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大家好，欢迎来到Smosh阅读Reddit故事。
Hello, and welcome to Smosh Reads Reddit stories.
我是谢恩。
I'm Shane.
今天是我们2025年最后一期Reddit故事节目。
And today, it's our final episode of Reddit stories of 2025.
很棒的是，这可能是我们2025年最后一期Reddit故事，但这也是很久以来第一期有我们的好朋友阿曼达·莱汉·坎托参与的Red Stories节目。
And the great thing is, it might be our final episode of Reddit stories for 2025, but it is the first episode of Red Stories in a while that has our good friend, Amanda Lehan Canto
意大利面。
spaghetti.
是的。
Yes.
我本来
I was
打算去和安吉拉聊天的人是谁。
gonna Who is busy talking to Angela.
他们已经聊了好几个月了。
They've been talking for months now.
天啊。
Oh, god.
我想不起来了。
I can't remember.
但今天我也是。
But but today Me too.
我们有最疯狂的故事。
We have the wildest stories.
抱歉。
Sorry.
我们一直都在，哦，
We have been Oh,
哦，哦，我真的很抱歉。
oh, oh, I'm so sorry.
天哪。
Oh my god.
我们还没
We haven't been
一起拍过视频呢。
in a video together yet.
天哪。
Oh my god.
还没
Haven't been
在
in a
视频里你是在抓她吗
video were you catching
吗？
her up?
嗨，谢恩。
Hi, Shane.
嗨，阿曼达。
Hi, Amanda.
嗯。
Yeah.
我们刚才在聊意大利细面，你知道的，这太棒了。
We were just talking about fettuccine and, you know, That's so great.
这就是为什么。
That's why
我吃意大利细面时会有点想吐。
I barf a little when I have fettuccine.
那就是传统做法。
That's how that's traditional.
你知道的，我回来了。
You know, I'm back.
是的。
Yes.
而且感觉很好。
And it feels good.
回到这张沙发上感觉真好。
It feels good to be back on this couch with this.
是的。
Yes.
天啊，我太喜欢这条毯子了。
God, I love this blanket.
什么都没变。
Absolutely nothing has changed.
一点都没变。
Nothing.
一点都没变。
Nothing.
我喜欢这个。
I love that.
令人惊讶的是，还是同一张沙发，
Shockingly, same couch,
同一把椅子。
same chair.
就是这个。
This.
嗯。
Yeah.
但你一整天都和她在一起。
But you have had her all day.
现在我来陪她了。
Now I get her.
嗯。
Yeah.
很漂亮。
Pretty.
确实如此。
That's true.
所以请保持阅读速度快速。
So just keep the reading quick.
好的。
Okay.
我们的制作人一直把这些故事留到这一集。
Our producers, they've been saving these stories for this episode.
这些是他们今年遇到的最疯狂的故事，当时找不到合适的位置播放，所以留到了现在。
These are some of the wildest stories they've come across this year where they couldn't quite find the right spot for them, so they saved them for now.
给我们。
For us.
他们把这些故事留给了你。
They saved them for you.
耶。
Yay.
所以我觉得这一整集我们都得坐稳了。
So I think we'll need to buckle up for this whole episode.
好的。
Okay.
嗯。
Yeah.
它从这里开始。
It says from here.
系好。
Buckle.
系好。
Buckle.
嗯。
Yeah.
这是那个天啊
It's one of the Oh my
上帝。
god.
是的。
Yeah.
系好安全带。
Buckle.
是的。
Yeah.
很好。
Good.
不错。
Nice.
我们到六 Flags 了。
We're at six Flags.
嗯。
Yeah.
这可不是什么好兆头。
Which is not a good omen.
不。
No.
不。
No.
这是个坏兆头。
It's a bad omen.
兆头。
Omen.
好吧。
Alright.
好吧。
Alright.
好吧，我们准备开始了
Well, we're ready to hop in
最后一个
final one
了，2025年的。
of twenty twenty five.
准备好了。
Ready.
好的。
Okay.
我们开始吧。
Here we go.
我们的第一个故事，我是混蛋吗？
Our first story, am I the asshole?
这是今年早些时候，大约四月发布的。
This was posted earlier this year around April.
我因为有人摸我的肚子并暗示我可能怀孕而发火，我是混蛋吗？
Am I the Asshole for Snapping When Someone Rubbed My Belly and Implied I Might Be Pregnant?
今天，我们办公楼举办了一场墨西哥风情派对，食堂提供免费午餐。
So, today, my office building was throwing a little Fiesta themed event and they offered free lunch in the cafeteria.
我们一群人下去拿吃的。
A bunch of us went down to grab food.
我排队时打开了Nest摄像头应用，想查看点事情，结果看到一只每天都会出现的小鸟。
While I was standing in line, I opened the Nest camera app to check on something and saw a little bird that's been showing up outside every day.
我笑了，随口对周围人说：这只鸟每天都来看我。
I laughed and casually said to no one in particular, this bird comes to visit me every day.
我刚说完，一个以前就对我发表过怀孕言论的同事走过来，没经我同意就摸了我的肚子，说：‘可能是因为你肚子里正有个小宝宝呢。’
Right after I said that, a coworker who has made pregnancy comments toward me before came up, rubbed my belly without asking, and said something like, maybe it's because you've got a baby bird on the way.
我瞬间感到一阵怒火中烧。
I felt this immediate wave of rage.
为什么到了2025年，我们还在做这种事？
Like, why are we still doing this in 2025?
所以我说，别把这种倒霉事往我身上想。
So, I said, don't be wishing that kind of bad luck on me.
她看起来非常惊讶，我的老板也听到了，用一种我刚说了什么冒犯的话的眼神看着我。
She looked super taken aback, and my boss, who overheard, also looked at me like I just said something offensive.
感觉好像我因为生气才像个疯子，但我根本没同意别人碰我。
It felt like I was the crazy one for being upset, but I didn't ask to be touched.
我没怀孕，也不喜欢别人对我的身体做出这种评论。
I'm not pregnant, and I don't really like people making those kinds of comments about my body.
现在我在想，我这样反应，是不是我才是那个混蛋？
Now, I'm wondering, am I the asshole for reacting the way I did?
补充一下，我并不胖，这更奇怪了，因为我根本看不出像怀孕。
Edit, I am not overweight, which only makes it weirder because I do not look pregnant.
有几个人想让我因为体重感到羞愧。
There's a couple of rays of sunshine trying to make me feel bad about my weight.
也许我需要说得更具体一点。
Maybe I need to be more specific.
我的同事并不是因为我的外表才这样做的。
My coworker did not do this out of my looks.
这就是我担心的原因，因为尽管我不是最健康的人，但我知道我看起来不像怀孕。
That's why I'm concerned because even though, yes, I'm not the fittest person, I know I don't look pregnant.
等等。
Wait.
在所有派对中，竟然是墨西哥风情派对。
Of all, Fiesta themed party.
我也是这么想的。
I thought the same thing.
墨西哥风情派对。
Fiesta themed.
我
I
我心想，这不是五朔节吗？
went I went, well, it Cinco de Mayo?
