50天蜕变之旅

讨论让世界运转不息。

Discussion keeps the world turning.

这里是圆桌会议。您正在收听的是圆桌会议。我是史蒂夫，今天和我一起的是Yushin和Yushan。接下来，您是否喜欢互联网告诉您如何成为一个更好的人？好吧，这种情况又发生了。

This is Roundtable. You're tuned in to Roundtable. My name is Steve, and today I'm with Yushin and Yushan. Coming up, don't you just love it when the internet tells you how to be a better person? Well, it's happened again.

互联网上有一个新的病毒式趋势，承诺在短短五十天内重置您的生活。不到两个月的时间。您可以在年底前完成，而您需要做的只是遵循七个简单的规则。请继续收听，看看您是否认为自己能够遵循它们。之后，哇，您的新发型看起来太棒了，或者那件毛衣真的衬托出您眼睛的颜色，或者当然，真希望能参加您的派对。

There's a new viral trend on that internet that promises to reset your life in just fifty days. That's less than two months. You could do it before the end of the year and all you have to do is follow seven simple rules. Stick around to see if you think you can follow them. After that, wow, your new haircut looks so amazing or that sweater really brings out the color in your eyes or of course, wish I could go to your party.

善意的谎言是无害的。是吗？再想想，它们可能比您意识到的更有害。我们的播客听众可以在Apple Podcasts上找到我们，搜索圆桌会议中国。别忘了，我们经常说。

Little white lies are harmless. Yes? Think again, they could be doing more harm than you realize. Our podcast listeners can find us at Roundtable China on Apple Podcasts. And don't forget, we say it all the time.

我们喜欢听到您的声音。所以请将您的语音笔记发送给我们，分享您对我们节目中讨论的任何问题的看法。方法如下：发送至qq.com的圆桌会议播客。再次强调，qq.com的圆桌会议播客。

We love hearing your voice. So send your voice notes our way with your thoughts on any of the issues that we discuss on the show. Here's how you do it. Roundtable podcast at qq.com. Once again, roundtable podcast at qq.com.

而现在，时不时地，一种仪式从互联网的喧嚣中浮现，低语着重生的可能。这一次是关于五十天，一段据说能重新调整生活本身的时间跨度。然而，承诺不在于细节，而在于摆脱旧习惯、步入更明亮、更干净、更完整的理念。它带着古老实践的魅力，披着现代语言的外衣，可以说是一次为不安灵魂的朝圣。然而，即使在数着日子的时候，人们不禁会想，真正的转变是在仪式本身，还是在于相信这样的转变是可能的。

And now, every so often, a ritual rises from the noise of the Internet, whispers of renewal. This one speaks of fifty days, a measured span of time said to realign life itself. The promise though is not in the details, but in the idea of shedding old habits and stepping into something brighter, cleaner, and more complete. It carries the allure of ancient practice dressed in modern language, a pilgrimage, if you will, for the restless spirit. Yet even as the days are counted, one cannot help but wonder whether the true transformation lies in the ritual itself or in the belief that such a transformation is possible at all.

改变很难，但我们有七个规则让我们变得更好。我们能做到还是不能？我们将揭晓答案。那么，这个生活重置挑战到底是什么？

Change is hard, but we have seven rules to make us better. Can we do it or can we not? We will find out. So what exactly is this life reset challenge?

其实，这最初是TikTok和Instagram上兴起的一股社交媒体潮流，人们开始称之为‘2025大闭关’。如今它已不仅限于美国，在中国也势头渐猛，许多人将其视为一股全新的灵感浪潮。如果你对Z世代俚语不太熟悉，‘闭关’听起来可能有点神秘，但本质上它指的是进入一种绝对专注的状态。

Well, it actually started as a social media trend on TikTok and Instagram, and people started calling it the great lock in of twenty twenty five. And now it's not just in The US anymore. It's been picking up momentum in China too, and a lot of folks are just treating it as a a fresh wave of inspire inspiration. And now if you're not totally fluent in Gen z slang, lock in might sound a little mysterious, but basically, it means entering a zone of absolute focus.

对，就是百分之一千地专注于你的目标。

Yeah. Right. To mean focus 1000% on your goal

没错。

Yeah.

