为什么你难以接受

Arao 原创播客。

Arao Original Podcast.

嗨，

Hi,

大家好。

guys.

欢迎回到 Risewithroxie 的又一期节目。

Welcome back to another episode of Risewithroxie.

首先，我真的想对大家说声非常感谢。

Firstly, I just wanna say thank you so much.

听到有这么多人喜欢这些单人节目，我真的很开心。

It is so lovely to hear how many of you are enjoying these solo episodes.

这对我来说意义重大，而且我也真的很喜欢录制这些节目。

It just really means a lot, and I honestly enjoy recording them so much.

我觉得能有一个地方分享我的想法和思考，真的太好了，如果你们愿意这么叫的话。

I feel like it's so great to have a space to kind of share my thoughts and musings, if you call them that.

所以如果你还有什么想让我聊的话题，随时告诉我们。

So if there is anything else you want me to cover, always do let us know.

你可以通过Instagram给我们发私信，或者发邮件到risewithroxie@bauermedia.co.uk。

You can send a DM to us on Instagram or drop us an email at risewithroxie@bauermedia.co.uk.

如果你也喜欢这个节目，一个很简单的方式就是在你收听的地方留言评论。

If you are liking it as well, a really easy way to let us know is to leave a comment wherever you're listening to it.

你们听得越多，我就越有动力继续做下去。

The more you listen, the more I can do them.

所以，谢谢你们。

So thank you.

如果你喜欢的话，别忘了点关注或订阅。

And if you are enjoying it, please don't forget to hit that follow or subscribe button.

这真的很有帮助。

It really does help.

在开始之前，还有最后一件事，我的现场演出将在5月9号和10号回到亚历山德拉宫。

And before we start, just one last thing is that my live shows are back at Alexandra Palace on May the ninth and tenth.

而且我们第一次在两天内办两场不同的演出。

And for the first time ever, we are doing two different shows in two days.

周六是“显化”主题的演出，周日是“自信”主题的演出。

So on a Saturday, we've got the Manifest show, and on a Sunday, we've got the Confidence show.

说实话，亚历山德拉宫的演出，我觉得我已经……

Honestly, the Alexandra Palace shows, I think I've done...

过去三年里我已经七次售罄了。

I've sold out seven times now over the last three years.

而且它们真的非常……

And they have been so...

我觉得，简直是我一年中最棒的时刻。

Are just, like, the best moment of my whole year, I think.

它们特别有吸引力。

They are so magnetic.

那种能量简直不可思议。

The energy is incredible.

而且这些演出时间很长。

And they're long shows.

每场大概三个半小时。

They're, like, three and a half hours each.

所以呢……

So there...

你离开时会带走大量信息、很多实用工具，以及彻底的思维转变。

You will leave with so much information, so many tools to use, a complete mindset shift.

我非常期待你们来参加。

I'm so excited for you guys to come.

你可以在我的简介里的链接或亚历山德拉宫网站上找到相关信息。

You can find it in the link in my bio or at Alexandra Palace website.

如果你两天都订票，也就是显化秀和自信秀，我强烈推荐，因为内容完全不同，使用代码ROXIEWKEND20可以享受票价八折优惠。

And if you book both days, the Manifest show and the Confidence show, which I highly recommend because there's completely different content, you get 20% off your ticket price using the code ROXIEWKEND20.

我们会在节目说明里附上亚历山德拉宫的链接，也会把优惠码写给你们。

And we will link in the show notes, the Alexandra Palace link, and we'll write the little code for you as well.

所以我等不及在那里见到你们了。

So I can't wait to see you there.

好的。

Okay.

行。

Alright.

抱歉。

Sorry.

我说得太久了。

I've gone on now.

我们开始正式内容吧。

Let's start with the actual episode.

这一集讲的是为什么你难以接受别人的给予。

This one is about why you struggle to receive.

比如接受赞美。

So this could be receiving compliments.

也可能是接受爱。

It could be receiving love.

也可能是接受金钱。

It could be receiving money.

也可能是接受别人的帮助。

It could be receiving help from others.

我觉得这个问题特别重要。

And I think it's such an important question.

而且特别有意思的是，今天早上我……

And it's so funny because actually this morning, I was...

我醒来的时候感觉特别不舒服。

I woke up feeling really unwell.

我现在时差反应很严重，而且肩膀还痉挛了。

I'm really jet lagged at the moment, and my shoulder had gone into spasm.

我不得不向韦德的爸爸沃尔夫求助。

And I had to ask Wade, Wolf's dad, for some help.

所以我就给他发了条短信，其实我……

And so I text him, and I actually...

发的时候，我心里特别不自在。

As I was doing it, I was like, I felt so uncomfortable about it.

就是不想开口向他求助。

Like, I didn't want to ask him for help.

倒不是因为他会拒绝。

And not because he would ever say no.