是的。
Yeah.
派对。
Party
主题派对。
themed party.
有点像是在说有一只鸟要飞到你身边。
And a little bit like saying that a bird is coming to you.
我一开始就想说，你真怪。
That's I was gonna say off the bat, you're weird.
是的。
Yeah.
感觉有点像灰姑娘式的想法。
Feels a little Cinderella wannabe saying.
可能是个女巫。
Might be a witch.
白皮肤的白雪公主。
White Snow White.
你能想象一个宇宙，有人会说：呼呼，这只小鸟来找我，却对别人视而不见。
Could you imagine a universe where someone goes, hoo hoo, this little birdie visits me to no one.
然后突然有个人冒出来
And then somebody comes out of nowhere
然后说：呼。
and goes, hoo.
也许是因为你有只小鸟。
Maybe it's because you've a birdie.
也许是因为你有只小鸟。
Maybe it's because you've got a birdie.
奇怪，真奇怪。
Weird weird.
还有，是的，摸肚子这件事，我要说，当我怀孕的时候，我很喜欢别人摸我的肚子。
Also, yeah, touching a belly is, I will say when I was pregnant, I really enjoyed people touching my belly.
我确实做了，但那很明显。
I did, but it was pretty clear.
对。
Right.
那是在很明显的时候
It was at the clear point
我怀孕了。
that I was pregnant.
而且，是任何人吗？
And, was it anybody?
嗯，不是Trader Joe's的那个家伙。
Well, it wasn't the Trader Joe's guy.
是的。
Yeah.
我的意思是，他确实这么做了，我当时就说：嘿，送我到车那儿。
I mean, he did, and I was like, hey, walk me to my car.
但我只是在开玩笑。
But, I'm kidding.
我只是在开玩笑。
I'm kidding.
我在逗你呢。
I'm joking.
我的意思是，
I mean,
每个Trader Joe's的男员工都问过我：你什么时候要？
every Trader Joe's guy did say, when do you do?
然后我说，幸好这里有个宝宝，但我喜欢这样。
And, I'm like, good thing I good thing there's a baby in here But I like this.
这有点奇怪，有些触碰是
This is weird on some the touching is
因为你是同事啊。
Well, because you're this is a coworker.
他们不应该碰你。
They shouldn't be touching you.
你是个同事。
You're a coworker.
你在工作，而这个人明显看起来不像怀孕。
You're at work, and this person said they clearly do not look pregnant.
这就是我感到困惑的地方。
That's where I'm getting confused.
是的。
Yeah.
他们说，我看起来不像怀孕。
They're like, I don't look pregnant.
我没怀孕。
I'm not pregnant.
这个同事以前就对他们说过关于怀孕的事。
This coworker's made pregnancy statements before to them.
嗯。
Yeah.
如果同事总是说某人怀孕了，而那人根本看不出怀孕，这到底是怎么回事？
What is coworker has a weird thing going on with saying that they're pregnant when they don't even look pregnant.
这位同事是从别人那里听说这个人可能怀孕的吗？
Does the coworker Did they hear from someone else that this person might be pregnant?
而且，谁会把婴儿叫做‘小鳥’呢？
And then also, who calls a baby a little bird on the way?
我知道。
I know.
所以，也许因为你快要有个小鳥了
So, maybe because you got a little bird
要来了。
on the way.
我有点想知道这个同事到底是谁，因为对我来说，唯一合理的解释就是她是个90岁的老太太。
I kinda wanna know more about who this coworker is, because the only way that this makes sense to me is if they're a 90 year old woman.
对。
Right.
就像，只有这样我才会觉得，好吧，就让她去吧。
Like, that's the only way that I'm like, okay, just let her be.
没人可以不经过允许就碰触。
Like, no one's allowed to touch without asking.
有时候，90岁的女性确实做不到。
Sometimes, 90 year old women can't.
我同意。
I do agree
就像，你很困惑，不知道她在哪里。
Like, with you confused, does not know where she is.
哦，是的。
Oh, yeah.
我有个邻居，她七十多岁了，她一把抓住我的肚子，然后把它抬了起来。
I had a neighbor of mine, she's like in her seventies, and she she grabbed my belly and then lifted it.
天啊。
Holy God.
你什么时候做？
When when when do you do?
而且，她
And, she
抬了起来。
lifted it.
你知道吗？
And, you know what?
我谢谢你。
I was Thanks.
这让我松了一口气。
That's a relief.
她抬了起来。
That's She lifted it.
她说了，你什么时候做？
She went, when do you do?
然后，她就说，哦，别这样。
And, it's like Oh, don't.
她说了，你知道吗？
She went, you know?
而我却坦然接受了。
And, I took it in stride.
坦然接受？
In stride?
你该做什么？
What are
你该做什么？
you supposed to do?
你该做什么？
What are you supposed to do?
杀了他。
Kill him.
不。
No.
我只是开玩笑。
I'm just kidding.
好吧，但是，
Well But,
这简直是闻所未闻。
this this is unheard of.
我不认为她是坏人。
I do not think that she is the asshole.
我担心的是，因为这种事情一再发生，这个人对OP有某种奇怪的迷恋，甚至对OP怀孕这件事也有一种扭曲的迷恋。
I'm scared that because this is a repeated thing, that this person's into that person, into OP, and is into the fact that they're pregnant in some weird way.
就像我戴着Reddit的帽子，心想：一切都成了奇怪的癖好，你真是个怪人。
Like, I'm like Reddit hat on, and I'm like, everything's a weird fucking kink, and you're weird.
好吧。
Okay.
我不会去贬低别人的性癖，但我不喜欢这个人碰那个人，还说‘你怀孕了’。
I'm not gonna kink shame, but I don't like this person touching that person and being like, you're pregnant.
你怀孕了。
You're pregnant.
哦，这正是我的担忧。
Oh, That's my fear.
这就是为什么我会想到那个90岁的女人，因为除此之外，其他一切看起来都只是……
That's why that's where the 90 year old woman thing comes in my head, because otherwise everything else just seems
可怕。
horrendous.
你们为这个人配的每一个声音都很诡异。
And, every voice you guys have done for the person has been a creepy voice.
比如，嗯。
Like a Yeah.
我的意思是，你能对那个……
I mean, can you bird on the
也许是因为他快要当爸爸了，他快要当爸爸了。
Maybe because he had a little bird on the He had a little bird on the way.
试着装得酷一点。
Try to sound really cool.
也许是因为你快要当爸爸了。
Well, maybe it's because you have a little bird on the way.
嗯。
Yeah.
嗯，
Well,
它没有 那个
it didn't The
你越认真，情况就越糟。
more earnest you go, the worse it gets.
天哪。
Oh, boy.
好吧。
Okay.
判决结果并不是那个混蛋。
Verdict was not the asshole.
是的。
Yeah.
评论里也不是那个混蛋。
Comments, not the asshole.
你的老板只是对一名员工对另一名员工 verbally 发火做出了初步反应。
Your boss was just giving their initial reaction to one employee verbally snapping at the other.