然后坚持这样做直到完成。好了，我们就不卖关子了，这些能改变我们生活的神奇步骤到底是什么？

And do that until you're until you're finished. Yeah. Alright. So let's not bury the lead any longer. What are these magical steps that will change our lives?

嗯，其中有...这里有七条简单法则：早上8点前起床，进行一小时锻炼，花一小时做无干扰的晨间活动。

Well, some of the yeah. There are seven simple rules here. Wake up before 8AM. Do one hour of exercise. Spend one hour on a distraction free morning activity.

嗯。阅读10页书籍，学习一项新技能一小时，健康饮食并每天记录进展。

Mhmm. Read 10 pages of a book. Well, I let that. Learn a new skill for one hour. Eat healthily and track your progress every day.

所以你必须连续五十天完成这七件事。

So you have to do all of these seven things for fifty days.

连续天数。总计。是的。从9月1日到12月31日。

Days straight. Total. Yeah. From September 1 through December 31.

如果你从9月1日开始的话。

If you started on September 1.

举个例子。是的。

For example. Yeah.

不过有个陷阱。什么陷阱？

There's a catch though. What's the catch?

比如说，在这五十天挑战期间的任何一天，哪怕你漏掉了其中一个步骤，你就得从第一天重新开始。

If, let's say, you miss even one of these steps on one of those days during the fifty day challenge, you've got to restart from day one.

所以如果你做到了。我完成了一小时锻炼。是的。我进行了一小时无干扰的晨间活动。还读了10页书。

So if you yes. I did my one hour of exercise. Yes. I did my one hour of distraction free morning activity. I also read 10 pages.

我花一小时学习了一项新技能。今天吃了健康餐，其实是三顿健康餐，并且记录了我所有的进展，但我早上9点才起床而不是8点。这意味着明天，你又得从第一天重新开始。

I learned a new skill for an hour. I ate a healthy meal today, actually three healthy meals today, and I wrote down all my progress, but I woke up at 9AM instead of 8AM. This means tomorrow, you start from day one once again.

如果你严格遵循这一点，没错，情况就是这样。

If you're religiously following this, yes. That's the case.

而且，这是一个为期五十天的挑战。如果你按照我刚才说的全部做了，包括在第47天晚起一小时，根据这个标准，你就得回到第一天重新开始。

And also, this is a fifty day challenge. If you did everything I just said, including waking up one hour late on day 47, by this standard, you go back to day one.

确实如此。

That's true.

好的。但如果你成功完成了不同的天数或全部那五十天，并且完成了所有那七条规则，那么你应该会比之前的自己有所提升。

Okay. But if you do successfully complete the different days or all of those different days, the fifty days, and you complete all of those seven rules, then you're supposed to be a leveled up person from where you are before.

你知道这让我想起什么吗？以前我上大学的时候，甚至更早，在高中时，就有很多类似的活动，但没这么严苛和残酷。比如六十天内读完一本书，你点击链接，完成规定的阅读部分。系统通常与微信或其他社交媒体绑定，就会记录那天为一个标记。六十天后，你可能会得到一个小奖品，或者那本书的实体版。

You know what this sounds like to me? Back then, when I was in college, if not earlier, back in high school, there used to be a lot of similar activities, but not as harsh and brutal, I'll say. There used to be like, finish a book in sixty days that kind of you you tap into a link and finish the part you are kind of required to read. And then the system normally attached to WeChat or whatever social media you're using will just count that day as one tick. And then sixty days later, you're probably going to get a little prize or a practical, like physical copy of that book you're reading.

应用程序会帮你记录进度。

The app take takes care of the progress for you.

是的。记录进度并在完成后给你一些小奖励。这在2015年左右相当流行。而现在，我们看到了升级版。

Yeah. Takes care of the progress and gives you grants you little awards afterwards. So that's that was quite popular back then around twenty fifteen ish, shall say. And nowadays, we see the upgraded version.

是的。这个，这个有点，这个我觉得稍微难一点。

Yeah. This is this is a little this is a little bit more difficult, I think.

这对自律性是个挑战。

This is challenging on self discipline.