他其实人特别好。

Like, he is so lovely.

他总是很慷慨地主动帮忙。

Like, he would always offer his help so graciously.

但我发现，其实我很难接受别人的帮助，因为在我心里，我觉得自己没问题。

But I realized that, actually, I really struggled to receive help because in my head, I've got it.

我脑子里一直有个想法，就是我得特别独立，凡事靠自己。

I've got this idea in my head that I need to be really independent and self sufficient.

我知道很多男男女女都有同样的感受，就是很难接受别人的帮助。

And I know that loads of women and men feel exactly the same way where they struggle to receive help.

而且我们很难接受……

And we can struggle to receive...

你知道，就像我说的，可能是赞美、爱、金钱、支持。

You know, like I said, it could be compliments, love, money, support.

这真的很有意思，因为很多人很难接受这些，但同样也有很多人真的很想要更多这些东西。

And it's really interesting because so many of us struggle to receive it, but so many of us equally really want more of those things.

我们确实想要更多的成功。

We do want more success.

我们想要更多的富足。

We want more abundance.

我们想要更多的认可。

We want more recognition.

我们想要更健康的爱。

We want more healthy love.

我们希望生活中有更多支持我们、帮助我们的人。

We want more people in our lives who will support us and help us.

对，但当这些真的到来，或者进入我们的生活，或者我们有机会让它们进入生活时，我们反而会感到很不自在。

And, yeah, when it actually arrives or or enters our our lives or we have the opportunity for it to come into our lives, we can feel really uncomfortable about it.

所以如果发生这种情况，我们可能会回避、退缩、过度补偿，或者轻描淡写。

And so if that happens, we can end up deflecting, shrinking, overcompensating, or minimizing.

所以我今天想做的，就是深入探讨一下为什么会这样，从心理和生理两个层面，然后给你一些实用的方法来改变它。

And so what I wanted to do today is really unpack kind of why that happens, both psychologically and biologically, and then give you some practical steps to change it.

那我们先从为什么接受会让人不舒服开始吧。

So let's start with why receiving feels so uncomfortable.

我觉得接受让人不舒服的第一个原因是，当你接受比如赞美、成功或丰盛时，你基本上得承认自己身上有好的地方。

I guess the kind of first reason why receiving is uncomfortable is because when you receive, let's say, a compliment or success or abundance, you have to basically accept something good about yourself.

比如有人说：天哪，你今天看起来太棒了，对吧？

So if somebody says, oh my gosh, like you look amazing today, right?

然后你马上回答：哎呀，没有啦。

And you kind of instantly reply, oh no, I don't.

不不不，我看起来糟透了。

Oh no, I look like shit.

哎呀，别这么说。

Oh, no.

我……

I...

我今天头发乱糟糟的，这在我们英国特别常见。

My hair's a mess today, which is what most of us do especially in The UK.

有意思的是，我在美国问这个问题时，大家都说，不，我们

It's really funny because I asked this question in The US and people were like, no, we

不会那样做。

don't do that.

我就说，我们英国人肯定会的。

I was like, well, us Brits definitely do.

我们就是没法坦然接受夸奖，对吧？

We cannot take a compliment, right?

我们绝对会转移话题。

We absolutely deflect it.

而且这真的不只是谦虚。

And it's really not just modesty.

我觉得我们会想，哦，如果我接受了，那可能就显得我太自大了。

Like I think we can think, oh, like if I accept it, then maybe I'm being arrogant.

所以对我来说，说“不不，我没有”反而更像是一种谦虚。

And so it's actually more like modest for me to be like, no, no, I don't.

但实际上，我觉得这不是谦虚。

But actually, I don't think it is modesty.

我觉得这其实是一种自我保护。

I think what it is is protection.

因为如果有人夸你，你应该说的就是“谢谢”，然后让这句话真正在心里停留一下，但如果你这么做了，那就等于在向自己暗示你同意对方的看法，比如“也许我今天确实看起来不错”，对吧？

Because if you were to simply say what you should say when somebody gives you a compliment which is just thank you, you know, and let and actually let it like sink in, then it kind of signals to yourself that you are agreeing with that person like maybe I do look good today, right?

这真的会让人感觉很不容易。

And it can feel really hard.

所以，之所以觉得难，是因为如果你的内在自我形象还没有完全相信这一点，就会产生矛盾。

And so the reason that feels hard is because if your internal self image doesn't fully believe that yet, it creates tension.

比如说，假设你和朋友一起去上瑜伽课，对吧？

So for example, let's say that you go to yoga with a friend, okay?

课后，他们对你说，天哪，你真的很厉害，哇，你……

And after the class, they say to you, my god, you are so good actually, like, wow, you've...

