为什么没人来参加我的派对？

我记得那时候他有点被孤立了，不是因为他有什么问题，而是他太拼命想讨好别人了。

I remembered being somewhat ostracized, not because anything was wrong with him, except how badly he was trying to be liked.

他七年级生日派对的奢华排场。

The decadence and opulence of his seventh grade birthday party.

他肯定请了充气城堡。

He would have had a bouncy castle.

会不会问题其实就出在这一切看起来太油腻了？

Could the problem here just be the visible sweatiness of it all?

但我去查了一下。

But I looked into it.

那个充气城堡其实挺普通的，亚马逊上一百五十美元左右就能买到。

This bouncy castle was actually modest, one you can get on Amazon for about a $150.

而且，那个充气城堡还真把梅雷迪思逗乐了。

And besides, the bouncy castle charmed Meredith.

我当时就想，天啊。

I was like, wow.

好吧。

Okay.

孩子们可开心了，你知道的。

The kids were, like, thrilled, you know.

如果是我办的派对，我肯定会觉得这事儿办得太成功了。

If I had been hosting the party, I would have been like, that was a great success.

你有没有去过他们家办的派对，感觉特别怪、尴尬，或者不怎么好玩？

Have you ever been to a party at their house that felt unusual or awkward or weird or or not fun?

第三场派对啊，哦。

So the third party Oh.

我最后一次被邀请去他们家参加的派对，完全不一样。

This is and the final party that I was invited to at their house was different.

那是克莱尔和她女儿的联合派对。

It was a joint party for Claire and her daughter.

那次更偏向室内，气氛也完全不一样。

It was more indoor, and it was a totally different vibe.

她邀请了一些家人过来。

She had invited there were some family there.

那里也有同事。

There were coworkers there.

她丈夫的一些朋友也在，还有一小部分之前幼儿园的家长群成员。

There were some of her husband's friends were there, and a tiny smattering of the same preschool parent group was there.

他们之间没有形成融洽的互动吗？

And were they not mushing in a coherent way?

没有。

No.

完全没有。

No.

因为同事们基本都聚在一起，而我们这些有孩子的，就来回往地下室跑，孩子都在那儿玩。

I mean, because the coworkers kind of stuck together, and then, like, the ones of us that had kids, like, we were in and out of their basement because that's where, like, the kids were mostly hanging out.

他们没能跨越这道隔阂。

And they weren't able to reach across the gap.

因为有时候这样也没问题。

Because sometimes it's fine.

有时候这样其实挺好的。

Like, sometimes it's fine.

有时候人们会混在一起，但他们这次根本没互动。

Sometimes people mix, but they were not mixing.

是的。

Yeah.

我的意思是

I mean

对。

yeah.

我觉得他们根本没怎么融合。

I don't think they were mixing that well.

我觉得我也没融得进去。

I don't think I was mixing that well either.

克莱尔自己也被很多事情牵扯着。

And Claire was being pulled in a bunch of different directions herself.

你这话是什么意思？能具体说说当时是什么情况吗？

What do you mean can you describe what that was like?

她和她女儿穿着特别可爱的配套衣服。

She and her daughter had these very cute matching outfits.

她们当时在拍照片。

They were trying to get photos.

她忙着拿饮料啊，搞些其他杂事。

She was trying to, like, get drinks and stuff.

我也说不准。

I don't know.

她确实按常理做了主人该做的事，但我完全不记得她有主动牵线搭桥、让人互动。

She was, like, hosting in very normal expected ways, but I don't remember feeling like she was sort of doing the connecting work.

她没说类似‘你们俩该聊聊，特别是关于匹兹堡的事’这样的话。

She wasn't doing like, oh, you should talk to this person, and you guys need to talk about Pittsburgh.

因为你们俩都去过一次匹兹堡。

Because you guys both went to Pittsburgh one time.

对。

Right.

对。

Right.

是的。

Right.

是的。

Right.

这个世界上有一种特别常见的糟糕聚会，就是你被扔进一个你根本融不进去的群体里。

One of the more common forms of bad party in this world, The one where you're an ingredient placed into a mix in which you're never gonna belong.

就像芥末酱被挤进了蛋糕糊里。

Your mustard squirted into the batter of a cake.

那种情况就是，我不知道该待多久。

It was one of those things where, you know, I didn't know how long to stay.

那场派对特别松散，我确实感觉轻松了不少。

It was a very open ended party, and I definitely felt, like, relieved.

你懂的。

You know?

我也说不准。

I don't know.

感觉快结束了似的。

That it was, like, coming to

就是那种，我们待够该待的时间就行了。

like, when We're gonna be here for the amount time we need to be here.

一走就上车，赶紧回家。

And when you go, you get in the car, and you're let's go home.

是啊。

Yeah.

我们就想，行了。

We're like, okay.

我确实这么做了。

I did that.

但真的很难，因为我很感激那些愿意主办活动的人，

But it's it's like so hard because, like, I do really appreciate people who are willing to host,

我觉得这

and I think it's

真的很棒。

amazing that she is.

说实话，我觉得自己挺糟糕的，居然对这件事抱有负面情绪。

So it's I feel like awful, honestly, being like negative about it in any way.

那感觉完全不像我想待下去的派对。

It was just like it did not feel like a party I wanted to stay at.

我把这些故事整理好，开始联系一批新的人，都是旧金山的朋友，有些人在克莱尔当妈之前就认识她了。

I filed these stories away and began to reach out to a new list of people, the San Franciscans, people who'd known Claire longer even before she was mom.

我把邮件都发出去了。

I sent my emails.

我等着别人的回复。

I waited for responses.

为什么聚会这么重要？

Why do parties matter?

我有点犹豫要不要说下面这段话，因为我真的特别相信它。

I hesitate to say this next bit because I believe it so earnestly.

