你的价值观要么在摧毁利润，要么在缔造帝国——罗伯特·格雷泽

顺便说一下，我也会对你试试这个。

And by the way, I'll try this with you too.

我猜你成长在一个家庭里，要么有人强调自我觉察，要么有人完全不知道自己的行为对他人造成了什么影响。

Like, my guess is you grew up in a household, you know, and someone who either stressed self awareness and or someone who is completely unaware of how their their their behavior impacted other people.

很接近了，因为我已经做了很多工作。

Close because I've done a lot of work.

在我们深入之前，我要提醒大家，心理咨询是你送给自己的一份礼物。

And before we get into this, people, therapy is the gift you give yourself.

请去接受心理咨询吧。

Please go to therapy.

它对你非常有帮助。

It's very helpful for you.

是的。

Yeah.

对我来说，这归结为有效性。

For me, mine comes down to effectiveness.

我最看重的是效率。

I value effectiveness above all else.

所以对我来说，如果有人排队却不知道自己要点什么，那就是效率低下。

So for me, if someone's in line and they don't know what they need to order, you're being ineffective.

如果你插队，挤到这么多人前面，我会觉得你已经违背了效率原则。

If you're cutting in line in front of all these people, I'm like, you have now violated effectiveness.

我非常推崇效率。

I adore effectiveness.

如果我们从弗洛伊德的角度来看，那是因为我是个钥匙儿童。

And if we're gonna go with, you know, little Freudian here, it's because I was a latchkey kid.

对吧？

Right?

我小时候是在单亲家庭长大的。

I grew up, and my my I was in I was in a single parent home.

我是由我爸带大的。

I was raised by my dad.

他平时不常在家。

He wasn't around a lot.

所以很多事情我都得自己照顾自己。

So I had to very much take care of myself.

懂吧。

Okay.

那我要做什么最高效的事，才能确保一来我能平平安安的，二来还能尽情玩任天堂的游戏，玩到天昏地暗？

What is the most effective thing I could do to make sure that, a, I don't die, and, b, I can play Nintendo as much as humanly possible?

所以做所有事都得讲求效率。

So everything was about efficiency.

所以我最看重的一样东西就是效率。

So one of the things I adore more than anything else is efficiency.

所以我觉得这份重视效率的意识正是来源于此。

So it just I think that awareness comes from me adoring efficiency.

对。

Yeah.

这是效率和独立性。

It's efficiency and independence.

而且，你刚刚证明了我说的话。

And again, you just proved what I said.

它往往源自某种东西。

It it tends to come from something.

我们面临着困难。

And we have a we have a hard time.

当人们做这项工作时，我看到他们哽咽，对我说：‘那这种情感的根源在哪里？’

People when they're doing this work, they they I see them choke up and they say to me, I'm like, so where's the root of that?

你知道吗？

Do you know?

因为如果你能追溯到根源，就知道它是真实的。

Because if you tie it to the root, then you know it's real.

他们有点儿说：‘但我爱我的父母。’

And they're kinda like, but I loved my parent.

我就说，等等，我想让你改一下这句话。

And I'm like, look, wait, I want you to change the sentence.

你可以说，我爱我的父母，但小时候我经常独自一人，不得不自己想办法解决。

You can say, I love my parents and I was alone a lot as a kid and I needed to figure this out.

顺便说一句，这现在成了我的超能力，我在这方面很擅长。

And by the way, it's now my superpower and I'm good at it.

但坦诚面对它的根源非常有帮助，因为作为领导者，你一定会遇到那些效率低下、浪费时间、不知所措的人。

But being honest about where it came from is super helpful because look, as a leader, you're gonna struggle with people that are ineffective and waste time and can't figure out what to do.

你越能跟他们讲清楚这一点，效果就越好。

And the more you can tell them that, the the the better.

完全正确。

Absolutely.

所以，比起愿景、家庭、诚信，我们现在正聚焦于真正推动你前进的东西。

So versus the vision, family, integrity, now we're locking into what actually moves and what drives you.

如果你有这样一个人，我们就继续拿我开刀吧，因为这很容易。

So if you've got someone and we'll just keep ripping me apart because it's easy.

如果你有一个重视效率、欣赏有创造力的人的人，听好了。

If you've got someone who who values efficiency and values people who are creative and like, listen.

我知道有问题。

I know there's a problem.

我没问题。

I have no problem.

问题是存在的。

There's a problem.

我喜欢这一点。

I love that.

但你必须为任何问题带来两个解决方案。

But you gotta bring me two answers to whatever the problem is.

如果做不到，你就别想继续工作了。

If not, you don't get to work already.

对。

Right.

所以你那一点很可能会成为另一种核心价值观。

So you probably that could be a different core value.

你可能会拥有‘解决问题’的核心价值观，或者说，成为一名解决问题的人。

You might have a core value of solve the problem or or, you know, be a problem solver.

对。

Yeah.

而我的核心价值观是守护时间。

You Mine can protect the time.

我的团队就能做到高效运转。

Mine can be efficient.

咱们得把时间都预留、保护好。

Let's protect time.

那你肯定会想要把这事传达给你的团队。

You would be you would wanna communicate to your team.

听着，各位伙伴。

Look, team.

你们知道我一向注重解决问题。

You guys know that I'm about problem solving.

所以我不希望你们遇到问题就不来找我，我很乐意和你们一起思考。

So I don't want you to not come to me to problems, and I'm happy to think with you.

但当你来找我时，最好已经做了些工作，并提出了几个解决方案。

But, like, when you come to me, have done the work with a couple proposed solutions.

