约翰·梅尔现场

可能吧。

Probably.

你们有没有试过克服紧张时用布雷迪一家的技巧，想象别人穿着内衣？

Have have any have you guys ever to got to get over nerves done done the Brady Bunch trick where you just imagine somebody in the underwear?

没有。那方法没用。

No. That doesn't work.

真的吗？有用吗？你们有没有试过那样做？

Does it? Does it work? Have you guys ever done that?

有点用。真的，我只是想象自己吃了一片四分之一毫克的阿普唑仑，然后我就放松了。

It kind of works. Really? I just imagine myself taking a quarter milligram of Xanax and then I do

四分之一毫克。

that. A quarter mill,

我想象一下就做到了。

I manifest.

嗯，对，只需要一点点，稍微一点就好。

Uh-huh. Yeah, just need a little Just a touch.

只是一小片。

Just a little chip.

不，你不能那么做。

No, you don't do that.

是的，你应该去。我的意思是，偶尔去一次。

Yeah, you should. I mean, once in a while,

如果我状态好的话。

if I'm All right.

我是说，好吧。嗯，这是一件未知的事情。

I mean, okay. Well, got This is an unknown thing.

好的。

Okay.

这有点不一样。我的意思是，我现在并没有兴奋起来。但如果我要出去表演，因为有肌肉记忆，我就不会紧张。

It it's a little different. I mean, I'm not high right now. But if if I'm coming out to do my show and there's muscle memory, then I don't get nervous.

是的。

Yeah.

但如果面对的是未知的事情，就会有点紧张。你知道很多时候会发生什么吗？当我作为惊喜嘉宾出场时，我开始变得兴奋和紧张，因为你说得对。我知道我是惊喜嘉宾。你明白我的意思吗？

But if it's the unknown, it can be a little you know what ends up happening a lot of the times? When I'm a surprise, I start getting amped up and nervous because That's right. I know I'm a surprise. You know what I'm

明白你说的了，是的。

talking about? Yeah.

我每天都会紧张。我出来表演的时候也会紧张。是的，因为是你。

I get nervous every day. I get nervous coming out here. Yeah. Because it's you.

你会不会在演出前做一些类似强迫症的事情？

Do have any pre show OCD ish things you do?

好的，我们确实做了，确实做了。

Okay. We did we did did

前几天晚上和吉米一起的节目，然后呢，然后

Kimmel the other night, and and

讲讲那个洗碗机的故事吧。对，对，他有一个特别精彩的故事。

Tell the story about the dishwasher. Yeah. Yeah. He's got a great one

为了安全起见，甜心肖恩坐到了离吉米最远的位置，因为他说，我不想坐在吉米旁边，因为我会紧张，每次都是这样。

for safe one. And sweet sweet sweet Sean took the seat furthest away from Jimmy because he said, I I didn't wanna I don't wanna sit next Jimmy because I get nervous these

是啊，我现在上脱口秀还是会紧张。

days. Yeah. I get nervous on talk shows,

非常紧张。

big time.

不过如果像今天这样提前做好准备，我就会没那么紧张。

Yeah. But if I if I prepare like I did today, I get less nervous.

当然。

Sure.

没错，如果你不需要，可能根本不需要去看那些提词卡。

Yeah. And you may not even go to those cards if you don't have to.

不会的，看着吧。

No. Watch me.

好的。

Okay.

所以你真的做过单口喜剧，我很喜欢这一点。我之前不知道你还做过单口喜剧。

So you did stand up, which I love. I didn't know. You did stand up comedy.

是的。

Yes.

是的。我之前完全不知道你曾经做过单口喜剧。

Yes. I did not know that about you that you did stand up comedy one time.

这家伙曾被提名过，他单口喜剧表演得非常出色。

This guy was nominated. He gave it singularly as best host.

是最佳主持人。

For best host.

最佳播客主持人。不，我五次开拍。

Best host of a podcast. No. I Five shot.

我说这个是因为我也有。我今天实际上在网上看到一个笑话：美国食品药品监督管理局（FDA）刚刚批准了一种用于患有抑郁症的女同性恋者的药物，这种药叫Tricoxigen。

I say that because I did too. I actually have a joke that I read on the internet today. It's the FDA the FDA just approved a medication for lesbians with depression. It's called Tricoxigen.

这笑话还不错，挺有意思的。

It's not bad. It's not bad.

你有没有自己喜欢的笑话？

Do you have one do you have one that you like?

我的意思是，最糟糕的、最糟糕的。你读了，你读了，我读了那个笑话

I mean, the worst the worst. You read the you read I the punch

我那样做是因为我很紧张。担心自己做不好。

did because I was nervous. Was nervous that I wouldn't get it right.

等等，等等，等等。我，我叫 Maple

Wait. Wait. Wait. I Maple, my

我令人惊叹的女儿，13岁，今天给我讲了一个很棒的笑话。敲门声。谁在敲门？谁？谁？

incredible daughter, 13, right up there, told me a great joke today. Knock knock. Who's there? Who? Who?

哦，对了，对了，对了。等等，敲门声。

Oh, right. Right. Yeah. Wait. Knock knock.

谁在敲门？Jay Jason，你能用这个做点什么。

Who's there? Jay Jason, you can do what you can do with that.

你们，你们开始明白了吗？这

Are you guys are you guys starting to get it? This

就是为什么他能拿到

is why he gets the

高薪。他是个会用它们的人。

big bucks. He's a Do with them.

用它们做点什么。

Do it them.

去做吧

Do it

对他们。

to them.

嘿，敲门声。谁在那儿？布兰妮·斯皮尔斯。布兰妮·斯皮尔斯。斯皮尔斯（SPEARS，意为‘矛’）。

Hey, knock knock. Who's there? Britney Spears. Britney Spears. Spears.

敲门声。谁在那儿？布兰妮·斯皮尔斯。哎呀，我又犯错了。

Knock knock. Who's there? Britney Spears. Oops, I did it again.

哦，天哪。强尼。你明白了吧。你有没有那种常用的笑话，就是你经常用的段子？

Oh, God. Johnny. Got That's maple. Do you have like a like a go to joke that you

你没坚持那么久，所以没有一个常用的笑话吗？

didn't do it long enough to have a go to joke?

你作为单口喜剧演员的风格是什么？

Was your style as a stand up?

我甚至都不……我的意思是，

I didn't even I mean,

我当初想走观察类喜剧路线。问题是，我很高兴自己做过单口喜剧，因为现在我和戴夫·查佩尔一起演出时，我不需要站在最前面，但我理解他。我看了太多单口喜剧，我以前经常去

I would go I wanted to be observational. I wasn't the thing is and I'm glad I did stand up because I I I'll do shows with Dave Chappelle now, and I'm not the front and center, but I understand him. I've seen so much stand up like I used

去看单口喜剧。

to go to

每晚我都会去纽约市的喜剧酒窖（Comedy Cellar）。我会去那里，对它非常着迷。年轻的时候，我脑子里没有那种声音说，这东西不属于你。所以我看着它，我就想，我也要这么做。我也要这么做。

the Comedy Cellar every single night in New York City. I'd go to the Comedy Cellar, and I was just enamored with it. When I was younger, I didn't have this thing in my head that would say, that's not for you. And so I would look at it and I go, I'm gonna do that too. I'm gonna do that too.

但我不曾真正投入所需的时间。我的意思是，是的。如果你真的想做这件事，你应该做的就是，录下自己的表演，然后反复观看这些录像。没错。

And and I didn't quite put the time in that it would have taken. I mean Yeah. What you're supposed to do if you really wanna do it, get your tapes. Watch your tapes. Yeah.

而我却不想看这些录像。我只是想喝点酒，刚好能让我看别人表演脱口秀，然后告诉自己，我也能做到。但是，我其实并没有真正地做到。

And I didn't want to watch the tapes. I didn't I just I wanted to drink just enough to watch someone do stand up and go, I can do it. And it it I didn't quite

而当你真正站上舞台的时候，那是一种完全不同的体验。我打赌它就和……一样。

And it was a it's a different experience once you get up there. I bet it's just like

我喜欢它。我其实喜欢这种艰难奋斗的过程。问题在于，可怜的、善良美丽的埃丝蒂（Estie），她是纽约喜剧酒窖的预订负责人，第二天晚上就会接到《人物》杂志（People Magazine）的电话，问：

I liked it. I actually liked the uphill battle of it. The problem was poor, sweet, beautiful, Estie who books the comedy seller in New York would get calls from People Magazine the next night saying, did

他上台了吗？听说他说了这个和……

he go up? Heard he said this and

那个那个。如果你仔细想想，这就是为什么我不能做脱口秀的原因之一。因为如果我一上台就说，我女朋友又得尿路感染了。对吧。

that and that. And if you think about it, here's why I can't do stand up. Because if I one of the many reasons. If I got on stage and I said, so my girlfriend has another UTI. Right.

这就不只是一个关于尿路感染的笑话了，所有人都会想，这个女朋友是谁？她现在在跟谁约会？

That ceases to be about a joke about a UTI and everyone would go, who's the girlfriend? Who's she dating?

