当幸福感觉“好得不真实”时（以及如何停止自我破坏）

Araio 原创播客。

Araio Original Podcast.

大家好，欢迎回到 Roxie 的 Rise 独播节目。

Hello, and welcome back to another solo episode of Rise with Roxie.

好的。

Okay.

今天我们要回答一个问题，说实话，这个问题可能最近我自己也需要回答，那就是：当幸福好得让人不敢相信时，你该怎么办？我们又该如何停止自我破坏这种幸福？

Today, we are answering a question that, honestly, I probably needed to answer for myself recently, which is what do you do when happiness feels too good to be true, and how do we stop self sabotaging it?

我想你们大多数人都有过这样的经历：人生中某个时刻，事情终于顺利了，你做出了改变，一切开始好转，然后你的脑子里突然有种大祸临头的感觉，就像“哦，肯定要出事了”。

I think most of you will have had an experience of this where you have had a moment in your life where things were finally going well, you created change, things started to shift, and then your mind kind of had this, like, impending doom of, like, oh, something is gonna go wrong.

就像“这不可能长久”。

Like, this can't last.

这真的太常见了。

And it is just so, so common.

我真希望现在能看到你们听到这里时的反应。

And I wish I could, like, see, like, your live reactions now.

但你可以给我发消息。

But, you know, send me a message.

在评论区留言。

Write in the comments.

比如，你们也有过这种经历吗？

Like, have you experienced this too?

我相信你们肯定有，至少大多数人都有。

I'm sure you have or at least the majority of you have.

我最近甚至也感受到了。

And I have even felt it recently.

比如，2026年1月初，说实话，我当时就想，这太棒了。

Like, the beginning of Jan, honestly, like, January 2026, I was just like, this is incredible.

我感觉特别平静。

Like, I feel so calm.

我感觉特别稳定。

I feel so regulated.

我的工作感觉挺平衡的。

My work is feeling balanced.

我觉得特别开心，特别幸福，特别自信。

I feel so joyful, so happy, so confident.

我都没有那种自我厌恶的日子了，以前偶尔还会有那么一两天，但最近完全没有……

I hadn't had, like, day of self loathing, you know, and usually, I do still get the odd day here and there, but I didn't have any...

我当时就想，天哪。

I was like, oh my gosh.

然后突然之间，我注意到自己有种恐惧，就是那种，哦天哪。

And then all of a sudden, I noticed that I had this, like, fear of, like, oh god.

是不是有什么坏事要发生了？

Like, is something bad about to happen?

所以能观察到自己的这种状态真的很有意思，而且我也很高兴现在有了这些工具，知道该怎么应对。

And so it was really interesting just to be able to observe that in myself and also realize that I'm so happy that I've got the tools now to, like, know what to do with that.

所以我希望今天能把这些分享给你们。

And so I'm hoping I can share that with you today.

如果你也有这种经历，首先我想说，这并不意味着你是个消极的人，或者你无法快乐。

If you have that experience, firstly, I wanna start by saying, it doesn't mean that you're, like, negative or incapable of being happy.

明白吗？

Okay?

这只是因为你的神经系统还在学习什么是安全感。

It is just that your nervous system is still learning what safety feels like.

那我们先来聊聊，为什么快乐会让人感到不安？

So let's start by kind of talking about, like, why does happiness feel unsettling?

为什么对有些人，甚至很多人来说，快乐会感觉有点奇怪？

Why can it feel a bit strange for for some people, for a lot of people?

如果你在生活中经历过不稳定、失望、情绪上的不可预测，或者甚至失去过什么，你的身体就会通过保持警觉来适应。

Well, if you in your life have experienced instability, disappointment, or emotional unpredictability or loss actually at any point of your life, your body basically adapts by staying alert.

比如我自己，我确实在一个情绪非常动荡的环境中长大。

So for example, for me, I definitely grew up in a very very emotionally volatile environment.

那里有很多愤怒、吼叫，情绪上，那真是……

There was a lot of rage and anger and shouting and emotionally, it was...

完全没有安全感。

There was absolutely no safety.

你永远不知道每天会面对什么。

You know, you never knew what you were gonna get day to day.

所以，结果就是，我的神经系统变得非常非常敏感，或者说过度警觉。

And so, as a result, my nervous system kind of became very very heightened or hypervigilant.

明白吗？

Okay?

