与安吉拉·哈利利谈单身、标准与清醒

但当我再次以那种方式意识到祂的存在时，我达到了这样一个境界：好吧，这件事是我的敌人。

But then when I could be conscious of Him again in that way, I kind of got to this point where I was like, okay, this thing is my enemy.

这个罪是我的敌人。

This sin is my enemy.

我认为杀死你生命中罪恶的方法，就是把它当作敌人，认定这件事是邪恶的，我绝不想与它有任何牵连。

I think the way that you kill sin in your life is that you make it your enemy and you decide that this thing is evil, and I want nothing to do with it.

所以

So

很好。

good.

于是我完全认同了：我看着这件事，它会杀死我。

So I came into complete agreement that like, I look at this, this will kill me.

它会毁掉我的人生。

It'll ruin my life.

一口就会毁掉我的人生。

One sip will ruin my life.

而且对待罪，你必须如此严肃，必须如此决绝。

And to be so serious, like you have to be that drastic with sin.

甚至说实话，我也逃不过尼古丁成瘾。

And even like, honestly, I'm not exempt from a nicotine addiction either.

我有容易上瘾的性格。

Like I have an addictive personality.

我认为我们都必须非常真实、诚实地面对自己的弱点，因为我们都有弱点。

And I think we all need to be so very for real with ourselves and honest with ourselves about what our weaknesses are, because we all have weaknesses.

而这就是敌人正等着我们暴露脆弱的地方。

And that is the one area that the enemy is just waiting for us to be vulnerable in.

日光之下无新事，他简直是个笑话，根本没有新计划。

There's nothing new under the sun, he's such a joke, he has no new plans.

他真是个笑话。

He's such a joke.

他没有新花招，他攻击我

He has no new schemes, he attacks me

在

in

literally（ literally）。

the Literally.

我一辈子都是这样，一直都是这样。

Same my whole life, same thing.

他等着我脆弱、痛苦、空虚、疲惫的时候。

He waits until I'm vulnerable, in pain, empty, tired.

孤立无援。

Isolated.

孤立无援，然后他就寻找机会，想：我现在能让她转向什么恶习呢？

Isolated, and then he looks for that opening to be like, what can I have her turn to a vice right now?

这就是我的特点，我有强迫倾向，有点 OCD，会沉迷于某些事情。

That's my thing, I'm obsessive, a little OCD, I get obsessed with things.

所以就连尼古丁，我年轻时用过电子烟之类的，但上帝救我脱离了它。

And then so even like nicotine, I used vape and whatever when I was much younger, and God delivered me from that.

然后我记起来，一年后，我有一次吸了别人的电子烟，以为没关系。

And then I remember like a year later, I hit someone's vape one time, thinking it'd be okay.

我立刻就又上瘾了，好像从未戒过。

I was back on it like I never left.

就在同一天，就好像我从未离开过。

Same day, like I never left.

那么经文怎么说呢？经文里说了什么？

And scripture, what is the scripture?

经文说，当上帝把你从某件事中拯救出来，家里变得干净了，你最好用上帝的灵充满自己。

It says something like, when God delivers you from something and like the house is clean, you better fill yourself up with the spirit of God.

因为如果你不这么做，它就会回来。

Because if you don't, and it comes back

回来时会带着更大的报复。

with come back vengeance.

带着七倍的力量回来。

Come back with seven more.

而且它就像完全卷土重来一样。

And it's just like, it came back full force.

所以你必须对这样的弱点保持高度警觉。

And so you just have to be so aware of your weaknesses like that.

我确实很清楚自己的弱点。

And I just I'm aware of my weaknesses.

我对自己的情况非常坦诚。

And I'm really honest with myself.

我知道自己可能陷入的陷阱。

I know what my downfalls could be.

所以我总是据此行事。

And I just act accordingly.

这太好了。

That's so good.

我有太多想法了。

I have so many thoughts.

我非常感激你分享了这些，因为我知道有很多观看和聆听的人正在经历挣扎。

I am so thankful that you shared all that because I know that so many people watching and listening are struggling.

我们都有罪性。

We all have sin.

我们都有诱惑点，或者说是敌人利用的那些弱点，我很喜欢你说他总去同一个地方。

We all have temptation points or whatever it is that the enemy And I love that you said he runs the same place.

哦，

Oh,

是的。

yeah.

关键是，他很狡猾。

Because the thing is, is he's cunning.

敌人很狡猾，但他很一贯。

The enemy is cunning, but he's consistent.

好吧，他会不断重复同样的伎俩。

Okay, so he will continue to run the same play again and again.

从创世记第三章开始，直到敌人在耶稣开始三年事工、被钉十字架之前在旷野试探祂，我们都看到了这一点。

And we see that from the beginning of time in Genesis chapter three, to even how the enemy tempted Jesus in the wilderness, before he started his three years of ministry before dying on the cross.

他用同样的方式引诱人。

And he tempts in the same ways.

他会在你软弱、脆弱和孤立时引诱你。

And He tempts when you're weak, when you're vulnerable, and when you're isolated.

所以要对此保持警觉。

And so be aware of that.

但要像你所说的那样，清楚了解自己的挣扎和诱惑是什么。

But know, like you said, have an awareness of what your struggles are and what your temptations are.

但我确实想提醒你，要保持警醒。

But I do want to speak to you were intentional.

我很喜欢你说你没有让自己置身于那些环境之中。

I love that you said you didn't put yourself in those environments.

是的，绝对如此。

Oh yeah, absolutely.

你有意识地确保自己不再回到酒吧，不再尝试饮酒，也不再与那些可能引发相同欲望和试探的人来往。

You were intentional to make sure you weren't going back to the bar and you weren't trying of alcohol again, and you weren't hanging around probably some of the same people that maybe would trigger some of the same desires and temptations.

所以我确实认为，存在一个得释放的时刻，一个突破的时刻，但之后还需要有意识地、坚定地将它从你的生活中彻底切除。

And so I do think there is that moment of deliverance, there is that moment of breakthrough, but then it takes the intentionality and the intensity to cut it out of your life.

是的。

Yes.

你说得真好，你提到必须杀死罪，因为如果你不杀死罪，罪就会杀死你。

And you said, I love what you said about you have to kill sin because if you don't kill sin, sin will kill you.

所以你必须切断它、割除它，不惜一切代价把它清除掉，因为它会毁掉你，根本不值得。

And so you have to cut it off, cut it out, do whatever you got to do to get rid of it, because it will take you out and it's not worth it.

不值得。

It's not worth it.

这就是救赎的力量，神是如此良善。

That is just the power of redemption, and God is so good.

我非常感恩你得自由、得释放，并且拥有清醒的意识，知道自己不再容易陷入罪中。

And I'm so thankful that you are free and delivered, and have the awareness to know that you are not susceptible to fall into sin again.

你说你有成瘾型人格。

And you said you have an addictive personality.

我觉得我也有成瘾型人格。

I think I have an addictive personality too.