她是谁？

Who is she?

所以……

And so

对。没成功。娱乐新闻。

Right. Didn't work. Celebrity news.

它，它根本没成功。就连基本的设定也没成功。因为人们总是搞不清楚人物关系和到底发生了什么。但这让我学会了如何掌握舞台时间，教会了我很多。

It it didn't work. Even the setup didn't work. I didn't because people would get stuck in who's who and what's going on. But it taught me stage time. It taught me

而且你的大部分笑话都是关于尿路感染的，如果我没记错的话。

And most of your jokes were about UTIs, if I

我记得尿路感染差不多是主要内容。

remember UTIs pretty much.

没错。全是这个。

Yes. They were all

所以我根本没费劲。

So I never bothered

去发展其他段子。

to develop any other material.

我从来没真正做过。我做过一个表演，就是拿着大锤子砸碎越橘果。

I never really did. I did this thing where I would just smash cranberries with a big mallet at

在结尾的时候。

the end.

对，然后你就自学了弹吉他。

Yeah. That And then you just taught yourself guitar.

这有点奇怪，因为它们

Which is weird because they're

实际上对治疗尿路感染非常有效。是的。嗯，在我说之前我确实想过。

actually really good for curing UTIs. Yes. Well, I had thought about that before I said it.

那确实是事实。对吧？奶奶，这个

That's actually true. Right? Gramma, this

你有很多

You got a lot

很多女士都在外面点头赞同。

of a lot of ladies are nodding out there.

是啊。是啊。所以威利，你刚在

Yeah. Yeah. So Willie, you just did some time at

喜剧酒窖（Comedy Cellar）做过演出。威尔有一部即将上映的电影，在里面他要扮演单口喜剧演员，他去那里让自己直接面对了最艰难的挑战。

the Comedy Cellar. Will's got a film coming out where he's gonna play a stand up, and he went up there and threw himself into the deep end.

是的。我拍了布拉德利·库珀

Yes. Bradley Cooper I shot at

在喜剧酒窖（Comedy Cellar）。肖恩也和我一起出演了这部电影。

the Comedy Cellar. Sean's in the movie with me as well.

戏份很少，一眨眼就过去了，不过确实如此。

Very if you blink, but yeah.

我们的朋友布拉德利执导了它，我们在喜剧酒窖（Comedy Cellar）拍摄了八天。我扮演一个刚开始尝试单口喜剧的人，因为他正经历一些人生变化。所以是的，我就做了同样的事情。

And and our friend Bradley directed it and we shot at the Comedy Cellar for eight days. I play a guy who's just starting to become a stand up. He's because he's going through some life changes. And so yeah. So I did the same.

我上台了

I went

这部作品叫做《六个，这东西能用吗》（Six: Is This Thing On），它将在今年晚些时候发布。

to It's called six Is This Thing On and it comes out later this year.

是的，第一次上台的时候很吓人，对吧？或者不吓人？

Yeah. And it was scary, yes? Or not scary?

是的，第一次上台的时候确实有点紧张。但我的表现还不错。他们介绍我时塑造了一个角色：一个第一次尝试单口喜剧的新手。所以观众感到非常困惑。

Yeah. The first time it went on, yeah. But I was going on well, in the same way. I was going on as they introduced me as this character, as the guy who's going up doing stand up for the first time, then people were very confused.

是的，是的。这个人的样子很像，嗯，我认识的人。

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Guy looks a lot like, well I met.

我说，嘿，你们知道的，我正在经历离婚，我正在办理离婚手续。然后人们就开始嘀咕：他不是十年前就离婚了吗？跟艾米·波勒（Amy Poehler）离婚？你知道的。这让人非常困惑，真的非常混乱。

I'm like, hey, I'm, you know, I'm I'm going through a divorce. I'm getting divorced. And people are like, didn't he get divorced like ten years ago? Amy Poehler? Like, you know, and it was very confusing for It's very confusing.

现场很难听清楚观众的反应，但我们还是勇敢地尝试了。是的。

It's very hard to hear. We made the leap anyway. Yeah.

但你在那里的时候看到你爱的人了吗？你有没有遇到

But did you see anyone you loved when you were there? Did you get a

遇到了很多，是的，遇到了非常多很棒的人。

A ton. Yeah. So many good.

而且这

And It's

太棒了。

so good.

而且他们真的很棒，他们所做的真的很难。你会产生非常多的敬意，对单口喜剧演员以及他们所做的事。这太了不起了。还有整天写笑话。所以我们就会回去。

And they're so good and it's so hard what they do. You have so much you end up having so much respect for stand ups and what they do. It's amazing. And writing jokes all day. So we would go back.

我们会整天写笑话，然后晚上大概九点去那里集合，每个人会在不同的舞台上表演三四次。那真的很疯狂。

We'd write jokes all day and then go at like 09:00 and meet up there and go up three or four times at all the different stages. It was pretty crazy.

真的没有什么事情能跟这个相比。每个人都有朋友跟他们说过你应该试试单口喜剧，或者反过来也一样。对吧。是的。但当你真正站上去的时候，你才发现水很深，不容易。

There's really nothing like it. And everyone has a friend that's told them you should do stand up or the other way around. Right. Yeah. And when you get up there, you realize the water is choppy.

是的。奇怪的是，这是真的。就像杰森说的，你已经面对大量观众表演很多年了。

And Yeah. And what's crazy is it's true. And what's crazy is True. As Jason pointed out, you've been performing in front of huge audiences for a long time.

是的。

Yeah.

而我已经做了很多年了。我看起来很年轻，但实际上我年龄比他们大，他们笑了是因为这太真实了。然而，当你真正去表演单口喜剧的时候，那完全是另一回事。完全不同。我们为了准备电影，有一次晚上尝试了下。

And I've been doing this for a long time. I look really young, but I but I'm older than and they're laughing because it's so true. And and and and yet, when you actually go do stand up, it is just such a different thing. It's completely different. We did one night when we were prepping for the movie.

约翰，我们等下会谈到你

John, we're gonna get to you

啊，是的。

in a Yeah.

这太棒了。不，这真的太棒了。

This is great. No. This is great.

其实刚刚在走神的时候，我在想，当他说话的时候

Was actually just thinking as I was drifting I as he was

我那时在心里想着，因为我已经神游太远了。我觉得当然。这实际上是我录播客以来最有趣的一次。我喜欢我们现在的方向。我喜欢我们现在的……你真幸运

was thinking to myself because I drifted far. Thought Sure. This is actually the most fun I've had on a podcast so far. I like where we're going. I like where we're You're lucky

插上一句话。

to get a word out.

我只是觉得，这是一场对话。我喜欢这种方向。

It's just it's a conversation. I like where

我们现在的方向。

we're going.

我想表达的是，成功、爆红和彻底失败之间的界限其实非常微妙。

My point was the the line between between succeeding, killing, and and bombing is very thin.

第一个邀请我上台的人。

So the first guy who brought me on stage.

请快点说。对，我明白。我们必须得继续这些内容，是的。

Quickly, please. Yeah. I do. We we have to get to these Yeah.

我得告诉你，那个人是已故的鲍勃·萨格特（Bob Saget）。你现在是不是觉得很难过？鲍勃邀请我上台，这意味着他只表演了大概四五分钟，而这对鲍勃来说几乎是不可能做到的事，他根本做不到只讲四五分钟。

I'll have you know was the dearly departed Bob Saget. How bad do you feel now? And and Bob brought me on stage, which meant he went up for just probably four or five minutes, which was impossible for Bob to do to do four or five minutes.

现在更不可能了。干得好。

Even more impossible now. Good job.

那是真的。确实是

That is true. That is

那是对的。鲍勃·鲍勃会很感激的。

that is True. Bob Bob would appreciate it.

你为什么问我怎么讲笑话，这就是为什么你可以做

Why you asked me how joke, which is why you can do

感激。

appreciate it.

这就是为什么你可以做到的原因。他把我带上了舞台，我立刻感受到了有多难。这才是真正的问题所在。我其实是想让你设身处地地体验一下单口喜剧演员的感受。你可能一开始表现得很糟糕，但一下台你就只想再试一次。

Which is why you can do it. And he brought me up on stage, and I immediately felt how difficult it was. And this is the real problem. This is the real I'm trying to put you in my shoes if you were to do stand up. You might absolutely suck, but all you wanna do when you get off stage is do it again.

是吗？真的？

Yeah. Really?

而且，这背后有种奇妙的东西。有点像电影《百万美元宝贝》里的那种感觉，你被打得遍体鳞伤，却仍然说：‘明天早上见。’没错，就是这种感觉。

And again, there's something about it. It's a little kind of million dollar baby where you're all beat up and you go, I'll see you tomorrow morning. Yeah. Like

肖恩现在试过了，你们可能已经从播客里听到过一些。肖恩曾经尝试过一次单口喜剧，他有一个非常精彩的开场白。你还记得他那段精彩的开场吗？哦，

Sean now Sean tried and you guys have probably heard little bit if you listen to the podcast, but Sean tried, stand up once and he has a he had a great opening. You remember his great opening Oh,

那是最好的。

it's the best.