说出来我都觉得尴尬。

It makes me cringe.

但我确实觉得，聚会的意义深远而严肃。

But I do think parties matter in a deep, serious way.

聚会召唤出了我们真正关心的东西——社群。

Parties summon the thing we actually care about, community.

不是那种粉丝组成的社群，也不是消费者组成的社群，而是真正的社群。

Not community meaning fans of an influencer, not community meaning consumers of a product, actual community.

当彼此认识或只有一点交情的人聚在一起，愿意去冒点险——比如出丑、被冷落、或者自己显得无聊。

When people who know each other a lot or a little come together to risk something, risk being embarrassed or embarrassing, bored or boring.

没人有时间办派对。

Nobody has time for a party.

我们都太忙了。

We all work too much.

在乎这些事，简直有点丢人，尤其是像我这么在意，像克莱尔那么在意。

It's shameful to care about them, certainly as much as I do, certainly as much as Claire does.

但我相信，派对能触达我们内心更深层的东西，超越了现代生活的表层。

But I think they reach us somewhere that's deeper than modern.

在我们大脑表面之下两英寸的地方，我们本质上还是穴居人。

Two inches beneath the surface of our brain, we're cave people.

害怕、孤单，担心一觉醒来，部落已经走了，自己得独自面对一群熊。

Scared, alone, afraid that when we wake up, the tribe will have moved on, and we'll have to fend for ourselves against all these bears.

克莱尔不明白，自己到底哪里不对，才让别人离她而去。

Claire doesn't know what it is about her that drives people away.

那个她想交朋友的女性，那女人的丈夫，还有中学时那群朋友，某天突然就再也不让她坐到午餐桌旁了。

That woman she tried to befriend, the woman's husband, her group of friends in middle school who one day, out of nowhere, just permanently voted her off the lunch table.

餐桌。

Table.

你没法跟那些拒绝你友谊的人做离职面谈。

You don't get to do exit interviews with the people who decline your friendship.

但办个派对至少能试试她通讯录里那些人，看看她打电话邀请时，会不会真的有人来。

But a party, it's a way, at least, to test her current phone book, to see if the people whose numbers she knows will actually show up if she calls them.

所以她才问起派对的事。

That's why she'd asked about the parties.

所以我才在这儿。

That's why I was here.

我叫艾莉莎，从克莱尔刚搬来旧金山的时候就认识她了，具体多少年我也记不清了。

So my name is Alyssa, and I've known Claire, I don't know how many years, since she very first moved to San Francisco.

大概十四五年了吧。

So maybe fourteen or fifteen years ago.

艾莉莎现在是她远方的朋友。

Alyssa's a long distance friend today.

但在旧金山的时候，她和克莱尔关系特别亲密，所以参加了克莱尔和她丈夫尼克的很多聚会，她告诉我的那些事很有意思。

But back in SF, she and Claire were extremely close, which means she attended many of Claire and her husband Nick's parties, and what she had to tell me was informative.

首先，就算那时候，这些聚会的人也少得可怜。

For starters, even way back then, these were low yield parties.

每次来的人就那么几个，经常是老面孔，有时候是一些她那周正想结交的陌生人。

I would say a handful of people would show up, often the same characters, often random characters who are, like, people she was trying to, like, befriend that week.

我对这种小范围的聚会没什么意见，但我觉得在她心里，她一直盼着能来一场热闹的大派对。

I don't have a problem with these, like, smaller group gatherings, but I think in her mind, she always wanted more of a rager.

所以她大概把这些聚会都当成失望了吧。

So I guess she interpreted them as being, you know, disappointments.

但我作为参加者，从来不觉得有什么不对。

But as an attendee, I never did.

这进一步说明，克莱尔就是随便把人凑到一块儿。

So more evidence that Claire kinda just hodgepodges people together.

有人介意，有人不介意。

Some people mind, others don't.

不过，艾莉莎还自己做了一些调查，挺有帮助的。

But Alyssa, helpfully, had also done a little reporting of her own.

我问了我老公他的看法。

I asked my own husband for his perspective.

我就问他，你还记得那些派对吗？

I was like, do you remember those parties?

他说，我记得他们家地方特别小，大家就挤在电视前看音乐录像。

And he's like, well, I remember that their place was really small, and we would just sort of all be crowded around a TV watching music videos.

等等。

Wait.

真的吗？

Really?

是啊。

Yeah.

她本想在公寓里营造一种高档鸡尾酒会的氛围。

She wanted this, like, upscale martini drinking vibe in her apartment.

但你到了那儿就会发现，那公寓明显是尼克亲手布置的。

But then when you get there, it was definitely, like, an apartment that was very decorated by Nick.

完全就是个男生住的地方。

Kinda like looked like a guy's place.

跟他们现在住的地方比起来，没那么精致。

It's not as polished compared to where they live now.

你帮我想象一下，当时尼克是怎么布置公寓的？

Help me see it.

他那时候是怎么装点房间的？

Like, how did Nick decorate an apartment back then?

整个房间特别暗，特别暗。

It was dark dark.

墙上挂满了体育纪念品。

There was sports paraphernalia, like, on the walls.

墙上还贴着一块车牌，上面写着‘Ass Man’，我特别喜欢那个。

There was a license plate that said ass Man on it on the wall, which I always loved.

我丈夫就提到了那个。

And that's what my husband brought up to.

他说是‘Ass Man’。

He's like ass man.

我说，对啊。

I'm like, yeah.

我知道。

I know.

那真是太有意思了。

That was so good.

我们拍了好多那里的照片。

We have so many photos of it.

那个‘Ass Man’的车牌，当然是《宋飞正传》的梗，克雷默在某一集里的车牌。

The ass man license plate, of course, a Seinfeld reference, Kramer's license plate in one episode.