所以，对你们任何人来说，这意味着你的神经系统在学着，比如，你不应该太放松，要保持警惕，不要抱太大希望，基本上就是准备好迎接冲击，随时准备出问题。

And so, for any of you, what that means is that your nervous system is kind of learning, like, you shouldn't relax too much, like, stay on alert, don't get your hopes up or basically prepare for impact, like, ready for something to go wrong.

所以即使生活感觉平静或快乐，你的系统也不会安定下来，而是保持高度运转。

And so even when life feels calm or joyful, instead of settling into it, your system stays really switched on.

它一直处于戒备状态，基本上就是准备好有什么东西来破坏它。

It stays really like on guard ready for for like something to like ruin it basically.

这可不是直觉。

And this isn't intuition.

对吧？

Okay?

我觉得这一点真的很重要，因为人们经常问我，我怎么知道我的恐惧是来自恐惧本身，还是来自直觉？

That's I think really important because people often say to me like, how do I know if my fear is coming from fear or if it's coming from intuition?

或者你可以说，我怎么区分我是因为长期的压力反应而变得过度警觉，还是只是有一种直觉觉得事情会出问题？

Or you could say like, how do I know the difference between me being like hypervigilant which has come as a result of this like permanent stress response or when have I just got an intuition that something's gonna go wrong?

其实，有一个很好的区分方法。

Well, here's a really good way to differentiate.

直觉其实是非常平静和清晰的。

Intuition is actually really calm and clear.

所以当你有直觉的时候，就是有一种知道的感觉，你会说，我就是有这种感觉，这件事会发生。

So when you have intuition and there's just this knowing feeling, you're like, I just have this feeling that this thing's gonna happen.

而过度警觉则带有那种紧迫、焦虑的感觉，因为它正在扫描危险。

Whereas hypervigilance has got this, like, urgent, anxious feeling attached to it because it's scanning for danger.

所以，当我们把这两者混淆时，我们基本上就开始不信任那些美好的时刻了。

And so, when we confuse the two, we basically start to, like, mistrust the good moments.

所以当这种情况开始发生时，我们能做的就是自我破坏。

So when this begins to happen, what we can start to do is self sabotage.

自我破坏，跟我们可能想的不一样，其实并不总是很戏剧化的。

Now, self sabotage, contrary to, like, what we might believe about self sabotage, is actually not always, dramatic.

事实上，它很少看起来很戏剧化。

In fact, it rarely looks dramatic.

实际上，自我破坏通常很微妙，而且很熟悉。

In fact, self sabotage is usually really subtle and it's really familiar.

所以我们不会注意到自己在做这件事，这就是为什么它在某种程度上更危险。

And so we don't notice that we're doing it, which is why it's like so much more dangerous in a way.

这就是为什么它能对我们产生这么大的负面影响，因为我们以一种非常隐蔽的方式自我破坏，甚至都没意识到自己在做。

It's like why it can have such a negative impact on us because we self sabotage in such a, like, insidious way that we don't even realize we're doing it.

但自我破坏实际上可能表现为对好情况的过度思考、无谓的争吵、情感上的疏远。

But what self sabotage can actually look like is just overthinking a good situation, picking unnecessary fights, pulling away emotionally.

比如，如果你不是……

So for example, if you are not...

你刚开始一段新感情，感觉特别好，但你可能还是会退缩，因为你还不习惯。

You've just got a new relationship and it's feeling really good, then actually, you might pull away because you're still not used to it.

你还不习惯在一段感情中感到安全。

You're not used to feeling safe in a relationship.

你可能会说服自己哪里不对劲，心想，这有点不对劲。

You might convince yourself that something is just off and think, there's something off about this.

我说不上来是什么，但就是有点不对劲。

I don't know what it is, but there's something off about it.

你就是在说服自己这不合适。

You're just convincing yourself it's not right.

你可能会麻木自己或分散注意力，或者制造一些问题，让平静无法持续。

You might numb or distract yourself or you might create problems so the calm doesn't last.

这不是因为你不想要幸福。

Now, this is not because you don't want happiness.

而是因为你内心有一部分还没准备好去拥抱它。

It's because part of you doesn't feel safe holding it yet.

回到我自己的经历，当我刚开始在生活的某些方面减轻焦虑时，我还没有完全深入细节，但我已经开始更公开地谈论我自我厌恶的程度了。

To bring it back to my own experience, when I first started reducing my anxiety in like some areas of my life, I haven't really gone into like the fullest detail of it yet but I've got started talking a bit more openly about the extent of my self loathing.

