约翰·梅尔现场

这有点不同。我是说，我现在没嗨。但如果我出来做节目时有肌肉记忆，我就不会紧张。是的。但如果是未知情况，可能会有点...你知道很多时候结果会怎样吗？

It it's a little different. I mean, I'm not high right now. But if if I'm coming out to do my show and there's muscle memory, then I don't get nervous. Yeah. But if it's the unknown, it can be a little you know what ends up happening a lot of the times?

当我作为惊喜嘉宾时，我就会开始兴奋紧张，因为没错，我知道自己是惊喜。你懂我在...

When I'm a surprise, I start getting amped up and nervous because That's right. I know I'm a surprise. You know what I'm

说什么吧？对。

talking about? Yeah.

我每天都紧张。来这儿也紧张。是的。因为是你。

I get nervous every day. I get nervous coming out here. Yeah. Because it's you.

你上台前有什么强迫症似的小习惯吗？

Do have any pre show OCD ish things you do?

好吧。我们前几天上了吉米秀，然后...

Okay. We did we did did Kimmel the other night, and and

讲讲洗碗机的事。对。对。他有个超棒的...

Tell the story about the dishwasher. Yeah. Yeah. He's got a great one

安全距离的例子。可爱的肖恩选了离吉米最远的座位，因为他说我不想坐吉米旁边，我现在上节目会紧张...

for safe one. And sweet sweet sweet Sean took the seat furthest away from Jimmy because he said, I I didn't wanna I don't wanna sit next Jimmy because I get nervous these

最近。是啊。

days. Yeah.

我上脱口秀节目时超紧张的。

I get nervous on talk shows, big time.

是的。但如果我像今天这样准备充分，我就不会那么紧张了。

Yeah. But if I if I prepare like I did today, I get less nervous.

当然。

Sure.

没错。而且如果没必要的话，你甚至不用去看那些提示卡。

Yeah. And you may not even go to those cards if you don't have to.

不，看我的。

No. Watch me.

好的。

Okay.

所以你确实做过单口喜剧，我很喜欢。我之前不知道你演过单口喜剧。

So you did stand up, which I love. I didn't know. You did stand up comedy.

是的。

Yes.

对。我之前不知道你曾经演过单口喜剧这件事。

Yes. I did not know that about you that you did stand up comedy one time.

这家伙被提名了。他是唯一获得最佳主持人提名的。

This guy was nominated. He gave it singularly as best host.

最佳主持人提名。

For best host.

最佳播客主持人。不，我五连发。

Best host of a podcast. No. I Five shot.

我这么说是因为我也这么做了。其实我今天在网上看到一个笑话——FDA刚批准了一种治疗女同性恋抑郁的药物，名叫三氧生。

I say that because I did too. I actually have a joke that I read on the internet today. It's the FDA the FDA just approved a medication for lesbians with depression. It's called Tricoxigen.

不算差，不算差。

It's not bad. It's not bad.

你有喜欢的笑话吗？有吗？

Do you have one do you have one that you like?

我是说最烂的...最烂的...你读到那个...我读到笑点...

I mean, the worst the worst. You read the you read I the punch

读了，因为我紧张。怕自己说不利索。

did because I was nervous. Was nervous that I wouldn't get it right.

等等，我13岁的天才女儿梅普尔今天讲了个超棒的笑话——咚咚咚。

Wait. Wait. Wait. I Maple, my incredible daughter, 13, right up there, told me a great joke today. Knock knock.

谁啊？

Who's there?

谁？谁？

Who? Who?

哦对，对。等等——咚咚咚。

Oh, right. Right. Yeah. Wait. Knock knock.

谁在那儿？杰·杰森，你能拿它怎么办

Who's there? Jay Jason, you can do what

你可以用那个做什么。

you can do with that.

你们开始明白了吗？这

Are you guys are you guys starting to get it? This

就是他拿高薪的原因。他是个“处理他们”的人。

is why he gets the big bucks. He's a Do with them.

处理他们。

Do it them.

做吧

Do it

对他们。嘿，敲门。谁在那儿？布兰妮·斯皮尔斯。布兰妮·斯皮尔斯。

to them. Hey, knock knock. Who's there? Britney Spears. Britney Spears.

斯皮尔斯。敲门。谁在那儿？布兰妮·斯皮尔斯。哎呀，我又来了。

Spears. Knock knock. Who's there? Britney Spears. Oops, I did it again.

哦，天哪。约翰尼。那是枫木。你有那种...那种常用的笑话吗

Oh, God. Johnny. Got That's maple. Do you have like a like a go to joke that

我...我没做够久，还没有常用的笑话。

you I didn't didn't do it long enough to have a go to joke.

你以前是单口喜剧演员的风格吗？

Was your style as a stand up?

我甚至没...我是说，我原本想走观察型路线。问题在于——我很庆幸自己尝试过单口喜剧，因为现在我能和戴夫·查普尔同台演出。虽然我不是主角，但我理解他。我看过太多表演了，以前我...

I didn't even I mean, I would go I wanted to be observational. I wasn't the thing is and I'm glad I did stand up because I I I'll do shows with Dave Chappelle now, and I'm not the front and center, but I understand him. I've seen so much stand up like I used

经常去

to go to

纽约喜剧地窖，每晚都去。我痴迷于此。年轻时我脑子里没有'这不适合你'的想法，所以看着表演我就想：我也要这么做。

the Comedy Cellar every single night in New York City. I'd go to the Comedy Cellar, and I was just enamored with it. When I was younger, I didn't have this thing in my head that would say, that's not for you. And so I would look at it and I go, I'm gonna do that too. I'm gonna do that too.

但我投入的时间远远不够。真的想干这行的话，应该录下自己的表演反复观看。可我不想看录像，我只想喝到微醺，看别人表演后觉得'我也行'。实际上...

And and I didn't quite put the time in that it would have taken. I mean Yeah. What you're supposed to do if you really wanna do it, get your tapes. Watch your tapes. Yeah.

我根本...

And I didn't want to watch the tapes. I didn't I just I wanted to drink just enough to watch someone do stand up and go, I can do it. And it it I didn't quite

上台后的体验完全不同。我猜就像...

And it was a it's a different experience once you get up there. I bet it's just like

我享受这种逆势而上的挑战。但问题是纽约喜剧地窖那位善良可爱的选角人艾斯蒂，第二天总会接到《人物》杂志电话问：

I liked it. I actually liked the uphill battle of it. The problem was poor, sweet, beautiful, Estie who books the comedy seller in New York would get calls from People Magazine the next night saying, did

他上台了吗？听说他说了这个...

he go up? I heard he said this and

还有那个。仔细想想，这就是我干不了这行的原因之一——要是我在台上说'我女朋友又尿路感染了'...

that and that. And if you think about it, here's why I can't do stand up. Because if I one of the many reasons. If I got on stage and I said, so my girlfriend has another UTI. Right.

那就不再是关于尿路感染的笑话了，所有人都会问，女朋友是谁？她在和谁约会？

That ceases to be about a joke about a UTI and everyone would go, who's the girlfriend? Who's she dating?

她是谁？

Who is she?

所以

And so

对，没成功。明星八卦。

Right. Didn't work. Celebrity news.

确实没成功。连铺垫都没效果。因为人们会纠结于谁是谁以及发生了什么。但这让我学会了舞台时间掌控。它教会了我

It it didn't work. Even the setup didn't work. I didn't because people would get stuck in who's who and what's going on. But it taught me stage time. It taught me

而且你大部分的笑话都是关于尿路感染的，如果我没记错的话

And most of your jokes were about UTIs, if I

记得基本都是尿路感染。

remember UTIs pretty much.

是的。全都是

Yes. They were all

所以我从没费心去开发其他素材。

So I never bothered to develop any other material.

我确实没怎么准备。我就干过用大木槌砸蔓越莓这种事

I never really did. I did this thing where I would just smash cranberries with a big mallet at

结束。是的。然后你就自学了吉他。

the end. Yeah. That And then you just taught yourself guitar.

这很奇怪，因为他们是

Which is weird because they're

实际上对治疗尿路感染非常有效。是的。嗯，我在说之前考虑过这一点。

actually really good for curing UTIs. Yes. Well, I had thought about that before I said it.

这确实是真的。对吧？奶奶，这个

That's actually true. Right? Gramma, this

你有

You got

很多

a lot

很多女士在那边点头。

of a lot of ladies are nodding out there.

是的。是的。所以威利，你刚在喜剧酒馆待了一段时间。威尔有部电影要上映，他在里面演一个单口喜剧演员，他去了那里，把自己扔进了深水区。

Yeah. Yeah. So Willie, you just did some time at the Comedy Cellar. Will's got a film coming out where he's gonna play a stand up, and he went up there and threw himself into the deep end.

是的。布莱德利·库珀我拍过

Yes. Bradley Cooper I shot at

喜剧酒馆。肖恩也在电影里和我一起演出。

the Comedy Cellar. Sean's in the movie with me as well.

