多边恋爱（第一部分）：你需要知道的事

这让社会仍然顺畅运转。

It made the society still flow.

谈到嫉妒这个概念，或者事情该如何运作？

Touching on this idea of jealousy or how can things work?

那时候，人们彼此发生关系，这没什么问题。

Back then, it used to be, yeah, people had sex with one another and it was okay.

而且，有时这或许还促进了人口增长，不管具体情况如何。

And then if anything, some of the times it maybe helped the population, whatever the case was.

但当时，这并不被视为

But, like, it wasn't seen as

道德问题。

morale.

这对士气有好处。

Such a It's good for morale.

嗯，没错。

Well, yeah.

但那时人们并不觉得这有什么负面含义。

But it wasn't seen as, like, such a negative connotation of that.

它只是被看作这样：我认识的每个人都差不多像嬉皮士，但其实我们最初就是像嬉皮士那样。

And it was just kinda just seen as, oh, everybody I know that kinda sounds like almost like hippies, but it's, originally, we kinda were like hippies.

一切都像是自由开放的，我们彼此分享。

Like, everything's kinda, like, free space, we share.

我们所有事情都以社区的方式共同进行。

We do everything as a community.

这意味着我们可以举办群交活动，或者互换伴侣，等等。

That means we can have orgies or each other's partners or whatever the case is.

当时更像那样，但我总觉得很有趣，因为这其实根植于我们原始大脑的故事里。

It was more like that, but then it's like, I always think that's interesting because that's in our in a story of, like, our old brains.

对吧？

Right?

所以在某种程度上，这种观念就存在于那里。

So somewhere in there, that's in there.

对吧？

Right?

这就是为什么我们会关注不止一个人。

Like, that's why we look at more than one person.

这就是我们感兴趣的原因。

That's why we're interested.

我觉得这种神经连接确实有其道理，因为它深藏在我们体内，只是我们很少去探索它。

I think that kind of is, like, there's something to be said about that wiring because it's somewhere within us, but we don't really explore it.

而且，我不确定这本书后面还讲了什么，但我还是想看看。

And, again, I don't know what else the book goes into later, which I do still want to.

它还在待办事项列表上。

It's on the to do list.

你知道的，我是个忙人。

You know, busy human here.

但确实有这样一个观点，它会去观察这一点，也会去观察灵长类动物。

But there is, like, this idea where it's like it looks at like that, and it looks at, like, primates.

我知道它探讨了其中一些内容，关于我们如何发展它，社会发生了什么，以及我们是否只是因为创造了某些可能并不那么自然的规范，而试图违背自己的本性。

I know that it was exploring some of that, and just being how we develop it, and what's happened with society, and are we actually trying to push against our natural selves just because we've created some norms that might not be that natural for us.

这就是为什么我们正在经历一些

Hence why we're having some

后来的后果。

repercussions later.

是的，这一点很重要。

Yeah, that's important to note.

多偶制，或者你可能不能称之为爱恋，因为你不确定这是否是真爱，但在人类以外的动物界，非单偶制关系非常普遍。

Polyamory, or I guess you can't really call it amory because you don't know whether it's love love, but having non monogamous relationships is incredibly common in the animal kingdom outside of homo sapiens.

对。

Yes.

非常普遍。

Incredibly common.

根据进化科学，我们与大多数动物物种并没有太大的差别。

Judging by the science of evolution, we're not very far off from most animal species.

我知道。

I know.

所以你的意思是，就像你说的那样

So the idea that, yeah, like you said

我们被要求困在这个框里。

That we're supposed to be in this box.

我们被要求困在这个大多数动物都不在的随机框里，这几乎不可能。

We're supposed to be in this random box that most animals are not in, is very unlikely.

尤其是如果我们来自猿类的话。

Especially if we come from apes.

猿类经常表现出非一夫一妻制。

Apes report non monogamy all the time.

所以这就像是，为什么我们会——

So it's like, why would we,

如果我们最亲近的祖先就是这样的，那确实如此。

We're if that's our so closest close connected, yes.

所以这是个有趣的知识点。

So that's something interesting to know.

而且总的来说，就像

And also, just in general, just like

关于多边恋这件事，我有时会想，那个问题的答案——我们会不会爱不止一个人？

a little for the polyamory thing or something that goes through my head sometimes is that I'm like the answer to that question, like, do we love more than one person?

是的，我们确实会。

Yes, we absolutely do.

不一定是性方面的，也不一定是爱情方面的，对吧？

Not always in a sexual manner, not always in a love manner, right?

但我们的大脑确实天生就具备爱多个人的能力，对吧？

But we do love, our brains are wired to love more than one person, right?

我们爱伴侣，爱家人，爱朋友，他们都在我们心中占据着爱的位置。

Like we love our partner, we love our family, we love our friends, they all have a space of love in them.

甚至对于亲密伴侣，我们的大脑也具备恢复能力，能够建立新的关系。

Also, even with intimate partners, we have the ability, our brains are wired to be able to bounce back and create more partnerships.

比如，如果你的伴侣去世了，你的大脑会接纳新的伴侣，并且能够适应这种变化。

Like if your partner dies, your brain takes on and gets another partner, and it's fine with adjusting to that.

这并不意味着你对他们的爱减少了，你不再爱他们了。

I doesn't mean feel you love

对。

that them less, you don't love them anymore.

是的。

Right.

但我觉得这本身就否定了‘唯一’这个概念，对吧？

But I feel like that debunks the whole idea of one, because that just debunks it in itself, right?

比如，如果你的伴侣去世了，从技术上讲，你的爱情就结束了。

Like, if your partner dies, then technically you're done.

如果真的只有一个人，那就意味着你再也不会爱或想与任何人亲密了。

If it's just one, then that means you would never love or wanna be intimate with anybody again.

就只有一个。

It's just one.

如果这意味着要买下这个博客，那这就到头了。

If it's to buy this blog, then that means that's it.

但我们可以继续前行、适应，并且对不止一个人产生爱意或兴趣，这说明我们的大脑天生具备这种能力。

But the fact that we can keep going and adapt and do love or are interested in more than one person, I think that that says something about the fact that our brains are wired to be able to.

如果这些人恰好同时出现呢？

What if those people happen to be at the same time?

这是否意味着你并不爱他们两个人？

Does it mean that you don't love both of them?

还是说，这就是开放式关系的观点，对吧？

Or that polyamory idea, right?

