吧。我更喜欢小点的东西。

big, Okay. I prefer smaller things.

那就是你天生的样子。那就是你与生俱来的特质。好了，所以我们的前五名是那些你试图做但从未真正完成的事情。

That's even when you that that's the way you're born. That's the way you're born. Okay. So our top five is top five things you try to do but never actually do.

我先说个有趣的，但这是真的。我觉得所有人虽然不会承认，但都会同意我的观点——那就是只冲一次马桶。

I'm gonna start out with a funny one, but it's true. And I think everyone, though they won't admit this, will agree with me. And that's just be a one flusher.

什么？

What?

就是

Just

我只冲一次水。你在干嘛？

I flush one time. What are you doing?

即使你拉了一坨巨大的便便，你也只需要冲一次水？是啊。哦，老兄。好吧

Even even when you take a gigantic dump, you're only a one flusher? Yeah. Oh, man. Well

等等。你小便的时候会冲两次水吗？

Wait. Do you flush twice when you pee?

不会。但我小便时不会留下‘原木’。不会在小便时建造木屋。

No. But I'm not I'm not leaving logs. Not building log cabins when I pee.

你总是冲两次水？

You flush twice all the time?

我是说，我必须这么做。

I mean, I have to.

即使是常规情况？

Even in a routine?

有时候必须这样。

I have to sometimes.

你在做什么？我的第五件事是喝水。我总是告诉自己，今天我要喝水，但就是做不到。

What are you doing? My number five is drink water. I always tell myself, like, today I'm going to drink water, but it just never happens.

我也有这个在清单上，但它在我清单上的位置稍微靠前一点。

I have a I have that on the list, but it's a it's a a little bit further up on my list.

好吧。好吧。行吧。

Okay. Okay. Alright.

我的第四条建议很简单，就是多读书。多看看书和其他读物，多花点时间在烛光下翻翻书页。哦。

My number four is pretty simple. Just read more. Just read more books and things and spend a little more time turning the pages by candlelight. Oh.

我早就过了阅读的阶段，甚至不觉得这是我会再做的事。虽然感觉应该读点书，但这可能性太渺茫了，我这辈子可能都不会再读书了。就算再活四十年，我大概也就能读完五本书。每十年读完一本，这就是我的目标。

I'm so far beyond reading that I don't even consider it to be something that I'm ever going to do. Like, I feel like I probably should read, but it's so far out of the realm of possibility that, like, I'm never actually going to do this again. I may, in the rest of my entire life, if I live for another forty years, I may finish five books. I'm gonna finish one book a decade. That would be my goal.

听着，如果那是你想做的，好吧。其实我的第三条建议是...

I mean, listen. If that's, you know, that's what you wanna do. Alright. My number three actually

噢，该轮到我了吗？还是你要把清单全说完？

Oh, do I get do I get to go or are you just gonna go your whole list?

哦靠，我的错。你的第四条是？

Oh, shit. My bad. My bad. What's your number

别看手机。

four? Not look at my phone.

看，我们的清单很像，只是顺序不同。待会儿我会说到那条。你的第三条是？我的是多喝水。

See, our lists are similar, but just kind of different different order. But, yeah, I'll get I'll get to that in a in a a in a little bit. Okay. Is your number three? My number three is actually drink water.

但喝水真的超难做到。

But I It's incredibly hard to drink water.

我写了'喝水/补水'。比如我渴的时候，不会选佳得乐或水，而是喝咖啡或啤酒，懂我意思吗？

I put, like, drink water slash hydrate. Like, I just you know, it's whenever I'm thirsty, it's like I don't get a Gatorade. I don't get water. I drink coffee or I drink beer. You know what I mean?

仔细想想这很荒谬，因为这两样东西本身都会导致脱水。

It just it makes no sense when you really think about it because both those things are dehydrating in themselves.

如果水的味道能更好些就好了。比如，我的第三点愿望就是保持条理。我希望自己能井井有条。我一直渴望有条理，但就是做不到。

It would be nice if water tasted better. Like, I would just like to my number three is stay organized. I would like to be organized. I always wanna be organized. It just never happens.

听起来你今天的清单有点无聊啊。

Sounds your list is boring today.

是有点无聊，但我在努力改进对吧？我想变得有条理，列个更好的清单。

It's a little boring, but I'm trying to make right? I'm trying to be organized and have a better list.

是啊。确实

Yeah. That's

其实我也没什么特别的事。你呢？你的第二点是什么？

I don't really have, you know, that many things. What else you got? What's your number two then?

