为什么伴侣从不谈论性（以及如何开始）

好的。

Okay.

那么我们来聊聊我最喜欢的提升单人游戏体验的方式之一。

So let's talk about one of my favorite ways to upgrade your solo or part of play.

这就是济州岛的赫拉。

It is the Hera by Jeju.

这是一款造型流畅、动力十足的兔子振动棒，基本上结合了两者的优点。

It's a sleek, powerful rabbit vibrator that's basically the best of both worlds.

它对于内部刺激和济州岛闻名的那种震撼人心的阴蒂振动效果简直不可思议。

It's incredible for internal stimulation and those rumbly mind blowing clitter vibes Jeju is known for.

以下是我喜欢的地方。

Here's what I love.

外部耳朵由和Mimi相同的马达驱动，你之前应该听过我对它的盛赞。

The external ears are powered by the same motor as the Mimi, which you've heard me rave about before.

我超爱Mimi。

I love the Mimi.

内置臂能将深层满足的震动精准传递到G点。

And the internal arm delivers deep satisfying vibrations right to your g spot.

它超级柔软，极度静音，并能随身体律动。

It's super soft, ultra quiet, and it moves with your body.

无论独自使用还是与伴侣共享，都能带来量身定制般的体验。

So whether you're using it solo or with a partner, it has this feel like it's made just for you.

说实话，这根本不需要犹豫。

And honestly, it's kind of a no brainer.

人人都爱赫拉。

Everyone loves the Hera.

现在通过sexwithemily.com/hera使用优惠码Emily20可享8折优惠。

And right now, you can get 20% off the Hera using code Emily 20 at sexwithemily.com/hera.

重复一遍：在sexwithemily.com/hera输入Emily20立享8折。

That's Emily 20 for 20% off at sexwithemily.com/hera.

如果你一直在寻找一款能带来强力混合高潮、设计贴心且品质卓越的情趣玩具，就是它了。

So if you've been looking for a toy that delivers powerful blended orgasm with thoughtful design and serious quality, this is it.

所以去犒劳自己吧。

So go treat yourself.

这是你应得的。

You deserve it.

我们从小被灌输要让伴侣无论如何都感到愉悦。

We have been taught essentially to make our partners feel good no matter what.

即使这意味着牺牲自己的快感，我们也被训练成为了表演型爱人。

And even if that means costing us our own pleasure, we have been trained to be performative lovers.

我曾经认为只要伴侣玩得开心并且高潮了，就意味着这是美好的性爱。

I used to think that if my partner had a good time and he orgasmed, then it meant that it was good sex.

所以这就是为什么我会假装高潮。

And so that's why I faked it.

但我想提醒你，假装高潮对你和伴侣都没有好处。

But I wanna remind you that faking orgasms doesn't serve you or your partner.

你正在收听《与艾米莉谈性》。

You're listening to sex with Emily.

我是医生。

I'm Doctor.

我是艾米丽，来帮助你将愉悦感放在首位，并解放关于性的话题讨论。

Emily, here to help you prioritize pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex.

制片人埃里卡和我正在探讨那些决定我们亲密生活成败的关键时刻。

Producer Erica and I are looking at the moments that make or break our intimate lives.

比如当你放慢节奏时，如何在不破坏魔力的前提下升温；或是当你尝试过某些方式却感觉不佳时。

For example, when you're taking things slow and wondering how to turn the heat up without killing the magic, or when something you tried before didn't feel great.

这时你的身体会自然紧绷，导致你完全不在状态。

So naturally, your body tenses, and now you're out of it.

我们将分享那些改变一切的小调整：如何在卧室外营造氛围、建立信任而非紧张感的触碰方式，以及打开心门而非关闭沟通的言语技巧。

We'll share the small adjustments that change everything: how to set the scene outside the bedroom, the kind of touch that builds trust instead of tension, and the words that open doors instead of shutting them.

这档节目无关表演。

This show isn't about performing.

它关乎保持好奇心、清晰沟通，并为真正的愉悦创造条件。

It's about getting curious, communicating clearly, and creating the conditions for real pleasure.

如果你准备好感受更多、伪装更少，请继续关注我们。

If you're ready to feel more and fake less, stay with us.

让我们开始吧。

Let's get into it.

这是来自马特奥的留言。

This is from Matteo.

他是一位男性，51岁，在西班牙。

He's a male, 51 in Spain.

嘿，埃米尔医生。

Hey, doctor Emile.

我和一位迷人的女性约会已经一个半月多了。

I've been dating a gorgeous woman for more than a month and a half.

我们彼此身体上都很吸引对方，每次约会都以亲热结束。

We were both into each other physically and end each date with a make out session.

我们还没有发生过关系，但我已经准备好迈出那一步了。

We've not slept together yet, and I'm ready for that step.