除非后续有评论确认他们认为你错了，否则你不必为此担心。
I wouldn't worry about that unless it is followed up with comments confirming they believe you are in the wrong.
发帖者在问，当有人捏了他们的肚子并说‘也许是因为你快有孩子了’时，他们回嘴算不算那个混蛋。
OP is asking if they're the asshole for snapping back when someone grabbed their belly and said, maybe that's because there's a bird on the way.
我觉得我们知道，他们不是那个混蛋，天哪。
I think we know that they're not the asshole for Oh, no.
也许是因为它在发烫。
Maybe it's because it's burning.
是的。
Yeah.
哦，他们是那样说的。
Oh, they said it like that.
我的意思是，这当然很有趣。
I mean, of course, that's fun.
是的。
Yeah.
这只是一个笑话。
It's just a joke.
有人说了，不是混蛋，别碰别人的身体。
Someone said, not the asshole, don't touch people's bodies.
不要评论别人的身体。
Don't comment about people's bodies.
这些都是良好的生活准则和必要的职场规则。
These are good life rules and imperative office rules.
如果我是你，我会立刻找人力资源部门谈话。
I'd be chatting with HR immediately if I were you.
有人说过，不是混蛋，不碰人，也不要在对方告诉你或你看到婴儿娩出前就假设女性怀孕。
Someone said, not the asshole, no touching, and no assuming a woman is pregnant until she tells you or you see the baby crowning.
即使如此，也不要对此发表评论。
Even then, don't comment on it.
她怀孕了。
She's She's pregnant.
有人说过，要习惯性地挡开别人拍打你的手。
Someone said, normalize slapping people's hands away.
有人说过，不是混蛋。
Someone said, not the asshole.
我超重了，有时人们会以为我怀孕了，比如问我预产期是什么时候，但从来没有人像有些人那样对我动手动脚。
I'm overweight, and sometimes people think I'm pregnant, like asking me when I'm due, but no one has ever laid hands on me like some people do.
我会疯掉的。
I would lose my mind.
我不明白为什么人们觉得对任何人这样做都是可以接受的。
I do not understand why people think that is okay to do to anyone.
不行。
No.
是的。
Yeah.
你不应该在未经他人允许的情况下触碰任何人。
You should not you should not be touching anyone without their permission.
做出假设。
Making assumptions.
而且，你还在上班。
And, also, you're at work.
是啊。
It's Yeah.
有点像
Kinda like
这也是一种老派的做法，我觉得老一辈人会随意评论别人的身材，而我们这一代人觉得这根本不可接受。
It's an old fashioned thing too that like I think older generations will like talk about people's bodies in a way that we're just like, that's just so not what people do anymore.
他们不明白。
They don't understand it.
他们也不懂。
And, they don't get it.
他们就是不懂。
They don't.
他们就是不理解。
They do not.
我觉得他们以为自己在表达关心，但老一辈人有时以为自己是在夸奖。
I think they think they're giving a not in this case, but I think older generations sometimes thinks they're giving a compliment.
是的。
Yeah.
当你说这种话的时候，其实是不应该的。
When it's like, you should not be saying that.
是的。
Yeah.
对。
Right.
但他们真的不理解这一点。
But, they actually do not they do not understand it.
这种行为已经放任多年了。
It's been unchecked for years
对。
Right.
他们一直在说这种话。
Of them saying this.
但我们知道他多大了吗？
But, do we know how old?
他们什么都没说。
They don't say anything.
我不知道。
I don't
甚至都不觉得我们会得到任何信息。
even think we get anything
关于那个说这些话的同事。
about this coworker who says all this stuff.
我们会得到吗？
Do we get
整件事有点奇怪。
The whole thing is kinda weird.
那只鸟。
The bird.
特别是那个节日主题的活动。
Especially the Fiesta themed event.
哪里奇怪了？
What's all weird?
嗯。
Yeah.
节日主题活动中提供什么食物？
What they do have for food for the Fiesta themed event?
他们甚至不透露这位同事的性别、年龄或任何信息。
They they don't even give the gender, the age, or anything of the coworker.
这位同事完全
The coworker is completely
看到了吧？
See?
我们需要这个。
We need that.
而且，这是真的，因为比如
And, it it is true because like
嗯。
Yeah.
我们需要知道他们是否超过70岁
We need to know if they are over 70
有点吧。
Kind of.
但这还是不对。
It's still not okay.
但它能提供一些理解。
But, it gives a little bit of understanding.
而且没错。
And correct.
嗯。
Yeah.
OP 留言评论了那位同事。
Op OP left a comment about the coworker.
好的。
Okay.
所以我们得到了更多背景信息。
So, we get some more context.
我开始觉得，事实上，她对我怀孕这件事着了魔。
I am starting to think, in fact, that she is obsessed with me being pregnant.
她总是评论我怀孕的事，尽管我已经告诉她我对这个不感兴趣，是的。
She is always making comments about me getting pregnant even though I have told her I am not interested in that Yeah.
我丈夫也不感兴趣。
Nor is my husband.
他甚至做了输精管结扎术，因为我们不想要孩子。
He even got a vasectomy because we don't want kids.
她年纪大了才怀孕，所以她觉得我会改变主意。
She got pregnant old, so she thinks I'm gonna change my mind.
大多数时候她是个非常善良的女士，但这件事真的让我抓狂。
Most of the time she's a very sweet lady, but this one thing is driving me crazy.
而且，尽管我们住在德克萨斯，她来自拉丁美洲，我知道这也有文化因素。
Also, even though we are in Texas, she is from Latin America, and I know it is a cultural thing too.
嗯。
Yeah.
我
I
什么？
What?
首先，不管怎样，如果有人已经明确说‘我没怀孕，我不想怀孕，我丈夫’
First of all, just just regardless of any of that, if someone has made it clear, I'm not pregnant, I don't want to get pregnant, my husband
嗯。
Mhmm.
做了绝育手术，拜托了，女士，别再提了。
You know, got the fucking hysterectomy, like, give it up, lady.
嗯。
Yeah.
嗯。
Yeah.
别再管了。
Give it up.
这根本不是你女儿。
It's not even your daughter.
对。
Right.
别再纠结了。
Let it go.
好好享受派对吧。
Enjoy the fiesta.
看鸟去吧。
Watch the birds.
嗯。
Mhmm.
别这样了。
Stop doing this.
嗯。
Yeah.
而且我觉得我们读过太多这样的故事，真的让人精疲力尽。
It's also I feel like we've read stories too where it's exhausting.
我觉得女性经常面临这种情况。
I feel like women deal with this a lot.
她们会说：不，这是我自己的决定，但别人却说：你会改变主意的。她们就会回敬：嘿，去你的吧，哥们。
Where they're like, no, this is a decision I've made, and people go, you're gonna change It's your like, hey, fuck you, man.
你知道吗？早些时候有几个人说：我不确定，你无法真正体会到身为女性是什么感觉。
Do you know what I I can't think early on a couple people were like, well, I don't know, you won't fully experience like what it's like to be a woman.
我听过
I've heard
也是。
that too.
