In Time

BBC Sounds，音乐、广播与播客。

BBC Sounds, music, radio, podcasts.

你好。

Hello.

我是乔西·朗。

I'm Josie Long.

欢迎收听本期《捷径》。

Welcome to today's episode of shortcuts.

今天我们要聊聊时间，我们如何感知时间，它又如何影响我们。本集节目五秒后正式开始。

It's about time, how we perceive it, how it affects us, and today's episode is going to begin in five seconds.

还有五秒就开始了，希望你今天能喜欢这期节目。

So we've got five seconds till it starts, and I hope you enjoy today's show.

如果不喜欢，还有下一次呢。

If you don't, there's always next time.

这里是《捷径》。

This is shortcuts.

短暂的相遇，真实的故事，广播冒险，以及采自生活的原声。

Brief encounters, true stories, radio adventures, and found sound.

今天，关于时间。

Today, in time.

就是一次深呼吸的时长。

Is the duration of a deep breath.

科学界常这么说，你懂的，如果没法衡量，就没法研究。

They often say in science, you know, if you can't measure it, you can't study it.

我想，爱确实很难衡量。

And I guess love is hard to measure.

没错。

Yes.

确实如此。

It is indeed.

就我而言，结果是明确的。

Results in my case were conclusive.

你看不出來，但我正在做夢。

You can't tell it, but I'm in a dream.

我的瞳孔放大了，腦子裡想法飛快地轉。

I've dilated pupils and racing thoughts.

我不知道這會什麼時候結束，但感覺它已經結束過兩次了。

I don't know when it's gonna end, but I feel like it already ended two times.

我們對身邊親近的人的認識，會隨著時間不斷變化。

Our understanding of the people we're close to evolves and changes so much over time.

尤其是家人，特別是父母。

Particularly with family, particularly with our parents.

人生每一個階段，我們都會獲得新的視角。

At each stage of life, we reach a new vantage point.

每一個成年的里程碑，都會讓你稍微明白，為什麼那些從小讓你困惑、感動又煩躁的人，會是那個樣子。

Each milestone of adulthood gives you a glimpse of perspective as to why the baffling, wonderful, frustrating people you grew up with were the way they were.

你還記得嗎？爸爸當年是怎麼講他和媽媽相識的故事的？

Can you remember at all the day that dad told us the story of how he and mom met?

不记得了。

No.

我想不起来了。

I can't remember.

所以我的记忆可能有点模糊，或者被扭曲了。

So obviously my memory might be a little foggy or twisted.

我记得我们当时在

I remember is we were at

爸妈在42街的家里，我们在客厅里。

mom and dad's house on 42nd and we were in the living room.

客厅里。

The living room.

我们都围坐在一起，我记得好像是

And we were all kind of sitting around and I feel like

我都记不清是冬天还是夏天了。

I don't even know if it was winter or summer.

可能是圣诞节那会儿，我或者

Maybe it was Christmas I or

我觉得我们五个兄弟姐妹都在场。

believe all five of us siblings were there.

那时候我们都刚三十出头。

When we were in our early thirties.

爸爸突然说了点什么，然后把我们叫到客厅坐下。

Dad just sort of let something slip by Dad the sat us down in the living room.

然后

And then

他就说：我有件事要告诉你们。

And was like, I have something to tell you guys.

我当时有点紧张。

And so I was kinda nervous.

我不确定是不是我记混了，但我记得你当时说：等等，什么？

I don't know if my if I'm just like making this up in my mind, but I have this memory of you being like, wait, what?

然后愣了一下，

And doing like a double take and

接着，

And then

事情就全都说出来了。

then it all kinda coming out.

这是我们的试音吗？

Is this our sound check?

还多加了一场试音。

It's an extra sound check.

是的。

Yeah.

还有额外的试音？

Is there an extra sound check?

好吧。

Okay.

我有几个问题想问你。

So I've got a few questions for you to add.

你觉得跟我分享这个故事，会让我们更亲近吗？

Do you think that sharing this story with me will make us closer?

我不确定，但我希望会。

I have no idea, but I hope so.

在父母离世前，多问问他们的事情，总归是好的。

It's a good thing to ask your parents stuff before they pass away.

有时候你会听到一些不想知道的事，但我觉得，大多数时候还是值得的。

Sometimes you find out things you don't want to know, but usually it's a good idea, I think.