当然，当你需要在特定时间起床时，听起来确实挺难的。但让我们回想之前讨论过的另一个话题——75天硬核挑战。对吧？人们必须完成一定量的锻炼、摄入足够蛋白质之类的。而且他们也有那种要求。

This of course, it sounds quite difficult when you have a certain, like, time that you need to wake up. But when let let's think about another topic that we had discussed before, the 75 hard challenge. Right? We people have to do a certain amount of workout exercises, enough protein, something like that. And, also, they have that requirement.

如果错过一天，就要从第一天重新开始，就是这类规则。

If you miss one day, you restart from day one, that kind of thing.

那这个挑战有什么不同呢？因为75天硬核挑战，我记得还有个叫冬季弧的挑战对吧？那些也都是要求你在固定时间段遵循严格作息，目标同样是提升自我或改善生活。那这次的区别在哪里呢？

The the what's different about this one then, though? Because that 75 hard, and I think there was another one called winter arc. Right? Those were also things that were where you had to follow a strict routine for a set period of time, and the goal was the same, to improve yourself or improve your life. So what's difference what's the difference here then?

之前那些挑战，比如75天硬核和冬季弧，更偏向让你达成运动健身或健康目标。但这次我们讨论的挑战鼓励参与者选择对他们真正重要的目标——因为在某些要求里，我们看到'无干扰晨间活动'，它不限定具体内容。可以是你的兴趣所在，也可以是你当前追求的事物。所以这应该是真正对你有意义的事，无论是学习新技能、运营社交媒体账号涨粉，还是完成个人项目之类的。

Back then, all of the both of these challenges like 75 hard and wint are, they are more likely make you have a exercise or fitness or health goals. But in this one, we're talking about participants are encouraged to choose the goals that truly matter to them because in some requirements, we can see a distraction free morning activity. They are not limiting any specific activities. It can be something that you're interested in, It can be something that you are, like, chasing in in this time. So that should be something that truly matter to you, whether that's learning a new skill or just getting a social media account and getting popular or finishing a personal project, that's something like that.

哦，所以这种个人自由会让动力更容易维持，因为这是关于你生活和优先事项的选择，不是千篇一律的固定流程。

Oh. So this kind of personal freedom makes it easier to make you motivated because it's about your life and your priorities, not a one size fits all routine.

是的。所以这个方案更具灵活性。我想这也跟一年中的这个时段有关，对吧？因为每当人们从1月1日开始，都会说

Yeah. So there is more flexibility Yeah. In this one. I guess this is the time of year too, isn't it? Because when people start January 1, everybody says

我们有一整年可以努力奋斗。

We have a one year to work hard on.

哦，我要每天健身三小时。我只吃生菜和苹果。就这样。我还要每天读一小时书。所有这些宏伟目标。

Oh, I'm gonna be in the gym three hours a day. I'm only gonna eat lettuce and apples. That's it. I'm going to read a book an hour. All of these grand goals.

但当我们到了...我们并不会消极思考，直到夏天临近，对吧？可当夏天真的来临时，我们又容易被分心，因为天气炎热阳光明媚，我们想去旅行、去海滩什么的，就渐渐忘了追踪年初定下的目标。等到夏天结束进入秋季，人们才突然反应过来：等等，我当初的计划...现在完成得怎么样了？

But when we get and we and we think we don't think negatively until we start to get to the summertime, right? But then when summertime comes, we're kind of distracted because it's hot and sunny and we wanna travel and go to the beach and stuff, so we kind of forget how to track our progress from the beginning of the year. But then when summer finishes, we get into fall, then people's brains go, oh, yeah. Wait. What was I how am I doing?

哦，不太理想啊。

Oh, not so well.

已经过去半年了。

It's been half of the year.

是啊。大半年都过去了。

Yeah. It's been more than half of the year.

而且，九月不仅对学生，对成年人也散发着一种魔力。因为通常在中国，9月1日是学生返校的日子。这几乎激励着所有人，包括成年人，觉得这也是你人生篇章的新学期。

And also, September's got that magic vibe for not only students, but also adults too. Because usually on September 1, at least here in China, is when students go back to school. And it almost inspires people, adults included, that it's a new semester for your chapter of life as well.

没错，时机刚好。你完全说出了我的心声。对大脑而言，即使你觉得在九月前可能没怎么实现新年决心，你仍会觉得还有时间。

Yeah. So for too late. Exactly. You took the words out of my mouth. So for your brain, even if you feel like you haven't really done a great job with your resolutions up until maybe September, you still feel like you have time.