在‘Ass Man’车牌下面，他们还会参与克莱尔丈夫主持的一些古怪派对仪式。

And under the ass man plate, they would participate in some strange party rituals led by Claire's husband.

我们一到他公寓，电视就一直开着，他总想给我们放音乐视频。

So we'd get to his apartment, and the TV was always on, and he always wanted to show, like, music videos.

音乐视频？

Music videos?

你还记得是什么风格吗？

Like, do you remember the genre?

我可能念得不太准，但好像是大卫·盖塔。

I'm gonna mispronounce it, but David Guetta.

他特别喜欢这个人。

He really liked him.

就是那种动感的舞曲吧。

The, like, I like, dance music.

我觉得他应该是玩EDM的。

Like, I think he's got his EDM.

我从来不看音乐视频。

I never watch music videos.

出了他们公寓，我平时根本不会主动去找音乐视频看，但那确实是他们那边派对文化的核心部分。

Outside of their apartment, I don't think I would ever intentionally look up a music video, but it but it's very core to, like, their the party scene there.

这些派对上第二种常见的节目就是克莱尔的模仿秀。

The second genre of events that would happen at these parties would be Claire's impressions.

她经常会

Where she would, like

我觉得她模仿过伊吉·阿扎莉亚。

I think she did, like, an Iggy Azalea one.

她一直都很喜欢模仿别人。

She's always been into doing impressions.

尼克总会让大家安静下来，说：等等，别吵。

Nick would sort of like, you know, get everyone quiet and be like, hold on, hold on.

克莱尔要开始模仿了。

Like, Claire's gonna do an impression now.

可能有点刻意了。

It was a little forced, maybe.

他一直都是她最忠实的粉丝，总是为她加油，觉得她特别棒。

And, you know, he was always her biggest cheerleader, like, it up and thinking it was so great.

但我觉得，我丈夫的幽默感并不在这类事情上，他并不觉得这有什么好笑的。

But I think it was never my husband's sense of humor or something like he was entertained by.

不是每个人都能欣赏她，她的幽默感也绝对不是人人都能接受的。

Like, I all she is not everyone's cup of tea, and her sense of humor is absolutely not everyone's flavor.

听你们这么说，我突然明白了，那些辩护律师在得知自己当事人某些可能在法庭上不利的细节时，是什么感受。

Listening to this, I got the feeling I imagine defense attorneys get when they learn something about their client that might not play so well in court.

一个在男人洞穴般的客厅里举办的高档马提尼派对，主人却像《办公室》里的迈克尔·斯科特一样闹腾，丈夫还非得让大家安静下来，当老婆搞笑模仿的观众，同时还得被迫听YouTube上莫名其妙放出来的大卫·盖塔的歌。

An upscale martini drinking party in a man cave where the hosts go kinda Michael Scott on you, the husband demanding you sit quietly and be an audience for his wife's humorous impressions, while meanwhile, you're also subject to unsolicited David Guetta tracks on YouTube.

这完全不是我心目中所谓的派对。

This did not sound like my idea of a good party at all.

我不太喜欢这种人。

I don't like the hater of gheda.

我会记得这场派对，但我想我不会再去了。

I would remember that party, but I don't think I would come back for another.

什么样的人会这样对待别人？

What kind of monster would do this to people?

我叫尼克。

My name is Nick.

我是她的丈夫。

I'm her husband.

从她19岁起我们就在一起了，已经十七年了。

We've been together since she was 19, so seventeen years.

我们结婚快十二年了。

We've been married almost twelve years.

是的。

Yeah.

我们一直在一起。

We've been together.

我对她很了解，如果你有什么问题，尽管问。

And I know her pretty well if you have any if you have any questions.

Nick，这不是他的真名。

Nick, not his real name.

正如艾莉莎所指控的，那些大卫·盖达的曲子都是尼克做的。

As Alyssa had alleged, Nick was responsible for those David Gedda tracks.

他自己也承认，他一直在怂恿克莱尔模仿搞笑段子。

And by his admission, he'd also been egging Claire on when it came to her comedic impersonations.

她是个特别出色的模仿者。

She was incredible impersonator.

她能唱，还能模仿各种歌手，简直什么都能来。

She can, like, sing and just do, like, all these different artists.

我曾经在聚会上偷偷安排她表演，让她给大伙儿来一出秀，因为她一开口，所有人都笑得停不下来。我一直觉得，要是她多展示点这方面的才华，人缘肯定更好。

So I, like, hijacked a party, like, make her do, like, a show for people because she's so everyone would be laughing and laughing and just like but I always think, like, if she put, like, her talents more in display, I always say that you get more friends that way.

这一直是我信奉的道理。

That's always my philosophy.

但她总是反着来。

And she always goes like the complete opposite.

她就是不想再成为焦点，再也不想谈自己的工作或者类似的事情。

Like, not wanting to, like, be the the center of attention anymore, never wanting to, like, talk about her work or anything like that.

很难不欣赏尼克对妻子深深的爱，他坚信她是自己认识的最有趣的人，也总想把她展示给大家。

It's hard not to appreciate Nick's profound love for his wife, his conviction that she's the funniest person he knows, his desire to show her off.

这真的很暖心。

It was sweet.

就连他那些大卫·盖塔的事儿，我也愿意原谅他。

I was even willing to give him a pass on the David Guetta stuff.

所以问题在于，她觉得邀请的回报率太低，你觉得这也是个真实的问题吗？

And so the problem that she is that she's identifying that the invitation yield is bad, is this a problem that you also perceive to be real?

这确实是个问题。

It it's definitely a problem.

是的。

Yes.

没错。

Yes.

确实是。

It is.

这一直是个问题。

It's it's it's been a problem.

