G.Y.M. — 试播集，第一幕

好的。

Okay.

行吧。

All right.

我不确定马克在哪，但是

I don't know where Mark, but

哦，马克在这儿。

Oh, there's Mark.

马克，我们准备好了吗？

Are we ready, Mark?

海瑟，你来开始吧。

Heather, take it away.

行了。

All right.

预告片配着那种烦人的流行音乐，像极了八十年代到两千年初的广告。

Trailer over obnoxious pop music like an early eighties two thousands ad spot.

欢迎来到健身房，你最爱的破旧健身小破店。

Welcome to the GYM, your favorite rundown fitness shithole.

在这一集里，我们将跟随神经质的女老板瓦莱丽和她那群乌合之众的员工，看他们如何努力拍摄健身房重新开业的广告。

In this pilot episode, we follow neurotic girl boss Valerie and her ragtag employees as they attempt to film a commercial for the grand reopening of the GYM.

瓦莱丽小时候就把这家破地方当第二个家，后来前任老板被一部尖锐的揭露纪录片曝光是‘火烈鸟王’，她就用全部积蓄把这地方买了下来。

Valerie grew up in this shitty local gym as her second home and purchased the failing establishment after the former owner was exposed as The Flamingo King in a scathing tell all documentary.

FBI把那些鸟都带走了，瓦莱丽掏空了所有积蓄，才保住这儿没被推土机铲平。

The FBI took the birds, and Valerie spent her life savings to keep the place from being bulldozed.

她能重振健身房的昔日辉煌，让它配得上自己童年那些滤镜加满的回忆吗？

Can she restore the GYM to its former glory so it lives up to her childhood's rose colored memories?

还是说，它根本没法跟街对面那家高大上的索利斯健身相比？

Or will it pale comparison to its sleek and modern competitor across the street, Solstice?

想知道答案？赶紧来健身房，躺着家里就能笑出腹肌。

To find out, come on down to the GYM and get a full ab workout laughing in the comfort of your own home.

好的。

Alright.

《健身房》试播集，编剧：丹妮·汉克斯。

The GYM Pilot written by Dani Hanks.

开场白，室内动感单车房，白天。

Cold open, interior cycling studio day.

双脚在固定自行车上飞速踩动。

Feet work fast on a stationary bike.

结实的大腿肌肉紧绷在贴身的‘健身房’品牌骑行短裤上。

Rock hard quads bulge through super tight biking shorts with the brand, the GYM.

约翰尼，三十多岁，长得像兰斯·阿姆斯特朗的草根版，正坐在室内单车房前排的车座上骑行。

Johnny, late thirties, a T MO version of Lance Armstrong, cycles on a bike at the front of an indoor cycling studio.

健身音乐的咚咚声节奏强烈，灯光——对，就是现在。

The thump, thump, thump of workout music pulses as lights oh, there we go.

灯光在剥落的墙漆、布满划痕的镜子和几辆标错编号的单车间跳动。

As lights dance over peeling paint, scratched mirrors, and a few scattered bikes labeled out of order.

一个声音透过音乐传来。

A voice speaks over the music.

The GYM不只是个地方。

The GYN isn't just a place.

在Johnny身后，三十岁的Brian在模仿他的动作——他长得帅，自己也知道。

Behind Johnny, Brian, thirties, eye candy and he knows it, copies Johnny's movements It's to a the place.

这是一个社群。

It's a community.

二十出头的Chris，身材好但完全没自觉，动作完全跟不上节奏。

Chris, twenties, eye candy and completely oblivious, wobbles off beat.

这哥们儿从来不练腿，一看就知道。

This guy skips leg day, and it shows.

一种文化，一种生活方式。

A culture, a lifestyle.

这就是家。

It's home.

凯拉，二十多岁，只是为了发朋友圈才来的，骑得稳稳当当。

Kayla, mid twenties, just here for the gram, bikes at an even pace.

她挺起胸膛。

She puffs her chest out.

她的T恤上印着‘Kayla Karma’。

Her shirt reads at Kayla Karma.

停！

Cut.

来吧。

Come on.

停！

Cut.

停！

Cut.

停！

Cut.

镜头揭露出这个小房间里挤满了拍摄团队。

Camera reveals a commercial crew packed in this tiny room.

瓦莱丽，三十多岁，A型性格，社交有点笨拙，整天沉浸在怀旧里，瞪着凯拉。

Valerie, mid thirties, type a, socially awkward, and stuck in nostalgia land, glares at Kayla.