或者再说一次，如果一个人去世了，依我看来，如果真爱只有一个，那就意味着你的灵魂伴侣死了，你再也不能爱上别人了。

Or again, if one dies, my opinion, if it's just one, then that means your soulmate's dead, can no longer have another person.

对吧？

Right?

但有多少人会再婚呢？

But how many people remarry?

有多少人会有新的伴侣？

How many people have new partners?

或者离婚之类的。

Or divorce or whatever it is.

或者我们的大脑天生就能持续爱着并依附多个伴侣，这正是他们观点的核心。

Or wired to be able to keep loving and keep attaching to multiple partners, which is kinda the point of what they're saying.

是的。

Yeah.

我觉得这简直太明显了，我只想说，呃，这真是个愚蠢的时刻。

Which I think that that's just In my opinion, I'm just kind of like, Well, duh, that's a dumb moment.

为什么这一点没有被更多人认同呢？明明很明显，你可以爱不止一个人。

Why isn't this agreed on more when it's like, Duh, that you can love more than one person?

对。

Right.

而且我

And I

我觉得这其实又回到了那个争论，即我知道在政治上，这个对话经常被用来论证全民医疗或财富分配之类的观点。

think it kind of goes back to that argument where it's like I know politically this conversation has had a lot where it makes the case for universal healthcare or whatever it is, or distribution of wealth.

但我认为它在爱这方面也有类似之处，即爱并不是一块饼，我多分一点，你就得少一点。

But I think it kind of relates to love in that sense too, where it's like love is not a pie chart where if I get more, you get less.

或者我给这个人更多爱，你就得少一些爱。

Or if I give this person more love, you get less love.

事情根本不是这样的。

That's just not how it works.

这并不是非黑即白的。

It's not that black and white.

从来就不是。

It never has been.

爱是非常复杂的。

Love is super complicated.

仅从神经科学的角度来看，这是一个极其复杂的过程。

Just looking at a neuroscience perspective, super complicated process.

我们才刚刚开始触及表面，了解哪些激素在活跃，哪些没有活跃。

We are just starting to crack the surface where we know what hormones firing and which ones aren't firing.

从神经科学的角度来看，我们对爱的了解也就仅限于此了。

That's about all we know about love really from a neurological perspective.

爱不是一块饼图。

It's not a pie chart.

并不是说，如果你更爱这个人，那个人就会少得到爱。

It's not like, Oh, if you love this person more than this person gets less.

完全不是这么回事。

That's not what it is at all.

你无法用这种方式来量化它。

You can't quantify it in that way.

我们可能永远都无法做到。

We'll probably never be able to.

莎士比亚早就写过爱的复杂性，它有多么令人困惑，以及它根本没有一个单一的定义。

Shakespeare was writing about intricacies of love and how confusing it can be and how it doesn't really have a one definition.

一夫一妻制是一种爱的形式，正因为这是一种爱的形式，非一夫一妻制也是一种爱的形式。

Monogamy is a form of love, just because that's a form of love, non monogamy is also a form of love.

并不是说哪一种更好。

It's not that one's better than the other.

不幸的是，整个社会，尤其是在美国，已经认定一夫一妻制更好，而非一夫一妻制则很糟糕、奇怪、不好，等等。

Unfortunately, society at large, especially in The US, has decided that monogamy is better, and non monogamy is terrible, weird, bad, whatever it is.

被贴上了这样的标签，

Unlabeled as being like,

再说一遍，那里出了点问题。

again, there's something wrong going on there.

是的，这并不是对与错的问题，而只是一种不同的方式。

Yeah, and it's not about a right versus wrong, it's just a different way.

从统计学角度来看，目前关于这一点，比如对一夫一妻制和非一夫一妻制的态度正在发生变化，尤其是在当今时代。

Statistically wise right now, things about this, like monogamy versus non monogamy attitudes right now are changing, especially in today's time.

2020年YouGov的一项调查显示，近三分之一的千禧一代表示，他们理想中的关系在某种程度上是非一夫一妻制的。

Nearly a third of millennials that were surveyed in 2020 by YouGov poll said that their ideal relationship was non monogamous to some degree.

所以有三分之一的人，这个比例比30年前美国成年人的五分之一上升了，这全是30年前的数据。

So that's a third of them, and that's up from one fifth of US adults back 30, this is all 30.

但这个数字比2016年的三分之一还高。

But this number is up from one third back in 2016.

我的意思是，五分之一。

So that's not in a I mean one fifth.

我说错了。

Messed it up.

所以从2016年到2020年，2016年时五分之一的人口持这种观点，而现在有三分之一的人表示，如果他们设想理想的关系，其中会包含一些非一夫一妻制的成分。

So anyways, from 2016 to 2020, in 2016 it was one fifth of the population, and now one third of them are saying that ideally, if they were thinking of an ideal relationship, it has some components of non monogamy.

这表明人们的观念正在转变，关于这个话题的讨论也更多了，大家也在更深入地思考，就像我们现在这样讨论。

So it just shows how the attitudes are shifting, and there's more probably conversation about it, and more thought, like how we're talking about it now.

是的，观念确实在转变，对话也明显在开放。

No, they're definitely shifting, and conversation is definitely opening.

我认为因为我们正处于过渡期，这种关系模式还没有被完全接受。

And I think because we're in that transition y period, where it's not fully accepted completely.

比如，如果你持有像我们这样的心态，就会被认为是觉醒的或进步的，但我们还没完全达到那一步。

Like, you're considered, you know, woke or progressive if you think the way, like, we're talking, but we're not fully there yet.

但这些对话已经开始，这无疑是朝着正确方向迈出的一大步。

But the fact that those conversations are starting is a huge step in the right direction.

话虽如此，多边恋关系中的人们仍然面临许多问题和歧视。

That being said though, there's still definitely a lot of issues and discrimination that people in polyamorous relationships face.

是的，那黑暗面是什么？

Yeah, what's that dark side?

因为我觉得这个很有趣。

Because I find that interesting.

我看过几篇文章。

I saw a few articles.

我觉得这是你一旦进入就会遇到的情况，对吧？

I feel like that's something you get into, right?

多边恋的黑暗面，是大多数人不会谈论的。

The dark side of polyamory that most people don't talk about.

我读到之前根本不知道，原来还存在一些实际的法律问题，可能会给你带来巨大麻烦。

Didn't know until I read about it, I didn't know that there were actual legal things in place that can be a huge problem for you.