听说有一部分，有一种魔法，你永远无法真正触及。
Heard there's a part, there's a magic you're never gonna touch without.
而且，我觉得，首先，你无权决定我会接触什么样的魔法。
And, I'm like I'm like, first of all, that is not up to up to up to you to decide what type of magic I'm gonna touch.
也许我会带着降落伞从该死的悬崖上跳下去，那就是魔法。
Maybe I jump off a fucking cliff with a parachute, and that's magic.
就是这样。
Like There you go.
你知道吗，这管用。
You know, that worked.
对吧？
Right?
想想我第一次回去的时候。
Think my first time back.
展开剩余字幕（还有 480 条）
你快到了。
You're getting there.
你快到了，我马上就要着陆了。
You're getting I'm gonna land this thing.
你简直太棒了，我马上就要着陆了，事情正在发生。
You're absolutely crushing I'm gonna land it, and it's happening.
这些都是《碟中谍》的梗，太酷了。
These are all Mission Impossible references, and they're dope.
而且，太酷了。
And, they're dope.
我看了所有的《碟中谍》。
Watched all the Mission Impossible.
嘿。
Hey.
嘿。
Hey.
你知道什么更神奇吗？
And, you know what was more magical?
就是这样。
There you go.
没错。
Exactly.
或者生个孩子。
Or having a kid.
知道吗？
Know?
这太过时了。
It's so dated.
仅仅假设所有女性都能生孩子也是有问题的。
It's also just like it's problematic too to just assume all women could have babies.
把这当作她们的身份认同也是有问题的。
It's problematic to make it their identity that.
我的意思是，拜托。
I mean, come on.
我们现在学到了什么？
We learned now like what?
在2002年。
In 2002.
怎么了？
What's going on?
说实话，我经常在Reddit上说，我们必须明白，当你看到一个女人时，不要立刻认为她能生孩子。
Literally, not I talk about this a lot on Reddit is we really need to understand that when you look at a woman, don't immediately think that she can have a child.
别总提Reddit。
Don't Reddit.
你什么意思？
What do you mean?
我只是在开玩笑，说Reddit对女性很糟糕。
I was just making a joke about how Reddit's awful to women.
哦，我知道。
Oh, I know.
但我很抱歉你正在降落飞机。
But, I'm so sorry you were landing your plane.
我正在降落飞机，现在我们遇到了湍流，因为那里有太多鸟。
I was landing my plane, and now we hit some turbulence because there's so many birds up there.
小鸟。
Little bird.
小鳥來了。
Little bird is I coming
我把这件事推到极端，我会看到一个明显怀孕的人。
I take this stuff to the extreme where I will see someone who is like definitely pregnant.
她们离生孩子只有几天了。
Like, they are days away from from having the baby.
你不是在说
You're not talking
关于这件事。
about it.
而且，我会说，我不知道。
And, I'll be like, I don't know.
我不会假装没看见。
I'm I'm not gonna I'm gonna pretend I don't see it.
我也这么做。
I do the same thing.
我很少会上前问别人：你的预产期是什么时候？
I I not often go up to someone and go, when's your due date?
完全不会。
Not at all.
如果我带着儿子散步，对方用手托着背走路，抱着肚子，对我微笑，好像在说：我真期待到那一天，我就会回以微笑。
If if I am walking with my son, and they are holding their back, and walking, and they're holding their belly, and they're smiling at me like, I can't wait to get to that point, then I'll smile.
我连句话都不说。
I don't even say shit.
然后我会微笑并说
Then I'll smile and I go
是啊。
Yeah.
恭喜。
Congrats.
即使评论别人的新发型，我也会觉得有点不合适。
I even feel a little inappropriate when I comment on someone's new haircut.
那是他们的身体。
It's their body.
我不会对此发表评论。
I'm not gonna talk about it.
等等，真的吗？
Wait, really?
他会评论我的发型。
He comments on my haircut.
这太奇怪了。
That was weird.
除非情况很糟。
Unless it's bad.
好吧。
Okay.
我们的下一个故事是一个坦白。
Our next story is a confession.
哦。
Oh.
这是八月份发布的。
It's posted in August.
我本来想说，宝贝，你在这里是安全的。
I was gonna say, you're safe here babe.
别担心，我们没在录音。
Don't worry, we're not recording this.
好的。
Okay.
我耍手段让自己被一对富人收养了。
I annied my way into being adopted by rich people.
多棒的标题啊。
What a brilliant title.
对。
Yeah.
所以，我一直在想我是怎么被收养的，突然意识到我完全对父母使了计策。
So, I've been thinking about how I was adopted, and I just realized I totally pulled an ante on my parents.
当然，他们不是沃巴克先生那样的巨富，但生活很舒适。
Now, they aren't mister Warbucks rich, but they're comfortable.
他们在我11岁时收留了我作为寄养孩子，我真的很喜欢他们。
They had taken me in as a foster kid when I was 11, and I really liked them.
所以在他们收养我大约四个月后，我写了一整首歌，还编了舞蹈，表达我想拥有一个家庭的愿望。
So, about four months into them fostering me, I wrote them a whole song with choreography about wanting a family.
请注意，这是个11岁孩子创作的，所以算不上迪士尼频道级别的表演，但确实奏效了。
Mind you, this was the work of an 11 year old, so it wasn't exactly a Disney Channel worthy performance, but it worked.
几周后，他们告诉我他们想收养我。
A couple weeks later, they told me they wanted to adopt me.
后来我问他们为什么选中我，他们说是因为我的歌和舞蹈深深打动了他们。
And, when I asked them later on why they chose me, they told me it was because my song and dance really touched them.
我完全用这招‘安妮’了他们，但至少管用了。
I totally annied them, but hey, at least it worked.
看来我也没那么差劲，至少写歌还行。
I must not be too terrible of a songwriter after all.
好吧。
Okay.
我真的很喜欢这个。
I really love this.
我真的很喜欢这个，
I really love this,
但我真的很抱歉。
but I'm so sorry.
我们得停一下，因为她说了，因为OP说沃巴克斯先生？
We just have to stop for a second because you she said because OP said mister Warbucks?
是的。
It's Yeah.
爸爸。
Daddy
沃巴克斯。
Warbucks.
我也有同样的感觉。
Felt the same way.
我问了，小姐，沃巴克斯先生是谁？
I went, miss who's mister Warbucks?
沃巴克斯先生。
Mister Warbucks.
所以如果她不知道那是爸爸，她怎么会叫安妮呢？
So she didn't Annie them if she didn't know that it was daddy.
嗯。
Yeah.
她从未见过安妮，那我们怎么知道她确实知道呢？
She's never seen Annie, so how do we know she Did
你们认识那个演员吗？
you guys know that that actor?
沃巴克斯爸爸？
Daddy Warbucks?
爸爸。
Daddy.
沃巴克斯爸爸？
Daddy Warbucks?
爸爸怎么了？
What happened to daddy?
嗯，我觉得他已经去世了。
Well, I think he passed on.
但他出演过《大鱼》。
But, he's in Big Fish.
他演过这么多电影，我却从来没把两者联系起来。
He's in so many movies, and I never made the connection.