事实上你确实还有时间。而且这个挑战，我认为相比'75天硬核挑战'和'冬季进阶计划'——那些可能更针对年轻人，对吧？极端健身目标——但这个挑战对所有年龄段都显得相当合理。

And the truth is you do still have time. And this one too, I think, is easier for I'm not sure. Maybe 75 hard and winter arc that those would have been focused perhaps more on on younger people. Right? Extreme fitness goals, but this one seems pretty reasonable for people of all ages.

是的。虽然起源于年轻社交媒体用户，但这些原则引起了各年龄段人群的共鸣，包括企业领导和高管们。年终的评审混乱、战略会议和来年规划都可能引发焦虑，而'锁定计划'提供了一种优先处理事务的方法，专注于年底对你真正重要的事，将不确定性转化为这五十天内具体可实现的行动。这个天数设定也很有趣。

Yeah. It started with young social media users, but this one these principles, they resonate with people of all ages and including business leaders and execute executives, leaderships. End of the year chaos with reviews, strategy meeting, and planning for the next year, these can all create anxiety, and the lock in approach gives you just a way to prioritize things, focus on what really matters for you at this point of the year, and translate uncertainty into concrete achievable action in those fifty days. And the the the number of days is kinda curious too.

为什么是五十天？

Why fifty?

因为根据中国科普主要传播平台的说法，五十天是习惯养成的黄金周期。

Because well, this is according to China Science Communication, which is a major science communication website saying that fifty days is the golden period for habit building.

嗯。

Mhmm.

那时候，据说养成一个习惯需要二十一天。二十一天？对，二十一天。你得坚持那么久，我可不相信执行起来那么容易。

And back then, there was like twenty one days for you to form a habit. Twenty one? Twenty one days. You have you do that I don't believe executive.

你看到史蒂夫脸上不赞同的表情了吗？

Did you see the disapproving facial expression from Steve?

现在他们把期限延长到五十天了。是啊，因为他们意识到二十一天确实不太合理。

Well, now they've extended it to fifty. Yeah. Yeah. Because they know twenty one isn't really reasonable.

时间足够打破旧习惯，又短到能避免倦怠。

Long enough to break the old routine, say, and short enough to avoid burnouts.

没错。那么这方法有效吗？

Yeah. Right. So does it work?

有些人觉得有帮助。比如很多网友加入各种小组，在新结识的伙伴那里获得责任感。我今天还和一位有类似经历的同事确认过，他说这些所谓的伙伴未必是你认识的人，可能只是和你目标一致的陌生人。

Some find it helpful. Many netizens, let's say, they joined the various groups and found accountability with their newly met partners. I was confirming with one of our colleagues earlier today who's had this kind of experience. And he said, not all of these partners, quote unquote partners, are someone you know. It can be absolute strangers with the same goal as you are.

当然还包括共同的目标和进步。所以'深度锁定'项目帮助人们明确真正重要的事，并允许你和伙伴们可持续地共同追求。参与者如凯蒂·格伦认为，这是聚焦有意义目标的方式——无论是跑马拉松、增长社交媒体粉丝，还是学习新技能，以结构化、有时间限制的方式完成这些简单的事。这些都是网络报道中的部分评论。

And, of course, shared purpose and progress too. So the Great Lock In projects, it helps people define what truly matters to them, of course, and give permission pursue it sustainably together with your pals. And participants like Katie Glenn sees it as a way to focus on meaningful goals, whether running a marathon, growing a social media following, or learning a new skill, something simple as that in a structured time bound way. So these are some of the comments from online reports.

但我想说，你或人们如何定义它是否有效？因为当你执行这类日常计划时，如果严格按每一项计划坚持执行，它当然会奏效。对吧？你已经坚持做了五十天这类事情了。嗯。

But I would say, how do you or how do people define whether it works or not? Because when you're doing these kind of routines, if you, like, strictly stick to every one of them to the plan, of course, it works. Right? You you've done a lot of these things for fifty days. Mhmm.

事实上你能完成这个计划本身，就已经带来一种成就感。

And the fact that you actually finish this plan is something that so that that has a sense of accomplishment.

是啊。对吧？没错。

Yeah. Right? Yeah.