凯拉，我不是跟你说过吗？商业广告里只准穿衣服。

Kayla, I told you, only our clothes for the commercial.

但这可是我的社交媒体啊。

But it's my Insta.

哦，我扔了件T恤给她。

Oh, my throws a t shirt at her.

颜色是那种恶心的墨绿，还大得离谱。

It's vomit green and huge.

哈维尔？

Havell?

我们还有别的短裤吗？

Do we have any other shorts?

各位，听好了，仓库里就剩这些了。

Guys, look, this is all we have in stock.

行吧？

Okay?

就像蒂姆·冈恩说的，想办法搞定吧。

So like Tim Gunn says, make it work.

我觉得挺好的。

I like them.

把它们紧紧地绑起来。

Pax them in tight.

布莱恩拍了拍自己的屁股，扭了扭臀部。

Brian slaps his own butt and shimmies his cheeks.

如果我戴上我的手环，就能不用加广告免责声明来推广我们了。

If I wear my handle, I can promote us without an ad disclaimer.

瓦莱丽妥协了。

Valerie concedes.

凯拉把那件大衬衫扔了回去。

Kayla tosses the giant shirt back to her.

好的。

Okay.

我们开始吧。

Here we go.

重新开业的广告片。

Grand reopening commercial.

再来一条。

Take two.

开拍。

Action.

教练们重新骑上自行车。

Trainers reassemble on their bikes.

广告团队开始拍摄。

Commercial crew rolls.

约翰尼再次开始锻炼。

Johnny begins the workout again.

瓦莱丽清了清嗓子，换上了销售腔调。

Valerie clears her throat and puts on her sales voice.

这家健身房不只是个地方。

The GYM isn't just a place.

约翰尼从车座上站起来，单手扶住车把，拉了拉短裤，调整一下路上移位的物品。

Johnny stands out of the saddle, leans on one handlebar, and pulls his shorts to adjust luggage that shifted in transit.

车把在他体重下发出吱呀声，接着突然断了。

A handlebar creaks under his body weight, then snaps.

约翰尼重重摔回座位，正撞在关键部位。

Johnny slams into the seat right on his balls.

他的睾丸被挤压、扭曲。

His testicles squish and twist.

他痛苦地呻吟一声，当场倒下。

He groans and collapses in pain.

又一个倒霉蛋栽了

Another one bites the

扬起一片尘土。

dust.

那辆自行车，

The bicycle,

你们几位。

you guys.

他没事的。

He'll be fine.

冷开场结束。

End cold open.

好了。

Alright.

第一幕，户外健身房停车场，白天。

Act one, exterior GYM parking lot day.

这个被毁掉的商业街里，只剩下两栋楼还立着。

Only two buildings are left standing in this otherwise demolished strip mall.

一家科技维修店和健身房，两个技工正在挂横幅，庆祝重新开业。

A tech repair shop and the GYM, where two handymen are hanging a banner, grand reopening.

一位无聊的急救员和一位粗声粗气的司机把约翰尼抬上了救护车。

A bored EMT and a gruff driver load Johnny into an ambulance.

这以前是

This used

那家卖鸟的地方。

to be that bird place.

对吧？

Right?

他们那时候不是有，呃，鸵鸟瑜伽吗？

They had, like, what, ostrich yoga?

是的。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

还有那个鹦鹉普拉提。

And and parapilates.

你听说他们后来怎么样了吗？

Did you hear what happened to them?

是的。

Yeah.

真够倒霉的。

It sucks.

那些鸟才是这破地方唯一有点意思的东西。

The birds were the only good thing about this dump.

不过算了，至少咱们有了个新健身房。

But hey, at least we got a new gym.

救护车驶离了空荡荡的停车场，经过街对面满满当当的车流。

The ambulance pulls away through the empty parking lot and passes a full parking lot across the street.

这是索利斯健身房，杠铃像只眼睛，招牌上写着盛大开业。

This is Solstice with the barbell as the eye and a sign that reads grand opening.

瓦莱丽叹了口气。

Valerie sighs.

布莱恩、凯拉、克里斯和亚历克莎，二十多岁，脑子不太灵光，看着救护车远去。

Brian, Kayla, Chris, and Alexa, twenties, not the brightest crayon in the box, watch the ambulance drive away.

认真的，扭伤可不是闹着玩的。

For real, torsion is no joke.

那是不是也发生在尼尔·阿姆斯特朗身上了？

Is that what happened to is that what happened to Neil Armstrong?

那个吹小号的？

The trumpet player?

不是。

No.

不是。

No.