感觉你回来了。
Feels to have you back.
我们对着一个不会说话的孩子谈论演员长达四个月。
We're talking about actors to a non talking child for four months.
而且，我们知道
And, we know for a
事实是，你一直跟他说话，还说：‘这个演员演过什么？他演过什么？’
fact that you've been talking to him and going, that actor's from something, What's he from?
是啊。
Yeah.
他演过什么？
What's he from?
好吧。
Okay.
这真的很感人，但我也能理解OP的困惑：我是不是通过表演赢得了他们的心？
This is really sweet, but I also understand OP being like, did I like perform my way into their hearts?
但另一方面，如果我想象一下，我无法想象自己处于这种情境中——你本来是在挑孩子，却看到一个孩子如此真诚地付出真心。
But, also naturally, if I imagine, I can't imagine being in this space where you're like picking a kid, but you see a kid just put their heart out there.
是啊。
Yeah.
我觉得他们并不是在操纵那些人。
That's like, I don't think they're manipulating those people.
他们只是真实地展现自己，就像说：看，我在这里。
They're just really showing who they are by being like, here
我也是。
I am.
嗯。
Yeah.
而且，我从来没有真的想过安妮是个女老板式的情感操控者。
And, I've also never really thought about Annie being like a girl boss manipulator.
她确实完全是这样。
She she totally was.
我以为
I thought
他们都被她迷住了。
they were transfixed by her.
我没觉得她出来就说，‘是我’。
I didn't think she came out and was like, me.
她
She
有点不是。
kinda No.
他们就是那种人，
They were the ones that are like,
走进这家百货公司，就变成了另一个人。
come into this department store and become a new person.
嗯。
Yeah.
她又有趣又酷，
She was funny and cool
还带着那只大狗。
and had that big dog.
但我觉得安妮是那个躲在角落里被欺负的孩子，其他所有孤儿都在喊：选我，选我。
But, feel like Annie was the bullied one in the corner, and all the other orphans were like, pick me, pick me.
这就像一个可爱的小人物逆袭的故事，沃巴克先生选中了她。
And, it's like a cute underdog story where daddy Warbucks picked.
你从没看到
You never saw
它？
it?
我看过。
I saw it.
我已经有段时间没看《安妮》了。
It's just been a minute since I've seen Annie.
我也是。
Me too.
我一直在想她为什么被选中，但我弄不明白
I'm trying to figure out why she was picked, but I don't
我觉得我们不需要知道那么多。
think That's she all we need to know.
我们根本就只需要知道这些。
That's all we fucking need to know.
卡罗尔·伯内特在浴缸里
Carol Burnett in the bathtub
用香烟。
with the cigarettes.
她喝得酩酊大醉，还在浴缸里倒杜松子酒。
She's so drunk, and she puts gin in her tub.
她确实用杜松子酒
She does with gin in
我觉得她会在浴缸里泡在杜松子酒里。
her I think she takes a tub in gin.
你觉得小时候你
Do you think as little kids you
我看了那部电影，没注意安妮，而是卡罗尔？
and I watched that movie, and didn't focus on Annie, but Carol?
我注意的是卡罗尔。
I focused on Carol.
对。
Yeah.
我痴迷于卡罗尔，因为我有点怕她，
I was obsessed with Carol because I was a little bit scared of her,
但我有点希望她当我的姑姑。
but I kinda wanted her as an aunt.
我觉得安妮是个完美的小女孩，但我不觉得我应该像她那样行事。
Think Annie was a perfect little girl, and instead of being like, that's who I should act like.
嗯。
Yeah.
我觉得我应该像那样行事。
Was like, oh, I should act like that
就该像小卡罗尔那样。
little Carol for that.
这解释了我们很多事。
That explains so much about us.
嗯。
Mhmm.
哇。
Wow.
所以，我不认为她那样做了。
So, I don't think she did that.
我明白这听起来像是她通过唱歌跳舞操纵了他们，但我同时也觉得这是她在展示自己多么渴望被选中。
I I understand it sounds like she manipulated them by singing and dancing, but I also think that's her showing how much she wanted to be chosen.
嗯。
Yeah.
我不认为这有什么不好。
I don't think there's anything bad about
那样。
that.
我的理解是，这更像是当被问到‘你为什么收养我？’的时候。
I mean, my interpretation is this is more like when asked like why'd you adopt me?
他们只是说，我的意思是，你为我们跳了舞。
They were just like, I mean You danced for us.
你的舞蹈太棒了。
Your dance was so great.
我觉得他们早就计划好要收养她了。
I feel like they were already planning on adopting her.
对。
Right.
对。
Right.
我认为这场舞蹈凸显了她对他们有多在乎。
I think the dance highlights just how much she cared about them.
是啊。
Yeah.
而且，这很可能只是当时一切情况的一个缩影。
And, probably just like an example of everything going on.
这难道不是表达爱意的绝佳方式吗？
Isn't that such an amazing way to show someone that you love them?
我不确定你怎么样，但每当我的祖父母来的时候，我和姐妹们都会说：坐下。
I don't know about you, but when my grandparents would come over, my sisters and I would be like, sit down.
我们当时穿着睡衣，那种像纸一样的睡衣。
We would we would literally be in our nightgowns which were like Spit.
其实就是一些小衬裙，我们会放上一张唱片。
Were just like essentially like little slips, and we would put on a record.
然后我们会说：现在坐下，别说话，
We'd be like, sit down now, don't talk,
节目马上就要开始了。
the show's about to start.
我们会跳上整整一个小时，他们根本动不了。
And, we would dance for like a solid hour, and they couldn't move.
他们只能被困在那里。
They were stuck there.
我觉得当孩子的时候，你并不会把舞蹈和任何类型的说服力联系起来。
And, I think when you're a kid, you don't associate dance with any type of like persuasiveness.
不。
Nope.
我认为那是真正的快乐，或者只是一种表达。
I think it's true joy, or it's just expression.
当小孩子跳舞时，他们并不是在想：‘我要让你爱上我。’
You're like, when little kids dance, they're not like, I'm trying to get you to love me.
是的。
Yeah.
但他们是在说：‘我爱你。’
But, they're like, I love you.
让我展示给你看
And let me show you Look
看我转圈。
at me spin.
是的。
Yeah.
我会让你看看我有多爱你。
I'll show you how much I love you.
上来。
Get on
趴到我身上，姐妹，我们要翻个身。
top of me, sister, and we're gonna flip.
我爱我的生活。
Love my life.
评论，是的。
Comments, Yeah.
安妮不是欺骗，她是用魅力打动了别人。
Annie didn't con, she charmed.
在任何一种情况下，都没有人以为自己会得到一个除了可爱小孩子的其他东西。
Nobody in either scenario was under the impression they were getting something other than a sweet little kid to take care of.
你赢得了他们的心。
You won their hearts.
你们都很好。
You're all good.
很高兴你找到了一个充满爱的家。
Glad you got yourself a loving home.
每个孩子都值得拥有一个。
Every child deserves one.
七千个赞。
7,000 upvotes.