如果我不同意你的方案，我们可以讨论。

And if I disagree with those, we'll talk about it.

但不要只是来向我抱怨事情。

But don't come to me just to complain about things.

我不是那种专门处理抱怨的领导。

Like, I'm not I'm not the leader for that.

对的。

Right.

所以 并且通过

So And by

顺便说一下，作为领导者，这样明确地把自己的规则摆出来，告诉大家我的底线，难道不会让你更有力量吗？

the way, wouldn't that wouldn't that be empowering to you as a leader to say, look, like, you're kinda just laying your rule book out there for other people and being like, here are my red lines.

是的。

Yeah.

我就是这样做的。

I do this.

我就直接说：听好了。

I just say, listen.

除非你带来两个解决方案，否则不准来找我谈问题。

You're not allowed to bring me a problem unless you bring me two solutions.

如果你带问题来找我却没有两个解决方案，那你就可以去找新工作了。

If you do bring me a problem without two solutions, you get to find a new job.

我记得有一次遇到了一个问题。

And I remember there was one problem.

我曾经管理的一家公司，他们来找我，因为我跟你一样，都有同样的执念——也就是所谓的连续创业瘾。

One of the companies I ran, they came in because I have the same addiction you do or disease, which is the, you know, serial entrepreneurship.

是的。

Yeah.

他们来了。

And they came in.

有一个具体的问题，他们提出的两个解决方案都很离谱。

There was a there was a specific problem, and the two solutions they gave were wild.

他们说，好吧。

They're like, okay.

我们认为应该把花生酱涂在火烈鸟身上。

Well, we think we should take, whatever, peanut butter and put it on a flamingo.

我心想，什么？

I'm like, what?

然后他们告诉了我问题所在。

And then they told me the problem.

我当时就说，对。

I was like, yeah.

我也完全搞不懂。

I got no idea either.

那咱们一起来头脑风暴捋捋。

Let let's brainstorm it out.

不过他们提前就把功课做足了，这点在当时给咱们帮上了忙。

But they knew they had done the work beforehand, and we had that going.

所以我也把这些机制在团队里推行起来了，这还真的改变了我的整个组织。

So I've I've built those in, and it's changed my org.

我很好奇，就你共事过的人来说——不光是你所在机构的同事，还有你合作过的其他机构的人——那些真正能推动事情进展的核心要素都有哪些？

I'm curious with the people you've worked with and not only in your organizations and also the organizations you've worked with, what are some of the core things like that that move the ballgame?

我再给你举个例子吧。

And and let me give you another example.

我开的所有会都不设会议桌。

Whenever I have meetings, there are no tables.

不好意思，我插一句。

I'm sorry.

连椅子都没有。

There are no chairs.

这是没得商量的规定。

It's a nonnegotiable.

会上绝对不能有椅子。

There are no chairs.

所以我们开的都是站会。

Therefore, we're having standing meetings.

大家需要

You have

提前准备好，因为这样效率更高。

already because it's more efficient.

对。

Yeah.

没错。

Yes.

这很高效。

It's efficient.

我们已经打印出了备忘录。

We've already printed out a memo.

我们已经得到了全面的通报。

We've already been fully debriefed.

我们心想，好吧。

We're like, okay.

每个人都知道发生了什么。

Everybody knows what's going on.

我们提前已经提出了问题。

We have already had our questions in advance.

现在我们开始开会吧。

Now let's hit the meeting.

我们开始吧。

Let's rock and roll.

因为我们创造了这种高效的方式，大大加快了进度。

Because we create this efficient and just speeds things up.

这是我们从杰夫·贝佐斯那里学来的。

It's something we stole from Jeff Bezos.

一个披萨会议、两个披萨会议，或者 whatever 它叫什么。

One pizza, two pizza meetings, or whatever it was.

对。

Yep.

是的。

Yeah.

我认为，我的猜测是，你有你的个人价值观，也有公司的价值观，公司的价值观深受个人价值观的影响。

I I I think and my guess is, you know, you have your personal values, you have your company values, the company values are very infused by the personal values.

我觉得，看看我们早期的做法，很多所谓的道德姿态其实并不真正与价值观挂钩，人们花了太多时间试图取悦所有人。

And I think, look, everyone to our early thing around a lot of the virtue signaling and not tied to values, people are spending way too much time trying to appeal to everyone.

你应该说一些话，就像有人曾经对我说过关于我的主题演讲那样：如果没人讨厌它，那就没人会喜欢它。

You should say the things kind of like someone once told me with my keynote speeches, if no one hates it, no one will love it.

不能是温热的，不能是一杯温热的茶。

Can't be a warm it can't be a warm cup of tea.

就像有时候帮我做事的那个人，当我提到温热的茶时，他知道这简直是最大的侮辱。

That's like sometimes when the guy who helps me it and I go feels warm cup of tea, he knows that's like the worst insult.

对吧？

Right?

所以你真正想做的是向世界传递一个信号：嘿，只有2%的人会喜欢在这里工作，对我来说，这就像大学一样。

And so what you're trying to do is signal to the world, hey, 2% of the people that would love working here, to me, it's like universities.

大学从不假装自己是别的东西。

Universities don't pretend to be something they're not.

乡村小型文理学院和像佛罗里达大学这样庞大的校园，两者之间有真正的区别。

There's a real difference between a rural small liberal arts school and a huge, you know, University of Florida campus school.

它们都是适合各自合适学生的优秀学校。

They are not they are both great schools for the right kids.

我认为太多领导者和组织试图传递一些大众化的共同点，而不是明确地说：这就是我们的立场。

I think too many leaders and too many organizations are trying to, like, signal a lot of common denominator stuff rather than saying, here's what we're about.