老实说，如果我们对自己诚实，我们可能都有。

Honestly, we probably all do if we're honest with ourselves.

所以没有人能高过罪恶。

So none of us are above sin.

在任何时候，敌人都可能抓住我们。

At any point, the enemy could get us.

所以我特别欣赏你有这种意识：我根本不会让自己置身于可能引诱我犯罪的环境里。

And so there is, I love an awareness about you that you're like, I'm just not even gonna put myself in those environments where I would be tempted to fall.

我想聊聊，因为你隐约提到了这一点，我很想谈谈酒精背后的灵。

Wanna talk about, because you kind of alluded to this, I would love to talk about the spirit behind alcohol.

因为我认为酒精背后确实有一种灵。

Because I do think that there is a spirit behind alcohol.

你说过有很多人被酒精束缚和上瘾，但他们自己可能根本没有意识到。

And you said there are a lot of people who are bound and addicted to alcohol that maybe aren't even aware of it.

所以我特别希望你能分享一下，我甚至不知道该问什么，但只要是神放在你心里的，都可以说出来。

And so I would love for you to even, I don't even know the question that I'm asking, but just anything God lays on your heart.

你是如何意识到自己对酒精的依赖的？

How were you able to recognize your dependence on alcohol?

对于一个对酒精有依赖的人，你会给出什么建议？

And then what would you give as a piece of advice for someone who is dependent on alcohol?

也许是因为社交焦虑，也许是为了融入群体、显得很酷，又或者是为了麻痹自己、逃避现实。

Maybe it's for their social anxiety, maybe it's to fit in and look cool, maybe it is to numb or escape.

所以，你会说你是如何做到的？我知道你提到是神释放了你，但对那些正处在这种境况中的人，你有什么建议吗？

So what would you say is how you were able, I know you said God freed you, but what would be maybe your piece of advice I to that person who's in that right

谈到毒品和酒精，我的立场非常坚定。

think when it comes to drugs and alcohol, I have obviously a very hard stance on it.

我只想让所有听的人知道，这里没有任何评判，只有怜悯，因为如果有人理解做自己不想做的事是什么感觉，那就是我。

And I just want whoever's listening to know that there is truly no judgment and only compassion, because if anybody understands what it's like to do something that you don't wanna do, I understand that.

有时候你犯罪是因为你爱它，有时候你犯罪是因为你无法控制。

And sometimes you're sinning because you love it, and sometimes you're sinning because you can't help it.

保罗说：我为什么做我不愿意做的事，却不做我应该做的事？

Paul says, why do I do what I don't wanna do, but I don't do what I should do?

所以，如果你正处于这种境地，用酒精来应对社交焦虑——因为我也曾经历过这个问题。

And so if you're in that position where you're using alcohol, specifically for social anxiety, because that was something that I dealt with as well.

我一生中从未有过社交焦虑。

I had gone my whole life never having social anxiety.

然后，敌人开始在我心里播下种子，告诉我，如果没有酒精，我就无法社交，这简直是历史上最大的谎言。

And then the enemy started planting seeds in my head that he started telling me that I was not social unless I had alcohol, which is literally the biggest lie of all time.

但我开始相信了，我会想：主啊，我没有喝酒就无法出门。

But I started to believe it and I'd be like, God, I can't go out unless I have a drink.

我出门前必须喝一口。

I have to take a shot before I go.

当时发生的一切简直疯狂。

Like it was insane what was happening.

我在戒酒过程中意识到，心理上最不舒服的时刻，恰恰是成长最多的时刻。

And what I realized in getting sober was just psychologically, in uncomfortable moments is when you grow the most.

所以当你用酒精麻痹自己的社交焦虑时，实际上是在严重损害自己，因为你阻碍了社交能力的成长。

So when you are numbing yourself to that social anxiety, you're actually doing yourself such a disservice because you are stunting your growth socially.

如果我们见面，必须进行那种尴尬的寒暄，这其实对你非常有益。

If we meet and we have to do that awkward small talk, that's actually really good for you.

人们都想避开寒暄和尴尬的时刻，但正是这些时刻让你成长。

People want to avoid small talk and they want to avoid awkward moments, but that's the moments in which you grow.

你通过学会如何克服这些时刻，逐渐建立起自信。

You grow in confidence because you learn how to like overcome these moments.

主动去经历不舒服的时刻，是最好的锻炼方式。

It's the best practice ever to go and be uncomfortable.

所以你应该去做那些让你害怕的事，因为那是成长的机会。

That's why you should do things that you're afraid to do because it's growth.

说得好。

That's good.

所以，在这四年不喝酒的过程中，我获得了自信，因为我一旦参加聚会，没有酒精作为依靠，就只能靠自己，宝贝。

And so the confidence that I've gained through the four years of not drinking, of knowing that, because you have no choice when you show up to a party and you don't have anything as a crutch, it's just me, baby.

我得赶紧想出办法来。

I better figure it out fast.

我得赶紧不再尴尬，因为我别无选择。

I better get not awkward fast because I have no choice.

而你

And you

你会学习，也会成长。

learn and you grow.

喝酒只是一种逃避。

Having alcohol, it's just, it's a cop out.

你知道吗

You know what

我的意思是？

I mean?

太对了。

So true.

它真的严重阻碍了你。

It just stunts you so much.

所以我鼓励你明白，那些社交焦虑的尴尬时刻，你会克服它们，你会成长，一切都会改变。

So I encourage you to just understand that those awkward moments of social anxiety, you get over them, you grow, it changes.

而酒精不仅真的严重阻碍了你的成长。

And alcohol, not only does it, it truly just stunts your growth so much.

所以我鼓励你明白，你并不需要这些东西，没有它们，你的个性依然很棒。

And so I encourage you to understand that you don't need these things, and your personality is great without it.

事实上，我敢肯定你更有趣。

In fact, I'm sure you're more fun.

我敢肯定你更专注。

I'm sure you're more present.

我敢肯定人们更喜欢你，因为你更关注别人，而不是跑去拿另一杯酒。

I'm sure that people like you more because you're more interested in other people rather than going to get another drink.

这太好了。

That's so good.

我怎么强调都不为过，酒精和毒品会扼杀你的精神生活。

I can't say it enough that alcohol and drugs, it kills your spiritual life.

大麻也包括在内。

Weed is included in that.

我觉得可能看她节目的孩子都很优秀，也许他们根本不知道这些事。

I think maybe the people that watch her are really good kids, and maybe they don't even know about any of this.

我不知道。

I don't

不知道，我不了解。

know, I don't know.

看《女孩》的人

The ones who watch Girls

他们可能有圣经，但更需要听到这些话。

Got Bible, they might be out here needing to hear this more.

但不，说真的，这些东西会摧毁你的灵性生命，你根本不需要它们，对你也没有好处。

But no, seriously, these things kill your spiritual life, and you just don't need it, and it's not good for you.