几乎就在你眨眼之间，不过确实如此。

Very if you blink, but yeah.

我们的朋友布拉德利执导了这部作品，我们在喜剧地窖拍了八天。我饰演一个刚开始尝试单口喜剧的角色，他因为经历人生变故才走上这条路。所以没错，我也做了同样的事。

And and our friend Bradley directed it and we shot at the Comedy Cellar for eight days. I play a guy who's just starting to become a stand up. He's because he's going through some life changes. And so yeah. So I did the same.

我去

I went

这部作品叫《六次试音》，今年晚些时候上映。

to It's called six Is This Thing On and it comes out later this year.

是啊。当时很吓人对吧？还是不吓人？

Yeah. And it was scary, yes? Or not scary?

对，第一次上台时确实。但我就像角色设定那样登场——他们介绍我是这个初次尝试单口喜剧的角色，观众都特别困惑。

Yeah. The first time it went on, yeah. But I was going on well, in the same way. I was going on as they introduced me as this character, as the guy who's going up doing stand up for the first time, then people were very confused.

是啊是啊。

Yeah. Yeah.

没错。那家伙长得超像...

Yeah. Guy looks a lot like, well

我见过。

I met.

我说'嘿，我正在办离婚'，观众就嘀咕'他不是十年前就和艾米·波勒离过了吗'，场面特别混乱。

I'm like, hey, I'm, you know, I'm I'm going through a divorce. I'm getting divorced. And people are like, didn't he get divorced like ten years ago? Amy Poehler? Like, you know, and it was very confusing for It's very confusing.

很难听清。但我们还是冒险一试了。是的。

It's very hard to hear. We made the leap anyway. Yeah.

但你在那里见到你爱的人了吗？你有没有

But did you see anyone you loved when you were there? Did you get a

很多。是的。太多美好的。

A ton. Yeah. So many good.

而且这感觉太棒了。

And It's so good.

他们太优秀了，而且他们做的事非常难。你最终会对单口喜剧演员和他们所做的一切充满敬意。这太不可思议了。整天写笑话。所以我们还会回去。

And they're so good and it's so hard what they do. You have so much you end up having so much respect for stand ups and what they do. It's amazing. And writing jokes all day. So we would go back.

我们会整天写笑话，然后大约九点在那里碰头，在各个不同的舞台表演三四次。相当疯狂。

We'd write jokes all day and then go at like 09:00 and meet up there and go up three or four times at all the different stages. It was pretty crazy.

真的无与伦比。而且每个人都有朋友告诉他们应该尝试单口喜剧，或者反过来。对吧。是的。但当你真正站上去，会发现水面波涛汹涌。

There's really nothing like it. And everyone has a friend that's told them you should do stand up or the other way around. Right. Yeah. And when you get up there, you realize the water is choppy.

是的。疯狂的是这是事实。疯狂的是事实。正如杰森指出的，你长期在大量观众面前表演。

And Yeah. And what's crazy is it's true. And what's crazy is True. As Jason pointed out, you've been performing in front of huge audiences for a long time.

没错。

Yeah.

我干这行很久了。我看起来年轻，但其实比...（他们笑是因为这太真实了）。然而当你真正去做单口喜剧时，那完全是另一回事。截然不同。

And I've been doing this for a long time. I look really young, but I but I'm older than. And they're laughing because it's so true. And and and and yet, when you actually go do stand up, it is just such a different thing. It's completely different.

我们在为电影做准备的某个晚上做过一次。

We did one night when we were prepping for the movie.

约翰，我们马上就会轮到你的。

John, we're gonna get to you in a Yeah.

这太棒了。不，这真的很棒。实际上就在我走神的时候，我正想着自己漂得太远了。

This is great. No. This is great. Was actually just thinking as I was drifting I as he was was thinking to myself because I drifted far. Thought Sure.

这其实是我目前为止在播客上玩得最开心的一次。我喜欢我们的讨论方向。你们很幸运

This is actually the most fun I've had on a podcast so far. I like where we're going. I like where we're You're lucky

能插上一句话。

to get a word out.

这只是个对话。我喜欢

It's just it's a conversation. I like where

我们的走向。

we're going.

我想说的是，成功、精彩表现和彻底失败之间的界限非常微妙。

My point was the the line between between succeeding, killing, and and bombing is very thin.

所以第一个带我上台的人。

So the first guy who brought me on stage.

请快一点。是的。我们必须抓紧时间处理这些。

Quickly, please. Yeah. I do. We we have to get to these Yeah.

我要告诉你的是已故的鲍勃·萨吉特。你现在感觉有多糟糕？鲍勃带我上台，这意味着他只表演了大概四五分钟，这对鲍勃来说几乎是不可能完成的任务。

I'll have you know was the dearly departed Bob Saget. How bad do you feel now? And and Bob brought me on stage, which meant he went up for just probably four or five minutes, which was impossible for Bob to do to do four or five minutes.

现在更不可能了。干得好。

Even more impossible now. Good job.

确实如此。鲍勃会欣赏这个玩笑的。

That is true. That is that is True. Bob Bob would appreciate it.

你问我为什么讲这个笑话，这就是原因

Why you asked me how joke, which is why you

确实能欣赏。

can do appreciate it.

正因如此你才能做到。他带我上台时，我立刻体会到这有多难。这才是真正的问题所在——我想让你设身处地想想，如果你来做单口喜剧。你可能烂透了，但下台后唯一想做的就是再来一次。

Which is why you can do it. And he brought me up on stage, and I immediately felt how difficult it was. And this is the real problem. This is the real I'm trying to put you in my shoes if you were to do stand up. You might absolutely suck, but all you wanna do when you get off stage is do it again.

真的吗？

Yeah. Really?

就是这样，有种魔力。就像《百万美元宝贝》里被打得鼻青脸肿还说'明早见'的感觉。

And again, there's something about it. It's a little kind of million dollar baby where you're all beat up and you go, I'll see you tomorrow morning. Yeah. Like

肖恩试过——听过播客的人可能知道，肖恩尝试过一次单口喜剧，他的开场白很棒。记得他那段精彩开场吗？

Sean now Sean tried and you guys have probably heard little bit if you listen to the podcast, but Sean tried stand up once and he has a he had a great opening. You remember his great opening Oh,

那是最棒的。

it's the best.

让我们听听看，肖恩。

Let's hear it, Sean.

这这不太算是

It's it's not a quite

大家都喜欢

everybody love

唐的故事，但你会爱上它的，肖恩。

the Tong story, but You're gonna love it, Sean.

他们都说跳芭蕾是你所能做的最难的事情之一。

It it's they say doing ballet is one of the most difficult things you could ever do.

没错。

Right.

所以我说干脆别跳了。

So I say just don't do it.

笑话结束。就这样。

End of joke. That's it.

这就是我喜欢的逻辑。我喜欢这种自相矛盾的逻辑。

That's that's the kind of logic I like. I like that kind of tail eating logic.

喜欢。

Like it.

可以用这个。约翰，你是在康涅狄格州费尔菲尔德长大的。

Can use it. John, you grew up you grew up in Fairfield, Connecticut.

是的。我在费尔菲尔德长大，哇。

Yes. I grew up in Fairfield, Wow.

对。你是在那里长大的

Yeah. You grew up

在《爆裂鼓手》里。

in Whiplash.

没错。你妈妈是英语老师，你爸爸是高中校长。

Yeah. Your mom was an English teacher and your dad a high high school principal.

高中校长。

High school principal.

那么，我是说，什么？比如，你是否觉得必须时刻保持警惕，关注成绩和学习这些事？

So, well, I mean, what? Like, did you feel like you had to be on your toes all the time with your grades and learning and all that?

我成长过程中左右脑发展很均衡，因为比如晚餐时如果有人问到一个词，词典就会被拿出来。

I had a very nice kind of hybrid of right brain, left brain growing up because there would be like, if if you if you had a question about a word, the dictionary would come out at the dinner table.

哦，真的吗？

Oh, really?

然后你会拆解那个词的意思。但之后我也会躲进房间逃避这些，弹弹吉他。把这两者结合起来，对成为创作歌手很有帮助，因为左右脑都在运作。所以现在听人说话时，我能听出他们语法上的所有错误，不过我都选择忽略。

And you get you would break down what that word was. But then I would also go in my room and kind of escape from all of it and just play guitar. And if you put both those things together, it's very good for being a singer songwriter because you've got the left brain, right brain thing going. So I I hear things when people are talking to me. I know what's wrong with all of the grammar they're using and I just let it go now.

这会让你抓狂吗？

Does it drive you crazy?

现在还会让你有点抓狂吗？

Does it still drive you crazy a little bit?

有几个词真的让我抓狂，就是number和amount。你知道number和amount的区别吗？

There there's a couple ones that drive me crazy and it's number and amount. Do you know about number and amount?

不知道，告诉我吧。

No. Tell me.

我要永远改变你的生活，你会烦死你所有朋友的。应该是a number of people（可数），而a amount of butter（不可数）。所以number指的是可量化的

I'm gonna change your life forever and you're gonna annoy all your friends. It is a number of people. It is an amount of butter. So number refers to a quantifiable

物质。一堆单个的事物。

substance. A bunch of singular things.