这就是我的立场。

Here's what I'm about.

如果你喜欢这个并想加入，那太好了。

If you love this and wanna join that, great.

这就是我的领导风格。

This is my leadership style.

如果你不喜欢追求改进和效率，喜欢拖拖拉拉，那你不会喜欢为我工作。

If you're not someone who likes to look for improvement efficiency and you like to drag, you're not gonna like working for me.

这么说公平合理。

Like, that's a fair thing to say.

对。

Right.

但同时，我认为重要的是，是的，我可能注重效率。

But also having I think having the importance of, yes, I might have this efficiency.

我受此驱动。

I'm driven by this.

这就是我。

This is who I am.

我需要找另一个人进来，让大家可以去找他，或者直接跟我当面说，因为这不是独裁。

I need to bring someone else in who people can go to or can get in my face because this isn't a dictatorship.

能够直接来找我，说：听好了。

Be able to get in my face and say, listen.

好的。

Alright.

我这样做会漏掉一些东西。

I'm missing a couple things by doing this.

让我们来一些反对意见。

Let's have some pushback.

让你能够说：听好了。

And having you be able say, listen.

这些对我来说很重要，但我的自我不会主导整个组织。

This is what values to me, but my ego doesn't run the org.

这个组织

The org

本身，是的。

itself Yeah.

价值观需要保持和谐。

Values, they need to be in harmony.

它们不需要完全一致，也不能相互对立。

They don't need to be in unison, and they can't be in opposition.

所以，如果你团队中有一个人，完全与五个核心价值中的某几个相反，比如他们完全违背效率，我就称这是个危险区域。

If So you have someone on your team who is the direct opposite of five of like, if they're the opposite of efficiency, I call that a danger area.

这和人际关系是一样的。

This is the same as a relationship.

我们可以绕开这个问题。

We can dance around that.

我们知道查尔斯会带来效率这一套，而我则是慢节奏的那一方，但这样反而行得通。

We know Charles is gonna come in with the efficiency play, and I'm the slow guy play, but we well, it works.

你知道，这样就平衡了。

You know, it balances it out.

但如果我们再有四个这样的人，一个像查尔斯那样花钱大方，另一个却拼命省钱。

But if we have four more of those, one is like Charles is like spend freely and this person is like save it.

这样会消耗太多能量。

Like, it's gonna be too much energy consumed.

所以我们寻找的是能够和谐共存的东西，但一个组织有一些不可妥协的底线也没关系。

So we are we are looking for things that can exist in harmony, but it's okay if an organization has a a few a non negotiables.

对吧？

Right?

你所领导的任何组织，很可能都会在效率或问题解决方面有一些要求。

And and any organization you're leading is probably gonna have something around efficiency or problem solving.

如果你不是解决问题的人，而是制造问题或挑起问题的人，你就无法生存下去。

And if you're not a problem solver, if you're a problem creator or problem solicitor, you're not gonna survive.

我能做的最好的事就是告诉你这一点，然后把你推荐到另一个更适合你的地方。

And the best thing I could do is tell you that and go direct you to another place where you will be happier.

我不认为存在什么绝对完美或是绝对糟糕的文化。

I I don't think there are absolutely good or bad cultures.

我觉得这和学校的情况特别像。

I think it's very much like schools.

我接下来要带另一个孩子出门去考察大学了。

I'm about to take another kid out to look at colleges.

我得找到最适合他的那一所。

I'm trying to find the one that's the best fit.

这并没有客观意义上的绝对好坏之分。

There's not an objectively good or bad.

有些环境是他的姐姐会喜欢、但他会讨厌的，反过来也一样，存在他喜欢但姐姐讨厌的情况。

There are ones that his sister would have loved that he would hate and vice versa.

完全没错。

Absolutely.

对。

Yeah.

你会这么说真的很有意思，因为你刚才提到了佛罗里达大学、佛罗里达州立大学也就是FSU，对吧。

It's it's it's interesting you say that because you brought off, you know, University of Florida or Florida State or FSU.

我小时候打过棒球，打得特别差。

I I played baseball growing up poorly.

我当时能投出时速92英里的快速球，但我完全搞不清好球带在哪，还总把球砸到别的球员身上。

I had a 92 mile an hour fastball, and I knew the strike zone was next to the guy who kept hitting with the ball.

不过当时那帮人想让我去那所学校，所以我就去佛罗里达州立大学参观了一下。

But these guys wanted me to go, and I went up to FSU to check it out.

而且我很清楚，如果我去佛罗里达州立大学，肯定不合适，因为我只会成天混吃混喝，醉生梦死，整个人就废了。

And I knew that if I went to FSU, it wouldn't work for me because I would just eat and be drunk and do all that.

我其实都不喝酒，但要是去了那儿，我肯定会一直泡在派对里荒废时间。

I don't even drink, but I would just party the whole time.

你想啊，那样肯定行不通的。

Like, that's not gonna work.

万幸万幸，你懂的，我爸当时就看出来了，直接说不行。

Luckily luckily, you know, my father saw that he was, no.

你之所以去那里，是因为你在那里缺乏那种自律和掌控力。

You're going over here because you just don't have that discipline and control there.

所以你要明白，完美中也有不完美，而不同的事物之所以完美，原因也各不相同。

So knowing that there's there's imperfection in perfection, and there's perfect things for different reasons.

当你进入这些环境，试图与人建立联系，并引导他们理解这种价值导向，帮助他们找到自己的方向时，他们会在哪里迷失？

So when you show up in these environments and you're trying to connect with people and you're trying to walk them through this value cord, you're trying to have them find their compass, where do they lose track?