例如，一些雇主有被称为道德条款的规定，涉及多边恋关系；如果你处于开放的多边恋关系中，可能会因与公司道德准则不符而失去工作。

For example, some employers have what's called a moral clause that involves polyamory, where if you're in an open polyamorous relationship that can have you lose your doesn't align with the moral cause of that company.

这对我来说太疯狂了。

That's crazy to me.

想想看，如果

Think about that if

情况反过来的话。

that was flipped.

想象一下，如果保持单一伴侣关系被视为不良行为，而你因为是单恋而丢了工作。

Imagine if being monogamous was considered bad and you lost your job over being monogamous.

这听起来有多荒谬？

How insane does that sound?

这和现在的情况一样荒谬。

That's exactly how insane this is.

没错，无论你正在建立什么样的关系，这根本不会影响到他人，因为我相信你还是会像平常一样完成你的工作任务。

Right, for whatever relationship you're trying to have, which again influences the other person not at all, because I'm sure you're completing your tasks or whatever as you would be as a person.

但多偶关系并不是像异性恋或同性恋那样的法律保护身份。

But polyamory is not a legally protected status, like being straight or gay.

所以你可能会因为是多偶者而失去工作。

So you can lose your job for being polyamorous.

如果你正在经历子女监护权的法律程序，法院也可能用这一点来针对你。

You could also have courts use it against you if you're having child custody proceedings.

所以如果你有孩子并且是多偶者，别人可能会以任何他们想的方式用这一点来攻击你。

So if you have children and you're polyamorous, people could use it against you for whatever way that they want.

这很讽刺，因为研究表明，在多偶家庭中长大的孩子，与在传统单偶家庭中长大的孩子相比，实际上没有任何差异。

Which is ironic because research has shown that children who grow up in polyamorous settings with polyamorous parent situations, there is literally zero difference between them and any other monogamous family.

是的。

Mhmm.

他们还提到，其中一个原因可能是，现在即使在单偶关系中，离婚率也这么高，孩子们 anyway 也会经历类似的情况。

And they were saying part of the reason might be because now when like, say you were in a monogamous relationship, divorce is so high that kids are gonna experience stuff like that anyway.

他们会经历父母的分手，或者有其他成年人进入关系，或者亲戚们来来去去，不管是什么情况。

They're going to experience breakups with their parents or other adults coming into the relationship or aunts and uncles, whatever it is.

他们会以其他方式感受到父母的爱，并且会亲眼看到这些。

They're going to experience love with their parents in other ways and they're going to see that.

所以多元恋爱对孩子的成长没有任何影响。

So polyamorous has no effect on the development of kids.

这其实是另一个流传已久的误解，比如：你能在这样的家庭里抚养孩子吗？

Like that's another myth essentially that has been circulating where, oh, can you raise your kids in a household like that?

他们会成长为这样那样的人。

They're gonna be grow up to be this that and the other.

但实际数据表明，这完全不是真的。

And the actual data has shown that that is not true, like, at all.

相反，他们一样成功，成长方式相同，发育过程毫无问题。

If anything, they're just as successful, you know, raised the same, grow up the same, literally no problems.

所以，当已有数据彻底驳斥了这种观点时，竟然还有这样的法律存在，这让我觉得太荒谬了。

So that's crazy to me that there are still laws in place when there is data that exists that completely refutes that.

现在仍然有一项法律规定，因为你属于多元恋爱关系，你就不能获得抚养权，但事实上，多年来已有数据明确证明这种说法是错误的。

There's still a law in place that says, You shouldn't have custody of this because you're polyamorous, when there's actual data that's been existing for years saying that's not true.

这没关系。

That's okay.

所以只是

So just

这表明，社会建构和社会压力有时会压倒实际的数据和科学依据。

goes to show that the social constructs and social pressures on the legal system can sometimes outweigh the actual data and science of it.

还有就是，人们对事物的误解有时也存在，对吧？

And then also just the misunderstanding of things at times, right?

他们说某件事，并不意味着他们真正了解实际情况。

Just because they're saying that one thing doesn't mean that they know what's actually happening.

他们甚至都不花时间去研究一下。

They're not even taking time to research it.

他们只是说，哦，好吧，这不受法律保护。

They're just saying, oh, okay, that's not protected by law.

或者认为，那些开放关系的人可能整天都在做爱。

Or being like, Oh, those polyamorous people probably are just having sex all the time.

但事实根本不是这样。

But that's not even the case.

你可以是无性恋者，同时又是开放关系者。

You can be asexual and be polyamorous.

这是个非常好的观点。

That's a very good point.

所以这并不总是与实际的性行为有关。

So it doesn't even always have to do with actual sex.

开放关系与性取向无关，我认为这一点非常重要。

Polyamory does not have to do with sexual identity, which I think is very important.

但我还读到，有一群人持这种观点，认为开放关系应该被视为一种性身份。

But I also read that there is a group of people that are under the school of thought that they think polyamorous should be a sexual identity.

这也很有趣，因为他们说，对很多人来说，开放关系是身份认同的核心部分，并且确实涉及一种‘出柜’过程，因此他们主张将其视为一种性身份。

And this was interesting too, because they were saying how because polyamory to them was such a large part of their identity, and it does, for a lot of people, involve sort of a coming out process, that they're making the case for it to be a sexual identity.

这个嘛，我不知道，我觉得两边都有道理。

Which, I don't know, I can see both sides.

但我希望不要出现这种情况：你不是无性恋，就是多边恋。

But what I wouldn't want it to happen is like, oh, you're either asexual or you're polyamorous.

对，因为那样又把人放进框框里了。

Right, because then it puts it into boxes again.

没错，正是如此。

Exactly, yes.

我真的觉得这并不重要。

I don't really think it matters.

只是不要一夫一妻制而已。

Just not monogamy.

对。

Right.

我不确定该不该说这重要，但我不清楚它到底会产生什么影响，不过确实很有趣，很多多边恋者在很多情况下都会经历一种‘出柜’的过程。

I don't know if it like I don't want say matters, but I don't know how it affects either way, but it is interesting that there is a coming out process for people that are polyamorous in a lot of situations.

我读过一个关于一位女性的故事，她说从十三四岁开始发育时，就一直有这种感觉——她从不真正想要一夫一妻制，但直到二十多岁才有人给她这样一个术语，这让她感到受伤，因为我在二十多岁之前甚至都没听说过开放关系。

And I was reading this one story of this woman who said she always had these feelings when she was developing, when she was 13, 14, of feeling like she never really wanted to be monogamous, but it wasn't until she was in her mid twenties that she was given a term and hurt because I didn't even hear about polyamory until I was in my twenties.