让我们听听吧，肖恩。

Let's hear it, Sean.

这这不太对。

It's it's not a quite

大家都喜欢。

everybody love

汤的故事，但你会喜欢的，肖恩。据说跳芭蕾舞是你能做的最难的事情之一。

the Tong story, but You're gonna love it, Sean. It's they say doing ballet is one of the most difficult things you could ever do.

没错。

Right.

所以我说，干脆别去跳就完了。笑话结束，就这样。

So I say just don't do it. End of joke. That's it.

这种逻辑我喜欢。我喜欢这种自圆其说的逻辑。

That's that's the kind of logic I like. I like that kind of tail eating logic.

喜欢。

Like it.

可以用它。约翰，你是在康涅狄格州费尔菲尔德长大的。

Can use it. John, you grew up you grew up in Fairfield, Connecticut.

是的，我在费尔菲尔德长大，哇。

Yes. I grew up in Fairfield, Wow.

是的。你是在Whiplash长大的。

Yeah. You grew up

在Whiplash。

in Whiplash.

对，你妈妈是一位英语老师，你岳父是高中校长。

Yeah. Your mom was an English teacher and her dad a high high school principal.

高中校长。

High school principal.

所以，我的意思是，你觉得你是不是一直都要在学业和学习方面保持警觉和努力吗？

So, well, I mean, what? Like, did you feel like you had to be on your toes all the time with your grades and learning and all that?

我成长过程中，左右脑得到了很好的结合。比如，如果你在晚饭时问一个词的问题，我们就会拿出字典来查。

I had a very nice kind of hybrid of right brain, left brain growing up because there would be like, if if you if you had a question about a word, the dictionary would come out at the dinner table.

哦，真的吗？

Oh, really?

然后你会分析这个词的含义。但之后我也会回到自己的房间，逃离这一切，弹吉他。如果你把这两者结合起来，对于成为一个创作歌手来说非常有帮助，因为这涉及到左右脑的协调。所以当人们和我说话时，我能听出他们语法上的错误，但现在我都尽量不去在意了。

And you get you would break down what that word was. But then I would also go in my room and kind of escape from all of it and just play guitar. And if you put both those things together, it's very good for being a singer songwriter because you've got the left brain, right brain thing going. So I I hear things when people are talking to me. I know what's wrong with all of the grammar they're using and I just let it go now.

这会让你感到抓狂吗？

Does it drive you crazy?

现在还会让你有点抓狂吗？

Does it still drive you crazy a little bit?

有一些词让我特别抓狂，比如number和amount。你知道这两个词的区别吗？

There there's a couple ones that drive me crazy and it's number and amount. Do you know about number and amount?

不知道，告诉我吧。

No. Tell me.

我要永远改变你的生活，你以后也会烦死你的朋友们。应该是a number of people，而an amount of butter。所以number是指可数的

I'm gonna change your life forever and you're gonna annoy all your friends. It is a number of people. It is an amount of butter. So number refers to a quantifiable

物质，很多单个的东西。

substance. A bunch of singular things.

没错。而amount则正好相反。当你听到amount of people时，从语法上来说是错误的，对吧？应该是number of people。

Yes. And amount is the opposite of that. So when you hear amount of people, it is technically wrong. Right. Number of people.

number of people。当你听到有人说number of people的时候，对我来说就像音乐一样动听。

Number of people. When you hear someone say number of people, to me it's like music to my

耳朵听了很舒服。

ears.

关于标点符号，比如发短信、写邮件

About punctuation texting, emails,

是的，句号应该放在引号里面，对吧？没错。

things like that? Periods go inside of the quotes. Right? Know? Exactly.

逗号也一样，应该放在引号里面，没错。我相信问号应该放在引号外面。有一本书叫《视情况而定》，书名是《语法的战争》。

Commas go inside the quotes. Exactly. I believe question marks go outside the quotes. There's a book called It depends. Beats, Shoots, and Leaves.

你说不，他们不会吗？

You said no, they don't?

这要看情况。要看情况。没错。

It depends. Depends. Right.

这要看情况。你是转述别人说的话，对吧？

It depends. Relaying what somebody else said, right?

嘿，什么时候用引号

Hey, when it would go in

但你觉得呢

But what do think

如果你问的是，她是这样说的吗？那应该用外边的引号。

If you're asking, did she say this? Then it would go outside.

对。但是

Right. But

那引号就不是双破折号了。而是单破折号，因为这是别人的引述。

then it's not a double dash for the quotes. It's a single dash because it's somebody else's

没错。如果我在写作，我实际上会使用多层引号。因此我会在双引号里面使用单引号来表示

right. If I'm writing, I will actually do several layers of quotes. So I'll use the single apostrophe for the quotes inside of the double apostrophe for what

所说的话。

was said.

嗯，我觉得它很美。

Well, I think it's beautiful.

它是一个

It's a

美好的事物。

beautiful thing.

是的。所以，

Yeah. So,

嗯，并不是所有英雄都穿披风。

well, not all heroes wear capes.

好吧，但你是不是那种酷爱用缩写、喜欢用孩子们用的那些网络用语的短信发送者？不。你应该写一个完整的句子，对吧？你要加上标点，还要拼写检查一遍，然后再发送。

All right, but are you one of those cool texters that like uses acronyms and like how the kids No. You'll write a goddamn sentence. Right? And you'll punctuate it. You'll spell check it, and then you'll send it.

我有一个特别讨厌的地方。是的。就是当人们说某人被绞死时用的是『hung』。正确的应该是『hangs』。

I have one pet peeve. Yeah. Which is when people use hung for when someone was hanged. It's hangs.

应该是『hangs』。

It's hangs.

不是『hung』。

Not hung.

这还挺有用的。嗯，一个

That comes in handy Well, a

因为他是在谷歌上搜索的

because because he searches it on Google

都 你

all Do you

会有那种冲动想去纠正别人的话，约翰，你有这种感觉吗？

have that, John, where you feel like the urge to correct people?

我可以告诉你，我有一个原则。我的原则是，如果我觉得我的帮助能对他们有帮助，而且他们会感激这种帮助，那我就会去做。而且我会用一种方式表达，你说‘是我说错了’，这没什么问题。我觉得你会希望知道这一点，也希望你注意这一点。是的。

I will tell you, I have a rule. I have a rule. If I feel like it will help them and they will appreciate that help, I'll do it. And I'll have a way of saying, there's nothing wrong with you saying it's me. I think you'd want to know and I want you to look so Yeah.

你可以判断一下。举个例子，这就是在提供帮助。对吧。当我看到Instagram的配文时，有人写他们很荣幸能成为某件事的一份子，但这里应该用‘a part’两个词，而他们却写成了一个词‘apart’，意思就完全相反了。

You can you can judge it. Here's one that's That's being service. Yeah. When I'm looking at an Instagram caption, and someone says they were honored to be a part of something, but apart is one word apart, which is the exact opposite of

对，他们说的对，对。

Right. What they Right. Right.

这个例子就是

That one is

太离谱了。对，没错。

bonkers. Right. Yep.

或者，当你发短信的时候呢？发送按钮不是句号，你知道吧？把段落写完再发。嘿。

Or what about or what about when you're sending a text? The send button is not a period. You know? Create your paragraph. Yo.

发出去就行了。好。别每句话后面都按一次发送。因为那样我的手机就会一直响，感觉像有人去世了一样。这

Send that. Okay. Don't just keep hitting send at the end of every sentence. Because then my phone goes I feel like someone died. This

到现在已经一年半到两年了

has been about a year and a half to two years now

我当初承诺过，我们会回到节目中。

where I this became promise we're going to get back to the show.

听我说，我们现在正处在火热的状态中。

This became listen, we're on a hot streak.

这变成了一种口头语，人们会说，我不是故意的，但我们应该同意。是的。如果你打开那段文字，那感觉挺酷的。是的。如果你在看某个内容，它不断刷屏，或者他想展示一段人们被击中的视频。

This became a kind of vernacular where people would say, I mean, not for nothing. But we should Yeah. And it's cool if you have that text open. Yeah. And if you're watching something and it keeps coming down or if he's trying to show a video of people getting Right.

击中了。

Hunged.

没有提醒通知，然后你就会

There aren't alerts. Then you would

只是看到它不断刷屏之类的。所以现在干脆全部写下来。我加了段落分隔。对，在

just see it coming down and stuff. And so now just write it all. I put paragraph breaks Right. In

慢慢来，写下来，是的，整理好，然后提醒我你

Take your time. Write it. Yeah. Get it together. And then alert me to what you

想要的。同时，这确实让对话更自然一些。我不是在为这个辩解，我也不是经常这样的人，但我得说，你最糟糕了。再也没有比你更糟糕的了。你绝对是——再也没有比收到别人发来的半尺长的文本更让人难受的事情了。很高兴听到这个故事。好。

want At to the talk same time, it does make it more conversate I'm not I'm not here defending that and I'm not guilty of it, but I will say You're the worst. There's also nothing worse. You're the absolute There's nothing worse than getting six inches of text from somebody. Glad to Here's this story. Okay.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

是的。你会喜欢我发短信的风格。

Yeah. You would love my texts.