他们会在哪里彻底掉队？

Where do they completely fall off?

他们又会在哪里失败？

And where do they fail?

嗯，这挺有意思的。

Well, I there's it's funny.

我最近也遇到了类似的问题。

I got similar question recently.

我觉得，我有两个答案来回应这个问题。

I I I think and and I have two answers to that.

首先，我跟你说，我曾在没有任何资源的情况下，辛辛苦苦花了六个月做这项工作。

One, I will tell you, I spent six months doing this work with no resources, arduous.

我花了好几年时间把这套流程打磨完善。

I spent years perfecting the process.

我还出了一本书。

I've created a book.

我也开发了一套课程。

I've created a course.

我也做过不少项目之类的，就不多说了。

I've created things, whatever.

就这样吧。

Whatever.

但大家就只想找那种一小时就能搞定的速成解决方案。

And people just want the, like, one hour, like, solution.

对吧？

Right?

所以所以所以

So so so

所以，这就是失败的原因。

so So that's think the failure.

我认为他们在寻找捷径方面严重失败，比如如何找出自己生活中最重要的原则，却不肯花一点时间在这方面投入。

I think they fail macrally in looking to cheat sheet around, like, how do I find out my most important principles in life and not being willing to invest a little bit of time in this.

正如我在定义中所说，另一个主要的失败在于这些目标缺乏理想性。

The other major area of failure, as I said in the definition is these are not aspirational.

当我看到人们真正挣扎时，他们试图弄清楚自己想成为或应该成为的样子，却不肯诚实地面对真实的自己。

When I see people really struggling, they're trying to figure out like things that they think they wanna be or should be, and they're not willing to be honest about who they are.

我给你一个很好的例子。

I'll give you a great example.

我的‘找到更好的方式’这一价值观。

My find a better way value.

比如，我总是不安分，追求永无止境的改进。

Like, I have constant I'm restless, constant never ending improvement.

我通常知道我需要更耐心、更专注，但实际上，不耐烦某种程度上是我的一种技能。

I generally know that I need to be more patient and present, but actually, impatience is sort of like a skill set of mine.

我希望能更耐心，因为我认为任何优势的过度使用，任何价值观的过度使用，都会变成弱点。

It would be I can wanna be more patient because I think any strength overuse and any value overuse is a weakness.

对吧？

Right?

如果一直试图修复所有问题，反而什么都改进不了。

So trying to fix anything at all time will will make improvement in nothing.

所以我可以说，我的目标是稍微更有耐心一点，但耐心本身并不是一种价值观。

So I could say, look, it's a goal of mine to be a little more patient, but patience isn't a value.

说我想把耐心当作一种价值观来平衡某种倾向，这并不真实。

Saying that I want patience as a value to counteract something that is a prop like, that's not like, that's not true.

我以不耐烦为出发点。

I don't lead with I lead with impatience.

我以‘我们应该解决这个问题’为出发点，这大概也是人们真正陷入困境的地方——他们觉得自己应该说什么，或者想在营销上显得好看，但其实并不是真实的自己。

I lead with we should do something about this problem, probably similar So that that's that's where I see people really get into trouble where, like, there are things that they think they should be saying or they look good at marketing, but they're not truly who they are.

我不知道那个词是什么。

I don't know what that word is.

我觉得它是梵语。

I think it's Sanskrit.

如果真是梵语的话，那个‘佩佩’什么的，我不知道那是什么意思。

If so, be pay pay I don't know what that is.

佩、佩、耐心？不对吗？

Pay pay pay patient?

我觉得那是梵语。

I that's think Sanskrit.

我还没搞懂这个词的意思。

Haven't figured that word out yet.

你和我太像了。

You and I are very similar.

不过回到你说的那个点，保有这份坦诚很重要。

But have I think to your point, having the honesty.

嘿，朋友们，耐心可不是我的强项。

Say, guys, patience isn't my gift.

真的，真的不是。

It it it's not.

我经常跟人说，如果你指望我写出规范的语法和拼写，那不可能。

Like, I tell people all the time, if you're expecting proper grammar and spelling to come out of me, nope.

就是，就是不可能。

It just it's just not.

所以我经常发短信给人。

So I text people.

他们说，这根本就不是一个词。

They're like, that's not even a word.

我说，对啊。

I'm like, yes.

但你知道我想表达的是什么。

But you knew what I was trying to say.

对。

Right.

那不是我的天赋。

That's not a gift I have.

但你很可能选了一个有耐心的伴侣。

But you probably picked a partner who is patient.

你知道的。

You know?

有趣的是，相反的情况反而发生了。

It's funny how the opposite thing comes into play.

讽刺的是，没错。

Ironically, yes.

那些拼写非常非常好的人。

People who spell very, very well.

伴侣。

Partners.

因为我觉得我不知道该怎么做到这一点。

Because I think I don't know how to do that.

我把我的弱点外包出去。

I outsource my weaknesses.

有意地、有意识地，或者潜意识地，就是这样。

Intentionally, consciously, or subconsciously, that's it.

只是在玩这个游戏。

Just plays the game.

所以当他们真的投入时间时——但没人这么做，每个人都想吃那个神奇的药丸。

So when they actually invest the time, which no one does, everyone wants to take the magic pill.

所以这是个完美的例子。

So perfect example.

人们想减肥。

People wanna lose weight.

这并不复杂。

It's not complicated.

要种族歧视。

Be racist.

如果是白色的食物，就别吃进嘴里。

If it's white, don't stick it in your mouth.