我想和她讨论我们需要做些什么才能走到那一步，或者弄清楚她是否还没准备好。

I wanna discuss with her what we need to do to get there or to find out if she just isn't ready.

我认为很大程度上是因为她还有一个孩子全天在家，而我是独自住在公寓里。

I think a big part of this is that she still has one child at home full time and I live alone in my apartment.

我该如何提起这个话题？或者我该不该提？

How do I bring up this conversation or should I?

我觉得自己可能有点心急，但已经一个半月了，所以我不太确定。

I feel like I might be impatient here, but it has been a month and a half, so I'm not sure.

感谢任何建议，我一直很喜欢你的内容。

Thanks for any and all advice, and I always love your content.

好的，马泰奥，谢谢你的提问。

Alright, Matteo, thanks for your question.

这类问题经常出现，比如我该等多久才能和某人发生关系？

These questions come up a lot, like how long should I wait to sleep with somebody?

应该在第一次约会时就速战速决吗？

Should it be on the first date and just get it over with?

我应该等三个月吗？

Should I wait three months?

而我不相信时间表。

And I do not believe in a timeline.

我在这方面从不规定条条框框。

I am not prescriptive in this way at all.

所以关键在于你们双方都觉得合适。

So it's what feels right to both of you.

但听起来马特奥在告诉我们他已经准备好了，却不确定女方是否准备好了。

But it sounds like Matteo's telling us he's ready and can't tell if she's ready.

我完全同意不应该有时间表，但如果已经过了一个半月、两个月，你该如何提起这个话题呢？

I totally agree there shouldn't be a timeline, but how do you then approach the subject if it has been a month and a half, two months?

就直接

Just have

展开对话。

a conversation.

我是说，这类话题不适合在卧室里讨论，也不适合在亲热后提起。

I mean, this is the kind of thing not in the bedroom, not after you make out.

你不想一把将她拽到床上，但他们完全可以共进晚餐，在约会之夜聊聊性这个话题。

You don't wanna grab her and pull her onto the bed, but it sounds like they could go out to dinner, have a conversation about sex on date night.

与其把这事藏着掖着，不如直接说：我很喜欢和你相处的时光。

Like instead of keeping it so private, you can just say, you know, I really enjoy hanging out with you.

我很享受我们之间的化学反应，那些火热的亲吻，你对此感觉如何？

I enjoy our connection, really sexy makeouts, and you know, how are you feeling about it?

你对我们的关系发展有什么感觉？

How are feeling about our connection?

我觉得在这个时代，一个半月后问'我们感觉如何'完全合适。

I think a month and a half in this day and age is okay to say like, how are we feeling?

而且他们都是成熟的成年人了。

And they're full on adults.

她生活忙碌，作为单亲妈妈还为他腾出时间，显然对他很有好感。

She's got a busy life, and if she's making time for him as a single mom, she is clearly into it.

我觉得可以放心地说，嘿，我想确认我们在这件事上达成共识。

I think it's safe to say, hey I wanna make sure we are on the same page here.

我真的很享受我们之间的亲密关系。

I'm really liking our intimacy.

我想看看我们是否愿意将关系提升到下一个阶段。

I'd love to kinda see if we wanna take this to the next level.

你有兴趣让我们的关系变得更亲密吗？

Would you be interested in being even more intimate?

或许你可以找个晚上请保姆照看孩子，或者你可以来我这儿过夜。

Maybe you could get a sitter one night or you could sleep over.

我一个人住。

I live alone.

你对这些事情感觉如何？

Like, how are you feeling about things?

我甚至觉得让这种期待继续等待也挺让人心动的。

I almost feel like that's kinda hot to let it wait too.

因为我觉得在如今这个随性约会的时代，初次见面就发生关系已经没那么令人不齿了，甚至成了默认选项。

Because I feel like nowadays in this era of casual sex, there's less of a stigma around having sex on the first night, and oftentimes that's the default now.

所以我知道有些人几乎是想通过等待来营造那种期待感，这种体验现在很少有了，因为大家会觉得‘哦，我们已经上过床了’。

And so I know some people almost want to wait to build that anticipation that they don't often get anymore because it's like, oh, we've already slept together.

感觉已经没什么可渴望的了。

It doesn't feel like there's anything more to crave.

近年来，人们总是会立刻发生关系，好像只是为了完成任务。

In recent years, people are just sleeping together right away to get it over with.

但我依然坚持认为，性爱随时都可以发生。

But I still maintain that you can always have sex with somebody.

但就像你说的，那种期待感、逐步升温的过程和彼此了解的过程——他们不必从接吻直接跳到插入。

But like you're saying, the anticipation and the buildup and getting to know each other, They don't have to go from making out to penetration.