我们曾经在旧金山住过一阵子。

So we lived in San Francisco for a while.

那时候，我们从没遇到过冷场，总有一群人来参加。

And back then, we never had bait turnouts, but we always had a good group of people.

搬过来之后，就再也没能维持稳定的出席人数。

And since we moved, we've just never had consistent turnouts.

她特别喜欢办派对。

And she really likes throwing parties.

她从小家里就经常办大型盛大的派对。

She grew up in a you know, her family always do parties, like, these big extravagant parties.

所以她一直想照着那样办。

So she's always trying to do this.

就是一直没法成真。

It just never comes to fruition.

你觉得问题出在哪儿？

And what do you suspect is going on?

我觉得可能有好多不同的原因，加在一起吧。

Well, I I think there's probably, like, a pie of of a lot of different reasons.

我肯定也是问题的一部分。

I'm sure I'm part of the problem.

我其实也有强迫症。

Like, I also have OCD.

我特别容易对一些小事钻牛角尖，比如别人在桌上划痕，或者没放杯垫就放水杯。

I I can definitely get, like, hyper fixated with people, like, scratching a table or leaving a glass of water on a table without a coaster.

这算是原因之一吧。

So that's a little piece of the pie.

我觉得她一看不到孩子，就会特别焦虑。

I think, like, she can definitely get very anxious when her kids aren't in sight.

我觉得在聚会上，这种行为可能让人有点不自在，比如其他妈妈们，哪怕去参加派对，通常也只会穿条舒服的运动裤。

And I think, like, at a party, that probably can make people feel a little bit uncomfortable or, like I mean, the other thing she you know, a lot of the moms typically will, like, wear, like even to, like, a party would wear, like, maybe just, like, nice sweatpants.

就是穿得挺随意的。

I mean, not, like, not not very dressed.

但她偏偏打扮得整整齐齐，一丝不苟。

But she comes, like, fully dressed up.

对吧？

Right?

我觉得这也可能让别人觉得不太自在。

I think that could also make people feel a little bit uncomfortable.

说到穿衣，我其实也一直挺好奇这一点的。

The thing about the clothes, I'd actually wondered about this too.

在克莱尔的Substack专栏《卡通讨厌她》里，她穿什么是个反复出现的话题。

One recurring theme on Claire Substack on Cartoons Hate Her is the outfit she wears.

她经常自己动手做衣服。

She often makes her own clothes.

她发的照片都遮住了脸。

She posts photos with her face blocked out.

网友们都对她的穿搭议论纷纷。

Internet commenters have remarked on her fashion.

有人批评她的衣服不得体、太暴露。

Someone called her clothes indecent, immodest.

这些人也太保守了。

They're being prudes.

但凡穿得特别一点，就难免惹人不快。

But anyone who dresses remarkably risks annoying some people.

尼克和克莱尔都提到，尤其是女性，常常对克莱尔态度不好，比如她以前上班的那群同事。

Nick and Claire had both noted that sometimes women in particular react badly to Claire, like the women at the office where she used to work.

她以前的同事，那些看起来挺酷的女生，一来就对她特别刻薄。

People she worked with, like the cool girls from work that would come, and they would be, like, very mean to her.

她们在派对上也这样对她吗？

They'd be mean at the party?

他们就是根本不理她，也不跟她互动。

They just they would just not, like, pay attention to her or really engage with her.

我记得那时候我们正在准备派对，站在屋顶露台上，看见有个人在下面等着。

I remember, like, we were getting the party ready, and we were on the roof deck, and we saw someone, like, waiting at the bottom.

那儿放着一大瓶玫瑰香槟。

There's a huge bottle of rose.

我当时就说，你进来吧。

I was like, you can come in.

天开始下雨了。

It was starting to rain.

你进来吧。

You can come in.

不用了。

No.

真的不用了。

No.

不行。

No.

我得等其他女孩都来了才进去。

I don't want come in until the other girls are here.

她在外面等着找你麻烦。

My She was waiting outside to bother you.

她不想只和克莱尔待在一起，得等所有从公司来的朋友都到齐了才行。

She didn't want to be just in there with Claire until all the other girls from work that she was friends with were there too.

听起来真让人心疼。

That sounds really painful.

是的。

Yeah.

她经历了很多痛苦的事。

I she's had a lot of really painful experiences.

我跟她说别这样了。

I tell her to just stop.

我真的没那么在意。

I just, like, do not care that much.

我就想不通，干嘛非得这么费劲、这么折腾自己。

Like, I just don't I just don't see why it's the effort or the stress.

这真的让人压力太大了。

It puts you through so much stress.

我不明白她为什么总这样为难自己。

I don't get why she keeps doing this to herself.

尼克不希望看到妻子一次又一次地受这种伤害。

Nick would prefer to not see his wife get hurt like this over and over again.

他只希望他们能简单地和朋友吃顿饭就好。

He wishes they could just stick to dinner with friends.

那些大型聚会根本一点都不好玩。

The big parties aren't even fun.

尼克的脑子里没有克莱尔那种执念——非得弄清楚为什么有人不喜欢他，而这种想法其实很正常。

Nick's brain doesn't have the feature Claire's does, a deep curiosity to know why some people don't like him, which is a sane position.

因为我们每个人有时候都会让人烦、很无趣，只是自己根本察觉不到。

Because all of us are annoying and boring some of the time in ways we'll never detect.

察觉。

Detect.

我参加过多少次派对，自以为讲了个特别搞笑的故事，结果发现对面那人手机屏幕上显示的是优步叫车界面。

How many times have I been at a party telling what I think is a hilarious anecdote when I noticed that the person I've been talking at, their phone has the Uber screen on it.