就这么简单。

That's that.

其次，每天步行45分钟。

Secondly, forty five minutes of walking every day.

就是这样。

That's it.

每天走满一万步，你就能瘦下来。

Get your 10,000 steps in, you're gonna lose weight.

还要控制你的热量摄入。

And lower your caloric intake.

对不对？

Right?

减少你的

Lower your

热量摄入。

caloric intake.

热量赤字。

Calorie deficit.

热量赤字。

Calorie deficit.

每天走一万步。

Walk 10,000 steps a day.

这么做，就这么做。

Do this and this.

接下来三个月都这样做。

Do that for the next three months.

你会排毒的。

You are gonna purge.

或者，不幸的是，你家里有些情况，导致有人一周吃不了东西。

Or regrettably, you had some family stuff where someone couldn't eat for a week.

那也管用。

That that works too.

不推荐。

Not recommended.

非常、非常糟糕。

Very, very bad.

很糟糕。

Very bad.

所以当他们经历这个过程并真正投入时间时，做这些测试能得到什么结果？

So when they go through this and they actually invest the time, what's the outcome they get from doing these tests?

因为我们经常听到这种说法。

Because we hear this all the time.

去用迈尔斯·布里格斯测试，或者那种完全能被操纵的测试，又或者用这个。

Take the Miles Briggs or which can be completely manipulated or take this one.

对我来说，这简直就是终极性格测试。

This to me is just the ultimate personality test.

所以他们能得到的是这些。

So what they here's what they get.

首先，他们想要一致性。

First, they want alignment.

他们在尚未清晰之前就急于追求一致。

They're also rushing to alignment before clarity.

当他们真正获得清晰认知时，昨天有人发给我一份清单。

When they really have clarity someone sent me this list yesterday.

他说：这些是我的价值观。

He's like, these are my values.

天啊，这太符合我了，非常清晰，他有了顿悟。

Like, man, this is like so me and it's so clear and he had that epiphany.

好的。

Okay.

一旦你有了清晰的认知，再去看这三大方面就变得非常简单了。

Once you have the clarity, then it's super easy to look across those big three.

我的关系、我的伴侣、我的社群、我的工作。

My relationship, my partner, my community, my work.

这些方面是否一致？

Are these things aligned?

我花时间相处的人、和我一起做事的人，我是不是处在一段没有出路的关系中？

People I'm spending time with, the people I'm doing it with, am I in a dead end relationship?

你知道，有一件事我想说的是，我并不是想让人去分手，但想想现在的交友软件，正如我们之前说的，当你关注已婚人士时，他们在很多性格测试中的表现恰恰相反。

You know, one of the things around, like, I'm not trying to get people to to break up, but when you think about dating sites these days, they are all as we said before, interestingly, when you lean on married people, they are they are opposite on a lot of these personality tests.

对吧？

Right?

因为这其中存在某种和谐。

Because there's some harmony.

交友软件的问题在于，它就像是在寻找自己的克隆体或最好的朋友。

Dating sites, like, the problem has been it's kinda like finding your clone or your best friend.

就好比说，哦，我们都喜欢同一种音乐，都喜欢滑雪，爱好都差不多，但我们的价值观合不到一起。

Like, oh, we both like this music and we like to ski and we like whatever, but we don't share values.

对吧？

Right?

我们看待世界的方式根本不一样。

We don't look at the world the same way.

我们连底层的“运行逻辑”都不是同一套。

We don't have the same operating system.

是吧？

Right?

所以这对大家来说是非常值得审视的一点，而且我觉得这么做能让人理清思路。

So that's that's a really important look for people, and I think it's been really clarifying.

几年前，我们团队里有一位领导就在梳理核心价值观。

I we had a leader on our team who was doing the core values years ago.

当时我正在给她做指导。

I was coaching her.

她后来回来找我，兴奋地谈起了他。

She actually came back to me and was excited about him.

然后她脸上突然露出了一种奇怪的五秒钟表情。

And and then she had this weird five second sort of look on her face.

我就问：‘怎么了？’

And I was like, what's wrong?

他们说得不对吗？

Are they not right?

她说：‘不，不是的。’

And she's like, no.

他们说得完全对。

They're totally right.

我只是意识到，她当时正经历离婚，而我的前伴侣恰恰与这三点完全相反。

I just realized she was in the middle of going through a divorce that my ex is the opposite of three of these.

对吧？

Right?

所以我的回答是，这并不意外。

And so my answer was like, that's not surprising.

这很难，但并不让人意外。

Like, that's hard, but it's not surprising.

它决定了我们许多关系，无论是商业还是其他方面。

And it determines a lot of our relationships, business or anywhere else.

所以当你在指导某人时，当他们终于投入了时间，付出了努力，真正获得了方向感和价值观，并且这些都稳固下来，他们有了这些觉察。

So when you're coaching someone and they they finally do the time, they put the effort in, they actually get the compass, and they get the values, and it locks in, and they have these awarenesses.

那这里的实施关键是什么？

What is the implementation factor for there?

因为，你知道的，我接下来要

Because, again, you know me, I'm about to

实施的关键在于做出自信的决定，无论大小。

finish Implementation factor is is is really confident decisions, big and small.

比如，我会就此离开。

Like, I'm going to walk away on this.

如果你看看我的人生，我离开了很多事，同时更加专注于其他明显契合我的事情。

I'm if you looked at my life, I walked away from a lot of things, and I started double downing on other doubling down on other things that were clearly aligned.

当我谈到三大要素——伴侣、职业和社群时，人们最常提到的就是社群。

When I talk about the big three, the the the partner, vocation, and community, the one that people keeps coming up is, like, community.