而如今，当她知道有这样一个术语，还有和她想法、感受相同的人时，她觉得自己成为了这个社群的一部分。

And this idea that now that it had a term and it had people that also thought like her and felt like her, she felt like she was becoming part of this community.

这非常像那些从小就拥有某种性身份、却不知如何表达的人。

Very much like someone who might have a sexual identity that they weren't around They had a sexual identity from a young age, but they didn't know how to express it.

他们直到遇到志同道合的人，或发现‘原来这叫无性恋’、‘这叫泛性恋’之类的时候，才明白这是什么。

They didn't know what it was called until they met like minded people or found out, Hey, this is called asexuality, or this is called pansexuality, or whatever it is.

而这帮助他们更好地认识了自己。

And it kind of helped them identify themselves.

所以我理解这种观点，也能从两个方面去理解。

So I get the argument for that, and I understand it from both sides.

但关于开放关系，还有一件我之前不知道的有趣事情。

But something else that was interesting about polyamory that I didn't know.

这个话题最主要的一点是，它经常被误解。

One of the main things about the topic is that it is often misunderstood.

而且很多情况下，就像我说的，你直到后来才听说这些事，对吧？

And a lot of those and like I said, it's like you don't hear about it until later, right?

或者你根本接触不到，因为这并不是人们经常谈论的话题。

Or like you're not exposed to it because it's not something that's necessarily talked about.

因为一夫一妻制从很早就被反复强调了。

Because monogamy is talked about very early on.

对吧？

Right?

就像那种王子和公主的故事，去找你的王子吧。

It's like that idea of, like, the prince and the princess, like, go find your prince.

这种观念很早就深植于每个人心中。

Like, that's very early instilled into everybody.

但如果你对其他可能性有所感觉，或者你开始质疑，这种想法却往往被压制了，因为主流观念始终只是：去找你的伴侣，去找你的那个对的人。

But this idea that, like, something else can happen, whatever it is, even like, if you have a sense of it or you're like, I'm kinda questioning it, kind of all gets shut down of any kind of questioning because it's like the idea is still just like, go find your partner, go find your thing.

而且，关于这一点，还有很多被揭穿的误解，对吧？

And, again, misconstrux of there's myths that are debunked with it, right?

这种认为多边恋爱就是关于频繁发生性关系的想法。

Like this idea that polyamory is all about just having a lot of sex.

而事实是，这根本不是多边恋爱的真正含义。

And then the truth is that then that's not what it's about.

它关乎连接、支持与相互关联。

It's about connection, support, Interconnection.

有趣的是，很多人在进入多边恋爱后，反而比以前更谨慎，更不容易轻易与他人发生性关系。

Interestingly enough, a lot of times people say that when they're in polyamory, they're actually more selective or less likely to jump into bed with somebody than they were before.

我读到过一个很好的观点：他们在寻找多边恋爱关系时，比过去寻找单一伴侣时更倾向于慎重考虑是否发生性关系。

I read a good thing about this, that they were more likely to be selective and think about having sex versus before when they were looking for a monogamous partner.

过去他们更容易轻易与他人发生性关系。

They were more likely to jump into bed with somebody.

而且，确实，这是一个非常重要的观点，因为另一个关于多边恋爱的误解是：你和这么多人发生关系，肯定不安全，到处乱搞，性病泛滥。

And yeah, that's a really good important point to bring up because another myth that exists about polyamory that I read about is, oh, you're not being sexually safe because you're having sex with all these different people and you're just out there wild STDs all around.

嗯。

Mhmm.

这其实不正确。

That's actually not true.

不对。

No.

研究表明，处于开放关系中的人比在monogamous关系中出轨的人更有可能做出安全且自愿的性行为选择。

Research has shown that people in polyamorous relationships are more likely to make safe sex consensual choices than someone who's in a monogamous relationship that cheats.

因为如果你在monogamous关系中出轨，你更可能受到某种影响，比如药物或酒精，因为你试图在心理上为自己的行为找借口，因为你清楚自己本不该这么做。

Because if you cheat, if you are unfaithful in a monogamous relationship, you're more likely under some type of influence, whether it's drugs or alcohol, because you're trying to justify the decision in your head, because you know that you're not supposed to be doing it.

你通常也是在仓促的环境下做出这个决定，因此更不可能做出明智的选择。

You're also usually making that decision in a kind of like hasty environment, so you're less likely to either one make an informed decision.

而且你也更不可能正确使用安全措施，比如安全套，因为你不是在匆忙中行事，而是经过思考后才决定要做的。

And also you're less likely to use safe practices such as condoms and use the condom the right way because you're not rushing and it's a thing you want to do and you've thought about it.

更不用说这还会带来其他各种心理上的负面影响。

And not to mention all the other psychological side effects of that.

但确实，还存在另一个误解，就是人们说：‘哇，你跟那么多人发生关系，真恶心。’

But yeah, that's another myth that exists where people are saying, oh, well, that's gross that you're having sex with all those people.

我承认，年轻的时候我确实抱有这种偏见。

And I'll admit, when I was younger I definitely had that stigma that I thought.

我以为如果一个人处于多边关系中，得性病的概率会高出两倍，因为你发生性行为的次数更多。

I thought if you were in a polyamorous relationship, oh my God, twice as much more likely to have STDs and Because you're having more sex.

实际上恰恰相反。

Actually the opposite is true.

情况正好相反。

It's the opposite.

因为

Because

你是在做出知情决定，所有行为都是双方同意的，你有意识地选择了这种生活方式，所以你不需要喝醉才能和别人发生关系。

you're making informed decisions, and because you're doing everything consensually, and you have made a conscious lifestyle choice to do this, then you don't have to get drunk to have sex with this other person.

你也不需要在圣诞派对上跑到一个脏乱的扫帚柜里办事。

You don't have to do it in like a random gross broom closet at the Christmas party.

扫帚柜。

Broom closet.

圣诞节派对里的扫帚柜。

Broom closet at the Christmas party.

因为你和这个人有关系。

Because you have a relationship with this person.

就像你不会和你的单偶伴侣发生不安全的性行为，也不会对你的单偶伴侣做出愚蠢的性决定一样。

In the same way that you wouldn't have safe sex with your monogamous or you wouldn't make stupid sex choices with your monogamous partner.