有人说，我也做过同样的事，但自己没意识到，哈哈。
Someone said, I did the same thing but without realizing it, l o l.
我四岁的时候，从捐赠中心得到了第一双踢踏舞鞋。
I was four years old and just got my first pair of tap shoes from the donation center.
当我的领养父母来探望时，我为他们跳舞，因为我太喜欢我的踢踏舞鞋了。
When my prospect parents came to visit, I danced for them because I loved my tap shoes.
结果，我未来的妈妈是一位舞者，跳爵士舞的。
Turns out my soon to be mother was a dancer, a jazz dancer.
她立刻就爱上了我和我的两个年幼的亲生姐妹。
She immediately fell in love with me and my two younger bio sisters.
我们三姐妹一起被收养了。
We were all adopted together.
我们刚庆祝了收养二十周年。
Just had our twenty year adoption anniversary.
天哪。
Oh, my.
这是我听过最暖心的废话了，你知道我在想什么吗？
That's the sweetest You shit I've ever know what I'm thinking?
就像你去领养宠物时，你挑中了它，而它 somehow 也选中了你。
Like, it's kinda like when you pick out a pet from the like, and you use and they and like a pet somehow picks you.
对啊。
Yeah.
人们总在谈论这件事。
People always talk about that.
嗯。
Yeah.
嗯。
Yeah.
就像发生了什么事一样。
Where it's like something happens.
嗯。
Mhmm.
然后，我得说，如果我走进孤儿院，看到一个孤儿在敲门，我会说，我在开玩笑。
Then, I'll have to say, if I walked into an orphanage and there was an orphan tapping, I'd be like, I'm kidding.
我在开玩笑。
I'm kidding.
你。
You.
我会说，你太过分了。
I'd be like, you're pushing it.
嗯。
Yeah.
嘿。
Hey.
小姑娘，你有点太较真了。
Trying a little hard, girl.
嘿，看。
Hey, look.
你才四
You're four
岁呢，宝贝。
years old, babe.
退回去。
Pull back.
爸爸说：下去。
The dad's like, down.
我没钱。
I don't have money.
她嘴里叼着一支香烟。
A cigarette in her mouth.
嘿，带我回你的豪宅吧。
Hey, take me back to your mansion.
最后一句话。
Last comment.
有人说过，如果今天一个11岁的孩子走进我家，唱一首关于成为我家庭一员的歌，我会立刻收养这个孩子。
Someone said, if an 11 year old walked into my house today and sang a song about being a part of my family, I would adopt that kid immediately.
你没有骗任何人。
You didn't con anyone.
你只是一个很棒的孩子，他们当然想让你成为他们家庭的一员。
You were just an amazing kid, and of course they wanted to have you in their family.
这真的很暖心。
That's really sweet.
这真是你的遗嘱。
This is a very Your postament.
我简直不敢相信我说了那话。
I can't believe I said that.
我们本该
We should've
得到那个的。
gotten that.
不。
No.
留着吧。
Keep it.
如果我觉得有什么不对劲的话。
If I thought I'd be like, something's not.
有人并不是他们声称的那样。
Someone isn't who they say they are.
那是我身上的洛杉矶特质。
That's the LA in me.
我觉得，如果有人为此表演，那就放松点。
I'm like, if someone performs for it, relax.
我知道。
I know.
真的太对了。
It's so true.
那是什么
What's that
那部恐怖片《孤儿》？
one scary movie, Orphan?
那部电影太吓人了。
That movie's so scary.
他们拍了第二部。
They made a second one.
我不知道。
I don't know.
他们又在聊电影了。
They're talking about movies again.
哦，对啊。
Oh, yeah.
我们会没完没了地说下去。
We'll go on forever.
你拦不住我们。
You can't stop us.
就我和雷巴。
Just me and Reba.
好吧。
Alright.
我们的下一个故事来自《两个热门观点》。
Our next story comes from Two Hot Takes.
向我们在Hi, Two Hot的朋友摩根致意。
Shout out to our friend Morgan over there at Hi, Two Hot
摩根。
Morgan.
他们写道：我因为对爸爸的新衬衫感到不舒服而反应过度了吗？
They write, am I overreacting for being uncomfortable with my dad's new shirt?
好吧。
Okay.
这是一位19岁女孩写的：我爸爸，一个45岁的男人，真古怪。
This is 19 year old girl writes, my dad, 45 year old man, is weird.
近年来，他和一些露营朋友开始打高尔夫，并且越来越认真对待这项运动。
In recent years, he's gotten into golfing with some of his camping friends and is starting to get pretty serious about it.
去年，他和朋友买了一些泰勒梅的装备，不久之后又买了一顶同样字体的帽子，上面写着‘titties’。
Last year, he and his friend bought some Titleist gear, and then shortly after that got a hat in the same Titleist font that says titties.
哦。
Oh.
这不好笑。
It's not funny.
这不好笑。
It's not funny.
嗯。
Yeah.
这明显不好笑。
It's obviously not funny.
你
Do you
想把它洗干净，这样你说"titties"的时候就不会笑了吗？
wanna get that clean so you're not smiling when you say titties?
不。
No.
保持它，保持它，保持它。
Keep it keep it keep it.
我笑是因为很长一段时间我爸爸特别喜欢打高尔夫，我一直以为是‘titliest’。
I'm laughing because for the longest time my dad was big into golf, I I thought it was titliest.
我以为是‘titliest’。
I thought it was titliest.
大家都知道，我每个该死的词都念错。
Everyone knows I mispronounce every damn word.
我一直说成‘titliest’。
I was saying titliest.
我知道很多人是通过音频收听的，所以我想明确一下，当谢恩念‘titties’的时候，他笑得可大了。
I know a lot of people listen to this as an audio medium, so I just want everyone to know for the record when Shane read titties, big smile.
嘿，你看。
Hey, look.
有些词
Some words
嘿，你看。
Hey, look.
他喜欢胸部。
He likes titties.
他能给我买什么。
What can he get me.
我其实觉得这顶帽子特别搞笑，一直偷偷戴。
I actually thought this hat was super funny and would steal it all the time.
前几天我下班回家，我妈问我有没有看到爸爸新买的高尔夫球衫放在桌上。
Well, the other day I came home from work and my mom asked me if I've seen dad's new golfing shirt on the table.
我没看到。
I hadn't.
于是我出去找，发现他买了一件《Happy Gilmore》的球衣，还有一件 Polo 衫，上面印满了各种性姿势。
So, I go out there to look and he had gotten a Happy Gilmore jersey and a polo shirt that was filled with various sex positions.
他把这两件衣服都自豪地摆在我们餐厅的桌子上。
He had both of these proudly displaying on our dining room table.
我真是觉得太恶心了。
I was really grossed out.
我妈妈接着告诉我，我11岁的小妹妹也看到了那件衬衫。
My mom then told me that my little sister, who's 11, had seen the shirt too.
妈妈问她知不知道那是什么，我妹妹回答说：我可能不该知道，然后就走开了。
Mom asked her if she knew what it was, and my sister responded, I probably shouldn't know, and walked away.