但听起来如果只是接吻了一个半月，他们...你知道的，都五十多岁了，肯定已经准备好了。

But it sounds like if it's only been a make out for a month and a half, they're, you know, what, in their fifties, you're ready to know.

是啊。

Yeah.

更进一步亲密接触会是什么感觉？

Like how does it feel to get even more intimate?

她可能也在想这件事。

And she's probably thinking about it too.

所以我觉得可以先共进晚餐，从一句'我们进展如何'开始聊起。

So I think having dinner and just starting with a conversation that's how we doing?

比如交往一个半月后，这段关系发展得怎样？

Like a month and a half in, how's this relationship going?

你对此有什么感觉？

How are feeling about it?

可能她还得赶回家照顾孩子。

And maybe she has to brush off and get home to her kid.

或许可以安排个时间更长的白天约会。

So maybe there's a way to have it be a longer day date.

如果她有保姆照顾孩子，他们就能有更多时间相处和探索。

Maybe she's a sitter so they could have more time and explore.

我想说，我很想和你更亲密一些。

And just saying like, I'd love to get more intimate with you.

我一直在幻想着你，那会有多火热。

I keep just fantasizing about you, how hot it would be.

我觉得让她知道你对她的这种兴趣是很好的。

I mean, I think it's great to let her know that you're interested in her in that way.

但可以先问问她对这件事的感受？

But start with how you feeling about this?

我很想让你留下来过夜。

I'd love to maybe have you sleep over.

你儿子在家时这有可能实现吗？

Is that ever a possibility with your son at home?

你请过保姆吗？

Do you ever get sitters?

就直接表明你感兴趣，想看看这段关系会如何发展。

And just like let it be known that you're interested and that you'd like to see where this is going.

毕竟我们每个人的生活都很忙碌。

Because also we all have such busy lives.

所以她显然是在特意抽时间和他相处，而且她对此很投入。

So she's clearly setting time aside to be with him, and she's into it.

而他表现得非常耐心且尊重。

And he's being very patient and respectful.

因为另一种做法可能是直接占有她，心怀怨恨，想着她怎么还没结束和我的关系。

Because the other side is like just grabbing her, being resentful, and like, didn't she stop with me yet?

但我喜欢他的处理方式。

But I like the way he's going about it.

很明显他对这件事非常敏感且情商很高，因为他很顾及她的处境。

He clearly has a lot of sensitivity around this and emotional intelligence because he's being, like, mindful of her situation.

我只是觉得你听起来像个好人，马特奥。

I just you sound like a good guy, Matteo.

我同意。

I agree.

这类问题总是让我感到疑惑。

These kind of questions always make me wonder.

即便是结婚二十年的人，要谈论自己的性生活也很困难。

People already have a hard time talking about their sex life if they've been married for twenty years.

在还没和某人发生过关系前，要怎么讨论性话题呢？

How do you talk about sex before you've had sex with someone?

我想提倡一种观点：对某人产生兴趣时就该谈性话题，这是最佳方式。

I would like to normalize talking about sex as soon as you're interested in someone is the best way to go.

因为等到二十年后再谈，或者等到长期同床共枕后才谈，完全本末倒置。

Because waiting twenty years or waiting until you've been sleeping with someone for a long time totally misses the point.

因为你想要了解一个人。

Because you wanna get to know somebody.

而通过了解对方是否愿意谈论性话题，就能判断他们对此是否持开放态度。

And by getting to know is somebody comfortable talking about sex, are they open to it?

其实从第一次对话中就能看出很多端倪。

You could actually tell so much by that first conversation.

所以当他们共进晚餐时说，嘿，我觉得和你很有共鸣。

So when they're at dinner saying, hey, I feel this great connection with you.

如果能更进一步亲密就太好了。

It'd be great to get even more intimate.

你愿意尝试吗？

Would you be open to it?

如果她说，天啊，真不敢相信你会问我这个。

And what if she says, oh my god, I can't believe you're asking me.

然后她反应很激烈。

And she reacts to him in a strong way.

那很能说明问题。

Well, that says a lot.

但我真正看到的是，这确实开启了一个很好的探索空间，比如性在你们关系中有多重要，甚至可以先说，马特奥你听过节目，你知道对性和谈论性保持成长心态确实帮助了很多情侣。

But what I really see happening is that this really opens up a great place to just continue exploring like how important is sex to you in a relationship, or even preface it by saying, you know Matteo you listen to the show, you see that having a growth mindset around sex and talking about sex really helps so many couples.

所以只要承认并说，在过去的感情中，我没什么谈论性的经验，但我其实一直在学习更多。

So just admitting and saying, in previous relationships, I don't have a lot of experience talking about sex, but I actually have been learning a lot more about it.

我认为这对我们来说会非常有益。

And I think that it would be really healthy for us.