因为我还在得意自己多有趣，人家已经在叫车逃跑了。

Because while I was enjoying how funny I think I am, they were summoning an escape pod.

这本来就是当人的常态。

It's just a fact of being a person.

除非你是政客或者名人，否则没人会告诉你，你到底哪儿招人讨厌。

And unless you're a politician or a celebrity, the world will never tell you the specifics of your unfavorables.

但对克莱尔来说，这些负面反馈根本躲不开，因为她一辈子都在不断撞上它们。

But for Claire, the unfavorables were impossible to ignore because her whole life, she found herself bumping into them.

现在已经过去好几个月了。

Months had passed now.

克莱尔发给我的那张清单，我差不多都搞明白了。

I'd mostly worked through the list Claire had sent.

每个人其实都摸到了大象的一部分。

Everybody had grasped a part of the elephant.

这事儿也没那么神秘。

It wasn't even that mysterious.

首先，克莱尔特别容易焦虑。

For one, Claire's very anxious.

她经常突然崩溃，总觉得丈夫或孩子出了什么大事。

It's not uncommon for her to have a freak out because she's convinced something terrible has happened to her husband or her kids.

还有就是克莱尔的幽默感，很有个人风格，不是人人都能接受。

Another part of the elephant is Claire's sense of humor, a distinct flavor, not for everyone.

特别爱表现。

Big performer.

有次她模仿拉娜·德雷，把整个派对的风头全抢了，别人都没法说话。

The kind of person who once so thoroughly hijacked a party with her Lana Del Rey impression that no one could hear anything else.

这种风格的人，从来就不可能讨所有人喜欢。

A ham like that is never gonna be for everyone.

虽然克莱尔说，这些年来她故意训练自己收敛一点，少花时间逗人发笑，多花时间问别人关于他们自己的事。

Although Claire says she's purposely, over the years, taught herself to dial that down, to spend less time trying to be funny, more time trying to just ask people questions about themselves.

但回复还是不断出现拒绝，而且比例高得远远超出了所有人的预期。

But still, the RSVPs were coming back nos and at such a higher rate than any of this would have predicted.

我最后联系的那个人，其实本该最先找的——克莱尔的哥哥，他能看清整头大象的全貌。

The last person I talked to probably should have been the first, a person who could see every part of the elephant, Claire's brother.

他一直都知道，为什么没人去参加他姐姐的派对。

He knew he'd always known why nobody goes to his sister's parties.

就好像他一直在等我打电话来一样。

It was like he'd been waiting for my call.

首先，你觉得这真的是个问题吗？

I guess, first of all, is your perception that this is a real thing?

我的意思是，你有没有觉得，大家确实都不太愿意去你姐姐的派对？

Like, do you feel like people don't go to your sister's parties?

是的

Yeah.

对

Yeah.

没错

Yeah.

当然

Yeah.

我的意思是，我和我妹妹真的、真的、真的特别要好。

I mean, so, like, my sister and I are, like, really, really, really best friends.

顺便说一句，这可不是背景音。

And by the way, this is not background.

这内容完全可以拿去发表。

Like, you could print this.

她这个人吧，确实挺难搞、挺烦人的，但她就是我最好的朋友。

Like, she's just, like, a very difficult and annoying person, but, like, she's my absolute best friend.

比如说今天，她给我发了上百条消息，全是关于汉坦病毒，还担心自己会不会因此丧命。

So, like, for example, today, she's, like, texted me, like, over a 100 times about hantavirus and, like, whether she's gonna, like, die from hantavirus.

你说的‘上百条’，是夸张的说法吗？

When you say over a 100 times, are you speaking rhetorically?

不是。

Or No.

不是。

No.

不是。

No.

我觉得今天关于汉坦病毒的消息大概快到一百条了，昨天可能还超过一百条。

I think that the number of texts about hantavirus are probably about close to 100, and they were probably over 100 yesterday.

哇，真不少啊。

Oh, that's a lot.

我呢，有时候不想回她，就干脆不搭理。

And, like, that's, like I ignore her, like, when I don't want to, like, respond to it.

但她真的是个天才，特别有创意，特别幽默，堪称我见过最棒的人之一。

But she's, like, she's, like, a genius and genuinely one of the most originally funny and, like, amazing people ever.

不过她干的那些事，真让她当个受欢迎的派对主人挺难的。

But, like, she does a lot of things that would make her being, like, a really popular party host difficult.

克莱尔的哥哥曾经给我描述过她在派对上的样子，比谁都更清楚。

Claire's brother would paint me a picture of Claire at a party that was clearer than anyone beforehand.

但在那之前，他得先让我明白，我之前到底错过了克莱尔故事里的什么关键部分。

But before he did that, he needed me to see what I'd been missing in Claire's story, the skeleton key to all of this.

她从来就没受欢迎过，一点都没有。

So, like, she's, like, never been popular, like, at all.

她一直挺招人讨厌的，因为她身上那些特质太两极分化了。

Like, she's always been, like, quite widely disliked because she has a very polarizing set of traits.

首先，她的兴趣特别窄，而有这些兴趣的人几乎都不是女性。

For one, she has a very narrow series of interests, and the people who do have those interests are almost never women.

所以一群女性通常都很讨厌她，因为她老是打破常规，表现得特别不一样，让人特别不自在。

So, like, groups of women, like, usually, like, hate her because she's constantly violating conformity and, like, being different in a way that's very unsettling and uncomfortable.

当你说她对叙事感兴趣时，她到底想跟人聊些什么呢？

And what is she trying to engage them in converse when you say she has a narrative interest

比如说，她特别关注社会禁忌这类话题，这其实挺讽刺的，因为她自己社交能力很差，却对别人那些出格的喜好特别着迷。

that For example, like, she's really into, like, social taboo conceptually, which is very funny because she doesn't have very good social skills, but she's very interested in other people's bad likes.