而保持清醒是世界上最酷的事情。

And being sober is the coolest thing in the world.

这太棒了，很有趣，生活更有趣了，你的皮肤看起来更好了，你的信心来自耶稣，我就想说这些。

It's so good, it's fun, life is more fun, your skin looks better, and your confidence comes from Jesus and that's all I can say

关于阿门。

about Amen.

当你进入各种情境时，你真正地依靠上帝和祂赐给你的圣灵。

Well you walk into situations and you're truly leaning on God and on the spirit He gave you.

是的。

Yeah.

所以你不会，如你所说，逃避现实，转而依赖另一种物质来获得那种感觉。

And so you're not, like you said, copping out and leaning on another substance to give you that.

没错。

Exactly.

你只是在拥抱它。

You're just embracing it.

我非常喜欢你关于走出舒适区的说法，因为这真的太对了。

And I love what you said about getting uncomfortable because it is so true.

你必须走出舒适区才能成长。

You have to get uncomfortable to grow.

所以把自己置于那些情境中。

And so putting yourself in those situations.

我喜欢把自己放在尴尬的情境里。

I love putting myself in awkward situations.

我特别喜欢这样。

I love it.

我会想，看看你怎么应对，梅迪。

I'm like, let's see how you respond, Maddie.

是的。

Yeah.

就是这样，有时候我会搞砸，你知道吗？

That's so And sometimes I flop, you know?

比如，有时候我会觉得，那真是太糟糕了。

Like, sometimes I'm like, that was really horrible.

我走开后会想，我刚才说了什么？

Like, I walk away and I'm like, what did I just say?

比如，我

Like, I

我不知道自己说了什么。

don't know what I said.

但也有其他时候，我会为自己感到非常自豪。

And then there's other situations where I'm like, man, I'm so proud of myself.

我为自己感到骄傲，即使你的借口是决定退出，不去和朋友聚会，或者不去吃你答应过的晚餐，信守承诺，主动进入那些让你感到有点不适和尴尬的环境——我会逼自己去面对。

I'm so proud I didn't even if your cop out is deciding to bail and not go out and hang out with your friends or go over and grab dinner like you said you would, Being a person of your word and then putting yourself in environments that's like, hey, this is a little uncomfortable and awkward, but I'm gonna make myself do it.

我认为，我们的生活中确实存在一种灵性的攻击。

I do think that there is a spiritual attack on our lives.

有一个敌人在觊觎我们的灵魂，还有一个敌人在破坏我们与耶稣的关系。

And there is an enemy after our soul and an enemy after our relationship with Jesus.

这个邪恶的灵可以藏身于任何窃取我们与耶稣关系以及我们被呼召、被造就之身份的事物之中。

And that evil spirit can hide behind anything that steals from our relationship with Jesus and in our calling of who we're called and created to be.

所以对你来说，很长一段时间里，那就是酒精。

And so for you for a long time, that was alcohol.

但对于其他聆听的人，我不知道，那可能是别的东西。

But for others listening, I don't know, that might be something different.

那可能是将一段关系偶像化。

That might be idolizing a relationship.

那可能是色情内容。

That might be pornography.

那可能是毒品。

That might be drugs.

那可能是我不知道的什么。

That might be I don't know.

但无论是什么在把你从耶稣身边带走，那都不是来自耶稣的。

But whatever that is that's stealing you away from Jesus, that's not from Jesus.

因为神赐给你的任何东西，都会增进你渴望更多亲近祂、渴望读祂的话语、渴望活在祂同在中的心意。

Because anything that God gives you is going to promote your desire to want Him more and desire to be in His Word, desire to be in His presence.

如果你的生命中有什么东西并没有激发你渴望与祂同在，那么那就不是出于祂的。

And if there is something in your life that is not creating a longing and a desire to be with Him, then that is not from Him.

我想我们总会找借口。

And I think we can make excuses.

我无法告诉你，有多少次——我想深入谈谈这个，因为我见过太多人来找我，说：我处在一段关系中。

I can't tell you how many times, and I want to get into this because I can't tell you how many times I have people come up to me and they're like, I'm in this relationship.

你知道，有些女孩会打电话给我，说：这个男人并没有带我更亲近主，你知道，我们陷在性罪里。

Know, they're not this person like girls will call to me and they'll be like, this guy is not leading me closer to the Lord, you know, and we're stuck in sexual sin.

但我爱他，我原谅他，我们该怎么让这段关系继续下去？

But I love him and I forgive him and how do we make this work?

是的。

Yeah.

我想谨慎表达这一点，因为我见过救赎的故事。

And I want to be careful with how I say this because I have seen redemptive stories.

是的。

Yeah.

我确实见过。

I have.

我认为这些情况非常罕见。

I think those are very rare.

而且我认为，很多情况下，甚至在进入婚姻之前就已带着诸多包袱。

And I think that a lot of times there's baggage going even into the marriage.

因为我认为，神呼召我们 Dating 的方式，是呼召我们以纯洁的心态 Dating，以基督爱教会、爱我们的态度去彼此相爱。

Because I do think that the way that God calls us to date, God calls us to date in purity, God calls us to date in a way that we're loving each other as Christ loves the church, as Christ loves us.

所以，对于此刻正在聆听的那些人，比如他们会想：‘那我该怎么……’ 我稍后会谈独身的问题，但这里我想特别谈谈恋爱关系，以及如何设立标准、知道该寻找什么。

And so even for people listening right now that are like, okay, how do I And I want to talk about singleness later, but specifically speaking to relationships and having standards and knowing what to look for.

我希望能就这一点分享一些看法，因为有很多人被困在不健康的关系中，或陷入不健康的恋爱模式，以错误的方式处理关系，对什么是健康的关系有着错误的认知。

I'd love for you to speak into that because there's even a lot of people who are bound and stuck in unhealthy relationships, or even in unhealthy dating patterns, going about it in an unhealthy way and having an unhealthy view of what a good relationship looks like.

你对现在的约会方式怎么看？与过去相比有什么不同？

What's your perspective on dating now versus maybe what it once was?

确实如此。

Definitely.

是的，我其实也想问问你，因为我最近对你们观察到的模式非常好奇，因为我觉得人们身上重复出现的模式真的太明显了。

Yeah, I'm actually, I want to ask you as well, because I'm just so curious about patterns that you've seen, because something that I've noticed with people so much recently is that patterns are such a thing.

告诉我，这可能是个有争议的观点。

And tell me, this might be a hot take.

你对‘熟悉的灵’怎么看？

What do you think about familiar spirits?

比如某种一直缠着你的东西，这就是为什么人们在每段关系中都会遇到同样的问题。

Like something that's following you around, and that's why people have the same situation in every relationship.

这在我自己的生活中也发生过，我会详细说说。

And that's something I've seen in my own life, and I'll get into that.

不过，我现在是单身。

But yeah, so I'm single right now.

我会完全坦诚相告。

I'm gonna be totally honest.