你的体式或柔韧性让我印象深刻，但你自己并不觉得自己柔韧性好或擅长瑜伽之类的，那么如果你说，哦，非常感谢，内心就像在说，是的，我瑜伽很厉害。

Like I was so impressed by your poses or your flexibility and you don't feel that you are flexible or good at yoga or whatever it is, then if you were to say, oh, thank you so much, internally, it would be like you were saying, yeah, I am so good at yoga.

但如果你不相信，你觉得，不，不是这样的，我知道自己不行，那么接受赞美就会让你觉得别扭。

But if you don't believe that, if you think, no, that's not true, like I know I'm not, then it will feel weird for you to accept it.

关键是，如果你同意别人对你的赞美或好话，而内心却仍然有那种批判性的自我形象，或者有很多自我怀疑，那么接受赞美、认可或尊重，对你来说就不会感觉好。

The point is is like if you agree with somebody giving you a compliment or saying something nice to you, when internally, you still have this really like critical self image or you have a lot of self doubt, then it just is not gonna feel good for you to receive that compliment or to receive recognition or to receive respect.

这是因为一个心理学概念，叫做认知失调。

And this is because of this psychological concept which is called cognitive dissonance.

认知失调在我们谈论自我成长甚至显化时，经常会出现。

Now cognitive dissonance actually comes up a lot when we're talking about self development and even manifestation.

因为认知失调基本上就是当两种信念不一致时，我们感到的那种不适。

Because cognitive dissonance is basically the discomfort we feel when two beliefs don't match.

想象一下，你有一种信念，觉得自己不值得被爱，对吧？

Let's imagine that you have this belief that you are unlovable, right?

就是觉得如果别人真正了解你，他们就不会真的爱你。

That if somebody gets to know you, they're not gonna be able to really love you.

然后你遇到了一个人，可能开始约会，关系变得认真，他们告诉你，我爱你，爱你的全部。

And then you meet someone, maybe you start dating them and things begin to get serious and they tell you, I love you for like everything that you are.

我觉得你太棒了。

I think you are so incredible.

但如果你不相信这些，当你听到这些话时，就会产生这种不适感，这来自于认知失调，因为你听到的和你相信的不一致。

Well, if you don't believe that, then when you hear those words, it's going to create this discomfort that is coming from this cognitive dissonance because what you're hearing and what you believe do not match.

所以接下来发生的是，你的大脑基本上想要解决这种不一致。

And so what happens is your brain basically wants to resolve the mismatch.

我们的大脑总是在努力避免不适。

Our brain is constantly trying to avoid discomfort.

所以当大脑想要避开那种不适时，它会采取一两种方式来试图解决这个问题。

So when it's trying to avoid that discomfort, it's gonna do one or two things to try and resolve it.

要么它会尝试提升你的自我形象。

Either it's going to try and upgrade your self image.

你会试着对自己说，好吧，也许我可以开始用那种眼光看待自己。

So you're gonna try and like be like, okay, maybe I can start to see myself in that light.

但大多数人不会这么做。

But most of us don't do that.

大多数人会选择第二种方式，就是直接拒绝那个赞美，因为拒绝要容易得多。

Most of us do number two which is just reject the compliment because rejecting is a lot easier.

所以你可以假设，比如说，我们拿……

So you can just assume for example, let's take...

回到那个约会的例子。

Go back to that dating example.

我们可能会拒绝对方说的话，可能不相信，或者开始考验那个人，对吧？

We might reject what that person has said to us and we might not believe it or we might start testing that person, right?

我相信你们中有些听众知道，我年轻的时候也做过这种事。

And I'm sure some of you listening will know that I've done that in the past when I was younger.

我过去常常测试约会对象对我的爱，比如他们说的话是不是真心的？

Used to test the love of the people that dated me like, do they really mean what they say?

现在回头看，我明白了，那是因为我内心深处不相信自己值得被爱，所以我无法安心接受那份爱。

And actually now I can see it as this, this is because I didn't really believe I was lovable and so I couldn't sit in that love.

我无法接受它。

I couldn't accept it.

我无法接纳它。

I couldn't receive it.

所以我在潜意识里试图破坏它。

And so I tried really subconsciously to sabotage it.

我觉得这就是为什么接受别人的给予会让你感到如此脆弱，因为它本质上是在挑战你对自己的看法。

And I think that's why receiving things can make you feel so vulnerable because it's basically challenging what you believe about yourself.

换句话说，它是在挑战你的真实身份。

In other words, it's challenging your actual identity.

然后我觉得，接受为什么这么难，还有另一层原因，那就是控制感。

And then I suppose there's another layer to why receiving feels so hard, which is the control piece.

我觉得给予的感觉真的很棒。

So I think that giving feels really great.

给予确实让人感觉很好。

It feels really good to give.

我觉得这感觉好，一方面是因为做好事本身让人开心。

And I think it feels good both because it feels good to do good.