只要是让人尴尬的事，她就特别喜欢。

So, like, anything that's a cringe, like, she really loves cringe.

哦，原来如此。

Oh, okay.

她的幽默感和性格，简直就像个爱喝红牛的Reddit老哥。

And so, like, she has, like, kind of the sense of humor and the disposition of, like, a Mountain Dew drinking Redditor, like Reddit bro.

但如果你真跟她聊天，一开始根本感觉不到她有这种气质。

But, like, obviously, like, if you talk to her, like, she doesn't give off that impression right away.

她给人的感觉是

She's like

她看起来就是一个很普通的人。

She looks like a very normal person.

是的。

Yeah.

所以人们见到她，会觉得：哦，我认识这种类型的女生。

So, like, people, like, see her, and they think like, oh, like, I know this kind of, like, woman.

然后他们跟她聊起来。

And then they, like, talk to her.

如果她完全做自己，对方马上就会觉得不舒服，而她一直不明白这是为什么。

And if she's, like, being completely authentic, they're, like, very immediately bothered by her, and she, like, has never known why.

我只是想确认一下，我对她的印象是不是准确。

Because just to I wanna just wanna make sure I have a clear picture of this.

她看起来就像一个很普通的女孩。

It's like she looks like a person who, like, maybe, like Normal girl.

对。

Yeah.

她喜欢聊办公室有多棒，或者《公园与游憩》这类话题。

Wants to talk about how great the office was or something or, like, Parks and Rec.

是的。

Yeah.

但完全不是这么回事。

And then instead, not at all.

她上网时总爱浏览一些奇怪的亚文化圈子，那些内容你一听就觉得不舒服。

Reading really off putting like, she wants to spend her time online looking at, like, weird subcultures that are behavior always talk about with you.

她对红药丸和禁欲者博客特别着迷——不是支持它们，而是纯粹当个潜水者，早在这些圈子火起来好几年前就开始看了。

So she was, like, really into not into as in being a supporter of, but, like, really into in terms of, like, being a lurker of, like, Red Pill and Incel blogs, like, years before that was, like, a thing.

比如2013年，她就已经在读红药丸博客了。

Like, in, like, 2013, she was, like, reading, like, Red Pill blogs.

因为她就是好奇，这些怪人到底在想什么？

Because she's just like, what are these sickos thinking?

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

她真的特别沉迷于这个。

She was really into it.

在他看来，那个彻底上网成瘾、让人尴尬的家伙，才是他妹妹最真实的模样——也是他真正关心的，她能与人真正产生共鸣的地方。

To his mind, terminally online cringe merchant is the realest version of his sister, which he actually cares about, what she can actually connect with other people over in a real way.

他认为解决这一切的办法就是克莱尔。

He thinks the solution to all this is Claire.

克莱尔不该再费劲去迎合普通人。

Claire should stop trying to fit in with normal people.

她本来就不普通。

She's not normal.

她该去找一群怪人，做真实的自己。

Find a scene of weirdos where she can be herself.

但他看到的却是，一个因为被排斥得太久而误解了教训的人，现在反而越来越拼命想融入，尤其是离开旧金山之后。

But what he's seen instead is a person who's taken the wrong lesson from being shunned so much, who now just keeps trying harder and harder to fit in, particularly after leaving San Francisco.

她搬走的时候，就说了句：好吧。

When she moved, she was like, okay.

这次肯定不一样了。

This time is gonna be different.

所以现在她总是刻意扮演一个角色。

So now what she does is she, like, performs the role a lot.

简而言之，我觉得她的派对没人来，是因为根本不好玩。

So I, in short, I don't think her parties are well attended because I don't think they're fun.

我去过几次。

I've been to them.

我觉得就是不好玩。

I don't think they're fun.

我之所以觉得不好玩，是因为她假装自己在办那种很受欢迎的普通派对。

And the reason why I don't think they're fun is that she's, like, pretending to be someone who throws, like, well liked normie parties.

对。

Yeah.

对普通人来说，这种表现简直怪得让人不舒服。

For the normal person, it's a kind of, like, off putting bizarre performance.

在我看来，这简直是一场荒唐又蹩脚的表演。

And to me, it's like a hilariously inadequate performance.

我现在真想戴上VR眼镜躲开。

I put I wanna put VR goggles over my eyes right now.

我去过她的一次派对。

I've walked into one of her parties.

对啊。

Yes.

后来怎么样了？

What happened?

在这样的派对上，我感觉就像去看我最爱的喜剧演员演戏，结果他演的却是部无聊的正剧。

So, like, at these kinds of parties, I feel like I'm going to a movie with my favorite comedic actor, but it's a drama and their performance is bad and boring.

她演的，其实是她心目中一个妈妈、一个三十多岁女人该有的样子。

And so it's like she is performing her idea of what a mom should be and what a woman in her thirties should be.

是啊。

Mhmm.

而且特别无聊，关键是因为她没什么可聊的。

And it's like, it's just very boring because the thing about it is that she doesn't have that many things to talk about.

她就那几件事能没完没了地说，但那些话题通常都不合适。

She has a couple of things to talk about endlessly, but those are not appropriate topics usually.

比如，要是我遇到一个搞桥梁设计的土木工程师，我会假装对桥梁特别感兴趣，听上二十分钟，努力去了解那些东西。

So it's like, if I meet someone who's a civil engineer designing bridges, I, like, pretend to care about bridges for twenty minutes and, like, try to learn as much as I can about, like, bridges.

对。

Yeah.

然后她的眼睛一下子就亮了。

And then her her eyes just, like, blaze over.

不是因为她刻薄，而是她脑子里有什么地方不对劲。

Not because she's mean, but because something in her brain, like, does not fire properly.