请说。

Please.

我这一生一直都是个重视关系的人。

I have been such a relationship person my whole life.

这是一件美好的事。

It's a beautiful thing.

能够对婚姻怀有渴望，是一件美好的事。

It's a beautiful thing to be somebody who we have that longing for marriage.

这种渴望的根源就在这里。

That's where that stems from.

上帝赋予我们这种特质，因为我们本应成为妻子。

God put that in us because we're supposed to be wives.

我们本应拥有一个伴侣。

We're supposed to have a partner.

我多次扮演过妻子的角色。

I have played wife multiple times.

如果你没注意的话，她刚刚绝望地伸出了手。

If you're not watching, she just put her hand out in such despair.

这简直太荒谬了，拜托。

It's just like ridiculous, come on.

我当过妻子。

Have been a wife.

我当过妻子。

I been a wife.

但说真的，我可以坦诚地说，我有过非常棒的关系。

But seriously, I can honestly say I've had really great relationships.

我有一个模式，不确定这是否来自我妈妈，因为我有一个非常坚强的妈妈。

One pattern that I do have is that don't know if this comes from my mom, because I have a really strong mom.

我觉得你和我在这一点上非常相似，我们都无法忍受‘不行’。

And I think that you and I are very similar in this way where we don't put up with Nope.

我绝不会接受任何一个人，如果他没有积极、充满爱意和温情地追求我，并且明确表达他的意图。

I would never ever settle for somebody who isn't actively and lovingly and affectionately pursuing me and being very clear about his intentions.

我从未遇到过在这一点上对我不好之人。

I've never had a situation where somebody wasn't good to me in that way.

我一向约会的都是那种我喜爱的、有男子气概的男人，他们能提供支持并保护我。

I've always dated, you know, I love a masculine man who is a provider and a protector.

‘提供者’并不一定意味着给你钱或经济支持，而是提供方向和愿景。

Provider doesn't necessarily have to mean somebody who gives you money or provides financially, provides direction and vision.

你正带领我和我的孩子们走向何方？

And like, where are you leading me and our family and my kids?

你可以以这种方式提供支持。

Like you can provide in that way.

但总的来说，我无法接受任何缺乏清晰人生愿景和我们共同生活方向的人，我需要的是一个领导者。

But overall, like a leader that's I simply cannot settle for anything less than someone who has such clear vision and direction for their life and for our life together.

显然，我过去的感情关系都没有成功。

Obviously, my relationships in the past haven't worked.

我觉得，但again，很棒。

I think, but again, great.

我交往过几个非常棒的人。

I've dated a couple of really wonderful people.

我认为没成功的原因是我从未交往过一个爱耶稣胜过爱我的人。

And I think the reason it didn't work is because I've never dated somebody who loved Jesus more than they loved me.

我从未有过。

I never have.

我从未交往过一个生命以耶稣为中心的人。

I never have dated somebody who their life was Jesus.

我知道，感谢上帝，每当我祈求他让我嫁给某人或让这件事发生时，它都没有发生。

And I know, and praise God, that the times I asked him to let me marry someone or to make it happen, it didn't happen.

他说了不。

He said no.

他说了不。

He said no.

是的，我本可以嫁给一些男生。

Yeah, and there are guys that I could have married.

还有些男生

And there

我本来可能会和他们在一起，但上帝说：‘抱歉，这不会发生，因为我为你预备了一个人，而我当时甚至不知道自己的呼召。’

are guys that I probably would have, had God not been like, I'm sorry though, that's not happening because I have somebody for you who I didn't even know my calling.

我根本不知道自己将来会从事事工。

I didn't know I was gonna do ministry.

所以感谢上帝，我没有和一个冷淡的基督徒结婚。

So thank God I didn't end up with someone who's like a lukewarm Christian.

那会是

What would

我做了什么？

I have done?

他们会以为我

They would have thought I

太奇怪了。

was so weird.

肯定会说：你在说什么呀？

Would have been like, what are you talking about?

所以，不将就就是，

So not settling is just,

我的意思是，

I mean,

姐妹们、弟兄们，你们一生中最重要的决定，除了跟随耶稣之外，就是嫁给谁。

ladies and guys, the most important decision that you ever make in your life other than following Jesus is who you marry.

它能成就你的一生，也能毁掉你的一生。

It makes your life or it breaks your life.

你要和这个人一起养育孩子。

You raise kids with that person.

他们必须爱耶稣。

They have to love Jesus.

他们必须爱耶稣胜过爱自己，胜过爱你们。

They have to love Jesus more than they love themselves, more than they love you.

而且这一点必须经常被提及，必须在他们的生活中显而易见。

And it has to be, you talk about this all the time, it has to be so evident in their life.

果子必须显现出来。

The fruit has to be there.

对我来说，我交往过的每个男生都爱耶稣，某种程度上是因为他们想让我开心，你明白吗？这也不一定是坏事，你可以鼓励别人追求更高，彼此在这一点上互相造就。

And for me, every guy that I've dated has loved Jesus, kind of because they wanted to make me happy, you And that's not necessarily a bad thing, you can call people higher, and you can edify each other in that way.

但对我来说，我在等待，而且我完全没问题。

But for me, I'm waiting, and I'm totally fine.

我们待会儿会谈到这个，我想，但我喜欢单身，因为我热爱全心全意地跟随耶稣。

And we'll talk about this, I guess, but I love being single because I love being devoted to Jesus.

阿们。

Amen.

这是我一生中最好的时光。

This is the best time of my entire life.

让我告诉你我有多单身。

And let me tell you how single I am.

我的意思是，我真的是单身。

I mean, I'm single.

根本没有一个

There's not one

但有些男生非常想和这个女孩交往，天天送花给她

But there's some dudes that would love to be in a relationship with This girl, getting flowers all

一直送花。

the time.

是啊，我不知道她说的是什么。

Yeah, I don't know what that's She said anyways.

一直送花。

Getting flowers all the time.

有些暗恋者。

Some secret admirers.

是的，我的意思是，她反正就是这样。

Yeah, I mean, she's like, anyways.

不，但你知道吗？

No, but you know

我什么意思？

what I mean?

经文是什么？

What's the scripture?

我每次都会问她。

I ask her every time.

我会问，那句经文怎么说的，结婚的人会有分心的事。

I'm like, what's the scripture that's like, who is married has divided interests.

因为一个单身或未婚的女子，她全心全意地献给主，一生都在服事主。

Because a woman who is single or a virgin, she is devoted to the Lord, her whole life is serving the Lord.

但当她有了丈夫，她的注意力就会分散。

But when she has a husband, her interests are divided.

当然，当你结婚时，这是件好事。

And of course, when you get married, that's a good thing.

你应该是想结婚的。

And you should wanna get married.

我认为上帝会赐给你恩典、力量和能力，去服侍祂、你的丈夫和你的孩子。

And I think God will give you the grace and the strength and the capacity to serve Him, your husband and your kids.