你也不会对你的非单偶伴侣做出愚蠢的性决定。

You're not gonna make stupid sex choices with your non monogamous partner.

而且我觉得，当我们谈论不同事情时，这种状态是贯穿各种话题的，你更脚踏实地。

And you're more grounded, I think when we talk about different things, this goes across different topics.

但听起来，如果你处于这种关系中，你对自己想要什么、自己的决定会更清醒。

But this sounds like if you're in this, you're more grounded in what you want and in your decision.

所以你不会轻率对待。

So you're not gonna take it as lightly.

因为再次强调，在这种关系中，听起来你是在认真思考自己想要什么、什么让你感到舒适。

Because again, it's like in this type of place, it's like you're thinking it's all it sounds to me like it's small about thinking about what you want to what you're comfortable with.

是的

Mhmm.

所以你不会轻易做出那种‘也许这会发展成什么’的冲动决定。

So you're not gonna be making those snap decisions of being like, oh, maybe this will lead to something.

而是更倾向于问自己：我真的想要这个吗？

It's more like, do I really want this?

我会做这件事吗？

Am I gonna do this?

同样，在这些关系中，有些关系完全不是性相关的。

Again, because in these relationships, like, some relationships are absolutely not sexual.

它们带来的是其他东西。

They're bringing something else to the table.

对。

Right.

有些是，有些不是。

Some are, some aren't.

对吧？

Right?

所以你到底想和别人走多近？

So it's like how close do you wanna be to somebody?

这取决于你当时的需求。

It's based on what your needs are at that time.

真有趣，外面有这么多误解。

It's so funny that there's so many myths out there.

我的意思是，我们刚才在谈多边恋爱，但关于多边恋爱的很多说法其实完全相反。

I mean, we're just talking about polyamory, but it's like there's so many myths about polyamory that I'm reading that are actually the opposite.

这不只是说，‘那不对’。

It's not even just like, Oh, that's not true.

而是恰恰相反。

It's actually the opposite.

多边恋爱的人安全性行为更少。

Polyamorous people are having less safe sex.

实际上，一夫一妻制的人比多边恋者进行更多不安全性行为。

Actually, monogamous people are having more unsafe sex than polyamorous.

所以对我来说，这么多年一直有这种误解，真的特别有趣，因为看起来好像

So So it's so funny to me that for years and years It's just this perception because it seems

一上来就觉得这很肮脏，对吧？

like it's dirty off the bat, right?

就是，哦，你跟好多人睡觉？

It's like, Oh, you're sleeping with a bunch of people?

这种社会观念到底是什么？

That scene that's societal is what?

错了。

Wrong.

即使是一夫一妻制的人，为了达到一夫一妻的状态，很多时候也到处乱搞。

Even though monogamous people, to get to monogamy, half the time are sleeping around all over the place.

还有个现象叫多边忠诚，就是你在多边恋关系中有一群人，你们都约定不再跟圈子外的人发生关系，这比一夜情安全多了。

That's the thing too, is there's this phenomenon called poly fidelity, where you have your group of people that are in your polyamorous life, and you guys all have made a pact to not sleep with anyone else outside of that circle, which is way more safe than having a one night stand.

对，和陌生人发生关系。

Right, of random sleeping.

或者和某个陌生人出轨。

Or cheating with some random person.

或者在酒吧里。

Or a bar

或者在出差时认识的人，等等。

or met at a work trip or whatever.

你对他们一无所知。

You don't know anything about them.

恰恰相反，这才是最安全的选择。

If anything, that's the safest choice.

因为想想看，如果你有五个伴侣，而且你知道他们都采取了安全措施，这种安心感是存在的。

Because think about it, if you have five different people to have sexual experiences with, and then you know that they're all being safe, there's a comfort in that.

对。

Right.

然后可能会涉及举重很大的重量。

Then it could be Huge weights lifted.

一些值得思考的有趣事情。

Something interesting to think about.

然后这又回到了另一个关于多元关系的迷思，即多元关系是关于无法承诺、有承诺恐惧症的人，而不是没有承诺恐惧症的人。

And then it also goes back to the other myth breaking about being like, oh, the polyamory is about not being able commitment phobes and not having commitment phobes.

是的。

Yes.

有承诺恐惧症，无法与他人亲近。

Commit phobes and not being able to be close to somebody.

对吧？

Right?

这是给那些不想建立情感依恋的人的。

It's for people who don't wanna get attached.

但事实并非如此，因为通常实践多元关系的人会用“富足”这个词来形容，拥有多个伴侣所带来的爱、情感和可能性的丰富性。

But then that's not true because people usually who practice polyamory tend to use the word abundance to describe the wealth of love, affection, possibility that having multiple partners tends to bring to their life.

所以实际上，这么想的话，是拥有更多的爱或更多的依恋。

So it's actually, guess in that way, when I think about it, there's more love or more attachment.

事实上，它的缺点是可能的心碎更多，因为爱和连接更多了。

Actually, the downside of it is that there's more potential heartbreak, because there's more love that's connection.

这是个很好的观点。

That's a good point.

当沟通不畅，你的欲望或需求得不到满足时，这种连接就无法建立。

When something's not communicating, your desires or needs are better, that connection isn't happening.

它更容易消失，或者不消失。

It's easier for it to get lost or not lost.

但那些人并不是试图不去建立连接或不依恋，他们实际上是对更多人更加依恋，对吧？

But people there, it's not that they're trying to not make connections or not attached, they're actually more attached, right, just to more people.

回到我们刚才讨论的，为什么沟通如此重要，

And going back to what we're talking about, about why communication is so important,

这就是原因。

that's why.

是的。

Yeah.

还有一种我们应当提及的现象，叫做‘共乐’，它与我们之前讨论的嫉妒有关——人们常认为polyamorous（多边恋爱）的人总是充满嫉妒，或者我会一直嫉妒。

And there's also this phenomenon that we should touch on called compersion, which plays into the points we were making earlier about like jealousy and how there's the common reaction to someone who's polyamorous of saying, oh, you're just probably jealous all the time, or I would just be jealous all the time.

但事实上，恰恰相反，正因为他们是多边恋爱者，他们反而更快乐。

But it's actually, once again, we find it's the opposite that because they're polyamorous, they are happy.

‘共乐’指的是，当伴侣因他人而获得幸福和性满足时，自己也能从中感受到喜悦。

Compersion is the idea of someone getting joy from seeing their partner happy and sexually satisfied by someone else.