我猜也是。我可以给你发短信吗？

I bet. I can you text?

我在短信交流中很重要。有你在的时候。创造

I'm important to texting flow. With you. Make

我。我已经准备好了，我准备好和你开始一段友谊。我现在就在所有人面前正式这么说。

me. I'm ready I'm ready to start a friendship with you. I'm saying it officially right now in front of everybody.

我永远不会变得无趣。绝对不会。

I'll I'll never be uninteresting. No.

前几天在大都会队的比赛上我看到你了。我当时就在想，我们可以一起去看棒球比赛。你可以教我弹吉他。你和我

I saw you at the Mets game the other day. I'm like, we can we can go to baseball games. You can teach me how to play guitar. You and I

我知道这有点像我们从不一起出去玩的那种感觉，就像戴夫那样，没错。

I know this is sort of like the we never hang out Dave Yeah.

你在

Thing you're

做的事情。但我真的愿意和你出去玩，而且我会去

doing. But I would hang out with you and I'll get

给你在 Smartless Mobile 上谈个优惠套餐。那太好了。

you a deal on Smartless Mobile. That's great.

我们很希望你能加入。

We'd love to get you on.

是的。不。听着，我很乐意拥有一部三星手机。那听起来非常令人兴奋。

Yeah. No. Listen, I would love to have a Samsung phone. That sounds very exciting.

他在开玩笑。是的。他在开玩笑。

He's kidding. Yeah. He's kidding.

我可以获得

I can get

它

it

我迫不及待想要红色气泡了。

on I can't wait to have red bubbles.

我是约翰尼。

I'm Johnny.

为什么你的气泡是红色的？我使用的是 Smartless Mobile。那不是真的。

Why are your bubbles red? I'm on Smartless Mobile. That's not true.

那不是真的。

That's not true.

它们都是蓝色的。

It's all blue.

这是五G网络，你使用的是T-Mobile的网络。不管怎样，约翰。

It's five g and you're on the t mobile network. Anyway, John.

不管怎样，约翰。听起来你并不想要

Anyway, John. Sounds you don't

一部免费的该死的手机。

want a free fucking phone.

我只是很喜欢这个想法

I just love the idea of

用我的Smartless手机联系我吧，你们得开始把它用在日常对话中。

being on hit me up on like, you guys have to start integrating it into your casual conversation.

你应该

You should

用我的Smartless手机联系我。我们没有

hit me up on my Smartless mobile. We didn't

我们没这个必要。是

we didn't have to. It was We

说实话，我们没料到肖恩会这么说。是的。

didn't know that Sean was gonna drop that, to be honest. Yeah.

这很有趣。很有趣。

It was fun. It's fun.

我们马上回来。

And we will be right back.

本期 Smartless 节目由我们的好朋友 Ashley 赞助播出。这个品牌不仅让我们的现场活动舞台感觉有点像家一样，还支持了像 Earlier 这样的杰出组织。在本期节目中早些时候，我们提到了他们向 For Others 的捐赠。这是一家非营利组织，致力于解决美国儿童福利危机这一非常重要且紧迫的问题。有时候这个危机可能被忽视，但它带来了非常严重的后果。通过与 Ashley 和 For Others 的合作，我们了解到福利系统中百分之九十的儿童都经历过严重的创伤。而那些年满后离开寄养系统的儿童，在十八个月内有百分之四十的可能性无家可归，百分之九十七的人会立即陷入长期贫困。

This episode of Smartless is sponsored by our friends at Ashley. The brand actually made our live event stage feel kinda like a home while also supporting incredible organizations like Earlier in the episode, we mentioned their donation to For Others, a nonprofit doing very, very, very important work to end the child welfare crisis in America. The crisis may go overlooked at times, but it has serious consequences. And through working with Ashley and for others, we learned that ninety percent of children in the welfare system will experience severe trauma. And children that age out of the foster care system have a forty percent chance of being homeless within eighteen months, with ninety seven percent immediately entering chronic poverty.

这些数据听起来令人心痛，但这也正是这项工作如此重要的原因。通过 Ashley 的捐赠，下一代将能够找到充满爱和安全感的家，从而加强我们的社区，并为新的可能性打开大门。我们非常高兴能与 Ashley 一起庆祝 For Others 所做的这些有意义的工作。我们在现场录制节目的时候就坐在 Ashley 的家具上，非常舒适，而且看起来很棒，让整个场景就像一个客厅，有时候甚至让我们忘了自己是在舞台上。

And these stats are hard to hear, but that's exactly why this work is so important. So through Ashley's donation, the next generation can find a loving and secure home, strengthening our communities and opening doors to new possibilities. And we're just thrilled to celebrate the powerful work being done by four others with Ashley's support. We were sitting on Ashley pieces during the live taping of our show, which was comfy, and they looked great. It made it look like a living room and kind of, at times, forgot we were on stage.

但坐在 Ashley 的家具上，知道他们所做的这些对世界有益的事情，感觉更加美好。能够与这样一个品牌合作，对我们来说意义非凡。Ashley 的理念是，打造为真实生活而设计的风格，并提供白手套服务，直接送货上门。请前往您附近的 Ashley 门店，或访问 ashley.com 找到属于你的风格。要了解更多关于 For Others 的使命或进行捐赠，请访问 forothers.com。本期 Smartless 节目部分由 Skinny Pop 爆米花赞助播出。

But sitting on Ashley's furniture, knowing the work that they do that goes and and does good in the world felt even better, and just being associated with that brand for us went a long way. Ashley's all about style that's made for real life with white glove delivery right to your door. So visit your local Ashley store or head to ashley.com to find your style. To learn more about For Others' mission or to donate, visit forothers.com. This episode of Smartless is brought to you in part by Skinny Pop popcorn.

是的，没错，你听到的正是我们在现场活动后台吃的爆米花的声音。我得说，原味的 Skinny Pop 有种经典的感觉。没有花哨的东西，只有纯粹的好味道。它爆得恰到好处，盐分也刚刚好，轻盈蓬松，有点像我本人。

And, yes, it's exactly what you heard crunching backstage at our live event at the Avalon. I I will say there's something kind of really classic about the original Skinny Pop. No fluff. Just it's just got the good stuff. It's it's deliciously popped, perfectly salted, light and airy, kinda like me.

我觉得自己也有点轻盈蓬松，就像一个人类版的 Skinny Pop，只不过我不如它那么好吃。我们当时真的吃了好多 Skinny Pop，节目有它的赞助，到处都是。

I feel like I'm kinda light and airy. I'm like a human Skinny Pop, but I'm not as good. We did. We had so much Skinny Pop. They were a sponsor of the show, and we had so much of it everywhere.

我们当时对 Skinny Pop 有点上头，几位嘉宾也对它爱不释手。每次我买 Skinny Pop 的时候，心里总想着这是买给孩子们的，因为我有两个青少年和一个小儿子。我告诉自己，我是为了孩子才买的。这是一款不错的零食，放在家里我也觉得没问题。但最后，总是我自己把它全吃掉了。

We were kind of silly with Skinny Pop, and the guys went a little bit crazy with it. Every time that I buy Skinny Pop, in my mind, I'm always like, oh, I'm getting it for the kids because I have two teenagers and a little guy. And I'm like, so I'm I'm getting Skinny Pop for the kids. It's a good snack, and it's it's a snack that I sort of feel comfortable having in the house. And then invariably, I'm the one who eats it all.

Skitty Pop，爆得刚刚好，咸度恰到好处，受欢迎是有原因的。了解更多请访问 hersheyland.com/skittypop。

Skitty pop, deliciously pop, perfectly salted, popular for a reason. Find out more at hersheyland.com/skittypop.

您正在收听的是 Smartless 的一场特别节目，本节目是在 Avalon 剧院现场录制的。我们与星巴克合作，让这个夏天更加难忘。这个季节，星巴克将提供精心制作的饮品，激发你尽情享受夏日时光。我们说的是大胆的提神饮料、冰饮，还有一款全新的法布奇诺，每一口都充满夏日风味。我在录制间隙喝了几口，坦白说，我们谁都不愿意分享。你的夏日最爱，已在星巴克等你。

You're listening to a very special episode of Smartless recorded at the Avalon Theater, and we've partnered with Starbucks to help make this summer even more memorable. This season, Starbucks is delivering handcrafted beverages made to inspire you to enjoy the summer season to the fullest. We're talking bold refreshers, iced beverages, and a new frappuccino that all tastes like summer with each sip. I've been sipping between takes, and let's just say none of us are sharing. Your summer favorites are ready at Starbucks.

请光临您附近的星巴克门店，享受属于你的夏日风味。现在，回到节目。

Stop by your local store and enjoy your favorite tastes of summer. And now back to the show.