是的。

Yeah.

她就是根本不在乎。

And she just, like, can't care.

所以她会问，哦，那怎么样？

So she'll be like, oh, how is that?

对方会说，还不错。

And they'll be like, it's pretty good.

然后她就回，哦，这样啊。

And she'll be like, okay.

你是在办公室上班吗？

Like, do you work in office?

她特别讨厌在办公室工作，因为每次去那儿都会被欺负。

She really hates working in office because she's just, like, always bullied when she's in office.

她跟别人聊工作，主要就问一个问题：你非得去办公室吗？

Like, her main way of relating to other people's jobs is like, do you have to be in an office?

对方通常会说，对啊。

Because, like so they're like, yep.

我确实得去办公室。

You know, I have to be in office.

她就说，哎呀，真不好意思。

And she's like, oh, sorry about that.

你懂的。

You know?

克莱尔的哥哥觉得她是个没藏好的人，根本没装得像正常人，但不是那种悲情的类型，而是搞笑的那种。

Claire's brother sees his sister as a closeted person who isn't really passing, except not in a tragic way, in a slapstick way.

就像大脚怪穿上西装，想偷偷坐地铁不被人发现。

Like if Bigfoot put on a suit and tried to ride the subway unnoticed.

他觉得，要是克莱尔想办个真正开心的派对，就得请那些能欣赏她本真的朋友，而不是那些看不穿她‘普通人’人设的正常人。

He thinks for Claire to have an actually fun party, she'd have to fill it with the kinds of people who appreciate her as her instead of these normies who are not quite falling for her regular person impression.

我办家庭派对的时候——顺便说，来的人可多了——我老提起她，但只讲她那些特别古怪、疯狂的事儿。

When I host house parties, which are well attended, by the way, I talk about her all the time, but, like, all just the freak flag stuff, like, all the, like, zany stuff that she does.

那些不认识她但跟我熟的朋友，一听都觉得：这人也太酷太有趣了吧。

And, like, the people who are my friends who, like, don't know her are all like, this sounds like the coolest, funniest person ever.

但她因为过去总被人欺负，就再也无法做回自己了。

But she, like, is so scarred from being bullied for being that person that she just can't do it anymore.

所以她来探望我，我就特意办了个派对，专门安排大家见她一面。

So she came to visit me, and I literally organized on party full, like, Claire meet and greet to have all my friends come meet her in person.

结果她整个人特别无趣。

And she was being so boring.

我拉她到一边问：你这是在干嘛？

And I took her aside, and I was like, what are you doing?

她说：我只是想对你朋友礼貌一点。

And she's like, I'm just like, I'm being polite with your friends.

我说：不对。

And I was like, no.

不对。

No.

不对。

No.

不对。

No.

他们可不是来这儿装礼貌的。

Like, that's not what they're here for.

你该干嘛就干嘛。

Do your thing.

想怎么做就怎么做。

Like, do whatever you want.

他们就是想看这个。

Like, that's what they want.

她还问：你确定吗？

And she was like, oh, are you sure?

这样不会显得太没礼貌吗？

Like, isn't that gonna be, like, rude?

我说：不会。

And I was like, no.

不会。

No.

不行。

No.

你完全可以这么做。

Like, you're allowed to.

结果五分钟之后，她就开始表演那一套了。

And then five minutes later, she's, like, doing her, like, whole song and dance.

大家都特别喜欢。

Like, people are loving it.

与其问为什么没人去参加她的派对，更值得琢磨的是，为什么网上这么多人喜欢她。

And this is, why rather than asking, like, why don't people come to her party is, like, the more interesting thing is, like, why do people on the Internet like her?

你说话的时候，我一直在想这一点。

I this is what I've been thinking about the whole time you've been talking.

我认识她的经历就是，没人喜欢她。

The story of me knowing her is that no one likes her.

可突然之间，现在人人都喜欢她了。

And then, like, suddenly now everyone likes her.

在网上？

Online?

在网上，但不是面对面。

Online, but not in person.

这挺有意思的。

It's funny.

互联网就像是她通过Substack办的一场派对，她就那样……

The Internet is a party sort of kind of that she's throwing in her Substack, and she's like

大家都很喜欢。

People love it.

稳居榜首。

Top of the leaderboard.

大家都很喜欢。

People love it.

对。

Yes.

我给克莱尔打了电话，把我知道的所有事都告诉了她。

I called Claire to tell her everything I'd learned.

她笑了。

She laughed.

我一条一条说别人觉得她哪里让人不舒服，她听得笑个不停。

She laughed a lot as I listed off everything people had said they thought might be off putting about her.

每当我提到一个缺点，她都能讲出一个相关的故事，往往还挺搞笑的，讲自己什么时候真的表现出过那种特质。

For every negative trait, she had a story, often a funny one, about times when she exhibited it.

但说到她哥哥建议她摘下面具、找些能轻松做自己的地方、别再试图融入普通人的世界时，她完全不认同。

But when it came to her brother's advice to remove her mask, find rooms where she could do that easily, stop trying to fit in in Normie town, she rejected that.

我觉得我哥想错了，他看我都是从自己的角度出发，觉得我这样挺好，可我得让他明白，大多数人其实并不喜欢我这样。

I think my brother's off base there because I think he's viewing it through his eyes where he thinks who I am is great, that I have to break it to him like, most people don't like who I am.

我一旦毫无保留、滔滔不绝、总在表现自己、事事以自我为中心的时候，大多数人会觉得我特别烦人。

Most people find me really insufferable when I am filterless and talk a lot and perform constantly and am very focused on myself.

大多数人觉得这样特别累人。

Most people find that very tiring.

这些年来她明白的道理是，做自己没错，但得慢慢来，别一下子全摊开。

The lesson she's learned over the years is more like be yourself but carefully, not all at once.