我不希望你有一天会离开。

I don't want you to ever pass away.

人终究都会走这一步，不过也许我们可以从我认识你妈妈之前开始讲起。

Well, that's how we all end up, but maybe we should start with a little bit before I met your mom.

那是七十年代末，我算是 acne 最严重的那拨人之一，一直为此感到很不自在。

It was the late seventies and I would say I was certainly in the upper quartile of worst acne and I always felt self conscious about that.

我整天都待在卧室里，坐在书桌前，开着台灯。

I spent all my time in my bedroom at my desk with a study lamp.

我学了谓词逻辑、统计学、遗传学、生物学、哲学，还有法语、德语和英语，甚至研究真菌和各种有趣的东西。

I studied predicate logic, statistics, genetics, biology, philosophy, French and German and English, fungi and all sorts of interesting things.

但我特别孤单。

But I was very lonely.

有时候孤单到那种地步，身体都跟着疼。

In fact sometimes I was so lonely that it was physically painful.

那种孤独感，真的会让人浑身难受。

I would physically ache with loneliness.

这事儿说起来真有点奇怪。

It was just bizarre.

我不确定别人是不是也有这种感觉。

I don't know if anybody else feels that way.

我想应该也有吧。

I assume they do.

但谁知道呢？

But who knows?

你知道吗？我们每个人表面上都装得若无其事，可你瞧见的每个人，说不定心里都在受煎熬？

You know, every we all walk around with this calm face pretending that everything's cool, and maybe everybody you're looking at is actually aching inside?

你根本没法确定。

You don't know.

后来我去大草原地区读植物科学的博士。

Anyway, I went to The Prairies to do a PhD in plant science.

我不确定那是不是个有意识的决定，但反正我就下定决心，碰到谁就主动搭话，试试看能不能认识人。

I'm not sure it was a decision but I effectively just decided I'd ask anyone out and try to meet someone that way.

比如在校园草坪上走路，有人迎面走来，我就随便说一句：‘今天天气不错，是吧？’

You know, if I was walking across the lawn on campus and somebody was crossing my path, I'd just say something like, I it's nice weather today, isn't it?

或者类似的话。

Or something.

在食堂里，我可能会评论一下饭菜，比如说：‘这甜点看着挺特别的。’

I suppose in the cafeteria I might say something about the food, you know, that looks like an interesting pudding or something.

就是随便聊聊天。

Just chitchat.

你想跳舞吗？

Would you like to dance?

我可能是世界上跳舞最差的人了。

I was probably the world's worst dancer.

我从来不在公交车上跟人搭话。

I never talked to anyone on a bus.

我觉得多对视会有点吓人，说实话，我大概根本没怎么跟人对视。

I think it would have been kind of scary to make a lot of eye contact, so I probably didn't really make eye contact, to be honest with you.

也许我该多看看人家的。

Know, maybe I should have.

那时候我没固定约会对象，周五晚上约一个女孩，周六晚上约另一个，周中再约一个。

When I wasn't going steady with someone, then I would date one girl Friday night, one girl Saturday night and one girl some other time of the week.

所以那阵子约会特别多。

So that was a lot of dates.

很难想象你居然约会过这么多人。

It's kind of hard to imagine you dating that many people.

你觉得自己最后到底约会过多少人？

How many people do you think you actually ended up dating?

在那将近五年的时间里，我约会的女性估计得有好几百个。

Well, over those almost five years, it would have meant about several 100 women that I dated.

是啊，我觉得至少得有三百个，说不定有五百个，我也说不准。

Yeah, I think it would have been at least 300 anyway, maybe 500, I don't know.

我从来觉得自己在这事儿上一点天赋都没有。

I never felt that I had any ability or talent at it whatsoever.

你知道雄鹿和麋鹿发情期时是什么样子吗？

Was just you know how bears and moose act when they're in rut?

那种绝望，那种疯狂，简直像失去了理智。

A certain desperation, a certain craziness, like a certain insanity.

说白了，我就是靠绝望在约会。

Basically it was just a question of desperation dating people.

我其实很想结婚。

I wanted to be married.

我并不想一直谈恋爱。

I didn't want to be dating.

但不管怎样，当我完成博士学业离开时，我还是单身一人。

But anyway I was still very much single when I finished my PhD and left.

那时候我忙着工作，也没怎么认识什么女孩。

I was working and busy with that and not meeting many girls at that point.