所以我真的很想知道，你愿意谈谈性这个话题吗？

So I would just love to know, are you open in talking about sex?

这是你感到自在的事情吗？

Is it something that you're comfortable with?

我一直想成为一个很棒的爱人。

I always wanna be a great lover.

你愿意谈论性话题吗？

Are you comfortable talking about sex?

所以我觉得你不必一上来就问'你喜欢BDSM吗？'

So I think that you don't have to jump right to like, are you into BDSM?

你喜欢打屁股吗？

Are you into spanking?

你有什么性幻想？

What's your fantasies?

但就像我说的，我想谈谈这个话题。

But just saying like, I wanna talk about it.

我想明确知道，我们正在亲热，我们都是成年人了。

I wanna know like clearly we're making out, We're adults.

而之后的事情就是更加深入地了解对方。

And what comes after that is getting to know each other even more.

那么，我们如何为这段关系腾出时间呢？

So how can we find time for that?

你有没有考虑过这个问题？

Have you thought about that?

那将是一个绝佳的时机，她可以说：事实上，我很高兴你提起这个话题。

And that would be a great time where she could say, actually, I'm glad you brought it up.

但现在不行。

Right now, no.

我并不打算发展这段关系，因为这样一来，马特奥，你就得到了她的答案。

I'm not looking for relationship because then, Matteo, you have her answer.

或者她会说，很高兴你问了。

Or she's like, I'm glad you asked.

我不想显得冒昧，但我正考虑找个保姆陪儿子过夜，这样我们就能共度一整晚了。

I didn't wanna be presumptuous, but I was thinking of getting a sitter to sleep over with my son one night so we could spend a whole night together.

呃。

Ugh.

这想法也太棒了。

That's so mind as well.

是的。

Yes.

你总说初期的性爱质量预示着二十年后可能的性爱状态。

And you always say that the sex that you have in the beginning is indicative of the sex you might have twenty years down the line.

所以这绝对是个需要推动的重要环节。

So it's definitely an important ball to get rolling.

这确实是个需要推动的关键环节。

It's a really important ball to get rolling.

不过要澄清一点，最初一两次的性经历并不一定预示二十年后你们会有的性生活。

And, actually, though, to clarify that, the sex you have the first time or two isn't necessarily indicative of the sex you're gonna have in twenty years.

确实如此。

Definitely.

但第一次之后发生的性行为就不同了。

But the sex that you have after the first yeah.

但让我们记住这点，因为总有人问：'他接吻技术很差，第一次的性体验我也不满意'。

But let's just remember that because we always get those questions like, oh, he was a bad kisser, but I didn't love the sex we had the first time.

在真正讨论性之前，你无法评判对方的性表现。

And until you actually talk about sex, you can't judge someone's sexual performance.

如果你从未表达过自己的需求，就不能说'对方没做到我想要的，我不喜欢他们在床上的方式'。

You can't say, well, they're not doing what I want, and I don't like the way they're in the bedroom if you haven't shared what you needed.

我们每个人都是带着各自不同的经历和关系认知来面对性这件事的。

We all come to the sex table or the sex bed, if you will, with our own set of experiences and relationships.

实际上我们会把这些全都带进卧室里。

And we're actually bringing it all into the bedroom.

马特奥，你睡过的每个人，她睡过的每个人，都和你一起在那个卧室里。

So everyone you've slept with, Matteo, everyone she slept with is there in the bedroom with you.

这就是为什么谈论它更加重要，因为我们可能带着所有这些旧有的期望或先入为主的观念，然后说：我想从一张白纸开始。

So that's why talking about it is even more important because we might be bringing all of these old expectations or preconceived notions and say, I wanna start with a clean slate.

让我们成为那些会谈论性的人，我们可以一起弄清楚这对我们双方意味着什么，这样我们都能成为彼此的好情人，并看看这段关系将走向何方。

Let's be the people that talk about sex and we can figure out what it both means to us so we can both be great lovers to each other and see where this relationship is going.

所以我建议说出来，谈论它，告诉她对你是新体验，然后听听她怎么说。

So I say call it out, talk about it, say it's new for you, and see what she has to say.

然后你就会知道下一步该怎么做。

And then you'll know what to do next.

希望很快就能有一次火热的过夜约会。

And hopefully it's like a steamy, you know, sleepover soon.

太刺激了。

So hot.

这就是你想要的，马特奥。

That's what you want for you, Matteo.

记住这一点，她可能想慢慢来。

Remember this, she might wanna take it slow.

也许她很久没有和人亲密接触了。

Maybe she hasn't been with someone in a while.

所以我认为当我们提到性时，必须明白这不只是直奔主题。

So I think that when we say sex, we have to know that it's not just about going right to penetration.

我怎么强调这一点都不为过。

I can't remind people that enough.