所以你是来自康涅狄格州的，我记得我曾经去过亚特兰大。我和JB在那里待过几年，不过不是一起。我当时开车上班的时候听一个电台，然后你在和听众讲话，你在电台里认识这些人。我想我错过了最初的……你一开始和亚特兰大确实有联系，是吗？这是真的吗？

So you're from Connecticut, and I remember I was in Atlanta once. JB and I spent a couple years there, not together. And I was listening to a radio station driving to work, and then you were talking to the people and you knew these people on the radio. And I guess I missed the first You had a real connection to Atlanta at the start of your Yes. Is that true?

是的。搬到亚特兰大的时候

Yeah. Moved down to Atlanta when

我当时

I was

当我

when I

是在万豪酒店。

was Marriott.

所以，就像真的有联系的那种。

So like like like a real connection.

是的。去了亚特兰大，然后搬走了。我在伯克利音乐学院读了一年就退学了。和一个朋友搬到那里，然后开始创作歌曲。不会吧。

Yeah. Went down to Atlanta, moved away. I I left Berkeley College of Music after a year. Moved down there with a friend and just started writing songs. No way.

为什么要去尝试呢。我有一个朋友来自斯内尔维尔，就在那附近

Why And going for it. I had a friend who was from there down in Snellville,

佐治亚州，当然。

Georgia Sure.

那里每个人都彼此认识，据说那里的人都是这样。从这个角度看确实挺好的。所以我搬到那里，我们开始创作歌曲，然后我就

Where everyone is someone is what they say down there. And, which is really nice now when you look at it that way. And so I moved down there and we started writing songs and I just

你当时多大？

How old were you?

21岁，20岁

21, 20

但你在高中时就开始创作了吗？

But 20 didn't you start writing in high school?

是的，开始写歌

Yeah. Started writing songs

而你那时是在加油站工作？

in And you were like a gas station person?

不是在加油站。我是在数学课上写歌的。

Wasn't a gas station. Was writing song I was writing songs in math class.

我当时只是随便写写。想到这一点我就觉得不可思议，因为这么小的年纪就有这样的天赋，能够运用英语语言，并把它谱成音乐，而你恰好就是一位出色的词曲作者。你在那么小的时候就意识到了这一点。你知道为什么自己当时会在加油站加油吗？你是否已经足够相信自己，知道这只是暂时的，总有一天你会成功的？

I was just like writing See that blows my mind that I mean it's so rare to to have that gift at such a young age to be able to use the English language, then put it to music, and you just happen to be an incredible songwriter. And you knew this at such a young age. Did you know why you were pumping gas at the gas station? Did you have enough belief in yourself to know that, oh, this is just temporary. I'm probably gonna make it someday.

是的，一切。我的意思是，我看到的一切都在阻碍我。现在还有很多孩子也是这样感觉的，我非常理解他们。他们不是在故意捣乱，他们只是在课堂上表现出来，但并不是故意捣乱。

Everything yeah. I mean, everything that I was looking at was in my way. And there are kids out there who feel this way and my heart goes out to them. They're not being punks. They're acting out in class, but they're not being punks.

他们心里其实早就清楚了。这就像你去餐厅，服务员在念今天的特色菜，而你心里想，我知道我要点什么，我不想要这些。

They already know. It would be like going to a restaurant and the waiter is reading the specials and you go, I know what I want. I don't want that.

没错。

Right.

我只是想要个汉堡。而他们却跟你讲我们是怎么把龙虾拿出来，然后烹饪好，再放回架子上的。你就会想，我知道我想要什么。那段时间真的非常非常艰难，那实际上是我人生中最艰难的时期之一，就是不得不在15岁的时候那样。嗯嗯。

I just want the burger. And they're telling you about that we take the lobster out, we cook it, we put it back in the shelf. You're like, I I know what I want. And it's it was very it was that was actually one of the hardest times of my life was to have to be 15. Uh-huh.

当我意识到我已经不是15岁的时候。我想去做我想做的事情。那真的很艰难。

When I knew that I wasn't 15. I wanted to go do this thing. It was really tough.

非常喜欢这个说法。喜欢你表达的方式。

Love that. Love the way you put that.

非常困难。那么，什么时候才终于有了转机？什么时候才感觉，是的，终于开始有进展了，他们开始播放我的音乐吗？

Really hard. Then when when did the damn break? When was it like, yes, finally, I'm getting some traction. They're playing my music or

嗯，我19岁的时候去了伯克利音乐学院。然后我休息了几年，在移动站那里磨练我的技能。没错。顺便说一句，我想说清楚一点，无论你做什么工作，在通往你目标的路上都要做到最好。一定要做到最好。

Well, I went to Berkeley College of Music when I was 19. I took a couple years off to hone my chops at the mobile station. Yeah. But by the way, let me also say, whatever job you have, be the best at it on your way to where you're going. Be the best at it.

后来我成了移动站的助理经理。

I became assistant manager at the mobile station.

我记得看过一个采访。你是不是去过

I remember seeing an interview. Did you go

那里，和Smart一起

there with like Smart

移动站。

mobile station.

Sawyer，对，是25年前左右。我记得这件事。

Sawyer Yeah. Like twenty five years ago. I remember that.

我得到了一个传呼机。无论他们给你安排什么工作，你都要尽力做到最好，因为做得出色比做得很糟糕还说自己不想做要有趣得多。为了乐趣，直接把它做到最好。对吧，你知道吗？

I got a pager. Just be great at whatever job they give you because it's more fun to be great than to like suck at it and say you don't want to do it. Just ace it for fun. Right. You know?

对。我以前会去参加移动管理会议，我记得我要讲一个故事，风格和你很像。有一次我坐在一个会议厅里，周围都是移动部门的经理们，当时有一位女士正在发表演讲

Right. And I would go to like mobile management meetings, and I remember, I'm going to tell a story, it's very similar to your style. I was sitting in a meeting in a convention room with all of these mobile managers and there was a woman who was giving

她给所有移动部门经理做了一场演讲，主题叫做‘送他们一根泡菜’。整个演讲的核心思想是：

a speech to all the mobile managers and it was called give them the pickle. And it was all based on,

如果你在熟食店工作，有人走过来问：“我能多要一根泡菜吗？”别让他们为多一根泡菜付钱。对吧，就把泡菜给他们。

if you're working at a deli and someone comes up and says, can I have an extra pickle? Don't charge them for another pickle. Right. Give them the pickle.

没错。

That's right.

从加油站工作中学到这样的经验真的很棒，这也能弥补你在其他方面犯的一些愚蠢错误。

That's a cool lesson to learn from pumping gas, and makes up for how stupid you

约翰，总是耳朵里塞着东西。

John, get always been ear

也是一个座右铭，对吧？是的。

motto too. Right? Yeah.

送他们多一根泡菜。

Give them the extra pickle.

送他们泡菜？

Give them the pickle?

是的。如果他们不喜欢，或者如果他们喜欢，就再送他们一个。所以，你当时多大？你真正拿起吉他时多大？那真的跟《回到未来》有关吗？

Yep. And if they don't, and if they like it, give them the second one for free. So. So, how old were you? So, how old were you when you actually picked up a guitar and what may and was it really Back to the Future?

你当时想，我想要成为马蒂·麦克弗莱吗？

You're like, I wanna be Marty McFly?

是的。我看了《回到未来》，就是那个时刻，让我突然有了动力。那对我意义非凡。然后我会去参加跳蚤市场，我们叫它tag sales，在美国东北部也叫车库拍卖，然后买吉他。

Yeah. I saw Back to the Future and whatever thing was, which was that moment of like come up and, you know, like that always meant something to me. And then I would like go to tag sales. We call them tag sales in the Northeast or garage sales. And I buy, you know, guitar.

我妈妈给我买的第一把吉他只花了2美元，而且最初四把吉他都没有完整的六根弦。嗯嗯。但我永远记得那一天，我终于拥有了一把六根弦都齐全的吉他，因为那意味着拥有了完整的吉他。然后我就可以真正开始弹奏了。我看到吉他的指板结构，一下子就明白了，心想：明白了。其实不是因为我懂得怎么弹吉他，而是我知道我该怎么去学。

My my mom buy me guitar for like $2 and like the first four guitars never had all six strings on them. Mhmm. But then I'll never forget the day I had a guitar with all six strings because that was all of the strings. And then then I could really go off and running and I just saw the I saw the geometry of the thing and I went, got it. And it wasn't that I knew how to play the guitar but I knew how I was going to.

是的。我很快就把很多原本不懂的东西从‘不懂’的堆里放到了‘懂了’的堆里。但这不是因为我多么努力。我只是看着那东西，然后心想，我懂了。

Yeah. And I just so quickly went and took things like rocks from the don't know it pile and put it into the know it pile. But it wasn't because I worked hard. I just looked at that thing and I went, I got it.

这太奇怪了。你是自学的吗？你只是随便弹弹发出点声音就上手了？真幸运。

That's so strange. You self teach did you just like start making noises Lucky. And

如果你是为人父母，或者你身边有人想给自己的孩子一把吉他，那么先别急着让他们上课，先让他们自己摸索几个星期。

If you're if you're ever anyone out there, if you're gonna give your kid a guitar, don't give them lessons for like a couple weeks.