但当你单身时，上帝——我的意思是，听我说这个单身的人的话，因为我知道，当别人结婚了却告诉你单身是一种恩赐时，这很难接受。

But while you're single, God, I mean, take it from someone who is single, because I know that it's hard when someone's married to tell you that singleness is a gift.

但我告诉你，这是我一生中最好的时光。

But I'm telling you, this is the best time of my whole life.

我 literally 从早到晚都在思考耶稣，而且不必为任何人操心。

I literally get to think about Jesus from morning till night, and I don't have to worry about anybody else.

是的。

Yeah.

太好了。

Oh, so good.

是的，哥林多前书第七章全面阐述了为什么我们常说的那句话——我在我书里也写过——独身是一种恩赐。

Yeah, so one Corinthians seven, it talks all about, it gives you the full just blueprint of why that phrase that we say all the time, like I write about it in my book, but singleness is a gift.

我们经常听到这句话。

We hear that a lot.

对我来说，当我单身的时候，每次听到这句话，我真的想吐。

And I know for me, yes, when I was single, I literally wanted to throw up when I heard that.

我心想，那些四十岁、已婚有孩子的人都在跟我说独身是一种恩赐。

I'm like, you know, 40 year olds married with kids telling me singleness is a gift.

我当时就想，闭嘴吧。

I was like, shut up.

我当时就想，你们根本不懂。

I was like, you don't get it.

但你知道，他们只是照搬了这句话。

But it's you know, they just took it.

他们只是在抄袭哥林多前书第七章，因为保罗明明在告诉我们：独身是一种恩赐。

They're just plagiarizing first Corinthians seven because Paul is literally telling us singleness is a gift.

他明确说，如果你是单身，就不要寻求配偶。

And he's literally saying, if you are single, do not seek a spouse.

如果你已婚，就不要试图摆脱婚姻。

And if you are married, don't seek to get out of the marriage.

因为他指出，单身时，你能获得全然的、你之前提到的对耶稣的专一 devotion。

Because he's saying, when you're single, that is where you get the undivided, you were talking about undivided devotion to Jesus.

就像你说的，你的注意力和兴趣不会被分散。

Because you're like you said, your attention, your interests aren't divided.

经文说，当你结婚时，你的注意力会放在尘世的责任上，你会在服侍丈夫和服侍神之间挣扎。

It says that when you're married, your attention is on your earthly responsibilities, and you're torn between serving your husband and serving God.

但当你未婚时，你对耶稣有着全然的专一 devotion。

But when you're unmarried, you have undivided devotion to Jesus.

然后他进一步说，结婚并不是罪。

And And then he goes on to say, Marriage is not a sin.

结婚并不是罪。

To get married is not a sin.

而且在整本圣经中，我们甚至从创世记的起初就看到，亚当和夏娃作为夫妻，这是上帝最初的设计。

And clearly throughout scripture, we see even from the very beginning in Genesis, Adam and Eve, husband and wife, and that was God's original design.

所以这真是太美好了。

So that is beautiful.

你看到耶稣过着独身的生活。

And you see Jesus lived a life of singleness.

保罗也过着独身的生活。

Paul lived a life of singleness.

我们在哥林多前书第七章看到，保罗详细谈论了独身是一种恩赐。

And we see in one Corinthians seven, Paul talk all about how singleness is a gift.

所以我认为这一点非常重要。

And so I do think that that is so important.

但在我们深入探讨独身之前，我想多听听你所说的‘不要将就’这一点。

But I want to, before we even dive all the way into singleness, I wanna hear more about, like you're saying, do not settle.

我很欣赏你谈到这一点，因为这是我最想鼓励大家的一件事。

And I love that you're speaking to that because that's one of the biggest things that I would encourage.

天哪，如果我要用一句话来鼓励大家，除了全心跟随耶稣、全心爱祂之外，那就是：不要妥协，不要接受低于上帝最佳计划的东西。

Oh my gosh, if I could encourage just with one message outside of follow Jesus with all your heart and love him with all your heart would be like, do not settle for less than God's best.

不要妥协，不要接受低于上帝最佳计划的东西。

Do not settle for less than God's best.

这不值得。

It's not worth it.

你不想因为一时填补孤独的空虚而过上充满遗憾的人生。

You do not want to live a life of regret because it fills a void of loneliness for a season.

这最终会带来深深的怨恨和悔恨，而你并不想要这些。

It will go on to creating so much resentment and regret, and you don't want that.

因此，是的，除了跟随耶稣之外，你所娶或所嫁的那个人，是你一生中第二重要的决定。

And so yes, the person you marry outside of following Jesus is the second most important decision you will make in your lifetime.

我很感恩，我没有妥协。

And I am so grateful that I didn't settle.

在嫁给格兰特之前，我有过很多可以结婚的机会，我非常感恩，非常庆幸自己没有妥协。

Like, I had so many opportunities to marry other people before marrying Grant, and I'm so thankful I'm that I so thankful that I didn't.

他们也是很棒的人。

And they were great guys too.

你刚才就是这么说的。

You were saying that.

他们都是很棒的人。

They were all great guys.

人们经常问，你的人生伴侣是不是只有一个？

And people ask all the time, is there one person for you?

我说，我不知道。

And I'm like, I don't know.

我相信神的平安是真实的。

And I believe that the peace of God is real.

我听从了神的平安。

I listened to God's peace.

我听从了神的声音。

I listened to God's voice.

我非常感恩，我没有满足于只是‘足够好’的东西，而是真正等候了神最好的安排。

And I'm so thankful that I didn't settle for something that was good enough, but that I truly waited for God's best.

所以我想问你，你在男人身上寻找的是什么？

And so I want to ask you, what are you looking for in a man?

你会鼓励那些人什么呢？嘿，要耐心等候，这才是你该追求的？

And what would you encourage those, hey, wait well, and this is what you should be looking for?

这就是你的清单，你的标准。

This is your list, your standards.

当我们谈到不要妥协时，你觉得这具体指的是什么？

What would you say that is when we're talking about don't settle?

是的，是的。

Yeah, yeah.

说到这个，我突然想到一点，因为我们正在看待独身是一种恩赐，我深深感受到神将独身放在我心里，这其实是祂现在赐给我的最伟大的恩赐之一，因为我没有向任何人妥协。

Well, and something just came to my mind because of how we're seeing singleness is a gift, it really came I feel like God really just put on my heart singleness is actually one of the greatest gifts He's given me right now, because I haven't settled for anyone.

所以我需要把我的独身看作是一种祝福，因为我本可以妥协的。

So I need to look at my singleness as a blessing, because I could have settled.

就像你刚才说的，这种单身状态真的是祂赐给我的一份礼物，祂给了我如此多的恩典，让我明白你原本以为自己需要的东西。

Just like you said so many so this singleness is actually such a gift that He gave me, that He's so much grace to be like, You thought you wanted this.