我的第二点是想远离所有电子设备，从iPad到笔记本电脑再到手机。这太难了，因为现在连去餐厅都要扫码看菜单，这已经成为世界运转的方式了。

So my number two is it's just like I just have digital, like trying to stay off all things digital from my iPad to my laptop to my phone. It's just it's so hard because everything you know, even businesses now, you go to restaurants and they, you know, scan the QR code to see our menu. It's I mean, it's just the way of the world.

我倒觉得这没什么问题，手机本来就是干这个的。不过有个人说过一句话让我印象深刻——虽然记不清是谁了——他说过去我们殖民土地，现在通过社交媒体殖民每个人的时间，好像你生活的每分每秒都必须对着某种屏幕。

I mean, I don't really have a problem with that. That just seems like the an actual use for the phone. I heard something else that somebody said. I don't remember who the person was, but they said something that really, like, jumped out at me is we used to call it, like, we it used to be that we tried to colonize all the land in the world and all the places in the world, and now we're trying to colonize everybody's time through social media. Like, every second of your life now needs to be devoted to using a screen of some sort.

确实，这种现象正在发生。

It's like, oh, yeah. That's kinda happening.

这太可怕了，因为现在打开手机就会看到我们刚聊过的东西的定向广告——它们在监听我们。

It's it's scary as hell because open your phone right now and it's gonna be something that we just talked about. Targeted ad because they listen.

你真的遇到过吗？我倒是从没碰到过...等等，其实有过。你遇到过这种情况吗？

Do you really I've never never actually had that happen to me though. Oh, I I have. Have you ever had that happen to you?

是啊。但是

Yeah. But

不是那种在某个东西的参数周围搜索的情况，比如你突然想，你知道吗？我真的想查查给孩子圣诞买哪种动力轮玩具。你刚跟妻子提了一嘴，转头就在那里看到动力轮的广告。动力轮就是那些噗噗噗的电动小车子。对。

just not like not like searching around the parameters of something where you've been like, you know what? I really wanna look up Power Wheels to buy my child for Christmas. And you'll just mention it to your wife and then you'll see an advertisement for Power Wheels on there. Power Wheels are those little pow pow pow power wheels things. Yeah.

就是给小孩玩的仿真小汽车。

It's little fake cars for kids.

谢谢。确实。不同产品都发生过好几次这种情况。挺吓人的，但我...我明白这其实...你知道，不是真有人在监听，只是种营销手段，就这么发生了。

Thank you. Yeah. It's it's happened multiple times with different products. It's it's kind of scary, but I I just I've under I've I understand that that's you know, it's not that somebody's listening. It's just it's a marketing technique that, you know, it it just happens.

我也不知道。又不是俄罗斯人或中国人在窃听电话对吧？就像人们说的，这种事就是会发生的。

I don't know. It's not like the Russians or the Chinese are listening to the phone. Right? Like, people push. It's just something that happens.

他们确实在监听，我们都被监控了。不过无所谓啦。

They're listening and and we're all fucked. But it's fine.

我的第二条建议是要对人友善。比如，噢我该试着对别人更好些。今天给这个人打电话聊聊，向那个人道声谢，对吧？

My number two is gonna be be nice to people. Like, oh, I should try being nicer to people. Like, let's call this person and talk to them today. Let's tell this person thank you. Right?

就是要更友善待人。

Like, be more nicer to people.

你的问题在于——这是我后来才了解到的——你不是故意刻薄，但你这人皮糙肉厚。懂吗？如果有人做错事，你会直接指出来。

I'm Problem with you is you come from a cloth that and I've had to learn this about you. Is that it's not that you're intentionally being mean, but, you know, you have a rough skin. You know? If someone does something wrong, you're gonna call them out on it.

会指出来。但我心里没什么特别的想法。

Pointed out. But I don't feel a certain way about it.

是啊。包括我在内，大家有时都会觉得被冒犯。所以，没错。对人友善点吧。

Yeah. And everybody, including myself, takes that offensively sometimes. So, yes. Be more nice.

是啊。总有一天会的。总有一天我会对人们更友善。

Yeah. Someday it'll happen. Someday I'll be nicer to people.

不。可能不会。我的首要目标其实是更多的家居项目。懂吗？就是更多的家务清单。

No. Probably not. My number one is more more house projects. You know? More just a honey do list.

我希望自己能更擅长从清单上划掉已完成事项。

I need to I wish I was better at being able to get things off of it.