我不记得这个想法是从哪儿冒出来的，但我知道有相亲俱乐部，就觉得这主意不错。

I don't remember where I came up with the idea but I knew that dating clubs existed so I just thought well that sounds like a good idea.

我打算自己办一个相亲俱乐部，真正为自己找个人。

I would start a dating club of my own in order to find somebody for myself, really.

明白了。

Okay, right.

所以你刚结束和几百个人约会的阶段，接下来的想法居然是再把规模扩大一点。

So you finished a phase of dating hundreds and hundreds of people and your thought was, let's scale this up.

是的。

Yeah.

你是怎么把它办起来的？

How did you, get it off the ground?

想象力。

Imagination.

当然是靠想象力把它办起来的。

I got it off the ground with imagination, of course.

我想认识一位基督徒女孩，所以就叫‘基督徒交友俱乐部’。

I wanted to meet a Christian girl, so it was called the Christian Dating Club.

我在本地报纸的分类广告里登了广告。

I started advertising in the local newspaper in the want ads.

‘基督徒交友俱乐部’，请寄一张贴好邮票、写好地址的信封到某某邮政信箱，获取更多信息。

Christian Dating Club, they send a self addressed stamped envelope to post office box so and so for more info.

我会寄给他们一份问卷，问一些问题，比如宗教对你有多重要，或者完全不重要？

Would mail them a questionnaire and ask people things like, you know, how important is religion to you and not important at all?

你知道吗，你对他们的职业年龄有什么要求吗？

You know, what age range are you looking for in their profession, if any?

我可能问过他们是否喝酒，是或不是？

Maybe I asked them if they drank alcohol, yes or no?

生活中什么对他们来说最重要？

What was important to them in life?

他们抽烟吗，是或不是？

Did they smoke, yes or no?

这类问题通常都会出现在问卷里。

Those sort of things you'd ask on a survey.

我根本没想到会有人回信，结果大部分都是老年人。

I had no idea who would write back, but as it turned out, it was mostly elderly people.

这真有意思，爸爸。

That's very funny, dad.

是啊，确实挺搞笑的。

Yeah, it is kind of hilarious.

白天我做研究，晚上就当红娘。

By day I was doing research and by night I was Matchmaking.

试着给人牵线搭桥。

Attempting to do matchmaking.

所以你算是摆弄了一下命运。

So you kind of fiddled with fate.

你觉得他们中有谁找到真爱了吗？

Do you think any of them found love?

我不确定他们有没有找到真爱，但有些人确实结婚了，我希望是吧。

I don't know if they found love, but some of them got married, so I hope so.

我真心希望如此。

I certainly hope so.

但两个月后，一位和我年纪相仿的年轻女性出现了，简直完美匹配。

But, after two months a young woman my age that seemed to be a perfect match rode in.

让我没想到的是，据我所知，她是唯一一个这样出现的人。

To my surprise, as far as I know she was the only person like that that ever rode in.

所以我特别幸运，说实话，我一直觉得有人在暗中照顾我。

So I was very fortunate and indeed I think I inclined to think that somebody was looking out for me.

我后悔没早点告诉你妈妈。

I do regret not telling your mother earlier.

她告诉我，我们结婚两天后我才跟她说的，所以……

She informs me that I told her two days after we got married, so

那你告诉她，你就是那个一直躲在婚介所背后的 guy 之后，发生了什么？

So what happened after you told mom that you were the guy all this time behind the dating service?

她立刻同意帮我一起经营这个机构。

She immediately agreed to help me run it.

我们成了搭档，

We became a match,

然后就变成了一对做媒的夫妻。

and then we became a matchmaking couple.

最后，一件特别不寻常的事，居然有了个好结果。

A very unusual thing worked out well in the end.

我第一次见爸爸的时候，心里就想：糟了。

The first time that I met dad, I thought to myself, oh, no.

这人居然对死植物感兴趣。

This person's interested in dead plants.

与其说我们被彼此吸引，不如说我们都客观觉得两人挺合得来的。

I think it wasn't so much that we were drawn to each other, but that we both objectively thought that we were compatible.

比如，我们更愿意去散步，也不想去参加派对，诸如此类。

You know, we'd rather go for a walk than go to a party, that kind of thing.

爸爸其实是第一个我愿意和他见第二次面的男生。

Dad was actually the first guy that I ever went on more than one date with.