我告诉她这太恶心、不恰当，不应该让妹妹看到这样的东西。
I told her that it was gross, inappropriate, and that it shouldn't have been left out for my sister to see.
她回应说，她觉得高尔夫球手性欲旺盛，这很有趣，就是高尔夫球手的常态。
She responded by telling me that she thinks golfers have a high sex drive, and that is funny and just what golfers do.
那个11岁的小孩说的是这个？
The 11 year old said that?
对。
Yeah.
不是。
No.
是妈妈说的。
The mom.
天啊。
Oh, my god.
嘿，我要去那边跳踢踏舞了。
Hey, I'm gonna go tap dance over here.
猜猜看？
Guess what?
高六驱动。
High six drive.
知道，这就是
Know, it's how
高尔夫球手有高六驱动。
golfers have high six drive.
选我。
Pick me.
我在外面。
I'll be outside.
所以我告诉了她妈妈，这不合适之类的，而她妈妈回应说，她认为高尔夫球手性欲旺盛，这很有趣，正是高尔夫球手该有的样子。
So, told her mom that it was inappropriate and all that, and her mom responded by telling me that she thinks golfers have a high sex drive, and that is funny and just what golfers do.
我父母的所有朋友，年龄在43岁以上，都觉得这非常搞笑，并且很高兴他穿上它。
All of my parents' friends, ages 43 plus, think it is hilarious and are excited for him to wear it.
我所有18到21岁的朋友都认为这不合适，一个有年幼孩子的父亲不应该在满是小孩的露营地里自豪地穿着这种衣服。
All of my of my friends, ages 18 to 21, all think that it is inappropriate and isn't something a dad with a little one should proudly wear, especially in a campground full of young kids.
我妈妈说我反应过度了，这没什么大不了的。
My mom says I'm overreacting and that it's not that big of a deal.
我知道他是个成年人，想穿什么都可以。
I know he's a grown adult who can wear literally whatever he wants.
他甚至有一件T恤，上面画着一个简笔小人正在做‘fuck your feelings’的动作。
He even has a shirt of a stick figure humping the words fuck your feelings.
好吧，我们现在很清楚这是怎样一位父亲了。
Well, we know exactly what kind of dad this is.
哇哦。
Woah.
但不知为什么，这件衬衫让我很困扰，我的朋友们想出了些创意办法来毁掉它。
But, for some reason, this shirt is bothering me, and my friends have come up with some creative ideas on how we can ruin it.
所以，我真的对这件衬衫反应过度了吗？
So, really, am I overreacting for this shirt?
我们
We
有这件衬衫。
have the shirt.
如果你想看看的话。
If you wanna take a look.
当然，请。
Yes, please.
你是在开玩笑吗？
Are you fucking kidding?
你是在 fucking？
Are you fucking?
等等。
Wait.
而且这件衬衫看起来也很蠢，这更让人烦心。
So It doesn't help that the shirt's also stupid looking.
它根本不是件好衬衫。
Like, it's not a good shirt.
什么？
What?
哦。
Oh.
这袖子真难看。
It's an ugly sleeve.
这也不是件好衬衫。
It's also a bad shirt.
对家里的听众来说，这是一件难看的
For the listener at home, an ugly
衬衫，但我很高兴我们放大了。
shirt, but I'm glad we got the zoom in.
其中一张看起来就像他们在拥抱，所以我觉得这张没问题。
One of them just looks like they're hugging, so I think that one's fine.
是的。
Yeah.
其中一些只是朋友关系。
Some of them are just platonic.
不。
No.
这太不合适了。
This is this is inappropriate.
这件衬衫真有意思。
What an interesting shirt.
从远处看，你根本看不出来，但近距离看。
From afar, you wouldn't be able to tell, but close-up.
所以，这件事还没有官方定论。
So, there's no official verdict on this.
评论众说纷纭，但普遍倾向于这显然是一个不当的选择。
Comments are all over the place, but leaning towards it's definitely a choice.
是的。
Yeah.
这确实很不合适。
It's definitely inappropriate.
他有个11岁的女儿穿着这件衣服。
He has an 11 year old daughter wearing that.
我只是想，老兄，算了。
I'm just like, okay man.
是的。
Yeah.
真恶心。
Gross.
我也在想，也许这个你可以剪掉，但说高尔夫球手真的……这到底是什么意思？
I also like, I don't know, maybe this is Maybe you cut this, but what is this thing about saying golfers are really
妈妈的回应是，哦，高尔夫球手性欲很强，诸如此类的话，这并不合适。
The mom's response of, oh, golfers have a high sex drive, and all this stuff, it's not
说实话，在教会长大的时候，他们总说：男孩们，你们得确保不要穿得太暴露。他们担心我们的端庄，还说‘端庄才是最性感的’，并告诉我们男人每秒都在想性事，根本控制不住。
Honestly, growing up in church, they would say, boys, you have to make sure you're not wearing They were worried about our modesty, and they would be like, modest is hottest, and they'd tell us that men think of sex like every second, and that they can't help it.
而你必须帮助他们，不要让自己显得性感，这是我们一遍又一遍被灌输的观点。
And, you have to help them, not sexualize you, was always what we were told over and over again.
这让我想起了这一点：嘿，他可以这样想，因为他是个高尔夫球手。
That's what this kind of reminded me of is hey, being he's allowed to think that way because he's a golfer.
嗯。
Mhmm.
什么？
What?
是啊。
Yeah.
我觉得性欲可以存在于任何性别、任何运动中，等等。
I feel like sex drives can be for any gender, any sport playing, whatever.
同意。
Agree.
而且，
And,
这并不能成为你是个变态、在孩子面前穿些粗俗衣服的借口。
that doesn't give you an excuse to be a creep and wear fucking crude things around children.
这太
That's so
操蛋了，我真的很讨厌那种说法，比如‘男人都是满脑子性幻想，你得遮着点，因为他们控制不住自己’。
fucked And, I actually hate that of just like, oh, men, they all think about sex, like, you gotta kinda cover up because they can't control themselves.
别人的性欲是你的问题。
Or, someone else's sex drive is your problem.
没错。
Right.
对。
Right.
没错。
Exactly.
就像这个爸爸有特权可以为所欲为，因为人们会觉得，哦，他就是这样的。
Like, this dad has a free pass to do whatever he wants because it's like, yeah, it's just how he is.
他是个高尔夫球手。
He's a golfer.
是的。
Yeah.
我真的很抱歉。
I'm so sorry.
他必须穿这件衬衫，因为他性欲特别强。
He has to wear this shirt because he has such a high sex drive.
而且，高尔夫球手性欲都很强吗？
And, do golfers have high sex drive?
我根本就看不到
I don't even fucking see
吗？
that?
我
I
我觉得他们打球很无聊。
think they got a boring drive.
嘿。
Hey.
哦。
Oh.
哦。
Oh.
目标。
Goal.
嘿。
Hey.
砰。
Boom.
抓住他了。
Got him.
喜欢这个。
Love that.
得搞个有个性的驾驶。
Gotta get a personality drive.