所以当我们思考它是否有效时——我更倾向于说，与其纠结它是否应该或能否见效，我们首先该考虑的是何时开始行动。

So when we are thinking about whether it work whether I I I would say rather than think about should it work or whether it would work, we should just, first of all, think about when to start.

对。还有，你是否真的渴望——

Yeah. And also, do you really want

让它见效？你有多

it to work? How much do

需要它？你有多渴望这个目标？因为如果你真心想要，自然就能实现。嗯。在我们结束这次聊天前，请再重复一遍它们是什么？

you need it? How much do you want this? Because if you truly want it, of course, it's achievable. Mhmm. So what are they again just before we finish up this chat?

好的。假期即将开始，以下是如果你今天就要行动需要遵循的七条规则：早上八点或之前起床，每人一小时锻炼时间。同时，给自己预留一小时。

Okay. So here we go as we head into the holiday. Here are the seven rules you need to follow if you're gonna start today. Wake up at eight or before 8AM, one hour of exercise everyone. Also, give yourself an hour.

在你选择的晨间活动中不要分心。阅读十页书籍。每天花一小时学习新技能。假期期间别吃太多饺子。这是不允许的，你还得为自己做个小进度报告。

Don't be distracted during your morning activity of your choice. Read 10 pages of a book. Learn a new skill for one hour every single day. Don't eat too many dumplings during the holiday. That's not allowed, and you have to make a little progress report for yourself.

我建议现在就开始执行，但也建议等到假期结束后。给自己一点休息时间。没错。您正在收听《圆桌论坛》，我是史蒂夫。

I say go ahead and do this, but I also say wait until the holiday's finished. Give yourself a little break. Yes. You're listening to Roundtable. My name's Steve.

我和雨欣、雨珊在一起，接下来要讨论的是：无伤大雅的小谎言，直到它们不再无害为止。

I'm with Yushin and Yushan, and coming up little white lies are completely harmless until they aren't.

寻找激情？来场激烈辩论如何？想从多元视角了解中国时事？请锁定《圆桌论坛》，在这里东西方相遇，理解是终极目标。

Looking for passion? How about fiery debate? Wanna hear about current events in China from different perspectives? Then tune in to Roundtable where East meets West and understanding is the goal.

您正在收听《圆桌论坛》，我是史蒂夫，与雨顺和雨珊共同主持。我们都使用那些微小的欺骗作为社交货币，用来缓和矛盾或顾及情面。它们看似无害，有时甚至觉得必要。事实上，经过略微修饰的真相或许可被视为善意之举。

You're tuned in to Roundtable. I'm Steve with Yushun and Yushan. And we all traffic in those minor deceptions, the small social currencies paid to smooth an edge or spare a feeling. They feel harmless and they feel almost necessary at times. In fact, a slightly polished version of the truth could be considered an act of kindness.

不这么认为？答案是否定的。每个谎言无论多么无害，都是现实根基上的细微裂痕。我们很少思考这些虚构累积的重量——它们如何悄无声息地使我们与自我及他人渐行渐远，构建出一个建立在便利而非真实之上的脆弱世界。伤害不在谎言本身，而在于它占据的空间。

No? Well, answer is no. Each one, however innocuous, is a subtle fracture in the foundation of the real. We rarely stop to consider the cumulative weight of these fictions, the way that they can slowly and quietly distance us from ourselves and from others, creating a world built on the fragile architecture of what is convenient rather than what is true. The damage is not in the lie itself, but in the space that it occupies.

一个原本可能孕育真实与真诚连接的空间。但话说回来，这真的有那么糟糕吗？我们就来聊聊这个。好了，我列出了10个人们日常会说的善意谎言，你告诉我你是否曾为此撒过谎。

A space where authenticity and genuine connection might have otherwise grown. But with all that said, is that such a bad thing? We're gonna chat about it. Alright. So I've got a list of 10 common white lies that people say on a daily basis, and you tell me whether you have lied about this or not.

第一条，哦，是的。我快到了。

Number one, oh, yeah. I'm almost there.

这也算谎言？我通常会说‘我已经’

That's a lie? My version of that is I got a

经常这么说。

lot of that.

哦，我...我花了...你肯定听过。天啊。我通常会说‘我花了十分钟才打到车’。

Oh, I I it took me You've heard it. Oh, my. My version of that is it took me ten minutes to get a car hauling.