但另一方面，当你处于给予的一方时，某种程度上你是在掌控的，因为你在决定要提供什么、给予什么、或者付出什么。

But also because when you are in the kind of giving position, I suppose in some sense you are you are in control because you are deciding what you're offering or what you're giving or what you're putting out.

而接受则意味着是别人在选你。

Whereas receiving means somebody else is choosing you.

所以他们在赞美你。

So they're praising you.

他们在付你钱。

They're paying you.

他们在爱你。

They're loving you.

他们在支持你。

They're supporting you.

而被选中其实是很脆弱的，因为如果有人看重你，或者给了你什么东西，那他们也可能把它收回去。

And being chosen is really vulnerable because if somebody values you or give something to you, then they could take it away.

他们可能会撤回。

They could withdraw.

如果有人爱你，你可能会受伤。

If someone loves you, you could end up getting hurt.

如果有人付你很高的薪水，那你的工作表现可能会受到更多的评判。

If someone, you know, pays you really well, then you might be more judged for your work and how well you perform.

所以你的神经系统可能会因此开始想，好吧，也许缩小自己更安全，这样能保护自己。

And so your nervous system can in that sense then begin to think, okay, well it's maybe safer to shrink this because that will help me protect myself.

所以我们很难接受别人的给予是有道理的，对吧？因为如果我们不觉得自己很棒、很出色、很了不起，那么接受这些赞美就会让我们的大脑产生一种不适感，叫做认知失调。

So it makes sense, right, that we find it hard to receive because a, it's hard to receive and accept that we are great, wonderful, incredible if we don't believe we are those things because that's creating this discomfort in our brain called cognitive dissonance.

接受别人的给予也很难，因为这会让我们处于一个容易受伤的位置。

It's also hard to receive because it puts us in a vulnerable position.

因为如果我们从别人那里得到什么，那就意味着我们……

Because if we are receiving from someone else, then it means that we have...

我们把自己放在了一个可能被夺走的位置上。

We're putting ourselves in a position where it could be taken from us.

所以有些人会试图避开这种情况。

And so some people try to sort of like avoid that.

可能是在潜意识里，多半是在潜意识里，对吧，因为我们不想把自己置于可能受伤的境地。

Maybe subconsciously, most likely subconsciously, right, because we don't wanna put ourselves in that position where we might be hurt.

我们是在保护自己。

We're protecting ourselves.

再说一次，大脑的职责就是保护我们。

Again, the brain's job is to protect us.

让我们安全。

Keep us safe.

但还有另一个原因，这和神经系统有关。

But then there's another reason which is all about the nervous system.

所以我想让你回想一下你的成长方式和童年，因为如果你是在不稳定的环境中长大的，比如，你的父母或照顾者对待你的方式不稳定，比如说，我就是这样长大的。

So I want you to think about kind of the way that you grew up and your childhood because if you grew up with inconsistency, so for example, if your parents or caregivers were inconsistent in the way that they treated you, for example, that's definitely how I grew up.

要么是极端的愤怒和暴怒，要么是极端的爱。

It was either like extreme rage and anger or extreme love.

没有中间地带，而且非常反复无常。

There was like no in between and it was very volatile.

所以没有一致性。

So there was no consistency.

我从来不知道我会得到什么。

I never knew what I was gonna get.

或者如果你在充满批评的环境中长大，你知道，也许你的照顾者、老师、同伴经常贬低你，或者，你知道，这会严重影响你的自我形象，或者甚至你得到的是有条件的表扬。

Or if you grew up with a lot of criticism, you know, maybe your caregivers, teachers, peers put you down a lot or, you know, it would have really impacting your self image or perhaps you had even conditional praise.

我知道我有很多朋友，他们总是因为聪明或漂亮而受到表扬。

So I know I have lots of friends of mine who were always praised for being smart or always praised for being pretty.

其实，那同样具有伤害性，因为当他们长大后，他们的自我价值真的取决于他们觉得自己有多聪明或多漂亮。

And actually, that was just as damaging because when they were older, their worth was really determined by how smart they or beautiful they felt.

所以那也是一种伤害。

And so that was also damaging.

所以基本上，无论哪种成长环境，我们的神经系统学到的是保持高度警觉，基本上就是变得过度警觉。

And so basically, with with any of these kind of upbringings, what our nervous system learns is to stay really alert and so to become hyper vigilant basically.

所以当好事真的发生在我们身上时，当我们真的得到丰盛、爱、成功时，我们的身体并不能突然就放松下来，对吧？

And so when something good does happen to us, when we do receive abundance, love, success, it's not like our body can just suddenly relax into it, right?

我们不能突然就，哦，太好了。

We can't just suddenly be like, oh, great.

就像我现在有钱了，你知道，尤其是如果你以前没有过，比如，天哪，这太令人兴奋了。

Like I have money now, you know, especially if you've not had it before like, oh my god, this is so exciting.

我有钱了，或者我现在有了一段感情，或者你不能……

I've got money or I'm in a relationship now or you can't...