哦，没错。我从来完成不了任何事。如果我有件想做的事，至少得花一个月才会真正开始考虑。两个月吧。要是家居项目，不管是什么，都肯定要花我两个月才能完成。

Oh, yeah. I never accomplish anything. It takes me if I have a task that I wanna do, it's gonna take me at least a month before I even start to really think about it. Two months. If there's a house project, it's gonna take me no matter what it is, it's gonna take me two months to do that house project.

一个月用来考虑，再一个月才会真正动手。

One month to think about it and then another month before I actually do it.

你的首要目标是什么？减肥。对。不过我觉得这太明显了。除非你是汤姆·布雷迪，否则人人都可能把这当首要目标。

What's your number one? Lose weight. Yeah. I mean, that's an obvious one though I feel. I mean, everyone could have that as number one unless you're Tom Brady.

我在想世界上会不会有人对自己的体型体重完全满意。就是既不打算增重也不打算减肥的那种。比如："知道吗？我就想保持155磅，这体重正合我意。"

I wonder if there's ever if there's anybody in the world that is completely happy with their body. Weight. Like, not trying to either gain weight or lose weight. But just you know what? I'm a hundred and fifty five pounds, and that is exactly how much I want to weigh.

其实在任何年龄这都不是难以企及的目标。关键是你得付诸行动。

It's not like it's unattainable at any age, really. It's just you gotta put in the work.

是啊。最难的就是这部分。你最近...完成你的首要目标了吗？

Yeah. That's the difficult part about it. What's on your are did you do your number one?

是啊。没有。

Yeah. Didn't.

你有获得什么荣誉提名吗？

You any honorable mention?

嗯，我是说，我实际上把健身列在了我的荣誉提名里。

Well, I mean, I I actually had workout on there on my honorable mention.

对。

Yeah.

还有像是重返校园，比如再拿个不同的学位什么的。你知道，那些我想做但不会或没去做的事。

Also had like go going back to school, like, getting a, you know, a different degree or something. You know, things that I I I I want to do, but I I won't or I don't.

你想回去学什么？想拿什么学位？

What are you gonna go what do you wanna go back to school for? What degree do you wanna get?

播客学位。改掉我的烦人习惯。比如我肯定有些行为会惹人烦，像是我的小毛病之类的。或者我那些自己都受不了的怪癖，肯定也会让别人觉得烦。

A podcasting degree. Stopping my annoyances. Like, I'm sure there's things I do that bother people. You know, like my tics or whatever. I don't know what you wanna like my pet peeves that I have, that I'm sure annoy other people when I have them.

但我觉得这些正是让人独特的地方。其实我喜欢人们有这些小特点。

I think those are what makes people unique though. I actually like it when people have those.

你知道，就像我对餐具的敏感。听到餐具叮当碰撞的声音就让我难受得不行。我实在——

You know, like like my silverware thing. Like where I it just it pains me to be around clanking silver silverware. I can't

我觉得这些东西永远不会改变的，老兄。这就是你作为人的特质啊。

I don't think that stuff's ever gonna change, man. That's just who you are as a person.

是啊。我知道。我知道。

Yeah. I know. I know.

你只需要习惯

You just gotta get used

它。不过我们可以保持希望。

to it. We can hold out hope, though.

好的。本期《毫无意义》节目就到这里。非常感谢你们的参与。如果有机会，请订阅我们，给我们评分或留下评论。我们现在开始在YouTube上发布更多节目，所以如果你想看而不仅仅是听我们的对话，我们的YouTube频道《毫无意义》是个不错的选择。

Okay. That's gonna go ahead and do it for this episode of Profoundly Pointless. I wanna thank you so much for joining us. If you get a chance, subscribe, leave us a rating or a review. We're starting to put more episodes up on YouTube now, so if you wanna see the conversations and not just hear them, our YouTube channel, Profoundly Pointless, is a great way to do that.

从视觉角度来看，确实有些东西能帮助你更直观地理解我们讨论的内容，当你看到有人演示时。那就是我们的YouTube频道。我们是《毫无意义》。告诉我们一些你知道的事情，比如哪些事情是你知道应该做但就是没做的。

And there's definitely some things that from a visual perspective, it really helps solidify the things that we're talking about when you actually see somebody demonstrating it. That's our YouTube channel. We're profoundly pointless. And let us what are some you know, let us know some of the things that oh, and of course, let us know what are some things that like, you know you should do this, but it just doesn't happen.