好的。第二条，哦，抱歉。肯定是进垃圾邮件了。

Okay. Number two, oh, sorry. It must have gone to my spam folder.

没错。绝对用过这招。

Yep. Totally used it before.

是啊。你那次撒谎了？嗯哼。你不应该的？不行。

Yeah. You've lied about that one? Mhmm. You shouldn't? No.

还没。第三条。哦抱歉，我手机没电了。

Not yet. Number three. Oh, sorry. My phone died.

很少。

Rarely.

第四条。我其实不怎么看电视。

Number four. I don't really watch TV.

我连善意的谎言都没有。真的。人们

There's not even a white lie with me. That's true. People

往往会在看电视时长上撒谎。第五条，对，我很好，当然，我过得不错。第六条，交通，抱歉，路上太疯狂了。

tend to lie apparently about how much TV they watch. Number five, yeah, I'm good, of course, I'm doing well. Number six, traffic, sorry, traffic was crazy.

是啊。

Yeah.

是的，关于那件事我撒过谎。第七条，你看起来很棒。第八条，你的宝宝超级可爱。

Yeah, I've lied about that one. Number seven, you look great. Number eight, your baby's super cute.

哦，我的天哪。

Oh my goodness.

第九条，抱歉，我以为我回复了你的消息。对，这个借口大家都用。

Number nine, sorry, I thought I replied to your message. Yeah. Everybody uses that one

或者，那个'哦，我以为回复你了，但显然只是在我脑子里'。

all Or, the oh, I thought I replied you but apparently in my mind.

是啊。抱歉。我以为...我以为我已经回复了。或者第十条，'哦，你想让我参加你的活动？好的。'

Yeah. Sorry. I thought I I thought I did that already. Or number 10, oh, you want me to go to your thing? Yeah.

我会告诉你的。那天我可能很忙，不确定。

I'll let you know. I might be busy that day. I'm not sure.

这正是我上次说的。对，那天我可能有出差。

That's exactly what I said last Yeah. I may have a business trip that day.

这些都是常见的善意谎言。那么为什么我们一开始就这么热衷于说善意的谎言呢？

These are common white lies. So why are we so drawn to telling white lies in the first place?

因为我们希望被视为好人，而说善意的谎言能让我们觉得自己富有同情心和善意，同时也能让别人觉得我们更随和，避免给出我们认为过于尖锐或不礼貌的回答。

Because we want to be seen as a good person and telling a white lie can make us feel like we're being compassionate and kind and it can also make us seen more agreeable to others and not given that too harsh or impolite answers that I that we think.

嗯。

Mhmm.

所以在某种程度上，我们是在调整自己以管理他人对我们性格的看法。

So in a way, we're aligned to manage how people perceive our own character.

在我看来，当需要善意的谎言时，意味着对话中存在某种不匹配。而这些所谓的小小白色谎言，就是为了填补这些间隙，让不匹配得以缓和，无论你是在与对方建立非常亲密的关系，还是仅仅进行一些简单的、表面的日常对话。

The way I see it is that when a white light is needed, it means that there's a mitch mismatch in the conversation. And these, what we call the little white lies, are there to fill in those gaps so that the mismatch can somehow be smoothed out, whether it's in very intimate relationship you're building with this person or it's just some simple, like, superficial kind of dialogue, day to day dialogue.

为了让关系的齿轮持续转动。

To keep the relationship wheels churning.

是的。也让日常对话不那么尴尬。

Yeah. And less awkward in in the in the daily conversation.

他们说这也是一种自我保护的形式。正如你所说，Yushem，我们希望被视为好人。我们不想故意伤害他人。所以这件事有两面性。这就是为什么我们认为善意的谎言完全无害。

They say too it's kind of a form of self preservation. Like you said, Yushem, we wanna be seen as a good person. We don't wanna hurt other people on purpose. So there's two sides to that coin. And that's why we think that white lies are totally harmless.

但为什么他们说这些谎言可能比我们意识到的更具破坏性？

But why do they say that they can be more damaging than we realize?