你不会就这么轻松地适应它。

You don't just kind of ease into it.

相反，你的大脑仍然处于高度警觉状态，所以它只是在扫描威胁。

Instead, your brain is still on high alert and so it's just scanning for threats.

所以就像你只是想把注意力集中在可能消极的事情上，或者可能意味着它会被夺走的事情上。

So it's like you just kind of like looking to like focus your attention on something that might be negative or that might mean it's going to be taken away.

所以，要真正接受，我们必须学会的是如何保持开放，能够在事情感觉良好的状态下放松，而不是准备迎接冲击。

So really to receive, what we have to learn is how to like basically stay open to things and to be able to relax in the state of things feeling good rather than like bracing for impact.

我们几周前做的那期节目里也稍微聊过这个，那期是关于如何不破坏你的幸福的。

And we spoke about this a bit in, you know, one of those episodes we did a few weeks ago, which was all about, like, how not to sabotage your happiness.

这个也跟那有关。

And this kind of, like, comes into this as well.

所以我们需要能够接受。

So we need to be able to receive.

我觉得这期节目之所以这么重要，其中一个原因是因为我教显化，我经常让人们遵循那七个显化步骤，这样他们就能接受。

And I think one of the reasons why I found this episode was so important is because, you know, I teach manifestation, and I'm constantly asking people to, you know, follow those seven steps to manifesting so that they can receive.

那最终就是它的本质。

That is really ultimately what it is.

所以我鼓励大家，朋友们，我希望你们能够接受。

So I'm encouraging people, guys, I want you to receive.

我希望你们能接受金钱、爱情、成功和丰盛。

I want you to receive money and love and success and abundance.

但我忘了，其实并不是每个人都已经准备好接受了。

But I forgot that actually not everybody is in a position to yet.

实际上，我们必须教导人们并提醒他们，他们值得接受，并且要让人们真正准备好、敞开心扉去接受，因为否则的话，是的，你可能会先接受，但之后你会破坏它或把它推开。

Actually, we have to teach people and remind people that they deserve to receive and get people really ready and open to receive because otherwise, will happen is, yeah, you might receive initially, but then you'll sabotage it or you'll push it away.

或者你不会接受，因为你离它太近了，因为你实际上没有意识到那些可能正在阻止你得到你想要的东西的事情。

Or you won't receive because you're too close to it because you actually haven't recognized all these things that might be going on that are stopping you from having the things that you want.

所以我认为理解我们为什么挣扎，然后找到一些方法来改变它，是非常重要的。

So I think it's really important to kind of like understand why we're struggling and then find some ways to change it.

这里有一些小建议，帮助你提升接受的能力。

So here is a few little tips to help you build your ability to receive.

好的。

Okay.

所以第一点是从微小的时刻开始。

So number one is to start with micro moments.

当有人赞美你的时候，实际上我在我的《显化》书里和我的工作坊里都教过这个工具。

So when somebody compliments you, and I actually do teach this tool in my Manifest books and in my workshop.

所以当有人给你赞美时，我希望你……

So when somebody gives you a compliment, I want you to and chat...

这是从今天开始给自己的一个挑战。

This is a challenge for yourself from today.

我希望你只是停下来。

I want you to just pause.

我希望你把它吸收进去。

I want you to take it in.

我希望你听清楚他们在说什么。

I want you to hear what they're saying.

然后我希望你

And then I want you

用那两个神奇的字来回应：谢谢。

to reply with those two magical words, thank you.

明白吗？

Okay?

就这样。

And then that's it.

我不

I don't

要你自贬。

want you to self deprecate.

我不想让你用玩笑来转移话题。

I don't want you to deflect it with a joke.

我只想让你说声谢谢，并且真正花点时间去接受它。

I just want you to say thank you and really take that moment to accept it.

然后我希望你注意之后身体里的感受。

And then I want you to actually notice how you feel in your body afterwards.

所以我想让你注意一下，这是否让你感到尴尬、紧张或者暴露。

So I want you to notice if that makes you feel awkward or tense or exposed.

然后我希望你就在那种感觉里停留三秒钟。

And I want you to just stay with that feeling for three seconds.

你可以就在心里想，

So you can literally just think,

好的。

okay.

我有点尴尬。

I feel a bit awkward.

然后就说出来。

And just name it.

承认那种感觉。

Just validate that feeling.

然后我希望你深呼吸，和那种感觉待上三秒钟。

And I want you to sit with it for three seconds just taking a deep breath.

在那一刻，你刚刚做的其实就是一次小型的暴露疗法。

And in that moment, what you have just done is basically a mini exposure therapy.

所以，你实际上是在通过那个小小的动作告诉自己，被重视是安全的。

And so you are basically teaching yourself in that tiny action, it is safe to be valued.

那就是你在那一刻教给你的神经系统的东西。

That's what you're teaching your nervous system in that moment.