说我们俩都没过红娘经验，都算轻描淡写了。

It's an understatement to say that neither of us had matchmaking experience.

我现在想想，真是惊呆了。

I just think now, like, holy smokes.

他其实想要个伴，但根本不知道怎么找。

He he wanted somebody, didn't know how to find somebody.

是的，他做到了。

Well, he did.

他就这么想通了，结果就是这样。

He figured it out just like that, and this is the result.

我的意思是，你觉得爸妈是合适的搭配吗？

I mean, do you think do you think that mom and dad are a good match?

对。

Yeah.

从某种奇怪的角度看，他们确实是。

In some weird way, they are.

说实话，我不确定他们是不是最般配的一对。

You know, I I'm not sure that they're the best match for each other.

因为小时候，我们家经常吵架，或者……

Because they're you know, when we were growing up, there was, like, often a lot of fighting or

我觉得近几年，他们反而越来越合得来了。

I think they've grown on each other Have been recent years.

你瞧，最近看着他们，虽然还是经常斗嘴

You know, watching them recently and even though they still bicker

但至少是这样。

at least.

他们之间肯定有什么吸引彼此的地方。

There's something that they do like about each other.

不过，他们现在拥有的，是真正的爱。

But, like, what they have now is real love.

他们现在在一起确实挺幸福的。

They do seem happy together now.

我觉得他们没料到这个年纪还能有这样的感情。

I don't think they anticipated having that at this age.

而且

And

都七十多岁了。

In their seventies.

有时候，你知道，这样就已经足够了。

And sometimes, you know, that's that's good enough.

对。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

我也这么觉得。

I think so.

事实上，我们真正深爱对方，也就是最近这十年的事。

In fact, it only happened that we really truly fell in love within the last approximately the last decade.

就像是我放下了防备，他也放下了防备。

It was like somehow me dropping my guard, he dropped his guard.

那真的特别特别特别，就在那时候，我们彻底爱上了彼此。

It was really quite extraordinary, and we really fell in love at that point.

我不担心蚊子，因为它们通常都盯你，不理我。

I'm not worried about the mosquitoes because they usually go after you and leave me alone.

它们喜欢我。

They like me.

没错。

Yep.

那是哪种鸟？

What kind of bird is that?

那是啄木鸟在飞快地啄树吗？

Is that a woodpecker pecking really fast?

我不这么认为。

I don't think so.

你听到了吗？

Did you hear

听到了。

it?

听到了。

Yep.

如果你能想办法衡量的话，或许可以把统计学用在爱情上。

I guess you could apply statistics to love if you had a way of measuring it.

科学界常这么说，你要是测不了，就没法研究。

They often say in science, you know, if you can't measure it, you can't study it.

我觉得爱情确实很难衡量。

And I guess love is hard to measure.

没错。

Yes.

确实如此。

It is indeed.

就我本人的情况来看，结果已经很清楚了。

The results in my case were conclusive.

我的人生过得很充实。

I've had a very full life.

明白了。

Alright.

那我们就说到这儿吧。

Well, we'll leave it at that.

你刚说什么？

What did you say?

你听不见我吗？

You can't hear me?

我听不见你。

I can't hear you.

爸，你该配个助听器了。

Dad, you need a hearing aid.

我不需要助听器。

I don't need a hearing aid.

你只要别小声说话就行了。

You just need to not whisper.

够清楚了。

Good enough.

这段录音是由纪录片导演约瑟芬·安德森和她父亲对话时录制的。

That was made for us by the documentary filmmaker, Josephine Anderson, in conversation with her dad.

额外的录音工作由克里斯托弗·安德森负责。

Additional sound recording was by Christopher Anderson.

约瑟芬告诉我们，她父母曾经一起经营这个交友俱乐部，持续了几年，后来因为要专心带五个孩子，实在抽不出时间，才不得不交给别人接手。

Josephine told us that her parents ran the dating club together for a few years before they had to pass it on to somebody else because they were too busy raising five kids to deal with it.

但那时候，俱乐部的会员已经有一千多人了。

But when they did pass it on, they had over a thousand members.

他们甚至专门租了办公室，每周一两次，带着一群志愿者帮人牵线搭桥。

They'd already had to expand into an office space where they would matchmake once or twice a week with the help of a bunch of volunteers.