也许你应该用口爱抚她，慢慢来，给她按摩。

Maybe you should go down on touch her, go slow, give her a massage.

这样也能延长期待感，让你们从这些亲密行为中就开始享受彼此的联系。

So that can also help sort of make the anticipation last even longer and start to enjoy the connection you're having just from those sex acts.

不必总是老一套的抽插运动。

Doesn't have to be about the old in and out.

就像最棒的前戏那样。

Like the best foreplay ever.

最棒的。

The best.

慢慢积累那种兴奋感。

Building up that excitement.

我们很多人都渴望这样。

A lot of us crave that.

你知道，当我们进入长期关系后，就会渴望你现在所处的阶段，马特奥。

You know, we get into long term relationships, and we crave, Matteo, where you're at right now.

这正是我们许多人想要的。

Is what a lot of us want.

享受这个过程吧。

Enjoy the ride.

谢谢。

Thank you.

这是莎拉说的。

This is from Sarah.

她45岁。

She's 45.

嘿，医生。

Hey, Doctor.

艾米丽。

Emily.

我是一名45岁的女性，已婚22年。

I'm a 45 year old female married for twenty two years.

恭喜你，莎拉。

Congratulations, Sarah.

这真是太棒了。

That's just amazing.

我们能稍等一下吗？

Can we just take a beat?

太好了，莎拉。

So good, Sarah.

我觉得很少有人会真正意识到，你们已经携手走过了二十二年。

I don't think anyone will get recognized enough for like, you made it twenty two years.

在婚姻的前十五年里，我和丈夫有过肛交经历，大概每年一两次在特殊场合，因为我不喜欢这样。

My husband and I have had anal sex over the first fifteen years of our marriage, maybe one or two times a year on special occasions because I didn't enjoy it.

那些经历通常都很仓促、缺乏准备，而且让我感到疼痛。

They were typically uneducated, rushed, and painful.

大约五年前，我终于鼓起勇气表示不想再继续了。

About five years ago, I finally spoke up and said I didn't wanna do it anymore.

他对此感到惊讶和受伤，但暂时退让了。

He was surprised and hurt by this, but backed off for a while.

从那时起，这就成了我们婚姻中的主要矛盾。

Since then, this has been a major issue for our marriage.

他试图压抑自己的冲动，但这仍然是他想要的东西。

He's tried to suppress his urges, but it is still something he wants.

现在既然我们知道了正确的方式，我正尝试以开放的心态重新认识这件事。

I'm trying to be open minded and curious about it now that we know the right way to do it.

但每次他试图在外围挑逗时，我的身体就会拉响警报。

But every time he tries to play externally, my body starts setting off alarms.

我该如何克服这些情感警报，对肛交产生好奇？

How do I move past these emotional alarms to be curious about anal?

好的。

Alright.

谢谢你的提问，莎拉。

Thanks for your question, Sarah.

让我先澄清一下。

So let me just clarify here.

当她说他们缺乏知识、仓促且痛苦时，听起来她可能一直在收听节目，知道很多人不喜欢肛交，尤其是有阴部的人，因为这是缺乏知识的表现。

When she's saying they were uneducated, rushed, and painful, it sounds like she's probably been listening to the show to know that a lot of people don't like anal sex, especially vulva owners, because it is uneducated.

意思是，没有足够的前戏时间。

Meaning, there's not a lot of warm up time.

润滑剂也不够。

There's not enough lube.

他们动作不够慢。

They don't go slow enough.

他们没有花足够的时间。

They don't take their time.

我们没有做好充分准备。

We don't warm ourselves up.

听起来她已经受够了，所以直接放弃了这件事。

So it sounds like she had enough and she took it off the table.

这种情况真的很常见——人们有过糟糕的体验后，就发誓这辈子再也不尝试肛交了。

So it's just really, really common that people have these bad experiences and they swear off anal for the rest of their life.

但听起来莎拉想重新尝试，可她的身体对肛交仍保持着多年痛苦经历形成的条件反射。

But it sounds like, you know, Sarah wants to venture back into it, but her body is still having this learned response to anal play after years of it being sounds like painful.

嗯。

Mhmm.

而且毫无乐趣。

And not fun.

我想承认一个事实，你有十五年不愉快的肛交经历。

I wanna recognize the fact that you had fifteen years of not pleasurable anal sex.

让我们为你彻底扭转这一局面。

Let's turn that around for you once and for all.

首先，如果你有独自的性行为习惯，这可能是一个很好的重新连接方式，用自己的触摸和手指慢慢来感受一下。

The first thing is, if you are having a solo sex routine, it might be a great way to reconnect and sort of use your own touch and your own fingers to go slow and see how that feels.