是的。

Yeah.

让他们自己去探索，去尝试，去玩。因为直到现在，我仍然用最初看到吉他琴颈时的方式来理解它。然后我才开始正式上课。

Just go looking. Go looking around. Play around. Just see because I still see the guitar neck the way I did when I first looked at it. And and then I started taking lessons.

以前吉他老师通常把课程分成两半，三十分钟的课是十五分钟加十五分钟。前十五分钟是按照教材学习，后十五分钟就是带一首自己喜欢的歌来，老师帮你弹奏那首歌。后来慢慢地，就全是带歌过来，老师教我所有我想学的歌曲。我回家练完再来上课时就能弹出来，然后我就想：再给我更多，再教我更多。

And then the guitar instructor, they used to cut it in half, thirty minutes. It'd be fifteen and fifteen. The first fifteen minutes would be learning from the book, and the second fifteen minutes was like, bring in a song, and the guitar and the guitar teacher will show you that song. And before long, it was just all bring in a song, and it was all show me everything and I could just I'd go home and I'd come back and I'd do it and I'd go give me more give me more.

而你就是喜欢它。

And you just loved it.

我非常喜欢，然后我知道你在试着

And I loved it and then I know you're trying

去得到

to get

让我把这个故事讲得简短一些，我快讲完了。

me to taper down with the story and I'm almost there.

不，不是的。我只是得插播广告，西恩。我们用过去时继续。

No. No. I'm just I'm I'm gotta do commercials Sean. We'll do it past tense.

我们会继续的。

We'll

过去时继续。

past do tense.

西恩，你学钢琴的时候也是那样吗？说实话，你会吗？

Sean, were you like that with the piano? Honestly, would you

我也经历过那些阶段。我五岁就开始学钢琴，记得那天从幼儿园回家，妈妈问我：你想学钢琴吗？我回答说：我再也不学别的了。为什么不呢？

I was I went through the phases. I started I started at five years old, literally came home from kindergarten. My mom was like, do want to take piano lessons? I literally said, I'm not doing anything else. Why not?

她就住在马路对面，于是我开始学钢琴。随着我慢慢长大，身边的成年人都不断地说：天啊，你在学钢琴啊？真希望我当时坚持下来了。他们希望我坚持学钢琴或者小提琴，或者他们小时候学过的任何课程。我不断听到成年人说：我真希望当初坚持下来了。

And she lived across the street, and I started taking piano lessons. And then as I got older, all the adults in my life kept saying, gosh, you know, you're taking piano lessons? I wish I would have stayed with that. I wish or violin lessons or whatever lessons they took. Over and over again, all the adults would say, I wish I stuck with it.

因此，我把那些信息、所有的遗憾都转化成了动力。所以我想，这其中一定有道理。如果我像大家说的那样坚持下去，也许最终会有收获。我可能会因此赢得他人的尊重，因为他们已经放弃了。所以我不明白为什么托尼……

And so I turned that that messaging, I turned all those regrets into motivation. And so, I was like, there must be something to that. If I wonder if I just stick with it like everybody's saying they wish they did, it might pay off. And I might get respect for it because they gave up on it. So I don't know why Tony.

是的，是的。

Yeah. Yeah.

是的，我非常崇拜他。

Yeah. I adore him.

与一件乐器建立联系，就像是在飞翔。

A connecting with an instrument is like the it's like flying.

每次我想自学弹吉他时，总是因为手指疼痛而无法继续。我知道这是正常的，所以我每次都放弃了。太疼了。

Every time I've tried to teach myself how to play guitar, I can't I can't get past how much it hurts my fingers. I know. So I so I I stop every time. It hurts.

是啊。你可以为了某个人说第十集才好看，而一连看九集剧。对吧？有些事情我们愿意坚持，有些却不愿意。

Yeah. You'll watch you'll watch a series for nine episodes because someone says it gets good on the tenth. Yeah. Right. The things we'll stick with and the things we won't.

我

I

懂。但你也得找一把调校得当的吉他。有时候人们的第一把吉他可能一直放在阁楼里，状态并不好。

know. But also you have to get a guitar that's set up right. Sometimes people's first guitars have been in attics and stuff.

他们有没有做那种软一点的琴弦？应该有软一点的琴弦吧。

Do they make soft strings? They make soft strings.

我14岁的儿子在这里。他在楼上，他几年前开始学贝斯，现在又自学了吉他，还自己在房间里创作音乐。你之前知道的，我告诉过你这件事。

My 14 my 14 year old's here. He's up there and he and he started playing bass a couple years ago. Now he taught himself to play guitar and he's making music in his room. You knew that. Told you that.

Abel，在哪呢 Abel？他应该在上面某个地方。

Abel. Where you at, Abel? He's up there somewhere.

低音弦，这样对手指来说更容易一些。那些弦更粗一些。

Bass strings, that's easier on the fingers. Those are bigger It's

这有点像是通往吉他的入门吧，对吧？

it's like a it's like a gateway drug to guitars in a way. Right?

是的，有时候就是看乐队需要什么。

Yeah. Mean, I it sometimes it's whatever the band is.

对不起，老兄。我不是那个意思。

Sorry, buddy. I don't mean that.

但这完全取决于吉他的设置是否正确。

But it's all about whether the guitar is set up right.

你以后会为这个付出代价的。而且它也只有四根弦，对吧？是的。

You're gonna pay for that later. It's only four strings too. Right? Yes.

你什么时候开始有惊恐发作的？

When did you have start having panic attacks?

天哪。

Oh my god.

小伙子，不错，很流畅。因为我也曾经有过这样的情况。

Boy. Nice. Smooth. Because I have I had the

这是历史上最差的帖子。已经过去了。

worst post in the history No. Is past.

因为我也有过。

Because I had

它们二十秒前还好好的。

them Like twenty seconds ago.

是的。因为我也有这些症状，然后我得了心房颤动，就是你所说的心律不齐。

Yeah. Because I had them too, and then I get A fib, is cardiac arrhythmia, which you have.

我也有。你是怎么知道自己是否处于这种状态的？

I have as well. And how do you

你怎么知道你是否处于这种状态呢？

know when you're in it or no?

没有。屋里有医生吗？以防万一。

No. I there a doctor in the house just in case?

我还有更多症状。

I have so much more.

他们看起来好像马上就要爆发了。

They both seem like they're ready to pop.

是的。因为我经常得去急诊室做心脏复律。你是不是也做过这个？

Yeah. Because I had to go to the emergency room a lot to get cardioversion. That what you had to do?

我并没有做心脏电复律。我们来深入探讨一下吧。我17岁的时候，有过房颤，是一种阵发性的孤立性房颤。

I didn't have to do cardioversion. So let's just get super esoteric here. When I was 17, I, had AFib, a paracismal lone, AFib.

当然，当然。

Sure. Sure.

我当时用洋地黄类药物恢复了正常心律，这是一种抗心律失常药。我

And and I got out of it with a digitalis. It's an antiarrhythmic. I got

摆脱了。我试过那个，没用。

out Yeah. Of I tried that. It doesn't work.

它对我有效。这种情况并不严重，不是对大多数人来说是致命的，只是有轻微的中风风险。

Got out of there for me. And it's it's not What's going on? It's not fatal for most people. There's a slight risk of stroke.

没错。

That's right.

但就是有点麻烦。

But it's just a nuisance.

是的。

Right.

这让我不得不保持谨慎，因为我每天都要服用氟卡尼，剂量相当大。

And it keeps me honest because I'm on a daily I'm on flecainide fifty million.

我正在尝试。

I'm trying

对你来说。在家跟电视说话。这个就是拥有

to you that. Talk to the TV at home. This is have

我向视野中的女士们挥手告别。我就像在说再见，就像她们说再见一样。嗯。等一下。

I wave goodbye to the ladies in the view. I'm like goodbye. As they say goodbye. Uh-huh. Wait a minute.

我也是。我试过服用氟卡尼德，但后来我只是按需服用。是的。好的。

Me too. I tried flecainide, but then I I just take it as needed. Yeah. Okay.

我服用氟卡尼德是因为我有很多房性早搏，也就是PACs，如果我不服用氟卡尼德的话，一天会有几百次。有时候我会服用美托洛尔，这是一种β受体阻滞剂，我每次服用50毫克的美托洛尔。

I take it because I have lots of PACs or premature atrial complexes, and I got hundreds a day if I'm not on flecainide. Sometimes I'll take amitoprolol, is a beta block. I'll take fifty milligrams of methotroprolol.

同样的美托洛尔。是的。

Same methotroprolol. Yeah.

不管怎样，这让我想到一个电视节目的创意。它是关于一个医生，同时也是吸血鬼的故事。但他从没上过医学院。他只是活得太久，以至于世间万物都经历过。

Anyway. This reminds me of a TV show idea I have. And it's about a doctor who's a vampire, but he never went to medical school. He just lived so long that everything under the sun happened to him.

所以，他什么都知道，因为他已经活了八百年。

So so he just knows everything because he's lived like eight hundred years.