他们对所有朋友和家人一直保密，从不提这件事，直到孩子们都长大成人了，才告诉他们真相。

They kept their involvement in Christian dating club top secret from all of their friends and family, only telling their children about it once they were adults.

除了孩子之外，他们直到现在才第一次对外人说起这段经历。

And besides their children, they haven't told anyone else about it until now.

如果我要办一个交友俱乐部，我会专门给那些想和别人建立深刻联系、却不想有结果的人准备。

If I was gonna set up a dating club, it would be for people who want to have very intense connections with each other that go nowhere.

就只是这样而已。

That's all it would be.

你可以发消息、语音留言或者发邮件，但不能见面。

And you could send messages, you could voice note, you could email, but you could not meet up.

就算见了面，也只能散散步。

Or if you did meet up, could only go on a walk.

这叫‘擦肩而过’婚介所。

It's called it's called near misses dating agency.

我开这个婚介所，是为了给生活增添一种注定无果的浪漫，这种浪漫能成为滋养一生的养分。

The purpose of my dating agency is to add a kind of doomed romance to life, which can be used as a nourishing tool throughout the ages.

想到人这一生，对时间的感知变化这么大，我就觉得不可思议——对我来说，每一年都比前一年过得更快。

It sends me absolutely reeling that through life, your perception of time changes so much that for me, single year seems to race by faster than the one before.

但我依然记得，对我六岁的孩子来说，十五分钟简直度日如年。

And yet I still know and remember that for my six year old, fifteen minutes is agonizing.

我童年时的几个小时，所留下的记忆和情感，比后来某些月份甚至几年都要深刻。

Hours of my childhood formed deeper memories and associations than some months or even years of my later life.

很难真正接受和相信，这段时光之旅竟如此奇妙。

It's almost impossible to accept and believe how trippy this ride through time is.

接下来你要听到的，是关于时间如何存在于你身体里的探索。

The next thing you're going to hear is an exploration of how time lives in your body.

这段音频由澳大利亚声音艺术家Tjhia创作。

Made for us by the Australian sound artist, Tjhia.

这里是《 Loose Ends 》。

This is Loose Ends.

这是一段时长九分二十三秒的广播作品。

Here's a radio piece of nine minutes twenty three seconds.

现在，给你三秒钟的钟表时间。

Here's three seconds clock time now.

你感受到了什么？

What do you register?

我感觉到身体不由自主地向前倾，朝着即将到来的下一刻。

I feel the body leaning or lurching forward into the immediate future.

这就是刚才那句话的时长。

Here's the duration of what they just said now.

现在来做一个练习。

Here's an exercise.

我们从三倒数，屏住呼吸，看看你的身体是怎么感知这段时间的。

Hold your breath as we count back from three and see how your body measures it out.

你准备好了吗？

Are you ready?

开始。

Begin

现在。

now.

三，二，

Three, two,

一。

one.

别抱太大期望，就是这个意思。

Don't hold your breath means don't expect much.

这是乔治现在的肺活量。

Here's George's lung capacity now.

这是哈西布现在的肺活量。

Here's Hasib's lung capacity now.

这是乔治现在肺活量的持续时间。

Here's the duration of George's lung capacity now.

这是‘你能行吗？’这句话的时长。

Here's the duration of Can you go?

你觉得怎么样？

What do you think?

现在。

Now.

这样讲你明白吗？

That makes sense?

一口气放松的时长。

The duration of a breath of relief.

就在那一刻。

Just then.

当我们提到一个即将发生的时间段时，身体会根据

When we name an imminent duration, our bodies react based on

我们能推断出的所有信息做出反应。

All the information we can work out about it.

所以我们可以衡量出

So we can measure out

注意力、精力，还有我可能去做的事。

Attention, energy, things that I might do.

六秒突如其来的片刻。

Six unexpected seconds in progress.

我们总是漂浮在无数种可能的时间长度之中。

We're always adrift in many possible durations.

一旦说出它们，它们就真的存在了。

Naming them calls them into being.

比如你，此刻正经历着一天、一周、一年，还有人生中的某个阶段。

You, for example, are experiencing a day, a week, a year, and a phase of your life.

而我呢，正在经历一分钟、一小时、一次尝试，还有‘停下，重新开始’的时刻。

And for my part, I'm experiencing a minute, an hour, an attempt, and Let's stop and start again.

这是一段时长六分五十八秒的广播作品。

Here's a radio piece of six minutes fifty eight seconds.