他们说：你知道吗？

They're like, you know what?

我确实忽视了我的社群。

I really overlooked my community.

我本是一个主张大家和睦相处、分享观点的人，但我住在一个政治立场极化的小镇，每个人家里不是挂红牌就是蓝牌，这根本不是我想要的生活。

Like, I'm a we should all get along and share perspectives person, and I live in a just political town where everyone has a red or a blue sign and like, this just isn't me.

或者我身处的团体与我不合，或者我有一些朋友在拖我后腿。

Or I'm in groups that aren't aligned with me, or I have friends who are bringing me down.

所以我认为社群这一点最重要，因为环境真的很难让你表现出与周围环境相反的行为。

So I I think that community one is the one because environment, it's really hard to to to display the opposite behavior that your environment is playing.

对吧？

Right?

意志力是一种很容易被消耗的资源。

Willpower is is is a is a resource that's diminished easily.

维持意志力最好的方法是。

The best way you can maintain willpower.

如果我不想要喝酒，那我就不会住在英格兰的新卡斯尔，那里每个人每天下午两点都去酒吧。

If I don't wanna drink, then I don't wanna live in New Castle, England where everyone goes to the pubs at 02:00 every afternoon.

我想住在犹他州的帕克城或科罗拉多州的博尔德，那里晚上有自行车俱乐部、徒步俱乐部，还有各种其他活动。

I wanna live in Park City, Utah or Boulder, Colorado where everyone there's a bike club at night and there's a hiking club and there's a whatever.

所以我认为，人们对自己所处环境的觉察，是这项工作最重要的成果之一。

So I I think the awareness of the environments that people have put themselves in has been one of the biggest outcomes of this work.

你有没有见过人们做完价值观练习后说：‘哇，原来我违背了社区原则。’

Have you seen people finish the values and go, oh, wow.

我需要搬离这里。

I'm I'm violating community.

我需要搬走。

I need to physically move.

因为分手总是频频发生。

Like, because the breakups happen all the time.

当我与人合作时，这些变化发生得很快。

When I work with people, they happen fast.

这其实很简单。

It's it's really simple.

就是不行。

It's like, nope.

这并不是我的真实想法。

This this isn't my truth.

因为对我来说，我习惯把这些当作你的信念，但我也喜欢听到坏消息，比如有人真的说：是的。

Because for me, I'm used to these being your truths, but I like bad news as well, where people literally go, yeah.

我需要搬家。

I I need to move.

然后我曾经辅导过一家公司，他们的管理团队，我注意到右边那位女士。

And then I had a I had a company I was coaching and and the leadership team, and I could see this woman on the right.

我能看到她顿悟到自己需要离开。

I could see her epiphany that she needed to move.

但请记住，社区的含义是不同的。

But remember, community means different things.

对吧？

Right?

所以有时它指的是你居住的地方，由地理位置定义，但也可能指你参与的活动、你花时间的地方，比如你的宗教组织与否。

So sometimes it is where you live and it's defined by that, but it could be what activities you're doing, where you're spending time, you know, your religious organizations or not.

所以它有几种不同的定义，但我确实看到这位女士，如果她真的有这种感觉——我不确定她是否搬走了，但她经历了‘我不该住在这里’的顿悟，这是在这一发现过程中发生的。

So it has a few different definitions, but I I definitely saw this woman if she had the and I don't know if she moved, but she had the I don't live in the right place epiphany kind of in this in this discovery process.

所以，根据我做过的事情，我发现因为我习惯了这种被称为‘你的真相’的东西。

So I have found with the stuff that I've done that because I got I'm used to this being known as your truth.

一旦你认清了自己的真相，恭喜你，你会经历更高的高峰，但也会遭遇更低的低谷。

Once you know your truth, congratulations, you're gonna get higher high, but you're also gonna get lower lows.

对不起。

Like, I'm sorry.

我只是让你有了觉察。

It's just like, I gave you awareness.

别假装这些同义词是一回事。

Well, as in let's not pretend the synonyms.

基于你的价值观或真相做决定，总会让你付出代价。

Just making decisions based on your values or truth, they cost you something.

对吧？

Right?

比如短期内，它们会让你花钱。

Like like in the short they cost you money.

它们会让你失去朋友。

They cost you friends.

它们会让你失去关系。

They cost you relationships.

但这些决定，长远来看会让你感觉很好。

Like, but these decisions you can you they feel good in the long run.

你可以为它们找借口。

You can justify them.

随着时间的推移，你会显得更好。

You look better over time.

那些基于迎合、道德表演或短期便利所做的决定，会随着时间越来越糟，因为我们生活在一个24/7的推特世界里。

The decisions that people make that are based on appeasement or virtue signaling or what's easy in the short term, those just get worse and worse over time because we live in this 24 by seven x Twitter world.

因此，有时为了平息今天的风波，人们会做一些根本上不相信的事情，这看起来似乎更容易。

And so it just seems easier to quell today's fire sometimes by doing something that we fundamentally don't believe in.

而这些决定是最经不起时间考验的。

And those are the decisions that age the poorest.

对。

Right.

而且人们经常这么做。

And and people do this all the time.

对吧？

Right?

他们说：嘿，我现在要为了短暂的满足感而放弃我的梦想。

They're like, hey, I'm gonna sacrifice my dreams for a temporary feeling right now.

我说：你到底在干什么？

I'm like, what are you what are you doing?

我想获得多巴胺的快感。

Like, I want my dopamine hit.

我说：你该长大了。

I'm like, grow up.