我想这个以后再说，但我的自我厌恶一直非常严重，以至于如果有一两天我没有被这种自我憎恨吞噬，我的大脑就会找别的事情来焦虑。

I think I'll save that for another time but my self loathing is was always so so bad that if I had a day or two that I wasn't consumed by this self hate, my mind would just find something else to be anxious about.

比如，我感觉好了五分钟，然后突然开始担心工作上的事情，或者我的感情，或者我的友谊。

Like, I'd feel good for five minutes and then all of a sudden, I start worrying about something at work or my relationships or my friendship.

所以就像你的身体不知道如何活在当下，因为它总觉得必须保持警惕，以防有什么坏事发生。

And so it's like your body just doesn't know how to be, like, in the moment because it just thinks that it has to be on guard for, like, something bad to happen.

而且它已经习惯了那种状态。

And it's just become familiar with that.

所以关键是要重新教会自己，快乐是一种新的安全状态。

And so it's really about, like, re teaching yourself that like being joyful is a new place of safety.

所以我觉得一旦你把这看作是一种神经系统反应，而不是你的人格缺陷，你就不会为此感到羞耻了。

And so I think that once you kind of see this as a nervous system response then rather than you having like a personality flaw, then you lose any shame around it.

因为我以前总是想，天哪，我到底怎么了？

Because I used to think, like, oh god, like, what's wrong with me?

为什么我就是不能开心呢？

Like, why can't I just be happy?

但实际上，不是这样的。

But actually, was like, no.

这不是我个人的问题。

This isn't like a me thing.

而是……

It's...

我本身没有问题。

There's nothing wrong with me.

只是我从来没有学会如何进入那种平静的状态。

It's just that I never learned how to, like, be in that calm state.

所以我想让大家也提醒自己，把那份热情带给自己。

And so I want you to all remind yourself and bring yourself that passion as well.

现在我想讨论一下，为什么这一切都很重要？

I wanna now just discuss, like, why does this all matter?

比如说，为什么我们对快乐有这种反应很重要呢？

Like, why does it matter that we have this, like, response to joy?

嗯，这很重要，因为当我们总是准备着事情会出错时，我们就无法完全活在当下。

Well, it matters because when we're constantly bracing for something to go wrong, we can never fully be present.

活在当下才是快乐真正所在的地方。

Being present is where joy actually lives.

所以，当我们真正在当下，比如在公园陪孩子玩，或者去散步享受凉爽，或者吃一顿好饭，或者看最喜欢的节目时，如果我们想着别的事情，想着会出什么差错，我们就无法真正享受那些时刻。

So, like, when we're actually in the moment, you know, when we're at the park with our children or when we're going for a nice cold walk or when we're eating a good meal or when we're watching our favorite show, like, we can't really enjoy those moments if we're thinking about something else, thinking about what's gonna go wrong.

但当我们真正投入其中，活在当下时，我们才能真正吸收那些简单时刻带给我们的快乐。

But when we are, when we're in it, when we're present in it, we can actually soak up the joy that those simple moments really bring us.

所以，预测痛苦并不能真正保护你。

So you're actually not protecting yourself by predicting pain.

预测事情会出错并不能保护你，即使你可能觉得自己在保护自己。

You're not protecting yourself by predicting something's going wrong even though you might think you are.

你真正保护自己的方式，是学会在不确定性出现时调节自己的情绪。

You actually protect yourself by learning how to regulate yourself when that uncertainty shows up.

所以我要给你四个步骤，教你如何不再破坏那些快乐的时刻。

So I'm gonna give you four steps on how to stop sabotaging happy moments.

好的。

Okay.

第一步很简单，就是说出正在发生的事情。

So step one is simply to just, like, name what's happening.

不要告诉自己“我只是现实一点”、“我只是保护自己不受失望”，而是直接对自己说：“我觉得不安全，因为一切都太平静了。”

So instead of telling yourself, I'm just being realistic, I'm just protecting myself from disappointment, I want you to just say to yourself, I'm feeling unsafe because things are calm.

我觉得不安全，因为一切都太平静了。

I'm feeling unsafe because things are calm.

因为说出它就能创造空间，而空间能减少恐惧。

Because naming it can create space and then that space reduces fear.

第二步，练习沉浸在快乐中。

Step two, practice sitting in joy.

好的。

Okay.

所以当好事发生时，我希望你注意到那种急于往前冲或寻找威胁的冲动，然后温柔地提醒自己：我现在不需要决定或思考接下来会发生什么。

So when something good happens, I want you to notice the urge to rush ahead or scan for threats and gently remind yourself, I don't need to decide or think about what happens next right now.