如果你反复这样做，确保每次有人夸你的时候你都能做到，你就能真正建立起一种安全感，这会大大提升你接受赞美的能力。

And if you do this repeatedly, if you make sure that every time somebody compliments you, you can do this, you actually build a feeling of safety which is really going to help you in your ability to receive.

现在，我要说，这是我一直在用的一个工具。

Now, I'll say that this is the tool that I use all the time.

而且感觉特别好，因为，我能不能说，当你真心实意地赞美别人时——因为我觉得我们不会无缘无故地赞美别人，对吧？

And it feels so good because also, can I just say that when you're giving someone a compliment and you really mean it because I don't think we give compliments for no reason?

我们赞美别人是因为我们真心这么觉得，对吧？

We give compliments because we mean it, right?

当你赞美别人，而他们只是说，哦，不，我没有。

When you give someone a compliment and they just go, oh, no, I don't.

这真的很烦人，因为你会说，不，你确实有。

It's actually so annoying because then you're like, no, you do.

是不是说，如果对方只是说声谢谢，对给予赞美的人来说，体验其实更好。

Do you mean it's like, it's actually a nicer experience for the person giving the compliment if they just say, thank you.

你知道吗，

Like, do you know

我的意思？

what I mean?

就像，那是一个

Like it's a

美好的时刻，然后你可以冒险，如果觉得合适的话，也可以回赠一句赞美。

nice moment and then just risk, you know, maybe give a compliment back as well if it feels right.

所以……

So...

所以，对你来说，这其实是一种微型的暴露疗法，只需要接受赞美并说声谢谢。

So that is a kind of micro exposure therapy for you by simply receiving and saying thank you to compliments.

第二个工具是真正抓住旧剧本。

The second tool is to really catch the old script.

所以当好事发生在你身上时，比如你得到了认可，或者你加薪了，或者你收到了伴侣的爱。

So after something good happens to you, so maybe you receive recognition, maybe you receive pay rise, or you receive, you know, love from a partner.

不管是什么，我希望你只是注意随之而来的那个声音，因为你的内心可能会对你说，这不会持续太久。

Whatever it is, I want you to simply just notice the voice that follows it because your your inner voice might kind of say to you, this won't last.

他们不是真心的。

They don't mean it.

我只是运气好。

I just got lucky.

一切都在走下坡路。

It's going down.

这其实只是你旧身份的声音，那个试图保持一致的旧你，因为我们的大脑喜欢一致性和熟悉感。

And this is really just the voice of your old identity, the old you trying to stay consistent because our brain loves consistency and familiarity.

所以与其对抗它，我只想让你对自己说，那是旧剧本。

So instead of fighting it, I just want you to say to yourself, that is the old script.

所以你真的需要非常非常地自我觉察，而且你知道，觉察真的是任何改变的起点。

So you have to be really really sort of self aware and you know, awareness really is the kind of like starting point of any change.

所以我只是希望你去注意你对自己讲的那些故事，然后注意到它，然后就说那是

So I just want you to notice what is the stories you're telling yourself and then notice it and then just say that is the

旧剧本。

old script.

然后如果可以的话，选择一个新剧本，

And then if you can, choose a new script,

比如选择一个新的故事来告诉自己，你知道的。

like choose a new story to tell yourself, you know.

你可以只是

You can just kind

对自己说，我会相信这个人说的是真心话，

of say to yourself, I'm gonna trust that this person is saying what they mean,

你知道的。

you know.

你完全可以反过来改写这个剧本，跟你内心批评的声音完全相反。

Just you can literally flip the script to be the complete opposite of what your inner critic is trying

它想告诉你的那些话。

to tell you.

如果你能做到这一点，

And if

我想你会惊讶地发现，那种压抑的感觉能这么快就过去。

you can do that, I think you'll be shocked by how quickly you can let that kind of like overwhelming feeling just pass.

而且实际上，你会更能坦然面对它。

And actually, you'll be so much more able to just like sit in it.

第三个工具是，为新的自我形象积累证据。

The third tool is to build evidence for a new self image.

这样你的大脑就能通过证据来更新它的自我认同。

So your brain can essentially update its identity through evidence.

所以，我希望你开始收集证据。

So I want you to start collecting proof.

所以，我希望你找一本日记本，或者用手机里的备忘录，把别人对你的赞美、你得到的正面反馈、有人选择你的时刻、有人支持你的时刻、你遇到丰盛的时刻、宇宙给你的馈赠，都记下来。

So I want you to find like a journal or perhaps use the notes app in your phone and I want you to write down any compliments you receive, any positive feedback you get, the time someone chooses you, the time someone supports you, the time, you know, abundance is presented to you, times the universe gives to you.

我希望你写下来，这不是说你自恋，对吧？

And I want you to write it down and this isn't you like being egotistical, right?