不是。

No.

不是。

No.

不是。

No.

你想到的是尼尔·戴蒙德。

You're thinking of Neil Diamond.

明白了。

Okay.

大家，围成一圈。

You guys, please circle up.

听好了。

Look.

他们说约翰尼要休两周，所以我也拿不准。

They said that Johnny is gonna be out for two weeks, so I I don't know.

看来我得替他代课，还要接手他的客户。

I guess I have to cover his classes and his clients.

等等，等等。

Well, wait.

那广告怎么办？

What about the commercial?

我不知道。

I don't know.

我真的不知道，凯拉。

I don't know, Kayla.

我的意思是，我们

I mean, we

我们不能取消会员的安排，但摄制组今天就走。

can't cancel on our members, but the film crew's only here for today.

要是改期，那费用可就高得吓人了。

So if I reschedule them, it's gonna cost me an arm and a leg.

有主意吗？

Any testicle?

羊的灵帮助了我。

Spirit of the lamb has helped me.

这是我在婚礼那天下的雨。

This is the rain on my wedding day.

嘿。

Hey.

嘿。

Hey.

嘿。

Hey.

嘿。

Hey.

而且我们也能帮忙。

And and we can help.

好吗？

Okay?

好。

Okay.

如果我们把约翰尼的工作分摊一下，三人一起维持店里的运转，你就能专心拍广告了。

If we split Johnny's work between the three of us and keep the place running, you can focus on the commercial.

等我们有空了，就能按你原来的计划参演。

And whenever we're free, we can be in it like you planned.

你们说对吧？

Right, guys?

对。

Yeah.

没错。

Yeah.

如果需要额外的演员，我很乐意出镜。

I'm happy to be on camera if you need an extra.

我接受过专业表演训练。

I'm a professionally trained actress.

凯拉跟着念了遍‘受过专业训练的女演员’，然后朝布莱恩挑眉一笑。

Kayla mouths along, professionally trained actress, then shoots a smirk at Brian.

瓦莱丽看了看手中的夹板。

Valerie checks her clipboard.

好。

Okay.

如果我们真要这么做，克里斯，你得去教动感单车课。

If we're really gonna do this, Chris, you're gonna teach spin class.

凯拉，你接手约翰尼的客户。

Kayla, you take Johnny's clients.

布莱恩，那你就负责团体健身了。

Brian, that leaves you with group fitness.

不过首先，你得跟我来。

But first, you're with me.

瓦莱丽带领大家重新回到室内。

Valerie leads the brigade back inside.

她冲着一个正在安装开业招牌的技工吼了一嗓子。

She snaps at one handyman struggling with the grand reopening sign.

咱们能把这个

Can we put

装得再快点吗？

that up any faster?

顾客都快流失了。

We are losing customers.

室内布置还得再搞一搞。

Interior way day.

对客户接待那块儿，再利落点，再有气势点。

Give me a little more of a snap on that, a little more attitude on the customer line.

对。

Yeah.

咱们能把这个装得再快点吗？

Can we put that up any faster?

我们正在流失客户。

We're losing customers.

入口区域，室内入口那天。

Entry way interior entryway day.

布莱恩、凯拉和克里斯分头行动了。

Brian, Kayla, and Chris split off.

亚历克莎朝邮箱走去，但瓦莱丽抢在她前面到了。

Alexa heads toward the mailbox, but Valerie beats her to it.

别担心。

Don't worry.

我来处理这个。

I've I've got that.

谢谢

Thank

你。

you.

亚历克萨走向前台。

Alexa proceeds to the front desk.

瓦莱丽翻看着邮件。

Valerie flips through the mail.

账单、紧急通知、逾期提醒、违约通知，不付款将导致房产被收回。

Invoice, urgent, overdue, notice of default, failure to play will result in foreclosure.

她把信件藏在了文件下面。

She hides the letters in her papers.

她夹板上贴着一张老照片，是年轻时的瓦莱丽和妈妈在体育馆前拍的。

Atop her clipboard is a Polaroid of young Valerie and her mother in front of the GYM.

瓦莱丽看着照片，露出了微笑。

Valerie smiles at the memory.

突发新闻。

Breaking news.

知道了。

K.

好的。

K.

明白了。

K.

这家生意其实是用来洗钱的，专门买卖珍稀宠物。

Business was a money laundering scheme for trading exotic pets.

威瑟斯非法饲养并出售了数百只鸟类，包括一群企鹅，养在盐水池里。

Withers was illegally housing and selling hundreds of birds, including a flock of penguins in the saltwater pool.