明白吗？

Okay?

所以就让这一刻存在，沉浸其中，待在那个时刻里，把它变成一种练习，比如想想你今天剩下的时间。

So just let the moment exist, be in it, be in that moment, and and make it a practice, a practice of like like, think about the rest of your day today.

听完这期节目后，我希望你去给自己泡杯茶。

After you listen to this episode, I want you to, you know, maybe go make yourself a cup of tea.

然后我希望你只是专注于那个时刻，想想它有多好喝，闻起来是什么味道，这就是你练习活在当下的方式。

And I want you to just be present in that moment and think about how good it tastes, what it smells like, and that is how you sort of practice being in the moment.

所以你可以用你做的每件事来练习，比如去洗个热水澡，穿上舒服的睡衣，不管是什么，就待在那个时刻里。

So you can just practice it with everything that you're doing, like, when you go have a hot shower, you know, when you put your nice pajamas on, whatever it is, just be in that moment.

好的。

Okay.

第三步是把直觉和恐惧分开。

Step three is separate intuition from fear.

所以问问自己，这个想法是让你感到平静踏实，还是让你感到紧迫和失控？

So ask yourself, does this thought feel calm and grounded or is it urgent and spiraling?

紧迫感是恐惧。

Urgency is fear.

平静清晰是直觉。

Calm clarity is intuition.

然后第四步，就是提醒你的身体，你是安全的。

And then step four is just remind your body it's safe.

明白吗？

Okay?

其实，安全感并不是一种心态。

So safety is actually not a mindset.

它是一种身体上的体验。

It's a physical experience.

明白吗？

Okay?

所以你需要从身体上感到安全，这样才会向大脑传递安全的信号。

So you need to physically feel safe and that will send messages to your brain that it's safe.

所以放慢呼吸，感受双脚踩在地面上，让自己扎根于当下，因为你的身体需要的是证据，而不是逻辑。

So slow your breathing, feel your feet on the floor, and ground yourself in the present because your body needs proof, not logic.

明白吗？

K?

你的身体需要的是证据，而不是逻辑。

Your body needs proof, not logic.

所以在这个时刻，你正在胡思乱想，光靠说服自己往往不管用，那还不够。

So in this moment, you're spiraling, talking yourself into it doesn't always work, it's not enough.

你的身体需要感受到安全，这就是为什么呼吸练习这类方法如此重要。

Your body needs to feel that it's safe and that's why breath work, things like that are so important.

好的。

Okay.

所以这四步就是：说出正在发生的事，练习沉浸在喜悦中，区分直觉和恐惧，以及提醒你的身体它是安全的。

So those four steps, name what's happening, practice sitting in joy, separate intuition from fear, and remind your body it is safe.

最后我想提醒大家，幸福不需要你去捍卫，而是需要你去允许它存在。

Now, I just wanna kind of end with a reminder that happiness does not need defending, it needs allowing.

明白吗？

Okay?

你需要给幸福留出空间，让它存在。

You need to allow happiness space to exist.

所以，你不必为了配得上好事而提前做好承受冲击的准备。

And so you do not need to brace for impact to deserve good things.

而且我有时候也会提醒自己，嘿，我是靠自己的努力才走到今天这个好位置的。

And I also sometimes like to remind myself that, like, hey, I did the work to get myself to this good place.

这是我应得的。

I deserve this.

我付出了很多努力才走到这里。

I worked really hard to get here.

这不是偶然或运气，而且我对接下来发生的事情确实有掌控力。

It wasn't by chance or luck, And I do have agency over what happens next.

希望这能帮到你。

I hope this helped.

其实，重新聊起这个话题，对我自己也有帮助。

It helped me, actually, just talking about it again.

我就觉得……

I'm like...

提醒了我，神经系统调节真的很重要。

Just reminded me that, like, nervous system regulation is so important.

所以，非常感谢大家收听。

So, yeah, thank you all so so much for listening.

希望你们喜欢这一期节目。

I hope you enjoyed the episode.

如果喜欢的话，请一定要评论、分享、关注播客，并给它评分。

If you did, please, please do comment, share, follow the podcast, rate it.

这只需要你一分钟的时间，但对播客来说意义重大，能帮助我们继续成长，并为你带来更多有启发、有帮助的对话。

It takes one minute of your time, but makes such a difference to the podcast and how we can continue to keep growing it and bringing you hopefully inspiring and helpful conversations.

下次见。

See you next time.

拜拜。

Bye.