我们做了一整期关于独自的肛交节目，我会在节目笔记中附上链接。

We did a whole episode on solo anal play, which I will link in the show notes.

这是一个很好的起点，只是看看实际感受如何，然后你会开始习惯更谨慎的方式带来的感觉。

That's a great place to start, just seeing like what does it actually feel like, and then you'll start to get used to the sensations of it done in a much more careful way.

我想教育每个人关于肛交的原因，是因为当它被正确执行时，感觉会非常棒。

The reason I wanna educate everyone about anal play, is that it can feel incredible when done properly.

对于阴茎拥有者来说，你有一个前列腺腺体，当受到刺激时会感觉非常棒。

And for penis owners, you have a prostate gland which feels incredible when stimulated.

对于外阴拥有者来说，肛交也会刺激阴蒂腿和阴部神经，感觉同样美妙。

And for vulva owners, anal play also stimulates the clitoral legs and the pudendal nerves which feels amazing too.

所以肛门游戏如此受追捧是有原因的。

So there is reason why anal play has a lot of hype.

如果操作得当，任何人都能获得美妙体验。

It can feel great for anyone when done correctly.

肛门游戏和我们的臀部通常承载着太多羞耻感，重新将这部分身体与愉悦联系起来会让人感到无比解放。

Anal play and our butts in general have so much shame associated with them that reassociating this body part with pleasure can be just so liberating.

听起来你正在这条探索之路上，莎拉。

Sounds like you're on that journey here, Sarah.

我想让所有人知道，如果你也在类似的旅程中，一旦我们开始放慢节奏，重新将这部分身体与愉悦联系起来，就能真正享受肛交。

And I want everyone to know that if you're also on a similar journey, once we start to take it slow, reassociate this body part with pleasure, we can start to really enjoy anal.

首先，你需要训练肛门肌肉放松并张开。

First, you wanna start by training your anal muscles to relax and open up.

所以先从修剪过的手指开始，用小指适应。

So start with a trimmed finger, start with your pinky finger and get used to it.

你可以感受自己肛门内部的感觉。

And you can kind of feel what it feels like inside your own anus.

你以前有过那种感觉吗？

Have you ever felt that before?

我是说，你知道那是什么感觉吗？

I mean, do you know what that feels like?

把手指放进你自己的肛门，然后你就能体会到那种感觉了。

Put your finger in your own anus, and then you'll get what it feels like.

这样你就会知道什么感觉好，什么部位感觉好，然后你就可以告诉伴侣该怎么做了。

And you'll know what feels good, what parts of your anus feel good, and then you can kind of tell your partner what to do.

我认为这非常重要，因为如果你不知道那是什么感觉，你就会假设伴侣正在经历最糟糕、最恶心的事情。

I think that's super important because if you don't know what it feels like, you're assuming that a partner is feeling like the worst, grossest thing ever.

如果你对此感到羞耻，甚至从未感受过，那就像，不，这只是身体的另一个部位而已。

If you have the shame around it, you've never even felt it yourself, it's like, no, it's it's just another body part.

这只是一个身体部位，也是消除羞耻感的好方法。

It's another just body part and a great way to deal with the shame.

我认为这是一个很好的方法，你知道，通过教育来消除那种羞耻感。

I think that's a great way, you know, to education cancel that shame.

你可以先用小指开始，然后也许可以增加到两根手指。

And then you could start with your pinky and you can move up to two fingers maybe.

嗯哼。

Mhmm.

感受一下那种感觉。

See what it feels like.

你也可以尝试肛门训练套装，它会循序渐进地提供不同尺寸，或者肛门珠串。

You could also try an anal training kit, which sort of progressively builds up different sizes, or anal beads.

肛门珠串也是一种很酷的探索方式。

Anal beads are really a cool way to explore too.

肛门珠串基本上是一根长绳，上面串着许多相邻的珠子。

So anal beads is basically a long string that has beads next to each other.

由于那里有很多神经末梢，当你放入肛门珠串后再抽出时，

And so since there's so many nerve endings, you put in anal beads, and then you pull them out.

珠子会一蹦一蹦地往外弹出。

And as you pull them out, they're like bump, bump, bump, bump, bump.

有些肛门珠确实是串在绳子上的吗？

Are some anal beads actually on a string?

有些是串在绳子上的。

Some are on a string.

好的。

Okay.

有些是串在绳子上的。

Some are on a string.

有些是硅胶材质的。

Some are silicone.

然后2Lalo刚推出了一款我痴迷的产品。

And then Lalo just came out with one that I am obsessed with.

2叫Soraya珠，是一款性别中性的肛门珠按摩器，珠子尺寸逐渐温和增大。

It's called the Soraya beads, and it's a gender neutral anal beads massager with beads of gently increasing sides.

他们专为刚接触肛门游戏的人设计了这款产品。

And they've designed it for those just getting into anal play.