所以，关于食物，事情就是这么个情况。

So it's it's and just it is what it is with food.

食物是个很好的例子。

Food's a great example.

我对冰淇淋的喜爱程度难以言表，但我并不想得糖尿病。

I love ice cream on levels I can't possibly tell However, I don't want diabetes.

你知道，如果你一天吃五次，未来的你绝对不会对你感到满意。

You know that if you ate it five times a day, your future self would not be very happy with you.

我会死的。

I'd be dead.

对。

Right.

所以我必须能够为未来牺牲当下，这对很多人来说都很困难。

So I have to be able to sacrifice the now for the future, and that's a hard thing for a lot of people to do.

是的。

Yeah.

一旦他们接触到自己的价值观，这会让他们更容易做到吗？

Once they have access to their values, does that become easier for them?

我认为会容易很多。

I think it becomes a lot easier.

我再说一遍，决定本身并没有变容易，但清晰度提高了。

I again, I'm not the decision isn't easier, but the clarity is easier.

对吧？

Right?

如果健康和活力和我一样，对你来说也是核心价值观的话，那做出这个决定就会很轻松。

If health and health and vitality is is a core value of yours like mine, like, it's easy to make that decision.

我清楚自己为什么要这么做。

I understand why I'm doing it.

另外，这么想也很有帮助，比如说我们秉持的一些家庭价值观，包括个人的责任、个人的健康。

Also, it really helps, you know, think about like, we have some family values, you know, one's responsibility, one's health.

我一直都会说——我的孩子们现在已经长大了，但在他们年纪还小、我和他们聊天的时候，要是有人想不吃饭，我就会说，这样不健康。

And I always say like, what my kids are older now, but when I was talking to them younger and someone wanted to skip meals, it was like, that's not healthy.

如果有人想吃第四块布朗尼，那显然不健康。

And when someone wanted a fourth brownie, it was like, that's not healthy.

对吧？

Right?

所以吃四块布朗尼是不健康的？

And so Four brownies is not healthy?

好的。

Okay.

这要更

This is a much more

你去跟一个16岁的男孩说说看。

Tell a 16 year old boy that.

但与其说

But instead of saying

所以是个更搞笑的老头。

So funnier old man.

对孩子来说，无效的是武断的规则。

What what doesn't work well with kids is arbitrary rules.

对吧？

Right?

这是一条规则，或者我们不这么做。

That's a rule or we don't do that.

我的意思是，这样做的原因是为什么。

I mean, doing it this way is the why.

这可不是随便定的。

Like, it's not just arbitrary.

而是因为，这根本不是一个健康的选择。

It's like, but that's just not a healthy choice.

我们经常谈论这个问题。

Like and we talk about this a lot.

是的，没错。

This Yeah.

这关乎你作为一个普通人是什么样的人。

Is who you are as a human being.

你是个健康的人，还是不是一个健康的人？

Are you a healthy person or you're not a healthy person?

这就是，是的。

Is this Yeah.

这与你是谁一致吗？

Aligned with who you are?

这就是住在南佛罗里达的乐趣，虽然我现在不在那里，但迈阿密和西棕榈滩差别很大。

It's the joys of living in South Florida, which I'm not in at the moment, is Miami is very different than West Palm Beach.

是的。

Yeah.

我只是不喝酒。

It just I don't drink.

我不抽烟。

I don't smoke.

我不碰毒品。

I don't do drugs.

这直接让我对戴德县失去了兴趣。

That just knocked out Dade County for me.

很简单。

Really simply.

没错。

Exactly.

你不想把自己置于那种环境中。

You don't you don't wanna put yourself in that environment.

也就是说，你只有两种选择。

Like, that's you're either gonna do two things.

要么你完全反着大家的做法去做。

You're one, gonna do the opposite of what everyone's doing.

你要么去酒吧却不喝酒，觉得这真没意思；要么去酒吧喝酒，因为别人都在喝，然后你心里想：我其实根本不想这样。

You're gonna go to the bar and not drink and be like, this isn't fun, you're or gonna go to the bar and drink because everyone's doing it, and you're gonna be like, I really didn't wanna do this.

对吧？

Right?

是的。

Right.

意志力是会消耗的。

It is willpower is consumable.

所以，把自己放在与你真正想要相悖的环境中，这并不明智。

And and so putting yourself in environments that go against what you actually want is not Mhmm.

非常有帮助。

Really helpful.

当然。

Absolutely.

所以当你提到你的家庭有价值观，并且你在教导孩子这些价值观时，我认为有很多人会想：好吧。

So when you come in and you talk about your family having values, and you you're teaching kids these values, I think there's a lot of people who sit back and go, okay.

我该怎么让我的孩子做到这一点？

How do I get my kids to do this?

我该怎么让我的孩子做到呢？因为再次强调，他们的大脑直到22、23岁才完全发育成熟。

How do I get my kids to because again, their their brains aren't even fully developed until they're 22, 23.

他们仍然处于‘找沃尔多’的状态。

They're still they're still it's still Waldo at that point.

另一个常见问题。

So another popular question.

所以，如果你在谈论这本书和整个框架，以及核心验证者进行的所有练习，我觉得这对刚大学毕业、22岁以上的年轻人特别有用。

So so if you're talking about the book and this full framework and the core validator doing all of these exercises, I really like that for kids that are graduating college, sort of 22 plus.

如果你从小教孩子他们个人的价值观，我觉得这更难。

If you're taught I if you I think getting kids on their individual values, like, when they're younger is harder.

我觉得你可以先从家庭价值观和集体认同开始，对吧？

I think maybe you start with family values, right, and collective identity.