瓦莱丽站在摄像头和电视之间，挡住了画面。

Valerie stands between the camera and the TV to obscure view.

我们能把这个关掉吗？

Can we turn that off?

咔嚓一声响。

A loud snap.

前台内部区域，同一时间。

Interior front desk area, same time.

亚历克萨蹲下后猛地撞到桌底，弹起来揉了揉头。

As Alexa, crouched, slams into the underside of the desk, she pops up and rubs her head.

明白了。

Got it.

亚历克萨关掉电视，然后拿着iPhone充电器又爬回桌底下。

Alexa turns off the TV, then crawls back under the desk with her iPhone charger.

她顺着电线找到电源插线板。

She traces wires to the power strip.

Wi-Fi。

Wifi.

电脑。

Computer.

打印机？

Printer?

她拔掉一个插头，把自己的手机插了上去。

She unplugs one and plugs her phone in.

屏幕亮了。

It lights up.

喂？

Hello?

亚历克莎站起身，又撞到了头。

Alexa stands and hits her head with another smack.

害羞的旋风客户，三十多岁，皱着眉头。

Shy spin client thirties grimaces.

亚历克莎强挤出一个微笑。

Alexa plasters on a smile.

你好。

Hi.

哦，你好。

Oh, hello.

欢迎来到健身房。

Welcome to the gym.

有什么可以帮您的？

How can I help you?

健身房。

GYM.

健身房。

GYM.

这怪我。

That's my bad.

我

I

我知道。

know.

海瑟·里德刚从亚历克斯的姿势回来。

Heather Reader back in from Alexa Stance.

对。

Yep.

亚历克莎站起来，又重重地撞到了头。

Alexa stands and hits her head with another smack.

害羞的骑行学员30号皱起了眉头。

Shy spin client 30 scrimaces.

亚历克莎强挤出一个笑容。

Alexa plasters on a smile.

你好。

Hi.

哦，你好。

Oh, hello.

欢迎来到健身房。

Welcome to the GYM.

有什么可以帮您的？

How can I help you?

我来上骑行课。

I'm I'm here for a a spin class.

我买了买二送一的套餐。

I got the buy two, get one free deal.

我觉得我应该是第五辆或者第七辆自行车。

I think I'm bike number five or seven.

亚历克莎试着登录服务系统，结果只弹出错误。

Alexa Alexa clicks on her point of service system but only gets error.

系统瘫痪了。

The system is down.

真的很抱歉。

I'm so sorry.

我的设备怎么也加载不出来。

My, thingy isn't loading.

哦，有了。

Oh, here.

亚历克莎拿出一张纸。

Alexa pulls out a sheet of paper.

你先留下名字，等系统恢复了我来给你登记。

If you put your name down, I'll check you in when the system's back up.

随便哪个时间段都行。

Any bite should be fine.

害羞的骑行客户签了名，然后走开了。

Shy spin client signs and wanders off.

一位穿着条纹西装的高个子男人，像是个房地产投机者，朝柜台走来。

A tall man in a pinstripe suit, real estate vulture, approaches the desk

别盖过旁白了。

Don't don't run over the narration.

亚历克莎盯着他眨了眨眼。

Alexa blinks at him.

她实在应付不了这个。

She does not got this.

好的。

Okay.

你干脆直接给隔壁IT部门打个电话吧。

How about you just call the IT guys next door?

咱们干嘛要找IT的人？

Why are we calling the IT guys?

凯拉凑过来想听八卦。

Kayla swoops in to hear the hot goss.

克里斯跟在她后面。

Chris follows behind her.

他讲的英语断断续续，带着芬兰口音。

He speaks in broken English with a Finnish accent.

我……

I

系统瘫痪了。

The system is down.

布莱恩把他拉到一旁商量。

Brian pulls him into a huddle.

好了，各位。

Alright, fam.

约翰尼不在了。

Johnny's out.

系统也瘫了。

The system is out.

这地方就跟泰坦尼克号一样。

This place is the Titanic.

明白吗？

Okay?

我们就是莱奥。

We're Leo.

咱们得让凯特撑住。

We gotta keep Kate afloat.

哦，凯特和莱奥是谁？

Oh, who are Kate and Leo?

我们只能靠齐勒了。

We we just have to support Zelle.

健身房需要这个广告。

The GYM needs this commercial.

凯拉，这能帮你推广Instagram。

Kayla, it'll promote your Insta.

克里斯，这个地方要是关了，你的签证就悬了。

Chris, you need this place to stay open for your visa.