现在，我们不能回来了。
Now, we can't come back.
现在，我们的中场表演。
And now, our halftime performance.
有人能收养我们吗。
Someone please adopt us.
她准备被
She's up for
收养。
adoption.
哦。
Oh.
什么？
What?
这个反乌托邦的世界，太疯狂了。
This dystopian world It's crazy.
是我们创造的。
We've created.
演唱国歌的是一位准备被收养的女孩。
Singing the national anthem is a girl up for adoption.
她叫柯克，她是《饥饿游戏》。
Her name is Kirk She's The hunger games.
评论时，只需指着衬衫上的几张图片说：我试过这个姿势。
Comments, just point to a few of the images on the shirt and say, I've tried this position.
这个。
This one.
这个也试过。
This one too.
而且，没错，我现在想试试这个。
And, yeah, I wanna try this one now.
你再也看不到这件衬衫了。
You'll never see the shirt again.
有人说，有人说别反应过度。
Someone said someone said not overreacting.
当然，这在大学兄弟会那种场合下挺搞笑的，但对一个有年幼孩子的父亲来说，确实很尴尬。
Sure, it's funny in a college frat kind of way, embarrassing for a father figure with young children.
最后，有人说：我其实就有这件衬衫。
Lastly, someone said, I actually have this shirt.
我只在极少数场合、非常特定的人群中穿着它，并且非常清楚它有多尴尬和可笑。
I only wear it very sparingly, in very select company, and very aware at how cringey and ridiculous it is.
我无法想象在亲戚、同事或陌生人面前穿它，除非我的目的就是让他们不舒服，而那样的话，我就是个混蛋。
I couldn't imagine wearing it around relatives, coworkers, or strangers, unless the intent was to make them uncomfortable, and that would make me an asshole.
那是谁？
Who's that?
我们能联系他吗？
Can we reach out to them?
嗯。
Yeah.
让我们联系这位评论者，
Let's great commenter,
因为敢于说‘我确实穿这件衬衫’，但同时又是个负责任的人，这需要勇气。
because that was brave to be like, I do on this shirt, but here is a responsible person.
是的。
Yes.
因为
Because
我不觉得这件衬衫的存在很糟糕。
I don't think it's like shitty that that shirt exists.
同意。
Agreed.
是的。
Yeah.
而且，我认为你不能因为穿了这件衬衫就被封杀。
And, I don't think you can be like, you're canceled because you wear the shirt.
没错。
Exactly.
但这也只是说，你知道的，这件衬衫本来就是这样的。
But, it's also just like, you know, that's what the shirt is.
是情境的问题。
It's the context.
对吧？
Right?
嗯。
Yeah.
如果你和一群朋友出去，去参加一个氛围适合的愚蠢派对，那我就会穿这件荒唐的衬衫。
If you're hanging out with a bunch of friends, you're going to a stupid party where the vibe fits that, it's like, I'm gonna wear this ridiculous shirt.
嗯。
Yeah.
或者去参加狂欢节。
Or to a fiesta.
好吧。
Fine.
嗯。
Yeah.
或者去狂欢节
Or a fiesta
主题？就那样吧
theme An off just
小型派对。
little fiesta.
更新一下。
Update.
天啊。
Oh, my God.
两个月后。
Two months later.
有人把那件衬衫烧了。
Someone burned the shirt.
我本来想说
I was gonna say
她把衬衫处理了。
She took they took care of the shirt.
她让我拉了一泡屎。
She took a shit out of me.
他就像说，我等不及要穿它了。
He's like, I can't wait to wear it.
我是个高排便的高尔夫球手。
I'm a golfer with a high poop.
哦，不。
Oh, no.
哦，不。
Oh, no.
这里有一泡屎，有人就说，我觉得有只鸟要来了。
Poop here and someone goes, I think there's a bird on the way.
她的手直接伸进了那堆屎里。
And her hands put right in the Right on the shit.
唱着国歌。
Singing on national anthem.
选我这个。
Pick me this.
这是我最喜欢的之一
That's one of my favorite
它们中的一个。
of them.
是休开始说：我是个有便便的高尔夫球手。
It was Hugh starting going, I'm a golfer with poop.
是我。
It's me.
我带着高水准。
I'm over with a high.
其实是便便。
It's actually poop.
那里有个
There's a
鸟啊，哦，有粪便。
bird on oh, there's poop.
天啊
Holy
shit。
shit.
好吧。
Okay.
所以，我们看看会不会发生。
So, let's see if that happens.
是的。
Yeah.
这就是我的预测。
That's my prediction.
是的。
Yeah.
有个小更新，但我的计划成功了。
Small update, but my plan worked.
把你的脏东西
Take your shit
从我身上拿走。
out of me.
她放了一只小鳥？
She put a little birdie?
我会死的。
I would die.
好吧，小鸟。
Alright, birdie.
天哪。
Golly.
今天我爸妈去打高尔夫了，他穿了那件衬衫。
So, today my mom and dad went golfing and he wore the shirt.
他们走的时候我还没醒，所以我得等到他们回家，而我完全按照我说的做了。
They left before I was awake, so I had to wait till they got home, and I did exactly what I said I was going to do.
我坐在甲板上，我爸爸正走进露营车，于是我站起来和他说话。
I'm sitting on the deck and my dad was walking into the camper, so I got up to talk to him.
OP说：嘿，我以前做过这些。
OP says, hey, I've done those before.
做过什么？
Done what?
爸爸回答说：我戳了他身上的几个地方
Dad replies, I poke at various spots on his
衬衫。
shirt.
爸爸
Dad
说：你刚刚竟然这样跟我说话。
says, you did not just say that to me.
我无法相信你会这么做。
I can't believe you would do that.
滚出我的露营车。
Get the fuck out of my camper.
你到底怎么了？
What's wrong with you?
你听到她刚对我说的话了吗？
Did you hear what she just said to me?
这就是他的幽默感，所以我没受伤，只是觉得这招奏效了，哈哈。
This is his sense of humor, so I wasn't hurt, just happy that it worked, l o l.
哦，所以他是在说，你刚居然敢这样跟我说话。
Oh, so he was saying like, you did not just say that to me.
我无法相信你会这么做。
I can't believe you would do that.
滚出我的露营车吧，他是带着幽默的语气说的。
Get the fuck out of like, so he was saying it like humorously.
酷。
Cool.
好吧。
Alright.
然后他进了露营车，立刻脱掉了衬衫，接着说：有些真相是我没必要听的。
He then went into the camper and immediately took the shirt off followed by, there are some truths that I don't need to hear.
后来，我们围坐在篝火旁，他开始向朋友们讲述这个故事，开头是：你想知道今天是什么毁了我的一天吗？
Later, we're sitting by the fire and he starts telling the story to our friends and starts off with, you wanna know what ruined my day today?
所以，我觉得这很成功，而且我认为他短期内不会再穿那件衬衫了。
So, I think it was a success and I don't think he'll be wearing that shirt anytime soon.
太棒了。
That's awesome.
本该的。
Should have
我的意思是，我觉得这仍然奏效了。
I mean, I think it still worked.
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