我喜欢用更简单的方式来做这些。

And I like doing those more simply.

不是我整个测试。

Not not my whole test.

比如，格莱泽是或不是。

Like like, glazers are or glazers aren't.

我喜欢当人们说，格莱泽讲真话。

Like, I I like when people like, glazers tell the truth.

格莱泽会现身。

Glazers show up.

格莱泽不说谎。

Glazers don't lie.

靠谱的人不会发牢骚。

Glazers don't whine.

对吧？

Right?

这些都是些顺口溜，你懂的，8到18岁的孩子都能记住，而且很容易理解。

These are these are these are kind of mantras that, you know, eight to 18 year old kids can kinda remember and and understand pretty simply.

我喜欢“靠谱的人不会发牢骚”这句话。

I like glazers don't whine.

很明显，那不属于我的圈子。

Clearly, that is not part of my tribe.

这才是我的圈子。

It's my tribe.

我们早就把这方面做得炉火纯青了。

We have we have mastered we have mastered that part.

那当你在践行这些理念、推进相关事的过程中，你是如何让大家践行自己的价值观、担负起应有的责任呢？

So when you're when you're doing that and you're going through it, how do you hold people accountable to their values?

我们在讨论胡萝卜加大棒。

We're talking about carrot versus stick.

是的。

Yeah.

我们如何让一个人说，好吧。

How do we get someone to say, okay.

我们知道，在你的情况中，Glazer就是你的家人。

We know that in your situation, the Glazer is your family.

我们不说谎。

We don't lie.

但有人走过来问，这条裙子让我看起来胖吗？

But someone comes up and says, does this dress make me look fat?

答案是，不。

Is the response, no.

这条裙子很好。

The dress is fine.

你的屁股让你看起来胖。

Your ass makes you look fat.

你该怎么应对这些情况？

How do you handle those?

你该怎么

How do you

我以前就举过这个例子，我开玩笑说，如果是在我们出门前半小时，我的回答和出门后五分钟完全不同。

I I I've given that example before, and my my I joke that my answer is very different if it's a half an hour before we were due to leave the house versus five minutes after we

但现在

were But now

你在说谎。

you're lying.

对吧？

Right?

所以现在你是用诚实换取效率。

So now you're yielding honesty for efficiency.

我跟上你了么？

Am I with you?

你觉得我们本来该上车五分钟之后，这个插座怎么样？

It's it's what do you think of this outlet five minutes after we were supposed to be in the car?

它看起来很棒。

It's it looks great.

我觉得，好吧。

I I think But okay.

所以没有激光，还是撒谎了。

So without lasers, lie, though.

嗯，我并没有明确说那是我们的。

Well, I didn't necessarily say that was ours.

好的。

Alright.

但我的意思是，在那种情况下，你是怎么做的？

But that I'm saying but in that so in that situation, how do you do that?

对。

Right.

你该怎么处理好吧。

How do you handle the okay.

我们

We

需要谈谈

need talk

找个人。

to someone.

有人曾经告诉我，要十年后才能知道你的孩子有没有听你的话。

Someone once told me it takes ten years to know if your kids were listening to you.

所以你在孩子八岁、九岁、十岁、十一岁时会反复说很多话。

And so you're gonna repeat a lot of things at eight, nine, ten, eleven.

对你来说有趣的是，当你家青少年开始指出你这些言行时。

What's gonna be interesting for you is when your teenage kids do start calling you out on this stuff.

对吧？

Right?

他们说，爸，你知道，你这样做，或者爸，他跟我们说不能撒谎，但这看起来就像在撒谎。

And they said, dad, you know, you're doing this or dad, like, he told us not to lie and that seems like a lie.

这至少会引发一场关于价值观的讨论。

And and and it's gonna at least form a discussion about values.

但如果你说，哦，不。

But if you go, oh, no.

不。

No.

这是给我自己的，不是给你的。

That's for me, not you.

那么你就失去了所有信誉。

Then you've lost all credibility.

你已经失去了。

You've lost.

是的。

Yeah.

你保有了全部的信誉。

You've got All credibility.

但我觉得，这正是一个明智讨论的契机，而且我有一个信条：真相有一个最好的版本。

But I think this is where, like, an intelligent discussion and, you know, one of the things I have a mantra, there's a best version of the truth.

对我来说，这和撒谎是不同的。

And to me, that's different than lie.

区别在于，善意的谎言往往与真相相悖。

The difference is a white lie is that a white lie is often incompatible with the truth.

而真相的最佳版本，可能是对真相的简化版，暂时不包含那些人们此时无需知道的信息。

The best version of the truth could be a cliff note version of the truth that doesn't contain all of the stuff that people don't need to know at the time.

但如果这些信息最终全部揭晓，也不会自相矛盾。

But if that all comes out, it's not inconsistent.

所以，这可以成为我和孩子们讨论的一个话题，他们说：‘实际上，你那里撒谎了。’

So that could be like, again, a discussion point with my kids and they said, actually, you lied there.

我说了，没有。

I said, no.

这就是区别所在。

Like, here's the difference.

我没有把全部告诉你，因为首先，那不是我该告诉你的事。

I did not tell you all of it because first of all, it wasn't my thing to tell you.

而且我们都知道有些事情正在发生。

And we knew some stuff was going on.

所以我告诉了你我觉得合适的部分，但这并不与事实矛盾。

So I told you the amount that I felt appropriate with, but it was not inconsistent with the truth.

所以，是的，就是这样。

So it it it yeah.

你应该承认自己犯错的时候，你知道吗？

And you should admit where you screw and you're like, you know what?

你说得对。

You're right.