对。而amount正好相反。所以当你听到amount of people时，严格来说是错的。应该是number of people。

Yes. And amount is the opposite of that. So when you hear amount of people, it is technically wrong. Right. Number of people.

Number of people。当我听到有人说number of people时，简直像天籁之音

Number of people. When you hear someone say number of people, to me it's like music to my

般悦耳。关于标点符号在短信、邮件中的使用，

ears. About punctuation texting, emails,

这类问题？句号要放在引号里面。明白吗？完全正确。

things like that? Periods go inside of the quotes. Right? Know? Exactly.

逗号放在引号内。没错。我认为问号应该放在引号外。有本书叫《视情况而定》。还有《Eats, Shoots & Leaves》。

Commas go inside the quotes. Exactly. I believe question marks go outside the quotes. There's a book called It depends. Beats, Shoots, and Leaves.

你说不，它们不放里面？

You said no, they don't?

视情况而定。看情况。对。

It depends. Depends. Right.

视情况而定。是在转述别人的话，对吧？

It depends. Relaying what somebody else said, right?

嘿，什么时候该放里面

Hey, when it would go in

但你怎么想

But what do think

如果你在问，她说了这个吗？那问号就应该放外面。

If you're asking, did she say this? Then it would go outside.

对。但那样引号就不是双破折号了。因为是别人的话，所以用单破折号

Right. But then it's not a double dash for the quotes. It's a single dash because it's somebody else's

没错。如果我写作，实际上会用好几层引号。我会在双引号里面用单引号表示嵌套引用

right. If I'm writing, I will actually do several layers of quotes. So I'll use the single apostrophe for the quotes inside of the double apostrophe for what

说的话。

was said.

嗯，我觉得这很美。

Well, I think it's beautiful.

这是一个

It's a

美好的事物。

beautiful thing.

是啊。所以，

Yeah. So,

好吧，并非所有英雄都披着斗篷。

well, not all heroes wear capes.

好吧，但你是那种喜欢用缩写、像年轻人那样发短信的酷炫人士吗？不。你会老老实实写完整句子对吧？还会加上标点。你会检查拼写，然后才发送。

All right, but are you one of those cool texters that like uses acronyms and like how the kids No. You'll write a goddamn sentence. Right? And you'll punctuate it. You'll spell check it, and then you'll send it.

我有个特别受不了的事。对，就是当人们用'hung'表示某人被'hanged'的时候。应该是'hangs'。

I have one pet peeve. Yeah. Which is when people use hung for when someone was hanged. It's hangs.

是'hangs'。

It's hangs.

不是'hung'。

Not hung.

这挺有用的 嗯，一个

That comes in handy Well, a

因为他用谷歌搜索了

because because he searches it on Google

所有 你

all Do you

有那种感觉吗，约翰，就是忍不住想纠正别人？

have that, John, where you feel like the urge to correct people?

我告诉你，我有条原则。如果我觉得这能帮到他们且他们会感激，我就会做。我会这样说：你说是我没关系。我觉得你会想知道，我也希望你能明白。是的。

I will tell you, I have a rule. I have a rule. If I feel like it will help them and they will appreciate that help, I'll do it. And I'll have a way of saying, there's nothing wrong with you saying it's me. I think you'd want to know and I want you to look so Yeah.

你可以判断。这是个例子。当我看Instagram标题时，有人说很荣幸成为其中一部分（apart），但apart是一个词，意思完全相反

You can you can judge it. Here's one that's That's being service. Yeah. When I'm looking at an Instagram caption, and someone says they were honored to be a part of something, but apart is one word apart, which is the exact opposite of

对。他们 对。对。

Right. What they Right. Right.

那个是

That one is

疯了。对。没错。

bonkers. Right. Yep.

或者发短信时呢？发送按钮不是句号。懂吗？组织好段落。

Or what about or what about when you're sending a text? The send button is not a period. You know? Create your paragraph. Yo.

再发送。别每句话结尾都按发送。搞得我手机像报丧似的。这

Send that. Okay. Don't just keep hitting send at the end of every sentence. Because then my phone goes I feel like someone died. This

到现在已经有一年半到两年了

has been about a year and a half to two years now

在我这里这变成了承诺，我们会回到节目上来。

where I this became promise we're going to get back to the show.

这变成了听着，我们正处在连胜状态。这变成了一种口头禅，人们会说，我是说，不是没有原因的。但我们确实应该...对。如果你开着那个文本也没关系。是的。

This became listen, we're on a hot streak. This became a kind of vernacular where people would say, I mean, not for nothing. But we should Yeah. And it's cool if you have that text open. Yeah.

如果你在看什么东西，它不断出现，或者如果他试图展示人们被...对...吊起来的视频。

And if you're watching something and it keeps coming down or if he's trying to show a video of people getting Right. Hunged.

没有警报。那你就会

There aren't alerts. Then you would

直接看到它出现之类的。所以现在就把这些都写下来。我加了段落分隔...对...在里面

just see it coming down and stuff. And so now just write it all. I put paragraph breaks Right. In

慢慢来。写下来。对。整理好。然后提醒我你要

Take your time. Write it. Yeah. Get it together. And then alert me to what you

想要 与此同时，这确实让对话更...我不是...我不是在为此辩护，我也没有这个习惯。但我要说...你是最糟糕的。没有什么比这更糟了。你是最最糟糕的。没有什么比收到某人发来的六英寸长的文字更糟的了。

want At to the talk same time, it does make it more conversate I'm not I'm not here defending that and I'm not guilty of it. But I will say You're the worst. There's also nothing worse. You're the absolute worst. There's nothing worse than getting six inches of text from somebody.

高兴

Glad

听听这个故事。好吧。你懂我意思吧？

to Here's this story. Okay. You know what I mean?

是啊。你肯定会喜欢我发的短信。

Yeah. You would love my texts.

我敢打赌。我能给你发短信吗？

I bet. I can you text?

我对短信交流很重要。和你一起。创造

I'm important to texting flow. With you. Make

我。我准备好了，我准备好和你建立友谊了。我现在正式当着所有人的面宣布。

me. I'm ready I'm ready to start a friendship with you. I'm saying it officially right now in front of everybody.

我永远不会变得无趣。绝不。

I'll I'll never be uninteresting. No.

前几天我在大都会队的比赛上看到你。我就想，我们可以一起去看棒球赛。还能教我弹吉他。你和我

I saw you at the Mets game the other day. I'm like, we can we can go to baseball games. Can teach me how to play guitar. You and I

我知道这有点像那种'我们从不一起玩的戴夫'。是啊。

I know this is sort of like the we never hang out Dave Yeah.

你在做的

Thing you're

事情。但我会和你一起玩，我会帮

doing. But I would hang out with you and I'll get

你搞定Smartless Mobile的优惠。太棒了。

you a deal on Smartless Mobile. That's great.

我们很希望能让你加入。

We'd love to get you on.

是啊。不。听着，我很想拥有一部三星手机。听起来非常令人兴奋。

Yeah. No. Listen, I would love to have a Samsung phone. That sounds very exciting.

他在开玩笑。是的。他在开玩笑。

He's kidding. Yeah. He's kidding.

我能搞定

I can get it

我等不及要看到红色气泡了。

on I can't wait to have red bubbles.

我是约翰尼。

I'm Johnny.

为什么你的气泡是红色的？我用的是Smartless Mobile。那不是真的。

Why are your bubbles red? I'm on Smartless Mobile. That's not true.

那不是真的。

That's not true.

全是蓝色的。

It's all blue.

这是5G网络，你用的是T-Mobile的网络。总之，约翰。

It's five g and you're on the t mobile network. Anyway, John.

总之，约翰。听起来你并不

Anyway, John. Sounds you don't

想要一部他妈的免费手机。

want a free fucking phone.

我就是喜欢这个主意，随时联系我，你们得开始把它融入日常对话中。

I just love the idea of being on hit me up on like, you guys have to start integrating it into your casual conversation.

你应该

You should

打我的Smartless手机。我们没

hit me up on my Smartless mobile. We didn't

我们没必要。那是我们

we didn't have to. It was We

说实话，我们不知道肖恩会突然提这个。是啊。

didn't know that Sean was gonna drop that, to be honest. Yeah.

很有趣。很好玩。

It was fun. It's fun.

我们马上回来。

And we will be right back.