把自己的自信写下来，并不是自恋。

Writing down all your confidence is not egotistical.

这是在帮助自己重新调整思维方式。

It's you helping yourself to rewire your thinking.

你的大脑看到的证据越多，就越能证明你是有价值的、有能力的，它就越不会拒绝那些美好的事物。

And the more evidence that your brain sees that you are valued and that you are capable, the less it's gonna reject those good things.

也就是说，你会更容易接受这些美好的东西。

Meaning, it will be easier for you to receive.

第四个建议是，不要急着马上回报。

The fourth tip is to stop immediately repaying.

我觉得这个特别有意思，因为我以前就经常这样做，我很想知道你们有多少人也是这样。

I think this is so interesting, this one, because I definitely used to do that this, and I'd be so interested to see how many of you did.

但我以前总觉得，好像没人喜欢我，尤其是女性。

But I always used to find because I I believed that like nobody liked me but especially women.

所以我交朋友特别困难。

So I really struggled to make friends.

我在学校被欺负得很厉害。

I was really badly bullied at school.

所以我就以为所有女性都讨厌我。

And so I just assumed that all women hated me.

当有人对我好或者表现出一点善意时，我就觉得必须加倍回报，因为我会想，天哪，他们居然对我这么好，我太感激了，结果就过度补偿了。

And when someone would be nice to me or show me any sign kind of kindness, I felt like I had to over deliver kindness in response because I was like, oh my god, I can't believe they've been nice to me and I was so grateful for it that I kind of overcompensated in the other direction.

但实际上，那并不是来自一个健康的心态。

But actually, that wasn't really coming from a healthy place.

那是源于一种觉得自己不够好的感觉，如果别人对我好，我就得十倍奉还，才能让自己觉得心安，对吧？

It was it was coming from a feeling that like I wasn't enough as I was and if they were nice to me, I had to give that back like 10 times more just to like for it to feel okay, right?

比如说，有人帮了我们，我们就急着去过度回报。

So let's say somebody, you know, helps us in some way, we kind of rush to overcompensate in return.

而且，这其实也是因为不舒服。

And actually, again, that is coming from discomfort.

这可能是源于一种觉得自己不够好的信念，就像我刚才提到的我自己的情况。

It's coming from perhaps this like belief that you're not enough as you are as I just mentioned that I had.

所以，我希望你们做的是，当你们收到什么的时候，就让它存在，不要急着去还人情，好吗？

And so what I would love you all to do is actually just when you receive something, just try to let it exist without trying to even the score, right?

因为你们完全可以接受，而不必立刻去恢复平衡。

Because you are allowed to receive without restoring balance immediately.

而且我觉得，这并不是说不要对别人好。

And I think that this isn't about not doing something nice back to people.

当然可以，也应该。

Of course you can and should.

但关键是要确保出发点是正确的，因为如果你只是因为接受别人东西而感到内疚才去回报，那我觉得就不健康了。

But it's making sure the intention is from the right place because if you're just doing it back because you have this like underlying guilt of being given anything, that's when I don't think it's healthy.

它应该来自一个非常真诚的地方，比如，哇，这真好，我也想这样回报你。

It should come from this really authentic place of like, oh, that's lovely and like I want to do that in return.

但要确保你是出于那种心意，而不是因为‘天哪，我必须这么做，因为我得扯平’，那种来自自我怀疑的心态。

But make sure it's coming from that place and not from, oh my gosh, I have to do this thing because like I have to even the score and it's coming from this like self doubt.

我想说的是，当你正被低自我价值感困扰时，这个练习非常重要。

And what I would say is that while you're suffering from low self worth, this practice is really important.

所以你可以付出，可以回报，但我希望你能暂停一下，不要形成那种直接的条件反射。

So you can deliver, you can give back but I want you to pause it so it's not this kind of like direct link.

也就是说，不要一收到就立刻回报，否则你无法打破这个模式，也无法改变你的信念。

So it's not receive, then immediately repay because otherwise, you won't be able to break the pattern of it and you won't be able to change what you believe.

所以哪怕只是暂停一下，先接受它，收下它，然后花点时间，一天，两天。

And so even if you just take a pause, like accept it, receive it, and then take a moment, take a day, take two days.

然后如果你愿意，因为你觉得‘那真的太贴心了，我想回报’，那就去做。

And then if you wanna, like, give back because you feel like, actually, like, that was so kind and I wanna give back, do it then.

但不要是那种条件反射式的反应，因为那会让你困在循环里。

But not as this knee jerk reaction reaction because that's keeping you stuck in the loop.

好的。

Okay.

下一个建议是，在行动之前先调节自己。

The next tip is about regulating before you act.

所以，如果接受礼物会引发那种不适感，我们之前也聊过神经系统，我希望你先调节好自己的状态。

So if receiving is sort of triggering that discomfort, and we've talked about the nervous system, I want you to basically just regulate yourself first.