祂是多么恩待我们，那些祂没有回应的祷告，

And isn't He so gracious that the prayers that He doesn't answer,

那关闭的门，

the closed doors.

有时候关闭的门反而比敞开的门更好，我们常常以为，

Sometimes the closed doors are better than the open Sometimes we think

我们自以为很聪明，以为自己知道需要什么，就向神求这些事。

we're so smart and that we ask for these things and it's like, God, I know what I need though.

真的，字面上就是这样。

Know, literally.

谈到标准和你想要的东西时，我之前已经稍微提过一些了。

When it comes to standards and what you want, I mean, talked about it a little bit earlier.

我经常谈论这个话题，大家都了解我，我还有不少视频在流传。

I talk about it all the time and people know me, I have clips that go around.

我喜欢有领导力的人。

Love a leader.

我喜欢那种充满男性气概的男人。

I love a man who is very much in his masculine energy.

我所说的男性气概，并不是指身体上强壮或魁梧，虽然这些很好，也在某些方面很重要。

And what I mean by that is not somebody who is physically masculine and strong, while that's great, and that is important in some aspects.

当我提到男性气概，我指的是天生的领导者，像磐石一样的人。

When I say masculine, I mean a natural born leader, a rock.

一个有男子气概的男人就像一块磐石。

A masculine man is like a rock.

他坚定不移，不可动摇，是他自己和周围人的坚实基石。

He is unmovable, he is unshakable, he is a firm foundation for himself and for the people around him.

我希望找一个身边有良好兄弟情谊、属神的男性朋友，并且会提醒他的人。

I want a man who has really good brotherhood, godly male friends around him that call him out.

当一个男人没有任何男性朋友时，这总是有点令人警惕。

I think it's always a little bit of a red flag when a man doesn't have any other male friends.

对我来说，男人必须清楚一件事：我很传统，要么你就好好追求我，像我们这样，我们不是在玩暧昧。

It's really important to me that a man knows that, listen, I'm really traditional in the sense that either you're courting me nicely, like, what are we, like, we're not playing

你们在干嘛？

these What are we doing?

我们不是在玩。

Like, we're not.

这很有趣，因为我其实非常不挑剔。

And it's so funny because I'm very low maintenance.

我真的非常不挑剔。

I actually really am.

我根本不在乎什么大尺寸。

I don't want, I don't care about big dick at all.

我宁愿去一家不起眼的小店，但重要的是要明确表达：我在认真追求你，而你是唯一一个我追求的女孩，我想让我的意图非常清晰。

I would rather honestly just go to a little hole in the wall, but just being intentional about being like, listen, I am pursuing you and you're the only girl that I'm pursuing, and I wanna be very clear in my intentions.

我看到太多女孩，如果一个男人让她们感到困惑，我想让你们明白，这不对。

I see so many girls who, if a guy is leaving you in confusion, I want you to understand that that's not right.

在任何情况下，这种行为都是不可接受的。

And there's no world in which that that's okay.

我看到太多女孩说：‘我不确定他是不是喜欢我，他总是模模糊糊的。’然后我会说：‘那说明他不喜欢你。’

I see so many girls who are like, but I don't really know if he likes me, he's kinda, then I'm like, he doesn't.

是的，如果你不确定，那答案就已经很明显了。

Yeah, if you don't know, then that's your answer.

如果你不确定，那就直接假设他不喜欢你，因为任何表现得如此犹豫的男人，都只是缺乏男子气概，缺乏远见和方向感。

If you don't know, then just assume he doesn't because any man who's acting like that, that's just a lack of masculinity, because it's the lack of vision and direction.

方向感。

Direction.

我希望你能有明确的意图，你必须如此——这不仅适用于女性，也适用于所有人。

I want you to be intentional and you need to be, and this is for everybody too, women as well.

我们每个人都需要在生活中非常明确，知道自己想要什么。

We all need to be very intentional in life and know what we want.

一个连自己想要什么都不知道的男人，这绝对不是一个好迹象。

And a man who doesn't know what he wants, that's a really not great sign.

不，红色警报。

No, red flag alert.

是的。

Yeah.

红色警报。

Red flag alert.

我很高兴你提到了这些，我脑海中浮现出很多想法。

I love that you spoke So many things are coming to my mind.

我很高兴你谈到了领导力，因为如果我们以神的方式约会，我们的最终目标就是婚姻。

I love that you spoke to leadership because if we are dating God's way, we are dating with the end goal being marriage.

绝对如此。

Absolutely.

以弗所书第五章告诉我们圣经中婚姻的样子：丈夫是家庭的头，妻子要顺服丈夫。

And so Ephesians five tells us what biblical marriage looks like, which is husbands being the head of the household and wives submitting to their husbands.

人们听到这些，所有的女权主义者都会说：我想吐。

And people hear that, and all the feminists, they're like, I want to throw up.

我想说的是，这是一个颇具争议的观点，但基于我作为已婚女性的经历，我要说：你所渴望的安全感，来自于顺服。

And here's what I'll say, and it's a hot take, but I'll say it from the perspective of being married and being a married woman, is that the security that you're longing for comes with submission.

当我顺服并尊重我的丈夫时，我内心所寻求的所有安全感——不是格兰特给了我安全感，而是上帝赐予我安全感——但上帝的设计是让我顺服我的丈夫，正如我顺服主一样。

And so when I submit and respect my husband, all of the security that my heart is, and not that Grant gives me security, God gives me security, but God's design was for me to submit to my husband just as I submit to the Lord.

因此，在这种顺服中，会带来极大的安全感。

And so in that submission, there comes great security.

是的。

Yeah.

我这样说，是因为我认为以弗所书第五章所描绘的圣经式领导力——丈夫作为一家之主——正回应了你所说的你所寻求的东西，因为你正在寻找一个能带领你的人。

And I say that because I think Ephesians five giving us that picture of biblical leadership and the man being the man of the household, I think speaks to even what you're saying you're looking for because you are looking for a man to lead.

绝对如此。

Absolutely.

在结婚前，你内心要有一个检视：这个男人无法带领，那你怎么知道一个男人是否能带领呢？

And if you have a check-in your spirit before you get married, like, this man can't lead, and how do you know if a man can lead?

我认为提摩太前书四章12节为我们提供了一个美好的画面，说明了男人如何带领，女人如何带领，以及领导力的普遍原则。

I think first, Timothy four twelve gives us a beautiful picture on how a man can lead, how a woman can lead, leadership in general.

经文说，要在你的言语、所说的话、行为、举止、信仰上作榜样，你与耶稣的关系是什么样子的？

And it says, set an example in your speech, in the words you say, in your conduct, in your actions, in your faith, what does your relationship with Jesus look like?

在爱中，你是如何爱人的？

In your love, how do you love people?

它还提到，在纯洁上，它继续讲到纯洁。

And it gives us like, in your purity, it goes on to say in your purity.

因此，一个善于领导的男人，会带你更亲近耶稣。

And so a man who leads well, he's gonna lead you closer to Jesus.