叫出它的名字，它就活过来了。

Naming it calls it to being.

你被给了一个截止日期。

You're given a deadline.

所以你呢？

So are

截止日期到了，你就完了吗？

you dead by the deadline?

而且

And

身体会随之紧缩。

the body contracts to it.

我的心跳开始加快。

My heart starts to beat faster.

我的手开始发抖。

My hands start to shake.

就像整个神经系统都能感受到，但又像是在最核心的位置。

It's like you could feel it in the whole nervous system, but like in the center of it.

不是我想象它在背上，而是它就是在那里，实实在在地存在着。

It's like it's not that I'd imagine it in my back, but it would just feel like it was there.

现在是四秒不可靠的信息。

Four seconds of unreliable information now.

现在是七十二秒的静音。

Here's seventy two seconds of dead air now.

信任是一种基于期待和重复的默契。

Trust is a contract between expectation and repetition.

这种事情你以前见过。

You've seen this before.

你心里有预感，眼睛也看出来了，就算你不能肯定地说你早就知道。

You feel and see it coming again, even if it's not true to say that you know.

现在是整整五十二秒，占了生命的四分之一。

Here's fifty two seconds on a quarter of a life now.

根据我的偏头痛应用记录，我浪费了四分之一的时间。

I lose a quarter of the time according to my little migraine app.

我生命的四分之一都被它夺走了。

I lose a quarter of my life to it.

疼痛、呕吐、抑郁这些当然很糟，但最受不了的是时间的损耗。

So I don't know, like the pain and the vomiting and the depression and stuff is bad, but the time is the worst part.

与其说忍受疼痛，我更愿意忍受时间的流失。

Like, I take the pain over the time.

说实话，我不确定。

Like, I don't know.

我曾经有过持续两到三周不停歇的偏头痛，也有过仅仅持续四个小时的，你知道的。

Like, I've had migraines that have lasted two to three weeks nonstop, you know, and I've had migraines the last four hours.

但你一开始根本没法预知会怎样，真的。

But you don't know going into it, you know.

一旦偏头痛发作，情况就立刻变了。

The second you get one, situation now.

我总是不停地想着时间。

I'm constantly thinking about time.

我会把时间想得特别可怕。

Like, I catastrophize time.

我不确定自己是害怕接下来会发生什么，还是害怕这一切终将结束。

I don't know if I'm, like, afraid of the what's after or I'm afraid of the inevitable end, you know, of it all.

你知道的，我也说不准。

You know, I don't know.

生命的。

Of life.

生命的。

Of life.

重新开始。

Begin again.

这是一段四分十秒的广播片段。

Here's a radio piece of four minutes and ten seconds.

你听不出来，但我正在做梦。

You can't tell it, but I'm in a dream.

我的瞳孔放大，思绪飞快。

I've dilated pupils and racing thoughts.

这是深呼吸的时长。

Here's the duration of a deep breath.

我有一个哥哥，八年前去世了。

I had a elder brother who passed away eight years ago.

他小时候曾做过一个梦，梦见天使召唤他去天堂。

And when he was very young, he had this dream about the angels calling him to heaven.

我父母就说，你别太当真，别真去听什么天使的召唤。

And my parents were like, you know, maybe you shouldn't, like, you know, don't listen to the angels' calls.

但不知怎么的，好像有种预感——不是说他们知道他什么时候会死，而是觉得他内心早就对死亡有所察觉。

But there was some kind of, I guess, some kind of knowledge that, like, but not that they would, they knew when he was gonna die, but like that he had some kind of knowledge of his own death or something.

尽管有这个故事，可当他突然离世时，我们还是完全没准备好。

But even though, even though we had that story, it was still, it wasn't like we expected it when he died suddenly.

等待终结的过程，真的特别煎熬。

The waiting for the end is really painful.

有时候真想直接跳到结局，干脆让这一切快点发生，省得一直悬着心，等着那场失去。

So sometimes you wanna jump ahead and just kind of ask it to happen now so I don't have to sit there knowing that it will happen in the future, that loss.

二、三、四。

Two, three, four.

他来回踱步，急着往前赶，想快点知道结果，想尽快抵达那个时刻。

It was pacing, like wanting to rush forward to find out, wanting to know, wanting to get there as soon as possible.