这种现象被称为‘共乐’。

That's the phenomenon of conversion.

这种心态正是许多多边恋爱关系背后的核心——而不是想着：‘我嫉妒了。’

That literally is behind so much polyamorous relationships because instead of saying like, Oh, I'm jealous.

‘他们怎么能和别人有这么棒的性生活，却不是和我？’

How dare they have good sex with someone else that's not me?

相反，我会感到开心，因为我的伴侣和别人在一起时感到幸福和满足。

It's actually, I feel good because my partner feels good having sex with this other person or having a relationship with this other person.

所以这实际上恰恰相反。

So it's quite literally the opposite.

对。

Right.

但就是说，我真的很高兴你开心。

But it's like, Oh, I'm so happy that you're happy, but I mean it.

而且我们拥有这样的关系。

And being like, Oh, we have this.

因为你们之间可能有一些你从伴侣那里获得的东西。

Because there's probably something that you're having in between the partners that you're getting.

但假设，是的，假设性生活方面，对方从别人那里得到了更好的体验。

But let's say, yes, let's say the sexuality is something that the person is getting elsewhere, but, like, better.

对。

Right.

那么我会很高兴你有这种体验，因为它会让你回到我身边，成为一个更快乐、更满足的人。

Then it's like, well, I'm so happy that you're having that experience, but it brings you back to the table being a happier, more fulfilled person.

所以这在某种程度上、形式上或方式上，可能让你们的关系变得更好。

So it's probably making your relationship better in some type of way, shape, or form.

对。

Right.

对吧？

Right?

因为人们去这么做，是因为他们缺少了某些东西。

Because why do people go and have They go do it because they're missing something.

对。

Right.

所以当这部分需求得到满足时，他们可能会在这个时候变得更完整，也更投入，或者类似的情况。

So when they're having that part satisfied, they're probably becoming more whole of a person at that time and being more engaged or whatever the case is.

对。

Right.

但正因如此，他们才会这么做，因为有些东西是缺失的。

But it's like that's why they're doing it because something is not there.

所以，如果这一点不存在，而你又无法提供，那他们就会想，好吧，你能在别处得到，这样我们就能更完整，因为你会更平静、更快乐，或者在我们在一起时更专注。

So it's like, if it's not there and you can't provide it, then they're like, okay, you're getting it there, but then we can be more whole because you're going to be calmer, or you're going to be happier, or you're going to be more present when we are.

而且我

And I

我认为有必要说明，本集并不是在说一夫一妻制不好。

think it's important to note that we're not saying monogamy is bad in this episode.

对。

No.

我只是想指出，人们对非一夫一妻制关系存在的一些误解是不公平的，因为有些人确实更适合一夫一妻的模式。

I think we're just bringing to light some of the misconceptions that exist with non monogamous relationships that is just unfair because some people are best served in a monogamous setting.

有些人最适合一夫一妻的模式。

Some people are best served in a monogamous setting.

所以这只是不同而已。

So it's just different.

不是谁对谁错的问题。

It's not one's right and one's wrong.

这只是一种不同的关系形式。

It's just a different form of relationship.

我认为需要更多地讨论这一点，是因为它没有被广泛接受，也没有被广泛谈论。

And the reason why more has to be said about this, or at least I think, is because it's not as accepted and not as widely talked about.

所以我认爲这方面的讨论必须更多，这听起来可能有点防御性，或者类似的情况，但其实就是希望你能敞开心扉。

That's why I think that there has to be more of this, like, it almost sounds defensive or whatever the case is, but it's just that it's, like, more to be, like, get your mind open

去接纳它。

to it.

嗯哼。

Mhmm.

因为我觉得就像

Because I think just like

挑战常规。

Challenge the norm.

是的。

Yeah.

它就像其他任何事情一样。

It's, like, more just like anything else.

更重要的是不加评判。

It's more about the non judgment.

因为当我们讨论所有这些不同话题时，我们知道，任何超出社会规范这种刻板框架的行为，都会被评判，被认为有问题。

Because what we know about sexual activity, right, when we're covering all these different topics, it's that anything that's outside of the cookie cutter box that's put into society as a norm is seen as judged upon and something's wrong.

对。

Right.

但你探索得越多，了解得越多，就越会意识到这并没有错，也没有什么邪恶的事情发生。

But the more you explore it and the more you learn about it, the more you realize that it's not wrong and there's nothing evil happening.

只是它不同，而人们缺乏理解。

It's that it's different and people don't have the understanding.

所以我更支持这种观点：别去评判，多去了解不同的事物是什么。

So I'm more about this idea of let's not judge and think more about what different things are.

我们了解得越多，成长得就越多。

The more that we know, the more that we grow.

哦。

Oh.

哦，你看我押韵了。

Oh, as people, look at me rhyming.

确实，我们越能接受不同的事物，越会想，哦，这并不是一个奇怪的概念。

It's true, the more that we can accept different things and just be like, Oh, that's not a weird concept.

这只是一个其他的选择。

That's just another option.

就像自助餐一样。

It's like a buffet.

你可能想和一个人结婚，你可能

You might want be married with one person, you might

当这些信息更容易获得时，那些有这种感受的人就不会感到迷茫了。

Once this information is more readily available, then someone who has these feelings, they don't feel lost.

这是一个选择，对吧。

It's an option Right.

关于

Of the

他们可以公开说：哇，真的吗。

And they can openly say, Oh, wow.

你知道吗？

You know what?

这似乎更符合我。

Think that's more for me.

这可能是我想走的方向。

Might be the direction I want to go in.

是的。

Yeah.

这没关系。

And that's okay.

对吧？

Right?

只是觉得，也许那个伴侣更适合你。

Just being like, Okay, maybe that one partner is more for you.

也许你很喜欢这个想法。

Maybe you love that idea.

是的。

Yeah.

我选了一道围栏，也许你全身心投入了。

I pick a fence, maybe you're all in.

是的。

Yeah.

我觉得我想去巴厘岛。

I think I want to go to Bali.

现在就去。

And like right now.

这完全取决于什么适合你。

It's just all it's whatever's for you.