本期Smartless节目由我们的朋友Ashley赞助。这个品牌不仅让我们现场活动的舞台感觉像家一样，还支持了许多了不起的组织。节目早些时候，我们提到他们向For Others捐款，这个非营利组织正在做非常非常重要的工作，以终结美国的儿童福利危机。这场危机有时可能被忽视，但它带来了严重后果。通过与Ashley和For Others的合作，我们了解到福利系统中90%的儿童会经历严重创伤。而那些从寄养系统超龄离开的儿童，有40%的几率在18个月内无家可归，97%会立即陷入长期贫困。

This episode of Smartless is sponsored by our friends at Ashley. The brand actually made our live event stage feel kinda like a home while also supporting incredible organizations like Earlier in the episode, we mentioned their donation to For Others, a nonprofit doing very, very, very important work to end the child welfare crisis in America. The crisis may go overlooked at times, but it has serious consequences. And through working with Ashley and for others, we learned that ninety percent of children in the welfare system will experience severe trauma. And children that age out of the foster care system have a forty percent chance of being homeless within eighteen months, with ninety seven percent immediately entering chronic poverty.

这些数据听起来或许令人沉重，但正因如此，这项工作才显得尤为重要。通过Ashley的捐赠，下一代能够找到充满爱与安全的家，从而强化我们的社区，并为新可能开启大门。我们无比激动地庆祝在Ashley支持下，另外四位人士所做出的卓越贡献。我们在节目直播时坐在Ashley的家具上，既舒适又美观，让现场仿佛客厅般温馨，有时甚至忘了自己身处舞台。

And these stats are hard to hear, but that's exactly why this work is so important. So through Ashley's donation, the next generation can find a loving and secure home, strengthening our communities and opening doors to new possibilities. And we're just thrilled to celebrate the powerful work being done by four others with Ashley's support. We were sitting on Ashley pieces during the live taping of our show, which was comfy, and they looked great. It made it look like a living room and kind of, at times, forgot we were on stage.

但坐在Ashley的家具上，知晓他们为世界所做的善行，这种感觉更为美妙。能与这样的品牌产生关联，对我们意义重大。Ashley专注于为真实生活打造的时尚风格，提供白手套送货上门服务。欢迎前往当地Ashley门店或访问ashley.com寻找属于你的风格。欲了解For Others的使命或参与捐赠，请访问forothers.com。本期Smartless节目部分由Skinny Pop爆米花赞助播出。

But sitting on Ashley's furniture, knowing the work that they do that goes and and does good in the world felt even better, and just being associated with that brand for us went a long way. Ashley's all about style that's made for real life with white glove delivery right to your door. So visit your local Ashley store or head to ashley.com to find your style. To learn more about For Others' mission or to donate, visit forothers.com. This episode of Smartless is brought to you in part by Skinny Pop popcorn.

没错，你们在Avalon现场活动后台听到的咔嚓声正是它。我必须说原味Skinny Pop有种经典魅力——没有花哨添加，只保留精华部分。爆得香脆可口，咸度恰到好处，轻盈蓬松，简直和我本人一样。

And, yes, it's exactly what you heard crunching backstage at our live event at the Avalon. I I will say there's something kind of really classic about the original Skinny Pop. No fluff. Just it's just got the good stuff. It's it's deliciously popped, perfectly salted, light and airy, kinda like me.

我觉得自己就挺轻盈蓬松的，像个人形Skinny Pop，不过没它那么美味。我们当时囤了超多Skinny Pop，作为节目赞助商的产品，现场到处都是。

I feel like I'm kinda light and airy. I'm like a human Skinny Pop, but I'm not as good. We did. We had so much Skinny Pop. They were a sponsor of the show, and we had so much of it everywhere.

我们对待Skinny Pop简直像孩子般胡闹，几个大男人为此疯狂。每次购买时我都自我安慰：这是给孩子们买的，毕竟家里有两个青少年和一个小家伙。但最后毫无例外——全被我吃光了。这种零食让我放心存放在家，结果总是自己独享。

We were kind of silly with Skinny Pop, and the guys went a little bit crazy with it. Every time that I buy Skinny Pop, in my mind, I'm always like, oh, I'm getting it for the kids because I have two teenagers and a little guy. And I'm like, so I'm I'm getting Skinny Pop for the kids. It's a good snack, and it's it's a snack that I sort of feel comfortable having in the house. And then invariably, I'm the one who eats it all.

Skinny Pop，香脆爆制，咸香适中，广受欢迎自有道理。更多详情请访问hersheyland.com/skittypop。

Skitty pop, deliciously pop, perfectly salted, popular for a reason. Find out more at hersheyland.com/skittypop.

您正在收听的是在Avalon剧院录制的Smartless特别节目。我们与星巴克合作，让这个夏天更值得铭记。本季星巴克推出精心调制的饮品，激发您尽情享受夏日时光——从劲爽冰调饮品到全新星冰乐，每口都是夏天的味道。我在录制间隙偷喝了几口，坦白说我们谁都不愿分享。您的夏日心选已在星巴克就位。

You're listening to a very special episode of Smartless recorded at the Avalon Theater, and we've partnered with Starbucks to help make this summer even more memorable. This season, Starbucks is delivering handcrafted beverages made to inspire you to enjoy the summer season to the fullest. We're talking bold refreshers, iced beverages, and a new frappuccino that all tastes like summer with each sip. I've been sipping between takes, and let's just say none of us are sharing. Your summer favorites are ready at Starbucks.

欢迎光临附近门店，尽享属于您的夏日风味。现在请回到节目。

Stop by your local store and enjoy your favorite tastes of summer. And now back to the show.

你来自康涅狄格州对吧？我记得有次在亚特兰大——我和JB曾在那儿待过几年（不是同居）——开车上班时听到电台节目，你正和听众交谈，而且你认识那些电台里的人。我可能错过了开头...你早期确实与亚特兰大有深厚联系对吗？

So you're from Connecticut, and I remember I was in Atlanta once. JB and I spent a couple years there, not together. And I was listening to a radio station driving to work, and then you were talking to the people and you knew these people on the radio. And I guess I missed the first You had a real connection to Atlanta at the start of your Yes. Is that true?

是的。当年搬去亚特兰大时

Yeah. Moved down to Atlanta when

我当时

I was

当我

when I

是万豪酒店。

was Marriott.

就像是，像是，像是真正的联系。

So like like like a real connection.

是啊。去了亚特兰大，搬走了。我在伯克利音乐学院待了一年后离开了。和一个朋友搬到那边，开始写歌。真没想到。

Yeah. Went down to Atlanta, moved away. I I left Berkeley College of Music after a year. Moved down there with a friend and just started writing songs. No way.

为什么还要坚持。我有个朋友来自斯内尔维尔那边，

Why And going for it. I had a friend who was from there down in Snellville,

乔治亚州 当然。

Georgia Sure.

那里的人都说那里的人就是这样。现在回想起来，这样其实挺好的。所以我搬过去后，我们开始写歌，我就

Where everyone is someone is what they say down there. And, which is really nice now when you look at it that way. And so I moved down there and we started writing songs and I just

你那时多大？

How old were you?

21，20岁

21, 20

但20岁时你不是在高中就开始写作了吗？

But 20 didn't you start writing in high school?

是啊，开始写歌了

Yeah. Started writing songs

那时你还在加油站工作？

in And you were like a gas station person?

不是加油站。是在数学课上写歌，我那时在数学课上创作歌曲。

Wasn't a gas station. Was writing song I was writing songs in math class.

我当时只是随便写写。说真的这让我震惊——我是说，这么年轻就拥有用英语创作并谱成音乐的才华实在太罕见了，而你恰好就是个非凡的歌曲作者。你那么小就明白这点。你在加油站加油时知道自己为何在那里吗？你是否足够自信地认为'哦，这只是暂时的，总有一天我会成功'？

I was just like writing See that blows my mind that I mean it's so rare to to have that gift at such a young age to be able to use the English language, then put it to music, and you just happen to be an incredible songwriter. And you knew this at such a young age. Did you know why you were pumping gas at the gas station? Did you have enough belief in yourself to know that, oh, this is just temporary. I'm probably gonna make it someday.

所有事情...是的。我是说，当时所有事物都像是我的阻碍。现在也有很多孩子有同样感受，我特别心疼他们。他们不是叛逆，可能在课堂上捣乱，但他们并非坏孩子。

Everything yeah. I mean, everything that I was looking at was in my way. And there are kids out there who feel this way and my heart goes out to them. They're not being punks. They're acting out in class, but they're not being punks.

他们早就明白了。就像去餐厅服务员念特色菜时，你说'我知道要什么，不要那些'。

They already know. It would be like going to a restaurant and the waiter is reading the specials and you go, I know what I want. I don't want that.

没错。

Right.

我只要汉堡。他们却介绍什么'我们把龙虾取出烹饪再放回壳里'，你会说'我-我知道要什么'。那真是...那实际上是我人生最艰难的阶段之一，被迫当个15岁孩子。嗯。

I just want the burger. And they're telling you about that we take the lobster out, we cook it, we put it back in the shelf. You're like, I I know what I want. And it's it was very it was that was actually one of the hardest times of my life was to have to be 15. Uh-huh.

当我明知自己心理年龄不止15岁，却想去实现理想时，真的特别艰难。

When I knew that I wasn't 15. I wanted to go do this thing. It was really tough.

太棒了。我喜欢你这种表达方式。

Love that. Love the way you put that.

真的很难。那么到底是什么时候出现转机的？什么时候感觉终于，我开始获得一些认可了。他们开始播放我的音乐还是...