是的。他总是试图偷偷进入医院吸血。我的意思是，我们有这个设定。我们有吸血这个元素。他总是在楼层之间偷偷摸摸地转悠。

Yeah. And he's always trying to break in to drink the blood. I mean, we have that. We have the blood thing. Have he's always sneaking around between the floors.

我真的很喜欢，我真的觉得

And I really like, I really think

我给这个节目起名字简直一鸣惊人，就叫《医生吸血鬼医学博士》。

I hit it out of the park with the name just doctor vampire m d.

当然，就像直接说出来一样。

Sure. And like just come

直接说出来。我觉得如果你们沿着日落大道开车回去，回到你们在西区的住处，你知道的，当你看到鞍扳手餐厅（Saddle Wrench）那边有个亮着的招牌，上面写着‘吸血鬼医生医学博士’（Doctor Vampire MD），你会想，我一定要去看看。

out with it. And I think if you're driving down sunset to go back to wherever you guys are, you know, on the West Side, and you see a lit up sign over the saddle wrench, this

我肯定会去。绝对会去。你愿意写主题曲吗？是的。等等，你手臂上为什么没有毛？

is Doctor Vampire MD, that you'd be like, I would check that out. Absolutely. I would totally check that Will you write the theme song? Yes. Wait, why don't you have hair on your arms?

简直糟糕透了。

Simply the worst.

这是

This is

简直糟糕透了。比所有都更糟。太可怕了。哦，糟糕透顶。

simply the worst. Simply worse than all. Terrible. Oh, the worst.

肖恩和我都失去了小腿上的毛发，

Sean and I have both lost the hair on our on our shins from

我才不在乎。

don't care.

我这里没有一个自然的……我

I there's not a natural I

我以前有。

used to

拿杰弗里·塔伯开玩笑。但他却说，哦，等着吧，你也会老的，也会掉头发的。是啊。

make fun of Jeffrey Tambor for that. But he was like, oh, you wait. You'll get old enough. You'll lose it. Yeah.

是啊。

Yeah.

所以你是说腿上的毛也会掉吗？是啊。

So you're saying you lose hair on the legs? Yeah.

是啊，因为那就像

Yeah. Because it's

里面还有毛，外面就像一个摩托车手一样。

like on the inside, got hair. Outside, like a like a biker.

是啊，我并不是一个很能长出胡须的人，我就是长不出来。

Yeah. I I'm not a very I don't I don't I can't grow a beard. I'm not very

我也是。全身光滑如石膏。

Same. Hairy and Alabaster all the way.

是啊，你知道的，你我都很光滑。是的，我们都很光滑。

Yeah. You know, very you and I are smooth. Yeah. We're smooth.

我们就是那种柔和的爵士乐。

We're smooth jazz.

是啊，是啊。

Yeah. Yeah.

是啊。约翰，谁的身体曾是一片奇妙之地？哦。

Yeah. John, whose body was a wonderland? Oh.

那是我回答的。

I had that.

我能看得出来，我能告诉你，我想我之前已经跟别人说过这些了。

I can tell I can tell you and I think I think I've told people this much.

那是你的第一个女朋友。

It was your first girlfriend.

那是我的第一个女朋友。天哪。他这是在模仿我的回答，太糟糕了，简直是在嘲讽我的回答。

It was my first girlfriend. Oh my god. He's mocking my answer. The worst. Mocking ever answer.

我以前从没有人这样嘲讽过我的回答。我会说得更甜蜜一些，加点你没听过的内容。

I've never had anybody mock an answer. I would have sweetened it up, put something in you hadn't heard.

不，没关系。抱歉，你继续。我的第一个女朋友。

No. It's okay. Sorry. Go ahead. My first girlfriend.

快点吧，市长先生。我这就进入主题，我这就进入这个问题。这完全是你的问题造成的，因为你问我这个问题其实就是在取笑他。

Get to it, mayor. I Get to this quest I This is total setup because you asked me the quest actually, what you're doing is making fun of him for

提问？没错，没错，没错。但我之前确实看到你这里，你有过一段高调的恋爱史。我们要不要聊聊这个，或者

asking That's right. That's right. That's right. But I did have on here, you have a high profile dating history. Do we talk about it or

不聊这个？这里，这里，我之所以这么说，是因为……

not talk about it? Here here here's here's why I

不要这样，而且这跟它也有关系。

don't And and that had to do with it.

如果跟我有关的话，我会谈到我自己。当然。不过我现在年龄大了。距离那会儿已经过去很久了。我是说，我已经有自己的状况了。我现在大部分时间都待在家里。

He I would talk about me if it related to me. Sure. But I am older now. It's been a very long time since I I mean, I have my own situation from that. I stay inside the house.

我不是个好男孩吗，美国？我没有在谈恋爱。我是不是很棒？

Aren't I a good boy, America? I'm not dating anybody. Aren't I good?

朱莉娅，你现在是单身吗？

Julia, are single right now?

我现在是单身。我可是个难得的好对象。你愿意

I'm a single person. I'm a catch. Would you

你愿意、你愿意、你想不想，你有没有，你有没有想过成为丈夫和父亲？当然有。对，当然。

would you would you like do you do you have do you have dreams of being a husband, a father? Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely.

这并不容易。约翰·梅尔谈恋爱并不容易。我是认真的。你能怎么办呢？就是很难，很难去认识人。

It's it's not easy. It's not easy for John Mayer to date. I've in all seriousness. Like what are you going to do? Like it's it's tough Well to meet people.

不。但我要告诉你，这其实很好。这是一个非常好的筛选机制，可以帮你找到合适的人。所以如果不容易，那就意味着当合适的人出现时，一切就变得容易了，因为在这之前所有的不容易，才让那个合适的人显得那么对。

No. But I'll tell you it's very good. It's a very good filtration system of selecting who's right. So if it's not easy, then that means when the right person comes along, well then that's easy because of how not easy it is until you meet the right person.

不过让

But let

我来问问你，对于女朋友、妻子，以及可能和你一起养育孩子的人，什么才是对的？你现在寻找的东西是不是有所不同

me ask you about what's right and what's wrong for a girlfriend versus a wife versus somebody that you might have a child with. Are you looking for something different now

你说得对，它们是一回事。我不会和一个没有向上发展的可能性——也就是不能结婚的人约会。

than you were say Well, they're one and the same. There's I would not be I would not date someone if it didn't have the upward mobility of becoming married.

对，所以也许换个说法，不要和女朋友结婚。

Right. So don't marry a girlfriend perhaps said said differently.

但我不理解，难道你不会一直和你的女朋友结婚吗？

But I don't under wouldn't you always marry your girlfriend?

嗯，我会的，我认为两者之间是有区别的。

Well, I do I think I think there's a difference.

解释一下。嗯，我觉得

Explain it. Well, I think

你知道人们常说的那句话吗，永远不要和女朋友结婚。

You know what they say, never marry your girlfriends.

但是它

But It

感觉有点像

kinda feels like

他们从来没说过这句话。

they never said it.

这会很精彩。你好，阿曼达。

This is gonna be good. Hi, Amanda.

你知道他们常说的吗？

You know what they say?

嗨，亲爱的。

Hi, honey.

他们说要和你最好的朋友成为朋友。

Go They say be friends with your best friend.

不。约翰，让他继续挖下去，请吧。

No. John, let him keep digging, please.

亲爱的，我要把铲子放下吗？哦，不。我只是觉得

Babe, should I put the shovel down? Oh, no. I do think that

你们是分开开车来的吗？

You guys come in separate cars?

不是。真该死。但你知道，你可能会选择和某人约会，你觉得，哦，这会是一个有趣的女朋友。但这其实没什么发展前景，没什么实际基础。

No. Damn it. But you know, you you might make a choice to date somebody that you think, oh, well this this would be a fun girlfriend. It doesn't really it doesn't really have legs to go with Not a lot.

例子。但我的女朋友都有很好的腿。这是一种带有贬义的说法，我

Instance. But All my girlfriends have had legs. It's something mean, I

为你感到高兴。

Good for you.

为你感到高兴，老兄。

Good for you, dude.

是的，到目前为止。你不

Yeah. So far. I don't You

得有自己的标准，你知道的？

gotta have standards, you know?

这只是碰巧。我并没有在看

It just happens to be. I'm not looking on

但是杰，尽管继续。

But Jay, keep going though.

笑吧，吉格尔斯。你现在是在约会网站上吗？

Laugh it up, Giggles. You're you're on a are you on a dating site right now?

我不是。

I'm not.

每一个女朋友在这个阶段都可能是潜在的妻子。我今年47岁了，这

Every girlfriend would be a potential wife at this point. I am 47, which

哦，你还年轻。

Oh, you're young.

所以在这个阶段

So at this

观点相同。

point Same.

你觉得47岁算老吗？你还认为47岁很年轻吗？47岁有什么特别的吗？

Do you think you're older than 47. Do you still think 47 is young? Is there something about 47

和63岁相比？是的，当然不算老。

Compared to 63? Yeah. No.