想象一下魔杖式震动棒，或者带珠子的插入式震动棒。

So think of a wand style vibrator or, like, an insertion vibrator with beads on it.

完美。

Perfect.

是啊。

Yeah.

你知道还有什么很酷吗？

And it you know what else is cool?

它采用了受小提琴手启发的弓弦运动技术。

It has this bow motion technology inspired by violin players.

所以它能创造出类似抽插的感觉，却不需要实际抽插动作。

And so it creates, like, this thrusting like sensation without the thrusting motion.

这也很完美，因为独自进行肛门游戏时，要掌握好抽插节奏其实挺难的。

That's perfect too because if you are doing solo anal play, getting it to thrust properly is kind of difficult.

没错，它帮你解决了这个问题。

Yeah, so it does it for you.

我全都喜欢。

I love all of it.

我只是提供信息，让你可以挑选自己喜欢的款式。

I just give you the information so you can pick and choose which ones you like.

但肛门塞只有一种感觉，你把它放进去会有充实感，可以移动它，而肛门珠链则每颗珠子都会给你不同的感觉。

But butt plugs are like a one sensation, you put it inside of you, you have a feeling of fullness, you can move it around, but anal beads, each bead is going to give you a sensation.

这又是另一种刺激神经末梢的方式，这正是我们追求愉悦的关键。

So it's just another way again to stimulate nerve endings, which is what we're all about here when it comes to pleasure.

当你使用珠链时，可以真正专注于身体的感受。

And then when you're using the beads, you can really just pay attention to how it feels.

比如小珠子和大珠子的感觉有什么不同？

Like, how does a smaller one feel versus a larger one?

去了解这些感觉在你体内的变化。

Get to know what the sensations feel like in your body.

去熟悉这些感觉并唤醒它们，特别是如果她很久没有尝试肛门性行为或相关玩法，这会是个有趣的调剂方式。

Get to know the sensations and start to wake them up, especially if she hasn't had anal in a while, any kind of anal play, that this could be a fun way to to shake it up.

但请按照你需要的节奏慢慢来。

But take it as slowly as you need to.

这就是独自进行肛交的美妙之处。

That's the beauty of solo anal.

你可以根据身体的反馈来调整节奏。

You can sort of set the pace as your body gives you feedback.

但我也想说的是，她可能并不想独自进行肛交，有时候确实如此，你知道的，结婚后生活忙碌，很难找到独处的时间说'今晚是我的独自肛交时间'，我真心建议你和丈夫谈谈，告诉他你知道吗？

But I also wanna say, she doesn't wanna do solo anal, which she might not sometimes, you know, when you're married and you got life, it's hard to find the time alone to be like, tonight's my solo anal time, that I really invite you to talk to your husband and say, you know what?

我愿意重新尝试肛交，但我想换种方式。

I would be willing to open up our anal play again, but I'd like to do it differently.

我想按照我的方式来。

I'd like to do it my way.

我们可以先用小指探索，甚至尝试肛周舔舐吗？

Can we start to explore with your pinky with maybe even anal rimming?

他可以用舌头和嘴唇先唤醒她的整个敏感区域，特别是如果她很久没有被触碰过的话。

He could use his tongue, his mouth just to start waking up her entire region, especially if she hasn't had any touch for a while.

如果她不愿意自己动手，他们可以用珠子或肛门塞来玩。

And then they could play with beads or a butt plug if she's not willing to do it on her own.

让他参与进来，说：宝贝，我愿意尽我所能重新学习，训练我的身体，让任何形式的肛门接触都比过去有更好的体验。

Bring him into it and say, babe, I'm willing to do what I can to relearn, train my body to have a better experience towards any kind of anal touch than I have in the past.

我必须坦白，我不了解你丈夫，但我有种感觉——如果肛门性行为已经多年不被提及，现在说‘让我们重新尝试，一起重建，找出这次真正让我舒服的方式’可能会有效。

And I have to be honest, I don't know your husband, but I have a feeling if anal's been off the table for years to say, let's do it again and let's rebuild together and figure out what actually feels good to me this time.

我们会慢慢来。

We're gonna take it slow.

我们会用科学的方法进行。

We're gonna do it the educated way.

我们要重新了解我的身体。

We're gonna get to know my body.

你看，通过共同探索，这可能是你重新学习的好方法——你的身体也需要适应，因为它现在明显处于防御状态，你会紧绷和抗拒。

You know, together, I think this could be a great way for you to relearn and also your body needs to catch up too because your whole body is responding in a way that's obviously protective and you're like clenching and shutting down.

所以通过慢慢来，通过重新建立对肛门接触的信任，最终你可能会重新享受到美妙的肛交体验。

And so by going slow, by building up again to a trusted place with anal, eventually you might get to the place where anal sex feels great again.