只有当对方没有发现它们是谎言时，它们才是‘白色’的，

They are white only when the other side didn't find out they are lies,

我想。所以它

I think. So it

会侵蚀信任的基础。即使是小谎言也会逐渐削弱你们关系中的信任。当对方发现时，哇，你一直在骗我？那么那种信任就可能被破坏。

it can erode the foundation of trust. Even small lies can chip away at at the trust that you have in this relationship. And when the other person finds out, wow, you were lying to me? Then that that that trust can be corrupted.

但关键就在于此。他们永远不应该发现。这就是为什么...等等，听我说。我接下来要说什么来着？

But that's the point. They're never supposed to find out. Which is why What? Listen to me. What am I gonna say?

如果你有个新生儿，然后你说，哦，看看我的宝宝。你看起来真可爱。对吧？而我说，其实我见过更好看的宝宝。这并不会对我们的关系有帮助，不是吗？

If you have a new baby and you say, oh, look at my baby. You look so adorable. Right? And I say, actually, I've seen better looking babies. Well, that's not gonna help our relationship, is it?

我必须做那些预期中的事，哦，我必须那么做。

I have to do the expected, oh, I have to do that.

但要是

But what

如果你当时

if you were

正对另一个朋友刻薄，而被他无意中听到了呢？

like being mean with another friend and that he overheard it?

那你就不该那么做。你不该犯那种错误。

Well then you don't you don't do that. You don't you don't make that kind of mistake.

尤其当着婴儿的面时。

Especially on the appearance of a baby.

我认为不同类型的善意谎言也有区别，取决于谎言是你主动说的还是被迫说的。对。这就是我的意思。比如你走到同事面前说，哇，你知道的，你的发型或新隐形眼镜或新眼镜真漂亮，虽然没人问你意见，而你心里完全不这么认为。

I also think there's a difference in in the in different types of white lies, whether you initiate the lie or whether it's forced upon you. Yeah. This is what I mean by that. If you walk up to your coworker and say, wow. You know, your hairstyle or your new contact lenses or your new glasses are really gorgeous, and nobody asked you, but you totally don't think so.

嗯。那么，这和同事主动问你‘喜欢我的新眼镜吗？喜欢我的新口红颜色吗？喜欢我的新衬衫吗？’的情况就不同了，后者是在强迫你回应。

Mhmm. Well, then that's a different story than if your coworker comes to you and says, oh, do you like my new glasses? Do you like my new lipstick shade? Do you like my new shirt? Then they're forcing you to reply.

看出两者的区别了吗？第一，最初根本没人征求你的意见。

You see the difference between the two? Number one, nobody asked you in the first place.

所以你当时在说谎？

And you were lying?

你只是...为什么不那样做呢？我是说，善意的谎言也有区别。

You're just why didn't you do that? Well, just I'm saying there's a difference in the white lie.

关于善意谎言的问题在于，它很容易被误认为是闲聊的一部分。因为闲聊很多时候发生在我们无话可说时，有时它...

The thing with wet lies and how it's so easily mistook as some chitchats, part of the chitchats. Because chitchats, a lot of the time, it happens because we've got nothing better to say to each other. Or sometimes it's

也可能过于直白。

just brutally honest too.

对吧？就像必须发生的问候，但确实...严格来说那不是工作，与生活无关，那就是闲聊。而闲聊有时始于一个小小的善意谎言。

Right? Just a greeting that it has to happen, but when yeah. Literally, it's not work. It's it's not about our lives, then that's chitchat. And chitchat happens with the start of sometimes a little white lie.

比如，哦，你今天看起来不错。

Like, oh, you look good today.

嗯。但这对说善意谎言的人有什么影响呢？因为我们知道初衷是保护被欺骗的对象，但同时也是在保护自己。可潜在的危害是什么呢？

Mhmm. How does it affect the person that tells the white lie though? Because we know that the intention is to protect the person that we are lying to, but it's also to protect ourselves. But what what's the potential damage here?

长期以往，你可能会习惯甚至意识不到自己在说谎。嗯。在某些情况下，这会侵蚀自我认知——即便是看似微不足道的谎言，也会让你更难与自己的真实想法和感受建立联系，导致你感觉正在失去与真实自我的联结，有时甚至会增加认知负担，因为你不得不为谎言构建整套具体证据，可能还要用一个谎言掩盖另一个谎言。

After a long term, maybe you can get used to it and you may not even realize that you are lying Mhmm. In some cases, then it can erode your sense of self because lying even about, like, seemingly insignificant things can make it harder for you to connect with your own thoughts and feelings and it can lead you to feel like you're losing touch with your authentic self and sometimes even increase your cognitive load because you have to build up a whole concrete evidence for your lies and maybe lie after another lie.