Really hard. Then when when did the damn break? When was it like, yes, finally, I'm getting some traction. They're playing my music or

嗯，我19岁时去了伯克利音乐学院。中间休学了几年在加油站磨练技艺。是的。但顺便说一句，无论你做什么工作，在通往目标的路上都要做到最好。一定要成为最出色的那个。

Well, I went to Berkeley College of Music when I was 19. I took a couple years off to hone my chops at the mobile station. Yeah. But by the way, let me also say, whatever job you have, be the best at it on your way to where you're going. Be the best at it.

我后来当上了加油站的助理经理。

I became assistant manager at the mobile station.

我记得看过一个采访。你是不是...

I remember seeing an interview. Did you go

在Smart加油站工作过？

there with like Smart mobile station.

对，索耶加油站。大概二十五年前的事。我还记得。

Sawyer Yeah. Like twenty five years ago. I remember that.

我当时有个寻呼机。关键是要把分配给你的任何工作都做到极致，因为卓越本身比敷衍了事然后抱怨不想干要有趣得多。就当是玩也要做到最好。对吧？你明白吗？

I got a pager. Just be great at whatever job they give you because it's more fun to be great than to like suck at it and say you don't want to do it. Just ace it for fun. Right. You know?

没错。我还记得参加加油站管理层会议时——这故事和你的风格很像——当时我在会议中心坐着，周围全是加油站经理。有位女士正在演讲，主题叫《给他们酸黄瓜》。讲的是如果你在熟食店工作，顾客想要额外酸黄瓜时，别收钱。

Right. And I would go to like mobile management meetings, and I remember, I'm going to tell a story, it's very similar to your style. I was sitting in a meeting in a convention room with all of these mobile managers and there was a woman who was giving a speech to all the mobile managers and it was called give them the pickle. And it was all based on, if you're working at a deli and someone comes up and says, can I have an extra pickle? Don't charge them for another pickle.

对，直接把酸黄瓜给他们。

Right. Give them the pickle.

没错。

That's right.

从加油中学到这一课很酷，弥补了你看起来有多蠢

That's a cool lesson to learn from pumping gas, and makes up for how stupid you

约翰，耳朵一直

John, get always been ear

座右铭也是。对吧？是的。

motto too. Right? Yeah.

多给他们一根腌黄瓜。

Give them the extra pickle.

给他们腌黄瓜？

Give them the pickle?

没错。如果他们喜欢，就免费再给一根。那么，你多大年纪开始真正拿起吉他？真的是因为《回到未来》吗？

Yep. And if they don't, and if they like it, give them the second one for free. So. So, how old were you? So, how old were you when you actually picked up a guitar and what may and was it really Back to the Future?

你是不是想着，我要成为马蒂·麦克弗莱？

You're like, I wanna be Marty McFly?

是的。看了《回到未来》后，那个瞬间触动了我。后来我去旧货市场——在东北我们叫标签拍卖或车库拍卖——买了把吉他。

Yeah. I saw Back to the Future and whatever thing was, which was that moment of like come up and, you know, like that always meant something to me. And then I would like go to tag sales. We call them tag sales in the Northeast or garage sales. And I buy, you know, guitar.

我妈花大概2美元给我买了吉他，前四把吉他从来没有六根弦齐全。嗯。但我永远记得拥有六根弦吉他那天的震撼——这才是完整的吉他。那时我才真正入门，突然看懂了指板的几何结构，恍然大悟。不是说我当时会弹，而是知道该怎么学了。

My my mom buy me guitar for like $2 and like the first four guitars never had all six strings on them. Mhmm. But then I'll never forget the day I had a guitar with all six strings because that was all of the strings. And then then I could really go off and running and I just saw the I saw the geometry of the thing and I went, got it. And it wasn't that I knew how to play the guitar, but I knew how I was going to.

是啊。我飞快地把那些‘不认识’堆里的东西，比如石头，挪到了‘认识’堆里。但这并不是因为我多努力，只是我看了那东西一眼，就突然明白了。

Yeah. And I just so quickly went and took things like rocks from the don't know it pile and put it into the know it pile. But it wasn't because I worked hard. I just looked at that thing and I went, I got it.

真奇怪。你是自学的吗？就像Lucky刚开始发出声音那样。

That's so strange. You self teach did you just like start making noises Lucky. And

如果有人——任何在听的人——打算给孩子买吉他，千万别急着给他们报课，先等上几周。

If you're if you're ever anyone out there, if you're gonna give your kid a guitar, don't give them lessons for like a couple weeks.

对。

Yeah.

让他们自己摸索。随便弹弹看看。因为直到现在，我看吉他琴颈的方式还和第一次见到时一样。后来我才开始上课。

Just go looking. Go looking around. Play around. Just see because I still see the guitar neck the way I did when I first looked at it. And and then I started taking lessons.

吉他老师把课时分成两半，各十五分钟。前半段照着教材学，后半段是‘带首歌来，老师教你弹’。没过多久，就变成整节课都在教歌了。我回家练完，回来就能弹，然后不停喊着‘再教点别的’。

And then the guitar instructor, they used to cut it in half, thirty minutes. It'd be fifteen and fifteen. The first fifteen minutes would be learning from the book, and the second fifteen minutes was like, bring in a song, and the guitar and the guitar teacher will show you that song. And before long, it was just all bring in a song. And it was all show me everything and I could just I'd go home and I'd come back and I'd do it and I'd go give me more give me more.

你简直痴迷上了。

And you just loved it.

没错，我知道你想让我长话短说，我马上就讲完了。

And I loved it and then I know you're trying to get me to taper down with the story and I'm almost there.

不，不是的。只是...我得插播广告了，Sean。

No. No. I'm just I'm I'm gotta do commercials Sean.

我们会处理的

We'll do

过去式。

it past tense.

我们会

We'll

过去做式。

past do tense.

肖恩，你弹钢琴时也是那样吗？老实说，你会

Sean, were you like that with the piano? Honestly, would you

我经历过那些阶段。我五岁开始学琴，那天刚从幼儿园回家。我妈问我，想学钢琴吗？我直接说，反正我也没别的事做，为什么不呢？

I was I went through the phases. I started I started at five years old, literally came home from kindergarten. My mom was like, do want to take piano lessons? I literally said, I'm not doing anything else. Why not?

老师就住在街对面，我开始上钢琴课。长大后，身边所有大人都反复说：天啊，你还在学琴？我真希望当年能坚持下来——无论是钢琴、小提琴还是其他什么。

And she lived across the street, and I started taking piano lessons. And then as I got older, all the adults in my life kept saying, gosh, you know, you're taking piano lessons? I wish I would have stayed with that. I wish or violin lessons or whatever lessons they took. Over and over again, all the adults would say, I wish I stuck with it.

我把这些感叹都转化成了动力。我想，既然所有人都后悔放弃，那坚持肯定有意义。如果像他们说的那样坚持，或许会有回报。或许能因此获得尊重，因为他们放弃了。不过托尼的情况我不清楚。

And so I turned that that messaging, I turned all those regrets into motivation. And so, I was like, there must be something to that. If I wonder if I just stick with it like everybody's saying they wish they did, it might pay off. And I might get respect for it because they gave up on it. So I don't know why Tony.

是啊。

Yeah. Yeah.

对，我特别崇拜他。

Yeah. I adore him. Have

与乐器共鸣的感觉就像...就像在飞翔。

a connecting with an instrument is like the it's like flying.

每次我尝试自学吉他时，都因为手指太疼而坚持不下去。我知道。所以我每次都放弃了。真的很疼。

Every time I've tried to teach myself how to play guitar, I can't I can't get past how much it hurts my fingers. I know. So I so I I stop every time. It hurts.

是啊。你会因为别人说第十集才精彩，就硬着头皮看完前九集。对吧。我们愿意坚持的事和不情愿的事就是不一样。

Yeah. You'll watch you'll watch a series for nine episodes because someone says it gets good on the tenth. Yeah. Right. The things we'll stick with and the things we won't.

我懂。但你还得选把调试得当的吉他。有些人的第一把吉他是从阁楼之类的地方翻出来的旧货。

I know. But also you have to get a guitar that's set up right. Sometimes people's first guitars have been in attics and stuff.

有没有软弦的？确实有软弦的。

Do they make soft strings? They make soft strings.

我14岁的儿子在这儿。他在楼上，几年前开始学贝斯。现在他自学了吉他，还在房间里搞创作。你知道的。我告诉过你。

My 14 my 14 year old's here. He's up there and he and he started playing bass a couple years ago. Now he taught himself to play guitar and he's making music in his room. You knew that. Told you that.

亚伯。你在哪儿，亚伯？他就在楼上某个地方。

Abel. Where you at, Abel? He's up there somewhere.

贝斯弦对手指更友好。那些弦更粗。它是

Bass strings, that's easier on the fingers. Those are bigger It's

某种程度上说，这就像通往吉他的入门毒品。对吧？

it's like a it's like a gateway drug to guitars in a way. Right?