但我非常赞同在直接恢复完全插入式肛交之前先采取这些步骤的想法。

But I really like the idea of putting these steps in place before you just go right back into full on penetrative anal sex.

实际上，即使你决定独自尝试肛交不适合你，想和丈夫一起探索，也要确保整个过程由你主导。

And really, even if you decide that solo anal isn't for you and you wanna do this exploration with your husband, just make sure that you are in the driver's seat for all of this.

听起来过去可能并非如此，但这完全不是你的错。

It sounds like maybe you haven't been in the past, not your fault at all.

没人天生就知道如何正确进行肛交。

No one knows how to do anal properly.

说实话，在来这里工作之前，我对这方面也一无所知。

I certainly had no information about this before working here.

你要确保即使不是由你亲自操作，也要由你来决定速度、节奏、大小和深度。

You just wanna make sure that even if it's not your finger, you're dictating the speed, the pace, the the size, the length.

对。

Yeah.

确保你掌握主导权，并事先与他进行沟通。

Make sure you're in control and have a conversation with him beforehand.

我是说，我敢肯定下次你们聊到性话题时，如果你说'好吧，我准备好重新考虑这件事了，但这是我的条件'，他会很高兴的。

I mean, I'm sure he would love it if your next time you guys are out having the sex conversations, you're like, okay.

我准备好重新考虑这件事了，但这是我的条件。

I'm ready to put it back on the table, but here are my conditions.

显然这不是他的错，他可能根本不知道对吧？

Obviously, without blaming him, he probably didn't know him Right?

他们在一起很久了。

They've been together for a long time.

但进行任何形式的性行为时，尤其是肛交，必须使用润滑剂。

But with any kind of play, but especially anal play, you gotta use lube.

我的购物网站上有超多优质润滑剂。

We have so many great lubes on my shop site.

你们看过我的新购物网站'Sex with Emily'了吗？

Have you guys checked out my new shop sex with Emily site?

一个很棒的网站。

A beautiful site.

上面有我们熟知并喜爱的所有产品，都是经过我们测试和试用过的。

It has all the products that we know and love that we've tested and tried.

我们有很多硅基润滑剂，我推荐用于肛交使用。

We've got a lot of silicone lubes there that I recommend for anal play.

我们会在节目备注里为你放上一些。

We'll put some in the show notes for you.

记住，在卧室里你不需要做任何你不想做的事。

Remember, you don't have to do anything in the bedroom that you don't wanna do.

也许你会发现这样感觉并不好。

Maybe you're gonna find that this doesn't feel great.

也许你会想再尝试探索一次。

Maybe you try to explore again.

你会说，算了。

You're like, nope.

那也没关系。

That's okay too.

所以我只是把所有信息都告诉你，这样你可以决定是否要再次尝试，以及是否喜欢它。

So I'm just giving you all the information so you can decide how to go about it again and decide if you like it or not.

请告诉我们进展如何。

Let us know how it goes.

谢谢莎拉。

Thanks Sarah.

别下线，我们稍作休息后会马上回来，让赞助商回答更多你们的问题。

Don't log off, we'll be right back after a quick break for our sponsors to answer more of your questions.

这是来自佛罗里达州19岁的维多利亚的提问。

This is from Victoria, she's 19 in Florida.

嗨，医生。

Hey Doctor.

艾米丽，我和男朋友在一起两年了，他是我的初恋，但从一开始我就在假装高潮。

Emily, I've been with my boyfriend two years now and he's never made He was the first person I've been with and since the beginning I've been faking my orgasms.

我不知道该如何向他坦白我撒谎这么久的事实。

I don't know how to bring up the fact that I've been lying to him for so long.

他有几次起了疑心，但我一直告诉他我玩得很开心。

He's become suspicious at points, but I continue to tell him I was having a great time.

我确实享受我们的性生活，但他从未让我达到高潮，我对自己隐瞒真相感到内疚。

I do enjoy our sex, but he's never made me orgasm, and I feel bad for keeping the truth from him.

好的维多利亚，首先我想说——

All right Victoria, well first, let me just say this.

你才19岁，对于女性来说，在性交过程中无法达到高潮或从未有过高潮体验是很常见的现象。

You're 19 years old, and it's really common for vulva owners not to have orgasms during penetration or have orgasms at all.

我在19岁时也完全处于你这样的处境。

And I was very much in your shoes at the age of 19.

我假装高潮持续了很长时间。

I faked orgasms for a really long time.

我曾经责怪我的伴侣，就像你说的那样抱怨他们没让我达到高潮。

And I used to blame my partners, and I used to say they're not giving me an orgasm like you said.

但直到35岁我才真正明白——

But what I realized, it took me I wasn't till I was 35 that I realized it.