他会带领你活出纯洁，也会带领你活出清晰。

He's gonna lead you in purity, and he's gonna lead you in clarity.

你也提到了这一点。

And you spoke to that too.

不会存在困惑。

Like, there won't be confusion.

他会说，安吉拉，我想要的只有你。

Like, he's gonna be like, Angela, I want you and only you.

我的心专注于你，还有那个

My heart is focused on you, and the angle

是婚姻。

is marriage.

所以他为你描绘了未来的愿景，并让你安心，知道你是他唯一专注的人。

So he's setting vision for where it's going, and he's giving you that peace of knowing, you're the only one I'm focused on.

如今，男性身上有一种怯懦，他们只是害怕。

There's a timidity in men these days of them just being scared.

他们恐惧，不敢去追求女性。

They're fearful and they don't pursue women.

我确信色情和其他类似的东西有很大影响，但当我们女性绕过男性的被动，任由他们对追求我们如此漫不经心时，我们实际上是在助长这种现象，而不是站出来坚定地说：想象一下，如果每个女性都坚定地说，我不会考虑任何不主动追求我的男人，男性就必须振作起来了。

I'm sure porn and things like that has a lot to do But with it's just like, when we as women give men, when we bypass their passivity and let them be just so nonchalant in pursuing us, we're actually feeding into that and just perpetuating it instead of standing and being like, imagine if every woman took a stand and said, I actually won't even consider a man who's not actively pursuing me, men would have to shape an up.

阿们。

Amen.

这不仅关乎他们，也同样关乎我们。

It's just as much on us as it is on them.

我们都应该团结起来。

We all need to come together.

我们可以通过不接受彼此的行为来互相提升。

We can all call each other higher simply by not accepting each other's behavior.

不，当你没有好好对待我时，我不会把我的时间和注意力给你。

No, I'm not going to give you my time and attention when you're not treating me right.

太好了。

So good.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

是的，这太棒了。

Yeah, that's so good.

她就像，我撂下话筒了。

She's like, I dropped the mic.

我没什么好说的了。

I have nothing else to say.

我当时就想，是的，我们现在就可以结束这个播客了。

I'm like, yeah, we could end the podcast right now.

不，这太棒了，因为我在我的书里也说过，但有时候你需要的答案就是他们的行为。

No, that's so good, because, and I say this in my book, but sometimes the answer you need is their behavior.

是的。

Yeah.

他们的行为就是你唯一需要的答案，因为《马太福音》第七章说，你们可以凭果实认出树来。

Their behavior is the only answer you need, because it says in Matthew seven, you shall know a tree by its fruit.

所以，一个真正与耶稣同在的人，一个真正明白自己在基督里的价值的人，你将在他们的生命中看到所结出的果子。

And so someone who is truly abiding in Jesus, someone who truly knows their worth in Christ, you will see the fruit that it produces in their life.

他们所做的决定、所说的话、对待他人的方式，你都会看得到。

The decisions that they make, the words that they say, the way that they treat people, you'll see it.

当然。

Absolutely.

每次视频一回来，我们只是在微笑。

Every time the video is right back, we're just smiling.

我们热爱生活。

We We love life.

我们热爱上帝。

We love God.

我们热爱彼此的生命。

We love each Life

真是太好了。

is so good.

好的。

Okay.

是的，阿们。

So yes, and amen.

不要将就一个男孩，因为上帝为你预备的是一个男人；不要将就于低于上帝最好的安排。

Don't settle for a boy when God has a man for you, and don't settle for less than God's best.

我非常喜欢这一点。

And I love that.

这不值得，朋友们。

It's not worth it, guys.

这不值得。

It's not worth it.

不要妥协。

Don't compromise.

那你会对这种情况怎么说呢？我们会谈到单身，因为我想在这里结束。

And what would you say, like and we'll get off on this and and get into singleness because I want to end there.

但你会对这样的人说什么呢？他们说：‘我不想这样，但每次进入一段关系，我都会发现自己为了被喜欢和接受而妥协，改变自己。’

But what would you say to the person that's like, I don't want to, but every time I get in a relationship, like, I find myself compromising and changing who I am to be more liked and accepted.

比如，你会对这样的人说什么？他们说：‘我想坚持自我，我想保持真实。’

Like, what would you say to that person that's like, I want to hold my own, I want to stay true.

但我就是不知道。

But I just don't know.

只要一有男生注意我，或者有人追求我，我就发现自己会改变，去迎合我认为能维持这段关系的一切。

Like, as soon as I get attention from a guy or as soon as someone wants me or pursues me, I just find myself changing and conforming to whatever I think will keep the relationship there

这真是个非常好的问题。

That's get them to like a really, really good question.

我有两点要说。

I have two things.

首先，这归结为最基本的问题：你与耶稣的关系如何？

First, it goes down to the very basic, how are you in your relationship with Jesus?

你读圣经读得多吗？

How much are you reading the Bible?

你有多少时间是专门、亲密地与耶稣相处的？

How much are you spending very intentional, intimate time with Jesus?

因为当你认识祂，每天阅读祂的话语时，阅读祂的话语就意味着你在听祂的声音。

Because when you know Him, when you're reading His Word every day, and reading His Word means that you're hearing from Him.

当你每天都在听某个人的声音时，就意味着你与圣灵有着非常亲密的团契。

When you're hearing from someone every day, it means that you are in such close fellowship with the Holy Spirit.

如果你这样做，事情就会容易得多。

If you're doing that, it's going to be so much easier.

我希望你认真对待你的属灵生命。

I want you to take your spiritual life so seriously.

你要把与耶稣的关系当作生死攸关的大事，因为事实确实如此。

You treat your relationship with Jesus as if it's life or death because it is.

阿们。

Amen.

你要么活出耶稣应许并要赐给我们的丰盛生命，要么活在没有平安、没有喜乐、没有信心、没有勇气的生活中。

Either you're living an abundant life that Jesus offers and says that He's gonna give us, or you're living a life with no peace, no joy, no confidence, no boldness.

这就是为什么你会顺从一切外界的影响。

And that's why you conform to whatever it is.

你希望每个人都喜欢你，但当你认识耶稣时，你就明白自己是谁。

You want everybody to like you, but when you know Jesus, you understand who you are.

非常好。

So good.

所以你必须这样做，而我要小心一点，因为你可能是那种认为‘我已经在做这些了，而且还在继续做’的人。

And so you have to, and I wanna be careful because you might be someone who's like, Well, I do do all that, and I still am doing that.

我们会谈到这一点。

And we'll get to that.

但如果你没有与神完全保持正确的关系，我不想听起来太强烈，好像你必须让生活完全围绕耶稣，但你确实必须让生活完全围绕耶稣，因为这就是我所做的。

But if you're not in total right standing with God, and I don't wanna sound too intense like you have to make your life all about Jesus, but you have to make your life all about Jesus, because that's what I did.