对。我是说，有时候这取决于乐队本身。

Yeah. Mean, I it sometimes it's whatever the band is.

抱歉伙计，我不是那个意思。

Sorry, buddy. I don't mean that.

但这完全取决于吉他是否调试得当。

But it's all about whether the guitar is set up right.

你以后会为此付出代价的。而且它只有四根弦。对吧？是的。

You're gonna pay for that later. It's only four strings too. Right? Yes.

你什么时候开始有恐慌发作的？

When did you have start having panic attacks?

天啊。

Oh my god.

老兄。不错。流畅。因为我有，我曾经有过

Boy. Nice. Smooth. Because I have I had the

史上最糟糕的帖子。不。那是过去的事了。

worst post in the history No. Is the past.

因为我曾经

Because I had

就在大约二十秒前。

them Like twenty seconds ago.

是的。因为我也有过，然后我得了房颤，就是心律失常，你也有这个。

Yeah. Because I had them too, and then I get A fib, is cardiac arrhythmia, which you have.

我也有。那你如何

I have as well. And how do you

知道自己是否处于那种状态吗？不知道。

know when you're in it or no? No.

现场有医生吗？以防万一？

I Is there a doctor in the house just in case?

我还有更多要说的。

I have so much more.

他们两个看起来都快爆发了。

They both seem like they're ready to pop.

是啊。因为我不得不经常去急诊室做心脏复律。你也需要这样吗？

Yeah. Because I had to go to the emergency room a lot to get cardioversion. That what you had to do?

我不需要做心脏复律。让我们深入探讨一下。17岁时，我患有阵发性孤立性房颤。

I didn't have to do cardioversion. So let's just get super esoteric here. When I was 17, I, had AFib, a paracismal lone, AFib.

当然。当然。

Sure. Sure.

后来我服用地高辛摆脱了它。那是种抗心律失常药。我

And and I got out of it with a digitalis. It's an antiarrhythmic. I got

是啊。我试过那个。没用。

out Yeah. Of I tried that. It doesn't work.

对我有效。而且...现在是什么情况？对多数人来说不致命。但有轻微中风风险。

Got out of there for me. And it's it's not What's going on? It's not fatal for most people. There's a slight risk of stroke.

没错。

That's right.

但这只是个麻烦。

But it's just a nuisance.

对。

Right.

而且它让我保持诚实，因为我每天服用五千万单位的氟卡尼。

And it keeps me honest because I'm on a daily I'm on flecainide fifty million.

我在努力

I'm trying

对你那样说。在家对着电视说话。这是

to you that. Talk to the TV at home. This is have

我向镜头里的女士们挥手告别。我说再见。当她们说再见时。嗯哼。等一下。

I wave goodbye to the ladies in the view. I'm like goodbye. As they say goodbye. Uh-huh. Wait a minute.

我也是。我试过氟卡尼，但后来我只是按需服用。

Me too. I tried flecainide, but then I I just take it as needed.

是啊。

Yeah.

好的。

Okay.

我服用它是因为我有许多房性早搏（PACs），如果不服用氟卡尼，我每天会有数百次。有时我会服用阿替洛尔，一种β受体阻滞剂，剂量是五十毫克的美托洛尔。

I take it because I have lots of PACs or premature atrial complexes, and I got hundreds a day if I'm not on flecainide. Sometimes I'll take amitoprolol, which is a beta block. I'll take fifty milligrams of methotroprolol.

同样的美托洛尔。是的。

Same methotroprolol. Yeah.

总之，这让我想起了一个电视剧点子。讲的是一个吸血鬼医生，但他从未上过医学院，只是活得太久，太阳底下的事他都经历过。

Anyway. This reminds me of a TV show idea I have. And it's about a doctor who's a vampire, but he never went to medical school. He just lived so long that everything under the sun happened to him.

这样啊

So so

他因为活了八百年所以无所不知。而且他总想偷偷喝血——我是说，我们保留这个吸血鬼设定。

he just knows everything because he's lived like eight hundred years. Yeah. And he's always trying to break in to drink the blood. I mean, we have that. We have the blood thing.

他总在楼层间鬼祟穿行。我特别满意剧名《吸血鬼医生MD》，直截了当。想象你们从日落大道开车回西区时，看见马鞍酒吧上方亮着这个招牌，肯定会想'我要看看这部剧'。

Have he's always sneaking around between the floors. And I really like, I really think I hit it out of the park with the name just doctor vampire m d. Sure. And like just come out with it. And I think if you're driving down sunset to go back to wherever you guys are, you know, on the West Side, and you see a lit up sign over the saddle wrench, this is Doctor Vampire MD, that you'd be like, I would check that out.

绝对会。

Absolutely.

我绝对会看

I would totally check

你会写主题曲吗？

that Will you write the theme song?

会啊。等等，你手臂怎么没有汗毛？

Yes. Wait, why don't you have hair on your arms?

简直是最糟糕的。

Simply the worst.

这是

This is

简直是最糟糕的。比所有都糟糕。太可怕了。哦，最糟的。

simply the worst. Simply worse than all. Terrible. Oh, the worst.

肖恩和我小腿上的毛发都掉光了，因为

Sean and I have both lost the hair on our on our shins from

不在乎。我这不是天生的我

don't care. I there's not a natural I

曾经

used to

拿杰弗里·坦伯尔这事开玩笑。但他会说，哦，你等着。等你老了。你也会掉的。是啊。

make fun of Jeffrey Tambor for that. But he was like, oh, you wait. You'll get old enough. You'll lose it. Yeah.

是啊。

Yeah.

所以你是说腿毛会掉？是啊。

So you're saying you lose hair on the legs? Yeah.

是啊。因为这是

Yeah. Because it's

里面长着毛发，外面看起来像个摩托车手。

like on the inside, got hair. Outside, like a like a biker.

是啊。我...我不太...我留不了胡子。我实在不擅长这个。

Yeah. I I'm not a very I don't I don't I can't grow a beard. I'm not very

同感。浑身是毛还白得像雪花石膏。

Same. Hairy and Alabaster all the way.

没错。你看，你和我皮肤都很光滑。对，我们很光滑。

Yeah. You know, very you and I are smooth. Yeah. We're smooth.

我们是丝滑的爵士乐。

We're smooth jazz.

是啊。对啊。

Yeah. Yeah.

没错。约翰，他的身体是个奇妙乐园来着？哦。

Yeah. John, whose body was a wonderland? Oh.

我经历过这个。

I had that.

我能看出来...我觉得我可能跟很多人说过这事了。

I can tell I can tell you and I think I think I've told people this much.

那是你初恋女友。

It was your first girlfriend.

那是我的初恋女友。天啊。他在嘲笑我的回答。最糟糕的。每次回答都被嘲笑。

It was my first girlfriend. Oh my god. He's mocking my answer. The worst. Mocking ever answer.

我从没遇到过有人嘲笑回答的情况。我本可以美化一下，说些你没听过的事。

I've never had anybody mock an answer. I would have sweetened it up, put something in you hadn't heard.

不，没关系。抱歉。继续说吧。我的初恋女友。

No. It's okay. Sorry. Go ahead. My first girlfriend.

直奔主题吧，市长。我要开始这个任务了。这完全是个陷阱，因为实际上是你问的这个任务，你现在的行为是在取笑他——

Get to it, mayor. I Get to this quest I This is total setup because you asked me the quest actually, what you're doing is making fun of him for

提问。没错没错没错。但我这里确实写着，你有段备受瞩目的恋爱史。我们要聊聊这个还是——

asking That's right. That's right. That's right. But I did have on here, you have a high profile dating history. Do we talk about it or

不谈这个？听着听着，我来说说为什么我——

not talk about it? Here here here's here's why I

不，而且那与此有关。

don't And and that had to do with it.

他——如果与我相关，我会谈论自己。当然。但我现在年纪大了。距离我...我是说，我自己从那以后有了新的生活状态。我基本足不出户。

He I would talk about me if it related to me. Sure. But I am older now. It's been a very long time since I I mean, I have my own situation from that. I stay inside the house.

我是不是个好男孩，美国？我现在没和任何人约会。我乖不乖？

Aren't I a good boy, America? I'm not dating anybody. Aren't I good?

朱莉娅，单身？你现在单身对吧？

Julia, single? You single right now?

我是单身。我是个抢手货。你愿意

I'm a single person. I'm a catch. Would you

你愿意 你愿意 你喜欢 你有 你有梦想成为丈夫、父亲吗？绝对的。是的。绝对的。

would you would you like do you do you have do you have dreams of being a husband, a father? Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely.

这不容易。约翰·梅尔约会并不容易。我是认真的。你能怎么办？这很难遇到合适的人。

It's it's not easy. It's not easy for John Mayer to date. I've in all seriousness. Like what are you going to do? Like it's it's tough Well to meet people.