但其实这同样适用于很多其他话题，甚至在性方面也是如此，很多不同的话题，比如我们刚才谈到的，了解各种不同的性取向存在，了解性取向可以是流动的，了解性别也可以是流动的，这些认知对年轻人来说非常有帮助，而不是让他们一生都觉得自己是个异类，觉得自己不好，或者自己的想法是错的。

But it's like the same I mean, that can be said about so many different topics, even in sex, so many different topics, whether it's sexuality, like we were just talking about knowing these different sexualities exist, knowing that sexuality can be fluid, knowing that gender can be fluid, knowing that that's just thing can be so helpful to someone at a younger age, as opposed to going through their whole life thinking they're some kind of outsider, and that they're bad or their thoughts are bad.

别再让这些念头在我脑子里反复纠缠了。

Like, stop doing what what stop going on in my head.

我们来谈谈现在发生了什么吧。

What's going let's

或者再说一遍，如果某件事不被理解，就被视为邪恶，我讨厌这种观念，因为一旦未知，就被当成邪恶。

Or again, if it's not understood, it's evil, which I hate that concept because, oh, if it's unknown, it's evil.

这简直变成了这样：那些统计数据全都是错的。

Like, it takes this turn to being like, how this it's like all those statistics that are so wrong.

好像因为那些人是邪恶的，所以他们都在互相乱搞。

It's like, well, because they're evil people, they're all fucking each other.

但你其实并不知道那是不是真的。

But then it's like that's you don't know that.

那些人正在为此争论不休。

Those people are having a about it.

愉快的性体验。

Enjoyable sexual experience.

但你根本对它一无所知，却愿意做出这样的判断。

But it's like you don't know the first thing about it and you're willing to make That's

之所以叫‘欲火中烧’，是因为他们有角。

it's called horny because they have horns.

邪恶。

Evil.

漂亮的角。

Nice horns.

你却愿意做出根本不存在的严厉评判。

You're willing to make such harsh judgments that aren't there.

然后，对于其他事情，对于其他人也是如此。

And then again, for, like, everything else, like, for other people.

对吧？

Right?

当他们在探索时，除了常规之外，没有任何其他形式的赋权。

Like, when they're exploring, there's no empowerment to anything other than the norm.

是的。

Yeah.

但了解一切呢？

But what about knowing everything?

万事万物都有一个谱系。

There's a spectrum to everything.

多元恋爱的一个重要教训，我认为这适用于一切，那就是一刀切并不适用。

And a big lesson from polyamory, which like, which I think is for everything, it's that one size does not fit all.

多元恋爱不是，爱情也不是。

Polyamory isn't, and neither is love.

我们都知道这一点。

We know that.

对。

Right.

即使是不同类型的开放式关系。

Even different kinds of polyamory.

就像我们说的，关系有不同的形式。

Like we said, there's different forms of relationships.

我们之前谈到过，有时开放式关系会分为主要关系和次要关系。

So we were talking about before, like how there's a primary and then a secondary, that's sometimes the case for polyamorous.

还有一些开放式关系则是对每个人都保持平等的连接。

There's other polyamorous relationships that just have equal across the board, equal connection across the board to everyone.

有忠诚型的开放式关系，也有一些关系并不具备这种忠诚。

There's poly fidelity and then there's also some relationships that don't have that.

但我认为，开放式关系中最恒定的核心是知情同意。

But I think the biggest thing that is constant across polyamory is consent.

是的。

Yes.

百分之百。

A 100

如果没有得到同意，就不是多元恋爱。

is not polyamorous unless it's consensual.

这里还有一个有趣的地方，那就是‘出轨’这个词在多元恋爱中似乎是个热门话题。

And here's what's interesting too, that there can be So cheating is like a big buzzword I think in polyamory.

人们常说：多元恋爱不过是找借口来出轨。

And people say, Oh, well polyamory is just an excuse not to cheat.

或者说是用来找借口去出轨的。

Or it is an excuse to cheat.

但其实这并不正确，因为在多元恋爱关系中你仍然可能出轨。

But that's actually not true because you can still cheat in a polyamorous relationship.

正如所说，它涉及同意。

Like said, involves consent.

它涉及同意。

Involves consent.

如果你对伴侣隐瞒了你和谁发生过关系，或者撒谎说自己和谁发生过关系，那完全就是一回事。

If you're not being honest with your partner about who you're having sex with, you lie about who you had sex with, yeah, it's the exact same thing.

这和在单偶关系中的欺骗本质上是一样的。

It's still just as much cheating as it is in a monogamous relationship.

人们会

The people will

同样会感到受伤，因为这种关系强调开放、诚实，以及坦率地分享你的想法、观点和行为。

be just as hurt because it's like a world that's very about openness and being honest and just forthcoming with your thoughts, opinions, and what you're doing.

对吧？

Right?

没错。

Right.

如果你在别人背后做这些事，不管怎样，这都是欺骗。

If you're doing it behind somebody's back, no matter what, that is cheating.

如果你不自己主动承认，那迟早会被别人发现，这才是问题所在。

And that is the evil of if you're not gonna call it out on yourself, right, that's then someone's gonna catch you.

这才是错误的部分。

That's the wrong part.

百分之百。

A 100%.

所以，再次强调，我不认为任何事情都适合一刀切。

So, again but it's not I like the idea of, like, one size does not fit all for almost anything.

嗯。

Mhmm.

对吧？

Right?

比如，任何事情，这个那个。

Like, anything, this, that.

就是这种想法，为什么爱就一定要是千篇一律的呢？

It's just that idea that's like, well, why would love be a one size fits all thing?

我认为其中一个要点是，如果你觉得自己想探索多元恋爱，不要为此感到羞耻。

I think one of the takeaways is if you think that you want to explore polyamory, don't feel shame about it.

我知道说起来容易做起来难，但互联网是一个非常丰富的资源。

I know it's easier said than done, but the internet is a really big resource.

做一些研究，看看你是否真的认为开放关系适合你，还是你只是想探索 swingers 生活方式，或者只是非专一的关系。

Do some research whether you really think polyamory is for you or whether you more just want to explore swing lifestyle or just being non monogamous.

不一定非得是开放关系，但别直接从单一恋爱跳到其他形式。

It doesn't necessarily have to be polyamory, but jump from just being in a monopoly.

从一段专一的关系，直接跳到‘现在我和多个人有亲密关系’。

Being in a monogamous relationship and then jumping to, oh, now I'm an intimate with multiple people.

这可能是一个循序渐进的过程：尝试、观察你喜欢什么，以及什么让你感到舒适。

It probably would be like a progression of trying out, seeing what you like, seeing what you're comfortable with.