但即使是令人愉快的事，也常常有种即将结束的感觉，压得人喘不过气。

But even with things that are pleasurable, sometimes there's a sense of impending ending that overwhelms it.

我来谈谈忍耐这件事。

Here's one thought on forbearance.

忍耐？

For forbearance?

我不太清楚。

I don't

这个词我没听过。

know that word.

当我害怕某件具体又可能发生的坏事，结果它没发生时，我既觉得被证实了，又觉得被击垮了。

When I'm afraid of something specific and plausible happening and it doesn't, I'm both vindicated and ruined.

我心里某个角落，其实还是希望最坏的情况发生。

There's a stray part of me that's wishing for the worst.

这事儿还没了结。

This is a loose end.

事件都是用因果关系来衡量的。

Events get measured in terms of cause and effect.

光速其实就是因果传播的速度。

The speed of light is actually the speed of causality.

这两个说法其实差不多可以互换。

The two are kind of interchangeable terms.

昨天或者明天，一道闪电划过天际。

Yesterday or tomorrow, there's a flash of lightning.

突然间，身体停住，开始计时，等着那声即将到来的雷响。

Suddenly, the body pauses, begins counting, searching for the imminent thunderclap.

数一下秒数，再除以三，就知道闪电离你有多远了。

Count the seconds and divide them by three, and that's how many kilometers away that bolt was, is.

我们在闪电和雷声之间的那点时间里停驻、漂浮，瞬间就进入了计时模式。

We linger and float in the time between the strike and the boom, having instantly turned to clock time.

一秒到底有多长？

How long is a second?

就我的身体而言，一切都还是未知的。

In relation to my body, everything is unknown.

天气预报早就说会是这样。

The forecast said to expect all of this.

提醒一下，两秒钟后有敏感内容。

Content warning, two seconds.

现在。

Now.

对比。

Juxtaposition.

不确定的东西。

The indefinite.

我还记得，刚和伴侣在一起的时候，我特别回避‘永远’这个词。

I remember when my partner and I first got together and I just was avoiding the idea of the word, the phrasing of forever.

不是因为害怕承诺，而是我真的不觉得有什么能真正永恒，所以对我来说，与其说‘永远’，不如说‘很长很长的时间’，就是特别久。

Not because of of commit, it wasn't apprehension to commit but it was more that I just didn't actually think, I don't believe in anything last forever and so the placeholder for me, instead of using that word, I do avoid using the word forever, I'll just say long long time, like a very long time.

有些事注定只撑一周，有些事则能持续多年，但只要它们在发挥应有的作用，这一周、几年甚至几十年，都算是够长的了。

Some things are meant to last a week and some things are meant to last years but if they're serving their purpose those are respective long times, a week or years or decades.

我不知道什么时候会结束，但总觉得它已经结束过两次了。

I don't know when it's gonna end but I feel like it already ended two times.

我的人生。

My life.

所以其他的一切都是额外的馈赠。

And so everything else is a bonus.

我就是这么想的。

That's how I feel.

我最近开始尝试运用一种特殊的电影时间感，那种充满戏剧张力、又带着倒计时般流动感的节奏。

I've recently started trying to draw on and utilize a certain kind of movie time, which is both the drama, the high drama, and the fluidity of a film countdown.

你知道的，我们只有五秒钟拯救世界。

You know, we only have five seconds to save the world.

可你看着屏幕，心里明明觉得这根本不止五秒。

You're watching it thinking, this is definitely more than five seconds.

这事儿用不着说这么多话。

Like, there's been too much chat for this.

你懂的。

You know?

拍时钟倒计时和切到人物行动之间，中间塞了太多没用的空档。

The absolute padding between filming the clock counting down and then cutting away to the people doing the stuff.

我拿这个当育儿技巧，主要是因为孩子经常只剩五秒得跑来找我，其实我就想逼他们赶紧行动。

And I utilize this as a parenting technique, largely because a lot of the time my children might have five seconds left to get to me or something, and it's actually just to try desperately to motivate them.

所以那五秒钟，你懂的，会被拉得很长。

So those five seconds, you know, they're gonna be padded out.

中间会停顿。

There's gonna be pauses.

还会把半秒、四分之一秒都掰开数一遍。

There's gonna be a lot of counting down halves and quarters of seconds.

比如我会提前五分钟提醒孩子，电视马上要关了。

Say I'm giving my children a five minute warning that the TV is gonna go off.