这就是那句俗话怎么说来着？当我们开始说谎，就编织了一张邪恶的网。一个谎言催生另一个谎言，谎言可能越滚越大。

Well, it's a what's that expression? It's a wicked web we weave when we start to tell lies. One lie begets another lie begets another lie, and maybe they get bigger and bigger.

假设持续五十天都这样做的话

And after fifty days, let's say, if you continuously do it

五十天善意谎言挑战。每天必须说一个善意谎言。一个有趣的

The fifty day white lie challenge. You have to tell a white lie every day. A fun

互联网会刻意做这种事。但有科学家指出，如果长期持续这种行为，你会觉得必须不断撒谎才能始终得到想要的东西。是的。不。这会变成一种不被鼓励的习惯，尤其是在现代社会。

Internet do that deliberately. But there are scientists saying that if you keep on doing it, say chronically, you almost feel like you have to keep lying to get what you want all the time. Yeah. No. It becomes such a habit that's not really encouraged, especially in, say, modern day society.

我想是的。我是说，心理学家总这么说，对吧？比如，哦不，别那么做，因为长期来看你会伤害自己。是啊。但短期来看呢？

I guess so. I mean, psychologists always say that though, right? You know, like, oh no, don't do that because you're gonna hurt yourself long term. Yeah. But what about in the short term?

你想和同事保持良好融洽的关系。

You wanna keep your relationships with your coworkers nice and smooth.

并且给予即时反馈。

And give instant feedbacks.

没错。那好吧。我们试着做更好的人。该怎么做呢？

Yeah. So then, okay. So fine. Let's try to be better people. How can we do this?

如何在确保关系安全的前提下更诚实？

How can we be more honest while making sure our relationships are safe?

不如关注同情心而非即时舒适？与其为了一时让人好过而撒谎，你可以选择出于同情而诚实，为了他们的长期成长。也有科学家建议我们以不同方式思考同情心——告诉别人他们需要听的话，而非只想听的话。用稍微直白但真正为他们好的方式表达，有时反而有帮助。

How about focusing on compassion, not just instant comfort? Instead of lying to make other people comfortable at that very moment, you can choose to be, say, compassionate and honest for their long term growth. So there are also scientists suggesting that we think about compassion differently by telling someone what they need to hear, not just what they want to hear. So by phrasing things in a slightly more straightforward way, but actually for their own good, can sometimes help.

比...比如呢？

For for example?

例如，使用‘我’的表述方式来组织你的反馈，避免听起来像在指责别人。你可以从自己的角度出发表达意见。比如，那件夹克，我觉得换个颜色可能更符合你的风格——关于你的新夹克，而不是说‘哦，那是件难看的夹克’。

For example, use I statement to frame your feedback to just avoid sounding like you're accusing someone. You can frame your feedback from your own perspective. Like, that jacket, I feel like it's a different color could come complement your style better regarding your new jacket instead of, oh, that's a poli jacket.

这是最糟糕的建议。所以与其说你喜欢这件夹克，你应该说的是你的真实想法

That's the worst advice. Instead so instead of saying you like the jacket, you you you're supposed to say what you're

其他颜色可能更适合你，我认为。

supposed Other to colors fit you better, I think.

哦，看吧，我不确定这是否是个好主意。尤其是在节日期间大家都要见亲朋好友的时候。我不知道。我觉得善意的谎言挺好，它们确实对我们有用。

Oh, see, I don't know if that's a good idea or not. Particularly where everybody's gonna be, you know, meeting their friends and family over the holiday. I don't know. I say stick with the white lies. They do serve us well.

今天的圆桌讨论就到这里。非常感谢大家的参与和宝贵时间。谢谢你们，顺和肖恩。我是史蒂夫。祝大家今天愉快，下次节目再见。

That'll do it for a roundtable for today. Thank you very much for being with us and sharing your time. Thanks to you, Shun and you, Sean. My name is Steve. We hope you have a great day and do come back again next time.