不。但我要告诉你，这是个非常好的筛选系统，能选出对的人。如果不那么容易，那就意味着当对的人出现时，因为之前的不易，一切就会变得简单。

No. But I'll tell you it's very good. It's a very good filtration system of selecting who's right. So if it's not easy, then that means when the right person comes along, well then that's easy because of how not easy it is until you meet the right person.

但让

But let

我来问问你，女朋友、妻子和可能与之生子的人，什么是对的什么是错的。你现在寻找的是和以前不同的东西吗

me ask you about what's right and what's wrong for a girlfriend versus a wife versus somebody that you might have a child with. Are you looking for something different now

比起以前？嗯，她们是一样的。我不会和没有结婚可能的人约会。

than you were say Well, they're one and the same. There's I would not be I would not date someone if it didn't have the upward mobility of becoming married.

对。所以不要娶一个女朋友，或许换个说法。

Right. So don't marry a girlfriend perhaps said said differently.

但我不明白，你不是总会娶你的女朋友吗？

But I don't under wouldn't you always marry your girlfriend?

嗯，我确实认为有区别。

Well, I do I think I think there's a difference.

解释一下。嗯，我想你知道那句老话，永远别娶你的女朋友们。

Explain it. Well, I think You know what they say, never marry your girlfriends.

但它

But It

感觉像是

kinda feels like

他们从没这么说过。

they never said it.

这会很有趣。嗨，阿曼达。

This is gonna be good. Hi, Amanda.

你知道那句俗话吗？

You know what they say?

嗨，亲爱的。

Hi, honey.

去他们说和最好的朋友做朋友。

Go They say be friends with your best friend.

不。约翰，让他继续挖坑吧，拜托了。

No. John, let him keep digging, please.

宝贝，我该放下铲子吗？哦不，我确实认为

Babe, should I put the shovel down? Oh, no. I do think that

你们是分开开车来的吗？

You guys come in separate cars?

不，该死的。但你知道，你可能会选择和一个你认为'哦，这会是个有趣的女朋友'的人约会。这段关系其实没有长远发展的可能。

No. Damn it. But you know, you you might make a choice to date somebody that you think, oh, well this this would be a fun girlfriend. It doesn't really it doesn't really have legs to go with Not a lot.

比如。但我所有女朋友都具备长远发展的条件。我是说，我

Instance. But All my girlfriends have had legs. It's something mean, I

真为你高兴。

Good for you.

干得漂亮，老兄。

Good for you, dude.

是啊，目前为止。我不...

Yeah. So far. I don't You

总得有点标准，懂吗？

gotta have standards, you know?

这纯属巧合。我并不是刻意...

It just happens to be. I'm not looking on

不过杰伊，你继续说啊。

But Jay, keep going though.

笑吧，开心果。你现在...你现在在用交友软件吗？

Laugh it up, Giggles. You're you're on a are you on a dating site right now?

我不是。

I'm not.

到了这个年纪，每个女朋友都可能是潜在的妻子。我47岁了，这个年龄

Every girlfriend would be a potential wife at this point. I am 47, which

哦，你还年轻呢。

Oh, you're young.

所以在这个阶段也一样。你觉得你比47岁老吗？你还认为47岁年轻吗？47岁有什么特别之处

So at this point Same. Do you think you're older than 47. Do you still think 47 is young? Is there something about 47

跟63岁比？是啊。不年轻了。

Compared to 63? Yeah. No.

对啊。没错。

Yeah. Yeah.

这很年轻。

It is young.

是啊。所以对。大概五个吧。

Yeah. So Yeah. Probably five.

这很年轻。

It's young.

所以无论现在有多难，将来找到对的人就会有多容易。我觉得我是这样看待的

It's so however difficult it is is how easy it will be to identify someone who's right. I think that's how I look at

它。

it.

嗯，随着年龄增长，你知道的，人会获得反思过去并避免重蹈覆辙的能力。所以当你开始一段新关系时，希望你能更明智，具备所有这些品质。

Well, With age comes, you know, the ability to reflect on your past and not repeat the same mistakes. So when you enter a new relationship, you are hopefully wiser and all of those things.

我能

Can I

告诉你一件事吗？然后我们可以完全坦诚。就

tell you something? And then we could be really honest. Just

我们之间说说。

between us.

拜托直接说这全是该死的

Please just say it's all a fucking

胡扯 我行为非常端正。我相信有人能做到吗？那么端正。好像我真的很在意似的。我已经发展出自己最好的部分。

crap am very well behaved. I believe that Anyone be that? Well behaved. Like I really care. I've developed really the best parts of me.

我...我行为非常端正。是的。我待人真诚。我诚实。我诚恳。

I've I'm very well behaved. Yeah. I treat people really well. I'm honest. I'm sincere.

我不挖苦人。而且我不知道人们是否了解这点，所以当别人和我约会时，他们以为我会尖酸刻薄、语带讥讽，但我并不是。

I'm not sarcastic. And I don't know that people know this about me and so I think that when people come into a dating situation with me, they think I'm gonna be snappy and quick and sarcastic, but I'm not.

等等。这很糟糕吗？

Wait. Is that bad?

真的非常非常好，听着。你们确实让耶斯在这里大展身手了。但我非常守规矩，关键在于你必须守规矩。是不是

Really well well, listen. You guys are really giving yes and a run for his money out here. But but I'm very well behaved and the thing is like you have to be well behaved. Was it

一直如此吗？不。好吧。因为你是摇滚明星，如果我是个考虑和你约会的女孩，我会想这可能是个挑战。

always that way? No. Okay. Because you're a rock star and if I'm a girl thinking about dating you, think well this could be a challenge.

是啊。我是说，我明白，地狱里没有比这更愤怒的了，或者说，也许不像。没有什么比一个自以为是却在做错事的人更糟糕的了。约会中大多数混蛋之所以是混蛋，就是因为他们能通过测谎仪测试，证明他们

Yeah. I mean, I See, hell hath no fury or or like, maybe not like. Nothing is worse than someone who believes they're doing right and they're not. Like that's most assholes in dating are such assholes because if they would pass a lie detector test that they they

本意就是当混蛋。

mean being assholes.

你可以心怀好意却行为恶劣。对吧。这就是你陷入的那种陷阱。这里是《Call Her Daddy》。对吧？

You can mean well and be terribly misbehaved. Right. And that's the kind of trap you get. This is Call Her Daddy. Right?

对。对。

Yeah. Yeah.

这里是

This is

我们在哪？所以我非常守规矩，这是我第一次这么明确表达，如果听起来严格请见谅。我期待好的——甚至是出色的行为能让我兴奋，就像高电压一样。我不是在说那种好莱坞式的浮夸魅力，年轻时那种还挺有趣，但现在他妈的行为得体才是世界上最性感的事。

where we are? So I am very well behaved and this is I've never articulated this before, so forgive me if it sounds strict. I expect good like great behavior turns me on a fixed, like high wattage and I'm not saying anything about just general high wattage Hollywood zing it at you kind of that was interesting when I was young and now like fucking being well behaved is the hottest shit in the world.

你指的是像良好的睡眠习惯、餐桌礼仪之类的吗？

Your version of like like like like good sleep hygiene, table manners?

如果——你知道我会怎么说吗？就是真诚地回应不安全感。对。

If if you you know what I would say it is? Responding to insecurity in a sincere way. Yeah.

阿门。哦，那很好。但我确实有，嗯，

Amen. Oh, that's good. But I do have Well,

能够展现脆弱的能力也是件大事。

the ability the bill the ability to be vulnerable too is a big thing.

没有人 而那就是

Nobody And that's what

你年纪大了就会这样，因为你不在乎了。你会觉得，嘿，这就是我。

you get when you get older because you don't give a shit. You're like, hey, this is who I am.

所以最终发生的是你是对的。但我认为年轻人需要更早开始学会脆弱。用讽刺性的刀枪不入和冷漠来治愈过去的分手确实是个好方法。要忘记一个人，最好的办法就是和闺蜜出去，为你的交友网站拍几张舔刀子的照片。你懂的，随便什么。

So what ended up happening you're right. And but but I think that younger people need to get a head start on being more vulnerable. Being sarcastically invulnerable and apathetic is a really good healing mechanism to get over the past breakup. It is a great way to get over somebody is to go out with your girls and take a couple pictures for your dating site where you're like licking a knife. You know, whatever.

我理解。我明白。但你不能把这种状态带到下一段感情中。我担心有一代人，无论男女，决定以非常僵化、讽刺的方式进入感情关系，而脆弱才是王道。

I get it. I get that. But but you can't carry that into your next you have. There's a I fear that there's a generation of people, men and women, who have decided to come into relationships in a very inflexible, sarcastic vulnerability is the shit.

是啊。没错。

Yeah. Yeah.

那是最棒的。

It's the best.

让自己脆弱到如果有人对你说错话，你就可能崩溃。

Leave yourself so vulnerable that you could die if someone said the wrong thing to you.

对。是的。

Yeah. Yep.

然后死上千百次，开车回家，在车里放尽所有屁。

And just die a thousand times and drive home and do all those farts in the car.

是啊。

Yeah.