参与

Being

拍进广告里，对我的简历可是大加分。

in the commercial would look great on my resume.

没错。

Yeah.

对。

Yeah.

我们看看能怎么安排。

We'll see what we can do.

要是有什么问题，我们自己解决。

And any issues come up, we handle them ourselves.

就这么说定了？

Deal?

好。

Okay.

来吧。

Come on.

把手放上来。

Hands in.

健身房，三。

GYN on three.

一。

One.

布莱恩把手放了下去。

Brian lays his hand down.

亚历克莎把她的手叠在上面。

Alexa puts hers on top.

克里斯一脸困惑。

Chris is confused.

凯拉翻了个白眼，转身走了。

Kayla rolls her eyes and walks away.

一、二、三。

One, two, three.

布莱恩。

Brian.

他赶紧跑开了。

He rushes off.

克里斯也走了。

Chris leaves.

亚历克莎一个人待着。

Alexa is alone.

亚历克莎微笑着面对镜头。

Alexa smiles and presents herself to the camera.

嗨。

Hey.

不好意思。

Excuse me.

GYN 是什么意思？

What does GYN stand for?

它代表某个词。

It stands for something.

室内自由重量区日。

Interior free weights area day.

瓦莱丽通过监控看着布莱恩做俯卧撑时拍手搞砸了。

Valerie watches Brian flub push up claps through her monitor.

布莱恩，我说实话吧。

Brian, I'm gonna be honest.

我只见过你一次在同性酒吧喝得烂醉时成功做了一个。

I've only seen you land one of these drunk off your ass at a gay bar.

哦，这个我拿手。

Oh, I got this.

我擅长这个。

I get this.

我做过四次，还面试过

I did, like, four And I interviewed for

索尔斯特。

Solstice.

那个不能提名字的健身房。

Gym that shall not be named.

哦，团体健身。

Oh, group fitness.

咱们有写好的方案吗？

Do we have a program written up?

有。

Yes.

系统里有。

In the system.

亚历克莎打了公司电话。

Alexa called the company number.

对吧？

Right?

前台内勤值班日。

Interior front desk day.

韦德，三十多岁，特爱讨好别人，提着个邮差包，扣子一直扣到最上面，慢吞吞地走进来。

Wade, thirties, people pleaser, shuffles in the door with a messenger bag and his shirt buttoned all the way to the top.

天哪。

Oh, no.

天哪。

Oh, no.

前台内勤日。

Interior front desk day.

韦德，三十多岁，总想讨好别人，拖着步子走进来，背着一个邮差包，衬衫扣子一直扣到最上面。

Wade, thirties, people pleaser, shuffles in the door with a messenger bag and his shirt buttoned all the way to the top.

我来自科技卫士公司。

I'm from Tech Warrior.

就在隔壁。

Next door.

谢天谢地。

Thank god.

系统瘫痪了。

The system is down.

我登不进去。

I can't log in.

什么都加载不出来。

Nothing is loading.

她把屏幕转过去，快速点击刷新。

She turns the screen towards him and rapidly clicks refresh.

哦，这样啊。

Oh, okay.

好的。

Okay.

明白了。

Okay.

行。

Yeah.

嗯，知道了。

Yeah.

没关系。

That's alright.

这没什么用。

That doesn't help.

可能是服务器出了问题。

Could be an issue with the server.

你知道那个箱子在哪儿吗？

Do you know where the box is?

凯拉在房间另一头看到了韦德，赶紧走了过去。

Kayla spots Wade from across the room and hurries over.

我带你去。

I'll show you.

我带你去，帅哥。

I'll show you, handsome.

今天是室内自由重量区开放日。

Interior free weights area day.

布莱恩排队等着做下一个俯卧撑，却看见凯拉带着韦德走进了服务器机房。

Brian queues for another push up, but sees Kayla leading Wade into the server closet.

瓦莱丽顺着他的目光看去，但布莱恩一个俯卧撑没做稳。

Valerie turns to follow his gaze, but Brian fumbles a push up.

瓦莱丽扶他起来。

Valerie helps him up.

你这样迟早要伤着自己。

You're gonna break something.

你今天怎么回事？

What's the matter with you?

凯拉拉着韦德快步走进了储藏室。

Kayla hurries Wade into the closet.

瓦莱丽却一点都没察觉。

Valerie, none the wiser.

布莱恩头顶的电视正播着本地新闻的专题报道。

A TV above Brian displays a local news spotlight.

哦，谢谢，丹。

Oh, thanks, Dan.