自我反思，我认为这一点很重要。

Self checking, I think that's a big one.

确保你这么做是因为你自己想做，而不是因为你的伴侣想这么做。

Making sure what you're doing is because you want to do it, not because your partner wants to do it.

你自己。

Yourself.

真的需要好好检视自己。

It really is like check yourself.

善待自己，

Treat yourself,

但确实，要自我检视

But yeah, check

不要为此感到羞耻。

don't feel shame about it.

做些研究。

Do your research.

想想你希望如何去做。

Think about how you want to do it.

对你的伴侣保持开放。

Be open with your partner.

对他们诚实。

Be honest with them.

不要压抑这些感受，因为如果你只是压抑内心的东西，它终将爆发，导致关系变糟。

Do not stifle those feelings because if you just push something down that's inside of you, it's going to blow up and make for a bad relationship anyway.

任何关系，无论具体情况如何。

And any relationship, no matter what the case is.

你总是要对自己诚实。

You always have to be honest with yourself.

是的，当然。

Yeah, for sure.

首先。

First.

我的意思是，我们总说要沟通、要了解，但是

I mean, we always say communicate, know, But

但你要去做。

but do it.

这就是我的书。

That's my book.

我打算在每一集中都提到它。

I'm gonna mention it in every episode.

就这么做。

Just do it.

沟通。

Communicate.

实际上，这些页面上只会写：沟通，沟通，是的。

Actually, the pages are just gonna say communicate, communicate, Yeah.

沟通，沟通。

Communicate, communicate.

自我沟通。

Self communication.

第二章：沟通。

Chapter two, communicate.

沟通。

Communicate.

接着是一张只写着“沟通”的页面。

Followed by just the page that says communicate.

因为那才是它真正的本质。

Because that's what it really is.

我们知道，我们总是这么说。

We know, we always say that.

是的。

Yeah.

但每一种情况归根结底都是关于交流。

But every situation that's boils down to talking.

对吧？

Right?

即使我们在讨论这个，我们也在进一步传播信息，让人们去思考它，但每个月都像一切总是围绕着交流。

Even when we're talking about this, we're spreading the information further, banning people to think about it however the month it's like everything is always about talking.

因为我们是社会性的人类。

Because we're social human beings.

我们需要交谈，才能让我们的想法被知晓。

We need to talk to make our ideas be known.

确实如此。

It's true.

说话。

Talk.

说话。

Talk.

说话。

Talk.

出去。

Out.

但要诚实地谈，别只是信口开河。

But talk in a way that's honest, not just don't just talk out of your butt.

是的。

Yeah.

别信口开河。

Don't talk out of your butt.

用脑子说话。

Talk out of your brain.

用脑子说话。

Talk out of your brain.

别胡说八道。

Don't talk out of your butt.

用脑子说话。

Talk out of your brain.

想想真正发生的事情。

Think about what's actually going on.

别胡说。

No butt talk.

全用脑子说。

All brain talk.

如果你能让屁股说话，那可真了不起。

If you can make your butt talk, that's pretty impressive.

很厉害，是的。

Impressive, yeah.

我不知道我是否想看到那个，但我有点想看。

I don't know if I'd want to see that, but I kind of would want

我想说，你错了，对吧？

to I see don't, like you're wrong, right?

但那真的很厉害。

But it's like, that's impressive.

抱歉，真的是很抱歉。

Sorry about that, literally.

沟通。

Communicate.

沟通，是的。

Communicate, yes.

但我们希望这一部分关于多元恋爱能解答一些问题或满足一些好奇心。

But we hope that this part one of polyamory helped answer some questions or some curiosities.

它确实回答了我一些问题。

It definitely answered some of my questions.

第二部分，我想我们会更深入地探讨它是如何表现和展开的。

Part two, I think we'll get more into how it looks, how it's played out.

然后是关于

And then how

它如何与一些社会现象相关，比如那些真正经历它的人。

it's happening with some of these societal things, like people that are actually experiencing it.

它是如何进行的。

How it goes.

因为再次说，我觉得这只是

Because again, I think that it's just

这其实就是一件需要被讨论的事情。

It's just like something that needs to be talked about.

但它实际上比你想象的更常见，就像很多事情一样。

But it's actually more common than you think, kind of like a lot of things are.

而且如果能再更广泛地公开讨论一下，也许在众多选择中，它会成为一个更被接受的选项，你也不会因为有这样的感受而觉得奇怪。

And it's like, if it can just be a little bit more broad to the surface, again, maybe in the buffet of things, it can be a more acceptable option, and you don't have to feel weird that that's how you feel.

当然。

For sure.

因为我觉得这很重要，就是不要对自己的感受感到奇怪。

Because I think that's a big part, not feeling weird about how you feel about things.

而这里正是很多人会感到尴尬的地方。

And this is one of those places where I think a lot of people feel weird.

确实如此，但只要你坦诚讨论并了解事实，这就一点都不奇怪。

That's true, but it's not weird if you just talk about it and get the facts.

非常感谢你收听我们2021年的第一期节目。

Well, thank you so much for tuning in to our first episode of 2021.

希望你的新年过得愉快美好，也希望你的2021年充满性爱、坦诚沟通，以及纯粹的美好时光。

We hope that your New Year's was enjoyable and wonderful, and we hope that your 2021 is filled with all the sex, all the communication, and just nothing but good times.

请记得在Apple、iTunes播客应用以及Spotify上订阅我们的播客。

Please remember to subscribe to our podcast on Apple, on the iTunes podcast app, as well as Spotify.

在社交媒体上关注我们，我们的账号是 Instagram 和 Twitter 上的 thesexqueenspod。

Reach out to us on social media, our handle the sexqueens pod on both Instagram and Twitter.

就是 s e x q u e e n s p o d。

That's s e x q u e e n s p o d.

你也可以随时给我们发邮件，分享你的故事、推荐、更正，或者其他任何内容。

You can also always, always email us with your stories, recommendations, corrections, anything like that.

任何你想分享的趣事，请发送至 sexqueenspodgmail dot com。

Any anecdote you want to add to sexqueenspodgmail dot com.

我们非常爱你们，也很兴奋能和你们一起开启新的一年。

We love you guys and we're really excited to kick off the new year with you.

而且和往常一样，我们也不知道你们为什么会来。

And as always, we don't know why you came.

但我们很高兴你们来了。

We're glad you did.

下次见，女王们。

See you next time, queens.

新年快乐。

Happy New Year.