就是慢慢吸气，长长呼气，感受脚踩在地板上，让自己落地。

So slow inhales, long exhales, feeling your feet on the floor, grounding yourself.

尽你所能去激活副交感神经系统，这个系统能帮助你休息和消化。

Just doing what you can essentially to activate the parasympathetic nervous system which helps you to rest and digest.

而且这个神经系统还能让你感到安全。

And it also is this nervous system that helps you to feel safe.

这真的很有用，因为我们的身体和心灵是紧密相连的。

And this is really helpful again because our body and mind are so interlinked.

所以当你的身体感到安全时，你的大脑就会知道不需要拒绝这份好意。

So when your body feels safe, then your mind will know it doesn't need to reject this good thing.

这不是……

It's not...

你不需要保持高度警惕。

You don't need to be on high alert.

你可以慢慢放松，享受被关爱和美好的感觉。

You can just ease in to the comfort of receiving and and the feeling good.

这其实是一个生理层面的问题。

And this is really like a biological thing.

不仅仅是心态上的问题。

It's not just a mindset thing.

所以我们可以通过调节身体状态来让大脑感到安全，这真的能骗过大脑。

So we really can trick our brains by using our physiology to feel safe.

另一个建议是，学会容忍那些不熟悉的美好。

Another tip is essentially to tolerate unfamiliar goodness.

有时候，美好的事物让人不舒服，仅仅是因为它们是新事物。

So sometimes good things feel uncomfortable simply because they're new.

我刚才也说过，我们的大脑在熟悉的环境中感觉最舒服。

And I just said then that our brain really feels best when things are familiar.

那时候才感觉最安全。

That's when it feels safest.

所以如果你习惯了混乱，那么平静就会让你觉得无聊。

And so if you're used to chaos, then calm is gonna feel boring.

如果你习惯了收费过低，那么公平的报酬就会让你觉得太多了。

If you're used to undercharging, fair pay is gonna feel excessive.

如果你习惯了追别人，那么被选中就会让你觉得奇怪。

If you're used to chasing someone, then being chosen is gonna feel strange.

所以我想让你不断问自己：这是不安全，还是只是不熟悉？

And so I want you to just kind of keep asking yourself, is this unsafe or is it just unfamiliar?

很多时候，其实只是不熟悉而已。

And very often, it's just that it's unfamiliar.

所以给事情一些时间，让自己安于拥有和接受的状态。

So give things time and allow yourself to sit in the having, in the receiving.

最后一条建议，第七条，就是把“我配得上这个吗？”换成“我能允许这个吗？”

And then the last tip, tip number seven is to replace, do I deserve this with can I allow this?

所以当我们问自己是否配得上的时候，这暗示着我们需要对自己进行评判，而允许自己接受则只是关于开放心态。

So when we ask if we deserve something, it implies that there's a judgment of us that needs to happen whereas allowing it is just about openness.

我觉得这真的很重要，因为当我们想到接受的时候，你知道，接受上的障碍并不是关于我们的能力。

And I think that that's really important because when we think about receiving, you know, receiving blocks aren't about our ability.

这并不关乎我们有多大的能力去拥有这个东西。

It's not about being like how able we are to have this thing.

这关乎于我们是否允许自己。

It's about giving ourselves permission.

所以给自己这样一个时刻，停下来，然后对自己说，让我允许这一切进来。

And so giving yourself just this kind of moment to just stop and be like, let me allow this in.

所以希望这些建议对你有帮助。

So I hope those tips helped.

而且我觉得这真的提醒你，你之所以难以接受，并不是因为你没有能力去把握它。

And I think it's just really a reminder that you are not struggling to receive because you're not capable of like holding on to it.

你之所以挣扎，只是因为你的自我形象和你的神经系统还没有完全跟上你的成长步伐。

You're just struggling because your self image and your nervous system just haven't fully caught up to your expansion yet.

我希望你把接受看作是一种肌肉。

And I want you to think of receiving like a muscle.

每次你允许好的事情存在，你就会强化那块肌肉。

And every time you allow something good to just like exist and be, then you will strengthen that muscle.

你会让自己变得更加开放。

And you will make yourself more open.

当你变得更开放时，宇宙就能给你带来更多。

And in becoming more open, the universe is going to be able to deliver so much more to you.

这是一个很棒的方法，能帮你加速显化的旅程。

This is such a great technique for you to power up your manifesting journey.

朋友们，非常感谢你们的收听。

Guys, thank you so much for listening.

请告诉我们你对这集的看法，送上满满的爱。

Do let us know what you thought of the episode, and sending you so much love.

祝你们度过美好的一天。

A wonderful day ahead.

祝你睡个好觉，

Wonderful sleep if

如果你是在晚上听这个的话。

you're listening to this at night.

我们很快再聊。

Speak to you soon.

再见。

Bye.