她还给我更新了点情况。

And she had an update for me.

她还是办不成功派对，但她说好像有点变化了。

She's still not throwing successful parties, but she said something seems to be shifting.

她的社交安排没那么冷清了。

Her social calendar feels less anemic.

她说就在上周，有三次都是她主动找借口推掉安排，说没空。

She said just that week, on three separate occasions, it was her making excuses for why she couldn't find time.

我孩子感冒了，我得去处理，哎呀，孩子病了。

My kid got a cold, and I had to be the person that, oh, my kid got sick.

我真的抽不开身，这可是实话。

Like, I can't and it was true.

我没编理由，是真的忙。

Like, I wasn't making it up.

但我从来没想过，我会变成那个总取消计划的人。

But it's like, I never thought I would be the person canceling.

以前我可是那种，只要不是急诊，不管啥事都愿意凑合着约人，毕竟我机会太少了。

Like, I used to be the person where it's like, unless it's a medical emergency, I'll do anything to get someone to hang out with me because I just have so few opportunities.

这周我突然想通了，诶，其实我也可以把事情往后推。

And this week, I was like, you know what?

这让我终于明白，为什么别人有时候会放我鸽子。

I actually can postpone things, which did give me some insight into why people sometimes cancel on me.

也许问题不全在我身上。

Like, maybe it isn't always me.

也许他们是真的忙，而且比我还忙。

Like, maybe they actually are busy, and people are just busier than I am.

克莱尔最近在社交上的这点进步，她觉得是因为她开始收敛了自己性格里太外放的部分。

And this new social success Claire is having, attributes it to the strategy she's followed, toning down the louder parts of her personality.

对于刚认识的人，我没法变成那样的人。

I can't be that person with people I'm just meeting.

我可没法走到公园里的妈妈面前说：‘想听我模仿特朗普吗？’

I can't go up to a mom at the park and be like, wanna hear my Trump impression.

她愿意听的概率不到百分之一，你知道吧？

Like, 1% chance she wants to hear it, you know?

所以嘛，生活就是这么回事。

So that's just, you know, how it is.

虽然这有点做作，但这是个过渡阶段，慢慢我会放下伪装，让别人真正了解我，等他们放松下来，我才会开始模仿各种人。

And so even though it is a little phony, it's a temporary stage where eventually I do slowly sort of drop the mask and like people get to know me and, you know, I get them nice and comfortable and then I'm like, I'm doing drop impressions.

有对夫妇请我们去吃饭，我当场模仿了特朗普，结果之后就再也没他们的消息了。

Actually, this one couple had us over for dinner and I did the trunk impression, and we have not heard from them since.

听说他们最近忙于带孩子参加各种体育赛事，这事儿我听说是真的，我可不敢轻视。

So listening and learning, they say that they are very busy with travel sports, which I'm told is a real thing, so I don't wanna discount it.

不过，他们开始这么忙，好像是在你最喜欢的那位总统上台之后。

But the travel sorts appeared to have begun after your favorite president made that maybe.

所以，确实如此。

So it is.

克莱尔·哈伯-哈里斯。

Claire Haber-Harris.

如果你想参加她每周在互联网上举办的派对，可以去关注她的节目《卡通讨厌她》。

If you'd like to come to the party she throws every week on the Internet, you can find her at Cartoons Hate Her.

我说这话是出于真心的佩服，这节目确实挺怪的，不是人人都能接受。

I say this with all admiration, it's a super weird hang, not for everyone.

《搜索引擎》由奥德赛出品。

Search Engine is a presentation of Odyssey.

本节目由我，P.J.沃格特，和施鲁蒂·皮马内尼共同创作。

It was created by me, PJ Vogt, and Shruti Pinamaneni.

加勒特·格雷厄姆是我们的高级制片人。

Garrett Graham is our senior producer.

艾米莉·马尔泰尔是我们的助理制片人。

Emily Maltaire is our associate producer.

我们的制作实习生是派珀·杜蒙。

Our production intern is Piper Dumont.

主题音乐、原创创作及混音由阿尔明·巴扎里安制作。

Theme, original composition, and mixing by Armin Bazarian.

本周的事实核查由阿吉萨卡那津美负责。

Fact checking this week by Natsumi Ajisaka.

我们的执行制片人是莉亚·里斯·丹尼斯。

Our executive producer is Leah Reese Dennis.

感谢奥德赛团队的其他成员。

Thanks to the rest of the team at Odyssey.

感谢罗布·莫兰迪、克雷格·考克斯、埃里克·多内利、科林·盖恩纳、莫拉·柯兰、约瑟菲娜·弗朗西斯、柯克·考特尼和希拉里·舒布。

Rob Morandi, Craig Cox, Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Maura Curran, Josephina Francis, Kirk Courtney, and Hillary Schub.

如果你经营企业，想在《搜索引擎》上做广告，请给我们发邮件。

If you have a business and would like to advertise on Search Engine, please email us.

邮箱是 pjvote85@gmail.com。

Pjvote85@gmail.com.

邮件主题请写：广告。

Subject line, advertising.

如果你对节目有任何问题，也可以发到这个邮箱。

You can also send your questions there if you have a question for the show.

如果你想听节目时不被打广告打扰，可以订阅我们的付费无广告频道——隐身模式。

If you would like to not hear ads on the show, you can sign up for Incognito Mode, our paid feed.

订阅后还能收听独家附加集数。

You also get bonus episodes.

这个频道的入口在 searchengine.show。

You can find that feed at searchengine.show.

你们的支持是我们能持续制作节目的关键。

Your contributions there are what help us keep this whole thing running.

感谢收听。

Thank you for listening.

我们下周再见。

We'll see you next week.