而这也是我能够活出绝对喜乐与平安的唯一方式，我确实如此。

And that's the only way I can live a life of absolute joy and peace that I am, and I do.

我想明确地说，我的生活如此平静、如此喜乐，我充满自信，对自己的身份无比安稳，因为祂就是我的生命。

And I wanna be really clear in saying that my life is so peaceful, it's so joyful, and I have so much confidence, and I'm so secure in who I am, because He's my life.

这一切都从这里开始。

That's where it starts.

如果你已经做了这一切，但仍然在挣扎，我会问：你有没有花时间独处？

And then if you are doing all that and you're still struggling, I would say, have you taken time to be alone?

因为就像我前面说的，我一生中花了太多时间在人际关系上。

Because I know for me, like I said earlier, I've spent so much of my life in relationships.

我认为这其中很大一部分原因在于缺乏安全感。

And I think a lot of that has to do with a lack of safety.

我认为，我之所以渴望在生命中拥有一个男人，是因为他们能带来安全感和稳定感。

I think for me, my root of wanting to have a man in my life is because they bring a sense of safety and security.

这并不是说我需要男性关注。

And it's not even like I'm like, I need male attention.

而是我需要一个坚实的依靠。

It's like, I need a rock.

那种感觉真的很棒。

Like it feels good.

我们生来就是如此，完全没错。

And we're designed that way, Totally.

但我确实花时间独处，并且非常有意识地保持单身，除非上帝明确告诉我

It's But I have taken time alone, and I'm very intentional about staying single, and I refuse to get into a relationship unless God sits right here and says that

这个男人是属于你的。

this man is yours.

你明白我的意思吗？

You know what I mean?

现在我花了这段时间独处，因为我要坦诚地说，过去几年我一直在接连不断地谈恋爱。

Now that I've taken this time to be by myself, because I'm gonna be honest, the last couple of years I have done back to back relationships.

而且我觉得，随着我的生活变得越来越忙碌，我更需要稳定，而我之前是从男朋友身上寻找这种稳定，而不是从上帝那里。

And because I think as my life has gotten a little bit crazier, I've needed more stability, and I was finding that in my boyfriends as opposed to God.

而这段独处的时间让我清楚地知道自己想要什么。我以前觉得自己没有将就，但现在我真的不再将就了。当你花时间独处，真正了解自己时，你就能明白：如果你总是从一段关系跳到另一段，或者总是寻求外界的肯定，那只会让一切变得模糊而混乱。

And taking this time alone, the clarity that I have in what I want, and I thought I didn't settle before, now I really don't settle, when you spend time by yourself, get to know yourself, you're gonna be able to, when you're jumping from relationship to relationship, or always looking for that validation, it's too muddled, it's too chaotic.

你需要花些时间独处，让自己内心稳固下来。

You need to take some time alone and get solid in yourself.

这太棒了。

That's so good.

我甚至都不知道该说什么了。

I don't even have anything

没什么可补充的。

to add.

我爱你。

I love you.

那真是太好了。

That was so good.

我爱你。

I love you.

我立刻就想说，我爱你。

I just immediately, I love you.

你太可爱了。

You're so cute.

不，但那真的太好了。

No, but that was so good.

而且这真的是对这个问题最完美的回答。

And literally the perfect answer truly to the end.

我甚至都不知道我在找什么，但这就是对那个问题最完美的回答。

I didn't even know what I was looking for, but that was the perfect answer to that question.

因为对于那些说我不想将就、不想妥协、不想改变自己的人来说，你的耶稣关系是什么样子的呢？

Because for those of you saying, I don't want to settle and I don't want to compromise and I don't want to change myself, it's like, what does your relationship with Jesus look like?

如果这一直是你生活中的模式，我们之前谈过模式，如果你在生活中一直如此，每段关系中你都会变成你认为对方希望你成为的样子。

Like, if that has continued to be a pattern in your life, we were talking about patterns earlier, if that's continued to be a pattern in your life, every relationship you get in, you just become like the person you think they want you to be.

如果这一直是你的模式，我向你保证，你与耶稣的关系中一定缺少了什么。

If that has been your pattern, I promise you there's something missing in your relationship with Jesus.

也许对你来说，这变成了一种宗教形式，也许有羞耻感笼罩着它，也许你没有认真对待它。

Maybe it's religion to you, maybe there's shame clouding it, maybe there's, you know, you're not taking it seriously.

我不知道具体是什么，但你与耶稣的关系中一定有些不对劲。

I don't know what that is, but there's something off in your relationship with Jesus.

因为就像安吉拉说的，当这是最重要的事时，马太福音六章三十三节提到，要把神的国当作你首要的关注，其他一切都会随之而来。

Because like Angela said, when that is the most important, it talks about in Matthew six thirty three, make the kingdom of God your primary concern, and everything else will take care of itself.

当这成为你生命中最大的优先事项时，你就不会再从其他任何事物中寻求满足。

It's like when that becomes your biggest priority in your life, you're not looking to anything else for satisfaction.

你也不会再从其他任何事物中寻求安全感。

You're not looking to anything else for security.

我之前也提到过，当你以神的方式行事，遵循神的设计时，这种安全感和平安自然会伴随着配偶或伴侣而来。

And I spoke to it earlier, when you do it God's way and you follow God's design, naturally, that security and peace will come with a spouse or with a person.

但你不会在一个人身上寻找它。

But you don't search for it in a person.

我认为这对我来说是不同的，因为我以前也是这样。

And I think that was the difference for me because I was the same way.

我是个特别看重关系的女孩。

I was such a relationship girl.

我痴迷于男孩。

I was boy crazy.

我爱米利坦。

I loved Militant.

我会说，我爱米利坦。

I'll say I loved Militant.

你知道为什么吗

You know why

我爱马迪？

I love Maddy?

因为我曾经给你打过一次电话，那时我正进入单身的阶段。

Because I called you one time I was like entering the season of singleness.

我当时想，Maddy，你能再和我聊一次吗？

I was like, Mad, like, can you just talk to me once again?

我感觉自己对上帝充满信心。

I'm just feeling like I'm so confident in God.

我觉得自己很坚强。

Like I'm so strong.

我很有安全感。

I'm so secure.

我有这么多优点。

I'm all these things.

但为什么我现在却害怕单身呢？

But why am I afraid to be single right now?

这是为什么？

What is that?

我非常爱耶稣。

I love Jesus so much.

我为什么需要一个男人在我生命里？

Why do I need a man in my life?

你真的让我自由了，因为你当时说：‘姑娘，你知道你和耶稣有多亲近吗？'

And you truly freed me because you were like, Girl, you know how

我和耶稣的关系有多近。

close I am to Jesus.

我一生都想要一个男人在我生命里。

I've always wanted a man in my life.

你知道的。

You know.

我以前特别迷恋男生。

I was boy crazy.

我在高中时被票选为最爱调情的人。

I got voted biggest flirt in high school.