回到家后说，好吧，我们尽力了。是的，我知道那是通往更快更好结果的途径。对，就是要敢于脆弱。

And get home and go, well, we tried. Yeah. I I know that's the route to a quicker better thing. Yeah. That's Just be vulnerable.

我想聊聊你的事业，因为我非常...真的。我想...

I wanna get to your career because I have tremendous I do. I wanna

我也正想回到我的事业话题。

get back to my career too.

嗯。

Yeah.

我确实有关于睡眠的问题——你说你泡镁盐浴。我连那是什么都不知道。你从哪儿...镁盐浴是吧。

I did have something about the sleep that you take magnesium baths. I don't even know what that is. Where did you get I it's magnesium baths.

肖恩，你是不是赶时间？你在急什么吗？没有。

Sean, are you late for something? Are you in a rush? No.

我不想...我不想占用太多时间...

I don't wanna I don't want to overstay our welcome with

我感觉如果有ChatGPT，你会问：ChatGPT，你确定约翰说的镁盐浴是真的吗？它会回答：你说得对，我找不到确切出处。我查过了——我就喜欢ChatGPT这种'操，被你逮到了'的德行。

our I feel like had chat GPT and you would say, chat GPT, are you sure about the magnesium bath thing with John? And it would say, you're right. I can't find exactly where I found it as a magnesium bath. I tried looking, I love what Chad Gippee is like, fuck you got me.

好的。行吧，我们可以不谈这个。不过说到脆弱性，如果此刻我能向你袒露心声的话，作为一名音乐人对另一位音乐人，我对Easy怀有无比的敬意。

Yeah. Alright, we don't have to talk about it. No, so but I do have, speaking about being vulnerable, if I could be vulnerable with you right now, that I do have from one musician to another, tremendous respect for Easy.

我

I

确实。我只是觉得，我熟悉你的很多歌。第一首，你知道，我想大多数人认识你是从那首'我想跑过高中走廊'开始的。对，我想在

do. I just think, I I know so many of your songs. The first one, you know, the first one I think most people knew you from is, I wanna run through the halls of my high school. Yeah. I wanna scream at the top of my

楼顶放声呐喊。没错，我超爱那首歌。

lungs. Yeah. I love that song.

总之，然后回到被释放的话题对吧。

Anyway, and then but go back to being released Right.

你不觉得这很有趣吗

Ain't it funny that like

什么什么什么？

What what what?

那些歌手明明在说话，但你知道他们全程随时都能唱起来？

Singers who also just talk but that you know the whole time they're talking they could be singing?

是啊。

Yeah.

我小时候总观察别人然后想，这人虽然在说话但其实也在唱歌。有时候我想向人们展示：这是我在说话，这是我在说话，现在我要开始唱了。'我想跑过我的复出之屋'。但现在我又转回来说话了，对，现在我又在说话了。

I I always when I was younger I would watch people and be like, that guy's talking but he's also singing and I feel like sometimes I wanna show people it's like, this is me talking, this is me talking, this is me talking, I'm kind of moving into singing now. I'm kind of moving into singing now. I want to run through the house of my comeback. But now but now I'm coming back into talking, but now I'm talking again. Yeah.

现在我又开始说话了。但只要我想，随时可以离开，有什么能打倒我呢？是的，我能说话。但我可以再次开口。

Now I'm talking again. But at any moment I wanted to, I could go, what's to bring me down? And but I can talk Yes. But I can talk again.

但问题是，我们打算

But here's the thing, we're gonna

这难道不奇怪吗？

Isn't that weird?

是的。我准备在节目最后请你唱歌，到时候你会觉得特别尴尬。

Yeah. I'm gonna ask you if I'm gonna ask you to sing at the end of the show here, and then you're gonna feel really uncomfortable.

等等。你现在是在...是在执行什么任务吗？因为我想问问你的音乐造诣。我就是想...当你加入...

Wait. Are you in a are you in a quest because I wanna ask you about your your your musician musicianship. That's what I was When trying to you joined

Dead and

Dead and

Company？Dead and Company乐队？

Company? Dead and Company.

对。我确认你没说Grateful Dead（感恩而死乐队）是因为

Yeah. I'm making sure you didn't say Grateful Dead because

我感觉很糟糕...虽然我不是死忠粉，但喜欢感恩而死乐队很多年了。我只去过大概...看过十场演出吧，但我...

I feel So bad with I've I'm I'm I'm not a deadhead, but I've loved the Grateful Dead for many years. I've I've only gone to like I went to like 10 shows but I'm

不算死忠粉。

not a deadhead.

但我看过你的一次采访，谈到学习这些歌曲以及你学得有多快，简直不可思议。能跟我们聊聊这个过程吗？如果大家还不了解的话。

But I I watched you in an interview talking about learning the songs and how quickly you learned all those songs. It is bananas. Can you tell us a little bit about that process if you guys don't know it?

是的。当时我正疯狂爱上Grateful Dead的音乐，就像陷入热恋一样。即使没有加入乐队或遇见Bob Weir、Mickey Hart和Bill Kreutzman，我也会沉迷其中。有趣的是，我们是通过共同的朋友——传奇制作人Don Was认识的，他说‘我知道你现在多迷Grateful Dead，上来见见这帮家伙吧’。我正对他们倾诉音乐对我的意义时，他们突然问‘你3月7日有空吗？’

Yeah. So I was falling in love with the music of Grateful Dead, like falling in love. If I hadn't joined the band or met Bob Weir and Mickey Hart and and Bill Kreutzman, I would have just fallen into that anyway. And it's actually funny the way I met them was through a mutual friend Don Was, producer extraordinaire Don Was, who said come up and I know how much you love Grateful Dead right now, come up and meet the guys. And I was just telling them how much their music meant to me, and they were like, are you doing March 7?

于是我回答‘随时听候差遣’，因为他们正在组建乐队。最奇妙的是，当我痴迷这些音乐时，我会直接用吉他学着弹。我做了个活页夹，里面装满各种乐谱手稿纸，每天记录一首歌。那六个月我完全停工，每天与一首歌恋爱般地相处。

And so I was like, wherever you need me, because they were looking at putting a band together. So it was really fascinating because as I was falling in love with the music, I would just learn how to play it on the guitar and I like I made a binder and the binder had a bunch of, you know, the tablature or sheet, you know, whatever the manuscript paper was and I would just write the song down and I would just do a song a day. But I was in love with the song a day. So I would just I took like six months off and learned how to play those songs

真是下功夫。但具体是多少首歌来着？我是说...

a lot. But I mean, it's How many songs is it? I mean, it's

大概演了150首左右。

it's I mean, I think we played like a 150 songs.

太他妈惊人了。而且你是在很短时间内全部学会的。

It's fucking incredible. And you learn them you learn them all at like in a short amount of time.

但Will你背台词也是这样的啊。

But you do this with lines, Will.

是啊，不过老兄那还是有点区别的。

Yeah. It's a little bit different, man.

怎么说？我可做不到，我看着台词就头疼。

How so? I couldn't do it. I couldn't look at it.

我也这么觉得。背台词就像唱歌——演话剧时要反复说同样的台词，一遍又一遍，简直和唱一首歌没区别。

I say that too. I say with lines, it's like singing. Because if you do a play or you have to do the same lines over and over again, you have to do the same lines over and over again, you have to do the same lines over. It's like a song.

几何结构已经存在了。我不需要为每首歌都制作一张新地图。而且我已经在脑海中想象音乐的去向了。所以这其实比你想的要简单，就像在软木板上钉索引卡片一样。你会觉得，好的，那些就在那里。

The geometry's already there. It's not like I have to make a new map for every song. And I'm already like visualizing where the music goes anyway. So it's kind of it's easier than you might think to just place the think of it like a cork board with like index cards or something. You go, okay, those are there.

或者像舞者那样，可以有一段两分钟的表演，然后有人会说，把第12小节的那个舞步去掉。

Or like dancers who can have like a two minute thing and someone can go, take out that step Yeah. In bar 12.

是啊，没错。

Yeah. Right.

他们可以——这就像是一种与生俱来的语言。如果我必须学习如何做到，而它不在我体内，我就无法

And they can just it's like it's it's an innate language and if I had to learn how to do it and I it wasn't in me, I wouldn't be able to

做到。

do it.

你是——你是那些音乐家之一吗？你有没有学过识谱？

Are you are you one of the musicians that did you ever learn how to read music?

没有。但我能看懂和弦图表，不过我不识谱。

Or No. But I could read a chord chart, but I can't read music.

这太神奇了。

That's amazing.

是啊。我觉得在流行音乐里这个技能可能也用不上多少。

Yeah. Don't know that I would have even used that skill that much in pop music.

你知道吗，你写了那么多歌。顺便说一句，我特别喜欢那首叫什么来着？《All We Ever Do Is Say Goodbye》。我超爱那首歌。那是哪张专辑里的？

You know, you've written like so many songs. There's I by the way, love what is it called? All We Ever Do Is Say Goodbye. I love that song so much. Was that which album was that on?