是的。

Yeah.

是的。

Yeah.

这还是很年轻的。

It is young.

是的。所以，大概是五分吧。

Yeah. So Yeah. Probably five.

确实年轻。

It's young.

不管有多难，越难就越容易识别谁是对的人。我认为我就是这样看的。

It's so however difficult it is is how easy it will be to identify someone who's right. I think that's how I look at

它。

it.

嗯，随着年龄增长，你会有能力去反思过去，避免重复同样的错误。因此，当你进入一段新的感情时，你希望会更明智，并具备所有这些优点。

Well, With age comes, you know, the ability to reflect on your past and not repeat the same mistakes. So when you enter a new relationship, you are hopefully wiser and all of those things.

我能

Can I

告诉你一些事情吗？然后我们可以坦诚相待。就

tell you something? And then we could be really honest. Just

我们之间。

between us.

请直接说这一切都是他妈的

Please just say it's all a fucking

糟透了，我表现得很好。我相信有人能做到那么好吗？表现得那么得体。好像我真在乎似的。我已经展现出我自己最好的部分。

crap am very well behaved. I believe that Anyone be that? Well behaved. Like I really care. I've developed really the best parts of me.

我，我表现得非常好。

I've I'm very well behaved.

是啊。

Yeah.

我对别人非常好。我诚实，真诚，不讽刺。但我不确定别人是否了解我的这一面。所以我觉得当人们和我进入约会的情境时，他们会以为我会很刻薄、反应很快、很讽刺，但其实我不是。

I treat people really well. I'm honest. I'm sincere. I'm not sarcastic. And I don't know that people know this about me and so I think that when people come into a dating situation with me, they think I'm gonna be snappy and quick and sarcastic, but I'm not.

等等，那样不好吗？

Wait. Is that bad?

非常好非常好，听着。你们真的让是和否都变得难以抉择了。但是我很守规矩，问题是你要守规矩。这是不是

Really well well, listen. You guys are really giving yes and a run for his money out here. But but I'm very well behaved and the thing is like you have to be well behaved. Was it

一直都是这样吗？

always that way?

不是。好的。

No. Okay.

因为你是个摇滚明星，如果我是一个考虑和你约会的女孩，我会觉得这可能是个挑战。

Because you're a rock star and if I'm a girl thinking about dating you, think well this could be a challenge.

是啊。我的意思是，我明白，俗话说“地狱的怒火无可比拟”，或者说，也许不是那种像……没有什么比那种自以为在做正确的事而实际上却并非如此的人更讨厌了。在约会中，很多讨厌的人之所以那么讨厌，是因为他们甚至能通过测谎仪测试，证明他们真的相信自己是对的。

Yeah. I mean, I See, hell hath no fury or or like, maybe not like. Nothing is worse than someone who believes they're doing right and they're not. Like that's most assholes in dating are such assholes because if they would pass a lie detector test that they they

指的是当讨厌鬼这件事。

mean being assholes.

你可以是出于好意，但行为却糟糕透顶。没错。这就是你容易陷入的陷阱。这就像《Call Her Daddy》里说的那样，对吧？

You can mean well and be terribly misbehaved. Right. And that's the kind of trap you get. This is Call Her Daddy. Right?

对，对。

Yeah. Yeah.

这是……

This is

我们现在聊到哪儿了？所以我自己其实非常有教养，我以前从没这么清晰地表达过这个观点，如果听起来有点生硬请见谅。我期待的是良好的——不，是极好的行为。这会让我兴奋。就像高功率的吸引力一样。我不是在说那种好莱坞式的光芒四射、妙语连珠的类型，年轻的时候我觉得那很有趣，但现在，天啊，举止得体才是世界上最性感的事情。

where we are? So I am very well behaved, and this is I've never articulated this before, so forgive me if it sounds strict. I expect good like, great behavior turns me on. I fixed, like high wattage and I'm not saying anything about just general high wattage Hollywood zing it at you kind of that was interesting when I was young and now like fucking being well behaved is the hottest shit in the world.

你所说的好的行为，是指类似良好的睡眠习惯、餐桌礼仪之类的吗？

Your version of like like like like good sleep hygiene, table manners?

如果如果我知道我会说什么呢？以真诚的方式回应不安全感。是的。

If if you you know what I would say it is? Responding to insecurity in a sincere way. Yeah.

说得对。哦，太棒了。不过，我确实有

Amen. Oh, that's good. But I do have Well,

能够坦然展现脆弱也是一种很重要的能力。

the ability the bill the ability to be vulnerable too is a big thing.

没有人而且这就是

Nobody And that's what

等你年纪大了以后你就能够做到，因为你根本不在乎了。你会想，嘿，我就是这样的人。

you get when you get older because you don't give a shit. You're like, hey, this is who I am.

所以正如你所说，最后发生的事情是对的。但我认为年轻人应该早点开始学会展现脆弱。用讽刺来表现自己刀枪不入、漠不关心，其实是一种很好的疗伤方式，能帮你走出失恋。最好的方式就是和你的闺蜜们出去拍几张约会网站用的照片，比如你舔着一把刀。你知道的，随便怎么拍。

So what ended up happening you're right. And but but I think that younger people need to get a head start on being more vulnerable. Being sarcastically invulnerable and apathetic is a really good healing mechanism to get over the past breakup. It is a great way to get over somebody is to go out with your girls and take a couple pictures for your dating site where you're like licking a knife. You know, whatever.

我明白，我理解这种做法。但但你不能把这种态度带入下一段感情中。我担心的是，现在有一代人，无论男女，都选择以一种非常固执、讽刺的方式来进入亲密关系，他们觉得展现脆弱才是王道。

I get it. I get that. But but you can't carry that into your next you have. There's a I fear that there's a generation of people, men and women, who have decided to come into relationships in a very inflexible, sarcastic vulnerability is the shit.

是的。是的。

Yeah. Yeah.

这是最好的状态。

It's the best.

让自己变得如此脆弱，仿佛有人对你说错一句话，你就会崩溃。

Leave yourself so vulnerable that you could die if someone said the wrong thing to you.

是的。没错。

Yeah. Yep.

然后死一千次，开车回家，还在车里放了一路的屁。

And just die a thousand times and drive home and do all those farts in the car.

是的。

Yeah.

回到家然后说，好吧，我们努力过了。是的。我知道那是通往更快更好结果的必经之路。是的。那只是变得脆弱而已。

And get home and go, well, we tried. Yeah. I I know that's the route to a quicker better thing. Yeah. That's Just be vulnerable.

我想谈谈你的职业生涯，因为我真的非常感兴趣。我确实想。

I wanna get to your career because I have tremendous I do. I wanna

我也想回到我的职业生涯。

get back to my career too.

是的。我之前确实想说一些关于你通过泡镁盐浴来改善睡眠的事情。我甚至都不知道那是什么。你是从哪里了解到的？就是泡镁盐浴。

Yeah. I did have something about the sleep that you take magnesium baths. I don't even know what that is. Where did you get I it's magnesium baths.

肖恩，你是不是有什么迟到的事？你赶时间吗？不。

Sean, are you late for something? Are you in a rush? No.

我不想——我不想待得太久让人生厌。

I don't wanna I don't want to overstay our welcome with

我们的聊天感觉就像是在用ChatGPT。你会对ChatGPT说：‘ChatGPT，关于约翰泡镁盐浴这事，你确定吗？’它会回答：‘你说得对，我找不到我当初是从哪里看到的关于镁盐浴的确切信息。’我试着找过了。我现在的感受就是，我爱死ChatGPT了，去他的吧，你抓到我漏洞了。

our I feel like had chat GPT and you would say, chat GPT, are you sure about the magnesium bath thing with John? And it would say, you're right. I can't find exactly where I found it as a magnesium bath. I tried looking, I love what Chad Gippee is like, fuck you got me.

嗯，好吧，我们不一定要谈论这个。不过，说真的，如果我现在能对你敞开心扉的话，我想说，作为一位音乐人对另一位音乐人，我非常非常尊敬 Easy。

Yeah. Alright, we don't have to talk about it. No, so but I do have, speaking about being vulnerable, if I could be vulnerable with you right now, that I do have from one musician to another, tremendous respect for Easy.

我

I

也是。我只是觉得，我太熟悉你的很多歌曲了。第一首，你知道，大多数人最先认识你的那首歌是《我想要奔跑在高中的走廊》。对，我想要在最高处大声呼喊

do. I just think, I I know so many of your songs. The first one, you know, the first one I think most people knew you from is, I wanna run through the halls of my high school. Yeah. I wanna scream at the top

用我全部的

of my

肺活量。没错，我特别喜欢那首歌。

lungs. Yeah. I love that song.

总之，然后我们再回到被释放的话题，对吧。

Anyway, and then but go back to being released Right.

是不是挺有趣的，有些

Ain't it funny that like

什么？什么？什么？

What what what?

歌手，他们只是在说话，但你知道，他们在说话的同时其实随时都能唱歌？

Singers who also just talk but that you know the whole time they're talking they could be singing?

是啊。

Yeah.